Post by Sexton Love on May 26, 2022 16:36:08 GMT -5
Left, right, left, right. Sexton Love bounces his freshly oiled pecs, a smug look of satisfaction on his face. In preparation for his match at Hostile Intent, Sexton is sporting a new accessory. A Bruce Lee-style red headband. He closes his eyes as the camera slowly pulls back. Stacked to about waist level, we see a tower of solid cinder blocks. Shaolin-Sexton calmly raises his fists, both heavily taped, and instinctually flexes his biceps a few times. With his eyes still shut, he lifts his right hand high above his head, then brings it down on top of the cinder blocks with a thunderous chop!
SMASH!
Bodzilla opens his eyes and bows. A woman dressed in a white kimono enters the frame. Her robe is adorned with traditional Japanese artwork. A picture of a wolf. The same image that Sexton’s hated rival, Felix, has tattooed across his back. She places a necklace of mala beads around the Lovely One’s neck.
“You ain’t nothin’ but a sheep in wolf’s clothing, Felix... and Sexton Love is the REAL WHITE WOLF, babbeh...
The top dog... the leader of the pack... THE ALPHA.
The Last Alpha Male in professional wrestling... and on Saturday, May 28th... the First NLW No Limit Champion.”
Sexton begins to walk around the dojo, unwrapping his hands. In the background, we see several ‘students’ undergoing rigorous training. As Sexton walks by, they immediately halt their exercises and bow to him out of respect.
“I’m a classic man, babbeh. A traditional man tryin’ to bring back traditional wrestling. Old school wrestling. Old school rules. THAT’S what the Triple X*Crown was all about. Tradition. But I guess that’s something these bloodthirsty, neckbearded modern-day wrestling fans... and their blue-haired, half-bald, pancake titteh girlfriends... just don’t seem to understand, babbeh. And it’s something that the idiots runnin’ the show at NLW don’t understand either.”
He shakes his head in disappointment.
“I thought that you of all people would get it though, Felix. With your little Kung Fu Code of Honor... I thought that you would understand tradition. But I guess I was wrong, babbeh. And now those rules are going out the window...
Because on Saturday, May 28th... at Hostile Intent... we’re gonna put an X through ALL of the rules, Felix...
Disqualifications? ...X
Countouts? ...X
Time limits? ...X
At Hostile Intent, the Triple X*Crown is DEAD... and the NO LIMIT CHAMPIONSHIP is on the line. A title officially sanctioned by Next Level Wrestling... in a match that couldn’t legally be sanctioned anywhere else in the world: Felix vs. Sexton Love, ANYTHING GOES.”
He lets the words linger, drawing the audience in.
“This is a dangerous match, babbeh... because Felix is a dangerous man. He doesn’t NEED any extra weapons. He doesn’t need his nunchucks or kendo sticks. He doesn’t need baseball bats and barbed wire. He doesn’t need tables... or ladders... or chairs! Make no mistake about it, Felix is a fighting machine.
His HANDS are deadly weapons...
His FEET are deadly weapons...
His ELBOWS AND KNEES are deadly weapons...
...And any lesser man would be SHITTIN’ IN THEIR BRITCHES, BABBEH. But Sexton Love ain’t afraid. Because no matter what kind of weapon he brings on Saturday night... I’ve still got the two deadliest weapons of them all RIGHT HERE...”
“BOOM!” Double bicep pose.
“I’M PACKIN’ HEAT, DADDEH! ...THE GUNS ARE FULLY LOADED!”
He turns side to side, showing off his triceps as well.
“...ABSOLUTE WEAPONRY! OHHHHH YEAHHHHHHH!”
He faces the camera again, ramping up the intensity even more.
“On Saturday night, the Largest Arms in the World will be holding the Newest Prize in the Game. You can forget about that quarterback in Denver (who the hell did HE ever beat?) ...because I’m the REAL Mr. Unlimited, babbeh.
My POWER is unlimited...
My ENERGY is unlimited...
And most importantly... my WILL TO WIN is unlimited!
So if you think the rules at Hostile Intent give Felix the advantage... well then you’re dumber than a fat broad callin’ herself beautiful, babbeh. Because at the end of the day, Felix is all about discipline, honor, and respect. But it takes a man with no honor to win a match with no limits... and Sexton Love is willing to do WHATEVER IT TAKES, babbeh. That’s why I’m walkin’ out with the belt at Hostile Intent. That’s why I’ll be the first ever NLW No Limit Champion.”
He closes his eyes again, taking a few deep, meditative breaths.
“Everybody remembers the first one, babbeh... especially when the first one is Sexton Love. As far as I’m concerned, the NLW No Limit Title has been waiting for this moment. That belt’s been saving herself for Sexton Love, and I need to take her home, ya dig? When that belt is around my waist... well then it will be the HOTTEST, most COVETED title in all of professional wrestling.”
Sexton reopens his eyes.
“You may have a list of 200-something stupid moves in your arsenal, Felix... but that doesn’t make you a champion. It takes a whole lot more than that. It’s the No Limit Title, not the No Charisma Title... and that’s why you’ll never hold it, daddeh.
I know you’ve got a black belt in karate...
Kickboxing...
Taekwondo...
Brazilian jiu jitsu... Mexican jiu jitsu... and GUATEMALAN JIU JITSU, babbeh!
But holding all of those belts is NOTHING compared to winning a championship belt in professional wrestling! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!”
He tears off the ceremonial necklace.
“Sexton Love is the champion that this division and this company needs. I’m the guy who lit this damn torch, and I’ll be the one to carry it forward. I’ll be the one to build the No Limit division. I don’t just make love... I make HISTORY. And Saturday night is history in the making, ohhhhh yeahhhhh.
Sexton Love will finally... FINALLY... be recognized as a champion in NLW... and the success of this company will truly be unlimited...
...Because SEX...
...SELLS!”
SMASH!
Bodzilla opens his eyes and bows. A woman dressed in a white kimono enters the frame. Her robe is adorned with traditional Japanese artwork. A picture of a wolf. The same image that Sexton’s hated rival, Felix, has tattooed across his back. She places a necklace of mala beads around the Lovely One’s neck.
“You ain’t nothin’ but a sheep in wolf’s clothing, Felix... and Sexton Love is the REAL WHITE WOLF, babbeh...
The top dog... the leader of the pack... THE ALPHA.
The Last Alpha Male in professional wrestling... and on Saturday, May 28th... the First NLW No Limit Champion.”
Sexton begins to walk around the dojo, unwrapping his hands. In the background, we see several ‘students’ undergoing rigorous training. As Sexton walks by, they immediately halt their exercises and bow to him out of respect.
“I’m a classic man, babbeh. A traditional man tryin’ to bring back traditional wrestling. Old school wrestling. Old school rules. THAT’S what the Triple X*Crown was all about. Tradition. But I guess that’s something these bloodthirsty, neckbearded modern-day wrestling fans... and their blue-haired, half-bald, pancake titteh girlfriends... just don’t seem to understand, babbeh. And it’s something that the idiots runnin’ the show at NLW don’t understand either.”
He shakes his head in disappointment.
“I thought that you of all people would get it though, Felix. With your little Kung Fu Code of Honor... I thought that you would understand tradition. But I guess I was wrong, babbeh. And now those rules are going out the window...
Because on Saturday, May 28th... at Hostile Intent... we’re gonna put an X through ALL of the rules, Felix...
Disqualifications? ...X
Countouts? ...X
Time limits? ...X
At Hostile Intent, the Triple X*Crown is DEAD... and the NO LIMIT CHAMPIONSHIP is on the line. A title officially sanctioned by Next Level Wrestling... in a match that couldn’t legally be sanctioned anywhere else in the world: Felix vs. Sexton Love, ANYTHING GOES.”
He lets the words linger, drawing the audience in.
“This is a dangerous match, babbeh... because Felix is a dangerous man. He doesn’t NEED any extra weapons. He doesn’t need his nunchucks or kendo sticks. He doesn’t need baseball bats and barbed wire. He doesn’t need tables... or ladders... or chairs! Make no mistake about it, Felix is a fighting machine.
His HANDS are deadly weapons...
His FEET are deadly weapons...
His ELBOWS AND KNEES are deadly weapons...
...And any lesser man would be SHITTIN’ IN THEIR BRITCHES, BABBEH. But Sexton Love ain’t afraid. Because no matter what kind of weapon he brings on Saturday night... I’ve still got the two deadliest weapons of them all RIGHT HERE...”
“BOOM!” Double bicep pose.
“I’M PACKIN’ HEAT, DADDEH! ...THE GUNS ARE FULLY LOADED!”
He turns side to side, showing off his triceps as well.
“...ABSOLUTE WEAPONRY! OHHHHH YEAHHHHHHH!”
He faces the camera again, ramping up the intensity even more.
“On Saturday night, the Largest Arms in the World will be holding the Newest Prize in the Game. You can forget about that quarterback in Denver (who the hell did HE ever beat?) ...because I’m the REAL Mr. Unlimited, babbeh.
My POWER is unlimited...
My ENERGY is unlimited...
And most importantly... my WILL TO WIN is unlimited!
So if you think the rules at Hostile Intent give Felix the advantage... well then you’re dumber than a fat broad callin’ herself beautiful, babbeh. Because at the end of the day, Felix is all about discipline, honor, and respect. But it takes a man with no honor to win a match with no limits... and Sexton Love is willing to do WHATEVER IT TAKES, babbeh. That’s why I’m walkin’ out with the belt at Hostile Intent. That’s why I’ll be the first ever NLW No Limit Champion.”
He closes his eyes again, taking a few deep, meditative breaths.
“Everybody remembers the first one, babbeh... especially when the first one is Sexton Love. As far as I’m concerned, the NLW No Limit Title has been waiting for this moment. That belt’s been saving herself for Sexton Love, and I need to take her home, ya dig? When that belt is around my waist... well then it will be the HOTTEST, most COVETED title in all of professional wrestling.”
Sexton reopens his eyes.
“You may have a list of 200-something stupid moves in your arsenal, Felix... but that doesn’t make you a champion. It takes a whole lot more than that. It’s the No Limit Title, not the No Charisma Title... and that’s why you’ll never hold it, daddeh.
I know you’ve got a black belt in karate...
Kickboxing...
Taekwondo...
Brazilian jiu jitsu... Mexican jiu jitsu... and GUATEMALAN JIU JITSU, babbeh!
But holding all of those belts is NOTHING compared to winning a championship belt in professional wrestling! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!”
He tears off the ceremonial necklace.
“Sexton Love is the champion that this division and this company needs. I’m the guy who lit this damn torch, and I’ll be the one to carry it forward. I’ll be the one to build the No Limit division. I don’t just make love... I make HISTORY. And Saturday night is history in the making, ohhhhh yeahhhhh.
Sexton Love will finally... FINALLY... be recognized as a champion in NLW... and the success of this company will truly be unlimited...
...Because SEX...
...SELLS!”
