Post by Steele on Aug 28, 2017 19:10:29 GMT -5
ISSUE #1 - 08/30/17
Hello subscriber(s) and welcome to the first edition of Pro Wrestling Grapevine!
My name is Matt Smug, and I aim to become your #1 source of Professional Wrestling news, rumors and backstage gossip - forget the other dirtsheets, make sure you stick with PWG for all your pro wrestling information!
We unfortunately begin with some very sad news from Bethesda, Ohio and the AWF...
Timothy O'Leary; 1988-2017
As I'm sure many of you have heard by now the fire at the VFW in Bethesda, Ohio (we'll get to that in a minute) claimed a single victim, the AWF Chief Operating Officer Timothy O'Leary.
O'Leary was 29 years old and lived with his mother, his only known surviving relative, on Oak Street. My source in the AWF tells me that many saw O'Leary as somewhat of a solitary individual who never married and kept himself to himself.
"He was a bit of a loner. A nice enough guy, but I didn't really get to know him that well. Don't think no-one did, except Fezzik. Dunno if Bradshaw even knew who he was."
-AWF Source (identity withheld by request)
A life-long wrestling fan, Timothy was an outsider to the business and his first involvement was as a financial backer for Felix Ziko's fledgling company earlier this year.
A date for the funeral is yet to be confirmed as Bethesda Police have yet to release the body, since this is likely to turn into - at least - a manslaughter investigation against AWF CFO Terry Bradshaw. Donations in lieu of flowers may be sent to the Kelly Kemp Braido Patron Funeral Home & Crematory in Bethesda, OH.
FIRE AT THE BETHESDA VFW
This was the horrifying scene as AWF Prestige went off the air last Friday night. A helicopter piloted (and I use that term loosely) by CFO and former NFL Quarterback Terry Bradshaw crashed into the Veterans' association that the AWF used for their bi-weekly TV show.
As already reported, AWF COO Timothy O'Leary lost his life in the blaze, though thankfully there were no other casualties as the rest of the staff, roster and the audience were safely evacuated with only minor injuries. XHF Network owner Mongo The Destroyer was initially feared to be lost underneath the rubble but he was pulled to safety on-air just before the broadcast concluded.
What viewers didnt see though was Bethesda Police swarming the site in order to apprehend Bradshaw, who attempted to take off in the wrecked chopper to avoid arrest - this was obviously a futile endeavor and Bradshaw was arrested, before resisting arrest again and actually declaring himself "unarrested" by- well, I'll let somebody who was actually there talk you through it.
"It was the darndest thing you ever saw! He tried to fly off in that dad-gummed whirlybird but the sheriff pulled him outta it! Said he was under arrest! But then he stripped off his britches an' everythin' else he had on - stood there naked as the day he was born - and said he was one a them "sovereign citizens" and they couldn't arrest him cos he was a boat or some such..."
"He said he never "crashed" the chopper inta the VFW, he "traveled" inta it, and there was no federal law ag'inst "traveling" inta a buildin'... he said that was where them Al-Quaidas messed up on 9/11. Said if he could then he'd go back in time an' defend that Osama Bin Laden in court an' make millions offa him. "
"Well anyhoo, he tried ta get his main mast up to prove he was a boat but the coppers rushed 'im. One of 'em was takin' 'im to the patrol car but they musta been some greenhorn 'cuz next thing ya know Bradshaw's in the driver's seat with the rookie hog-tied across the hood doin' donuts round the burnin' building, flippin' the bird to the whole PD..."
- Cletus Van Terminator, Civil War Veteran
Terry Bradshaw's whereabouts are currently unknown. The rookie cop - who will remain unnamed to spare his blushes - was found laid across train tracks (long since decommissioned) several miles away, shaken by the ordeal and but otherwise unscathed. A false "dastardly villain" mustache, believed to belong to Bradshaw, was discovered nearby.
The Bethesda Police Dept. are offering a substantial reward for any information that results in the apprehension of Terry Bradshaw.
MONGO THE DISAPPOINTED?
I am reliably informed that despite his vehement denial, Mongo The Destroyer was apparently actually relishing the opportunity to fight Terry Bradshaw on Prestige in the "Battle Of The Billionaires" that ultimately led to the catastrophic destruction of the Bethesda VFW.
My source tells me that in the days leading up to the bout, the XHF head was spending upwards of six hours a day in the gym working on his conditioning, and provided me with this photograph of "The Destroyer" topping up his tan in order to look his best in his wrestling gear:
After the disappointment of being denied his long-awaited wrestling return, Mongo is said to be considering shaving his head and bringing back the famed chrome-dome that he sported in his heyday in order to prepare himself for a full-time return to the ring.
UPS AND DOWNERS
AWF have released their bi-weekly "Live 5" rankings (Click here for the latest list) and - SPOILER ALERT - the AWF Heavyweight Champion Jackson Steele has been toppled from the top spot, dropping to #3 after three straight #1 rankings! Alex Jones jumped three places from #4 two weeks ago to claim top spot after an impressive showing against Ezriel, who himself breached the rankings for the first time, clocking in at #4. Prestige Class Champion Kira Izumi maintained his #2 position thanks to a victory over Chris Moxley, and Terry Bradshaw (there he is again!) snuck in at #5 following his... antics... at Prestige.
According to my sources the Heavyweight Champion did not take news of his "demotion" ever so well, and is worried that this is a sign that management are thinking of taking the company in a different direction. Keep in mind though, that Jackson Steele is still a rookie when it comes to wrestling, while he was - literally and figuratively - on top of the world in his previous career as a porn star.
Jackson may not have come first - for once in his life - but at least he didn't come last and have to eat the biscuit.
eXtreme EMBARRASSMENT
So this is sorta old news by now but this newsletter didn't exist at the time... but didn't Copycat look like a dick at Fired Up without his Championship belt?
Well have I got a scoop for you...
Turns out that Copycat was so inept at keeping hold of his belt that Terry Bradshaw (I promise, this is the last time I mention him) had to keep hold of the AWF eXtreme Championship belt for him. Well, either that or Bradshaw just liked to keep the belt to pretend he was still the champion. I like to think it's a little bit of column "A" and a little bit of column "B".
Normally, Bradshaw would give Copycat his belt as he was about to head out through the curtain - however, as Bradshaw was already in the ring, Copycat was entrusted with the ten pounds of gold for up to two minutes before making his entrance. During that period it is reported that the belt went missing more than nineteen times - more often than not this was just due to Copycat forgetting that he had it over his shoulder, and then when it was strapped round his waist to assuage his paranoia he was startled to find that it was no longer over his shoulder.
One particularly bizarre incident, I am reliably informed, culminated in the belt being found clasped firmly around a ceiling rafter.
Shortly after the belt was returned to Copycat, a puzzled Charles Akiyama found it around his waist, underneath his shirt.
What cannot be explained, however, is how Copycat was seen walking though the curtain with the belt - yet when he emerges on the other side, the belt has vanished.
Now that it has been replaced by the AWF Prestige Class Championship, the whereabouts of the eXtreme Championship are largely inconsequential. But it would still make a good mystery for an episode of Scooby Doo.
So this is sorta old news by now but this newsletter didn't exist at the time... but didn't Copycat look like a dick at Fired Up without his Championship belt?
Well have I got a scoop for you...
Turns out that Copycat was so inept at keeping hold of his belt that Terry Bradshaw (I promise, this is the last time I mention him) had to keep hold of the AWF eXtreme Championship belt for him. Well, either that or Bradshaw just liked to keep the belt to pretend he was still the champion. I like to think it's a little bit of column "A" and a little bit of column "B".
Normally, Bradshaw would give Copycat his belt as he was about to head out through the curtain - however, as Bradshaw was already in the ring, Copycat was entrusted with the ten pounds of gold for up to two minutes before making his entrance. During that period it is reported that the belt went missing more than nineteen times - more often than not this was just due to Copycat forgetting that he had it over his shoulder, and then when it was strapped round his waist to assuage his paranoia he was startled to find that it was no longer over his shoulder.
One particularly bizarre incident, I am reliably informed, culminated in the belt being found clasped firmly around a ceiling rafter.
Shortly after the belt was returned to Copycat, a puzzled Charles Akiyama found it around his waist, underneath his shirt.
What cannot be explained, however, is how Copycat was seen walking though the curtain with the belt - yet when he emerges on the other side, the belt has vanished.
Now that it has been replaced by the AWF Prestige Class Championship, the whereabouts of the eXtreme Championship are largely inconsequential. But it would still make a good mystery for an episode of Scooby Doo.
TIME TO PLAY THE GAME
I've heard a few things over the years that pro wrestlers use to pass the time between matches but this might be the most unique way.
Apparently down in Bethesda the AWF boys are exercising more than their muscles as they put their gray matter (and let's be honest, Google) to the test, playing a game that was started up by XHF Network owner Mongo The Destroyer himself.
I've been told there was a whiteboard set up backstage, Mongo wrote down the name of a wrestler (The Miz, if my sources are to be believed) and then the next person to play had to add a name - but there's a catch. The first letter of the newly-added name had to be the same as the final letter of the name preceding it. Chris Moxley is said to have added Zeda, and this was followed by Albert, suggested by Ezriel.
At time of writing, nineteen whiteboards have been filled with names - Kira Izumi and Ezriel seemingly unrelenting in their race to be declared the winner.
I've heard a few things over the years that pro wrestlers use to pass the time between matches but this might be the most unique way.
Apparently down in Bethesda the AWF boys are exercising more than their muscles as they put their gray matter (and let's be honest, Google) to the test, playing a game that was started up by XHF Network owner Mongo The Destroyer himself.
I've been told there was a whiteboard set up backstage, Mongo wrote down the name of a wrestler (The Miz, if my sources are to be believed) and then the next person to play had to add a name - but there's a catch. The first letter of the newly-added name had to be the same as the final letter of the name preceding it. Chris Moxley is said to have added Zeda, and this was followed by Albert, suggested by Ezriel.
At time of writing, nineteen whiteboards have been filled with names - Kira Izumi and Ezriel seemingly unrelenting in their race to be declared the winner.
NEW WWH CHAMPION CROWNED
Alex Jones was a busy boy this past weekend - we all heard him telling Ezriel that he was double-booked, and fresh off of a slobber-knocker at Prestige that saw both men wrestle to a double-countout before advancing to the End Of Days Tournament pretty much by popular demand, Jones then headed straight to World Wrestling Headquarters' "Shogun" PPV at the Tokyo Dome where he defeated Alessandro Quagliaterre for the WWH World Heavyweight Championship!
© Matt Smug 2017 The content of this newsletter is an opinion piece and may or may not be true and/or speculation and/or fabricated. All sources are genuine but unchecked and their truthfulness may vary. The reader is advised that they and they alone must decide upon whether or not to believe and/or disbelieve in or against any or all or part of the whole and accept full responsibility for any opinions they may or may not form as a result or otherwise of reading all or none or part of this newsletter or not.