DARK Phoenix (Dirty Byrd Unification Promo)
Apr 13, 2022 17:10:42 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Dave D-Flipz, and 1 more like this
Post by mosler on Apr 13, 2022 17:10:42 GMT -5
#WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH#
A refrigerator crate lid swings open, as the smiling face of Ken greets his guests. All his friends enter the box – surprised at how spacious it is. Mrs. Wombat admires the crystal chandelier in the ballroom, while the Wombat children run up and down the spiral staircase. Magnus seems impressed that the crate can house 17 bedrooms with en suite bathrooms. Even the mass of house warming gifts fail to make his walk-in closet seem cluttered. Ken is truly happy.
#WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH#
Ken looks around. Something feels unnatural. What is that sound?
#WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH#
A goat bursts through the ceiling, chewing one of the vestibules!
Everyone runs in fear as this basic goat destroys Ken’s beautiful new home. If only Mongo the GOAT killer was there to protect this beautiful house. As the ceiling collapses, Ken is again faced with the terrifying outside world.
#WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH#
Unboxed Ken wakes up in a cold sweat.
The hospital. So it was all just a dream. Ken stares back up at the ceiling, there is very little else for him to do. The whooshing sound comes from a pump that is currently helping Ken to breathe. Since Shockmaster’s monstrous attack burst quite a few organs, the XHF veteran has been confined to an Iron Lung.
#WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH#
The noise of the ventilator makes sleep difficult.
Still for all the long nights staring at the ceiling, there is a certain comfort that comes with Ken’s new enclosed surroundings.
“Don’t get too comfortable. A few operations – and you’ll be cast out into the great, big world again.”
A few feathers peak out over the edge of the box. Dirty Byrd is lounging on top of the iron lung, Unboxed Ken tries to yell for help, but can make no noise. He tries to blow into a tube to signal a nurse, but a feathery hand pushes it away.
Dirty Byrd: So just sit back, relax, and enjoy the claustrophobic conditions while they last, Ken.
#WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH#
Crossing his wings behind his head, Byrd leans back on the lung – staring at the ceiling as well.
Dirty Byrd: You always did like cramped spaces. I remember when you first showed up inside that bear... you could knock guys out with one punch, and were built like a literal house! You were strong, tall – a walking mountain that could back it up. I figured my ship had come in, if ANYONE could get me out of that hell, it was you. You hadn’t been there long and were still at full strength, why, you could have punched your way right out of that ursine cocoon like a parasite in a horror flick. It would have been so easy for you to free us, to FREE ME.
#WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH#
Dirty Byrd: But one man’s hell is another man’s paradise. Leave that enclosed space? You wouldn’t hear of it, no matter how much I begged. How much time was lost because of you? So I was stuck wasting more years, standing around, waiting for another heavy hitter in Fury, but that upbeat goof didn’t want to fight his way out either. What is it with you guys? Where is the pride? The rage? The HUNGER?
#WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH#
Dirty Byrd: Well I had Fury take me as far as he could… then he got his. And when I’d discovered you had become an unwitting escapee as well? Sweet Karma! As humorous as I found that reversal of fortune... you hadn’t begun to pay for your sloth. So I arranged for your current predicament.
Rolling over, but still on top of the box, Byrd faces the broken Ken.
Dirty Byrd: It is best not to ruffle my feathers.
#WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH#
Dirty Byrd: So you have a few busted parts for your misadventure. What do I have to show for my five years in hell? This trinket?
Reaching into his grimy costume, Byrd pulls out the XHF Phoenix championship. The real one. He dangles it over the ledge, so that it swings across Ken’s bloodshot eyes like a pendulum.
Dirty Byrd: Fine. If this is the consolation prize instead of living my best life, I’ll take it. I’ll wear it. I’ll keep it. God help anyone that tries to keep it from me! I'll be a better champion than Fury ever was, and more of a champion than you’ll ever be. Rise up and make ever member of the XHF regret all the years they could have been enjoying my majesty if not for that damned incarceration. They will learn to appreciate my gold standard as much as they resent me for it. I put the time in.
#WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH#
Dirty Byrd: So when I see the rest of those clowns pretending to have won MY title, playing at being worthy of MY gold? It gets my blood boiling. If you think you got a raw deal, Ken, wait until you see what I have in store for your little buddy, Wombat. Those halfwits all need to clue into the fact that the it’s not the name of a division, I AM THE PHOENIX! And I’m not only born again from their ashes, I’ll fly back to piss on your graves!
#WOOOOOOOO-
In order to ensure he has Ken’s full attention, Byrd grabs the pump, preventing it from retracting. As the oxygen flow stops, the barely audible Ken starts choking.
Dirty Byrd: Listening, Ken? They’ll have you out of here in no time. And I didn’t want you to be put out on the streets – so as an olive branch, I bought you a new home.
-OOOOOOOOOOOOSH#
Letting go of the ventilator, so that the purple looking invalid can breathe again, Byrd slides off the case. Ken can’t see from his fixed position, but eventually Byrd holds a TV box over the iron lung.
Dirty Byrd: I’m told it’s a top of the line... box.
#WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH#
The filthy fiend places the box down.
Dirty Byrd: I’ll just leave it over here for when you’re released. Well, I should run – gotta get ready to cripple everyone you care about.
The tears are probably from oxygen deprivation, but Ken looks genuinely upset.
Dirty Byrd: Oh, yeah, Shock got you a comfort pet. One of those babies that jump on things – he figured it’d climb on your lung and cheer you up.
“BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH”
Dirty Byrd: Gotta fly.
The vicious beast in feathered clothing leaves. Ken still looks visibly upset. There is the crunching sound of cardboard as the baby goat starts to eat Ken's new home.
If Ken could form words he’d ask Mongo to help him.
#WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH#
A refrigerator crate lid swings open, as the smiling face of Ken greets his guests. All his friends enter the box – surprised at how spacious it is. Mrs. Wombat admires the crystal chandelier in the ballroom, while the Wombat children run up and down the spiral staircase. Magnus seems impressed that the crate can house 17 bedrooms with en suite bathrooms. Even the mass of house warming gifts fail to make his walk-in closet seem cluttered. Ken is truly happy.
#WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH#
Ken looks around. Something feels unnatural. What is that sound?
#WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH#
A goat bursts through the ceiling, chewing one of the vestibules!
Everyone runs in fear as this basic goat destroys Ken’s beautiful new home. If only Mongo the GOAT killer was there to protect this beautiful house. As the ceiling collapses, Ken is again faced with the terrifying outside world.
#WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH#
Unboxed Ken wakes up in a cold sweat.
The hospital. So it was all just a dream. Ken stares back up at the ceiling, there is very little else for him to do. The whooshing sound comes from a pump that is currently helping Ken to breathe. Since Shockmaster’s monstrous attack burst quite a few organs, the XHF veteran has been confined to an Iron Lung.
#WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH#
The noise of the ventilator makes sleep difficult.
Still for all the long nights staring at the ceiling, there is a certain comfort that comes with Ken’s new enclosed surroundings.
“Don’t get too comfortable. A few operations – and you’ll be cast out into the great, big world again.”
A few feathers peak out over the edge of the box. Dirty Byrd is lounging on top of the iron lung, Unboxed Ken tries to yell for help, but can make no noise. He tries to blow into a tube to signal a nurse, but a feathery hand pushes it away.
Dirty Byrd: So just sit back, relax, and enjoy the claustrophobic conditions while they last, Ken.
#WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH#
Crossing his wings behind his head, Byrd leans back on the lung – staring at the ceiling as well.
Dirty Byrd: You always did like cramped spaces. I remember when you first showed up inside that bear... you could knock guys out with one punch, and were built like a literal house! You were strong, tall – a walking mountain that could back it up. I figured my ship had come in, if ANYONE could get me out of that hell, it was you. You hadn’t been there long and were still at full strength, why, you could have punched your way right out of that ursine cocoon like a parasite in a horror flick. It would have been so easy for you to free us, to FREE ME.
#WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH#
Dirty Byrd: But one man’s hell is another man’s paradise. Leave that enclosed space? You wouldn’t hear of it, no matter how much I begged. How much time was lost because of you? So I was stuck wasting more years, standing around, waiting for another heavy hitter in Fury, but that upbeat goof didn’t want to fight his way out either. What is it with you guys? Where is the pride? The rage? The HUNGER?
#WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH#
Dirty Byrd: Well I had Fury take me as far as he could… then he got his. And when I’d discovered you had become an unwitting escapee as well? Sweet Karma! As humorous as I found that reversal of fortune... you hadn’t begun to pay for your sloth. So I arranged for your current predicament.
Rolling over, but still on top of the box, Byrd faces the broken Ken.
Dirty Byrd: It is best not to ruffle my feathers.
#WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH#
Dirty Byrd: So you have a few busted parts for your misadventure. What do I have to show for my five years in hell? This trinket?
Reaching into his grimy costume, Byrd pulls out the XHF Phoenix championship. The real one. He dangles it over the ledge, so that it swings across Ken’s bloodshot eyes like a pendulum.
Dirty Byrd: Fine. If this is the consolation prize instead of living my best life, I’ll take it. I’ll wear it. I’ll keep it. God help anyone that tries to keep it from me! I'll be a better champion than Fury ever was, and more of a champion than you’ll ever be. Rise up and make ever member of the XHF regret all the years they could have been enjoying my majesty if not for that damned incarceration. They will learn to appreciate my gold standard as much as they resent me for it. I put the time in.
#WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH#
Dirty Byrd: So when I see the rest of those clowns pretending to have won MY title, playing at being worthy of MY gold? It gets my blood boiling. If you think you got a raw deal, Ken, wait until you see what I have in store for your little buddy, Wombat. Those halfwits all need to clue into the fact that the it’s not the name of a division, I AM THE PHOENIX! And I’m not only born again from their ashes, I’ll fly back to piss on your graves!
#WOOOOOOOO-
In order to ensure he has Ken’s full attention, Byrd grabs the pump, preventing it from retracting. As the oxygen flow stops, the barely audible Ken starts choking.
Dirty Byrd: Listening, Ken? They’ll have you out of here in no time. And I didn’t want you to be put out on the streets – so as an olive branch, I bought you a new home.
-OOOOOOOOOOOOSH#
Letting go of the ventilator, so that the purple looking invalid can breathe again, Byrd slides off the case. Ken can’t see from his fixed position, but eventually Byrd holds a TV box over the iron lung.
Dirty Byrd: I’m told it’s a top of the line... box.
#WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH#
The filthy fiend places the box down.
Dirty Byrd: I’ll just leave it over here for when you’re released. Well, I should run – gotta get ready to cripple everyone you care about.
The tears are probably from oxygen deprivation, but Ken looks genuinely upset.
Dirty Byrd: Oh, yeah, Shock got you a comfort pet. One of those babies that jump on things – he figured it’d climb on your lung and cheer you up.
“BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH”
Dirty Byrd: Gotta fly.
The vicious beast in feathered clothing leaves. Ken still looks visibly upset. There is the crunching sound of cardboard as the baby goat starts to eat Ken's new home.
If Ken could form words he’d ask Mongo to help him.
#WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH#