The Star Trek Feature Films — Ranked Worst to Best.
May 5, 2022 10:34:12 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer and mosler like this
Post by Mav. on May 5, 2022 10:34:12 GMT -5
Hi.
I’m a fan of Star Trek, as some of you would come to know, and I’ve always been since I began watching it — but I’ve never really put thought into how the movies stand out above the rest and what I think of each and every single one of them. Along with the fact that I’ve never truly sat down and watched the first six Star Trek movies, only being more accustomed to the movies from Picard and the Kelvin timeline.
So, that’s why I’ve put together the entire list of Star Trek movies from the first to the latest and put my thoughts in as I currently watch these movies — before finally ranking them from worst to best. I’ll be giving them a ranking out of five (acting like the Dave Meltzer of Trek right now) and using them to rank all the movies at the end. It’s going to be a long, bumpy, and dreadful ride through some of them – whilst also being a very fun one as well through most of the movies that I’ve come to know and love as well – so please sit back and watch my true descent into madness ranking all the Star Trek films.
A quick disclaimer before we start; this is entirely my own personal opinion on the movies as a whole. I know some of you might think differently or whatever so don’t take great offense if your favourite is outranked by a movie you might absolutely fucking hate with a critical passion. I’ve seen how y’all talk about Star Trek: Nemesis and guess what, it disgusts me.
Without further delay, let’s get fuckin’ cracking with the hell that I am about to endure.
STAR TREK: THE MOTION PICTURE.
UPS
• The Next Generation Theme. Three times, if memory serves me correct in saying such, even if the second time was just a short sample of it. I wish I was kidding but this is a good thing to hear before the inevitable doom that is The Motion Picture.
• …lowkey, I do like the blue effect that the nebula’s ‘torpedoes’ have against ships. Just a random thought.
• I love love love love love fly around shots of the Enterprise. And that epic orchestral instrumental of the Star Trek theme as we got the close up shots of the Enterprise? Oh baby, I am in love with the whole scene.
• The whole thing throughout this whole movie is just someone randomly flying around in space, which I don’t know why—but I always find it very fucking hilarious to see these random people just floating around.
• Finally ending a god awful movie with the next generation theme, gives it one more redeeming quality after this barbarically horrible movie.
DOWNS
• I spent a whole minute and forty-five seconds just looking at a black screen whilst elevator music played before the Paramount logo appeared and the movie started. I don’t know if that’s intentional or not but what the fuck.
• Spock and the soccer mom haircut. That’s all that needs to be said there.
• The whole Spock thing – I couldn’t make heads or tails as to what the fuck was happening there. Like, I really couldn’t make anything out of it at all. Kinda wondering to myself did that need to be there? Was that needed for the movie? Probably not.
• This movie is testing my patience with ‘scenes/shots that are really not necessary at all’.
• I wasn’t sure whether to put this either good or bad — but that whole transporter scene was absolutely fucking horrifying—and the screeches of whatever that was that was coming through was chilling to say the least.
• The bridge of the Enterprise – for some reason – looks so… vague. Zero colour to it at all. So bland looking. Jesus fuck, this is such a downgrade from the TOS. And the uniforms as well, they’re so bland. There’s just… zero colour to anything in this movie, huh?
• I don’t know what’s happening or how it happened when they went to warp, but I did not need the whole LSD trip that just so happened to be caused by a small asteroid which they blew up in some silly-looking scene.
• The whole Enterprise is feeling unfinished and just not ready at all—and I’m getting heavy Generations ‘Enterprise B’ vibes where everything’s installed on Tuesday. Does it feel like lazy writing playing it’s part? Yes, on both films.
• …did Kirk just randomly get a whole brand new uniform a good one-third into the movie? I swear, his uniform beforehand was not that bright at all. I mean it looks good but still—what the hell is going on with this whole movie and it’s blandness?
• This movie is really testing my patience with ‘scenes/shots that are really not necessary at all’. Like, really testing that patience.
• As of writing this, it’s one hour and ten minutes into the movie and it’s feeling like it’s fucking dragging on so god damn much—I can see and feel why everyone calls this movie a snoozefest of boredom.
• KIRK CHANGED UNIFORM AGAIN! THE WHITE ACTUALLY LOOKED GOOD FOR CHRIST’S SAKES!
• If I am understanding this whole ending with V’Ger… it apparently wants to touch a human — basically Decker and Ilia are going to fuck is what I’m getting out of this whole thing. I’m just… I am… I’m completely appalled by this whole ending because it just doesn’t make any fucking sense. Holy fucking shit.
• So basically, Decker and Ilia (or V’Ger, I don’t fucking know anymore) formed together and apparently ‘birthed’ a new life form. I have zero words for anything else about this movie. I just want it to end.
FINAL THOUGHTS:
I had low expectations heading into watching this movie considering what I’ve heard about it — and even with low expectations — I’ve felt nothing but complete and utter disappointment after the movie ended. This movie seemed like it was off to a somewhat okay start with things, but as it progressed more and more into the movie? It got slow, it began to drag – heavily, might I add – and everything that was happening? Just wasn’t making any kind of sense to me at all. This was, by far, the worst of the movies that I’ve seen (and I’ve seen Insurrection many times beforehand) and I’m very glad to say after one sitting through this movie? I will never ever, ever, ever, ever… and I really mean ever… watch this movie again.
RANKING: 1.5 / 5
STAR TREK II: THE WRATH OF KHAN
UPS
• No almost two minute intro of nothing to the movie unlike The Motion Picture, jumping right into it.
• Uniforms are looking SO MUCH BETTER than the ones used within The Motion Picture.
• I love the Kobayashi Maru program, and I love this beginning scene.
• The visual and the horrifying scene of the ‘bugs’ going into the ears is damn scary, I love how spine-chilling it is.
• The visual shots of the Enterprise >>>> everything else.
• I’m just finding it funny how Kirk has taken the command of the Enterprise in now the first two films under Admiral. There’s just no way this man is ever going to get out of the chair it seems. And considering how there’s four movies left after this? He’s gonna do it again, I just know it.
• Two points to make after a whole scene. The first interaction with Khan and Kirk was really good. Though, that felt like the longest sixty seconds I’ve ever felt in my whole life—which I expected Khan to count so well. The whole drive-by firing shot from Khan and the Reliant was really well done as well. And Kirk’s move to override the Reliant’s computer to drop shields and weapons? Amazing.
• The second point to make is Scotty’s relative’s death — damn, it’s like we never got to know him at all apart from him being related to Scotty through his sister and he’s just dead. I wanted to make this a bad point but shit, it was so well done and the visual of Scotty entering the bridge with him near dead in his arms is emotionally painful to look at.
• KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!
• David Marcus is Kirk’s son. What a nice – and yet weird – turn of events.
• This is a better looking nebula than what was seen in The Motion Picture, just a matter of honest opinion.
• Ah man, Spock’s death was heartbreaking even if I knew it was coming. To see him getting the send off that someone like Spock deserves is a masterpiece. To lose a life in order to create a new life. Scotty playing the bagpipes on the send off of the torpedo / coffin. Such a powerful and amazing scene.
DOWNS
• No TNG theme to open unlike The Motion Picture — a small nitpick, but still… *sad*
• LMAO — Spock’s “death” was a simple explosion to the back. I’ve heard before that the death of Spock was gonna be expected after some leak or something before the film came out in 1982, but seeing this being the ‘death’ before the inevitable? That was a lacklustre looking death. Hell, even Tasha Yar got a convincing death in Season One of TNG than this literally six years after! I know it’s all for the Kobayashi Maru, but that was disappointing.
• Another small nitpick — no real fly-around shot of the Enterprise this time, which is sad. *more sadness*
• The return of the bland-as-fuck bridge in these movies, why did they think that this was ever going to be a great idea at all?! I thought that there’ll be none of the blandness after The Motion Picture but here I am—proven to be absolutely wronged again.
• Foreshadowing of lens flares in Star Trek (2009) with that transporting scene. I like the red, but could it have at least looked decent and less lens flare-y?
• So… Chekov and Terrel told Kirk that they have bugs in their ears that are controlling their minds… making them tell lies and do things out of control… and not one did they think that there was some untrust in them with Khan around and not taking those bugs out of their ears? I don’t know man– seems like a major plothole just put there.
• A shame we’ll never ever see Spock ever again, or ever see Leonard Nimoy in Star Trek films again. *strong sarcasm*
• “He’s really not dead” – Bones, 1982.
• Spock is ‘dead’, but we’re hearing him give the whole ‘Final Frontier’ speech at the end of the movie. I get it, because he’s dead, but… aren’t you supposed to be dead???
FINAL THOUGHTS
The Wrath of Khan was an excellent movie – excluding my nitpicking – and was definitely a true pick up for the films after the dreadfully exhausting The Motion Picture. The only lacking qualities I could find in these movies were the massive plothole just put there during Khan’s sneakiness to try and get a jump on the Enterprise with Terrel and Chekov and the whole Spock’s death thing as well—considering how the next movie is going to completely fuck that whole ending up and everything else—but this was a fantastically well done movie. Khan was a fantastic antagonist throughout the whole movie when being first introduced to his death at the end of the movie (IMO, I do prefer the ‘Into Darkness’ version of Khan over this one but we’ll get to that when the time comes) and really paved the way for how villains in the rest of the movies should be played out.
RANKING: 3.75 / 5
STAR TREK III: THE SEARCH FOR SPOCK
UPS
• Search for Spock treating me well with a docking scene and the Excelsior Class starship? Wonderful. Love it.
• ‘Federation Funny Farm’ lmfaooooooo.
• ‘Up your shaft’ — which, in case you never knew, that was Leonard Nimoy doing the voice of the turbolift during that whole scene, so Scotty told Spock from ‘the grave’ to go up his shaft. The more you know.
• Lmfao this mad bastard won’t stay down and now he’s gonna steal the fucking enterprise, i love it.
• LMAOOOO. SCOTTY STOPPED THE EXCELSIOR’S TRANSWARP DRIVE.
• …okay okay i confess, the logic of the Genesis wave seemingly affecting Spocks’ death and bringing him back to life makes sense in a way—
• The best way to end the run of the original Enterprise. What a hell of a fucking run it’s had.
• You know what? I like that they’re pretty much okay with confirming that there’s more to come than to leave things open to interpretation.
DOWNS
• Just before I start this movie… SPOCK DIDN’T FUCKING DIE.
• There’s many nitpicking problems I have with this beginning. 1) why did it need to be so small and then zoom in? who thought that was a good idea? 2) why is there a blue tint on this whole scene? and why does it fade back to it’s original colour? is this how things were back then? guess these movies don’t age well.
• Ah, yes… SPOCK IS NOT FUCKING DEAD.
• —BUT AS A FUCKING CHILD?! HE WENT THROUGH A LITERAL REBIRTH!?
• Vulcan males – every seven years – have… to put it simply… period cramps.
• David did not deserve to die for this bullshit.
• Since when do phasers have the ability to send people flying into the air like that?!
• The planet is dying because Spock is on his period… what a weird way of sending off this whole planet, huh.
• Uhura just so happens to be there on Vulcan, even if she was a part of the Enterprise’s escape from Spacedock? Yeah, sure, that makes total sense…?
• Oh, so we don’t even see him awaken… he’s just alive? After all that? Oh, okay. Sure. Totally underwhelming, don’t you think?
FINAL THOUGHTS
I like to think of this movie as a mixed bag of tricks, with some good and some bad aspects of the whole movie and story as well, but it ends on a somewhat good note and not leaving me with a sour taste in my mouth. It’s not Wrath of Khan levels of good, but it’s not on the levels of The Motion Picture bad… so it’s in between realistically. I think giving it a mid-ranged score sets the tone of how the movie does for the rest of the series. A nice way to wrap up a trilogy for the Enterprise and head onto the Enterprise-A in – hopefully, I expect – The Voyage Home.
RANKING: 2.5 / 5
STAR TREK IV: THE VOYAGE HOME.
UPS
• “Double dumbass on you.” – Kirk, the 21st Century.
• Spock swimming in to try and mind meld with the whale, this shit is fucking hilarious.
• The comedic value throughout this whole movie has been very hilarious. Probably made this movie better than anything else has.
• Enterprise-A. Chef’s fucking kiss right there. That revealing shot was PERFECT.
• The bridge doesn’t look so darkened and dull looking! MAJOR IMPROVEMENT!
DOWNS
• Amazing how Starfleet just so happens to have these wonderful shots of the Enterprise being destroyed and heading into the Genesis planet’s atmosphere. I wonder how and where they got that kind of footage from, eh?
• …I prefer the LSD trip of The Motion Picture to this one.
• The aliens are speaking to… whales. Sometimes I do wish they were joking making these plots but they’re not and that worries me what kind of fuckin’ LSD trips were they on to make these?
• I know Kirk isn’t talking about being on too much LSD when he’s got two movies right now that’s put me through the fucking ringer with those trips.
• So… Kirk’s punishment… is putting him back onto another starship? Ohhhhokaythensure.
FINAL THOUGHTS:
If you expected something serious heading into this movie, you’ll have to come back another day with a different mindset on how to watch it. The Voyage Home might seem like the normal Star Trek movie at first, but once you go further in? Everything changes. The plot is a complete ‘out-of-nowhere’ story thrown together, what comes after is a total what the fuck compilation of Kirk and the crew surviving the 21st Century — and did I mention the whales? Yeah, fucking whales. That’s all you need to know about saving Earth (in the 24th Century). This movies on par, it’s only redeeming quality being the comedic value throughout the middle of the movie, with The Search for Spock—but I feel as if it’s just slightly under. Just slightly. I wish I could’ve had something more to it.
RANKING: 2.25 / 5
I’m a fan of Star Trek, as some of you would come to know, and I’ve always been since I began watching it — but I’ve never really put thought into how the movies stand out above the rest and what I think of each and every single one of them. Along with the fact that I’ve never truly sat down and watched the first six Star Trek movies, only being more accustomed to the movies from Picard and the Kelvin timeline.
So, that’s why I’ve put together the entire list of Star Trek movies from the first to the latest and put my thoughts in as I currently watch these movies — before finally ranking them from worst to best. I’ll be giving them a ranking out of five (acting like the Dave Meltzer of Trek right now) and using them to rank all the movies at the end. It’s going to be a long, bumpy, and dreadful ride through some of them – whilst also being a very fun one as well through most of the movies that I’ve come to know and love as well – so please sit back and watch my true descent into madness ranking all the Star Trek films.
A quick disclaimer before we start; this is entirely my own personal opinion on the movies as a whole. I know some of you might think differently or whatever so don’t take great offense if your favourite is outranked by a movie you might absolutely fucking hate with a critical passion. I’ve seen how y’all talk about Star Trek: Nemesis and guess what, it disgusts me.
Without further delay, let’s get fuckin’ cracking with the hell that I am about to endure.
THE ORIGINAL SERIES FILMS
STAR TREK: THE MOTION PICTURE.
UPS
• The Next Generation Theme. Three times, if memory serves me correct in saying such, even if the second time was just a short sample of it. I wish I was kidding but this is a good thing to hear before the inevitable doom that is The Motion Picture.
• …lowkey, I do like the blue effect that the nebula’s ‘torpedoes’ have against ships. Just a random thought.
• I love love love love love fly around shots of the Enterprise. And that epic orchestral instrumental of the Star Trek theme as we got the close up shots of the Enterprise? Oh baby, I am in love with the whole scene.
• The whole thing throughout this whole movie is just someone randomly flying around in space, which I don’t know why—but I always find it very fucking hilarious to see these random people just floating around.
• Finally ending a god awful movie with the next generation theme, gives it one more redeeming quality after this barbarically horrible movie.
DOWNS
• I spent a whole minute and forty-five seconds just looking at a black screen whilst elevator music played before the Paramount logo appeared and the movie started. I don’t know if that’s intentional or not but what the fuck.
• Spock and the soccer mom haircut. That’s all that needs to be said there.
• The whole Spock thing – I couldn’t make heads or tails as to what the fuck was happening there. Like, I really couldn’t make anything out of it at all. Kinda wondering to myself did that need to be there? Was that needed for the movie? Probably not.
• This movie is testing my patience with ‘scenes/shots that are really not necessary at all’.
• I wasn’t sure whether to put this either good or bad — but that whole transporter scene was absolutely fucking horrifying—and the screeches of whatever that was that was coming through was chilling to say the least.
• The bridge of the Enterprise – for some reason – looks so… vague. Zero colour to it at all. So bland looking. Jesus fuck, this is such a downgrade from the TOS. And the uniforms as well, they’re so bland. There’s just… zero colour to anything in this movie, huh?
• I don’t know what’s happening or how it happened when they went to warp, but I did not need the whole LSD trip that just so happened to be caused by a small asteroid which they blew up in some silly-looking scene.
• The whole Enterprise is feeling unfinished and just not ready at all—and I’m getting heavy Generations ‘Enterprise B’ vibes where everything’s installed on Tuesday. Does it feel like lazy writing playing it’s part? Yes, on both films.
• …did Kirk just randomly get a whole brand new uniform a good one-third into the movie? I swear, his uniform beforehand was not that bright at all. I mean it looks good but still—what the hell is going on with this whole movie and it’s blandness?
• This movie is really testing my patience with ‘scenes/shots that are really not necessary at all’. Like, really testing that patience.
• As of writing this, it’s one hour and ten minutes into the movie and it’s feeling like it’s fucking dragging on so god damn much—I can see and feel why everyone calls this movie a snoozefest of boredom.
• KIRK CHANGED UNIFORM AGAIN! THE WHITE ACTUALLY LOOKED GOOD FOR CHRIST’S SAKES!
• If I am understanding this whole ending with V’Ger… it apparently wants to touch a human — basically Decker and Ilia are going to fuck is what I’m getting out of this whole thing. I’m just… I am… I’m completely appalled by this whole ending because it just doesn’t make any fucking sense. Holy fucking shit.
• So basically, Decker and Ilia (or V’Ger, I don’t fucking know anymore) formed together and apparently ‘birthed’ a new life form. I have zero words for anything else about this movie. I just want it to end.
FINAL THOUGHTS:
I had low expectations heading into watching this movie considering what I’ve heard about it — and even with low expectations — I’ve felt nothing but complete and utter disappointment after the movie ended. This movie seemed like it was off to a somewhat okay start with things, but as it progressed more and more into the movie? It got slow, it began to drag – heavily, might I add – and everything that was happening? Just wasn’t making any kind of sense to me at all. This was, by far, the worst of the movies that I’ve seen (and I’ve seen Insurrection many times beforehand) and I’m very glad to say after one sitting through this movie? I will never ever, ever, ever, ever… and I really mean ever… watch this movie again.
RANKING: 1.5 / 5
STAR TREK II: THE WRATH OF KHAN
UPS
• No almost two minute intro of nothing to the movie unlike The Motion Picture, jumping right into it.
• Uniforms are looking SO MUCH BETTER than the ones used within The Motion Picture.
• I love the Kobayashi Maru program, and I love this beginning scene.
• The visual and the horrifying scene of the ‘bugs’ going into the ears is damn scary, I love how spine-chilling it is.
• The visual shots of the Enterprise >>>> everything else.
• I’m just finding it funny how Kirk has taken the command of the Enterprise in now the first two films under Admiral. There’s just no way this man is ever going to get out of the chair it seems. And considering how there’s four movies left after this? He’s gonna do it again, I just know it.
• Two points to make after a whole scene. The first interaction with Khan and Kirk was really good. Though, that felt like the longest sixty seconds I’ve ever felt in my whole life—which I expected Khan to count so well. The whole drive-by firing shot from Khan and the Reliant was really well done as well. And Kirk’s move to override the Reliant’s computer to drop shields and weapons? Amazing.
• The second point to make is Scotty’s relative’s death — damn, it’s like we never got to know him at all apart from him being related to Scotty through his sister and he’s just dead. I wanted to make this a bad point but shit, it was so well done and the visual of Scotty entering the bridge with him near dead in his arms is emotionally painful to look at.
• KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!
• David Marcus is Kirk’s son. What a nice – and yet weird – turn of events.
• This is a better looking nebula than what was seen in The Motion Picture, just a matter of honest opinion.
• Ah man, Spock’s death was heartbreaking even if I knew it was coming. To see him getting the send off that someone like Spock deserves is a masterpiece. To lose a life in order to create a new life. Scotty playing the bagpipes on the send off of the torpedo / coffin. Such a powerful and amazing scene.
DOWNS
• No TNG theme to open unlike The Motion Picture — a small nitpick, but still… *sad*
• LMAO — Spock’s “death” was a simple explosion to the back. I’ve heard before that the death of Spock was gonna be expected after some leak or something before the film came out in 1982, but seeing this being the ‘death’ before the inevitable? That was a lacklustre looking death. Hell, even Tasha Yar got a convincing death in Season One of TNG than this literally six years after! I know it’s all for the Kobayashi Maru, but that was disappointing.
• Another small nitpick — no real fly-around shot of the Enterprise this time, which is sad. *more sadness*
• The return of the bland-as-fuck bridge in these movies, why did they think that this was ever going to be a great idea at all?! I thought that there’ll be none of the blandness after The Motion Picture but here I am—proven to be absolutely wronged again.
• Foreshadowing of lens flares in Star Trek (2009) with that transporting scene. I like the red, but could it have at least looked decent and less lens flare-y?
• So… Chekov and Terrel told Kirk that they have bugs in their ears that are controlling their minds… making them tell lies and do things out of control… and not one did they think that there was some untrust in them with Khan around and not taking those bugs out of their ears? I don’t know man– seems like a major plothole just put there.
• A shame we’ll never ever see Spock ever again, or ever see Leonard Nimoy in Star Trek films again. *strong sarcasm*
• “He’s really not dead” – Bones, 1982.
• Spock is ‘dead’, but we’re hearing him give the whole ‘Final Frontier’ speech at the end of the movie. I get it, because he’s dead, but… aren’t you supposed to be dead???
FINAL THOUGHTS
The Wrath of Khan was an excellent movie – excluding my nitpicking – and was definitely a true pick up for the films after the dreadfully exhausting The Motion Picture. The only lacking qualities I could find in these movies were the massive plothole just put there during Khan’s sneakiness to try and get a jump on the Enterprise with Terrel and Chekov and the whole Spock’s death thing as well—considering how the next movie is going to completely fuck that whole ending up and everything else—but this was a fantastically well done movie. Khan was a fantastic antagonist throughout the whole movie when being first introduced to his death at the end of the movie (IMO, I do prefer the ‘Into Darkness’ version of Khan over this one but we’ll get to that when the time comes) and really paved the way for how villains in the rest of the movies should be played out.
RANKING: 3.75 / 5
STAR TREK III: THE SEARCH FOR SPOCK
UPS
• Search for Spock treating me well with a docking scene and the Excelsior Class starship? Wonderful. Love it.
• ‘Federation Funny Farm’ lmfaooooooo.
• ‘Up your shaft’ — which, in case you never knew, that was Leonard Nimoy doing the voice of the turbolift during that whole scene, so Scotty told Spock from ‘the grave’ to go up his shaft. The more you know.
• Lmfao this mad bastard won’t stay down and now he’s gonna steal the fucking enterprise, i love it.
• LMAOOOO. SCOTTY STOPPED THE EXCELSIOR’S TRANSWARP DRIVE.
• …okay okay i confess, the logic of the Genesis wave seemingly affecting Spocks’ death and bringing him back to life makes sense in a way—
• The best way to end the run of the original Enterprise. What a hell of a fucking run it’s had.
• You know what? I like that they’re pretty much okay with confirming that there’s more to come than to leave things open to interpretation.
DOWNS
• Just before I start this movie… SPOCK DIDN’T FUCKING DIE.
• There’s many nitpicking problems I have with this beginning. 1) why did it need to be so small and then zoom in? who thought that was a good idea? 2) why is there a blue tint on this whole scene? and why does it fade back to it’s original colour? is this how things were back then? guess these movies don’t age well.
• Ah, yes… SPOCK IS NOT FUCKING DEAD.
• —BUT AS A FUCKING CHILD?! HE WENT THROUGH A LITERAL REBIRTH!?
• Vulcan males – every seven years – have… to put it simply… period cramps.
• David did not deserve to die for this bullshit.
• Since when do phasers have the ability to send people flying into the air like that?!
• The planet is dying because Spock is on his period… what a weird way of sending off this whole planet, huh.
• Uhura just so happens to be there on Vulcan, even if she was a part of the Enterprise’s escape from Spacedock? Yeah, sure, that makes total sense…?
• Oh, so we don’t even see him awaken… he’s just alive? After all that? Oh, okay. Sure. Totally underwhelming, don’t you think?
FINAL THOUGHTS
I like to think of this movie as a mixed bag of tricks, with some good and some bad aspects of the whole movie and story as well, but it ends on a somewhat good note and not leaving me with a sour taste in my mouth. It’s not Wrath of Khan levels of good, but it’s not on the levels of The Motion Picture bad… so it’s in between realistically. I think giving it a mid-ranged score sets the tone of how the movie does for the rest of the series. A nice way to wrap up a trilogy for the Enterprise and head onto the Enterprise-A in – hopefully, I expect – The Voyage Home.
RANKING: 2.5 / 5
STAR TREK IV: THE VOYAGE HOME.
UPS
• “Double dumbass on you.” – Kirk, the 21st Century.
• Spock swimming in to try and mind meld with the whale, this shit is fucking hilarious.
• The comedic value throughout this whole movie has been very hilarious. Probably made this movie better than anything else has.
• Enterprise-A. Chef’s fucking kiss right there. That revealing shot was PERFECT.
• The bridge doesn’t look so darkened and dull looking! MAJOR IMPROVEMENT!
DOWNS
• Amazing how Starfleet just so happens to have these wonderful shots of the Enterprise being destroyed and heading into the Genesis planet’s atmosphere. I wonder how and where they got that kind of footage from, eh?
• …I prefer the LSD trip of The Motion Picture to this one.
• The aliens are speaking to… whales. Sometimes I do wish they were joking making these plots but they’re not and that worries me what kind of fuckin’ LSD trips were they on to make these?
• I know Kirk isn’t talking about being on too much LSD when he’s got two movies right now that’s put me through the fucking ringer with those trips.
• So… Kirk’s punishment… is putting him back onto another starship? Ohhhhokaythensure.
FINAL THOUGHTS:
If you expected something serious heading into this movie, you’ll have to come back another day with a different mindset on how to watch it. The Voyage Home might seem like the normal Star Trek movie at first, but once you go further in? Everything changes. The plot is a complete ‘out-of-nowhere’ story thrown together, what comes after is a total what the fuck compilation of Kirk and the crew surviving the 21st Century — and did I mention the whales? Yeah, fucking whales. That’s all you need to know about saving Earth (in the 24th Century). This movies on par, it’s only redeeming quality being the comedic value throughout the middle of the movie, with The Search for Spock—but I feel as if it’s just slightly under. Just slightly. I wish I could’ve had something more to it.
RANKING: 2.25 / 5
TO BE CONTINUED.
