Post by Sexton Love on Jan 28, 2022 21:46:06 GMT -5
“LIVE from Beverly Hills, California...”
The camera pans around a well lit studio audience. The entirely female crowd applauds enthusiastically.
“...THE DOC TALK with Doctor Love!”
We hear the cheesy opening guitar riff from Robert Palmer’s Bad Case of Loving You, as the camera turns towards the stage.
“And now... here’s your host... DOCTOOOOR LOOOOOVE!”
The host makes his perfectly timed walk out onto the stage, just as the chorus hits. Unable to contain their excitement, the studio audience erupts in a chorus of their own. A chorus of high-pitched whistles and cheers.
As for the Doctor himself, he seems larger than one would expect, likely due to an excellent combination of diet, exercise, and inexplicably sleeveless medical scrubs. At first glance, his face appears rather standard for Beverly Hills: plastic and angular, with blindingly-white teeth highlighted in contrast to an aggressively fake spray tan. Despite that, one feature still stands out above the rest... an unquestionably manly mustache.
“Thank you, thank you... and welcome to The DOC Talk, babbeh...”
Applause.
“According to a recent study, approximately 80-85% of modern wrestling fans suffer from some kind of mental health condition...”
The faces in the crowd turn gravely serious, nodding with compassion and understanding.
“...And these numbers are even higher when it comes to the fat, ugly, depressed, and deranged fans of NLW. Here to talk about this growing epidemic, please welcome my very special guest... giving his first interview since returning from that HEINOUS and SENSELESS attack at the hands of that Deep Fried Freak...”
BOOOOOOO.
“The #1 contender for the NLW Southern States Championship... SEXTON LOVE!”
The camera cuts away to show Tyrannosaurus Sex making his entrance, though he does so with none of his usual vigor. Holding up one hand to the side of his head, and walking as though he’s stepped into daylight for the first time in weeks, Sexton Love meanders onto the stage, attempting to milk every last drop of imagined sympathy, still wearing a ridiculously oversized protective mask on the top half of his face.
He sits across from his near doppelganger, and thanks to some fancy camera tricks and editing work from his friends in the seedier parts of Hollywood, the ‘interview’ proceeds...
“Nearly one month ago, you suffered a serious injury...”
A replay is shown of the knee strike that broke Sexton’s nose on Open Fight Night. The studio audience members shake their heads in disgust.
“So the first thing I’ve gotta ask, daddeh… after that SICKENING display from the Thespian we just witnessed… how are you holding up?”
A long, dramatic pause.
“I’ve been living in a nightmare, babbeh...
Mentally...
Emotionally...
Physically...
METAphysically, ya feel me?”
“I feel ya.”
“Yes, I still have the largest arms in the world. Yes, I still have abs that can cut steel. And yes, I can still turn coal into diamonds between my GLUTES... but I’ve always been more than a boddeh, daddeh... MORE than a world class athlete… at the end of the day, my FACE is my livelihood...”
Sexton leans forward.
“And there’s a freak out there... walkin’ around with the Southern States Title... who tried to deprive me of my livelihood. Who forced me to wear THIS.”
He points at the mask.
“So that’s what motivated you to come back?”
“You better believe it, babbeh. It’s like I said when I was lyin’ in that hospital bed a few weeks ago... Sexton Love knows a thing or two about bitches, AND PAYBACK IS ONE OF ‘EM! The Thespian just got acquainted with that bitch last week... but she ain’t through with him yet. Not by a long shot. Because this ain’t gonna be a quick fling. I’m talkin’ about a serious, long-term relationship, babbeh. When it’s all said and done... the Thespian will understand payback on an intimate, personal level, ya dig?”
The Doc nods seriously, “I dig.”
Both men lean back in their chairs.
“So that leads us to this Sunday night... where you’ll make your in-ring return at Supremacy.
The Final Face-Off: Sexton Love vs. The Thespian for the Southern States Title.
And we know that you’ve been granted a COMPLETELY LEGITIMATE MEDICAL EXEMPTION for your protective mask, so you’ll be able to wear it while you compete...”
“Mark my words, babbeh... when Supremacy is over, the Thespian will regret ever putting me in this thing. I guarantee it. But revenge ain’t my only motivation. I also want a piece of that sexy Louisiana sweetheart… the NLW Southern States Championship. Ohhh yeahhhh...
The Thespian may have tried to turn me into a hideous freak like him… but that’s only because he could never be a man like me... A CHAMPION like me. Let’s be honest… we’re dealin’ with an unstable lunatic that looks like a charred anus, sucks on the microphone, and beats the shit out of his own damn manager! His own partner! But Sexton Love is somehow a ‘bully’ because he rags on the fat broads and freakshows?!? I’m a ROLE MODEL, babbeh.”
“In my professional opinion, the Thespian seems to have some kind of tragic victimhood complex, much like the millennial milkbags that make up the modern wrestling audience–”
“AND I’M SICK AND TIRED OF IT! …I’M THE REAL VICTIM HERE!”
The delusional challenger points at his mask again.
“...And when I BEAT the Thespian at Supremacy... I’m gonna dedicate my win to his other victim... his greatest victim...
...I’m gonna dedicate my win to IDRISSA, babbeh! Ohhhh yeahhhh!”
Both versions of The Man Called Love burst out laughing. A despicable, yet admittedly well coordinated, display.
“Well personally, I can’t WAIT for this Sunday… and I know that I’ll be rootin’ for Sexton Love, daddeh-oh. And if YOU, the viewers at home, would like to show your support for the Thespian’s COUNTLESS victims, please take the time to donate...”
A GoFundMe link appears across the bottom of the screen.
“And remember...”
“...SEX ...SELLS!”
The camera pans around a well lit studio audience. The entirely female crowd applauds enthusiastically.
“...THE DOC TALK with Doctor Love!”
We hear the cheesy opening guitar riff from Robert Palmer’s Bad Case of Loving You, as the camera turns towards the stage.
“And now... here’s your host... DOCTOOOOR LOOOOOVE!”
“Doctor, Doctor, gimme the news
I got a... BAD CASE OF LOVIN’ YOU!
No pill’s gonna cure my ill
I got a... BAD CASE OF LOOOOOOOOVIN’ YOU!”
The host makes his perfectly timed walk out onto the stage, just as the chorus hits. Unable to contain their excitement, the studio audience erupts in a chorus of their own. A chorus of high-pitched whistles and cheers.
As for the Doctor himself, he seems larger than one would expect, likely due to an excellent combination of diet, exercise, and inexplicably sleeveless medical scrubs. At first glance, his face appears rather standard for Beverly Hills: plastic and angular, with blindingly-white teeth highlighted in contrast to an aggressively fake spray tan. Despite that, one feature still stands out above the rest... an unquestionably manly mustache.
“Thank you, thank you... and welcome to The DOC Talk, babbeh...”
Applause.
“According to a recent study, approximately 80-85% of modern wrestling fans suffer from some kind of mental health condition...”
The faces in the crowd turn gravely serious, nodding with compassion and understanding.
“...And these numbers are even higher when it comes to the fat, ugly, depressed, and deranged fans of NLW. Here to talk about this growing epidemic, please welcome my very special guest... giving his first interview since returning from that HEINOUS and SENSELESS attack at the hands of that Deep Fried Freak...”
BOOOOOOO.
“The #1 contender for the NLW Southern States Championship... SEXTON LOVE!”
The camera cuts away to show Tyrannosaurus Sex making his entrance, though he does so with none of his usual vigor. Holding up one hand to the side of his head, and walking as though he’s stepped into daylight for the first time in weeks, Sexton Love meanders onto the stage, attempting to milk every last drop of imagined sympathy, still wearing a ridiculously oversized protective mask on the top half of his face.
He sits across from his near doppelganger, and thanks to some fancy camera tricks and editing work from his friends in the seedier parts of Hollywood, the ‘interview’ proceeds...
“Nearly one month ago, you suffered a serious injury...”
A replay is shown of the knee strike that broke Sexton’s nose on Open Fight Night. The studio audience members shake their heads in disgust.
“So the first thing I’ve gotta ask, daddeh… after that SICKENING display from the Thespian we just witnessed… how are you holding up?”
A long, dramatic pause.
“I’ve been living in a nightmare, babbeh...
Mentally...
Emotionally...
Physically...
METAphysically, ya feel me?”
“I feel ya.”
“Yes, I still have the largest arms in the world. Yes, I still have abs that can cut steel. And yes, I can still turn coal into diamonds between my GLUTES... but I’ve always been more than a boddeh, daddeh... MORE than a world class athlete… at the end of the day, my FACE is my livelihood...”
Sexton leans forward.
“And there’s a freak out there... walkin’ around with the Southern States Title... who tried to deprive me of my livelihood. Who forced me to wear THIS.”
He points at the mask.
“So that’s what motivated you to come back?”
“You better believe it, babbeh. It’s like I said when I was lyin’ in that hospital bed a few weeks ago... Sexton Love knows a thing or two about bitches, AND PAYBACK IS ONE OF ‘EM! The Thespian just got acquainted with that bitch last week... but she ain’t through with him yet. Not by a long shot. Because this ain’t gonna be a quick fling. I’m talkin’ about a serious, long-term relationship, babbeh. When it’s all said and done... the Thespian will understand payback on an intimate, personal level, ya dig?”
The Doc nods seriously, “I dig.”
Both men lean back in their chairs.
“So that leads us to this Sunday night... where you’ll make your in-ring return at Supremacy.
The Final Face-Off: Sexton Love vs. The Thespian for the Southern States Title.
And we know that you’ve been granted a COMPLETELY LEGITIMATE MEDICAL EXEMPTION for your protective mask, so you’ll be able to wear it while you compete...”
“Mark my words, babbeh... when Supremacy is over, the Thespian will regret ever putting me in this thing. I guarantee it. But revenge ain’t my only motivation. I also want a piece of that sexy Louisiana sweetheart… the NLW Southern States Championship. Ohhh yeahhhh...
The Thespian may have tried to turn me into a hideous freak like him… but that’s only because he could never be a man like me... A CHAMPION like me. Let’s be honest… we’re dealin’ with an unstable lunatic that looks like a charred anus, sucks on the microphone, and beats the shit out of his own damn manager! His own partner! But Sexton Love is somehow a ‘bully’ because he rags on the fat broads and freakshows?!? I’m a ROLE MODEL, babbeh.”
“In my professional opinion, the Thespian seems to have some kind of tragic victimhood complex, much like the millennial milkbags that make up the modern wrestling audience–”
“AND I’M SICK AND TIRED OF IT! …I’M THE REAL VICTIM HERE!”
The delusional challenger points at his mask again.
“...And when I BEAT the Thespian at Supremacy... I’m gonna dedicate my win to his other victim... his greatest victim...
...I’m gonna dedicate my win to IDRISSA, babbeh! Ohhhh yeahhhh!”
Both versions of The Man Called Love burst out laughing. A despicable, yet admittedly well coordinated, display.
“Well personally, I can’t WAIT for this Sunday… and I know that I’ll be rootin’ for Sexton Love, daddeh-oh. And if YOU, the viewers at home, would like to show your support for the Thespian’s COUNTLESS victims, please take the time to donate...”
A GoFundMe link appears across the bottom of the screen.
“And remember...”
“...SEX ...SELLS!”
