Post by codeapathy on Mar 4, 2022 23:55:30 GMT -5
++Coming up short is sometimes shattering. Maybe a lesser woman would have had her will shattered. I was an absolute underdog coming into the Kindling Tournament. A fresh face, coming out of left field with little to nothing of context behind me. I held my ground and dug my heels in making it to the very end, vanquishing everyone they threw in my direction and earned my way to a well earned title shot against the very well respected Ms. Burrows. I came up short. A lesser woman would be shattered. I’m not a lesser woman. I’m Elizabeth fucking Devereaux. I found myself in the gym, hitting the bag. I was one day out from my most recent cryo therapy and was doing a light routine. My husband was holding the bag, encouraging me, pacing me and just generally coaching me. I was in the zone, laying into the bag, lefts and rights. Eventually the scenery around me faded away and I just continued laying into the heavy bag, waylaying into it harder and harder until my shoulder jerked with a sudden sharp pain and I stopped instinctively. Eoin came out from around the bag and stepped between me and the heavy bag trying to ground me++
Eoin: Lass, calm down. Look at me girl, cmon. Come back down from orbit lass.
++I could hear his voice returning to normal volume as I started to return to normal. I centered my breathing and stood there, eyes closed, drawing in deep breaths with my arms dropped to my sides. His Irish accent soothing my enraged beast. My chest was heaving as I slowly opened my eyes and sheepishly smirked++
Elizabeth: Sorry. I got carried away again.
Eoin: Girl, that's the third time in two weeks. Second, this one alone. Now I know it isn’t because you lost, so what’s goin’ on then? Because you had to do a round of cryotherapy?
Elizabeth: I just feel so weak when I have to do any round of therapy. I know it’s a necessity, I just don’t like it. I don’t like WHY I have to do it. Some hack gets a cheap shot in, screws me up, walks away with praise and a raise and then I have to do rehab the rest of my life because she got a bug up her ass. It was just a waste and a fucking pathetic attempt at taking me out to get her own self over and yet I’m still here and she’s a has been. I just…look. I’m not a saint. I’ve done things in my career that I’m not proud of. They were wrong. They ended careers, ruined people's lives, and in some cases it crossed lines and sometimes it was also necessary to achieve an end goal, but I’m not too proud to admit that it sucks knowing how it feels being on the receiving end. I don’t like it. There’s not a thing I can do about it, but I still don’t like it.
Eoin: But has it slown you down, lass? Ask yerself that for a second girl. I’m serious.
++He cocked his head to the side and smirked. He was right and I hated it. I hated when he knew he was right. He challenged my independence and authority and I needed that in my life. He kept me humble. It wasn’t perfect, but it worked. He WAS right though. It had only slowed me down in some aspects. Common sense aspects. I sat down on a nearby metal bench and looked up at him, snorting through my flaring nostrils++
Elizabeth: It only slowed me down when it came to how I performed in the ring. I had to change the way I acted out my art out there. I had to shelve my high flying, high impact era of artistic style and switch to a more physical and technical style. I had to adapt and morph into a new form. I mean clearly Fireside doesn’t seem too put off by what I am doing considering the opportunity I have been presented. SPARK Championship Qualifier. I would say I held myself well while facing Ms. Burrows. I consider the fact alone I had the opportunity to face her a valuable learning experience, win or loss. Clearly the suits seem to agree that there is something to the hype behind me now or else I wouldn’t be in the position I am now.
I’m not ungrateful, believe me mo stor. I am more than grateful for the opportunities I have already earned and those that have yet to be granted, but I am still human. As strong a woman I am, I still need to be able to feel vulnerability and doubt. If I lose touch with my humanity, I lose touch of self. Then I lose my way and I lose all I have worked so hard to earn. Let me get these feelings out now, so that when that bell rings, I can be the best I can be for Sokolov, or Brookes, or Donzig, or my old friend Zepp, or Bastard. Whoever amongst us goes on to be in the final three, let me get these insecure feelings out now, so I can be the best out there for them at least. Some of them are starting out where I was a few months back, at the start of the Kindling tournament, and I had my moment in the sun, let me work this out now, so I can be at my best in case I get a second go round.
Eoin: Work it out lass, but remember I'm here. I'm you're partner. I'm you're trainer and I'm here to help keep you safe from yourself, when you need to let it go girl. Put that load on me. Now lets go.
Eoin: Lass, calm down. Look at me girl, cmon. Come back down from orbit lass.
++I could hear his voice returning to normal volume as I started to return to normal. I centered my breathing and stood there, eyes closed, drawing in deep breaths with my arms dropped to my sides. His Irish accent soothing my enraged beast. My chest was heaving as I slowly opened my eyes and sheepishly smirked++
Elizabeth: Sorry. I got carried away again.
Eoin: Girl, that's the third time in two weeks. Second, this one alone. Now I know it isn’t because you lost, so what’s goin’ on then? Because you had to do a round of cryotherapy?
Elizabeth: I just feel so weak when I have to do any round of therapy. I know it’s a necessity, I just don’t like it. I don’t like WHY I have to do it. Some hack gets a cheap shot in, screws me up, walks away with praise and a raise and then I have to do rehab the rest of my life because she got a bug up her ass. It was just a waste and a fucking pathetic attempt at taking me out to get her own self over and yet I’m still here and she’s a has been. I just…look. I’m not a saint. I’ve done things in my career that I’m not proud of. They were wrong. They ended careers, ruined people's lives, and in some cases it crossed lines and sometimes it was also necessary to achieve an end goal, but I’m not too proud to admit that it sucks knowing how it feels being on the receiving end. I don’t like it. There’s not a thing I can do about it, but I still don’t like it.
Eoin: But has it slown you down, lass? Ask yerself that for a second girl. I’m serious.
++He cocked his head to the side and smirked. He was right and I hated it. I hated when he knew he was right. He challenged my independence and authority and I needed that in my life. He kept me humble. It wasn’t perfect, but it worked. He WAS right though. It had only slowed me down in some aspects. Common sense aspects. I sat down on a nearby metal bench and looked up at him, snorting through my flaring nostrils++
Elizabeth: It only slowed me down when it came to how I performed in the ring. I had to change the way I acted out my art out there. I had to shelve my high flying, high impact era of artistic style and switch to a more physical and technical style. I had to adapt and morph into a new form. I mean clearly Fireside doesn’t seem too put off by what I am doing considering the opportunity I have been presented. SPARK Championship Qualifier. I would say I held myself well while facing Ms. Burrows. I consider the fact alone I had the opportunity to face her a valuable learning experience, win or loss. Clearly the suits seem to agree that there is something to the hype behind me now or else I wouldn’t be in the position I am now.
I’m not ungrateful, believe me mo stor. I am more than grateful for the opportunities I have already earned and those that have yet to be granted, but I am still human. As strong a woman I am, I still need to be able to feel vulnerability and doubt. If I lose touch with my humanity, I lose touch of self. Then I lose my way and I lose all I have worked so hard to earn. Let me get these feelings out now, so that when that bell rings, I can be the best I can be for Sokolov, or Brookes, or Donzig, or my old friend Zepp, or Bastard. Whoever amongst us goes on to be in the final three, let me get these insecure feelings out now, so I can be the best out there for them at least. Some of them are starting out where I was a few months back, at the start of the Kindling tournament, and I had my moment in the sun, let me work this out now, so I can be at my best in case I get a second go round.
Eoin: Work it out lass, but remember I'm here. I'm you're partner. I'm you're trainer and I'm here to help keep you safe from yourself, when you need to let it go girl. Put that load on me. Now lets go.