Life Cameos™ / Public Enemy #1
Aug 6, 2017 22:24:30 GMT -5
Rage (aka NoMercyMaster2001), Mox Mox, and 2 more like this
Post by Mongo the Destroyer on Aug 6, 2017 22:24:30 GMT -5
“Alright, 5….4….3….2…1 Go!”
*The camera opens up on a full-suited Randy Angel smiling at the camera (which is angled from the floor so as to make him look more tall and powerful). Randy is backed only by white as he starts his spiel.*
Randy: Hello! Do you have problems? Of course you do, you’re a human, we all have problems!
*Randy walks to the right as the camera follows him. Behind him appear pictures (maybe green screened in) of Mongo the Destroyer looking terrified, Nelly Angel looking confused, and Gold-Borg…being himself?*
Randy: Well we here at Life Cameos™ feel your pain and are here to help.
*He stops, the pictures remain behind him. Where did these pictures come from? Who knows*
Randy: Do you want advice from your parents? Of course not; nobody listens to them. Your friends? You’re friends are idiots! We here at Life Cameos™ have researched and realized that the only people who can really influence how you think are the stars. No, not the ones in the sky, the ones in Hollywood, on TV, and on your iPo-phone. For the low low price of negotiable, we can get you set up with an A-or otherwise relevant-lister who’s more than happy to help you get better (at least from an emotional stand-point)! Just call the number at the bottom of your screen and get in touch with our operators today!
*We quick-cut to Mongo the Destroyer, the owner of the XHF Network, looking absolutely terrified as he paces in his office. Joey Hawke, his right-hand man is trying to calm him down.*
Joey: Mongo, it’s really not that bad.
Mongo: Not that bad!? I’ve got three guys gunning for me! One of them is intent on killing me and who knows what the other two would do to my body!
Joey: Calm down, you’ve dealt with this before.
*Mongo gets up in Joey’s face.*
Mongo: You’re darn right I did, and it almost ripped the company apart! And now these guys want to physically harm me as well!
*Joey motions for Mongo to settle down, he gestures to Mongo’s desk, where Mongo takes a quick sit on the edge.*
Joey: Ok, let’s go over the facts. Yes, three guys are looking for you-
Mongo: This pep talk isn’t really helping so far-
Joey: Listen, listen. Let’s look at what we’ve got. One, an unstable edgy guy with a gun. Two, a creepy loner. Three, a muscle-bound meat-head- I mean he has to be to think we’re in Saint Cloud when the headquarters isn’t exactly hiding here in Minneapo-
Mongo: WAIT! Stop, rewind. Go over the guys again.
Joey: What? Unstable guy with a gun, creepy loner, muscle-bound……Mongo?
*Mongo’s eyes have gone wide, he’s shaking ever so much as he quietly mouths “Rev-rev-rev.” Joey starts panicking.*
Joey: Ok, ok, calm down. Just calm down.
*Joey looks around the room quickly and sees a flyer for Life Cameos™ of all things.*
Joey: Just…just cool down Mongo, it’ll be fine, you’ll see.
*The camera fades out.*
*When we reopen Mongo is standing in what appears to be a squash court. He’s dressed in basketball shorts and a t-shirt. Across from him stands Randy Angel, still in a suit.*
Randy: I’m glad you called Mongo, we-
Mongo: I didn’t, Joey Hawke did. Also, aren’t you Nelly’s alcoholic brother?
Randy: Haha, I guess I’ve made a bit of a reputation for myself. Well today is a new day for both you and me, because today all your problems will be solved- though I’m legally obligated to tell you that the previous line was a tag-line not a promise.
*The XHF Network owner sighs.*
Mongo: Ok, why are we here?
Randy: We at Life Cameos™ care about you and your situation. And we understand that you’re under a lot of stress right now. So to help you, we decided to pair you up with one of your favorite musical stars for a session of meditation.
Mongo: Wait, you mean…
Randy: Yes, here he is, the front man of the Electric Light Orchestra….JEFF LYNNE!
*The camera switches to Jeff Lynne, dressed in an all-white track suit, walking into the squash court. We switch back to find an absolutely giddy Mongo. Randy Angel beams.*
Randy: Well, it looks like you to have some things to attend to, I’ll leave you to it.
*The camera fades*
*We come back as both men are now in that meditation position everyone uses.*
Jeff: Ok Mongo, I’m gonna talk you through this mediation with a story. Just relax and listen to my words.
Mongo: Alright.
*The close their eyes.*
Jeff: I was standing in the jungle, I was feeling alright. Mmmhmm.
Mongo: Mmmhmm.
Jeff: I was wandering in the darkness in the middle of the night. Mmmhmm.
Mongo: Mmmhmm.
Jeff: The moon began to shine, I saw a clearing ahead. Mmmhmm.
Mongo: Mmmhmm.
Jeff: But what’s that going on? I think I’m out of my head. Mmmhmm.
Mongo: Mmmhmm.
Jeff: Chooka chooka hoo la ley. Looka looka koo la ley.
*Mongo opens one of his eyes and gives a sideways look at the legal owner of the Electric Light Orchestra trademark- and rightfully so.
Jeff: A hundred animal were gathered ‘round this night. Mmmhmm.
Mongo: Mmmhmm.
Jeff: And they were singing out a lovely song under the pale moonlight. Mmmhmm
Mongo: Mmmhmm.
Jeff: I stood and stared for quite a while, then a lion sang to me and smiled: “Come and join us if you so desire.” They sang, “Chooka Chooka hoo la ley.” That’s what they sang. “Looka looka koo la ley. Chooka chooka hoo la ley.” That’s what they sang.
Mongo: “Looka looka koo la ley?”
Jeff: Shhh. I said, “Now please explain the meaning of this song you sing.” Mmmhmm.
Mongo: Mmmhmm.
Jeff: “Wondrous is our great blue ship which sails around the mighty sun; and joy to everyone that rides along!” They sang, “Chooka Chooka hoo la ley.” That’s what they sang. “Looka looka koo la ley.” And they danced!
*The Destroyer known as Mongo clears his throat.*
Jeff: Pretty soon I knew the tune, and we sat and sang under the moon. And the jungle rang in joyful harmony. They sang-
Mongo: Mmmhmm.
Jeff: No, they sa-
*Mongo opens his eyes and stands up.*
Mongo: No, that was me coming to a realization.
Jeff: You’ve seen the light!?
Mongo: Yes, I’ve seen the light that this is a terrible waste of time and I still feel like crap. I have more important things to do.
*Mongo walks out of the squash court past Randy Angel, who looks concerned. Randy looks at Jeff Lynne of ELO fame, the singer/songwriter/producer just shrugs. The camera fades.*
*And then opens once again. This time Mongo is settling into his bed in a lavish and somewhat nicely antiqued room. He’s wearing a sleeping cap because of course he is. As he slides under the covers, his bedroom door opens, giving him quite a start. The surprise is soon replaced by disappointment because Randy Angel is in his doorway.*
Mongo: Why are you in my house? Who let you in?
Randy: You have really poor security; but don’t let that bother you because I’m here to help.
Mongo: I have poor security?
Randy: Anyway, I’m sorry things didn’t work out with Jeff Lynne. But! Because you’re an important customer, I’ve decided to make this right -and for free no less. Now it seems that meditation isn’t gonna work. So instead, I thought maybe you’d appreciate if you were serenaded before bed.
Mongo: I’m already in bed.
Randy: A minor detail. But! Give me a chance. Since things didn’t work out with the frontman of Electric Light Orchestra, I have brought you the next best thing: The Orchestra, also known as-
Mongo: ELO II. I know my ELOs.
*He sighs.*
Mongo: Alright, let’s just get this over with. I have a feeling you won’t leave until it’s done.
Randy: You’re a discerning man, I won’t.
*He leans out the door.*
Randy: He said ok guys!
*The Orchestra’s current line-up file in, filling up the room with their gear and whatnot. Mongo still looks tense.*
Randy: Relax Mongo, let the smooth stylings of the Orchestra wisp you off to sleep.
*Mongo reluctantly leans back in bed as the band starts up.*
*Immediately Mongo’s eyes shoot back open into a panic, this was a poor song choice.*
*Soon, the fear turns into anger, nobody else realizes this of course and the song continues.*
*As if by habit from live shows one of the performers winks at Mongo. At this the XHF Network owner sits up and points to the door.*
Mongo: GET OUT! NOW!
*Mongo the Destroyer fumes as everyone slowly files out. The camera then fades as an ELO tune starts playing over the darkness*
*The camera opens up on a full-suited Randy Angel smiling at the camera (which is angled from the floor so as to make him look more tall and powerful). Randy is backed only by white as he starts his spiel.*
Randy: Hello! Do you have problems? Of course you do, you’re a human, we all have problems!
*Randy walks to the right as the camera follows him. Behind him appear pictures (maybe green screened in) of Mongo the Destroyer looking terrified, Nelly Angel looking confused, and Gold-Borg…being himself?*
Randy: Well we here at Life Cameos™ feel your pain and are here to help.
*He stops, the pictures remain behind him. Where did these pictures come from? Who knows*
Randy: Do you want advice from your parents? Of course not; nobody listens to them. Your friends? You’re friends are idiots! We here at Life Cameos™ have researched and realized that the only people who can really influence how you think are the stars. No, not the ones in the sky, the ones in Hollywood, on TV, and on your iPo-phone. For the low low price of negotiable, we can get you set up with an A-or otherwise relevant-lister who’s more than happy to help you get better (at least from an emotional stand-point)! Just call the number at the bottom of your screen and get in touch with our operators today!
*We quick-cut to Mongo the Destroyer, the owner of the XHF Network, looking absolutely terrified as he paces in his office. Joey Hawke, his right-hand man is trying to calm him down.*
Joey: Mongo, it’s really not that bad.
Mongo: Not that bad!? I’ve got three guys gunning for me! One of them is intent on killing me and who knows what the other two would do to my body!
Joey: Calm down, you’ve dealt with this before.
*Mongo gets up in Joey’s face.*
Mongo: You’re darn right I did, and it almost ripped the company apart! And now these guys want to physically harm me as well!
*Joey motions for Mongo to settle down, he gestures to Mongo’s desk, where Mongo takes a quick sit on the edge.*
Joey: Ok, let’s go over the facts. Yes, three guys are looking for you-
Mongo: This pep talk isn’t really helping so far-
Joey: Listen, listen. Let’s look at what we’ve got. One, an unstable edgy guy with a gun. Two, a creepy loner. Three, a muscle-bound meat-head- I mean he has to be to think we’re in Saint Cloud when the headquarters isn’t exactly hiding here in Minneapo-
Mongo: WAIT! Stop, rewind. Go over the guys again.
Joey: What? Unstable guy with a gun, creepy loner, muscle-bound……Mongo?
*Mongo’s eyes have gone wide, he’s shaking ever so much as he quietly mouths “Rev-rev-rev.” Joey starts panicking.*
Joey: Ok, ok, calm down. Just calm down.
*Joey looks around the room quickly and sees a flyer for Life Cameos™ of all things.*
Joey: Just…just cool down Mongo, it’ll be fine, you’ll see.
*The camera fades out.*
*When we reopen Mongo is standing in what appears to be a squash court. He’s dressed in basketball shorts and a t-shirt. Across from him stands Randy Angel, still in a suit.*
Randy: I’m glad you called Mongo, we-
Mongo: I didn’t, Joey Hawke did. Also, aren’t you Nelly’s alcoholic brother?
Randy: Haha, I guess I’ve made a bit of a reputation for myself. Well today is a new day for both you and me, because today all your problems will be solved- though I’m legally obligated to tell you that the previous line was a tag-line not a promise.
*The XHF Network owner sighs.*
Mongo: Ok, why are we here?
Randy: We at Life Cameos™ care about you and your situation. And we understand that you’re under a lot of stress right now. So to help you, we decided to pair you up with one of your favorite musical stars for a session of meditation.
Mongo: Wait, you mean…
Randy: Yes, here he is, the front man of the Electric Light Orchestra….JEFF LYNNE!
*The camera switches to Jeff Lynne, dressed in an all-white track suit, walking into the squash court. We switch back to find an absolutely giddy Mongo. Randy Angel beams.*
Randy: Well, it looks like you to have some things to attend to, I’ll leave you to it.
*The camera fades*
*We come back as both men are now in that meditation position everyone uses.*
Jeff: Ok Mongo, I’m gonna talk you through this mediation with a story. Just relax and listen to my words.
Mongo: Alright.
*The close their eyes.*
Jeff: I was standing in the jungle, I was feeling alright. Mmmhmm.
Mongo: Mmmhmm.
Jeff: I was wandering in the darkness in the middle of the night. Mmmhmm.
Mongo: Mmmhmm.
Jeff: The moon began to shine, I saw a clearing ahead. Mmmhmm.
Mongo: Mmmhmm.
Jeff: But what’s that going on? I think I’m out of my head. Mmmhmm.
Mongo: Mmmhmm.
Jeff: Chooka chooka hoo la ley. Looka looka koo la ley.
*Mongo opens one of his eyes and gives a sideways look at the legal owner of the Electric Light Orchestra trademark- and rightfully so.
Jeff: A hundred animal were gathered ‘round this night. Mmmhmm.
Mongo: Mmmhmm.
Jeff: And they were singing out a lovely song under the pale moonlight. Mmmhmm
Mongo: Mmmhmm.
Jeff: I stood and stared for quite a while, then a lion sang to me and smiled: “Come and join us if you so desire.” They sang, “Chooka Chooka hoo la ley.” That’s what they sang. “Looka looka koo la ley. Chooka chooka hoo la ley.” That’s what they sang.
Mongo: “Looka looka koo la ley?”
Jeff: Shhh. I said, “Now please explain the meaning of this song you sing.” Mmmhmm.
Mongo: Mmmhmm.
Jeff: “Wondrous is our great blue ship which sails around the mighty sun; and joy to everyone that rides along!” They sang, “Chooka Chooka hoo la ley.” That’s what they sang. “Looka looka koo la ley.” And they danced!
*The Destroyer known as Mongo clears his throat.*
Jeff: Pretty soon I knew the tune, and we sat and sang under the moon. And the jungle rang in joyful harmony. They sang-
Mongo: Mmmhmm.
Jeff: No, they sa-
*Mongo opens his eyes and stands up.*
Mongo: No, that was me coming to a realization.
Jeff: You’ve seen the light!?
Mongo: Yes, I’ve seen the light that this is a terrible waste of time and I still feel like crap. I have more important things to do.
*Mongo walks out of the squash court past Randy Angel, who looks concerned. Randy looks at Jeff Lynne of ELO fame, the singer/songwriter/producer just shrugs. The camera fades.*
*And then opens once again. This time Mongo is settling into his bed in a lavish and somewhat nicely antiqued room. He’s wearing a sleeping cap because of course he is. As he slides under the covers, his bedroom door opens, giving him quite a start. The surprise is soon replaced by disappointment because Randy Angel is in his doorway.*
Mongo: Why are you in my house? Who let you in?
Randy: You have really poor security; but don’t let that bother you because I’m here to help.
Mongo: I have poor security?
Randy: Anyway, I’m sorry things didn’t work out with Jeff Lynne. But! Because you’re an important customer, I’ve decided to make this right -and for free no less. Now it seems that meditation isn’t gonna work. So instead, I thought maybe you’d appreciate if you were serenaded before bed.
Mongo: I’m already in bed.
Randy: A minor detail. But! Give me a chance. Since things didn’t work out with the frontman of Electric Light Orchestra, I have brought you the next best thing: The Orchestra, also known as-
Mongo: ELO II. I know my ELOs.
*He sighs.*
Mongo: Alright, let’s just get this over with. I have a feeling you won’t leave until it’s done.
Randy: You’re a discerning man, I won’t.
*He leans out the door.*
Randy: He said ok guys!
*The Orchestra’s current line-up file in, filling up the room with their gear and whatnot. Mongo still looks tense.*
Randy: Relax Mongo, let the smooth stylings of the Orchestra wisp you off to sleep.
*Mongo reluctantly leans back in bed as the band starts up.*
The night has a thousand eyes
And they're all on you
The night has a thousand ears
Listening to your cries
Let it work it's magic
Let it work it's magic
The night has a thousand eyes
And they're all on you
The night has a thousand ears
Listening to your cries
Let it work it's magic
Let it work it's magic
The night has a thousand eyes
*Immediately Mongo’s eyes shoot back open into a panic, this was a poor song choice.*
You, you had to slip away
After all that spark
You, said all that you could say
And slipped into the dark
I could not let you go
Alone into the night
I had to let you know
The magic there, in the night air
After all that spark
You, said all that you could say
And slipped into the dark
I could not let you go
Alone into the night
I had to let you know
The magic there, in the night air
*Soon, the fear turns into anger, nobody else realizes this of course and the song continues.*
The night has a thousand eyes
And they're all on you
The night has a thousand ears
Listening to your cries
And they're all on you
The night has a thousand ears
Listening to your cries
*As if by habit from live shows one of the performers winks at Mongo. At this the XHF Network owner sits up and points to the door.*
Mongo: GET OUT! NOW!
*Mongo the Destroyer fumes as everyone slowly files out. The camera then fades as an ELO tune starts playing over the darkness*
