Post by Steve Awesome on Mar 26, 2022 23:00:09 GMT -5
Something about Steve Awesome seemed different.
Maybe I just wasn’t used to seeing him in a wheelchair, with his body wrapped in bandages like some kind of Mummy Halloween costume.
But it felt like there was something more to it.
As I watched him stare anxiously out the hospital window like a house cat watching the birds I couldn’t help but ponder my hunch. There was just something slightly off about him now and I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. I’m not surprised though.
Traumatic experiences can often change a person.
“Steve. I’d like to talk about what happened at the REIGN show.
We open up inside the hospital room that Steve had been staying in. Steve turns away from the window in his electric wheelchair and wheels over to Brent Sampson across the room.
“We don’t talk about Bruno-no-no.”
Steve giggles.
“Tee hee I just saw that movie the other night.”
“So I take it you still don’t want to talk about it?”
“Look..”
He started to wheel himself back toward the big window as he spoke.
“I already told you in private that I had nothing to say. There still isn’t anything to say about it now.”
Steve peers out the window, down at the parking lot and out as far as he could see.
“I got brutally assaulted by a crazy old man and I really came close to dying.”
There was a short pause.
Steve took a moment to clear his throat.
“Big fucking whoop, Brent.”
He says in a condescending voice.
“Ooh yeah big story.”
He wiggles his fingers to make air quotes. And he fakes a laugh. I honestly wasn’t sure if he was trying to fool me or himself.
“I’m already pretty much healed, Brent.
*rrrriiiippp*
He grits his teeth and growls under his breath.
*grrrohhowwwhohoo*
Brent sighs and shakes his head.
“And you are sure you are okay?”
Steve turns and looks at Brent.
“Never felt better. I’ll be back in the ring in Gonpachi, no problem.”
Suddenly the hospital room door swung open and Steve lets out a blood curdling scream.
“GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!”
It was just the nurse wheeling in a food cart.
“Oh god damn, Bernice. You scared the hell out of me!”
Bernice pushes the cart near the empty hospital bed and then puts her hands on her hips.
“I don’t know why you always get so scared darling. You know I always bring your lunch at eleven thirty.”
“Oh right. Lunch time.”
Bernice removes the metal lid to reveal a strange brown liquid in an IV bag.
“Just hook it up to my feeding tube and clamp it. I’ll consume it later since I’m kind of in the middle of an interview right now.”
“No problem, baby.”
Bernice smiles and does what she’s asked and then heads out the door.
“Nice lady.”
Steve turns and looks at Brent Sampson.
“Never. Felt. Better.”
The Shady Side of the Ring
With Brent Sampson
Awesome Aftermath
I’m afraid not much had changed in quite some time. Steve still peered out the window, and I didn’t have any useful information. The only thing that did change was Steve ate, or I guess ingested his lunch.
Ham and cheese sandwich says the label.
That info isn’t really relevant to me or you, and I’m not sure if it really matters to the consumer if they aren’t going to taste it.
But that’s all I have to go with.
Steve doesn’t want to talk about the incident. He ignores the extent of his injuries, and he won’t even tell me what the hell he’s looking at out that damn window.
Or looking for…
“Well,..”
I said. To finally break the silence in the room.
“What do you want to talk about?”
Steve turns away from the window and looks at Brent.
“Ask me about my opponents in the fatal four way.”
Brent shakes his head.
“I still don’t see how you can fight, you are in a wheelchair for crying out loud.”
“I can walk. It just really hurts due to all the cuts on my legs.”
Steve turns back to the window.
“So Just start dropping names, question monkey.”
Brent sighs.
“Fine. Aiden Merric.”
“Ooh yeah the Australian Hunter. I’m sure he’s hunted and killed some pretty impressive beasts just minding their own business but who's to say? Thing is, out of all the things he’s hunted for, the one thing that’s eluded him is a damn clue!”
He looks over at Brent.
“There is only one beloved animal hunter from Australia and his name is Steve Irwin! May he Rest In Peace and hunt the dinosaurs in heaven.”
He takes a moment to respect the Irwin.
“And as a fellow Steve, I’m going to walk right up to Merric and slap the Shrimp right off his god damn Barbie if he thinks he’s getting past me for that plate.”
He goes back to the window/
NEXT.”
“Uhh, EVK.”
“Look, EVK. First she wanna bang me, then she want to fight me. Women can never make up their minds, am I right, Brent? But she’s going to realize that she could never handle me. In the bedroom or in the ring.”
“The only thing that I love is Zelda and my kids…and Esmeralda could never make it to that level. So when that bell rings, I’m going to toss her out on her ass quicker than stupid groupie that staid over till breakfast.”
He turns and looks at Brent.
“EVK had a crush, now she’s gonna get crushed.”
He looks back out the window. There was nothing out there except a parking lot.
“NEXT.”
“Donzig.”
“Good old Donzig. My beefcake. My Bootyman. You know, he got tired of me kicking his ass and he knew he could never achieve my level of greatness so he just attempted to get my friendship so he could get the fall off.”
“But in Gonpachi, it’s going to be exactly like it always has been for Donzig. He comes so far, he gets so close….but then Steve Awesome comes around and reminds him of reality. That he’s just the C to my A.
He turns to look at Brent.
“It’s gonna be fun to kick his ass all year and take all the rest of the plates.
The window again. Nothing has changed since the last time he looked.
“Puroresu Plate.”
“Ugh…yeah, I bleed all that honor and stuff. I’ve been all about prubazoo since I was born. So people better look out.”
He turns back to the window.
“next.”
“Zoran Sainovic.”
“WHERE!?”
Steve spins around in his chair and frantically looks around the room. Brent tries to calm him down but before he can the door swings open again and Steve screams for his life.
“GAHHHHHHHHHH!”
But it was Bernice and another doctor.
“Damn you scared me! I thought you may have been…never mind.”
Doctor: Well we have good news. We are going to release you.”
“What!?”
Somehow, Steve didn’t seem happy about the news.
Doctor: We have determined there isn’t much else we can do for you here that you can’t do for yourself. So we are sending you home.
“Wait. You guys want me to go outside? Like, where anyone can just walk up to me and -…”
Steve doesn’t finish that sentence.
Doctor: sure…you aren’t scared are you?
“What!? Of course not, I’m just um….interested in other alternatives…that’s all…
Doctor: Well, um…let’s see…”
It was right then that I realized what it was….
I think I’d put money on the fact that….
Steve Awesome was scared.
Maybe I just wasn’t used to seeing him in a wheelchair, with his body wrapped in bandages like some kind of Mummy Halloween costume.
But it felt like there was something more to it.
As I watched him stare anxiously out the hospital window like a house cat watching the birds I couldn’t help but ponder my hunch. There was just something slightly off about him now and I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. I’m not surprised though.
Traumatic experiences can often change a person.
“Steve. I’d like to talk about what happened at the REIGN show.
We open up inside the hospital room that Steve had been staying in. Steve turns away from the window in his electric wheelchair and wheels over to Brent Sampson across the room.
“We don’t talk about Bruno-no-no.”
Steve giggles.
“Tee hee I just saw that movie the other night.”
“So I take it you still don’t want to talk about it?”
“Look..”
He started to wheel himself back toward the big window as he spoke.
“I already told you in private that I had nothing to say. There still isn’t anything to say about it now.”
Steve peers out the window, down at the parking lot and out as far as he could see.
“I got brutally assaulted by a crazy old man and I really came close to dying.”
There was a short pause.
Steve took a moment to clear his throat.
“Big fucking whoop, Brent.”
He says in a condescending voice.
“Ooh yeah big story.”
He wiggles his fingers to make air quotes. And he fakes a laugh. I honestly wasn’t sure if he was trying to fool me or himself.
“I’m already pretty much healed, Brent.
*rrrriiiippp*
He grits his teeth and growls under his breath.
*grrrohhowwwhohoo*
Brent sighs and shakes his head.
“And you are sure you are okay?”
Steve turns and looks at Brent.
“Never felt better. I’ll be back in the ring in Gonpachi, no problem.”
Suddenly the hospital room door swung open and Steve lets out a blood curdling scream.
“GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!”
It was just the nurse wheeling in a food cart.
“Oh god damn, Bernice. You scared the hell out of me!”
Bernice pushes the cart near the empty hospital bed and then puts her hands on her hips.
“I don’t know why you always get so scared darling. You know I always bring your lunch at eleven thirty.”
“Oh right. Lunch time.”
Bernice removes the metal lid to reveal a strange brown liquid in an IV bag.
“Just hook it up to my feeding tube and clamp it. I’ll consume it later since I’m kind of in the middle of an interview right now.”
“No problem, baby.”
Bernice smiles and does what she’s asked and then heads out the door.
“Nice lady.”
Steve turns and looks at Brent Sampson.
“Never. Felt. Better.”
The Shady Side of the Ring
With Brent Sampson
Awesome Aftermath
I’m afraid not much had changed in quite some time. Steve still peered out the window, and I didn’t have any useful information. The only thing that did change was Steve ate, or I guess ingested his lunch.
Ham and cheese sandwich says the label.
That info isn’t really relevant to me or you, and I’m not sure if it really matters to the consumer if they aren’t going to taste it.
But that’s all I have to go with.
Steve doesn’t want to talk about the incident. He ignores the extent of his injuries, and he won’t even tell me what the hell he’s looking at out that damn window.
Or looking for…
“Well,..”
I said. To finally break the silence in the room.
“What do you want to talk about?”
Steve turns away from the window and looks at Brent.
“Ask me about my opponents in the fatal four way.”
Brent shakes his head.
“I still don’t see how you can fight, you are in a wheelchair for crying out loud.”
“I can walk. It just really hurts due to all the cuts on my legs.”
Steve turns back to the window.
“So Just start dropping names, question monkey.”
Brent sighs.
“Fine. Aiden Merric.”
“Ooh yeah the Australian Hunter. I’m sure he’s hunted and killed some pretty impressive beasts just minding their own business but who's to say? Thing is, out of all the things he’s hunted for, the one thing that’s eluded him is a damn clue!”
He looks over at Brent.
“There is only one beloved animal hunter from Australia and his name is Steve Irwin! May he Rest In Peace and hunt the dinosaurs in heaven.”
He takes a moment to respect the Irwin.
“And as a fellow Steve, I’m going to walk right up to Merric and slap the Shrimp right off his god damn Barbie if he thinks he’s getting past me for that plate.”
He goes back to the window/
NEXT.”
“Uhh, EVK.”
“Look, EVK. First she wanna bang me, then she want to fight me. Women can never make up their minds, am I right, Brent? But she’s going to realize that she could never handle me. In the bedroom or in the ring.”
“The only thing that I love is Zelda and my kids…and Esmeralda could never make it to that level. So when that bell rings, I’m going to toss her out on her ass quicker than stupid groupie that staid over till breakfast.”
He turns and looks at Brent.
“EVK had a crush, now she’s gonna get crushed.”
He looks back out the window. There was nothing out there except a parking lot.
“NEXT.”
“Donzig.”
“Good old Donzig. My beefcake. My Bootyman. You know, he got tired of me kicking his ass and he knew he could never achieve my level of greatness so he just attempted to get my friendship so he could get the fall off.”
“But in Gonpachi, it’s going to be exactly like it always has been for Donzig. He comes so far, he gets so close….but then Steve Awesome comes around and reminds him of reality. That he’s just the C to my A.
He turns to look at Brent.
“It’s gonna be fun to kick his ass all year and take all the rest of the plates.
The window again. Nothing has changed since the last time he looked.
“Puroresu Plate.”
“Ugh…yeah, I bleed all that honor and stuff. I’ve been all about prubazoo since I was born. So people better look out.”
He turns back to the window.
“next.”
“Zoran Sainovic.”
“WHERE!?”
Steve spins around in his chair and frantically looks around the room. Brent tries to calm him down but before he can the door swings open again and Steve screams for his life.
“GAHHHHHHHHHH!”
But it was Bernice and another doctor.
“Damn you scared me! I thought you may have been…never mind.”
Doctor: Well we have good news. We are going to release you.”
“What!?”
Somehow, Steve didn’t seem happy about the news.
Doctor: We have determined there isn’t much else we can do for you here that you can’t do for yourself. So we are sending you home.
“Wait. You guys want me to go outside? Like, where anyone can just walk up to me and -…”
Steve doesn’t finish that sentence.
Doctor: sure…you aren’t scared are you?
“What!? Of course not, I’m just um….interested in other alternatives…that’s all…
Doctor: Well, um…let’s see…”
It was right then that I realized what it was….
I think I’d put money on the fact that….
Steve Awesome was scared.