Post by Mongo the Destroyer on Aug 14, 2017 1:21:46 GMT -5
*The camera opens on Nelly and Randy Angel in their apartment. They’re standing behind the couch in the main room having a conversation because this is television and that’s how scenes start.*
Nelly: I just can’t believe it. I mean, empty, nothing there. No sign that ASW ever even existed.
Randy: Nell, I know you’re shocked about being told to go to ASW and everything being gone.
Nelly: Even Spector!
Randy: Who?
Nelly: The owner of ASW! He’s the one who notified me to come to work!
*Randy looks down for a second, like he knows something, but then looks back up.*
Randy: Nell, that was like a month ago, are you just gonna talk about it non-stop forever?
Nelly: MY JOB DISAPEARED!
*Randy rolls his eyes*
Randy: Everyone’s jobs disappear, grow a set, man
Nelly: Ever-
Randy: Anyway, let’s not dwaddle on the past. You need to think about the future!
*Randy wraps his arm around his brother and smiles.*
Randy: And that’s why I’m here! You see, we at Life Cameos™ care about you and your confused state.
Nelly: Randy, what ar-
Randy: And so, to that end, I’ve arranged a little “surprise” to help get you back on your feet with some sound advice from a famous band.
*There’s a weird pause.*
Randy: You may want to sit down for this.
*Nelly is used to this sort of behavior from his brother so he goes and sits down at the couch, waiting for whatever weird crap is going to happen next. Randy, thinking about his recent failure with Mongo the Destroyer, takes a quick nip from a previously hidden flask. The older, less sober Angel, then takes his smart phone out and quickly calls someone.*
Randy: Is everything ready?........No, I don’t think it’s too much…….Since when have you cared abo- listen, this will surely help, just go along with it all…..Are you ready? Ok, let’s do this.
*Randy backs off to the side of the camera. All is quiet. Suddenly the door to the apartment bursts open and in walks famous UK band Slade, with instruments and everything. Blasting music, of course.*
*Nelly wheels around as the music starts up; the camera, likewise quickly pans around so that we can see Nelly’s reaction to the sudden commotion- he holds his face in a look of shock. The band pays this no mind as they burst into the room.*
Nelly: I do?
*Bit by bit the band is marching into the room, they’re garishly dressed and some extras are following with bales of hay and setting them up around the room.*
*Nelly seems to be looking for the lizard that was mentioned in the song, but he can’t seem to find it. While bent over, he narrowly avoids getting his head knocked off by a traditional Scottish caber tosser (a thrower of giant logs). The man begins to swing his caber around to the music, causing much damage as everyone (including the band ducks) and plaster from the room/ceiling is flung about.*
Nelly What the-
Randy: That’s actually good advice
*Nelly Angel looks about to protest this ruckus in his house, but suddenly in walk about 10 people all in traditional Scottish kilts, including a large man with juggalo-ish clown makeup. Randy Angel takes a swig from his flask and then rips his pants off to reveal that he too is wearing a kilt.*
*At this point Nelly has given up trying to make any sense of what’s going on. The caber tosser is standing on the couch, still swinging way, it’s extremely damaging to the ceiling. More people file in, they look like farmers and carry in more hay as well as lead some farm animals in. One of them puts a straw hat on Nelly’s head. At this point the party is in full swing and everyone is having a great time- well, Nelly still looks super confused but everyone else is enjoying themselves.*
Randy: No need to worry about that, Slade, Nelly’s…how we say..-
Nelly: No I’m not!
Randy: Oh yeah? When’s the last time you paid for love? Hmmmm?
*Some of the villagers are stuffing straw into Nelly’s shirt, and a few of the folks are really getting into the hoedown spirit. However, the hoedown is quickly ended because the folks in kilts had snuck out but now they proceed to army-level march into the room while blasting bagpipes. Everything is confusion, the couch has been torn apart by the caber (giant log) and the man swinging it (who’s still going, by the way, the dude has stamina). There’s goats eating furniture and a dog sitting, no wait, it’s squatting. A dog is squatting. Nelly is up to his waist in sheep. None of this seems to have phased the band, which is still rocking out. The front-man of Slade even starts yelling the next verse in a very startled Nelly’s face.*
*Did I mention that someone brought in a fog machine? There’s a fog machine. The air is filled with fog, noise, a giant log-thing, and parts of plaster and the couch. Randy quietly drinks in the corner; the clown-man has proven surprisingly skilled at bagpipes.*
*Nelly yells to his brother from across the room as the band rocks out*
Nelly: What is going on?!
Randy: What!? I can’t hear you over the sound of awesome rocking out!
*As the music calms down everyone files out. The apartment is destroyed. The caber tosser is the last one to go; he gives Nelly a thumbs up. Nelly looks like hell run over.*
Nelly: Wha….what advice was I supposed to get from that? To run away?
Randy: How am I supposed to know? I just hire the Life Cameos™ superstars- or as I call them, “Advicers.”
Nelly: Well that was certainly….interesting. I don’t suppose any of your “advicers” enjoy cleaning do they?
Randy: Haha, superstars usually destroy rooms, not fix them. Good one, Nell! Anyway, hold on.
*Randy leaves the room; Nelly is still in a state of shock and doesn’t move. Well, he picks a piece of straw out of his shirt, but that’s all. His brother returns with an envelope.*
Nelly: What’s that?
Randy: Ah, so earlier you mentioned that Spector was ASW’s owner, right?
Nelly: Yeah, so?
Randy: When we went to the building and found it empty, it wasn’t totally empty. There was this
*Randy hands Nelly an envelope, the camera zooms into read it:
Nelly: Why didn’t you give this to me like a month ago?
Randy: How was I supposed to know it was for you? I was just holding onto it until I could figure out who Spector is.
Nelly: Well thank you now I guess, this is probably just what we were looking for.
*Nelly opens the envelop and pulls out a piece of paper, the two of them turn to read the note together, but the camera fades out so we have no idea what it says…*
Nelly: I just can’t believe it. I mean, empty, nothing there. No sign that ASW ever even existed.
Randy: Nell, I know you’re shocked about being told to go to ASW and everything being gone.
Nelly: Even Spector!
Randy: Who?
Nelly: The owner of ASW! He’s the one who notified me to come to work!
*Randy looks down for a second, like he knows something, but then looks back up.*
Randy: Nell, that was like a month ago, are you just gonna talk about it non-stop forever?
Nelly: MY JOB DISAPEARED!
*Randy rolls his eyes*
Randy: Everyone’s jobs disappear, grow a set, man
Nelly: Ever-
Randy: Anyway, let’s not dwaddle on the past. You need to think about the future!
*Randy wraps his arm around his brother and smiles.*
Randy: And that’s why I’m here! You see, we at Life Cameos™ care about you and your confused state.
Nelly: Randy, what ar-
Randy: And so, to that end, I’ve arranged a little “surprise” to help get you back on your feet with some sound advice from a famous band.
*There’s a weird pause.*
Randy: You may want to sit down for this.
*Nelly is used to this sort of behavior from his brother so he goes and sits down at the couch, waiting for whatever weird crap is going to happen next. Randy, thinking about his recent failure with Mongo the Destroyer, takes a quick nip from a previously hidden flask. The older, less sober Angel, then takes his smart phone out and quickly calls someone.*
Randy: Is everything ready?........No, I don’t think it’s too much…….Since when have you cared abo- listen, this will surely help, just go along with it all…..Are you ready? Ok, let’s do this.
*Randy backs off to the side of the camera. All is quiet. Suddenly the door to the apartment bursts open and in walks famous UK band Slade, with instruments and everything. Blasting music, of course.*
Hold on!
*Nelly wheels around as the music starts up; the camera, likewise quickly pans around so that we can see Nelly’s reaction to the sudden commotion- he holds his face in a look of shock. The band pays this no mind as they burst into the room.*
I like black and white
(Dreaming of black and white)
You like black and white
(Dreaming of black and white)
You like black and white
Nelly: I do?
Run run away
*Bit by bit the band is marching into the room, they’re garishly dressed and some extras are following with bales of hay and setting them up around the room.*
See chameleon
(Lying there in the sun)
All things to everyone
Run run away
(Lying there in the sun)
All things to everyone
Run run away
*Nelly seems to be looking for the lizard that was mentioned in the song, but he can’t seem to find it. While bent over, he narrowly avoids getting his head knocked off by a traditional Scottish caber tosser (a thrower of giant logs). The man begins to swing his caber around to the music, causing much damage as everyone (including the band ducks) and plaster from the room/ceiling is flung about.*
Nelly What the-
If you're in the swing
(Money ain't everything)
(Money ain't everything)
Randy: That’s actually good advice
If you're in the swing
Run run away
Run run away
*Nelly Angel looks about to protest this ruckus in his house, but suddenly in walk about 10 people all in traditional Scottish kilts, including a large man with juggalo-ish clown makeup. Randy Angel takes a swig from his flask and then rips his pants off to reveal that he too is wearing a kilt.*
See chameleon
(Lying there in the sun)
All things to everyone
Run run away
(Lying there in the sun)
All things to everyone
Run run away
*At this point Nelly has given up trying to make any sense of what’s going on. The caber tosser is standing on the couch, still swinging way, it’s extremely damaging to the ceiling. More people file in, they look like farmers and carry in more hay as well as lead some farm animals in. One of them puts a straw hat on Nelly’s head. At this point the party is in full swing and everyone is having a great time- well, Nelly still looks super confused but everyone else is enjoying themselves.*
If you gotta crush
(Don't beat about the bush)
When I gotta crush
Run run away
(Don't beat about the bush)
When I gotta crush
Run run away
Randy: No need to worry about that, Slade, Nelly’s…how we say..-
Nelly: No I’m not!
Randy: Oh yeah? When’s the last time you paid for love? Hmmmm?
See chameleon
(Lying there in the sun)
All things to everyone
Run run away
(Lying there in the sun)
All things to everyone
Run run away
*Some of the villagers are stuffing straw into Nelly’s shirt, and a few of the folks are really getting into the hoedown spirit. However, the hoedown is quickly ended because the folks in kilts had snuck out but now they proceed to army-level march into the room while blasting bagpipes. Everything is confusion, the couch has been torn apart by the caber (giant log) and the man swinging it (who’s still going, by the way, the dude has stamina). There’s goats eating furniture and a dog sitting, no wait, it’s squatting. A dog is squatting. Nelly is up to his waist in sheep. None of this seems to have phased the band, which is still rocking out. The front-man of Slade even starts yelling the next verse in a very startled Nelly’s face.*
Oh now can't you wait
(Love don't come on a plate)
Oh now can't you wait
Run run away
(Love don't come on a plate)
Oh now can't you wait
Run run away
*Did I mention that someone brought in a fog machine? There’s a fog machine. The air is filled with fog, noise, a giant log-thing, and parts of plaster and the couch. Randy quietly drinks in the corner; the clown-man has proven surprisingly skilled at bagpipes.*
See the chameleon
Lying there in the sun
All things to everyone
Run run away
Lying there in the sun
All things to everyone
Run run away
*Nelly yells to his brother from across the room as the band rocks out*
Nelly: What is going on?!
Randy: What!? I can’t hear you over the sound of awesome rocking out!
Run run away
Run run away
Run run away
Run run away
Run run away
*As the music calms down everyone files out. The apartment is destroyed. The caber tosser is the last one to go; he gives Nelly a thumbs up. Nelly looks like hell run over.*
Nelly: Wha….what advice was I supposed to get from that? To run away?
Randy: How am I supposed to know? I just hire the Life Cameos™ superstars- or as I call them, “Advicers.”
Nelly: Well that was certainly….interesting. I don’t suppose any of your “advicers” enjoy cleaning do they?
Randy: Haha, superstars usually destroy rooms, not fix them. Good one, Nell! Anyway, hold on.
*Randy leaves the room; Nelly is still in a state of shock and doesn’t move. Well, he picks a piece of straw out of his shirt, but that’s all. His brother returns with an envelope.*
Nelly: What’s that?
Randy: Ah, so earlier you mentioned that Spector was ASW’s owner, right?
Nelly: Yeah, so?
Randy: When we went to the building and found it empty, it wasn’t totally empty. There was this
*Randy hands Nelly an envelope, the camera zooms into read it:
From: Spector
Nelly: Why didn’t you give this to me like a month ago?
Randy: How was I supposed to know it was for you? I was just holding onto it until I could figure out who Spector is.
Nelly: Well thank you now I guess, this is probably just what we were looking for.
*Nelly opens the envelop and pulls out a piece of paper, the two of them turn to read the note together, but the camera fades out so we have no idea what it says…*
