Post by Vodka Fizz on May 2, 2022 22:55:54 GMT -5
The camera comes into focus on the FIRESIDE World Championship, which is set up in a display case on a mantle behind a desk. There has clearly been a lot of thought and care put into the presentation, even with lights to make the leather-and-gold championship really pop, and to call careful attention to the nameplate, which reads ‘V.FIZZ.’
Vodka: Really makes you feel something, doesn’t it?
The camera pulls back to reveal Vodka Fizz in a high-backed chair, dressed in a bedazzled smoking jacket and slowly rotating from side to side as he sips some fluorescent green concoction out of a brandy snifter.
Vodka: You know I always wanted to record a promo like this. You know, the Auric Goldfinger, ‘No, I expect you to die’ kinda promo. Yeah, maybe it doesn’t match my character, being that I’m ostensibly one of the good guys, but it doesn;t change the fact that I always dug the vibe. Hard to argue that shit like Piper’s Pit or the Barber Shop were always impactful. And hanging out in a study like this, sipping brandy and stroking a white cat when you interviewed someone? I can only imagine.
Vodka lets out a world weary sign, and he grins at the camera.
Vodka: But that’s really not what we’re here to talk about tonight, now is it? No no, we’re here to talk about Blaze of Glory. FIRESIDE’s last hurrah. Something that seems to have come about in an entirely arbitrary manner because our illustrious boss can’t handle not being the top dog. Good job, Caff; you built something incredible, and then threw it all away because…. Well, nobody really knows exactly why you threw it all away, do they? Hm.
Vodka sits up in the chair, leaning forward toward the camera.
Vodka: I bet you expect me to go off about the people I’m up against in whatever it is we’re calling this burn out clusterfuck 13-on-13 match for the Soul of FIRESIDE nonsense. And you know what? As much as I don’t love the idea of defending my title against thirteen other people, in some perverse way I don’t know if I could imagine a better ending for Caffrey’s grand experiment. You came in, you used us to make your impact and get some revenge on the people that wronged you, and as soon as shine comes off the apple you leave us with the tattered wreckage and you walk away. Real big dog move there, boss.
Vodka chuckles, crossing his arms and leaning further forward, taking another drink from whatever is in his glass.
Vodka: I’m not going to cut a promo on every opponent I’m facing, or every reluctant ally going into this match, though. I feel like at this point, everybody on the roster basically knows what I have to say about him. So tonight, in my finale, I’m going to cut a promo on FIRESIDE, on Vodka Fizz, and on the thing that has come to represent the ultimate fate of a company that I love.
Vodka opens the case, taking out his world title and laying it on the desk in front of him.
Vodka: It’s ironic; my first match in FIRESIDE was an opportunity to be in the match to crown the very first FIRESIDE World Champion. And that first promo sucked, man. I didn’t take the Nihilists seriously, and Gebin made me look like a chump. Live and learn, right? Except not so much. After that, me and Jonnie Valentine hooked up. The Hot Tag Express was a hell of a lot of fun, and Jonnie was one of my icons growing up. We had a couple of good matches, then we lost to Kanyon and whoever-the-hell his partner was at the time, and Jonnie paired me off with his kid and dipped.
Vodka lets out a dismissive snort.
Vodka: Me and Fuckboy Jr got on great at first. His New Money schtick was stupid, but considering he was paying for everything I was pretty content to be on the ride. And it was while I was on that ride, as Evan started to fall further and further into being a douchebag heel, that I decided I deserved more from life than to be Fuckboy Jr’s entourage. Battle of the Best was when I left behind Vodka Fizz, the dipshit party boy, and gave birth to Vodka Fizz, the Dumpster Fire.
Vodka rises from the chair and the camera pans to follow him as he strolls into another part of the office, though not before he lifts the title belt and lays it over his shoulder.
Vodka: After Fuckboy stole Battle of the Best from me, we had a well documented falling out. He turned on me after I told him I just needed to get it out of my system, but I really didn’t expect any better from Fuckboy Jr. I expected more from his dad, certainly, but it just goes to show that you should never meet your heroes. But the fact that Fuckboy Jr decided to face MYOJIN for the X-Crown was what gave me my first opportunity to win this title. And, uh, spoiler alert; like I have mentioned numerous times, it didn’t end well. MAJESTY left me lying in the middle of that ring, wondering exactly what it was I lacked. And then shortly thereafter, the dragon was slain by a blond-haired knight that irreparably changed my life.
Vodka chuckles, walking over to idly spin a globe. It’s not missed that there is a picture of him and Natalie hung on the wall behind him, but he doesn;t acknowledge it, not immediately.
Vodka: I wondered for a while what she had that I was missing. But it quickly became pretty clear from her subsequent matches that it was some sense of noble purpose. She wasn’t doing this for her, or for some misguided attempt to make people acknowledge her. When Natalie fought for the title, it was to fulfill a debt. She didn;t fight for herself, she fought for the opportunity to give the dragon she’d defeated a chance to redeem themself. And it was inspiring, in exactly the way a champion should be inspiring.
Vodka continues on his journey, coming to another display case where a replica of the SPARK title is being displayed.
Vodka: I don’t remember exactly who I fought to win the SPARK title, but it was the next step on my journey. That was when people started calling me the Heart of FIRESIDE. That was when a dipshit kid from Florida finally took that final step from playing at being a wrestler on YouTube to being the main character. It seemed like nobody could beat me; no matter how hard people brought it, I brought it harder. I felt like I couldn’t lose. I mean I lost to Spike Kane, but that dude is crazy. And it’s probably safe to say I beat myself as much as he beat me. And if Kanyon hadn;t tried to kill me two weeks earlier it would have been a horse of a devil’s dingus. That’s the second thing I have to repay President Kanyon for, by the way.
Vodka grins, and the camera follows him back to the desk, which he takes a seat on before draining the last of the neon liquid out of his glass.
Vodka: And then, at Caveat Emptor, I beat the FIRESIDE World Champion. Me and Natalie threw everything we had at each other, and it could be argued we both won that night. Unlike the last time I brought that up, though, I’m going to be a gentleman and clam up. I will say, though, that my life changed for the better that night, and this title nearly ruined that.
Vodka lets out a rueful laugh, shifting the belt off his shoulder to rest it across his waist.
Vodka: I didn;t realize how caught up I was in the title until I nearly ruined my relationship for a cheap shot at the woman I love. At some point, being the best became more important to me than anything. So much so that I couldn;t look at her and see Natalie, all I could see was a title to overcome so that I could be the person everyone else was looking up at. Great boyfriend, huh? God damn.
Vodka shakes his head.
Vodka: But I overcame Natalie, and I became the champion, just to find out it was ultimately meaningless. Caff ripped that meaning away from me, and all I get now is a chance to control the remains of FIRESIDE’s shambling corpse. Great prize for giving everything I had to this company. A great prize for me almost destroying my relationship. I give you everything. I was willing to give up EVERYTHING for this place and what do I get for it? Told that in a month it won’t mean SHIT.
Vodka chuckles, laying back on the desk.
Vodka: This is not just a battle for FIRESIDE’s soul. This is the death of a community. This is the death of a Family. This is the ultimate destruction of something that was loved by petty hate. You did what you wanted and you abandoned us, Caff. I hope that decision burns inside of you as bright as FIRESIDE burns within me. I have been robbed of my family. I have been robbed of my purpose. But I will not be robbed of Fireside’s soul.
Vodka hugs the belt to his chest.
Vodka: If anyone is going to be the custodian of this legacy, it’s going to be me. All that Vodka Fizz is is because of Fireside. I will defend that with every fiber of my being. I won't hide behind Vodka Fizz anymore; the man in that ring aat Blaze of Glory is going to be Virgil Robert Ficzkolowski, and you’re all going to experience what that truly means. If FIRESIDE dies, it dies in MY arms. I don't care who you are or how bad you want it. This is my story, and it ends with me.
Vodka sits up, reaching over and flicking off the camera with a wink and a blown kiss.
Vodka: Really makes you feel something, doesn’t it?
The camera pulls back to reveal Vodka Fizz in a high-backed chair, dressed in a bedazzled smoking jacket and slowly rotating from side to side as he sips some fluorescent green concoction out of a brandy snifter.
Vodka: You know I always wanted to record a promo like this. You know, the Auric Goldfinger, ‘No, I expect you to die’ kinda promo. Yeah, maybe it doesn’t match my character, being that I’m ostensibly one of the good guys, but it doesn;t change the fact that I always dug the vibe. Hard to argue that shit like Piper’s Pit or the Barber Shop were always impactful. And hanging out in a study like this, sipping brandy and stroking a white cat when you interviewed someone? I can only imagine.
Vodka lets out a world weary sign, and he grins at the camera.
Vodka: But that’s really not what we’re here to talk about tonight, now is it? No no, we’re here to talk about Blaze of Glory. FIRESIDE’s last hurrah. Something that seems to have come about in an entirely arbitrary manner because our illustrious boss can’t handle not being the top dog. Good job, Caff; you built something incredible, and then threw it all away because…. Well, nobody really knows exactly why you threw it all away, do they? Hm.
Vodka sits up in the chair, leaning forward toward the camera.
Vodka: I bet you expect me to go off about the people I’m up against in whatever it is we’re calling this burn out clusterfuck 13-on-13 match for the Soul of FIRESIDE nonsense. And you know what? As much as I don’t love the idea of defending my title against thirteen other people, in some perverse way I don’t know if I could imagine a better ending for Caffrey’s grand experiment. You came in, you used us to make your impact and get some revenge on the people that wronged you, and as soon as shine comes off the apple you leave us with the tattered wreckage and you walk away. Real big dog move there, boss.
Vodka chuckles, crossing his arms and leaning further forward, taking another drink from whatever is in his glass.
Vodka: I’m not going to cut a promo on every opponent I’m facing, or every reluctant ally going into this match, though. I feel like at this point, everybody on the roster basically knows what I have to say about him. So tonight, in my finale, I’m going to cut a promo on FIRESIDE, on Vodka Fizz, and on the thing that has come to represent the ultimate fate of a company that I love.
Vodka opens the case, taking out his world title and laying it on the desk in front of him.
Vodka: It’s ironic; my first match in FIRESIDE was an opportunity to be in the match to crown the very first FIRESIDE World Champion. And that first promo sucked, man. I didn’t take the Nihilists seriously, and Gebin made me look like a chump. Live and learn, right? Except not so much. After that, me and Jonnie Valentine hooked up. The Hot Tag Express was a hell of a lot of fun, and Jonnie was one of my icons growing up. We had a couple of good matches, then we lost to Kanyon and whoever-the-hell his partner was at the time, and Jonnie paired me off with his kid and dipped.
Vodka lets out a dismissive snort.
Vodka: Me and Fuckboy Jr got on great at first. His New Money schtick was stupid, but considering he was paying for everything I was pretty content to be on the ride. And it was while I was on that ride, as Evan started to fall further and further into being a douchebag heel, that I decided I deserved more from life than to be Fuckboy Jr’s entourage. Battle of the Best was when I left behind Vodka Fizz, the dipshit party boy, and gave birth to Vodka Fizz, the Dumpster Fire.
Vodka rises from the chair and the camera pans to follow him as he strolls into another part of the office, though not before he lifts the title belt and lays it over his shoulder.
Vodka: After Fuckboy stole Battle of the Best from me, we had a well documented falling out. He turned on me after I told him I just needed to get it out of my system, but I really didn’t expect any better from Fuckboy Jr. I expected more from his dad, certainly, but it just goes to show that you should never meet your heroes. But the fact that Fuckboy Jr decided to face MYOJIN for the X-Crown was what gave me my first opportunity to win this title. And, uh, spoiler alert; like I have mentioned numerous times, it didn’t end well. MAJESTY left me lying in the middle of that ring, wondering exactly what it was I lacked. And then shortly thereafter, the dragon was slain by a blond-haired knight that irreparably changed my life.
Vodka chuckles, walking over to idly spin a globe. It’s not missed that there is a picture of him and Natalie hung on the wall behind him, but he doesn;t acknowledge it, not immediately.
Vodka: I wondered for a while what she had that I was missing. But it quickly became pretty clear from her subsequent matches that it was some sense of noble purpose. She wasn’t doing this for her, or for some misguided attempt to make people acknowledge her. When Natalie fought for the title, it was to fulfill a debt. She didn;t fight for herself, she fought for the opportunity to give the dragon she’d defeated a chance to redeem themself. And it was inspiring, in exactly the way a champion should be inspiring.
Vodka continues on his journey, coming to another display case where a replica of the SPARK title is being displayed.
Vodka: I don’t remember exactly who I fought to win the SPARK title, but it was the next step on my journey. That was when people started calling me the Heart of FIRESIDE. That was when a dipshit kid from Florida finally took that final step from playing at being a wrestler on YouTube to being the main character. It seemed like nobody could beat me; no matter how hard people brought it, I brought it harder. I felt like I couldn’t lose. I mean I lost to Spike Kane, but that dude is crazy. And it’s probably safe to say I beat myself as much as he beat me. And if Kanyon hadn;t tried to kill me two weeks earlier it would have been a horse of a devil’s dingus. That’s the second thing I have to repay President Kanyon for, by the way.
Vodka grins, and the camera follows him back to the desk, which he takes a seat on before draining the last of the neon liquid out of his glass.
Vodka: And then, at Caveat Emptor, I beat the FIRESIDE World Champion. Me and Natalie threw everything we had at each other, and it could be argued we both won that night. Unlike the last time I brought that up, though, I’m going to be a gentleman and clam up. I will say, though, that my life changed for the better that night, and this title nearly ruined that.
Vodka lets out a rueful laugh, shifting the belt off his shoulder to rest it across his waist.
Vodka: I didn;t realize how caught up I was in the title until I nearly ruined my relationship for a cheap shot at the woman I love. At some point, being the best became more important to me than anything. So much so that I couldn;t look at her and see Natalie, all I could see was a title to overcome so that I could be the person everyone else was looking up at. Great boyfriend, huh? God damn.
Vodka shakes his head.
Vodka: But I overcame Natalie, and I became the champion, just to find out it was ultimately meaningless. Caff ripped that meaning away from me, and all I get now is a chance to control the remains of FIRESIDE’s shambling corpse. Great prize for giving everything I had to this company. A great prize for me almost destroying my relationship. I give you everything. I was willing to give up EVERYTHING for this place and what do I get for it? Told that in a month it won’t mean SHIT.
Vodka chuckles, laying back on the desk.
Vodka: This is not just a battle for FIRESIDE’s soul. This is the death of a community. This is the death of a Family. This is the ultimate destruction of something that was loved by petty hate. You did what you wanted and you abandoned us, Caff. I hope that decision burns inside of you as bright as FIRESIDE burns within me. I have been robbed of my family. I have been robbed of my purpose. But I will not be robbed of Fireside’s soul.
Vodka hugs the belt to his chest.
Vodka: If anyone is going to be the custodian of this legacy, it’s going to be me. All that Vodka Fizz is is because of Fireside. I will defend that with every fiber of my being. I won't hide behind Vodka Fizz anymore; the man in that ring aat Blaze of Glory is going to be Virgil Robert Ficzkolowski, and you’re all going to experience what that truly means. If FIRESIDE dies, it dies in MY arms. I don't care who you are or how bad you want it. This is my story, and it ends with me.
Vodka sits up, reaching over and flicking off the camera with a wink and a blown kiss.