Post by El Chico Promedio on Feb 17, 2022 12:58:10 GMT -5
El Chico Promedio: El Chico Promedio is... is... UNDEFEEEEEEEEEATTEEEEEEDDDDD!! Did you see? They put me on their fancy motion graphics! Look! Look!
Chico pinches his hand together at his lips and kisses it.
Chico pinches his hand together at his lips and kisses it.
El Chico Promedio: Perfection! The top brass at NLW must have seen a need. They need an undefeated ratings draw to help anchor the show. Kick off with the best, they thought! Chico must go on first! And so who are these rookies they need Undefeated NLW Superstar El Chico Promedio to help launch into the stratosphere?
He points to his tag team partner on the graphics.
He points to his tag team partner on the graphics.
El Chico Promedio: Razorman, he is from Chicago. He calls himself THE BEST IN THE WORLD. The Undefeated NLW Phenom Chico with Mr. Best In The World Blade! We both have the distinguished pleasure of having been in the ring with NLW Veteran Nathaniel Cage... but Mr. Best in the World did not fare so well, sadly. S'okay, Mr. Blade. I, Chico, will teach you my ways and help you overcome defeat! I cannot make you undefeated, but it is okay. Perhaps not Best in the World, but you may be Best in the Chicago Metropolis area, yes? Now, which poor souls have the misfortune of being the second checkmarks in my undefeated streak?
He turns to glance at the graphic on the screen.
El Chico Promedio: Ah yes, Willie St--
Chico stops mid-sentence and whips his head back towards the screen, blinking wildly, then doing a double take back towards the camera.
Chico stops mid-sentence and whips his head back towards the screen, blinking wildly, then doing a double take back towards the camera.
El Chico Promedio: STEEN? THE WILLIE STEEN? He's here in NLW!? Oh my my my...
Chico begins to pace around nervously, muttering to himself.
Chico begins to pace around nervously, muttering to himself.
El Chico Promedio: Erhemmm... you'll have to excuse me. It's just, I love Willie Steen! I was in the theater opening night to see Along the Watchtower, oh yes, he was quite handsome in that one. I believe the critics called it "overwhelmingly adequate" yes? Spot on description, absolutely one of my favorites. And yet, here you are, back in wrestling. Perhaps the Hollywood lifestyle was too much for you. I understand, Mr. Steen. I would be exhausted by all the champagne and fast cars and attractive people and money, too. Perhaps you just need an escape. Unfortunately, despite being such a big fan of your work, I cannot promise you an easy match. I will continue my ascent to the top of this company and this Network with the help of the Best in the World... err, Best in Chicago... Razor Blade! Have you seen the backup you have, Willie? It is not, as they say in Hollywood, "very cash money".
He sighs.
He sighs.
El Chico Promedio: You've got some rich nerd in glasses and suspenders! Great, so, while the GREAT CHICO is putting his blood into forging a long, storied career here in NLW, you and Mr. Wolf simply get to take a vacation from your rich, private jet lifestyles to come down here and grace us average folks with your presence? For shame. You may have your money, and fancy lifestyles, and nice clothes, and quality meals, and comfortable living, and financial security, and state-of-the-art workout equipment, and your fancy not-yet-released iPhones that cost more than my rent. But I have...
Chico goes digging through his pockets and pulls out an absolute unit of a mobile phone.
Chico goes digging through his pockets and pulls out an absolute unit of a mobile phone.
El Chico Promedio: ..an old-school Nokia! It can't take 8K photographs, and it cannot download apps from a store. I'm... I'm not even sure it has the internet.
Chico taps around on the phone for a moment, muttering to himself. He shakes his head.
Chico taps around on the phone for a moment, muttering to himself. He shakes his head.
El Chico Promedio: No. It does not.
He holds the phone up to the screen and smiles.
He holds the phone up to the screen and smiles.
El Chico Promedio: It does have "Snake" though!
Chico slides the brick of a phone back into his pocket.
Chico slides the brick of a phone back into his pocket.
El Chico Promedio: But you know what that ancient technology can do, gentlemen? It can... MAKE! TELEPHONE! CALLS! You know, it can do exactly what a telephone is designed to do! I could drop it into an active volcano and it'd still be able to make calls when I fished it out. It's not flashy, and some say it's mediocre. But... when it comes down to it, it gets the job done. Try dropping your expensive phones two feet off the ground onto the floor. See how reliable and tough your fancy things are.
To prove a point, Chico drops the Nokia on the ground. It bounces and lands unharmed.
To prove a point, Chico drops the Nokia on the ground. It bounces and lands unharmed.
El Chico Promedio: I may not have your fancy lifestyles, but you know what I am? Reliable, and built for WRESTLING. I'd never try to beat you in an acting competition, Mr. Steen. And I'd certainly never pretend to be as good with investing money or wearing ugly glasses as you, Mr. Wolf. But that's not why we're here, is it? We're here to wrestle. And as far as I can tell, out of the four men in this ring, that makes ME the fancy one. I'm the ONLY one that can claim to have a 100% success rate in NLW so far. Quick, Mr. Willie Wolf, tell me about THAT return on investment.
Chico pulls out his Nokia and begins to punch some numbers in, because it also has a calculator!
Chico pulls out his Nokia and begins to punch some numbers in, because it also has a calculator!
El Chico Promedio: We shall all enter that ring as many things at Masquerade. The Richest Man to Ever Wrestle. The Movie Star. The Best in the World. But me? I'm just entering the ring as some guy. Some guy who knows what it takes to secure victory. Just your average guy, getting by, putting in the exact amount of work I need to in order to win. No more, no less. I might be nobody compared to the three of you. But after our match at Masquerade, I'm the one riding a shooting star to the top of this company. At least you all will have fallbacks though, yeah?
Chico smirks at the camera as the scene cuts out.
Chico smirks at the camera as the scene cuts out.
