The XHF Network Presents: BIG FIGHT FIGHT NIGHT! LIVE!!
Mar 16, 2022 3:50:39 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, anthonycaffrey, and 1 more like this
Post by Vodka Fizz on Mar 16, 2022 3:50:39 GMT -5
A vignette opens up in what appears to be an alleyway. A figure in a leather hood walks up to a steel door and bangs on it. After a moment, someone opens the door and a large man blocks his way, glaring at the unidentified hooded man.
Bouncer: Password?
The hooded figure leans forward to whisper something in the bouncer’s ear, who looks satisfied, and steps aside. The hooded figure enters through the door, and it shows him paking his way through a dark, crowded area, never revealing his face. Music starts to play.
While the music plays, the hooded figure continues on his journey, checking doors along the way. Finally, one of the doors opens to a completely dark room, and the hooded figure switches on a light, which brings up a spot revealing the BIG FIGHT FIGHT NIGHT! LIVE! Logo. The hooded figure pulls back his hood, revealing the distinctive coiffed hair and headband of Tommy Strychnine, who grins.
Strychnine: Awesome.
The camera pans in on the logo, then pulls back to reveal the same logo on a small stage in a small arena that is packed with fans, cheering, chanting and playing to the camera. After a moment, Tommy Strychnine appears on the stage to a roar of applause from the packed venue. The rocker plays to the crowd, trying to get them pumped up and basking in the adulation for a moment before he produces a microphone from his back pocket.
Strychnine: Come on, New Orleans, you can do better than that! Make some motherfuckin’ noise!!!
The crowd roars and Tommy looks excited, mouthing the words ‘fuck yeah.’ After a moment, he raises the microphone again.
Strychnine: Alright, that was awesome. Well done! Hot crowd, always a good time, man. Now you all know why you’re here, but on the off chance you don;t, I’m here to say welcome to BIG FIGHT FIGHT NIGHT!!!
The crowd erupts in cheers again, and Tommy just looks pumped, holding his mic out toward the crown and cupping a hand to his ear, mouthing ‘I can’t hear you.’ He finally grins, turning the mic back on himself.
Strychnine: And it goes without saying at this point that tonight, I am your host! Your master of ceremonies, as it were. A ringmaster, if you will. And tonight, the spectacle we are going to present might just be the most bootleg, carny bullshit most of you have ever experienced.
Tommy makes his way down the walkway from the stage to the ring, which is conspicuously lacking ring ropes or turnbuckles.
Strychnine: As you can see, this is gonna be a little bit different than some of you expected, and the spectacle we’ve put together for tonight is a little bit less the circus most of you would expect coming to an XHF show and a little bit more of the ‘gladiatorial combat’ kind of circus. In layman's terms, if you came here tonight expecting flippy-dippy pinball bullshit, you’re going to go home disappointed. No no, friends. Tonight, you’re gonna see some people throw down. You’re gonna see some people fight. This isn’t a wrestling show. This is BIG FIGHT FIGHT NIGHT!
The crowd cheers again, and Tommy looks pleased.
Strychnine: Yeah! Fuckin’ preach! Tonight I’ll be pulling duty as the ring announcer. On commentary, we have the three best commentators I could fins in our price range.
The camera cuts to the commentary desk, revealing the trio of announcers, among whom is a brilliantly-smiling red-haired woman in a Lazer Phyzycyst t-shirt, a comparatively disinterested looking man with short blond hair, facial piercings, and too-much eye makeup, and a man in a velour tracksuit and a luchador mask that appears to have been made out of Pabst Blue Ribbon boxes.
Strychnine: Our commentary team tonight is Sarah Delaney…
The red-head waves to the crowd.
Strychnine: Ike Kincaid…
The blond man rolls his eyes and crosses his arms, hunching into the desk.
Strychnine: And last but not least, my close personal friend and one of the people I came up in this business with, Bootleg Dragon!
The luchador rises from his seat, striking a hero pose.
Strychnine: How’s the wife and kids, Bootsy? That’s great. Anyway, I’m running long on my time, so we should get right along with it and start our first match, shall we? That sound good?
The crowd roars again, and Tommy grins.
Strychnine: So without further ado, the following contest is a big fight scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, from Detroit, Michigan, and weighing in today at one hundred and eighty-five pounds, he is the Prince of Perfection, he is…. JOE….. NOBODY!!!
This Time by Depswa starts to play, and Joe Nobody emerges onto the stage with no music. The camera zooms into Nobody's face who smirks and adjusts his tie before making his way to the ring. As makes it up two steps and stops before turning around to give a young fan his signature fedora.
Strychnine: And his opponent, from Los Angeles, California and weighing in today at a respectable two hundred and sixty pounds, he is the One and Only…. FARGO!!!
Incinerate by Sonic Youth starts to play.
I ripped your heart out from your chest.
Replaced it with it a grenade blast.
INCINERATE.
INCINERATE.
Scott Fargo slowly steps out onto the stage and into the light. He then takes his time to look from side to side, scanning the crowd. After a few more seconds, Fargo begins a slow, confident walk toward the ring, ignoring any fan trying to grab his attention. Fargo then makes his way up the stairs and across the apron. He stops and turns his head in the direction of the hard camera and removes his sunglasses. After a few moments of Fargo giving a death stare to the camera, he makes his way to the corner. Fargo then removes his coat and crouches himself down in the corner, watching Joe Nobody intently.
Dragon: The referee calls for the bell and we are underway!
Delaney: On paper, this should be a pretty good matchup. Fargo and Nobody are about the same size, about the same weight, and they’re about the same age.
Kincaid: They even use a similar fighting style. I can’t think of a better matchup on paper than these two men.
Dragon: Only time will tell how true that is.
Fargo and Nobody square off. Nobody throws a straight punch at Fargo, who ducks and counters with a kick to the hamstring. Fargo follows up with a trio of knife-edge chops. Nobody tries to shove Fargo away, but Fargo with a waist lock go-behind.
Dragon: Fargo is bringing it to Joe Nobody!
Delaney: That’s what we’re here for, Bootsy! Fargo’s out for blood, and he should be!
Kincaid: Nobody might have been caught off guard to start off, but I think we’ll see some life out of him yet.
Nobody blasts Fargo with a back elbow smash, and then a second one. Fargo’s grip starts to loosen, and Nobody follows up with a snapmare into a seated position, then transitions into an armbar. Fargo howls in pain as Nobody hyperextends the shoulder, cranking as hard as he can.
Kincaid: Joe Nobody working the shoulder! That’s a kiss of death for a submission specialist.
Delaney: Fargo’s got more in his bag of tricks then submissions.
Dragon: That’s a beautiful armbar! Fargo’s gotta do something before Joe Nobody does permanent damage.
Fargo rolls over so Nobody is pinned underneath him, driving elbows down into the veteran;s face. Nobody lets go of Fargo’s arm, planting his feet on the other man’s face to push him away. Nobody scrambles to his feet while Fargo is off balance, moving to clinch with the other man. Fargo kicks the left hamstring of Nobody, dropping the other man to one knee, then he smashes forearms into Nobody’s face. Nobody stops Fargo in his tracks with a rabbit punch to the throat.
Dragon: Right in the throat! That’d be a disqualification in any other wrestling match.
Kincaid: Hard to argue with the results.
Delaney: Besides, this isn’t a wrestling match! This is a fight! WE WANT BLOOD! WE WANT BLOOD!
The crowd joins in with Delaney, chanting ‘We want blood!’ Nobody goes for a one arm slam, but Fargo lands back on his feet. Fargo ducks a clothesline from Nobody, then comes back with a Pele kick. Nobody staggers toward the edge of the ring. Fargo follows up with a dropkick that sends Nobody into the front row of fans!
Delaney: That’s more like it!
Kincaid: Fargo getting the fans involved the hard way!
Dragon: But Fargo can’t win the match if Nobody isn’t in the ring.
Nobody is having some trouble getting his bearings, but he rolls back into the ring. Fargo hooks him up for a vertical suplex, but Nobody counters with a suplex of his own. Fargo manages to land on his feet, and he blasts Nobody with a knee strike to the back of the head. Fargo is quick to capitalize, trying to get in the Heelhook!
Kincaid: Fargo’s been dominating this match; no surprise to see him going for the Heelhook.
Delaney: If he gets that in, Nobody’s fucked.
Dragon: Nobody’s fighting hard, I’m starting to think Joe Nobody might turn this around.
Nobody manages to evade the submission, launching Fargo away again. Nobody rolls off of the ring to try and get his bearings again. Fargo launches himself off of the ring for a ssuicide dive, but Nobody catches him by the waist, hoisting the other man up and powerbombing him on the apron!
Dragon: Jesus, you wanna talk about the shot heard round the world.
Delaney: God damn, I felt that from here.
Nobody rolls back into the ring, going for a pin!
…ONE!
…TWO!
Fargo kicks out!
Kincaid: A noble effort, but Fargo stays alive!
Nobody hauls Fargo up to his feet, shouting at him that he’s going to end the match. Fargo responds with a blatant kick in the pills. Fargo drills Nobody with the Deadend Brainbuster!
Dragon: Low blow into the Deadend Brainbuster!
Delaney: Say goodnight to the Prince of Perfection!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Somehow Joe Nobody manages to stay alive!
Dragon: Or not! Joe Nobody digs deep and kicks out!
Delaney: Did that count seem slow to you?
Fargo looks furious. Nobody fights to his knees, laughing at Fargo. Fargo responds with a Shotgun Blast!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Nobody manages a miracle and kicks out again!
Delaney: It’s starting to feel like Joe Nobody paid off the ref or something, there’s no way Joe Nobody should have been able to kick out after that!
Kincaid: And yet, here we are! The fans are firmly behind Joe Nobody!
Dragon: But this isn’t Peter Pan, the laughter of children isn;t gonna save Joe Nobody if he doesn’t pull something out here!
Fargo drives hard knees into Nobody’s head, until it looks like he may have beaten Nobody unconscious. He drags Nobody over to the corner of the ring. Fargo wraps Nobody’s arm around the unadorned ring post, grabbing Nobody’s wrist, planting his feet and leaning backward. Joe Nobody howls out in pain.
Dragon: An innovative submission maneuver from Fargo!
Kincaid: You see how Fargo is hanging off the ring? That means all of his weight is being supported by Nobody’s elbow. And judging by the agonized wails from Joe Nobody, that’s gotta hurt like hell!
Delaney: -slamming her hands on the table in time with her chanting- TAP OR SNAP! TAP OR SNAP! TAP OR SNAP!
Left with no other choice, Joe Nobody finally submits! Fargo releases the punishing hold, looking purposefully disinterested as the referee checks on Nobody, who's holding his arm and audibly cursing up a blue streak. Nobody is helped out of the ring, and the referee raises Fargo’s hand in victory.
Strychnine: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this match by submission. FAAAAAARGOOOOO!
Dragon: An incredible effort by Joe Nobody ends with a whimper, and the fans here tonight are none too happy. Can’t say I blame ‘em.
Kincaid: Whether you blame them or not, Fargo brought it tonight and Joe Nobody missed a step or two.
Delaney: Fargo was awesome! I know we’re not sposta like him, but do you think he has a merch table?
Fargo raises his hands in victory to a cacophony of boos. He smirks, waving off the jeers from the crowd as he stands there looking pleased with himself. He finally leaves the ring, the fans giving him a wide berth as he makes his way into the back.
Strychnine: What a start, am I wright? Let’s see if we can;t keep that momentum going, shall we? The following contest is a big fight scheduled for One Fall! Introducing first, currently residing in Asheville, North Carolina, weighing in at a meaty 240 pounds, he is ‘The Awkward One’, he is ADAAAAAAAAM SAAAAAAAANDERRRRSSSSS!
The drum fill followed by the opening guitar riff for the title track off the fourth studio album by Canadian punk band Sum 41 begins to blare on the Ascension PA system. The fans begin to cheer as the lights go dark and a single spotlight appears on the ramp.
One, two, three, four
The rest of the band joins the guitar as Adam Sanders emerges behind the curtain. The fans give the Awkward One loud cheers as the spotlight follows his trek towards the ring.
Well, I won’t be caught living in a dead end job
While praying to my government guns and gods
Now it’s us against them, we’re here to represent
And spit right in the face of the establishment!
Sanders walks up the stairs, walks down the apron a bit and puts both arms in the air. The fans continue to give loud cheers for the Awkward One as he steps between the top and middle rope to enter the ring. He steps on the opposite turnbuckle, the chorus of the song becomes the backdrop for him to hop back into the ring.
Well because we're doing fine, and we don't need to be told
That we're doing fine, 'cause we won't give you control.
And we don't need anything from you,
'Cause we'll be just fine, and we won't be bought and sold, just like you
Delaney: NLW’s own Adam Sanders is in the house tonight!
Kincaid: He’s got a good wholesome energy to him, I like him!
Dragon: Wholesome and technically effective, with a tough challenge thrown down tonight by Shizuku Yamamoto of SKY Force.
Strychnine: And his opponent… weighing 122 pounds, from Asahikawa, Hokkaido, Japan, she is SHIIIIZZUKUUU YAMAAAAAAMOTTTTOOOOOO!
花を焼べて 詩を焼べて
誰より険しく美しく
あの日の傷ももらった愛も
全て焼べて 光の方へ
With those words "Tsuki to Hanataba" plays its way into the arena. Shortly afterwards Nausicaä, holding a stuffed cat she calls Charles in her hands with the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship, appears upon the stage with Rin Kubo on her left, Shizuku on her right and Hayley behind her holding a SKY Force Fund banner. Suzuki part her legs while moving both of Charles' upper paws out for the two brunettes fist bump each paw as Miss Grimes crawl through the gap between the leader's legs to show off before the group begin to head down the ramp way.
Delaney: Shizuku Yamamoto is scheduled for this contest, but seemingly the entirety of SKY Force is joining her at ringside!
Kincaid: It’s like an entire army together, this is already unfair!
Dragon: What is going on?
When their names are announced all of them are sitting on the apron facing the hard camera before rolling into the ring one at a time. They stop their rolls in a way that ends with Shizuku on her left knee, Rin on her right knee and Nausicaä sitting in the middle, holding Charles close as the brunettes rest their arms across her back, while Hayley stands behind the Super Saiyan Rosé wearing the banner like it is some kind of heroic cape. Together the three stand up and take a hero pose. Kubo having her right fist out towards the crowd and her left on her right breast, Yamamoto mirroring her and Suzuki holding Charles out towards the crowd while Grimes slide out the ring and holds the banner our in the direction of the hard cam.
Delaney: The referee’s gotta get control of this one.
Kincaid: I mean, six on one? Five? That’s a lot of people for just one Adam Sanders!
Dragon: There are no rules tonight, so…
The referee does a good job of managing to get everyone that isn’t Adam Sanders or Shizuku Yamamoto out of the ring. She calls for the bell, and then three sides of the ring apron are immediately occupied as Suzuki holding Charles, Grimes, and Kubo are all now standing on the apron. Sanders looks around and does his best to fend off the mob as they enter the ring and begin attacking him in a group, but it’s quickly too much and he’s overwhelmed by their assault. The crowd boos the group making a mockery of a fair fight as JROK’s greatest tag team/faction immediately strikes as a guerilla force, descending the match into chaos. Shizuku gets Sanders up and hits a chopblock, and he’s immediately met with a running, jumping shoulder tackle from Kubo. Grimes helps Sanders to his feet, only to hold his arms back behind him while Suzuki charges forth and crushes him with a Dream Crusher!
Delaney: When we said no rules tonight, I wasn’t really expecting this!
Kincaid: If you’re Sanders, are you just looking to escape with your head?
Dragon: If only his mentor Cochrane was around!
Adam has managed to roll off of the ring to the floor, and he manages to get a little bit of distance from the ring, standing behind the ring announcers’ desk for a few moments as he catches his breath.
Dragon: The fight’s in the ring, kid!
Kincaid: He’s not a kid, Bootsy! He’s 28 and a former AWF Prestige champion!
Sanders looks at the five-on-one assault coming his way and awkwardly asks to borrow the timekeeper’s chair. He’s granted the piece of steel, and immediately begins clearing a path, swinging the chair at the backs of Suzuki, then Kubo, then Grimes as he works his way back to the ring. When he’s about to get in, he’s almost caught with a Reality Shift from Yamamoto, but he catches her with a hard dropkick!
Delaney: Sanders is fighting back!
Kincaid: It’s two-on-five with that chair, and the two are winning!
The crowd is on their feet and cheering for more action as Sanders waffles a chair shot into Yamamoto’s back and goes for the pin!
…ONE!
…TWO!
Sanders is pulled out of the ring by Suzuki!
Delaney: Damn! Suzuki gets her hands back on Sanders!
Kincaid: This isn’t a fight, it’s a mugging!
Dragon: Forget what I said earlier, he should cut tail and get out!
SKY Force begins to collectively brawl with Sanders up the ramp. Sanders, to his credit, is fighting back with everything he’s got, but four warm bodies plus a stuffed one is a little much for him. The group looks to the tables set up in the electrical area, seemingly hatching an idea, at least until Sanders free himself by handing out superkicks like it’s nobody’s business! Suzuki goes down! Charles and Kubo go down! Grimes goes down!
Delaney: Lightning just struck four times!
Kincaid: Could this be what Sanders needs?
Dragon: There’s still a fifth needed!
Just as Sanders winds up for the fifth, POW! He’s caught with a spinning back fist from Yamamoto! He goes down in a hurry as the crowd boos loudly again!
Delaney: Nope!
Kincaid: She’s rallying the troops for something, this could be Bedlam!
SKY Force find their way back to their feets with Yamamoto’s coaching, grabbing Sanders! Sanders looks to fight back, but it’s still too much with a five-on-one going! Kubo, Suzuki, and Grimes grab him for the triple powerbomb, while Yamamoto looks for the suplex!
Kincaid: He’s rocking, he might be able to slip out!
Dragon: If he isn’t there’s a floor full of electrical equipment that he might hit!
Somehow, some way, Sanders manages to slip his way out, landing on the edge of the stage! He dangles and almost falls over, but somehow manages to stay on! Through the chaos, Yamamoto is shoved forward, though she grabs Charles and throws caution to the wind, charging forward and crashing into the group of bodies and striking down Adrien with the Reality Shift, sending them all off the stage into the tables and the electrical equipment! Sparks fly!
Delaney: Oh my God! Yamamoto just embraced chaos and caught Sanders, but also caught her own group!
Kincaid: Everybody’s down! Everybody’s out!
Dragon: People need to get out of there, the equipment might be about to--
As a minor electrical fire turns into something potentially major, the feed is knocked off-air.
.
.
.
When the feed returns, medical staff are sorting through the pile of bodies. Strychnine announces the result.
Strychnine: Ladies and gentlemen, as neither competitor is able to continue, this match has been stopped by the referee! We’re going to take a short break while they make sure everything is working correctly before we get back underway.
INTERMISSION START!
INTERMISSION END![/i]
Strychnine: Are we good? Are you sure we’re good? Alright, apparently we’re good. Cool. Welcome back, if you’re watching from home, we apologize for the technical difficulties, but Adam Sanders and Sky FOrce took the boots to our production equipment, so that was a thing. But we’re back, baby, and it’s time for our next big fight!
The crowd cheers, and Tommy looks smug.
Strychnine: Our next contest is a big fight scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, from Seattle and weighing in tonight at two hundred and twenty-five pounds,she is…. SAAAPHIIIIRE!!!
2010 by Apocalyptica starts to play, and when Sapphire comes out on her cue, her eyes are glued to the ring. She strides confidently but stoically down to the ring and enters simply, stretching as she waits for the fight to start.
Strychnine: And her opponent, from Miami, Florida, and weighing in tonight at 208 pounds, make some noise for CHRIIIIIIS SAAAAANDERSON!
The intro of "MIDDLE CHILD" by J. Cole begins to play. As the song continues to build up, the lights explode back on right at that magical moment.
"Wrestlers been countin' me out
I'm countin' my bullets, I'm loadin' my clips
I'm writin' down names, I'm makin' a list
I'm checkin' it twice and I'm gettin' 'em hit
The real ones been dyin', the fake ones is lit
The game is off balance, I'm back on my shit"
Standing in the entry way is Chris Sanderson with a hooded sweatshirt on, hood up, as he takes in the positive reaction from the crowd. The second generation talent takes a quick glance at the people on their feet before beginning his walk to the ring. Sanderson makes sure to slap hands that stick over the barricade, headbanging along with the song along with singing along.
"To the OGs, I'm thankin' you now
Was watchin' you when you was pavin' the ground
I copied your cadence, I mirrored your style
I studied the greats, I'm the greatest right now
Fuck if you feel me, you ain't got a choice
Now I ain't do no promo, still made all that noise
This shit gon' be different, I set my intentions
I promise to slap all that hate out your voice"
Chris Sanderson reaches ringside and stops in front of the ring. He tosses his hood back and jumps up to the ring apron and continues to look out at the cheering fans. Chris unzips his jacket and tosses it off to ringside as the song begins to fade away. The referee calls the pair to the center of the ring before the bell rings. Sapphire wants Sanderson to shake her hand. Sanderson hesitates for a moment, but finally offers up his hand, which Sapphire takes and shakes firmly. Sanderson moves to step back, but Sapphire doesn’t release his hand, rather transitioning into a wristlock, and then a snapmare takeover. Sapphire butterflies the arms of Sanderson with her legs.
Delaney: Sapphire starts off strong!
Kincaid: Was a bit of a dirty trick.
Dragon. But this is a no dq situation, so anything goes.
Sanderson gets back to his feet and the pair tie up collar and elbow. Sanderson fakes out Sapphire and brings her down to the mat. Sanderson applies the bow and arrow stretch, then rolls Sapphire into a cradle for the pinfall.
…ONE…
…TWO…
Kickout!.
Dragon: Sanderson fires back!
Kincaid: Sapphire needs to keep her guard up. Chris Sanderson has been doing this for a long time; he has a lot of tricks up his sleeve.
Delaney: I have a really good feeling about this match.
Sapphire rolls to her feet, and Sanderson tells her to bring it. Sanderson and Sapphire tie up again, with Sapphire moving into a switch position. Sanderson reverses so that he’s in switch position now, and then they switch again. Sanderson switches again, this time lifting Sapphire up onto his shoulders. Sapphire slips off, then sends Sanderson to the mat with a double leg takedown.
Kincaid: These two are looking like a better match than I thought.
Delaney: Sapphire has the edge on power, but Sanderson has experience on his side. COuld go either way.
Dragon: There hasn’t been a bad match so far tonight.
From down on the mat, Sanderson sweeps Sapphire’s leg, sending the woman crashing to the mat. They both kip up, coming face-to-face in the middle of the ring, neither willing to give the other an inch. Sanderson grins, then applauds Sapphire sarcastically. Sapphire charges Sanderson, and the veteran trips her. Sapphire rolls through to end up on her knees on the edge of the ring, and Sanderson sends her to the outside with a running dropkick. Sanderson goes to follow up with a suicide dive, but Sapphire has it scouted and counters with a punch to the top of the head.
Dragon: Nice counter from Sapphire. She may have just scrambled Sanderson’s brains.
Delaney: You ever get punched in the dome, Bootsy? Shit SUUUUUUUCKS.
Kincaid: Somehow I’m not surprised this is something you have experience with.
Sapphire rolls back into the ring. Sanderson is trying to get up, but Sapphire kicks out his arm, mounting his back. Sapphire rains down punishing haymakers to the back of Sanderson’s head.
Sanderson decks Sapphire with a back elbow, managing to roll her into an awkward pin attempt!
…ONE…
…TWO…
Kickout!
Delaney: Get it girl!
Kincaid: That was close!
Dragon: But close isn’t close enough, Ike.
Sapphire moves away to create some distance between herself and Sanderson. Sanderson doesn’t let up, launches after her, trying for a leaping back elbow smash, but Sapphire drills Sanderson with a superkick right to the back of the head. Sapphire hauls the prone Sanderson up by the waist, then rolls him up onto her shoulder to hit him with a running powerbomb! Sapphire goes for the pin!
…ONE…
…TWO…
Kickout!!
Kincaid: Sapphire is really stepping it up!
Dragon: The more Sanderson seems to start to lag, the better Sapphire seems to get.
Delaney: At this point, I have no idea who’s gonna win, but I am HERE FOR IT.
Sapphire slaps Sanderson in the chest. She hauls Sanderson up off of the mat by his waist again, then rolls him onto her shoulders for another powerbomb,but Sanderson reverses the move into a Frankensteiner! Sanderson goes for the pin!
…ONE…
Kickout!!
Dragon: And just when you think Sanderson’s done, he comes out with a Frankensteiner!
Delaney: I’m not even sure who I’m pulling for anymore, these two are putting on a show.
Kincaid: Whoever wins this match, you can be sure none of the fans are going to be angry about it.
Both Sapphire and Sanderson are quick to their feet, though the newcomer seems a little disoriented. Sanderson ducks a wild forearm attempt from Sapphire. He comes in with a forearm smash of his own, but Sapphire stops him with a knee strike right to the point of the chin. Sapphire is quick to press the advantage, hooking Sanderson up for a Dragon suplex and bridging into another pin attempt!
…ONE…
…TWO…
Kickout!!
Dragon: And Sapphire almost takes it again!
Kincaid: Sanderson’s got too much left in the tank for that to put him down.
Delaney: But how much more do these two have to give?
The pace of the match is starting to show for both Sanderson and Sapphire. Both competitors are back to their feet, and they start throwing haymakers at each other. Sanderson ducks one blow, clinching Sapphire’s waist and switching so he’s behind her. Sapphire switches with Sanderson, who rolls through to escape. Sanderson shoves Sapphire away from him, then runs at her only to get blasted with a spinning back fist!
Delaney: Nighty night, Chris!
Kincaid: Jesus, did you hear that? I think I felt it in my back teeth.
Dragon: That could be the tide turner for sure, if Sapphire capitalizes on it.
Sapphire hauls Sanderson up off the mat, hitting a belly-to-back Suplex. She holds onto Sanderson, rolling through and hitting another belly-to-back suplex. Sapphire rolls though again, roaring as she hits an overhead release belly to back suplex. Sapphire crouches in the corner, watching for Sanderson to get to his feet. Sanderson finally fights his way back to his feet, and Sapphire launches at him, aiming for a European Uppercut, but Sanderson dodges at the last moment, and Sapphire hurtles out of the ring. Sanderson goes for a baseball slide dropkick, but Sapphire catches him, powerbombing Sanderson on the apron, then hauls him up for a second powerbomb on the apron! The crowd roars, and Sapphire hauls up to hit a third powerbomb on the apron!
Delaney: One! Two! Three! Three powerbombs! AH! AH! AH!
Kincaid: ….What is wrong with you?
Dragon: Three amigos followed by three powerbombs? If Chris Sanderson can kick out after that, I’m convinced he isn’t human.
Sapphire rolls back into the ring, manhandling Sanderson up off of the mat and hooking him up for a full nelson, adding the body scissors and crashing to the mat. The referee immediately calls for the bell, and Sapphire pushes Sanderson away.
Dragon: Sanderson is out! The referee is calling it!
Strychnine: Ladies and gentlemen, the referee has ruled that Chris Sanderson is not able to continue! The winner of this match by knockout… SAAAAAAPHIIIIIIRE!!! Make some noise!
The crowd cheers for Sapphire, who leaves the ring without much of a reaction. Tommy watches her with a quizzical expression on his face, but he finally shrugs.
Strychnine. Eh; Anyway, I need to take a piss, so it’s time for another intermission.
INTERMISSION START!
INTERMISSION END![/i]
Strychnine: Wasn’t that fun? Those TIm and Eric guys come up with some goofy shit. But we’re not here to talk about old Adult Swim shows, are we? No we are not. What we are here for, is our next contest, which is a big fight scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, from Cologne, Germany, and weighing in tonight at one hundred and forty-four pounds, she is ESMERALDA VON KRAUSS!!!
“Circus Apocalypse” by Vermillion Lies starts to play, and VOn Krauss stalks her way down to the ring, paying little heed to the crowd.
Strychnine: And her opponent, from Anaheim, California, and weighing in tonight at one hundred and fifty-nine pounds, she is the Goddess of War….. REBECCA BROOOOOKES!!!
The beats of “Family Ties” begin to play. oon comes The Californian Angel standing front and center of the stage, with a shine to her eye as she looks around the arena with a smile on her face. Rebecca looks around the venue before she slowly twirls around on the stage, showing off the sparkling gems within her ring jacket. The crowd sings the chorus as Rebecca makes her way around the ring, climbing onto the apron and looking out to the thousands of fans as she raises her hand up to the air and waves to the fans, the crowd cheering wildly for Rebecca as she nods her head before entering the ring as she heads to the corner.
The referee checks with both competitors that they’re ready to start, then calls for the bell. Brookes turns to play to the hot crowd and is rewarded by Von Krauss spinning her around and kicking the California Princess in the gut.
Kincaid: The crowd didn’t like that.
Dragon: Any way you look at it, Esmeralda Von Krauss is proving she’s willing to do what it takes for the W.
Delaney: Gotta respect that hustle.
Von Krauss ties up with Brookes, peppering her with forearm shivers. Brookes fires back with forearm shivers of her own. Von Krauss comes back with a knife edge chop, then grabs handfuls of Brookes hair to hurl her across the ring with a Biel Throw. Brookes only manages to get back to her knees before Von Krauss blasts her with a running dropkick.
Delaney: Von Krauss isn’t even giving Brookes a chance to catch her breath.
Dragon: She needs to keep it up, if she gives Brookes an inch she’ll take a mile.
Kincaid: First and foremost, Esmeralda Von Krauss is a business woman, and she’s learned no better lesson than how to be ruthless.
Von Krauss taunts the booing crowd, dropping her knee on the back of Brookes’s neck. She does so again, and then a third time. Von Krauss hauls Brookes up off the mat and rakes her back, earning a yelp from the fan favorite. Von Krauss ties up with Brookes again, and Brookes starts blasting the businesswoman with heavy bodyshots.
Delaney: Oh my gosh! Signs of life from Rebecca Brookes!
Kincaid: When she’s on, Rebecca Brookes is a force to be reckoned with. If Von Krauss lets her get rolling….
Von Krauss drives her knee into the midsection of Brookes, stopping her comeback cold. Von Krauss lifts Brookes onto her shoulders, but Brookes fights free, applying a waistlock. Before she can do much with it, Von Krauss decks Brookes with a back elbow smash.Brookes powers though and hurls Von Krauss across the ring with a release Belly-to-Back Suplex, and VOn Krauss rolls out of the ring.
Dragon: Did you see that? Brookes just tossed Von Krauss right out of the ring!
Kincaid: We’re starting to see the bout machine come to life!
Brookes goes to the edge of the ring, reaching down for Von Krauss, and she is rewarded with a skull-shivering chin strike.
Delaney: Justice! Rebecca Brookes just made a deadly error!
Kincaid: Like I said, Von Krauss has ruthless down and dusted.
Dragon: It looks like she had something in her hand!
Von Krauss drops what appears to be some kind of metal slug, making a show of holding a finger up to her lips before she rolls back into the ring. Brooks is out, and Von Krauss lifts her up enough to get her into position for the Adjustment!
Dragon: This just feels like adding insult to injury at this point.
Delaney: Esmeralda Von Krauss has proven she deserves to be here as much as anyone else.
Von Krauss makes the show of cranking Brookes’ neck, and the already prone wrestler goes limp. Von Krauss goes for the pinfall!
…ONE…
…TWO…
…THREE!
The referee calls for the bell, and the crowd boos the decision. Von Krauss looks disinterested, allowing the referee to raise her hand as the victor before yanking it away.
Strychnine: The winner of this contest by pinfall, Esmaralda Von Krauss! Kinda wish it had been a real match, but we got what we got. Anywho.
Tommy checks his notes, then sighs.
Strychnine: Our next contest is a big fight scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, a guy I never really had much of an opinion of cause he’s a douche. From Las Vegas, Nevada, and weighing in at 230 pounds, I’m not going to read the other shit he sent me on his entrance card…. Make some noise for CROSS RECOBA!!!!
"Turn To Stone" by Joe Walsh fills the arena as the lights dim and a single spotlight illuminates the stage. Out from the curtain steps Cross Recoba, a titanium cane with a golden lion's head handle in one hand, touching the crucifix with the other. The crowd responds with a chorus of cheers. Cross uses the handle of the cane to push his shag hair cut from his face, flicking his head back confidently as he smiles towards the audience. He holds up the cane that has caused so much trouble in the past to an even more rapturous response from the fans, and he begins down the ramp still holding it aloft. Recoba reaches ringside and holds the lion's head handle of the cane up to his lips and kisses it for luck. He sets the cane to rest against the ring steps and then climbs them up onto the apron and delivers an over-exaggerated bow that causes the fans to cheer even louder. Cross stands to his full height and smirks, stepping over to the far corner to await the beginning of the match.
Strychnine: And his opponent, from the Ninth Deep, and weighing in tonight at a beefy one hundred and ninety pounds, he is the Sanctified…. He is POENA!!!
Malleus Maleficarum by Peter Gundry starts to play. During the quiet opening of the song the lights go pitch back as the eerie bells and sounds fill the arena. Each time the choir sings, red spotlights blaze down, revealing Poena standing at the top of the ramp, a black silhouette with his arms raised out to the sides with his palms and face up to the heavens.
As the music picks up the red spotlights stay on him as he lowers his arms and walks toward the ring tossing pamphlets about his “religion” over the teeming masses as he walks down the ramp, his crazed smile breaking out into an even crazier grin as he does.
He rolls into the ring as the spotlights turn to brightest white, going to his knees in the same pose he held on the ramp, either whispering a silent prayer to himself or yelling “REPENT!” to the heavens before smirking at the crowd and getting up to his feet.
The referee calls the pair to the center of the ring. He calls for the bell and Cross and Poena waste no time in tying up Collar and Elbow.
Dragon: Not even a cursory show of respect between these two, they’re here for a fight tonight.
Kincaid: I don’t know what to make of this match. On one hand, you have Cross Recoba, who thinks he’s a big deal. On the other hand, you have Poena, who thinks he’s a big deal. This might just be a clash of egos for the ages.
Delaney: Poena is crazyface. But he has a certain intensity that does make him intriguing.
Cross hammers down on the left shoulder of Poena, then quickly applies an arm-bar. Cross transitions into a wrist lock, punishing the chosen one with a series of knife-edge chops. They don’t appear to be phasing Poena very much, who just grins at Cross, his eyes burning with crazed intensity. Cross drives his thumb down into Poena’s trapezium, finally getting a reaction from the other man, then drives a sharp kick into Poena’s hamstring that drops the sanctified one to one knee.
Delaney: Cross isn’t letting up!
Dragon: That’s where the experience comes in, he knows that if he gives Poena an inch that he’s doomed.
Kincaid: Way too early to count out the Sanctified One.
Cross hammers his thumb down into Poena’s trap muscle again, then digs in his fingers, cranking back on the Sanctified One’s arm. Poena alternated between howling in pain and demented, shrieking laughter, thanking Cross for the punishment. Cross seems unnerved, but not enough to throw him off his game. Poena throws a wild punch at Cross, forcing Cross to break the hold, and Poena takes the chance to roll off the ring to the floor.
Kincaid: Poena getting out of the ring is a smart move.
Delaney: Cross needs to keep up this full court press though, cause if he lets his opponent catch his breath this is gonna become a completely different match.
Dragon: I don’t think I could have said that better myself, Sarah.
Cross charges at Poena, going for a sliding dropkick. Poena traps his leg, muscling the other man onto his shoulders before swinging him ribs-first into the ring post. The Sanctified one grins, then slams Cross ribs-first into the ring post again, earning mixed boos and chatter from the crowd. Finally Peona powerbombs Cross on the apron.
Dragon: Oh my god, did you see that?
Delaney: Just like that, momentum has shifted.
Kincaid: I think Cross Recoba might have just learned why he shouldn’t underestimate Poena.
Poena drags Cross over onto the apron, grinding his arm into Cross’ face before chopping the veteran in the chest. Cross rolls off the apron and tries to get away from Poena, but the Sanctified One grabs him and whips him into the tring post again, pulsing Cross back into a waistlock and suplexing him onto the apron again.
Kincaid: Poena is making good use of the ring apron, and the no-holds-barred nature of this event.
Dragon: Cross is getting treated like a ragdoll. It’s a complete reversal of fortune from the earliest moments of this match.
Delaney: Someone has to make a ‘Laceration 3:16 says I just whooped your ass’ joke.
Poena rolls Cross back into the ring, following him in and hooking the outside leg,
…ONE…
…TWO…
…Kickout!
Delaney: Cross finds a way to keep the hope alive!
Kincaid: That might have been a dumb decision.
Dragon: Cross knew what he was in for when he signed up for this event.
Poena looks ecstatic at the fact that Cross continues to fight back. He starts raining down haymakers on Cross, who responds with half-hearted rights. Poena drags Cross to the corner, then stomps on his chest, shouting at the other man to repent. He does the same several times, finally hauling the limp body of Cross up by the waist and getting him in position for a powerbomb, turning to line up the AWF veteran with the ring post..
Kincaid: Oh my god, he can’t be serious!
Dragon: If he’s about to do what I think he is, Poena is about to literally break Cross Recoba.
Delaney: Can you imagine how a buckle bomb without turnbuckles would feel? Gives me shivers just thinking about it.
Poena seems to have exactly that in mind, but before he can really get Cross into position, Cross reverses the powerbomb into a hurricanrana. Cross is first up to his feet, pulling Poena up to a standing position, then sweeping his leg out to slam Poena down onto his knee in a modified uranage!
Dragon: Cross is building some momentum!
Delaney: Finally!
Kincaid: These two men are beating the hell out of each other, but it’s still anybody’s match!
Peona laughs, sitting up just in time to catch a running double knee to the face. Cross rolls through, and Poena sits back up again, just laughing louder. Cross comes back with another brutal knee strike to the back of Poena’s head, but the Sanctified One no-sells it, only laughing harder. Another running knee strike to the face seems to get the better of the demented competitor, and Cross hauls a dazed Poena up to his feet.
Delaney: Shouldn’t Cross be going for a pin?
Kincaid: This is the sort of arrogance that could work against him.
Dragon: I think Cross knows some kicks aren;t gonna be enough to put away the Sanctified One. He just needs one good shot.
Peona switches with Cross, leaning in to whisper something in the ear, but Cross smashes his head back into Poena’s nose, then runs the deranged wrestler back into the ring post. Poena slumps over Cross, who gets his hands in position to lift Poena by the armpits. In a show of desperation, Cross runs across the ring and drops Poena on his head on the bare floor with a reverse crucifix bomb!
Kincaid: Speaking of good shots!
Dragon: That should have knocked whatever screws Poena still has loose!
Delaney: That. Was. AWESOME!!
Cross isn;t done yet, cause he jumps off to hit an Asai moonsault! Cross hauls the sanctified one up off the floor and onto his shoulders in a fireman;s carry, and he uses the ring steps to get Poena back into the ring. Cross dumps Poena in the middle of the ring, going for a pin!
…ONE...
…TWO…
…Kickout!
Delaney: Cross was robbed!
Kincaid: Poena still has enough juice in the tank to kick out!
Dragon: Crazy goes a long way to breaking past limits!
Cross vaults up on top of the ring post, then launches off for a cross body, but Poena catches him in mid air, shifting Cross so he’s on his shoulders and hitting a Samoan drop. Poena rolls through, holding onto Cross and hitting another Samoan drop. Peona rolls through again and drops Cross on his head for a Death Valley Driver! Poena with the pin!
…ONE…
…Kickout!
Dragon: Through some combination of luck and will Cross keeps his hopes alive!
Delaney: If anyone can turn this around, it’s Cross Recoba!
Kincaid: That seems kind of unlikely at this point, but stranger things have happened!
Poena gets to his feet and bodily hauls Cross up off the mat, biel throwing Cross to the ring post. Poena finally is starting to look something other than deranged…. And that’s anger bubbling up from deep inside. Poena charges at Cross, who ducks out of the way and feeds Poena into the exposed ring post. Cross follows up with a thrust kick, then tries to hook up for Up All Night in Dakota, but Poena blasts him in the crotch.
Kincaid: Low blow!
Delaney: And it’s legal!
Dragon: It’s still shitty.
Peona hauls Cross up again, hitting him with a ripcord discord elbow smash, then he follows up with the Anathema! Poena covers Cross!
…ONE…
…TWO…
…THREE!!!!
The referee calls for the bell!
Delaney: Poena takes the dub!
Dragon: Tonight was not Cross Recoba’s night.
Kincaid. That was a hard-fought contest, and in the end the craziest man one. Cross shouldn’t be too upset about that though, he did everything he could.
Dragon: Poena just did a little more.
Strychnine: The winner of this contest by pinfall, he is the Sanctified…. POENA!!!!
Boos fill the arena as a wide, excited grin appears on Poena’s face. He ignores the referee’s attempts to get his attention, rolling out of the ring and laughing, his eyes wide, as he strolls out of the arena.
Strychnine: Let’s keep this party rocking! The following contest is another big fight, scheduled for one fall! Introducing first… from God knows where in Florida, weighing in tonight at a whopping 198 pounds, he is FLOOOOOOORIDAAAAA MANNNNN!
Out of the back staggers The Florida Man to the tune Gimme Some Lovin' by The Spencer Davis Group. The masked gator - who almost walks like a man - chugs a 14% Four Loko before opening another one. With the swagger of a reptile who can't walk a straight line, Florida bumps into guardrails in sync with the music, high fiving fans who help direct his constant motion towards the ring.
Before entering the ring, Florida Man hands his partially drunken Four Loko to a random member of the audience. This week's lucky fan is a seven-year-old boy.
Florida Man: HOLD MY BEER WOMAN! . . . I know how much is in there, don't even think about stealing a sip, I do not abide thievery and will mess you up.
The audience chants along with his catchphrase: HOLD. MY. BEER. WOMAN!
Delaney: Hold the beer, Florida Man is here! The former XHF Junior Heavyweight champion is in the Fillmore!
Kincaid: Oh boy, because this breed of insanity is what this show needed. Did we check him for firearms? Maybe old retired, possibly dead professional wrestlers?
Dragon: This is the XHF, kid. Time travel is everywhere, I hope he brings back my old tag team partner next. But a formidable if not unorthodox talent, ya can’t count out the crazy, ya can’t count out Florida Man. He’s talked about bringing in a power game, can he outpower the smaller Sawyer?
Strychnine: And his opponent… from where everything is bigger and better, from Houston, Texas, weighing in tonight at 160 pounds of pure firepower, they are ‘The Stranger’, they are SAAAAAAAAAAMMMMM SAWWWYEERRRRRRR!
The arena lights dim as a bassline begins to play. While a silver mist slowly fills the stage, the fans wait in anticipation. A deep voice starts singing in a whisper. Then, a dark figure walks through the mist. Completely decked out in black, the teenager slowly walks forward. The camera mostly keeps its distance. Different angles give a better look, but their face is still mostly obscured in darkness. After climbing the steps and entering the ring, the volume of the music increases.
"I hear the sons of the city and dispossessed
Get down, get undressed
Get pretty but you and me
We got the kingdom, we got the key
We got the empire, now as then
We don't doubt, we don't take direction"
The mist has thinned but the arena is still dark. The song quietens down.
"Lucretia, my reflection, dance the ghost with me"
Then reaches its loud finale. The lights come back on and the fans cheer. The camera focuses on Sam Sawyer's cold, glaring face.
Delaney: Look at that cold, glaring face of Sam Sawyer. They mean business and are ready for battle.
Kincaid: This is more my speed right here. When the cult of Sawyer gets going can someone link me to the sign-up?
Delaney: They’re not focused on the attention, or the money, or the fans…
Dragon: …and that’s what makes Sawyer one of the XHF’s best kept secrets. A dangerous tool in the arsenal, ready to go to work at any time. Tonight they’re going to have their hands full with the insanity that is Florida Man, who beat them in a Penalty Box match at End of Days for a shot at the Junior Heavyweight title. There’s the signal, here we go.
The bell rings and the difference in styles is immediate as one of the two competitors is a deathmatch extraordinaire wearing an alligator hat as a luchador mask and a pair of overalls while the other is a silent goth determined to kick all of the ass in an all-black ensemble. The two begin to brawl with one another, the hard punches coming in from Florida Man and the shoot kicks Sawyer is responding with indicates that both sides are working stiff. The crowd divides like halves of the country at each shot, with the two clearly trying to batter each other into submission and giving up. Each kick is met with a hard punch back, and the two are quickly turning bright red in the spots of impact, but neither is backing down.
Delaney: Hard-hitting action here to begin this contest!
Kincaid: I thought we’d see more wild antics to begin, but these two are beating the hell out of each other with fists and kicks!
Dragon: Definitely gonna be a challenge to keep this up, but one of these two has to wear down eventually!
We can see the look in Sawyer’s eyes as Florida Man survives yet another painful shoot kick that they’re getting more determined to break Florida’s shins with every passing attempt. Florida’s body language indicates that he’s been here before and is ready for more punishment, the advantage of years of wrestling and deathmatches and surviving in the worst state in the union. The striking stalemate eventually draws to a close as Sawyer abandons the kicks in order to punish Florida Man square in the face -- only to get their fist caught in Florida Man’s teeth! Florida Man chomps down with his gator mask, instantly drawing blood!
Delaney: A big bite from the Florida gator!
Kincaid: God, teeth like that shouldn’t be legal, but anything goes tonight!
Dragon: A little blood never hurt nobody!
Delaney: I would disagree…
The striking stalemate eventually draws to a close as Florida Man digs his thumb in Sawyer’s eye and gouging it with all of his might. He grabs Sam and chucks him to the floor, where Sawyer smacks into the non-padded concrete.
Delaney: No padding tonight as we’re putting the fight back in fight night! Right on that cold, hard floor!
Kincaid: Florida dug into his bag of tricks to keep the youngster down with that dirty eye gouge!
Dragon: It’s not dirty where a guy like Florida comes from. It’s just surviving.
Kincaid: Plus I doubt most Floridians know what dirt is.
Florida Man looks to work up some speed,running laps around the ring before he leaps off of the ring, but Sawyer catches him upon landing and drops him with an STO right on the hard floor in one swift motion!
Delaney: Suici-OH! SWIFT CORROSION ON THE FLOOR!
Kincaid: Mask or no mask, I can guess that that hurts like hell!
Dragon: And I can confirm it, kids. Not fun but it puts Sawyer right in the driver’s seat.
Sawyer shakes their head in disappointment in their opponent as they return to their feet, ignoring the boos from the lunatics in the crowd who enjoy Florida Man’s antics. Sawyer begins just stomping a mudhole into Florida, leaning on the barricade and then driving their knee into his skull as a way of trying to establish dominance. Sawyer peels off only when it looks like Florida Man may have stopped moving.
Delaney: Jesus, did they kill him?
Kincaid: A murder would make for a real quick end to this event!
Dragon: If I know the man from Florida, I think he’s got something in mind here…
Sawyer rolls the still-breathing corpse of Florida Man back into the ring. Sawyer leans over and goes for the pin, only to be caught by an inside cradle!
Florida Man: I was just faking - inside cradle, bitch!
Florida Man goes for the inside cradle and hooks the leg, only for Sawyer to immediately kick out! Florida is the first one back to their feet though, only to duck under a Sawyer slap and send them crashing onto their head and neck with an accidental backdrop driver!
Delaney: Right on the neck! OW! OW!
Kincaid: Sawyer’s gonna get concussed at this rate!
Dragon: No stoppages though, but at this rate they’re certainly not fighting forever!
Florida drives a forearm into the back of Sawyer’s head before rolling them over for the pin. The referee counts!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Kickout!
Delaney: Only two!
Kincaid: For that? Damn, Sawyer’s tougher than I thought!
Dragon: What’s that look in Florida Man’s eye though?
Florida Man looks down, shaking his head before realizing what he’s planted underneath the ring. He rolls out and whips up the apron, shooting the crowd into a frenzy not with a handgun, but by pulling out his Walmart mobility scooter! He gets down and straight-up chucks the thing into the ring, striking Sam in the back with the damn thing before he climbs back in!
Delaney: This fight is turning into a brawl in a Walmart parking lot!
Kincaid: In a ring I think Sawyer’d take it, but with all this shit now in the ring I think the advantage is definitely shifting!
Dragon: I’d second that thought! Imagine getting run over by that!
Florida recovers a bag of… something that had fallen out of the cart’s basket. The camera captures that it’s a bag of day-old fried chicken! He pulls out a meaty drumstick and smacks the back of Sawyer’s head with it before treating himself to an extremely late lunch!
Delaney: Oh man, how does that smell so gnarly?
Kincaid: There’s no refrigeration down underneath the ring, I think!
Dragon: Can confirm. Gross as hell. I’m seeing sharper, more dangerous things in that cart, I wouldn’t want Sawyer to hang around here, I might try to get this one over with before they come roaring back.
Someone in the crowd, potentially one of the associates Florida Man has brought back through time, holds up a boombox and is playing Locomotion! Remembering his Richard Simmons sweatin’ to the oldies kungfu, he grabs Sawyer and lays into him with a series of effective if not horribly timed dance moves -- mostly knee strikes to the skull and clubbing chops to the back!
Delaney: Cripes, Florida Man is wailing away!
Kincaid: What is this song?
Dragon: Oh God, are you not old enough for some Grand Funk Railroad?
Florida flips over the mobility scooter and takes a look at getting it set up, turning it on by turning the key! He sits down and prepares to get it going!
Delaney: Is he going to run Sam over?
Kincaid: Look out!
Florida Man immediately turns the speed to full and pulls back on the accelerator, running over Sam Sawyer’s legs with the damn mobility scooter!
Delaney: OUCH! Florida Man may have just crunched Sawyer’s legs there!
Kincaid: That’s gotta be it!
Dragon: That thing’s got some pick-up-and-go! That might be the end of Sam!
The crowd reacts accordingly as Florida Man turns off the scooter, stepping off the vehicle. He reaches into the basket for the one remaining object still in it: a box of cigarettes. He treats himself to a dose of nicotine, jamming one in the hole of his plastic smiling mouth. He searches around for a lighter before spotting one in his overall pockets. He takes the cigarette out of the hole and sets it alight.
Delaney: A hard-earned smoke break for the deathmatch veteran!
Kincaid: He put away Sam, he can take all the time he wants!
Dragon: I don’t know how wise of a decision this is!
If this were a regular Network show, there would be a parental advisory flashing across the screen, but right now there’s just a man from Florida enjoying his nicotine fix. There’s a mixture of cheers and boos as the cart goes flying to the side, having been shoved off by an angered Sam Sawyer, who fights their way back to their feet..
Delaney: Oh boy Bootsy, you might have been right!
Dragon: Don’t turn around, Florida Man!
Florida Man doesn’t follow the commentary team’s advice, turning around only to be met with an incredibly stiff face slap, knocking the cigarette out of his mouth!
Kincaid: GEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTT FUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKED!
The crowd pops as Florida barely keeps his feet at the brutal slap. A quick-thinking Sawyer grabs the cigarette off the ground and jabs the still lit end right into Florida Man’s shoulder!
Delaney: DEAR GOD!
Kincaid: Oh you can hear the scream! Make it stop!
Dragon: Damn! Damn! Just, damn!
Florida Man lets out a loud scream in agony as Sawyer launches himself into his opponent, coming crashing in full speed with a brutal lariat!
Delaney: Fighting Fire with Fire!
Kincaid: Poetic brutality right there!
Dragon: That’s gotta be it!
Sawyer makes the cover, then decides against it, turning Florida Man over and trapping his leg, before bending backward to trap him in a muta lock!
Delaney: Sawyer Lock! Sawyer’s like a wrestler possessed out there!
Kincaid: Florida Man made a mockery of them, and is now paying the price!
Dragon: This crowd’s not gonna stand for it!
Florida Man does his best to resist, screaming out in pain, but is left with no choice to tap out once Sawyer fully bridges their body to almost snap Florida Man’s spine in half!
The bell rings as the crowd boos loudly!
Strychnine: Here’s your winner, SAAAAAAAMMMMM… SAWYEEEER!
Delaney: Turned into a carnie show at the end there!
Kincaid: And burned his flesh! I can still smell it from over here!
Dragon: Florida Man brought it all, but Sam outlasted, maybe even outbrutalized them for the victory!
The referee raises Sam Sawyer’s arm. The young ring star has a look of satisfied determination on their face as they clutch their neck and back of their head, possibly dealing with their own damage coming out of this fight.
Delaney: You wanted a fight folks, we definitely just got one! These two went to town on each other with some of the stiffest blows we’ve seen tonight! What a showing for Florida Man and Sam Sawyer!
Kincaid: Won’t be the best kept secret for long with victories like that one!
Dragon: A statement win for FIRESIDE’s Sam Sawyer![/font]
The camera cuts backstage to catering. Erin Gordon can be seen standing at one of the higher tables, a bottle of water sitting there in front of her. The Oncoming Storm's expression is stoic, her focus obviously on the match at hand--
SLAM!
...that is, until a pair of hands slams on the table in front of her. A glass of beer is placed at her spot, and a familiar Aussie grin appears from beneath his hunting hat, which he tips up with his thumb
Aiden Merric: Hey Erin. Been a while since you came to procure me from the wilds of the cow farms in South Carolina. Good to see ya now that I'm showered and had some real chow. I gotcha the finest VB (Wow what a shitty beer...). You been paying attention to the footy at all? The Power have been training well for this season.
Erin's gaze moves from the water bottle that is now on the floor, to the beer, to Merric's hands, then up along to that grin... and her expression doesn't change. If anything, instead of the vague inference of a smile or warmth that Aiden usually gets?
Erin Gordon: I don't care about soccer or football.
If Erin's voice was as capable of knocking someone out as her fists are, Aiden Merric'd be missing teeth. Aiden doesn't seem to cotton on to this fact.
Aiden Merric: Oh this ain't that hand egg the American's go on about or the pansy "soccer", it's Aussie rules! People get to legit knock each other around like boxing roos during mating season! I should have sent you a primer, it's not well known 'round here. Most people just see Aussies as "shrimp on the barbie" and such.
Aiden pulls out his own can of Bastard Brew beer ... way to score brownie points ... and chugs half the can, never losing that disturbing yet endearing smile.. Unfortunately for him, Erin's still freezing him out.
Erin Gordon: Right.
That beer remains untouched as the Oncoming Storm retrieves her water, opening it to take a swig. Aiden cocks an eyebrow. He seems to be understanding he has done ... something wrong. What it is goes over his head.
Aiden Merric: Did uh ... Tucker do something to piss you off? Oh wait, you don't pregame matches with beer. I prefer to have a touch to embolden me when facing a real challenge.
He crushes the last of the can and then crushes the can on his forehead and tosses it into the recycling bin
Aiden Merric: Anyway it's been a bit since I was in civilized company, been trying to get accustomed. This match tonight will go a long way. Friendly face and fearsome foe across the ring from me. We should right steal the bloody show from those guys they put on after us. And afterward, no matter who wins - gonna do my best to make it me this time - we should grab some drinks and watch the American big game. I hear the commercials are worth it.
For a moment, something shifts in Erin's expression--something almost pained revealing itself before she's forcing it down. When she does respond aloud, her voice is quiet,the barest hint of something wounded showing through her stoic mask.
Erin Gordon: ...let's not.
And with that, she's walking away from the confused-looking Merric.
Aiden Merric: Huh. Maybe she's a Yuengling lady?
He scratches his head as we zoom out to see Tucker Bernard coming to the table they were at with a plate piled high with chicken wings ... and celery and carrots ... and blue cheese ... and hot dogs ... and a burger for good measure ... with a tankard of warm ale. He stops as Erin passes him.
Tucker Bernard: I told him that wouldn't work. He never listens. Right sorry 'bout that Miss Gordon. Aiden's a bit of a daft fool. That was his idea of picking you up.
Erin Gordon: Thanks for remindin' me.
As she walks away Tucker looks afraid.
Tucker Bernard: Oh ... I shouldn't a said that. Should NOT have told her that ...
...and the camera cuts away.
Strychnine: Man. Those two have some serious tension, don’t they? Lucky them, looks like they get to settle it right now! I’m being told that Erin Gordon and Aiden Merric have agreed to a fifteen minute time limit for this match, due to the earlier technical difficulties. So! That means the following contest is scheduled for one fall with a fifteen minute time limit! Introducing first, from Coober Pedy, South Australia, Australia, and weighing in tonight at two hundred and twenty pounds, make some noise for AIIIIIIDEN MERRICK!!!
Ain't No Rest for the Wicked" hits the arena as an imitation sandstorm is created in the entranceway and Aiden Merric emerges from it chewing nicotine gum and wearing a smug ass smile on his face. He spits the gum and puts a patch on his arm before stretching and walking to the ring with a purpose. He rolls into the ring, taking a seat against one of the ring posts.
Strychnine: And his opponent, from Blooming Valley, Pennsylvania, and weighing in tonight at one hundred and sixty-three pounds, she is the Oncoming Storm, ERIIIIIIN GOOOORDOOOOON!!!
The overhead lights slowly go dark as the first strummed chords of 'Hurricane' fill the air, the crowd's cheers rising in response to the woman that is about to emerge. Gray lights flare into being around the curtain when the song starts proper, illuminating the outline of the Oncoming Storm as she stands with her shoulders square, her hands curled into fists at her sides. The wind machine is on behind her, blowing her hair around as her gaze moves over the assembled crowd and the surroundings alike... before it settles upon the ring. As 'Hurricane' cuts to the chorus, she makes her way down the aisle, not shying away from the hands that reach out for her. Erin's focus never wavers, even as she ghauls herself up onto the apron. Wiping her feet, she heads to her corner, turning to rest her back against the post. Only then does she play a little to the crowd, a single fist thrusting itself skyward to earn more cheers as her music fades.
Kincaid: The anticipation for this match is palpable.
Delaney: Aiden Merric looks like he’s fixing to eat Erin Gordon.
Dragon: This is the emotional main event of the evening, I can’t wait to see how it plays out.
The referee calls for the bell. Merric holds out both fists to Gordon, who bumps her fists to his, before lunging in to clinch. They transition into a collar-and-elbow tie up. Gordon scores with a left jab that Merric responds to with a forearm smash. Gordon comes back with a forearm smash of her own, and the pair trade sharp blows. Merric captures Gordon’s arm, and she responds with a hard kick to Merric’s knee, which gives out. Gordon follows up with a kick to the back of Merric’s head.
Dragon: Gordon isn’t holding back.
Kincaid: I don;t think either of them are gonna be satisfied if one of them does, Bootsy.
Delaney: *snrk* Satisfied.
Kincaid: Sarah, come on.
Gordon hooks her arms around Merric’s torso, driving knees into the Australian’s head. Merrick plants his feet and manages to roll Gordon onto her back. Gordon kicks out before the referee can start counting.
Delaney: Merric had Gordon on her back for a second. Not the way he wanted, though.
Kincaid: I swear to god, Sarah.
Merrick rolls away from Gordon and off the ring. Gordon calls for Merric to come back in the ring, while he tells her to come get him. Gordon shakes her head and turns to walk toward the corner, which is when Merric finally sides to roll back into the ring. Gordon is stretching when Merric comes at her from behind, but Gordon clips him with an elbow, sending the Australian staggering.
Dragon: Gordon had that better scouted than Merric anticipated.
Delaney: Us ladies tend to pay pretty close attention to skeezy dudes. Isn’t that right, Zacky?
Kincaid: I’m not a skeezy dude!
Merric and Gordon tie up collar-and-elbow again. Gordon transitions into a wristlock, which Merric strongarms into a wristlock of his own. Merric applies a side headlock, but the Oncoming Storm clinches around his waist and counters with a suplex. Merric rolls off the ring again to create some distance, trying to shake off the suplex. This time Gordon wastes no time, running and leaping off the edge of the ring to nail her nemesis with a Superman Punch!
Kincaid: Superman punch from Edrin Gordon strikes true on Aiden Merric!
Dragon: Merric certainly didn’t have that one scouted!
Delaney: If she’d hit that in the ring, Erin Gordon might have just won this match!
Gordon moves to pick Merric up off the floor, but he blasts her in the face with an elbow. He ties up with her on the outside, pulling her into a shoulder block. He drives a kick into her thigh, then another, then another. Merric vaults up onto the ring, then jumps off, driving a double stomp into Gordon’s knee.
Delaney: Kind of an odd choice to try to take out a pugilist’s knee, isn’t it?
Kincaid: How many boxers do you know that can fight if they can’t stand?
Dragon: just goes to show that Merric is taking this more seriously than anyone gave him credit for.
Merrick rolls Gordon back onto the ring, following after her. Gordon rolls into position so she can lunge awkwardly at Merric, and the Australian barely manages to avoid the wild lariat from the pugilist. Merric drives another kick into the knee he’s worked over, then gets Gordon into position for a piledriver. Gordon manages to fight through the piledriver setup. Merric lands on his feet and turns to Gordon just in time to get blasted with a spinning back fist!
Kincaid: Gordon with the spinning back fist!
Dragon: If she can get the pin, then Erin Gordon should have this on lock!
Delaney” But since that stomp, Gordon’s been missing a step or two.
Gordon’s knee gives out, so she’s slow to capitalize, but she rolls on top of Merrick, hooking his leg.
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Kickout!
The crowd boos when Merric kicks out, and the pugilist looks almost disappointed in herself.
Delaney: That had to be heartbreaking.
Dragon: Gordon can still turn this around.
Gordon mounts on merrick, driving forearms down into the Australian’s face. Merric catches her off guard with a straight right hand, and then a straight punch into the Oncoming Storm’s throat. Gordon rolls away,coughing and gasping for breath. Merric gets to his feet, waiting for Gordon to get to her feet herself before he pounces at her, but Gordon catches him in mid air and rails him with a spinebuster!
Kincaid: Gordon took the wind out of Merric’s sails with that one!
Delaney: It was a great counter!
Dragon: Gordon has great instincts, but if Merric keeps her off her game like he has been, she’s going to have a tough time.
Merric rolls out of the ring again to get on his feet, nearly collapsing outside of the ring. Gordon calls for him to come back, but Merric seems content to take his time. The pugilist launches herself off the ring to spear Merrick to the floor, then she hauls him up and rolls him into the ring. She rolls in after him, hooking the Australian up in a Fujiwara armbar!
Dragon: Gordon with a submission attempt!
Kincaid: I didn’t expect to see this in her arsenal, but Gordon’s got a lot of tricks up her sleeve.
Delaney: Merric certainly is being theatrical, isn’t he?
Gordon rolls back on Merric until her legs are planted, and the larger Australian man howls in pain. He tries to struggle for the non-existant ropes to forcea break. But Gordon’s knee is still weak and it gives out on her, allowing Merric to roll into a pin attempt!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Kickout!!
Delaney: That sneaky Australian bastard almost stole a pinfall!
Dragon: Merric is taking whatever advantage he can find.
Kincaid: It’s kind of impressive. I still hope Gordon beats his ass though.
Gordon rolls to her feet, putting some distance between her and Merric. Merric will have none of it though. He ties up with her and tries to whip Gordon into one of the ring posts, but he reverses it and throws him headfirst into the opposite one. Merric stumbles back into a German Suplex from Gordon that she transitions into a bridging pin!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THR-Kickout!
Kincaid: Merric dug deep to get out of that one!
Dragon: I think he might have kicked out on pure instinct after getting his bell rung on the ringpost and then dumped on his head in the middle of the ring.
Delaney: These two certainly aren’t holding back.
Merrick has the wherewithal to roll out of the ring again, but this time he crashes to the floor on a heap, panting. Gordon wastes no time in following him out of the ring, hauling him up onto her shoulder like a sack of potatoes and climbing up the stairs into the ring. Gordon dumps Merric in the center of the ring, then grabs him around the waist, hauling him up into powerbomb position, but Merric counters with a Frankensteiner! Merric hooks the leg for the pin!
…ONE!
…Kickout!!
Delaney: And my girl kicks out with [i/authority![/i] You go Erin!
Kincaid: That was a desperation move I don;t think we’ve ever seen from Merric, but it certainly slowed down the pugilist’s momentum.
Dragon: The serious question being, after the last few minutes, is it too little, too late?
Merric rolls away and out of the ring again, this time dropping to his knees. It looks like he’s grabbed something out from under the ring. Gordon goes over and grabs him by the top of the head, intending to haul her quarry back up into the ring, but Merric hits her with whatever it is he pulled out from under the ring. The crowd boos, and Merric laughs, revealing that what he hit her with is an extra turnbuckle. He tosses it aside, leisurely making his way back up the stairs into the ring. He hauls the prone pugilist up to her feet, then taunts the crowd before he grabs her wrist and blasts her with a ripcord clothesline!
Dragon: Target Neutralized!
Kincaid: And after he hit her in the head with that steel turnbuckle!
Delaney: I know I’ve said it before, but Merric just stole this match! Boo that man! Boo!
Merric goes for a cocky pin.
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THREE-Kickout!!!
At the last possible second, Gordon kicks out, earning a raucous cheer from the crowd. Merric looks gobsmacked, and tells the referee it should have been a three, but the ref insists he got her shoulder up in time. Merric looks furious and turns his attention back to Gordon, who is still mostly laying in a heap in the ring. Merric hauls Gordon up to her feet again, hooking her up for another Target Neutralized, but this time Gordon ducks the clothesline and stops Merric’s momentum with a rabbit punch to the nose. Merric’s nose immediately begins bleeding.
Kincaid: I think she broke his nose.
Delaney: I think that serves that big dork right.
Dragon: Merric might not be able to breather. There’s not going to be a better chance for Gordon to win!
Kincaid: But I’m hearing from the timekeeper that there’s less than a minute left in the match.
Gordon throws elbows and haymakers at Merric, who has little choice than to weather it and clumsily shed blows. Blood is pouring down his face and it looks like his eyes have started to swell shut. Merric clips Gordon with an elbow, then a kick to the knee he’d damaged earlier. Gordon cries out and drops to one knee. Merric comes in with a step up enziguri. Merric hauls Gordon up off of the mat again, setting up for Target Neutralized again, but Gordon ducks it again and comes back with a spinning backfist into the broken nose! Merric drops like a sack of potatoes!
Delaney: OH SHIT! That had to HURT!
Dragon: Merric is out! All Gordon has to do is pin him!
Kincaid: She’s fighting time, now!
Gordon goes for the pin!
…ONE!
…TWO!
Suddenly the bell rings, and the referee stops counting. Gordon looks consternated, and Merric is still out for the count. The referee goes to talk to one of the other officials, and soon a third is involved after a brief conversation, the referee calls over Tommy and whispers something in his ear. Tommy nods, then climbs up into the ring.
Strychnine: Ladies and Gentlemen, the winner of this contest by split decision… ERIN GORDON!!! Make some moptherfuckin’ NOISE!!
The referee raises Erin’s hand while the other officials check on Merric, who has finally started stirring. They sit him up, and Erin holds out a fist to Merrick, which Merrick bumps, and Erin leaves the ring to a loud celebration from the fans.
Strychnine: Well gang, we’ve made it. We’re winding down, because this next match is all she wrote, folks. The following contest is a big fight scheduled for One Fall and it is our main event! Introducing first, hailing from Belfast, Ireland, weighing in at 245 pounds, he is The Spiked One, The God of Steel, one of the Pillars of Violence, The Blood God, The King of Xtreme, SPIKEEEEEEE KAAAAAANEEEEEEEEEE!
The lights go out as the beginning of "Bow Down" by I Prevail plays through the PA system, as a circle of flames erupts on the stage. Through the flames, slowly emerges Spike Kane as he fully emerges, the song kicks in.
"GET ON YOUR KNEES AND BOW DOWN!!!"
Spike steps through the flames and heads to the ring, taking off his jacket as he prepares for a fight.
Delaney: NLW’s latest signing, the former X-Crown champion, Spike Kane is in the building!
Kincaid: He’s like, totally an asskicker. Just ask his bro, bro.
Dragon: Not like. He is the real deal, kids. If you’ve been sleeping under a rock these past eight months, you’re in for a treat.
Strychnine: And his opponent… from Reading, Berkshire, England, weighing in at 195 pounds, he is the Bloody Rainmaker, Scar Vulp, he is BLOODIEEEEEDDDDD FOOOOOOXXXX!
LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!!![/font][/quote][/i]
The arena lights pulse red as Tom Morello's guitar slams through the speakers, the fans cheering and singing along as Bloodied Fox steps through the curtain and raises both fists high. Banging his head to the beat, he strides down the ramp and circuits the ring, bumping fists with anyone who wants it, before stepping up and standing midring. He tears off his entrance mask as the chorus hits, screaming out the lyrics along with the crowd, a grin on his face.
Delaney: Bloodied Fox is a hero of the people, but tonight might be one of his biggest challenges in recent memory.
Kincaid: If there’s anyone who can step up to the villain at the end of a story though, Bloodied Fox is that guy, the former longest-reigning XHF Junior Heavyweight champion.
Dragon: Fox has seen bigger, I don’t know if he’s necessarily seen badder. We’ll see how he does. There’s the bell, let’s go!
Right as the bell rings, Bloodied Fox catches Spike Kane with an ambitious headbutt, knocking Kane backwards. Fox charges for a full-on tackle, transitioning into a ground and pound attack as he wails on the bigger man with a series of kicks once he’s down. He then peels off and throws up an arm for the crowd, rallying them behind their man.
Delaney: Bloodied Fox is fired up here in the early goings!
Kincaid: Are we gonna sued if we used that phrasing?
Dragon: There’s no lawsuits in good wrasslin’, brother. Not sure this counts.
Bloodied Fox does not get to pose for an entirely long amount of time as he quickly finds himself ducking a clothesline from Kane, but it’s almost as if Kane just wanted to get behind Fox as the bigger man takes control, firing off one big german suplex and then another.
Delaney: Spike Kane comes right back with two huge germans!
Kincaid: This guy’s been around the block and then some, a little offensive flurry isn’t going to slow him down much.
Dragon: Veteran knowledge will always go a long way.
Spike Kane goes to lift his own arm and receives a handful of boos from the crowd, only to be caught by two sharp elbow strikes from Fox. Fox is really rallying, striking with forearm shivers before spotting himself a steel chair. He treats himself to the chair and grabs it while Spike is bent over, but as he goes to swing, Spike Kane has kicked him square in the stomach. Bloodied Fox throws haymakers at Kane but it’s not enough as Kane finally catches him square on the jaw with the chair, knocking him down to the ground hard!
Delaney: Spike Kane comes right back with two huge germans!
Kincaid: This guy’s been around the block and then some, a little offensive flurry isn’t going to slow him down much.
Dragon: Veteran knowledge will always go a long way.
Spike Kane stops Bloodied Fox’s rally by unloading with the steel chair, this time striking right between his shoulder blades. Fox grimaces in pain as Kane sets the chair down on the floor and goes to lift up Fox, but Fox pulls off a step-up enzuigri to buy himself some space! Fox charges forward for the Bloody Rain palm strike, but Spike responds by catching him with a spinning Bloody Sunday kick!
Delaney: Bloody Rain-- no! Bloody Sunday kick!
Kincaid: This might be it, the way Fox just got caught out of mid-air!
Dragon: I’d be surprised if the guy even knows where he is right now! The cover and the count!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Kickout!
Bloodied Fox manages to kick out!
An aggro Spike Kane immediately slams Fox’s head on the mat in frustration from only getting a two count. The action has shifted as Kane walks around Fox, surveying the damage he’s already done as Fox crawls towards anything he can to get back up. Spike responds to him crawling away by stomping directly on his fingers, drawing a notable groan from the crowd!
Delaney: Ow!
Kincaid: That just has to hurt!
Dragon: This guy’s a master of violence and extreme behaviors, and we’re starting to see some of it play out now!
Spike Kane grabs the chair again as the camera captures the former X-Crown champion standing over Bloodied Fox with an evil look in his eyes. He goes to rear back for a full-body swing, only to be met by a swift kick to the family jewels from Fox!
Delaney: That must be even worse for you two!
Kincaid: That’s one way to take the momentum right back!
Dragon: Timbeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrr!
Bootleg Dragon is correct with his call as Spike Kane falls and falls hard, smacking back down onto the mat. Fox makes it back to his feet and shakes off his mangled hand, then realizes there’s no ring ropes or turnbuckles to leap off of for any of his springboard maneuvers. The man scratches his head for only a brief moment before going off and looking in one of the production areas, spotting a ladder leaning against a barricade. He grabs the ladder and brings it back towards the ring, much to the crowd’s approval.
Delaney: What’s Bloodied Fox got in mind?
Kincaid: Wherever he’s going, he’ll be that much closer to the heavens!
Dragon: My younger colleague means up, Sarah!
Bloodied Fox sets the ladder back up in the center of the ring but much to his dismay, Spike Kane is back up. Kane goes to apply a basic waist lock to keep Fox contained, but Fox isn’t having it, responding with not one, not two, but three back elbow smashes. The third one seems to smack right against Kane’s nose as blood begins to trickle out of his face as he goes down. The crowd cheers as this appears to be Fox’s opening to ascend to the heavens!
Delaney: A bloody elbow from Fox!
Kincaid: This is what this night needed, more blood!
Dragon: He’s gotta be careful up there if he knows what’s good for him!
It becomes clear as the cameras capture Fox ascending the ladder that he hasn’t just grabbed a normal ladder, as he’s instead gone for one of those big, special f-off tall ladders. He doesn’t get more than halfway up the ladder before turning back to face Spike, but he also doesn’t need to as he’s already considerably above the heights of where the ring ropes would have been. He waits patiently for his moment and then leaps off, crashing down onto Kane with the Air Vulpine frog splash!
Delaney: A splash from the top of the ladder! This crowd appreciates the action!
Kincaid: That would be enough to put away most mere mortals, but this is Spike Kane we’re talking about! Does he have enough left in him to kick out?
Dragon: Here’s the cover!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…TH-NO!
Spike Kane somehow gets the shoulder up!
Delaney: You called it, Ike! Not enough to put down Spike!
Kincaid: Gonna have to get creative to put a guy like him down!
Dragon: I’m sure Fox would be open to your suggestions!
Bloodied Fox looks back up at the ladder, really eyeing up the height and seemingly deciding upon his next course of action. He grabs Spike and begins dragging him towards the thing, slowly stepping up and pulling Spike along by his hair, forcing Spike to come along. The two men get up to about half the height that Fox was at earlier before Kane comes back alive, striking back with lefts and rights of his own to keep himself from being manhandled any longer. He grabs Fox and lifts him up for the Spike Impaler while on the ladder, whipping the crowd into a frenzy, but Fox manages to spin around and connect on a hurricanrana instead!
Delaney: He almost put him down with the Spike Impaler right there!
Kincaid: That would have certainly been it but this might be too!
Dragon: Fox manages to counter and keep the momentum on his side!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…NO!
Spike Kane kicks out again!
Delaney: He kicked out even earlier than he did last time!
Dragon: How do you put down a hellspawn like Spike Kane?
Kincaid: Uh, holy water?
A somewhat frustrated Bloodied Fox leaves the ring again, looking for anything he can get his hands on to inflict more punishment in a hurry. He finds the ring bell and graciously borrows it from the timekeeper, sliding it into the ring before grabbing the steel steps and removing them from their corner, sending the bottom portion of the ring stairs into the ring as well!
Kincaid: This ain’t a scene, but goddamn is it being coming an arms race!
Delaney: You’ve been saving that one all night!
Dragon: But does an arms race benefit Spike or Fox more?
Bloodied Fox gets the steps in just the right position, only to turn around to have his bell rung by having the ring bell slammed into the side of his head! Fox goes down and immediately begins o bleed as the crowd boos wildly!
Delaney: Fox might be out right there!
Kincaid: Look at that blood! Not a good sign for him!
Dragon: He’s gotta be on dream street after that!
Spike Kane initially goes for the cover, then decides against it the utmost respect for his competitor, knowing that Fox will not give up that easily. Kane instead vacates the ring, looking for something, anything, before beginning to forcibly yell at fans to leave their seats. He begins grabbing chair after chair and sending them into the ring, some of them hitting Fox as they fly in! He settles on about six more chairs in addition to the original implement before heading back into the ring!
Delaney: A pile of chairs, and that can’t be good for either man!
Kincaid: We’re beginning to reach the crescendo of a cacophony of steel!
Dragon: Someone call the hospital, because that seems to be where one of these two is destined to head!
As Spike Kane gets back into the ring, somehow, someway Bloodied Fox is back on his feet, now literally a bloodied Fox. He swings wildly as Kane grins, taking him by the hair this time and just straight up tossing him into the pile of chairs he created! As the crowd boos, Kane stays on the offensive, grabbing Fox and pulling him into a vertical suplex right onto the pile of chairs! Kane is a little slow to get to the cover, but he hooks the leg!
Delaney: A hard vertical suplex!
Kincaid: How much more can these two take?
Dragon: It could be the end of Fox’s night right here!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…TH-Spike Kane lifts Fox’s shoulder off the mat!
Delaney: What in the world?
Kincaid: He could’ve had the match won there!
Dragon: It’s a sign of respect, he knows that Fox is still kicking, still fighting, and won’t back down until the lights go off!
Bloodied Fox begins to back away from Spike Kane, crawling and trying to create distance between the two. Kane quickly closes the gap, looking for Freya’s Wings, but Fox manages to turn the potential Canadian destroyer into a roll up!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Spike Kane kicks out!
Spike comes right back to get on the offensive after almost being caught for three, but Fox slams Kane’s head right on the ring apron! Kane grabs at his bloody nose and manages to avoid being mounted for palm strikes, shoving Fox away with a thumb to the eye! Fox recoils and backs up to the edge of the ring as he holds his eye, only to be powerbombed off the side of the ring and onto the front row of fans!
Delaney: Blood God’s Wrath! That’s it, he’s dead!
Kincaid: Spike couldn’t quite get all of that pop-up powerbomb, as I’m sure he didn’t want to crash down onto the floor as well!
Dragon: These fans have scattered like flies after that high-impact move! They bought their tickets and are making their voices heard!
Both men are down as Spike Kane has also painfully slammed into the floor outside of the ring. The cameras capture the brutal instant replay as Fox’s head bangs off another chair while Kane lands directly on an unpadded floor, leading to the commentary team to wonder who actually caught it worse.
Delaney: That impact looked bad for both men!
Kincaid: That floor doesn’t have the usual amount of padding tonight, and you could see it in the way Spike landed!
Dragon: I know that look as a retired vet, that’s a trip to the chiropractor’s office for sure!
Kane reaches a hand up onto the ring apron and uses the apron to slowly but surely right the ship, pulling himself back up to his feet. Fox isn’t moving nearly as well, grabbing his head in pain on the outside. Once Spike is actually back up, the former X-Crown champion moves to the row of fans, batting one fan stupidly trying to play hero out of the way as he grabs Fox and moves to throw him back in the ring. Kane jaws at the idiot who got in his way before straight-up powering Fox back into ring.
Delaney: Some fans trying to pull the Spider-Man 2 New Yorker action out there!
Kincaid: That’s a surefire way to get kicked in the face! They’re lucky he didn’t unload a Bloody Sunday on them!
Dragon: I’m not sure everyone’s signed the appropriate waivers for that, so I guess I’m glad he just got shoved down to the ground!
Spike finally gets Fox back into the ring. He crosses both of Fox’s arms and presses down, pinning him in an old-school style.
Delaney: Blood God’s wrath to the floor and to the first row just happened, will it be enough for the three?
Kincaid: Fox isn’t moving!
Dragon: This might be it!
…ONE!
…TWO!
….THRE-NO!
Bloodied Fox gets the shoulder up! The crowd roars!
Delaney: Bloodied Fox survives! How the hell did he get the shoulder up?
Kincaid: Pure reflexes at this point!
Dragon: I’m sure the pilot inside the mech has gone home for the night!
The amount of expletives that come out of Spike’s mouth might not be suitable to print, even for a show such as this one as Kane rises back to his feet and eyes up the ladder, chairs, and steps. He begins devising a wicked display of steel and metal as he lines the pile up with the ladder and the steps, creating a line of destruction. He ignores the booing crowd, waving them off as he grabs Bloodied Fox by the hair, pulling him up and then beginning to ascend the massive ladder!
Delaney: You know what they say about things that go up!
Kincaid: I’m not sure Fox would like the view if he were still fully conscious!
Dragon: These fans are trying to will the pilot light back on, but I think he’s cooked!
The crowd begins to rise out of their seats as the pair go up, rung by rung, Kane expending a lot of energy to drag an unwilling Fox up the ladder until about three quarters of the way up when Fox begins to come to, striking Kane with a kick that almost completely catches Spike off guard, causing Spike to have to let go of Fox to get both hands on the ladder! Fox almost falls when he’s released, but he manages to hook himself onto the outside of the ladder!
Delaney: Fox is bent like a pretzel right now but the alternative was falling all the way down to the mat!
Kincaid: It’s not even the mat at this point, it’s more just whatever metal objects Spike could find!
Dragon: One wrong step is doom for both men!
Fox and Kane each have three points of contact with the ladder as Fox’s fourth point is his foot, focused on trying to kick Kane in the face. Kane eats a boot and does his best to keep ticking, using a death grip on the rungs to keep from moving off. He spots an opening and tries to grab the foot to lock on the Burning Hell, but Fox more effectively kicks him this time, knocking one of Kane’s arms wildly back! Kane flails and looks to be in danger of falling!
Delaney: Fox is hanging off the side of the ladder right now and is in no man’s land!
Kincaid: Kane is hanging off the front and looks like he could lose his grip at any moment!
Dragon: Both men might end up crashing down onto the metal at the same time!
Fox goes to push himself off the ladder to position himself back side-by-side by Kane, before a hard right hand from Kane indicates to him he’d be better off on the opposing side for the moment. Fox manages to free himself from his predicament and land with both feet on the ladder as Kane rebalances his positioning, reestablishing four points of contact. The crowd begins to boo and cheer as both men deliver kicks to their opponent’s midsection and legs, trying to knock the other’s balance off to set up for a big move.
Delaney: This is high, high-risk territory up here!
Dragon: Oh after such a hellacious contest, I don’t think either man could survive this landing right now!
Kincaid: I can’t watch!
Spike Kane scraps the kicks and goes back to good ol’ fashioned punches, sending Fox reeling back as he hits a hard left hand. On the way back, you can see a split second of thinking in Fox’s eye as he considers going for a superman but instead settles on a hard palm strike, then repositions himself on the ladder. Kane has to go down a rung to keep his balance, but has a moment of genius once he’s down a level, smacking the hand he stamped on earlier with an open palm Fox is forced to cringe and withdraw the hand from the side of the ladder!
Delaney: Kane goes after the injured hand!
Kincaid: How are either of these two still standing, let alone this high above the ring?
Dragon: Adrenaline and glory lead a man to do many crazy things!
Spike rears back to throw the Bloody Sunday, but Fox manages to catch it with both hands! Fox is desperately holding onto Kane’s leg now as Kane tries to shake him off the ladder, but Fox is holding on with spirit! Fox looks for some kind of escape path before pulling Kane’s legs through the rungs of the ladder instead! He reestablishes contact!
Delaney: Kane’s caught in the ladder!
Kincaid: He’s gotta rescue his leg but he’s gotta keep an eye on Fox!
Dragon: This is Fox’s chance and he knows it!
Indeed Fox knows it as the crowd cheers loudly for Kane getting trapped in a hell of a predicament. Kane ditches the assault to immediately press on the ladder, trying to get his leg back through the ladder, but in the meantime Fox has scaled the other side, leading to both men being on the same side of the ladder! Fox takes Spike’s head and slams it into the rung of the ladder, causing Spike to lose two points of contact!
Delaney: Bloodied Fox is a madman!
Kincaid: If Spike’s leg wasn’t trapped in that ladder, he would have hit the floor!
Dragon: I think Fox has a different plan to have him reach his destination!
Drawing on the cheers of the crowd, Fox pulls Spike through the ladder, rescuing him for mere moments before trapping Kane’s arm around his face, and throwing absolute caution to the wind by throwing Kane and himself off the ladder onto the pile of steel with his exploder suplex, the B4!
Delaney: B4! B4! DEAR GOD THEY HAVE BOTH GONE OFF THE LADDER!
Kincaid: LOOK AT THOSE BROKEN CHAIRS AND BROKE BODIES!
Dragon: JESUS!
A “Holy Shit” chant breaks out as the camera pans back to reveal a slew of broken chairs and a severely dented set of steel steps. Both men aren’t moving much at all, except for Fox, throwing an arm over Kane.
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THREE!
The referee calls for the bell, and after the timekeeper grabs it, the bell rings!
Strychnine: Ladies and gentlemen, holy hell, here’s your winner, BLOOOOOOOOOOODIEEEEEEEED FOOOOOOOOXXXXXXXXX!
Delaney: Holy hell is right! These guys gotta be dead!
Kincaid: That’s what I’ve been saying!
Dragon: What a way to end this war of a match! Both men gave everything and then some, two titans at the top of our industry right now, now both mangled in a pile of metal and bodies in the center of the ring!
Delaney: We’re gonna need the medics!
Kincaid: You can say that again!
The referee goes to raise the arm of Bloodied Fox, but it’s clear that neither man is in condition to exactly be celebrating. The crowd cheers as Fox’s arm is raised, and we do see the smile of The Bloody Rainmaker as he leans against the pile of chairs, absolutely exhausted.
Strychnine: What an ending! God damn! I hope you all enjoyed the show, apologies for the difficulties. On that note, though, it’s time to say goodnight. For myself, for the performers here tonight, and for our stellar commentary team, goodnight everyone!
Tommy grins.
Strychnine: See ya next time.
The rocker winks, and the feed cuts to a BIG FIGHT FIGHT NIGHT! LIVE!! Bumper logo.
[/font]
Bouncer: Password?
The hooded figure leans forward to whisper something in the bouncer’s ear, who looks satisfied, and steps aside. The hooded figure enters through the door, and it shows him paking his way through a dark, crowded area, never revealing his face. Music starts to play.
While the music plays, the hooded figure continues on his journey, checking doors along the way. Finally, one of the doors opens to a completely dark room, and the hooded figure switches on a light, which brings up a spot revealing the BIG FIGHT FIGHT NIGHT! LIVE! Logo. The hooded figure pulls back his hood, revealing the distinctive coiffed hair and headband of Tommy Strychnine, who grins.
Strychnine: Awesome.
The camera pans in on the logo, then pulls back to reveal the same logo on a small stage in a small arena that is packed with fans, cheering, chanting and playing to the camera. After a moment, Tommy Strychnine appears on the stage to a roar of applause from the packed venue. The rocker plays to the crowd, trying to get them pumped up and basking in the adulation for a moment before he produces a microphone from his back pocket.
Strychnine: Come on, New Orleans, you can do better than that! Make some motherfuckin’ noise!!!
The crowd roars and Tommy looks excited, mouthing the words ‘fuck yeah.’ After a moment, he raises the microphone again.
Strychnine: Alright, that was awesome. Well done! Hot crowd, always a good time, man. Now you all know why you’re here, but on the off chance you don;t, I’m here to say welcome to BIG FIGHT FIGHT NIGHT!!!
The crowd erupts in cheers again, and Tommy just looks pumped, holding his mic out toward the crown and cupping a hand to his ear, mouthing ‘I can’t hear you.’ He finally grins, turning the mic back on himself.
Strychnine: And it goes without saying at this point that tonight, I am your host! Your master of ceremonies, as it were. A ringmaster, if you will. And tonight, the spectacle we are going to present might just be the most bootleg, carny bullshit most of you have ever experienced.
Tommy makes his way down the walkway from the stage to the ring, which is conspicuously lacking ring ropes or turnbuckles.
Strychnine: As you can see, this is gonna be a little bit different than some of you expected, and the spectacle we’ve put together for tonight is a little bit less the circus most of you would expect coming to an XHF show and a little bit more of the ‘gladiatorial combat’ kind of circus. In layman's terms, if you came here tonight expecting flippy-dippy pinball bullshit, you’re going to go home disappointed. No no, friends. Tonight, you’re gonna see some people throw down. You’re gonna see some people fight. This isn’t a wrestling show. This is BIG FIGHT FIGHT NIGHT!
The crowd cheers again, and Tommy looks pleased.
Strychnine: Yeah! Fuckin’ preach! Tonight I’ll be pulling duty as the ring announcer. On commentary, we have the three best commentators I could fins in our price range.
The camera cuts to the commentary desk, revealing the trio of announcers, among whom is a brilliantly-smiling red-haired woman in a Lazer Phyzycyst t-shirt, a comparatively disinterested looking man with short blond hair, facial piercings, and too-much eye makeup, and a man in a velour tracksuit and a luchador mask that appears to have been made out of Pabst Blue Ribbon boxes.
Strychnine: Our commentary team tonight is Sarah Delaney…
The red-head waves to the crowd.
Strychnine: Ike Kincaid…
The blond man rolls his eyes and crosses his arms, hunching into the desk.
Strychnine: And last but not least, my close personal friend and one of the people I came up in this business with, Bootleg Dragon!
The luchador rises from his seat, striking a hero pose.
Strychnine: How’s the wife and kids, Bootsy? That’s great. Anyway, I’m running long on my time, so we should get right along with it and start our first match, shall we? That sound good?
The crowd roars again, and Tommy grins.
Strychnine: So without further ado, the following contest is a big fight scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, from Detroit, Michigan, and weighing in today at one hundred and eighty-five pounds, he is the Prince of Perfection, he is…. JOE….. NOBODY!!!
This Time by Depswa starts to play, and Joe Nobody emerges onto the stage with no music. The camera zooms into Nobody's face who smirks and adjusts his tie before making his way to the ring. As makes it up two steps and stops before turning around to give a young fan his signature fedora.
Strychnine: And his opponent, from Los Angeles, California and weighing in today at a respectable two hundred and sixty pounds, he is the One and Only…. FARGO!!!
Incinerate by Sonic Youth starts to play.
I ripped your heart out from your chest.
Replaced it with it a grenade blast.
INCINERATE.
INCINERATE.
Scott Fargo slowly steps out onto the stage and into the light. He then takes his time to look from side to side, scanning the crowd. After a few more seconds, Fargo begins a slow, confident walk toward the ring, ignoring any fan trying to grab his attention. Fargo then makes his way up the stairs and across the apron. He stops and turns his head in the direction of the hard camera and removes his sunglasses. After a few moments of Fargo giving a death stare to the camera, he makes his way to the corner. Fargo then removes his coat and crouches himself down in the corner, watching Joe Nobody intently.
Dragon: The referee calls for the bell and we are underway!
Delaney: On paper, this should be a pretty good matchup. Fargo and Nobody are about the same size, about the same weight, and they’re about the same age.
Kincaid: They even use a similar fighting style. I can’t think of a better matchup on paper than these two men.
Dragon: Only time will tell how true that is.
Fargo and Nobody square off. Nobody throws a straight punch at Fargo, who ducks and counters with a kick to the hamstring. Fargo follows up with a trio of knife-edge chops. Nobody tries to shove Fargo away, but Fargo with a waist lock go-behind.
Dragon: Fargo is bringing it to Joe Nobody!
Delaney: That’s what we’re here for, Bootsy! Fargo’s out for blood, and he should be!
Kincaid: Nobody might have been caught off guard to start off, but I think we’ll see some life out of him yet.
Nobody blasts Fargo with a back elbow smash, and then a second one. Fargo’s grip starts to loosen, and Nobody follows up with a snapmare into a seated position, then transitions into an armbar. Fargo howls in pain as Nobody hyperextends the shoulder, cranking as hard as he can.
Kincaid: Joe Nobody working the shoulder! That’s a kiss of death for a submission specialist.
Delaney: Fargo’s got more in his bag of tricks then submissions.
Dragon: That’s a beautiful armbar! Fargo’s gotta do something before Joe Nobody does permanent damage.
Fargo rolls over so Nobody is pinned underneath him, driving elbows down into the veteran;s face. Nobody lets go of Fargo’s arm, planting his feet on the other man’s face to push him away. Nobody scrambles to his feet while Fargo is off balance, moving to clinch with the other man. Fargo kicks the left hamstring of Nobody, dropping the other man to one knee, then he smashes forearms into Nobody’s face. Nobody stops Fargo in his tracks with a rabbit punch to the throat.
Dragon: Right in the throat! That’d be a disqualification in any other wrestling match.
Kincaid: Hard to argue with the results.
Delaney: Besides, this isn’t a wrestling match! This is a fight! WE WANT BLOOD! WE WANT BLOOD!
The crowd joins in with Delaney, chanting ‘We want blood!’ Nobody goes for a one arm slam, but Fargo lands back on his feet. Fargo ducks a clothesline from Nobody, then comes back with a Pele kick. Nobody staggers toward the edge of the ring. Fargo follows up with a dropkick that sends Nobody into the front row of fans!
Delaney: That’s more like it!
Kincaid: Fargo getting the fans involved the hard way!
Dragon: But Fargo can’t win the match if Nobody isn’t in the ring.
Nobody is having some trouble getting his bearings, but he rolls back into the ring. Fargo hooks him up for a vertical suplex, but Nobody counters with a suplex of his own. Fargo manages to land on his feet, and he blasts Nobody with a knee strike to the back of the head. Fargo is quick to capitalize, trying to get in the Heelhook!
Kincaid: Fargo’s been dominating this match; no surprise to see him going for the Heelhook.
Delaney: If he gets that in, Nobody’s fucked.
Dragon: Nobody’s fighting hard, I’m starting to think Joe Nobody might turn this around.
Nobody manages to evade the submission, launching Fargo away again. Nobody rolls off of the ring to try and get his bearings again. Fargo launches himself off of the ring for a ssuicide dive, but Nobody catches him by the waist, hoisting the other man up and powerbombing him on the apron!
Dragon: Jesus, you wanna talk about the shot heard round the world.
Delaney: God damn, I felt that from here.
Nobody rolls back into the ring, going for a pin!
…ONE!
…TWO!
Fargo kicks out!
Kincaid: A noble effort, but Fargo stays alive!
Nobody hauls Fargo up to his feet, shouting at him that he’s going to end the match. Fargo responds with a blatant kick in the pills. Fargo drills Nobody with the Deadend Brainbuster!
Dragon: Low blow into the Deadend Brainbuster!
Delaney: Say goodnight to the Prince of Perfection!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Somehow Joe Nobody manages to stay alive!
Dragon: Or not! Joe Nobody digs deep and kicks out!
Delaney: Did that count seem slow to you?
Fargo looks furious. Nobody fights to his knees, laughing at Fargo. Fargo responds with a Shotgun Blast!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Nobody manages a miracle and kicks out again!
Delaney: It’s starting to feel like Joe Nobody paid off the ref or something, there’s no way Joe Nobody should have been able to kick out after that!
Kincaid: And yet, here we are! The fans are firmly behind Joe Nobody!
Dragon: But this isn’t Peter Pan, the laughter of children isn;t gonna save Joe Nobody if he doesn’t pull something out here!
Fargo drives hard knees into Nobody’s head, until it looks like he may have beaten Nobody unconscious. He drags Nobody over to the corner of the ring. Fargo wraps Nobody’s arm around the unadorned ring post, grabbing Nobody’s wrist, planting his feet and leaning backward. Joe Nobody howls out in pain.
Dragon: An innovative submission maneuver from Fargo!
Kincaid: You see how Fargo is hanging off the ring? That means all of his weight is being supported by Nobody’s elbow. And judging by the agonized wails from Joe Nobody, that’s gotta hurt like hell!
Delaney: -slamming her hands on the table in time with her chanting- TAP OR SNAP! TAP OR SNAP! TAP OR SNAP!
Left with no other choice, Joe Nobody finally submits! Fargo releases the punishing hold, looking purposefully disinterested as the referee checks on Nobody, who's holding his arm and audibly cursing up a blue streak. Nobody is helped out of the ring, and the referee raises Fargo’s hand in victory.
Strychnine: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this match by submission. FAAAAAARGOOOOO!
Dragon: An incredible effort by Joe Nobody ends with a whimper, and the fans here tonight are none too happy. Can’t say I blame ‘em.
Kincaid: Whether you blame them or not, Fargo brought it tonight and Joe Nobody missed a step or two.
Delaney: Fargo was awesome! I know we’re not sposta like him, but do you think he has a merch table?
Fargo raises his hands in victory to a cacophony of boos. He smirks, waving off the jeers from the crowd as he stands there looking pleased with himself. He finally leaves the ring, the fans giving him a wide berth as he makes his way into the back.
Strychnine: What a start, am I wright? Let’s see if we can;t keep that momentum going, shall we? The following contest is a big fight scheduled for One Fall! Introducing first, currently residing in Asheville, North Carolina, weighing in at a meaty 240 pounds, he is ‘The Awkward One’, he is ADAAAAAAAAM SAAAAAAAANDERRRRSSSSS!
The drum fill followed by the opening guitar riff for the title track off the fourth studio album by Canadian punk band Sum 41 begins to blare on the Ascension PA system. The fans begin to cheer as the lights go dark and a single spotlight appears on the ramp.
One, two, three, four
The rest of the band joins the guitar as Adam Sanders emerges behind the curtain. The fans give the Awkward One loud cheers as the spotlight follows his trek towards the ring.
Well, I won’t be caught living in a dead end job
While praying to my government guns and gods
Now it’s us against them, we’re here to represent
And spit right in the face of the establishment!
Sanders walks up the stairs, walks down the apron a bit and puts both arms in the air. The fans continue to give loud cheers for the Awkward One as he steps between the top and middle rope to enter the ring. He steps on the opposite turnbuckle, the chorus of the song becomes the backdrop for him to hop back into the ring.
Well because we're doing fine, and we don't need to be told
That we're doing fine, 'cause we won't give you control.
And we don't need anything from you,
'Cause we'll be just fine, and we won't be bought and sold, just like you
Delaney: NLW’s own Adam Sanders is in the house tonight!
Kincaid: He’s got a good wholesome energy to him, I like him!
Dragon: Wholesome and technically effective, with a tough challenge thrown down tonight by Shizuku Yamamoto of SKY Force.
Strychnine: And his opponent… weighing 122 pounds, from Asahikawa, Hokkaido, Japan, she is SHIIIIZZUKUUU YAMAAAAAAMOTTTTOOOOOO!
花を焼べて 詩を焼べて
誰より険しく美しく
あの日の傷ももらった愛も
全て焼べて 光の方へ
With those words "Tsuki to Hanataba" plays its way into the arena. Shortly afterwards Nausicaä, holding a stuffed cat she calls Charles in her hands with the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship, appears upon the stage with Rin Kubo on her left, Shizuku on her right and Hayley behind her holding a SKY Force Fund banner. Suzuki part her legs while moving both of Charles' upper paws out for the two brunettes fist bump each paw as Miss Grimes crawl through the gap between the leader's legs to show off before the group begin to head down the ramp way.
Delaney: Shizuku Yamamoto is scheduled for this contest, but seemingly the entirety of SKY Force is joining her at ringside!
Kincaid: It’s like an entire army together, this is already unfair!
Dragon: What is going on?
When their names are announced all of them are sitting on the apron facing the hard camera before rolling into the ring one at a time. They stop their rolls in a way that ends with Shizuku on her left knee, Rin on her right knee and Nausicaä sitting in the middle, holding Charles close as the brunettes rest their arms across her back, while Hayley stands behind the Super Saiyan Rosé wearing the banner like it is some kind of heroic cape. Together the three stand up and take a hero pose. Kubo having her right fist out towards the crowd and her left on her right breast, Yamamoto mirroring her and Suzuki holding Charles out towards the crowd while Grimes slide out the ring and holds the banner our in the direction of the hard cam.
Delaney: The referee’s gotta get control of this one.
Kincaid: I mean, six on one? Five? That’s a lot of people for just one Adam Sanders!
Dragon: There are no rules tonight, so…
The referee does a good job of managing to get everyone that isn’t Adam Sanders or Shizuku Yamamoto out of the ring. She calls for the bell, and then three sides of the ring apron are immediately occupied as Suzuki holding Charles, Grimes, and Kubo are all now standing on the apron. Sanders looks around and does his best to fend off the mob as they enter the ring and begin attacking him in a group, but it’s quickly too much and he’s overwhelmed by their assault. The crowd boos the group making a mockery of a fair fight as JROK’s greatest tag team/faction immediately strikes as a guerilla force, descending the match into chaos. Shizuku gets Sanders up and hits a chopblock, and he’s immediately met with a running, jumping shoulder tackle from Kubo. Grimes helps Sanders to his feet, only to hold his arms back behind him while Suzuki charges forth and crushes him with a Dream Crusher!
Delaney: When we said no rules tonight, I wasn’t really expecting this!
Kincaid: If you’re Sanders, are you just looking to escape with your head?
Dragon: If only his mentor Cochrane was around!
Adam has managed to roll off of the ring to the floor, and he manages to get a little bit of distance from the ring, standing behind the ring announcers’ desk for a few moments as he catches his breath.
Dragon: The fight’s in the ring, kid!
Kincaid: He’s not a kid, Bootsy! He’s 28 and a former AWF Prestige champion!
Sanders looks at the five-on-one assault coming his way and awkwardly asks to borrow the timekeeper’s chair. He’s granted the piece of steel, and immediately begins clearing a path, swinging the chair at the backs of Suzuki, then Kubo, then Grimes as he works his way back to the ring. When he’s about to get in, he’s almost caught with a Reality Shift from Yamamoto, but he catches her with a hard dropkick!
Delaney: Sanders is fighting back!
Kincaid: It’s two-on-five with that chair, and the two are winning!
The crowd is on their feet and cheering for more action as Sanders waffles a chair shot into Yamamoto’s back and goes for the pin!
…ONE!
…TWO!
Sanders is pulled out of the ring by Suzuki!
Delaney: Damn! Suzuki gets her hands back on Sanders!
Kincaid: This isn’t a fight, it’s a mugging!
Dragon: Forget what I said earlier, he should cut tail and get out!
SKY Force begins to collectively brawl with Sanders up the ramp. Sanders, to his credit, is fighting back with everything he’s got, but four warm bodies plus a stuffed one is a little much for him. The group looks to the tables set up in the electrical area, seemingly hatching an idea, at least until Sanders free himself by handing out superkicks like it’s nobody’s business! Suzuki goes down! Charles and Kubo go down! Grimes goes down!
Delaney: Lightning just struck four times!
Kincaid: Could this be what Sanders needs?
Dragon: There’s still a fifth needed!
Just as Sanders winds up for the fifth, POW! He’s caught with a spinning back fist from Yamamoto! He goes down in a hurry as the crowd boos loudly again!
Delaney: Nope!
Kincaid: She’s rallying the troops for something, this could be Bedlam!
SKY Force find their way back to their feets with Yamamoto’s coaching, grabbing Sanders! Sanders looks to fight back, but it’s still too much with a five-on-one going! Kubo, Suzuki, and Grimes grab him for the triple powerbomb, while Yamamoto looks for the suplex!
Kincaid: He’s rocking, he might be able to slip out!
Dragon: If he isn’t there’s a floor full of electrical equipment that he might hit!
Somehow, some way, Sanders manages to slip his way out, landing on the edge of the stage! He dangles and almost falls over, but somehow manages to stay on! Through the chaos, Yamamoto is shoved forward, though she grabs Charles and throws caution to the wind, charging forward and crashing into the group of bodies and striking down Adrien with the Reality Shift, sending them all off the stage into the tables and the electrical equipment! Sparks fly!
Delaney: Oh my God! Yamamoto just embraced chaos and caught Sanders, but also caught her own group!
Kincaid: Everybody’s down! Everybody’s out!
Dragon: People need to get out of there, the equipment might be about to--
As a minor electrical fire turns into something potentially major, the feed is knocked off-air.
.
.
.
When the feed returns, medical staff are sorting through the pile of bodies. Strychnine announces the result.
Strychnine: Ladies and gentlemen, as neither competitor is able to continue, this match has been stopped by the referee! We’re going to take a short break while they make sure everything is working correctly before we get back underway.
INTERMISSION START!
INTERMISSION END![/i]
Strychnine: Are we good? Are you sure we’re good? Alright, apparently we’re good. Cool. Welcome back, if you’re watching from home, we apologize for the technical difficulties, but Adam Sanders and Sky FOrce took the boots to our production equipment, so that was a thing. But we’re back, baby, and it’s time for our next big fight!
The crowd cheers, and Tommy looks smug.
Strychnine: Our next contest is a big fight scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, from Seattle and weighing in tonight at two hundred and twenty-five pounds,she is…. SAAAPHIIIIRE!!!
2010 by Apocalyptica starts to play, and when Sapphire comes out on her cue, her eyes are glued to the ring. She strides confidently but stoically down to the ring and enters simply, stretching as she waits for the fight to start.
Strychnine: And her opponent, from Miami, Florida, and weighing in tonight at 208 pounds, make some noise for CHRIIIIIIS SAAAAANDERSON!
The intro of "MIDDLE CHILD" by J. Cole begins to play. As the song continues to build up, the lights explode back on right at that magical moment.
"Wrestlers been countin' me out
I'm countin' my bullets, I'm loadin' my clips
I'm writin' down names, I'm makin' a list
I'm checkin' it twice and I'm gettin' 'em hit
The real ones been dyin', the fake ones is lit
The game is off balance, I'm back on my shit"
Standing in the entry way is Chris Sanderson with a hooded sweatshirt on, hood up, as he takes in the positive reaction from the crowd. The second generation talent takes a quick glance at the people on their feet before beginning his walk to the ring. Sanderson makes sure to slap hands that stick over the barricade, headbanging along with the song along with singing along.
"To the OGs, I'm thankin' you now
Was watchin' you when you was pavin' the ground
I copied your cadence, I mirrored your style
I studied the greats, I'm the greatest right now
Fuck if you feel me, you ain't got a choice
Now I ain't do no promo, still made all that noise
This shit gon' be different, I set my intentions
I promise to slap all that hate out your voice"
Chris Sanderson reaches ringside and stops in front of the ring. He tosses his hood back and jumps up to the ring apron and continues to look out at the cheering fans. Chris unzips his jacket and tosses it off to ringside as the song begins to fade away. The referee calls the pair to the center of the ring before the bell rings. Sapphire wants Sanderson to shake her hand. Sanderson hesitates for a moment, but finally offers up his hand, which Sapphire takes and shakes firmly. Sanderson moves to step back, but Sapphire doesn’t release his hand, rather transitioning into a wristlock, and then a snapmare takeover. Sapphire butterflies the arms of Sanderson with her legs.
Delaney: Sapphire starts off strong!
Kincaid: Was a bit of a dirty trick.
Dragon. But this is a no dq situation, so anything goes.
Sanderson gets back to his feet and the pair tie up collar and elbow. Sanderson fakes out Sapphire and brings her down to the mat. Sanderson applies the bow and arrow stretch, then rolls Sapphire into a cradle for the pinfall.
…ONE…
…TWO…
Kickout!.
Dragon: Sanderson fires back!
Kincaid: Sapphire needs to keep her guard up. Chris Sanderson has been doing this for a long time; he has a lot of tricks up his sleeve.
Delaney: I have a really good feeling about this match.
Sapphire rolls to her feet, and Sanderson tells her to bring it. Sanderson and Sapphire tie up again, with Sapphire moving into a switch position. Sanderson reverses so that he’s in switch position now, and then they switch again. Sanderson switches again, this time lifting Sapphire up onto his shoulders. Sapphire slips off, then sends Sanderson to the mat with a double leg takedown.
Kincaid: These two are looking like a better match than I thought.
Delaney: Sapphire has the edge on power, but Sanderson has experience on his side. COuld go either way.
Dragon: There hasn’t been a bad match so far tonight.
From down on the mat, Sanderson sweeps Sapphire’s leg, sending the woman crashing to the mat. They both kip up, coming face-to-face in the middle of the ring, neither willing to give the other an inch. Sanderson grins, then applauds Sapphire sarcastically. Sapphire charges Sanderson, and the veteran trips her. Sapphire rolls through to end up on her knees on the edge of the ring, and Sanderson sends her to the outside with a running dropkick. Sanderson goes to follow up with a suicide dive, but Sapphire has it scouted and counters with a punch to the top of the head.
Dragon: Nice counter from Sapphire. She may have just scrambled Sanderson’s brains.
Delaney: You ever get punched in the dome, Bootsy? Shit SUUUUUUUCKS.
Kincaid: Somehow I’m not surprised this is something you have experience with.
Sapphire rolls back into the ring. Sanderson is trying to get up, but Sapphire kicks out his arm, mounting his back. Sapphire rains down punishing haymakers to the back of Sanderson’s head.
Sanderson decks Sapphire with a back elbow, managing to roll her into an awkward pin attempt!
…ONE…
…TWO…
Kickout!
Delaney: Get it girl!
Kincaid: That was close!
Dragon: But close isn’t close enough, Ike.
Sapphire moves away to create some distance between herself and Sanderson. Sanderson doesn’t let up, launches after her, trying for a leaping back elbow smash, but Sapphire drills Sanderson with a superkick right to the back of the head. Sapphire hauls the prone Sanderson up by the waist, then rolls him up onto her shoulder to hit him with a running powerbomb! Sapphire goes for the pin!
…ONE…
…TWO…
Kickout!!
Kincaid: Sapphire is really stepping it up!
Dragon: The more Sanderson seems to start to lag, the better Sapphire seems to get.
Delaney: At this point, I have no idea who’s gonna win, but I am HERE FOR IT.
Sapphire slaps Sanderson in the chest. She hauls Sanderson up off of the mat by his waist again, then rolls him onto her shoulders for another powerbomb,but Sanderson reverses the move into a Frankensteiner! Sanderson goes for the pin!
…ONE…
Kickout!!
Dragon: And just when you think Sanderson’s done, he comes out with a Frankensteiner!
Delaney: I’m not even sure who I’m pulling for anymore, these two are putting on a show.
Kincaid: Whoever wins this match, you can be sure none of the fans are going to be angry about it.
Both Sapphire and Sanderson are quick to their feet, though the newcomer seems a little disoriented. Sanderson ducks a wild forearm attempt from Sapphire. He comes in with a forearm smash of his own, but Sapphire stops him with a knee strike right to the point of the chin. Sapphire is quick to press the advantage, hooking Sanderson up for a Dragon suplex and bridging into another pin attempt!
…ONE…
…TWO…
Kickout!!
Dragon: And Sapphire almost takes it again!
Kincaid: Sanderson’s got too much left in the tank for that to put him down.
Delaney: But how much more do these two have to give?
The pace of the match is starting to show for both Sanderson and Sapphire. Both competitors are back to their feet, and they start throwing haymakers at each other. Sanderson ducks one blow, clinching Sapphire’s waist and switching so he’s behind her. Sapphire switches with Sanderson, who rolls through to escape. Sanderson shoves Sapphire away from him, then runs at her only to get blasted with a spinning back fist!
Delaney: Nighty night, Chris!
Kincaid: Jesus, did you hear that? I think I felt it in my back teeth.
Dragon: That could be the tide turner for sure, if Sapphire capitalizes on it.
Sapphire hauls Sanderson up off the mat, hitting a belly-to-back Suplex. She holds onto Sanderson, rolling through and hitting another belly-to-back suplex. Sapphire rolls though again, roaring as she hits an overhead release belly to back suplex. Sapphire crouches in the corner, watching for Sanderson to get to his feet. Sanderson finally fights his way back to his feet, and Sapphire launches at him, aiming for a European Uppercut, but Sanderson dodges at the last moment, and Sapphire hurtles out of the ring. Sanderson goes for a baseball slide dropkick, but Sapphire catches him, powerbombing Sanderson on the apron, then hauls him up for a second powerbomb on the apron! The crowd roars, and Sapphire hauls up to hit a third powerbomb on the apron!
Delaney: One! Two! Three! Three powerbombs! AH! AH! AH!
Kincaid: ….What is wrong with you?
Dragon: Three amigos followed by three powerbombs? If Chris Sanderson can kick out after that, I’m convinced he isn’t human.
Sapphire rolls back into the ring, manhandling Sanderson up off of the mat and hooking him up for a full nelson, adding the body scissors and crashing to the mat. The referee immediately calls for the bell, and Sapphire pushes Sanderson away.
Dragon: Sanderson is out! The referee is calling it!
Strychnine: Ladies and gentlemen, the referee has ruled that Chris Sanderson is not able to continue! The winner of this match by knockout… SAAAAAAPHIIIIIIRE!!! Make some noise!
The crowd cheers for Sapphire, who leaves the ring without much of a reaction. Tommy watches her with a quizzical expression on his face, but he finally shrugs.
Strychnine. Eh; Anyway, I need to take a piss, so it’s time for another intermission.
INTERMISSION START!
INTERMISSION END![/i]
Strychnine: Wasn’t that fun? Those TIm and Eric guys come up with some goofy shit. But we’re not here to talk about old Adult Swim shows, are we? No we are not. What we are here for, is our next contest, which is a big fight scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, from Cologne, Germany, and weighing in tonight at one hundred and forty-four pounds, she is ESMERALDA VON KRAUSS!!!
“Circus Apocalypse” by Vermillion Lies starts to play, and VOn Krauss stalks her way down to the ring, paying little heed to the crowd.
Strychnine: And her opponent, from Anaheim, California, and weighing in tonight at one hundred and fifty-nine pounds, she is the Goddess of War….. REBECCA BROOOOOKES!!!
The beats of “Family Ties” begin to play. oon comes The Californian Angel standing front and center of the stage, with a shine to her eye as she looks around the arena with a smile on her face. Rebecca looks around the venue before she slowly twirls around on the stage, showing off the sparkling gems within her ring jacket. The crowd sings the chorus as Rebecca makes her way around the ring, climbing onto the apron and looking out to the thousands of fans as she raises her hand up to the air and waves to the fans, the crowd cheering wildly for Rebecca as she nods her head before entering the ring as she heads to the corner.
The referee checks with both competitors that they’re ready to start, then calls for the bell. Brookes turns to play to the hot crowd and is rewarded by Von Krauss spinning her around and kicking the California Princess in the gut.
Kincaid: The crowd didn’t like that.
Dragon: Any way you look at it, Esmeralda Von Krauss is proving she’s willing to do what it takes for the W.
Delaney: Gotta respect that hustle.
Von Krauss ties up with Brookes, peppering her with forearm shivers. Brookes fires back with forearm shivers of her own. Von Krauss comes back with a knife edge chop, then grabs handfuls of Brookes hair to hurl her across the ring with a Biel Throw. Brookes only manages to get back to her knees before Von Krauss blasts her with a running dropkick.
Delaney: Von Krauss isn’t even giving Brookes a chance to catch her breath.
Dragon: She needs to keep it up, if she gives Brookes an inch she’ll take a mile.
Kincaid: First and foremost, Esmeralda Von Krauss is a business woman, and she’s learned no better lesson than how to be ruthless.
Von Krauss taunts the booing crowd, dropping her knee on the back of Brookes’s neck. She does so again, and then a third time. Von Krauss hauls Brookes up off the mat and rakes her back, earning a yelp from the fan favorite. Von Krauss ties up with Brookes again, and Brookes starts blasting the businesswoman with heavy bodyshots.
Delaney: Oh my gosh! Signs of life from Rebecca Brookes!
Kincaid: When she’s on, Rebecca Brookes is a force to be reckoned with. If Von Krauss lets her get rolling….
Von Krauss drives her knee into the midsection of Brookes, stopping her comeback cold. Von Krauss lifts Brookes onto her shoulders, but Brookes fights free, applying a waistlock. Before she can do much with it, Von Krauss decks Brookes with a back elbow smash.Brookes powers though and hurls Von Krauss across the ring with a release Belly-to-Back Suplex, and VOn Krauss rolls out of the ring.
Dragon: Did you see that? Brookes just tossed Von Krauss right out of the ring!
Kincaid: We’re starting to see the bout machine come to life!
Brookes goes to the edge of the ring, reaching down for Von Krauss, and she is rewarded with a skull-shivering chin strike.
Delaney: Justice! Rebecca Brookes just made a deadly error!
Kincaid: Like I said, Von Krauss has ruthless down and dusted.
Dragon: It looks like she had something in her hand!
Von Krauss drops what appears to be some kind of metal slug, making a show of holding a finger up to her lips before she rolls back into the ring. Brooks is out, and Von Krauss lifts her up enough to get her into position for the Adjustment!
Dragon: This just feels like adding insult to injury at this point.
Delaney: Esmeralda Von Krauss has proven she deserves to be here as much as anyone else.
Von Krauss makes the show of cranking Brookes’ neck, and the already prone wrestler goes limp. Von Krauss goes for the pinfall!
…ONE…
…TWO…
…THREE!
The referee calls for the bell, and the crowd boos the decision. Von Krauss looks disinterested, allowing the referee to raise her hand as the victor before yanking it away.
Strychnine: The winner of this contest by pinfall, Esmaralda Von Krauss! Kinda wish it had been a real match, but we got what we got. Anywho.
Tommy checks his notes, then sighs.
Strychnine: Our next contest is a big fight scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, a guy I never really had much of an opinion of cause he’s a douche. From Las Vegas, Nevada, and weighing in at 230 pounds, I’m not going to read the other shit he sent me on his entrance card…. Make some noise for CROSS RECOBA!!!!
"Turn To Stone" by Joe Walsh fills the arena as the lights dim and a single spotlight illuminates the stage. Out from the curtain steps Cross Recoba, a titanium cane with a golden lion's head handle in one hand, touching the crucifix with the other. The crowd responds with a chorus of cheers. Cross uses the handle of the cane to push his shag hair cut from his face, flicking his head back confidently as he smiles towards the audience. He holds up the cane that has caused so much trouble in the past to an even more rapturous response from the fans, and he begins down the ramp still holding it aloft. Recoba reaches ringside and holds the lion's head handle of the cane up to his lips and kisses it for luck. He sets the cane to rest against the ring steps and then climbs them up onto the apron and delivers an over-exaggerated bow that causes the fans to cheer even louder. Cross stands to his full height and smirks, stepping over to the far corner to await the beginning of the match.
Strychnine: And his opponent, from the Ninth Deep, and weighing in tonight at a beefy one hundred and ninety pounds, he is the Sanctified…. He is POENA!!!
Malleus Maleficarum by Peter Gundry starts to play. During the quiet opening of the song the lights go pitch back as the eerie bells and sounds fill the arena. Each time the choir sings, red spotlights blaze down, revealing Poena standing at the top of the ramp, a black silhouette with his arms raised out to the sides with his palms and face up to the heavens.
As the music picks up the red spotlights stay on him as he lowers his arms and walks toward the ring tossing pamphlets about his “religion” over the teeming masses as he walks down the ramp, his crazed smile breaking out into an even crazier grin as he does.
He rolls into the ring as the spotlights turn to brightest white, going to his knees in the same pose he held on the ramp, either whispering a silent prayer to himself or yelling “REPENT!” to the heavens before smirking at the crowd and getting up to his feet.
The referee calls the pair to the center of the ring. He calls for the bell and Cross and Poena waste no time in tying up Collar and Elbow.
Dragon: Not even a cursory show of respect between these two, they’re here for a fight tonight.
Kincaid: I don’t know what to make of this match. On one hand, you have Cross Recoba, who thinks he’s a big deal. On the other hand, you have Poena, who thinks he’s a big deal. This might just be a clash of egos for the ages.
Delaney: Poena is crazyface. But he has a certain intensity that does make him intriguing.
Cross hammers down on the left shoulder of Poena, then quickly applies an arm-bar. Cross transitions into a wrist lock, punishing the chosen one with a series of knife-edge chops. They don’t appear to be phasing Poena very much, who just grins at Cross, his eyes burning with crazed intensity. Cross drives his thumb down into Poena’s trapezium, finally getting a reaction from the other man, then drives a sharp kick into Poena’s hamstring that drops the sanctified one to one knee.
Delaney: Cross isn’t letting up!
Dragon: That’s where the experience comes in, he knows that if he gives Poena an inch that he’s doomed.
Kincaid: Way too early to count out the Sanctified One.
Cross hammers his thumb down into Poena’s trap muscle again, then digs in his fingers, cranking back on the Sanctified One’s arm. Poena alternated between howling in pain and demented, shrieking laughter, thanking Cross for the punishment. Cross seems unnerved, but not enough to throw him off his game. Poena throws a wild punch at Cross, forcing Cross to break the hold, and Poena takes the chance to roll off the ring to the floor.
Kincaid: Poena getting out of the ring is a smart move.
Delaney: Cross needs to keep up this full court press though, cause if he lets his opponent catch his breath this is gonna become a completely different match.
Dragon: I don’t think I could have said that better myself, Sarah.
Cross charges at Poena, going for a sliding dropkick. Poena traps his leg, muscling the other man onto his shoulders before swinging him ribs-first into the ring post. The Sanctified one grins, then slams Cross ribs-first into the ring post again, earning mixed boos and chatter from the crowd. Finally Peona powerbombs Cross on the apron.
Dragon: Oh my god, did you see that?
Delaney: Just like that, momentum has shifted.
Kincaid: I think Cross Recoba might have just learned why he shouldn’t underestimate Poena.
Poena drags Cross over onto the apron, grinding his arm into Cross’ face before chopping the veteran in the chest. Cross rolls off the apron and tries to get away from Poena, but the Sanctified One grabs him and whips him into the tring post again, pulsing Cross back into a waistlock and suplexing him onto the apron again.
Kincaid: Poena is making good use of the ring apron, and the no-holds-barred nature of this event.
Dragon: Cross is getting treated like a ragdoll. It’s a complete reversal of fortune from the earliest moments of this match.
Delaney: Someone has to make a ‘Laceration 3:16 says I just whooped your ass’ joke.
Poena rolls Cross back into the ring, following him in and hooking the outside leg,
…ONE…
…TWO…
…Kickout!
Delaney: Cross finds a way to keep the hope alive!
Kincaid: That might have been a dumb decision.
Dragon: Cross knew what he was in for when he signed up for this event.
Poena looks ecstatic at the fact that Cross continues to fight back. He starts raining down haymakers on Cross, who responds with half-hearted rights. Poena drags Cross to the corner, then stomps on his chest, shouting at the other man to repent. He does the same several times, finally hauling the limp body of Cross up by the waist and getting him in position for a powerbomb, turning to line up the AWF veteran with the ring post..
Kincaid: Oh my god, he can’t be serious!
Dragon: If he’s about to do what I think he is, Poena is about to literally break Cross Recoba.
Delaney: Can you imagine how a buckle bomb without turnbuckles would feel? Gives me shivers just thinking about it.
Poena seems to have exactly that in mind, but before he can really get Cross into position, Cross reverses the powerbomb into a hurricanrana. Cross is first up to his feet, pulling Poena up to a standing position, then sweeping his leg out to slam Poena down onto his knee in a modified uranage!
Dragon: Cross is building some momentum!
Delaney: Finally!
Kincaid: These two men are beating the hell out of each other, but it’s still anybody’s match!
Peona laughs, sitting up just in time to catch a running double knee to the face. Cross rolls through, and Poena sits back up again, just laughing louder. Cross comes back with another brutal knee strike to the back of Poena’s head, but the Sanctified One no-sells it, only laughing harder. Another running knee strike to the face seems to get the better of the demented competitor, and Cross hauls a dazed Poena up to his feet.
Delaney: Shouldn’t Cross be going for a pin?
Kincaid: This is the sort of arrogance that could work against him.
Dragon: I think Cross knows some kicks aren;t gonna be enough to put away the Sanctified One. He just needs one good shot.
Peona switches with Cross, leaning in to whisper something in the ear, but Cross smashes his head back into Poena’s nose, then runs the deranged wrestler back into the ring post. Poena slumps over Cross, who gets his hands in position to lift Poena by the armpits. In a show of desperation, Cross runs across the ring and drops Poena on his head on the bare floor with a reverse crucifix bomb!
Kincaid: Speaking of good shots!
Dragon: That should have knocked whatever screws Poena still has loose!
Delaney: That. Was. AWESOME!!
Cross isn;t done yet, cause he jumps off to hit an Asai moonsault! Cross hauls the sanctified one up off the floor and onto his shoulders in a fireman;s carry, and he uses the ring steps to get Poena back into the ring. Cross dumps Poena in the middle of the ring, going for a pin!
…ONE...
…TWO…
…Kickout!
Delaney: Cross was robbed!
Kincaid: Poena still has enough juice in the tank to kick out!
Dragon: Crazy goes a long way to breaking past limits!
Cross vaults up on top of the ring post, then launches off for a cross body, but Poena catches him in mid air, shifting Cross so he’s on his shoulders and hitting a Samoan drop. Poena rolls through, holding onto Cross and hitting another Samoan drop. Peona rolls through again and drops Cross on his head for a Death Valley Driver! Poena with the pin!
…ONE…
…Kickout!
Dragon: Through some combination of luck and will Cross keeps his hopes alive!
Delaney: If anyone can turn this around, it’s Cross Recoba!
Kincaid: That seems kind of unlikely at this point, but stranger things have happened!
Poena gets to his feet and bodily hauls Cross up off the mat, biel throwing Cross to the ring post. Poena finally is starting to look something other than deranged…. And that’s anger bubbling up from deep inside. Poena charges at Cross, who ducks out of the way and feeds Poena into the exposed ring post. Cross follows up with a thrust kick, then tries to hook up for Up All Night in Dakota, but Poena blasts him in the crotch.
Kincaid: Low blow!
Delaney: And it’s legal!
Dragon: It’s still shitty.
Peona hauls Cross up again, hitting him with a ripcord discord elbow smash, then he follows up with the Anathema! Poena covers Cross!
…ONE…
…TWO…
…THREE!!!!
The referee calls for the bell!
Delaney: Poena takes the dub!
Dragon: Tonight was not Cross Recoba’s night.
Kincaid. That was a hard-fought contest, and in the end the craziest man one. Cross shouldn’t be too upset about that though, he did everything he could.
Dragon: Poena just did a little more.
Strychnine: The winner of this contest by pinfall, he is the Sanctified…. POENA!!!!
Boos fill the arena as a wide, excited grin appears on Poena’s face. He ignores the referee’s attempts to get his attention, rolling out of the ring and laughing, his eyes wide, as he strolls out of the arena.
Strychnine: Let’s keep this party rocking! The following contest is another big fight, scheduled for one fall! Introducing first… from God knows where in Florida, weighing in tonight at a whopping 198 pounds, he is FLOOOOOOORIDAAAAA MANNNNN!
Out of the back staggers The Florida Man to the tune Gimme Some Lovin' by The Spencer Davis Group. The masked gator - who almost walks like a man - chugs a 14% Four Loko before opening another one. With the swagger of a reptile who can't walk a straight line, Florida bumps into guardrails in sync with the music, high fiving fans who help direct his constant motion towards the ring.
Before entering the ring, Florida Man hands his partially drunken Four Loko to a random member of the audience. This week's lucky fan is a seven-year-old boy.
Florida Man: HOLD MY BEER WOMAN! . . . I know how much is in there, don't even think about stealing a sip, I do not abide thievery and will mess you up.
The audience chants along with his catchphrase: HOLD. MY. BEER. WOMAN!
Delaney: Hold the beer, Florida Man is here! The former XHF Junior Heavyweight champion is in the Fillmore!
Kincaid: Oh boy, because this breed of insanity is what this show needed. Did we check him for firearms? Maybe old retired, possibly dead professional wrestlers?
Dragon: This is the XHF, kid. Time travel is everywhere, I hope he brings back my old tag team partner next. But a formidable if not unorthodox talent, ya can’t count out the crazy, ya can’t count out Florida Man. He’s talked about bringing in a power game, can he outpower the smaller Sawyer?
Strychnine: And his opponent… from where everything is bigger and better, from Houston, Texas, weighing in tonight at 160 pounds of pure firepower, they are ‘The Stranger’, they are SAAAAAAAAAAMMMMM SAWWWYEERRRRRRR!
The arena lights dim as a bassline begins to play. While a silver mist slowly fills the stage, the fans wait in anticipation. A deep voice starts singing in a whisper. Then, a dark figure walks through the mist. Completely decked out in black, the teenager slowly walks forward. The camera mostly keeps its distance. Different angles give a better look, but their face is still mostly obscured in darkness. After climbing the steps and entering the ring, the volume of the music increases.
"I hear the sons of the city and dispossessed
Get down, get undressed
Get pretty but you and me
We got the kingdom, we got the key
We got the empire, now as then
We don't doubt, we don't take direction"
The mist has thinned but the arena is still dark. The song quietens down.
"Lucretia, my reflection, dance the ghost with me"
Then reaches its loud finale. The lights come back on and the fans cheer. The camera focuses on Sam Sawyer's cold, glaring face.
Delaney: Look at that cold, glaring face of Sam Sawyer. They mean business and are ready for battle.
Kincaid: This is more my speed right here. When the cult of Sawyer gets going can someone link me to the sign-up?
Delaney: They’re not focused on the attention, or the money, or the fans…
Dragon: …and that’s what makes Sawyer one of the XHF’s best kept secrets. A dangerous tool in the arsenal, ready to go to work at any time. Tonight they’re going to have their hands full with the insanity that is Florida Man, who beat them in a Penalty Box match at End of Days for a shot at the Junior Heavyweight title. There’s the signal, here we go.
The bell rings and the difference in styles is immediate as one of the two competitors is a deathmatch extraordinaire wearing an alligator hat as a luchador mask and a pair of overalls while the other is a silent goth determined to kick all of the ass in an all-black ensemble. The two begin to brawl with one another, the hard punches coming in from Florida Man and the shoot kicks Sawyer is responding with indicates that both sides are working stiff. The crowd divides like halves of the country at each shot, with the two clearly trying to batter each other into submission and giving up. Each kick is met with a hard punch back, and the two are quickly turning bright red in the spots of impact, but neither is backing down.
Delaney: Hard-hitting action here to begin this contest!
Kincaid: I thought we’d see more wild antics to begin, but these two are beating the hell out of each other with fists and kicks!
Dragon: Definitely gonna be a challenge to keep this up, but one of these two has to wear down eventually!
We can see the look in Sawyer’s eyes as Florida Man survives yet another painful shoot kick that they’re getting more determined to break Florida’s shins with every passing attempt. Florida’s body language indicates that he’s been here before and is ready for more punishment, the advantage of years of wrestling and deathmatches and surviving in the worst state in the union. The striking stalemate eventually draws to a close as Sawyer abandons the kicks in order to punish Florida Man square in the face -- only to get their fist caught in Florida Man’s teeth! Florida Man chomps down with his gator mask, instantly drawing blood!
Delaney: A big bite from the Florida gator!
Kincaid: God, teeth like that shouldn’t be legal, but anything goes tonight!
Dragon: A little blood never hurt nobody!
Delaney: I would disagree…
The striking stalemate eventually draws to a close as Florida Man digs his thumb in Sawyer’s eye and gouging it with all of his might. He grabs Sam and chucks him to the floor, where Sawyer smacks into the non-padded concrete.
Delaney: No padding tonight as we’re putting the fight back in fight night! Right on that cold, hard floor!
Kincaid: Florida dug into his bag of tricks to keep the youngster down with that dirty eye gouge!
Dragon: It’s not dirty where a guy like Florida comes from. It’s just surviving.
Kincaid: Plus I doubt most Floridians know what dirt is.
Florida Man looks to work up some speed,running laps around the ring before he leaps off of the ring, but Sawyer catches him upon landing and drops him with an STO right on the hard floor in one swift motion!
Delaney: Suici-OH! SWIFT CORROSION ON THE FLOOR!
Kincaid: Mask or no mask, I can guess that that hurts like hell!
Dragon: And I can confirm it, kids. Not fun but it puts Sawyer right in the driver’s seat.
Sawyer shakes their head in disappointment in their opponent as they return to their feet, ignoring the boos from the lunatics in the crowd who enjoy Florida Man’s antics. Sawyer begins just stomping a mudhole into Florida, leaning on the barricade and then driving their knee into his skull as a way of trying to establish dominance. Sawyer peels off only when it looks like Florida Man may have stopped moving.
Delaney: Jesus, did they kill him?
Kincaid: A murder would make for a real quick end to this event!
Dragon: If I know the man from Florida, I think he’s got something in mind here…
Sawyer rolls the still-breathing corpse of Florida Man back into the ring. Sawyer leans over and goes for the pin, only to be caught by an inside cradle!
Florida Man: I was just faking - inside cradle, bitch!
Florida Man goes for the inside cradle and hooks the leg, only for Sawyer to immediately kick out! Florida is the first one back to their feet though, only to duck under a Sawyer slap and send them crashing onto their head and neck with an accidental backdrop driver!
Delaney: Right on the neck! OW! OW!
Kincaid: Sawyer’s gonna get concussed at this rate!
Dragon: No stoppages though, but at this rate they’re certainly not fighting forever!
Florida drives a forearm into the back of Sawyer’s head before rolling them over for the pin. The referee counts!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Kickout!
Delaney: Only two!
Kincaid: For that? Damn, Sawyer’s tougher than I thought!
Dragon: What’s that look in Florida Man’s eye though?
Florida Man looks down, shaking his head before realizing what he’s planted underneath the ring. He rolls out and whips up the apron, shooting the crowd into a frenzy not with a handgun, but by pulling out his Walmart mobility scooter! He gets down and straight-up chucks the thing into the ring, striking Sam in the back with the damn thing before he climbs back in!
Delaney: This fight is turning into a brawl in a Walmart parking lot!
Kincaid: In a ring I think Sawyer’d take it, but with all this shit now in the ring I think the advantage is definitely shifting!
Dragon: I’d second that thought! Imagine getting run over by that!
Florida recovers a bag of… something that had fallen out of the cart’s basket. The camera captures that it’s a bag of day-old fried chicken! He pulls out a meaty drumstick and smacks the back of Sawyer’s head with it before treating himself to an extremely late lunch!
Delaney: Oh man, how does that smell so gnarly?
Kincaid: There’s no refrigeration down underneath the ring, I think!
Dragon: Can confirm. Gross as hell. I’m seeing sharper, more dangerous things in that cart, I wouldn’t want Sawyer to hang around here, I might try to get this one over with before they come roaring back.
Someone in the crowd, potentially one of the associates Florida Man has brought back through time, holds up a boombox and is playing Locomotion! Remembering his Richard Simmons sweatin’ to the oldies kungfu, he grabs Sawyer and lays into him with a series of effective if not horribly timed dance moves -- mostly knee strikes to the skull and clubbing chops to the back!
Delaney: Cripes, Florida Man is wailing away!
Kincaid: What is this song?
Dragon: Oh God, are you not old enough for some Grand Funk Railroad?
Florida flips over the mobility scooter and takes a look at getting it set up, turning it on by turning the key! He sits down and prepares to get it going!
Delaney: Is he going to run Sam over?
Kincaid: Look out!
Florida Man immediately turns the speed to full and pulls back on the accelerator, running over Sam Sawyer’s legs with the damn mobility scooter!
Delaney: OUCH! Florida Man may have just crunched Sawyer’s legs there!
Kincaid: That’s gotta be it!
Dragon: That thing’s got some pick-up-and-go! That might be the end of Sam!
The crowd reacts accordingly as Florida Man turns off the scooter, stepping off the vehicle. He reaches into the basket for the one remaining object still in it: a box of cigarettes. He treats himself to a dose of nicotine, jamming one in the hole of his plastic smiling mouth. He searches around for a lighter before spotting one in his overall pockets. He takes the cigarette out of the hole and sets it alight.
Delaney: A hard-earned smoke break for the deathmatch veteran!
Kincaid: He put away Sam, he can take all the time he wants!
Dragon: I don’t know how wise of a decision this is!
If this were a regular Network show, there would be a parental advisory flashing across the screen, but right now there’s just a man from Florida enjoying his nicotine fix. There’s a mixture of cheers and boos as the cart goes flying to the side, having been shoved off by an angered Sam Sawyer, who fights their way back to their feet..
Delaney: Oh boy Bootsy, you might have been right!
Dragon: Don’t turn around, Florida Man!
Florida Man doesn’t follow the commentary team’s advice, turning around only to be met with an incredibly stiff face slap, knocking the cigarette out of his mouth!
Kincaid: GEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTT FUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKED!
The crowd pops as Florida barely keeps his feet at the brutal slap. A quick-thinking Sawyer grabs the cigarette off the ground and jabs the still lit end right into Florida Man’s shoulder!
Delaney: DEAR GOD!
Kincaid: Oh you can hear the scream! Make it stop!
Dragon: Damn! Damn! Just, damn!
Florida Man lets out a loud scream in agony as Sawyer launches himself into his opponent, coming crashing in full speed with a brutal lariat!
Delaney: Fighting Fire with Fire!
Kincaid: Poetic brutality right there!
Dragon: That’s gotta be it!
Sawyer makes the cover, then decides against it, turning Florida Man over and trapping his leg, before bending backward to trap him in a muta lock!
Delaney: Sawyer Lock! Sawyer’s like a wrestler possessed out there!
Kincaid: Florida Man made a mockery of them, and is now paying the price!
Dragon: This crowd’s not gonna stand for it!
Florida Man does his best to resist, screaming out in pain, but is left with no choice to tap out once Sawyer fully bridges their body to almost snap Florida Man’s spine in half!
The bell rings as the crowd boos loudly!
Strychnine: Here’s your winner, SAAAAAAAMMMMM… SAWYEEEER!
Delaney: Turned into a carnie show at the end there!
Kincaid: And burned his flesh! I can still smell it from over here!
Dragon: Florida Man brought it all, but Sam outlasted, maybe even outbrutalized them for the victory!
The referee raises Sam Sawyer’s arm. The young ring star has a look of satisfied determination on their face as they clutch their neck and back of their head, possibly dealing with their own damage coming out of this fight.
Delaney: You wanted a fight folks, we definitely just got one! These two went to town on each other with some of the stiffest blows we’ve seen tonight! What a showing for Florida Man and Sam Sawyer!
Kincaid: Won’t be the best kept secret for long with victories like that one!
Dragon: A statement win for FIRESIDE’s Sam Sawyer![/font]
The camera cuts backstage to catering. Erin Gordon can be seen standing at one of the higher tables, a bottle of water sitting there in front of her. The Oncoming Storm's expression is stoic, her focus obviously on the match at hand--
SLAM!
...that is, until a pair of hands slams on the table in front of her. A glass of beer is placed at her spot, and a familiar Aussie grin appears from beneath his hunting hat, which he tips up with his thumb
Aiden Merric: Hey Erin. Been a while since you came to procure me from the wilds of the cow farms in South Carolina. Good to see ya now that I'm showered and had some real chow. I gotcha the finest VB (Wow what a shitty beer...). You been paying attention to the footy at all? The Power have been training well for this season.
Erin's gaze moves from the water bottle that is now on the floor, to the beer, to Merric's hands, then up along to that grin... and her expression doesn't change. If anything, instead of the vague inference of a smile or warmth that Aiden usually gets?
Erin Gordon: I don't care about soccer or football.
If Erin's voice was as capable of knocking someone out as her fists are, Aiden Merric'd be missing teeth. Aiden doesn't seem to cotton on to this fact.
Aiden Merric: Oh this ain't that hand egg the American's go on about or the pansy "soccer", it's Aussie rules! People get to legit knock each other around like boxing roos during mating season! I should have sent you a primer, it's not well known 'round here. Most people just see Aussies as "shrimp on the barbie" and such.
Aiden pulls out his own can of Bastard Brew beer ... way to score brownie points ... and chugs half the can, never losing that disturbing yet endearing smile.. Unfortunately for him, Erin's still freezing him out.
Erin Gordon: Right.
That beer remains untouched as the Oncoming Storm retrieves her water, opening it to take a swig. Aiden cocks an eyebrow. He seems to be understanding he has done ... something wrong. What it is goes over his head.
Aiden Merric: Did uh ... Tucker do something to piss you off? Oh wait, you don't pregame matches with beer. I prefer to have a touch to embolden me when facing a real challenge.
He crushes the last of the can and then crushes the can on his forehead and tosses it into the recycling bin
Aiden Merric: Anyway it's been a bit since I was in civilized company, been trying to get accustomed. This match tonight will go a long way. Friendly face and fearsome foe across the ring from me. We should right steal the bloody show from those guys they put on after us. And afterward, no matter who wins - gonna do my best to make it me this time - we should grab some drinks and watch the American big game. I hear the commercials are worth it.
For a moment, something shifts in Erin's expression--something almost pained revealing itself before she's forcing it down. When she does respond aloud, her voice is quiet,the barest hint of something wounded showing through her stoic mask.
Erin Gordon: ...let's not.
And with that, she's walking away from the confused-looking Merric.
Aiden Merric: Huh. Maybe she's a Yuengling lady?
He scratches his head as we zoom out to see Tucker Bernard coming to the table they were at with a plate piled high with chicken wings ... and celery and carrots ... and blue cheese ... and hot dogs ... and a burger for good measure ... with a tankard of warm ale. He stops as Erin passes him.
Tucker Bernard: I told him that wouldn't work. He never listens. Right sorry 'bout that Miss Gordon. Aiden's a bit of a daft fool. That was his idea of picking you up.
Erin Gordon: Thanks for remindin' me.
As she walks away Tucker looks afraid.
Tucker Bernard: Oh ... I shouldn't a said that. Should NOT have told her that ...
...and the camera cuts away.
Strychnine: Man. Those two have some serious tension, don’t they? Lucky them, looks like they get to settle it right now! I’m being told that Erin Gordon and Aiden Merric have agreed to a fifteen minute time limit for this match, due to the earlier technical difficulties. So! That means the following contest is scheduled for one fall with a fifteen minute time limit! Introducing first, from Coober Pedy, South Australia, Australia, and weighing in tonight at two hundred and twenty pounds, make some noise for AIIIIIIDEN MERRICK!!!
Ain't No Rest for the Wicked" hits the arena as an imitation sandstorm is created in the entranceway and Aiden Merric emerges from it chewing nicotine gum and wearing a smug ass smile on his face. He spits the gum and puts a patch on his arm before stretching and walking to the ring with a purpose. He rolls into the ring, taking a seat against one of the ring posts.
Strychnine: And his opponent, from Blooming Valley, Pennsylvania, and weighing in tonight at one hundred and sixty-three pounds, she is the Oncoming Storm, ERIIIIIIN GOOOORDOOOOON!!!
The overhead lights slowly go dark as the first strummed chords of 'Hurricane' fill the air, the crowd's cheers rising in response to the woman that is about to emerge. Gray lights flare into being around the curtain when the song starts proper, illuminating the outline of the Oncoming Storm as she stands with her shoulders square, her hands curled into fists at her sides. The wind machine is on behind her, blowing her hair around as her gaze moves over the assembled crowd and the surroundings alike... before it settles upon the ring. As 'Hurricane' cuts to the chorus, she makes her way down the aisle, not shying away from the hands that reach out for her. Erin's focus never wavers, even as she ghauls herself up onto the apron. Wiping her feet, she heads to her corner, turning to rest her back against the post. Only then does she play a little to the crowd, a single fist thrusting itself skyward to earn more cheers as her music fades.
Kincaid: The anticipation for this match is palpable.
Delaney: Aiden Merric looks like he’s fixing to eat Erin Gordon.
Dragon: This is the emotional main event of the evening, I can’t wait to see how it plays out.
The referee calls for the bell. Merric holds out both fists to Gordon, who bumps her fists to his, before lunging in to clinch. They transition into a collar-and-elbow tie up. Gordon scores with a left jab that Merric responds to with a forearm smash. Gordon comes back with a forearm smash of her own, and the pair trade sharp blows. Merric captures Gordon’s arm, and she responds with a hard kick to Merric’s knee, which gives out. Gordon follows up with a kick to the back of Merric’s head.
Dragon: Gordon isn’t holding back.
Kincaid: I don;t think either of them are gonna be satisfied if one of them does, Bootsy.
Delaney: *snrk* Satisfied.
Kincaid: Sarah, come on.
Gordon hooks her arms around Merric’s torso, driving knees into the Australian’s head. Merrick plants his feet and manages to roll Gordon onto her back. Gordon kicks out before the referee can start counting.
Delaney: Merric had Gordon on her back for a second. Not the way he wanted, though.
Kincaid: I swear to god, Sarah.
Merrick rolls away from Gordon and off the ring. Gordon calls for Merric to come back in the ring, while he tells her to come get him. Gordon shakes her head and turns to walk toward the corner, which is when Merric finally sides to roll back into the ring. Gordon is stretching when Merric comes at her from behind, but Gordon clips him with an elbow, sending the Australian staggering.
Dragon: Gordon had that better scouted than Merric anticipated.
Delaney: Us ladies tend to pay pretty close attention to skeezy dudes. Isn’t that right, Zacky?
Kincaid: I’m not a skeezy dude!
Merric and Gordon tie up collar-and-elbow again. Gordon transitions into a wristlock, which Merric strongarms into a wristlock of his own. Merric applies a side headlock, but the Oncoming Storm clinches around his waist and counters with a suplex. Merric rolls off the ring again to create some distance, trying to shake off the suplex. This time Gordon wastes no time, running and leaping off the edge of the ring to nail her nemesis with a Superman Punch!
Kincaid: Superman punch from Edrin Gordon strikes true on Aiden Merric!
Dragon: Merric certainly didn’t have that one scouted!
Delaney: If she’d hit that in the ring, Erin Gordon might have just won this match!
Gordon moves to pick Merric up off the floor, but he blasts her in the face with an elbow. He ties up with her on the outside, pulling her into a shoulder block. He drives a kick into her thigh, then another, then another. Merric vaults up onto the ring, then jumps off, driving a double stomp into Gordon’s knee.
Delaney: Kind of an odd choice to try to take out a pugilist’s knee, isn’t it?
Kincaid: How many boxers do you know that can fight if they can’t stand?
Dragon: just goes to show that Merric is taking this more seriously than anyone gave him credit for.
Merrick rolls Gordon back onto the ring, following after her. Gordon rolls into position so she can lunge awkwardly at Merric, and the Australian barely manages to avoid the wild lariat from the pugilist. Merric drives another kick into the knee he’s worked over, then gets Gordon into position for a piledriver. Gordon manages to fight through the piledriver setup. Merric lands on his feet and turns to Gordon just in time to get blasted with a spinning back fist!
Kincaid: Gordon with the spinning back fist!
Dragon: If she can get the pin, then Erin Gordon should have this on lock!
Delaney” But since that stomp, Gordon’s been missing a step or two.
Gordon’s knee gives out, so she’s slow to capitalize, but she rolls on top of Merrick, hooking his leg.
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Kickout!
The crowd boos when Merric kicks out, and the pugilist looks almost disappointed in herself.
Delaney: That had to be heartbreaking.
Dragon: Gordon can still turn this around.
Gordon mounts on merrick, driving forearms down into the Australian’s face. Merric catches her off guard with a straight right hand, and then a straight punch into the Oncoming Storm’s throat. Gordon rolls away,coughing and gasping for breath. Merric gets to his feet, waiting for Gordon to get to her feet herself before he pounces at her, but Gordon catches him in mid air and rails him with a spinebuster!
Kincaid: Gordon took the wind out of Merric’s sails with that one!
Delaney: It was a great counter!
Dragon: Gordon has great instincts, but if Merric keeps her off her game like he has been, she’s going to have a tough time.
Merric rolls out of the ring again to get on his feet, nearly collapsing outside of the ring. Gordon calls for him to come back, but Merric seems content to take his time. The pugilist launches herself off the ring to spear Merrick to the floor, then she hauls him up and rolls him into the ring. She rolls in after him, hooking the Australian up in a Fujiwara armbar!
Dragon: Gordon with a submission attempt!
Kincaid: I didn’t expect to see this in her arsenal, but Gordon’s got a lot of tricks up her sleeve.
Delaney: Merric certainly is being theatrical, isn’t he?
Gordon rolls back on Merric until her legs are planted, and the larger Australian man howls in pain. He tries to struggle for the non-existant ropes to forcea break. But Gordon’s knee is still weak and it gives out on her, allowing Merric to roll into a pin attempt!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Kickout!!
Delaney: That sneaky Australian bastard almost stole a pinfall!
Dragon: Merric is taking whatever advantage he can find.
Kincaid: It’s kind of impressive. I still hope Gordon beats his ass though.
Gordon rolls to her feet, putting some distance between her and Merric. Merric will have none of it though. He ties up with her and tries to whip Gordon into one of the ring posts, but he reverses it and throws him headfirst into the opposite one. Merric stumbles back into a German Suplex from Gordon that she transitions into a bridging pin!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THR-Kickout!
Kincaid: Merric dug deep to get out of that one!
Dragon: I think he might have kicked out on pure instinct after getting his bell rung on the ringpost and then dumped on his head in the middle of the ring.
Delaney: These two certainly aren’t holding back.
Merrick has the wherewithal to roll out of the ring again, but this time he crashes to the floor on a heap, panting. Gordon wastes no time in following him out of the ring, hauling him up onto her shoulder like a sack of potatoes and climbing up the stairs into the ring. Gordon dumps Merric in the center of the ring, then grabs him around the waist, hauling him up into powerbomb position, but Merric counters with a Frankensteiner! Merric hooks the leg for the pin!
…ONE!
…Kickout!!
Delaney: And my girl kicks out with [i/authority![/i] You go Erin!
Kincaid: That was a desperation move I don;t think we’ve ever seen from Merric, but it certainly slowed down the pugilist’s momentum.
Dragon: The serious question being, after the last few minutes, is it too little, too late?
Merric rolls away and out of the ring again, this time dropping to his knees. It looks like he’s grabbed something out from under the ring. Gordon goes over and grabs him by the top of the head, intending to haul her quarry back up into the ring, but Merric hits her with whatever it is he pulled out from under the ring. The crowd boos, and Merric laughs, revealing that what he hit her with is an extra turnbuckle. He tosses it aside, leisurely making his way back up the stairs into the ring. He hauls the prone pugilist up to her feet, then taunts the crowd before he grabs her wrist and blasts her with a ripcord clothesline!
Dragon: Target Neutralized!
Kincaid: And after he hit her in the head with that steel turnbuckle!
Delaney: I know I’ve said it before, but Merric just stole this match! Boo that man! Boo!
Merric goes for a cocky pin.
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THREE-Kickout!!!
At the last possible second, Gordon kicks out, earning a raucous cheer from the crowd. Merric looks gobsmacked, and tells the referee it should have been a three, but the ref insists he got her shoulder up in time. Merric looks furious and turns his attention back to Gordon, who is still mostly laying in a heap in the ring. Merric hauls Gordon up to her feet again, hooking her up for another Target Neutralized, but this time Gordon ducks the clothesline and stops Merric’s momentum with a rabbit punch to the nose. Merric’s nose immediately begins bleeding.
Kincaid: I think she broke his nose.
Delaney: I think that serves that big dork right.
Dragon: Merric might not be able to breather. There’s not going to be a better chance for Gordon to win!
Kincaid: But I’m hearing from the timekeeper that there’s less than a minute left in the match.
Gordon throws elbows and haymakers at Merric, who has little choice than to weather it and clumsily shed blows. Blood is pouring down his face and it looks like his eyes have started to swell shut. Merric clips Gordon with an elbow, then a kick to the knee he’d damaged earlier. Gordon cries out and drops to one knee. Merric comes in with a step up enziguri. Merric hauls Gordon up off of the mat again, setting up for Target Neutralized again, but Gordon ducks it again and comes back with a spinning backfist into the broken nose! Merric drops like a sack of potatoes!
Delaney: OH SHIT! That had to HURT!
Dragon: Merric is out! All Gordon has to do is pin him!
Kincaid: She’s fighting time, now!
Gordon goes for the pin!
…ONE!
…TWO!
Suddenly the bell rings, and the referee stops counting. Gordon looks consternated, and Merric is still out for the count. The referee goes to talk to one of the other officials, and soon a third is involved after a brief conversation, the referee calls over Tommy and whispers something in his ear. Tommy nods, then climbs up into the ring.
Strychnine: Ladies and Gentlemen, the winner of this contest by split decision… ERIN GORDON!!! Make some moptherfuckin’ NOISE!!
The referee raises Erin’s hand while the other officials check on Merric, who has finally started stirring. They sit him up, and Erin holds out a fist to Merrick, which Merrick bumps, and Erin leaves the ring to a loud celebration from the fans.
Strychnine: Well gang, we’ve made it. We’re winding down, because this next match is all she wrote, folks. The following contest is a big fight scheduled for One Fall and it is our main event! Introducing first, hailing from Belfast, Ireland, weighing in at 245 pounds, he is The Spiked One, The God of Steel, one of the Pillars of Violence, The Blood God, The King of Xtreme, SPIKEEEEEEE KAAAAAANEEEEEEEEEE!
The lights go out as the beginning of "Bow Down" by I Prevail plays through the PA system, as a circle of flames erupts on the stage. Through the flames, slowly emerges Spike Kane as he fully emerges, the song kicks in.
"GET ON YOUR KNEES AND BOW DOWN!!!"
Spike steps through the flames and heads to the ring, taking off his jacket as he prepares for a fight.
Delaney: NLW’s latest signing, the former X-Crown champion, Spike Kane is in the building!
Kincaid: He’s like, totally an asskicker. Just ask his bro, bro.
Dragon: Not like. He is the real deal, kids. If you’ve been sleeping under a rock these past eight months, you’re in for a treat.
Strychnine: And his opponent… from Reading, Berkshire, England, weighing in at 195 pounds, he is the Bloody Rainmaker, Scar Vulp, he is BLOODIEEEEEDDDDD FOOOOOOXXXX!
LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!!![/font][/quote][/i]
The arena lights pulse red as Tom Morello's guitar slams through the speakers, the fans cheering and singing along as Bloodied Fox steps through the curtain and raises both fists high. Banging his head to the beat, he strides down the ramp and circuits the ring, bumping fists with anyone who wants it, before stepping up and standing midring. He tears off his entrance mask as the chorus hits, screaming out the lyrics along with the crowd, a grin on his face.
Delaney: Bloodied Fox is a hero of the people, but tonight might be one of his biggest challenges in recent memory.
Kincaid: If there’s anyone who can step up to the villain at the end of a story though, Bloodied Fox is that guy, the former longest-reigning XHF Junior Heavyweight champion.
Dragon: Fox has seen bigger, I don’t know if he’s necessarily seen badder. We’ll see how he does. There’s the bell, let’s go!
Right as the bell rings, Bloodied Fox catches Spike Kane with an ambitious headbutt, knocking Kane backwards. Fox charges for a full-on tackle, transitioning into a ground and pound attack as he wails on the bigger man with a series of kicks once he’s down. He then peels off and throws up an arm for the crowd, rallying them behind their man.
Delaney: Bloodied Fox is fired up here in the early goings!
Kincaid: Are we gonna sued if we used that phrasing?
Dragon: There’s no lawsuits in good wrasslin’, brother. Not sure this counts.
Bloodied Fox does not get to pose for an entirely long amount of time as he quickly finds himself ducking a clothesline from Kane, but it’s almost as if Kane just wanted to get behind Fox as the bigger man takes control, firing off one big german suplex and then another.
Delaney: Spike Kane comes right back with two huge germans!
Kincaid: This guy’s been around the block and then some, a little offensive flurry isn’t going to slow him down much.
Dragon: Veteran knowledge will always go a long way.
Spike Kane goes to lift his own arm and receives a handful of boos from the crowd, only to be caught by two sharp elbow strikes from Fox. Fox is really rallying, striking with forearm shivers before spotting himself a steel chair. He treats himself to the chair and grabs it while Spike is bent over, but as he goes to swing, Spike Kane has kicked him square in the stomach. Bloodied Fox throws haymakers at Kane but it’s not enough as Kane finally catches him square on the jaw with the chair, knocking him down to the ground hard!
Delaney: Spike Kane comes right back with two huge germans!
Kincaid: This guy’s been around the block and then some, a little offensive flurry isn’t going to slow him down much.
Dragon: Veteran knowledge will always go a long way.
Spike Kane stops Bloodied Fox’s rally by unloading with the steel chair, this time striking right between his shoulder blades. Fox grimaces in pain as Kane sets the chair down on the floor and goes to lift up Fox, but Fox pulls off a step-up enzuigri to buy himself some space! Fox charges forward for the Bloody Rain palm strike, but Spike responds by catching him with a spinning Bloody Sunday kick!
Delaney: Bloody Rain-- no! Bloody Sunday kick!
Kincaid: This might be it, the way Fox just got caught out of mid-air!
Dragon: I’d be surprised if the guy even knows where he is right now! The cover and the count!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Kickout!
Bloodied Fox manages to kick out!
An aggro Spike Kane immediately slams Fox’s head on the mat in frustration from only getting a two count. The action has shifted as Kane walks around Fox, surveying the damage he’s already done as Fox crawls towards anything he can to get back up. Spike responds to him crawling away by stomping directly on his fingers, drawing a notable groan from the crowd!
Delaney: Ow!
Kincaid: That just has to hurt!
Dragon: This guy’s a master of violence and extreme behaviors, and we’re starting to see some of it play out now!
Spike Kane grabs the chair again as the camera captures the former X-Crown champion standing over Bloodied Fox with an evil look in his eyes. He goes to rear back for a full-body swing, only to be met by a swift kick to the family jewels from Fox!
Delaney: That must be even worse for you two!
Kincaid: That’s one way to take the momentum right back!
Dragon: Timbeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrr!
Bootleg Dragon is correct with his call as Spike Kane falls and falls hard, smacking back down onto the mat. Fox makes it back to his feet and shakes off his mangled hand, then realizes there’s no ring ropes or turnbuckles to leap off of for any of his springboard maneuvers. The man scratches his head for only a brief moment before going off and looking in one of the production areas, spotting a ladder leaning against a barricade. He grabs the ladder and brings it back towards the ring, much to the crowd’s approval.
Delaney: What’s Bloodied Fox got in mind?
Kincaid: Wherever he’s going, he’ll be that much closer to the heavens!
Dragon: My younger colleague means up, Sarah!
Bloodied Fox sets the ladder back up in the center of the ring but much to his dismay, Spike Kane is back up. Kane goes to apply a basic waist lock to keep Fox contained, but Fox isn’t having it, responding with not one, not two, but three back elbow smashes. The third one seems to smack right against Kane’s nose as blood begins to trickle out of his face as he goes down. The crowd cheers as this appears to be Fox’s opening to ascend to the heavens!
Delaney: A bloody elbow from Fox!
Kincaid: This is what this night needed, more blood!
Dragon: He’s gotta be careful up there if he knows what’s good for him!
It becomes clear as the cameras capture Fox ascending the ladder that he hasn’t just grabbed a normal ladder, as he’s instead gone for one of those big, special f-off tall ladders. He doesn’t get more than halfway up the ladder before turning back to face Spike, but he also doesn’t need to as he’s already considerably above the heights of where the ring ropes would have been. He waits patiently for his moment and then leaps off, crashing down onto Kane with the Air Vulpine frog splash!
Delaney: A splash from the top of the ladder! This crowd appreciates the action!
Kincaid: That would be enough to put away most mere mortals, but this is Spike Kane we’re talking about! Does he have enough left in him to kick out?
Dragon: Here’s the cover!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…TH-NO!
Spike Kane somehow gets the shoulder up!
Delaney: You called it, Ike! Not enough to put down Spike!
Kincaid: Gonna have to get creative to put a guy like him down!
Dragon: I’m sure Fox would be open to your suggestions!
Bloodied Fox looks back up at the ladder, really eyeing up the height and seemingly deciding upon his next course of action. He grabs Spike and begins dragging him towards the thing, slowly stepping up and pulling Spike along by his hair, forcing Spike to come along. The two men get up to about half the height that Fox was at earlier before Kane comes back alive, striking back with lefts and rights of his own to keep himself from being manhandled any longer. He grabs Fox and lifts him up for the Spike Impaler while on the ladder, whipping the crowd into a frenzy, but Fox manages to spin around and connect on a hurricanrana instead!
Delaney: He almost put him down with the Spike Impaler right there!
Kincaid: That would have certainly been it but this might be too!
Dragon: Fox manages to counter and keep the momentum on his side!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…NO!
Spike Kane kicks out again!
Delaney: He kicked out even earlier than he did last time!
Dragon: How do you put down a hellspawn like Spike Kane?
Kincaid: Uh, holy water?
A somewhat frustrated Bloodied Fox leaves the ring again, looking for anything he can get his hands on to inflict more punishment in a hurry. He finds the ring bell and graciously borrows it from the timekeeper, sliding it into the ring before grabbing the steel steps and removing them from their corner, sending the bottom portion of the ring stairs into the ring as well!
Kincaid: This ain’t a scene, but goddamn is it being coming an arms race!
Delaney: You’ve been saving that one all night!
Dragon: But does an arms race benefit Spike or Fox more?
Bloodied Fox gets the steps in just the right position, only to turn around to have his bell rung by having the ring bell slammed into the side of his head! Fox goes down and immediately begins o bleed as the crowd boos wildly!
Delaney: Fox might be out right there!
Kincaid: Look at that blood! Not a good sign for him!
Dragon: He’s gotta be on dream street after that!
Spike Kane initially goes for the cover, then decides against it the utmost respect for his competitor, knowing that Fox will not give up that easily. Kane instead vacates the ring, looking for something, anything, before beginning to forcibly yell at fans to leave their seats. He begins grabbing chair after chair and sending them into the ring, some of them hitting Fox as they fly in! He settles on about six more chairs in addition to the original implement before heading back into the ring!
Delaney: A pile of chairs, and that can’t be good for either man!
Kincaid: We’re beginning to reach the crescendo of a cacophony of steel!
Dragon: Someone call the hospital, because that seems to be where one of these two is destined to head!
As Spike Kane gets back into the ring, somehow, someway Bloodied Fox is back on his feet, now literally a bloodied Fox. He swings wildly as Kane grins, taking him by the hair this time and just straight up tossing him into the pile of chairs he created! As the crowd boos, Kane stays on the offensive, grabbing Fox and pulling him into a vertical suplex right onto the pile of chairs! Kane is a little slow to get to the cover, but he hooks the leg!
Delaney: A hard vertical suplex!
Kincaid: How much more can these two take?
Dragon: It could be the end of Fox’s night right here!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…TH-Spike Kane lifts Fox’s shoulder off the mat!
Delaney: What in the world?
Kincaid: He could’ve had the match won there!
Dragon: It’s a sign of respect, he knows that Fox is still kicking, still fighting, and won’t back down until the lights go off!
Bloodied Fox begins to back away from Spike Kane, crawling and trying to create distance between the two. Kane quickly closes the gap, looking for Freya’s Wings, but Fox manages to turn the potential Canadian destroyer into a roll up!
…ONE!
…TWO!
…Spike Kane kicks out!
Spike comes right back to get on the offensive after almost being caught for three, but Fox slams Kane’s head right on the ring apron! Kane grabs at his bloody nose and manages to avoid being mounted for palm strikes, shoving Fox away with a thumb to the eye! Fox recoils and backs up to the edge of the ring as he holds his eye, only to be powerbombed off the side of the ring and onto the front row of fans!
Delaney: Blood God’s Wrath! That’s it, he’s dead!
Kincaid: Spike couldn’t quite get all of that pop-up powerbomb, as I’m sure he didn’t want to crash down onto the floor as well!
Dragon: These fans have scattered like flies after that high-impact move! They bought their tickets and are making their voices heard!
Both men are down as Spike Kane has also painfully slammed into the floor outside of the ring. The cameras capture the brutal instant replay as Fox’s head bangs off another chair while Kane lands directly on an unpadded floor, leading to the commentary team to wonder who actually caught it worse.
Delaney: That impact looked bad for both men!
Kincaid: That floor doesn’t have the usual amount of padding tonight, and you could see it in the way Spike landed!
Dragon: I know that look as a retired vet, that’s a trip to the chiropractor’s office for sure!
Kane reaches a hand up onto the ring apron and uses the apron to slowly but surely right the ship, pulling himself back up to his feet. Fox isn’t moving nearly as well, grabbing his head in pain on the outside. Once Spike is actually back up, the former X-Crown champion moves to the row of fans, batting one fan stupidly trying to play hero out of the way as he grabs Fox and moves to throw him back in the ring. Kane jaws at the idiot who got in his way before straight-up powering Fox back into ring.
Delaney: Some fans trying to pull the Spider-Man 2 New Yorker action out there!
Kincaid: That’s a surefire way to get kicked in the face! They’re lucky he didn’t unload a Bloody Sunday on them!
Dragon: I’m not sure everyone’s signed the appropriate waivers for that, so I guess I’m glad he just got shoved down to the ground!
Spike finally gets Fox back into the ring. He crosses both of Fox’s arms and presses down, pinning him in an old-school style.
Delaney: Blood God’s wrath to the floor and to the first row just happened, will it be enough for the three?
Kincaid: Fox isn’t moving!
Dragon: This might be it!
…ONE!
…TWO!
….THRE-NO!
Bloodied Fox gets the shoulder up! The crowd roars!
Delaney: Bloodied Fox survives! How the hell did he get the shoulder up?
Kincaid: Pure reflexes at this point!
Dragon: I’m sure the pilot inside the mech has gone home for the night!
The amount of expletives that come out of Spike’s mouth might not be suitable to print, even for a show such as this one as Kane rises back to his feet and eyes up the ladder, chairs, and steps. He begins devising a wicked display of steel and metal as he lines the pile up with the ladder and the steps, creating a line of destruction. He ignores the booing crowd, waving them off as he grabs Bloodied Fox by the hair, pulling him up and then beginning to ascend the massive ladder!
Delaney: You know what they say about things that go up!
Kincaid: I’m not sure Fox would like the view if he were still fully conscious!
Dragon: These fans are trying to will the pilot light back on, but I think he’s cooked!
The crowd begins to rise out of their seats as the pair go up, rung by rung, Kane expending a lot of energy to drag an unwilling Fox up the ladder until about three quarters of the way up when Fox begins to come to, striking Kane with a kick that almost completely catches Spike off guard, causing Spike to have to let go of Fox to get both hands on the ladder! Fox almost falls when he’s released, but he manages to hook himself onto the outside of the ladder!
Delaney: Fox is bent like a pretzel right now but the alternative was falling all the way down to the mat!
Kincaid: It’s not even the mat at this point, it’s more just whatever metal objects Spike could find!
Dragon: One wrong step is doom for both men!
Fox and Kane each have three points of contact with the ladder as Fox’s fourth point is his foot, focused on trying to kick Kane in the face. Kane eats a boot and does his best to keep ticking, using a death grip on the rungs to keep from moving off. He spots an opening and tries to grab the foot to lock on the Burning Hell, but Fox more effectively kicks him this time, knocking one of Kane’s arms wildly back! Kane flails and looks to be in danger of falling!
Delaney: Fox is hanging off the side of the ladder right now and is in no man’s land!
Kincaid: Kane is hanging off the front and looks like he could lose his grip at any moment!
Dragon: Both men might end up crashing down onto the metal at the same time!
Fox goes to push himself off the ladder to position himself back side-by-side by Kane, before a hard right hand from Kane indicates to him he’d be better off on the opposing side for the moment. Fox manages to free himself from his predicament and land with both feet on the ladder as Kane rebalances his positioning, reestablishing four points of contact. The crowd begins to boo and cheer as both men deliver kicks to their opponent’s midsection and legs, trying to knock the other’s balance off to set up for a big move.
Delaney: This is high, high-risk territory up here!
Dragon: Oh after such a hellacious contest, I don’t think either man could survive this landing right now!
Kincaid: I can’t watch!
Spike Kane scraps the kicks and goes back to good ol’ fashioned punches, sending Fox reeling back as he hits a hard left hand. On the way back, you can see a split second of thinking in Fox’s eye as he considers going for a superman but instead settles on a hard palm strike, then repositions himself on the ladder. Kane has to go down a rung to keep his balance, but has a moment of genius once he’s down a level, smacking the hand he stamped on earlier with an open palm Fox is forced to cringe and withdraw the hand from the side of the ladder!
Delaney: Kane goes after the injured hand!
Kincaid: How are either of these two still standing, let alone this high above the ring?
Dragon: Adrenaline and glory lead a man to do many crazy things!
Spike rears back to throw the Bloody Sunday, but Fox manages to catch it with both hands! Fox is desperately holding onto Kane’s leg now as Kane tries to shake him off the ladder, but Fox is holding on with spirit! Fox looks for some kind of escape path before pulling Kane’s legs through the rungs of the ladder instead! He reestablishes contact!
Delaney: Kane’s caught in the ladder!
Kincaid: He’s gotta rescue his leg but he’s gotta keep an eye on Fox!
Dragon: This is Fox’s chance and he knows it!
Indeed Fox knows it as the crowd cheers loudly for Kane getting trapped in a hell of a predicament. Kane ditches the assault to immediately press on the ladder, trying to get his leg back through the ladder, but in the meantime Fox has scaled the other side, leading to both men being on the same side of the ladder! Fox takes Spike’s head and slams it into the rung of the ladder, causing Spike to lose two points of contact!
Delaney: Bloodied Fox is a madman!
Kincaid: If Spike’s leg wasn’t trapped in that ladder, he would have hit the floor!
Dragon: I think Fox has a different plan to have him reach his destination!
Drawing on the cheers of the crowd, Fox pulls Spike through the ladder, rescuing him for mere moments before trapping Kane’s arm around his face, and throwing absolute caution to the wind by throwing Kane and himself off the ladder onto the pile of steel with his exploder suplex, the B4!
Delaney: B4! B4! DEAR GOD THEY HAVE BOTH GONE OFF THE LADDER!
Kincaid: LOOK AT THOSE BROKEN CHAIRS AND BROKE BODIES!
Dragon: JESUS!
A “Holy Shit” chant breaks out as the camera pans back to reveal a slew of broken chairs and a severely dented set of steel steps. Both men aren’t moving much at all, except for Fox, throwing an arm over Kane.
…ONE!
…TWO!
…THREE!
The referee calls for the bell, and after the timekeeper grabs it, the bell rings!
Strychnine: Ladies and gentlemen, holy hell, here’s your winner, BLOOOOOOOOOOODIEEEEEEEED FOOOOOOOOXXXXXXXXX!
Delaney: Holy hell is right! These guys gotta be dead!
Kincaid: That’s what I’ve been saying!
Dragon: What a way to end this war of a match! Both men gave everything and then some, two titans at the top of our industry right now, now both mangled in a pile of metal and bodies in the center of the ring!
Delaney: We’re gonna need the medics!
Kincaid: You can say that again!
The referee goes to raise the arm of Bloodied Fox, but it’s clear that neither man is in condition to exactly be celebrating. The crowd cheers as Fox’s arm is raised, and we do see the smile of The Bloody Rainmaker as he leans against the pile of chairs, absolutely exhausted.
Strychnine: What an ending! God damn! I hope you all enjoyed the show, apologies for the difficulties. On that note, though, it’s time to say goodnight. For myself, for the performers here tonight, and for our stellar commentary team, goodnight everyone!
Tommy grins.
Strychnine: See ya next time.
The rocker winks, and the feed cuts to a BIG FIGHT FIGHT NIGHT! LIVE!! Bumper logo.
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