Post by Dave D-Flipz on Mar 24, 2022 10:20:30 GMT -5
Death Trap: Ow … son of a bitch …
Doctor: If you’d hold still this would go a lot quicker.
*We open up our scene shortly after the triple threat match between the three former X*Crown champions from the previous Inferno. DT is getting treatment in the medical office for his shoulder.*
Doctor: You’re lucky they didn’t remove the arm completely. I don’t understand how they allowed you to do this to each other.
Death Trap: Ask the head honcho. I don’t make the rules. I just get fucked by them. Always been that way. Be it Mongo, Soutter, or Caffrey. Everyone is out to make me look like a fool. Gotta fit their narrative after all.
*The doctor finishes wrapping up DT’s arm with a huge ice pack on top of his right shoulder.*
Death Trap: Fucking asshole. Just because he keeps taking matches with intergalactic deities and losing his limbs doesn’t give him the right. I didn’t volunteer for that shit. Why is it so many people are out to end everyone’s careers? It’s not like the people pay money to watch you fight nobody.
Doctor: Just take it easy for the next two weeks or so and you should be fine for the next show.
Death Trap: Thanks …
*DT hops off the table and pops his hat back on his head as he throws his shirt over his left side and lets it hang down off the right.
*Death Trap fades into view as he sits in front of a camera in a hotel room. He looks troubled. He has a smaller ice pack wrapped to his right shoulder.*
Death Trap: I suppose I should have expected what happened. We all know who the best wrestler in that ring was gentlemen. But then, you both were clearly aware of that. You guys don’t wrestle. You brawl. You sow violence. You try to break your opponents instead of trying to outdo them in a sporting event. It’s not about the fans, or the sport. It’s about the money, the glory, and the pride.
*He shakes his head*
Death Trap: But beyond that, I had that match won too. I had it won when I fought off all the violence and choked Kanyon out in the middle of the ring. Sure Dylan was down when Evan saved him from his own move, but Kanyon hadn’t hit the move yet, and I was there to break the pin. Nobody was going to save Kanyon. Until El Combatiente stuck his nose in.
*He breathes in heavily then sighs*
Death Trap: I thought you of all people would respect the competition more than that. I expected that little daddy’s boy Evan to come out. Hell, I was expecting his four or five friends too. I had a well-placed attack ready for when that shit heel of an X*Crown champ came running. But I get it, protecting your friend at the expense of the sanctity of another man’s match. After what Evan and his cronies did to you and my partner, I get it. I don’t have to like it, but I at least understand …
*He sits back deep in thought, cupping his chin in his thumb and forefinger.*
ONE WEEK EARLIER
Sarah: SO CUTE! Hey where’d you go? Come back out of that hole!
Death Trap: I am not getting on my hands and knees again.
Mistress Discipline: I do not think this situation was meant for you to be in there anyway. You are simply too large.
Dr. Chaos: … Phrasing?
Death Trap: What? It’s a prairie dog exhibit. You go chase your daughter through the tunnels Chaos, you are much smaller than us.
Dr. Chaos: Are you implying that I’ve lost weight, cuz yes I have!
Mistress Discipline: Chaos … retrieve your daughter, there is only a small amount of time one can stand watching a teenager crawl into prairie dog tunnels meant for toddlers before it becomes tiring. That was twenty minutes ago.
Death Trap: I still don’t understand how this is a business trip. How does this help us prepare for our tag team match?
*Discipline shrugs. The pair are standing outside one of those interactive prairie dog exhibits in a zoo. For the sake of accuracy we’ll not name the zoo, just pretend they took a day trip to a zoo with everything I describe. We watch them as they stand there, looking around at the families strolling by. Chaos meanwhile has climbed into the tunnels after her young adopted daughter, Sarah.*
Sarah: ELEPHANT TIME!
*Sarah comes tumbling out the opposite side of the exhibit and runs over to Top of the Class.*
Mistress Discipline: Well it is good you are back Sarah, it is time to get into the zoo proper. This is only the first exhibit and we are forty-five minutes into this day already.
Sarah: Where’s the Doctor?
Death Trap: She went in after you, she’ll be out. HEY CHAOS, SARAH IS OUT!
Dr. Chaos: COMING! There’s an adorable prairie dog right next to the viewing bubble I’m in!
*Sure enough there is. It’s adorable. The trio outside begin to walk into the zoo as Chaos vanishes from the bubble. We see her head pop out one of the smaller access holes. She looks panicked. She glances down at her chest … which is stuck in the hole.*
Dr. Chaos: OH SWEET DONUTS NOT AGAIN! HEY! HEY GUYS!
Death Trap: So then … rage in a cage … so glad to see that this isn’t SWAT. You know, the fed where every match was putting my life on the line. People trying to kill each other. Weapons galore. Flaming tables, cages, cameras to the head. Much safer work environment you got here Caff.
*DT is back in his chair in his hotel room. Glaring at the camera. Talking right to the owner of his new home.*
Death Trap: If I didn’t know better, I’d think this was personal. But Anthony Caffrey isn’t someone to hold grudges, right?
*He smirks and then shrugs*
Death Trap: We’ll cross that bridge when and if it becomes a problem. So what’s the expectation here, gentlemen? Another match befitting the violent ways of Dylan and Kanyon. Another match for the rich boy hoards to interfere in and screw everyone over. And here sits the first Fireside SPARK Champion, and her two time X*Crown Champion partner … clearly sticking out like a sore thumb. If I didn’t know this was a result of Caffrey wanting someone, ANYONE, to finish off Kanyon and the BANG bros … to put THEM through a table … I’d say it was deliberately done to spite us. But I don’t think Anthony would do that to a valued roster member he actually likes. And the guy who took away his X*Crown title. Would he?
*DT shakes his head*
Death Trap: Caff is a lot of things … but arrogant and vindictive are certainly the two biggest. And I’m sure that ego tells him he could take me out again on his own. Whereas Kanyon has made his life a living hell. So here’s what I’m going to do gentlemen. I’m going to, just this once, not rage against the people in control for the sake of the fans. No sir, I’m gonna be the teacher’s pet. One time. I’m gonna solve Caffrey’s pest problem for him. Mistress and I were talking, and decided, this one time, it is in our best interest to play ball with the miscreants, so to speak. It’s no secret that the two of us have gotten beaten up bad in these extreme matches. Because we try to control them, to apply our own strategies to them. Well in this match there are no tap outs, no pinfalls. So we have to adapt.
*DT shifts his sitting position and leans back in the chair. He puts his hands together, palm to palm, fingers pointing to the tip of his nose.*
Death Trap: To ensure we come out of this, careers intact, and title belts wrapped around our waists. We are willing to take this to a new level. A level you haven’t seen before. If Kanyon and Dylan want über violence? We can play that game too. If Evan wants to try and bring his minions out to tilt the scales? Well we will bring the equalizer …
*DT reaches behind his chair and pulls out his signature baseball bat. He glances at the bat, then the camera, twinkle in his eye. He looks back to the bat as he holds it up in the light.*
Death Trap: It’s been a while since I’ve broken this baby out. Dylan, I know you are no stranger to bats. You’ll find this one is more standard issue than your sex toy named version. And you’ll find I am no stranger to the realms of violence. I may not prefer it, but I am well versed. And I’ve been training up my partner on how to unleash that explosive rage she hides … and channel it into more fruitful ventures.
*He points the bat at the camera*
Death Trap: Like knocking your head clean off your cyborg body. Or punting Kanyon’s nose into the front row.
Sarah: I WANNA SEE THE ELEPHANT! AFRICAN! Seen too many Asian elephants already. AND THE PRAIRIE DOGS! AND I WANT A COTTON CANDY!
Mistress Discipline: Your daughter is certainly excitable and energetic today. Why are we going to the zoo, Chaos?
Sarah: TO SEE ANIMALS!!!!!!
*Sarah is more exuberant and expressive than usual, alone in the car with her adoptive mother, and the clientele. She is stretching the back seatbelt to its limit with her bouncing, and has kicked DT in the ribs several times already.*
Death Trap: And this is why I’m on the passenger side. Ow. I suppose this is training for how to handle the explosive offense El Combatiente brings to the party … ow.
Mistress Discipline: Yes, well, protect your shoulder. Chaos, why is this considered training, rather than enrichment for your daughter?
Death Trap: I was *kick to the face* OOF… wondering the same *Sarah’s fist hit’s his leg* GAH CHARLIE HORSE! … I certainly am feeling a sense of rage welling up inside …
Dr. Chaos: GOOD! Use that!
*Mistress glances over at Chaos with a side eye before quickly returning her eyes to the road.*
Mistress Discipline: Ok … explain.
Dr. Chaos: Well it seems Mr. Caffeine has scheduled the triple threat tag team match for the premium live event-
Sarah: PAY PER VIEW!!
Dr. Chaos: NO! It’s marketing honey! Premium live event! As a rage in the cage match! So I researched the cage match and all you have to do is beat them up bad enough so you can escape to win! You can handle that! So we’re going to the zoo to study the behavior of caged animals, and work out how to escape.
*Death Trap’s ears perk up.*
Death Trap: Rage in a cage? … Uh Chaos …
*DT is silenced by a teenager’s flip flop flying off a flailing foot into his mouth. He gags and grabs at the shoe, but Sarah starts grabbing at it too. A struggle ensues, Sarah is winning. Discipline and Chaos have tuned out the ruckus in the back seat and continue to converse.*
Mistress Discipline: I do not know if this is a good idea. Zoo outings are usually full of frustration.
Dr. Chaos: Oh p’shaw. We’ll have fun! And write it off as a business expense!
Mistress Discipline: You are using us to both entertain your child and assist in your taxes…
Dr. Chaos: And RESEARCH!
Mistress Discipline: I admit, Kanyon is very much reminiscent of a caged beast. Only with half the tact, a quarter the class, and none of the charm.
Death Trap: PBBBBT! GAAAAAH WHAT DID YOU STEP IN?!
Sarah: Dog park …
Dr. Chaos: …And you can wipe that fecal material eating grin off the face of that low life Evan!
Mistress Discipline: He irritates me so. He has none of the talent of his father. Coasting on name and money alone, gaming the system at every turn. It is very hard to game plan for a match where the main strategy is, get other people to beat up my opponent. This will certainly allow me to vent some frustrations.
Dr. Chaos: Good! Harness that, and let’s go see how the animals handle the claustrophobia of the cage. What were you saying DT?
*DT collects himself, and tosses the moist towelette he’d been cleaning his tongue with out the window.*
Death Trap: Ahem … how flame retardant are you?
Mistress Discipline: … What an odd question.
Death Trap: El Combatiente, you and I got along fine in SWAT. I admire your work ethic, and drive to prove yourself as capable as when you were secretly Venom. I do apologize that Kanyon has dragged you into this quagmire. You don’t deserve what we are going to have to do to you four to win this match. I do hope you understand it is only business, nothing personal. I mean, to be fair I don’t really have anything personal against any of you but Kanyon. And Mistress I’m pretty sure is only dead set on lighting Evan’s hair on fire …
*He strokes his chin as he stashes the bat back behind his chair.*
Death Trap: But we are problem solvers. And the Bang Bros, Bang Hermanos … and New Money … have become real problems around here. And if we are going to win these Fireside titles, and then the global tag titles at Rumble … it is on us to solve these problems. To make Fireside a kinder, gentler place. And if you won’t let us do it our way, we’ll show the world the value of our more peaceful ways … with VIOLENCE!
*He stops and thinks about that … but hey it will make sense to Evan, Dylan and Curtis at least.*
Death Trap: At Fuel for the Fire, you are going to get the problem solving experience of a lifetime. Flaming tables for all of you! Oprah will be out there just handing out flaming table experiences! EVAN GETS A TABLE! KANYON GETS A TABLE! COMBATIENTE GETS A TABLE! DYLAN GETS A TABLE! ALL FOUR OF YOU GET FIRE!
*DT calms himself down and straightens out his t-shirt.*
Death Trap: Ahem… to the outside observer this match must seem like we are trapped in the cage with three merciless, violent men … and El Combatiente. But the truth is, sometimes when you cage the animals who are used to roaming free, you find out why nobody caged them in the first place. You see these four men? Are trapped with us. And they will willingly be walking into that cage … and stepping into … well … you all know the catchphrase by now. There is a reason we are called Top of the Class. It’s just time to show these guys exactly who they are messing with.
*DT grabs the bat and slams it into the camera. Caffrey won’t like that…*
Sarah: HARUMPH!
Mistress Discipline: What is the problem, Sarah?
Sarah: Asian elephant? AFRICAN exhibit? NOOOOOOOO!
*She balls her fists and stomps in a circle. Mistress looks into the cage and straightens her glasses. She pulls them off, wipes them with a cloth, and returns them to her face.*
Mistress Discipline: Hmm … factually accurate.
Death Trap: Maybe African elephants are harder to keep in captivity?
Mistress Discipline: They tend to be a little more violent. However, this is an African exhibit. I do not appreciate this chicanery!
Death Trap: This is a good metaphor for this match. You take the animals more at home in the wild, they don’t like being caged up. Kanyon and Dylan thrive in these caged environments, like they are at home in them. And I’m sure Evan has spent time inside a cage … probably dancing to dubstep with scantily clad women … but us? This is not our usual environment. And backing us into a corner is not a good strategy. It’s when we are our most dangerous.
Sarah: THAT ELEPHANT IS TAAAAAAME! SPRAY WATER! DO SOMETHING!
Mistress Discipline: Sarah, mind your manners. Do not poke the bear … so to speak.
*Sarah brightens up*
Sarah: OOH! BEAR! Let’s go see bears!
Mistress Discipline: Chaos, look at the map, where are the bears? I am sure you can finagle a caged bear into a lesson for us to somehow learn.
Death Trap: Chaos?
Mistress Discipline: Come to think of it, I have not heard a peep from her since we left the prairie dogs.
*Sirens can be heard in the background.*
Death Trap: It’s not like her to bounce on a lesson. Or her daughter. Maybe she went to get cotton candy?
Mistress Discipline: Perhaps there was a problem with her fun bags.
*DT cocks an eyebrow.*
Mistress Discipline: Yes the bags of snacks and activities she uses to entertain Sarah … and usually herself.
*Flashing lights are now present in the park as the sirens shut off. Apparently there is something going on.*
Sarah: Fire truck!
*The tag team looks over*
Mistress Discipline: It is just like her to falsify a report to get another metaphor, now that we know about the flaming tables. I guess she could not handle her lesson being derailed by the match stipulation.
Death Trap: Uh … that’s the prairie dog exhibit. And one fire truck is usually reserved for someone trapped, like a cat in a tree or … an adult woman in a child’s exhibit.
Mistress Discipline: Oh … OH … oh …
Sarah: Doctor?
Mistress Discipline: We are going to have to field so many questions.
*Fade out*
Doctor: If you’d hold still this would go a lot quicker.
*We open up our scene shortly after the triple threat match between the three former X*Crown champions from the previous Inferno. DT is getting treatment in the medical office for his shoulder.*
Doctor: You’re lucky they didn’t remove the arm completely. I don’t understand how they allowed you to do this to each other.
Death Trap: Ask the head honcho. I don’t make the rules. I just get fucked by them. Always been that way. Be it Mongo, Soutter, or Caffrey. Everyone is out to make me look like a fool. Gotta fit their narrative after all.
*The doctor finishes wrapping up DT’s arm with a huge ice pack on top of his right shoulder.*
Death Trap: Fucking asshole. Just because he keeps taking matches with intergalactic deities and losing his limbs doesn’t give him the right. I didn’t volunteer for that shit. Why is it so many people are out to end everyone’s careers? It’s not like the people pay money to watch you fight nobody.
Doctor: Just take it easy for the next two weeks or so and you should be fine for the next show.
Death Trap: Thanks …
*DT hops off the table and pops his hat back on his head as he throws his shirt over his left side and lets it hang down off the right.
*Death Trap fades into view as he sits in front of a camera in a hotel room. He looks troubled. He has a smaller ice pack wrapped to his right shoulder.*
Death Trap: I suppose I should have expected what happened. We all know who the best wrestler in that ring was gentlemen. But then, you both were clearly aware of that. You guys don’t wrestle. You brawl. You sow violence. You try to break your opponents instead of trying to outdo them in a sporting event. It’s not about the fans, or the sport. It’s about the money, the glory, and the pride.
*He shakes his head*
Death Trap: But beyond that, I had that match won too. I had it won when I fought off all the violence and choked Kanyon out in the middle of the ring. Sure Dylan was down when Evan saved him from his own move, but Kanyon hadn’t hit the move yet, and I was there to break the pin. Nobody was going to save Kanyon. Until El Combatiente stuck his nose in.
*He breathes in heavily then sighs*
Death Trap: I thought you of all people would respect the competition more than that. I expected that little daddy’s boy Evan to come out. Hell, I was expecting his four or five friends too. I had a well-placed attack ready for when that shit heel of an X*Crown champ came running. But I get it, protecting your friend at the expense of the sanctity of another man’s match. After what Evan and his cronies did to you and my partner, I get it. I don’t have to like it, but I at least understand …
*He sits back deep in thought, cupping his chin in his thumb and forefinger.*
ONE WEEK EARLIER
Sarah: SO CUTE! Hey where’d you go? Come back out of that hole!
Death Trap: I am not getting on my hands and knees again.
Mistress Discipline: I do not think this situation was meant for you to be in there anyway. You are simply too large.
Dr. Chaos: … Phrasing?
Death Trap: What? It’s a prairie dog exhibit. You go chase your daughter through the tunnels Chaos, you are much smaller than us.
Dr. Chaos: Are you implying that I’ve lost weight, cuz yes I have!
Mistress Discipline: Chaos … retrieve your daughter, there is only a small amount of time one can stand watching a teenager crawl into prairie dog tunnels meant for toddlers before it becomes tiring. That was twenty minutes ago.
Death Trap: I still don’t understand how this is a business trip. How does this help us prepare for our tag team match?
*Discipline shrugs. The pair are standing outside one of those interactive prairie dog exhibits in a zoo. For the sake of accuracy we’ll not name the zoo, just pretend they took a day trip to a zoo with everything I describe. We watch them as they stand there, looking around at the families strolling by. Chaos meanwhile has climbed into the tunnels after her young adopted daughter, Sarah.*
Sarah: ELEPHANT TIME!
*Sarah comes tumbling out the opposite side of the exhibit and runs over to Top of the Class.*
Mistress Discipline: Well it is good you are back Sarah, it is time to get into the zoo proper. This is only the first exhibit and we are forty-five minutes into this day already.
Sarah: Where’s the Doctor?
Death Trap: She went in after you, she’ll be out. HEY CHAOS, SARAH IS OUT!
Dr. Chaos: COMING! There’s an adorable prairie dog right next to the viewing bubble I’m in!
*Sure enough there is. It’s adorable. The trio outside begin to walk into the zoo as Chaos vanishes from the bubble. We see her head pop out one of the smaller access holes. She looks panicked. She glances down at her chest … which is stuck in the hole.*
Dr. Chaos: OH SWEET DONUTS NOT AGAIN! HEY! HEY GUYS!
Death Trap: So then … rage in a cage … so glad to see that this isn’t SWAT. You know, the fed where every match was putting my life on the line. People trying to kill each other. Weapons galore. Flaming tables, cages, cameras to the head. Much safer work environment you got here Caff.
*DT is back in his chair in his hotel room. Glaring at the camera. Talking right to the owner of his new home.*
Death Trap: If I didn’t know better, I’d think this was personal. But Anthony Caffrey isn’t someone to hold grudges, right?
*He smirks and then shrugs*
Death Trap: We’ll cross that bridge when and if it becomes a problem. So what’s the expectation here, gentlemen? Another match befitting the violent ways of Dylan and Kanyon. Another match for the rich boy hoards to interfere in and screw everyone over. And here sits the first Fireside SPARK Champion, and her two time X*Crown Champion partner … clearly sticking out like a sore thumb. If I didn’t know this was a result of Caffrey wanting someone, ANYONE, to finish off Kanyon and the BANG bros … to put THEM through a table … I’d say it was deliberately done to spite us. But I don’t think Anthony would do that to a valued roster member he actually likes. And the guy who took away his X*Crown title. Would he?
*DT shakes his head*
Death Trap: Caff is a lot of things … but arrogant and vindictive are certainly the two biggest. And I’m sure that ego tells him he could take me out again on his own. Whereas Kanyon has made his life a living hell. So here’s what I’m going to do gentlemen. I’m going to, just this once, not rage against the people in control for the sake of the fans. No sir, I’m gonna be the teacher’s pet. One time. I’m gonna solve Caffrey’s pest problem for him. Mistress and I were talking, and decided, this one time, it is in our best interest to play ball with the miscreants, so to speak. It’s no secret that the two of us have gotten beaten up bad in these extreme matches. Because we try to control them, to apply our own strategies to them. Well in this match there are no tap outs, no pinfalls. So we have to adapt.
*DT shifts his sitting position and leans back in the chair. He puts his hands together, palm to palm, fingers pointing to the tip of his nose.*
Death Trap: To ensure we come out of this, careers intact, and title belts wrapped around our waists. We are willing to take this to a new level. A level you haven’t seen before. If Kanyon and Dylan want über violence? We can play that game too. If Evan wants to try and bring his minions out to tilt the scales? Well we will bring the equalizer …
*DT reaches behind his chair and pulls out his signature baseball bat. He glances at the bat, then the camera, twinkle in his eye. He looks back to the bat as he holds it up in the light.*
Death Trap: It’s been a while since I’ve broken this baby out. Dylan, I know you are no stranger to bats. You’ll find this one is more standard issue than your sex toy named version. And you’ll find I am no stranger to the realms of violence. I may not prefer it, but I am well versed. And I’ve been training up my partner on how to unleash that explosive rage she hides … and channel it into more fruitful ventures.
*He points the bat at the camera*
Death Trap: Like knocking your head clean off your cyborg body. Or punting Kanyon’s nose into the front row.
Sarah: I WANNA SEE THE ELEPHANT! AFRICAN! Seen too many Asian elephants already. AND THE PRAIRIE DOGS! AND I WANT A COTTON CANDY!
Mistress Discipline: Your daughter is certainly excitable and energetic today. Why are we going to the zoo, Chaos?
Sarah: TO SEE ANIMALS!!!!!!
*Sarah is more exuberant and expressive than usual, alone in the car with her adoptive mother, and the clientele. She is stretching the back seatbelt to its limit with her bouncing, and has kicked DT in the ribs several times already.*
Death Trap: And this is why I’m on the passenger side. Ow. I suppose this is training for how to handle the explosive offense El Combatiente brings to the party … ow.
Mistress Discipline: Yes, well, protect your shoulder. Chaos, why is this considered training, rather than enrichment for your daughter?
Death Trap: I was *kick to the face* OOF… wondering the same *Sarah’s fist hit’s his leg* GAH CHARLIE HORSE! … I certainly am feeling a sense of rage welling up inside …
Dr. Chaos: GOOD! Use that!
*Mistress glances over at Chaos with a side eye before quickly returning her eyes to the road.*
Mistress Discipline: Ok … explain.
Dr. Chaos: Well it seems Mr. Caffeine has scheduled the triple threat tag team match for the premium live event-
Sarah: PAY PER VIEW!!
Dr. Chaos: NO! It’s marketing honey! Premium live event! As a rage in the cage match! So I researched the cage match and all you have to do is beat them up bad enough so you can escape to win! You can handle that! So we’re going to the zoo to study the behavior of caged animals, and work out how to escape.
*Death Trap’s ears perk up.*
Death Trap: Rage in a cage? … Uh Chaos …
*DT is silenced by a teenager’s flip flop flying off a flailing foot into his mouth. He gags and grabs at the shoe, but Sarah starts grabbing at it too. A struggle ensues, Sarah is winning. Discipline and Chaos have tuned out the ruckus in the back seat and continue to converse.*
Mistress Discipline: I do not know if this is a good idea. Zoo outings are usually full of frustration.
Dr. Chaos: Oh p’shaw. We’ll have fun! And write it off as a business expense!
Mistress Discipline: You are using us to both entertain your child and assist in your taxes…
Dr. Chaos: And RESEARCH!
Mistress Discipline: I admit, Kanyon is very much reminiscent of a caged beast. Only with half the tact, a quarter the class, and none of the charm.
Death Trap: PBBBBT! GAAAAAH WHAT DID YOU STEP IN?!
Sarah: Dog park …
Dr. Chaos: …And you can wipe that fecal material eating grin off the face of that low life Evan!
Mistress Discipline: He irritates me so. He has none of the talent of his father. Coasting on name and money alone, gaming the system at every turn. It is very hard to game plan for a match where the main strategy is, get other people to beat up my opponent. This will certainly allow me to vent some frustrations.
Dr. Chaos: Good! Harness that, and let’s go see how the animals handle the claustrophobia of the cage. What were you saying DT?
*DT collects himself, and tosses the moist towelette he’d been cleaning his tongue with out the window.*
Death Trap: Ahem … how flame retardant are you?
Mistress Discipline: … What an odd question.
Death Trap: El Combatiente, you and I got along fine in SWAT. I admire your work ethic, and drive to prove yourself as capable as when you were secretly Venom. I do apologize that Kanyon has dragged you into this quagmire. You don’t deserve what we are going to have to do to you four to win this match. I do hope you understand it is only business, nothing personal. I mean, to be fair I don’t really have anything personal against any of you but Kanyon. And Mistress I’m pretty sure is only dead set on lighting Evan’s hair on fire …
*He strokes his chin as he stashes the bat back behind his chair.*
Death Trap: But we are problem solvers. And the Bang Bros, Bang Hermanos … and New Money … have become real problems around here. And if we are going to win these Fireside titles, and then the global tag titles at Rumble … it is on us to solve these problems. To make Fireside a kinder, gentler place. And if you won’t let us do it our way, we’ll show the world the value of our more peaceful ways … with VIOLENCE!
*He stops and thinks about that … but hey it will make sense to Evan, Dylan and Curtis at least.*
Death Trap: At Fuel for the Fire, you are going to get the problem solving experience of a lifetime. Flaming tables for all of you! Oprah will be out there just handing out flaming table experiences! EVAN GETS A TABLE! KANYON GETS A TABLE! COMBATIENTE GETS A TABLE! DYLAN GETS A TABLE! ALL FOUR OF YOU GET FIRE!
*DT calms himself down and straightens out his t-shirt.*
Death Trap: Ahem… to the outside observer this match must seem like we are trapped in the cage with three merciless, violent men … and El Combatiente. But the truth is, sometimes when you cage the animals who are used to roaming free, you find out why nobody caged them in the first place. You see these four men? Are trapped with us. And they will willingly be walking into that cage … and stepping into … well … you all know the catchphrase by now. There is a reason we are called Top of the Class. It’s just time to show these guys exactly who they are messing with.
*DT grabs the bat and slams it into the camera. Caffrey won’t like that…*
Sarah: HARUMPH!
Mistress Discipline: What is the problem, Sarah?
Sarah: Asian elephant? AFRICAN exhibit? NOOOOOOOO!
*She balls her fists and stomps in a circle. Mistress looks into the cage and straightens her glasses. She pulls them off, wipes them with a cloth, and returns them to her face.*
Mistress Discipline: Hmm … factually accurate.
Death Trap: Maybe African elephants are harder to keep in captivity?
Mistress Discipline: They tend to be a little more violent. However, this is an African exhibit. I do not appreciate this chicanery!
Death Trap: This is a good metaphor for this match. You take the animals more at home in the wild, they don’t like being caged up. Kanyon and Dylan thrive in these caged environments, like they are at home in them. And I’m sure Evan has spent time inside a cage … probably dancing to dubstep with scantily clad women … but us? This is not our usual environment. And backing us into a corner is not a good strategy. It’s when we are our most dangerous.
Sarah: THAT ELEPHANT IS TAAAAAAME! SPRAY WATER! DO SOMETHING!
Mistress Discipline: Sarah, mind your manners. Do not poke the bear … so to speak.
*Sarah brightens up*
Sarah: OOH! BEAR! Let’s go see bears!
Mistress Discipline: Chaos, look at the map, where are the bears? I am sure you can finagle a caged bear into a lesson for us to somehow learn.
Death Trap: Chaos?
Mistress Discipline: Come to think of it, I have not heard a peep from her since we left the prairie dogs.
*Sirens can be heard in the background.*
Death Trap: It’s not like her to bounce on a lesson. Or her daughter. Maybe she went to get cotton candy?
Mistress Discipline: Perhaps there was a problem with her fun bags.
*DT cocks an eyebrow.*
Mistress Discipline: Yes the bags of snacks and activities she uses to entertain Sarah … and usually herself.
*Flashing lights are now present in the park as the sirens shut off. Apparently there is something going on.*
Sarah: Fire truck!
*The tag team looks over*
Mistress Discipline: It is just like her to falsify a report to get another metaphor, now that we know about the flaming tables. I guess she could not handle her lesson being derailed by the match stipulation.
Death Trap: Uh … that’s the prairie dog exhibit. And one fire truck is usually reserved for someone trapped, like a cat in a tree or … an adult woman in a child’s exhibit.
Mistress Discipline: Oh … OH … oh …
Sarah: Doctor?
Mistress Discipline: We are going to have to field so many questions.
*Fade out*
