Thursday Night Inferno #16: The Burnies [Feb. 17th]
Feb 18, 2022 23:57:37 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Venom 🕷, and 4 more like this
Post by anthonycaffrey on Feb 18, 2022 23:57:37 GMT -5
The show opens with general manager Marcus Washington casually lighting the fire while dressed in a full tuxedo. He stands at a podium with a very nice trophy in front of him that says “Newcomer of the Year”.
Washington: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Thursday Night Inferno and the 2022 Burnies!
The crowd pops! The camera cuts to the commentary desk for a few moments, and the commentators are also tuxxed up.
Wright: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the show! We’ve got a great card, a battle royale and a world title match tonight…
Park: …and we’ll be celebrating our roster all evening!
Washington: Let’s get right into the giving, shall we? This award is our Newcomer of the Year! This award means you’ve just jumped on the roster in the last year and have really made an impact, winning championship gold and proving you’ll be a force on the FIRESIDE roster time and time again, cutting through a crowded field to make a helluva impact. And the nominees are…
The screen above Marcus plays a video highlighting all of the newcomers before cutting back to him opening an envelope.
Washington: And the winner is… EVAN VALENTINE JR.!
“Eye in the Sky” by The Alan Parsons Project plays and the Philadelphia fans react with confusion to Ace Sky’s theme music being played. Then Evan Valentine Jr. drives out through the curtain with X Crown Champion El Rey sitting shotgun with The Fabulous Valentine Cousins sitting in the back of Vodka Fizz’s golf cart! The Hearth rocks with boos as Vodka’s stolen golf cart is pelted with beer cups and water bottles from the angry crowd.
Wright: I don’t believe this!
Park: Is nothing sacred?
Evan stops mid-aisle, and turns up Alan Parsons Project even louder from Vodka Fizz’s custom speakers attached to the golf cart. He stands up with one arm raised, trying to lead the hostile crowd in the chorus of “Eye of the Sky”.
Evan Valentine Jr.: (singing) I am the eye in the sky
Looking at you, oooh
I can read your mind
I am the maker of rules
Dealing with fools
Oooh I can cheat you blind
Wright: He invaded Donzig’s family homestead, and now he’s stolen…
Park: The Alan Parsons Project?
Wright: Sure. He ahs stolen Ace Sky’s theme, but most importantly, Vodka Fizz’s golf cart?
Park: Things can be replaced, but this man has no respect for this song and what it means.
Evan Valentine Jr. waves the crowd off and then gets back into the golf cart and drives it up to the podium, smashing into it, causing loud feedback from the microphone. The boos get louder as New Money exit Vodka Fizz’s custom golf cart.
Park: It’s the universal idea that there is someone looking down on us all. Whether we call it God, the government, or just Lady Luck. We all feel it, Oliver. And he is trying to take the Alan Parsons Project from us all, don’t you see? He’s sullying it forever.
Wright: I’m not convinced you’re old enough to know this.
Evan Valentine Jr.: Yo.
Evan is drowned out by boos and he looks away from the microphone shaking his head. El Rey flips the fans off with both hands, while Brian and Lance Valentine Jr. mockingly try to shush them.
Evan Valentine Jr.: You see you jack me and I jack you back? That’s right. We doing this Drill Instructor Style. I ain’t punishing Donzig, I’m punishing all a Fireside. That’s right. I stole Ace Sky’s dope ass theme song, and I took Vodka Fizz’s Incelmobile. Lance couldn’t get the smell of jaeger farts and loneliness out of it though.
Lance Valentine Jr. shrugs.
Evan Valentine Jr.: So I’ma jack everything Fireside has till I get my Kingpin of the Year that jealous little bald man took from me. Until one of you returns my Kingpin award, nothing is safe. Nothing is off limits. I have no bottom. No basement.
The crowd chants “EVAN SUCKS! EVAN SUCKS! EVAN SUCKS!”
Evan Valentine Jr.: I’m a make this quick before jealousy forces Donzig to steal another award of mine. I’ll meet him in the ring later if he’s go the balls. When I was a kid and my Dad would take me to these things every January, if you told me I would be winning one one day, I would be like. “Please don’t let it be in Philadelphia.”. I would like to thank…absolutely no one.
Evan Valentine Jr. holds up the Newcomer of the Year Burnie while the Philadelphia faithful drown him out with “JONNIE’S BOY! JONNIE’S BOY! JONNIE’S BOY!”
Evan Valentine Jr.: (screams) You know, you can all go on your message boards and say I got this because of my Dad, but there’s a reason the targeted ad at the bottom is for off brand Viagra…
Brian Valentine Jr. spots an incensed Vodka Fizz and Ace Sky running to the podium and alerts Evan. Lance signals for New Money to take off.
Evan Valentine: (suddenly talking fast with his mouth close to the mic) Ok thanks gotta go Hank Sokolov supports the...
Evan Valentine Jr. grabs his Newcomer of the Year Burnie and hightails it through the curtain, just escaping the wrath of Ace Sky and Vodka Fizz.
Stanford: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is the triple threat match for the WILDFIRE Championship! Whoever pins or submits their opponent first will be the winner!
The crowd cheers!
Stanford: Introducing first… from New York, New York, weighing in at 225 pounds, he is JOHNNNNNNYYYYY FIIIIIIIIIVEEEEEEEEE!
'I Got 5 On It' hits the speakers and Johnny Five makes his way out, grinning and flexing his not inconsiderable muscles. He heads down the ramp and rolls into the ring, clambering up onto the turnbuckles and continuing to pose for the audience, gleefully pointing at and giving thumbs up to anyone cheering for him.
Wright: Johnny Five had maybe the best match of his career last Inferno, coming up just short in a match against the boss.
Park: Can you imagine the freakin’ headlines if he had won that thing? But nonetheless, the guy is rolling, even if that match came with a few blips, like almost getting his ankle broken and then almost getting his head caved in. But the guy is ready to become a champion, and tonight’s going to be just as big of a challenge, if not more.
Stanford: Hailing from Houston, Texas, weighing in at 160 pounds, they are SAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMM SAAAAAAWWWWYERRRRRRRR!
The arena lights dim as a bassline begins to play. While a silver mist slowly fills the stage, the fans wait in anticipation. A deep voice starts singing in a whisper. Then, a dark figure walks through the mist. Completely decked out in black, the teenager slowly walks forward. The camera mostly keeps its distance. Different angles give a better look, but their face is still mostly obscured in darkness. After climbing the steps and entering the ring, the volume of the music increases.
"I hear the sons of the city and dispossessed
Get down, get undressed
Get pretty but you and me
We got the kingdom, we got the key
We got the empire, now as then
We don't doubt, we don't take direction"
The mist has thinned but the arena is still dark. The song quietens down.
"Lucretia, my reflection, dance the ghost with me"
Then reaches its loud finale. The lights come back on and the fans have a mixed reaction. The camera focuses on Sam Sawyer's cold, glaring face.
Wright: Now you talked about ready to become a champion, I don’t think anyone on the roster these days fits that billing quite like Sam Sawyer, especially after that big victory at Big Fight Fight Night.
Park: It’s another victory putting them on the map, Oliver. But we’ve seen a lot of victories from Sam putting them on the map. Can they fully get where they might feel they belong?
Stanford: And introducing the champion, from Paris, Illinois, weighing in at 165 pounds, she is ZOLOOOOOOOOOOOOOTHAAAAAAACHHHHHHHHHHH!
“Cthulhu” by Gunship begins playing as torches all along the entranceway and aisle light up. “Zolothach” Tabitha Osborne walks out from the back with a wide grin as she takes in the boos from the crowd. She heads down to the ring with a sexy swagger (but she looks like a corpse so not very many catcalls). She rolls into the ring and leans in her corner.
Wright: The champ’s got her work cut out for her, but after a big win to capture the gold at Good Riddance, she’s ready.
Park: It’s her first piece of championship gold in FIRESIDE, and you can tell by her demeanor in the run-up she has no plans on letting go anytime soon. This should be a hotly contested match.
The bell rings and what we immediately get looks more like an arms race as both Zolothach and Johnny Five dart out of the ring, wasting no time in pulling out weaponry for tonight’s affair. Sam Sawyer is a little less pleased, preferring to just straight up dome her opponents with their fists and feet, and so they cautiously watches both of their opponents’ moves. Five tries to straight up slide a table into the ring, but Sawyer kicks it right back out to the floor, much to the disappointment of the crowd. Zolothach gets back in the ring with the universal weapon of no-disqualification wrestling matches, a steel chair. She bangs it on the mat before taking a swing, barely missing Sawyer as Sawyer escapes.
Zolothach prepares to swing the chair again but is met with a strong shoot kick straight to the shins, causing her to grimace in pain. Sawyer takes the opportunity to begin unloading a set of kicks, one after another to soften up the champion. They’re only forced to stop by Johnny Five, who is really committed to this strategy of throwing anything from under the ring into the ring, including a spare ring rope, a table, and a toolbox. Sawyer spots Five coming in armed with a trashcan and manages to get a running knee lift in just in the nick of time, causing Five to drop forward and eat metal for a late dinner!
Wright: Sam Sawyer is in the zone to begin this match, really taking it to both members of the opposition!
Park: This could be Sam’s time tonight, and they don’t want any weapons in the ring to mess with their chances!
Sam Sawyer turns around and prepares to hit another move on Five, but finds themselves having a ring rope quickly wrapped around their throat, with Zolothach choking the life out of them! The crowd boos as Sawyer quickly finds themselves in a world of trouble, with the killer Zolothach keeping their grip tight as they try to squeeze the life out of their challenger!
Wright: Like a woman possessed, Zolothach could seriously injure Sam with that ring rope right now!
Park: That’s a choking hazard and then some!
Zolothach keeps the choke applied as Sawyer tries to use the ropes to bounce off but instead goes down to one leg. The crowd boos the effective submission but pops when the inexperienced Johnny Five absolutely unloads with a steel chair between Zolothach’s shoulder blades! Zolothach is forced to let go of the ring ropes, allowing Sawyer to catch a precious few moments of breath in the corner while Johnny Five whips Zolothach into the opposing corner! He gets a head full of steam and then crashes down on both wrestlers one at a time with stinger splashes!
Wright: Johnny Five is rallying here!
Park: Big offense from the biggest by size wrestler in this match!
Johnny Five has a look in his eyes of not knowing exactly what to do before remembering to just stay on his opponents, hitting each of them with a standing corkscrew moonsault! His motor is running at full speed as the crowd starts to react positively towards the energy and effort he’s putting out, causing Five to only go faster and to missile dropkick the champion hard enough to knock her out to the floor! Five turns around and looks at the table Sawyer didn’t want in the ring and pops the crowd harder by setting it up in the corner!
Wright: …are these people, cheering Johnny Five right now?
Park: Well on one hand you have Zolothach who is a psychopath. On the other hand, you have Sam who is showing active disdain towards everyone that isn’t Sam Sawyer. And then on the third hand, you have Johnny, who’s enthusiastic as all hell and doesn’t seem to be that big of a dick without Misha breathing down his neck.
Wright: That’s three hands.
Park: I know, it’s been a long week.
Five keeps the enthusiasm of the crowd up by whipping Sawyer into the corner! They land against the table, but don’t break it, instead resting facing Johnny! Johnny backs up into the corner and gets a running start at the table for a spear, only to be caught by Zolothach, who spins him around into a spinning Cobra Clutch sleeper hold!
Wright: Tranq Out! The champio caught the challenger not having eyes in the back of his head!
Park: You gotta keep your eyes on both of your opponents in a match like this, especially one moving this quickly!
The pacing begins to slow from neck-breaking to euthanasia as Zolothach works the hold, aiming to put Five to sleep this time. Five is fighting like hell to get out of the hold, but the lack of rope break when grabbing the middle really hurts his chances as Zolothach keeps on him like a bad infection. Zolo is only growing in confidence and her own enthusiasm as Five becomes the second competitor in the match she’s managed to drop to one leg as the result of a submission!
Wright: If Zolothach can just get Five all the way down, it might be goodnight Johnny!
Park: He’s fading fast!
Johnny Five works like hell to keep from going all the way down but it’s not enough! He drops to the mat and Zolothach begins screaming at referee Melanie Davenport to call the match! Davenport comes over to check for signs of life, raising an arm and dropping it! She drops it a second time as the commotion of the crowd picks up!
Wright: Is Zolothach about to retain the title here?
Park: Five might be out-- hang on a second!
As the referee goes for the third raising of the arm, the hold is interrupted by Sam Sawyer, who has not only grabbed a chair, but leaped off the top rope, crashing down onto the pile of bodies with a chair-assisted Sawyersault!
Wright: Holy shit! Sawyer just broke the hold by taking everyone out with that Sawyersault!
Park: The opposition may be worse for wear, but so’s Sam I’d guess!
Park’s prediction is true as all three competitors are down in the first real pause in what has been an adrenaline-packed triple threat. The crowd reacts accordingly, beginning to cheer to will everyone back up to their feet. The first one up is Sawyer themselves, followed closely by the champion. The two have what could best be described as a good ol’ fashioned brawl before Zolothach gets the upper hand, throwing Sawyer in the direction of the table. Sawyer stops and rights the ship to keep from falling through the wood, which gives Zolothach the opportunity to jump onto their shoulders and catch them the Attack the Mind shoulder spin ‘rana!
Wright: Attack the Mind!
Park: This could be it! The cover and the count!
Zolothach hooks the leg!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Johnny Five breaks the count! The crowd cheers!
Wright: Johnny keeps the match alive!
Park: It looks like he might pay dearly for that though!
Zolothach angrily bites Johnny Five, drawing blood from his shoulder as he screams in pain! She takes him and looks again at the table, throwing him precariously close to it, but Five lands ahead of the table, then bounces onto the top rope, then bounces off, flipping over Zolothach and taking her down with the High-Five Plex!
Wright: A high-flying High-Five Plex from the challenger! Both competitors are down!
Park: This oughta to do it!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Sam Sawyer breaks the count this time! The crowd reacts!
Wright: Sawyer breaks up another near fall! I can’t believe Sam is even still standing after that Attack the Mind from Zolo!
Park: Two big moves have to put everyone away, the question is who’s gonna hit them?
Johnny Five is now the angry one as he climbs back to his feet, then grabs Sawyer and goes to lift them for the Fuck Yo Neck, only to be brutally slapped across the face instead!
Wright: Get Fucked!
Park: Sawyer responds in a big way!
Five stumbles towards the table, leaving him dangerously close to it… only to be caught with a running Fire with Fire lariat from Sam Sawyer, sending both wrestlers through the table in a big collison! The crowd cheers!
Wright: Sawyer takes out Five!
Park: Just needs to make the cover and this one’s over!
As Sam Sawyer crawls to make the cover, Zolothach throws the toolbox at their head, then kicks them out of the ring! Zolo covers Johnny instead!
Wright: Zolothach just threw out Sawyer! Five’s still down!
Park: No! Sam almost had him!
Zolothach hooks the leg!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THREE!
The bell rings as the crowd boos!
Stanford: Here is your winner, and still the Wildfire Champion, ZOLOOOTHAAAAAAAAACHHHHHHH!
Wright: Zolothach scores the win in a helluva sprint of a match!
Park: All three competitors gave it their all and impressed, but in the end Sam was j--
As Zolothach is being handed the championship, Sam has climbed back into the ring! Sam charges forward, absolutely blasting Zolothach with the Fire with Fire!
Wright: Whoah! That was uncalled for!
Park: Sam Sawyer’s had enough of second place! What a brutal shot that was!
Wright: I don’t think Sam’s done!
Sam Sawyer wastes no time in trapping the legs of the downed Zolothach before bending backward, locking their hands around Zolothach’s neck and bending them like a pretzel with a painful Sawyer Lock!
Wright: Sawyer Lock! Sam’s lost it out here!
Park: This match is already over, Sam! Let Zolo go!
Zolo reaches up after being painfully torqued and reaches to submit, but there’s no real use as the bell has already rung. Sawyer keeps the hold applied, doing their best to force an injury as Sawyer has to be yanked off Zolo by a ringside technician and by the referee. The crowd boos as Sawyer shakes their head, looking at the Wildfire Championship.
Wright: This was bubbling up in Sawyer, and we saw a potential breaking point tonight!
Park: I have a feeling this might not be over!
Sawyer picks up the Wildfire Championship, admires it for a few moments, then lays it on top of an injured Zolothach before exiting the ring to the boos of the crowd. Medics are left in the ring to help Johnny Five and Zolothach as the camera cuts.
Marcus Washington does not come comes back to the podium, as these two awards are presented together through a clip package presented with music and then a cut to a segment recorded months ago.
Winner: MAJESTY's Realm
We see highlights of the absolute hell FIRESIDE World champion Natalie Burrows had to go to to attempt to save her friend from their own domain. There are monsters, there are literal ladyfingers, and you get the feeling it's still psychologically scarring today. The camera cuts back smoothly to another award.
Winner: Dragons (Inferno #11)
The camera cuts back to a re-airing of a promo from MAJESTY from August for Inferno #11. They are the world champion, preparing to defend the championship against Vodka Fizz and Mistress Discipline.
A jaunty piano plays over the scene. The door swings open and Majesty steps through, a wide grin on their face. They are adorned with a GIGANTIC neon pink bowtie and teal power suit. and they've used some combination of glitter and paint to create a beard on their face. Their outfit is accentuated by hot pink gloves, complete with long, sharp nails on the end.
Majesty begins to sing...
"It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood... a beautiful day for a neighbor..."
They pause and kick off their shoes after closing the door behind them, then turn and stare directly into the camera, narrowing their eyebrows.
"...would you be mine? Could you be mine?"
Majesty snaps back to their bright and welcoming persona, gently bending down to pick up their shoes.
"It's a neighborly day in this beauty wood, a neighborly day for beauty!"
They twirl over to the closet nearby and throw open the door, tossing their shoes inside, while still singing in a chipper voice.
"Could you be mine? Would you be mine?"
They shut the door behind them with their foot and dive onto a luxurious blue suede sofa nearby, laying on their stomach and writhing while running their hands along their head.
"I have ALWAYS wanted to have a neighbor just like... you!"
Majesty's long, sharp pointer finger worms its way directly towards the camera.
"I've always wanted to live in a neighborhood with YOU!"
That patented long, eerie cackle rings out over the set. It sounds like it's coming from everywhere. Majesty rolls over and sits up, suddenly dropping all sense of joy or wonder from their routine and just chanting into the camera...
"Let's make the most of this beautiful day
Since we're together, might as well say...
...would you be my... could you be my...
Please... won't you be...."
Since we're together, might as well say...
...would you be my... could you be my...
Please... won't you be...."
Suddenly their eyes flash red and a different voice growls out:
"MY NEIGHBOR!!"
There's a quick cut of the camera, along with dead air beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep, and then we're back! Majesty is in a large armchair with a comically large storybook.
"Well, hello there, boys and girls. Welcome to Majesty's Magical Story Time! Today, I wanted to tell you all one of my favorite stories. It's all about trying your best!"
Majesty flips open the inside cover of the book and holds it up to the camera so the imaginary crowd of children can see. The camera pushes in on the book, slowly, until the blank pages of the book fill the entire screen. A single black line appears on the page, animated, and begins to fill in the shape of a mountain.
"There once was a taaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall mountain! At the top of this mountain, everyone knew that a very special treasure was lying in wait for someone to come along and snatch it up. For generations, people knew of this legend, but very few ever dared to go up there, because the treasure was guarded by a scary dragon!"
The penstrokes on the page begin to swirl around, illustrating a pile of treasure painted in yellow at the top of the mountain, and a big angry green dragon sitting atop the mountain, smoke billowing from its mouth.
"One day, the dragon grew bored. Nobody had come for his treasure in so long, so the dragon sent out a message. The dragon wanted the town's two best warriors to take up arms and brave the treacherous mountain climb! If they could do that, surely they would be able to claim his treasure!"
The page turns, seemingly on its own, and two figures begin to come to life. The first is a woman with black hair, wearing a makeshift turtleneck and glasses. She is surrounded by ever growing stacks of books, taller and taller.
"One warrior was chosen. She studied in libraries, absorbing knowledge and running a tight ship. If anyone can defeat the dragon's clever traps it would be this woman! She was not a warrior of might, but instead, a warrior of the mind! She commanded respect and honor from everyone -- surely, she would be cut out for this task!"
The page turns onward and another body forms, this time of a disheveled looking man, shirtless, sleeping on a pile of trash.
"The other warrior was also not a typical choice! Once, he was a great hero who many respected. But now, he was best known for sleeping in filth and being a drunk! This could be his moment! If that momentum could carry him forward, perhaps he could both capture the treasure and defeat the great dragon!"
Another page turns as wind can be heard gently brushing the pages around in the book.
"Both of them trained until the day it was time to climb the mountain. Their climbs were each treacherous. For our librarian friend, she came face to face with a monster that took the form of her lover in an attempt to unnerve her! She steeled herself against his wily tricks, though, and perservered, defeating the monster in combat."
An animated line drawing shows Mistress Discipline defeating a yeti-looking monster wearing bowler hat.
"Our washed-up friend faced a similar image, although rather than a monster, the mountain threw his own past at him. Would our friend be able to face his own past? Overcome his own demons? His own disappointing failures? Could he recapture that past glory? Well..."
The storybook shows pencil markings slowly creeping in on our hero, and just as they threaten to consume him, he's able to let out a burst of energy. The storybook shows a beam of light arcing from the town below to the side of the mountain, helping him destroy the darkness around him.
"The hope of the townsfolk gave the hero a new leash on life! If he could defeat his demons, certainly now, he was ready to face the dragon! The prayers carried him onwards, and at the top of the mountain, he and the librarian now stood at the precipice of the dragon's den."
The drawings depict the two figures standing at the mouth of a cave, only slightly hesitant. Majesty's voice lowers to a whisper.
"They both readied themselves for whatever lied in wait. The Librarian kept her wits about her, making sure to keep an eye on all angles of attack as she crept through the cave. Our hero drew his sword and shield, ready to defend and fight at a moment's notice. They made their way down twisty passages and rocky crags, and just as they made it to the treasure hoard..."
The drawings show a giant pile of gems and coins, just ripe for the taking.
...Suddenly, the book is INCINERATED in a burst of flame! The children all shriek in horror, along with the drawings. They yell and cry, "PLEASE GOD NO!" and "I CANNOT FEEL MY LEGS!". The drawings dance in the air of the room Majesty is in, no longer bound to the page. The librarian is snapped in half by the mighty jaws of the dragon. The hero is burnt to a bloody, messy crisp. Sobs can be heard coming from the children.
"Alas, they were brutally and cruelly murdered just as they were SO CLOSE to achieving their destiny! Sad!"
Majesty gets up and twirls around, knocking into the stick figures in the air and dissipating them. Children can be heard behind the camera sobbing, crying. One of them eeks out a "But... why?" Majesty smiles and leans in close to the camera.
"You see, the dragon gave them false hope. Made them feel they were ready. But they were not. The dragon was bored. He wanted a challenge. But the burnt, mangled body of the hero and the half of the librarian he returned down to the village served as a bloody reminder that the dragon... WAS A FUCKING DRAGON!"
Majesty throws their head back into a full on cackle.
"If any other member of that town got it in their head that they would step up to the dragon... perhaps they would remember what happened to the last poor fools. The dragon cannot be defeated - and there was nothing they can do about it. Hope is a myth. A silly story the commoners tell themselves to give them a reason to keep going every day. To him, they were his playthings. Toys to be consumed and discarded as needed. But to them... the dragon was the endgame."
Majesty prances back over to the closet, pulling out their shoes and gracefully slipping them on before heading to the door. They place a handle on the doorknob and stop for a moment, turning back to the camera.
"So let this be a lesson to you, children. Take solace and contentment in where you are. Because you, my dears, are not dragons. You are townfolk. You are, more likely than not, destined to be supremely mediocre. Don't let the world give you false hope, because hope is an illusion. The best you have is to aim to be just boring enough that the dragon doesn't take notice of you. Don't end up like the Librarian or the Hero. After all.. you DO know what happens to the tallest poppy plant in the field, hmmmm?"
Majesty giggles, winks, and saunters out the door. Cut to black.
Wright: Congrats to both Natalie Burrows and MAJESTY!
Park: I'm still freaked out months later! Well done, but holy hell!
Stanford: The following contest is an Open Door Tag Team Match! Introducing at this time, our special guest referees, the FIRESIDE Tag Team champions, Curtis Kanyon and El Combatiante, EL BAAAAAAAANG HERMAAAAAAAAANOOOOOOOOOOS!
A DJ Marshmello crafted mash up of The Game’s “One Blood” and Metallica's "Don't Tread on Me" plays over the PA as Curtis and El Combatiente emerge from the entryway wearing their Fireside tag team titles. Curtis also has a sledgehammer over one shoulder. El Combatiente's manager Javier follows shortly behind them. They look around soaking up there surrounding. Curtis hoists his hammer into the air. El Combatiente breaks into a full sprint for the ring and slides in. Curtis and Javier slowly walk to ringside and chat. El Combatiente stretches in the ring preparing for the match to begin as Curtis climbs a turnbuckle and points to the crowd with his hammer, then hoists it straight up into the air and yells "BANG!"
Wright: And here we are with Top of the Class versus the Boarding Party! Though first coming out is our tag team champions and I… heavily doubt they will be up to be any good.
Park: You can already see BANG! Hermanos grinning with their referee shirts on. I doubt this will be much of a fair contest, but I do believe in Discipline and DT's abilities. After all… It's just the Boarding Party.
Stanford: Introducing first, weighing a combined 460 pounds, they are Death Trap and Mistress Discipline, TOP OF THE CLAAAAAAASSSSS!
The lights dim down and the Tron shows "Top of the Class" in big gold letters with sparkles. It then cuts to images of Death Trap and Mistress Discipline working together in the 2020 rumble. "2285 Entr'acte" by Dream Theater plays over the speakers. Blue and Gold lights strobe the arena as the stage and ramp light up again and Death Trap and Mistress Discipline hit the stage. Mistress straightens her collar and begins marching to the ring. She gets ten steps away and looks back to see DT still doing his signature pose at the top of the stage. She marches back and grabs his arm and forcibly pulls him down the ramp to the ring as DT high fives fans with his free hand. Mistress rolls into the ring and steps to the center while DT goes up the steps and looks out at the crowd as he steps through the ropes. He leaps to the closest corner and poses again as gold sparks shower from the ceiling. Discipline looks around quite unimpressed by all this hoopla. DT jumps down and the two begin to talk strategy as the lights return to normal.
Wright: This will be Top of the Class' first tag match in FIRESIDE and possibly in months! With Death Trap joining FIRESIDE, there's no telling what they will be able to accomplish together. I have to wonder if BANG! Hermanos feels threatened?
Parkt: Do you think possibly the most dominant tag team in the XHF Network feels threatened by these two? Really? Yes, Top of the Class has history and is a well-oiled machine- but no one has been able to touch the Tag Champions.
The Boarding Party, Captain and Contessa Calisto are already in the ring. Discipline decides to start first as Death Trap keeps an eye close on the two special referees who seem just a bit too eager. The Captain decides to start in the match as well as the bell officially rings!
DING! DING! DING!
THE CAPTAIN RUSHES IN HOPING TO TAKE MISTRESS DISCIPLINE OFF GUARD, RAISING AND WILDLY SWINGING HIS ARM FOR A LARIA-
Wright: FINAL BELL! FINAL BELL ALREADY AND THE MATCH JUST STARTED!
Park: I think the Cap's soul left his body…!
MISTRESS CONNECTS WITH A BICYCLE KNEE STRAIGHT TO THE DOME OF THE CAPTAIN AND HE GOES DOWN! SHE GOES FOR THE PIN! KANYON DROPS DOWN TO COUNT…
Or rather, he hovers his hand above the mat while wearing the most smug grin; almost moving in slow motion. The crowd boos loudly.
………….ONE!
…………...TWO!
……- KICKOUT! The Captain barely gets the shoulder up, even after all that time passed. Discipline glares at Kanyon who simply shrugs his shoulders.
Wright: And just like that, the games have already begun.
Park: Could they at least try to pretend to be neutral?
Death Trap holds his hand out for Discipline to tag him in, which she does. He climbs into the ring and wastes no time before lifting the Captain up and PUTS HIM IN THE INVERTED FACELOCK CHOKE, THE DEATH TRAP! HE'S SQUEEZING THE LIFE OUT OF HIM- BUT CONTESSA RUNS IN AND HITS A DOUBLE AXE HANDLE TO THE BACK OF HIS HEAD!
Wright: What?! Are BANG! Hermanos just going to let her stay in the ring?! What happened to the five count?!
Park: I guess El Combatiente is going by Lucha tag rules??
Combatiente and Kanyon simply seem to be turning a blind eye as the Captain finally comes back to. He and Contessa Irish Whip DT to the ropes, he rebounds off and they both SWING for a clothesline- but he ducks under! Discipline comes in and catches Contessa with a DROPKICK! DT HITS THE BREAKDOWN KNEE ON THE CAPTAIN!
Wright: And just like that, Top of the Class are back in control!
Park: And they're not finished!
They kick Contessa's body out of the ring before turning to the Captain. Discipline wastes no time lifting him up with a POWERBOMB- DT LEAPS UP AND HITS THE BREAKDOWN! DISCIPLINE SIMULTANEOUSLY SENDS THE CAPTAIN NEARLY THROUGH THE RING WITH THE EXPULSION!
Wright: PERMANENT RECORD!
Park: THAT'S IT!
Kanyon drops down to count once more. Though it feels even slower as DT goes for the cover!
…………..ONE!
…………………...TWO!
…………………………….THREE!
Wright: THE CAPTAIN WAS OUT COLD!
Park: Not even with that obvious slow count could he get back up!
DING! DING! DING!
Walter Stanford: AND YOUR WINNERS AAAAAREEEE.. TOP OF THE CLASS!
Kanyon and Combatiante look heavily annoyed as DT and Discipline get up to celebrate! The both of them raise their tag team titles, stalking the two from behind!
Wright: They need to look out!
KANYON AND COMBATIENTE RUN IN, SWINGING THEIR CHAMPIONSHIPS AT THE BACK OF TOP OF THE CLASS' HEADS- NO, DT AND DISCIPLINE DUCK AT THE LAST SECOND AND SEND THE CHAMPS OVER THE ROPES WITH LARIATS!
Park: They knew better than to turn their backs on BANG! Hermanos.
The Tag Team Champions recover on the outside, angrily staring up at DT and Discipline as they simply smile back- raising each other's arms in victory.
Wright: Top of the Class got the job tonight!
Park: These two teams are heated towards a boiling point, but what's going to happen with the C.O.C.K. Battle royale adding another team to the mix tonight?
Donzig stalks from the back, clearly as always in a foul mood after being challenged to a face-to-face by Evan Valentine at the top of the show. His mask and coat are gone, and he seems ready for business as he stalks down the ramp to the boos of the Fireside crowd with a microphone in hand. His eyes locked on the ring as he mutters to himself, perhaps a touch slower then normal after his recent death match. He pauses, glaring at the fans midway down the ramp, and then charging down the ramp come Evan's boys, Lance and Brian Valentine Jrs.!
Lance hits a chopblock as Donzig turns, and he falls to one knee before Brian charges in to start throwing stiff punches at his head. Donzig staggers, fighting back to his feet.
Wright: New Money with the sneak attack! This is deplorable! We didn't even get to hear what Donzig had to say!
Park: New Money is out here to get results! You think Donzig would do anything less? The man is a thief! He stole from Evan Valentine, Jr.!
Meanwhile, the fans along the ramp are loving the display as Lance grabs Donzig's arm to fling him at the barricade! Brian cheers him, jumping around mockingly as Donzig falls to the floor holding at his back. But the Scourge is already pushing himself upwards, eyes blazing as he shakes his head. Brian runs in, ready to drop some knees before a hand snaps out to grab his foot out from under him.
Wright: Donzig still has some fight in him!
Park: New Money still has him outnumbered! And Donzig is taking beating before he even makes it into the COCK Rumble!
Lance stares as he falls, and Donzig drags himself up the barricade before firing a few stomps at Brian. Then he starts towards Lance, who holds up his hands before he is tackled from behind by the charging Death Squad! Sinclair stands near the entrance, screaming orders as Mormo and Moloch grab ahold of Lance. He is flung across the ramp, thrown across it before they leap onto the rising Brian with knees and punches.
Park: This is no one to treat members of the Valentine family! They are wrestling royalty! Caffrey needs to rein in these psychopaths!
Wright: New Money asked for this, Park! I don't feel bad for them at all!
The Death Squad yank him upwards, whipping him around before nailing Reality Falls on the ramp as Sinclair urges them onward. Donzig stares, then grunts before he points at the staring Lance Jr. who is standing among the howling and cheering crowd. He starts to back up, and the Death Squad stalk forward to start across the barricade.
Walter Stanford: The following contest scheduled for one fall is for the SPARK Championship!
A big pop from the crowd.
Walter Stanford: Introducing first, from San Diego, California, weighing in at 299 pounds, he is EDWAAAAAAARRRDDD ZEEEEEEEPPPPPPP!
The menacing synth and deliberate drums of "Blood Moon" by Dance With The Dead signals the arrival of Ed Zepp, who stalks toward the ring with a look of annoyance that's obvious even through his pair of dark sunglasses. He bounds up to the apron with one step and over the top rope with another, then briefly points a fist to the crowd around him.
Wright: Edward Zepp - fresh off a huge win over Hank Sokolov - has his first championship match in FIRESIDE here tonight.
Park: It was only seven months ago that Zepp burst onto the scene with a vengeance. He's had some ups and downs since then, but this could be his moment.
Walter Stanford: And his opponent, from Daytona Beach, Florida, weighing in at 220 pounds, he is the FIRESIDE SPARK Champion, VODDDKAAAAAAAAA FIIIIIZZZZZZZZZ!
The lights go down and blacklights come up, bathing the stage in purple. A hard, grungy bassline starts to play.
'Hey, turn the bass up. Turn the bass up!'
There is a record scratch, and the grungy beat changes to a hard dubstep rhythm. The lyrics come in as Vodka Fizz dives out on stage in a golf cart retrofitted with huge speakers that are playing his music. He is dressed in a full-length white fur coat, white shutter glasses, and an over-the-top white top hat, and as he drives the golf cart down the ramp he toasts fans with a yard-long cocktail flask hung around his neck full of some fluorescent liquid he drinks from as he drives down the ramp..
When he gets to ringside, he drapes the fur coat over the seat of the golf cart and removes the top hat, keeping the shades on. He climbs up on the apron, turning to face the crowd and chugging the remnants of his large drink, finally striking a pose and spraying a mouthful of whatever it is up into the air and letting it rain over him. He grins and winks at the camera, then rolls backwards over the ropes into the ring.
Wright: On the same night that Zepp debuted, Vodka Fizz won the SPARK Championship. Since then he's defended it against Gavin Drake, and Felix and Donzig in a triple threat. If he can defend it one more time tonight... we know that means.
Park: Fizz has already made it further than anyone else. None of the four champions before him even reached their third defense. Fizz wins tonight, if you didn't know, the title is vacated and he gets a match for the World Championship. But Zepp's not going to sit and let that happen.
The bell rings and both men stay in their corners. The fans are still buzzing and quickly start up a "FIZZ" chant. Fizz doesn't react as he continues staring at Zepp, engrossed, but not intimidated, by the larger man. Zepp stares back with a quiet intensity and a slight look of impatience.
Wright: You can tell how badly Fizz wants this.
Park: He might be on the run of his life but he's not taking Zepp lightly. It's this attitude he brings to every match that got him a victory over the World Champion.
Zepp starts walking towards the center and signals for Fizz to join him. When Fizz doesn't, Zepp starts to advance into Fizz's half of the ring but Fizz quickly leaves the corner, circling Zepp and keeping his distance. Zepp keeps up with Fizz, slowly but steadily closing the distance and trying to trap him. Fizz quickly scoots off before Zepp can get too close and you can tell Zepp is growing frustrated.
Wright: Is Fizz scared?
Park: You know he's not. Wait, look out.
Zepp has had enough and makes a run for Fizz. Fizz leads him into the corner then dives out of the way at the last second, causing Zepp to crash into the buckles. Fizz runs up and starts hitting him with a flurry of clubbing blows to the back. Zepp turns to face him and is hit in the face with rapid, vicious forearms. Zepp pushes Fizz away with a hard shove. Fizz goes flying, falling onto his back but rolls over backwards and is right back up. He runs at Zepp but gets his head taken off with a big boot!
Wright: Whoa!
Park: First big move goes to Zepp! The champ's in trouble!
Zepp lifts the motionless Fizz up to his feet. He scoops him up high into the air, as high as he can go, and body slams him.
Wright: THAT'S a body slam!
Park: Holy hell.
Fizz feebly winces in pain, almost all the life gone from his face. Zepp picks him up, lifts him into the air and slams him again, faster this time but with the same impact. Fizz barely reacts this time, their face dazed. Zepp picks him up again, and this time places him in the fall away slam position. He throws him and transitions the move into a huge Samoan drop. Zepp sits up from Fizz's crushed body and quickly hooks his leg.
...ONE!
...TWO!
...KICKOUT!
Wright: Fizz kicks out! I thought that was it!
Park: The referee had to get right down just to see that! I didn't!
Undeterred, Zepp lifts Fizz right back up to his feet. He uses both hands to hold Fizz up by his throat.
Wright: Psychomania!
Before Zepp can hit the suplex, Fizz grabs Zepp's right hand and manages to pull it from his neck. He wrings Zepp's arm then tries to lock in the crossface chickenwing.
Park: Hair of the Dog What Bit Ya!
Fizz seems to have it locked in but Zepp easily powers out of it, pulling his arm out of the chickenwing. Fizz hits Zepp with a chop, then another. He seems to be coming back to life but is still too out of it to deliver the chops effectively. Zepp grabs Fizz's head and clubs his back, stopping him dead in his tracks. He then grabs Fizz's hand, pushes his back into the ropes and on the way out uses the momentum to whip Fizz across the ring at speed. Fizz goes flying into the opposite ropes, despite barely being able to stand, rebounds off of them and comes running back into another big boot!
Wright: Zepp's back in control!
Park: Just like that!
Zepp hooks his leg.
...ONE!
...TWO!
...KICKOUT!
Zepp hesitates for a second, allowing Fizz to inch himself across the mat a little bit. Zepp goes to lift him up but Fizz keeps rolling, avoiding his grasp. He gets Fizz on his next attempt, grabbing him by the head, but when he starts lifting him up Fizz is close enough to grab the middle rope. Zepp clubs Fizz's back, forcing him to release the rope. Fizz crumples to the mat, but has recovered enough to be able to roll away from Zepp, almost under the ropes. Zepp catches him before he can roll out to the floor, but before he can pull him away Fizz latches onto the middle rope with both hands. With Fizz's head bent over the apron, Zepp tries to drag him back but Fizz's grip is too tight. He begins to club Fizz's back. Fizz withstands the powerful blows and keeps holding tight until the referee forces Zepp to stop. When Zepp backs away, Fizz climbs out onto the apron, grabs the top rope and springboards into the ring. He hits Zepp in the face with shotgun dropkick!
Wright: Somehow, Fizz is back in this!
Park: He needs to stay on him!
The move stuns Zepp but he stands firm. Fizz quickly follows up with a series of shoot roundhouse kicks to Zepp's leg. Fizz stops and switches to Zepp's arm, grabbing it with both hands then twisting it over his head. He twists it over a second time, wrenching it further and making Zepp yell out. Fizz twists it a third time without a pause, then holds the arm against Zepp's back and forces it upwards. Zepp's look of annoyance changes to one of agony, and only seconds later Fizz transitions the move into the Hair of the Dog What Bit Ya! Zepp looks to have nowhere to go as the crowd picks up in volume. Zepp is unable to wrench his arm free this time.
Park: It's locked in!
Zepp looks around the ring, desperate but unpanicked. He shifts their position a little, then starts backing up. He quickly picks up speed and crushes Fizz between him and the corner! The hold is broken, and Zepp turns to grab Fizz by the throat and throw him over his head with a suplex!
Wright: What a Psychomania! Fizz goes for a ride!
Zepp stalks over to Fizz with a bitter, almost contemptuous look. Instead of going for the cover he hauls Fizz into a seated position, grabs both of his arms then presses down on his back with a boot.
Park: Surfboard! Awesome move!
Zepp's boot almost crushes Fizz all the way down to the mat. With his head bowed, Fizz yells out as his lower back is stretched at an excruciating angle.
Wright: How is Fizz going to get out of this?
Park: I don't think he can. The match might be over.
Fizz lifts his head up to look at the fans, anger covering his face. Zepp keeps pressing down on his back, not looking like stopping. Fizz dips his head again, as the shocked fans seem to anticipate a Zepp victory. After two, maybe three minutes since first applying it, Zepp lets Fizz go causing the fans to cheer.
Wright: What did he do that for? He had him!
Park: I don't know... maybe he's thinking about the time limit. Fizz could've hung on for the draw.
Zepp rolls Fizz flat on his back. He bounces off the ropes and crushes Fizz's chest with a giant elbow.
Park: Fizz is almost done.
Zepp gets up, takes a quick look at the lifeless Fizz, then hits the ropes and lands another elbow drop. This time after getting up Zepp grabs Fizz's head and brings him up to his feet. Zepp grabs him in a one-arm choke hold.
Wright: Mute Button!
But from out of nowhere Fizz's hand shoots into Zepp's face, blasting him with a sick chop. Zepp lets go of Fizz's throat to hold his face with his hands. Fizz runs to the ropes and comes back with a huge lariat. It rocks Zepp but doesn't knock him over. Fizz bounces off the ropes again and hits another lariat, just as impactful. He sets off for a third, but this time Zepp completely absorbs it and manages to grab Fizz by the shoulders before he can for a fourth. He whips Fizz into the ropes behind him. Fizz heads back to Zepp, ducks his lariat, then handsprings into the ropes. He tries to complete the Uno Mas with the stunner, but Zepp stands firm. He shoves Fizz front-first into the ropes, waits him on turning around, then grabs his throat to hit Psychomania!
Wright: Psychomania!
Park: Again!
Zepp hooks the knocked-out Fizz's leg.
...ONE!
...TWO!
...KICKOUT!
Zepp shakes his head but doesn't stop to argue, lifting Fizz back up. He hooks one arm to keep Fizz standing, gets back to back with him and hooks the other. He lifts Fizz up into the Gory Guerrero Special. He bends over, stretching Fizz and wrenching his arms.
Park: I've never seen the Gory Special get so deep so fast! Zepp isn't wasting time!
Wright: How do you get out of this?
The fans are stunned by what they're seeing, most of their faces either frozen or afraid. Zepp doesn't keep it in for too long before pushing Fizz off into a facebuster. He pulls Fizz back up and drags him towards the corner. He covers his face with a claw, then lifts him up for a claw slam, smashing his back into the buckles.
Wright: The Re-Animator!
Fizz stumbles out of the corner, and Zepp boots his face sending him backwards. Fizz hits the buckles and rebounds into Zepp's double chokehold. Zepp throws him over his head!
Wright: Psychomania!
Park: That's got to be it!
Zepp hooks the leg.
...ONE!
...TWO!
...THRE-KICKOUT!
Park: No!
Wright: Fizz is still alive!
With a look of mad intensity, Zepp grabs Fizz's head and pulls it back into an inverted facelock.
Wright: The Corpse Grinder!
Park: That's all she wrote!
Fizz twists his head to turn the move into a front facelock before Zepp can get any further. Now out of position, Zepp lets go to put Fizz in a powerbomb position, his eyes glinting. He lifts Fizz up but Fizz escapes and lands on Zepp's other side. Fizz runs to the corner and turns to face Zepp. Zepp runs at him and gets caught in a drop toe hold. His face hits the bottom buckle. He brushes it off and starts to get up but Fizz starts nailing him in the waist with rapid-fire shoot kicks. Zepp's legs give way and he falls to the mat. Fizz runs to the opposite corner, turns to face Zepp, then runs straight at him: ignoring that he's almost ready to pull himself back up. Fizz seems to be going for a knee strike but Zepp stands up and catches him with the claw!
Wright: Silent Scream!
Fizz grabs the ropes but Zepp pushes him towards the middle of the ring, breaking his grip. The referee still demands he breaks the hold and starts a five count.
Park: If it wasn't for the ropes this one would be over! That's how he beat Sokolov!
Zepp holds on till four then releases it to hit Fizz with an open-hand uppercut. Fizz hits back with a huge slap. Zepp goes for a knockout punch but Fizz blocks his head with both hands. The force still sends Fizz backwards into the corner.
Wright: Zepp might have broken his hand!
Park: And Fizz's.
Zepp holds his hand, wincing in pain, while Fizz does the same. Zepp looks up to stare at Fizz, then charges at him with a lariat!
Park: Holy...
Wright: How is Fizz not decapitated?!
Zepp pulls Fizz out of the corner into the middle of the ring, but lets him fall to the mat to grab his own hand again. He eventually seems to deal with the pain and carefully lifts Fizz back up. He grabs Fizz's throat with his injured hand.
Wright: Can he hit the Mute Button?!
Park: He'll have to lift him up with a broken hand, or hit him on the way down with it!
Instead, Zepp grabs Fizz's throat with his other hand, switching to Psychomania. Fizz bashes Zepp's injured hand with his forearm, immediately causing him to let go. Still held by Zepp's other hand, Fizz sends a barrage of forearms into Zepp's face. When Zepp lets go, Fizz runs to the ropes and comes back with a shotgun dropkick to the leg. Zepp stays up. Fizz then hits a step-up enzuigiri. Zepp looks like he's going to fall but still manages to stay up. Fizz tries to locks Zepp in position for the Mind Eraser, twisting his arms over their heads. Zepp seems to be out. Fizz manages to get there, and hits the best version of it he can manage.
Wright: Did he get enough of it?!
Park: I think Zepp is out!
Fizz rolls Zepp over and hooks his leg.
...ONE!
...TWO!
...KICKOUT!
Zepp seems to come to just in time to kick out. Fizz watches as Zepp starts to sit up. The challenger's eyes still have some life in them, but Fizz puts him back down with a superkick! After Zepp hits the mat Fizz goes straight for the Hair of the Dog What Bit Ya!
Park: Zepp is wide open! He's got it!
Zepp gives a weak yell of defiance, unable to fight it. Fizz's eyes are wild and desperate as he screams at Zepp, cursing him and telling him to tap out. Zepp doesn't even seem to be thinking about tapping out, but as Fizz pulls his head tighter he reaches out a hand.
Wright: He's about to tap!
Fizz doesn't let up as Zepp tries to hold on. Finally he taps his hand on the mat. The referee calls for the bell as the crowd bursts into cheers.
Walter Stanford: Here is your winner, and STILL SPARK CHAMPION, VODDDDKAAAAAAAAAA FIIIIIIIZZZZZZZZZZZ!
Park: Not for much longer, Walter!
Wright: He did it!
The referee hands Fizz the belt. As he stares at it knowing what it now means, the fans give him a rousing ovation. His face starts to come to life and he shoots the belt into the air with a fierce cry of victory.
Park: Vodka Fizz now has a World Title shot in his future! And the SPARK Title will be vacated! Who will the next champion be?
Wright: Edward Zepp is surely a favorite, but for now, all eyes are on the main event. Who will Fizz challenge for the World Title?!
Marcus Washington comes back to the podium.
Washington: Our next award tonight is the 2021 FIRESIDE TAG TEAM OF THE YEAR!
The crowd pops!
Wright: Maybe the most obvious award tonight?
Park: It really wasn't a tight race, was it?
Washington: This award means you’re the pinnacle of our tag team division. Your team's chemistry could have movies made about it, your achievements both in and around the Network are to be commended. There are very few teams that have reached this team's level of success, which is why this year tonight's winners are of course, our current FIRESIDE Tag Team champions, President Curtis Kanyon and El Combatiante, EL BAAAAAAAAAANG HERMAAAAAAAAAAAAANOSSSSSSSSSS!
A DJ Marshmello crafted mash up of The Game’s “One Blood” and Metallica's "Don't Tread on Me" plays as the fans await Curtis Kanyon and El Combatiente to emerge, no longer in casts and wheelchairs, holding there tag team titles. They walk over to the podium where El Combatiente is first to go up and grab the award.
El Combatiente: Vaya, no sé qué decir. Vine aquí como un favor a mi amigo aquí, el presidente Kanyon, hace poco menos de un año. Nunca pensé que seguiría aquí y mucho menos seguir siendo campeones de etiquetas con mi amigo. Este es un gran honor y lo agradezco. Gracias.
(Wow, I don’t know what to say. I came here as a favor to my friend here President Kanyon just under a year ago. Never did I think I’d still be here let alone still be tag champs with my friend. This is such an honor and I appreciate this. Thank you.)
EC backs away as Curtis walks up to the podium.
Curtis: I can ramble on again about how I came to Fireside to wreck Caffrey’s shit from day one. But you heard all that when we won stable of the year in the XHF Awards. No, instead, I'll focus on the team. I am the longest reigning champion of any kind in Fireside history. El Combatiente stepped up when I needed the help, proved his worth, and is now the second longest reigning champion in Fireside history. Yeah, sure people in the back could complain about how we became champions, but you cannot deny we have been the best champions you've ever seen. We don't "deserve" tag team of the year, we earned it. And you know what, we also earned match of the ye--
Orchestral music starts to play. Growing louder over time.
Curtis: Hey, I'm not done! We earned match of the year with the beatings we passed out. Pick any of them! Moment of the year? Uh, all of them belong to us! Newcomer of the year? The new Bang Bros Bus obviously! NOT TO MENTION BOTH OF US BEING CO-WRESLTERD OF THE YE--
The music is now too loud to hear Curtis. Curtis gets angry and shoves over the podium, then walks off. El Combatiente smiles awkwardly while holding the his award, gives a wave, then follows his partner.
Wright: That's uncalled for with the podium!
Park: They do love to wreck anything FIRESIDE!
Stanford: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is the C.O.C.K. Battle Royale! Every two minutes, a new wrestler or pair will join the frey! To eliminate an opponent, throw them over the ropes with both feet hitting the floor!! When two wrestlers remain, they will win a future FIRESIDE Tag Team Championship match as a team!
The crowd cheers!
Stanford: Introducing first…
The first guitar chords hit. Then that voice leading into "A Country Boy Can Survive" by Hank Williams Jr hits over the PA. Almost immediately, pacing in tune with the music is a tall, strongly structured gentleman. He has simple green trunks with double yellow vertical stripes on each side. Black knee pads and tall black boots finish off the simple wrestling ensemble.
Wright: This crowd giving a warm welcome back to the former SPARK champion, Shane Locke!
Park: A manhandlin’ tough talkin’ family man cowboy, ready to jump back in the action!
Stanford: Hailing from Eugene, Oregon standing 6'3" and weighing in at 228lbs, this is... SHANE LOCKE!
Locke wastes little time heading to the ring, not bothering with exchanging high fives, not bothering with jibes, simply keeping an eye on the ring. Locke's reddish-brown mullet is capped with a heavily worn John Deere cap and his strong looking but not necessarily "jacked" frame is wrapped with a sleeveless flannel work shirt. He has a thick neck, wide chest and back, body hair evident. He has a frame powered by a lifetime of hard work rather then a gym. His forearms are especially thick, capped with gnarled, thick hands and fingers.
Wright: Can Shane Locke get through this battle royale and grab himself a tag team title shot?
Park: It’s a tough task, but after months resting up, we’ll see if he can recover from the ring rust and become the champion!
Stanford: Introducing number two… from Las Vegas, Nevada, weighing in at 285 pounds, he is RAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTT BASTAAAAARDDDDDD!
The lights in the area go out and and red glow comes from the ramp as Sympathy for the Devil by The Rolling Stones begins to play through the speakers. As the words come through, the light gets darker. Shadows mix in with the red glow.
Wright: No way! The first ever X-Crown champion, here in FIRESIDE?
Park: It’s about to be! Can it be? YES!
Please allow me to introduce myself
I’m a man of wealth and taste
I’ve been around for a long, long year
Stole many a man's soul and faith
And I was round when Jesus Christ
Had his moment of doubt and pain
Rat Bastard steps through the curtain, a cocky smug look upon his face, with a tooth pick handing from his mouth. He takes a deep breath in and runs his hands through his greasy black hair.
Wright: We heard rumors about it, and now Rat’s finally in FIRESIDE! The former XHF champion!
Park: And “rat bastard” is apt for him!
Made damn sure that Pilate
Washed his hands and sealed his fate
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name
But what’s puzzling you
Is the nature of my game
I stuck around St. Petersburg
When I saw it was a time for a change
Killed the czar and his ministers
Anastasia screamed in vain
Rat begins his stalk to the ring, shooting dirty looks of disgust out at the fans. Rat climbs the stairs the ring, slowly climbing inside he begins to point toward the mat, lipping to the fans that he owns this place.
I rode a tank
Held a generals rank
When the blitzkrieg raged
And the bodies stank
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name, oh yeah
Ah, whats puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah
Wright: How long is this entrance?
Park: Time stands still for the man! He is a world beater and a talent through and through, back after a year or so resting up! I would hate to be anyone in his path!
Let me please introduce myself
I’m a man of wealth and taste
And I laid traps for troubadours
Who get killed before they reached bombay
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah
But whats puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah, get down, baby
Wright: I feel bad for whoever’s #3, getting in the ring with these two!
Park: We’ll see! Get your popcorn ready, this should be a good one!
The cameras in the crowd all begin going off as Shane Locke and Rat Bastard step into the ring. The bell rings, and the two men look at each other, measuring each other up. Locke considers giving a handshake, but pulls it back just in time to have his eyes raked by Bastard. Rat takes a recoiling Locke and quickly throws him out to the ropes, trying to score an early elimination before the fellow returning wrestler knows what happens.
Wright: Rat might get an early elimination!
Park: There’s no rules in a match like this, that eye rake was perfectly legal!
Shane Locke is not amused at finding himself on the apron on the outside of the ring. He catches a fist and throws a surprisingly European uppercut, knocking Rat back. Shane comes back into the ring and charges, bouncing off the ropes before almost being caught in a belly-to-belly suplex. He goes to lift Rat, but Rat slaps his hands away and goes for one of his own. Neither man gets it, but Shane gets the upper hand by grabbing Rat by the hair and shoving him into the corner.
An airhorn sounds!
Wright: Here comes our next entrant! God, that airhorn is loud!
Park: Who’s going to be number three?
Stanford: Introducing #3… coming straight from the bar, weighing in at 200 pounds, he is RANDYYYY ANGELLLLLLL!
Randy Angel emerges to a pop from the crowd. The XHF commentator and former SKS Jumpstart champion makes his way down to the ring, shedding a full suit and carrying a large bottle of booze with him. He helps himself to a drink on the outside, actually pouring a drink into a glass at a little side table at ringside.
Wright: Randy Angel! Pleasant seeing one of our commentary allies!
Park: He’s not just a commentator, Oliver! The man can fight!
Randy rolls into the ring and finds himself in between a rock and a hard place -- Locke and Rat Bastard. He pauses to take a hearty sip of his drink, only for Rat Bastard to immediately knock it out of his hands, shattering the glass on the floor of the ring! The crowd boos!
Wright: Damnit Rat!
Park: Like I said, he proves himself!
Randy looks down at what was his drink and back up to Rat Bastard, pissed in more than one way. He begins firing off what can best be described as all of the punches, lefts and rights in a staggering combination that gets Rat reeling up to the ropes. Shane tries to interject to take advantage, only to be met with a clothesline from the alcohol enthusiast. Rat pushes back to keep himself off the ropes, then takes the offensive by slamming him to the mat with a hard spinebuster.
Wright: Randy had a rally going, only to be stopped in his tracks by Rat!
Park: Nothing good comes from that guy!
An airhorn sounds!
Wright: Here comes number four!
Park: Famously the number of death internationally!
Stanford: Introducing #4…
Stanford: …from Weston, Florida, weighing in at 224 pounds, he is DAAAAAAAAAAN MARIIIIIIINOOOOOOOO!
Wright: Wait, what?
Park: He’s gotta be sixty, this has to be some kind of mistake!
The fans cheer the appearance of Miami Dolphin legend Dan Marino, before realizing that he doesn't want to be there, and has been handcuffed against his will to The Florida Man.
Stanford: …also entering at this time, #5, from the primal instincts of Floridians everywhere, he is FLOOOORIIIDAAAA MAAAAANNNNNNNN!
Wright: Dan Marino is attached at the--- are those handcuffs? He’s handcuffed to the former Junior Heavyweight champion!
Park: With this being a match tag teams and solo wrestlers could enter, this is one of the teams that have entered! If they can make it all the way to the end, they’ll both get a shot, if not, every wrestler for themselves!
Wright: You say that like one of the two wrestlers isn’t a retired NFL Hall of Famer!
“Gimme Some Lovin’” by the Spencer Davis Group plays as the crowd has a split reaction for the J-ROKer that sometimes does double duty in FIRESIDE. His arm candy draws its own reaction from the NFL fans, and as the two get in the ring, it’s very clear that Dan Marino wants absolutely none of this shit.
Marino: Like hell I’m gonna be part of this!
Marino to his credit is just spry and agile enough to get the full concept of a battle royale, immediately sending himself over, but Florida Man collapses in the ring to become dead weight, nearly breaking Marino’s arm in the process!
Marino: Oh God, OW!
Wright: Florida Man brought assistance, but wasn’t really expecting that back-up to be trying to back up over the ropes!
Park: I’d love to see what kind of arm Dan still has!
Wright: Won’t be much after Florida Man practically made him hyperextend it!
Florida Man shakes his giant gator head before turning his attention to a rushing Shane Locke who catches him with a BIG forearm to the spine! Florida drops to his knees as the former farmhand wails on him, doing his best to soften up his opponent. He gets into a seated position to keep going, but is quickly interrupted by Rat Bastard nailing him from behind with a bulldog!
Wright: Wherever Shane is, Rat seems to be right behind, ready to keep him down!
Park: It’d be quite something if these two end up attached to the hip -- not literally like Marino and Florida Man, but as a new contending tag team!
An airhorn sounds!
Stanford: Introducing #6…
Stanford: …from San Diego, California, weighing 165 pounds, they are the Shining Star, they are MYOOOOOOOOOOJIIIIIINNNNNNNNNN!
Are you ready?
The lights dim down while the catchy, fast paced rock of RAINBOWS by A9 echoes as a spotlight suddenly appears on the ramp.
Wright: The Shining Star making their in-ring return tonight to get another shot at El Bang Hermanos!
Park: They and Caffrey were basically a random team, imagine what they could do with someone they actually liked!
There is a long, drawn out pause as everyone in the ring seems to wait for MYOJIN to come out. Randy Angel is next to the ropes looking up the ramp, only to have Dan Marino forcibly thrown into him by Florida Man! This knocks Randy to the outside, but not over the top rope!
Wright: Randy’s still in this match!
Park: He almost got eliminated while we were all waiting for Myo!
The camera cuts to the parking lot area, where security with full COVID facegear has stopped someone from entering the building.
MYOJIN: This is bullshit! I can hear my music! Let me go!
COVID Safety Officer: I’m sorry, but I can’t let you in if you don’t have the paperwork: proof of vaccination or recent infection required. Mr. Caffrey’s orders, and I don’t wanna get fired.
MYOJIN: I submitted my paperwork weeks ago! Hey! Florida Man is in there!
COVID Safety Officer: Definitely recent infection. Sorry.
MYOJIN runs their hands through their hair.
MYOJIN: Caffrey…
Wright: I guess MYOJIN’s not in this match after all?
Park: I don’t think this is as cut-and-dry as it seems! I think our owner had something to do with this!
Wright: No, you don’t think?
Park: If Caffrey can’t win the tag team titles with the former X-Crown champion, no one can win with them!
The camera cuts away from a frustrated Shining Star in the parking lot to catch the sound of another airhorn going off in the arena!
Stanford: Introducing #7 and #8…
The light go down, and then come up an angry red. Flames explode from the eithr side of the ramp, jets and bursts of flame erupting into the air. Gavin Drake steps out first, lifting his arms and carrying Evan Valentine’s XHF Kingpin of the Year trophy before Donzig walks from the back, wearing his skull mask with his hood up. He pauses, glaring out across the crowd before he shakes his head before walking down the ramp slowly. He circles around the ring, still watching the crowd before pausing to watch the announce team before he climbs the stairs. He stops at the ropes, reaching up to shove his hood back before taking off the mask, shaking his head at the fans with a scowl. Gavin Drake is right behind him as both men step through the ropes and into the ring, beginning a tandem assault on the competition.
Wright: No Oblivion Death Squad as tonight we get the top cuts, Donzig and Gavin Drake!
Park: Donzig was nearly covered in awards by the end of the XHF Award ceremony, these two should be able to tear it up!
Randy Angel has managed to avoid the looks of the opposition, hanging out on the outside of the ropes against the barricade. He takes a look at the action and actually takes the time to ‘mix’ himself a whiskey neat before deciding to pop under the ring, hiding from the talented pair!
Wright: If ya can’t beat ‘em, hide from ‘em!
Park: It’s not so much he can’t beat ‘em, but if you could sit under the ring and have a drink while the ring fills up, why not, right?
Wright: We’re eight entrants in, who’s going to hit the floor first?
A now-injured Dan Marino is pretty desparate to make it himself that goes out first. With Florida Man temporarily down, he even scales the top rope, looking at how far he’d have to jump to hit the floor as a fully-armed man. Luckily, he doesn’t have to try too hard to picture this image as he’s ejected, courtesy of a running shove from Rat Bastard!
Stanford: DAN MARINO HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!
Wright: Marino hits the floor! But Florida Man didn’t join him!
Park: He looks like he’s about to!
Florida Man is upside down and over the top rope, his giant gator head hooked into the ropes the only thing keeping him in the ring. He does his best to fight back while reaching into his gear to pull out a key, ignoring the throbbing pain to unlock the handcuffs and free himself. A badly hurt Dan Marino takes this as his opportunity to run the fastest 40 of his post-playing days.
Wright: Florida Man escapes!
Park: And so does Dan!
Florida Man manages to flip himself back the right way ‘round and back into the ring, only to be met with a spear by Gavin Drake!
Wright: Drake with a brutal spear!
Park: Don’t turn around, Florida!
Donzig takes the downed Florida Man and props him back up, giving him a stunner for his troubles!
Wright: Event Horizon!
Park: That might be the end of Florida’s night now!
As the two prepare to eliminate Florida Man, Rat Bastard and Shane Locke bring the offense to him, and the airhorn sounds!
Stanford: Introducing #7…
Wright: Whose music is that?
Park: The hit song of Rocky IV… that can mean only one thing!
Stanford: Introducing #9…from Stamford, Connecticut, weighing in at 400 pounds, it is SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCCCOOOOOOOOOO!
Wright: No!
Park: Yes! I’m marking out!
The crowd pops a decent amount as the robot known as Sico begins to glide down to the ring. Its arms move in a jolly and robotic way, as the metallic FIRESIDE interviewer even gives out highfives. They are stopped at the bottom of the ramp by Randy Angel.
Wright: The Metallic Friend-to-All is here!
Park: I think Randy might have an issue with that!
Sico:: Happy birthday Paulie!
Randy Angel:: It’s not my birthday now, but we could celebrate anyway! How about a drink?
Sico:: Happy birthday Paulie!
Wright: Sico seems to be stuck in birthday mode!
Park: I don’t think Sico would understand the concept of a drink, but nonetheless Randy’s making him one!
Randy Angel ‘mixes’ another whiskey neat, this time for his new robotic friend. He puts it in Sico’s hand.
Randy Angel:: A toast, to our battle royale success!
The crowd pops as Randy downs his drink, but boos when Sico goes to drink, potentially short-circuiting as sparks begin to fly from the alcohol mixing with some circuits it almost certainly shouldn’t be! The crowd boos as Angel is thrown back in the ring!
Sico:: Happy bir-bir-bir-bir-ERROR. ERROR. ERROR!
Park: Oh God, that’s horrible! That monster Randy Angel!
Wright: He’s gotta go!
Randy somehow manages to get the potentially short-circuiting Sico back into the ring! He climbs over, but as he goes to charge the robot, he’s chucked out and over the ropes, through the ringside drinking station he’s set up, courtesy of a bale toss by Shane Locke!
Stanford: RANDY ANGEL HAS BEEN HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!
Wright: Bale toss! Look at the air Randy just got!
Park: And right through the drinking table he brought! Poetic justice if I’ve ever seen it for our robot friend!
Wright: Sico’s still down in the ring! How’s anyone going to lift 400 pounds out over the ropes?
If anyone’s up for the challenge, it’s good ol’ Shane Locke, who lifts Sico back to whatever you could call its feet. He gets him in position for another Bale Toss, the crowd beginning to come unglued as they realize he’s about to chuck 400 pounds out over the ropes!
Wright: He can’t do that, no! No!
Park: I think we’re about to see a flight that would make Delta jealous!
Shane Locke digs down, taking a deadlift style pause, before straight up yeeting Sico out of the ring, crushing the robot down on Randy Angel as the crowd pops loudly!
Stanford: SICO HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!
Wright: The absolute strength of that mad lad!
Park: What a way to return!
The urban legend of Shane Locke grows as an airhorn sounds, with the music that follows immediately souring the mood of the arena!
Stanford: Introducing #10, #11, and #12… from Palm Springs, California, weighing a combined 690 pounds, they are EVAN VALENTINE JUNIOR, LANCE VALENTINE JUNIOR, and BRIAN VALENTINE JUNIOR!
“Gucci Gucci" by Kreayshawn plays and The Hearth rocks with boos. After a few moments, Evan Valentine Jr. walks out in a Ben Simmons Sixersjersey. The lights go out and a spotlight hits him as he holds his arms out, drinking in the hate with his cousins in tow. The lights come back up and he walks to the ring, slapping signs out of his camera shot. Middle fingers so close they nearly touch him stick out from dozens of fans near the aisle. He stops next to one fan and lets him talk shit to the side of his face while he chews gum. He nods then keeps on going until he gets to the ring apron. He tugs on his jersey then eyes up Donzig and Gavin Drake, who are both ready for him.
Wright: It seems like we’re getting round two of Donzig vs. Valentine, right here, right now!
Park: I’m excited to see what happens!
Evan Valentine Jr. calls the shots, instructing his cousins to grab chairs to make this a more even fight. Once they do, the three circle the ring, each taking their own side. Evan signals, and the thr-two of the Valentines enter. Gavin Drake tries to lariat Brian but is caught with a steel chair right between his shoulder blades. Lance isn’t as lucky, being immediately planted with an unprettier from Donzig!
Wright: 25:17! Evan didn’t follow his army into the ring!
Park: Where’s he going?
Evan’s focus is elsewhere as Donzig drops Brian with another Event Horizon, as he’s focused on capturing his XHF Kingpin trophy! He grabs it and runs up to the announce table, hiding it underneath where Wright and Parks’ legs are before returning to the ring!
Wright: Hi Evan -- Evan, you might want to go save your cousins!
Park: It might be too late!
Gavin Drake grabs Lance Valentine and chucks him over!
Stanford: LANCE VALENTINE HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!
Donzig follows in short order!
Stanford: BRIAN VALENTINE HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!
Wright: Thanks for comin’, fellas!
Park: Valentine’s army dissipates before he even entered the match! He’s looking a bit more hesitant to join this contest now!
Evan Valentine Jr. looks on, not exactly eager to step into the ring now. He waits patiently by the ring for his moment as Donzig and Gavin Drake taunt him to get into the ring, only for the airhorn to go off again.
Wright: Our second to last entrant in this C.O.C.K Battle Royale!
Park: Who’s it gonna be?
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHH!
Wright: OH SHIT!
Park: Welcome back, big guy!
Stanford: Introducing #13, from Area #51, weighing 325 pounds, they are SUUUUUUUUBJECTTTTT FORRRRRRRRTYYYYY TWOOOOO!
Wright: The former X-Crown champion and XHF Tag Team champion!
Park: You gotta want Subject on your team if you win!
Subject #42 emerges from the curtain for the first time in over six months, being greeted with a hero’s welcome. The seven footer clomps down to ringside, where Evan Valentine Jr. quickly realizes he’s in no man’s land, directly in the monster’s path. He attempts to reason with Subject.
Valentine: Hey, you and I could be a --MHGGM--
The sound we hear from Valentine is the sound of Subject’s giant mit closing on his face. Subject palms Evan like a basketball before military pressing him into the ring!
Wright: Subject shoots, they score! The power of the monster! The giant target must now be on their back!
Park: There’s almost an entire battle royale’s worth of people in there, surely someone might be able to chuck them out!
Shane Locke goes to power the monster up the same as he did to Sico, but a hard chop and throat thrust prevent that from happening. Florida Man, who’s still in this match thank you very much, comes in for a claw and a bite, but gets tossed aside by the gator mouth. The first bit of offense that really stings the beast is a chopblock by the veteran Rat Bastard. Rat has the look of someone who knew this would work, and hoists the monster back up to their feet before dropping Subject spine first onto his knee!
Wright: Rat Breaker to Subject!
Park: Rat’s been in there since this match began, picking his spots just like that!
Rat takes a look around at the downed bodies in the ring and spots the two-on-one assault on Evan in the corner by both Gavin and Donzig. He gives them a wave to come assist, then the group begin the process of picking Subject up and dropping them on the floor. But Subject won’t go so easily, at least not before the final airhorn.
Wright: Who’s the final and fourteenth entrant?
Park: I think we’ve all known since he announced his presence!
Stanford: Your final entrant… #14….
“A SPECIAL PLACE IN HEEEEEEEE-E-E-E-ELLLLLL!"
Wright: One of the greatest wrestlers in the modern XHF!
Park: Two-time, two-time X-Crown champ and a former XHF Tag Team champion!
The lights flash green as the riffs to Reid Henry’s hit new single hits the PA system, uplifting and electric! The curtains between the wrestling word and gorilla open up and Dylan pushes his way through them! He pauses, posing for the crowd before strolling down the ramp ever so casually.
Stanford: …and making his way to the ring, from Boston Massachusetts! Standing at 6'3" and weighing in at 218 pounds, he is “The Messiah of Mayhem,” DYLAAAAAAAAAAN BLAAAAAAAAAACK!
Wright: Here comes the one-armed bandit himself!
Park: Black’s still missing the arm, but it’s only made him be more insightful with his moveset!
Dylan rolls under the bottom ropes and gets to work. The 2021 XHF Rumble winner knows that the first one to go needs to be the literal biggest wrestler, and he piles on with the group, the collective using their power, but Subject manages to shove his way out! As Subject turns around, he’s caught with a picture perfect dropkick, sending him up and over the ropes to crash down onto the floor! Evan Valentine holds his arm up in victory as the monster is eliminated!
Stanford: SUBJECT #42 IS ELIMINATED!
Wright: The monster eliminated by the most opportunistic of the men in the ring!
Park: Daddy taught him a world class dropkick, and you see it right there!
Evan jaws at the crowd before turning around and discovering Dylan Black is now behind him. He is much more hesitant as the crowd’s electricity charges up.
Wright: Oh man, these two have history! Evan Valentine Jr. screwed Dylan Black out of Battle of the Best, won it for himself, and then became X-Crown champ!
Park: Dylan could have ended up a three-time X-Crown champ, and you can tell he’s got revenge on his mind!
Dylan uses the remaining good arm he has to give Evan a “come on” motion, but Evan won’t follow, for good reason, so instead Black fires off a knee, catching Valentine with the Disasterpiece and knocking him back into the ropes! Black charges, firing off a shotgun dropkick and knocking Evan over the ring ropes!
Wright: Up, out he goes!
Park: Not quite! He just got caught by the Fabulous Valentine cousins!
Brian and Lance celebrate with their cousin, keeping him in the match up on their shoulders as Dylan just shakes his head, unable to fully exact his revenge. Black has to keep his head on a swivel though, as Florida Man comes at him and hopes for Murphy’s Law, only for the law to not be in his favor as Black jumps up, then hits a reverse hurricanrana, sending Florida Man out to the floor!
Wright: Headstrong! In the clash of J-ROKers, Dylan comes out on top!
Park: Goodnight Florida Man!
Stanford: FLORIDA MAN IS ELIMINATED!
Wright: We’re down to six! The last two remaining get a future shot at Kanyon and El Combatiente!
Park: The pressure grows!
Gavin Drake and Donzig take the opportunity to strike, doubling up on Dylan Black to the boos from the crowd! Gavin has Donzig hold Drake’s arms back and takes a few steps back, only to get absolutely snatched by Shane Locke! Locke locks him in his version of a bully choke, pushing his bicep into Drake’s neck before launching him over the ropes to the floor!
Stanford: GAVIN DRAKE HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!
Wright: Spit in the wind and you’ll miss an elimination at this point! Five wrestlers remain, only three more need to go!
Park: Drake and Donzig thought they had it until Locke had his way!
Locke turns around and gets kicked low for the Event Horizon, but he manages to shove his way out! Black meets Donzig with another Disasterpiece! The two men have a look in unison as Locke gives Black a nod for saving him there, and Black returns the favor.
And as Black’s about to eliminate Donzig, Evan Valentine Jr. pops back onto the apron and steals the kill, eliminating Donzig himself with another dropkick!
Stanford: DONZIG HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!
Wright: Kill stealing Evan Valentine just got some sweet revenge on Donzig! No one tell Donzig about the trophy and it’ll be a great night for him!
Park: Donzig has to be upset with his associate Drake, this was a slam dunk for the team and now it’s come undone!
Wright: You mean a slam dunk for Donzig! I’m pretty sure his life revolves around only himself!
The mood in the ring begins to change as the group realizes they are in a final four situation. Each wrestler seemingly takes their own corner, with Evan Valentine, Rat Bastard, Shane Locke, and Dylan Black all looking at each other. The group has four X-Crown championships between them, but the one to make the first move out of their corner is perhaps the least proven one, as Shane Locke rockets a headbutt straight into the side of Evan Valentine’s head, knocking him over. As Locke goes out to eliminate Valentine though, Rat Bastard for some reason decides to make the save, pulling Evan out of Shane’s clutches and lifting Shane up for the Bastard Bomb!
Wright: Shane Locke’s going for a ride!
Park: And that ride might be right over the top rope!
Rat Bastard balances the weight on his shoulders and moves to dump Shane Locke over the apron, only to get kicked right in the stomach by the one-armed Black, causing Rat to have to drop Shane. The pairs seemingly make themselves known as Black and Locke seem to be directly fighting Rat and Evan at this point.
Wright: Four wrestlers left, two spots!
Park: Who’s it gonna be?
Black tries to fire off another knee at Evan, but Evan is all too keen to get low and trap his arm, lifting him up for the Evansent burning hammer! Right as he’s about to go though, he finds his balance thrown wildly off by being lifted into the air by Shane Locke! The crowd cheers as Locke has both men above his head, but the cheering quickly comes to a standstill as Rat boots him in the ‘nads! The impact causes Locke to drop Evan and Black onto the mat in a brutal collision!
Wright: An impressive show of-- no!
Park: Right in the family jewels of the family man!
Rat Bastard can’t help but enjoy the returning boos of the crowd as he takes Shane Locke by th ear and points to different sides of the ring, attempting to determine which side of the Hearth will be the most displeased. Once he discovers it’s the opposing corner, he gets a running start to eliminate Shane, pulling him along as he charges forward!
Wright: Rat’s about to bring this one down to three!
Park: Can Shane hold on somehow?
The pair get to the ropes but as Shane’s tossed over, he uses his strength to not only land on the apron, but to also pull Rat Bastard over the ropes with him. The crowd cheers while the two me battle on the apron, but Shane Locke grabs him by the neck and shoves him down to the floor! Rat lands with both feet and is livid!
Stanford: RAT BASTARD HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!
Wright: Rat lands on the floor! The power was too much for him!
Park: He’s been in this match for almost an hour, it has to be a sickening way to go home!
Locke turns around and locks back to the ring where a one-armed Black and Evan Valentine are fighting one another, before finding himself dropping onto the apron, courtesy of an angered Rat clotheslining his legs out from under him! He smacks down hard on the apron, but somehow hangs on!
Wright: Hey! He can’t do that!
Park: The refs out here are powerless to stop him, Rat’s already been eliminated and there’s no disqualifications in a battle royale!
Rat Bastard lifts Shane Locke high above his head before slamming him down onto the floor with a merciless BOD! The bell rings!
Wright: Black Out Drunk!
Park: Wait a minute, we were at three, now we’re at two… wait a minute!
Stanford: SHANE LOCKE HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!
The crowd boos Rat Bastard, but the most displeased might be the two men in the ring when they fully realize what’s just happened and what’s now happening.
Stanford: Therefore, your winners, and receiving a future FIRESIDE Tag Team Title Match, the team of EVAN VALENTINE JR. AND DYLAAAAAANN BLAACKKKKKKKKK!
Wright: Oh no! We could’ve seen Locke and Black, or Bastard and Valentine, but these two men hate each other! Damn that Rat Bastard, ruining the return of Shane Locke, there’ll be hell to pay for that. And speaking of, how the hell are these two ever going to be a team?
Park: Valentine’s celebration isn’t exactly giving me hope!
As the bell has rung and the crowd reacts accordingly, Valentine celebrates with his cousins as if he’s just won the lottery. Black on the other hand is surprisingly speechless for such a known talker, really putting together the mental picture of having to team up with Evan for a future match against Kanyon and El Combatiente. The two are handed a trophy to share and told to smile for a flash photo. Black still isn’t exactly thrilled, while Evan is all smiles at having gotten back on top.
Wright: Oooh, what do you think they’ll be named?
Park: At this rate, is the Ass Kicker and the Ass open?
Valentine helps himself to the trophy, leaving the ring with his cousins while Black just shakes his head, knowing he’ll be ready for whatever comes next.
Washington: Our final award tonight is the 2021 FIRESIDE WRESTLER OF THE YEAR!
The crowd pops!
Wright: Who’s it gonna be? Who’s gonna take home the most prestigious Burnie of the night for singles wrestlers?
Park: It’s a wide field, open to all forty plus people who wrestled in FIRESIDE this year!
Washington: This award means you’re the cream of the crop, the top of the mountain, and we’ve seen many stars this past year shoot themselves into the sky in search of glory, but only one of them can be recognized as our FIRESIDE Wrestler of the Year. The nominees are…
The screen above Washington’s head displays the pictures as we go.
Washington: …the two-time X-Crown champion, MISHA CONSTANTINE…
The crowd boos loudly!
Washington: …the former X-Crown and XHF Junior Heavyweight champion, MYOJIN…
The crowd reacts in a much more positive light.
Washington: …the former SPARK champion, the Heart of FIRESIDE, and now #1 contender to the FIRESIDE World Championship, VODKA FIZZ…
The crowd’s cheering only keeps getting louder!
Washington: …the current, at least until tonight’s main event, FIRESIDE World champion, the Conqueror, NATAAAAAAAAAALIEEEEEEEEEE BURRRRRROWSSSS…
The cheering reaches its peak!
Washington: …and finally, holding down the X-Crown championship for a respectable reign, he is one fourth of the Bang Bros, SPIIIIIIIIKEEEEEEE KANEEEEEEE!
The crowd’s cheering is still loud, the absence making their hearts grow fonder.
Wright: Ooh, a spicy final nominee there.
Park: Can you imagine if the BANG Bros win Tag Team of the Year and Wrestler of the Year?!
Washington: And the winner, and your 2021 FIRESIDE Wrestler of the Year is…
The crowd, maybe surprisingly, has been waiting all night to boo the man behind the music. The FIRESIDE owner arrives, dressed not in a suit but in full ring gear, as he strides out behind the curtain. He clutches his chest, perhaps hurt by the loud disdain shown to him by a crowd full of Adrien Cochrane fans. The former X-Crown champion looks over to his general manager with microphone in hand before swiping the trophy.
Caffrey: Marcus, a little last minute change of plans… how about you go ahead and not read what’s in that envelope? In fact, you’ve done a great job tonight, why don’t you take the rest of the night off?
Washington: But I have to read the awar--
Caffrey: --not if you’d like to keep your job. We all know democracy is dead in the XHF. Go on, get.
Wright: That’s gonna get him a big fine.
Park: He can’t talk to Marcus like that!
Wright: He’s the boss! He can do whatever he wants!
Caffrey dismissively flicks his wrist as the crowd lets him hear it. Marcus looks down, having been publicly emasculated in front of thousands. He exits stage left, leaving Mr. Caffrey to take a short stroll down to the ring. When he arrives, he steps into the ring and walks over to the ring ropes, calling for Stanford to stand up.
Caffrey: Excuse me, Walter, my esteemed colleague, I don’t know what’s gotten into all these people. I am their hero, the great Father of FIRESIDE. I think they think I’m some shithead like MYOJIN. They must be confused, no worries. Go ahead and announce me.
Stanford awkwardly swallows, not wanting to deal with the boss’s wrath.
Stanford: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, the FATHER of FIRESIDE, he is ANTHONYYYYYYYY CAFFFREYYYY!
The crowd is going to go hoarse at this point. Caffrey looks around. Death Trap this past week said he looked different, and it’s true. His dark glasses have been traded for contacts. His face is more youthful, if not more punchable. And dear God, more smug. But for now, the owner looks around the ring, disappointed in the fans.
Caffrey: You beat up one little Adrien Cochrane and this--
The crowd won’t let him even start with that one line.
Caffrey: Listen, there’s no one more disappointed than me. I have been doing everything I can for you. Doing the right thing, for you. And part of doing that right thing, well, was signing an incredible athlete, a star many times over, Mr. Believe himself, the former X-Crown champion, Adrien Cochrane.
The crowd cheers one of their heroes. Caffrey picks at his teeth while he waits for the volume to die down.
Caffrey: Ya know, Adrien, doing the right thing. Instead of signing with your friend, a man who had made sure you were going to be treated ever so rightly, a title shot here, one of the highest-paid signings on this roster there, instead, you fucked off to the desert to join a monthly clown car that will certainly crash before the year is out.
Caffrey’s words are vicious.
Caffrey: A few years ago when I came into the XHF, I didn’t have responsibilities to anyone but me. Now? Now’s different. Look around. This beautiful building, this roster, the staff you see and the staff behind the scenes, and these people -- even if their judgment is a little off tonight…
He looks around again, gesturing with his arm.
Caffrey: …all of this is my empire. I have elevated, I have created, and most importantly… I have SACRIFICED so, so much. It’s not just my money, or my name on the loans at the bank. I have traded months, over a year of my talent at my peak to care for you, to care for everyone in the back, to grow a garden of opportunity for everyone. And what do I get?
His voice gets a little angrier.
Caffrey: I get put through table, after table. I get blatant disrespect from the BANG Bros, even my world champion wants to kick my ass now-- I get nominated for third biggest asshole in the XHF despite actively donating my salary to charity every show! I watch every Tom, Dick, and Sally around here get X-Crown shots and now I’m stuck watching a teenager hold a championship I never lost. But you know, I can take the personal sacrifices, as long as it’s for the glory of the company, the glory of us all together is stronger than everything else, the garden is more beautiful as a whole than a few plots. But then a double whammy: not only are we losing out on ratings now to GUNS, but we’re not even voted the third best company in this federation. Not. even. third.
Caffrey takes a moment to move the microphone away from his mouth, still disgruntled.
Caffrey: And I took it on the chin. But when I made strides to fix the problem… to fix the ratings by bringing in a former X-Crown champion… to do the right thing for all of us… I was let down. Adrien Cochrane let me down, he let all of you down. He failed all of you, he robbed you of your happiness, he ROBBED each and every one of you of a masterful addition to our garden of Eden!
The crowd boos.
Caffrey: So I kicked his ass for all of you! YA WELCOME!
The crowd’s boong hits the loudest it’ll hit all night. The crowd is not appreciative of his gesture, of him hospitalizing Cochrane.
Caffrey: I realized as he declined OUR contract, that I was looking for the wrong X-Crown champion. I know a guy who can solve our woes. I know a true wrestling visionary and a damned talent professional wrestler to boot. A former world champion for over 300 days, a Tag Team End of Days winner, one of the greatest modern XHF Tag Team Champions, a former X-Crown champion. So I went out, and signed him to an active competitor’s contract. I went out and signed the Purple Emperor, Anthony Caffrey.
He looks at the Wrestler of the Year trophy.
Caffrey: I’ll fix things, and you'll love me in the end. We may be in a rough patch, but I'll fix things by winning the Rumble and taking the Crown back to FIRESIDE... but the first wrong I have to right is this trophy right here. I sacrificed and gave up active competition, and then didn’t even receive a single vote. That’s wrong. So this is what we’re gonna do. Next show, we’re gonna have a match for this. We’re gonna have your favorite match even folks, because I care about you even if you choose to boo me. Next Inferno, Wrestler of the Year will be decided in a PENALTY BOX MATCH!
Wright: A Penalty Box match for Wrestler of the Year!
Park: I guess we’ll never know who was in that envelope!
As Caffrey names names, the corresponding cheers and boos occur.
Caffrey: It’ll be MISHA CONSTANTINE… that bastard MYOJIN… the #1 contender VODKA FIZZ… the world champion, for at least the next five minutes, NATALIE BURROWS, and SPIKE KANE--
As the crowd reacts and positively to that last name, Caffrey shakes his head.
Caffrey: Actually, no. Fuck him. He’s out. And in that fifth spot instead, we’re putting the Purple Emperor. The fifth participant in next Inferno’s Penalty Box… and the man who will win… ANTHONY CAFFFFREYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
Wright: Might be the biggest fiveway in XHF history!
Park: That’s gonna be insane!
Caffrey: See you next Inferno.
Caffrey smiles his sinister smiles as he drops the mic. The crowd gives him an earful one more time as he exits up the ramp.
Wright: Caffrey, Burrows, Fizz, Misha, and MYOJIN next Inferno! What a main event!
Park: Are you just going to skip over that our boss is clearly a bit off his rocker?
Wright: With matches like that, no way!
Stanford: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall, is our main event, and is for the FIRESIDE World Championship!
The beats of “Family Ties” begin to play throughout the arena as the house lights shine down a blue hue, circling around the arena and the stage. Soon comes The Californian Angel standing front and center of the stage, with a shine to her eye as she looks around the arena with a smile on her face. Rebecca looks around the arena before she slowly twirls around on the top of the ramp, showing off the sparkling gems within her ring jacket.
Stanford: Introducing first, wrestling out of Anaheim, California and weighing in tonight at one hundred and fifty-nine pounds… She is “The Californian Angel”, “The Goddess of War”... REBECCA BROOOOOOKESSSSSSSSSS!!!!
Rebecca takes one final deep breath before she could make her charge to the ring, high fiving every fan that she passes and hugging the children that reach out to her. The crowd sings the chorus as Rebecca makes her way around the ring, climbing onto the apron and looking out to the thousands of fans as she raises her hand up to the air and waves to the fans, the crowd cheering wildly for Rebecca as she nods her head before entering the ring as she heads to the corner and climbs to the second rope as Rebecca soaks in the crowd's cheerful reaction.
Wright: Ms Brookes was not kind in her teardown of our world champion.
Park: She’s got something to prove, and she spotted a weakness in Natalie Burrows.
Wright: Time will tell if she’s able to exploit it.
I can finally breathe again.
The distorted opening lyrics of 'Breathe Again' plays as the overhead lights dim, the sequence of notes following it triggering coral-colored lights to pulse in time... and when the guitars and drums combine to form an explosion of noise? Every light in the arena as well as the tron goes blinding white--and when it fades back to normal a few seconds later? Natalie Burrows is standing at the top of the ramp, the crowd cheering for the Southern Belle as she looks out over the fans with the FIRESIDE World Championship around her waist. A nod of acknowledgement is given. As video footage plays of some of her hardest-hitting moments in the ring, Natalie makes her way down to the ring, slapping the hands of the fans here and there, but her focus is on the ring. Speeding up at the bottom of the ramp, the Southern Belle slides into the ring, rolling onto her back before kipping up to her feet. The nearest turnbuckle is mounted as she looks out over the crowd, removing the title and holding it aloft with one hand to evoke more cheers. She lingers there for a few moments before hopping down, turning the FIRESIDE World Championship over to a P.A. before doing a couple stretches to prepare for the match at hand.
Stanford:And her opponent, fighting from Durham, North Carolina, and weighing in at One Hundred and Nintey-Five pounds, she is the FIRESIDE World Champion… NAAAAAAATAAAAAALIEEEEEE BURRRRRRRROWS!
Wright: Ms. Burrows is confident going into this match.
Park: The only thing that may work against her is her long game, focusing on a rematch with MAJESTY.
Wright: If she does make it through tonight, she has Vodka Fizz nipping at her knickers too.
Park: ‘Nipping at her knickers?’ Ollie!
The referee calls for the bell, and we are underway. Burrows offers her hand to Brookes for a handshake, But Brookes shows no interest in the show of respect. Brookes turns away from Burrows, only for Burrows to grab her by the shoulder, spin the Californian Angel back around and offer her hand again. Brookes looks amused, but she puts her hand up in Burrows’ face in a ‘talk to the hand’ sort of gesture.
Park: Talk to the hand, cause the face don’t understand!
Wright: Rebecca Brookes is blatantly disrespecting the Fireside champion.
Burrows continues to offer her hand, mouthing the words ‘Come on.’ This time, Brooke’s response is a slap to the face. Burrows looks shocked at first, then her expression turns bemused. Burrows blasts Brookes with a forearm smash, whipping the other woman into the ropes and aiming for a pump kick, but Brookes rolls under it, bouncing off the opposite ropes and catching Burrows with a shotgun dropkick.
Park: Brookes starting off hot!
Wright: Burrows has a reason to hold onto that title. Time will tell if that’s enough for her to retain it.
Brookes hauls Burrows up off the mat and whips her across the ring. Brookes goes for a clothesline of her own, but Burrows ducks it and comes back with a handspring back elbow that sets Brookes staggering. Brooker lunges at Burrows, but Burrows side steps Brookes into the turnbuckles and follows up with a step up enzuigiri!
Wright: Brooke’s best chance in this match is to keep Burrows from building up too much steam.
Park: The same could be said of Burrows. If this opening exchange has taught us anything it’s that both of these women are out to prove something.
Burrows continues her assault with a punishing flurry of blows. She lifts Burrows up onto the top turnbuckle, then climbs up herself, looking for a Superplex, but Burrows comes back with a European uppercut. Burrows manages to stay in place, so Brookes blasts her again. The third time's the charm as Burrows gives up on the suplex. Brookes climbs to the top top and jumps off, trying for a Frankensteiner, but Burrows counters into a stiff powerbomb right in the center of the ring! Burrows goes for the pinfall!
…ONE…
…TWO…
…Kickout!
Wright: A brutal powerbomb from the champ looked to end the match early, but it wasn;t quite enough.
Park: Becks has enough gas to come back from that. But if Burrows can heep up that pace, who can say who’s gonna run out of gas first?
Brookes rolls away from Burrows, using the ropes to pull herself back to her feet. The Southern Belle keeps a close eye on the War Goddess. Brookes seems content to take her time, playing to the crowd while Burrows watches. Burrows turns her back on Brookes, and the Californian Angel chooses her moment to strike, but Burrows catches her with a spinning back kick. Burrows follows up with a hard knee into Brooke’s midsection, getting her in position to try and hit a Piledriver, but Brookes fights through it and takes Burrows to the mat with a double-leg, rolling through into a bridging pin attempt, with both legs hooked!
…ONE…
…TWO…
…TH-Kickout!
Wright: That was the closest to a pin so far!
Park: We almost had a new champion because of a Small Package.
Brookes and burrows both kip-up to their feet. The duo tie up collar and elbow, trading kicks to the inner thighs, then switching to trading haymakers. Brookes looks like she’s got the advantage and she whips Burrows into the ropes, but Burrows counters. Brookes comes back with the rebounding spear attempt, but Burrows is expecting it and counters with a picture-perfect DDT!
Park: Rebecca Brookes climbs back down to hell!
Wright: Incredible timing on that counter from the Fireside world champion!
Burrows goes for the pin!
…ONE…
…TWO…
…THR-Kickout!
Burrows to her feet, moving to the corner and watching Brookes start to fight her way to her feet and try to shake off the DDT. As soon as Brookes is up to her hands and knees, Burrows goes for the scissors kick, but Brookes rolls out of the ring instead, shaking her head and taking a moment to catch her breath. She doesn;t get much of a reprieve, though, as Burrows nails her with a baseball slide dropkick that sends Brookes into the barricade. Burrows follows up with a leg drop off the apron to the prone challenger and gets all of it. Burrows hauls Brookes back up off the floor and tosses her back into the ring. Brookes rolls to the other side of the ring and out onto the apron. Burrows pushes the attack, but Brookes stops her cold with a headbutt through the ropes into the midsection. Brookes goes for a slingshot crossbody, but Brookes catches her in a fireman’s carry, transitioning her into position for a reverse piledriver and spiking the challenger in the middle of the ring. Burrows goes for the pin!
…ONE…
…TWO…
Kickout!
Wright: Two count for the world champion!
Park: I’m surprised it wasn;t closer. Really says something about the challenger.
Brookes rolls out of the ring again, trying to catch her breath. Burrows goes for the baseball slide dropkick again, but this time Brookes has it scouted and she rolls back out of the way.Burrows lands on her feet outside of the ring, turning to face the challenger just in time to get blasted with the bicycle knee strike!
Wright: DESOLATE MIDNIGHT!
Park: Brookes got all of that! It’s just too bad Burrows isn’t in the ring.
Brookes picks up the remains of the world champion off the floor, whipping her into the ringpost. Brookes takes a shot at another bicycle knee strike, but Burros gets out of the way and Brrokes rams her knee into the ring post. Brookes howls in pain, and Burrows clinches around the waist and hauls her into position for a powerbomb, which Brookes reverses into a Frankensteiner!
Park: Burrows didn’t expect that!
Wright: Brookes is doing what she must to stay alive.
Brookes hauls Burrows up off the floor and rolls her back into the ring, but it looks like Burrows is having trouble putting any weight on her leg. Brookes steels herself and rolls back into the ring. Burrows is back to her feet, and they start to trade blows again. Burrows hits a hard kick to Brookes’ injured knee. Brookes cires out, but holds her ground, coming back with a throat jab, and following it up with a Jawbreaker. Burrows manages to stay on her feet. Brookes ties up with the champion, teasing whipping her into the ropes, but instead pulls her back into a Millennium Suplex!
Brookes sets up in the corner, waiting for Burrows to get up. As soon as Burrows get to a sitting position, Brookes launches at her for a shining wizard, which Burrows dicks, then she tries to follow through with a roundhouse, which Burrows also ducks.
Wright: Burrows dodges the Run Down!
Park: You can’t expect to take out the champion with a move she uses too, Ollie.
Brookes hauls Burrows up to her feet, and hits her with a forearm smash before she sends Burrows to the corner. Brookes comes in with a shotgun dropkick. Brookes nails Burrows with a jumping knee strike, and hits a patella drop Brainbuster!
Park: Armed and Dangerous!
Wright: That was two strikes with the knee she injured before, UnJoo.
Park: it just goes to show how bad Rebecca Brookes wants to be the Fireside World Champion!
Brookes favors her knee for a moment before she rolls over on the champion, hooking the outside leg.
…ONE…
…TWO…
…Kickout!
Brookes looks like she might cry, slamming her hand into the mat, but she still rolls over to get back to her feet. Burrows uses the ropes to pull herself up as the match starts to show its toll on the duo.Brookes launches herself at the champion for a spear, but Burrows catches her and counters with a Tilt-A-Whirl slam!
Wright: Grief Cycle! Nice counter from the champion!
Park: That desperation tilt-a-whirl slam might have been just what the doctor ordered!
Brookes is slow to come back from the slam, and Burrows crouches in the corner. When Brookes is most of the way back to her feet, Burrows comes in from behind with a knee strike to the back of the head that has Brookes doubled over, and then Burrows launches herself into the ropes to follow up with a devastating Scissors Kick!
Wright: And it looks like Natalie Burrows has just brought some closure to Rebecca Brookes’ designs on the Fireside World Championship!
Park: That’s some solid wordplay, Ollie.
Burrows goes for the pin!
…ONE…
…TWO…
…THRE-Kickout!
Wright: I don’t think anyone expected that!
Park: Brookes dug deep to keep her hopes alive!
Wright: But for how long?
Brookes is laying on her back in the ring, staring up at nothing. Burrows, for her part, goes over to pick up the challenger, and out of nowhere, Brookes hooks in an armbar, dragging Burrows to the mat, where she transitions into the Dark Moon!
Park: Brookes has the champion in the Dark Moon!
Wright: What a reversal of fortunes!
Burrows struggles against the move, trying to find some way to get enough leverage to break free. Just when the situation looks hopeless, the champion manages to roll the challenger onto her back, and the referee starts to count! Brookes immediately breaks the hold and kicks out! Brookes and Burrows both kip up to their feet again, and they start trading chops. Brookes is clearly getting the worst of it, as the adrenaline from before is starting to wear off and the toll of the match is really starting to show. She rakes Burrows eyes, then tries to whip her into the ropes, but Burrows reverses it, whipping the challenger into the ropes instead. Brookes goes for the rebound spear, but Burrows dodges her. Brookes bounces off the opposite ropes and is caught by Burrows with a Rydeen Bomb!
Wright: Hitting Bottom!
Park: That has to be it!
Burrows doesn’t go for the pin this time, instead crouching in the corner and watching as Brookes fights her way back to her hands and knees. Brookes gets back to her knees, shouting something at Burrows, who charges in for a shining wizard that Brookes barely manages to avoid. What she doesn;t avoid is the round house, which leaves the challenger out on her feet. Or knees.
Wright: Epiphany!
Park: And the only thing that can come next is…
Burrows launches herself into the ropes, driving Burrows head into the mat with another devastating scissors kick!
Wright/Park: CLOSURE!
Burrows goes for the pin! The crowd counts along with the referee!
... ONE…
…TWO…
…THREE!!!
The referee calls for the bell, and the Fireside World Championship is handed to the exhausted champion, who hugs it to her chest.
Stanford: The winner of this match, and STILL the FIRESIDE World Champion… NAAAAATAAALIEEEEE BURRRRROWS!
Natalie celebrates in the ring, raising the title belt above her head and beaming and waving at the cheering fans.
Wright: Ms. Burrows has retained the FIRESIDE Championship after an incredible match against Rebecca Brookes. Neither contender should feel bad about that, they both put it all on the table.
Park: You have to wonder what’s going through her head, though, Ollie. The next person in line for a shot at that belt is the… I guess former Spark Champion, now.
Wright: There’s no telling what she’s thinking now. But one thing is for sure; Nobody at home is going to want to miss the next episode of Inferno. I’ve been Oliver Wright.
Park: I’ve been UnJoo Park.
Wright: And we’ll see you on the next episode of Inferno!
Wright/Park: Goodnight!