Post by codeapathy on Mar 23, 2022 21:12:57 GMT -5
++And Unto the threshold one more time. The smoke from my vape swirled into the air. Three way dance to decide who gets their hands on the Spark strap. Once more, myself and Zepp made it to the final stretch, but we’re not alone this time. No Donzig, the man, the myth, the mask wearing devotee, is coming down the back stretch alongside he and I. I wasn’t as concerned about Zepp as I was Donzig. He was an institution. He had an interesting past with Caffrey, his goons, and even the strap we were going to be gunning for. Once bitten twice shy I would say. A familiar feeling. I was sheepishly hanging around the loading dock at an arena, no smoking allowed inside after all. Yet I wasn’t working tonight. No, I was here for someone else. I sat on the concrete wall lining the loading dock, the company trucks were outside. Heavy cables ran from the production truck, stacks of metal travel crates that held wires and other various tech lined the back entrance and further into the building. The techs were actually starting to pack up unused equipment as the show was just ending. I took another hit of my cookie flavored addiction and tilted my head backwards, blowing the smoke up into the air. The parking lot lights were just beginning to whirr, a tell tale sign that twilight was coming. Soon they would come on. My feet dangled over the wall, my body resting forward against the steel bars that lined the opening. I clicked the heels of my vintage Addidas sneakers in tandem as I periodically looked to the exit, waiting. My head bobbed and moved to the rhythm of the music flowing through my headphones. Earbuds are for pussies. Give me good old fashioned headphones with the bass and boom. Go big or go home++
Elizabeth: “How has nicotine become a lifeline….”
+I held the side of the headphones as I couldn’t help but sing the line. I looked at my vape and shook my head. Too old to quit now. Too deep in hindsight and what is/was/could have been to stop now. Between the mary jane, the CBD, the clove cigarettes, it was what kept me going. It kept me sane++
Elizabeth: “I got nothing left anymore, but my cigarettes in the morning…”
++That hit different. I looked up one more time to see the backstage door whip open and my eyes grew wide and sparkled. The hunter had returned and was hoisting his trophy over his shoulder. He didn’t see me at first which gave me a bit of time to smirk and admire how good he looked with that gold over his shoulder. His ginger hair was wet with water and sweat. He never did like showering outside of a hotel room. Then again neither did I. He looked good in that leather moto jacket. In the grand scheme of things, I lucked out. He didn’t just look good, he WAS good at what he did. I raised my arm flipping him off to get his attention, yelling++
Elizabeth: Bout time you finally fucking won something. I was getting tired of holding things up on my own, you fucking Irish mongrel…
Eoin: Really funny Lizzy. Thought you weren’t going to be here love?
Elizabeth: I lied. We need to talk…
Eoin: Ah fuck. Should have known there was more to this than you just coming to see if I actually won the strap.
++He exhaled, concerned and started making his way over to the loading dock where I was. He towered over me as he got closer. I sat, kicking the wall just as I did before, like an impatient and bored child at church. I took a long draw and closed my eyes, exhaling as I felt him sit down next to me. The lights had started to come on in the parking lot, but all we had was time. My flight for the PPV wasn’t until tomorrow. There was an awkward silence until I set my headgear aside, and put on my best “business” face and turned to him++
Elizabeth: I lied again. We DO need to talk but I ALSO did come here just to see if you got the job done. I would have been here DURING your fucking match, but my Uber never showed, so I had to go through reporting them, getting refunded etc. I wished I could have been here to see it live. Still, it looks good on you.
Eoin: Want to find out if it looks just as good with nothing BUT this on?
Elizabeth: Absolutely, but later. Eoin…I know you are tired and looking forward to an off week but…I want you to go to Spain with me. I know we agreed that we wouldn’t hinder the others career that they would be independent from our relationship, but…I don’t feel so great Eoin.
++His head turned to me with a concerned look on his face as he started rubbing the back of my neck++
Eoin: Lass, what’s wrong? Are you sick? In pain? Talk to me. You look upset…
Elizabeth: It’s my head. It’s me. I’m struggling…and Ibiza is a playground for vices and bad decisions.
Eoin: Alright. I mean I understand why but what’s going on with you? Is you’re head not in the right place, girl? You’ve been taking your meds, yeah?
Elizabeth: Yes. I promise. I haven’t stopped them again. I’ve been working with my team to keep my mental health happy and healthy. Its just…I can feel that urge to let loose and go into a cycle. It’s so strong and I…don’t want too. I’ve come SO fucking far!
++Borderline Personality Disorder. A ruthless fucking demon that can dictate and ruin your whole life. Afraid of intimacy, yet use sex as a coping mechanism. Think everyone hates you, so you alienate and isolate yourself. Your whole life is learning patterns and cycles and hoping to the cosmos that you catch it happening before it does, or else here we go again how much damage will I cause others and myself this time? What’s the vice this time? Spin the wheel of trainwrecks and let's see where it lands. I knew what I was capable of and that is why I was here++
Elizabeth: If you were there I would feel safer. Look, I know we had that talk. The one where we’re both working the circuit and what happens on the road, stays there but we both know that rule was more for ME than you because you just aren’t interested in other women. I know it doesn’t show but that means a lot. I’m the “problem”...
Eoin: Girl what did I say about that kind of talk? I won’t be havin’ it. You shut that bullshit up Chief…
Elizabeth: I know it didn’t transfer by my tone but that word was in air quotations, I promise. But I AM a problem mo stor. We can’t sit here and pretend that my wicked schemes isn’t the reason that you…
Eoin: Aw fuck me Liz. Look lass, that was on me. I can’t ever take it back or fix it. I know it. YOU did nothing wrong that day Lizzy. It was on me. It was my paranoia and jealousy. You were a different woman then and I couldn’t see it. I know what I robbed us both of. Cost me friendships, professional respect and all because I saw something…that never happened. You did nothing wrong. Not with Shaw, not Troupe, it was ALL in my head because I’m just as fucked up as you are. I’m a better man now because of YOU. Don’t you ever think I did what I did because you did anything wrong. I victimized you and I promise you I will spend the rest of my days trying to make it better, take the pain away that I caused. You think I earned this strap on my own? Fuck no. Behind every good man is a good woman, right? That’s you lass. I did this because you keep pushin’ me. You didn’t even have to take me back. Yea coulda just moved on to someone else and left me holding me dick in my hand with nothing to show but regrets. Ye didn’t quit on me. If you would feel safer and feel like you could stay grounded and focused better if I was over there then let’s call and book a private flight. You don’t have to go into detail, ye said all you need to. I’ll go with you to Ibiza. I know it’s important.
++There is absolutely nothing I could have done in this life, or the last to deserve him. He was already tired, and was now willing to risk jet lag and being stuck on a plane, for me. A few years ago he was willing to walk away from the business, to take care of me full time. One botched move almost ended my career. I had little to no mobility, emotionally I was distant and our entire relationship was strained. I mattered that much. The parking lot lights were bright now. Shining beacons of safety down on the cars and people around. The crew was still breaking things down, packing things up, but we were in our own world++
Elizabeth: You think Donzig is overlooking me? I know he’s pretty high up there on himself. Feels like Zepp and I are just in his way. I get it, guy got screwed over for the strap, guy who fucked him propelled ahead, and yeah Donzig isn’t exactly unknown. He’s a status in that neck of the woods. Who he is, and what he is capable of is well known. Except it feels like he seems to think that Zepp and I both are non-grata for this little show and that we’re just going to back down and let him run amuck and you know me…
Not fucking happening. I’m sorry the cool kids won’t let him sit at their table, but I’m not in this business to worry about who you are, or who you THINK you are. Hindsight is always 20/20 and I wonder if Mr. Ziggles has ever taken a good long hard look in the mirror and asked himself if he truly was as magnificent as he thinks he was, or if he truly earned or deserved what came his way, or is he just recollecting it differently in his poor, tired mind. Happens quite a lot you know. We as a species tend to elaborate and fabricate certain events in a story if they do not reflect on one favorably. I’m not saying he may be full of shit, but I may be saying he’s full of shit. We’re always the hero of our own story, let’s just leave it at that. I think he’s ignorant of the fact that this isn’t the past. It’s the now. Whoever he USED to be, is of no concern to me. Whatever politics or screwjobs twisted his manties, is not my business and I really don’t care. That is a him problem. All I care about is that when he sets foot in that ring, he is well aware that neither myself, or Zepp, owe him a blessed fucking thing and we will act accordingly.
Although, let’s be honest, does Zepp even deserve to be in this thing? He already lost once, then some benevolent benefactor puts him back in the god damn running? Huh? I’m a great believer in luck, but that ain’t what’s happened here. Zepp has someone pulling for him, whether he knows it or not is another story entirely. He has a backer, someone who sees value in him, or wants to increase his value for their own devices. Donzig thinks this will be a cake walk, Zepp doesn’t even deserve to be IN the match, and then there’s me. The sleeper pick that already burst through the door with zero fucks to give. Busted my ass to get to where I am in Fireside so far. I read the dirtsheets, I hear the rumors in the back, people have high expectations on me and I aim to deliver. I know it shouldn’t mean anything to me now…not with the amount of years I’ve put into this business. Most would easily agree I am well past my prime, or I need to step aside for the future, but clearly I have more to offer this business and damnit I plan to.
Donzig is stuck in the past from what I can tell. Bitter and jaded. Zepp, while I respect him absolutely, now that he has a phantom pulling strings for him, he becomes a liability for me.
Eoin: Well we have some time to talk about how we can bolster your defenses yeah? Let’s go back to my hotel, unwind, and talk strategy. We have a reason to celebrate afterall.
Elizabeth: Only if I can wear the strap while I’m on top…
Eoin: Fuckin’ deal girl.
Elizabeth: “How has nicotine become a lifeline….”
+I held the side of the headphones as I couldn’t help but sing the line. I looked at my vape and shook my head. Too old to quit now. Too deep in hindsight and what is/was/could have been to stop now. Between the mary jane, the CBD, the clove cigarettes, it was what kept me going. It kept me sane++
Elizabeth: “I got nothing left anymore, but my cigarettes in the morning…”
++That hit different. I looked up one more time to see the backstage door whip open and my eyes grew wide and sparkled. The hunter had returned and was hoisting his trophy over his shoulder. He didn’t see me at first which gave me a bit of time to smirk and admire how good he looked with that gold over his shoulder. His ginger hair was wet with water and sweat. He never did like showering outside of a hotel room. Then again neither did I. He looked good in that leather moto jacket. In the grand scheme of things, I lucked out. He didn’t just look good, he WAS good at what he did. I raised my arm flipping him off to get his attention, yelling++
Elizabeth: Bout time you finally fucking won something. I was getting tired of holding things up on my own, you fucking Irish mongrel…
Eoin: Really funny Lizzy. Thought you weren’t going to be here love?
Elizabeth: I lied. We need to talk…
Eoin: Ah fuck. Should have known there was more to this than you just coming to see if I actually won the strap.
++He exhaled, concerned and started making his way over to the loading dock where I was. He towered over me as he got closer. I sat, kicking the wall just as I did before, like an impatient and bored child at church. I took a long draw and closed my eyes, exhaling as I felt him sit down next to me. The lights had started to come on in the parking lot, but all we had was time. My flight for the PPV wasn’t until tomorrow. There was an awkward silence until I set my headgear aside, and put on my best “business” face and turned to him++
Elizabeth: I lied again. We DO need to talk but I ALSO did come here just to see if you got the job done. I would have been here DURING your fucking match, but my Uber never showed, so I had to go through reporting them, getting refunded etc. I wished I could have been here to see it live. Still, it looks good on you.
Eoin: Want to find out if it looks just as good with nothing BUT this on?
Elizabeth: Absolutely, but later. Eoin…I know you are tired and looking forward to an off week but…I want you to go to Spain with me. I know we agreed that we wouldn’t hinder the others career that they would be independent from our relationship, but…I don’t feel so great Eoin.
++His head turned to me with a concerned look on his face as he started rubbing the back of my neck++
Eoin: Lass, what’s wrong? Are you sick? In pain? Talk to me. You look upset…
Elizabeth: It’s my head. It’s me. I’m struggling…and Ibiza is a playground for vices and bad decisions.
Eoin: Alright. I mean I understand why but what’s going on with you? Is you’re head not in the right place, girl? You’ve been taking your meds, yeah?
Elizabeth: Yes. I promise. I haven’t stopped them again. I’ve been working with my team to keep my mental health happy and healthy. Its just…I can feel that urge to let loose and go into a cycle. It’s so strong and I…don’t want too. I’ve come SO fucking far!
++Borderline Personality Disorder. A ruthless fucking demon that can dictate and ruin your whole life. Afraid of intimacy, yet use sex as a coping mechanism. Think everyone hates you, so you alienate and isolate yourself. Your whole life is learning patterns and cycles and hoping to the cosmos that you catch it happening before it does, or else here we go again how much damage will I cause others and myself this time? What’s the vice this time? Spin the wheel of trainwrecks and let's see where it lands. I knew what I was capable of and that is why I was here++
Elizabeth: If you were there I would feel safer. Look, I know we had that talk. The one where we’re both working the circuit and what happens on the road, stays there but we both know that rule was more for ME than you because you just aren’t interested in other women. I know it doesn’t show but that means a lot. I’m the “problem”...
Eoin: Girl what did I say about that kind of talk? I won’t be havin’ it. You shut that bullshit up Chief…
Elizabeth: I know it didn’t transfer by my tone but that word was in air quotations, I promise. But I AM a problem mo stor. We can’t sit here and pretend that my wicked schemes isn’t the reason that you…
Eoin: Aw fuck me Liz. Look lass, that was on me. I can’t ever take it back or fix it. I know it. YOU did nothing wrong that day Lizzy. It was on me. It was my paranoia and jealousy. You were a different woman then and I couldn’t see it. I know what I robbed us both of. Cost me friendships, professional respect and all because I saw something…that never happened. You did nothing wrong. Not with Shaw, not Troupe, it was ALL in my head because I’m just as fucked up as you are. I’m a better man now because of YOU. Don’t you ever think I did what I did because you did anything wrong. I victimized you and I promise you I will spend the rest of my days trying to make it better, take the pain away that I caused. You think I earned this strap on my own? Fuck no. Behind every good man is a good woman, right? That’s you lass. I did this because you keep pushin’ me. You didn’t even have to take me back. Yea coulda just moved on to someone else and left me holding me dick in my hand with nothing to show but regrets. Ye didn’t quit on me. If you would feel safer and feel like you could stay grounded and focused better if I was over there then let’s call and book a private flight. You don’t have to go into detail, ye said all you need to. I’ll go with you to Ibiza. I know it’s important.
++There is absolutely nothing I could have done in this life, or the last to deserve him. He was already tired, and was now willing to risk jet lag and being stuck on a plane, for me. A few years ago he was willing to walk away from the business, to take care of me full time. One botched move almost ended my career. I had little to no mobility, emotionally I was distant and our entire relationship was strained. I mattered that much. The parking lot lights were bright now. Shining beacons of safety down on the cars and people around. The crew was still breaking things down, packing things up, but we were in our own world++
Elizabeth: You think Donzig is overlooking me? I know he’s pretty high up there on himself. Feels like Zepp and I are just in his way. I get it, guy got screwed over for the strap, guy who fucked him propelled ahead, and yeah Donzig isn’t exactly unknown. He’s a status in that neck of the woods. Who he is, and what he is capable of is well known. Except it feels like he seems to think that Zepp and I both are non-grata for this little show and that we’re just going to back down and let him run amuck and you know me…
Not fucking happening. I’m sorry the cool kids won’t let him sit at their table, but I’m not in this business to worry about who you are, or who you THINK you are. Hindsight is always 20/20 and I wonder if Mr. Ziggles has ever taken a good long hard look in the mirror and asked himself if he truly was as magnificent as he thinks he was, or if he truly earned or deserved what came his way, or is he just recollecting it differently in his poor, tired mind. Happens quite a lot you know. We as a species tend to elaborate and fabricate certain events in a story if they do not reflect on one favorably. I’m not saying he may be full of shit, but I may be saying he’s full of shit. We’re always the hero of our own story, let’s just leave it at that. I think he’s ignorant of the fact that this isn’t the past. It’s the now. Whoever he USED to be, is of no concern to me. Whatever politics or screwjobs twisted his manties, is not my business and I really don’t care. That is a him problem. All I care about is that when he sets foot in that ring, he is well aware that neither myself, or Zepp, owe him a blessed fucking thing and we will act accordingly.
Although, let’s be honest, does Zepp even deserve to be in this thing? He already lost once, then some benevolent benefactor puts him back in the god damn running? Huh? I’m a great believer in luck, but that ain’t what’s happened here. Zepp has someone pulling for him, whether he knows it or not is another story entirely. He has a backer, someone who sees value in him, or wants to increase his value for their own devices. Donzig thinks this will be a cake walk, Zepp doesn’t even deserve to be IN the match, and then there’s me. The sleeper pick that already burst through the door with zero fucks to give. Busted my ass to get to where I am in Fireside so far. I read the dirtsheets, I hear the rumors in the back, people have high expectations on me and I aim to deliver. I know it shouldn’t mean anything to me now…not with the amount of years I’ve put into this business. Most would easily agree I am well past my prime, or I need to step aside for the future, but clearly I have more to offer this business and damnit I plan to.
Donzig is stuck in the past from what I can tell. Bitter and jaded. Zepp, while I respect him absolutely, now that he has a phantom pulling strings for him, he becomes a liability for me.
Eoin: Well we have some time to talk about how we can bolster your defenses yeah? Let’s go back to my hotel, unwind, and talk strategy. We have a reason to celebrate afterall.
Elizabeth: Only if I can wear the strap while I’m on top…
Eoin: Fuckin’ deal girl.