Post by Union Jack on Mar 9, 2022 19:40:05 GMT -5
We find ourselves floating in the silent tranquil perfection of unspoilt white, fluffy clouds, with not a care in the world. The gradually rising sound of soothing, trickling water, gently pattering on a hard surface is the first thing we hear. A sudden sloshing sound breaks the tranquillity moments before a burst of yellow explodes through the clouds, but this isn't sunlight this is... this is a monster... a giant, yellow monst... no! We pull back and it isn't giant at all... its small... it's yellow... it's... a rubber duck!
Which means... this is a bath tub!
A hand slams through the fluffy bubbles, throwing the duck aside and sloshing water over the edge of the tub and all over the bathroom floor. Looking up, we see a soggy Brit - We know he's a Brit because of the Union Flag printed on his Bear Mask - covered in bubbles.
With cupped hands, Jack splashes water over his masked face and catches a mouthful of water before throwing his head back and blowing water into the air while screeching with a surprisingly impressive imitation of a whale.
Union Jack grasps the little yellow Duckie and raises it up, holding it mere inches from his mouth Jack breaks out into song...
“I come home in the morning light
Va-NesSa says, "When you gonna live your life right?"
Oh NesSa dear, we're not the fortunate ones
And Bears, they wanna have f-un
Oh, Bears just wanna have fuuuunnnn”
Jack scoops up a pile of bubbles in one hand and places it precariously on his head in an imitation of a spiked 80's 'do as his shoulders start to sway rhythmically.
“The phone rings, in the middle of the night
Va-NesSa yells "What you gonna do with your life?"
Oh NesSa dear, you know you're still number one
But Bears they wanna have f-un
Oh Bears just wanna have...”
Jack gyrates his way to his feet, still dancing in the tub, water splashing over the sides as his 'front tail' swings like a metronome.
“That's all they really Waaannnnnttttt
Some fuuuuuunnnnn
When the workin' day is done
Oh Bears, they wanna have f-un
Ho hoo Bear just wanna have... FUCK!”
Jack's feet suddenly fly up from under him and the Bad Influence Bear soars through the air like an absolutely confused idiot. He slams into the tub, luckily avoiding cracking his skull open on the nearby toilet by mere inches and slides down below the water line.
The bathroom is now completely soaked and a semi frantic knocking sound fills the room. Slowly Jack pulls his head up from under the water and paws the suds from his eyes.
“Hey Jack... Jack, are you alright in there?!” A woman's voice comes from outside the room. “Are you Decent?”
“Yea!” Jack calls and nods confidently while coughing water back into the tub.
The door swings open as Vanessa bursts into the room. Instantly she gasps and turns away, while covering her eyes.
“JACK!” She barks in shock “You said you were decent!”
“Yea.” Jack agrees as he looks down below the bubbles and shrugs. “I'd say I'm at the very least 'decent' certainly above average.”
“No, I meant are you dressed!” She says incredulously.
“OHH right!” Jack laughs. “Then... no. No I aint.”
“Argh! Jack, you're impossible!” Vanessa shakes her head and sighs “I came here to apologize for earlier and you... you... do this!” Vanessa angrily gestures to the mess... the room... the naked soapy Jack.
“What's wrong with this?!” Jack asks mirroring her gesturing pattern around the room himself “I'm taking a bath Vanessa!”
“You've trashed the room Jack!! You're acting out! Either you're angry or embarrassed or...”
“Horny?” Jack asks cheekily “All that's missing is the candles, right?!”
“Oh come on Jack.” She responds rolling her eyes.
“Nah, I'm kidding...” Jack smirks “Don't like the sticky residue.”
“Jack” Vanessa sighs “We cant go on like this. We need to find a way to get along. We're both here long term we cant keep arguing.”
“I can think of a way for us to get friendly.” Jack winks and gestures for her to join him, instantly sending an angry flush to Vanessa's face.
“JACK!”
“Sorry!” Jack manages through a burst of laughter. Eventually he sees the anger in Vanessa's eyes and the laughter slowly subsides. Jack lowers his eyes, unable to meet Vanessa's any more. “Listen lass... I really am sorry.” He raises his head and shrugs. “I don't mean anythin' by it... normally don't even realise what I've said. I just... I dunno how to be any different.”
“Well you need to figure it out.” Vanessa shakes her head. “You know, Pequeño keeps telling me you're a good person and that I just don't understand you yet. I've gotta say Jack... that's getting harder to believe.”
“Vanessa...” Jack slumps back in the tub and sighs. “I... I think you should leave. I'd like to get out of the bath now.”
Vanessa rolls her eyes and walks out of the room as a contemplative looking British Bear pulls himself slowly from the bathtub.
Which means... this is a bath tub!
A hand slams through the fluffy bubbles, throwing the duck aside and sloshing water over the edge of the tub and all over the bathroom floor. Looking up, we see a soggy Brit - We know he's a Brit because of the Union Flag printed on his Bear Mask - covered in bubbles.
With cupped hands, Jack splashes water over his masked face and catches a mouthful of water before throwing his head back and blowing water into the air while screeching with a surprisingly impressive imitation of a whale.
Union Jack grasps the little yellow Duckie and raises it up, holding it mere inches from his mouth Jack breaks out into song...
“I come home in the morning light
Va-NesSa says, "When you gonna live your life right?"
Oh NesSa dear, we're not the fortunate ones
And Bears, they wanna have f-un
Oh, Bears just wanna have fuuuunnnn”
Jack scoops up a pile of bubbles in one hand and places it precariously on his head in an imitation of a spiked 80's 'do as his shoulders start to sway rhythmically.
“The phone rings, in the middle of the night
Va-NesSa yells "What you gonna do with your life?"
Oh NesSa dear, you know you're still number one
But Bears they wanna have f-un
Oh Bears just wanna have...”
Jack gyrates his way to his feet, still dancing in the tub, water splashing over the sides as his 'front tail' swings like a metronome.
“That's all they really Waaannnnnttttt
Some fuuuuuunnnnn
When the workin' day is done
Oh Bears, they wanna have f-un
Ho hoo Bear just wanna have... FUCK!”
Jack's feet suddenly fly up from under him and the Bad Influence Bear soars through the air like an absolutely confused idiot. He slams into the tub, luckily avoiding cracking his skull open on the nearby toilet by mere inches and slides down below the water line.
The bathroom is now completely soaked and a semi frantic knocking sound fills the room. Slowly Jack pulls his head up from under the water and paws the suds from his eyes.
“Hey Jack... Jack, are you alright in there?!” A woman's voice comes from outside the room. “Are you Decent?”
“Yea!” Jack calls and nods confidently while coughing water back into the tub.
The door swings open as Vanessa bursts into the room. Instantly she gasps and turns away, while covering her eyes.
“JACK!” She barks in shock “You said you were decent!”
“Yea.” Jack agrees as he looks down below the bubbles and shrugs. “I'd say I'm at the very least 'decent' certainly above average.”
“No, I meant are you dressed!” She says incredulously.
“OHH right!” Jack laughs. “Then... no. No I aint.”
“Argh! Jack, you're impossible!” Vanessa shakes her head and sighs “I came here to apologize for earlier and you... you... do this!” Vanessa angrily gestures to the mess... the room... the naked soapy Jack.
“What's wrong with this?!” Jack asks mirroring her gesturing pattern around the room himself “I'm taking a bath Vanessa!”
“You've trashed the room Jack!! You're acting out! Either you're angry or embarrassed or...”
“Horny?” Jack asks cheekily “All that's missing is the candles, right?!”
“Oh come on Jack.” She responds rolling her eyes.
“Nah, I'm kidding...” Jack smirks “Don't like the sticky residue.”
“Jack” Vanessa sighs “We cant go on like this. We need to find a way to get along. We're both here long term we cant keep arguing.”
“I can think of a way for us to get friendly.” Jack winks and gestures for her to join him, instantly sending an angry flush to Vanessa's face.
“JACK!”
“Sorry!” Jack manages through a burst of laughter. Eventually he sees the anger in Vanessa's eyes and the laughter slowly subsides. Jack lowers his eyes, unable to meet Vanessa's any more. “Listen lass... I really am sorry.” He raises his head and shrugs. “I don't mean anythin' by it... normally don't even realise what I've said. I just... I dunno how to be any different.”
“Well you need to figure it out.” Vanessa shakes her head. “You know, Pequeño keeps telling me you're a good person and that I just don't understand you yet. I've gotta say Jack... that's getting harder to believe.”
“Vanessa...” Jack slumps back in the tub and sighs. “I... I think you should leave. I'd like to get out of the bath now.”
Vanessa rolls her eyes and walks out of the room as a contemplative looking British Bear pulls himself slowly from the bathtub.