Post by Mongo the Destroyer on Feb 18, 2022 19:13:25 GMT -5
“I dunno, this seems like it’ll be stupid.”
“No no, it’s perfect, and it’ll terrify our opponent.”
“My opponent.”
“Sure sure, ACTION!”
“No no, it’s perfect, and it’ll terrify our opponent.”
“My opponent.”
“Sure sure, ACTION!”
*The camera opens on a classic-style backstage wrestling set. “The Gun Show” is written in pseudo-cursive neon lights as the camera pans down to find Nelly Angel and his brother Randy. Nelly is in airbrushed wrestling tights (though not much of that is on camera) and his upper body is slathered in so much baby oil that he almost ALMOST looks muscular. He bares his teeth at the camera. Around his neck is a dog collar attached to an oversized chain which ends its journey in the hands of Randy Angel. Nelly struggles against the leash and grows but Randy keeps a firm hold of it before laughing into the camera.*
Randy: HAHAHAHA! Charles of SKY Force! Last month you were lucky, and cashed in one of your nine lives to overcome Florida Man and Reckless Jack’s son. But now you’ve done it, now you’ve walked out of the cathouse and into…THE DOGHOUSE!
*Nelly tries to lunge at the camera, snarling, but is restrained by his chain leash.*
Randy: You see when the time came for GUNS to select their representative that you’d face that searched far and wide! They looked across the wrestling landscape at all of the possible options to go against you for the Junior Heavyweight Championship. They absolutely did NOT just look at whoever was passing by Magnus’ office at the time. No no, they made a conscience effort to find the MEANEST!
*The younger and much oilier Angel again snaps at the camera.*
Randy: LEANEST!
*Nelly does that muscle-man pose where he curls his arms downward instead of upward. We’ll call it THE BULLDOG POSE! It’s still fairly unimpressive because Nelly isn’t really all that muscular to begin with.*
Randy: AND MOST DANGEROUS member of the GUNS roster! Oh and Charles, you’ve really stepped in it now.
Nelly: YEAH!
*He snarls*
Randy: You see, when we were considering our options we went down to basics- to biology. You, Charles, are a cat. Obviously reptiles and fathers can’t overcome you because neither of those things threatens a cat. But what does make a feline second-guess itself? What kind of creature puts a cat on edge?
*Randy leans forward towards the camera, which allows Nelly to also ominously approach.*
Randy: That’s right Charles! At the GUNS Leap Day Special you’re not facing just any member of the company. Oh no, you’re facing MAD DOG NELLY!
*Nelly growls and angrily struggles against his restraints.*
Nelly: GRRRRMAD DOG!!!!
Randy: HOW, CHARLES-
*He steps back and regains his composure.*
Randy: How will you handle a beast like this-
*The older Angel gestures to his brother, who does not look like a beast, but is trying really hard.*
Randy: When your own biology will be telling you to run as far and as fast as you can? Hmmmm? What will you do when you’re back into the corner of the only predator your species knows?
*”Mad Dog” yanks again his chain and gets up in the camera’s face.*
Nelly: I’M GONNA CHASE YOU AROUND THAT RING, FROM TURNBUCKLE TO TURNBUCKLE, FROM ROPE TO ROPE, AND THEN I’M GONNA uh…BITE YOU! RAWR!
Randy: Yeah! But-
*With a quick tug, Randy pulls Nelly back into position. Nelly growls and snarls, he’s almost out of control but is trying to hold it in.*
Randy: But! I realized that this isn’t just a normal match. I mean…it’s a normal singles match- but this is for the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship! You’ll be on your top game, even against the thing you fear most. So I needed to up the stakes…
*His voice lowers as he yanks Nelly by the chain closer and we zoom in juuuuust a little.*
Randy: That’s why we’re taking Nelly here to the next level- I injected him with rabies. So when I say Nelly is a Mad Dog I mean Nelly is a M-
Nelly: CUT!
*The camera pulls back out, Nelly stands up fully erect and drops the whole angry dog act.*
Nelly: You did what!? Rabies!?
Randy: Well yeah, you know, for that extra aggression.
*The “Mad Dog” is already taking the collar off.*
Nelly: Nope, no way is this happening. Do you even realize how serious this is!? How many times did we watched Old Yeller together as kids?
Randy: Many, that poor dog.
Nelly: AND YET YOU GAVE ME RABIES!?
*He tries to calm himself down.*
Nelly: Ok, ok, it’s still early. Randy, do you remember what we agreed as kids if one of us got rabies?
Randy: I’m sorry bro, but I’m not going to take you out behind the barn and shoot you.
*This is met with an incredulous stare and a judging blink.*
Nelly: What!? No! We decided if one of us got rabies we’d take the other to the hospital to get help! Medical science is a lot better than it was in the 50’s! SO GET ME TO THE HOSPITAL!
Randy: I’d love to bro, but I don’t even have a license.
*The younger Angel, all hopped up on rage, baby oil, and rabies looks like he’s going to strangle his brother, but regains control.*
Nelly: FINE! I’ll drive myself!
Randy: You can’t drive! You’re a mad dog! Remember that time we let Tequila Kitty II drive? Do you remember how that ended?
Nelly: I drove us here today!
Randy: Yeah, but now you’re clearly feeling the effects of the rabies. It’s not safe.
*A low growl is heard.*
Nelly: I’ll take my chances.
*He stomps off.*
Randy: But if you’re not rabid, how will you beat Charles!?
“HE’S A STUFFED ANIMAL!”
*A door slams as Randy rubs his face, considering everything that just happened. Then he comes to a realization.*
Randy: Wait, I need Nelly to get home. BRO! NELL! HEY HOLD UP I’M SORRY!
*He then vacates the set in pursuit of his brother/driver/rabid dog Nelly as the camera fades.*