Don't Feed The Animals (URSUSLA UNIFICATION MATCH PROMO)
Apr 8, 2022 0:33:12 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Dave D-Flipz, and 2 more like this
Post by terras on Apr 8, 2022 0:33:12 GMT -5
Tired and hungry, she limps over to a swimming pool. How long has it been since she started living on the edge? Her reflection looks horrible. Like she hadn’t slept in weeks. When will she stop living in fear? When will they finally catch up, and bring this living nightmare to an end?
A moment’s rest. But she can only afford a moment – taking a sip from the pool. Chorine filled water quenching the burning sensation in her throat – calming her heart which feels like it’s beating out of her chest. The water has bugs in it – still, this is nice.
“That crazy man-eater she-devil demon bear is over here!”
UrsusLa looks back up in terror.
Bastardstown, County Wexford, Ireland.
UrsusLa rescues a cat out of a tree. His name is Mr. Whiskers – and they are going to be best friends forever, until his owner sees a wanted poster for the deranged bear.
Zigzag, Oregon.
UrsusLa has landed a mid-six figure job in mergers and acquisitions under the assumed identity of Ms. Peggy Longbottom. Unfortunately Sue in HR is having a hard time processing her fake SIN. UrsusLa doesn’t like Sue.
Horni Police, Czech Republic
While taking a swim, The Black Water Mist engulfs the region – and it’s up to UrsusLa to save the day. Sadly after she has consumed Garlic Jr., the local authorities come back to their senses and want to charge her with another case of manslaughter. She argues that she saved the world in growls, but they counter that it was only filler.
Mount Dick, Auckland, New Zealand
When Jessica Morgan and Gregory Swofford flew too close to a super nova, they couldn’t know that it would coat their spaceship in spores that would bring the hate plague to earth. Trying to control her rage through meditation, UrsusLa finds herself on top of Mount Dick just as the HATE PLAGUE strikes. Fortunately she uses the Autobot Matrix of Leadership to spread knowledge throughout the world and bring everyone back to their senses. Unfortunately, no longer crazed by the illness, interpol are once again hot on her trail.
Sugartit, Kentucky
Some kids approach UrsusLa looking to pet her. Fortunately Mutt jumps out of some bushes and tells them “not to pet strange animals.” GO JOE! Upset by the PSA, UrsusLa proceeds to consume the G.I.
Ofakim, Israel
After a film producer takes in her award winning burlesque act, UrsusLa is signed to a three picture deal – making low budget action movies. Full Metal Bearskin proves to be a smash hit, but with all the attention also comes the interest of Johnny Law.
Anus, France
Since Redmond Fury was suppressed further into her subconscious when eaten by Dinosaur Bones – UrsusLa has taken on more of the horrific Dread Lord’s mannerisms. We join her in a McCafe.
Server: Voici vos McNuggets, Mademoiselle.
UrusLa: Rrrrraaaaaaww.
(Merci)
No sooner has UrsusLa started gorging herself on the nuggets with a dracolichesque hunger, than a few sharp dressed men who have all the symptoms of Interpol approach her.
Law Enforcement: Laissez-moi voir votre pièce d'identité.
UrusLa (waving paw slowly): Rrrrrrrrrrrraaaw.
(You don’t need to see my identification.)
Law Enforcement: Nous n'avons pas besoin de voir sa pièce d'identité.
UrusLa: Rrrrrrraw.
(This isn’t the bear you’re looking for.)
Law Enforcement: Ce n'est pas l'ours que nous recherchons.
UrsusLa: Rrrrrrraw.
(I can go about my business.)
Law Enforcement: Tu peux vaquer à tes occupations.
UrsusLa: Rrrrrrrraw.
(Enjoy your meal.)
Law Enforcement: Bon appétit.
The Interpol agents continue their search for the devil bear. UrsusLa returns to her Dread Lord helping of McNuggets – but it’s not the same. She knows they’ll be back later, and her Jedi mind tricks won’t work forever. She needs to head back. She needs to face the wrath of GUNS for her crimes, accept punishment from them. She needs to show up for that unification match, and win. Prove she’s more than just an apex predator.
....God she hopes she doesn’t eat anyone.
A moment’s rest. But she can only afford a moment – taking a sip from the pool. Chorine filled water quenching the burning sensation in her throat – calming her heart which feels like it’s beating out of her chest. The water has bugs in it – still, this is nice.
“That crazy man-eater she-devil demon bear is over here!”
UrsusLa looks back up in terror.
BEAR ON THE RUN
Bastardstown, County Wexford, Ireland.
UrsusLa rescues a cat out of a tree. His name is Mr. Whiskers – and they are going to be best friends forever, until his owner sees a wanted poster for the deranged bear.
Zigzag, Oregon.
UrsusLa has landed a mid-six figure job in mergers and acquisitions under the assumed identity of Ms. Peggy Longbottom. Unfortunately Sue in HR is having a hard time processing her fake SIN. UrsusLa doesn’t like Sue.
Horni Police, Czech Republic
While taking a swim, The Black Water Mist engulfs the region – and it’s up to UrsusLa to save the day. Sadly after she has consumed Garlic Jr., the local authorities come back to their senses and want to charge her with another case of manslaughter. She argues that she saved the world in growls, but they counter that it was only filler.
Mount Dick, Auckland, New Zealand
When Jessica Morgan and Gregory Swofford flew too close to a super nova, they couldn’t know that it would coat their spaceship in spores that would bring the hate plague to earth. Trying to control her rage through meditation, UrsusLa finds herself on top of Mount Dick just as the HATE PLAGUE strikes. Fortunately she uses the Autobot Matrix of Leadership to spread knowledge throughout the world and bring everyone back to their senses. Unfortunately, no longer crazed by the illness, interpol are once again hot on her trail.
Sugartit, Kentucky
Some kids approach UrsusLa looking to pet her. Fortunately Mutt jumps out of some bushes and tells them “not to pet strange animals.” GO JOE! Upset by the PSA, UrsusLa proceeds to consume the G.I.
Ofakim, Israel
After a film producer takes in her award winning burlesque act, UrsusLa is signed to a three picture deal – making low budget action movies. Full Metal Bearskin proves to be a smash hit, but with all the attention also comes the interest of Johnny Law.
Anus, France
Since Redmond Fury was suppressed further into her subconscious when eaten by Dinosaur Bones – UrsusLa has taken on more of the horrific Dread Lord’s mannerisms. We join her in a McCafe.
Server: Voici vos McNuggets, Mademoiselle.
UrusLa: Rrrrraaaaaaww.
(Merci)
No sooner has UrsusLa started gorging herself on the nuggets with a dracolichesque hunger, than a few sharp dressed men who have all the symptoms of Interpol approach her.
Law Enforcement: Laissez-moi voir votre pièce d'identité.
UrusLa (waving paw slowly): Rrrrrrrrrrrraaaw.
(You don’t need to see my identification.)
Law Enforcement: Nous n'avons pas besoin de voir sa pièce d'identité.
UrusLa: Rrrrrrraw.
(This isn’t the bear you’re looking for.)
Law Enforcement: Ce n'est pas l'ours que nous recherchons.
UrsusLa: Rrrrrrraw.
(I can go about my business.)
Law Enforcement: Tu peux vaquer à tes occupations.
UrsusLa: Rrrrrrrraw.
(Enjoy your meal.)
Law Enforcement: Bon appétit.
The Interpol agents continue their search for the devil bear. UrsusLa returns to her Dread Lord helping of McNuggets – but it’s not the same. She knows they’ll be back later, and her Jedi mind tricks won’t work forever. She needs to head back. She needs to face the wrath of GUNS for her crimes, accept punishment from them. She needs to show up for that unification match, and win. Prove she’s more than just an apex predator.
....God she hopes she doesn’t eat anyone.