Post by Dave D-Flipz on Feb 6, 2022 20:44:19 GMT -5
*We open our scene inside some kind of local establishment. The camera is trained on a small pirate ship. Inside, on what would be the poop deck, is a big ball pit. We see some motion beneath the plastic balls, and then a pirate hat, complete with skull and crossbones and ridiculously flamboyant feather, emerges from the balls. Attached to the hat is a teenage girl. She pops up, and as the balls fall around her, she hoists up a plastic treasure chest.*
Sarah: BOOTY Y’ALL!
*An exasperated Doctor Chaos sighs from a bench on the border of the ball pit.*
Dr. Chaos: At least SOMEONE is getting some booty…
*She absent-mindedly taps at her phone, and we hear pirate sounds from some pirate themed mobile game, one that she seems to be failing at, emerge from her phone.*
Mistress Discipline: That is factually inaccurate.
Death Trap: Say what now?
*The camera pans to the outside of the ship, where Top of the Class sits at a table, which is actually two tables pushed together, eating fish sticks and French fries. On the second half of the table is the garbage from two finished meals. Clearly Sarah and Chaos have gone into the play area for some post meal fun. Death Trap has his face to his phone with a quizzical look.*
Death Trap: Sorry, I was wondering how it is Caffrey snapped and put Adrien’s face through a TV and yet Caff is the one who I SWEAR looks different… more punchable … if that’s possible.
Mistress Discipline: Booty referred explicitly to valuables taken during war. Furthermore, international law states booty refers to valuables taken on land. At sea, it is called prizes.
*Sarah blinks a few times, then throws a plastic ball at her “auntie”. The ball hits Death Trap in the head.*
Death Trap: Hey!
Sarah: Whoops. RELOAD THE CANNON Y’ALL!
*She fires a few more balls at Mistress… who doesn’t flinch … and every ball smacks DT in the head and chest*
Mistress Discipline: That is factually inaccurate.
Death Trap: That is bad aim. Chaos needs to do a better job teaching Sarah.
*Another ball flies in and hits DT in the crotch. DT glances up at a smirking Chaos. DT sighs and turns back to his tag team partner*
Death Trap: Beginning to understand why they didn’t let women on ships.
Mistress Discipline: Horrific as it is, that one is factually supported … though I do not agree with you trying to “cast overboard” my best friend, and our manager.
Death Trap: Is there a reason she required cameras to be put in my dressing room when I signed to Fireside?
Dr. Chaos: HAHAHA oh silly, that was a JOKE! There are no new cameras in your room. *She buzzes her lips with a clearly falsified look of disbelief.*
*Death Trap looks at her … and then shrugs*
Death Trap: Ok then …
*Chaos sighs in relief and turns back to her video game.*
Mistress Discipline: This is all riveting, but we have a match to win a tag team title shot against that Kanyon fellow. And I would really like to win now so we do not have any more issues with childishly named events to get our shot.
Death Trap: Yes yes, against some team called the boarding party.
Dr. Chaos: You don’t need a boarding party to take your shot, Death Trap! Valentine’s Day is coming up!
Death Trap: … Why would I get Kanyon a gift? The man hates me.
*beat*
Mistress Discipline: Yes … why indeed … *sigh* I did see they are having a sale on chocolate…
Death Trap: Oh … did you want some? I could pick some up at the store I guess.
*Mistress blushes and stoically looks past DT towards her manager.*
Mistress Discipline: Chocolate for me? Oh … sure!
Death Trap: Yeah, I’ll grab some for the whole group!
*Sarah swims back to the top of the ball pit and rises out with an eye patch on*
Sarah: YARRRR CHOCOLATE FOR MEEEEE!
Mistress Discipline: That is factually inaccurate.
Dr. Chaos: But Death Trap said chocolate for all of us!!!!
*Chaos pouts playfully.*
Mistress Discipline: *Sigh* The YAARRR … is factually inaccurate.
Dr. Chaos: Also … young lady where did you get that eye patch?
Sarah: KRAKEN!
Dr. Chaos: That … isn’t what I meant.
Mistress Discipline: That … is factually inaccurate.
Death Trap: That … is adorable.
*They all look at him. Sarah dives back beneath the balls to find more treasure … in the most factually inaccurate way possible, of course*
Death Trap: Ok so Captain Conrad Calico and his wife the Contessa. Couple of pirate cosplayers who drop to the ring on ropes from the rafters as if boarding a marooned vessel. Scimitars between their teeth, the whole shebang.
Mistress Discipline: That is DANGEROUS … and … may or may not be factually inaccurate? Where do they operate from?
Death Trap: Parts Unknown? The high seas? Likely British? Many pirates were British, right?
Dr. Chaos: Ok, what is the deal with all this parts unknown mumbo jumbo? Do wrestlers think they are being mysterious and cool? Bless their hearts. It’s so cliché!
Death Trap: I don’t recall them ever having a hometown announced. And they don’t seem to be in the accessible files for the roster of Fireside … which is odd since even I’m already there.
Mistress Discipline: That is hardly unexpected, Caffrey has been trying to convince me to steal you over to Fireside from SWAT for ages now. I explained you have your own career to think about and I would not exert influence on you. He seemed VERY keen to get you into Fireside. Even moreso when you debuted in SWAT. I understand his desire to have you close. I feel the same way…
Dr. Chaos: YEAH YOU DO! GET SOME! … … … ahem … … I was um … talking to the pirate in my mobile game … sorry.
Sarah: BOOTY Y’ALL!
Dr. Chaos: NOT THE TIME!
Death Trap: I don’t get it.
*beat*
Mistress Discipline: So this team. *she adjusts her glasses and changes the subject with miraculous efficiency* What is their win-loss ratio?
Dr. Chaos: Research shows they’ve never won. Not even close to winning. You guys got this!
Death Trap: Not even once? Huh … why exactly are they the ones guarding the “open door” for tag title shots? Not that I’m complaining about getting to waltz right in and kick Kanyon’s smug face in…
Mistress Discipline: I believe the phrase is not to look a gift horse in the mouth.
Dr. Chaos: Duh. Bad breath!
*Discipline’s shoulders droop as she sighs*
Death Trap: Factually accurate.
*They all look at him again.*
Death Trap: What? It’s XHF! We had a pig X*Crown champ, and Mongo is 0-3 against literal barnyard animals …
*Chaos and Discipline look at each other.*
Mistress Discipline: … Factually accurate. Then what is the catch?
*Chaos puts her phone down and pulls out another cell phone. Obviously a business line. She scrolls a minute then responds.*
Dr. Chaos: Seems the tag champs are guest referees!
*Death Trap’s eyes go wide and he spit takes his coca-cola all over some random schmuck at the table next to them. Mistress looks on in horror. Chaos looks over her phone at them.*
Dr. Chaos: Eww.
*Sarah begins to climb the ropes around the pirate ship ball pit.*
Sarah: Rigging y’all!
*Chaos shoos her off the ropes back into the safety of the multi-colored plastic balls.*
Death Trap: Well that changes things … *he looks over at the family now leaving the table mumbling about wrestlers* Sorry … send me the dry cleaning bill. It’s uh … Mongo the Destroyer, XHF HQ in Minneapolis, Minnesota.
Mistress Discipline: I am sure it will be fine. What is the worst they could do?
Death Trap: Kanyon wouldn’t waste two seconds BANGing you!
*they all look at him again. Another family further out in the play room covers their daughter’s ears and walks out*
Dr. Chaos: Care to rephrase?
Death Trap: … This is the C.O.C.K. incident all over again.
*The family now hurries faster out of the room*
Death Trap: Mongo’s bill is going to be astronomical for this lunch date…
Dr. Chaos: Ooo this is a date? Is that why I’m at a separate table?
Mistress Discipline: Factually inaccurate, the two tables are pushed together making one larger table.
Death Trap: Look, Kanyon does not want to fight me. His family has a history of losing to me. I had a thing in the old XHF of embarrassing his brother. The biggest threat in this match is losing to some pirate LARPers because Kanyon is an unreliable officiant. Then again … El Combatiente is pretty on the up and up. We got along well in SWAT … so … I dunno.
Mistress Discipline: I have confidence in our teamwork. We will make the pirates submit before there is a chance for any shenanigans.
Dr. Chaos: What if you asked for parley?
Mistress Discipline: Factually inaccurate. That was not one of the original items in the code of the pirates created by the Portuguese. It just refers to a conference and was likely put into the Disney movies as a joke.
Death Trap: I mean, a joke is kind of what the Boarding Party is. I think you’re right. If we just work the submissions and break them down, even Kanyon won’t be able to deny our victory. He’ll likely just beat us up after the match … oh.
Dr. Chaos: Yeah, that’s bad.
Sarah: MUTINY!!!
*Chaos looks up as Sarah leaps out of the ball pit and steals her non-business phone and dives back into the balls. We hear the sounds of the latest TikTok trends (which h2f and I don’t know … goddamn millennials) coming from beneath the balls.*
Dr. Chaos: HEY Give that back!
*She dives into the ball pit.*
Death Trap: Aaaanywayyyyy … We can’t underestimate these two, they are a husband and wife pair. They have synergy. There’s just nothing … impressive about them. We are former champions. We should be able to tie them in knots and wrestle circles around them. We just need to watch out for the Bang Hermanos. We should be able to beat the Crappy Crew, synergy or no.
Mistress Discipline: Are you suggesting we get married to gain the synergy?
*DT’s head snaps up to attention. The wheels in his head spin for a minute, you’d swear smoke was coming from his ears. The hamster running on the wheel in his brain is having an epileptic seizure at this point.*
Death Trap: Buh … uh .. um … well…
*Suddenly…*
Dr. Chaos: THERE ARE BALLS ON MY FACE, I CAN’T SEE!! I’M SURROUNDED BY TOO MANY BALLS!
*DT and MD look at each other and then to the confused staff of the restaurant.*
Mistress Discipline: That is going to raise some questions …
*Fade Out*
Sarah: BOOTY Y’ALL!
*An exasperated Doctor Chaos sighs from a bench on the border of the ball pit.*
Dr. Chaos: At least SOMEONE is getting some booty…
*She absent-mindedly taps at her phone, and we hear pirate sounds from some pirate themed mobile game, one that she seems to be failing at, emerge from her phone.*
Mistress Discipline: That is factually inaccurate.
Death Trap: Say what now?
*The camera pans to the outside of the ship, where Top of the Class sits at a table, which is actually two tables pushed together, eating fish sticks and French fries. On the second half of the table is the garbage from two finished meals. Clearly Sarah and Chaos have gone into the play area for some post meal fun. Death Trap has his face to his phone with a quizzical look.*
Death Trap: Sorry, I was wondering how it is Caffrey snapped and put Adrien’s face through a TV and yet Caff is the one who I SWEAR looks different… more punchable … if that’s possible.
Mistress Discipline: Booty referred explicitly to valuables taken during war. Furthermore, international law states booty refers to valuables taken on land. At sea, it is called prizes.
*Sarah blinks a few times, then throws a plastic ball at her “auntie”. The ball hits Death Trap in the head.*
Death Trap: Hey!
Sarah: Whoops. RELOAD THE CANNON Y’ALL!
*She fires a few more balls at Mistress… who doesn’t flinch … and every ball smacks DT in the head and chest*
Mistress Discipline: That is factually inaccurate.
Death Trap: That is bad aim. Chaos needs to do a better job teaching Sarah.
*Another ball flies in and hits DT in the crotch. DT glances up at a smirking Chaos. DT sighs and turns back to his tag team partner*
Death Trap: Beginning to understand why they didn’t let women on ships.
Mistress Discipline: Horrific as it is, that one is factually supported … though I do not agree with you trying to “cast overboard” my best friend, and our manager.
Death Trap: Is there a reason she required cameras to be put in my dressing room when I signed to Fireside?
Dr. Chaos: HAHAHA oh silly, that was a JOKE! There are no new cameras in your room. *She buzzes her lips with a clearly falsified look of disbelief.*
*Death Trap looks at her … and then shrugs*
Death Trap: Ok then …
*Chaos sighs in relief and turns back to her video game.*
Mistress Discipline: This is all riveting, but we have a match to win a tag team title shot against that Kanyon fellow. And I would really like to win now so we do not have any more issues with childishly named events to get our shot.
Death Trap: Yes yes, against some team called the boarding party.
Dr. Chaos: You don’t need a boarding party to take your shot, Death Trap! Valentine’s Day is coming up!
Death Trap: … Why would I get Kanyon a gift? The man hates me.
*beat*
Mistress Discipline: Yes … why indeed … *sigh* I did see they are having a sale on chocolate…
Death Trap: Oh … did you want some? I could pick some up at the store I guess.
*Mistress blushes and stoically looks past DT towards her manager.*
Mistress Discipline: Chocolate for me? Oh … sure!
Death Trap: Yeah, I’ll grab some for the whole group!
*Sarah swims back to the top of the ball pit and rises out with an eye patch on*
Sarah: YARRRR CHOCOLATE FOR MEEEEE!
Mistress Discipline: That is factually inaccurate.
Dr. Chaos: But Death Trap said chocolate for all of us!!!!
*Chaos pouts playfully.*
Mistress Discipline: *Sigh* The YAARRR … is factually inaccurate.
Dr. Chaos: Also … young lady where did you get that eye patch?
Sarah: KRAKEN!
Dr. Chaos: That … isn’t what I meant.
Mistress Discipline: That … is factually inaccurate.
Death Trap: That … is adorable.
*They all look at him. Sarah dives back beneath the balls to find more treasure … in the most factually inaccurate way possible, of course*
Death Trap: Ok so Captain Conrad Calico and his wife the Contessa. Couple of pirate cosplayers who drop to the ring on ropes from the rafters as if boarding a marooned vessel. Scimitars between their teeth, the whole shebang.
Mistress Discipline: That is DANGEROUS … and … may or may not be factually inaccurate? Where do they operate from?
Death Trap: Parts Unknown? The high seas? Likely British? Many pirates were British, right?
Dr. Chaos: Ok, what is the deal with all this parts unknown mumbo jumbo? Do wrestlers think they are being mysterious and cool? Bless their hearts. It’s so cliché!
Death Trap: I don’t recall them ever having a hometown announced. And they don’t seem to be in the accessible files for the roster of Fireside … which is odd since even I’m already there.
Mistress Discipline: That is hardly unexpected, Caffrey has been trying to convince me to steal you over to Fireside from SWAT for ages now. I explained you have your own career to think about and I would not exert influence on you. He seemed VERY keen to get you into Fireside. Even moreso when you debuted in SWAT. I understand his desire to have you close. I feel the same way…
Dr. Chaos: YEAH YOU DO! GET SOME! … … … ahem … … I was um … talking to the pirate in my mobile game … sorry.
Sarah: BOOTY Y’ALL!
Dr. Chaos: NOT THE TIME!
Death Trap: I don’t get it.
*beat*
Mistress Discipline: So this team. *she adjusts her glasses and changes the subject with miraculous efficiency* What is their win-loss ratio?
Dr. Chaos: Research shows they’ve never won. Not even close to winning. You guys got this!
Death Trap: Not even once? Huh … why exactly are they the ones guarding the “open door” for tag title shots? Not that I’m complaining about getting to waltz right in and kick Kanyon’s smug face in…
Mistress Discipline: I believe the phrase is not to look a gift horse in the mouth.
Dr. Chaos: Duh. Bad breath!
*Discipline’s shoulders droop as she sighs*
Death Trap: Factually accurate.
*They all look at him again.*
Death Trap: What? It’s XHF! We had a pig X*Crown champ, and Mongo is 0-3 against literal barnyard animals …
*Chaos and Discipline look at each other.*
Mistress Discipline: … Factually accurate. Then what is the catch?
*Chaos puts her phone down and pulls out another cell phone. Obviously a business line. She scrolls a minute then responds.*
Dr. Chaos: Seems the tag champs are guest referees!
*Death Trap’s eyes go wide and he spit takes his coca-cola all over some random schmuck at the table next to them. Mistress looks on in horror. Chaos looks over her phone at them.*
Dr. Chaos: Eww.
*Sarah begins to climb the ropes around the pirate ship ball pit.*
Sarah: Rigging y’all!
*Chaos shoos her off the ropes back into the safety of the multi-colored plastic balls.*
Death Trap: Well that changes things … *he looks over at the family now leaving the table mumbling about wrestlers* Sorry … send me the dry cleaning bill. It’s uh … Mongo the Destroyer, XHF HQ in Minneapolis, Minnesota.
Mistress Discipline: I am sure it will be fine. What is the worst they could do?
Death Trap: Kanyon wouldn’t waste two seconds BANGing you!
*they all look at him again. Another family further out in the play room covers their daughter’s ears and walks out*
Dr. Chaos: Care to rephrase?
Death Trap: … This is the C.O.C.K. incident all over again.
*The family now hurries faster out of the room*
Death Trap: Mongo’s bill is going to be astronomical for this lunch date…
Dr. Chaos: Ooo this is a date? Is that why I’m at a separate table?
Mistress Discipline: Factually inaccurate, the two tables are pushed together making one larger table.
Death Trap: Look, Kanyon does not want to fight me. His family has a history of losing to me. I had a thing in the old XHF of embarrassing his brother. The biggest threat in this match is losing to some pirate LARPers because Kanyon is an unreliable officiant. Then again … El Combatiente is pretty on the up and up. We got along well in SWAT … so … I dunno.
Mistress Discipline: I have confidence in our teamwork. We will make the pirates submit before there is a chance for any shenanigans.
Dr. Chaos: What if you asked for parley?
Mistress Discipline: Factually inaccurate. That was not one of the original items in the code of the pirates created by the Portuguese. It just refers to a conference and was likely put into the Disney movies as a joke.
Death Trap: I mean, a joke is kind of what the Boarding Party is. I think you’re right. If we just work the submissions and break them down, even Kanyon won’t be able to deny our victory. He’ll likely just beat us up after the match … oh.
Dr. Chaos: Yeah, that’s bad.
Sarah: MUTINY!!!
*Chaos looks up as Sarah leaps out of the ball pit and steals her non-business phone and dives back into the balls. We hear the sounds of the latest TikTok trends (which h2f and I don’t know … goddamn millennials) coming from beneath the balls.*
Dr. Chaos: HEY Give that back!
*She dives into the ball pit.*
Death Trap: Aaaanywayyyyy … We can’t underestimate these two, they are a husband and wife pair. They have synergy. There’s just nothing … impressive about them. We are former champions. We should be able to tie them in knots and wrestle circles around them. We just need to watch out for the Bang Hermanos. We should be able to beat the Crappy Crew, synergy or no.
Mistress Discipline: Are you suggesting we get married to gain the synergy?
*DT’s head snaps up to attention. The wheels in his head spin for a minute, you’d swear smoke was coming from his ears. The hamster running on the wheel in his brain is having an epileptic seizure at this point.*
Death Trap: Buh … uh .. um … well…
*Suddenly…*
Dr. Chaos: THERE ARE BALLS ON MY FACE, I CAN’T SEE!! I’M SURROUNDED BY TOO MANY BALLS!
*DT and MD look at each other and then to the confused staff of the restaurant.*
Mistress Discipline: That is going to raise some questions …
*Fade Out*
