NLW ASCENDANCY XXXVI - SUPER SCRAMBLE | 5/14/2022 | LIVE
May 13, 2022 10:43:53 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Dave D-Flipz, and 3 more like this
Post by Adrien on May 13, 2022 10:43:53 GMT -5
Next Level Wrestling Presents
ASCENDENCY XXXVI
LIVE from the Lakefront Arena in New Orleans, Louisiana
May 14th, 2022
As the visual fades in on the Lakeview Arena, ‘Obey’ blares over the sound system, the crowd cheering loudly at the show that is about to start. Colored lights swirl over the assembled fans, most of whom are holding signs declaring their love for their favorites. There’s a few more pans over the crowd before the camera cuts to the announce booth.
Dan Simmons: Good evening, everyone, and welcome to Ascendancy! I’m Dan Simmons, and joining me as always is Tommy West. Tonight is our final show before Hostile Intent, and what a show it is!
Tommy West: Even if there’s only one match on the card, it’s an hour-long doozy that’s only ever been seen on pay-per-view… until tonight, that is. Ten competitors will be doing everything they can to earn the most points possible in the name of winning a future title opportunity here in NLW!
Dan Simmons: From XHF legends like Spike Kane and Bloodied Fox to newcomers like the Great Buta and Grimgor Ironside–and also NLW mainstays like Razor Blade and Scott Hampton amongst others–there’s no way of knowing who will come out on top!
Tommy West: Not only do we have sixty minutes of guaranteed action ahead, but we’ve also got a couple big announcements as well–
"Aw, fuck your headphones!"
Dan Simmons: About time!
The crowd lets loose a roar as Beck's "Timebomb" hits the speakers. For a few moments, nobody appears. Finally, Seth Dillinger saunters out to the top of the ramp, sporting a casual pair of sunglasses and a linen Hawaiian shirt. As he emerges from backstage onto the top of the ramp, he is struck by the sheer magnitude of the moment.
Tommy West: For the first time in years, Seth Dillinger is walking out to his own damn music!
Seth slowly removes his sunglasses and can't hide the gigantic grin on his face. His eyes light up as he scans the room back and forth, soaking in every moment. After enough time he lets loose a silly war cry and begins to march down the ramp. He takes time to high five people on the way, and even does a full lap around the ring to high five people and take selfies with some fans. Finally, he climbs the stairs and gets in the ring, microphone in-hand.
Dan Simmons: We're finally going to hear what Seth Dillinger has to say for himself.
Tommy West: If these howling idiots will shut up and let him speak!
After a few moments the crowd dies down and Seth lifts the microphone to his mouth.
Seth Dillinger: Damn it feels good to be back!
It didn't matter what Seth said in that first line, the crowd was going to eat it up, and he knew it.
Seth Dillinger: I had to go do the job in Fireside to collect a big fat paycheck so that Anthony Caffrey can fade away into obscurity once and for all where he belongs, but don't let that trip you up. Seth Dillinger... is Next Level. I'm here to stay!
Another round of applause.
Seth Dillinger: There's an infinite number of things I could come out here and tell you. I could tell you about the months I spent unable to feed myself or shit properly. I could tell you about the emotional journey I had. I could tell you everything I've gone through, and how hard it was, but the truth is... at the end of the day, it's an absolute miracle I'm even standing here in front of you all.
Seth's grin drops as he thinks about his recovery.
Seth Dillinger: I probably shouldn't even be here. My sister, god bless her, thinks this is the absolute dumbest thing I could ever possibly do. And you know what? She might be right. Hell, most people saw what happened when I got too addicted to this last time. I got too high on my own supply, started to believe my own bullshit, and it sent me down a rabbit hole of pain and misery. I pushed away people I loved, people that loved me, all because I truly believed I was some kind of prophet... some kind of... of... of...
He stammers and trails off, searching for the right words.
Seth Dillinger: ...some kind of Messiah. And like... to an extent, I was, right? I mean there was nobody that could hold a candle to me at the peak of my run. I was winning Rumbles, multiple X*Crowns, putting away legendary opponents... I was maybe the greatest to ever do it! But it went too far. Way, way, way too far. And I paid a dear price for it in the form of my damn neck and spine, courtesy of one Jason Long...
Seth glares out into the camera, as if staring through the first wall and into Maverick's soul.
Seth Dillinger: The fact is that I was good. I was a prodigy, but that doesn't excuse the way I hurt people and pushed them all away. Including... including someone back there... as part of your roster...
Seth slowly turns and faces the entrance ramp, speaking directly to someone backstage.
Seth Dillinger: Fox... I know you're back there. And I know the way you found out I was back was... probably not ideal in the heat of the moment. I know you've refused to comment and don't know what to say. I know the shit that's happened between us was... extremely fucked up. And for all of that, I just want you to know... I'm sorry.
Seth scratches his chin to cover for the fact that he is getting a little bit choked up.
Seth Dillinger: Watching you from afar while I was out of commission has been a treat. I always knew you could kick this industry's ass, and sure enough, you did. You've had a whirlwind run. All that to say, I have nothing but respect for you. Now... with this many years passed between the last time we really saw each other... let's leave what happened in the past. Let's move on. Let's not do something dramatic or insane, yeah? Because I may be a better person now and I may be trying to do right... but if you insist on dragging our history out and coming for me, you're going to see that I can still fucking go.
Seth can't help but smirk, as the crowd has a bit of a mixed reaction to his calling out of Fox.
Seth Dillinger: I didn't come back to relive old grudges or try to settle any scores. I only went and did this thing in Fireside because god knows I appreciate the money, and my sister, Lauren, deserves every dime of her fee for helping me all this time as I got better. No, I'm back here in NLW because I want to prove myself again. I'm a fighter. I'm a competitor. Sitting at home watching everyone else have their glory and achieve their big moments was driving me crazy. I was built to compete, I was built for greatness. The Ascension Wrestling Federation is dead and buried now, and with it, my legacy was fading away.
He cuts a look at the camera.
Seth Dillinger: And that's not gonna fly with me.
He turns back to the crowd.
Seth Dillinger: So I'm here now in Next Level Wrestling, because I want to re-establish my legacy. I want to go toe-to-toe with the competitors here in NLW, put on new matches, face new challengers. Bring me Leon Chant. Bring me the Thespian. Tommy Kelly. Bloodied Fox. Spike Kane. Scott Fargo. Anyone. Everyone. I'll step up to any challenge laid in front of me because I can hear all the whispers now. I've only been back a week or so, and I already hear the rumors. "Ooooh. Can Seth still go? Is he still the same? He looks weak. He looks slow. He's past his prime."
Seth shakes his head.
Seth Dillinger: Let them all talk. I'll prove in NLW what I already proved in AWF. I'm one of the best motherfuckers to ever step foot in this ring. So go ahead and doubt me. All the Twitter experts and backstage shit talkers. Say what you want. I'm already undefeated in NLW as Chico... I'm gonna continue that streak as Seth. And then one day, when I'm sitting with Nathan Cage's NLW Heavyweight Title around my waist, every person who doubted me will have no choice but to sit back and say...
He leans back and puts on a surprised look on his face.
Seth Dillinger: Damn! That Seth Dillinger... he's pretty fucking good.
Seth tosses the microphone down as "Timebomb" by Beck plays again.
Dan Simmons: Strong words from Dillinger.
Tommy West: He's put the entire NLW locker room on alert!
Dan Simmons: I don't know if that's the right strategy to make many friends here.
Tommy West: Didn't you listen, Dan? He's not here to make friends. He's here to add names to his list.
The camera cuts backstage.
Cut to darkness. Albeit a very temporary darkness, as a spotlight turns on and reveals Rob Arnold, stood upon a stage in a small theatre. Arnold smirks and stares directly at the camera.
Rob Arnold: At Open Fight Night, Bobby Barratt and I set out to tear the house down, and I think we achieved that. I was the victor, but I gained so much more than that, I regained the feeling of being in the spotlight, what it is to enjoy the heat lamps back on your face as you go to battle with some of the best this Network has to offer. I regained the taste of victory, knowing that one on one it was simply who could be the better man on the day. I’ve had a little time to consider it, and I think I want more, I wanted to know if I still had that appetite, and the answer is yes, I do.
He nods.
Rob Arnold: But what does that mean for the XHF Network? I haven’t fully decided yet. Perhaps I enter Call to Arms, perhaps I’m already a secret entrant!
He winks.
Rob Arnold: Or perhaps I go back to GUNS and represent them at Overheated, or perhaps I finally go and enter End of Days…or maybe I go and seek out E.V.E and hand them that receipt I owe them.
A sinister look grows, but soon disappears to be replaced by a grin.
Rob Arnold: But honestly? I haven’t decided. But rest assured, when I do decide, you’ll know pretty damn quickly.
Arnold looks down briefly, and his tone changes to one less playful.
Rob Arnold: But as much as I enjoyed being back in the spotlight, I have learned to share it in recent years. And to that point, NLW, I want to introduce to you the woman who will be the spotlight of the upcoming G1. She was tearing it up in UPW before it closed its doors, she even had the great CJ Walker ducking her for a one on one match because he knew damn well what would happen if they went one on one. She is, of course, Trixie Mars.
A second spotlight clunks on, and a beam of light lands to Arnold’s right, and Mars is stood arms folded, a coy smile all over her face.
Rob Arnold: Trixie’s time got cut short before it was allowed to get going at UPW, but this G1? Well, you can tell them yourself, Trix.
Arnold nods at Mars, and his spotlight turns off. Mars nods back and continues.
Trixie Mars: NLW, don’t let this face deceive you, when I’m in the ring, I’m so everywhere that y’all think there’s more than one of me. You’ll find me on the corner, you’ll find me over the ropes, you’ll find me in your face, and before you know it? It’s all over. They knew this in UPW, hell, the powers that be were so worried I'd get through them too quick so they put me in a match where I couldn't use the ropes, and even then they barely kept me down.
She claps her hands together and giggles.
Trixie Mars: Ohhhh NLW…I’m on my way, and I’m about to make one Next Level mess of my opponents.
The spotlight cuts, as does the feed.
The camera cuts to a hospital room, the location kept secret for obvious reasons–namely, so that Nathan Cage can’t easily finish what he started on the last episode of Ascendancy. BB Gunn is a mess of stitches and contusions and bandages as he lays in the hospital bed, looking all the worse for wear. It takes him a moment to gather himself, but when he does?
BB Gunn: Nathan Cage is a menace.
NLW’s GM sounds angrier than he’s been since the whole ugly business with Joe Blow. He scowls before he continues.
BB Gunn: It seems that the more… conventional means of getting the Rabid Dog to heel is not going to work. Words do nothing. Suspensions do nothing. None of the more civilized means of communicating do nothing…so it seems that I need to speak in the only language Nathan Cage understands.
Gunn takes a deep breath.
BB Gunn: Violence.
He nods to affirm his point.
BB Gunn: While I hoped it would prove to be unnecessary, I have been in contact with one of the most creatively violent, volatile promoters in the business, a man whose entire family line is steeped in the kind of nightmarish brutality that defies description. I speak, of course… of Shane Lawson, who has given me exactly the tool I need to teach Cage a lesson. At Hostile Intent, Nathan Cage will be defending the NLW World Championship in the Seventh Circle of Hell!
Another nod.
BB Gunn: For those who are unfamiliar, here is how it will work. Six competitors in total will be locked inside of an Elimination Chamber… but instead of pinfalls or submissions, the only way to eliminate one of your opponents is to get them to say two short, but damning words.
It takes some effort, but Gunn leans forward, glaring into the lens.
BB Gunn: I. Quit.[/i]
Wincing a bit at the vehemence which he said those two words, the GM settles back into the support of the partially-upright bed.
BB Gunn: There are no rules otherwise, which means that Cage’s opponents will have free reign to do everything they can to be the last one standing. And who is the murderer’s row that will be stepping into the Seventh Circle of Hell with the Rabid Dog?
Gunn raises his less-injured hand, his thumb pointing up.
BB Gunn: One of the Pillars of Violence, a man who has been on a tear since he signed the dotted line… Spike Kane.
His pointer finger rises.
BB Gunn: The most dominant champion in NLW history thusfar, a mysterious powerhouse that is at home in this kind of environment… The Thespian.
The middle finger goes up.
BB Gunn: The man who stood toe-to-toe with the Villain of the XHF at the Rumble and never said die for an instant, the personification of courageous heart… Bloodied Fox.
Up goes the ring finger.
BB Gunn: The other man who shone in the Rumble, revealing himself to the world as a man who has a long history of violence… Seth Dillinger.
And finally, the pinky rises.
BB Gunn: And finally, a woman who has a score to settle after being robbed by the champion… Keahi Sparks.
Gunn’s hand falls to the crisp white sheets now that it is no longer needed.
BB Gunn: At Hostile Intent, all six of these wrestlers will enter Hell… and at the end of it, only one will remain standing. I have full faith that a new definition of Hostile Intent will be created.
A pause; the general manager takes a deep breath before uttering his parting words.
BB Gunn: May God have mercy upon their souls.
Spent from that explanation, Gunn averts his eyes as the scene fades to a commercial for Hostile Intent.
Next Level Wrestling Presents
HOSTILE INTENT 2022
LIVE from the Smoothie King Center in New Orleans, Louisiana
Saturday, May 28th, 2022
HOSTILE INTENT 2022
LIVE from the Smoothie King Center in New Orleans, Louisiana
Saturday, May 28th, 2022
Thunderous cheers from the fired up New Orleans crowd quickly turn to boos as we cut backstage to the locker room of Sexton Love,sporting hsi brand new "60-Minute Man" t-shirt, and preparing for tonight's highly anticipated 10-way melee. Using a resistance band, Sexton rips off a series of tricep extensions, though not without a slight grimace. Still feeling the effects of his match against Felix two weeks ago, an intricate pattern and pink and black kinesio tape has been applied to the Lovely One's left shoulder. Sexton finishes his last rep, then takes a swig of water as NLW reporter Kelly Ross enters the frame.
Sexton Love: Couldn't resist comin' back for more could ya, babbeh...
He tosses the water aside, then bounces his pecs a few times.
Kelly Ross: I was hoping to get a quick update on your injury status heading into tonight's match. Has your shoulder fully recovered?
Sexton Love: Good shoulder, bad shoulder, old shoulder, cold shoulder... it doesn't matter, darlin'. Even if I'm not 100% healthy... I'm still 100% MAN.
Kelly Ross: ...So you're NOT 100% healthy then...?
Sexton Love: I TOLD YA IT DOESN'T MATTER, TOOTS... because I ain't like the other so-called athletes of today. I ain't like that guy you New Orleans SWEATHOGS love to cheer on the basketball court. I ain't like FAT BOY Zion Williamson.
He pauses for a moment, soaking in the easy heat from the local crowd.
Sexton Love: I ain't about to SIT ON THE SIDELINES during the biggest moment of the season, just because I'm feelin' a little bit SORE. Read the t-shirt, babbeh, this is MY TIME.
Kelly Ross: And are you at all concerned about the mystery competitor? The tenth man?
Sexton Love: I'm not a fan of most surprises, Kelly Ross... especially the ones that give you a rash in the morning... or show up lookin' for cash nine months down the line, ya dig? But as far as a surprise opponent is concerned? I say bring it on, babbeh... because Sexton Love fears nobody, yeahhhhhhh... ABSOLUTELY NOBODY!
He draws a line through the air with his good arm.
Sexton Love: I always pull out but I NEVER BACK DOWN, babbeh... and that's why I'm the Triple X*Crown Champion. I take on all comers!
The fans respond with another round of boos at the absurdity of Sexton's final statement, given the bullshit he's pulled over the last several weeks.
Kelly Ross: Speaking of that championship... that's the real reason I'm here...
Sexton Love: What the hell are you prattling on about now, toots? Either get to slurpin' or get to steppin', babbeh, it's almost go-time.
Kelly Ross: I was sent by NLW management to deliver a message. Personally.
Sexton Love: Then spit it out already, toots... for once in your goddamn life...
Kelly smirks.
Kelly Ross: Ever since that belt of yours was created, all you've done is bitch and moan about how NLW won't officially sanction the title... about how NLW won't recognize you as a champion.
A pause.
Kelly Ross: Well that's about to change.
Sexton Love: Don't play games with me, Kelly Ross...
Kelly Ross: It's not a game, champ. It's not a game. NLW is officially recognizing your title. Which means that NLW has booked your first official championship defense... at HOSTILE INTENT, live on pay-per-view...
Sexton Love: And just WHO do they think is worthy of being my first challenger?
Sexton is completely oblivious, but the fans are already chanting his opponent's name. Kelly pauses again, allowing the chants to grow louder and louder. After only a few seconds, they're deafening. Slowly, a look of realization appears on Sexton's face. He begins shaking his head rapidly, eyes nearly bulging out of his skull as Kelly smiles widely.
Kelly Ross: At Hostile Intent... you'll be defending that title against none other than... FELIX!
The crowd erupts at the mention of the Warrior's name. Sexton is apoplectic.
Sexton Love: THEY CAN'T DO THIS! I'VE ALREADY BEATEN HIM TWICE!
Kelly Ross: And another thing. Since NLW is sanctioning the title... they will be sanctioning it under a new name... with a new set of rules.
Sexton Love: What the hell are you talkin' about?!?
Kelly Ross: Well NLW wasn't happy with the manner in which your previous title matches ended... so at Hostile Intent, and from here on out, you can go ahead and put an X through ALL of those rules.
Sexton is appalled as Kelly continues.
Kelly Ross: Because there will be NO countouts. NO disqualifications. And NO time limits!
The crowd pops again. Sexton looks around in desperation.
Sexton Love: Anything goes?!? This ain't right, babbeh!
Kelly Ross: You got it, champ. Anything goes. From now on, that title will be officially known as the NLW NO LIMIT CHAMPIONSHIP! And there will be absolutely no limits on what Felix can do to you at Hostile Intent.
Sexton's entire body is red. His hair is already drenched with sweat.
Kelly Ross: Like you said, it's almost go-time. So good luck out there in the Super Scramble, champ.
She starts to walk away before turning back.
Kelly Ross: ...and don't ever call me toots again.
Kelly Ross exits the locker room, but the camera lingers on Sexton Love. He picks up his self-awarded championship belt and stares at it for several seconds, exhaling deeply. In the background, we hear the voice of NLW ring announcer Marty Watts coming from off-screen.
Marty Watts: The following contest...
We quickly cut to the main event.
Marty Watts: ...is tonight’s main event and is the sixty-minute Super Scramble!
Tommy West: He says main event. It was literally the only match occurring tonight.
Dan Simmons: Yes, but it is going to take an entire hour. So if you need to use the restroom, now’s the time to do so.
Marty Watts: Introducing first, from the Old World, weighing in at two hundred ninety pounds, he is Da Alpha Orc… GRIMGOR IRONHIDE!!
As Grimgor's song begins to hit the PA system, DA ONCE AND FUTURE GIT appears on the stage, screaming "GRIMGOR IZ DA BEST!" . He marches down to the apron and climbs to the ring without paying any heed to the fans, and once he's in the center, he raises up his fist and lets out a savage scream: "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!"
Dan Simmons: Grimgor Ironhide is one of the debuting wrestlers competing in this match tonight.
Tommy West: Wait, that THING is a wrestler?!
Dan Simmons: We’re a Network with Subject #42 and Goldbear. I think you can handle a little Grimgor.
Marty Watts: Introducing next, from Deepest, Darkest, Japan, weighing in at four hundred sixty-six pounds, he is Big Bacon… THE GREAT BUTA!!
“Entrails Full of Vermin” by Abominable Putridity starts playing as Ms. Penelope follows suit. A few people in the front row visibly cringe as they get a good look at the Great Buta, complete with his giant pig mask.
Tommy West: Okay, I’m good with Grimgor. I don’t know what to think of that thing!
Dan Simmons: Another competitor debuting in this match, prepared to try to make their mark by earning a championship opportunity in their first match.
Grimgor seems unfazed as the Great Buta rolls into the ring and stands near him while “2010” by Apocalyptica starts playing.
Marty Watts: And next, from Seattle, Washington, weighing in at two hundred twenty-five pounds, she is… SAPPHIRE!!
When the music starts, a slight blue hue is added to the lighting in the arena, and when Sapphire comes out on her cue, her eyes are glued to the ring. She strides confidently but stoically down to the ring and enters simply, stretching as she waits for the fight to start.
Dan Simmons: This is the NLW debut of Sapphire. Don’t want to really put her in the same vein as the others as she isn’t just some newbie as she did make an appearance at Big Fight Fight Night.
Tommy West: She trained Keahi Sparks, who has made quite a name for herself. The last time I can think of a student coming in and making a good impression before the trainer showed up later and REALLY kicked some ass was…
Dan Simmons: You’re thinking of now-former NLW wrestler Adam Sanders.
Tommy West: And hey, we can’t forget that X*Crown Classic we saw in our own ring.
Sapphire looks over at the two creatures who came out before her and keeps her distance when “Cult Of Personality” hits, and Razor Blade comes out from back and steps out in front of fans and stands on the stage and kneels down on one knee and shouts out “Clobbering time”.
Marty Watts: Next, from Chicago, Illinois, weighing in at two hundred eighteen pounds, he is the leader of the Straight Edge Society… RAZOR BLADE!!
He pounds his fist down in mid air and walks straight down towards the steel steps, climbs over the top rope and raises both hands in the air and gets down before circling around inside of the ring.
Dan Simmons: It’s fascinating the people Razor Blade has victories over yet who he has lost to.
Tommy West: I mean, we’re almost at that monthly mark where The Academy beats Straight Edge Society once more. Razor probably needs to re-evaluate what his goals are and perhaps this match will give him a clear path to that.
Dan Simmons: He could be challenging for a singles belt before the night is over. He signed up for the upcoming G1 tournament too, right?
Tommy West: Nope. So this is a great chance for him to really shoot up the rankings.
Marty Watts: Next, from Madison, Wisconsin, weighing in at one hundred seventy-three pounds, he is… CHEEZ!!
Cheez nervously walks onto the stage and waves to all the fans. He walks into the ring and the sight of Grimgor Ironside and the Great Buta makes him trip over the bottom rope while entering the ring.
Dan Simmons: One of the NLW stars who competed in the XHF Rumble, Cheez is trying to capitalize over taking Adam Sanders to the limit in that Penny Arcade Street Fight.
Tommy West: Let’s not forget he is a former NLW Tag Team Champion. With Wellington Dunne out of action for a bit, I wonder what happens if he wins with three falls.
Dan Simmons: I heard he had a meeting with BB Gunn at the hospital and came to an agreement if that happens.
“Hydrograd” by Stone Sour starts playing for the next entrant of the match to make his appearance. The lighting within the arena soon comes to life to show Scott Hampton dressed in black denim jeans and along his body and even his face. The body paint representing the symbiote of Venom, black and white as it covered his face, neck, and his torso -- all the way down to his waistline. His eyes are wide open, looking out to the crowd within the Lakefront Arena tonight, and observing the surroundings before he begins his slow walk to the ring.
Marty Watts: Next, from Bristol, England, weighing in at two hundred fifteen pounds, he is the self-proclaimed Best Kept Secret of Next Level Wrestling… SCOTT HAMPTON!!
Keeping his slow melancholy walk to the ring at a constant pace, Scott slithers into the ring and once again begins to survey his surroundings, before springing back up to his feet and allowing himself to walk into his corner. There’s no flashiness of leaping onto the ropes or letting the crowd be hyped up, just walking into his corner and crouching down, his back turned to Marty Watts who stands back inside the middle of the ring after Hampton’s entrance.
Dan Simmons: Hampton is upset with himself over his last match where he faced off with the Thespian.
Tommy West: In Hampton’s defense, Thespian knew he was facing Hampton a lot longer than Hampton knew he was facing Thespian. But this could be a big break for Hampton to prove he is one of the best in Next Level Wrestling.
Smoke fills the entryway, and the hypnotic voice of Snoop Doggy Dogg fill the entire arena. As the beat drops, Sexton Love emerges out of the haze, and seemingly out of a time machine from 1985. With animal print tights, an aggressively oiled chest, and a moustache that would make Tom Selleck jealous... the Sexcellence of Sexecution is prepared for battle. He takes a moment at the top of the ramp to survey the crowd (and grind his pelvis), then proceeds to walk that aisle as only few can. Boos rain down from all angles, but the Lovely One appears oblivious to that fact, basking in the vitriol as if it were pure adulation.
Marty Watts: Next, from Intercourse, Pennsylvania, weighing in at two hundred sixty-nine pounds, he is the Sexcellence of Sexecution and the NLW Triple-X Crown Champion… SEXTON LOVE!!
About halfway down the ramp he comes to an abrupt stop and flexes his right bicep, giving the fans nearby an up close look at what some might call the strongest arm in the world. Sexton enters the ring, pointing out an attractive woman in the front row and shooting her a wink. He stands tall in the center of the squared circle and the arena goes completely dark. A single spotlight shines down on Bodzilla as he strikes a series of dramatic, muscular poses. Game time.
Dan Simmons: And now that the Triple-X Crown is now officially a recognized championship here in NLW with it's new name, the No Limit Championship, Sexton is going to try to collect titles with this match.
Tommy West: Might get the Southern States and merge it into the Triple-X Crown, err, I mean the No Limit Championship. I’m not going to attempt to enter the mind of Sexton Love.
Dan Simmons: I’d probably want to take a long shower if I ever did.
Alright you motherfuckers...
LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!!!
LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!!!
Marty Watts: Next, from Reading, Berkshire, England, weighing in at one hundred ninety-six pounds, he is the Bloody Rainmaker… BLOODIED FOX!!
The arena lights pulse red as Tom Morello's guitar slams through the speakers, the fans cheering and singing along as Bloodied Fox steps through the curtain and raises both fists high. Banging his head to the beat, he strides down the ramp and circuits the ring, bumping fists with anyone who wants it, before sliding in and standing mid-ring. He tears off his entrance mask as the chorus hits, screaming out the lyrics along with the crowd, a grin on his face.
Dan Simmons: The only man to win every single title in AWF, Bloodied Fox has to be one of the favorites going into this match.
Tommy West: Not to mention he’s a former XHF Tag Team Champion and is considered one of the best XHF Junior Heavyweight Champions of the current era. He is a strong contender to win this match tonight.
The lights go out as the beginning of "Bow Down" by I Prevail plays through the PA system, as a circle of flames erupts on the stage. Through the flames, slowly emerges Spike Kane as he fully emerges, the song kicks in.
"GET ON YOUR KNEES AND BOW DOWN!!!"
Spike steps through the flames and heads to the ring, taking off his jacket as he prepares for a fight.
Marty Watts: Next, from Belfast, Ireland, weighing in at two hundred twenty-five pounds, he is the Blood God… SPIKE KANE!!
Dan Simmons: Well, here is the other favorite to win this match. The only former X*Crown Champion in this match.
Tommy West: I think he’s the only former X*Crown Champion on the roster…
Dan Simmons: He no longer has that honor now that we know Seth Dillinger was under that El Chico mask.
Tommy West: Regardless, he won the 2006 XHF Rumble. He is a living legend in XHF Network and looking to add more to his legacy here tonight. So… that’s nine people. Who is this last entrant?
Dan Simmons: Let’s see who number ten is!
The cameras cut backstage to see the tenth competitor, taking a box of beignets from a fan with a backstage pass. He starts devouring them before he is told by a producer he has to start heading to the ring. He continues eating them as he makes his way to the curtain with audible sounds of disgust coming from the Gorilla position.
Dan Simmons: Oh my God, it’s Primal!!
Tommy West: The guy with all the hair?! But… why?!
"Am I Savage" by Metallica hits the PA. The lights dim and mist forms around the ramp. The tron shows images of a deep dense jungle slowly being traversed and ends up on an image of Primal's hideous mask. His "true face". Primal slowly slinks out of the back and to the stage as the heavy riffs kick in, still carrying the box of beignets. Part of his hairy chest is covered in powdered sugar at this point.
Marty Watts: And finally, from Deep in the Jungle, weighing in at two hundred eighty-eight pounds, he is the Hairman of the Board… PRIMAL!!
He looks around until the lyrics start then he lets out a growl and spits on the stage then walks with purpose to the ring where he rolls under the ropes and to his knees. He looks around in pity at the humans who watch him, decked in the horrid trappings of this false "civilization". He slinks to the corner.
Dan Simmons: I’m still stunned. Of all the people that were speculated to be this tenth competitor, I don’t think ANYONE had Primal in that spot.
Tommy West: I don’t think anyone was CLOSE at guessing that one.
MAIN EVENT
THE SUPER SCRAMBLE
Grimgor Ironside vs. The Great Buta vs. Sapphire vs. Razor Blade vs. Cheez vs. Scott Hampton vs. Sexton Love vs. Bloodied Fox vs. Spike Kane vs. Primal
All ten competitors are in the ring, all of them switching who their eyes are on every quarter of a second. Both Gabe Valentine and Jennifer Thibodeaux are on hand to keep track of the madness that will take place for the next sixty minutes.
Dan Simmons: Just a quick reminder of the rules for those of you at home. The match is essentially a giant ironman match. There will be sixty minutes on the clock. The winner of the match will be the person who can score the most falls in that time frame. In the event of a tie, it will be a singles match between the tied individuals and the next fall wins. If the winner of the match has five or more falls, they will get a shot at the Heavyweight Championship at Ascendancy XXXVII. If they have four, it will be a shot at the Southern States Championship. Three will grant them and a partner they had to submit ahead of time a shot at the Tag Team Championship. Two will be a shot at what will then be called the No Limit Championship.
Tommy West: And if they only win one fall?
Dan Simmons: I… don’t really know. Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that. I’m sure if we get one fall from one person and no one else gets a single fall, we will be in for a strange match. And another thing, there are no disqualifications.
Tommy West: Which works in favor of the little rule benders we got in this thing.
The video screen shows the sixty minute timer and a graphic with all ten competitors and a score of zero next to their name and picture.
DING DING DING
The timer goes from 60:00 to 59:59 the moment the bell sounds. As soon as that happens, Spike Kane quickly decks Bloodied Fox with a right hand when Fox’s focus was elsewhere. Grimgor gets his hands on Scott Hampton, tossing him to the ground and stomping him repeatedly, otherwise known as DA GIT STOMPIN’. Razor Blade starts doing a test of strength with the Great Buta and… it didn’t end well for the Straight Edge Warrior. Sapphire starts chasing Cheez to the outside of the ring. That leaves Sexton Love with the very grotesque Primal.
Dan Simmons: Sexton Love looks quite disgusted with who he was left with.
Tommy West: Most humans would. Which is funny because Sexton Love is usually the one making people disgusted.
Sexton Love attempts to belly-to-belly suplex Primal, but just touching the enormous coat of hair all over Primal’s body makes Sexton Love hesitate and Primal responds with a headbutt. Once Love hits the mat, Primal tries to smother his face with his upper body, forcing Sexton to have a face full of body hair. Meanwhile, Spike Kane has Bloodied Fox in a corner and starts drilling him with as many punches as he can before deciding to place the former Junior Heavyweight Champion on the turnbuckle. The former X*Crown climbs to the top rope… BUT FOX FIGHTS HIM OFF!!
Tommy West: A few punches later and Spike Kane is on his back!
Dan Simmons: And Bloodied Fox is still on the top rope!
Knowing a frog splash is in Fox’s arsenal, Kane rolls backward and onto his feet… but Fox wasn’t going for the frog splash.
Dan Simmons: Fox with an ultra hurricanrana!! First pin attempt of the match!!
Gabe Valentine goes in for the count.
ONE!!
TWO!!
NO!! BROKEN UP BY SAPPHIRE!!
Sapphire, upset she couldn’t get her hands on Cheez, places the smaller Bloodied Fox on her shoulders and drops him with an electric chair drop. As soon as she rises back to her feet, she finds two feet striking her in the chest. The owner of those feet… Cheez.
Tommy West: Where did he come from?!?!
Dan Simmons: Madison, Wisconsin. Didn’t you hear Marty Watts earlier? Either way, what a dropkick from the only person in this match born in the 2000s!
Tommy West: I don’t think someone is happy about that move.
Cheez gets back to his feet to see Grimgor Ironside lift the small former NLW Tag Team Champion above his head and right into the barricade outside the ring. Just as that happens, Primal gets a cover on Sexton Love. Before Jenny Thibodeaux can even start counting, Grimgor stomps Primal’s back.
Dan Simmons: This is a reminder that every pinfall and submission attempt will not be met too kindly by all nine opponents for said wrestler.
Tommy West: People will be breaking up attempts all match. Which will make a Heavyweight Title shot so much harder to obtain. It wouldn’t surprise me if the winner only got two or three falls.
Grimgor can’t capitalize on Primal long however, as Scott Hampton gets a measure of revenge with a steel chair to the back. He uses the same chair on Spike. Then Sapphire. Then Fox. Then Primal. Then Razor Blade.
Tommy West: Scott Hampton is CLEARING the ring with a steel chair!
Dan Simmons: First person to introduce a weapon being Scott Hampton. I think Vegas had him high up the odds…
He turns to use the chair on the next competitor… but the Great Buta doesn’t react to the chair shot. The cameras pick up something that sounds like maniacal laughter before the gigantic Cannibal Hog starts throwing haymakers until Scott Hampton was on the floor outside the ring. The Great Buta turns around and sees Primal waiting for him. The laughter is met with a grapple from the former NPW competitor. Everyone in the building is impressed to see Primal lift the Great Buta in the air…
Tommy West: HOW IS HE?!?!
Dan Simmons: I guess Primal is more than just body hair and replying to Rumble promos.
Primal drops the Great Buta… onto the chair for good measure… with the Empty Abyss (Jackhammer). Primal stays on top for the cover and those Scott Hampton chair shots might have worked out in his favor as no one appears to be ready to stop this pinfall. Valentine on the count!
ONE!!
TWO!!
THREE!!
Marty Watts: PRIMAL HAS SCORED HIS FIRST FALL!!
Dan Simmons: Scott Hampton unknowingly assisted as the seal has been broken! We have a point!
Tommy West: And it’s a guy who isn’t even signed here!
Primal orders Valentine to count once more.
ONE!!
TWO!!
NO!! SEXTON LOVE BREAKS IT UP!!
One of the only people not to eat a chair shot stops Primal from going up two falls on everyone else in the match. He’s finally gotten over the hair on Primal’s body as he piledrives him in the middle of the ring. Cover by Sexton and count by Thibodeaux!
ONE!!
TWO!!
KICKOUT!!
Sexton Love pulls Primal back up, who uppercuts Sexton on his way up. Primal goes for a clothesline, but Love ducks. In the blink of an eye, Primal was on the mat again after a small… I mean “massive package” by Love tries for a pin attempt once more. Love doesn’t even hide his fistful of tights.
ONE!!
TWO!!
NO!! BROKEN UP BY SCOTT HAMPTON!!
Dan Simmons: He wasn’t letting his chair shots taking out half the match allow yet another fall to take place.
Tommy West: Oof, and he knows right where to hit Sexton Love to hurt him the most.
West was, of course, referring to the low blow Hampton just hit on Bodzilla. He hits a neckbreaker to the knee as Marty Watts makes an announcement.
Marty Watts: FORTY-FIVE MINUTES REMAIN IN THE MATCH!!
Scott Hampton doesn’t let the Watts announcement distract him as he drops Sexton Love on his head for a patella drop brainbuster. He hears someone call out to him on the apron, turns around and finds himself flipped onto the mat by a sunset flip… called the Morph Ball Bomb when done by this specific wrestler.
Dan Simmons: Cheez came out of nowhere to hit that sunset flip on Scott Hampton from the apron! And now he has a cover!!
Tommy West: Hampton was caught COMPLETELY off guard by this! Valentine is counting it.
ONE!!
TWO!!
THREE!!
Dan Simmons: Holy cow!! Cheez just pinned Scott Hampton!!
Tommy West: I think Cheez heard the indirect insults Hampton threw in his direction.
Marty Watts: CHEEZ HAS SCORED HIS FIRST FALL!!
Hampton furiously gets back to his feet and quickly leaps onto Cheez and begins letting out a giant barrage of strikes that normally would have been stopped by a referee but it’s interrupted by Grimgor Ironside. Hampton starts trying to do the same to Ironside before finding out the hard way that “Da Alpha Orc” was way too powerful for him to manhandle. In fact, Grimgor overpowers him into the corner and started the very stomping that was a problem for him at the start of the match.
Dan Simmons: Grimgor has Scott Hampton exactly where he wants him!
Tommy West: Hampton is slipping out of the ring. He’s had enough.
Grimgor looks quite disappointed until he turns around and sees he is face-to-face with the XHF Legend. Neither Grimgor Ironside nor Spike Kane blink before the two start exchanging lefts and rights.
Dan Simmons: Now THERE’S a human who can handle Grimgor Ironside!!
Tommy West: I think Spike is starting to win the exchange too!
Eventually, Spike Kane has Grimgor backing away enough that he can deliver a knee to the midsection. And despite the sixty-five pound difference, Spike Kane lifts up Grimgor Ironside and drops him with a powerbomb into the center of the ring. Cover by Spike Kane!
ONE!!
TWO!!
NO!! BROKEN UP BY RAZOR BLADE!!
Razor Blade starts throwing every punch he can at the former X*Crown Champion, but even the “Best in the World” Razor Blade found out that there is a reason why Spike Kane is so revered in the XHF Network as Blade is dropped with a superkick.
Dan Simmons: Perhaps one of the best fighters in NLW, Spike Kane is now punishing Razor Blade for interfering with his pin attempt.
Tommy West: I think he’s about to further punish Blade too. He’s looking at that ankle!
Spike Kane yanks the right foot of Razor Blade before beginning to crank it to try to aim for a submission victory. But it doesn’t take long for that attempt to be met with another competitor who is unhappy with Spike trying to get himself a fall.
Tommy West: Here comes Bloodied Fox!!
Dan Simmons: He’s tapping Spike on the shoulder! Spike is turning around…
The moment Kane turns around, he is hooked and flung over Bloodied Fox’s shoulder with the B4 (cutthroat exploder). Cover by Bloodied Fox.
ONE!!
TWO!!
THREE!!
Marty Watts: BLOODIED FOX HAS SCORED HIS FIRST FALL!!
Dan Simmons: Bloodied Fox just pinned the former X*Crown Champion!!
Tommy West: Had he done that a year ago, he might have won the big one!! But this is still a huge moment as he is on the board now with Primal and Cheez!
Spike Kane rolls out of the ring to make sure he isn’t available for anymore falls. Fox immediately looks on at Razor Blade, who is still down from the anklelock. Blade has rolled onto his back and Fox immediately knows what to do about that. He bounces off the middle rope for the Air Vulpine (springboard frog splash) but someone didn’t want to see that splash…
Dan Simmons: SPEAR FROM GRIMGOR IRONHIDE!!
Tommy West: He caught Fox MID-AIR with that move!! Look, Grimgor is going for a cover!!
ONE!!
TWO!!
NO!! SCOTT HAMPTON WITH THE SAVE!!
Scott Hampton is sick of being kicked around by Grimgor this entire match and clearly makes that known with a senton to break up that pinfall attempt. Hampton hits a rolling elbow on Grimgor the moment Da Alpha Orc. As this is going on, Sexton Love throws Cheez into the steel steps leading to the ring. Primal and Great Buta are exchanging lefts and rights outside the ring as well. Sapphire mounts and strikes Spike Kane with some elbow smashes. But back in the ring, Scott Hampton nails the Stormbreaker (diving double foot stomp to the spine) from the top rope onto Grimgor Ironside. Cover by Hampton!
ONE!!
TWO!!
TH…NO!! BROKEN UP BY GREAT BUTA!!
Marty Watts: THIRTY MINUTES REMAIN IN THE MATCH!!
The Great Buta hits an avalanche splash on a cornered Scott Hampton before hitting a heavy splash on the downed Hampton. Before Buta could even capitalize on that, Sexton Love trips the Cannibal Hog from outside the ring and drags him outside the ring. He sends the largest competitor in the match into the steel ramp with an impressive vertical suplex. Due to the weight of Buta, he couldn’t quite do his stalling squats.
Dan Simmons: How did Sexton Love get him in the air?!
Tommy West: He might be a sex-obsessed guy with a killer bod, but it looks like there’s some function to that bod of his. Uh oh, Spike has turned things around on Sapphire.
During the Buta/Hampton/Love brawl, Spike Kane was able to power Sapphire off of him and smashed her head into the ring apron, which is often referred to as the hardest part of the ring. While Sapphire was on the floor, he reaches under the ring for a… the crowd gasps as a two-by-four wrapped in barbed wire is revealed.
Dan Simmons: Oh no. Spike, don’t do it…
Tommy West: This match is basically a street fight. It’s perfectly legal.
Dan Simmons: But this is a woman with friends and family. Have some humanity, Spike!!
Sapphire doesn’t realize what Spike has in his hands until it’s too late. She gets a face full of barbed wire. Sapphire is suddenly bleeding profusely from the face. Spike isn’t done with her either as he starts clearing everything atop Simmons and West’s announce table.
Dan Simmons: Enough is enough!! You’ve proven you’re the God of Xtreme!!
Tommy West: I think he wants to send a message to all the competitors in the main event at Hostile Intent. Oh… I think one of them is here to say something about it.
Spike doesn’t notice Keahi Sparks running through the aisle in the crowd towards him. He lifts Sapphire up for the Blood God’s Wrath (pop up powerbomb) but Sparks hits a lariat on Spike before he could put her through the table!
Dan Simmons: Thank goodness!! Keahi Sparks stops Sapphire from going through that table! Of course it would be Keahi Sparks considering Sapphire is her mentor.
Tommy West: And we get to keep our table.
Sparks smashes Spike’s face into the barricade before tossing him over where she jumped to rescue Sapphire. Meanwhile, in the ring, Razor Blade is locking up with Primal. Primal overpowers Razor Blade and locks in the Iron Maiden (a painfully hairy bearhug) that makes Razor Blade scream in pain before Cheez dropkicks Primal from behind to break the submission attempt. Primal turns around and sends Cheez into the ropes and hits the Corrosion of Conformity (sit out spinebuster) and hopes for his second fall on Cheez. Jenny on the count!
ONE!!
TWO!!
NO!! SEXTON LOVE BREAKS IT UP!!
Sexton, fully energized after suplexing the Giant Buta, picked the right moment to get back in the ring to stop Primal from scoring a fall. He quickly drops Primal with a piledriver and hooks the leg.
ONE!!
TWO!!
NO!! SCOTT HAMPTON WITH THE SAVE!!
Dan Simmons: So many close calls in the ring!!
Tommy West: I just want to know what’s happening with Sparks and Kane. They aren’t in the crowd anymore. Can we get some cameras to find them?!
Scott Hampton hits a brainbuster on Love in the center of the ring. Sapphire shows some signs of life by pulling herself up on the apron, still bleeding all over her face. Hampton springboards off the middle rope for a modified missile dropkick on Love. Both men are down as Primal gets up once more. But as soon as he does, Sapphire rolls into the ring behind him and locks in the Corunundrum (full nelson with body scissors).
Dan Simmons: Sapphire has the Corunundrum locked in!! Primal is in trouble!!
Tommy West: He has a choice to make here. Wait for someone to see this and break it up or tap out and hope to fight for another fall.
Dan Simmons: No one is moving in their direction at the moment. Hampton is stirring from his missile dropkick but he’s the only one who might be able to do anything, but I doubt he saw the submission.
Primal weighs his options before submitting to Sapphire.
Marty Watts: SAPPHIRE HAS SCORED HER FIRST FALL!!
Primal is released from the move before immediately clotheslining Sapphire to the outside. He follows them as Scott Hampton is back on his feet with Sexton Love not far behind him. Hampton returns to the springboard for his next attack… but this one is a bit more impactful as he drills Sexton with the Peace Walker (springboard cutter).
Dan Simmons: Peace Walker!! PEACE WALKER!!
Tommy West: Primal didn’t see it either!! Cover by Hampton!!
ONE!!
TWO!!
THREE!!
Marty Watts: SCOTT HAMPTON HAS SCORED HIS FIRST FALL!!
While Scott Hampton smirks at the downed Sexton Love, a camera crew has finally caught up with Keahi Sparks and Spike Kane backstage. Spike Kane seems to have Keahi Sparks on the figurative ropes with a few strikes until she catches one of them and sends him straight into the wall.
Dan Simmons: Yikes, that left a hole in the drywall.
Tommy West: We don’t own this arena. The University of New Orleans does. Think Mongo will cut a check for any property damage?
Sparks slams Spike’s head into the wall a couple more times before kicking the door next to them open. Sparks tosses Spike into the room. And by doing so… she appears to have tossed him into something else…
Dan Simmons: Is that one of the chambers that the competitors are going to be in at Hostile Intent’s main event?
Tommy West: It appears to be so! And Sparks just locked it!! Spike Kane just realized he’s trapped in that thing too.
Dan Simmons: Sparks just waved goodbye to Spike Kane and walked away!!
Tommy West: That’s not so bad. It has air holes and he has a monitor in that room to watch the match!
Dan Simmons: But he can’t get back to the match! And he didn’t even get a chance to get a fall! He only got to participate for half the match!!
Tommy West: Less wear and tear for the real match in two weeks. He wins at Hostile Intent, he won’t NEED a title shot from this match!
Back to the ring, Hampton and Primal are out of the ring now and the Great Buta is fighting Grimgor Ironhide inside the ring now. Grimgor is struck with the Ham Hock (running leg drop) and covered!
ONE!!
TWO!!
NO!! CHEEZ WITH THE SAVE!!
And Cheez isn’t empty handed. He knew that when he got in the ring with someone over four hundred pounds, he needed a weapon. While a chair didn’t work on Bubba, Cheez has something that might… a sledgehammer. The Great Buta gets up and looks at Cheez, who smirks before delivering a sledgehammer strike right to the head of Big Bacon. Buta falls like a sack of bricks and rolls out of the ring. Before Cheez could celebrate though, another competitor slips into the ring behind him…
Dan Simmons: Here comes Bloodied Fox!!
Cheez turns around to see Fox running and leaping and… BLOODY RAIN (Superman palm strike)!! Fox isn’t done yet as he, this time successfully, hits the Air Vulpine (springboard frog splash) for the cover.
ONE!!
TWO!!
THREE!!
Marty Watts: BLOODIED FOX HAS SCORED HIS SECOND FALL!!
Dan Simmons: Fox now has the lead! If these scores hold, Fox would get a shot at the NLW No Limit Championship!!
Tommy West: A belt held by a man napping outside the ring.
Cheez rolls out the ring, and Primal enters the ring. Fox starts hitting some strikes on Primal but it seems ineffective as Primal hits a THUNDERING clothesline after an irish whip on Bloodied Fox. He isn’t finished as he irish whips Fox once more and takes him down with the Dusted (Gore) on the rebound. Primal hooks the leg!!
ONE!!
TWO!!
NO!! BROKEN UP BY IRONSIDE!!
Marty Watts: FIFTEEN MINUTES REMAIN IN THE MATCH!!
Dan Simmons: Three-quarters of the match and currently Bloodied Fox is winning with two falls.
Tommy West: But Scott Hampton, Cheez, Primal, and Sapphire all have one a piece so it’s not over yet. And Grimgor looks like he has some bad intentions with Primal.
Da Once and Future Git lifts Primal in the air… stalls for a moment… and slams him with DA ALPHA SLAM (Jackhammer) in the center of the ring. Cover by Grimgor Ironside!!
ONE!!
TWO!!
THREE!!
Marty Watts: GRIMGOR IRONSIDE HAS SCORED HIS FIRST FALL!!
Dan Simmons: That’s another competitor on the board!!
Grimgor tries to get another fall out of this, but he is immediately dragged off of Primal by Sexton Love. He tries to get a Da Alpha Slam on Sexton, but Sexton counters into a suplex of his own. He flexes his biceps before dropping the elbow on the downed Ironside. Realizing he needs to get on the board himself, he lifts Ironside onto his shoulders in an upside-down fireman’s carry position before dropping him with the Sexecution (inverted TKO). Cover by Sexton Love!!
ONE!!
TWO!!
THREE!!
Marty Watts: SEXTON LOVE HAS SCORED HIS FIRST FALL!!
Dan Simmons: Another wrestler has rid themselves of that dreaded zero on the scoreboard!
Tommy West: Sexton Love better watch out though! Scott Hampton is back up and in the ring!!
Sexton Love sees the man who pinned him earlier giving him evil eyes and rolls out the ring. Scott Hampton is in pursuit as Razor Blade rolls into the ring the still downed Great Buta from the sledgehammer shot by Cheez. Buta kicks Blade off of him when he tries to get a cover, but Razor Blade has another idea.
Dan Simmons: Razor Blade is going to try to choke out the Great Buta!!
Tommy West: It’s a good way to preserve your bacon and pork roasts!
Razor Blade has the Great Buta locked in his arm-trap triangle choke, also known as the Razor Anaconda Vice. The Great Buta flails for a moment. The flailing slows down. And slower. And… he’s no longer moving. Gabe Valentine tries to observe Buta as best he could with the pig mask on his face and decides to go with the old fashioned arm lift. The arm drops once. Twice. And three times as Watts makes yet another announcement.
Marty Watts: RAZOR BLADE HAS SCORED HIS FIRST FALL!!
Dan Simmons: Razor Blade avoids the shutout!!
Tommy West: He’s not satisfied with that as he’s going to go for a two-for-one deal!!
Razor Blade covers the Great Buta for another fall… but someone pulls him off and it isn’t a competitor in the match…
Dan Simmons: Is that… Chris Marks?!?!
Tommy West: What the hell is he doing here?!?!
Chris Marks lifts Razor Blade in the air and… X MARKS THE SPOT (sitdown powerbomb)!!
Dan Simmons: Oh come on!! Chris Marks just screwed Razor Blade out of a fall!! This is unfair!!
Tommy West: But perfectly legal! I think he’s trying to send a message to the Straight Edge Society.
Chris Marks smirks as he walks back up the ramp as he looks on at his handiwork on Razor Blade.
Marty Watts: TEN MINUTES REMAIN IN THE MATCH!!
Tommy West: Well, everyone got one fall except Spike Kane…
Dan Simmons: Who is trapped in a chamber enclosure…
Tommy West: … and the Great Buta…
Dan Simmons: Who is still unconscious following that sledgehammer strike and that Razor Anaconda Vice…
Tommy West: … and Bloodied Fox who has the lead at two. But Sapphire is back in the ring. Wow, she looks like she needs a medic.
But Sapphire wasn’t worried about that. She hits a hip toss on Grimgor Ironside as soon as he charged at her. Next person up was Scott Hampton, who goes down from a lariat. Most impressively, Sapphire drilled Primal to the mat with a spinebuster. But instead of capitalizing on the spinebuster, Sapphire drops to one knee. The blood loss is starting to get to her. By the time she is back to a standing position, Scott Hampton was jumping off the top rope with a diving meteora. Both competitors are down after that move.
Dan Simmons: Everyone is down!!
Tommy West: Not everyone…
Cheez is on the top rope and leaps towards Sapphire with the Chedda Heada (diving headbutt). Cheez scrambles for the cover.
ONE!!
TWO!!
THREE!!
Tommy West: Hang on… CHEEZ just tied Bloodied Fox? Seriously?! CHEEZ?!?!
Marty Watts: CHEEZ HAS SCORED HIS SECOND FALL!!
Cheez begins to jump up and down excitedly for getting his second fall. He doesn’t even notice he isn’t the only one in the ring that’s standing up anymore. And he was in for a Rude Awakening (neckbreaker).
Dan Simmons: Sexton Love just took Cheez down!!
Tommy West: I don’t think he’s done either.
Sexton Love quickly transitions into the Love Lock (Last Chancery) on the former NLW Tag Team Champion. Cheez yelps in pain and tries to hold out for someone to break up the submission… but has no choice but to tap when he realizes help isn’t coming.
Marty Watts: SEXTON LOVE HAS SCORED HIS SECOND FALL!!
Sexton releases the lock, and Cheez quickly scrambles out of the ring to not let Love get another chance at him. Sexton looks curiously at the streamer to decide if he will pursue him or not, but Razor Blade took the decision out his hands with a bulldog to the Triple-X Crown Champion.
Marty Watts: FIVE MINUTES REMAIN IN THE MATCH!!
Dan Simmons: Home stretch!! Cheez, Bloodied Fox, and Sexton Love each have two falls. And I think Primal wants to get his second.
As Sexton Love rolls out of the ring as Primal stalks Razor Blade once more. Blade turns around and eats a shoulder tackle.
Tommy West: Probably the hairiest shoulder tackle Razor will ever get.
Dan Simmons: Not to mention all the grease on it. He still has some powdered sugar on his chest from those beignets earlier.
Primal mounts the downed Razor Blade and makes sure Blade gets a thorough experience of his hairy body.
Tommy West: His name might be Razor, but he ain’t gonna be able to shave any of that off.
Primal thrusts his hairy elbow to the face of Razor Blade before finally relenting… but looking at the top rope…
Dan Simmons: Oh boy… I think he’s going for something that’s going to be extremely unpleasant for Razor Blade. Not to mention it will hurt a lot.
Tommy West: Chris Marks and Primal in one evening. Poor Razor Blade…
Primal climbs the top rope and dives for the Hairball (top rope diving senton) onto the downed Razor Blade. He remains on top for the cover. Bloodied Fox is starting to climb into the ring.
ONE!!
Fox sees the cover and starts heading towards Primal…
TWO!!
He’s almost there!!
THREE AND THEN THE BREAK UP!!
Dan Simmons: Bloodied Fox was just a split second too late!!
Marty Watts: PRIMAL HAS SCORED HIS SECOND FALL!!
Tommy West: He joins all those other names tied with two now! And Fox is NOT happy about it. I think he is the only one not to be pinned or submitted.
Dan Simmons: As of Razor’s pinfall just now, you are correct.
Fox immediately starts stomping on Primal, making sure he doesn’t make any skin-to-hair contact with the Hairman of the Board. As soon as Primal starts to get to his feet, Bloodied Fox keeps the foot assault on with his signature MDK (Black Mass), which knocks Primal out. Fox can’t capitalize on that as Sexton Love is right back in the ring.
Marty Watts: TWO MINUTES REMAIN IN THE MATCH!!
Dan Simmons: It looks like two people tied at two falls are ready to duke it out and try to break this tie!!
Tommy West: Here we go!! Sexton Love versus Bloodied Fox!!
Left from Bloodied Fox. Right from Sexton Love. Right from Fox. Left from Love. Left from Fox… Right from Fox… every fan is on their feet as Bloodied Fox hits an uppercut and before Love knows it, he’s struck with a question mark kick! Cover by Fox!!
ONE!!
TWO!!
KICKOUT!!
Sexton Love kicks out forcefully before quickly getting a rear naked choke on Fox while they were on the mat. Fox is able to hit enough elbows to free himself. He runs off the ropes to aim for his second Bloody Rain of the match but Sexton sidesteps it and delivers a high angle back suplex on the former AWF Prestige Champion. He quickly follows it up with a piledriver in the center of the ring. As soon as Sexton Love gets back to his feet and contemplating getting a cover to possibly take the lead, someone else slides back into the ring… and ROLLS UP SEXTON LOVE!!
Dan Simmons: Cheez just got a school boy on Sexton Love!!
ONE!!
Tommy West: He has the tights and the refs don’t even care!!
TWO!!
Dan Simmons: Sexton uses tights a lot so I’m not going to pity him.
THREE!!
Everyone in the arena is stunned as Cheez gets a three count on a completely surprised Sexton Love! Marty Watts makes the announcement as the scoreboard on the screen changes.
Marty Watts: CHEEZ HAS SCORED HIS THIRD FALL!!
Tommy West: Did Cheez seriously just take the lead with a minute and a half to go?!
Dan Simmons: Yes, he did! And now he’s making a run for it!!
Cheez is already out of the ring with Sexton Love giving chase. Razor Blade gets back to his feet though clearly still hurting before realizing someone else is now up and in the ring with him. It only takes one DA FIST OF GORK (heart punch) from Grimgor Ironside to drop Razor Blade back to the mat.
Dan Simmons: Grimgor Ironside is in the ring and ready to take control of this match!
Tommy West: He has one fall at the moment, but it looks like he’s going to go for his second now. Grimgor with the cover on Blade!!
ONE!!
TWO!!
THREE!!
Marty Watts: GRIMGOR IRONSIDE HAS SCORED HIS SECOND FALL!!
Dan Simmons: Time is slowly ticking away. He’s going for a second fall on him.
Tommy West: Scott Hampton has something to say about that!
Hampton delivers another Storm Breaker on the spine of Grimgor Ironside… assuming that is still a spine that he has… Hampton hooks the leg!
ONE!!
TWO!!
KICKOUT!!
Marty Watts: ONE MINUTE REMAINING IN THE MATCH!!
Scott Hampton gears up on Grimgor Ironside for the High Frequency Blade (jumping side axe kick) but Ironside runs underneath it. Hampton turns and runs back at Ironside and hits a running meteora to hope for another pinfall for him to get one more on the board.
ONE!!
TWO!!
KICKOUT AGAIN!!
Scott Hampton gets to his feet, still frustrated but that’s taken out of his hands as Sapphire gets back in the ring and knocks him off his feet with a spinning backfist. The Great Buta finally hits the ring once more after being absent for a large portion of the match and locks in a Mandible Claw on bloodied Sapphire, but it is quickly broken up by Primal.
Dan Simmons: Time is running out and everyone is trying to get just one more fall in!
Primal tries and fails to get the Iron Maiden on the Great Buta but he was too big for even Primal to handle. He settles for a headbutt on Big Bacon before he is rolled up by Razor Blade, who wants revenge for that last fall.
ONE!!
TWO!!
BROKEN UP BY BLOODIED FOX!!
Fox hits another question mark kick on Primal. Once Razor Blade was on his feet, Fox tosses him with a belly-to-belly suplex. Before Fox could move on to the next moving body near him, he was the one being grabbed.
Dan Simmons: Grimgor Ironside has Bloodied Fox!!
Tommy West: He better hurry up! He only has a few seconds left! He could force sudden death with Cheez!
Seven.
Grimgor Ironside lifts Bloodied Fox in the air.
Six.
He rotates and slams him to the mat for DA ALPHA SLAM!
Five.
He stumbles a bit as he tries to maintain his balance. Sexton Love is no longer chasing Cheez, who is now watching what is now going on in the ring. Love is doing the same thing.
Four.
He hooks the leg.
Three.
Gabe Valentine starts his count.
Two.
Valentine counts one!!
One.
Valentine counts to two.
Zero, the bell sounds as Valentine stops counting. The match was officially over and Grimgor was just a shade too slow as triple zeros are now on the scoreboard.
DING DING DING
Every competitor who can physically lift their heads look up at the scoreboard as Less Than Jake starts playing throughout the entire Lakefront Arena.
Tommy West: I am speechless right now. This was NOT the result I was expecting.
Dan Simmons: You had two competitors who are elite champions from the global stage in Spike Kane and Bloodied Fox. You have some of the best NLW workhorses in Sexton Love and Scott Hampton. You had some physical freaks of nature in Grimgor Ironside, the Great Buta, and Primal in the ring. And the person walking out of Super Scramble 2022 is…
Marty Watts: With three falls, the winner of the NLW Super Scramble 2022… CHEEZ!!
Cheez can’t believe it. He’s drops to a seated position, leaning on the barricade at ringside as all the fans in the front row start patting him. Grimgor looks upset he wasn’t able to force sudden death. Primal looks more disgusted than people have looked towards him. Scott Hampton looks specifically pissed at the result. Marty Watts receives some sort of instruction from his earpiece before making yet another announcement.
Marty Watts: Before the match, three falls was determined to be a shot at the NLW Tag Team Championship. Since Wellington Dunne is currently out with an injury, an agreement was reached. Instead, in four weeks, Cheez will be facing off, at Ascendancy Thirty-Seven… FOR THE XHF JUNIOR HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP!!
Dan Simmons: WHOA!!
Tommy West: WHAT?!?!
Dan Simmons: This is… holy shit!! Cheez is going to have a shot at the winner of Nelly Angel, Anthony Caffrey, or… our very own Seth Dillinger!
Tommy West: He’s going for Network gold!! But if he can manage this… who knows?!
Dan Simmons: Well, that’s in four weeks. In two weeks time, we have NLW Presents Hostile Intent! We have an action packed show including the Seventh Circle for the Heavyweight Championship, Bugz? defending the Southern States Championship, and the Academy defending the Tag Team Championship.
Tommy West: Don’t forget Felix versus Sexton Love for what will officially be renamed the NLW No Limit Championship!
Dan Simmons: Well, for Kelly Ross, Marty Watts, and Tommy West, I’m Dan Simmons, we will see you at NLW Hostile Intent in two weeks!!
The final shot the viewers at home see is Jenny Thibodeaux and Gabe Valentine each raising an arm of the still-seated Cheez.
