NLW Hostile Intent 2022 | Saturday, May 28th, 2022 | LIVE
May 25, 2022 16:59:29 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Seth Dillinger, and 3 more like this
Post by Kris on May 25, 2022 16:59:29 GMT -5
Next Level Wrestling Presents
HOSTILE INTENT 2022
LIVE from the Smoothie King Arena in New Orleans, Louisiana
Saturday, February 19th, 2022
HOSTILE INTENT 2022
LIVE from the Smoothie King Arena in New Orleans, Louisiana
Saturday, February 19th, 2022
'512' blares over the sound system of the Smoothie King Arena, the fans roaring at Hostile Intent officially beginning. NLW finery is draped all over the arena along with that of the PPV itself, the mug shot promo photos all prominently featured. Red lights swirl over the cheering masses, signs declaring support for their favorite members of the roster seen as the camera pans over the fans. One final pan and the camera settles on the announce position.
Dan Simmons: Good evening, everyone... and welcome to Hostile Intent! I'm Deep South Dan Simmons, and joining me as always is Tommy West. Tommy, tonight's the night where NLW steps away from the rules and into something a little more violent, wouldn't you agree?
Tommy West: Last year, it wasn't that big of a step into those more hardcore waters... but this year? We're diving in headfirst! From a sound stage street fight to begin our night, to the Seventh Circle of Hell as our main event, every single match on this card is going to get nasty!
Dan Simmons: The Seventh Circle of Hell originated in the brilliant, but twisted mind of Shane Lawson, a man who has shared that concept with BB Gunn tonight as a means to give Nathan Cage the challenge he has been baying for!
Tommy West: And what a challenge it is! With the Thespian, Bloodied Fox, Keahi Sparks, Spike Kane, and Seth Dillinger all coming for the NLW World Championship, the Rabid Dog may not be able to overcome those odds even if the stipulation plays right into his hands!
Dan Simmons: I have word from management that there will be weapons hanging on the walls of the Chamber to help all competitors involved to do their bloody business!
Tommy West: As if this match couldn't get any more violent... but before we get to the Seventh Circle, we've got five other bouts to get through, and every one of them has the promise to be just as brutal!
Dan Simmons: Willie Steen and Tuna Meltzer will be starting us off tonight with a sound stage street fight that will be happening at a sound stage nearby. Tuna Meltzer and Willie Steen have been trading barbs for weeks now, so it'll be interesting to see who comes out on top!
Tommy West: After that we have a triple threat tornado tag team match featuring two of NLW's newest tag teams in the Ronin and Midnight Animals, as well as NLW mainstays the New South! Bodies will be flying everywhere, so who knows what's gonna happen there!
Dan Simmons: The No Limits Championship will be officially competed for next as Felix gets the chance to get some revenge on Sexton Love. Love has been messing with Felix--not to mention Felix's partner, Maxwell--for quite some time now, and now management has decided to make Sexton face the music in a match where there's no disqualifications, no count-outs, and no time limits!
Tommy West: After that, we've got the NLW Tag Team Champions, The Academy, taking on The Crinkly Bottom Boys in a First Blood match! Riley Richards is allegedly scared of Mister Blobby, but will that be enough to spell the end of the championship reign of Richards and Leon Chant, or will the champions be able to fend off the former XHF Network Tag Team Champions? We will find out tonight!
Dan Simmons: And, of course, we can't forget that NLW's Southern States Championship will be on the line as well as Bugz? defends the title against Grimgor Ironhide! Grimgor's performance in the Super Scramble was impressive, but Bugz? has made it abundantly clear that he's coming with backup! Grimgor's got one Hell of a challenge ahead of him, but I don't think that thought fazes him much!
Tommy West: I don't think anything can faze him, but that's enough speculation for now. I'm told we're ready for the opener to begin, so let's get this show on the road!
The arena goes dark as the big video screen comes to life, showing the fans in attendance what is happening. For the fans at home, the feed cuts directly to the camera that is present at Sound Stage B. The lights are on, but no one's home beyond Jennifer Thibodeaux who is waiting with her arms crossed by the door leading outside.
Dan Simmons: From my conversation with her earlier, this is the first time Jenny's ever officiated a match like this. She said she was excited, but nervous.
Tommy West: She's got nothing to worry about. I'm sure she'll do great--well, once Willie Steen and Tuna Meltzer show their faces, anyway.
Dan Simmons: I can't help but to think that the Hollywood Dream's got to have the home turf advantage here. This might not be a sound stage that he's been to before, but I can't help but to think that they're all alike in a lot of ways.
Tommy West: I wouldn't know for sure, Simmo... though it looks like Steen's shown up first!
Willie Steen is indeed the first to walk into the soundstage, nodding to himself as he takes in his surroundings. Dressed to fight in a black tank top and jeans that probably cost more than a normal person's rent, the Hollywood Dream smirks to himself. Beyond a sidelong look at Jennifer, Steen's not paying the official very much attention as he advances slowly, clearly on high alert despite the arrogant look on his face.
Dan Simmons: I wonder what Willie's seeing that's got him so on edge when Tuna Meltzer hasn't even arrived yet.
Tommy West: Maybe it's the set of a horror movie? Wait, no... we're in New Orleans, not Pittsburgh. Tom Savini doesn't have anything set up this far South.
Dan Simmons: I've heard he's a jerk, but that's a conversation for later. For now, we just need to wait and see--
Tommy West: Where did he come from?!
Out of nowhere, Tuna leaps into the frame with a double axe-handle that connects soundly with the back of Willie's neck, staggering the victim of his ambush! Realizing that there's no reason to scold Meltzer for breaking the rules under these circumstances, Jennifer plays a recording of the trademark...
MATCH ONE
SOUND STAGE STREET FIGHT
Willie Steen vs. Tuna Meltzer
DING! DING! DING!
…to officially begin the match. Meltzer pays the sound no heed as he pursues a stumbling Steen deeper into the sound stage. The cameraman turns to follow, revealing that the set Willie is being chased towards is modeled after a sitcom living room. Tuna delivers another stiff blow to Steen’s back, the latter stumbling over the raised edge of the ‘floor’ of the set. Meltzer lets out a laugh at that, unable to help but to make a mocking quip as Steen falls to a knee, hands catching himself on the edge of the coffee table. Tuna palms the back of Willie’s head before trying to slam his face against the tabletop, but Steen blocks the attempt! Another attempt is made and thwarted before Steen throws an elbow back into Tuna’s belly, forcing the air out of the Five Star Man while also driving him back!
Dan Simmons: Tuna’s initial ambush may have paid off at first, but Willie’s given himself some time to gather himself!
Tommy West: It was a strategic move on Meltzer’s part, to be sure… but he let himself get distracted. If he’s not careful about his ego getting too involved, Tuna’s gonna find himself cooked!
As Tuna turns away and takes a couple steps to gather himself, Steen rises up to his feet, a quick glance taken around before he’s smirking to himself. The Hollywood Dream picks up the generic blue vase from the table he caught himself on, and when the Five Star Man turns around? Tuna just barely manages to avoid getting brained with the piece of set dressing, an indignant shout about the “base attempt at using a weapon” followed by a slap that sounds too loud to be real, but the way Steen’s head jerks to the side makes it clear that it is! It doesn’t knock Willie down, though. Instead, there’s that moment where Steen turns his head to look at Meltzer… and Meltzer’s putting his hands up and offering a disarming smile.
Dan Simmons: Tuna should’ve thought this one through, Tommy!
Tommy West: That he should’ve, Dan… because now, Willie’s pissed!
Pissed enough to cold-cock Tuna right in the face, the latter’s glasses breaking from the impact as the critic falls to the floor! Dragging Meltzer to his feet, Steen gets a handful of his opponent’s hair, slamming him face-first into the wall! The drywall cracks a bit through the floral wallpaper, but doesn’t give as Tuna stumbles back from the impact, slipping free of Willie’s grip as he backs himself right up and over the couch, going ass over teakettle to land in an undignified heap. Willie plucks the generic glass-covered framed print off the wall before stalking his way around the upholstered obstruction only to suffer a boot to the midsection of his own, the picture frame dropped to one side.
Dan Simmons: I’m sure Tuna will claim it’s some time-honored technique he just used there, but the truth is that it was instinct that saved him there.
Tommy West: Hah, and now we get to watch Meltzer do an actual time-honored tradition–well, for hungover frat boys that woke up in an awkward position after a rager anyway!
Meltzer rushes to a vertical base in undignified fashion, untangling his limbs. Tuna’s back up just in time to eat a superkick that knocks him back into a seated position. Steen follows that up with a flying clothesline that tips the sofa Meltzer was on over backwards, both men tumbling to collide with the wall. Willie’s the first to recover, dragging Tuna to his feet in order to Irish Whip him into the china cabinet! The plates and bowls and such rattle with the impact, but the reflection in the glass lets Meltzer see Steen coming, the critic getting out of the way at the last moment so that the coffee-table-assisted flying forearm the Hollywood Dream attempts only connects with the cabinet! The china cabinet tips over backward, but doesn’t fall all the way. This leaves Willie in the perfect position for Tuna to get a handful of his hair before Meltzer gets a running start, slamming Steen face first into… then through the drywall!
Dan Simmons: Whoa! Meltzer must be stronger than I thought!
Tommy West: Look closer, Simmo. The studs in set walls are set further apart. See what I mean? Tuna wasn’t super strong… he was just lucky.
Tuna’s stunned expression shows the truth of Tommy’s words, though he quickly recovers, that arrogant expression returning Stepping through the gaping hole Steen left behind, Meltzer is followed by the cameraman as the critic stalks his prey toward what appears to be a set modeled after an old timey saloon. He catches up to Steen, grabbing him again by the hair and seat of his pants, and tries the move again, launching Steen through the entrance to the saloon. Luckily for Steen, they are the archetypical swinging doors, so he doesn’t get much more than a bump, and the doors swing back and whap the cameraman in the arm. Tuna scowls, grabs the first barstool he can reach, and plunges it into Steen’s chest seat first before dropping into a cover.
One...
Two...
Steen kicks out.
Dan Simmons: The first pinfall of the match and Steen kicks out. Meltzer’s gonna have to do more than that to keep his opponent down, I reckon.
Tommy West: Well yeah–wait. What’s with the cowboy accent all of a sudden? If you call me pardner, I swear to God…
Tuna sits back on his heels, his jaw set in annoyance… but in spite of his words saying otherwise? Meltzer’s actions make it clear that he knows he has to stay on Steen. Such has Tuna reaching for that stool again, turning it right way up before he’s using the bottom footrest to choke Willie! The Hollywood Dream flails in a futile attempt to escape as the Five Star Man shifts position to straddle his foe, bearing down with all his weight. To her credit, Jenny scolds Tuna, but since it’s a street fight? That’s about all the more she can do. Steen’s face is turning purple beneath the weight of the stool and Melzter’s mass, Tuna’s lips pulling into a smirk as he taunts his foe, telling him to give up as Willie’s struggles grow weaker and weaker. The junior of NLW’s officials moves in, lifting Willie’s hand once… and it falls, limp.
Dan Simmons: Is this the end?
A second lift… a second fall. A third lift…
Tommy West: I think the Hollywood Dream’s out cold!
…but Steen’s hand suddenly stops before it hits the floor, shaking with effort! Tuna goes mad with insults and critiques that are probably not fit to print considering his mood, but the tirade goes silent mid-word as his eyes go wide. It turns out that a well-placed knee to the groin is enough to even silence a man as wordy as Meltzer, as he topples over sideways, hands cradling his family jewels. For his part, Willie shoves the stool to the side and takes a moment to catch his breath, sides heaving. It is a testament to the Hollywood Dream’s willpower that he is the first to move, using the bar to pull himself to unsteady feet. A deep breath and Steen’s vaulting over the bartop, landing nimbly behind it–and putting himself within easy reach of all kinds of weapons he can use.
Dan Simmons: I don’t like the look on Willie’s face right now, Tommy. Tuna’s not the only critic to lambaste him and pick him apart, but he is the first one that Willie can take his frustrations out on.
Tommy West: And it looks like Steen’s gonna go with the hardest stuff he can find!
While it’s doubtful that the bottle of moonshine Willie plucks off the shelf actually has any moonshine in it, the thick jug’s just what he’s after. Biding his time, the Hollywood Dream waits for the Five Star Man to rise before he’s swinging for the fences. Tuna, still being off-kilter from that shot to the groin, winds up saving himself inadvertently as his knee gives out, Meltzer ducking at the last possible moment. Unfazed, Steen waits for the perfect moment for a second go… and this one connects, smashing over Meltzer’s head in a rain of brown glass! Throwing the neck of the bottle aside, Steen vaults back over the bartop before going for the pin.
One…
Two…
Th–no! Meltzer rolls his shoulder up.
Dan Simmons: Whereas Steen has stamina, Meltzer has an unnaturally-thick skull.
Tommy West: That might’ve been prop glass, but… man, I don’t know. Tuna might have suffered permanent damage there!
Tuna’s eyes are glazed as he rolls onto his side, Willie swiping his hand over his face in frustration. Letting out a curse under his breath, Steen gets to his feet, his eyes moving from the downed body of Meltzer to the downed stool that was used on him earlier, then back again. Nodding to himself, the Hollywood Dream drags the dazed Five Star Man to his feet, beginning to put Tuna in position for the Cali Clash. Willie lifts Tuna into position but, before he can step over the arms? Tuna is coming to life, flipping up to smash Steen in the face with the heavy glass ashtray that was within reach! Dropped in a heap on the floor as Willie’s knees give out, Tuna hurriedly scrambles to his feet, hauling his opponent up and into a piledriver position before falling forward with the Five Star Drop! The Five Star Man is quick to hook the leg of the Hollywood Dream, Jenny dropping into position!
One…
Two…
Three!
Marty Watts: Here is your winner, TUNA MELTZER!!
Meltzer slumps back onto his back, laughing aloud at how he has overcome his foe in what he will surely describe as dominant fashion… but everyone else will know how hard-won his victory truly was.
Dan Simmons: Oh God, we’re never going to hear the end of it, are we?
Tommy West: Probably not, but Willie Steen has nothing to be ashamed of here. Thick glass–the real stuff–like that’d knock anyone out.
Dan Simmons: I wonder if Steen will want revenge. Criticizing someone is one thing, but losing to a hypocrite? That’s another matter entirely.
Tommy West: Who knows? Only time will tell.
The camera cuts elsewhere.
Voice: Oh Raaaaaazor Blaaaaade!!
The camera cuts backstage to one of the newest members of the Next Level Wrestling… the smug face of Chris Marks.
Chris Marks: Did you enjoy the little game we played at the Super Scramble, Razor Blade? Did you enjoy what I did? Was about to get yourself a little pinfall, weren’t you? WELL GUESS WHAT, MOTHER FUCKER!! IT DIDN’T HAPPEN!!
Marks laughs at the camera.
Chris Marks: And you’re probably wondering… why, Chris? Why stop me from winning the Scramble? Why? WHY?!?! Because… you make me SICK, Razor Blade. Your little straight edge creed. The way you call yourself the best wrestler in the world. The arrogance. The smugness. You look down on people like me. You think of me as a LESSER person. Well FUCK THAT! Fuck that and fuck you, Razor Blade!! I will show you just what the fuck I am. You think you’re done with me? You think me costing you a fall at the Super Scramble was all I had for you…
Chris Marks mimics the buzzer sound from Family Feud and makes an X with his arms.
Chris Marks: Put that X on your face instead of your hands, you fucking asshole! You haven’t seen the end of me, Razor. FAR FUCKING FROM IT!! I’ll see you soon.
He tosses a pack of cigarettes at the camera before the camera cuts back to the ring.
Dan Simmons: Well, that was unpleasant.
Tommy West: What, are you looking down on Chris Marks too?
Dan Simmons: I’m just saying that he’s an unpleasant person. This isn’t exactly breaking news.
Tommy West: Well, I think you’re being unfair to him. Say that to his face, why don’t you? He might blow some cigarette smoke in your face but I’d love to see it.
Dan Simmons: Well, we got a tornado tag match. Why don’t we give that our attention instead of Chris Marks…
Marty Watts: The following contest is a Tornado Tag Team match, and it is scheduled for one fall!
"Mayday" by coldrain starts and The Ronin, Daisuke Miyazaki and Takuma Okazaki, come out onto the stage. They look at each other briefly, then out to the crowd as they cheer. They don't do anything particularly theatric, looking more stoic than anything else, before striding confidently toward the ring.
Marty Watts: Introducing first, at a combined weight of 448 pounds, the team of Daisuke Miyazaki and Takuma Okazaki...The Ronin!
The two Japanese wrestlers walk around to the ring steps on the opposite sides of the ring to step up onto the apron. They wipe their feet off before stepping through the ropes and into the ring, where they immediately go to their corner for last minute stretching and planning.
Dan Simmons: The Ronin are a team that's new to NLW, but one of its members has been here before. It's been a while, but Takuma Okazaki was with us in the early days. I'm eager to see if his new partnership with Miyazaki helps him achieve heights he could not get to in his last run.
Tommy West: He didn't have a bad run last time, he even got into an NLW Championship match, but after losing it, we didn't see him again. Let's hope he has a bit more staying power this time.
The house lights go out as strobe lights begin flickering, and as the intro to the song builds the flickering becomes more intense until the build stops and, along with it the strobe lights as the song cuts to a sample of a man saying "this is a dangerous group." As soon as the sample ends and the music kicks back in the strobe lights begin again and Bugz? comes out from behind the curtain wielding his steel chair. He slams it on the stage a few times, then begins riling up the crowd, stopping to do a Scott Hall point toward the curtain just as the song stops again and plays a sample of a woman screaming, which happens just as the sound of a chainsaw revving up can be heard. When the song kicks in The Great Buta comes storming out from behind the curtain shaking and swinging his chainsaw followed by "Foggy" Lee Gorn, who paces back and forth across the stage as Buta swings his saw around.
Marty Watts: Their opponents, first, being accompanied to the ring by Bugz?, at a combined weight of 666 pounds, the team of "Foggy" Lee Gorn and The Great Buta...the Midnight Animals!
After standing on stage together for a moment, Bugz? slaps both his partners on the shoulder, or as near to Buta's shoulder as he can get, before pointing to the ring and heading back th rough the curtain. Buta approaches the steel ring steps, hitting them with his chainsaw and causing sparks to fly out into the strobe-lit darkness while Foggy climbs onto the apron, looking around for a moment before getting in the ring. After a few more revs Buta walks around the outside of the ring and sets his chainsaw down, then climbs in over the top rope, taking an imposing stance in the middle of the ring. Foggy stands motionless next to him, staring at the crowd as the Ronin look on from outside the ring.
Dan Simmons: These guys make me nervous. I don't know how much actual wins and losses mean to the Midnight Animals.
Tommy West: I mean he could have set fire to the cunting arena with that chainsaw move just now. Did no one tell him about what happened last week in Philly?
Dan Simmons: If they did, I don't think he understood. And if he did understand, I don't think he cares.
Tommy West: What the hell has happened to wrestling, Dan?
The lights dim in the arena and all attention goes to the Jumbotron. The screen shows an empty room with just a stool under a swinging lightbulb. Footsteps are heard as an old man walks to the stool and sits down, pulling a harmonica from his shirt pocket. He begins to play a solo which quickly morphs in to The New South's theme. On the stage, the lights slowly come up as Jolene leads The New South through the curtains. Beau & Waylon pose for a moment while sparks rain down above them before they begin to swagger down the ramp towards the ring.
Marty Watts: Their opponents, being accompanied to the ring by Jolene,
Once they have reached the ring, The New South lift Jolene on to the apron before they both jump on and hold the bottom and middle ropes separate for Jolene to enter. Once Jolene is in the rings Beau & Waylon follow and circle the ring taunting the crowd while Jolene stays focused on the hard cam, a confident smirk on her face. They finally stand behind and to either side of her, staring at the hard cam.
Dan Simmons: You spoke of staying power earlier, and the New South might be the biggest example of that in NLW right now. One of the original teams, have feuded with current tag champs The Academy, got within a fingertip of the titles in the tournament to crown the inaugural champs...they've seen it all.
Tommy West: You say that, but I don't think they've seen anything like that freak with a chainsaw. And this is a tornado tag match, so everything is legal and everyone is legal all at once, so if there's anybody to look out for in this match, it's him.
Jolene hops out of the ring and tries not to make eye contact with the Animals as head official Gabe Valentine brings the three teams together. He doesn't have much to do in the way of explaining rules, so basically as soon as he has everybody's attention, he says something to the effect of "Don't kill each other" and then he signals for the bell.
MATCH TWO
TRIPLE THREAT TORNADO TAG TEAM MATCH
The New South vs The Ronin vs Midnight Animals (The Great Buta and Lee Gorn)
DING DING DING
All four members of the Ronin and New South immediately start wailing on the Great Buta. He takes the assault for a few seconds before screaming and throwing all four of them off at once. Everybody is in awe for a second, but before they can regroup, Lee Gorn charges at Waylon Kirk, so there's only three men available to triple team Buta, which is not going to do better than four. Buta roars again and charges at Okazaki, barreling through him with a body attack. Okazaki immediately powders after getting run over by Buta, but Buta follows him.
Beau Traywick is left to square off with Daisuke Miyazaki, and the two start trading blows. Miyazaki takes a few blows, but when Traywick tries to grab him for something, Miyazaki takes him down with a belly-to-belly suplex. Traywick rolls out to the outside and Miyazaki follows him, leaving Waylon Kirk and Lee Gorn in the ring.
Lee Gorn punches away at Kirk for a few seconds before Kirk catches the arm, transitioning into a Full Nelson. But Gorn is not worn down yet so he kicks and squirms until Kirk's grip gives way. Gorn spins around and grabs Kirk, yanking him over in a head-and-arm suplex. He immediately follows up a bit of technical showmanship by mounting Kirk and setting to work punching Kirk in the face.
Dan Simmons: This is already a lot to handle. But I guess they don't call it a Tornado tag for no reason.
Tommy West: Even more so with some of the people involved in this match, Simmo. Disaster lurks around every corner.
Buta is going around the outside, stalking the Big Tiger, who is resting against the barricade. Buta charges in, looking to smush Okazaki, but Big Tiger dives forward, throwing his whole body into Buta's knees which sends Buta crashing into, and THROUGH the barricade! Security is quick to usher the front row fans away from Buta, not that they need much help given the stench.
While Okazaki stalks Buta now, Miyazaki is charging Beau Traywick who ducks the arm for an STO and grabs Miyazaki from behind and nails a German Suplex on the floor! Then he keeps his grip and stands up to blast Miyazaki with two more Germans on the floor, making the elder clutch his neck as Traywick pops up to his feet.
He looks into the ring and sees Foggy dismounting after getting tired of punching Kirk in the head. Foggy sees Traywick and runs back against the ropes, looking for momentum, but as he comes back, Traywick leaps onto the apron and uses the ropes to assist him in kicking Foggy in the head. He staggers backward toward Waylon, who is starting to get up. Foggy turns around and Waylon scoops his legs, looking like he might go for a Boston Crab, but instead he locks his joins as Beau grabs the top rope. Beau signals and springboards as Waylon catapults Foggy into a springboard dropkick! He gets absolutely blasted and has to roll out of the ring clutching his head.
Dan Simmons: It's hard to be in control of a match as chaotic as this, but the New South are both standing where the fall has to take place, so if anybody is, it's them.
Tommy West: But it won't last long.
The New South boys look around the ring to see Buta slamming the floor with one meaty fist as he gets up. Miyazaki is recovering from the Triple German Suplex, and Okazaki is helping him. Foggy has gone over toward Buta to redirect his attention, and now it's four men on the outside looking up at them. They smirk, noticing the two teams are close together, and run the ropes before nailing matching Suicide Dives that take down all four men! Buta takes a second to go down, but the force of Waylon colliding with Lee Gorn and then Foggy crashing into him sends him into a low piece of barrier from the remains of his previous collision, and he goes down as well. The crowd roars, but the New South know they can't win on the outside. Foggy seems the best candidate so Waylon slides him back into the ring, rushing in after him as Beau sets up in the corner. Waylon lifts Foggy up for a piledriver, then nods to Beau who comes in with a low superkick to the MIdnight Animal as Waylon plants him with a piledriver! The New South have hit the BBQ and go for a double cover!
One...
Two...
The crowd boo a bit as Okazaki yanks Gabe Valentine out of the ring, disrupting the count. But there are no disqualifications, a fact both Big Tiger and Valentine know, so Gabe just gets out of the way as the Ronin slide in to confront the New South.
Dan Simmons: The New South are on fire right now. That would have been a dominating performance if Big Tiger hadn't saved the match for everyone.
Tommy West: I guess old habits die hard. But if you're dealing with former yakuza, a yank on the foot is pretty minor.
Okazaki stares down Waylon while Miyazaki looks for payback on Beau. The two pairs start slugging it out, with the New South getting the upper hand and pushing the newcomers to opposite corners. The New South then turn tail and charge, full speed, at the other partners, but Miyazaki catches Waylon with a Running STO while Okazaki blasts Traywick out of his boots with a big time Lariat!
Dan Simmons: Big time counter from the Ronin there, especially Big Tiger's lariat, the Headsman's Axe!
Tommy West: They may be standing tall, but they'll wish they weren't soon.
The Ronin don't have time to celebrate, because they hear The Great Buta coming into the ring. He slaps himself a couple times, then shouts something the pair seem to recognize as a sign before charging in, barreling through both men with a double clothesline. All other competitors are down, so Buta picks one at random...or seemingly random, but it's Okazaki so there might be a grudge there, and jumps up into the air before splashing down on him with his full weight. He stays there for a cover.
One...
Two...
Okazaki kicks out, despite Buta's great girth. Buta scowls and slaps Okazaki cross the face, though that just seems to fire him up. He gets to his feet and slaps Buta right back, which makes the crowd cringe, fearing what comes next. Buta stalks towards him, so Okazaki shoots to the ropes, but as he does, Miyazaki was getting into position and the Ronin sandwich Buta with a lariat and elbow smash! This doesn't make Buta fall down, but Waylon is stirring now. He jumps onto Buta's shoulders, looking for a Poisonrana, but Buta just falls backwards, smushing Waylon into the canvas with an electric chair drop!
Dan Simmons: It seemed like everyone was getting the better of the Great Buta until that moment.
Tommy West: I don't know how they're going to find another moment to all gang up on Buta without the chicken man interfering.
Dan Simmons: It looks like Traywick has an idea. Look!
Tommy West: Someone else remembered he can't get disqualified!
Beau Traywick sees how the wind is blowing and looks under the ring. The first thing he sees is an oversized box from the UK version of Deal or No Deal, and he has no interest in that, so he digs a bit more before he pulls out a supersized table! He starts trying to set it up outside the ring, but he only gets the legs extended before Lee Gorn is there with a forearm smash to stagger him. He recoils against the apron as Gorn goes after him, wrapping him up in a Cobra Clutch!
In the ring, Buta has stood up and is staring down the Ronin. Both men rush in, but they bounce off. Buta grabs Okazaki and whips him into a corner, and then when Miyazaki tries to catch him from behind, Buta throws him back into the opposite corner. He then charges in and splats Miyazaki with a splash in the corner. He then runs at Okazaki and splashes him in the corner as well. Both Ronin have fallen to the mat, and their heads are close enough together that Buta can back into the ropes before running forward and landing a Ham Hock on both Ronin at once! He stays sitting after the double leg drop, forcing Valentine to count two pins at once.
One...
Two...
The crowd erupts when both Ronin shoot a shoulder up at the last second.
Dan Simmons: The Great Buta is certainly living up to his name, but the Ronin are determined to stay in this match.
Tommy West: They are full of fighting spirit, I'm sure, but Buta is full of something else...something that might be stronger than fighting spirit...
Gorn is stalking an out of it Traywick, having released him from the Chicken Choke while Buta was dominating the Ronin. He takes a look at the table and, considering the damage he could do, he decides to finish the job, pulling it up onto its feet. He then starts digging under the ring to see if he can find a way to increase the destruction he can do, but as he stands up to pull a can of lighter fluid, Waylon launches a baseball slide dropkick to the face! Buta sees that Waylon is up again and starts after him, but Waylon channels his Southern Pride and tries to lift Buta onto his shoulders. But pride only gets you so far and he bails before hurting himself, leaving himself open for a clubbing blow to the back.
Dan Simmons: Waylon trying to get revenge on Buta, but that was a big mistake. I just hope he didn't throw out his back there.
Tommy West: He's about to have help though. Traywick's coming to, it looks like the South's gonna ride again, Simmo!
Traywick jumps onto the apron, still moving sluggishly, and yells at Buta to get his attention. Buta turns to face him, but Waylon hits a basement dropkick that staggers him so Traywick can Hot Shot Buta across the top rope. Buta's weight threatens to break the cable, but Traywick pulls him up, trying to get him in suplex position. Traywick can't get him up on his own, and Waylon tries to help. Even with both members of the New South, Buta is fighting them off. But then the Ronin rush over to help and the crowd builds to a crescendo that breaks with a huge pop when all four men lift Buta up. He doesn't stay up long, flipping over the top rope and crashing into the jumbo table! Braywick is also put through the table, and Gorn is caught by Buta's free arm flailing, so while he doesn't go through the table, he is knocked loopy.
Dan Simmons: Huge maneuver from all four men, there, and The Great Buta is down! If they want to finish the match, now is the time!
Tommy West: And the Ronin hear you, Simmo.
Waylon looks at the destruction in the remains of the table and sees Traywick there. He turns around, intending to win the match for his team, but both Takuma and Daisuke are there. He unloads punches on both men, but it doesn't take long for the numbers game to catch up as Daisuke catches one of the punches. Miyazaki launches a punch at Waylon that sends him back toward his partner, and Okazaki lifts Waylon up in a Torture Rack. He cranks the rack for a bit, but when Waylon refuses to give up, he signals to Daisuke, then heaves Waylon up and over his shoulders, flipping him for Daisuke to catch him with a Spinebuster! Big Tiger starts prowling to make sure no one breaks the fall, but Traywick and both Midnight Animals are still down from the table spot, so Daisuke has no one to worry about as Valentine slides into position.
One...
Two...
Three! Gabe calls for the bell.
Marty Watts: Here are your winners...THE RONIN!
Dan Simmons: A big victory for the Ronin, overcoming the veterans and the wildcards. Big Tiger is back in a big way.
Tommy West: Which is to say nothing of Shogun, Daisuke MIyazaki, who helped him get back.
Dan Simmons: How magnanimous of you, Tommy.
Tommy West: I just want them to cart the pig man away already. Please, for the love of god.
Gabe Valentine raises the hands of Takuma and Daisuke as stagehands start coming down to clear people out and clean up the mess of the table.
After the match, Waylon Kirk and Beau Traywick are both standing in the ring, clearly arguing over the loss. Waylon grabs a mic from ringside.
Waylon Kirk: Look, this is one loss, it's ring rust. This is noth...
Waylon is cut off by Beau slapping the microphone out of his hand and sticking his finger in his face. The two are getting heated when Jolene jumps in the middle of them. Jolene sends Beau away from Waylon so she can talk some sense in to him.
Waylon Kirk: Just let me talk to him.
Waylon brushes past Jolene and slowly approaches a still seething Beau before dropping to his knees.
Tommy West: Jolene just kicked Waylon Kirk square in the family jewels from behind!
Beau smiles at Waylon who is still clutching himself. He's handed the mic by Jolene. He grabs Waylon by the hair and gets close to his face.
Beau Traywick: I want to make sure you hear this. YOU let this team down. YOU lost that killer instinct. YOU can't hang anymore!
Beau backs up then super kicks Waylon in the temple, dropping him to the mat as the crowd rains boos on him. Beau laughs as he pulls Waylon Kirk to the edge of the ring, hanging his head and upper body over the apron. Beau drags the steel steps over and leans them against Waylon. He flips the crowd off and at Jolene's behest, he takes a running start and drop kicks the stairs in to Waylon's head as more boos happen and security finally comes out to pull him off of Waylon.
Dan Simmons: I can't believe what I'm seeing! The New South has just imploded!
Tommy West: I never thought I'd see the day, but it's come... and the fans are pissed!
Jolene and Beau make their way to the back, mocking the crowd and booed the whole way.
Marty Watts: Ladies and gentlemen, tonight is history in the making! This bout... scheduled for one fall... will determine the first ever NLW NO LIMIT CHAMPION! Introducing first…
The Notorious B.O.D makes his entrance first, to the chorus “Sensual Seduction” and an even louder chorus of boos. His fists are taped, and he’s still sporting the red martial arts headband he wore during his training. To complete the look, he unveils a new set of airbrushed wrestling tights, in classic Sexton Love fashion, custom-made for this pay-per-view occasion. The pants themselves are creamy white, with black and red Japanese-style artwork on the sides, the designs resembling an oil painting. On the left leg, an image of a wolf, based on his opponent’s tattoo. On the right leg, a proud and powerful lion, adorned with a crown. The King of the Jungle. The Alpha. About halfway down the ramp, Sexton turns around to showcase his lats, delts, and AMPLE GLUTES, and we see the words HOSTILE INTENT written across the back of the tights in scratchy red font. He struts down the aisle and enters the ring, basking in the vitriol of the NLW faithful.
Marty Watts: From Intercourse, Pennsylvania, weighing in at two hundred sixty-nine pounds, he is Bodzilla… SEXTON LOVE!!
Dan Simmons: No more escaping on technicalities for Sexton Love. But this is the topical event for Felix to get his no rules revenge.
Tommy West: Well, Felix better learn that you should be careful what you wish for because sometimes… you might just get it. Sexton is much better at breaking the rules than he is.
Marty Watts: And his opponent from Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, weighing in at two hundred fifty pounds, he is the Tactician… FELIX!!
The thunderous boos quickly turn to an explosion of cheers as the lights suddenly go out. “Pledge of the Demon” begins to play, signaling the arrival of The Warrior. As his music picks up, a spotlight shines down on Felix, who is facing away from the ring so the camera can focus on the intricate tattoo of a wolf emblazoned across his back. He turns around and focuses his eyes on Sexton Love. The opponent that has escaped him time and time again.
Dan Simmons: You say that, but I think Felix wants to rip Sexton’s head off.
Tommy West: Well, we get a match to see just what these can do with no rules.
Felix holds a kendo stick in his hands, a completely legal weapon in this match. The Warrior steps through the ropes, remaining stoic and calm, his demeanor the complete opposite of his opponent's. He walks to his corner, and immediately readies himself in a fighting stance.
Dan Simmons: Well, let’s see this new belt while Marty makes reminds everyone about the stipulation of this match.
In the center of the ring, senior official Gabe Valentine unveils the sparkling new NLW No Limit Championship belt and raises it high, giving the fans their first look at the title.
Marty Watts: There will be no disqualifications... no count outs... and no time limit. This match can only end by pinfall or submission... and THERE MUST BE A WINNER!
NLW NO LIMIT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Sexton Love© vs Felix
DING DING DING
Sextons steps forward, palm in fist, and mockingly bows to his opponent. Unphased, Felix throws the kendo stick at the bowing Sexton’s feet, then extends a hand and signals for him to “bring it.” Sexton picks up the weapon, and slowly circles around Felix with a smirk.
“You just made a big mistake, babbeh…”
Dan Simmons: I don’t think this ends well for Felix while he has that in his hands.
Tommy West: He wanted this. Remember that, Dan.
He swings for the fences, but Felix ducks to avoid it. Another swing, and Felix sidesteps again. Swing. Dodged. Swing. Dodged. The pop from the fans grows louder each time. Angry and frustrated, Sexton tries one final attack, but Felix ducks it again... then counters with a straight right hand to the draw, dropping him like a sack of shit. The crowd erupts.
Tommy West: And maybe I’m wrong…
Dan Simmons: I’m happily wrong!
The punch sends Bodzilla reeling, and causes him to drop the kendo stick. Felix follows him into the corner and unloads a flurry of punches to the body and head, whipping the crowd into a frenzy. A closed fist may have cost Felix before, but now it’s completely legal. No more bullshit. Sexton desperately tries to cover up.Felix grabs hold of his punch drunk opponent, gets a running start, and hurls him over the top rope! Another move that caused a bogus DQ in one of their previous matches. Sexton lands hard on the floor.
Dan Simmons: That unforgiving floor for Sexton Love. This is a great start for… is he technically the challenger? It’s a new title.
Tommy West: Don’t ask me.
The Lovely One staggers to his feet and nearly falls over the guardrail. Sexton attempts to escape, but he’s a pilgrim in an unholy land. The Most Hated Man in NLW. Sexton is relentlessly showered with insults and beer amid the sea of rabid fans. It’s raining boos and raining booze in the Lakefront Arena. Felix pursues his fleeing opponent into the crowd, quickly closing the distance. WOOOO! He hits Sexton with a knife-edge chop. WOOOOOO! Another one. Bodzilla falls backwards into a wall of fans, who prop him up for a third hard chop across the chest. Felix gives them a short respectful bow, then resumes his attack.
Tommy West: I want to see a bow end in him getting kicked in the face one day.
Dan Simmons: That day is not today.
The chaotic brawl continues through the crowd, reaching a television production area near the back of the lower bowl. Sexton repeatedly tries to battle back, but he’s cut off by a stiff knee or elbow strike each time. Whether it’s in the ring or elsewhere, Felix has the striking advantage. The Warrior traps Sexton’s left arm in a hammerlock, then sends him shoulder-first into an equipment box. The same shoulder he worked over on Open Fight Night. Sexton crumbles to the ground, clutching his shoulder in pain, but when Felix tries to pick him up... WHAM! Low blow.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
Tommy West: Ah yes, the wonders of no disqualification.
Sexton immediately capitalizes by grabbing a cord and attempting to choke Felix out. The Warrior nearly fades, but frees himself at the last moment, staggering and gasping for breath– SMASH! Sexton drills him in the head with a monitor, knocking him back onto a production table. Felix is out cold!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
Tommy West: Reminder: Felix asked for this.
Dan Simmons: Yes, you will remind us of this all night.
The New Orleans crowd is incensed. A fan from the upper bowl dumps a bag of popcorn down on top of Bodzilla. Sexton looks up, still a bit dazed from the earlier beating he took, and the gears begin to turn. He thinks of an idea…
Dan Simmons: If that isn’t hostile intent, I don’t know what is.
Sexton climbs onto the equipment box, and uses it as a platform to reach the next level of the arena. He stands on the ledge, with the now barely conscious Felix sprawled out on the table seven or eight feet below. The arena starts to buzz…
Dan Simmons: Oh come on, don’t do this. You have to think about the man’s safety at some point!!
Tommy West: Hey, HE asked for this!
Dan Simmons: Stop reminding us!!
Covered in blood and beer, with his hair a disheveled mess and a crazed look in his eyes... Sexton slowly begins to gyrate his hips. He throws up the double bird, saluting the New Orleans crowd, and leaps...
Love From Above!
...From way, way WAY Above!
CRASH!
Bodzilla connects with the flying bod splash, slamming himself right through Felix and right through the table! Both men are down, but the Warrior is definitely the worse for wear, clutching his ribs after the devastating impact and spitting up blood. Referee Gabe Valentine says that there’s nothing he can do, as the match can only end by pinfall or submission in the ring!
Dan Simmons: Sexton Love seems quite annoyed that the fall isn’t counting outside the ring.
Tommy West: Oh look, the rules favoring Felix. What a surprise. Sexton thought this was a no rules match. Count the damn fall, Valentine!
Sexton pulls himself up to his feet, and drags Felix up with him. The Lovely One is in firm control as the brawl continues, targeting the Warrior’s ribs and midsection. The fight returns to the ringside area, where Sexton hits Felix with a delayed vertical suplex on the floor, causing further damage to his opponent’s torso. He drives Felix into the ring post, ribs first, then whips him hard into the steel steps, dislodging them, before finally rolling Felix back into the ring itself.
Tommy West: Sexton Love wants to elevate his career here.
Dan Simmons: Really? That sort of pun. You’re better than that.
Tommy West: Don’t like it, get to stepping.
Sexton picks up the steel steps with ease, and does a few curls for good measure as he jaw-jacks with the fans.
“Light weight, babbeh... LIGHT WEIGHT.”
He slides the steel steps in, but the extra time he took proves costly as Felix nails him with a bicycle knee strike when he re-enters the ring. The Warrior fires up with a series of elbow smashes, before rebounding off the ropes for another running knee strike! Sexton sidesteps it and catches Felix in a spinning side slam...
WHAM!
Right on the steps! Targeting the injured ribs again! Felix is down and Sexton makes the first cover of the match.
One...
Two…
NO!
A painful kick out for Felix. Through gritted teeth, the Warrior gets a shoulder off the mat, his midsection clearly still in pain. He rolls onto the apron, but Sexton remains on the offensive. He hits Felix with a back suplex on the apron, dropping him down on the hardest part of the ring. Even more damage to the body. Another cover…
ONE!!
TWO!!
NO!!
Growing more frustrated, The Man of A Thousand Hoes says it’s time to finish things off once and for all. Sexton walks over the timekeeper’s area, where the No Limit Title belt is located. He eyes the shiny new belt... then shoves the timekeeper out of the way and lifts up the table, revealing his secret weapon hidden underneath.
Tommy West: Ahh, I think he found a special weapon!!
Dan Simmons: What does he have… ohhhh… that!!
The Triple X*Crown Championship. Sexton’s self-awarded title. The spark that ignited this entire feud. The so-called Triple X Champion raises the title up high, giving the people a good look at the special modification he’s made to the belt.
“This is what a real champion looks like, babbeh!”
The title is wrapped in razor-sharp barbed wire, forming a crisscrossing pattern around the metallic front plate. A jagged letter X.
Sexton gets into the ring holding the title... and lines Felix up. BARBED WIRE BELT SHOT TO THE FACE! Felix is busted wide open! Sexton holds up the title with both hands, standing tall over his opponent.
Dan Simmons: Jesus Christ!! Felix is bleeding buckets!! This is too much! He needs medical attention!!
Tommy West: Welcome to Hostile Intent, Dan. And Felix.
The camera zooms in and we get a close-up shot of the Warrior’s crimson mask. Sexton kneels down, holding the Triple X*Crown belt against Felix’s face, right in front of the camera. Heat.
“This is as close as you’ll EVER get to championship gold, babbeh...”
He scrapes the barbed wire across Felix’s forehead, causing even more blood to pour. Sexton positions the belt down on the mat, and hooks Felix in a front face lock... WHAM! Impale-Her DDT! Face first into the barbed wire!
Tommy West: That’s got to be it!
Dan Simmons: Valentine with the count!
One...
Two...
Felix kicks out again!
Dan Simmons: HOW DID HE?!
Tommy West: WHAT?!?!
The crowd pops and Sexton is pissed, protesting the call to the referee. Gabe Valentine confirms that it was in fact a two count. Sexton turns his attention to the kendo stick from the beginning of the match, still lying near the opposite corner of the ring. He picks up the kendo stick, and begins circling his opponent. A bloody and battered mess, this time Felix can’t avoid what’s coming.
CRACK!
A kendo stick shot across the wounded ribs.
CRACK!
Another one. Felix is down with nowhere to go.
CRACK! CRACK! CRACK!
“How do you like that, babbeh?!? YOU AIN’T SHIT!”
CRACK!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
Tommy West: I’m loving this sight!!
Dan Simmons: The fans in New Orleans are not. And they are making that very clear tonight.
Felix is still down, grasping his midsection in pain as welts begin to form around his ribs and blood continues to drip from his forehead. Sexton holds up the kendo stick and struts around the ring as the boos grow louder and louder. He climbs up onto the middle buckle, pointing the stick at the fans and talking trash. The crowd grows louder still… but this time the boos are replaced with cheers.
Dan Simmons: Sexton might want to turn around.
Tommy West: I really don’t think he wants to.
Confused, Sexton drops down from the buckle and turns around… Felix is back on his feet.
CRACK!
Sexton swings the kendo stick again, striking Felix square across the chest. The Warrior flinches slightly, then takes a step forward, fighting through the pain.
CRACK!
Another shot from the kendo stick. And another step forward.
CRACK! CRACK! CRACK!
Three more shots, and Felix is completely unphased. The Warrior’s chest is red with welts, but he has somehow grown stronger with each hit! Felix stares Sexton down... and BOUNCES HIS PECS.
Tommy West: What?!?!
The Lakefront Arena explodes.
Dan Simmons: Felix is about to show just how angry a fighter he can be!
Tommy West: Not if Love can do something about it!
Sexton's eyes are bulging out of his skull. Enraged and desperate, Bodzilla SPITS IN THE WARRIOR'S FACE, then hauls off one last time. In a single motion, Felix catches the kendo stick and pulls Sexton in for a JUDO TOSS! Sexton is instantly disarmed, and the crowd goes wild! With the weapon now in the Warrior’s hands, Bodzilla immediately begs off. Felix wipes the spit from the side of his face. He looks at Sexton... then at the people... then back at Sexton again.
Tommy West: Oh no.
Dan Simmons: Here comes sweet revenge!
YOU FUCKED UP! YOU FUCKED UP! YOU FUCKED UP!
CRACK!
Felix strikes him with a vicious kendo stick shot to the back!
THUD!
Then a roundhouse kick to the chest.
CRACK!
Another kendo stick shot.
THUD!
Another roundhouse kick.
CRACK! THUD! CRACK! THUD! CRACK!
...A pause.
ROUNDHOUSE KICK TO THE HEAD!
Sexton is down! The building is rocking! Felix makes the cover as the entire crowd counts along!
ONE!!
TWO!!
SEXTON KICKS OUT–
But Felix transitions directly into the LeBell Lock!
Dan Simmons: WHAT a transition by Felix!! He’s got him locked in!! This could be it!!
Tommy West: This can’t be!! No!!
The very same hold he had Sexton beat with on Open Fight Night... this time with added leverage from the kendo stick! Sexton's arm is completely trapped, and Felix pulls back on the kendo stick stretched across the Lovely One's face! Sexton's got nowhere to go! There’s no rope breaks... no time limits... and no escape!
Dan Simmons: He has to tap out at some point! He has nowhere to go!!
Tommy West: Wait, I think he’s coming up with something.
Out of sheer desperation, Sexton presses his foot off the bottom turnbuckle, using the momentum to roll Felix into a pinning predicament, forcing him to release the hold. Both men scramble to their feet and Felix takes another swing with the kendo stick. This time Sexton is the one who ducks, going behind for a rear waist lock. He drives Felix ribs-first into the corner... and follows it up with an O’Connor Roll into a high angle German suplex! THE SEX PLEX CONNECTS! Felix is dropped on the back of his head!
Tommy West: HA! This has to be the end! Do the count, Valentine!!
ONE...
KICKOUT!
UNBELIEVABLE FIGHTING SPIRIT! SEXTON LOVE IS IN TOTAL SHOCK!
Tommy West: WHAT?!
Dan Simmons: How do you… Felix can’t be human at this point! With all the blood he’s lost and everything Sexton has done to him!!
Tommy West: Sexton is NOT happy right now!
Sexton throws a wild, furious lariat... but Felix catches him in a juji gatame! The cross armbreaker! Sexton fights out of it with raw strength, lifting Felix up into a powerbomb position and slamming him down on the steel steps still in the ring to break the hold. Felix is hurt, but Sexton doesn't go for another pin. Instead, he lifts Felix up into the torture rack, applying pressure to the now badly injured ribs, then drops him with the Sexecutor. With his opponent barely conscious, Sexton grabs the kendo stick, wedges under Felix’s chin, and bridges forward to apply the Love Lock!
Tommy West: LOVE LOCK!! HE’S GOT THE LOVE LOCK!!
Dan Simmons: Come on, Felix!! Fight out one more time!!
Felix tries to reverse it... but he's lost too much blood and taken too much damage.
Dan Simmons: Felix is fading.
Tommy West: Felix may have fought like a machine but he’s still human.
After a minute or two, the movement from Felix lessens and lessens until he is completely motionless in a pool of his own blood. Eventually, Gabe Valentine calls it and for the bell.
Marty Watts: Here is your winner by submission, and the first-ever Next Level Wrestling No Limits Champion… SEXTON LOVE!!
The referee presents Sexton Love with the brand new No Limit Title belt, securing it around the inaugural champion’s waist and he flexes both biceps. Sexton walks out the same way he walked in, to a thunderous chorus of boos, but he also walks out an officially recognized champion in NLW.
Dan Simmons: Felix gave everything… everything to try to finally get his revenge on Sexton Love but…
Tommy West: He asked for this. I said this all along… going no rules was a decision that favored the man who knows how to cheat. And that was clearly Sexton Love. This title now belongs to him officially.
Medical officials come down to the ring to attend to Felix, who remains motionless in the pool of his blood. Eventually, the medical staff props him up and he seems semi-conscious. Felix looks around at the people, showing some uncharacteristic emotion. The fans show their respect for the Warrior, giving him a standing ovation after the battle they just witnessed. Felix acknowledges the fans with the best attempt he could for a bow.
Tommy West: I have to acknowledge that Felix went through hell. Lesser men would have caved way earlier than this.
Dan Simmons: Felix may not have walked away the winner. But he looks like one of the toughest wrestlers to keep down in the entire roster.
As the show comes back from a short commercial for the XHF Network, the screen doesn't quite come back with an image of anything in the Lakefront Arena. Instead, it remains dark. Pitch black, at least for a few prolonged moments.
Voice: Did you miss me?
The voice is sarcastic, the accent American with a little bit of an Irish lilt. Familiar to the ears of the NLW fans. Then it's no longer dark. Pulling back his hand, it's revealed that the speaker is none other than Finn Whelan, a man that hadn't been seen since October of the previous year, at Ascendency XXII. The day where he lost the Heavyweight Championship. He doesn't look much different than he did previously. He cracks his knuckles as he looks at the camera, a slight smirk on his face.
Finn Whelan: It's been a while, hasn't it? A good seven months at the least. See, I never intended to be gone so long, but some prearranged scheduled appearances kept me away. Hell, even in that time away, I earned yet another championship to my name. That's just kinda how it goes, right?
He looks down at his hands, adjusting the straps on his fingerless gloves.
Finn Whelan: Take some time, hone your craft, come back even better than before.
He pauses, and then looks up at the camera again, that smirk never falling off his face.
Finn Whelan: That's what my plan was. Make myself better for Next Level. Make myself unstoppable. Relentless, as I've always been. I've always watched. Always kept an eye on this place. And I absolutely watched as someone decided to be a raging cunt and put his loss to me on the back burner like it didn't matter. Isn't that how it is, Kelly? After I made a fool of you? Hell, now that I'm back on programming, I'll make it official for ya and fuckin' do it again.
He crosses his arms.
Finn Whelan: I'm back. And I'm gunning for the best.
He reaches forward once more, knocking the camera down to the ground. It goes to static before cutting out entirely.
Marty Watts: The following contest is a First Blood Match, and it is for the NLW Tag Team Championship!
A countdown to ignition is accompanied by horns as the lights drop. As they hit one, a fart noise echoes around the arena until the 1993 UK Christmas No.1 'Mr Blobby' by Mr Blobby resonates across the venue.
Stepping out from behind the curtain, Noel Edmonds and Mr Blobby emerge to a mixed reaction. Noel Edmonds wears tracksuit bottoms and a flowery Dad shirt. Mr Blobby, in contrast, comes out au naturel except for a set of ear guards that make him look like Rick Steiner was smashed together with a blancmange.
Marty Watts: Introducing first, the challengers, from Crinkly Bottom, England, at a combined weight...
As an exact combined weight has never been established, Marty lets that sit for a beat, then continues.
Marty Watts: ...they are the team of Noel Edmonds and Mr Blobby...the Crinkly Bottom Boys!
As they walk down the aisle, Noel Edmonds looks focused or maybe just irritated at how his career turned out. Mr Blobby follows him, he snaps open a Sherbert dib-dab and snorts it before dropping the wrapper on the floor. Edmonds leans into the aisle camera.
Noel Edmonds: All you are is energy, remember that!
Blobby however, has got distracted, silly Blobby! He's handing out his hotel room number to a gaggle of 5 out of 10s who came with their children to the event! Edmonds looks behind to see his partner not focusing on the match and grabs an ear guard to pull him down the aisle to the ring. He points towards the ring and watches as Blobby looks to roll under the ropes but finds he is simply too large to fit. The Pink and Yellow Peril realizes his mistake and stands up and shakes his head before leapfrogging the top rope.
Edmonds rolls under the bottom rope and rips off his trackies and Dad shirt to reveal a wrestling singlet that is patterned with boxes from Deal or No Deal. They head to their corner as they await the bell.
Dan Simmons: Noel Edmonds had some strong words for management after this match was made, Tommy.
Tommy West: I don't know that he knows any other kind, Simmo. But the fact is, he says the Boys are the best team in NLW, and now they have a capture the straps to prove it.
Dan Simmons: They have never held the NLW Tag Titles, but it can't be ignored that they are former XHF Tag Team Champions. Will the same tenacity that got them those belts get them new ones?
Tommy West: I mean...probably? If you stab Blobby he probably deflates and dies, but that's not bleeding, so as long as Noel can get a lucky shot in, I don't see how they can lose.
"Fresh Start Fever" by You Me At Six Begins to play and The Academy comes out on to the stage, Riley Richards is first out, running to the edge to survey the crowd. Leon Chant slowly, but purposefully comes second, by comparison he's all business. Both are wearing the NLW Tag Team Championship belts around their waists.
"Everybody loves the original, everybody's got time to be cynical
Old enough to know better by now, it's the greatest joke don't go letting me down
Hold my drink, this just got physical, I'm on a new wave, it's getting visceral
Going toe to toe to see how you go, I'm in pain. So, yes, it is painful"
Finally, Rob Arnold walks out and stands to the side of Leon, Richards trots back to now put Rob in the center, Richards and Chant fist bump before being told "let's go" by Arnold, and they start to walk down the ramp.
Marty Watts: And their opponents, being accompanied to the ring by Rob Arnold, at a combined weight of 480 pounds, they are the NLW Tag Team Champions, the team of Riley Richards and Leon Chant...The Academy!
"Oh, heart of mine, sing a sad song, sing a sad song
Warning you, oh, heart of mine, sing a sad song"
Richards practically floats down the ramp, acknowledging a number of the crowd on the way, Chant and Arnold keep formation. Where Riley usually slides into the ring, he stops short as he sees Blobby, letting Arnold and Chant catch up. This means Arnold actually has a chance to put his hand on both pupils' shoulders, gripping a little longer than usual before letting go. Riley hops up onto the apron, never taking his eyes off Blobby, as Chant marches up the steps and into the ring. Richards hops the ropes to enter at the same time as Leon.
"And it's a fresh start fever, who wouldn't want to be here?
Welcome to the future, dream a little bigger"
With both men in the ring, they each head to a corner and raise their titles in the air to show off to the crowd whilst Arnold watches on at ringside, a small smirk flashing across his face as his charges drop back down and head to their corner.
Dan Simmons: The Academy has not rested on their laurels since winning the Tag Team Titles, Tommy. Two defenses against the Straight Edge Society, one of which also involved the New South, a non-title win over industry legends Hot Tag Express, and Riley's run at the X-Crown paint an impressive picture.
Tommy West: That's all well and good, but they've not faced off against the force of nature that is the Crinkly Bottom Boys. All that could end tonight, Dan.
Referee Jennifer Thibodeaux retrieves the title belts from the Academy and holds them high into the air to show the world the stakes of the following match. Then she hands the titles off as Marty ducks out of the ring.
Dan Simmons: The teams look calm, but you know there's something more bubbling under the surface. Things are about to get violent.
Tommy West: They sure are. That's pretty much the name of the game tonight. Time to see how that's interpreted here.
Referee Thibodeaux signals for the bell.
MATCH FOUR
FIRST BLOOD MATCH FOR THE NLW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP
The Academy© vs The Crinkly Bottom Boys
DING DING DING
Immediately, Riley rushes Noel, still having trouble comprehending how Blobbies are made, and Noel just as quickly ducks out of the ring. That leaves Leon and Blobby to square off in the center of the ring. Leon is a big man, but whoever Blobby is up against, no matter how large, he seems to cut an imposing figure. Leon just nods a bit before holding his hands out, intending to get Blobby to match him in a test of strength. Blobby makes a high pitched noise and eagerly engages, and the two are evenly matched, despite one looking like he is made out of the remains of a wrecked hot dog filling truck.
Meanwhile, outside the ring, Noel is trying to avoid Riley, who stopped chasing Noel at top speed long enough to dig under the ring and find a kendo stick, which he is now brandishing at the weathered television personality. Noel's back hits the barricade and Riley starts looming, but just as he's about to hit Noel, Noel lunges forward and nails Riley directly in the penis. Riley's eyes bug out and he drops the kendo stick as Blobby and Leon strain against each other. Leon is about to get the better of Blobby, but before he can, he sees Riley go down. He tries to pull away, but Blobby transitions the test of strength into a suplex hold. He lifts Leon into the air and drops him on his stomach with a fall forward! Leon rolls out of the ring toward his tag partner.
Dan Simmons: The match is chaotic already. The match could have been over immediately, but Noel saved himself at the last second.
Tommy West: I don't know if that one shot would have been enough, but you bring up a good point. More importantly, Leon needs to keep his eye on the ball or things are going to get ugly.
Dan Simmons: I don't think it's unreasonable for a tag team partner to respond to their partner being in trouble.
Tommy West: That's why you're on this side of the desk, Simmo.
Dan Simmons: I think you've been watching too much Noel Edmonds tapes.
Blobby has started digging under the ring while the commentary team debates ethics, and he makes more high-pitched noises of frustration as his unique body shape makes it difficult to reach the things the crew have carelessly left there. Noel rushes over to soothe him before anything bad can happen and hands him the kendo stick, but Blobby angrily throws it down. He points emphatically to the ring apron.
Mr. Blobby: BLOB!
Noel fishes around, and while his attention is off his opponents, Leon charges at full speed into Blobby, spearing him several feet away in a way that would probably have broken a barricade if he'd been closer. Noel comes out from under the ring with what would be a box from Deal or No Deal (UK Edition) but as big around as the aluminum trash cans from the 90s, but he immediately drops it as Riley leaps off the apron with a charging crossbody. The box spills open and reveals that it is not filled with any amount of British pounds, or even pennies, but various wrestling implements of pain, and hopefully bloodying.
Dan Simmons: I don't think the ring crew left that one there, Tommy.
Tommy West: Noel's old as dirt, but he's crafty. He knows he can't outwrestle the Academy, so he has to get stabby.
Riley looks at the detritus that fell out of the box, seeing some normal stuff like a traffic sign, brass knuckles, and an ominous black bag, but there's also some weird stuff, like a strangely shaped gold statuette, a silver candelabra (sans candles), and a miniature model of a brass wrought fence or something? The point is that it has points which can easily gouge at unsuspecting Academy members. Riley gravitates toward the statuette, a golden fist holding a human frame all akimbo. He picks it up and tries to blast Noel in the head with it, but Noel jukes out of the way. Riley drops the statue, then Noel grabs Riley by the trunks and pulls him down into the ring steps! Leon is quickly over to Noel, blasting him in the back with a double axe handle as Thibodeaux quickly rolls out of the ring to check if Riley is bleeding. It looks like he might bruise, but there's no blood yet.
Dan Simmons: To your point, Tommy, Noel is down, but no matter how bad it looks, you can't take him for granted.
Tommy West: At least the front of the gunge tank is in that box which means he's not going to slime anyone. Probably.
Leon lifts Noel up onto his shoulders and starts parading around, preparing to drop him with a big powerslam, but he takes a little too long, which Rob Arnold shouts, pointing it out just as Blobby barrels into the back of him with a clothesline! Leon falls forward, which means Noel also falls hard, but not as hard as he might have, their combined sounds of pain sounding something like a treatise on the dangers of nuclear disarmament in the modern day political climate...and probably more coherent than a lot of actual political debates. But the story is that Blobby is up and looking for victims, and Riley is the one that's up for The Academy. Riley's eyes go almost as buggy as Blobby's, and the big pink sphere man makes excited noises and starts running after Riley, who just books it in the opposite direction.
Dan Simmons: I mean...there's something to be said that if you never make contact with your opponent, you'll never bleed?
Tommy West: You fought for the X-Crown last month, you little shit. Do you think Zoran would run from that? Stab that monster in its putrid bulging face!
Riley can't hear Tommy, as he's on the opposite side of the ring, though coming back fast. The two do a full lap of the ring before Riley slips into the ring. Blobby slides in adeptly, but not adeptly enough to avoid Riley stomping him several times before he can get up. Blobby springs up to his feet, which makes Riley cower, but Blobby doesn't let him wait, jabbing him with a left hand, then another as Riley's head whips back, then a third. After the fourth, Riley is reeling enough for Blobby to try to do the Knocky Knees from the Charleston, but Riley ducks the finishing punch, avoiding the worst of Blobby #3! He slips behind Blobby and tries to grab him in a Russian Leg Sweep, but Blobby is too alert and too...blobby, for Riley to drop him with the Homage, instead getting a backhand, or back arm maybe, from Blobby. As Riley recoils, Blobby rushes and amazingly flips himself over Riley's shoulders to plant him with Blobby #2! Riley is motionless in the ring, but because a Destino lands in a reverse DDT, the match is not over, a fact that becomes important as Leon Chant slides into the ring, anger all over his face, and hits a massive Discus Lariat that turns Blobby inside out!
(Maybe literally. Would we be able to tell?)
Dan Simmons: Big time payback from Chant there, showing Blobby how lariats are done. But Riley still isn't moving, so this might turn into a handicap match now.
Tommy West: Or maybe just a regular match, given Noel is...well...
Noel is still outside the ring, one arm behind his back as he tries to clutch at or massage his back while he crawls toward the box of goodies. In the ring, Leon and Blobby face off again, but there's no sportsmanship now, just a slugfest that ends with Blobby pushing Leon against the ropes. He tries to whip Leon, but he reverses, sending Mr god damn Blobby to run the ropes. He does it surprisingly adeptly, but runs right into an inverted waistlock and a huge overhead belly-to-belly suplex! I can't describe to you how Blobby manages to flip and land properly, but he does, then rolls around in pain, also unable to reach his back to nurse it.
Dan Simmons: Mr Blobby is not overpowered much, but if anyone could, it's the former NLW Champion!
Tommy West: How did he not rupture into a pile of sludge and sadness? That's almost worse!
Noel has reached the box of weapons and slides the candelabra into the ring for Blobby. The candelabra falls short, but out of the mounts where the candles would be stuck, three Sherbert Dib Dabs fall out! Blobby pounces on them, eagerly snorfing them, which means when Leon comes over and starts lifting Blobby, Blobby bounces to his feet.
Mr. Blobby: BLOBBY BLOB!
He reaches his arms out and grabs Leon in an inverted waistlock, but instead of returning fire with a suplex, he lifts Leon up into a Bearhug and does the Hulk-up style flailing in the Bearhug! As Leon cries out in pain, Noel slides into the ring and wraps his arms around his huge frame as well. It's unclear how much his contributions help, but it does mean Leon really has nowhere to go and starts fading as Blobby shakes him around.
Dan Simmons: The Crinkly Bottom Boys have Leon in a Blob-eh! style Bearhug! The champ has nowhere to go!
Tommy West: I mean, this won't get him to bleed--unless he pops a lung I guess--but it's a lot easier to carve up a mountain of man meat if he's not moving.
Dan Simmons: That was a good point, but I need you to never string those words together like that ever.
Tommy West: ....yeah I pretty much regretted it as soon as it happened.
Word salad aside, Leon fades in the grip of the Blob-eh Bearhug. Blobby also gets tired out as the effects of the Dib Dab wear off and he leans exhausted against the turnbuckles as Noel bends down to pick up the candelabra. He raises it triumphantly over his head, then drops it to a thunderous pop when Riley, having recovered from Blobby #2, boots Noel square in the family jewels! Noel sags, and Blobby stands up, but before he can get to Riley, Riley grabs the old man while staring his monster directly in the eyes and drops Noel with the inverted Russian Leg Sweep facebuster that some call The Stroke, but he calls The Homage! He plants Noel's face directly onto the base of the candelabra! Almost immediately there's the sound of wailing, and Blobby starts jumping around before pawing around in Noel's gear to find a packet of green goop. Noel snatches it and tears it open as he rolls onto his back, revealing that he has started to bleed!
Marty Watts: Noel Edmonds has been busted open! Therefore, your winners and STILL NLW Tag Team Champions....THE ACADEMY!
Noel rubs the green goop on the wound as Blobby aggressively smears it all over, but is clearly trying to massage it into the skin. Whatever they are doing, maybe it's working? The sound of the wailing damned starts to fade as Riley and Rob check on Leon, who is starting to come to.
Dan Simmons: I don't know what the hell that sound is, but The Academy have prevailed, including Riley Richards literally facing his demons!
Tommy West: Say what you will about the Academy, but they have proven they will take on any challenge, great or small. It's just a shame they didn't do more damage to Blobby. I really wanted to see what would happen if he was the one to bleed instead.
Dan Simmons: Based on these reports from the clinic I've just been handed....no, you really don't.
The Academy stand tall in the ring, Rob Arnold raising the hands of his proteges. Riley does his best not to look at Blobby as EMTs come down to help Noel. They seem to be trying to clear the green goo away, but Blobby shouts every time they do, slapping their arms away. Eventually they content themselves with helping Noel to the back to get checked up properly as the scene cuts away.
The projector goes dark for a moment. Then, a familiar voice echoes throughout the arena...
"Not on your fuckin' life."
"I've made my LIFE on never quittin', never stoppin' myself from walkin' my road no matter who it pisses off. I sink my teeth into somethin' an' don't let go. But even without all that? This match is a wild animal cornered by some of the "best" NLW's got to offer. My shoulders have yet to even be pinned down for three consecutive seconds. Can you, truly, look in the mirror and believe yourself sayin' you got what it takes to make me say "I quit"!?"
"I give UP!"
"I CAN'T TAKE IT! I'VE HAD ENOUGH!"
The audio pauses there. A VCR begins to rewind to a point as a small television turns onto Nathan Cage's promo from earlier in the week.
"I've made my LIFE on never quittin', never stoppin' myself from walkin' my road no matter who it pisses off. I sink my teeth into somethin' an' don't let go. But even without all that? This match is a wild animal cornered by some of the "best" NLW's got to offer. My shoulders have yet to even be pinned down for three consecutive seconds. Can you, truly, look in the mirror and believe yourself sayin' you got what it takes to make me say "I quit"!?"
Pause. Rewind. Replay.
"My shoulders have yet to even be pinned down for three consecutive seconds. Can you, truly, look in the mirror and believe yourself sayin' you got what it takes to make me say "I quit"!?"
Pause. Rewind. Replay.
"Can you, truly, look in the mirror and believe yourself sayin' you got what it takes to make me say "I quit"!?"
Pause. Rewind. Replay.
Pause. Rewind. Replay.
"Can you, truly, look in the mirror and believe yourself sayin' you got what it takes to make me say "I quit"!?"
Pause. Rewind. Replay.
"Make me say "I quit"!?"
Pause. In front of the television, a single hand raises up what looks to be a recorder. The VCR rewinds one last time. The recorder clicks on.
"I quit!"
Pause. In front of the television, a single hand raises up what looks to be a recorder. The VCR rewinds one last time. The recorder clicks on.
"I quit!"
Pause.
The recorder rewinds. The recorder replays.
"I quit!"
Pause. Replay.
"I quit!"
Pause, replay, pause, replay.
"I quit!"
"I quit!"
... A hoarse chuckle is all that is heard as the image begins to fade to black.
"... Cunning, indeed..."
As Grimgor's song begins to hit the PA system, DA ONCE AND FUTURE GIT appears on the stage, screaming "GRIMGOR IZ DA BEST!" . He marches down to the apron and climbs to the ring without paying any heed to the fans, and once he's in the center, he raises up his fist and lets out a savage scream "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!"
Marty Watts: The following contest is the tables, ladders, and chairs match for the Next Level Wrestling Southern States Championship. Introducing first, from the Old World, weighing in at two hundred ninety pounds, he is... GRIMGOR IRONHIDE!!
Dan Simmons: Grimgor Ironhide made an electric debut in the Super Scramble match.
Tommy West: He damn near won the match at the end if he could have just gotten that pinfall on Bloodied Fox just a second quicker. No way Cheez would have beaten him one-on-one.
Dan Simmons: Well, he's getting the reward he would have won. The Southern States Championship needed a challenger and Ironhide is hopefully going to answer the call to take on Bugz? in this TLC match.
Grimgor Ironhide looks up at the Southern States Championship above his head before looking at all the tables and ladders surrounding the ring. His thoughts were interrupted by "No Rules" by GG Allin and The Jabbers.
Marty Watts: And his opponent, from the Warrens, weighing in at one hundred twenty-five pounds, he is the NLW Southern States Champion... BUGZ?!!
Bugz? comes running out onto the stage with a steel chair in hand. He immediately throws it down at the top of the ramp and jumps on it in an attempt to skate down the ramp on the chair before inevitably falling off and rolling about halfway down the ramp. After getting back up he collects the chair and walks down to the ring, rolling in under the bottom rope. This time, for once, his chair is welcomed into the match due to the stipulation of the match.
Dan Simmons: Well, he came ready with his chair.
Tommy West: Considering Grimgor is double his size and power, he is going to need to pull out all the stops to win this match.
Dan Simmons: How much of a chance do you give Bugz? to win this match?
Tommy West: A regular match? None at all. But a tables, ladders, and chairs match? He is crafty enough to figure something out. And we're about to find out as here comes the bell...
MATCH FIVE
TABLES, LADDERS, AND CHAIRS MATCH FOR THE NLW SOUTHERN STATES CHAMPIONSHIP
Bugz?© vs Grimgor Ironhide
DING DING DING
Bugz? immediately swings the chair at Grimgor Ironhide. Grimgor brushes it off before another and another… and the third one seems to finally affect the gigantic wrestler. The fourth one actually drops Grimgor Ironhide to his knees. A few kicks to the back of the head later, and Bugz? is the one standing tall in the center of the ring. Knowing the type of match he is in, he immediately rolls outside the ring to slide a ladder into the ring.
Dan Simmons: Bugz? is going for the victory quick and early.
Tommy West: He has zero interest in being in the ring with Grimgor Ironhide long. This is the smart move.
He sets up the ladder in the center of the ring, takes a couple of steps up the ladder towards his Southern States until he realizes he is no longer in contact with the ladder…
Dan Simmons: Grimgor has him in a powerbomb position and…
Tommy West: Man, that shook the ring!
Ironhide slams all one hundred twenty five pounds of Bugz? into the mat with his full power. He lets out a loud "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!" before lifting up Bugz? in a military press position but shifts to just holding him up with one hand. Grimgor easily tosses Bugz? outside the ring and into one of the ladders that’s against the barricade.
Dan Simmons: What tremendous power from Grimgor Ironhide!
Tommy West: I mean, Bugz? weighs less than some teenagers. I might have been able to toss him out a ring.
Grimgor looks satisfied with his work and starts to climb the ladder before…
Dan Simmons: Is that the Great Buta on the ramp?
Tommy West: Well, Bugz? did pop up on the ramp during their match earlier.
Dan Simmons: He went through that table so I doubt he will want to get into any sort of fight with Grimgor Ironhide. Especially after Ironhide got the better of him in the Super Scramble match.
Tommy West: Well, he’s just standing on the ramp and… oh look, Bugz? is up!
The Great Buta was nothing more than a distraction as Bugz? drills the chair into the back of Ironhide. It takes two more before Grimgor falls from a few feet up the ladder and crashes into the mat. Bugz? can’t capitalize on it as the pain that Ironhide has inflicted on his spine appears to be affecting him.
Dan Simmons: While not a lot of time has elapsed in this match, Bugz? has dealt with a ladder-assisted powerbomb and being thrown back-first into a ladder against the barricade.
Tommy West: It’s clearly taking a toll on him already.
Bugz? gets up and decides climbing the ladder probably will end up with yet another powerbomb. He slides out of the ring and starts setting up a table in front of the very barricade he was thrown into before. He reaches under the ring and gets a second chair. He tosses it into the ring before climbing the apron. He springboards into the ring, looking for the Bunny Hop (diving double stomp) but Grimgor catches him in mid-air with a spear.
Dan Simmons: SPEAR!!
Tommy West: I think Bugz? gave him too long a rest.
Bugz? rolls out of the ring… right in front of the table he set up moments ago. Grimgor follows him outside the ring with hostile intent. Grimgor throws a few powerful strikes as Bugz? eventually tries to hold himself up using the table. That’s when a grin comes across the face of “Da Alpha Orc”. He lifts Bugz? in the air for DA ALPHA SLAM (jackhammer) when… he sees someone wearing an owl mask in the front row of the crowd. This gives Grimgor enough pause for Bugz? to slip free and counter it into Left Turn At Albuquerque (legdrop bulldog) that sends both men through the table, Grimgor a lot moreso than Bugz?.
Dan Simmons: WHAT A COUNTER!!
Tommy West: He got distracted by that guy in the owl mask. Isn’t he with the Midnight Animals?
Dan Simmons: I don’t know. He’s not on our roster sheet but I think there is a fourth member. Either way, both men are down but that had to hurt Grimgor a lot more than Bugz?.
The fans keep chanting “Holy shit” as both men are on the floor in the wreckage of the table. The first one to show some movement is, unsurprisingly, Bugz?. Though his movement isn’t exactly lively, he rolls off the wreckage of the table towards the steps of the ring. Eventually, rolling turns to crawling up the steps. Once he reaches the top of the steps, he yanks himself up using the ring post. By the time he does, he realizes there was a big arm colliding with his head…
Dan Simmons: Clothesline from Hell from Grimgor Ironhide!!
Tommy West: Who still isn’t looking great either. He went down too.
The clothesline from the challenger appears to have taken everything he had as he is on his back next to Bugz? but it did accomplish one thing: preventing Bugz? from getting to the ladder to win the match. But the first one up this time is Grimgor Ironhide. The divided crowd gives a mixed reaction as Grimgor slowly rolls back into the ring. He starts to climb the ladder as the cheers and boos grow louder.
Dan Simmons: Grimgor Ironhide inches closer and closer to his first championship!
Tommy West: Bugz? isn’t far behind him though…
Bugz? has now gotten to his feet and sees Grimgor halfway up the ladder. He climbs the top rope, adjusts his mask, then leaps…
Dan Simmons: Bugz? has knocked down the ladder!!
Tommy West: I don’t think they’re going to be using that ladder anymore.
The ladder landed on the ropes with Grimgor’s body crashing into the middle of it, bending the ladder in the middle and not making it structurally sound anymore. Bugz? landed on the mat nearby, not exactly coming out of the move unscathed. Bugz? pulls himself up and sees Grimgor Ironhide on the inclined and damaged ladder and realizes he needs to get a new one.
Dan Simmons: I think Bugz? agrees with you. He’s getting another ladder.
Tommy West: He better hope that big ole Orc is still gonna be down when he climbs that ladder.
He places the new ladder on the side of the ring. Still nothing from Ironhide. He rolls into the ring. Still nothing. He starts to set up the ladder. Ironhide remains motionless. Bugz? begins to climb the ladder, though not very quickly. He gets three steps up. Four. Five. Grimgor rolls off the ladder. Sixth step and Bugz? is reaching for the belt. He can touch the leather with his finger tips and… the belt starts getting further and further away from him as he realizes he is no longer vertical…
Dan Simmons: Grimgor Ironhide pushes the ladder!!
Tommy West: It’s not the fall, Simmons. It’s the landing…
And the landing was not fun as Bugz? lands right on the barricade before dropping back to the floor beside the ring. Grimgor yanks himself to his feet, knowing there is nothing between him and the Southern States Championship. He pulls the ladder back to a standing position before suddenly there was something between him and the belt…
Tommy West: Ah. There’s the other one!
Dan Simmons: Oh come on!! What’s Lee Gorn doing here?!?!
Foggy rolls into the ring and uses the first steel chair Bugz? came to the ring with. He delivers the first strike on an unsuspecting Grimgor’s back just as he was about to take the first step up the ladder. The Great Buta is now running down to the ring. Grimgor Ironhide turns his attention to Foggy before he is violently struck with the second chair by Big Bubba. Both Animals have their respective chairs and swing them… sandwiching Grimgor’s head between them. Foggy places the damaged ladder into the nearest corner. Foggy throws Ironhide into the ladder in the corner. This is followed up with a Great Buta avalanche splash.
Dan Simmons: This is madness!! Get these two out of the ring!! Grimgor Ironhide should be the new Southern States Champion!!
Tommy West: No disqualifications, Danny. And we don’t know if he would have made it up there with no issues. His boots are awfully large.
Grimgor Ironhide crumbles on the edge of the ring. Both Animals roll to the outside of the ring. The Great Buta tends to Bugz? on the outside; Foggy sets up a table. He rolls Grimgor Ironhide out the ring and onto the table.
Dan Simmons: This isn’t looking good for Grimgor Ironhide.
The Great Buta has Bugz? on his feet and helps him back into the ring as Lee Gorn climbs the top rope and looks down on Grimgor, who’s eyes are now opened. He leaps for the Mostly Flightless (frog splash)… and Grimgor gets his foot up!! The foot catches Gorn in the jaw and the table stays intact as Gorn falls in front of it.
Tommy West: Great Buta has Bugz? slowly climbing the ladder. It’s a race for the title.
Foggy gets back to his feet before turning around and seeing Grimgor with a wide grin. Grimgor catches Foggy by the throat before lifting him in the air and chokeslamming him through the table. After going through one table earlier tonight, the Great Buta quickly rolls out the ring and up the ramp. But Bugz? is already halfway up the ladder. Grimgor sees that he is in danger of losing the match and gets back into the ring. Bugz? has one step to go. Grimgor starts to climb the opposite end of the ladder.
Dan Simmons: Bugz? is reaching for the belt!! Grimgor is climbing with authority though!!
Tommy West: This is gonna be close!!
Grimgor reaches the top in no time. He strikes Bugz?, who somehow stays on. Bugz? hits Grimgor back. Bugz? hits him again and again and again… knowing this is his best hope to win the match. But after that barrage, Grimgor is still on the ladder and hits another than almost sends Bugz? off the ladder. Bugz? tries one more strike before getting yanked by the throat by Grimgor Ironhide.
Tommy West: Ohhhh boy!
Dan Simmons: This could be it!!
Grimgor lifts Bugz? in the air. He tries to reach for the belt while he was in the air but it happens too quickly. Grimgor throws him down with a chokeslam into the damaged ladder in the corner of the ring. With Foggy in a broken table, Bugz? in a broken ladder in the corner of the ring, and the Great Buta looking on from the top of the ramp, Grimgor Ironhide grabs the championship belt to end the match.
DING DING DING!!
Marty Watts: Here is your winner, AND THE NEW NEXT LEVEL WRESTLING SOUTHERN STATES CHAMPION, GRIMGOR IRONHIDE!!
Ironhide carefully descends from the ladder with the belt and holds it up in the air while screaming a loud "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!" to celebrate his victory.
Dan Simmons: And after all that, the larger, stronger wrestler beat the smaller one.
Tommy West: Well, Foggy tried his best to stop Grimgor. Buta didn’t want to go through another table and got out of dodge. But hey, Bugz? almost got it! I’m impressed how close he was to retaining.
Dan Simmons: They may not have won their matches, but the Midnight Animals have made their presence felt.
The camera cuts to a backstage area set up with a large wall-mounted monitor and a high stool–and sat upon that stool is none other than BB Gunn. NLW’s General Manager still looks a little rough for wear, but he’s on the mend, a fact that earns faint cheers from the audience in attendance. Gunn smiles in response to the warm reception before he begins to speak.
BB Gunn: Good evening, everyone! It’s good to be back here with you all. I trust you’re all enjoying the action so far?
There’s another wave of cheers. Gunn nods.
BB Gunn: Good. While we get ready for our main event, I thought now would be the perfect time to look to the future–namely, the groups for the G1. Sixteen wrestlers have stepped forward to be the next to lay claim to the championship opportunity that awaits the winner… but who will they have to face?
NLW’s GM grins.
BB Gunn: Let’s start with Group A!
Gunn claps his hands and the monitor turns on, revealing the graphic for Group A.
BB Gunn: Group A will consist of Danni Anderson, Spike Kane, The Thespian, and the Great Buta! Spike Kane and the Thespian have established themselves as forces to be reckoned with in NLW, but Danni Anderson’s found tremendous success elsewhere, and the Great Buta is unpredictable. This group’s gonna be hot!
Another clap of Gunn’s hands and the graphic for Group B comes up.
BB Gunn: Group B is home to the competitor who came painfully close to laying claim to the
NLW World Championship in MYOJIN, and I know for a fact that he wants to avenge that. Standing in their way, though, is a longtime rival of theirs in Bloodied Fox, a well-learned student of professional wrestling in Tuna Meltzer, and our newly-crowned Southern States Champion, Grimgor Ironhide. That’s a stacked group, there!
Gunn claps his hands again, triggering the switch to the graphic for Group C.
BB Gunn: Group C is the group of surprises, I personally think! Cheez has shocked the NLW world twice, now, and Bugz? lives and breathes the unconventional, both in and out of the ring. Beau Traywick’s actions tonight speak for themselves as to being a shock, and Trixie Mars may be the rookie of the group, but I’m sure she’s capable of big things! Do not sleep on this group!
Clapping his hands again, the graphic transitions to the one for Group D.
BB Gunn: Last but certainly not least is Group D. Daisuke Miyazaki may be new to NLW, but his performance tonight is more than enough to cement his ability as a top-tier wrestler. Pate the Mime is an unknown here, but he has been doing big things in IPW–and speaking of big things, Sexton Love legitimized his No Limits Championship tonight! That’s going to make him a target of Scott Hampton in particular. This group’s gonna heat up fast!
One final clap… and the monitor turns off. Gunn smiles at the camera.
BB Gunn: The first round of matches for the G1 will be on the next episode of Ascendancy, and I for one am looking forward to how things play out. Before that, though… we’ve got a Seventh Circle of Hell to go into, now don’t we?
Gunn’s smile takes on a slightly sinister edge, but it’s just for a brief moment before it returns to its usual brilliance.
BB Gunn: Enjoy the main event, everyone… and take care.
The camera cuts to ringside.
The camera cuts to the main space of the Smoothie King Arena... and there's a hush over the arena as a final check is performed on the massive structure that surrounds the ring. Jennifer Thibodeaux looks up from the outside of the ring to meet the gaze of Gabe Valentine, both of NLW's officials grimly nodding to one another. After panning over the weapons hanging from the walls, the camera cuts not to the middle of the ring, but the top of the ramp--off to one side, where Marty Watts stands ready.
Dan Simmons: I've been told that Marty was advised to announce from that spot, there, to keep him out of the line of fire.
Tommy West: Smart move. I wouldn't wanna be in that Hellacious thing myself, and that's without taking the more... volatile competitors that are about to be competing into account.
Dan Simmons: I couldn't agree more. We'e in for something special tonight... but it's also going to take years off of the lives of every wrestler in this match.
Tommy West: We've got EMTs and trainers on standby for that very reason.
NLW's ring announcer takes a deep breath before bringing his microphone to his lips.
Marty Watts: Ladies and gentlemen, it is time for the main event of the evening, the Seventh Circle of Hell... and it is for the NLW World Championship!
The crowd cheers in response to this, but Watts' face stays stoic. He's got a big purpose now, after all.
Marty Watts: Two competitors will begin in the ring, with the remaining four being released at five minute intervals until all the chambers are open. The only way to eliminate an opponent is by making them say 'I quit.' The last one standing will be declared the NLW World Champion!
"WWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!
HE AIN'T MY BOY BUT THE BROTHA IS HEAVY!"
An explosion of guitar and pounding drum beats blast from the P.A as Cage throws back the entrance curtain and marches to the ring to a chorus of cheers and boos both. Cage cracks his neck repeatedly and moves his body erratically, his eyes wide open, intense and frenzied towards the ring with his title in hand.
Marty Watts: Introducing first, weighing in at two hundred and thirty pounds, from Flint, Michigan, he is the reigning NLW World Champion... NATHAN CAGE!
"CAUSE I GONE GURU CUT THE BALLYHOO!
ROCK THE TAMBOURINES AND THE DIDGERIDOO!
SET THE ANIMALS FREE FROM THE PIMPIN' ZOO!
AND I'LL ELEVATE YA MIND LIKE AIRPLANE GLUE!"
Ditching his championship almost absent-mindedly with a PA, Cage slides into the ring, jaw-jacking at Gabe Valentine as he heads for the corner. It's clear the Rabid Dog is indeed expecting to be starting things off, but the senior official indicates one of the open pods much to Nathan's surprise! There's some arguing and jockeying, but eventually the NLW World Champion is locked into one of the pods.
Dan Simmons: Why would Cage be introduced first... only to get put into one of the pods?
Tommy West: I have a sneaking suspicion that our GM wants to prove that the Rabid Dog's not as clever as he thinks he is, but honestly? I think Gunn just doesn't want Cage mauling people as they come in, so he's making sure that can't happen.
Dan Simmons: Delaying that cathartic release might just prove to make Nathan all the more dangerous, though.
Tommy West: I don't think there's a way to make the Rabid Dog less of a danger, Simmo. It's just impossible.
"Timebomb" by Beck blasts into the arena and all the lights change to a cool shade of neon blue. Seth Dillinger struts out to the top of the ramp wearing sunglasses, jeans, and a button-down shirt with the top two buttons undone. The crowd claps and cheers for the fan favorite. He can't help but smile as he pulls his sunglasses down and winks at the crowd, making women and men alike cheer even louder.
Marty Watts: And now, the challengers. First, weighing in at two hundred and ten pounds, from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania... SETH DILLINGER!
"We've got a warning light,
We've got a warning light!"
The lights in the arena shift to an alarm/siren shade of red as Seth finally marches down the ramp, slapping hands as he goes... but his eyes never leave the monolith of steel before him. Sliding into the ring on his stomach, the wrestler formerly known as El Chico Promedio looks to Valentine to see which pod he's going into... but he's instead told to sit tight. Dillinger shrugs, trying not to let his apprehension show.
Dan Simmons: I'm not sure if it's because he's being humble or he's been preoccupied by his personal issues with Bloodied Fox, but Seth Dillinger claims to not know why he's in this match.
Tommy West: Look, Gunn said it outright--Seth getting into the Seventh Circle of Hell is a direct response to the stunning performance he put on in the Rumble. Whether it's a reward or not, though...
Dan Simmons: That's up for interpretation for sure. Add onto that the past neck injuries that Dillinger has suffered and I have to assume that he's not happy at starting out.
Tommy West: This match is a hazard to everyone involved. It might be better to start out and just--rip the bandaid off.
The lights go out as the beginning of "Bow Down" by I Prevail plays through the PA system, as a circle of flames erupts on the stage. Through the flames, slowly emerges Spike Kane as he fully emerges, the song kicks in.
"GET ON YOUR KNEES AND BOW DOWN!!!"
Marty Watts: Introducing next, weighing in at two hundred and twenty-five pounds, from Belfast, Ireland... SPIKE KANE!
Spike steps through the flames and heads to the ring, taking off his jacket as he prepares for a fight named after one of the places he allegedly calls home part of the time. Entering the ring, the Spiked One smirks at Seth Dillinger, beginning to advance--but then Gabe redirects him, steering the former X*Crown Champion into one of the open pods. Locked away for the time being, Spike's smirk only grows as his gaze wanders over all the weapons hanging from the walls of the chamber.
Dan Simmons: If Nathan Cage is uncontrolled rage, Spike is cold and calculating violence. His role as a Pillar of Violence spells nothing good when he's let loose.
Tommy West: Not only that, but Kane is a proven strategist. He knows that whoever gets in the mix of things before him will be all the more vulnerable to his brand of offense, and that means more opportunity to cause damage.
Dan Simmons: In the mix... that sounds friendlier than things are going to turn out, I think.
Tommy West: Not when you remember that blender blades are sharp enough to crush ice.
"Overdrive" by Lazerhawk starts playing, and Keahi Sparks emerges through the curtain. She's not got any fancy biker leathers or armor or toys with her. It's just a woman with a look of determined apprehension as she stares down the ramp at the imposing structure ahead. There is an added pay-per-view flair as emerald colored sparks rain down from the top of the jumbo screen to create a curtain of green and gold as Keahi stands there for a moment at attention before nodding to herself and striding down towards the ring, and the ordeal to come.
KEAHI ENTRANCE 1
Marty Watts: Introducing next, weighing in at two hundred and nine pounds, from Murfreesboro, Tennessee... KEAHI SPARKS!
Approaching the chamber, Keahi takes a moment to gander at the device of the main event's collective suffering before entering the ring. She glares daggers at Cage--who grins (or maybe snarls) in response--Sparks allows Gabe to lock her into her pod, arms crossed over her chest as she keeps her eyes firmly on the man she wants to get at the most.
Dan Simmons: While everyone in this match has something to prove, one could argue that Keahi Sparks has the biggest chip on her shoulder. While she was unsuccessful in her last attempt to lay claim to the top of the mountain, she didn't lose clean.
Tommy West: The question is if Sparks can find her confidence again since it's clear that things have not entirely been well within her mind.
Dan Simmons: This opportunity is one she will need to seize and hold onto until--no, long past the point where she bleeds.
Tommy West: I couldn't put it any better myself... both for Keahi and for everyone in this match.
The lights flicker for a moment in the arena before dimming completely. An awkward silence takes the arena, but it does not last long. A singular spotlight shines towards the staging area to reveal a masked figure. He raises his gloved hands... and begins to gesture with them as the accordion from Burn the Ballroom's "Whisper" pulls those in attendance in...
Come in
Sit down sweet angel
Leave me all your tears
Tell me
All of your troubles
The weight of your short years
Love is
Only a river
Drowning all of your cheer
Sell me
all of your laughter
And I will take some of your fear
Sit down sweet angel
Leave me all your tears
Tell me
All of your troubles
The weight of your short years
Love is
Only a river
Drowning all of your cheer
Sell me
all of your laughter
And I will take some of your fear
The masked man takes a bow as the chaotic drums and guitar drown out the trance-like melody from before. His body snaps upright as he mimics a crazed laugh in tandem to the music before it all calms down once more. As he makes his way towards the ring, his raised hand begins to swing to and fro like a conductor of an orchestra to the lyrics of the first verse
Marty Watts: Introducing next, weighing in at one hundred and ninety-five pounds, from the Theater... THE THESPIAN!
Upon reaching the ring, the Thespian takes the steps up and slips in between the ropes without missing a single flourish of the hand. As the first verse and chorus finishes up, he takes one more bow as his music begins to fade out. Upon straightening back up one more time, Gabe advances upon the masked man and guides him into the final pod... and as that happens? Seth Dillinger's eyes go wide as he realizes what that means.
Dan Simmons: The Thespian has long since stood by the fact that he has deserved this opportunity for a long time, ever since his run as the most dominant champion in all of NLW's history. His record-breaking reign as Southern States Champion is one for the ages.
Tommy West: Well yes, but his actions leading up to this match has given his opponents all a nice, fresh target to aim at in an environment where such is not only allowed, but encouraged.
Dan Simmons: Theo has overcome very stiff and violent competition before. I like his chances, but his experience is no guarantee.
Tommy West: There's only two guarantees at this point. One, there will be blood... and two? We're starting off with two parts of a blood feud.
Alright you motherfuckers...
LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!!!
The arena lights pulse red as Tom Morello's guitar slams through the speakers, the fans cheering and singing along as Bloodied Fox steps through the curtain and raises both fists high. Banging his head to the beat, his expression grim with determination.
Marty Watts: And the last challenger, weighing in at one hundred and ninety-six pounds, from Reading, Berkshire, England... BLOODIED FOX!
Fox strides down the ramp, absently bumping fists with a fan here and there... but it's clear that his focus is locked on one thing, and one thing only. Seth Dillinger. The two former members of LGBTKO stare one another down even as Bloodied Fox enters the ring, the smaller of the two competitors striding right up to get into Seth's face.
Dan Simmons: Bloodied Fox has a long and storied history with the man he's currently standing toe-to-toe with, but we can't forget the accomplishments and experience that he brings to bear.
Tommy West: The man has stood toe-to-toe with overwhelming odds on numerous occasions, and it's clear he's intent on doing the same tonight.
Dan Simmons: But before Fox can worry about getting his hands on the championship, he's got five other brave and doomed souls to overcome.
Tommy West: And that long road to the end for all six of our competitors begins now!
MAIN EVENT
MATCH SIX
SEVENTH CIRCLE OF HELL MATCH FOR THE NLW WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP
Nathan Cage© vs Spike Kane vs The Thespian vs Bloodied Fox vs. Seth Dillinger vs Keahi Sparks
DING! DING! DING!
The bell rings… and neither Bloodied Fox nor Seth Dillinger budge from their respective places. It’s as if the crowd’s low thunder of anticipation, the four chambered opponents–the unforgiving steel and plexiglass structure around them are all in another place, both men insulated in a cocoon of pain. Fox is the first to speak to Seth, with Seth responding and things quickly growing heated. Before too long, they’re screaming at one another, the anticipation growing right up until Fox hauls off and decks Seth, the crowd roaring in response! Dillinger fires off a punch of his own, the two former members of LGBTKO getting into a knock-down, drag-out slugfest smack dab in the middle of the ring!
Dan Simmons: The words exchanged between these two have been vicious, to say the least–especially on Fox’s end. It’s no surprise the tension between them broke so explosively!
Tommy West: Seth’s not holding back, either! Neither of these men are showing the other any quarter in this initial exchange!
Fox slips in an extra blow, then another, taking control of Dillinger just enough to grab him by the wrist and whip him into the nearest corner back-first, the injured spine of Seth colliding with the turnbuckle! Seth lets out a pained sound at the impact before he pancakes onto the mat face-first. Scar Vulp stalks toward the downed Dillinger, but the latter fights through the pain to get back to his feet quickly, a stiff chop driving Fox back, then another, then another!
Dan Simmons: Dillinger’s obviously hesitant to really unload on Fox! He’s doing just enough to force some distance there, showing incredible restraint.
Tommy West: Restraint isn’t going to win this match for him, though–not when that timer is counting down!
Indeed, the timer is down to less than a minute as Seth drives Fox into the ropes, Dillinger taking hold of Fox’s arm in order to whip him across the ring–and on the rebound, Seth leaps for a flying tackle, but Fox uses that momentum to plant Dillinger with a belly-to-belly suplex! Dillinger’s spine bows as Fox shifts position into a mount atop his former partner, a few blows raining down in time with the countdown that the audience soon joins in on.
Five! Four! Three! Two! One!
Dan Simmons: And here we go!
Tommy West: Who’s next to join the madness?
The overhead lights dim as a spotlight flickers on over Cage’s head, then Sparks’, then Kane’s, then the Thespian’s. This pattern repeats, growing faster and faster, before it slows to a stop… over the pod of the Emerald Blade. Jenny unlocks the pod from the outside of the ring, setting Sparks free to a roar from the crowd!
Dan Simmons: And here comes Sparks!
Tommy West: And there goes Sparks, right into the fray!
Keahi snags the top rope in front of herself before slingshotting herself over it, connecting with a Tope Atomico that breaks up the scuffle that her entry interrupted! Instinct (and perhaps some nervousness) has Keahi going for the pin on Dillinger, but she quickly realizes such is useless and forces Seth onto his stomach. Locking her arms around Seth’s middle, Keahi cinches in a grounded gut wrench, then powers her way to her feet without releasing the hold–but the amount of effort she has to exert gives Dillinger the momentum he needs to flip himself out of her grip and over her shoulder. Landing on his feet, Seth sprints for the ropes, rebounding off of them and taking to the air with a Sling Blade, Neon Crash connecting!
Dan Simmons: Sparks is incredibly strong for her size, but Dillinger’s instincts are still razor-sharp even after his absence–
Tommy West: Holy shit, Seth better hurry up!
Seth gets back to his feet, inadvertently getting out of the way in the nick of time to avoid Fox springboarding off of the top rope, Scar Vulp crashing down on the Emerald Blade with a Frog Splash! Air Vulpine drives all the air out of Keahi’s lungs, leaving her down for a moment to recover even when Fox gets back to his feet. There’s another terse staredown between Fox and Dillinger. It looks like it’s about to boil over, then Keahi starts getting up from the splash and it appears that a silent understanding is reached. But the Emerald Blade is fired up and goes for Fox before anything can come of it, and the two exchange blows. Keahi tries to whip Fox into the ropes, but Fox reverses. He sets himself for MDK, but the Emerald Blade has it scouted and hooks her arms in the ropes to stop herself from getting hit. The three all face each other, and Keahi looks set to fight both Seth and Fox at the same time, but soon all attention goes to the stage, and the timer on the screen.
Five! Four! Three! Two! One!
Dan Simmons: Who’s next to come out?
Tommy West: Whoever it is, I hope they’re ready!
Once again, the overhead lights dim, Cage’s pod the first to be bathed in the spotlight before it switches to Kane’s, then the Thespian’s. Faster and faster it goes before it slows to a stop, the light pausing for a long couple of seconds over the pod of the World Champion.
Dan Simmons: Oh Lord, here we go–
Tommy West: Wait! Look at the light!
…before it jumps one final time to land on Spike Kane. To say that Nathan Cage is apoplectic with rage is an understatement as Jennifer frees the Spiked One from his confines, the Rabid Dog slamming himself against the pod in a desperate attempt to free himself!
Dan Simmons: That had to be on purpose, Tommy. It had to be.
Tommy West: Gunn’s got to be punishing Cage at this point, denying him the chance to engage in the violence he loves so well–and it looks like Kane’s gonna give him something to be even more jealous of!
Spike leaves his pod and hugs the edge of the cell for a second before he goes straight for the Emerald Blade. She sets herself, but Spike’s not interested in playing and blasts her with a clothesline right out the gate. He didn’t even get in the ring, hitting it over the top rope on Keahi who was near the ropes. While Keahi slowly rolls away to get a breath, Fox and Seth both rush for the Spiked One, but the promise Dillinger made to his sister to be safe has him slowing down with hesitation. Such winds up being wise since Scar Vulp slingshots himself over the top rope before speeding toward Kane, leaping with his fist cocked back in preparation of Bloody Rain… but Spike turns around and swings with the kendo stick he’s picked out as his first toy, smashing it right into Fox’s skull! Fox lands on his feet, wobbles, but remains upright.
Dan Simmons: Had Fox been just a smidgen faster, he would’ve made it!
Tommy West: He didn’t, though… and if you think that Spike’s stopping there, then you’re sorely mistaken.
A second smash connects, Scar Vulp’s legs growing more unsteady… but he stays standing. With an uttered curse about how stubborn Fox is, Spike raises the kendo stick up over his head and back, preparing for another deadly strike, but when he tries to swing? Kane finds himself unable to do so, the business end of the kendo stick held in a deathgrip by none other than Seth Dillinger. A second attempt does nothing to free the weapon from Seth’s grasp, and when Spike twists around to confront the man that is interfering in his plans? Dillinger kicks Kane hard in the gut, wrenching the weapon away before he hurls it across the expanse of the Seventh Circle!
Dan Simmons: Seth Dillinger just saved Bloodied Fox!
Tommy West: Maybe he’s actually trying to turn a new leaf over after all, though setting himself right in Spike Kane’s sights is probably the stupidest thing he could ever do!
An annoyed snarl smears itself across Kane’s face as he rights himself after that kick from Seth, both of his hands wrapping around the throat of Dillinger. He holds his hands there, throttling Seth for a few moments before he lifts Seth up, looking for Blood God’s Wrath, but as Seth is in the air, Spike gets cracked in the back of the head with the kendo stick Dillinger disposed of! Keahi doesn’t have the same compunctions about using a weapon as Seth, it seems, anymore than Seth does about using the opportunity to free himself, gasping for air. The countdown begins as Fox shakes the cobwebs out of his head and Keahi installs some fresh ones in Kane’s own with another crack of the kendo stick.
Five! Four! Three! Two! One!
Dan Simmons: With only two options left, Cage is frothing at the mouth while the Thespian’s body language all but screams that he’s ready to go!
Tommy West: Who’s it gonna be, Simmo?!
The overhead lights dim, the spotlight dances between the pods containing Nathan Cage and the Thespian… and when the flickering between the two options comes to a stop? It’s over the head of the masked man. Cage paces to and fro as best as he can, screaming threats at all of his opponents as Theo is set loose.
Dan Simmons: And here comes the masked man!
Tommy West: Considering what he was willing to do to himself in preparation for this match, what is he gonna be willing to do to his opponents?! I don’t know if I wanna see and find out!
Theo gets all of two steps outside of his pod before Fox is on him, Scar Vulp managing to succeed where he failed with Spike in heading the masked man off before he can get his hands on anything too dangerous. Ramming the Thespian into the wall of the cage, Fox manages to slam Theo’s head against a road sign out of sheer serendipity… or, at least, it’s serendipity the first time. The second and third times? Those are more purposeful, Fox shifting his grip to engulf Theo’s masked features to really get some pepper on those slams. Before the fourth one can connect, though, Keahi’s pivoting and smashing the kendo stick over Fox’s back to save her teammate at Call to Arms, the wooden weapon finally giving up the ghost in a spray of splinters! Keahi tosses the handle aside, not paying attention to where it lands… or how it winds up close to a very, very bad man.
Dan Simmons: That kendo stick dealt out a lot of abuse, but it finally gave up the ghost in Keahi’s hands!
Tommy West: I wouldn’t say it’s done yet, Dan. Look at Spike!
Spike notices the discarded handle, rolling onto his side to take it in hand. Now armed and revitalized, the Spiked One gets to his feet, zeroing in on the opponent that’s standing tall. Seth is still catching his breath literally, the Thespian is still knocked loopy from Bloodied Fox slamming his head into a sheet of metal, and Scar Vulp is still downed from the keno stick being broken over his back… so that means the Emerald Blade is who Kane approaches, one hand getting a handful of Keahi’s hair while the other slams that jagged wooden edge into her ribcage! Sparks lets out a scream as she writhes in pain, eyes wide. That, of course, only spurs Kane on, the weapon shoved all the deeper as he drives Sparks forward, slamming her into the side of the pod still containing Nathan Cage. NLW’s World Champion snarls encouragement for more bloodshed, his fists pounding against the plexiglass. Keahi’s eyes are wide, perhaps having some flashbacks to the XHF Rumble. Cage sees that expression on her face and just laughs right in her face.
Dan Simmons: In a few minutes, Nathan Cage will be unleashed on the other competitors of this match–but until then, he’s going to do all he can to egg Spike Kane on!
Tommy West: He’s not the only one getting egged on, Simmo! Look!
The sound of Cage’s taunting floods the air around Keahi, filling her ears and making her see red. Sparks smashes her fist into the side of Kane’s head over and over again, forcing Spike to drop the impromptu shank. She puts a hand to her stomach and sees blood starting to seep through the skin and glares, wide-eyed, at the Blood God. In response, Spike kicks, then grabs Keahi by the head, lifting her into the air for a vertical suplex. But he holds her up, letting her look down at the steel grating below. Then he turns a bit to let her look at her hated rival, which makes her angry. She starts struggling, but Spike has her held fast. He turns back around, intending to drop her to the steel, but at that moment, Thespian comes out of nowhere and barrels into him with a spear!
Dan Simmons: OH MY GOD!
About six hundred pounds of humanity smash into the panel of plexiglass, knocking it right out of the frame! Cage winds up trapped between the metal and the plexiglass, roaring in frustration as the trio of bodies further keep him confined. He screams at the ref to let him out, and while Jennifer goes through the motions of unlocking the pod, it doesn’t do much to help Nathan’s current state of affairs. He can only look on as the pile of Sparks, Thespian, and Spike roll slowly off the hard plastic. But as soon as they do, he realizes two things.
One: Keahi’s blood smeared along the pane of bulletproof plastic as she slowly skidded along it.
Two: He can shift the pane around a bit. After a few seconds of rage and frustration, he creates an opening JUST large enough for him to slip through, and he bounds out of his prison and into the match a minute or two early.
Dan Simmons: That was definitely not part of the plan, if BB Gunn did indeed plan it that way.
Tommy West: I don’t think things would have gone smoothly even if he’d been one of the middle entrants. But they’re all in now, so all that can happen now is we start seeing people die.
Cage seems intent to make that happen. The only two standing are Seth and Fox, and he charges gleefully at both, ducking a double clothesline attempt and bouncing off with a double clothesline to both men. With everyone else down, Cage looks to the perimeter of the chamber, where any number of fun toys. He’s already seen someone use a kendo stick and a street sign, so he goes for something a little more exciting, yanking a length of steel chain off the wall.
Dan Simmons: An appropriate choice for the Rabid Dog, but I’m afraid to see what he does with it.
Tommy West: I’m just glad we’re out here instead of in there.
He’s closest to the former LGBTKO, so he starts by whipping the back of Seth Dillinger. He says something about not using weapons, but it’s hard to make out over the piercing scream of Dillinger as he feels the steel wrap around his spine. Not one to exclude people, Nathan whips Bloodied Fox as well. His yell is less distressing, but no quieter. Cage starts looking for someone else to whip, which means looking at the pile of bodies from before. Spike, Keahi, and Thespian have all dragged themselves away from each other and are pulling themselves up with the outer chain link wall. So Cage charges over toward them. Keahi is the most wounded and has been a thorn in his side, so he raises the chain over his head before slamming it against her back. She roars in pain, collapsing against the wall, holding herself up with one hand. Cage smirks and circles around to grab her by the face so he can look her in the eyes, but what he didn’t expect when he grabbed her chin was for her to turn to him intentionally and blow him a kiss that erupts as a fireball in his face!
Dan Simmons: What the Hell was that?!
Tommy West: She’s gone full psycho! She just tried to burn her alive!
Dan Simmons: No worse than the sort of thing Cage has threatened to do to her, or anyone in NLW.
Cage recoils dramatically, dropping the chain and pawing at his face to get the burning to stop. This gives Thespian the opening to pull the Lazarus Screwdriver out of his costume and lunge for the champion, blasting him point-first directly in the forehead! The force of this attack causes Cage to fall backwards into the ring. Thespian follows him, but Spike takes advantage of the weakened Sparks, using the weapon he pulled, a steel pipe, to jab Keahi in her already softened torso. She gasps and bends over, so Spike just pulls her in, then lifts her in a powerbomb before hiking her up a bit to hit Blood God’s Wrath onto the plexiglass pane. Outside of the proper framing, the force of the pop up powerbomb puts Keahi THROUGH the plexiglass, shattering it into hundreds of jagged pieces, a few of which ravage her softened back.
Dan Simmons: Keahi got a measure of revenge on Cage, but she didn’t get much time to celebrate it.
Tommy West: If Spike has anything to do with it, she’ll have plenty of time to celebrate...in the pocket of Hell he crawled his way out of.
In the ring, Seth and Fox have had some reprieve, so when Cage slips into the ring, Fox starts in with a flurry of Kawada Kicks, literally kicking the champ while he’s down. Seth looks to Spike, who just smirks and beckons him over with a flick of his wrist as he reaches down and grabs the pipe he dropped. Seth contemplates it for a moment, but soon Thespian is between them, so he focuses on Theo, dipping out of the way of a bicycle kick and hitting a spinning wheel kick. Cage shoves Fox away enough to get up, and when Fox goes for an MDK, Cage ducks under it, and in contrast, as Fox pivots around to face him, he boots him straight in the plums. The crowd boos, but Cage just smiles and reacts by raking Fox’s face along the top rope. Thespian reverses an Irish Whip from Dillinger, but eats a springboard crossbody block. This leaves the attention on Spike, who drops his pipe and picks up a particularly large piece of the plexiglass. Keahi is on the steel, favoring her back, which leaves her open for Spike to kneel down, grabbing Keahi’s head and drag the shard along her forehead. She cries out in pain as blood starts coming out of her forehead.
Spike Kane: Quit, or this is going to get worse.
Keahi shakes her head, despite the fact that this increases the severity of the laceration. Spike just shrugs. Instead of stabbing her in the head more, he grabs Keahi’s chin, lifting up her head. Spike then puts the shard against her throat.
Spike Kane: Give it up, or there’ll be two of you on the list of mutes.
Keahi starts to struggle, but Spike has her held fast. The sharp edge of the shard starts to press against the skin. The first drop of blood appears--
Keahi Sparks: FINE! I QUIT!
Gabe Valentine is quick to rush over, insisting Spike release Keahi. Spike smirks and drops her head to the mess of plexiglass below him, not feeling the need to expend any further energy worrying about what turned out to be a minor annoyance. Keahi presses her hands to her throat firmly as Gabe starts guiding her to the door out of the Chamber.
Marty Watts: Keahi Sparks has been eliminated!
Dan Simmons: That has to sting, Tommy.
Tommy West: Do you mean the pride or the fresh scar she just got on her pretty little throat?
Dan Simmons: Now that you mention it, both. But she said she’d fight like her life depended on it, and she’s the first one out. I’m no expert, but that has to be demoralizing.
Tommy West: She’s sixth out of six of the top talents in the XHF, let alone NLW. She’ll get over it, if she’s got any sense.
The five men left in the match don’t really care about this. Fox has fought off Nathan and nails a Question Mark kick that sends Cage staggering back into a quick DDT from Dillinger, who then eats a running facebuster from Thespian. This leaves him as the one upright against Spike, who is still holding the shard of plexiglass. He brandishes it at Thespian, who reacts by miming a hearty laugh. Spike nods, drops it to the steel floor, and rushes in, determined to make Thespian quit with his own hands. The two exchange blows, with Spike getting the upper hand, but as he pulls Thespian in for a piledriver or powerbomb of his own, Thespian gets a surge of power and thrusts Spike off of him with a back body drop that throws him over the top rope and outside the ring to the steel grating. Thespian slips out of the ring to follow him, twirling Lazarus’s Screwdriver in his hand as Spike moves to pull himself up. As he does, Cage is starting to push himself up in the ring, blood already flowing out of his forehead from the stab of the screwdriver, though he doesn’t look upset by it.
Dan Simmons: Thespian has some dark designs in mind for Spike.
Tommy West: Hopefully he’s not doing this out of any sense of loyalty to his Call to Arms partner. That’s in a couple weeks. This is tonight, and she failed him real hard.
Thespian doesn’t seem to be thinking about that as all. It’s hard to tell what he’s thinking on the best of days, but he has no qualm about assaulting Spike. Spike seems to know this is coming and ducks out of the way of the jab, and the screwdriver gets stuck in the floor grates. Thespian abandons it and gets booted in the stomach by Spike, who is about to go for Thunderstruck. But in the moment that Spike turns for the Stunner, Thespian wraps an arm around his throat and blocks the drop by hooking the top rope. Spike struggles to get out, but Thespian heaves Spike up with some visible strain, but instead of a clean inverted suplex, Spike lands chest first on the top rope before bouncing ungracefully back to the outside at Thespian’s feet. Thespian drags Spike over to the wall of the chamber, a seemingly endless tesselation squares of steel chain intersecting every six inches or so. Thespian laces Spike’s arms through some of the lower squares to prop him up before bouncing against the ropes for momentum to blast Spike in the back of the head with a Perfect Tragedy knee strike! He can’t speak, so he gestures to Gabe, who has a mic ready, and grabs it, putting it through the steel chain in front of Spike’s face. Spike doesn’t hear a prompt, but he sees the mic through a steady trickle of blood from where the steel chains of the chamber wall raked his face when Thespian kneed him.
Spike Kane: Get fucked.
Thespian seems to smile, based on the movements of his mask, extracts himself from the cage, and bounds for the ropes again. Spike starts to pull his arms out of the cage, but it’s not fast enough to avoid getting another Bomaye-style knee strike to the back of the head, which makes it bounce off the steel chain in a way that makes it rattle unsettlingly. Thespian doesn’t relent, hitting a third Perfect Tragedy with Spike propped up against the steel chain.
While he’s been doing this disgustingly effective strat, Seth and Fox are staring down Cage, who is grinning despite bleeding freely. The two charge, with Seth just a step behind. This means Fox eats a lariat from Cage, but Seth has the reaction time to pivot into an arm drag, which seems out of place in a modified Elimination Chamber, but it gets Cage spun around enough that he can hit a second one, and when Cage tries to reverse the third, Seth isn’t doing an arm drag, but kipping up from the canvas to hit a hurricanrana that whips Cage into the corner where his destroyed chamber is.
This lets him watch as Thespian picks up the chain he’d been using to lace it around Spike’s arms, effectively trapping him in a compromising position. Jennifer is right there to make sure she hears Spike say the words, if he says them, and get him free, but Spike just snarls as Thespian reaches up to grab something else.
Dan Simmons: This is the sort of situation where Jenny would love to free Spike, but she’s legally not allowed to assist any of the competitors unless they have been eliminated.
Tommy West: Yeah, and some of these guys, I’d expect to let themselves get killed before they quit, which is making this a little hard to watch.
Thespian pulls down a steel chair, except the steel chair has been pre-perforated with some kind of metal punch such that the striking surface has a lot of jagged edges to absolutely destroy the flesh of whoever it touches. Thespian lays this delicately across Spike’s back, then stands on it, which causes yells of pain, but just as Spike seems to be getting used to it, Thespian also grabs one end of the chain, the end holding Spike’s left arm in the steel mesh, and pulls back on it, creating a two-pronged assault of sadism where his feet are digging the nightmare chair into Spike’s back while he’s trying to either dislocate or break Spike’s arm, or totally tear Spike’s left arm off. Jenny is also armed with a mic to pick up the sounds of people quitting, but she’s currently holding it away from herself as she is within a few inches of Spike’s bloody, pain-wracked face. From her facial expression, she’s clearly pleading with the God of Xtreme. Spike’s response is to spit in her face. She recoils as Thespian lets go of the chain, getting off of the chair--revealing countless bloody points in Spike’s back--before picking up the chair and proceeding to smash Spike repeatedly in the back, raking it and turning his back into a pulpy mess. Jenny approaches tentatively, but the only noise it picks up is grunting. Thespian then turns the chair on its edge and starts blasting the back of Spike’s head. He nails several blows with the edge of the chair, then turns it flush again and hits Spike in the back of the head with the bloody, pointy part. After a flurry of blows where the points are digging into Spike’s skull, Jenny desperately extends the mic towards him.
Spike Kane: ...............
Thespian stands over the bloody mess of a man and starts planting Perfect Tragedies where it seems the back of his head should be. It takes several more knee strikes that paints Thespian’s knee crimson before Spike says anything.
Spike Kane: .....I quit.........
Jennifer jumps up and down, signaling to Thespian desperately to stop him from hitting another knee strike, and when he relents, she immediately starts trying to unwind Spike from the steel cage.
Marty Watts: Spike Kane has been eliminated!
Dan Simmons: I don’t think Spike’s going to be happy that happened when he wakes up in a few days, but Thespian has eliminated who might be the biggest threat in this match.
Tommy West: As far as I know, everyone else in this match has died a grand total of zero times. But undeath apparently doesn’t save you from getting your brainbox absolutely scrambled.
Seth, Fox, and Cage have been fighting in this time, but nothing as savage as this yet. While Spike was being eliminated, Seth nailed Cage in the corner with a shoulder thrust as he was pulling himself up. He then grabbed Cage by the head, ran up and jumped off the turnbuckles, and planted him with a big Tornado DDT. He had an awkward look with Fox, but neither man attacked. Seth then spent a while looking up to the top of one of the chambers, imagining the damage he could do by splatting Cage from up there, but he shook his head, thinking better of it. He opted instead to do a “normal” 450 Splash, but Cage wasn’t incapacitated enough and rolled out of the way, then twisted out of Fox trying to trap him in the Lament Configuration, rolling under the bottom rope and looking for new toys to play with.
We rejoin that trio in the present as Cage pulls himself up to his feet. Fox chases after him, but Cage rakes the eye to stun him, then pulls a length of lumber down from the cage.
Dan Simmons: Oh god. A kendo stick may splinter, but that’s a solid two-by-four. That’ll crack skulls.
Tommy West: Precisely as the freshly eliminated God of Xtreme intended.
Cage whips the two-by-four into Fox’s ribs, which creates an audible gasp as air leaves Fox’s lungs. He winds up, intending to brain the former Junior Heavyweight Champion, but Seth dives out of the ring through the ropes, effectively spearing Scar Vulp but meaning Cage slams the lumber against the top rope, narrowly missing his own face on the rebound. Seth checks on Fox for a second, then turns around and eats a crack to the forehead from Cage (who, of course, hit him with the narrow side, making it all the more dangerous). Seth starts bleeding from the forehead as a result of a stray splinter, and Cage raises the wood, intending to do even more damage until Thespian is charging in a way that’s normally a Suicide Dive but is a diving spear in this instance, sending Cage crashing back against the wall of the Seventh Circle but crashing to the steel grating himself, with the added bonus of the falling two-by-four falling on him as Cage drops it.
Dan Simmons: All four men are down, and ironically enough, the only one not bleeding is the one with Blood in his name.
Tommy West: Are you sure Thespian is bleeding? That could just be Spike’s blood painting his bodysuit red.
All four men are outside the ring, in the same segment of the Seventh Circle structure. Dillinger and Cage are bleeding from forehead wounds, and the former team of LGBTKO are near one pod while Thespian and Cage stand up next to a different pod. As soon as all four realize what’s happened, they start brawling, Cage with Fox and Thespian with Dillinger. Dillinger grabs Thespian and whips him into the ropes, causing him to bounce off them and faceplant directly into the steel chain! Fox is brawling with Cage, however, and Cage overpowers him, pushing him against the pod and repeatedly slamming Fox’s head into the plexiglass with a modified Fucked in the Head. This goes on for nine slams, and when he still doesn’t see blood, he pulls Fox off the pod and angles him toward the steel ring post! The tenth slam causes Fox to shout in pain and roll around, favoring the back of his head. Seth turns to look at Fox, but the distraction gives Thespian an opening, and he grabs Dillinger, hitting a Reverse STO that plants his face into the steel chain, worsening his laceration! Thespian then turns to Cage, seeing he’s distracted, and tries to spear him through a second pod! Cage sees it coming though and dodges, causing Thespian to bounce awkwardly off the plexiglass and into his arms for a waiting Death by Cage driver onto the steel grates!
Dan Simmons: God, Death by Cage is brutal even when on normal canvas. If Thespian wasn’t bleeding before, surely he is now.
Tommy West: Went back to the well once too many times there. I think it’ll probably cost him.
Cage starts to mount Thespian, but he suddenly gets a better idea. He slips through the ropes, then through a different set of ropes to get to the side of the ring where Spike Powerbombed Keahi, grabbing a fresh shard of plexiglass. It has blood on it, so it might be the same one, but Keahi bled on most of the plastic, so it’s hard to tell. Either way, he heads back to Thespian and mounts him again, but this time, he has the shard of glass.
Nathan Cage: Get yer ass over here so you can hear his last breath!
Gabe doesn’t take kindly to being addressed that way, but he’s also fully aware of how unhinged the champ can be, so he comes when called.
Nathan Cage: If you’ve got enough throat left, croak the words so you don’t croak!
He then leans down against Thespian in a full headbutt mount position. Gabe squeezes a mic in close, but all he picks up are raspy laughs.
Nathan Cage: I know yer into some kinky shit, so say the safe word when it gets too bad. OH WAIT!
And before anyone can react to that non-joke, he starts pressing the shard of sharp plastic against Thespian’s neck. He struggles to get out from under Cage, but can’t manage it, whether because of Cage’s leverage or being exhausted by the assault on Spike. True to his word, Cage pushes down until the shard presses against Thespian’s throat, but still no word.
Dan Simmons: His throat’s already damaged, how can this be fair!
Tommy West: The match is called the Seventh Circle of Hell, not the Circle of Friendship and Forgiveness.
Some raspy cries come out when the shard breaks through, and then a slightly higher pitched cry when Cage visibly takes a little more effort to break through something else, presumably Thespian’s windpipe. Gabe recoils visibly, but duty dictates he stay where he is.
Thespian: (gurgling noises) .....hk....glk....guh......ga....gawit.....
Nathan Cage: That’s as close as yer gonna get, friend. He can continue if you want...
Gabe Valentine very much does not want, and he all but shouts at Cage to stand up so he can attend to the Thespian.
Marty Watts: The Thespian has been eliminated!
Dan Simmons: We’re down to three, and while I would normally say Cage is at a disadvantage here, given how much Dillinger and Fox have been co-operating....or at the very least, not directly competing with each other, neither of them has the pure relish for violence that seems necessary for this hellish stipulation.
Tommy West: They better find it fast, because there’s no one left between them and the champ.
Cage stands up and faces the pair, blood-soaked plastic shiv in hand.
Nathan Cage: Yer up, Seth. Gotta keep Fox alive for the old man.
Seth grits his teeth and sets himself as Cage steps through the ropes. Fox seems to have a moment of conflict as Cage stalks towards Seth. In all the turmoil with Dillinger since the match started, he’d forgotten about Call to Arms in the heat of the moment. But as Cage looks set to lunge, Fox springs off the top rope and leaps onto Cage’s shoulders, flipping backwards with a Poisonrana that makes the crowd erupt with cheers. LGBTKO share their most significant glance yet, but it’s quickly broken by a shot from the Rabid Dog.
Nathan Cage: AWRIGHT, I’LL TAKE YA BOTH!
Fox kicks the shiv out of the ring, but getting distracted by that leaves him open for a lariat that turns him inside out. Seth charges in, but Cage reverses the Irish Whip attempt, shooting Dillinger to the ropes instead. He leaps up and nails a Cage Thesz Press and starts headbutting Dillinger viciously, right where he cracked him with the two-by-four to open the cut more. Of course, by doing this, he’s also aggravating his own laceration. After about ten headbutts, he yells something incomprehensible that’s probably a request for Seth to quit, but Seth is also loopy and can’t respond. Fox takes the opening and drops down, trying to lock Cage in the Lament Configuration! He gets the arm laced, but Cage is so slippery with sweat and blood that he tucks his head and slips out of the inverted chancery! He wheels around and claws at Fox’s face, causing him to recoil lest he lose an eye.
Dan Simmons: God, he’s tried to double down on the Thespian’s throat troubles, and now he wants to blind a man?
Tommy West: Gotta do what you gotta do to get out of this match alive, I guess. I hope we’ve got some spare ping pong balls on hand. Just in case.
Cage growls as Fox crawls away from him, and Seth lays in a corner, exhausted and trying to stem the bleeding. Cage doesn’t give two shits and pulls Fox down for his own submission. He laces a leg and pulls Fox’s spine back in the Rings of Saturn, but the uniquely savage version called Solitary Confinement is his because he starts using his free hand to gouge at Fox’s nose and face. Fox tries to pull himself toward the ropes out of instinct, and interestingly, Cage seems to follow him willingly. His plan is revealed when he pushes forward when Fox didn’t expect it and he winds up with his throat under the button rope! There’s pressure on his windpipe now as well as the wild animal clawing at his face.
Nathan Cage: I MADE THESPY’S QUICK, CRUSHING YOURS WILL BE SLOW!
Fox tries to fight out, but Cage has him trapped. He sees something in between face gouges, but Cage is getting awfully close to catching him in the eye properly, and he’s losing air all the time he spends with his throat pressed against the steel cable. He’s starting to fade, and he knows the feeling all too well. He wants to win, but he isn’t willing to die for it. Not time for that reunion with Misha just yet.
Bloodied Fox: Fine, take it. I quit.
Marty Watts: Bloodied Fox has been eliminated!
Cage clings to the hold for a bit longer, because what the fuck can Gabe do? Disqualify him? In a deathmatch? But eventually he loses enough stamina from viciously shaking Fox in the precarious position to release him, hands going to his bloodied face as Fox recoils instinctively, rolling toward the outside as Cage lies in the middle of the ring.
Dan Simmons: And then there were two. And I don’t like where we’re going.
Tommy West: I don’t like to imagine how insufferable Cage is going to be if he wins, but--
Dan Simmons: Wait, watch out!
Cage is laying on the canvas, laughing as he wipes the blood around on his face. But his hands being on his head means he doesn’t see Seth Dillinger, who has climbed carefully and gingerly to the top of the pod nearest him, leap off with a monster 450 Splash, crushing Cage into the canvas! The crowd roars as Cage splutters, and Dillinger rolls rapidly toward the opposite side of the ring, clutching his stomach.
Dan Simmons: What a huge shower of Acid Rain from Dillinger! That had to have hurt him as much as Cage!
Tommy West: He’s gotta be careful with his back, but that’s almost definitely revenge for the chain shot to the back earlier!
Seth clutches his stomach as he sees Cage gasping for breath. Sensing a tiny window of opportunity, he staggers toward Cage and drags him so his throat is draped across the bottom rope. He then grabs Cage’s legs and lifts them, stepping through and locking them together in a Sharpshooter! In contrast to his previous masked alter ego, Dillinger cranks the Sharpshooter for all he’s got, bending Cage’s neck at a disgusting angle! Cage flails for a way out, but the position means his arms keep bumping under the rope without gaining purchase. Gabe gets into position.
Seth Dillinger: Fuckin’...SAY IT!
Nathan Cage: Eat shit!
It looks like Cage is fading, but Dillinger doesn’t have much left either. Both are bleeding, but Cage is bleeding more profusely thanks to his savage headbutt attacks since Seth took a moment to tend to it. Seth yells in primal fury as Cage starts spluttering, his windpipe crushing against the ropes as his body tries to contort in a way to release the pressure on his spine. Seth reaches back with one arm in a last desperate act and hooks it into the top rope for extra leverage. Either it works or he’s lost the leverage and he’ll lose his grip soon...
Nathan Cage: (coughing) I--(cough)--q-quit...
The bell rings, but no one can hear it because of the deafening roar of the crowd as Seth Dillinger collapses to the canvas, Cage quickly curling up instinctively to keep his spine from snapping itself in half. He’ll be on the warpath tomorrow, but the exhaustion from the blood loss means he’s just motionless on the canvas as Marty shouts to be heard.
Marty Watts: NATHAN CAGE HAS BEEN ELIMINATED! THEREFORE YOUR WINNER, AND NEEEEEEEEEEEEW NLW WORLD CHAMPION IS SETH! DILLINGER!
Dan Simmons: Cage had a domineering performance, and I think anyone with brain cells would have assumed that would happen, but as much as it feels strange to say about a two-time X*Crown Champion...Dillinger pulled off one hell of an upset!
Tommy West: In that Nathan Cage will be upset as hell when he realizes how this went down? Absolutely. But the fact of the matter is, he invited this on himself, and at the end of the day, BB Gunn finally found a way to get one up on Nathan Cage.
Dan Simmons: The fact that all of our competitors survived this match--
Tommy West: We think, pending a medical update on the Thespian and Spike Kane.
Dan Simmons: --is an achievement. To my knowledge, this is the first Seventh Circle of Hell match on the XHF Network, and I pray to whatever god is listening that it’s the last.
Tommy West: Oh, you know how fucked Mongo is. There’ll probably be one by the end of the year.
Dan Simmons: God help the souls of whoever decides to enter that match, but we’re all done here. For the NLW team, I’m Dan Simmons, for Tommy West, good night!
Tommy West: Let’s get out of here so some poor schmucks can clean this shit up.
The final image is of Seth Dillinger in the ring as the Seventh Circle structure is being raised off of the ring, kneeling on a profoundly bloody canvas, being presented with the NLW World Championship belt. He has no energy to even stand for his hand being raised, so he sits there, looking down at the belt, but occasionally looking down toward the ramp, where Bloodied Fox is still being tended to.
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