NLW Ascendancy XXXII | Saturday, March 19th, 2022 | LIVE
Mar 6, 2022 14:20:05 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Jimbo, and 1 more like this
Post by Kris on Mar 6, 2022 14:20:05 GMT -5
Next Level Wrestling Presents
ASCENDENCY XXXII
LIVE from the Lakefront Arena in New Orleans, Louisiana
March 19th, 2022
'Obey' blares over the sound system and the crowd roars its anticipation as Ascendancy XXXII begins, multi-colored lights swirling over the assembled masses contained within the Lakefront Arena. There's an abundance of signs showing support for members of NLW's roster
Dan Simmons: Good evening everyone, and welcome to another episode of Ascendancy! I'm Dan Simmons, and joining me as always is Tommy West--and Tommy, we've got quite the night ahead of us!
Tommy West: That we do, Simmo! Not only do we have the Southern States Championship on the line as Tommy Kelly takes on Mehrunes Smith, but the show will be closing out with Nathan Cage, the reigning NLW World Champion, and his challenger, Keahi Sparks, sharing the same ring to sign the contract for their upcoming bout on Ascendancy XXXIII!
Dan Simmons: Nathan Cage is going to be on a hair trigger tonight, Tommy! Don't forget, he was removed from his match with Adam Sanders due to his alleged actions at a meeting with BB Gunn. While we get the dream match of Sanders versus Spike Kane on account of that tonight--
Tommy West: And that is a dream match that has the potential to become a nightmare for Sanders!
Dan Simmons: That also means that the Rabid Dog is gonna be on a hair trigger. I think it's a matter of when Cage will snap, not if. And speaking of hair triggers, I've got it on good authority that Noel Edmonds is set to blow if Mr. Blobby gets booked in singles competition again after tonight!
Tommy West: Noel has reason to be concerned about his partner. El Chico Promedio's name may literally have the Spanish word for 'average' in there, but he's proven that he has the potential to be anything but!
Dan Simmons: Someone else who has some real potential to shift the landscape of the NLW is the Hot Tag Express who is making their debut tonight! Between them, Syberus and Hardkore Jonnie Valentine have at least forty years of experience--but The New South are one of the best teams we've got, so they've got one Hell of a challenge ahead of them!
Tommy West: I also wouldn't count Hollywood Dream Willie Steen out, either. He may not have a win to his credit so far, but considering how Tuna Meltzer's words set a fire under him... tonight might be the night where Steen gets his first win!
Dan Simmons: Before all of that, though, we have the Straight Edge Society taking on Tilted Cartridges in a bout where both teams are out to get some momentum going!
Tommy West: Let's get this show on the road. Take it away, Marty!
MATCH ONE
Straight Edge Society (Razor Blade and Latoya Hixx) vs. Tilted Cartridges
The opening match begins with Straight Edge Society making their way down to the ring to some light cheers and Living Colour’s “Cult of Personality” on the speakers. As Razor Blade and Latoya Hixx roll into the ring, both get on opposite corners to pose for the crowd. Living Colour was swapped out for Powerglove’s “Blasting the Hornet” as Tilted Cartridges appear behind the curtain. With some stronger cheers from the fans, Cheez sits atop Wellington Dunne’s shoulders and begins tossing various magazines to all the fans. The former NLW Tag Team Champions enter the ring after Cheez hops off Dunne’s shoulders. Dunne’s eyes quickly meet with Razor Blade’s, making the first two competitors fairly easy to predict. Jenny Thibodeaux calls for the bell and the two meet in the center of the ring to start the match.
Dunne and Blade tie up, testing each other’s strengths. Wellington Dunne, clearly the larger of the two, is impressed by the underrated strength of Razor Blade but is able to strike him with a knee, followed by a STO. Dunne bounces off the ropes for a running elbow drop… but Razor rolls out the way. Dunne pops back up and smirks like he was somewhat impressed. Razor hits a chop that pops the crowd with the sound. Dunne shrugs it off with an even louder chop to the chest. Blade hits another. Dunne hits another. Blade once more. And Dunne one last time, with enough force to drop Razor Blade to the mat. The moment Dunne begins to celebrate knocking Razor Blade off his feet and spins for the crowd, Blade springs up and drops Dunne with a bulldog. Tag to Hixx.
Hixx delivers a few kicks to Dunne, sending him into the corner. Hixx charges for Dunne… but Dunne moves and Hixx crashes into the corner padding. Upon Hixx’s recoil from the corner, Dunne hits a bridging german suplex to try to score a quick win, but Thibodeaux’s count only reaches two. Dunne tries to tag in Cheez… but Hixx hits Dunne with a bulldog before he could. Hixx climbs the top rope and waits for Dunne to get back up and leaps for a crossbody… BUT DUNNE CATCHES HER!! Dunne looks directly at Blade as he powerslams Hixx into the center of the ring. Cover and two count after Hixx kicks out yet again. Dunne is able to get to his corner uninterrupted this time around, tagging in Cheez successfully.
Hixx gets to her feet as Cheez steps into the ring. Cheez, who just celebrated his twenty-second birthday on Monday according to the commentary team, starts things off with a dropkick. He follows that up with a snapmare before applying a sleeper hold. Hixx flaps her arms momentarily before slowing down to no movement at all. Jenny raises Hixx’s arm and it drops the first time. She attempts it a second time before receiving the same result as the first. But when Jenny Thibodeaux raises her arm the second time, it stays up! She fights to get back to her feet. She keeps fighting and fighting and until she can start delivering elbows to Cheez’s torso. She hits him again. And again. And again until he has released her and is keeled over, setting up a DDT in the center of the ring. Hixx tries to repeat a move that failed on Wellington Dunne: the crossbody from the top rope. And that line of thinking that Cheez couldn’t possibly counter it the same way turns out to be smart thinking as this time, the move works. Hixx stays on top for the cover but still only gets two. Hixx tries to plead to Jenny Thibodeaux that it was three but the female official stands her ground. Cheez trips Hixx with a sweep of the legs. He slowly makes his way back to his feet before landing a Do a Barrel Roll (Swinging neckbreaker) to drop the Straight Edge Society. Cover by Cheez and Hixx just BARELY kicks out.
Both competitors lie on the mat for a moment as both men on the apron want tags. Cheez reaches. Hixx reaches. Wellington Dunne and Razor Blade both want back into the ring so badly and… HIXX GETS THE TAG FIRST!! Razor Blade storms into the ring, sees Cheez reaching and… PULLS HIM AWAY FROM THE CORNER!! Blade mounts the youngster and begins delivering blow after blow after blow. Jennifer Thibodeaux has to tell Blade that after the tenth, he has to discontinue the barrage of blows. Once Blade gets back up, he grabs the former tag team champion and executes a brutal looking double underhook backbreaker, trying to snap the spine of the Wisconsin native. Blade isn’t finished as he places Cheez on his shoulders in a fireman’s position before dropping him into a knee lift, otherwise known as the Razor GTS. Cheez crumbles to the mat and the fans rise to their feet. Cover by Razor Blade. Latoya Hixx slows down Dunne just enough to allow for referee Jenny Thibodeaux to count to three. She calls for the bell as “Cult of Personality” fills the arena.
[WINNER: Straight Edge Society Via Razor GTS at 08:30]
Grainy footage of a warehouse appears on screen, the large room empty save for four figures in the middle of the shot, filmed from behind, each of them seated on folding chairs with their arms bound behind them and duct taped at the wrists. The figures sit motionless and for a solid twenty seconds the only sound is the crackling of the old VHS the footage was filmed on. The silence is broken by the jarring sound of metal being dragged along the concrete floor, the still shot beginning to tilt and ascend as someone lifts the camera from out of frame. The dragging sound continues as the camera nears the figures and begins to rotate around the front of them, revealing each has a brown paper bag over their head. The dragging sound stops as the cameraman stands in front of the first figure. The room goes silent again other than the slow breaths of whoever is holding the camera as he reaches out with one hand and tears the paper bag away, the footage immediately jump cutting to a match from Ascendency II.
...he looked back at Bugz?, his face was enraged, and he launched himself at the Jersey native, grabbing him and slamming his head against the commentary desk repeatedly, before tossing him into the ring steps...
The footage immediately jump cuts back to the warehouse, revealing that the figure beneath the brown paper bag is a mannequin with a papier-mâché head and a picture of Joe Blow taped to the face. For a moment there is nothing, but the cameraman suddenly swings a baseball bat into the mannequin's head, which explodes and sends the candy inside cascading down to the floor below, where it lands with a loud clatter before returning the room to silence, which lingers a moment. Then the metal scrape of the baseball bat against the floor begins anew as the cameraman moves to the next mannequin, once again pausing before reaching out to pull off the brown paper bag. Again, there is an immediate jump cut to Ascendency II.
...she headed to the top rope. Bugz?, who had taken one hell of a beating already staggered to his feet, but was sent back down via the Zaker [missile dropkick]. Malaika went for the cover...
And again, a jump cut away from the footage revealing another mannequin with a papier-mâché head, this one with a picture of Malaika taped to it. There is another pause before the bat is swung once again, another explosion of papier-mâché and candy before the room is returned to silence once more...and then, once more, the dragging.
The cameraman stops in front of the third figure. Another bag removed, and another jump cut.
...He covered Bugz?, and had a victorious hand raised as the referee counted the...two count, because the three was interrupted by Big Bone, who hit the Give a Frog a Bone [frog splash], crushing Blow between Bone and Bugz?. Bone rolls Blow off Bugz? and makes the cover for the three!
The third papier-mâché head is revealed, this one with a picture of Big Bone taped to it. Another pause, followed by another sudden swing of the bat and another avalanche of candy. Silence and then, once again, metal scraping against concrete as the cameraman approached the final figure, stopping for a moment before reaching out and pulling off the brown paper bag.
Beneath the brown paper bag is a white fiberglass mannequin head, devoid of features save for an unkempt rabbit mask resting on it. The silence lingers for a moment before the loud crash of the baseball bat being dropped on the floor rings out. The hand behind the camera reaches out and pulls the mask off of the mannequin.
Silence.
And then a woman's voice.
"Hey, uh...I just checked the roster page. They're, uh...they're all in the alumni section."
More silence, and then a man's coarse voice with a thick New Jersey accent.
"Are you fuckin' serious?"
"Yeah dude. I told you to look it up before we did this..."
"God DAMN it. How'm I 'sposed to get revenge on people that aint even there no more!?"
"I don't kn...I mean...yeah, I'm not sure. I don't know. I guess you can't."
"I had to break into this warehouse..."
"We..."
"...set all this shit up, get three custom piñatas made in the shape of human heads, which was fuckin' expensive and also those dudes had a lot of questions, and now you're tellin' me my cool, edgy comeback promo aint good for shit 'cause none of them three is even there no more!? Alright, look..."
The camera pans around and is now pointed square in the face of Bugz?, zoomed in far too close so that the only thing in frame is the dirty white fur of his mask and his bloodshot green eyes.
"I'm comin' back or whateva'. Buy a t-shirt. My van needs some work done."
With that he drops the camera, which lands hard on the ground, filming mostly empty warehouse and the foot of a single mannequin as his footsteps can be heard moving away, the video cutting out right after he yells from across the warehouse.
"And who's gonna' eat all that goddamn candy?"
MATCH TWO
Willie Steen vs. Tuna Meltzer
While Willie Steen is by no means beloved by the NLW fans in attendance... he's at least shown some redeeming qualities, something that cannot be said of Tuna Meltzer. As such, it's no real surprise that the fans are behind Willie from the start. The fans cheer Steen on as he locks up in the middle of the ring with Meltzer in a collar-and-elbow tie-up, the Hollywood Dream using his size advantage to take control of the Five Star Man. Smoothly transitioning into a side headlock, Steen can be heard giving Meltzer a little verbal abuse, provoking some trash-talk from the latter in response. Tuna quickly pays for returning fire thanks to Willie sending him into the ropes and catching him with a clothesline that threatens to turn Meltzer inside out. The pinfall attempt that follows just barely gets past a one-count, but Meltzer's scowling like that's the greatest insult in the world as he kicks out and gets to his feet, a sharp insult snapped at Jennifer Thibodeaux who just rolls her eyes like Tuna's first name is secretly Karen. Regardless of if Karen is really Tuna's first name or not, Willie is taking advantage of how his opponent's attention is diverted, Steen's arms snagging Meltzer around the middle before he's hurling the smaller man into a German Suplex--but he doesn't let go. Instead, the Hollywood Dream hauls the Five Star Man up and connects with a second, then a third, the trio capped off with a bridge and a second attempted pinfall, Meltzer kicking out at two.
This time, instead of turning his ire onto the newer of NLW's referees, Meltzer's keeping his focus on his opponent--moving with surprising speed to wrap up Steen in a small package! Willie kicks out shortly after two, but Tuna just hauls him into another which is kicked out of all the faster. The Five Star Man goes for another, but the Hollywood Dream rolls through to reverse it--the crowd cheering, then letting out a collective sound of disappointment when Meltzer kicks out right before the three. Steen is quick to move out of Meltzer's reach to stop the chain of small package attempts from continuing, which of course makes the analyst for Wrestling With The News dot com all the more irate. Surging to his feet, Tuna gets right in the face of Willie before delivering a stinging slap that echoes throughout the arena... and leads to Steen turning his head to glare at Meltzer. Realizing he's made a mistake, Tuna goes right into an attempt at damage control only to get clobbered in the mush with a forearm, Willie sending his opponent into the ropes to set Tuna up perfectly for the Franken-Steener!
Sensing that Tuna's blood is in the water--and that his chance to finally get a win is within his grasp if he can keep the pressure on--the Hollywood Dream makes his way up to the top rope as quickly as he can. Steen takes to the skies with a 450 splash, but Meltzer gets his knees up at the last second! Scrambling atop the downed Willie, Tuna hooks the leg, but the Hollywood Dream still has life in him, kicking out at two and a half much to the relief of the fans. Another pointed remark is aimed at Jenny for not doing her job properly before Tuna gets to his feet and snags Steen by the legs, flipping him over... and cinching in the Agony of Sitting Through a Mongo Match! The fans jeer at first as Meltzer holds that Camel Clutch for a good minute or so without truly cinching it in, the arrogance of the columnist revealing itself in how he's paying more attention to the fans than he is to how Steen is slowly but surely dragging himself closer to the ropes. In fact, by the time Tuna notices and he does lock it in properly, it's easy for Steen to grab the bottom rope and force the break! Spitting mad, Meltzer does indeed release the hold, snagging Steen by the leg and dragging him into the middle of the ring, using that grip on Steen's leg to lock in his take on the Haas of Pain! Unfortunately, the 5 Star Lock proves to be too much for the Hollywood Dream to escape since it is a far harder angle to get out of, Steen tapping out after a valiant attempt to escape.
[WINNER: Tuna Meltzer Via 5 Star Lock at 07:58]
Next Level Wrestling Presents
HOSTILE INTENT 2022
LIVE from the Smoothie King Center in New Orleans, Louisiana
Saturday, May 28th, 2022
HOSTILE INTENT 2022
LIVE from the Smoothie King Center in New Orleans, Louisiana
Saturday, May 28th, 2022
MATCH THREE
The New South vs. The Hot Tag Express
This match is a stark contrast of new school versus old school sensibilities. But at the end of the day, they're all about beating the tar out of each other. Syberus and Traywick start off as legal men. They engage in a collar-and-elbow lock up and while Traywick is a bit taller, Syberus is slightly heavier and he is able to pull Traywick down into a side headlock. He wrenches on it, but Traywick is quick to reverse out of it into a hammerlock. He floats into a headlock, then switches grips to headlock from the other side to show off, but when he tries to go into another hammerlock, Syberus is able to twist into his own hammerlock, then get back into headlock territory. He keeps his locked in tight, even as the crowd boos him--at his encouragement--but he can't quite keep the headlock in for ten minutes before Traywick pulls him back into the ropes to launch him. Syberus runs the ropes, but comes back with a big headscissors takedown! Syberus hops up to his feet with a smug grin, then tags in Jonnie. Traywick is a little less jazzed, but tags in Kirk, and the other pair can square off.
Kirk's size advantage is a little more pronounced, so when Jonnie steps up to him, he opts for the more tentative feeling out method of circling and dropping low, occasionally shooting an arm forward to try for an opening. Kirk quickly matches the approach, and referee Gabe Valentine (no relation) is there to make sure it's all on the up and up. Jonnie shoots behind Kirk, but Kirk blocks the attempt at whatever suplex or throw he wanted, so eventually Jonnie shoves Kirk against the ropes, and as Kirk comes back, Jonnie is able to get underneath Kirk to flapjack him into the ropes with a Hot Shot! Kirk clutches his throat as Jonnie tags in Syberus, and the two lift Kirk up, twist one arm each, then nail stereo Superkicks! Traywick comes in, but the vets are savvy and both duck in unison to back body drop Traywick into the upper decks! Gabe Valentine starts ushering Jonnie Valentine out of the ring at this point, leaving Syberus with Kirk as he stirs. The Englishman grabs Kirk and whips him over his shoulder with a series of snapmares, and when Kirk is sufficiently woozy, Syberus leaps at him with a Codebreaker! It looks like a three, but Traywick leaps onto Syberus at the last second to break the pin.
Traywick grabs Syberus and throws him in a German suplex, but both Valentines interfere, one because Traywick's not legal and one because he's evening the score. Traywick's focus on Syberus lets Jonnie hit the Regal Plex he was looking for earlier, prompting the official to usher Jonnie out of the ring as Traywick rolls out and Syberus leans on the ropes, still a bit disoriented. Kirk is recovering from the codebreaker as Syberus resets himself. He sees Kirk getting up and goes for another Codebreaker, since it wasn't broke, but this one is because Kirk catches his legs and starts trying to angle them for a Cloverleaf! Syberus writhes and struggles until Kirk has to bend down to reangle his grip, at which point the veteran rakes Kirk's face! This gets a warning from Gabe Valentine, but it creates enough of an opening to get up and nail his single underhook DDT on Kirk, and Jonnie makes sure to keep Traywick out of the ring so Syberus can pick up the academic three-count.
[WINNERS: Hot Tag Express via Pure Confidence 110% DDT in 6:16]
We cut to backstage where we can see Kelly Ross standing by, with Spike Kane standing next to her, decked out in a sleeveless "I Prevail" hoodie and a plain pair of jeans he is staring right into the camera.
Kelly Ross: I'm joined here tonight by one of the hottest new prospects in Next Le-
Before she can finish speaking Spike raises a hand in front of her face. She stops and looks at him annoyed, but Spike smiles and slowly takes the microphone out of her hand.
Spike Kane: It's okay....I've got this, trust me. Whoever sent you to me probably doesn't like you, so leave.
He gestures and Kelly looks at the camera almost deadpan before walking off. Spike now approaches the camera, and raises the microphone.
Spike Kane: Let me get something straight to all of you ignorant idiots out there. There is absolutely nothing "new" about Spike Kane, and I most certainly am not a "Prospect" not even close. I'm an investment that already pays dividends. You see, I am the man who brings a brutal, violent, and bloody twenty five year long legacy with me wherever I go. People line up to share the ring with me, to try and snatch a glimpse of that experience for themselves. Like Adam Sanders himself said, to survive a match with Spike Kane?
He cocks his head sideways.
Spike Kane: That'll put your ass on the map. People take notice, look at how arrogant the likes of Brad "Brett Favre" Kane and El Rey have been since they hold a W over The Spiked One. A match with me can make, break, or end your career, and I'm getting tired of people not taking me fucking seriously. Now, I know you're thinking I'm standing here whining, standing here complaing, but that just means you aren't listening. That just means you aren't paying attention, and you're hearing what you want to hear.....because this isn't me moaning about you dumb fucks not giving me the respect I'm due....no no no....you see, this?
He motions for the cameraman to zoom in on his face.
Spike Kane: This is a warning. I've told you who I am. I've told you what I do, and if you don't listen? Well that shits on you. I promise you now, you either start paying attention to the God of Xtreme? Or I'm going to start doing what I've done in every federation I've ever stepped foot in.....and start leaving a trail of broken bodies and shattered dreams.
He throws the mic down and extends his arms outwards, grinning the whole time as he can be heard shouting.
Spike Kane: All Bloody Hail!
With that Spike walks off the set, and the camera cuts back to ringside.
MATCH FOUR
El Chico Promedio vs.
The fans rise to their feet once more as the hot up-and-comer El Chico Promedio appears on the ramp as Jon Lajoie’s “Everyday Normal Guy” blares on the loud speaker. While he elicits a modest response following a winning streak. He does his trademark rope leaning while he waits for Mr. Blobby before Marty Watts makes a sudden announcement.
Marty Watts: Due to the request of Noel Edmonds, there has been a substitution in this match.
Commentators and fans… even El Chico Promedio seems completely confused by Watts saying that the match isn’t going on as scheduled.
Marty Watts: With Mr. Blobby pulled from the match tonight, a new opponent has volunteered to face El Chico Promedio. So introducing his opponent, from… Blobberino Lando, weighing “a bit”, please welcome… El Blobberino!!
Mr. Blobby… I mean, El Blobberino appears on the ramp to the sound of Mr. Blobby’s theme music. El Chico is in the ring, mouthing “WTF” to himself, as this large pink and yellow luchador ascends to the ring. He trips over his own two feet right before hitting the ring but promptly springs back to his feet and rolls into the ring. El Chico is shaking his head. Gabe Valentine is questioning his career choices before calling for the bell to start this strange match.
El Blobberino charges at El Chico and throws a shoulder at the smaller El Chico. El Blobberino drops a few elbows onto the back of El Chico, who eventually grabs both legs of the large luchador and throws his shoulder into the midsection to football tackle El Blob. Before El Blobberino can get back to his feet, El Chico has already bounced off the ropes and drives his forearm into the… neck…? … of El Blobberino. El Chico follows it up with a DDT and a cover, but El Blobberino kicks out at the count of two.
El Blobberino doesn’t let El Chico Promedio stay in control for too long as he quickly leaps onto the NLW newcomer. He starts throwing various strikes onto El Chico from a mounted position before El Chico gets a punch in to free himself. El Chico shrugs then tries to hit the Chico Kick (superkick)… but El Blobberino catches his foot. El Blobberino trips the planted foot before locking in a figure four leg lock onto El Chico Promedio… a known move of former XHF Tag Team Champion, Mr. Blobby… the *ahem* original opponent of El Chico Promedio…
El Blobberino tightens the hold and El Chico yelps in pain, gritting his teeth from the pain he is in. The face behind the mask was clearly starting to turn red from the visible parts of his face. After being in the move a bit longer than he’d want to be, El Chico is able to finally turn the submission over, with El Blobberino now the one in pain. El Chico Promedio, knowing his finisher also is a leg-attacking submission move as well, smiles a bit as Blobberino flails. Finally, El Blobberino yanks the move close enough to the ropes to force Gabe Valentine to break up the submission.
El Blobberino was surprisingly the first one on his feet. El Chico isn’t far behind him. El Blobberino goes back into the bag of Mr. Blobby moves as he began to hit the Blobby #3 (Road Dogg’s Shake, Rattle, and Roll strike combination) on El Chico, with the final strike knocking El Chico off his feet. He tries to hit another as he goes for the “A treatise on the dangers of nuclear disarmament in the modern day political climate” (clothesline to the back of the head), but El Chico somehow had the sense to duck right before the strike. With El Blobberino in a position after the missed clothesline, El Chico bounces off the middle rope to hit a springboard bulldog. Quick cover but Valentine only can count to two before El Blobberino kicks out.
El Chico shrugs his shoulders before delivering the Chico Spear (spear) that actually takes down the giant pink monster quite effectively. He looks at the legs of his opponent and tries to lock in the Tirador Promedio (sharpshooter) but El Blobberino kicks him off before he could lock in the move. The kick sends El Chico into the corner. El Blobberino pops back up and does a handspring elbow, nailing the cornered El Chico in the chest. El Blobberino backs up and begins to charge into the corner, but El Chico is able to dodge at the last second. El Blobberino appears to be slightly stunned… at least as well as you could possibly tell from the big lug, before El Chico Promedio is able to hit his Chico Kick this time around. El Blobberino drops to the mat. El Chico Promedio knows it’s now or never before climbing the top rope. He looks down, sees El Blobberino still on the mat and leaps for his finishing high-risk move, the Chapoteo Promedio (frog splash) onto the giant pink wrestler. El Chico Promedio stays onto for the cover and finally, Gabe Valentine counts to three to end what was possibly one of the oddest matches of the year so far.
[WINNER: El Chico Promedio Via Chapoteo Promedio at 11:10]
Juiced to the gills, slathered in oil, and ready for a fight, Sexton Love heads down to the ring. His t-shirt is sleeveless and cropped, making room for his self-described "Largest Arms in the World" and self-awarded Triple X*Crown Championship belt. Instantly greeted by a chorus of boos, the so-called champ arrogantly struts down the aisle, pausing for a moment to flex his biceps for a woman in the front row.
We cut to the ring and see Sexton Love's weaselly personal announcer, Michael Stuffer. A microphone descends from the ceiling.
MICHAEL STUFFER: Ladies and gentlemen... but most importantly... LADIES...
Boooooooooooooooooo.
FUCK YOU!
ASSHOLE!
The Stuff Man looks around, feigning shock and disgust at the negative reaction from the NLW crowd. He shakes his head and continues.
MICHAEL STUFFER (cont'd): Making his way to the ring... from Toronto, Ontario, Canada... by way of INTERCOURSE, Pennsylvania...
Boooooooooooooooooo.
MICHAEL STUFFER (cont'd): Weighing in at 269 pounds... the reigning, defending, undisputed TRIPLE X*CROWN CHAMPIONNNNN... "The Sexecellence of Sexecution"... SEXTON LOOOOOOOOVE!
YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK!
The Lovely One steps through the ropes, grinding his hips before unhooking the glistening Triple X*Crown Title. He holds up the belt.
SEXTON: GET A GOOD LOOK, BABBEH!
Bodzilla climbs to the top turnbuckle and lifts the belt again with two hands, incensing the New Orleans crowd even further.
SEXTON: THE BEST IN THE BUSINESS!
Despite being dressed to wrestle, Big Daddy Love hops down from the turnbuckle and grabs the microphone instead. He pauses for a moment before speaking.
SEXTON: You know--
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
He lowers the mic immediately, glaring at the people, completely unable to get a word in through the wall of deafening boos.
SEXTON: I'm out here to--
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
After a few more failed attempts, Bodzilla finally explodes.
SEXTON (furious): SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTHS AND SHOW THE CHAMP SOME RESPECT!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
SEXTON: I've gotta say New Orleans...
The way I've been livin' these past few weeks...
It's like HURRICANE KATRINA, babbeh!
'Cause I've been tearing through this town and gettin' ALLLLLL the ladies wet! OHHHHH YEAHHHHH!
The vitriol spikes again, this time to a breaking point. An enraged and inebriated fan jumps the guardrail, charging towards the ring. He's tackled by security just as he touches the apron.
SEXTON (holding up the title): I TOLD YA, babbeh... EVERYBODY wants a shot at the Triple X*Crown... even these fat New Orleans sweathogs!
DRUNKEN FAN (held back by security): FIGHT ME! FIGHT ME YOU PIECE OF SH--
A security guard slams him to the ground.
SEXTON (leaning over the ropes): Too bad, daddeh... this is a belt for REAL MEN ONLY.
Security drags the fan away as The Most Hated Man in NLW slings the belt back over his shoulder, re-focusing on the task at hand.
SEXTON: Two weeks ago, Sexton Love successfully defended this title against Adam Sanders. And at Masquerade... LIVE on pay-per-view... I defended this title against not one... not two... but THREE different opponents! Because that's the kind of MAN I am...
Bicep flex.
SEXTON (cont'd): I don't just make titles... I made HEADLINES, babbeh. Whether you Hate It or Love It... the ONLY thing people were talking about after Masquerade was Sexton Love and the Triple X*Crown. Not the Academy... not the Human Ashtray Tommy Kelly... and not even Nathan FUCKIN' Cage! You heard me! Sexton Love is the NUMBER ONE champion in Next Level Wrestling, babbeh... because Sexton Love is a FIGHTING CHAMPION...
He adjusts the belt on his shoulder and smirks, the New Orleans crowd still booing relentlessly.
SEXTON (cont'd): So tonight, I'm putting this title on the line again. That's right! We're gonna have another TRIPLE X TRIPLE DEFENSE, babbeh. But this time... Sexton Love won't just be making domestic headlines... I'll be making international headlines, ohhhh yeahhh. Because every top wrestler on God's Flat Earth wants a shot at the Triple X*Crown--
"LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!"
Sexton's promo is suddenly interrupted by the sound of Tom Morello's guitar and a massive pop from the crowd. The NLW faithful erupt in a chant of "Fox! Fox! Fox!" anticipating the arrival of the former XHF Junior Heavyweight Champion, a man that put Sexton love in his place once before.
The challenger steps through the curtain, wearing his signature kitsune fox mask... and the fans are instantly disappointed.
MICHAEL STUFFER: Introducing challenger #1... from the mean streets of Guadalajara, México... weighing in at about two-fifty, give or take a couple, and still competing at the ripe age of 65... a true LEGEND of lucha libre...
ZORRO DE SANGRE!
MATCH #1: SEXTON LOVE © vs. ZORRO DE SANGRE FOR THE TRIPLE X*CROWN CHAMPIONSHIP
The masked luchador stands across the ring from Sexton Love, his massive beer gut hanging over the front of his tights. Bodzilla tears off his shirt with a surge of disingenuous intensity, and begins bouncing his pecs as only he can. Not to be out done by the champion, Zorro responds by bouncing his own sagging (and much less ample) pecs in response. He claps his hands together in an attempt to fire up the crowd as both men circle around the ring. A few of the fans clap along in spite of themselves.
The wrestlers lock up and Sexton immediately slaps on a headlock, using only his left arm to apply the hold. Sexton flexes his right arm for the fans, distracting himself with his own vanity and giving his opponent an opening to counter. Zorro shoots Sexton off the ropes... but the champ quickly rebounds and lays him out with a hard shoulder tackle. Sexton pauses for a moment to bounce his pecs a few more times, then takes off towards the ropes again. Zorro rolls onto his (large) belly, and Sexton hops over him, rebounding from the opposite side. Zorro scrambles to his feet to attempt a leapfrog... but only gets about one foot off the ground.
Sexton stops in front of the challenger, watching the pitiful display, and then proceeds to kick straight in the midsection, sending ripples in all directions, and doubling the challenger over. WHAM! Sexton nails the Impale-Her DDT, and transitions directly into the Love Lock.
Zorro de Sangre taps out instantly.
MICHAEL STUFFER: Here is your winner, by submission... and STILL the Triple X*Crown Champion... "The Man of A Thousand Hoes"... SEXTON LOOOOOOVE!
The champ tears off Zorro's mask and tosses him out of the ring, sending the defeated challenger crashing to the floor. Early training for the XHF Rumble. Sexton heads back to his corner and hangs the mask on top of the ring post as a trophy. One down.
The house lights fade and eerie music fills the Lakefront Arena. Red and white spotlights begin to flash on the entryway, in time with the ominous beat of a drum. A few of the (less savvy) fans start to clap on rhythm with the drums, anticipating the arrival of a monster capable of truly destroying Sexton Love once and for all... "The Terror From the Deep" Mehrunes Smith.
A masked figure emerges from the tunnel... wearing a Cthulhu-inspired mask... and standing four and a half feet tall.
MICHAEL STUFFER: Introducing challenger #2... from the mean streets of Guadalajara, México... standing 4 feet, 6 inches tall... and weighing in at a hefty TEN STONE... "The Terror From the SHALLOWS"... EL PULPO!
MATCH #2: SEXTON LOVE © vs. "THE TERROR FROM THE SHALLOWS" EL PULPO FOR THE TRIPLE X*CROWN CHAMPIONSHIP
Sexton meets his second challenger in the middle of the ring, crotch to face, but backs off suddenly, realizing that this simply isn't a fair fight. He points to his head, signifying to the audience that he's come up with an ingenious idea, then drops down on both knees to equalize their heights. Sexton raises a hand up in front of El Pulpo, offering his opponent a "test of strength."
Pulpo accepts, and the two men engage in the most preposterous Greco-Roman knuckle lock of all time. The Octopus tries to transition into an arm wringer, but Sexton simply blocks it, his arm unmoving. Slowly, Tyrannosaurus Sex stands back up to full height, as the challenger desperately tries to apply an arm ringer to no avail. Bodzilla curls his arm, with Pulpo still hanging on, lifting the little man clear off the ground. He does a few bicep curls with his dangling challenger acting as the weight, then hucks him halfway across the ring.
Rather than pursuing his opponent however, Sexton comes to a halt and raises his hands. He apologizes, then kneels down again to "keep things fair." The Angry Octopus charges towards him, catching the now perfectly positioned Sexton by surprise with a shining wizard... and transitioning directly into a triangle choke! The Gates of Innsmouth! Shades of the real Mehunes Smith!
The fans erupt as the little man has the hold locked in. It looks like Sexton Love is fading! The referee rushes over and checks the champion's limp hand. He raises it once... and it falls! A second time... it falls again! A third time... and it stops short. Sexton smiles. It was an act. Pulpo tries to apply more pressure with the triangle choke, but Bodzilla lifts him up with ease once more... then slams him back down to the mat with a vicious powerbomb, breaking the hold.
With Pulpo unconscious from the impact, the referee tells Sexton to end it... but the champ ain't through yet.
SEXTON: Gotta get my shit in, ya feel me?
He picks El Pulpo up onto his shoulders, then spins him around for the Sexecutor...
WHAM! The lifeless challenger lands hard on the back of his head.
1. 2. 3. It's over.
MICHAEL STUFFER: Here is your winner, by pinfall... and STILL the Triple X*Crown Champion... "The Notorious B.O.D"... SEXTON LOOOOOOVE!
Once again, Sexton unmasks his fallen challenger, then tosses El Pulpo out of the ring. He takes the Cthulu mask back to his corner, placing it on the ring post. Another addition to his collection. Two luchadores down, one more to go.
Generic mariachi music signals the arrival of Sexton's third and final masked challenger, an opponent that does not resemble any member of the current NLW roster. Dressed in a loose-fitting black and yellow bodysuit, it's difficult to get a sense of the challenger's physique. His mask looks like something from a cheap Halloween costume, all black with a large eye plastered on the forehead.
MICHAEL STUFFER: Introducing challenger #3... from the mean streets of Guadalajara, México... CÍCLOPE JR.!!!
MATCH #3: SEXTON LOVE © vs. CÍCLOPE JR. FOR THE TRIPLE X*CROWN CHAMPIONSHIP
Cíclope Jr. stands stoically in the ring, staring down the Triple X*Crown Champion. As usual, Sexton Love mocks his opponent.
SEXTON (laughing): Nice outfit, daddeh.
Cíclope remains unmoving.
SEXTON: What's this about? You tryin' to scare me? Well it ain't gonna work, chico.
Still no response.
SEXTON: Lemme learn ya somethin', babbeh, it's real simple... BODZILLA FEARS NOBODY. OHHH YEAHHHH!
He flexes his muscles, attempting to intimidate his final challenger.
SEXTON (flexing): You see that, daddeh? ...How you gonna deal with the Man of Steel?
Boooooooooooooooooo.
Sexton looks at the audience, turning his back on Cíclope as he continues to pose.
SEXTON (flexing): This is what a REAL ALPHA MALE looks like! DRINK IT IN, BABBEH! ...SEX SELLS!
Slowly but steadily, the boos from the crowd morph into cheers, gradually building to a fever pitch. Sexton continues to pose, taking credit for the reaction. After about ten seconds, the roof of the building is shaking from the thunderous ovation, but Big Daddy Love remains completely oblivious.
SEXTON (still flexing): That's right! YOU LOVE IT, BABBEH! OHHH YEAHHHH!
Suddenly, something lightly strikes Sexton in the back. It's Cíclope's mask. He tentatively turns around, looking down at the mask lying on the canvas. Sexton picks up the disguise, still perplexed, then finally looks across the ring at the man who discarded it.
FELIX: Add this to your collection.
BICYCLE KNEE STRIKE!
The mask goes flying, Sexton Love goes down, and the Lakefront Arena goes wild. Felix is here, and he wants payback for Masquerade! With every drop of bravado now evaporated from his chiseled body, Sexton Love begs off, his hands outstretched, but Felix wants no part of it.
Kick. Kick. Kick. Kick. Sexton's chest turns red from the repeated impact. He tries to cover up, but Felix pivots and nails him with a roundhouse to the side of the head. Bodzilla goes down again.
Sexton crawls to the corner, but Felix follows him in, unloading a vicious barrage of elbow strikes. The referee intervenes, starting to apply a 5 count, and Felix breaks immediately, not wanting to give any reason for another bogus disqualification.
The two wrestlers are briefly separated, and Sexton tries to gather his wits, but Felix charges back towards the corner for a running shotei. Big Daddy Love side steps at the last second, sending Felix chest first into the buckle. He follows it up with an O'Connor roll, carrying the momentum directly into a German suplex! The Sex Plex connects! ...But Felix rolls through and is back on his feet! Incredible fighting spirit, the fans are going wild! The unrelenting Warrior grabs Sexton around the waist, responding with a huge German suplex of his own! Sexton gets spiked on his head! The champ is in big trouble!
Felix looks at the people and makes a throat slashing motion, calling for the finish. He lifts Sexton up, and the champ is completely unable to defend himself, arms hanging limp. In a final act of defiance, Bodzilla spits directly in Felix's face. Enraged, Felix responds with a brutal right hook, nailing Sexton directly on the jaw. Big Daddy Love goes down like a sack of shit. The furious Felix pounces immediately, hooking the champ in his signature crucifix hold submission.
Ding ding ding! It's over! The referee calls for the bell, and the fans erupt in jubilation! FELIX HAS DONE IT!
MICHAEL STUFFER: Ladies and gentlemen, your winner... BY DISQUALIFICATION... and STILLLLLL the Triple X*Crown Championnnnn... SEXTON LOVE!
The cheers quickly turn to boos, as the fans have had the rug pulled out from under them again.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
MICHAEL STUFFER (cont'd): Under the traditional rules of the Triple X*Crown, closed fisted strikes with the dominant hand are STRICTLY PROHIBITED. Felix has therefore been disqualified from this ma--
FELIX PUNCHES MICHAEL SQUARE IN THE FACE! SEXTON'S PERSONAL ANNOUNCER IS KNOCKED OUT COLD!
Sexton takes advantage of the scuffle on the outside and grabs the Triple X*Crown Title, retreating up the ramp.
SEXTON (yelling at Felix while struggling to raise the belt): Face facts, babbeh... YOU JUST AIN'T GOT WHAT IT TAKES!
The champ flees through the curtain as the crowd chants Felix's name.
MATCH FIVE
Spike Kane vs. Adam Sanders
The bell rings... and Spike Kane stares down Adam Sanders, the Awkward One's expression one of deadly seriousness in contrast to how The Blood God is smirking slightly to himself. A nod is exchanged before the two men collide in the middle of the ring, the crowd roaring its approval as Kane and Sanders trade blows--and those cheers only grow louder as Sanders pous on the proverbial gasoline to slowly drive Kane back toward the ropes with rapid-fire blows! Spike quickly nips that burgeoning momentum in the bud with a particularly stiff European uppercut that gives him some breathing room by sending his opponent back into the ropes, but it doesn't last since Adam retaliates with a lariat that knocks Spike off his feet! Kane's quick to get back to his feet, his smirk all the bigger at the realization that he's going to be able to have a proper knock-down, drag-out fight with Sanders--and for his part, Adam looks all the more grimly resolved to overcome the fearsome foe across from him. Sanders knows he has to hit hard and fast, so he launches a Lightning Strike, but Kane ducks the superkick. Spike shifts his body to go for Bloody Sunday, but Adam blocks his calf with both arms before quickly grabbing hold of the leg. Before the God of Xtreme can react, the Awkward One throws Spike's leg away from himself to force Kane to spin around, Lightning Striking this time round once the rotation is complete! Sanders goes for the pin, just barely getting a two-count thanks to Kane rather aggressively kicking out.
Adam goes to take Spike's head to drag his opponent to his feet, but Kane fires off a headbutt that prevents it, then another to ensure that he's the one to get to a vertical base first. Once up, Kane snags Sanders by the head and drags him the rest of the way up to his feet before sending him into the ropes. Adam ducks under Spike's clothesline attempt and rebounds off the ropes, the Flight of the Dragonite connecting in the form of a flying clothesline that sends both men crashing to the mat! Shifting position atop Kane, Sanders goes for another pinfall attempt only for Kane to kick out at two. Adam nods to himself, resolved to keep up the offensive pressure before he's dragging Spike to his feet, but Sanders' attempt to send Kane into the ropes is reversed. Spike catches Adam in the gut with a big boot on the rebound before he hooks the smaller man up, Freya's Wings taking flight in the form of a Canadian Destroyer! The Pillar of Violence goes for the pinfall, the Awkward One kicking out at two and a half bringing an outright evil smirk to Kane's face since such means he gets to inflict more punishment. The Spiked One only withdraws from the Awkward One just long enough to satisfy the required time apart before he's back on his foe, a barrage of closed-fist blows raining down on Sanders before Head Official Gabe Valentine is having to intervene, forcing Spike back so Adam has a brief moment to try to gather himself. It doesn't seem to do much good, as dazed as Sanders still looks.
As soon as Gabe moves out of the way, Kane surges forward anew, reaching down for Sanders--but Adam was playing possum! Snagging Spike's arm, the smaller man reels in his opponent and locks in the leg scissors around Kane's arm, Sanders quickly locking in the Omoplata! The Lion Sleeps Tonight is cinched in, Kane's legs thrashing about as he tries to free himself, but that only inspires Sanders to tighten the submission hold all the more. Desperation has the Spiked One planting his feet and pushing with all his might, forcing the Awkward One onto his shoulders. Hearing Valentine make the count, Sanders just barely releases the submission in time to avoid the three-count. Spike rolls free of Adam's reach as Sanders takes a deep breath and forces himself into motion, not allowing fatigue to be an obstacle since he knows he has to keep heaping on the punishment if he wants to overcome his foe. Adam forces himself to his feet, proverbially laying in wait as he intently watches Spike regain a vertical base... and as soon as Kane does? Sanders is moving in for the kill, hooking Kane up for This Is Awkward--but when Adam tries to lift Spike up for the vertical suplex piledriver, Spike blocks the attempt before shifting his grip. Taking advantage of the position he's in, Kane lifts Sanders into position before drilling him into the mat with the Spike Impaler! The crowd boos as Spike goes for the pinfall, the three-count that follows securing his second NLW win.
[WINNER: Spike Kane via Spike Impaler at 12:51]
We cut backstage where Rob Arnold is walking through the backstage area, he's in a surprisingly casual attire for his usual standards, wearing an Academy t-shirt and jeans. As he walks on, he's suddenly cut off by NLW interviewer, Kelly Ross.
Kelly Ross: Rob Arnold! Could I have a few words please?
Arnold almost skids to a halt, such was the nature of her ambush. He composes himself after originally looking ready to give her both barrels verbally.
Rob Arnold: Of course, Kelly.
He says through almost gritted teeth.
Kelly Ross: Four weeks ago, El Rey attacked you-
Arnold immediately cuts her off.
Rob Arnold: Four weeks ago, El Rey finally gained his first testicle by attacking me. His second testicle will no doubt mature and appear in another twenty years when he realises that if he wanted to take a shot at me, he could have just as easily done it to my face. I'd have certainly respected him more if he had. Of course, we all know, and El Rey himself knows that he hasn't got the ability to make the shot count...so it all explains itself.
Arnold smirks.
Rob Arnold: But El Rey will soon come to regret all that. He stupidly agreed to face Riley Richards on the April Fool's GUN Show, proving that once again that he is indeed, the biggest fool in the XHF Network. And just like Dylan Black one year ago, he's going to lose the title just before the Rumble. It's funny how these sort of events repeat themselves.
He laughs.
Kelly Ross: Speaking of Riley Richards, I notice that he and Leon are not here tonight.
Rob Arnold: Correct. The pair of them were in action for SCCW and given that BB Gunn did not require them tonight, I told them to recuperate accordingly. I'm here to keep an eye on both tag matches tonight, call it some more due diligence on behalf of the champions.
He winks.
Rob Arnold: I want to see how The Straight Edge Society get on against Cheez and Dunne, they so brashly called out The Academy for Open Fight Night, I want to see if they're worthy of the shot. Especially when The New South and debuting Hot Tag Express are no doubt going to give us something to think about. But ultimately Kelly, The Academy will take on every and all comers. As Riley and Leon told us a couple weeks ago, this is workhorse season, this is...Academy Season.
Kelly Ross: Don't you mean-
Rob puts a hand up to Ross.
Rob Arnold: I'm going to stop you right there Kelly. I know Riley loves his hashtags and all that, and even Leon's getting behind this one. However, I'm not one to be involved in all that. Is it going to be the season of The Academy? NLW Tag Team Champions, Riley's going to be X*Crown Champion, Trixie Mars is going to be the first UPW Elemental Champion, and hey...I may have one or two more plans up my sleeve as well...so yes, Kelly, this is the season of The Academy...just as I promised when I first formed this group...because that...that's what I do.
He smirks and walks past ross, who looks at the back of his shirt and smiles, the camera pans out to show a simple message printed on the back: #AcademySZN. The camera pans back to Kelly, who is let's out a wry chuckle.
Kelly Ross: Back to the action.
And we cut to ringside.
MAIN EVENT - MATCH SIX
NLW SOUTHERN STATES CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Tommy Kelly (c) vs. Mehrunes Smith
Tommy Kelly obviously did not appreciate his challenger's comments leading up to Ascendency, as he charged in as soon as the bell rang. But this is exactly what Mehrunes expected, and after soaking a couple headbutts, he knees Kelly in the stomach to double him over and hit a Butterfly Suplex that he immediately floats over into an armbar. Kelly still has plenty of fight and gets the ropes before he can take too much damage to the arm. But he's not safe just because he's in the corner pulling himself up, as The Terror closes in and nails a stiff knife-edge chop. Official Gabe Valentine tells him to bring Kelly out of the ropes, but Smith's response is to hook Smith in harder and start a Violence Party, alternating chops and forearm smashes to the head. Kelly is able to shove Smith off before getting driven all the way back down, and when Smith charges in to keep the pressure on, Kelly gets a boot up into his face. Kelly charges in and blasts Smith with a back elbow that drops him to the mat, but he only gets a one count when he drops down for a pin.
Kelly isn't known for technical wrestling, but he shows some of his chops as he gets Smith in a rear chinlock, wrenching on his spine. Smith struggles for a while to get out, with Kelly using his height advantage to keep him in place. Valentine is heard asking if he wants to give up, which gets an audible laugh from Smith before he starts to twist himself off of Kelly's knee. When he sees he's going to lose the grip, Smith just rears back and blasts his knee into Smith's lower back, then stands up, and as Mehrunes stands up, he stalks behind him to grab him for Death Becomes You! But Smith has it scouted and twists out to land on his feet, using the momentum to pop Smith with an extra stiff Ghettolizer! Kelly drops from the blow to the head, but kicks out before Valentine can slap the mat the third time. Smith might be scowling behind the mask, but we can't tell. All we see his him take a moment to straighten it as he plans his next move.
His next move is to get Kelly with the same move that he passed out to on Ascendancy XXX, so he stalks Kelly, charging for the Shining Wizard, but the champ has that scouted too and barrels forward with a spear! Kelly jumps up and roars to the crowd before heading to the corner nearest Smith. He pushes himself up to the middle buckle, then jumps off for a leg drop, but Smith catches his leg! Smith starts yanking him into position for a heel hook, and Kelly quickly scrambles to the ropes behind him, but not before Smith gets the heel hook in, so he gets a long four count to wrench on the knee of the champion before he has to release. Valentine checks to see if Kelly is good to continue at this point, and when he gets a middle finger as a response, he lets the match continue. Smith pulls Kelly out of the ropes and starts yanking him up, but Kelly reaches up to poke the eye. There's a mask in the way, and the crowd laughs a bit, but then Kelly yanks the mask to one side, earning a fresh wave of ire from the official, but Kelly ignores him. As Smith starts to adjust his mask, Kelly grabs him, pulling him over his shoulder with the RedRum! Smith struggles to get to the ropes, and whether it's because of the submissions from earlier or Smith's alertness, Kelly can never fully get Smith spread out, and Smith grabs the bottom rope. Kelly also uses Gabe's five count to the fullest, letting go just before getting disqualified.
Kelly stands up and starts stomping the ring, getting real fired up. He charges Smith as soon as he's vertical, but misses the Superman Punch as Smith ducks past him. Smith grabs Kelly from behind, lifting him up into the torture rack position, but Kelly knows he can't be there and struggles until he drops down behind Mehrunes. He grabs for the Omega Driver set up but Smith elbows him to get separation. The match has been fairly even so far, but The Terror's prophecy comes true as he rushes in, catching Kelly mid spear, blasting him with a Shining Wizard that he floats through to wrap Kelly up in a Triangle Choke! Gabe Valentine is in position immediately to test Kelly. He tries to struggle out, but the charging knee knocked him loopy, and it's not long before he fades away, and Gabe calls for the bell before trying to pull the new champion off of the old.
[WINNER: Mehrunes Smith via Gates of Innsmouth at 7:21]
When the scene comes back from commercial, it cuts to the arena, where a table has been set up in the ring, with BB Gunn standing in the ring. The table is probably a normal ass folding table, but has been adorned with NLW drapery to make it look much fancier to match the two rolling desk chairs that have been placed next to it, one on either side.
Dan Simmons: It's about time for the contract signing, and I can't imagine this going very well, Tommy.
Tommy West: Nathan Cage doesn't give a shit about anyone, and Keahi won a chance to get revenge for perceived slights. She spent several weeks not working, and you have to assume she spent that time focused entirely on watching Cage.
Dan Simmons: Well, she didn't make that a secret, Tommy. She had strong words for Cage at Masquerade, which did not get broadcast for reasons I am still not a hundred percent sure of, and Cage fired back after his win at Masquerade the next show.
Tommy West: It's what he's been saying all along. Keahi lost and went belly-aching to the boss about what a bad man he is, but all Cage wants is for someone to step to him. I'm interested to see if she will listen to Cage's demands, or play nice like Gunn no doubt wants.
On the table in the ring, there is a microphone laying next to a clipboard, which no doubt has the contract for the NLW Heavyweight Title match on it. Gunn picks up the microphone and raises it to his lips.
BB Gunn: Ladies and gentlemen, how have you enjoyed the night's entertainment so far?
There is an appreciative cheer from the New Orleans crowd.
BB Gunn: I thought so, myself. But we have some important business to get to. It's time for two of NLW's best to sign the contract for our next Heavyweight Title bout. They just faced off at Supremacy, so they are no stranger to you, or each other. Reigning champion Nathan Cage...
The general manager pauses to listen to the crowd's reaction. There's a robust cheering section, but a lot of the fans boo the champion. Gunn nods in apparent approval of this reaction.
BB Gunn: ...will defend the championship against Keahi Sparks.
Gunn pauses again and gets an unmitigated cheer in reference to the challenger. He smiles wider.
BB Gunn: Now for the formalities. Since she is the challenger, and she is so beloved by the people, let's have her come out first. Ladies and gentlemen, "The Emerald Blade" Keahi Sparks!
"Overdrive" by Lazerhawk plays over the PA system, and the cheers get louder as Keahi Sparks appears on the stage. She's dressed in a black leather jacket and pants, with a red top under the jacket, and high-top and flat heeled heeled black boots. She smiles a bit, but is mostly stoic as she walks down to the ring, fingers flexing through fingerless leather gloves.
Dan Simmons: Sparks got this shot by winning a triple threat match, overcoming a slump of missing out on the decision of multi-person matches, but by the look in her eyes, you'd think she was coming down here to fight Nathan Cage right now.
Tommy West: She probably wants to, but if she's true to her words, she'll be a good lap dog and let Gunn tell her when she's let off of the leash...and if that's the mindset she's in, she's in for another disappointment.
She accepts Gunn's offered handshake, but doesn't linger long in it before taking her position on the right-hand side of the table (as seen in the hard camera).
BB Gunn: And of course, we can't have a contract signing for a Heavyweight TItle match without the champion. So please give it up for the reigning NLW Heavyweight Champion, the "Rabid Dog" Nathan Cage!
A pause. Not long enough to cause concern but enough for Gunn to look visibly annoyed at the stage before suddenly being blasted by the opening riffs of "Gone Guru" by Lifeseeker. Although initially mixed, the crowd seems to more audibly cheer as Cage marches out of the entranceway and down the ramp. A reaction that only serves to irritate Gunn further. Cage, as ever, pays it no mind. Dressed in a white vest, jeans and black boots. Simple and likely cheap. Save for the ostentatious World Championship worn around his waist.
Dan Simmons: And here comes the Champion. There is... a lot you can say about him, but he damn sure looks as ready as ever.
Tommy West: What'd you expect? If there's one thing that's consistent about Cage, he wants to fight the best and he's always geared up to do so!
Gunn, likely out of professional courtesy, offers a hand to shake Cage's. He doesn't appear surprised when The Rabid Dog brushes right past him to instead scale the nearest corner and raise his arms to the crowd. Expression still stonefaced save for the ever present glint of violence in his eyes. The General Manager puts a strained smile on his face as he tries to maintain professional disposition, but Keahi keeps her eyes on Cage as he moves, making no such effort.
Gunn brings the microphone up to his mouth to speak as Cage gets moves off the turnbuckle but his continued introduction is cut short as Cage immediately takes the contract and writes his name down. Undercutting whatever grandiose speech Gunn had planned to sell the match.
BB Gunn: Well then. *ahem* As our Champion just... demonstrated. Both of these competitors will-
Cage sits on his side of the table and picks up the microphone laying upon it. Sparing his boss no mind as he addresses Sparks and only Sparks.
Nathan Cage: First off, since you're here, I wanted to congratulate ya for figurin' out that you didn't need to have it in your contract that you get to have a spine. I don't know what exactly was said between you and that smug prick-.
He gestures towards Gunn off-handedly. Eyes never leaving Sparks. And hers never leave his.
Nathan Cage: -But, I'm gonna assume it was a helluva meeting for you to get to worm your way back into a title shot immediately after havin' lost your chance the first time. Lemme be clear, I mean that with all sincerity. Some folk in the back might not like that, but I couldn't give less of a shit. Reason bein' is that I can't help but notice, for someone who prided 'emselves on bein' the squeaky clean obvious favourite compared to Goon and yours truly. It feels like you took a couple pages outta my book. Almost like bein' Keahi Sparks didn't work out for ya so you might as well try bein' Nathan Cage.
Leaning back, studying Sparks for a reaction. If Cage is just trying to get under her skin, he doesn't show it. If it's working, she doesn't show it.
Nathan Cage: But maybe that's just ego talkin' on my part. 'Specially cause, if I remember right, you were pretty damn convinced that you had me beat at Supremacy. Right? Cause what? Ya hit me with a lil right hand and I was down on the floor? Normally, again, I truly wouldn't give a shit. But if you're gonna be a challenger against me and not someone I tear apart while waiting for a real threat, there's somethin' you need to understand real fuckin' quick. This is pro wrestling. And in it? Fuckin' anything can happen. I sat down and watched your match to get this title shot and if I was usin' your stupid fuckin' insecure logic, I might walk away thinkin' that Felix woulda had you tapping your hand on the mat cryin' "I submit!", were it not for Fox's timely interference.
Seemingly entering a state of contemplative calmness unheard of for Cage, he leans back further and places his feet on the desk. Or maybe he's just trying to annoy Gunn.
Nathan Cage: Now, we ain't ever gonna know in the match if you'd 'a had what it took to take me out. I know myself and I know that even if you'd brought a twelve gauge to the ring and shot me, I woulda kicked out. But I understand that ain't exactly proof enough for ya. What IS proof enough, is that no matter what way you slice it. You were not good enough at Supremacy to walk out Champ.
Just as suddenly as it arrived, the calmness departed. Cage removed his boots from the table and leaned forward. Staring dead in the eyes of Sparks as the crowd began to buzz. Some cheering for the Emerald Blade and others cheering for the Rabid Dog.
Nathan Cage: I'm happy you're the one facin' me, Red. Not cause I got any special respect for you personally or professionally, but cause you're the personification of everything I hate in this business. Kelly was the old fuck in the locker room just waiting to cash in his cheques. You're the opposite. All the god given and hard earned talent in the world. You want this piece of golden shit because you're owed it. Why won't some dirty hyena like me fuck off and let ya be the best? If God himself intervened and led you to winning the title off me, what exactly would happen? Stagnation. The same thing that always happens when a Keahi Sparks takes their "rightful place". A long period of nothin', then closure. I'm a piece of work, I don't give a damn what you or anyone else thinks of me. But you're deluding yourself if you don't recognise that I've lit a fire under this fuckin roster. Tommy Kelly was shambling around backstage until I put the fear of Cage in him, then he came back and upset that masked freak Thespian. He might have a problem with me just like you, but s'far as I'm concerned that's only further proof that I was the kick in the ass he NEEDED!
Cage shoves himself to his feet by pushing off the table hard enough to shove it against Keahi's stomach. Gunn starts to look agitated as Cage paces back and forth on his side of the table. Keahi stands to match Cage, but is still, just staring at him as he works himself up.
Nathan Cage: I have stressed, since day-fucking-one when you and I walked into this company, that I wanted to lift it up to meet what I was gonna be givin! You on the other hand, ain't seen fit to do more than show up and expect things to get handed to ya. Why shouldn't ya?! I don't know the person you were anymore than you seem to, but I can tell ya this: whether you like it or not, Gunn's seen fit to pin his hopes on you now that Sanderson failed. And in any other company, you'd be strapped with a rocket while you carved your way to the top.
He sneers.
Nathan Cage: But not one that's got Nathan Fuckin' Cage already there.
Cage slams the mic down on the table with a loud crack of static. Gunn looks to the microphone mournfully, clearly the only person in the ring concerned with how expensive the tech set-up of his show is, as the champion stares down the challenger. Keahi reaches slowly for the mic with her left hand, and it looks as though Cage might have succeeded in wounding her, if the way her brow is knit and the hesitancy she is showing in rebutting are any indications. But eventually, she does draw herself up to her height, a dead level with Cage.
Keahi Sparks: Well you're right about one thing--
Keahi cuts herself off by unloading a punch across the table, nailing Cage in the jaw! Cage takes the punch full on and collapses to the mat, resulting in a collective gasp heard in the crowd, and at the announce position.
Dan Simmons: Cage went down like a sack of bricks!
Tommy West: I didn't think she had it in her!
Someone else who didn't think she had it in her is BB Gunn, who looks like he doesn't know whether to look pleased or aghast. Keahi is peeling her gloves off. The left one she puts on the desk, but she tosses the right one in Gunn's direction. He tries to catch it with one hand, but the hand dips visibly before he fumbles it and it hits the table with an audible THUNK. This revelation causes the crowd to murmur.
Keahi ignores this, walking around the table to kneel next to Cage, mic still in hand. Her face is still as stone cold stoic as it was while Cage was berating her.
Keahi Sparks: The fire hot enough yet?
Keahi clicks her tongue in her mouth as she looks down at the unconscious champion, shaking her head mournfully.
Keahi Sparks: I tried so hard to be kind. I thought that's who I was supposed to be. Do no harm but take no shit. The good girl who perseveres through any adversity. But trying to be a hero got me nowhere. So I'll treat you like you treat everyone else. I know you'll take credit, and that's fine. Take it. But I'm taking the belt.
Keahi stands up, turns to the table, and grabs the contract. She reaches for the pen, but it fell off the table when Cage jostled it, so she pulls one out of a pocket on the inside of her jacket and leans over the table to sign when Gunn points behind her like he's watching a panto.
Cage is getting back up!
Keahi growls audibly and shoves the table out of her way so she can turn around and set herself to blast Cage again with Memories of Okinawa. This time she catches him in the temple and he goes down hard. She shakes her hand out a bit before picking her pen back up so she can sign the contract.
Dan Simmons: I'm not sure how I feel about this turn of events, Tommy.
Tommy West: I am! It's just like I said, he wants someone to step to him. Loaded gloves aren't exactly honorable, Simmo, but they are effective, and that's what Cage wants his competition to be. Effective.
In the brief moment the camera drew attention away from Cage to watch Sparks sign the contract, Cage started bleeding from the side of his head where the second KO Punch landed. Gunn quickly gathers up the contract, and Keahi takes her glove back before leaning down next to Cage as paramedics rush in to make sure she didn't scramble his brain. That is the sight the camera lingers on as Ascendandcy XXXII goes off the air; a downed champion and the challenger who did the deed looking down at her handiwork.
