Thursday Night Inferno #15: Caveat Emptor [January 27th]
Jan 27, 2022 23:44:09 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Dave D-Flipz, and 2 more like this
Post by anthonycaffrey on Jan 27, 2022 23:44:09 GMT -5
A DJ Marshmello crafted mash up of The Game’s “One Blood” and Metallica's "Don't Tread on Me" plays as the fans await Curtis Kanyon and El Combatiente to emerge. After a minute, Kanyon is wheeled out by secret service in a wheelchair, tag title on his lap. They blatantly ignore lighting the fire, because who's going to stop them at this point? Shortly after, El Combatiente emerges being wheeled on a dolly by Javier, he's in a full body cast! And his tag title is wrapped around his body casted waist. They are wheeled down to the ring, and helped up to it as the crowd here's the entire mash up for the first time on TV, because it takes a long time. Finally, once all is settled, Curtis is handed a microphone.
Wright: El Bang Hermanos out here to light a fire... or not, it seems. Welcome to Caveat Emptor, folks! Tonight the buyer will beware as every wrestler asked specifically for their matches!
Park: Who's going to tell Kanyon and El C what they can and can't do these days? Certainly not our boss.
Curtis: Ladies and gentlemen, I have been your Fireside tag team champion for over a year! EC nearly as long. Caffrey and Myojin beat us up. They injured us. And only because we were both severely weakened by going through hell at Oh Violent Night, catching a red eye, and going through hell again with them. But they still couldn't keep us down. We won TLH, and we'd win it again right now if needed, because my rage for Caffrey would fuel me to stand up right now if it meant I could punch him in the face. But I'm told the doctors won't allow it.
Fans boo the doctors because this is America now.
Curtis: I beat Caffrey for the XHF tag titles. I've put him through probably hundreds of tables by now. And I made him break his moral vow and fight in a Fireside ring for a Fireside title at a PPV you chose to be named after me. I should be happy, I was happy. But then, this son of a bitch put me in a wheelchair for a second time, and now this has made me angry all over again!
The fans cheer the violence they got to witness at Good Riddance: BANG! the Night Away.
Curtis: So I can't wrestle right now and I already beat up Caffrey, so I thought about what else I could do to stick it to the bastard. And I got it! He's been trying to dethrone us for months with his tag team open door policy, and it never works. But as long as that door is around, he's going to keep at it. So, El Combatiente and I are going to smash that door into a million pieces. On the next Inferno, the "Championship Open Challenge Kup" Presentado por Kanyon. This will be an open door invitational tag team battle royal. The winners, whichever two wrestlers are left in the ring, get the next shot against El BANG! Hermanos. Shove all the teams you want through that door, we're going to end up fighting the best one, and destroying any other teams hopes of ever stepping through that open door again!
The fans cheer the crazy frenzy that the Championship Open Challenge Kup Presentado por Kanyon is sure to be as a graphic appears on the tron to make sure everyone knows the way it is spelled. Kanyon motions to be wheeled out.
As Curtis Kanyon and El Combatiente finish their announcement, they are interrupted by a blast from an air horn followed by a female voice coming through a megaphone. They look to the entryway towards the sound and find Doctor Chaos, manager of the inaugural SPARK Champion, standing with her hand on her hip and megaphone to her lips.
Wright: Wait a minute... if that's Chaos...
Park: ...you know who's close behind!
Chaos: Ladies and gentlemen, don’t worry. I have a plan to save Fireside from these miscreants! Allow me to introduce my client, the original SPARK Champion, the one, the only, MISTRESS DISCIPLINE!
Jupiter, Bringer of Jollity hits the speakers and the Hearth erupts in cheers as the returning Mistress Discipline steps confidently onto the stage and adjusts her glasses. She steps next to Chaos who proudly thumps the megaphone into her chest … where it clatters to the stage as Mistress allows it to fall and rolls her eyes before raising a microphone to speak.
Wright: Hell yeah! Welcome back Mistress!
Park: But who's she gonna team with? Mistress is as competent as they come, but Chaos would get destroyed by the champs!
Discipline: I am here to ensure that Fireside does not continue to be a lopsided showcase for these unscrupulous mercenaries. Both of you were brought in at various points to be handed one of those tag titles without earning it. And now you maintain a stranglehold on the majority of the show time, as well as the attention of the boss. How many great wrestlers have had their moments in the sun belittled due to your constant hogging of the spotlight?
El Combatiente turns his head as best he can in his full body cast to look at Kanyon.
EC: … ¿Es solo ella?
Kanyon: My fellow miscreant makes a great point. You are but one wrestler. How in Thor’s name do you plan to stop us?
Chaos pulls out a second megaphone from who knows where and raises it up.
Chaos: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! Allow me to introduce you to my NEW client! Debuting in Fireside right here and now … a two time X*Crown Champion … and bringing his own crown … DEATH TRAP!
Wright: Now wait a minute!
Park: This place is about to come unglued!
Shoulders by Coheed and Cambria hits the Hearth speakers and onto the stage strolls the XHF Legend in his signature hoodie and black and gold tights. Behind him walks Doctor Chaos’s young ward, Sarah, carrying a pillow with DT’s signature bowler hat on it. They confidently stride to the ring, flanked by Chaos and Discipline. DT rolls into the ring and right up to Kanyon with a smirk before retrieving a microphone from the timekeeper. The other three make their way into the ring. DT quiets the crowd then retrieves his hat and plants it firmly on his head. Sarah eyes up both of the tag champions in the ring, she smiles at EC. Sarah carefully places the pillow behind El Combatiente and continues to walk around him as the others chat, EC eyeing her the whole time and blowing out the corner of his mouth to try and get her to leave him alone.
Wright: Top of the Class, one of the best teams to never win it all, finally in FIRESIDE!
Park: This could be their chance!
DT: Hey Curt, long time no see. I see you are making quite the home for yourself in Caffrey’s head. Gotta say, I am impressed, managing to do a stable much more competently than your brother ever did.
Kanyon scowls at DT. Sarah is now looking right up at EC with an adorable grin on her face. Combatiente tries to get Kanyon’s attention, to no avail.
DT: Seems I was the hottest free agent on the market.
Chaos: YEAH YOU WERE!
DT: We were trying to find the best way to reintroduce my tag partner here to the company as well as to bring me in. And I’ll be, there was an open door wink and there holding it open is one of my old rivals. I mean what better way to make an impact than to knock down the biggest name on the roster and continue an old rivalry?
Discipline: This is an opportunity we could not pass up. One we will capitalize on and knock down the competition!
Chaos nods to Sarah … and the teen smirks, raises one finger, and pokes EC … who falls backward. His head lands with a soft thud on the pillow. Kanyon reacts in outrage.
EC: Senor Kanyon? Ayudame por favor.
DT: What better way to announce that Top of the Class is here to claim the top spots on the rankings than to come out here next show and win one of those regular Open Door matches for a tag title shot? That’s right BANG Hermanos. I can go around. Top of the Class is going to do more than GRAB KANYON’S C.O.C.K!
Mistress Discipline coughs and tries to get DT’s attention. Chaos however doubles over laughing.
Chaos: Is this something the two of you need to talk about?
DT lowers his mic wide-eyed as Kanyon laughs in his face. DT just drops the mic and rolls out of the ring. Mistress grabs Sarah by the arm and escorts her from the ring before reaching back in and dragging out the still rolling on the floor Chaos as 2285 Entr’Acte by Dream Theater hits and Top of the Class makes their exit to the cheers of the crowd.
Wright: Two big matches for next week, the Championship Open Challenge Kup and Top of the Class walking through the ope door!
Park: Top of the Class may have just gotten one over on the champs!
Stanford: The following match is scheduled for One Fall! Introducing first… weighing 220 pounds, from the city of Brotherly Love, he is the Father of FIRESIDE, ANTHONYYYYYYYY CAAAAAAFFFFFFFFFFREYYYY!
"My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark" hits the arena speakers and a loud pop from the crowd comes soon after. It only gets louder in the arena as the man himself passes through the curtain. His look of pride indicates that these fans tonight are his people. His black and purple tights have a Purple Emperor on the back, a symbol representing the famous tag team of the same name. He makes sure the ring technicians have lit the fire before continuing down to the ring.
Once Caffrey makes it down to the ring, giving his best version of a socially-distanced fist bump to as many fans as possible, his mood changes when he reaches the ring steps. He reaches down, tapping his ankle.The fans join along in the motion as Caffrey signals for the Process, one of the all-time submissions in XHF history, by miming breaking his opponent's ankle in half as if it were a simple wishbone.
He does a few last minute stretches, knowing not to underestimate his opponent as he waits for Johnny Five.
Wright: The owner was challenged by Misha Constantine and Johnny Five, well-- Misha made the challenge to boost up Five’s stock.
Park: And it would certainly be a boost, but getting in the ring with a former X-Crown champion is not an easy task by any means.
Wright: Caffrey has had a few recent struggles, including losing a big tag team title match with MYOJIN against El Bang Hermanos. He talked a lot of trash before this match, we’ll see if he can back it up.
Park: If there’s one guy who can, it’s the guy who cuts our checks.
Stanford: And his opponent… weighing 225 pounds, from New York, New York, he is JOHNNNNNNNNNNYYY FIIIIIIIIVEEEEEEEEEEEE!
'I Got 5 On It' hits the speakers and Johnny Five makes his way out, grinning and flexing his not inconsiderable muscles. He heads down the ramp and rolls into the ring, clambering up onto the turnbuckles and continuing to pose for the audience, gleefully pointing at and giving thumbs up to anyone cheering for him. Most of the fans in the arena boo him though, simply for being associated with Misha Constantine.
Wright: A big challenge tonight for Johnny Five, but if there’s one man who can step up in this moment, it might be Five. He does own a pinfall victory over Kanyon, something Caffrey does not.
Park: Five is absolutely aware that this could potentially be his moment -- it’s hard for management to hold you back when you beat them fair and square in the ring. But…
Wright: …that’s easier said than done.
Park: Not to mention he talked even more shit than Caffrey, and I don’t see Misha anywhere.
Wright: I’d guess the X-Crown champion is making his final preparations for his hellacious match at Supremacy. There’s the bell, let’s see what happens!
The bell rings and immediately there is no clearer distinction between two body types as despite being five pounds heavier than Anthony Caffrey, Johnny Five is a good ten inches shorter, which Caffrey takes full advantage of, literally keeping him at arm’s length and moving to prevent Five from properly getting any offense in the early-goings. Five has himself enough of the mockery eventually and straight-up tackles him to the ground, raining down lefts and rights hands in a more brutalist manner.
Wright: Caffrey’s a talker and a schemer, but Five is showing that it’s maybe not a good idea to get in his head!
Park: Lefts and rights will break your bones, and words can only hurt so much.
The assault on Caffrey gets bad enough that the former world champion has to pull himself out of the ring to buy himself a few moments of air. Johnny Five keeps the assault going, running up and delivering a missile dropkick, knocking Caffrey shoulder-first into the steel steps!
Wright: OUCH! Five with a big dropkick!
Park: Right into the steel steps, and Johnny’s on a roll!
ONE!
TWO!
Referee Melanie Davenport continues her count as the camera gets a close-up of Johnny Five’s determined eyes. Tonight is his night to make himself, and he’s certainly not about to blow it. He grabs Caffrey and pushes him back up against the barricade, lifting him up for a half suplex, before pushing out a little bit further and dropping him ribs first right onto the barricade!
THREE!
FOUR!
Wright: Five is manhandling him! I’m surprised how effective his offense has been here, he’s effectively shutting out Caffrey!
Park: He might have bruised ribs after that one, and let me tell you from experience, that just makes it harder to breathe! They’re no fun!
Johnny Five is hearing it from the Caffrey fans who rain down boos from all over The Hearth. He gestures towards them, taunting them, knowing that they didn’t believe in him. Caffrey is not in nearly as good of a spot, coughing on the floor outside of the ring. He’s grabbed forcibly by the back of the neck and slid back into the ring, where Five immediately applies a knee to his back and pulls back on his arms, making him suffer even more.
Wright: A painful stretch from Five, and it’s looking more and more like it’s going to be his night after all!
Park: Somewhere in California, Misha must be pleased!
The referee leans over, asking Caffrey if he’d like to submit, but he’s much too stubborn to give up in this moment, shaking his head no. He looks to the ropes to discover that he’s just a little too far out from the ropes to really get his foot onto the bottom rope, so instead he lifts his leg and lowers it into the mat, then again, to begin trying to get a cheering section going. Eventually, the crowd helps him get back into the match, cheering as he rises from the ground and slams his shoulder into Five’s gut! With Five’s grasp broken, Caffrey rears back and unleashes a massive chop that echoes throughout the arena!
Wright: OOH!
Park: Trying to lock a submission on a submission expert might not have been Five’s best course of action!
Caffrey has the look of a veteran out to punish a newcomer in his eyes as he grabs Misha Constantine’s bodyguard and unleashes another chop, sending Johnny cringing and collapsing down to the mat in pain. Caffrey isn’t done though, getting him back up and shoving him into the corner. He gestures for the crowd to shh, putting his finger to his lips, before reaching back as far as he can before whipping his hand his forward, hitting the loudest chop of the three! Johnny Five and his now red chest collapse to the mat!
Wright: The veteran’s gotten himself back in this one!
Park: It’s hard to keep Caffrey down, that’s something a who’s who of wrestlers over the years have had to learn!
The owner looks over the body of Johnny Five, looking for his opening and deciding his best course of action is to stomp away at the legs and feet of Five, striking with the ferocity of a colony of bullet ants to inflict as much damage as possible. He makes things worse for Five by grabbing his left foot and driving it down to the mat with a modified DDT. There is a different look in his eyes as he goes through this offensive set, seemingly blocking out the crowd to just focus in on Five.
Wright: Whatever he’s got in mind, he’s in the driver’s seat right now!
Park: I wouldn’t want to be Johnny right now!
Caffrey waits for his moment as Five crawls away from him, then bounces off the ropes, looking for Radu’s Revenge…
...only to discover that slowly coming down to ringside as we speak is none other than the X-Crown champion himself, Misha Constantine. The crowd boos fiercely as the champion arrives, clutching his title belt and looking on.
Wright: I thought he was in California! Guess not, our X-Crown champion seems to be pulling up a seat right here at ringside!
Park: He’s Five’s biggest fan, he’s clearly out here to support his protege!
Anthony Caffrey gestures for the champion to join him in the ring, only to be caught from behind in a spinning full nelson that quickly becomes a full nelson slam!
Wright: Johnny Rolled Up and Smoked him! Caff took his eyes off the ball and that might be it!
Park: This would be huge! The cover and the count!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Kickout! The crowd cheers!
Wright: Almost!
Park: Almost’s only good enough in hand grenades and horseshoes though, Oliver!
Johnny Five shakes his head, wishing that had been enough to put away his opponent. He leans on the ropes as Constantine imparts advice to him before continuing on, beginning to strike at Caffrey’s chest with left and right kicks, before bouncing off the ropes and delivering a hard, stiff enzuiguri!
Wright: Tenderization!
Park: Five got all of that and then some, Caffrey might have just had his lights turned out!
The camera captures that just above his ear, Caffrey is beginning to bleed as Five shoves him down and hooks the leg!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THR-NO! Caffrey’s foot is on the ropes! The crowd cheers again!
Wright: I don’t know how the hell he managed to get his foot up there!
Park: Just pure instinct there, Oliver! I think he had his bell rung!
The referee separates Johnny from Caffrey as the former world champion crawls on the mat, doing his best to create space between himself and his ferocious competitor. He shakes his head and you can see the man blink a few times, causing Dr. Lagari and the medical staff to hit the ringside area to check him for a concussion. The action pauses as Caffrey undergoes concussion protocols.
Wright: You can see on that replay, right there -- oof -- that might’ve knocked Caffrey down and out of this one, folks.
Park: Can you imagine what happens if Five wins the biggest match of his career on a forfeit?
Wright: It could change his whole life, right here.
The crowd boos loudly as Five and Constantine converse while Dr. Lagari is interrupted in the concussion protocols by a very angry Caffrey who will not let himself be counted out of the contest. He yells at Lagari to beat it and shakes his head, doing his best to regain his center of attention and figure out which of the two Fives he’s seeing is the real one.
Wright: Lagari tried to rule Caffrey out of this one, but the owner’s sticking in it!
Park: This isn’t a smart decision, Caff! Let it go!
Caffrey gets himself up in the corner, yelling at Davenport to keep the match going. She gestures that it’s okay to continue after being threatened, and he immediately charges in, tackling Constantine and beginning to beat him with left and rights.
Wright: He warned Five of this before the bell, but this is enough!
Park: The referee’s going to have two concussed wrestlers on her hands if this continues!
Caffrey stops, but only because of the X-Crown champion now standing on the ring apron to distract him. Constantine hops off right as Caffrey tries to fling his elbow into his face, and Five is right on top of the owner, rolling him up!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…NO!
Wright: Five is constantly a moment from scoring this victory!
Park: It’s not good for his health or Caffrey’s if this goes too much longer!
Johnny Five grabs his opponent and lifts him up for the Fuck Yo Neck burning hammer…
Wright: Are we about to see it?
Park: Fuck Yo…
…but Caffrey twists and turns, grabbing Five on the way down and slamming him down with a modified Brotherly Love DDT!
Wright: Brotherly Love!
Park: The owner saves his neck -- and his head!
A visibly angry Caffrey rubs the temples of his head before grabbing Johnny Five’s leg and popping off his boot! The crowd cheers as he grabs Five’s left foot and begins twisting away at the ankle!
Wright: Trust the Process! The owner locks in the ankle lock, and he’s going at full force!
Park: He’s gonna cripple him! Five’s going to have no choice to tap here!
Johnny Five crawls around, screaming in agony as Caffrey keeps the hold applied, screaming at him seemingly in tongues to tap out! Five reaches out, but before Five can tap submit, Misha Constantine blasts Caffrey with the X-Crown championship! The referee calls for the bell!
Wright: Damnit! Misha just blindsided Caffrey!
Park: Now he IS out cold! This crowd hates him!
Constantine shakes his head in disgust, ignoring the screaming and booing crowd as Walter Stanford stands up to make the announcement.
Stanford: Here is your winner, by disqualification, ANTHONYYYYYY CAFFREY!
Wright: Not a win the owner will boast about anytime soon!
Park: Johnny Five rocked and rolled through this entire contest and had made just one mistake that would’ve cost him, but Constantine put an end to any of that!
Wright: A big test passed with flying colors, minus the ending, but I don’t think they’re done!
Misha Constantine helps his bodyguard back up to his feet, consulting him to finish what what he’s started. A shaken and limping Johnny Five scoops up Anthony Caffrey, lifting him up for the Fuck Yo Neck as the crowd boos as the top of their lungs…
Alright you motherfuckers...
LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!!!
LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!!!
Wright: WHAT?!
Park: NO WAY!
Bloodied Fox speeds through the curtain and charges down to the ring to one of the loudest pops of the evening before sliding into the ring. Misha Constantine has already tucked tail and gotten the hell out of the ring, grabbing his X-Crown championship as Five drops Anthony Caffrey after getting nailed with the MDK!
Wright: Bloodied Fox is on FIRESIDE! What the hell’s he doing here?
Park: It looks to me like he’s about to kick Johnny Five’s ass! First the MDK, and it doesn’t look like he’s done!
Fox wastes no time in picking Johnny Five back up -- he spots Misha Constantine, who is now halfway up the stairs of the arena to the concourse, spotlight shining on him, and gives him a look of determination before turning around and making a statement with the B4!
Wright: B4! Fox just laid out Constantine’s muscle!
Park: Things have gone from bad to worse for Johnny tonight!
The crowd pops loudly as Bloodied Fox rolls back to his feet. He looks down at Johnny Five before looking up at Misha, who gives him a hearty middle finger before disappearing from view. He checks on Caffrey, making sure he actually gets the medical attention he needs from Dr. Lagari.
Wright: Bloodied Fox came out of nowhere to make the save, and I’m sure once Caffrey wakes up he’ll be grateful!
Park: Look! Sico might be about to get a word out of him!
The crowd pops as somehow, some way (really with the help of a few production assistants), Sico has not only gotten down to the ring, but is in the ring. Bloodied Fox looks for Misha before turning his attention to the lovable robot.
Sico: Happy Birthday Paulie?
Fox takes a microphone from another assistant.
Bloodied Fox: That's for costing me the Junior Heavyweight title, you shrunken Nappa impersonator.
He adds another boot to the head for good measure.
Sico: Happy Birthday Paulie?
The crowd is hot for Fox as he turns his attention to the robot.
Fox: To answer what I presume is your question, Mecha-Groot, I've had people looking into what happened the night I was put through a table during a blackout in the Flag Match, and a short while ago I was given irrefutable video proof that it was Johnny here who powerbombed me after sneaking out from under the ring.
Wright: Whoah! I’ve always wondered what happened there!
Park: Looks like we just got an answer to the Junior Heavyweight title mystery!
Sico: Happy Birthday Paulie?!
Fox: The 'Why' is obvious. Johnny is nothing but muscle for Misha Constantine, and Misha's made it pretty obvious he's out to get me. So unfortunately for Johnny he gets to be a human post it note for his boss.
Fox turns from Sico to look directly into the camera.
Fox: Misha, you can run for as long as you want. You can block me from challenging for the X*Crown. You can send your bald-headed goon to try and take me out. It just delays the inevitable. If you really think there's only room for one of us in the XHF, then I'm gonna make damn sure I'm the last one standing.
Message sent, Fox stalks away up the ramp to another loud roar of the crowd. Sico rotates his head around, then trundles off to flag down medical assistance for Five as well.
Wright: Message sent loud and clear!
Park: What’s this going to mean for the X-Crown championship match this Sunday at Supremacy?
Walter Stanford: The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and has a twenty-minute time limit-
The arena lights dim as a bassline begins to play. While a silver mist slowly fills the stage, the fans wait in anticipation.
Walter Stanford: Entering first, from Houston, Texas – standing at 5’6”, and weighing in at 160lbs – SAAAAAAAAM SAAAAAAAAAWYERR!
A deep voice starts singing in a whisper. Then, a dark figure walks through the mist. Completely decked out in black, the teenager slowly walks forward. The camera mostly keeps its distance. Different angles give a better look, but their face is still mostly obscured in darkness. After climbing the steps and entering the ring, the volume of the music increases.
"I hear the sons of the city and dispossessed
Get down, get undressed
Get pretty but you and me
We got the kingdom, we got the key
We got the empire, now as then
We don't doubt, we don't take direction"
The mist has thinned but the arena is still dark. The song quietens down.
"Lucretia, my reflection, dance the ghost with me"
Then reaches its loud finale. The lights come back on and the fans cheer. The camera focuses on Sam Sawyer's cold, glaring face.
Park: Sawyer looking even more intense than usual. Didn’t think that was possible.
Wright: Their contest against Rebecca Brookes at Good Riddance was extremely close, but still a defeat they are looking to bounce back from tonight.
Walter Stanford: And their opponent, also hailing from Huston, Texas – making their Fireside debut tonight, he stands at 5’8” and weights 185lbs –
AAAAAAAAACE SKYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
“5! 4! 3! 2! 1!”
A pilot voice over is heard counting down, with the audience counting along. At 1, Eye In The Sky by Alan Parsons Project begins to pump over the PA system.
A rocket drops from the bottom of the titantron to the stage, the pod bay door opens and Ace Sky walks out wearing his navy-blue aviator jacket which is decorated with many accoutrements, emblems. He raises his arms with twin peace signs shouting emphatically then brings his hands down clasp together in a prayer taunt with his head bowed.
He makes his way down the aisle pointing to his forehead (third eye) and high fiving as many fans as possible.
Then he executes his signature nifty slide through the bottom ring apron rope into the ring.
Park: Extremely similar backgrounds for these Houston natives, even if the debuting Sky is more than double Sawyer’s age.
Wright: Sky is a journeyman. Both wrestlers made their XHF Network premiers at AWF’s Final Clash of the Icons in a five-way-brawl. It immediately put Sam Sawyer on Fireside’s radar, and while Sky has taken longer to join us, anyone who watched that match has to be excited to see what these two can do one on one.
DING! DING! DING!
The bell sounds with both competitors quickly meeting in the middle of the ring. A collar and elbow tie-up is quickly turned into a headlock by Sawyer, but the larger Sky loosens it with some well-placed forearm shots to the kidney, before firing the younger star into the ropes. Sawyer rebounds off of them with a vicious running kneelift. Sky brings his arms up to block, but the force still knocks him back.
Park: Sawyer giving up twenty pounds, still surprising Sky with the strength of those strikes.
Wright: You can see the mark on the right arm, as Sky shakes it off – but Sawyer pressing the advantage pulling it into an armbar.
Sky fires off a forearm smash to try to shake Sawyer off the right arm, but it doesn’t take. A second then third forearm follow, but Sawyer answers this with a kneelift to the hyperextended arm. While Sky is temporarily taken aback, Sawyer transitions behind transitioning into an armbar. Sky reaches back trying to grab Sawyer’s neck to reverse out – but the smaller wrestler ducks it and maintains control. No slouch, Sky starts to flip up – only to roll forwards, Sawyer rolls with him only for the veteran to slip out of the armbar.
Park: Both competitors up, and Sawyer leaping at Sky with a leg lariat, but the veteran ducks under and loops in an arm, pulling Sam over HARD for a small package!
ONE!
TWO!
Wright: Sawyer getting their shoulders up, while hooking Sky’s right arm into a cross armbreaker! Sky trying to drag the smaller wrestler with him as he makes for the ropes, but Sawyer pouring on the pressure, just cranking back!
Park: Sky almost making it for the rope break, but Sawyer twisting away.
Wright: Sky with a different tactic, angling the armbreaker to force Sawyer’s shoulders onto the canvas-
ONE!
Wright: Sawyer with a shoulder up, while still hanging tight on that armbreaker. So Sky pushes his weight down in the opposite direction-
ONE!
TWO!
Park: Sawyer with the shoulder up, but still applying the hold, and trying to rip that arm out of the socket.
Wright: Sky reaching in, grabbing his own trapped forearm, and using it to lift Sam up – just slammed them on the canvas! Floating over with the impact to get a foot in the ropes. The ref giving Sawyer a five count – 1 -2 – there’s the break.
Jumping back up, Sawyer goes for a shoot kick, only for Ace to turn it into a dragonscrew legwhip. Favouring his right arm, Sky quickly grounds Sawyer with a kneedrop, then uses his good left to slap on a half Boston crab. Flexing his right to try to try to work through the pain, while hyperextending Sawyer’s leg with the left for all he’s worth. Twisting awkwardly, Sawyer gets a fistful of rope forcing the break at a 4 count. Letting go, Sky immediately tries for a full Boston, only for Sawyer to turn it into a makeshift victory roll.
Park: Sky going after the legs to cut down on his younger opponent’s speed, but Sawyer with rolling through for a pin-
ONE!
Wright: Both competitors racing to their feet and Sawyer nailing a GET FUCKED! That leaves a red mark on the side of Sky’s cheek, but also seemed to fire him up!
Park: Sky answering the slap with a VICIOUS jumping knee strike that just knocked Sawyer through the ropes.
Sawyer lands on the ring apron. While the younger wrestler using the ropes to pull himself up, Sky charges back in the ring, then rebounds off, running towards Sawyer. At the last second, Sawyer uses the top rope to slingshot back into the ring, catching a running Sky with a Snap DDT. Rolling him over, Sawyer starts to apply an inverted Indian deathlock, but Sky blocks it. Letting go of the legs, Sawyer cuts down with a throat chop. As Sky gasps for air, Sawyer starts climbing the far corner.
Wright: Sawyer lock attempted, but variations on the Muta Lock are in both wrestlers’ arsenals. They are just too intimately aware of that hold for it to be effective.
Park: Sawyer going up top- no-
Despite coughing from the throat violence, Sky manages to stagger into the ropes before Sawyer can leap off of them, crotching the youth up top. Before Sawyer can remove himself, Sky runs over with a jumping super frankensteiner.
Park: HELIUM HOP!
ONE!
TWO!
THR-kickout!
Scooping Sawyer up, Sky nails a leg breaker – then holds on to hit a second one. He begins to hook the leg, when Sawyer strikes his damaged right arm – then hooks it, whipping Sky into the ropes. Sawyer starts to go for a backdrop early, but Sky puts the breaks on. Fake out. Sawyer flips it into a bicycle kick that catches Sky on the jaw. This staggers and busts the newcomers’ lip open. Seeing red, an annoyed Sky catches Sawyer with a dropkick to the knee. Grabbing them by the neck, Sky whips Sawyer into the corner before charging after them with a cannonball splash. Sky then pulls the youth out of the corner with a kneeling fireman's carry takedown.
Wright: Sky setting Sawyer up in the corner, could we be looking at a Galaxy Leap?
Park: No, Sawyer following him up – and hiptosses Sky to the outside! Sky just landed on the ring apron, and Sawyer off the top, kneedrop to the prone Sky’s back!
Sawyer seems to favour his knee after the drop. The referee makes it to two on a ten count, before Sawyer decides to take Sky back into the ring. Reaching down he locks on a dragon sleeper, dragging Sky back into the ring. This stops the ten count, but the referee seems to object to maintaining the submission hold since both men passed through the ropes. Without showing emotion, Sawyer transitions from the dragon sleeper to a guillotine choke.
Wright: Sky fighting to feet, managing to throw enough weight into Sawyer to hit a makeshift crossbody for the pin-
ONE!
TWO!
Park: Sawyer has to let go of the choke to get their shoulders up. Shoves Sky off of them with a forearm shot to the arm, then pulls him into a Saito Suplex.
ONE!
TWO!
TH-Kickout!
Sawyer starts to go for This Corrosion, but Sky has it scouted and puts the breaks on, turning it into a headlock takedown. With Sawyer on the canvas, Sky transitions into a rolling front facelock. This eventually opens the younger star open to a-
Park: SUPER NOVA SLICE!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE-foot on the rope!
Wright: Sky having a bit of trouble using the one arm, but still managing to get Sawyer up for the- I think he calls this the End of Life- NO! Sawyer manages to slide out!
Park: But before Sawyer can rally, Sky catches them in the face with a big boot – and standing moonsault for the pin!
ONE!
TWO!
THRE-kickout!
Wright: Sky yelling Namaste, going for his own version of the Muta Lock- but Sawyer blocks the neck. They know the move too well!
Park: Sky again going for the End of L- Sawyer pulls him into a bicep slicer! Again targeting that right arm!
Wright: Sky QUICK to get to the ropes – but given how Sawyer has been targeting that arm, that was close.
Sky is the first up, but Sawyer fires off a shining wizard that sends him into the ropes. Forcing themselves back up, Sawyer rams Sky into the corner with a tackle. Leg buckling under them, Sawyer hangs onto the ropes, driving their shoulder into Sky’s stomach again and again. Sky tries to come out of the corner with a Tornado DDT, but Sky is able to turn it into a-
Wright: THIS CORROSION! SAWYER WITH THE PIN-
ONE!
TWO!
THREE-shoulder up!
Park: But that’s the set up! Sawyer’s left leg looking a little weak, but climbing the far corner, audience on their feet, waiting for, here it is- SAWYERSAULT!
Wright: MISSES! AND SKY WITH A HOOK OF THE LEG!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE?
Park: Sawyer landed HARD, but not hard enough! Manages to get the shoulder up!
Wright: But he is out of it, and now its Sky’s turn! The newcomer climbing the ropes, looking to hit his Galaxy Leap!
Park: HERE IT IS!
Wright: GALAXY LEAP! NO, SAWYER ROLLING AWAY!
Sawyer does roll away. Fortunately Sky is so athletic, he’s able to change the trajectory of the shooting star press, landing on his feet.
Wright: Sky makes the save-
The perfect landing doesn’t account for Sawyer hitting a Fire with Fire.
Park: FIRE WITH FIRE! SAWYER JUST DAMN NEAR TOOK SKY’S HEAD OFF WITH HIS SIGNATURE LARIAT! THERE’S THE COVER!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
DING! DING! DING!
Walter Stanford: The winner of this match by way of pinfall- SAAAAAAAAAAM SAAAAAAAAAAAAWYYYYER!
Wright: What a hit! Sky has an IQ of 190, but after that blow, I’d be surprised if it wasn’t down to 189! Sawyer damn near decapitating his fellow Houstonite to put him away!
Park: Both competitors digging deep here tonight! Sawyer coming back strong from his Brookes loss, while I have no doubt Sky turned a lot of heads with his Fireside debut.
Wright: I could definitely see these two going another round.
A graphic appears on the big screen above the ramp. There is pleasant brass music playing underneath the announcement.
Wright: That's right, ladies and gentlemen! Next Inferno, the Burnies!
Park: Five awards will be decided -- Wrestler of the Year, Tag Team of the Year, Match of the Year, Moment of the Year, and Newcomer of the Year!
Wright: Voting starts tomorrow! Stay tuned on the XHF website so you don't miss it! But remember like voting for Kanyon, only one vote per person!
Stanford: The following match is scheduled for One Fall! Introducing first… weighing 215 pounds, he is DONZIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGG!
The light go down, and then come up an angry red. Flames explode from either side of the ramp, jets and bursts of flame erupting into the air. Donzig walks from the back, wearing his skull mask with his hood up. He pauses, glaring out across the crowd before he shakes his head before walking down the ramp slowly. He circles around the ring, still watching the crowd before pausing to watch the announce team before he climbs the stairs. He stops at the ropes, reaching up to shove his hood back before stepping through the ropes. Then he takes off the mask, and shakes his head at the fans with a scowl before he leans back in his corner. Arms resting on the ropes while waiting for the match to start.
Wright: There’s apparently a personal history between Donzig and Evan Valentine Jr., bringing back memories to the day of their ancestors, hence this match got made.
Park: Donzig’s grandfather Baron Scorpio and Evan’s grandfather Johnny Valentine Sr. wrestled in 1963 at the Cow Palace. They split the falls and went to a time limit draw. Sources say it may not have been the most riveting match on the card.
Wright: But tonight has the chance to be just the opposite. These two had a lot of bad blood in the lead-up.
We are greeted by the familiar sight of Evan Valentine Jr.’s personal ring announcer, Greg. Greg, as custom at this point, gets booed pretty mercilessly for such a friendly guy.
Greg, The Assistant: Ladies and Gentleman, welcome to The Hearth, in Philadelphia, regardless of its placement on the card, this is your Main Event of the evening.
“Gucci Gucci” by Kreayshawn plays and The Hearth rocks with boos. Lance Valentine Jr. and Brian Valentine Jr. run out first and antagonize the jeering fans. Evan Valentine Jr. walks out, with Evan holding his 2021 XHF Rags to Riches Award and his 2021 XHF Kingpin Award trophies. Several fans craning to hit Evan force the railing to collapse!
Wright: Oh shit!
Park: This is worse than Washington’s stadium!
Evan points and laughs while Hearth security scrambles to get the irate fans away from him. Evan Valentine Jr. slides into the ring and yells “MOVE!” at Donzig as he jumps on to the middle of the second rope and bounces, soaking in the vitriol from the Philadelphia fans. He points to his taped left fist and threatens a few of them.
Wright: Valentine’s threatening fans before we’ve even gotten started, as well as his opponent.
Park: He seems very wrapped up in his history and his new shiny awards. He is officially the most hated man on the Network!
Greg, The Assistant: Accompanied to the ring by his cherished cousins; He Hates You All And He Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore, In Fact, He Forgets What He Had Started Fighting For…
Evan shrugs.
Greg, The Assistant: He's The Only Reason America's Girlfriends Will Look Up From Their Phones When Wrestling Is On; He is the Only Relevant Co-Holder of the 2021 Rags to Riches Award, He is the 2021 winner of The Battle of the Best tournament; He is The Former and Rightful X-Crown Champion but much more importantly, he is The 2021 XHF Kingpin of the Year… My God, Look At Him, He is EVAN VALENTINE JR.!!!"
Before the bell can even ring, Donzig delivers a running elbow smash, knocking Evan Valentine to the floor! The crowd boos the dirty move!
Wright: This might be a race to the bottom tonight with both of these men not exactly loved by this crowd!
Park: What a cheap shot! I’m sure Donzig’s grandfather wouldn’t approve of that!
Wright: I don’t think he cares!
Donzig steps through the ropes and continues his pre-match assault on Evan, clocking him in the back of the head with a hard left and right hand. He grabs Evan and looks to pull him into an irish whip into the steel steps, but Evan counters, whipping him into the barricade instead! He realizes the match hasn’t started yet, so he grabs Brian and Lance Valentine, and the three men begin to stomp a mudhole into Donzig on the outside!
Wright: This cheap shot might have backfired for Donzig! Evan has enlisted the help of his cousins to get the job done!
Park: Never count Evan out of thinking of a way to sabotage his opponent!
Evan gets his cousins to help him put Donzig up on his shoulders, then comes down hard a brutal Pumphandle Michinoku Driver II on the outside!
Wright: Evan Can Wait right on the arena floor!
Park: I think Evan just won this one before it could even begin!
The crowd boos loudly as Evan conducts traffic, having one of his cousins pop Donzig up for a flapjack so that he can superkick him back to the floor. After Donzig lands with a thud, Evan Valentine Jr. gets another idea. He grabs a microphone and actually begins busting out a freestyle. For your ears and eyes, this part of the program has been thankfully muted by television censors. When the audio comes back, we hear the commentators complaining and the crowd booing their hearts out.
Wright: I think I wanna see Evan get punched in the face.
Park: You and a capacity crowd, Oliver!
A ringside technician has thankfully managed to convince Evan that the best thing for what is quickly devolving into a riot would be to not continue serenading the Hearth. He hands over the microphone and shrugs, patting his boys on the back for stomping a sufficient mudhole into his opponent. He clears them aside and grabs Donzig off the floor, sending him back into the ring and demanding that Chris Mardinly starts the match. The referee, obviously, does not.
Wright: We might need medical help for Donzig out here after that brutal beatdown from Valentine’s cousins!
Park: I can see the bruises on the guy from here!
The referee does his best to ignore Evan’s indignant whining, checking on Donzig and making sure he’s able to compete in the match. Donzig, for what it’s worth, slowly pulls himself back up into the corner, shaking off the cobwebs with a visible look of anger and determination on his face. As Evan sees this, he suddenly ceases demanding that the match start every five seconds, instead rolling outside of the ring to chill with his cousins instead. Donzig is finally standing and ready to go, but Evan no longer is super pleased to compete.
Wright: Oh come on, get him in the ring!
Park: Look out, Donzig!
As Donzig comes up to the ropes where Evan Valentine Jr. is, he puts his hand up to his mouth, but is then again mugged by the two men who came down to the ring with Jonnie Valentine’s most annoying son! Donzig withstands the punches as the crowd boos, and then he leans back and spits black mist in the eyes of Brian and Lance Valentine!
Wright: Black Mist!
Park: That’s one way to even the odds!
Donzig follows this by kicking Brian below the belt and delivering his version of the unprettier, the 25:17! As Lance clears the mist from his eyes, he’s quickly deposed off with Donzig’s stunner, the Event Horizon, as well!
Wright: He might be dead!
Park: That’s a little much, but Donzig has certainly cleaned house!
The crowd isn’t really sure whether or not to cheer Donzig, because they hate him too, but they certainly react to him stacking both men on top of each other like pancakes before booting them out of the ring. As he leans against the ropes, Evan Valentine Jr. comes charging up, spinning through the ropes to hit a tiger feint kick! Donzig gets knocked and back down as the crowd boos!
Wright: Evan sneaks up on him again! Are we going to get even close to a fair fight in this contest?
Park: Evan calls that the 760! What’s he doing now?
Evan reaches into the pockets of his cargo shorts and pulls out a cellphone. He leans over and looks for the right setting on his phone, finally deciding on portrait mode before taking a selfie with Donzig’s downed body!
Wright: Evan’s taking a selfie like he’s put Donzig down for good, but he hasn’t won this match yet!
Park: It hasn’t even started!
Evan again insists that the match starts once he’s put his phone away, but the referee will not budge, insisting that both competitors are on their feet to start, even though Evan keeps insisting that he knows all of Mardinly’s secrets and dirty laundry. Chris has had enough of this and does his best to block him out, waiting for Donzig to get back up to his feet. Eventually, the man gets back up, and at this point, the bell actually rings for real this time.
Wright: It’s now under way, and Donzig’s in deep trouble here!
Park: Evan’s looking to put him away here with that dropkick that’s passed down generation-to-generation!
Evan charges forward for the Picture Perfect Drropkick, only to be caught by Donzig! Donzig catches him and Evan lands flat on his back, quickly turning from his intense look of determination to begging and pleading that Evan doesn’t hurt him! The crowd boos!
Wright: Donzig blocked it!
Park: I think he’s had enough of Evan!
Donzig leans over to pull up Evan, and even blocks Evan’s attempt to jab a thumb in his eye! He pulls him up and delivers a ring-shaking spinebuster!
Wright: Damn! Look at the ring shake!
Park: Donzig’s got his hands on the guy and won’t let go now!
Donzig lifts Evan back up to his feet and throws him into the turnbuckles at a painful velocity, sending a crushed Evan into the mat! He puts him up on the top turnbuckle and manages to resist a set of desperate punches and kicks from Valentine, climbing up and dropping him with a very determined top rope brainbuster!
Wright: E.L.E! Extinction level event!
Park: This might be goodnight for Evan here!
Donzig immediately thinks of pinning Evan, but then has a different idea. He lifts Evan back up, then plants a hand on his face, beginning to squeeze the life out of his opponent!
Wright: That’s the Sicilian Claw! A legendary move in Donzig’s family!
Park: I think he’s out, Oliver!
The bell rings, as Evan almost immediately goes to sleep courtesy of the claw! The bell rings as the crowd reacts!
Stanford: Here’s your winner, DONZIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGG!
Wright: One of the most chaotic matches we’ve seen in sometime UnJoo, if you could call it that!
Park: Just a bunch of cheating, dirty underhanded moves, assaults before the bell, but once Donzig got his hands on Evan, it was all downhill for him!
The referee raises Donzig’s hand, the same hand that just put Evan to sleep. Donzig grabs his own wrist, satisfied by the level of punishment he just dished out. He looks around at the crowd and thinks about going, then spots something shiny in the corner and reaches dow for it.
Wright: Wait, what’s he doing?
Park: He’s got Valentine’s XHF Kingpin award! What’s he doing with it?
It’s true -- Donzig has the XHF Kingpin award in his grasp. He looks at the downed Evan Valentine Jr. and his cousins who are still getting medical treatment at ringside, and decides to walk off with the award. He has a smile on his face as he walks backwards up the ramp, basking in the booing from the crowd.
Wright: Oh man, when Evan wakes back up…
Park: …Donzig felt cheated and slighted over Battle of the Best, and I think he just took a trophy for his own!
Wright: This is far from over!
Walter Stanford: The following contest is scheduled for one fall!
Stanford smiles as the fans cheer.
Walter Stanford: Introducing first, from San Diego, California, weighing in at 299 pounds, he is EDWAAAAAAAAAARRRRDDDD ZEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPP!
The menacing synth and deliberate drums of "Blood Moon" by Dance With The Dead signals the arrival of Ed Zepp, who stalks toward the ring with a look of annoyance that's obvious even through his pair of dark sunglasses.
Wright: We've been looking forward to this one, UnJoo. Everyone in FIRESIDE has been talking about this match since it was announced.
Park: Let's get it on!
Zepp bounds up to the apron with one step and over the top rope with another, then briefly points a fist to the crowd around him.
Wright: Zepp is coming off a disappointing loss at the four-way at Good Riddance. He was a force to be reckoned with and came close to being the first Wildfire Champion, but came up just short.
Park: He wasn't pinned though. The only person to defeat him is Apathy, in an absolute war. This is going to be another one, and Zepp looks like he intends to win.
Walter Stanford: And his opponent, from Kirov, Russia, weighing in at 450 pounds, he HAAAAAAAANNNNNNKKKKK SOOOKOOOLLLLOOOOOVVVVV!
The martial drums of "V Put" start to sound and Hank Sokolov walks out onto the stage. Most of the fans in the front row gape in a stunned silence as they watch the enormous man - wearing a red and yellow leotard - make his way towards the ring.
Wright: Hank Sokolov, making his debut tonight, made the challenge. He wanted Zepp tonight.
Park: Sokolov doesn't mess around.
Wright: Of course he doesn't, just look at him.
Sokolov grabs the ropes, steps onto the apron and climbs over the top rope with ease. The rousing march intensifies as Sokolov gets face to face with Zepp.
Park: Watch out!
The two men stare at each other, not backing down. Referee Chris Mardinly gingerly tries to get between them as the music fades. The crowd buzzes with excitment. The referee can't get them to budge, until Sokolov takes a small step back to swing a giant haymaker at Zepp's head! His fist flies with surprising speed and it connects squarely with the side of Zepp's head.
Park: There's the bell!
Zepp is stunned by the brutal impact and goes limp for a second, but before Sokolov can follow up, Zepp fires back with a quick, powerful punch. It has almost no effect, but Zepp keeps going: delivering a flurry of stiff punches to the head which begin to wither Sokolov. Sokolov flings his arm wildly at Zepp, his forearm catching Zepp's nose. Zepp recoils, shaken, allowing Sokolov to go for another haymaker. This time Zepp ducks and tries to wrap his arms around Sokolov's torso. Zepp keeps his head ducked as Sokolov rains down blows on his upper back. Zepp hits Sokolov with furious, hard shots to the ribs. Sokolov is beginning to feel it, and frustrated by Zepp's resilience, shoves Zepp off of him. Zepp is in disbelief at being overpowered so easily, and is wide open for a massive big boot to the chest that knocks him flat on his back!
Park: Sokolov just stepped on Zepp! Are you kidding me!?
Wright: Zepp is in trouble!
Sokolov's eyes are trained on Zepp as the smaller man staggers back to his feet. Sokolov watches as Zepp leans against the ropes for balance, then charges at him with a huge jumping body press that flips him over the top rope and sends him crashing to the floor!
Wright: Sokolov takes Zepp clean out of the ring!
Park: That was insane power.
Sokolov doesn't hang around, and promptly exits the ring over the top rope. Zepp seems to have endured the impact physically but looks out-of-sorts as Sokolov approaches him. Before Zepp can defend himself, Sokolov grabs him around the neck with one arm and launches him into the ring steps. The side of Zepp's body smashes into the steel and causes the top half to topple onto its side and then crash onto the floor, upside down. The noise echoes throughout the arena as Sokolov grabs Zepp's head and lifts him back upright. This time Sokolov flings him powerfully into the barricade. The barricade doesn't budge and Zepp's body lays motionless, face-down on the floor.
Park: What's that thing made of?!
Wright: Sokolov is throwing Zepp around like he's nothing!
Zepp pushes themselves off the floor, onto all fours, and we get a close-up his sweating, dazed face. He uses the barricade to help himself stand then turns around to face Sokolov. Sokolov charges at him like a bull and clotheslines him over the barricade!
Park: Oh my god!
Wright: Sokolov is unstoppable!
As the crowd cheers in awe, one fan with a terrified expression bravely offers to high five Sokolov. Sokolov ignores him and climbs over the barricade. He heaves Zepp back up to his feet and grabs his throat with both hands. He takes a couple of steps backwards, dragging Zepp with him, then biels him high into the air back over the barricade!
Wright: Zepp crashes and burns!
Park: How the hell is Sokolov throwing Zepp around like this?!
Sokolov climbs back over the barricade, his eyes not leaving Zepp for a second. Zepp uses every ounce of his strength to crawl under the bottom rope and get some distance between them. Sokolov's pace quickens and after reaching the ring, swiftly climbs onto the apron and over the top rope.
Park: Look at him stalk Zepp.
Wright: Wait... Zepp has a chance here!
At the last second, before Sokolov can act, Zepp runs at him and leaves his feet with a diving shoulder block. Sokolov stumbles back into the ropes, then rebounds off them and uses the full weight of his body to knock Zepp over.
Wright: And just like that Sokolov is back on top!
Park: Zepp just can't catch a break!
Sokolov mercilessly pulls Zepp back up, both hands clamping his head, then lets go to take his hand. He takes a few backwards steps, gathering momentum, then with an Irish whip sends Zepp absolutely flying into the far corner. The buckles thud as the side of Zepp's body crashes into them. Before he can turn to face Sokolov, the Russian comes running in with a body avalanche, making awkward but sickening contact. Sokolov walks over to the opposite corner while Zepp tries to readjust himself. With both men now face to face, Sokolov again builds up a frightening speed and heads for a second collision. But Zepp stops Sokolov dead with a rocket of a right hand!
Wright: Zepp got him! What a counter!
Park: Sokolov's power worked against him!
Sokolov looks in trouble for the first time, the powerful jab knocking him for a loop. Zepp tries to shake the pain out of his hand, then runs into the ropes. With Sokolov not even looking, Zepp hits a huge jumping shoulder block. Sokolov doesn't fall but the impact is astounding and he goes flying into the ropes. He grips onto them for balance as Zepp again bounces off the ropes. He hits Sokolov in the face with a running big boot. Sokolov leaves his feet for a second, lucky not to fall out of the ring. He stumbles out of the ropes and walks right into a claw hold!
Wright: The Silent Scream!
Park: That will put you to sleep!
Zepp squeezes Sokolov's skull as the crowd goes crazy. Sokolov's arms flail helplessly, the larger man almost paralyzed in confusion. Zepp pushes Sokolov backwards, trying to push their back onto the mat, while continuing to squeeze. Sokolov grabs the arm holding his skull and slowly wrenches it off of him. He hits Zepp with a desperate punch. Zepp withstands it and hits a punch of his own. Zepp now with the momentum, he continues to lay in measured, heavy right hands at a steady pace.
Park: Zepp just ate that punch! He smells blood!
Sokolov's head whips back with every punch, and his legs are forced to stumble backwards. Zepp studies him, then decides to make a sudden lunge at him, body pressing him into the ropes and crushing him. Zepp steps back as the momentum forces Sokolov forward a few steps. Zepp tries to scoop Sokolov up into a body slam position.
Wright: Can he get him!?
He isn't given much time to try as Sokolov frees himself with a headbutt. Zepp is left defenseless and Sokolov swings at his head with a giant haymaker. Zepp is rocked, but somehow manages to hit back with a sickening, stiff haymaker of his own. The crowd gasp at the sound of the impact.
Park: Knock out punch?!
Although surely hurting, Sokolov doesn't show it. He hits Zepp with another haymaker. Zepp is out on his feet, helpless to defend against another haymaker! Then a third! Sokolov then grabs Zepp by the shoulder and through his legs and lifts him into the air!
Wright: Zepp's off his feet!
Sokolov holds him in the backbreaker position for a while, barely breaking a sweat. His face tightens as if he's bracing himself, then he lifts Zepp high above his head!
Wright: I don't believe it!
Park: What the hell?!
The crowd lose it completely as Sokolov keeps Zepp in the gorilla press. He glares intensely into the camera. You can see the pressure of Zepp's body in his eyes, but his arms don't tremble. Then out of the blue, he lets Zepp fall ten feet into a gutbuster!
Park: GUTBUSTER!
Wright: He's going for the Gorbachev Gore! First a haymaker, then a gutbuster... he's probably going for an atomic drop!
Zepp is laying at Sokolov's feet in a lifeless heap. Sokolov only takes a second to recover before bending over to pick Zepp up. He puts his head under Zepp's arm. Before he can lift him, Zepp gets him in a headlock. He locks Sokolov's head with one hand and starts to punch him with the other. Sokolov switches from an atomic drop attempt to a waistlock, holding Zepp in place.
Wright: Is he going to suplex him?!
Zepp uses all of his strength to break Sokolov's clasp. He keeps hold of Sokolov's left arm and wrenches it.
Park: He's trying to rip his arm off! Smart by Zepp!
Sokolov hits Zepp in the back with a series of devastating clubs, and eventually breaks the hold. He traps Zepp in a bear hug. Zepp yells out as the crushing strength of Sokolov's arms squeezes him. Sokolov then lifts him off the mat and holds him in the air, before throwing him over his head with a belly-to-belly suplex!
Wright: The Khruschev Khrush!
Sokolov hooks Zepp's leg.
...ONE!
...TWO!
...KICKOUT!
Sokolov is undeterred and climbs out of the ring onto the apron. He slowly climbs up the turnbuckles and stands high on the top.
Park: Move, Zepp! For god's sake!
He jumps off with a leg drop!
Wright: The Lenin Leg!
As soon as Sokolov leaves the ropes, Zepp starts to roll over and just barely manages to avoid the gigantic leg drop! Sokolov grunts in pain as Zepp quickly gets to his feet. He bounces off the ropes and sails into Sokolov's face with a basement shotgun dropkick!
Wright: SHOTGUN DROPKICK!
Park: Sokolov is out!
Zepp crawls over and hooks his leg.
...ONE!
...TWO!
...KICKOUT!
Sokolov feebly punches the air to get their shoulder off the mat, and still looks almost done. Zepp grabs his arm and his leg and heaves him closer to the corner. He turns and starts to climb up the ropes.
Wright: Now what?
Park: This has got to be a first.
Zepp stands on the second rope while holding onto the top. He starts bouncing to gain momentum then plunges onto Sokolov's chest with a Vader Bomb!
Wright: VADER BOMB!
The referee gets down to count, but Zepp gets to his knees and shakes his head. He steps over Sokolov's motionless body and climbs to the second rope again.
Park: He's going for it again!
He bounces, gathering frightening momentum, then lets go of the ropes to crush Sokolov again!
Wright: VADER BOMB!
Not satisfied, Zepp scales the ropes for a third time. As the fans cheer, he sets up the move again and hits it!
Wright: VADER BOMB!
The referee gets down to count.
...ONE!
...TWO!
...KICKOUT!
Wright/Park: KICKOUT!
Zepp stares into space in frustration, but quickly gets it together and kneels down beside Sokolov. He reapplies the claw hold! The Silent Scream forces Sokolov's shoulders to the mat and the referee counts.
...ONE!
...KICKOUT!
Sokolov keeps their arm in the air. But with the Vader Bombs and the Silent Scream having taken their toll, it soon falls back down to the mat.
...ONE!
...TWO!
...KICKOUT!
Sokolov again struggles to keep his arm in the air and it falls back down to the mat for another two count. As Zepp relentlessly squeezes his skull, Sokolov looks to have no fight left and his arm quickly collapses.
...ONE!
...TWO!
...THRE-KICKOUT!
No sooner than Sokolov gets the shoulder it up, it falls straight back down.
...ONE!
...TWO!
...KICKOUT!
This time he manages to keep his arm in the air. Zepp roars and in a furious outburst lifts Sokolov's head off the mat and shoves it back down. Zepp stands up, circles him, and lifts his head up into an inverted facelock. He then locks Sokolov's arm, pushes his knee against his back, and pulls back on his head in a combination abdominal stretch and dragon sleeper!
Wright: It's locked in! The Corpse Grinder! It's over!
Sokolov yells in anger as his head and body are twisted. The pain wakes him up and he starts to overpower Zepp and stand up! Zepp is forced to let go, but in a flash grabs Sokolov in a rear waistlock and spears the front of his body into the corner! Zepp pelts the back of his head with clubbing blows. Sokolov hits Zepp in the face with a hard elbow, allowing him to turn around to face him. Sokolov goes for a haymaker but Zepp outspeeds him with a hook punch. Zepp starts to blast him with heavy lefts and rights at a relentless pace. The referee starts to count and Zepp breaks at four. Zepp pulls Sokolov - now with a bust lip - out of the corner into the middle of the ring. Sokolov looks almost knocked out but is somehow still on his feet. Zepp hits him with a giant haymaker.
Wright: Stop the match, Mardinly!
Park: Wait...
Zepp hits another, then a third. Sokolov's eyes are glazed over as he sways and occasionally stumbles, but won't go down. Zepp continues to pummel him with countless punches - each one at full strength - with little gap in between.
Wright: How is he still standing?
Park: Zepp isn't giving up.
One punch finally knocks Sokolov over. Zepp quickly hooks his leg.
...ONE!
...TWO!
...KICKOUT!
Wright/Park: What?!
Sokolov got the shoulder up before the referee was anywhere near three. Zepp stares at him with impatience, but his killer instinct doesn't let up. He immediately grabs Sokolov's head in the Silent Scream. Sokolov is motionless.
...ONE!
...TWO!
...THREE!
The referee calls for the bell and Zepp lets Sokolov go.
Walter Stanford: Here is your winner... EDWWWWAAAAAAAARRRRRDDDDDD ZEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPP!
As his music plays, still kneeling beside Sokolov, Zepp just stares at the mat. He looks annoyed, almost in disbelief at what he went through. After a while he snaps out of it and gets to his feet, then lets the referee raise his hand.
Wright: Zepp wins the Clash of the Titans! Incredible!
Park: Can I just take a moment to say... what a freaking debut by Hank Sokolov. I hope he becomes a permanent fixture here.
Wright: I think it's safe to say if he was facing almost anyone other than Edward Zepp he would have got the win here tonight.
Park: Absolutely. But Sokolov wanted this. He wanted a challenge and he got one. Welcome to FIRESIDE.
“RAINBOWS” by A9's familiar energetic rifts thunder and echo throughout the arena, catching the attention of the fans who immediately begin cheering for the Shining Star, waiting for them to appear down the ramp.
Once MYOJIN does step from behind the curtains, the blonde is much different looking than the fans are used to. Sporting shorter, near platinum-colored hair. Dressed in a simple waist-length leather jacket with a white crop top shirt underneath and some jeans, MYOJIN walks down the ring with an impatient glare.
They step in through the middle rope and quickly motion for a microphone. Being handed one, they turn toward the hard camera.
Wright: What will the Shning Star have to say after his crushing loss at Good Riddance?
Park: We're about to find out!
MYŌJIN: Before I say anything else, I just want to say; I'm sorry, lovelies. At Good Riddance, I tried to make do with what I had to work with- and it turns out, BANG Bros are just that good at what they do… Caffrey and I, we didn't win the Tag Team Championships like we promised- and I'm sorry.
MYOJIN speaks, a heartfelt look on their face as the audience claps- showing appreciation for a valiant effort. Though the Shining Star then shakes their head.
MYŌJIN: Though tonight, I'm afraid, isn't just another run-of-the-mill chat I usually have with you sweethearts. I'm actually here to spill some tea. You see, I have a little problem that I would love to be solved- and it's with you, Caffrey.
Both mixed cheering and boos ring out as MYOJIN looks around the arena, seeing the rows of fans in attendance- their trademark pretty smile showing on their face.
MYŌJIN: He's such a controversial figure, isn't he? Even in his own spot… Caffrey, dear sweet Tony- You don't mind if I call you, Tony, do you?- I heard what you said and my feelings are truly, truly hurt.
They mockingly place a hand on their chest, above their heart. Eyebrows tilting up as if they were about to fake-cry.
MYŌJIN: See, for some reason, I don't know why- I caught a stray in your promo against Constantine's errand boy. Along the lines of “MYOJIN didn't bring it at Good Riddance”, and that left me scratching my head for a good bit, love. I was trying to wrap my head around how you were claiming that I wasn't the one bringing the A-game…
MYOJIN pauses, their playful nature fading.
MYŌJIN: When you were the one laid the F@#! out cold while I was climbing the ladder, trying to gain those titles all on my own.
“Oooohs” ring out from the crowd as MYOJIN leans over the ropes, staring at the hard camera.
Wright: I'm sensing some bad blood here!
Park: MYOJIN makes a fair point!
MYŌJIN: I used to not understand why everyone seemed to have a personal vendetta against you, Anthony, until I realized that… The moment you don't get something you want, a bit of that… Hm. What's the word? Old you starts showing through the cracks? There's a very two-faced nature to you that even these people start to notice.
MYŌJIN: I mean, let's face it, you almost lost the X*Crown because if your favorite Constantine didn't win the title, Kane and his brother would've been out of here. Matter of fact, hasn't our World Champion, Miss Natalie even had some choice words about you? Even Constantine himself doesn't like you, even though you give him chances after chances-... And I'm starting to get it. Oh my God, did I just agree on something with that guy?
MYŌJIN: I mean, I already somewhat understood how you operate when you let New Money and BANG Bros do whatever the hell that they want to anyone without any repercussions, unless it somehow isn't beneficial to you. You told me not to long ago along the lines of that FIRESIDE runs on unity, but is that true? Or is it more so that this all just your vanity project- Something you can boast about and point at when you talk about success, or even worse- You're just perfectly fine with making money off of us and care little about our wellbeings as long as you get what YOU want.
MYŌJIN: The only reason I was at Good Riddance as your tag partner is not because you finally started caring about what Kanyon and Combatiente were doing to your company, it's just because you were tired of getting put through tables- and because of that, you took away my EARNED title shot, got me involved in your problem, then have the audacity afterward to say that I wasn't good enough?
MYŌJIN: When I signed my contract to this place, it was because you promised it'd be different. Like you said, you promised that people overshadowed by the old and washed veterans of XHF Network could finally get their break here. That young, diverse talent would finally get their due- and you know something? For a while, you held true to that promise. You gave all of us chances that we probably wouldn't have been able to find anywhere else at the time.. But at some point, you changed. Nor you or Marcus can barely control your show, not like you care that much. Everyone that has come and gone from this promotion has always had the common reason of you. You just have… a really bad habit of making enemies.
The audience has quieted down, invested in the words that MYOJIN passionately speaks. They narrow their eyes, holding the mic up to their lips one more time.
MYŌJIN: I'd really advise you on trying not to make another.
And with that, the Shining Star tosses the mic to the side. Cheering for the blonde continues as “RAINBOWS” plays again while they head up the entrance again.
Wright: Oh boy, that sounded like a challenge if you ask me! MYOJIN vs. Caffrey? Yes please!
Park: It sounded more like they were threatening to leave the company! We'll have to see what they get up to and how the owner responds!
Stanford: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a non-title match and is scheduled for one fall!
Crowd: ONE FALL!!
Stanford: Introducing first, from Durham, North Carolina, and weighing in at one hundred and sixty-five pounds! She is the FIRESIDE World champion…. NATALIE BUUUUURRRRRRRRROWS!!!!
I can finally breathe again.
The distorted opening lyrics of 'Breathe Again' plays as the overhead lights dim, the sequence of notes following it triggering coral-colored lights to pulse in time... and when the guitars and drums combine to form an explosion of noise? Every light in the arena as well as the tron goes blinding white--and when it fades back to normal a few seconds later? Natalie Burrows is standing at the top of the ramp, the crowd cheering for the Southern Belle as she looks out over the fans with the FIRESIDE World Championship around her waist. A nod of acknowledgement is given. As video footage plays of some of her hardest-hitting moments in the ring, Natalie makes her way down to the ring, slapping the hands of the fans here and there, but her focus is on the ring. Speeding up at the bottom of the ramp, the Southern Belle slides into the ring, rolling onto her back before kipping up to her feet. The nearest turnbuckle is mounted as she looks out over the crowd, removing the title and holding it aloft with one hand to evoke more cheers. She lingers there for a few moments before hopping down, turning the FIRESIDE World Championship over to a P.A. before doing a couple stretches to prepare for the match at hand.
Wright: Natalie Burrows was adamant she got this chance to challenge the Fireside Spark Champion.
Park: Time will tell if she’ll regret that decision. Vodka Fizz has had a hell of a year, and it looks like things can only get better.
Wright: But Natalie Burrows was the XHF Network Rookie of the Year, so both of these two have good things in their futures.
Park: And speaking of Vodka Fizz….
Stanford: And her opponent…. From Daytona Beach, Florida, and weighing in at two hundred and twenty pounds, he is the Fireside SPARK Champion…. VOOOOOOOODKAAAAAA FIIIIIIIIIIZZZ!!!
The lights go down and blacklights come up, bathing the stage in purple. A hard, grungy bassline starts to play.
'Hey, turn the bass up. Turn the bass up!'
There is a record scratch, and the grungy beat changes to a hard dubstep rhythm. The lyrics come in as Vodka Fizz dives out on stage in a golf cart retrofitted with huge speakers that are playing his music. He is dressed in a full-length white fur coat, white shutter glasses, and an over-the-top white top hat, and as he drives the golf cart down the ramp he toasts fans with a yard-long cocktail flask hung around his neck full of some fluorescent liquid he drinks from as he drives down the ramp..
When he gets to ringside, he drapes the fur coat over the seat of the golf cart and removes the top hat, keeping the shades on. He climbs up on the apron, turning to face the crowd and chugging the remnants of his large drink, finally striking a pose and spraying a mouthful of whatever it is up into the air and letting it rain over him. He grins and winks at the camera, then rolls backwards over the ropes into the ring.
Park: I understand some crossed lines may have led to Vodka Fizz being a little more out for blood than Burrows.
Wright: The one thing this bloke does better than most people is intensity. If he brings the same fire to the ring that he brought to his promos, then Burrows is in for a hard fight.
Stanford: but she is our Demon Slayer, which was something Fizz couldn;t achieve. So this could go either way.
Fizz keeps his distance from Burrows at first. Burrows offers a handshake, which Fizz accepts after considering for a moment. When she goes to move away, the eccentric doesn’t release her right away, pulling her hand up towards his lips, which earns a blush from the Fireside champion before she yanks her hand away. The referee calls for the bell, and the pair tie up in a collar and elbow. Burrows aims a sharp kick at the inside of Fizz’s thigh, and Fizz comes back with a similar kick of his own. The two of them trade kicks back and forth until Burrows catches Fizz in the knee, throwing off his balance enough that she can take him to the mat with a single-leg takedown.
Park: And Burrows is the first one to get Fizz on his back.
Wright: UnJoo, decorum, please.
Park: Lighten up, Ollie. Jeez.
Burrows locks in the Indian Deathlock, which has Fizz hollering in pain, but the wily rogue attempts to hook Burrows into the Hair of The Dog What Bit Ya! Burrows breaks and disengages before he can get the submission logged in, Fizz scrambles back to his feet. They tie up again. Burrows with an arm twist that Fizz reverses into a hammerlock.
Wright: Nice counter from Fizz.
Park: I certainly didn’t expect to see him go for the Chickenwing so early.
Burrows flips through the move, coming back with a stiff kick to the side of the Spark Champion’s head. Burrows holds onto his wrist and drives another kick into his head, then another. Burrows goes for another kick, but Fizz catches her leg, taking her down to the mat with a dragon screw. Fizz rolls through to his feet, bouncing off the rope and catching Burrows in the jaw with a running dropkick.
Wright: Fizz with the first pinfall attempt of the match!
Park: Fizz is out for blood. Burrows is gonna need to step it up if she wants to keep pace.
ONE! TW-
Burrows reverses it into an inside cradle!
ONE! TWO!! Kickout!
Park: And that’s more of what I expected from the Champ!
Wright: Burrows proving why she’s dangerous.
Fizz and Burrows are both quick to get back to their feet. Fizz throws a wild strike that Burrows reverses into an arm twist. Fizz tries to strongarm his way back into the hammerlock, but Burrows reverses into a suplex. Fizz is a little quicker to his feet than Burrows and charges at the champion, but she drops down and low-bridges him, sending the rogue tumbling out of the ring. Burrows follows up with a baseball slide that knocks Fizz into the barricade. Burrows climbs out of the ring to haul Fizz up off the floor and throw him back into the ring. Fizz has the wherewithal to get to his feet and he launches himself into the ring, diving through the ropes to catch Burrows in the abdomen. She holds onto the ropes, stopping the larger Fizz from knocking her off the apron.
Wright: Park stops the bigger man cold!
Park: But who’ll be the one to capitalize?
Fizz hooks Burrows up for a suplex. He gets her up, but she twists and lands on her feet. Fizz turns and catches a kick to the abdomen that Burrows turns into a piledriver in the center of the ring!
Park: Piledriver!
Wright: Natalie Burrows dropped Vodka Fizz on his head right in the middle of the ring!
Burrows goes for the pinfall!
ONE! TWO!! THR-Kickout!
Wright: Still not enough to close the book on the Spark Champion!
Park: Vodka has the title in his sites; he’s sure to do whatever he can to stand out tonight Ollie.
Fizz rolls away from Burrows, trying to get back to his hands and knees. Burrows sees he’s in position, and the crowd roars for the champion to hit the closure. Fizz is nearly back to his feet when Burrows launches herself off the ropes and nails the Spark Champion in the base of the skull with the Closure!
Park: She got all of that one!
Burrows goes for the pin!
ONE! TWO!! THR-Kickout!
Fizz rolls away from the champion and out onto the apron. Burrows follows after him. Fizz uses the ropes to try and pull himself up to his feet. Burrows grabs him, but Fizz grabs her by the head, dropping down off the apron to drop her throat first on the top rope. Burrows stumbles back. Fizz rolls back into the ring and scrambles to his feet. He catches Burrows with an elbow and whips her into the corner. He charges in after her going for a shoulder block, but she drops to the mat at the last second and Fizz launches himself into the ring post.
Wright: Oooh, that had to sting.
Park: I felt that all the way over here. Ow.
Fizz is holding his shoulder and rolling around on the mat. Burrows grabs his arm and pulls him to a sitting position, driving kicks into his shoulder. He further pulls him to his feet by the tender arm and sends him back to the mat with an arm drag, keeping up the pressure on the bad shoulder. Fizz is hollering in pain. Burrows finally lets up on the shoulder, backing up toward the ropes to set up for another Closure as Fizz fights he way up to his feet. Burrows launches at him, but Fizz rolls out onto the apron instead. He vaults up onto the ropes, launching a crossbody that Burrows catches and turns into a scoop slam.
Wright: Fizz goes high risk and it does not pay off!
Park: I’ve been slammed like that before. It doesn't feel very good.
Burrows goes for the pin.
ONE! Kickout by Fizz!
Wright: Kickout with authority from Vodka Fizz!
Park: This is getting exciting.
Both wrestlers are quick to their feet. Fizz with a kick, then he launches himself into the ropes and Burrows backdrops him to the floor. Burrows goes for the baseball slide again, but this time Fizz has it countered and gets her into position for a powerbomb on the outside. But Burrows drives sharp elbows into his head, instead reversing the move into a hurricanrana!
Wright: I don;t think we’ve ever seen that move from Ms. Burrows before.
Park: Desperation breeds innovation, Ollie.
Burrows hauls Fizz up off the floor and throws him back into the ring.Burrows goes back to the well for the sharp kicks, but Fizz comes back with kicks of their own. Neither one of them is showing any signs of give the other even an inch of leeway. Fizz mistimes one kick and Burrows reverses it into a leg trap suplex, and Fizz crashes into the turnbuckles in the corner. Burrows is quick to follow it up with the Epiphany!
Park: Yikes! Nighty night, Fizzy!
Wright: It looks like Fizz is out! This is the best chance Burrows has had to close the book on this match so-far!
Burrows hauls Fizz up from the mat, whipping him into the ropes for the Hitting Bottom, but somehow the Spark Champion rolls into a handspring and comes back to hit the Uno Mas!
Park: UNO MAS!
Wright: ….How did he even….
Burrows tumbles back into the ropes, but stays on her feet, and Fizz launches himself into the ropes again to hit a second Uno Mas!
Park: UNO MAS!!
Wright: It really is incredible how quickly Fizz has rallied.
This time Burrows doesn’t manage to stay on her feet, but rather than press his advantage, Fizz plays to the crowd, imitating a dog barking. He hauls Burrows up to her feet, then tries to lock in the Hair Of The Dog What Bit Ya, but Burrows reverses with a snap mare, dropping Fizz flat on his ass in the ring, then nails another Epiphany!
Wright: Vodka tries for the Chickenwing again, but Burrows has it scouted!
Park: And the Spark champion gets rewarded with another kick in the dome for his efforts.
Burrows goes for the pin!
ONE! TWO!! THRE-Kickout!
Wright: Fizz digs deep and stays alive!
Park: Is this a wrestling match or a John Travolta movie?
The crowd starts chanting ‘This is awesome!’ but neither Burrows nor Fizz seem to take much notice. Fizz uses the ropes to struggle to his feet. Burrows grabs him and tries to throw him into the ropes, but Fizz holds onto her and gets her on his shoulders instead, hitting a desperation death valley driver, but he’s not able to capitalize. Burrows is quicker to her feet then Fizz, but she pulls him the rest of the way to his feet, then nails him with a Dragon Suplex. She gets back to her feet, pulls him up again and nails a Tiger Suplex. She gets up to her feet again and hauls up Fizz who headbutts her, then drives a kick into her abdomen. Fizz follows up with a Mind Eraser!
Wright: MIND ERASER!
Park: What a counter move!
Fizz is still too out of it to capitalize right away, but he eventually rolls the Fireside Champion into position to go for a pinfall!
ONE! TWO!! THR-Kickout!
Wright: Long two for Vodka Fizz. If he’d got it sooner, we would have had a winner, and a favorite going into an eventual clash down the road.
Park: No matter who wins, if these two face off in the future it’s going to be incredible.
Fizz rolls off of Burrows, struggling back to his hands and knees while Burrows does the same. When the pair finally get back to their feet, they square off, trading clubbing blows back and forth. The pace of the match is clearly wearing on them both by now, but neither one is willing to give an inch.
Wright: These two are fighting a war!
Park: With all the subtext, I expected a blow-off match, not a blood feud.
Fizz whips Burrows into the ropes. Burrows ducks a clothesline, going for Turmoil, but Fizz launches himself into the ropes opposite, aiming for Uno Mas. They crash into each other and both hit the mat. Fizz rolls out of the ring again to catch his breath. Burrows crawls after him, but he blasts her in the head with an elbow, and the champ goes limp. Fizz hooks up her arms and hits a Mind Eraser off the apron to the floor to a chorus of gasps and ‘holy shit’ chants from the crowd.
Wright: OH MY GOD!
Park: HOLY SHIT!
Fizz looks shocked at what he’s done, but he hauls Burrows up off the floor and throws her over his shoulder, using the ring steps to get back on the apron, and he dumps her over the ropes into the ring before following suit. Fizz goes for the pinfall!
Park: That has to be it! Did you see that? I…. Holy SHIT!
Wright: Vodka Fizz certainly isn’t holding back!
ONE! TWO!! THRE-
Burrows reverses the pin into a small package!
ONE! TWO!! Kickout by Fizz!
Wright: A valiant effort by the champ!
Park: If she hadn't just been knocked silly by that epic Mind Eraser, I have no doubt Burrows would have won this match!
Fizz plants his feet and launches Burrows through the ropes to the apron. He gets up and moves to attack the champion but Burrows answers by driving her head into his abdomen, and then following up with a european uppercut. She follows that up with a slingshot sunset flip powerbomb, then scrambles away from the eccentric Vodka Fizz to prepare for the Closure.
Wright: Here it comes!
Park: Burrows is throwing everything she has at the Spark Champion!
Fizz gets up as far as his hands and knees when the Fireside Chamion’s heel crashes into the back of his head, leaving him face down on the mat. Burrows has to take a moment to get her bearings before she can go for the pin!
ONE! TWO!! THREE- KICKOUT!!!
Wright: Fizz kicks out at the last possible instant!
Park: Sometimes it feels like nothing can stop the man they call the Heart of Fireside!
Fizz is still basically out; Burrows looks down at him, her brow furrowed, as she fights back to her feet, making her way back into position for another Closure. When Fizz is nearly back to his feet, Burrows launches at him again, but Fizz rolls out of the way and onto his feet, springing at her and catching her in a Hair of the Dog What Bit Ya! He wraps his legs around her, begging her to give up.
Park: Fizz has that Crossface Chickenwing locked in deep, right in the middle of the ring!
Wright: With the difference in weight between them, there’s not going to be much that Natalie Burrows can do!
Burrows struggles for a moment, her face starting to turn red, but after a moment, she taps out and the referee calls for the bell!
Wright: Vodka Fizz has conquered the Fireside World Champion!
Park: Even in a non-title match, he has to be psyched!
Fizz rolls away from Burrows, laying on his back and panting, his eyes fluttering closed. Surprisingly, Burrows crawls over him, leaning over her opponent so her hair obscures anything that might be happening before she pulls away. Fizz looks surprised, but uses the ropes to pull himself to his feet.
Stanford: Ladies and Gentlemen, the winner of this match by submission, he is the Fireside Spark Champion….. VOOOOOOOODKAAAAAAA FIIIIIIIIIIIZZZZZZZ!!
The referee raises Fizz’s hand, but Burrows whispers something in his ear before the official steps aside, and she raises Fizz’s hand instead. He smiles at her, and she smiles back, and the pair play to the roaring crowd.
Fizz finally rolls out of the ring, making a show of clapping for the Fireside World Champion, and encouraging the crowd to cheer for her. Burrows rolls out of the ring and hurries to catch up with him, linking her arm through his as they make their way up the ramp and to the back.
Wright: And that is how we end Caveat Emptor!
Park: I can't wait to see what's coming next time! See you then folks!