Post by Dave D-Flipz on Mar 25, 2022 22:51:23 GMT -5
Tucker: Ladies and gentlemen, lads and lasses, people of all genders, ethnicities, and occupations … that … yeah let’s use that one … Welcome to Aiden’s Wide World of Sports. We got a right treat in store for ya here tonight. Everyone’s favorite hunter extraordinaire is fixing up a gauntlet of fun!
*Across the screen flashes a disclaimer, “All thoughts expressed in this video are purely those of the people shown herein. No animals were harmed in the making of this video. Except for one … human … thank you for your patronage”. Tucker Bernard stands in front of the camera, center stage, face taking up almost half the space of the camera. He has some streamers tied into his massive beard, and a WWoS hat on. Clearly knock off. He steps to the side and gestures with his left arm back into a make shift ring, drawn into the dirt.*
Tucker: Welcome to the Outback, we’re here getting in our last bit of preparation for the trip to Japan, and Merric here had the bright idea to put on a show for all the fans of Reign, and one special little lady.
Merric: LITTLE NOTHING SHEILA’LL KICK YER BLOODY ARSE, TUCK!
*Aiden strolls into the square drawn in the dirt, looks at the four cones, one in each corner, and the bit of chicken wire tied to be a lonely bottom rope.*
Merric: Start the bloody showcase, Tuck. I got the amber fluid in the esky waiting.
*Tucker shrugs and steps off screen. We here the rustling of some metal as a horse trailer is opened.*
Tucker: And here we have the mightiest critter in the wilds! A true challenge for any real outback hunter. This bloke is a site to behold!
*A chicken sprints out of the trailer right at Aiden. Aiden flails wildly at it as it leaps and uses its advantage of flight to dodge around the big man. Aiden unsheathes a knife and swings wildly. The thing darts all over the place. Aiden can’t seem to hit it. The camera cuts and we now see Aiden chasing the chicken around the ring as it sprints away from him.*
Tucker: This chicken sure seems to be a timid fella. Running away from knives like he’s been disemboweled before. And look at him using his plumage to show off to the shielas! And that speed! Clearly this is a showman! An awesome sight to see sportsfolks!
*The chicken gets in a good kick to the chin of the hunter and his wing slaps his drumstick. He lands and looks around … pecking at the ground … before Aiden dives on top of it and smothers it. CUT. The chicken is back in the trailer as Aiden holds up a tail feather as a trophy. He gets no time to rest as the second door on the trailer opens and out stalks a Tasmanian devil!*
Merric: Wait didn’t I already beat one of these in AW- BLOODY CHUNDER!
*The little marsupial leaps at Aiden and begins to tear apart his bandolier and scratch up his chest. Teeth bite down hard on his arm.*
Tucker: No, Aiden, this is the real deal. Yessir this little tazzy is a spinning tornado of energy. And it’s older than it looks. This specimen has lived far longer than a normal devil would. It’s super deadly and efficient. Some say it made a pact with the devil. Look at the sports happening before you here folks!
Yessir, look at the graceful movements. That claw came out of nowhere like a needle to the heart! Oh but Aiden is using his experience in the wilds to his advantage. He let the strike hit a non-vital organ! The tazzy Sheila is still clamped on to him but Aiden has the sleeper hold in. Aw, it’s almost cute and peaceful once it’s sleeping. Oh it wasn’t sleeping.
*Aiden is now visibly fighting to keep the savage monster off his throat. He fights with all his might and throws it … and it lands on its feet and sprints at his crotch. Aiden leaps higher than he’s ever leapt. And dodges! The tazzy rolls into the trailer and Aiden pins the door shut for three seconds before finally throwing the latch. He wipes the sweat off his brow.*
Merric: A right bonzer fight ya little ball of energy. But I am not going to be outdone. Strong style is pretty much what I do! What can you do when the sheer size and power of your target is too much for ya!? I mean, I know how to handle the heat. I got the sideburns of a monster to prove it.
Tucker: And our Aussie boy is two for two in fighting the denizens of the Outback. Showing true grit and strength, form and function beautifully joined in a flurry of blood, strikes, and violence!
*He cracks open a beer and sips it. … Aiden sees this and cocks an eyebrow. He reaches into the window and grabs the nape of the neck of the devil and hurls it at Tucker.*
Tucker: What will our boy fight nex-OH GOD SAVE THE QUEEN IT BIT ME IN THE BOLLOCKS!
*CUT*
*10 minutes later and Tucker has bloody scratches all over his face and an ice pack on his crotch. His enthusiasm is gone.*
Tucker: Right. Well. Here next is the main event. Let’s see how Aiden fares against the critter with his number.
Merric: What? Hyenas ain’t got me number … did ya get Erin out here?
*Tucker pushes a button on a remote and a kangaroo leaps out of the now open door. It has boxing gloves on and looks ornery*
Merric: … the ripper roo … when did you get here-
*A jab to the mush shuts Aiden up. Aiden dances around the roo. But the strikes are too fast to dodge them all. Aiden weaves and throws fists of his own, the kangaroo eats a few then rears back on its tail and kicks him square in the chest. Aiden flies back and gasps for air. His ribs might be broken. He stumbles to his feet and throws dust in the face of the marsupial pugilist.*
Merric: POCKET SAND!
*As momma roo stumbles blinded, a smaller one leaps from the pouch and kicks Aiden in the side of the head.*
Merric: AGH! Clever girl …
*Aiden catches the joey and tosses it out of the ring. He then pulls a length of rope off his belt and lassos it. He ties the teenage roo to the trailer and turns in time to get thumped by a tail strike, sandwiching him between momma and the trailer.*
Merric: GAH! I HOPE A BLOODY DINGO EATS YER BABY!
*Clearly offended by this the momma roo lands a series of punches to the body of Aiden who doubles over.*
Merric: Bitch, this isn’t about the flashiest or the best looking. This is survival. I ain’t gotta be pretty at the end!
*He tackles it… and as he throws a fist at the face of the kangaroo … he is tackled by two hyenas, laughing the whole time as they pass him back and forth nipping his legs and arms.*
Tucker: Oh the kangaroo has backup! The hyenas are overpowering the hunter. Yes the kangaroo is mighty but keeps help on retainer! What a dirty tactic. Smart.
*Aiden monkey flips the hyena on him into a trailer door and slams it shut and locks it just as number two lands on his shoulder. He samoan drops the hyena. It rolls to its feet, laughing, and lunges. Aiden swings the door open and ducks as the hyena lands inside … and the door is slammed. Aiden finally turns to the kangaroo boss and clotheslines it. He covers it for a three and tosses it and its Joey into the trailer. CUT … all the animals are happy in the trailer after a meal and this exercise. Aiden is looking haggard but satisfied.*
Merric: And that’s how we handle the survival gauntlet. Puroresu ain’t seen nothing like Aiden Merric.
Tucker: And the hunter narrowly wins victory over a bunch of lesser creatures, well trained, and predictable. Surely a formidable looking video you just saw. .. I shouldn’t have told you all that …
*Aiden sneers at Tucker.*
Merric: Hey Tuck … wanna know what Donzig, Steve Awesome, and EVK have in store for them?
*Aiden tackles the portly man and begins tying his beard around his face to blind him then rains punches down on him before hitting the rainmaker to lay out his friend.*
Merric: Flawless victory. Japan here I come.
*A Wide World of Sports (Entertainment) Logo shows up as Aiden stands over the beaten Tucker’s body and poses.*
*Across the screen flashes a disclaimer, “All thoughts expressed in this video are purely those of the people shown herein. No animals were harmed in the making of this video. Except for one … human … thank you for your patronage”. Tucker Bernard stands in front of the camera, center stage, face taking up almost half the space of the camera. He has some streamers tied into his massive beard, and a WWoS hat on. Clearly knock off. He steps to the side and gestures with his left arm back into a make shift ring, drawn into the dirt.*
Tucker: Welcome to the Outback, we’re here getting in our last bit of preparation for the trip to Japan, and Merric here had the bright idea to put on a show for all the fans of Reign, and one special little lady.
Merric: LITTLE NOTHING SHEILA’LL KICK YER BLOODY ARSE, TUCK!
*Aiden strolls into the square drawn in the dirt, looks at the four cones, one in each corner, and the bit of chicken wire tied to be a lonely bottom rope.*
Merric: Start the bloody showcase, Tuck. I got the amber fluid in the esky waiting.
*Tucker shrugs and steps off screen. We here the rustling of some metal as a horse trailer is opened.*
Tucker: And here we have the mightiest critter in the wilds! A true challenge for any real outback hunter. This bloke is a site to behold!
*A chicken sprints out of the trailer right at Aiden. Aiden flails wildly at it as it leaps and uses its advantage of flight to dodge around the big man. Aiden unsheathes a knife and swings wildly. The thing darts all over the place. Aiden can’t seem to hit it. The camera cuts and we now see Aiden chasing the chicken around the ring as it sprints away from him.*
Tucker: This chicken sure seems to be a timid fella. Running away from knives like he’s been disemboweled before. And look at him using his plumage to show off to the shielas! And that speed! Clearly this is a showman! An awesome sight to see sportsfolks!
*The chicken gets in a good kick to the chin of the hunter and his wing slaps his drumstick. He lands and looks around … pecking at the ground … before Aiden dives on top of it and smothers it. CUT. The chicken is back in the trailer as Aiden holds up a tail feather as a trophy. He gets no time to rest as the second door on the trailer opens and out stalks a Tasmanian devil!*
Merric: Wait didn’t I already beat one of these in AW- BLOODY CHUNDER!
*The little marsupial leaps at Aiden and begins to tear apart his bandolier and scratch up his chest. Teeth bite down hard on his arm.*
Tucker: No, Aiden, this is the real deal. Yessir this little tazzy is a spinning tornado of energy. And it’s older than it looks. This specimen has lived far longer than a normal devil would. It’s super deadly and efficient. Some say it made a pact with the devil. Look at the sports happening before you here folks!
Yessir, look at the graceful movements. That claw came out of nowhere like a needle to the heart! Oh but Aiden is using his experience in the wilds to his advantage. He let the strike hit a non-vital organ! The tazzy Sheila is still clamped on to him but Aiden has the sleeper hold in. Aw, it’s almost cute and peaceful once it’s sleeping. Oh it wasn’t sleeping.
*Aiden is now visibly fighting to keep the savage monster off his throat. He fights with all his might and throws it … and it lands on its feet and sprints at his crotch. Aiden leaps higher than he’s ever leapt. And dodges! The tazzy rolls into the trailer and Aiden pins the door shut for three seconds before finally throwing the latch. He wipes the sweat off his brow.*
Merric: A right bonzer fight ya little ball of energy. But I am not going to be outdone. Strong style is pretty much what I do! What can you do when the sheer size and power of your target is too much for ya!? I mean, I know how to handle the heat. I got the sideburns of a monster to prove it.
Tucker: And our Aussie boy is two for two in fighting the denizens of the Outback. Showing true grit and strength, form and function beautifully joined in a flurry of blood, strikes, and violence!
*He cracks open a beer and sips it. … Aiden sees this and cocks an eyebrow. He reaches into the window and grabs the nape of the neck of the devil and hurls it at Tucker.*
Tucker: What will our boy fight nex-OH GOD SAVE THE QUEEN IT BIT ME IN THE BOLLOCKS!
*CUT*
*10 minutes later and Tucker has bloody scratches all over his face and an ice pack on his crotch. His enthusiasm is gone.*
Tucker: Right. Well. Here next is the main event. Let’s see how Aiden fares against the critter with his number.
Merric: What? Hyenas ain’t got me number … did ya get Erin out here?
*Tucker pushes a button on a remote and a kangaroo leaps out of the now open door. It has boxing gloves on and looks ornery*
Merric: … the ripper roo … when did you get here-
*A jab to the mush shuts Aiden up. Aiden dances around the roo. But the strikes are too fast to dodge them all. Aiden weaves and throws fists of his own, the kangaroo eats a few then rears back on its tail and kicks him square in the chest. Aiden flies back and gasps for air. His ribs might be broken. He stumbles to his feet and throws dust in the face of the marsupial pugilist.*
Merric: POCKET SAND!
*As momma roo stumbles blinded, a smaller one leaps from the pouch and kicks Aiden in the side of the head.*
Merric: AGH! Clever girl …
*Aiden catches the joey and tosses it out of the ring. He then pulls a length of rope off his belt and lassos it. He ties the teenage roo to the trailer and turns in time to get thumped by a tail strike, sandwiching him between momma and the trailer.*
Merric: GAH! I HOPE A BLOODY DINGO EATS YER BABY!
*Clearly offended by this the momma roo lands a series of punches to the body of Aiden who doubles over.*
Merric: Bitch, this isn’t about the flashiest or the best looking. This is survival. I ain’t gotta be pretty at the end!
*He tackles it… and as he throws a fist at the face of the kangaroo … he is tackled by two hyenas, laughing the whole time as they pass him back and forth nipping his legs and arms.*
Tucker: Oh the kangaroo has backup! The hyenas are overpowering the hunter. Yes the kangaroo is mighty but keeps help on retainer! What a dirty tactic. Smart.
*Aiden monkey flips the hyena on him into a trailer door and slams it shut and locks it just as number two lands on his shoulder. He samoan drops the hyena. It rolls to its feet, laughing, and lunges. Aiden swings the door open and ducks as the hyena lands inside … and the door is slammed. Aiden finally turns to the kangaroo boss and clotheslines it. He covers it for a three and tosses it and its Joey into the trailer. CUT … all the animals are happy in the trailer after a meal and this exercise. Aiden is looking haggard but satisfied.*
Merric: And that’s how we handle the survival gauntlet. Puroresu ain’t seen nothing like Aiden Merric.
Tucker: And the hunter narrowly wins victory over a bunch of lesser creatures, well trained, and predictable. Surely a formidable looking video you just saw. .. I shouldn’t have told you all that …
*Aiden sneers at Tucker.*
Merric: Hey Tuck … wanna know what Donzig, Steve Awesome, and EVK have in store for them?
*Aiden tackles the portly man and begins tying his beard around his face to blind him then rains punches down on him before hitting the rainmaker to lay out his friend.*
Merric: Flawless victory. Japan here I come.
*A Wide World of Sports (Entertainment) Logo shows up as Aiden stands over the beaten Tucker’s body and poses.*