Touchdown 4 Champion: Truth Or Real? | Adrenaline IV

[Drag]

Thanks For Tunin' In

Three

Two

One

Let's Jam!

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Fade in on a jaunty - licence free - tune, playing over a man sat in front of his TV. Surfing through channels with a bored expression.

With sudden agility, he shoots up and looks directly at the camera.

“Oh no! All the media I watch sucks ass! They BETTER CROWN TOUCHDOWN!”

Immediate starwipe to another slovenly man being arrested, the “police officer” clearly wearing one of those sexy Halloween costumes and not official uniform.

“Oh no! I went nuts and killed several people out of boredom! BETTER CROWN TOUCHDOWN!”

Yet another starwipe. This time, to Alastor Touchdown sat atop a decrepit desk in front of a green screen. Wearing a gaudy pink suit and thick glasses while reading a book - possibly in an attempt to look smarter. The book is upside down.

Touchdown looks up at the camera, dramatically tossing the book aside.

“Hi, Alastor Touchdown here! Did you know you have rights?”

The green screen background changes to the Constitution, despite IPW being in the UK. The footage keeps jumping in and out of focus.

“The right to NOT see boring CRAP on the TELLY?!”

“Well, that right is being besmirched in this Infinite Power Tournament. Infringed upon by Irina Sokolov and that dastardly minx Ana Somnia.”

He looks down solemnly. Such a tragedy.

“It didn't have to be like this; but that’s politics baby.”

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Another starwipe, this time flashing to images of Ana in action, Touchdown voicing over the proceedings.

“Ana Somnia was a respected IPW competitor who had everythin' goin' for her.”

A sudden “DUNNN” sound effect.

“Until she DIDN’T!”

We see footage of Somnia winning the IBW Tag Team Championships and her subsequent promo last Adrenaline, the footage pausing before she can actually begin the promo.

“I’ll spare ya the talk words. The long and short is that Ms. Somnia is enterTAINED but she ain’t imPRESSED! Baby, we are like ships passing in the night! I got the OPPOSITE PROBLEM!”

Another “DUNNN” sound effect and dramatic zoom on Ana holding the microphone. Mid-speech so as to be as unflattering a shot as possible.

“I’m damn sure impressed with Ana-Fofana, but boyyyy am I not entertained.”

“We oughta call ya Ana INsomnia. ‘Cause insomnia’s the affliction she cures whenever she’s on screen!”

Yes, yet another starwipe. This time to Touchdown, still in his awful suit, walking down Boogie Street. Shaking the hands of “supporters” who are clearly just Jimi Cooldown in different outfits, edited into the shot.

“Don’t get it twisted now, Ana is not unentertaining due to her robotic mannerisms and monotonous tone of voice. No, she’s boring, because she doesn’t PAY. ATTENTION.”

“If she did? Then she’d know her lil diatribe on Adrenaline was yesterday's jam, ‘cause she was regurgitating the same shit that THESE guys said”

Dramatic point to the camera. Starwipe to Stefan McCain being laid out with the Tuna Meltzer Driver, Touchdown rolling up Judith like a spicy wrap, Cooldown dropping a BIG TIME elbow on Reckless Jack.

We return to Touchdown, again sat on his poorly maintained desk. Dramatically whipping off his glasses to reveal, somehow, another pair underneath.

“Ohhhh, Jamrockers are showmen, just a coupla funnyboys. Just a coupla jokes!?”

“But, Ana-rama, in latching yourself onto this rhetoric? You’ve made a critical error.

Pushing his glasses up with a smirk, the green screen displays each time the Jamrockers hands have been raised. In and out of IPW.

“If we’re the joke. You’re the punchline.”

Touchdown paces back and forth, arms folded behind him. His picture of elegance is mitigated by the background, seemingly unsure of what to display, cycling through multiple different images of various quality before settling on the American flag.

“In your world, you’re “Undisputed”, the “Necessary Evil”. Got an impressive win over Karlson and of course, you’ve had success outside of IPW. Trouble is, Ana-banana, so have I. I got nicknames myself and I’ve damn sure got accolades. Unlike yourself, I ain't a slave to ‘em!”

“Case in point, Reckless Hack attacked ya. Gave ya a nasty bump on the noggin’. But, in your self aggrandising speech, ya seem to have left that fact out. That, in your big main event match, ya got PUNKED out and ended up an afterthought. I understand wantin’ to cling to the Touchdown brand for some shine, but I couldn’t help notice how quick the supposed “Devil” was, to let Jackie Boy get off scot free with that one.”

Stopping, placing one hand in his pocket and using the other to tilt his glasses and peer over the lens.

“Was it fear? Not of Jackie, but of potentially comin’ up short? Or, maybe gettin’ too banged up facin’ him that you wouldn’t be at your best against lil ol me?”

“You're buildin' yourself a high tower to look down from. But all that does is make it worse when I shove ya off.”

With one deft movement, Touchdown removes and flicks away his glasses. The green screen behind him turns off.

“For all my Jammin’ an' bangin’, I like a lil originality. So lemme steer you in a direction that hasn’t been said to death by halfwits me an’ my boy have already beat.”

“It ain’t “Joke Vs. Athlete”. S’not “Showman Vs. Technician”. That's ego crap. If we're goin' by what's PROVEN, it’s a guy who’s shown he’s willin’ an' able to go the distance and lay it all on the line no matter the risk. 'Gainst a glorified prizefighter who picks and chooses her battles, skilled and dangerous, but lackin' in lateral thinking. If things get a lil too hot?...”

“With your rep on the line alongside the title? You’ve got it a LOT to lose, Ana. And those’re the times where Alastor Touchdown, earns every showy nickname and catchphrase he’s got.”

He holds up a finger and smirks.

“Like this one!”

Touchdown points at the camera.

“YOU’RE NEXT!”

“BETTER CROWN TOUCHDOWN!”

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Flyin' High Baby...

Let's Touchdown