San Diego

[Jonnie Valentine]

The camera opens on the Viejas Arena as the San Diego fans roar The signs say “Rat Boy”, “Dorothy’s Birth Certificate Says ‘Expired’, “I Can’t Afford Marty’s App”, “Unblock Me Tux!!”, “Guillermo Sold Me An Air Fryer”, “The Sheik Fears Lawsuits”, “Valentine Family Section”, “Kilroy Hug Zone”, “RIP Allen Anderson”

Guillermo O’Bannon: Hello fans and welcome to America’s Finest CIty, San Diego! We’re here in front of 3,334 fans who are ready for tonight’s action.

Philip Blauer:I tell you, I love this little ‘burg, Gazpacho. It’s like red state LA here, you have the beautiful beaches, although I tell you, the bathing suits some of these ladies wear is just uncalled for. In my day, we had a policemen who patrolled the seasides to make sure that no womanperson was wearing anything that could cause urges in impressionable youths that they were not prepared for.

Guillermo O’Bannon:When was this? How old are you??

Philip Blauer:It’s not important. What is important is that this flatfoot spent his entire day staring at women’s bathing suits. One could say he was obsessed. Obsessed with proper beach attire.

Guillermo O’Bannon:Everyone tonight is in contention for a title as we have the semi-finals of the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship title tournament, and the first round of the Hardkore West Coast Championship title tournament. Kilroy Evans will take on Alexander Von Blankenship.

Philip Blauer: Truly a clash of a cultures, AVB has eaten at the finest restaurants, romanced the loveliest of ladies, and Kilroy grew up with a house he kept having to move when he ran out of quarters for the meter.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Then in the other half of the semi-finals, you have Tuxedo Mask taking on The Great Syberus.

Philip Blauer: ;In Palm Springs, Tuxedo Mask showed he was back in ring shape for the first time since “Single Ladies” was big.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Now he takes on his biggest challenge of his career, a match with the four time Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion The Great Syberus. In the first round of the Hardkore West Coast Championship tournament, we have former Hardkore World Womens’ Champion Natalie Burrows making her return to Hardkore against another guy who once was one of the biggest stars we had.

Philip Blauer: Marty Donovan was livid that he was left off the first show, and was considering a massive lawsuit that could have bankrupted this entire company. I was set to testify before cooler heads prevailed.

Guillermo O’Bannon: You were going to testify against this company?

Philip Blauer: Oh, I was ready to sing, Gooch. I was going to name names. Jonnie wouldn’t be able to promote a back alley cat fight when I got through with him.

Guillermo O’Bannon: The former Fireside Champion Natalie Burrows excited to return to Hardkore World and compete for the Hardkore West Coast Championship. She is one of the top wrestlers in the XHF, and Marty Donovan better be ready for her after such a long time away from the ring. Then “Deathstryke” Cyan Komar takes on Blaze Freya.

Philip Blauer: Cyan Komar has earned nothing but scorn his entire career, and rightfully so.

Guillermo O’Bannon: …But?

Philip Blauer: No, I was quite finished.

Guillermo O’Bannon: But in Palm Springs, after his longtime manager’s tragic death. The people I interviewed say they saw something they should have seen all along.

Philip Blauer: A man who could do a cool roundhouse kick.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Tonight he wrestles former SWAT Amazons Champion Blaze Freya who tore down the house with Tuxedo Mask in Palm Springs. A win for either of these two will not only advance them to the second round of the Hardkore West Coast Championship, but put them on the right track in becoming a big star out here. Then we have The Sheik wrestling Lynx

Philip Blauer: I think wrestling and what The Sheik does is comparing apples to oysters. If Lynx wants to make it out of here alive, he’s going to have the fight of his life on his hands.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Without seeing him, Lynx looks like he can take care of himself in there.

Philip Blauer: And where do you deduce that from? His scary mask? For all we know he could be Tuxedo Mask trying to get two match checks.

Guillermo O’Bannon: But first we have the return of one “Sexy” Anjanette Turner, taking on former Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion Andrew Karnage.

“Savage” by Megan Thee Stallion and Beyoncé plays and the crowd jumps to their feet. Suddenly, “Sexy” Anjanette Turner walks through the curtain. She stops, and soaks in the huge pop, seeming to get a little emotional. She mouths “Thank you.” at them, then starts walking to the ring

Philip Blauer: There she is. The woman that is going to approve my work-related footbath under the desk here. 

Guillermo O’Bannon: Phil, she already said no. There’s too many wires here.

Philip Blauer: But my dogs are barking. Oh, how they bark. I need the sweet relief of a deafening toenail pond right next to the rat’s nest of power strips we have scattered around my dogs as we speak. What could be wrong about that?

Guillermo O’Bannon: Stop calling them your dogs.

Anjanette Turner slaps the fans’ hands as she goes down the aisle, and then climbs up to the apron. She takes a deep breath and then steps through the ropes, getting another pop as she gets into the ring.

Guillermo O’Bannon: The last time she was in this building was July 11, 2006 when she wrestled Yuku Shiro for the Hardkore World Women’s Championship. Now it’s where she makes her return, and where she hopes she can start her journey to become Hardkore West Coast Champion in her first intergender match of her career. 

Greg Jin: “Hello fans and welcome to The Viejas Arena in beautiful San Diego. Our first match in the Hardkore West Coast Title Tournament is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Richie Richardson. Featuring first, from Las Vegas, Nevada; Standing 5 feet 6 inches tall; Weighing 180 pounds; She is a Five Time Hardkore World Women’s Champion, She is ‘SEXY’ ANJANETTE TURNER!!!”

The audience gives the beloved star a huge ovation. The VIejas Arena starts chanting “WELCOME BACK! WELCOME BACK! WELCOME BACK!” Then the funky bass line of "Death By Suplex" starts up and the lights in the arena flicker in time to the pulsing beat, golds and blues. When the lyrics start up, Andrew Karnage walks out with a half-smile on his face

Guillermo O’Bannon: Andrew Karnage kicking off our first match of the night two shows in a row now. The last time he was in this building was in 2008 when he went to a time limit draw with Syberus for the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship. Now he returns to San Diego to wrestle an old friend with the opportunity of the Hardkore West Coast Championship hanging in the balance.

Andrew Karnage idly slaps hands with the fans as he walks to the ring, and slides under the bottom rope and throws up a sign language K to the roar of the crowd.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Karnage was in the first match of Hardkore’s relaunch with Alexander Von Blankenship and came up short thanks to some bad blocking by Richie Va…Richie Richardson. 

Philip Blauer: Give the little scamp a break, Gideon. Being a referee is one of the thankless jobs out there, like Kanye’s publicist. But this cocksure young buck has started with nothing and now is… is…

Someone throws a soda cup into the ring. Richie picks it up to throw it out of the ring, but notices there’s still some Sprite in there and finishes it.

Guillermo O’Bannon: What?

Philip Blauer: I’m not sure. (snaps his fingers) He’s got a snazzy new shirt. That’s something.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Andrew Karnage was able to easily beat Randy Candy in Indio.

Greg Jin: “And her opponent is from Hurricane, Utah. He stands 6 feet 5 inches tall, and Weighs 265 pounds; The Head Droppin Uncle, The Utah Frankenstein, He provides Death By Suplex…ANDREW KARNAGE!!!”

The audience roars as Karnage throws up the K sign again.

---

Hardkore West Coast Title Tournament Match

Andrew Karnage vs. "Sexy" Anjanette Turner

---

Richie Richardson rings the bell and Andrew Karnage walks out to the center of the ring. He offers his hand, and the audience buzzes. Anjanette cautiously shakes it

Philip Blauer: Nothing happened.

Guillermo O’Bannon: ;And nothing will, these two have shared cars and locker rooms over the years and respect each other enormously. 

Philip Blauer: If I had known they were going to keep you around this long, maybe I would have formed a similar bond but you always seemed like this close to being future endeavored to making angry shoot videos on Youtube. Remember the Christmas party when you got drunk and made your feelings known to Suzie Machina, but she didn’t like you like that, so you got even drunker and kept making the band play Suzie Q? I thought for sure I would be sitting next to a less Irish person by the January PPV. 

Guillermo O’Bannon: We all remember the Christmas party, Phil. 

Philip Blauer: That must have been so embarrassing. She left the territory after that, I do believe.

Guillermo O’Bannon: She did.

Philip Blauer: Well she seems happy now.

Guillermo O’Bannon: She does. I check her page frequently.

Philip Blauer: Well, that’s unfortunate.

Guillermo O’Bannon:;Andrew Karnage goes in for a lock up, but Anjanette avoids it and goes underneath. A wary Karnage tries it again, and again, Turner is too quick for him.

Philip Blauer: If Sexy Anj is going to win this match it’s going to be by one way and one way only.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Be the faster wrestler. 

Philip Blauer: I was going to say order drug testing, but sure, that could work. [/quote][/font]

Guillermo O’Bannon:This time Karnage grabs her in a muy thai clench, and strikes her with several stiff knees. He lifts her up in a stalled vertical suplex. [/b][/font]
[/b]
Karnage shows off a little by holding the 180 pound Anjanette with only one arm. He uses the other arm to ask for applause, which the San Diego fans do out of sheer respect for his strength. He finally drops back to the mat with her.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Andrew Karnage looks like he’s going to try to end it early. He signals for the Nightmare Lariot.

Philip Blauer:The size difference here could definitely cause this one to be quicker than Flair’s run in AEW.

Guillermo O’Bannon: But Anjanette rolls under the Nightmare Lariot, hits the ropes, and comes back with a spinning heel kick!

The crowd pops and Karnage goes down to one knee. Anjanette takes the kneeling Karnage out with a roundhouse kick! She grabs him in a chinlock.

Guillermo O’Bannon: A great equalizer as Anjanette Turner tries to cut off Karnage’s air. She flattens out her body, to put more pressure on the back of Karnage’s neck and head.
Karnage reaches out for escape, but “Sexy” Anjanette Turner grabs his arm in an armlock, while maintaining the chinlock. She clamps down on Andrew Karnage’s jawline, while wrenching back on his shoulder and arm. Richie Richardson checks in, in case Karnage wants to submit

Guillermo O’Bannon: The five time Hardkore World Women’s Champion wearing down the AK-47. But Karnage using that superior strength to work his way back up to his feet.

Andrew Karnage backpeddles until he crushes Anjanette in the corner. She grabs him by the hair and smashes his face into the turnbuckle.

Guillermo O’Bannon:“Sexy” Anjanette Turner smashes Karnage’s face into the turnbuckles again, but this time he no-sells! [/b][/font][/font]

The crowd cheers as Karnage rams his own head into the turnbuckle one more time for good measure! He grabs Turner by the hair and leans into a giant headbutt that nearly knocks Turner out. Karnage grabs her leg and turns her over into a single leg boston crab

Guillermo O’Bannon: Karnage sits low to put maximum pressure on Turner’s hyperextended knee. Then he straightens up and steps on the back of her skull with his foot. 

Anjanette Turner cries out in pain as Karnage bends her knee back while crushing her skull with all of his 265 pounds. She tucks her head and rolls out onto her feet, but Karnage is still hanging onto her leg

Guillermo O’Bannon: “Sexy” Anjanette Turner swings around with an enzuigiri that tattoos the back of Karnage’s head!

Karnage goes down like a tree, facefirst. Anjanette Turner takes the advantage and applies an arm scissors. She uses that arm she has in Karnage’s trapped elbow, to row back and put enormous pressure on it, Karnage shakes his head at Richie Richardson refusing to quit.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Anjanette Turner wisely going after the arm that Andrew Karnage uses for the Nightmare Lariot.

Philip Blauer: What’s wise is having her nephew be the referee.

Guillermo O’Bannon: He’s not her…she can’t help who the referee is…if he was her relative, which he probably isn’t.

Philip Blauer: I see.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Andrew Karnage rolls to his knees with Anjanette hanging on to that arm scissors. He plants his feet and tries to pull Anjanette Turner up with her still attached to his arm.

The San Diego fans roar as Andrew Karnage gets to his feet in a standing position, lifting Turner up onto his shoulder with one arm, while she continues to hang on the arm scissors!! The fans chant “Karnage! Karnage! Karnage!”

Guillermo O’Bannon: Andrew Karnage drops down, dropping Turner onto the back of her head!

Karnage clutches his elbow, kicking his feet into the mat. Turner lies on the mat, dazed as The Viejas Arena cheers their individual favorites. Richie Richardson looks pretty confused at both Turner & Karnage as they lie on the mat. Richardson shrugs, and starts the double count

...One
...Two
…Three
...Four

Andrew Karnage sits up.

...Five
...Six

Anjanette rolls to her hands and knees, while Karnage has now pulled himself up to his feet by the ropes. Andrew Karnage grabs Anjanette Turner in a masterlock, then starts spinning her around and round until she leaves her feet

Philip Blauer: There it is, The Sketchy Roadside Attraction!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Andrew Karnage stops to readjust into a half nelson hammerlock, and then drops back into an Icepick Suplex!!

...ONE!
...TWO!
...Thr-Anjanette Turner gets her shoulder up

Philip Blauer: Wow, that was close.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Andrew Karnage gut wrenches Anjanette up into a Wild Bomb, but Turner takes him over into a huracanrana!

The San Diego fans pop! Anjanette Turner maintains the headscissors, and clamps down on Karnage’s neck with her powerful legs

Guillermo O’Bannon: Turner using that legscissors to constrict Karnage’s breathing. She leans back until Karnage’s shoulders are pinned to the mat. [/b][/font]

...ONE!
...Andrew Karnage rolls his shoulder up

Karnage whips his body to escape the leg scissors, and gets to a vertical base. He starts hammering Anjanette Turner with vader style clubbing forearms, snapping Turner’s head back

Guillermo O’Bannon: Andrew Karnage lifts Anjanette Turner up into a suplex, but she floats over onto her feet. She runs him into the ropes and then rolls back into a backroll press!

...ONE!
...TWO!
...Andrew Karnage kicks out

Guillermo O’Bannon: Anjanette Turner twists both of Karnage’s arms behind her with a double chicken wing. She pulls up on both of Karnage’s wrists, trying to hyperextend his hammerlocked arms. 

Andrew Karnage shakes his head refusing to quit. Richie Richardson asks him again and again, but soon the AK-47 works his way to his feet. He throws his head back into Turner’s face, snapping her head back

Guillermo O’Bannon: Andrew Karnage double underhooks Anjanette Turner’s arms, and lifts her up into a butterfly brainbuster that he calls Tiger Buster K!!

The San Diego fans cheer wildly and then a “KARNAGE! KARNAGE! KARNAGE!” chant breaks out. Andrew Karnage bangs his head to the rhythm

Guillermo O’Bannon: The Head Droppin Uncle wraps his leg around the back of Anj’s head while he locks onto that arm with a stranglehold gamma! He cranks back on that arm, while clamping down on her head with the back of his knee.

Richie Richardson asks Turner if she wants to tap out but she shakes her head. Karnage lifts her up into a fireman’s carry, but Turner drops back into a crucifix cradle

...ONE!
...TWO!
...Andrew Karnage gets his shoulder up

Guillermo O’Bannon: “Sexy” Anjanette Turner continues to work on Karnage’s arm with a half nelson hammerlock.

Richardson checks in while Turner pushes down on Karnage’s head with one hand, while pulling up with his chicken winged arm with the other.

Greg Jin: "Twenty Minutes Have Elapsed. 10 Minutes Remaining." 

Andrew Karnage works his way back to this feet, then does a go around, and hooks both of Anjanette’s arms with a tiger suplex ‘85

Guillermo O’Bannon: White Tiger Suplex ‘85!

...ONE!
...TWO!
...Thr- Anjanette Turner rolls her shoulder up

Philip Blauer: Ah, 85. I remember it well…

Guillermo O’Bannon: Phil, we don’t have time for one of your…

Philip Blauer: It’s what the people love, Gunner. Take some notes. The sexual revolution had come home, and our wives were suddenly going to work, if you can believe that. I was a young therapist at the time, but my wife decided she wanted to be a reporter of all things. But we made it work, with our young ne’er do well son, Mike, our little boy Ben, and the chubby one, Tracy Gold.

Guillermo O’Bannon: That wasn’t your life, that was Growing Pains, and Tracy was bulimic.

Philip Blauer: Ah, yes. I always felt if she lost like 5 more pounds…that Kirk Cameron seemed to be a good egg. How’s he doing these days?

Guillermo O’Bannon: Anjanette Turner catches Andrew Karnage coming in with a legsweep shinbreaker that hobbles The Head Droppin Uncle. She grabs him around the neck, and snaps back into a flatliner! 

The crowd cheers and Anjanette takes advantage with a stepover toehold. She steps into it, and gives Karnage a wrench to the side, making him yelp in pain. Richie Richardson checks in to see if he wants to tap out

Philip Blauer: The 5 time Hardkore World Women’s Champion previously going after Karnage’s arm, she now seems to have switched to taking out one of his wheels. 

Guillermo O’Bannon: ;Turner crouching down to put the ultimate pressure on Karnage’s twisted knee now. She then crosses it across his other leg and drops down into a figure four leglock! 

The Viejas Arena roars as Karnage sits up in pain. Anjanette Turner pushes up on her hands, and bounces, causing as much pressure as she can to his knees. Karnage whips his head from side to side, refusing to quit. He starts asking the fans for support, and they start clapping faster and faster

Guillermo O’Bannon: Karnage now slowly turning the figure four over, trying to reverse the hold…and he’s got it! Now Turner trying to escape their car crash of twisted legs. 

Greg Jin: ”25 Minutes Have Elapsed. 5 Minutes Remaining.”

Richie Richardson asks Turner if she wants to give up, but she screams no. Anjanette is finally able to crawl over to the ropes and hook the bottom rope, and Richie Richardson forces Karnage to break the inverted figure four.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Both wrestlers down now, unable to walk after those dual leglocks. 

Karnage clutches his knee, while Turner crawls over to the ropes. Richie Richardson starts the double count.

...One!
...Two!
...Three!
...Four!
...Six!

Guillermo O’Bannon: He went right past five this time.

Philip Blauer: He’ll get there.

...Seven!
...Eight!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Anjanette gets to her feet, and backs into the corner, stepping up onto the second turnbuckle. Karnage rises, and Turner catches him with a helicopter rana!!

After both regain their breath, Karnage rolls to his feet and moves in on Anj, but she grabs him around the neck and snaps back into another flatliner

Guillermo O’Bannon: “Sexy” Anjanette Turner climbs to the top turnbuckle and comes off with a flying legdrop!!

...ONE!
...TWO!
...Andrew Karnage kicks out

Greg Jin: ”One Minute Remains. One Minute.”

Guillermo O’Bannon: Turner butterflies Karnage’s arms, but he backdrops her over to the mat! He hooks up for a suplex, but then drops her face first with a gourdbuster! 

The crowd roars as Andrew Karnage motions for a Nightmare Lariot again, as he waits for Turner to get up.

Greg Jin: ”30 Seconds Remain. 30 Seconds.”

Guillermo O’Bannon: Karnage has to hit this or this match could be a draw! He charges in but she ducks and pushes him into the ropes, then rolls back into a backroll press!

...ONE!
...TWO!
...Andrew Karnage kicks out

Guillermo O’Bannon: “Sexy” Anjanette Turner climbs to the top rope and dives off into a senton, but Karnage rolls out of the way!!

The bell rings and the fans groan with disappointment. Both Andrew Karnage and “Sexy” Anjanette Turner lie on the mat, exhausted

Greg Jin: ”The 30 Minute Time Limit Has Expired. This Match Is Ruled A Draw.”

Guillermo O’Bannon: Well, the first match of the Hardkore West Coast title tournament is a draw, we’ll have to see what that means going forward into the later rounds for the winners tonight. 

Anjanette Turner and Karnage get to their knees and spy one another while they catch their breath. Karnage sticks out his hand, and Anjanette Turner shakes it, prompting applause from the audience for a great match

Guillermo O’Bannon: These two took one another to the limit tonight, there’s no doubt about it and Anjanette has clearly won Karnage’s respect in her first intergender match. Fans we have alot more action coming up, don’t you dare go away…Phil, I said get back here.

Philip Blauer: (sulks) Fine.

---

(The camera opens on Syberus's face on a black background.)

"Energising brains. Electrifying knowledge. Breaking the boundaries of what the human mind can accomplish."

This...

Is the Cranium Throne.

(Intro music plays which is basically the same as Deal or No Deal UK's intro theme.)



Syberus: "Welcome to the Cranium Throne. One of our contestants today will take home thousands of dollars- two thousand to be precise, but to do so will have to withstand a barrage of brain busting queries and deliver the sweet juices of clarity on a variety subjects from the sciences to ancient history to popular music through the years."

(Images of plato, the earth, the pyramids, quadratic equations and the spice girls fly over the screen.)

"Let's meet today's contestants in..."

[(The camera zooms into his face.)

Syberus: "The Cranium Throne-own-own-own...

(The camera pans over the contestants as he introduces them.)

Syberus: "We have Roger Steinmore from Seattle."

"We have Amanda Davies from Conneticut."

"And from Palm Springs, we have my best friend Jonnie Valentine."

"Now as you know, everyone in the series gets a nickname to compete under. Jonnie, you'll be "The Cerebral Assasin", which I believe fits your canny and beguiling nature."

(Jonnie looks pleased and nods. Syberus holds his earpeice)

Syberus: "What? No no, its never been used before."

Jonnie Valentine: "I don't believe it has."

Syberus: "Roger, we'll call you Salmon-Face, because you look like the kind of guy that always orders the fish no matter what then complains about it."

"Amanda, we'll call you AssBoobs."

Amanda: "Excuse me? I have a PHD."

Syberus: And those are our contestants! So, onto-"

(The camera zooms into his face.)

Syberus: "Round one-on-on-on!"

"Let's get you all hooked up to the Cranium Thrones!"

(The camera pans to three electric chairs.)

Jonnie Valentine: "Wait, what?"

(Syberus pats Jonnie on the back. Stagehands shuffle the contestants off.)

Syberus: "The Cranium thrones are designed to deliver an increasing shock level with each incorrect answer, up to and including the minimum non-lethal amount for adult humans, that I was told at one point and then forgot and didn't want to ask again because it sounded like it was important to the producers at the time. No, no, fix her straps lower."

"Alright let's get your first set of questions underway."

(Dramatic Music)

Syberus: "Salmon-Face, in what year did Alexander the Great's Macedonians defeat the Persians at the Battle of Gaugamela?"

Roger: "Um... uh... 332 BC?"

Syberus: (looks around) "Does that sound right?"

(He shrugs and zaps him.)

Syberus: "AssBoobs, what's the most tequila shots you ever did in one sitting?"

Amanda: "I dont-"

(His hand hovers over the button.)

Amanda: "Uh, eleven?"

Syberus: "Yeah! Party girl!"

(He moves on to Amanda's relief)

Syberus: "Cerebral Assasin, what is my birthday?"

Jonnie Valentine: "11th July 1981."

Syberus: "See? That there is friendship."

"Alright, Salmon-Face, back to you..."

(The camera fades on Roger's sweating panicked face.)

Fade back to The Viejas Arena where "Long Walk Home" by Howl Trance begins playing

Phillip Blauer: Egads, do you hear that? That’s a coyote. I gotta get Dorothy’s cats in.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Why did you bring them to the show?

Phillip Blauer: I’m supposed to be taking them to the vet for their dialysis but I thought, why not pick up a commentary check and some arena hot dogs for the road?

Lynx begins walking down to the ring, as fans reach out to slap his hand. He slides into the ring and quietly loosens up the ropes

Guillermo O’Bannon: Lynx grew up watching Hardkore World and started wrestling back in 2017 in NCW. He then moved overseas to Maximum Japan Pro Wrestling where he became MJPW´s greatest Junior Heavyweight Champion ever.

Phillip Blauer: Guacamole, can you help me with Spiro Agnew? He’s by your leg?

Guillermo O’Bannon: (hands Phil a sickly persian cat) Why is it named Spiro Agnew?

Phillip Blauer: She names all her cats after Vice Presidents…oh, Eric? Eric?? Can you grab Hubert Humphrey before he eats those nachos? He’s diabetic.

Hardkore World intern Eric Valentine dutifully nods and tries to head off Hubert Humphrey before he runs through the young teen’s legs, and does a face plant into those steamy nachos

Guillermo O’Bannon: Lynx has been fighting the injury bug recently, but is back to 100% and looking forward to advancing in the Hardkore West Coast Title Tournament. He debuted at the TV taping in Indio, California, easily dispatching Biker Daddy. He naturally sounded a little nervous about what a match with The Sheik entails, but confident in his own wrestling ability to counteract Sheik’s bloodlust.

Greg Jin: “The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit, and is part of the first round of the Hardkore West Coast Title Tournament. Your referee is Kelly McConnell. Featuring first, from the island of Sicily; Standing 6 feet 2 inches tall; Weighing 200 pounds…The Cat’s Meow; He is Maximum Japan Pro Wrestling Greatest Junior Heavyweight Champion Ever…This is LINX!!!”

The Viejas Arena cheers

'Seasons in the Abyss' by Stone Sour plays and the audience boos as Malcolm Xavier Graves walks out first, then The Sheik walks out tossing folding chairs through the curtain. Fans run away as he throws a chair in their direction, while Graves tries to restrain him. The Sheik tosses one more chair and a shriek of a cat is heard

Phillip Blauer: Adlai Stevenson!!

Phil picks up the hobbled cat.

Phillip Blauer: (does Marlon Brando) Look at how they massacred my boy.

Guillermo O’Bannon: That’s what many of the fans in Palm Springs almost looked like, as The Sheik tossed those chairs at them with no regard for their safety.

Phillip Blauer: That I get. But throwing a chair at an elderly cat with a glandular condition?

Blauer yells at The Sheik as he passes by

Phillip Blauer: At long last sir, have you no sense of decency?

The Sheik rears back and Phil cowers. Malcolm Xavier Graves drags him over to the apron, where The Sheik slides into the ring. The Sheik immediately sneak attacks Lynx while has his back turned.

Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik defeated two time former Hardkore World Champion Cyrus “The Vyrus” Williams in Indio, but refused to break The Last Crusade. Kilroy Evans came out to help his friend and they battled all over the Fantasy Springs Casino.

Phil Blauer: Giving quite a show to the pensioners with oxygen tanks seated in front of The Big Bang Theory slot machines. Three Middle Aged Sheldons gets you a free trip to the buffet. Can’t beat that with a stick as far as I’m concerned.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Malcolm Xavier Graves claims victory over Kilroy Evans in Palm Springs, and now says Lynx is going to suffer a worse fate at the hands of The Sheik to send a message to Kiloy Evans.

The Sheik immediately sneak attacks Lynx while has his back turned!! Greg Jin runs out of the ring while referee Kelly McConnell signals for the bell.

---

Hardkore West Coast Title Tournament Match
The Sheik vs. Lynx

---

Guillermo O’Bannon: And we are underway! The Sheik taking advantage of Lynx’s back being turned and is now kicking and stomping the masked man.

The San Diego fans boo, while Malcolm Xavier Graves applauds on the outside. The Sheik irish whips Lynx into the corner so hard, his head snaps back

Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik runs in and nearly takes Lynx’s head off with a heel kick!

The jeering gets louder as the momentum takes The Sheik over the turnbuckles and out onto the apron. Lynx crumbles out of the corner to the mat below.

Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik pulls on the top rope and catapults himself over into a splash!

…ONE!
…Lynx kicks out

Guillermo O’Bannon: Sheik shoots him into the ropes, but Lynx ducks under a clothesline and comes back with a jumping roundhouse kick that takes out The Man From The Empty Quarter!

The Viejas Arena comes to life as Lynx pumps his arms in anger! He grabs the incoming Sheik with a lightning quick snap suplex. The Sheik sits up in pain while Malcolm Xavier Graves shouts to him to regain the momentum. The Sheik nods and gets to his knees

Guillermo O’Bannon: Lynx tattoos The Sheik in the temple with a shining wizard kick!

The San Diego fans let out a collective “OH!” at the sound of Lynx’s boot whacking his face. Lynx pulls him up into a double underhook and butterfly suplexes him

Guillermo O’Bannon: Lynx trying to keep this a wrestling match, while The Sheik needs it to be a brawl. He runs into the ropes as The Sheik is dazed, but Malcolm Xavier Graves trips Lynx!

The audience erupts with boos and points at Malcolm Xavier Graves, trying to get Kelly McConnell’s attention. She questions Graves while he feigns innocence.

Phillip Blauer: Graves is probably just checking his boots to see if he can get a pair. I know I enjoy a good pair of Italian shoes.

Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik moves in on Lynx before he can recover with a legdrop to the back of his head.

Phillip Blauer: I recently splurged and purchased myself some Aurélien yacht loafers. They came in burgundy and merlot. Guess which one I got?

Guillermo O’Bannon: Phil, I could not care…

Phillip Blauer: Both, silly rabbit!

Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik now kneeling over Lynx hammering him with right hands.

The jeers fill the Viejas Arena, while Malcolm Xavier Graves pantomimes hitting Lynx on the outside.

Phillip Blauer: The paisan that sold them to me told me these are 100% French calfskin. Truly remarkable what those little guys are willing to suffer to make sure we get top of the line footwear. A tip o the cap to those little bovine bambinos, we don’t deserve ya.

Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik butterflies Lynx’s arms and drops back into a double underhook DDT!

The Sheik stomps on Lynx a few times and then pulls him to his feet. He scoops him up into a bodyslam, but Lynx floats over into a reverse DDT!

…ONE!
…The Sheik gets his shoulder up

Guillermo O’Bannon: Lynx pulls him up into a suplex and then cradles Sheik’s leg before flipping him into a fisherman’s suplex with a nice bridge!

…ONE!
…TWO!
…The Sheik kicks out

Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik gets to his feet long enough to get dropkicked back to the mat!

The crowd cheers, and Lynx pulls Shiek up by his hair. He irish whips him into the ropes, but The Sheik hops onto the middle of the second rope and hops off with a back elbow! The cheers turn to jeers as Malcolm Xavier Graves celebrates on the outside

Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik pulls him up by the mask and tosses him over the top rope to the floor below!

Lynx falls awkwardly to the floor, whacking the back of his head on the railing! Malcolm Xavier Graves comes over and lands some kicks to Lynx’s midsection, making The Viejas Arena voice their contempt for the manager

Phillip Blauer: And on National Cat Health Month. Despicable. No, wait. That’s in February. So he’s good.

Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik grabs a chair from a fan, wrestling it away from him. He smashes Lynx over the head with it!!

The San Diego fans let out a loud “OH!” at the sound of the steel crashing against Lynx’s skull. The Sheik reaches back and brings the chair down on his back, hard

Phillip Blauer: If they only took my advice and replaced all the seats with yoga ball chairs this wouldn’t be an issue.

Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik climbs up to the apron, and steps onto the middle of the second rope, backflipping into an asai moonsault onto Lynx against the railing!!

Lynx crumbles to The Viejas Arena floor as The Sheik is lying in the front row, with Malcolm Xavier Graves trying to revive him. Sheik mutters something to Graves and then Graves nods and then sets up a table at ringside

Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik rolls Lynx onto that table, and climbs back up onto the apron. He seems to get a better idea, and climbs up to the second turnbuckle. He leaps off with a leg drop but Lynx rolls off the table!!

There’s no water in the pool as Sheik crashes through the table by himself, popping the crowd! Sheik holds the backs of his thighs in agony, while Lynx tries to recover. Lynx pulls himself up to the apron.

Guillermo O’Bannon: This time it’s Lynx on the second turnbuckle, and he backflips into a moonsault press on The Sheik!!

Huge pop for Lynx as both men lie amongst the broken table. Malcolm Xavier Graves picks up a chair and starts sneaking up on Lynx

Guillermo O’Bannon: Lynx stands up and catches Graves with that chair!

The fans roar as Malcolm Xavier Graves shakes his head, backpedaling away from the angry Lynx. Graves throws down the chair and denies intending to use it on Lynx. Lynx starts chasing a panicked Graves around the ring

Phillip Blauer: Boy, that little fella can move when he wants to. Look at him go.

The Sheik gingerly rolls back into the ring, while Lynx gives up on getting his hands on Malcolm Xavier Graves. Lynx climbs back onto the apron, and then slingshots himself onto the middle of the top rope

Guillermo O’Bannon: Lynx with a springboard knee that catches The Sheik right between the eyes!

San Diego cheers for Lynx while he double underhooks Sheik’s arms, and flips him into a tiger driver!

…ONE!
…TWO
…The Sheik claps his legs together on Lynx’s head

The Sheik gets up and walks right into a cartwheel kick by Lynx popping the crowd again! Lynx irish whips The Sheik into the ropes

Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik comes back with a slingblade! Malcolm Xavier Graves tosses a chair in the ring, which Sheik effortlessly catches.

The Sheik sets up the chair in front of the ropes and then runs to the other side. He hops on the seat of the chair, and vaults onto the middle of the top rope, backflipping into a triple jump moonsault

…ONE!
…TWO!
…Lynx kicks out

Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik now laying that chair across Lynx’s face, and he climbs to the top turnbuckle. He flips into a senton on that chair!!

The San Diego fans boo as Lynx covers his masked face in pain, while Sheik writhes in agony himself. Sheik finally gets up and twists Lynx’s arm, dropping him to the mat into a LeBell lock. The Viejas Arena boos as The Sheik locks his hands together and tries to peel back Lynx’s head with that facelock. Malcolm Xavier Graves pounds on the mat, telling Lynx to give up. Referee Kelly McConnell asks Lynx if he wants to tap out, but he shakes his head. The fans urge Lynx to hold on

Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik wearing down Lynx’s neck, hoping for either a submission or to at least soften Lynx up for The Last Crusade.

Lynx inches over on his belly, and is finally able to hook the bottom rope. Kelly McConnell forces The Sheik to break the LeBell lock, which he does so begrudgingly, laying in a few stomps for good measure

Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik irish whips him into the ropes, but Lynx comes back a running DDT!

The crowd comes back to life, as Lynx quickly lifts The Sheik up into a half nelson, then deposits him on his head awkwardly with a wrist clutch exploder!! He steps out onto the apron and springboards onto the top rope, but Malcolm Xavier Graves shakes the ropes and Lynx crashes to the mat!! The Viejas Arena rocks with boos

Guillermo O’Bannon: Get Graves out of here!

The crowd throws trash at Malcolm Xavier Graves while Lynx stumbles to his feet and walks right into a black mass kick

Guillermo O’Bannon: The Scimitar!!

…ONE!!
…TWO!!
…THREE!!!

The San Diego fans boo as The Sheik rolls off of Lynx and Malcolm Xavier Graves jumps around the ringside area in celebration

Greg Jin: “At 15 minutes 27 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, ADVANCING TO THE SEMI-FINALS…THE SHEIK!!!”

Guillermo O’Bannon: Malcolm Xavier Graves should have his manager’s license taken away for blatant interference like that.

Phillip Blauer: Do they sell those at the same place where you can become a Full Body Inspector?

Guillermo O’Bannon: Nonetheless, The Sheik advances in the tournament while I’m sure Lynx would like a shot at Graves for costing him the match.

Phillip Blauer: Pish Posh. Lynx has to watch that Sicilian hot blooded temper and remember that Malcolm X is a tiny man incapable of defending himself

Guillermo O’Bannon: With “Sexy” Anjanette Turner and Andrew Karnage going to a time limit draw, it’s unclear who The Sheik will face in the semi-finals, we will have to see. Plenty more action coming up fans!

---

Fade to a commercial where a portly unshaven man with a thick New Jersey accent is smoking a cigar in front of green screen that has Hardkore wrestling highlights going on behind him

Ronnie The Merch Guy: Hello, you know me, I’m the guy at the folding table at every Hardkore show. I’m Ronnie The Merch Guy. And with summer coming up, yous gonna need some t-shirts, ya hear? Lucky for yous, I gotta huge selection.

Ronnie holds up a t-shirt that looks like a fake tuxedo

Ronnie The Merch Guy: Like take this Tuxedo Mask t-shirt that I just got in. You can wear it to any XHF wrestling event with pride, but say you get drunk and forget your bruddas wedding is the next day. When they wake you up on the kitchen floor in the morning, you’re gonna be glad you're wearing this little number believe me. Just wipe off dust bunnies and go.

Ronnie puts down the Tuxedo Mask shirt

Ronnie The Merch Guy: Lemme tell you sumthin’ fellas. Your Uncle Ronnie knows a lil sumthin about making a woman happy. Believe me, when it comes to an anniversary present, don’t get her no jewelry. That’s the same thing all her boyfriends got her. You’re gonna look like a putz. What a woman really wants is…

Ronnie pulls up a pink t-shirt with Natalie Burrows’ picture on it

Ronnie The Merch Guy: Is a Natalie Burrows “Southern Belle” t-shirt. Full disclosure, I didn’t know women had different sizes so it ain’t gonna fit right. But movin on, what’s da worst thing about eating? Gettin stuff on your wrestling shirts, because you can only wash em a few times until they're ruined. Am I right?

Ronnie pulls up a Kilroy Evans’ “My Boy Kilroy” t-shirt

Ronnie The Merch Guy: Well, the Kilroy Evans shirt has stains already on em. Now we didn’t just throw any random stain on there, because who’s gonna be convinced by that. So we did market research and came up with a perfect medley of wrestling fan stains. See you got your BBQ sauce over here. You got your nacho cheese on the bottom here. You got some taco sauce convincingly splattered here. It’s like a freakin Jackson Pollock painting, you animals are gonna love it!

Ronnie picks up “Deathstryke” Cyan Komar’s shirt

Ronnie The Merch Guy: This one? I ain’t gonna lie to you. I’m having some problems moving this one. Jonnie told me to buy in bulk and they have underperformed if I’m being honest. You can have this one for free if you buy the other three.

Ronnie picks up a Lynx mask

Ronnie The Merch Guy: These are selling like hot cakes. I can’t keep em in stock. Da kids love em.

He puts the mask on

Ronnie The Merch Guy: So come on down to Ronnie’s Big & Tall to show support for your favorite Hardkore World star today!

Fade back to The Viejas Arena where Kilroy Evans is standing in front of a loaded merch stand somewhere in the arena. A lot of boxes sit stacked nearby as well as a large, open rubber garbage can. Kilroy gives a bemused smile to the camera.]

Kilroy Evans: Hello! Instead of getting ready for my match, I've been dragged over here to spend my time shilling to all of you. Because, and I can't be more clear, there's one thing we value more than your loyal patronage. And that's any and every extra dollar we can get you to part with. If you love Hardkore World, you can easily prove how much with a numerical value...plus tax!

[Kilroy runs behind the stand and starts holding up merchandise and apparel. Starting with...]

Kilroy Evans: He's back, and he's in bobble head form! It's Marty Donovan. These are totally new, don't look at the copyright! What's a Funko?

[Kilroy carelessly tosses the doll behind him. He points to the wall behind him.]

Kilroy Evans: Can't go wrong with a t-shirt! The tried and true way of advertising to the world that you're those people returns in abundance! Two great competitors in Lynx and Natalie Burrows are here. Show your love and grab a shirt!

[He points to each in succession.]

Kilroy Evans: Blaze Freya! Cyan Komar! Anjanette Turner! Ondrew Korneege! I think I said that right...Even one for The Sheik! Personal feelings aside, he's gonna fit in great here.

[Kilroy points to the next shirt, which is for Alexander Von Blankenship.]

Kilroy Evans: And the rest! There's even a shirt for me! But not this one! Like the best shirts, it violates at least one copyright.

[Kilroy points to the shirt he's wearing. It's a Hardkore World shirt where the logo is done in the style of "Centaurworld."]

Kilroy Evans: But there's more than shirts! Why we have...

[Kilroy picks up a foam AK-47 with Andrew Karnage's name/logo imprinted on it. He looks at what he's picked up and immediately lowers it back down, wordlessly. Instead, Kilroy picks up a spray can and sets it on the counter.]

Kilroy Evans: *sighs* Some kind of, uh, Alexander Von Bodyspray? I dunno. It's either because he's stinky or he thinks you're stinky. Wait, don't go! Not before I show you this!

[Kilroy holds up a mop. It's a slightly modified mop from a dollar store.]

Kilroy Evans: We've got Mein Mops on sale for a "steal" at $9.99!

[Kilroy stands by a large "NO REFUNDS OR EXCHANGES" sign then casually tosses it out of shot.]

Kilroy Evans: The kids love that one! So if you're here, get to a merch stand. If you're not, go online because that stuff's going to go fast. Either because it sells or gets shoved back into a truck to make room for more Randy Candy and Biker Daddy merch. We cannot keep it in stock, it FLIES outta here! In fact, I need to make some room...

[Kilroy reaches over to the Alexander Von Blankenship shirts and body spray. He slides them off the counter straight into the nearby garbage can. A couple of seconds later, it all goes flying out of the garbage can, all over the floor. Kilroy looks at the camera with a grimace.]

Kilroy Evans: Even the garbage doesn't want it. Oh...

[Fighting to suppress a smile, Kilroy leaves the merch stand as the shot cuts back to ringside]

The Viejas Arena darkens and fans erupt into loud cheers as “Collapsing” by Demon Hunter blasts through the speakers. Red, pink and purple lights flicker on and off in rapid succession creating a beautiful strobe effect over the stage as none other than The Blackpool Bombshell herself, Blaze Freya comes out from behind the curtain, walking backwards onto the stage with a charismatic strut. Her black hood covers her lowered head until she spins around triggering the lights to brighten to reveal her gorgeous face as she removes the hood, headbanging with the fans a bit.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Out comes The Blackpool Bombshell ready to do battle with “Deathstryke” Cyan Komar in the first round of the Hardkore West Coast title tournament. Blaze took former Hardkore World Light Heavyweight Champion Tuxedo Mask to the limit in Palm Springs and then defeated “The Milkman’s Daughter” Klazina Van Dam in Indio.

Phillip Blauer: Quite a feather in Blaze’s cap to beat The Milkman’s Daughter. Anyone who comes down to the ring to Barbara Streisand is going to be tough to beat.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Freya now looks to advance to the second round in the West Coast title tourney with a win over another former Hardkore World Light Heavyweight Champion, Cyan Komar.

Blaze nods in approval hearing the roar of the San Diego crowd, feeding off of their excitement then rolls her shoulders a few times, sprinting down the ramp and sliding into the center of the ring, humping it briefly. Blaze then leans back on her knees running her fingers through her long black hair, flirtatiously winking at the nearest camera before standing up to her feet and walking back to her corner to await her opponent with a determined look on her face.

Phillip Blauer: Just awful. Tsk, tsk, tsk. Whatever happened to the double guns, or the one finger in the air when one hears their name?

Guillermo O’Bannon: Blaze has to prevent this match from becoming a brawl, as the nearly 30 year veteran, Cyan Komar is a master martial artist.

Greg Jin: “The following contest is part of the first round of the Hardkore West Coast Title Tournament. It is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Tommy Milligan. Featuring first, from Blackpool, England; Standing 5 feet 6 inches tall; Weighing 125 pounds; She is The Blackpool Bombshell…BLAZE ‘FUCKIN’ FREYA!!!”

The Viejas Arena cheers

“Cayenne" from Final Fantasy 6 plays and “Deathstryke” Cyan Komar walks out to some cheers in a black ninja suit without the hood. He has a waist length ponytail, with a lead ball at the end

Guillermo O’Bannon: Here he is, the newly popular, Cyan Komar back in San Diego to try and win the title he defeated his longtime tag team partner “Knife Edge” Takeda Yokosuda for in Paris, France back at The Olympia in 1995. Fresh off of a win over Sugar Daddy in Indio, Komar is looking to take out Blaze Freya with his lightning quick kicks, and strikes.

Phillip Blauer: Tough business there with him accidentally murdering a girl along with the person he meant to murder. Luckily it ended in a job opportunity with a friendly baker/international assassin.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Komar says Blaze Freya is out of her element here, and he won’t be swayed by her usually titillating promos.

Phillip Blauer: You know, I don’t want to be seen an pro-demon. Far be it from me to to bang that drum. However, I feel Komar was a little harsh in his dealings with Trafalgar. Just saying.

Greg Jin: “And her opponent is from Hong Kong, China; Standing 6 feet 2 inches tall and Weighing 215 pounds; he is the former Hardkore West Coast Champion…’DEATHSTRYKE’ CYAN KOMAR!!!”

The fans cheer and Cyan Komar readies himself in the corner

---

Hardkore West Coast Title Tournament Match
"Deathstryke" Cyan Komar vs. Blaze Freya

---

Tommy Milligan signals for the bell and Greg Jin enters the ring. Blaze Freya and Cyan Komar lock up, but Komar immediately takes him over into a fireman’s carry takeover

Guillermo O’Bannon: “Deathstryke” Cyan Komar grabs a side headlock on Blaze Freya. He locks his hands together and clamps down on the side of Freya’s skull.

Blaze Freya plants her feet and back suplexes Cyan Komar to cheers. The San Diego fans cheer he as she shoots Komar into the ropes

Guillermo O’Bannon: Freya drops Komar with a clothesline. She pulls him up by the ponytail, and rocks him with an elbow. Komar answers with a reverse knife edge chop.

Cyan Komar blasts Blaze Freya with another chop to the chest that pops the crowd. Freya responds with a european uppercut that rattles the veteran. She stands Komar up with a second one

Guillermo O’Bannon: Cyan Komar tags Freya in the kidneys with a side kick. He hits her right in the windpipe with his fingers with a throat thrust. Mute Strike!

Freya clutches her throat, trying to regain her breath. She walks right into “Deathstryke” Cyan Komar’s claw. The fans cheer as Komar squeezes her temples with his thumb and pinky. Tommy Milligan asks Blaze if she wants to give up but she shakes her head

Guillermo O’Bannon: Blaze Freya works her way to her feet but Cyan Komar hangs on to that claw. She hits Komar in the side with a kneelift. Another kneelift breaks the claw from Deathstryke.

The fans cheer as Blaze Freya checks Komar in the chin with a stiff forearm smash. Cyan Komar answers by peppering her with an open palm strikes to the face. Freya puts that fire out with another forearm to his eye that knocks him back a few steps

Guillermo O’Bannon: Blaze Freya throws a roundhouse kick, but Komar blocks it. Freya comes around with a reverse spin kick that knocks him to the mat!

The Viejas Arena cheers loudly! Freya irish whips Komar into the corner, and follows him in there with a back elbow. She backs up and charges into the corner, but Komar is waiting for her with a big boot

Guillermo O’Bannon: “Deathstryke” Cyan Komar somersaults over her with a diamond cutter!

The audience pops, Komar measures her. When Freya begins to rise, he comes crashing down with an ax kick to the back of her head! He pulls her up and irish whips her into the ropes

Guillermo O’Bannon: Cyan Komar tiltawhirls her but Blaze Freya reverses it into a helicopter rana!!

The San Diego fans cheer as Komar sits up from the momentum and then falls back down. Blaze Freya gets on top of Komar, and starts hammering him with forearms

Guillermo O’Bannon: Blaze Freya grounding and pounding Komar with those forearms, and now she switches to some sharp elbows.

Phillip Blauer: Let me start off by saying, frankly, I barely listen to you. It’s alot of nerdspeak, and I find it hard to follow. But I do remember you saying, the English lass was not supposed to get into a fist fight with the Chinese fellow. She seems to be doing fine.

Guillermo O’Bannon: You’ve got that right!

Phillip Blauer: I just wanted to point out that you were wrong when you said that.

Freya cracks Komar with a couple more elbows before Tommy Milligan asks her to show some mercy. She looks at him incredulously, but Cyan Komar uses the distraction to punch Blaze with a raised knuckle in her eye

Guillermo O’Bannon: Phoenix Eye Strike! Cyan Komar takes her over in a fireman’s carry. Blaze Freya gets to her feet, but walks right into a savate kick!

The Viejas Arena cheers! Cyan Komar applies the claw again. Blaze Freya cries out in pain as he tries to crush her skull with his palm. He presses Blaze Freya’s shoulders to the mat.

…ONE!
…Blaze Freya rolls her shoulder up

Guillermo O’Bannon: Blaze Freya fights her way back up to a vertical base, but Cyan Komar continues to try and do damage with the claw. She hits Komar with a forearm. A european uppercut frees her from the claw. She shoots him into the ropes and then hits him with a kneelift!

Komar falls into the ropes. Freya sees her opportunity, and clotheslines him over the ropes to the floor! He spills to the Viejas Arena floor as Blaze Freya runs into the ropes

Guillermo O’Bannon: Suicide dive by Blaze Freya!!

Big pop from the crowd while Freya and “Deathstryke” Cyan Komar lie at ringside. Blaze Freya finally gets to her feet, and motions for Komar to get to his feet

Guillermo O’Bannon: Superkick from Blaze! She rolls onto the apron, and hops onto the middle of the top rope. She backflips into an asai moonsault that smashes Komar into the railing!!

Blaze Freya lies in the front row of the audience amongst a “Rat Boy”, “Nightmare Lariot”, and “Attbury Assassin” signs while Komar is in a heap by the guardrail. The San Diego fans chant “BLAZE! BLAZE! BLAZE!” while she climbs over the railing into the ringside area

Guillermo O’Bannon: “Deathstryke” Cyan Komar catches her with a spear, and then spinebusters her against the steel barricade!! Bull Rush!

The Viejas Arena lets out a collective “OH!!” at the sound of Freya’s head hitting the steel. Komar rolls Blaze Freya back into the ring

Guillermo O’Bannon: Komar irish whips Freya into the ropes and tiltawhirls her into a backbreaker!

“Deathstryke” Cyan Komar fireman’s carries her up into a TKO! He pulls Freya up by the hair and irish whips her into the ropes, but she hops onto the middle of the top rope

Guillermo O’Bannon: Blaze Freya backflips into a helicopter head scissors into a tornado DDT!!

The crowd jumps to their feet and starts chanting “Blaze!! Blaze!! Blaze!. Blaze raises her hand up high into the air and the cheers get louder, as she nods her head. Then she sticks her hand down the front of her tights

Phillip Blauer: You know, I told people I know that I would be lead announcer tonight. There are entire senior communities watching this right now.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Blaze Freya slaps Komar across the face! She grabs him by the head and drops down into a stunner!

Komar gets to his knees only to be smashes with a running kneelift from Freya! The Viejas Arena lets out a collective “OH!” Blaze Freya grabs her from behind with her rear naked choke

Guillermo O’Bannon: Freya looking to end this with The Blackpool Blackout!! She clamps down on Komar’s windpipe, cinching it in tight.

The San Diego fans pops and Komar reaches out for the ropes. Tommy Milligan checks in to see if Komar wants to tap out, but he ignores the official. Cyan Komar inches for the ropes while Blaze Freya tries to do as much damage as she can with The Blackpool Blackout

Guillermo O’Bannon: Cyan Komar finally gets to the ropes and Tommy Milligan forces Blaze Freya to break The Blackpool Blackout. Instead, she pulls him to his feet, twists Komar’s arm, and then rattles his teeth with an eat defeat!!

Blaze Freya runs into the ropes and hops onto the middle of the second rope, and then backflips into a moonsault, but Komar buts his knees up!! The crowd cheers as Freya clutches her ribs, kicking her toes into the mat

Guillermo O’Bannon: “Deathstryke” Cyan Komar pulls her up into a full nelson, and then release dragon suplexes her onto the back of her head!

Blaze Freya staggers to her feet but Cyan Komar comes off the ropes with a double palm heart strike. Freya cries out in pain and holds her chest

Guillermo O’Bannon: When she missed that moonsault, Blaze Freya might have broken a rib or a collarbone. Komar lifts her up into a fireman’s carry, and then swings her over into a gutbuster across his knee.

Freya flops around on the mat, holding her chest, kicking the balls of her feet into the mat. “Deathstryke” Cyan Komar applies a claw to her injured sternum and Blaze yelps out in pain

Guillermo O’Bannon: The veteran Komar targeting that injured sternum. He uses that gloved hand to put pressure on Freya’s chest while she cries out in agony.

Cyan Komar uses his free hand to smash her in the face with an open palm strike. He pulls her up and spins into a roundhouse kick to Freya’s injured sternum!! She crumbles to one knee, and the Viejas Arena shouts “FINISH HIM!!”

Guillermo O’Bannon: Blaze Freya comes up with a leaping uppercut that just floors Cyan Komar! She steps through the ropes to the outside, and then springboards back into the ring with a european uppercut!!

The fans roar as Freya holds her chest and tries to recover. Cyan Komar retreats to the corner, and The Blackpool Bombshell slowly rises in the opposite corner. Blaze Freya measures Komar, and then somersaults once, twice…three times

Guillermo O’Bannon: Freya catches Komar from behind with a codebreaker! She irish whips Komar into the corner, but he runs up the turnbuckles and comes back with a Deflection roundhouse kick!!

The San Diego fans cheer as Blaze Freya and “Deathstryke” Cyan Komar lie next to one another on the mat, completely exhausted. Tommy Milligan begins the double count

…One!
…Two!
…Three!
…Four!

Cyan Komar pulls himself up by the corner, and then climbs to the top turnbuckle. Blaze Freya gets to her feet and looks up just in time for Komar to catch her with a huracanarana with a cradle!!

…ONE!
…TWO!
…Blaze Freya kicks out

Guillermo O’Bannon: “Deathstryke” Cyan Komar climbs to the top turnbuckle again and comes off with a karate thrust, but Blaze Freya catches him in mid-air with a superkick upside his head!!

The San Diego fans roar and Blaze Freya motions for Komar to get to his feet. When a dazed Cyan does so, she charges in with a gore

Guillermo O’Bannon: TORN!!

…ONE!
…TWO!
…Cyan Komar kicks out

Guillermo O’Bannon: Blaze Freya grabs The Blackpool Blackout again!!

The Viejas Arena cheers as Freya wraps her legs around Cyan Komar’s waist and cranks back on his head and neck with the rear naked choke. Komar rolls onto his hands and knees while Freya hangs onto The Blackpool Blackout

Guillermo O’Bannon: “Deathstryke” Cyan Komar works his way to his feet, with Freya piggybacking on his back and shoulders with that Blackpool Blackout. He backpedals into the corner and smashes her into the turnbuckles.

Freya is plastered against the turnbuckles while Cyan Komar hits her all over her legs, injured sternum with open palm strikes and kicks

Guillermo O’Bannon: Withering Flesh Atemi! He hits her with the Deatstryke punch behind her ear and she goes down!

…ONE!!
…TWO!!
…THREE!!

The fans cheer as “Cayenne” from Final Fantasy VI plays and “Deathstryke” Cyan Komar stares at the camera as it pushes in

Greg Jin: “At 16 minutes, 32 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, ADVANCING TO THE SEMI-FINALS…’DEATHSTRYKE’ CYAN KOMAR!!!”

Guillermo O’Bannon: Blaze Freya threw everything she had at him, even The Blackpool Blackout, but no one gets up from The Deathstryke. Cyan Komar now advances to the semi-finals, along with The Sheik.

Philip Blauer: And now he is one step closer to solving Allen Anderson's murder!

Guillermo O'Bannon: No, he...no.

Cyan Komar walks to the back with fans with outstretched hands, slapping a few on the way to the locker room,

Guillermo O’Bannon: Stay tuned for the final match of the Hardkore West Coast title tournament, along with the semi-finals of the Hardkore World Heavyweight Title tournament!

---

(Fade back in to applause.)

Syberus: Okay folks here we are at

(The camera zooms into his face)

Syberus: The final round-ound-ound

Of

(The camera zooms into his face again)

Syberus: The Cranium Throne-own-own-own...

Now these questions are going to come at you thick and fast so hands on buzzers.

(He side glances the camera)

Syberus: I know I've got my hand on mine ha ha ha

(The contestants laugh nervously. Roger now has wide eyes and an insane look like a lobotomised patient)

Syberus: Salmon-Face, what is the circumference of the Earth?

Roger: I can see the energy in the air...

(Syberus rolls his eyes.)

Syberus: Lightweight.

Zap

Syberus: ELIMINATED. AssBoo- I mean, AMANDA, as I've been informed I must refer to you, what is the Chemical symbol for Beryllium?

Amanda: Be

Syberus: Hmm. Yes. Yes that is correct. Cerebral Assassin, you need this to stay in the game.

Is music real?

(Jonnie clasps his hands in prayer infront of his face.)

Jonnie Valentine: Damnit, I know this...

Yes?

(Jonnie winces and can only look through one eye.)

Syberus: That is correct! Which means we go to a decider. Let's bring out...

(The camera zooms into his face.)

Syberus: The pyramid of trials...als...als..

(A giant prop pyramid is wheeled into the background. The contestants start getting clipped into climbing equipment while Rogers' smoking, twitching body is loaded onto a stretcher in the background.)

Syberus: "You will both have to climb the pyramid of trials while completing a series of challenges designed to push your mental capacity to its absolute limit."

Amanda: "Wait a sec- my side has a bunch of equations and inkblot tests to solve, his just has... hot dogs?"

Syberus: "The pyramid challenges are set by a randomised algorithm."

NOW GO

(A school bell rings and both Amanda and Jonnie bolt into action. They begin climbing their respective sides of the pyramid, Amanda sprawling on a chalk board and Jonnie squirting ketchup on his first hot dog. Fake boulders come rolling down the pyramid while fire engines, sirens blaring, drive around it spraying the contestants with water cannons.)

Syberus: It looks like Amanda is on to the Rorschach test, now we have of course standardized her test using the Exner system. Jonnie is opting for mustard no onions on dog #2, not  what my play would have been but he's a maverick, he treads his own path. It's neck and neck people!"

(Extras in straw skirts and tiki masks dance around the contestants trying to put them off. Fake UFOs on wires fly around their heads with flashing lights and lazer sounds.)

Syberus: Dr AssBoobs nails the clay pottery challenge, and we gave her porcelain here very difficult to work with - Bruce? Thoughts?

(The camera pans to renowned clay artist Bruce M. Sherman with a headset on.)

Bruce M. Sherman: That's right Syberus, notoriously less elastic than other clays, a tip of the hat.

Syberus: But wait! Amanda AssBoobs stumbles at the Navier-Stokes equations! Jonnie slams his last dog and he's onto the summit, he just needs to set Miami Heat's Jimmy Butler up with the alley-oop, he nails it!! JONNIE WINS!! MY BEST FRIEND WINS!! THE CEREBRAL ASSASSIN!!

(Amanda buckles to her knees exhausted. A lone child in a gospel robe and spotlight sings Star Spangled Banner while Jimmy Buckets decorates Jonnie with a gold medal and a bouquet of flowers.)

Syberus: That's all we have time for on the Cranium Throne, thanks for watching and that brings an end to a wonderful series but fear not, next week Sean Hayes, Robin Meade and Mitch Trubisky headline the first of our celebrity specials! Join us then!!


Fade back to The Viejas Arena where “When You Wish Upon A Star” hits and Marty Donovan comes out dressed as Uncle Owen

Guillermo O’Bannon: Here he is, former Hardkore World Light Heavyweight Champion, Hardkore America Heavyweight Champion, and…he’s dressed as Uncle Owen from Disney Plus.

Phillip Blauer: Tough bit of business that was. Raising someone else’s child. But then the little brat doesn’t want to clean the droids and get them ready to work on the condensers. It’s all about “Did Ben know my father?” and “I want to go to the Academy”, instead of working on the moisture harvest. Then you and your devoted wife in her fashionable at the time butterfly collar, wind up getting turned into fish sticks when the punk goes looking for a space wizard instead of doing his chores like you told him to.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan making his return to San Diego for the first time since January 2008 when he defeated Jagi Shiro. This is the same town where he defeated “Platinum” Pat Bozzini to become a two time Hardkore World Light Heavyweight Champion. Now after a brief appearance in SWAT a couple years ago, he’s back in Hardkore World and looking to tangle with an old friend in Natalie Burrows.

Marty Donovan enters the ring and removes his Disney costume and is in just a pair of speedos with the Disney + logo on it.

Phillip Blauer: That’s what you call good brand saturation right there.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Donovan very upset with the way Evan Valentine Jr. handled his signing, saying it should have been his father making the deal.

Phillip Blauer: With so many things cut with fentanyl, Jonnie’s not going to be with us forever. Evan’s gotta learn the ropes of managing a territory.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Donovan is promising a lackluster match, but if he hopes to defeat the former Fireside Champion Natalie Donovan, he better pull out all the stops.

Phillip Blauer: I got a kick out of the part where he turned into the green lady person. They have a She-Hulk now? What’ll they think of next?

Greg Jin: “The following is the final match of the first round of the Hardkore West Coast Title Tournament. It is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Richie Richardson. Featuring first, hailing from The Magic Kingdom, in Orlando, Florida. He stands 6 feet and weighs in at 218 pounds; His Very Presence Makes This The Happiest Place On Earth…’THE RISING SUN’ MARTY DONOVAN!!!”

The audience boos and Marty Donovan clasps his hands and does the double wrist pump from either side of his shoulders

Then the distorted opening lyrics of 'Breathe Again' plays as the overhead lights dim, the sequence of notes following it triggering coral-colored lights to pulse in time... and when the guitars and drums combine to form an explosion of noise. Every light in the Viejas Arena as well as the tron goes blinding white--and when it fades back to normal a few seconds later, Natalie Burrows is standing at the top of the ramp, the crowd cheering for the Southern Belle as she looks out over the fans.

Guillermo O’Bannon: And here she is, also back in Hardkore World, Natalie Burrows! She grew up watching Hardkore World in the 90s and early 2000s on the Southern affiliate stations late at night. Watching stars like Matthew X, Rated X, Cyrus Williams, and The Shootfighter. Then she debuted in 2008, soon winning the Hardkore World Women’s Championship.

A nod of acknowledgement is given. As video footage plays of some of her hardest-hitting moments in the ring, Natalie makes her way down to the ring, slapping the hands of the fans here and there, but her focus is on the ring

Guillermo O’Bannon: But she says that brought the unwanted attention of Marty Donovan, and when she didn’t return his feelings, he bad mouthed her in the locker room. He even went to the trouble to pass around fake nudes of her.

Phillip Blauer: Yes. I use that story often when I talk to the youngs about not messing up their futures with a momentary lap in moral values. “Stay in school,” I tell em. Did you know that if a woman completes high school and gets her diploma, she is 78% more likely to have found the fella she’s going to marry in one of those courses? 78%!

Speeding up at the bottom of the ramp, the Southern Belle slides into the ring, rolling onto her back before kipping up to her feet. The nearest turnbuckle is mounted as she looks out over the crowd, holding one arm up to evoke more cheers.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Natalie hasn’t forgotten that embarrassment and the way he treated her good friend Andrew Karnage, and is out for blood.

Phillip Blauer: Now I think that’s a mistake.

Guillermo O’Bannon: You think she should focus on out-wrestling the former cruiserweight legend?

Phillip Blauer: No, I was referring to being friends with Andrew Karnage. Man seems like a bit of a meathead if you ask me.

Guillermo O’Bannon: I didn’t.

Phillip Blauer: (folds his arms) Well, he is.

Natalie Burrows lingers there for a few moments before hopping down, before doing a couple stretches to prepare for the match at hand.

Greg Jin: “And his opponent is from “The Dirty” Durham, North Carolina; She stands 5 feet 9 inches tall; Weighing 165 pounds; She is The Durham Bull… ‘THE SOUTHERN BELLE’ NATALIE BURROWS!!!”

The 3000 in attendance gives her a huge ovation!

---

Hardkore West Coast Title Tournament Match
Natalie Burrows vs. "The Rising Sun" Marty Donovan

---

Soon it dies down and the arena gets quiet. Natalie Burrows and Marty Donovan stare at one another with anger in their eyes. After a while they both look at referee Richie Richardson.

Richie Richardson: Sup? Oh, right.

Richie Richardson signals for the bell to ring.

Phillip Blauer: We all started somewhere, Gifford.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Ahem. Burrows is tired of waiting and charges, but Marty meets her halfway, only for Natalie to take his wheels out with a basement dropkick!

The Viejas Arena pops as Marty Donovan rolls around the mat, clutching his knee. Natalie Burrows motions for him to get to his feet and he complies.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty takes a swing at her, but she ducks and lifts him into an atomic drop.

Marty Donovan clutches his butt and walks funny as the fans laugh at him. Natalie Burrows grabs him around the should, ties up their legs and snaps back into a russian leg sweep

Guillermo O’Bannon: Before Marty can fully get up, Natalie Burrows is all over him with kicks to his knees, elbows, thighs; all over! Marty’s been overwhelmed since jumpstreet.

Phillip Blauer: Just like Richard Greico.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Donovan finally trying to fire back with a kick, but Nat catches his boot. The Rising Sun comes around with an enzuigiri to the side of her head!

The cheers turn to jeers as Donovan shakes his leg out a little, then looks at her with a sneer. He makes a check signing motion

Marty Donovan: Forfeit!

Guillermo O’Bannon: What is he talking about? The match has barely started?

Phillip Blauer: This guy is busy, he’s got the whole Willow show launch to promote, he can’t be wasting his time doing broadways with everyone.

Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Rising Sun” Marty Donovan shoots her into the ropes and then hits her right between the eyes with a flying forearm!

The San Diego fans start chanting “Disney Sucks! Disney Sucks! Disney Sucks!” Marty Donovan clutches his ears, like their hateration is bursting his ear drums

Phillip Blauer: Oh, I hope young Martin doesn’t take it too badly. This is mostly a regional thing. Anaheim has Disneyland and California Adventure. A magical place where memories are created and anything is possible. San Diego has Sea World where Anheuser-Busch pressures you to buy collectible beer yard glasses so you can get drunk looking at the penguins' sleep. It’s a toss up.

Marty Donovan steps through the ropes out onto the apron to go jaw with some of the fans chanting about Disney. He slingshots himself onto the middle of the top rope

Guillermo O’Bannon: Donovan catches Burrows in the face with a springboard front missile dropkick!

The boos get louder as Marty Donovan pulls her up into a front facelock, but Natalie Burrows grabs his legs and lifts him up into an inverted atomic drop! Donovan clutches his balls, and he knees bend inward

Guillermo O’Bannon: Natalie Burrows takes him over into a hip toss. Donovan gets up, only to get his arm twisted and flipped over Nat’s back with an ipponzei toss!

Natalie Burrows irish whips him into the ropes and then tumbles into a back elbow! She kips up to her feet and Donovan drops to his back, not wanting any more of her! The fans pop huge and Donovan rolls out of the ring and starts to think it over

Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty needs to drop this idea of having a bad match, or he’s going to go home with the loser’s share of the purse.

Phillip Blauer: That’s so dramatic the way they count it out like that at the end of the night. You would really think they could Venmo you the loser’s share of the purse by now.

Marty Donovan complains to referee Richie Richardson about her hitting too hard, and Richardson shrugs. The San DIego fans chant “DISNEY SUCKS! DISNEY SUCKS! DISNEY SUCKS!” Marty tries to ignore it and then he gets nose to nose with a fan in the front row

Marty Donovan: We added 8 million subscribers last quarter!!! You understand me, Baldy!?! 8 million!!

The Viejas Arena boos Marty Donovan and he yammers back at them looking over his shoulder as he steps back up on the apron

Guillermo O’Bannon: Natalie Burrows is waiting for the distracted Donovan with a right hand to the jaw. Another one rocks The Rising Sun. Donovan kneelifts her in the stomach to cut her off. He slingshots himself over the ropes into a sunset flip!

…ONE!
…Marty Donovan claps his legs together on Burrows’ head

Guillermo O’Bannon: Burrows rolls to her feet and punt kicks Marty, but he blocks it with his hands, just barely. Donovan kips up himself and grabs her from behind with a german suplex!

…ONE!
…Natalie Burrows rolls her shoulder up

Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan irish whips Natalie Burrows into the corner and follows her a half step behind her and then dropkicks her into the corner!!

The San Diego fans let out a groan at the impact that Burrows hit the turnbuckles. She staggers out and Donovan sweeps her legs out from under her, so that she falls back into the corner. Marty then goes to the outside

Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Rising Sun” Marty Donovan slingshots himself over the ropes into a corner dropkick!

The audience boos while Donovan sits on the mat, soaking in their hate. He pulls Natalie up to her feet and shoots her into the ropes

Guillermo O’Bannon: Natalie Burrows handsprings into the ropes and back into an elbow to Donovan’s face!

The jeers turn to cheers Marty gets to his feet and tries a spin kick, but Natalie Burrows catches his leg and dragon screws him to the mat

Guillermo O’Bannon: Burrows puts his ankle on the bottom rope, and leg drops the side of his knee. She wraps up by legs in an indian deathlock, then drops back to the mat in a bridge!

Donovan cries out in pain as Burrows is perfectly arched. Richie Richardson checks in but Donovan shakes his head, trying to find some way to escape.

Phillip Blauer: When she’s bent backwards like that she looks like that girl in that movie.

Guillermo O’Bannon: The Exorcist?

Phillip Blauer: I was referring, of course, to Kelly in Breaking 2: Electric Boogaloo.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Natalie Burrows rolls back up to her feet, keeping Marty’s twisted legs in the indian deathlock. She kneedrops the side of Donovan’s knee, and then reapplies the indian deathlock on the mat

Donovan flattens his arms out, trying to lessen the pressure but also not pin his shoulders to the mat. Burrows gets back to her feet again, then immediately drops back to wrench his crossed legs

Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan able to roll over onto his stomach, reversing the indian deathlock! Now he’s the one using his twisted legs to put pressure on Natalie’s knee and calf

Richie Richardson checks in but Natalie shakes her head, refusing to give up. Donovan does a push up to clamp down even harder on her knee. She reaches over and undoes their crossed legs to escape the inverted indian deathlock.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Natalie Burrows goes outside onto the apron. She slingshots herself over, but Marty catches her in mid-air, her feet still hung on the top rope. He makes an adjustment and then twists into a rope hung neckbreaker!!

The audience quiets as Burrows sits up and falls back down from the impact. Donovan slowly limps to his feet

Marty Donovan: I LOVE DISNEY PLUS!!!

The Viejas Arena rocks with boos. Marty Donovan grabs Burrows’ leg and drops down into a leg scissors leglock. He rows back on Natalie’s leg, making her sit up from the pain. Donovan starts manically talking to Richie Richardson while the young ref is trying to look for the tap out

Marty Donovan: Did you hear we got a Willow show? A whole show about Willow! When I first saw Willow, I thought to myself “This works so much better as a sitcom or something like that.”

Phillip Blauer: Between that and the new Top Gun, it looks like it’s gonna be a busy summer for still photographs of Val Kilmer.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan trying to hobble Natalie’s leg, and plug some of Disney Plus’ upcoming events.

Phillip Blauer: And they say you can’t serve two master. Look at him.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Natalie Burrows kicks her way out of that leglock. She irish whips Donovan into the ropes, but he spins into a rolling wheel kick that takes her out!

The boos thunder down and Marty Donovan pulls Natalie up by her hair. He scoops her up on his shoulder, but Natalie Burrows goes over the side with an inverted facelock

Guillermo O’Bannon: Burrows drops “The Rising Sun” Marty Donovan with a reverse DDT!

…ONE!
…TWO!
…Marty Donovan kicks out

Guillermo O’Bannon: Donovan pulls himself up by the ropes, but Natalie Burrows hits him with a clothesline that sends him to the outside! “The Southern Belle” Natalie Burrows hobbles into the ropes and suicide dives over the ropes onto Marty!!

The 3000 fans in attendance chant “NAT! NAT! NAT!” as both competitors lie on The Viejas Arena floor. Burrows holds her knee for a while, and then gingerly rolls back into the ring

Guillermo O’Bannon: Natalie Burrows runs into the ropes and baseball slides into a dropkick that sends Marty Donovan crashing into the railing!!

The audience let out a big “OH!” at the sound of Donovan hitting the steel. Natalie Burrows grabs Donovan by the hair with fire in her eyes

Guillermo O’Bannon: That is the look of someone who was embarrassed by Marty Donovan, and wanting to brutalize him for years.

Phillip Blauer: Ah yes. I had the same look when you corrected me on Key-yev

Guillermo O’Bannon: Kiev.

Guillermo doesn’t notice Phil getting closer and closer to him with his hands about to strangle him. Meanwhile, Natalie Burrows irish whips Marty into the cornerpost, and his head hits the steel

Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan busted open!

Phillip Blauer: (snatches his hands back) Well, will ya look at that!

The fans cheer wildly and Natalie Burrows rolls Marty back into the ring but hangs his head off the apron. She stands up on the apron and signals to the fans

Guillermo O’Bannon: Natalie Burrows runs along the apron, and jumps into a leg drop, but Marty moves and Natalie smashes her leg on the hard ringside apron!!

Natalie yelps out in pain, and falls to the floor. The audience jeers as she clutches her leg with her face on the ground, while Donovan limps along ringside with blood leaking down his face

Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Rising Sun” Marty Donovan rolls back into the ring…

Phillip Blauer: Just breaking Richie Richardson’s count.

Cut to Richie looking at his phone in the ring

Guillermo O’Bannon: Right. He’s on the top rope and hits Natalie Burrows with a somersault senton!!

The San Diego crowd boos as Natalie and Marty lie in a heap at ringside. Burrows continues to hold her leg, while Marty leaks a pool of blood underneath his head. A small child pokes his arm through the railing to pat Natalie in support

Phillip Blauer: I suppose one head laceration and suddenly the kid gloves are gone.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan hobbles back up and rolls Natalie back into the ring. He slingshots himself onto the middle of the top rope, and springboards off into a tornado DDT!!

The impact bounces Natalie back up to her knees, and then back down to the mat

…ONE!!
…TWO!!
...Natalie Burrows kicks out!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan wraps Natalie’s arm into his legs and drops down into a pluma blanca!

The fans boo and jeer as Donovan clamps down on her trapped arm with his arms and knee. Richie Richardson asks Burrows if she wants to tap out but she shakes her head. The Viejas Arena starts chanting “NAT!! NAT!! NAT!!” and she feeds off their energy to work her way back to her feet with a bloody Marty still hanging on to the pluma blanca

Guillermo O’Bannon: Natalie Burrows punches away with her free hand until Marty has to release the pluma blanca. Marty gets to his knees but Burrows tattoos him in the back with a stiff kick!

The audience lets out a collective “OH!” at the sound of her boot smacking Marty’s flesh. Donovan arches his back in pain. She works out her leg a little, and then runs into the ropes. Natalie Burrows feints a shining wizard then transitions into a reverse roundhouse

Guillermo O’Bannon: Epiphany!

…ONE!!
…TWO!!
…Marty Donovan kicks out

Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Southern Belle” Natalie Burrows goes to the outside, then springboards into a spinning heel kick to Donovan’s back!! Turmoil!

The chants of “NAT!! NAT!! NAT!!” are raucous now as Donovan bleeds on the canvas. She pulls him up and irish whips him into the ropes, but Marty comes back with a swinging neckbreaker! Burrows sits up and clutches the back of her neck

Greg Jin: “Twenty Minutes Have Elapsed. 10 Minutes Remaining.”

Guillermo O’Bannon: Donovan pulls her up and puts one hand over her shoulder, and hammerlocks the other, lifting her up into a gloria onto her chicken winged arm!!

…ONE!!
…TWO!!
…Natalie Burrows kicks out

Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty runs and hops onto the middle of the second rope and then backflips into a springboard asai DDT!!

…ONE!!
…TWO!!
…Natalie Burrows kicks out

Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan limps to the top turnbuckle. He takes a moment to wipe the blood from his eyes and then flips into a 450 Ode To Romero splash, but Natalie puts her knees up!!

The crowd leaps to their feet and cheers. Fans start stomping their feet for Natalie Burrows to get up as she holds her knee. She runs into the ropes and comes down onto the back of Marty Donovan’s head with her scissors kick

Guillermo O’Bannon: Closure!

…ONE!
…TWO!
…THREE!

“Breathe Again” by Pop Evil plays and the crowd roars! Natalie Burrows rolls over onto her back

Greg Jin: “At 22 minutes 59 seconds, THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, ADVANCING TO THE SEMI-FINALS OF THE HARDKORE WEST COAST TITLE TOURNAMENT…NATALIE BURROWS!!!”

Guillermo O’Bannon: Natalie Burrows gains revenge for Marty Donovan passing around those fake nudes of hers, and advances to the second round where she will face “Deathstryke” Cyan Komar.

Marty Donovan puts his hand out for Natalie Burrows to shake.

Marty Donovan: I’m sorry. I completely forgot about that whole thing. Good match. It was better than season two of Mandalorian on Disney Plus. Almost as good as season one of Mandalorian on Disney Plus.

The audience boos and Natalie Burrows looks at him skeptically. A bloody Marty Donovan continues to plead with her

Phillip Blauer: I don’t even remember doing that. I’m sorry…like when Launchpad McQuack crashed into those trees…also on Disney Plus.

Burrows shakes her head and turns around. Marty Donovan becomes enraged and attacks her from behind! The Viejas Arena rocks with boos

Guillermo O’Bannon: “The Rising Sun” Marty Donovan not taking this well at all and now attacking Natalie Burrows after the match!

The fans chant “MARTY SUCKS! MARTY SUCKS! MARTY SUCKS!” Burrows gets to her knees and then Marty Donovan runs off the ropes and hits her in the face with his v trigger kneelift

Guillermo O’Bannon: The Dis-Knee to Burrows!!

The boos are deafening as a bleeding Marty tries to shout over them “Disney Plus!!!” He walks out of the ring and has his hand raised.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Marty Donovan acted as though he wanted to bury the hatchet. Natalie Burrows is no idiot, and saw right through his act, and that drove him nuts. But Natalie Burrows is the one going on to the semi-finals with “Deathstryke” Cyan Komar and The Sheik. We'll be right back with the semi-finals of the Hardkore World Heavyweight title tournament, coming up!

---

A camera man is in the backstage area, the camera and back and forth until it comes upon a dressing room door, a sign taped upon it reads "His Grace".

The camera man backs up before taking a much more firm stance and knocking. A voice from the other side of the door shouts a breathy come in. The camera man re arranges his equipment, and slowly opens the door. There inside, decked out in his ring gear and shadow boxing, is a sweaty, Alexander Von Blankenship.

Sheeeeeesh, keep up with me camera boy, my hands are fast as lightning, and my feet are faster then fuck boiiiii.

Alexander does a little Floyd Mayweather shuffle, before stopping and grabbing a towel. Drying himself off he continues.

Everyone is so excited about tonight, Kilroy Vs. The Blessed one. Semifinals. Wow, so impressive. Wrong camera man. I am back here shadow boxing just because I know when my music hits, I walk my Blessed ass out to that ring, and after I've beaten Kilroy, it won't be long enough, for me to get a good sweat in. Hardkore World management keeps lining up former champions, and your boy, the Blessed One, the most charismatic wrestler alive today, just keeps knocking them down. I'm not excited about tonight camera man, this is cake work. I'm going to go out there and dispatch ol' Clown Shoes Kilroy, even quickly, efficiently, and with so much violence it's going to make a 1980s slashers film look like Rick and Morty. Then it gets exciting.....

AVB grabs a bottled water and chugs it down, crumbling the plastic bottle in his hand before discarding it into a corner.

Not the finals of this tournament either, camera man. I'm talking about Call to Arms. Alexander Von Blankenship, the Blessed One, and a team of misfits, taking on the entire XHF world. The entire XHF Network will again be privileged to see me, in all of my amazing glory, do what I do best. Yes, yes, camera man my teammates may be subpar, and not really up to the expectations, but. Just by being around me, by being around the greatness that is Alexander Von Blankenship, that will automatically make them better.

Alexander stand up, and adjusts his ring gear. He grabs the towel one last time and give his face a good wipe, clearing all of the sweat away.

But now, if you'll excuse me, there is an old man waiting for a Baptisim that I must attend too.

Alexander winks at the camera and flashes his Cheshire Cat like smile before throwing his sweat towel over the camera lens.

“Zerospace” by Kidneythieves starts up and the San Diego fans let out a resounding pop! Tuxedo Mask walks out through the curtain and then stands at each side of the top of the ramp for a moment to soak up and encourage the crowd’s cheers.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Set the DVR, because you’re gonna wanna watch this match again. Tuxedo Mask in the biggest opportunity of his career, one match away from the Hardkore World Heavyweight title finals. He has been training hard in Wisconsin with Ri Eun-Ae, formerly known as the two time Hardkore World Women’s Champion Makoto Jupiter.

Phillip Blauer: Ah yes, I remember her fondly. She had a will they, won’t they, and then a boy did they with that Mistress gal.

Tuxedo Mask does a cartwheel handspring into a flip down the ramp to start his entrance. He slides into the ring under the bottom rope and climbs the turnbuckle for one last bit of adoration before preparing for the match

Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask is always looking for big star ratings from Meltzer and Wade, but tonight he’s going to try to use those brilliant moves to put away the European mat master Syberus.

Phillip Blauer: You know, Wade gets me. He’s good people, but Dave’s always had a problem with me. I don’t know why. Maybe I should have Tux leak that I’m just a regular joe. Hanging with the lads, discussing our fantasy polo league.

Greg Jin: “The following is the semi-final round of the Hardkore World Heavyweight Title Tournament. It is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Kelly McConnell. Introducing first, from Tokushima, Japan; Standing 5 feet 8 inches tall, Weighing 185 pounds...He’s Not Gonna Argue, Because He’s No Masked Debater; The Wrestler Your Girlfriend Is Watching For; Hardkore World’s One Man Highlight Reel…TUXEDO MASK!!!”

The San Diego fans give Tux a thunderous ovation as he stares at the entrance curtain

The lights cut and the old Indian head "Please Stand By" TV signal fills the screens. "Weak and Powerless" by A Perfect Circle starts up and the crowd reach their feet as images of Syberus in Hardkore World's heyday replace the testing signal. Smoke billows from the ramp and from it Syberus emerges, his robe open and flowing around him as he strides onto the stage

Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus proved alot to himself in Palm Springs last month defeating “Deathstryke” Cyan Komar in the first round. But now he has the high flying Tuxedo Mask standing in front of him, who when properly motivated, can be one of the most dangerous people in the territory.

Syb takes a brief look around at the crowd before heading down the ramp. Once up the ring steps Syberus wipes his feet on the apron before stooping through the ropes. He circles the ring for a second before hopping up in one corner and raising both fists in the air

Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus claims he was afraid of whether or not Tux would even show up tonight, well, here he is and ready to derail Syberus’ plans to win the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship for an unprecedented 5th time.

Phillip Blauer: Well, it was a good bet. Remember that time he no-showed his Best of Tuxedo Mask: Ten Years In A Tux DVD interview and we had to just release it without it?

Guillermo O’Bannon: I do.

Phillip Blauer: Or the time he didn’t show up for that battle royal until Cyrus was already getting the check?

Guillermo O’Bannon: I remember, Phil.

Greg Jin: “And his opponent, from Manchester, England, who’s name is translated from ‘Breast Like Hill’; Standing 6 feet and Weighing 200 pounds; He is The Host of Are You Rubbish? and The Cranium Throne, He is the former Four Time Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion…THE GREAT SYBERUS!!!”

The San Diego fans cheer

---

Hardkore World Heavyweight Title Tournament Match
Syberus vs. Tuxedo Mask

---

Kelly O’Connell signals for the bell and Tux and Syberus circle one another and then lock up in a collar and elbow tie-up

Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus grabs a side headlock. He clamps his hands together, and grinds that forearm across Tux’s temple. Syberus locks those hands even tighter, wrenching on his neck.

Tuxedo Mask attempts to push him off, but Syberus hangs on to the headlock. He plants his feet and flips Tux in a side headlock takedown. He flattens out onto his butt so he can peel back Tux’s head with the headlock

Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask rolls him into a cradle.

Phillip Blauer: This could be it!!

…ONE!!
…Syberus kicks out

Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus gets to his feet and catches an oncoming Tux with a snapmare. He quickly grabs him in a front facelock.

Syberus clamps down on Tux’s head and neck, cranking back with his body to put pressure on his head and neck. But Tux begins working his way to his feet

Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask backdrops Syberus up and over! He twists Syberus’ arm and then runs up the ropes

The Viejas Arena roars as Tuxedo Mask tightrope walks the ropes while holding Syberus’ twisted arm!! He jumps off and into a la majistral cradle

…ONE!!
…Syberus kicks out

Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask runs right into a hip toss by Syberus. He irish whips Tux but Tux slides through the legs of Kelly O’Connell and hops onto the middle of the second rope and moonsault body presses Syberus!

…ONE!!
…TWO!!
…Syberus kicks out

Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus gets to his feet only to be tagged in the side of the head with a roundhouse enzuigiri!

Syberus goes down like a tree while Tuxedo Mask steps through the ropes onto the apron. When Syberus gets up, Tux slingshots himself over the ropes and catches Syberus with a DDT

Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus tried to keep Tux on the mat, but the tiger is out of it’s cage! He snap suplexes the Englishman.

Tuxedo Mask pulls him up into a fireman’s carry, but Syberus falls behind him and applies a half nelson hammerlock

Guillermo O’Bannon: European Three Quarter Nelson! Syberus pushes down on Tux’s neck while cinching up on his wrist.

Kelly O’Connell checks in while Tux grunts out refusals to quit. Syberus torques up on the shoulder some more to increase the pain. He puts his arm around Tuz’s neck, ties their legs up and snaps back into a russian legsweep

Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus now standing on Tux’s fingers!

Kelly O’Connell tells Syberus to get off Tuxedo Mask’s hand but he shakes his head like he’s unaware he’s doing it. He finally looks down and pretends to notice. Syberus steps off and says to her, “Terribly sorry.”

Phillip Blauer: It’s really quite something to see a wrestler admit when he’s in the wrong. He’s not only sorry. He’s terribly sorry. That’s something you only get across the pond. The Old Atlantic Sea…

Guillermo O’Bannon: Ok, Phil. Syberus catches Tux with a deep arm drag. Another one snaps him to the mat, and then Syberus applies a cross armbar.

Syberus leans back with Tuxedo Mask’s arm, trying to hyperextend the elbow. Tuxedo Mask cries out in pain as he tries to hold out. Kelly O’Connell checks to see if either man’s shoulders are pinned to the mat, then goes back to looking for the tap out

Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus now bending back Tux’s fingers as well. Tux is finally able to roll to his feet and punch his way out of it with his free hand.

Tuxedo Mask holds his elbow as he staggers away. Syberus comes from behind, but Tux is ready for him with a right hand to the jaw. A second knocks Syberus into the ropes. Tuxedo Mask grabs him in an inverted facelock

Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask with a reverse suplex that throws Syberus’ stomach on the top rope!

A perched Syberus is stuck on the top rope for a moment, but Tuxedo Mask big boots him down to the floor!! The Viejas Arena gets rowdy with a big pop. Tuxedo Mask runs into the ropes and slides under the ropes, but Syberus catches him in the ring apron

Phillip Blauer: Hey, that’s our big sponsor Ronnie’s Big & Tall Wrestling T-Shirt’s on that apron!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus tags Tux with a few right hands while Tux is trapped in that ring apron.

Tux stumbles out of the ring apron, but Syberus smashes his head into the apron! Syberus grabs him by the hair and rams Tux’s head into the steel railing!! He lays Tux’s throat on the guardrail, and climbs up to the apron

Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus jumps off the apron, but Tux moves and he hits the security rail!!

The San Diego fans let out a collective “OH!!” at the sound of Syberus hitting the railing. Syberus leans against the railing while Tuxedo Mask rolls back into the ring. He runs into the ropes and then does a no hands sasuke special!! The fans leap to their feet and let out an ear splitting pop for that

Phillip Blauer: Wow!

Guillermo O’Bannon: The Twilight Dance!

Tuxedo Mask takes a chair handed to him by a man in a Natalie Burrows’ t-shirt. Tux climbs to the apron while holding the chair as the fans chant “TUX!! TUX!! TUX!!”

Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask hops onto the middle of the top rope and backflips into an asai moonsault with that chair!!

Syberus and Tuxedo Mask flips over the railing out into the front row of the crowd. The chants of “Tux! Tux! Tux!” thunder through the Viejas Arena. Tuxedo Mask rolls over the railing into the ringside area, then rolls into the ring. He runs into the ropes and hops onto the middle of the top rope

Guillermo O’Bannon: Tux with a springboard dragon rana out in the crowd!!

An ear splitting pop from the crowd as the ringside fans jump up and down around their crumpled bodies! Tux pulls himself up next to a woman’s lap, and…suddenly…notices how completely ravishing she is

Tuxedo Mask: Your eyes…I’ve never seen a color like that before. No, no. That’s not quite true. Once when I was surfing in Hawaii, the sun was setting in the ocean, and the water was this gorgeous hue of gray, blue, and green…I swore I would never see a color that beautiful again. But I was wrong.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus smashes Tuxedo Mask’s face into the railing again from behind!!

Syberus steps over the railing, and grabs Tux, hitting a swinging neckbreaker that smacks the back of Tux’s head against the guardrail!! The San Diego fans let out another “OH!!” Tux holds the back of his neck in the front row, while Syberus steps over the railing out into the crowd

Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus pulls Tux up into a full nelson, and then throws him over the railing into the ringside area!

The fans cheer Syberus as he steps over the guardrail. He butterflies Tuxedo Mask’s arms, but Tux backdrops him on the concrete! Syberus sits up in pain, as Tuxedo Mask climbs to the top turnbuckle

Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask flips into a corkscrew moonsault on Syberus on the floor!!

The Viejas Arena roars and Tuxedo Mask pulls himself up by the apron, and then rolls Syberus back into the ring. Syberus gets to his feet as Tux rolls into the ring

Guillermo O’Bannon: Tux handsprings into a spear on Syberus!!

…ONE!!
…TWO!!
…Syberus kicks out

Guillermo O’Bannon: Before Syberus can get to his feet, Tuxedo Mask twists his arm. Tux gives it another twist, really stressing that elbow.

Syberus works his way to his feet with Tux holding onto that twisted arm. He steps through the ropes and drops to the floor, with Tuxedo Mask’s arm being wrenched along the top rope! Tux clutches his shoulder, and falls to the mat.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus climbs back into the ring and ties Tux’s arms up in the top and second rope. He bashes Tuxedo Mask in the face with an elbow!

The Great Syberus cracks Tux in the head with another elbow strike and then Kelly O’Connell steps in front of him. Syberus walks away to cool off. While Kelly is distracted trying to free Tux from the ropes, Syberus slides his knee pad down

Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus tears Tuxedo Mask out of the ropes and lies him out on his stomach. Syberus outstretches Tux’s arm, and drops that Muscle Killer knee drop on the back of his elbow!!

Tuxedo Mask snatches his arm back and clutches it tight to his body, kicking his toes in the mat in frustration. Syberus rolls him over and puts his knees on Tux’s lower abdomen. He sticks his forearm in Tuxedo Mask’s face to restrict his breathing. Tux stomps his heels into the mat, trying to escape. Tux grabs the ropes and Kelly O’Connell tells Syberus to break

Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus pulls Tuxedo Mask up by the hair, but Tux drops into a full split, and then Johnny Cage punches Syberus! He gets underneath him with a saito suplex

The San Diego crowd cheers as Tuxedo Mask gets underneath Syberus with a saito suplex

Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxplex ‘99!

…ONE!!
…TWO!!
…Syberus kicks out

Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus measures Tux and then gets a running start, but Tux trips him with a drop toehold into the second rope.

Tuxedo Mask does the Rey Mysterio arm raise, and then runs into the ropes and does a 619 in San Diego!! The audience lets out a huge pop

Phillip Blauer: 619 in the 619. How apropo.

Tuxedo Mask climbs to the top turnbuckle, but Syberus runs up the turnbuckles to meet him halfway. Tux catches him with a right hand to the face and then signals for The Moonlight Waltz. The Viejas Arena buzzes with anticipation. Tuxedo Mask butterflies Syberus’ arms.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask flips into a double underhook sunset tiger bomb, but Syberus flips it into a diamond cutter on the way down!!

…ONE!!
…TWO!!
…THREE!!

"Weak and Powerless" by A Perfect Circle plays and Syberus rolls off of Tuxedo Mask with his arm raised

Greg Jin: “At 18 minutes, 38 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, ADVANCING TO THE FINALS…THE GREAT SYBERUS!!!”

Guillermo O’Bannon: Tuxedo Mask had Syberus in his sights with The Moonlight Waltz but Syberus had a counter scouted for it.

Kelly O’Connell raises Syberus’ arm as the crowd cheers

Guillermo O’Bannon: Syberus advances to the finals of the Hardkore World Heavyweight Title tournament at Palm Springs Punishment 2022, awaiting the winner of Kilroy Evans and Alexander Von Blankenship which is coming right up next!

---

Cut to a commercial with Jimmy Valentine Jr. standing in front of a green screen, showing Hardkore World highlights

Jimmy Valentine Jr.: Hi, I’m Jimmy Valentine Jr. from Dirtsheet.com. After you’re done watching my Uncle Jonnie’s show, be sure to check out Dirtsheet.com. Here are our top headlines:

What is the latest on contract negotiations with Rat Bastard?

Who is Richie Richardson?

What happened backstage during the crowd’s surprising reaction to Cyan Komar in Palm Springs?

How did the locker room react to Malcolm Xavier Graves getting his own hotel room?

Why is Fantasy Springs Casino upset with Jonnie?

Jimmy Valentine Jr.: So check us out. Then go on Twitter and defend our reporting like you would defend your own mother. All this stuff is verified, so act accordingly. Oh, and Lord Dominicus is in talks to run in at Hardkore Helloween 2020, but they have hit a snag after several jaw dropping demands by Dominicus.

Cut to kids playing with Hardkore World action figures. One has a Sheik action figure, one has a Alexander Von Blankenship action figure. The two action figues are standing in front of a bunch of sticks put together as a wooden wall.

“Alexander Von Blankenship”: (evil laugh) Ha Ha Ha. We are going to destroy the dam and flood the town!

“Sheik”: Ha Ha Ha.

Voice Off Camera: Not so fast.

“AVB & The Sheik”: (together) “Deathstryke” Cyan Komar??

“Deathstryke” Cyan Komar action figure comes walking up

Voiceover: That’s right, kids! The new “Deathstryke” Cyan Komar action figure comes with samurai sword, ninja stars, horrific scar, and a ponytail with a real lead ball in it!

Much Quieter Voiceover: Do not swallow lead ball. Hardkore World and Jonnie Valentine, nor any of his many, many relatives can be held responsible for any birth defects deemed caused by the lead balls.

‘Cyan Komar’: I’ll stop you two!

Komar’s action figure throws a chinese star, knocking down Von Blankenship and Sheik’s action figures

“AVB & The Sheik”: (together) Argh!

“Cyan Komar”: For Allen Anderson! 

Voiceover: Get your “Deathstryke” Cyan Komar action figure wherever quality toys are sold.

“Rock Club" by Family Jules plays and Kilroy walks to the ring at a relaxed pace, stopping to talk to a fan wearing a “My Boy Kilroy” t-shirt

Guillermo O’Bannon: After his earlier appearance shilling merch, Kilroy Evans is here to resurrect Hardkore World in the confines of this semi-final world title tournament match. He doesn’t buy that Alexander Von Blankenship is ready for this moment.

Kilroy Evans points to a “Rat Boy” sign that one fan is holding. Another sign says “AVB Fears The Sun”. It appears to be an old friend of Kilroy so he comes over, hugging the fan

Phillip Blauer: He has probably used every one of these poor folks for lodging. Every one of these people had this man, permeating sour cream and onion potato chip sweat on their couch.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans says he will outmaneuver Alexander Von Blankenship whether this is a bloodbath or a technical classic.

Kilroy Evans rolls into the ring, smiling brightly, waving to his cheering fans

Greg Jin: “The following match is part of the semi-finals for the Hardkore World Heavyweight Title Tournament! It is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Tommy Milligan. Featuring first, from Attbury, South Carolina; Standing 5 feet 11 inches tall; Weighing in at 245 pounds; The 2019-2020 Archuleta County Fair's Pie Eating Champion and The Attbury Assassin…KILROY EVANS!!!”

The San Diego crowd gives the biggest pop of the night as Kilroy looks to the entrance area, pacing slowly and purposefully

A thick cloud like haze fills the entryway, and brilliant blue lights create an almost angelic like atmosphere. The Viejas Arena thunders with boos

I've been blessed up (geez)
I've been broke down (oh yeah)
Gotta catch up (yeah)
Gotta shine now (okay)
Running faster (oh yeah)
I can't slow down (oh no)
Gotta catch up (yeah)
Gotta shine now

AVB steps from behind the curtain, a cocky smirk on his smug face. He holds his arms out, soaking in all of his own glory, before mouthing the words "Always Very Blessed" as he points to the smug look on his own face.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Here is the self-proclaimed hottest rising star in professional wrestling, Alexander Von Blankenship. He scored a huge first round win over former Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion Andrew Karnage and now faces his Miracle Violence Combination II partner, also a former Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion Kilroy Evans.

Phillip Blauer: Look at the confidence, Gadfly. Those cheekbones. That fancy conditioner. What do you think it smells like?

Guillermo O’Bannon: I really don’t care. AVB not taking Kilroy very seriously, at least that’s the attitude he’s trying to project. But Kilroy is responsible for some of the most violent moments of the most violent territory in the country and he can make you…

Phillip Blauer: I’d imagine something that smells warm and romantic with hints of cardamom, pineapple, citrus, lavender and bamboo.

Ayy, I got the moves
Bearing that fruit and now I got the juice (juice!)
God has been cooking, now I got the soup
Put this together, yo, really
He clever, I cannot do better

AVD looks out at the crowd, and the smirk is now a scowl. Slowly walking towards the ring, he sees the “Rat Boy'' and “Ain’t Very Big” signs and points at the fans holding them, stating loudly "I'm better than you" as he goes

Guillermo O’Bannon: Alexander Von Blankenship insists he is the new generation of Hardkore wrestler and it starts with beating it’s former World Champions in the path to the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship, like Kilroy Evans. But Hardkore legends like Death Gojira, Dougie Ray Bullet, and Syberus have had similar plans, and wound up at the wrong end of a Bad Touch.

Phillip Blauer: Snakes alive, his matches with Death Gojira are the reason I wake up screaming at night. That and when Dorothy has wet the bed. It’s so cute when she does that.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Phil, if it’s money you need, I could…

Phillip Blauer: Heavens to Betsy, are you deef, man? I’m smitten with that woman.

Ride the wave, yeah
Ain't got no fright today, yeah
I'm gonna rise today, yeah
Don't gotta fight the wave
'Cause I'm peeping the visuals, I bring the visuals

AVB walks up the steps to the ring, stopping before he gets inside.

Phillip Blauer: (with his finger in his ear) Guacamole, he just walked past me and I can confirm his hair smells like coconut oil and what appears to be some sort of palmetto berry extract. Details to follow when we learn of them.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Thank you, Phil.

Von Blankenship gives the ring the holy trinity blessing before climbing the outside turnbuckle, looking towards the entire crowd. He yells out "Always Very Blessed!!" before jumping down into the ring. The San Diego fans start chanting “Fuck You Alex!! *clap* *clap* *clap-clap-clap* Fuck You Alex!! *clap* *clap* *clap-clap-clap* Fuck You Alex!! *clap* *clap* *clap-clap-clap*” He mocks them by patting his heart

Greg Jin: “And his opponent is from Amsterdam; He stands 6 feet 2 inches tall; Weighing 215 pounds, He is Hell’s Spawn, The Bastard’s Son…ALWAYS VERY BLESSED, ALEXANDER VON BLANKENSHIP!!!”

The Viejas Arena lets out an earsplitting heel pop which brings a smirk to AVB’s face.

---

Hardkore World Heavyweight Title Tournament Match
Alexander Von Blankenship vs. Kilroy Evans

---

Tommy Milligan signals for the bell while Greg exits the ring. AVB and Kilroy circle one another and then the fans start singing “Kilroy’s Gonna Kill You…Kilroy’s Kilroy’s Gonna Kill You…Gonna Kill You…”

Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy goes to lock up, but Von Blankenship pokes his head through the second and top ropes.

The audience jeers as Alexander Von Blankenship demands Tommy Milligan back Kilroy Evans up.

Alexander Von Blankenship: Get him back, Tommy! Get him back.

Milligan backs Kilroy up, who has his hands up. AVB cautiously pokes his head back into the ring and looks for an opening with Kilroy. They finally lock up in a collar and elbow tie up

Guillermo O’Bannon: Both men jockeying for position, and then Kilroy tosses him to the mat!

The crowd cheers and Alexander Von Blankenship sits on the mat, stunned. He motions to Tommy Milligan that Kilroy pulled his hair, which Kilroy just laughs at

Phillip Blauer: Good man for reporting this scofflaw to the authorities. The barbed wire, the chairs…it all starts with a hair pull.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Tommy Milligan now warning Kilroy about the hair, but this is not the onslaught of offense that AVB promised in his promos.

Alexander Von Blankenship gets to a vertical base and goes to lock up with Kilroy again, but he pokes him in the eye instead! The San Diego fans boo and AVB gives them a cocky pout as he struts around the ring. The mood changes when Kilroy regains his sight, AVB notices his predicament.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Alexander Von Blankenship beats it to the floor and escapes the clutches of The Attbury Assassin!

The fans get on Von Blankenship’s case with “Pussy!” chants as he slowly walks around ringside. He motions for Tommy Milligan to get Kilroy away from the ropes

Alexander Von Blankenship: Do your job, Tommy! Get him back. Yeah, I’ll be in there in a second, big boy. Don’t you worry.

After alot of stalling, Alexander Von Blankenship finally steps through the ropes. He and Kilroy lock up again, and this time, it’s AVB who backs him into the corner. Tommy Milligan calls for a clean break, and surprisingly, Von Blankenship gives him one

Guillermo O’Bannon: AVB slaps Kilroy across the face! Kilroy sees red and chases AVB out of the ring, and up the rampway before he loses chase on the faster Von Blankenship.

Kilroy gives up and walks back to the ring. Alexander Von Blankenship peeks through the curtains to check and see if the coast is clear. Once that’s established, he starts walking back to the ring as Tommy Milligan threatens to count him out. AVB tells him “Keep your shirt on.”

Guillermo O’Bannon: Alexander Von Blankenship back up on the apron and Kilroy goes to retrieve him and…AVB just spit in his face!!

Phillip Blauer: How can you be sure? He usually has all kinds of spit in that beard. Some his own!

Guillermo O’Bannon: That’s it, Kilroy now hot on Von Blakenship’s tail, chasing him around the ringside area. When he follows AVB into the ring, Alexander is ready for him with some stomps

Phillip Blauer: Alexander Von Blankenship just discovered Kilroy’s one achilles heel. Physical exertion of any kind.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Von Blankenship scoops Kilroy up and drops him into a shoulderbreaker. He moves in for the kill, but Kilroy trips him with a drop toehold.

Kilroy Evans takes him over in a snapmare, and then steps over him into a stump puller. He pulls up on AVB’s leg, while sitting on the back of his neck, pushing it down into Von Blankenship’s chest. Tommy Milligan checks in to see if AVB wants to quit but he shakes his head as he grunts in pain

Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans likes to wear down the neck for that Bad Touch. He falls back into an on the mat version of the stump puller. Evans pulls back on AVB’s calf.

Phillip Blauer: He’s crushing the poor kid’s head with that massive caboose of his!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Stop it, Phil, he’s lost a lot of weight.

Phillip Blauer: Great, now he won’t be funny anymore.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans back in San Diego for the first time since he defended the Hardkore World Six Man Tag Team Championship as part of The Un-Stable with “The Rising Sun” Marty Donovan and Syberus in July of 2006 against Paul Soutter, “Platinum” Pat Bozzini, and Death Gojira.

Phillip Blauer: “Platinum” Pat was arguably the greatest Italian to ever hold the Hardkore America Heavyweight Championship.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Arguably, sure. Kilroy Evans releases the stump puller and irish whips AVB into the ropes. He ducks down for a back body drop, but Alexander Von Blankenship catches him looking with a swinging neckbreaker.

Before Kilroy can get up, AVB is waiting for him with a stomp to the face. He gets on top of Kilroy and starts hammering him with punches and the boos get deafening! AVB stands up and motions for them to get louder. The fans start chanting “Fuck You Alex!! *clap* *clap* *clap-clap-clap* Fuck You Alex!! *clap* *clap* *clap-clap-clap* Fuck You Alex!! *clap* *clap* *clap-clap-clap*”

Phillip Blauer: Stay classy, San Diego.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Alexander Von Blankenship scoops him up again and this time hits a backbreaker.

Von Blankenship goes to irish whip Kilroy, but he hangs on and pulls AVB into a shortarm headbutt! The crowd pops and Alexander Von Blankenship staggers around in a daze

Guillermo O’Bannon: Shake Hands With Danger! Kilroy grabs him by the legs and spins him into a spinebuster!

…ONE!
…TWO!
…Alexander Von Blankenship kicks out!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans grabs a full nelson, then ties up their legs, pitching forward into an inverted russian legsweep!

Kilroy maintains the full nelson and pulls AVB back up to his feet with it. Von Blankenship begs off but Kilroy full nelson suplexes him onto the back of his neck to get a big pop out of The Viejas Arena

Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans applies a triangle choke! He locks those fingers together and pulls down on the back of AVB’s neck, cutting off his air with his legs.

Tommy Milligan checks in but Von Blankenship hovers his hand over the mat, trying not to tap. Alexander Von Blankenship reaches over and scratches Kilroy’s eyes to get him to release the triangle choke

Guillermo O’Bannon: Alexander Von Blankenship pulls the blinded Kilroy up and slugs him in the jaw. He reaches back and smashes Kilroy with another punch that backs him into the ropes.

Von Blankenship grabs the collar of Kilroy’s Mystery Science Theater “Attack of The, The Eye Creatures” shirt and rips it open! The fans boo loudly

Phillip Blauer: The lad was probably tired of Kilroy using the fact that he doesn’t wash his ring gear as a tactical advantage. Tommy Milligan really should have noticed that during the pat down and ordered Kilroy to get forcibly Febreezed.

Guillermo O’Bannon: AVB whacks Evans' exposed chest with a hard chop! Another, and another!

The Viejas Arena lets out a “Woo!” with each blistering chop that is turning Evans’ chest beat red. Kilroy motions for AVB to chop him again and the Son of The Rat gulps. Von Blankenship obliges and smacks Kilroy’s chest with a stinging chop

Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans grabs him by the hair and sinks his teeth into Alexander Von Blankenship’s forehead!

The fans come unglued and when Tommy Milligan pulls Kilroy Evans off, blood is leaking from a laceration over Alexander Von Blankenship’s eyebrow. He checks his hand for blood and look panicked when it comes back red

Phillip Blauer: Oh come on! We cannot have guests. Look, now the poor handsome devil is bleeding. Now I need to call his Dad and apologize on behalf of this company.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans pushes Tommy out of the way and starts headbutting Alexander Von Blankenship’s cut over and over, opening it deeper.

Phillip Blauer: They started so well, Giancarlo. There were snap mares a few minutes ago. Snap mares!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy grabs a side headlock, and then runs into the center of the ring with a bulldog!

Von Blankenship leaves a blood stain on the Hardkore World canvas where his face hit the mat. He backs up and begins signaling for a time out as Kilroy Evans stalks him, while the crowd gets louder and louder. Kilroy pulls him up by his blonde hair that has been stained pink with blood, and asks the crowd if he should hit him

Guillermo O’Bannon: Alexander Von Blankenship takes advantage of the momentary distraction by kicking Kilroy in the balls!

The cheers turn to jeers and Kilroy keels over in pain. AVB snap suplexes Evans hard to the mat, making him sit up pain. Von Blankenship seems unsure of what to do with the blood running into his eyes

Phillip Blauer: Von Blankenship seems unsure of what to do with the blood running into his eyes. This is usually the point in your life when you wish your Dad worked in minor league baseball mid-management.

Guillermo O’Bannon: AVB scoops Evans up and tosses him across the ring in a fallaway slam!

Alexander Von Blankenship kips up and screams “Always Very Blessed!” The Viejas Arena boos and then starts chanting “RAT BOY! RAT BOY! RAT BOY!” AVB kicks the ropes in their direction and the boos drown out the chant

Guillermo O’Bannon: Von Blankenship lifts him up into a suplex position, but Kilroy blocks it with his calf. Evans plants his feet and reverses the suplex into a suplex of his own, but drops AVB on his head with a brainbuster!

AVB sits up with blood running down his face. Kilroy Evans pulls him up into a bearhug and belly to belly suplexes Von Blankenship onto his head and neck!! The fans cheer and Kilroy grabs his arms in a butterfly position

Guillermo O’Bannon: AVB backdrops Kilroy Evans to the mat! He grabs an oncoming Kilroy’s roundhouse kick and takes him out with a leg whip.

Alexander Von Blankenship kicks the side of Kilroy’s knee. Another stiff kick to his knee, and Kilroy rolls over, holding his leg. A bloody AVB does the sign of the cross towards Kilroy as he gets up and the San Diego crowd rocks with boos. Von Blankenship comes at him with a superman punch

Guillermo O’Bannon: But Kilroy ducks The Baptism and german suplexes AVB!

…ONE!!
…TWO!!
…Alexander Von Blankenship rolls his shoulder up!

Kilroy shakes some feeling into his leg. He pulls Alexander Von Blankenship’s head into his legs

Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans with a pulling piledriver that drills AVB’s bloody skull right into the mat!!

…ONE!!
…TWO!!
…Alexander Von Blankenship kicks out!

Kilroy kicks Von Blankenship in the stomach and then drops him with a jawbreaker! When AVB’s legs fly up, Kilroy grabs them and twists them around his arms, then turns him over into a texas cloverleaf

Guillermo O’Bannon: Jawsome! He sits back on Alexander Von Blankenship’s head and shoulders, completely bending him in half!

Alexander Von Blankenship bleeds a pool of blood under his face while Kilroy pulls back on his twisted legs. Tommy Milligan asks AVB if he wants to tap out but he crawls to the side of the ring and hooks the bottom rope. The audience voices their disappointment

Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy Evans tries to pick AVB up, but he’s hugging the bottom rope! He doesn’t want to let go!

The fans cheer as Kilroy finally wrenches Alexander Von Blankenship off of the ropes and applies a camel clutch! The cheers get louder when the San Diego crowd recognizes the significance

Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy applies The Last Crusade, The Sheik’s finisher! That’s the move he tortured Kilroy’s friend Cyrus with at the Fantasy Springs before Kilroy came down and they brawled over the casino. Now they have a match coming up at Palm Springs Punishment 2022 and it looks like Kilroy's having fun sending him a little message. 

Phillip Blauer: This bozo is stealing moves. If I were Malcolm Xavier Graves, I would call that lawyer on the side of the all the buses downtown.

Guillermo O’Bannon: Sweet James?

Phillip Blauer: (high pitched singing) Sweet James!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Meanwhile, Kilroy Evans laces his fingers together and peels back Alexander Von Blankenship’s head with The Last Crusade!

Tommy Milligan checks in again to see if AVB wants to tap out but he shakes his head. Kilroy Evans pulls his head back and bites his forehead cut to tear it open even more. The Viejas Arena booms with a huge pop at Von Blankenship’s predicament. Suddenly there’s a buzz in the crowd as they seem distracted by something.

Phillip Blauer: Speak of the devil!

Guillermo O’Bannon: It’s Malcolm Xavier Graves on the apron, shouting insults at Kilroy Evans.

Phillip Blauer: He’s taken all he can stand, and he can’t stands no more, Geoffrey!

Tommy Milligan tries to get Malcolm Xavier Graves get off the apron, and The Sheik appears behind Kilroy Evans and Alexander Von Blankenship with a chair

Guillermo O’Bannon: The Sheik smashes that chair into the back of Kilroy Evans, bending the frame of that chair on the back of his head!!

The Viejas Arena rocks with boos as Kilroy lurches forward and is out like a light! A blood drenched Alexander Von Blankenship lies on the mat, not moving. Malcolm Xavier Graves ushers The Sheik out of the ring, who clearly does not want to leave

Guillermo O’Bannon: Malcolm Xavier Graves causing the distraction so that Sheik could interfere, and now both men are out.

Phillip Blauer: Graves was merely doing his due diligence as a manager to protect his client’s intellectual property.

Alexander Von Blankenship pulls himself up, bleeding all over each rope as he passes it

Greg Jin: “Twenty Minutes Have Elapsed. 10 Minutes Remaining.”

AVB is finally up to his feet and hooks Kilroy in a suplex and then twists him into a lightning spiral onto the chair

Guillermo O’Bannon: The Blessing!

…ONE!!
…TWO!!
…THREE!!!

“Blessed Up” by Wande plays and the boos get louder and louder. Alexander Von Blankenship lies motionless on top of Kilroy, who is staring at the lights

Guillermo O’Bannon: Kilroy turned AVB into a bloody mess but The Sheik can’t keep his nose out of Kilroy Evans’ match and it wound up marring a Hardkore World title tournament semi-final match.

Greg Jin: “At 20 minutes 6 seconds, THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, ADVANCING TO THE FINALS…ALEXANDER VON BLANKENSHIP!!!”

Phillip Blauer: What an upset!

Guillermo O’Bannon: Alexander Von Blankenship has defeated a former Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion in each of his tournament matches and he now goes on to face four time Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion Syberus in the finals at Palm Springs Punishment 2022! 

AVB staggers down the aisle with fans trying to press their middle finger into his face, while he's got a faint smile across his lips. Fans throw water bottles at him as he smacks them away

Guillermo O’Bannon: Meanwhile, what will happen when Kilroy and The Sheik finally get back into the ring with one another? Natalie Burrows attempts to get her revenge on Marty Donovan and much, much more fans! Join us at our first PPV in 14 yearsat Palm Springs Punishment 2022!