Post by Donzig on May 16, 2022 20:02:35 GMT -5
Abigail Hawkens: Good Morning Leeds, this is Abigail Hawkens! And today on Leeds Sport for your morning commute I have one of the stars--
Sinclair Godfrey: One of the stars? No, the star of W:UK.
Hawkens: Uh, right then, I have the star of the UK's hottest wrestling program doing a show here in Leeds, Donzig.
Donzig: ---
Hawkens: Donzig at this show you will be facing Yorkshire's own Frank Windsor in a street--
Donzig: Please, I think Frank has gotten enough attention off my name for the week. I get everyone wants to act like he is a hometown hero, and he is the King of Yorkshire or some shit. But what has he done this week? Sit around and remind us that he has a girlfriend? Oh, he's a shark and we are all minnows? Frank, there is only one shark in W:UK and the Bastards are bottom feeders.
Hawkens: Yes, about that. People feel you have said some, well, unkind things about the people of Leeds.
Donzig: I think calling them people is a bit much don't you? Listen, we have a place like Leeds back in the States. It is an over-rated, self important cesspool of degenerates and people like Frank too. We call it 'Ohio'.
Hawkens: Ah.
Donzig: The Buckeyes are trash, Abigail. I need everyone to understand that if you took the talent of the Bengels, the Browns, and the Buckeyes and squeezed it out on the earth? That thimble full of ability is still more then I would get from the Bastards.
Hawkens: There are many who consider the Bastards to be the biggest name in British wrestling on the XHF Netw--
Donzig: --weird mechanical rasping laughter, and wheezing--
Hawkens: Eh, is he okay?
Godfrey: He's laughing.
Donzig: Oh, Empty Night.
Hawkens: Okay, if it is not one of the Bastards who do you think is the greatest wrestler in the UK! Excluding your group that is.
Donzig: Mister Blobby.
Hawkens: Blobby?
Donzig: Blobby is greater then the Bastards, he is greater then Blaze Freya, he is better then anyone I could even think of naming. Blobby is a force of nature, he is the very definition of British wrestling.
Hawkens: So you don't agree that the Bastards are the Gold standard?
Donzig: Gold standard of what? That is like saying Leeds United is the Gold Standard of Soccer.
Hawkens: What? The phones are lighting up here in the studio, and--
Donzig: Oh, oh, light them up, mother--BEEP-- because we all know that Leeds United will never be as great as a team as Manchester! Just like Frank Windsor is not good enough to even be in the same ring as me! But this is a pity --BEEP-- ing match isn't it?
Hawkens: Manchester? Oh, god! So many lights!
Donzig: You can all ring the phone all day, but facts are facts! Your team is as worthless as Frank and the rest of his pack of losers! And that is just the --BEEP-- way of it!
Hawkens: Um, Lady Godfrey do you?
Godfrey: I am an Arsenal supporter.
Hawkens: Turn off the open call lines, just turn them off!
Donzig: Yeah, turn them off because I have nothing to say to the peasants of Yorkshire that they can't figure out when I send Onslow back to the council flat with his whore of a girlfriend!
Hawkens: Onslow? Was that a 'Keeping up Apperances' joke?
Donzig: Do I look like Nathan Cage to you? Am I Steve Awesome? Do you think we are the Jam Rockers here to do bits, woman? No! No! No!
Hawkens: I don't mean to sound disrespectful, I mean it sounded like a bit.
Godfrey: We don't do bits.
A phone rings suddenly, there is a rustling.
Donzig: Ah, it is your sister you know the one with a Mercedes, swimming pool/sauna and room for a pony.
Hawkens: What? Wait--
Donzig: No bits.
Hawkens: Right, right, so do you respect anyone from the United Kingdom? There seems to be a view that you don't respect the British.
Donzig: Her Majesty, the Queen, Sir Elton John, Gordon Ramsey, Julian Fellowes, Ross Poldark--
There is a rustle, and Sinclair whispers.
Donzig: He's not? Interesting. What about the Crawleys?
More whispers.
Hawkens: What are your views on your match?
Donzig: Frank Windsor is walking into an execution, that is my view on the match. I am going to take Frank into the center of that arena and I will expose him. You see Frank and the Bastards, and the rest of this roster seem to think that I am like them. That I desire the same things that they do, gold? Titles, eh? The cheers of these fans? And they don't get that not one of those things matter to us! Because we serve a higher power, we serve the Void! And in that great nothingness those things have no meaning!
Hawkens: I don't--
Donzig: I am the inevitable, the Scourge, the shape of things to come! And you see W:UK dares to defy me, they will not fall down and accept that I am their Master! And the Bastards? They are the worst of the lot. And Frank? Frank is like a small child who insists on things! Well, Frank, I am going to give you exactly what you asked for! And then? Well, since the three --BEEP--ers in that triple threat can't keep my name out of their mouth? They can be next! Because I am coming for W:UK! I will force every knee to bend before the Scourge, I will force every face to be pressed to the ground in my presence!
Hawkens: I, I--
Donzig: Frank, you like my many names? Does Caffrey know you are stealing his jokes before he is even dead? Every name of mine was given to me by my victims, Frank! And at Leeds? I will add another, Frank! --Something slammed against a table--
Hawkens: Ah, he left.
Sinclair Godfrey: One of the stars? No, the star of W:UK.
Hawkens: Uh, right then, I have the star of the UK's hottest wrestling program doing a show here in Leeds, Donzig.
Donzig: ---
Hawkens: Donzig at this show you will be facing Yorkshire's own Frank Windsor in a street--
Donzig: Please, I think Frank has gotten enough attention off my name for the week. I get everyone wants to act like he is a hometown hero, and he is the King of Yorkshire or some shit. But what has he done this week? Sit around and remind us that he has a girlfriend? Oh, he's a shark and we are all minnows? Frank, there is only one shark in W:UK and the Bastards are bottom feeders.
Hawkens: Yes, about that. People feel you have said some, well, unkind things about the people of Leeds.
Donzig: I think calling them people is a bit much don't you? Listen, we have a place like Leeds back in the States. It is an over-rated, self important cesspool of degenerates and people like Frank too. We call it 'Ohio'.
Hawkens: Ah.
Donzig: The Buckeyes are trash, Abigail. I need everyone to understand that if you took the talent of the Bengels, the Browns, and the Buckeyes and squeezed it out on the earth? That thimble full of ability is still more then I would get from the Bastards.
Hawkens: There are many who consider the Bastards to be the biggest name in British wrestling on the XHF Netw--
Donzig: --weird mechanical rasping laughter, and wheezing--
Hawkens: Eh, is he okay?
Godfrey: He's laughing.
Donzig: Oh, Empty Night.
Hawkens: Okay, if it is not one of the Bastards who do you think is the greatest wrestler in the UK! Excluding your group that is.
Donzig: Mister Blobby.
Hawkens: Blobby?
Donzig: Blobby is greater then the Bastards, he is greater then Blaze Freya, he is better then anyone I could even think of naming. Blobby is a force of nature, he is the very definition of British wrestling.
Hawkens: So you don't agree that the Bastards are the Gold standard?
Donzig: Gold standard of what? That is like saying Leeds United is the Gold Standard of Soccer.
Hawkens: What? The phones are lighting up here in the studio, and--
Donzig: Oh, oh, light them up, mother--BEEP-- because we all know that Leeds United will never be as great as a team as Manchester! Just like Frank Windsor is not good enough to even be in the same ring as me! But this is a pity --BEEP-- ing match isn't it?
Hawkens: Manchester? Oh, god! So many lights!
Donzig: You can all ring the phone all day, but facts are facts! Your team is as worthless as Frank and the rest of his pack of losers! And that is just the --BEEP-- way of it!
Hawkens: Um, Lady Godfrey do you?
Godfrey: I am an Arsenal supporter.
Hawkens: Turn off the open call lines, just turn them off!
Donzig: Yeah, turn them off because I have nothing to say to the peasants of Yorkshire that they can't figure out when I send Onslow back to the council flat with his whore of a girlfriend!
Hawkens: Onslow? Was that a 'Keeping up Apperances' joke?
Donzig: Do I look like Nathan Cage to you? Am I Steve Awesome? Do you think we are the Jam Rockers here to do bits, woman? No! No! No!
Hawkens: I don't mean to sound disrespectful, I mean it sounded like a bit.
Godfrey: We don't do bits.
A phone rings suddenly, there is a rustling.
Donzig: Ah, it is your sister you know the one with a Mercedes, swimming pool/sauna and room for a pony.
Hawkens: What? Wait--
Donzig: No bits.
Hawkens: Right, right, so do you respect anyone from the United Kingdom? There seems to be a view that you don't respect the British.
Donzig: Her Majesty, the Queen, Sir Elton John, Gordon Ramsey, Julian Fellowes, Ross Poldark--
There is a rustle, and Sinclair whispers.
Donzig: He's not? Interesting. What about the Crawleys?
More whispers.
Hawkens: What are your views on your match?
Donzig: Frank Windsor is walking into an execution, that is my view on the match. I am going to take Frank into the center of that arena and I will expose him. You see Frank and the Bastards, and the rest of this roster seem to think that I am like them. That I desire the same things that they do, gold? Titles, eh? The cheers of these fans? And they don't get that not one of those things matter to us! Because we serve a higher power, we serve the Void! And in that great nothingness those things have no meaning!
Hawkens: I don't--
Donzig: I am the inevitable, the Scourge, the shape of things to come! And you see W:UK dares to defy me, they will not fall down and accept that I am their Master! And the Bastards? They are the worst of the lot. And Frank? Frank is like a small child who insists on things! Well, Frank, I am going to give you exactly what you asked for! And then? Well, since the three --BEEP--ers in that triple threat can't keep my name out of their mouth? They can be next! Because I am coming for W:UK! I will force every knee to bend before the Scourge, I will force every face to be pressed to the ground in my presence!
Hawkens: I, I--
Donzig: Frank, you like my many names? Does Caffrey know you are stealing his jokes before he is even dead? Every name of mine was given to me by my victims, Frank! And at Leeds? I will add another, Frank! --Something slammed against a table--
Hawkens: Ah, he left.
