Post by rich121 on Mar 3, 2022 11:36:32 GMT -5
Open on Jester LeBeau pushing a shopping cart through a local Home Depot…
Jester: (singing) “Time to do some sketchy shit, doo dah doo dah, Gonna get away with it, oh the doo dah day…” (picks up 2 sledge hammers, seemingly comparing their weight and balance. Decides on the one in his left hand and throws the other behind him… some one yells but he doesn’t acknowledge them. He continues until he finds the chains where an associate come up to him)
HD Ass: “Uh, sir can I help you with anything?”
Jester: “Yes, can you show me something in and evening chain, maybe one that can restrict movement but also has hints of erotica? I have this crazy idea (which are the only ones I have) that Izzie just might have a little crush on me and I want to show her a good time.”
HD Ass: “I don’t think these are supposed to be used for such acts.”
Jester: “Oh please, anything can be used for anything if you have a little imagination and a demented mind. I think I’ll go with 8 feet of this logging chain. (the Associate cuts off a length of 8 feet and Jester throws it into his cart) Alright, I could use some help finding the rest of things on my list. (takes a paper out of his coat pocket) ahem:
6-inch-long roofing nails,
10 feet of heavy rope,
a box of florescent light bulbs,
an industrial stapler and staples,
2 pry bars,
a 5-foot piece of steel pipe,
thumb tacks,
a gas-powered weed eater,
a gas-powered chain saw,
4 sets of channel locks,
Jumper cables,
4 folding chairs,
And 10 feet of razor wire.”
HD Ass: “Sounds like you have quite the project in store. I believe I can help you find all that. Do you mind if I ask what you’re building with all this?”
Jester: “What am I building? Why the people’s interest to see next weeks UPW Friday Night Free for All of course. You see, I have a match against a wicked, wicked woman whom I originally had a bit of mistaken identity with but now she done went and made it personal. And there will also be several of her minions and another big fuck-rod that holds the BOYD GAMING HIGHROLLER CHAMPIONSHIP ™
And he’s bringing his crackhead baby mama, his unwashed manager and several butt buddies so forgive me that I may feel as if I need to even the odds.”
HD Ass: “Oh, that actually sounds like I may want to watch.”
Jester: “Like a touch of the violence do ya? Yes, I think you should be sure to watch it. And you should also try some of these. (hands the Associate a small package of Jester’s Choice THC Gummies with a business card attached to it) If you like that, then visit one of our locations and get a 10% discount with that card.”
HD Ass: “Oh, thank you. Hey, how are you fixed for bolt cutters?”
Jester: “Well, my current set is getting hard to use due to all the blood drying in the joint.”
HD Ass: “On the way to that aisle we can look over our selection of propane cutting torches.”
Jester: “Gotdamn kid, I like your style! Let’s get shopping!”
Both singing as they walk into the aisles…
“Time to do some sketchy shit, Doo Dah Doo Dah, Gonna get away with it, Oh the doo dah day”
Jester: (singing) “Time to do some sketchy shit, doo dah doo dah, Gonna get away with it, oh the doo dah day…” (picks up 2 sledge hammers, seemingly comparing their weight and balance. Decides on the one in his left hand and throws the other behind him… some one yells but he doesn’t acknowledge them. He continues until he finds the chains where an associate come up to him)
HD Ass: “Uh, sir can I help you with anything?”
Jester: “Yes, can you show me something in and evening chain, maybe one that can restrict movement but also has hints of erotica? I have this crazy idea (which are the only ones I have) that Izzie just might have a little crush on me and I want to show her a good time.”
HD Ass: “I don’t think these are supposed to be used for such acts.”
Jester: “Oh please, anything can be used for anything if you have a little imagination and a demented mind. I think I’ll go with 8 feet of this logging chain. (the Associate cuts off a length of 8 feet and Jester throws it into his cart) Alright, I could use some help finding the rest of things on my list. (takes a paper out of his coat pocket) ahem:
6-inch-long roofing nails,
10 feet of heavy rope,
a box of florescent light bulbs,
an industrial stapler and staples,
2 pry bars,
a 5-foot piece of steel pipe,
thumb tacks,
a gas-powered weed eater,
a gas-powered chain saw,
4 sets of channel locks,
Jumper cables,
4 folding chairs,
And 10 feet of razor wire.”
HD Ass: “Sounds like you have quite the project in store. I believe I can help you find all that. Do you mind if I ask what you’re building with all this?”
Jester: “What am I building? Why the people’s interest to see next weeks UPW Friday Night Free for All of course. You see, I have a match against a wicked, wicked woman whom I originally had a bit of mistaken identity with but now she done went and made it personal. And there will also be several of her minions and another big fuck-rod that holds the BOYD GAMING HIGHROLLER CHAMPIONSHIP ™
And he’s bringing his crackhead baby mama, his unwashed manager and several butt buddies so forgive me that I may feel as if I need to even the odds.”
HD Ass: “Oh, that actually sounds like I may want to watch.”
Jester: “Like a touch of the violence do ya? Yes, I think you should be sure to watch it. And you should also try some of these. (hands the Associate a small package of Jester’s Choice THC Gummies with a business card attached to it) If you like that, then visit one of our locations and get a 10% discount with that card.”
HD Ass: “Oh, thank you. Hey, how are you fixed for bolt cutters?”
Jester: “Well, my current set is getting hard to use due to all the blood drying in the joint.”
HD Ass: “On the way to that aisle we can look over our selection of propane cutting torches.”
Jester: “Gotdamn kid, I like your style! Let’s get shopping!”
Both singing as they walk into the aisles…
“Time to do some sketchy shit, Doo Dah Doo Dah, Gonna get away with it, Oh the doo dah day”