Post by Dave D-Flipz on Jul 21, 2022 0:19:46 GMT -5
“DOOFENSHMIRTZ EVIL INCORPORATED!!”
<”You are uncharacteristically confident and chipper this week, William.”>
Billy: Yeah, you could say that. It’s just that this month I’ve had the time to actually prepare and study the competition.
<”You will be unable to gain my assistance in the car this race. There are not even any cars involved in this race. Unless the Car That Should Not Be can wear skates … preliminary analysis says 30% chance of occurrence.”>
Billy: That is why I am so confident. The Chemistruckinator is a thing of beauty, but it is a blunt instrument. It is equal parts science and hubris. And that is far from my usual style. In fact I am more of a finesse kind of mad scientist.
*We open up on Billy Lastname, the Horrible Driver of the Angry Mad Chemists, talking to the mysterious voice in the machine that was freed from the clutches of Rd. Food’s computers in the last episode of Dragonball Z-er I mean- Unearthly Doppelganger. He flexes his black science gloves and looks to the horizon through the window of the garage. He turns towards our secret spy drones that follow all the racers at the control of Memaw, proprietary technology employed mostly by the CAR attending doctor/veterinarian, Dr. Chaos, for … other visual pursuits … Billy has an uncharacteristic smile on his face.*
<”And somehow this has made you happy. I understand the lack of torture this month. But why does this race excite you?”>
Billy: Always trying to learn from us humans. I would be interested to know who you are, Miss Voice in the Machine.
<”Is it really important to the missions at hand?”>
Billy: If you really wanted to know and not be sarcastic you would know that it is never only about the mission for us. It’s what is important to each of us that drives this team to stay together despite all of Doof’s failings.
Sonic: Computer has a point ya know. I don’t know you. But I picked up in this month just how unusual it is for you to have the same ego as me.
*Sonic has been sitting off screen in the corner of the lab eating a pile of chili dogs. Gotta keep his calories up after all.*
Billy: If you all must get me monologuing again, it’s very simple. I am a horrible driver. Not just because I am evil and angry, but just … the truck makes up for a lot of my foibles and flinchy tendencies. But this … this is different. I get to use my own skill. In a race built on looking fantastic, avoiding your enemies, outsmarting the competition, and looking freaking FLY while doing it!
<”Percentage of ‘fly’ detected as 44%. Might be higher in the one known as Ian Brundle… Though percentage of untenable cliché rises to 60% and the dial firmly moves from homage to plagiarization at that time.”>
Billy: How quaint. Think about it, all our losses have been due to the vehicles and their mods, or the race itself … or being kidnapped. But now it becomes a skate off … involving disco. I am exactly the type of nerdy guy to actually unironically enjoy disco!
*He charges off screen behind a screen and uses the truck to screen the view of the cameras. He continues to describe his scenario.*
Billy: Think about it. Copycat will be lucky if his ankles can even SUPPORT a skate, he’s more malnourished than anyone I’ve ever seen in my life. And I’m evil, I ACTIVELY STARVED people once. And he’s more nauseating than Moist. Bless his heart. Fact is he won’t even be able to lift that disco ball, hell he might just eat it out of desperation. And his own benefactor sabotages him.
*He stops and thinks, his laugher slowly goes quiet as the irony of that statement sinks in*
Sonic: You didn’t need to be as quick as me to get that reference kid. Stop milking it for the cameras.
Billy: The mother crew is now a seven year old, a car that they all seem to talk to, and a portly driver. Athletics don’t seem their strong suit. And then there’s Bad to the Bone. Frankly if they actually did evil I’d be more inclined to respect them. But Lord Dominicus is a braggart and an egomaniac. He is GOING to skate into that arena wearing a heavy, bulky gold jock strap. He’ll have the golden sippy cup around his neck like bling, and probably bandoliers of both fan belts. He’s going to be so over encumbered and off balance that he will be unable to effectively transport the disco ball. Plus that mask must have limited visibility.
<”And you believe in your heart you can outskate them?”>
Billy: OF COURSE!
*He turns to look at her, red outfit flowing in front of the AMC flag … yes he’s making that M Bison meme. The screen falls down and we see him in a full red disco unitard, looking fly and on fleek. He skates out confidently, gliding like a bird in the sky on his wheels. He spins without trouble, leaps into tricks, and perfectly strikes a devastating disco pose.*
Billy: I AM THE DISCO DOCTOR HORRIBLE! And nobody outskates me! I will have the golden brassiere! After all our team is the only one of the four who could even make use of it! You saw how we got all pretty for the drag race.
<”… Processing … unable to formulate reply. Unit is speechless. I will go to Night of Champions to observe this all and learn.”>
Sonic: Well .. that’s no good. I’m gonna blast outta here before you both sicken me. Need to see what the hold up is with Agent P and your teammates anyway.
Agent P:
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Yes it was a valiant effort to save me. Went off without a hitch. And that’s why we are stuck in the walls like some kind of … common rodents. Don’t get me wrong Perry the Platypus, I very much appreciate you saving me BEFORE vegan meatloaf and gruel night. But uh … I thought there’d be more of an escape plan.
Agent P: *rolls eyes*
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Yes Yes I know, we need to stop these guys before they take over the world and make everyone insane. And it’s my fault they exist. I know, you don’t need to be so rude Perry the Platypus.
*They observe from the secret tunnels in the walls of the Food Lab as Rd. Food sprints around throwing a royal hissy fit.*
Rd. Ztrimhsnefood: NO NO! WHY NOTHING WORK! Computer shut down, lab power down, only channel on TV is NFL Network … and it ISN’T EVEN PRESEASON YET! Go Jets.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: I don’t understand, Perry the Platypus, what is going on? Are my team actually saving me and my reputation?
Agent P:
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Ah yes, revenge on Food. Of course. Can’t imagine why they’d want to help me…
*We see Ovi and Ian, the backup support team of AMC in the bowels of the lab building, using an army of LEGO drones, robots, and tools to completely rewire and destroy all the eldritch and technological devices. They skip back and forth like children in glee.*
Ovi: One more week of this and we will have the entire lab set to launch into space and explode. We’ve already rerouted the eldritch powers. We’re actually going to win!
Ian: I uh … still um … have reservations about how we did this. It’s too orderly. Where’s the chaos?
Ovi: All the eldritch energy is being used to spam conspiracy theory tweets at the world. Look it’s about to fire another Ancient Aliens meme at the CAR directory board. They seem to enjoy it and get distracted by the concept of ‘Aliens’
*He does the Giorgio hand motion*
*High above the local home of one, Bogdan Tomas, there is quite the sight to be seen. It’s a residential area but it houses the current Mother team. A dragon, with a beefy arm out the back of his neck, is fighting with an eldritch priest with all his muscles and metal accoutrements showing. They are brawling in the sky with claws, wings, staffs, fists, magic, and fire. The local community of wherever Bogdan lives are mesmerized and terrified. Phroooaggh is slowly siphoning off the eldritch power of the dragon into his Z staff. The battle has raged for months and gone to every other team’s HQ as the dragon tried to lay waste to the world of CAR, the people who it feels wronged it by forcing another mind into its own head.*
Burninator: RRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWR! FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRE!
Phroooaggh: No foul monster, your time is up. I am more experienced than you. And I have nothing left to lose. And everything to gain. Your old God will never see this plane of existence again!
Burninator: *HUFF!*
*Fire streams again and Phroooaggh manages to spin his staff and defect it all away from the people while stealing the energy from it. The dragon is finally beginning to tire. Suddenly in the dragon’s head, a message*
Rd. Ztrimhsnefood: HEY! Come home. Time for final push. Base is being compromised. Need to win now. Final battle coming.
Burninator: RRRRRGGGGG! … …. Rawr.
*The Dragon soars at Phroooaggh in a feint attack and uses a smoke screen. He then vanishes upwards and blasts at speed back towards the tri-state area. Phroooaggh turns and sees him fly off. He pants in exhaustion and lands on the ground.*
Phroooaggh: Time to rally the troops then I guess. The end is nigh.
*He teleports out of there with a ‘plink’ noise. The people watching all just look shocked and ready to go insane.*
1. How much champagne will your roller skater pregame?
Billy: There’s no drinking now! We’re fresh off a hostage situation and preparing to battle!
2. How will you hold the disco ball?
Billy: Using all the SCIENCE I can cobble together. I’m sure I have some high tech devices I can use … or stick’em.
3. Is the disco ball heavy or unwieldy?
Ovi: Billy is used to playing with big balls.
4. How will your team respond to winning?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Going to a fifties diner and playing more disco on the jukeboxes!
5. How will your team respond to not winning?
Phroooaggh: Preparing for battle.
<”You are uncharacteristically confident and chipper this week, William.”>
Billy: Yeah, you could say that. It’s just that this month I’ve had the time to actually prepare and study the competition.
<”You will be unable to gain my assistance in the car this race. There are not even any cars involved in this race. Unless the Car That Should Not Be can wear skates … preliminary analysis says 30% chance of occurrence.”>
Billy: That is why I am so confident. The Chemistruckinator is a thing of beauty, but it is a blunt instrument. It is equal parts science and hubris. And that is far from my usual style. In fact I am more of a finesse kind of mad scientist.
*We open up on Billy Lastname, the Horrible Driver of the Angry Mad Chemists, talking to the mysterious voice in the machine that was freed from the clutches of Rd. Food’s computers in the last episode of Dragonball Z-er I mean- Unearthly Doppelganger. He flexes his black science gloves and looks to the horizon through the window of the garage. He turns towards our secret spy drones that follow all the racers at the control of Memaw, proprietary technology employed mostly by the CAR attending doctor/veterinarian, Dr. Chaos, for … other visual pursuits … Billy has an uncharacteristic smile on his face.*
<”And somehow this has made you happy. I understand the lack of torture this month. But why does this race excite you?”>
Billy: Always trying to learn from us humans. I would be interested to know who you are, Miss Voice in the Machine.
<”Is it really important to the missions at hand?”>
Billy: If you really wanted to know and not be sarcastic you would know that it is never only about the mission for us. It’s what is important to each of us that drives this team to stay together despite all of Doof’s failings.
Sonic: Computer has a point ya know. I don’t know you. But I picked up in this month just how unusual it is for you to have the same ego as me.
*Sonic has been sitting off screen in the corner of the lab eating a pile of chili dogs. Gotta keep his calories up after all.*
Billy: If you all must get me monologuing again, it’s very simple. I am a horrible driver. Not just because I am evil and angry, but just … the truck makes up for a lot of my foibles and flinchy tendencies. But this … this is different. I get to use my own skill. In a race built on looking fantastic, avoiding your enemies, outsmarting the competition, and looking freaking FLY while doing it!
<”Percentage of ‘fly’ detected as 44%. Might be higher in the one known as Ian Brundle… Though percentage of untenable cliché rises to 60% and the dial firmly moves from homage to plagiarization at that time.”>
Billy: How quaint. Think about it, all our losses have been due to the vehicles and their mods, or the race itself … or being kidnapped. But now it becomes a skate off … involving disco. I am exactly the type of nerdy guy to actually unironically enjoy disco!
*He charges off screen behind a screen and uses the truck to screen the view of the cameras. He continues to describe his scenario.*
Billy: Think about it. Copycat will be lucky if his ankles can even SUPPORT a skate, he’s more malnourished than anyone I’ve ever seen in my life. And I’m evil, I ACTIVELY STARVED people once. And he’s more nauseating than Moist. Bless his heart. Fact is he won’t even be able to lift that disco ball, hell he might just eat it out of desperation. And his own benefactor sabotages him.
*He stops and thinks, his laugher slowly goes quiet as the irony of that statement sinks in*
Sonic: You didn’t need to be as quick as me to get that reference kid. Stop milking it for the cameras.
Billy: The mother crew is now a seven year old, a car that they all seem to talk to, and a portly driver. Athletics don’t seem their strong suit. And then there’s Bad to the Bone. Frankly if they actually did evil I’d be more inclined to respect them. But Lord Dominicus is a braggart and an egomaniac. He is GOING to skate into that arena wearing a heavy, bulky gold jock strap. He’ll have the golden sippy cup around his neck like bling, and probably bandoliers of both fan belts. He’s going to be so over encumbered and off balance that he will be unable to effectively transport the disco ball. Plus that mask must have limited visibility.
<”And you believe in your heart you can outskate them?”>
Billy: OF COURSE!
*He turns to look at her, red outfit flowing in front of the AMC flag … yes he’s making that M Bison meme. The screen falls down and we see him in a full red disco unitard, looking fly and on fleek. He skates out confidently, gliding like a bird in the sky on his wheels. He spins without trouble, leaps into tricks, and perfectly strikes a devastating disco pose.*
Billy: I AM THE DISCO DOCTOR HORRIBLE! And nobody outskates me! I will have the golden brassiere! After all our team is the only one of the four who could even make use of it! You saw how we got all pretty for the drag race.
<”… Processing … unable to formulate reply. Unit is speechless. I will go to Night of Champions to observe this all and learn.”>
Sonic: Well .. that’s no good. I’m gonna blast outta here before you both sicken me. Need to see what the hold up is with Agent P and your teammates anyway.
Agent P:
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Yes it was a valiant effort to save me. Went off without a hitch. And that’s why we are stuck in the walls like some kind of … common rodents. Don’t get me wrong Perry the Platypus, I very much appreciate you saving me BEFORE vegan meatloaf and gruel night. But uh … I thought there’d be more of an escape plan.
Agent P: *rolls eyes*
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Yes Yes I know, we need to stop these guys before they take over the world and make everyone insane. And it’s my fault they exist. I know, you don’t need to be so rude Perry the Platypus.
*They observe from the secret tunnels in the walls of the Food Lab as Rd. Food sprints around throwing a royal hissy fit.*
Rd. Ztrimhsnefood: NO NO! WHY NOTHING WORK! Computer shut down, lab power down, only channel on TV is NFL Network … and it ISN’T EVEN PRESEASON YET! Go Jets.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: I don’t understand, Perry the Platypus, what is going on? Are my team actually saving me and my reputation?
Agent P:
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Ah yes, revenge on Food. Of course. Can’t imagine why they’d want to help me…
*We see Ovi and Ian, the backup support team of AMC in the bowels of the lab building, using an army of LEGO drones, robots, and tools to completely rewire and destroy all the eldritch and technological devices. They skip back and forth like children in glee.*
Ovi: One more week of this and we will have the entire lab set to launch into space and explode. We’ve already rerouted the eldritch powers. We’re actually going to win!
Ian: I uh … still um … have reservations about how we did this. It’s too orderly. Where’s the chaos?
Ovi: All the eldritch energy is being used to spam conspiracy theory tweets at the world. Look it’s about to fire another Ancient Aliens meme at the CAR directory board. They seem to enjoy it and get distracted by the concept of ‘Aliens’
*He does the Giorgio hand motion*
*High above the local home of one, Bogdan Tomas, there is quite the sight to be seen. It’s a residential area but it houses the current Mother team. A dragon, with a beefy arm out the back of his neck, is fighting with an eldritch priest with all his muscles and metal accoutrements showing. They are brawling in the sky with claws, wings, staffs, fists, magic, and fire. The local community of wherever Bogdan lives are mesmerized and terrified. Phroooaggh is slowly siphoning off the eldritch power of the dragon into his Z staff. The battle has raged for months and gone to every other team’s HQ as the dragon tried to lay waste to the world of CAR, the people who it feels wronged it by forcing another mind into its own head.*
Burninator: RRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWR! FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRE!
Phroooaggh: No foul monster, your time is up. I am more experienced than you. And I have nothing left to lose. And everything to gain. Your old God will never see this plane of existence again!
Burninator: *HUFF!*
*Fire streams again and Phroooaggh manages to spin his staff and defect it all away from the people while stealing the energy from it. The dragon is finally beginning to tire. Suddenly in the dragon’s head, a message*
Rd. Ztrimhsnefood: HEY! Come home. Time for final push. Base is being compromised. Need to win now. Final battle coming.
Burninator: RRRRRGGGGG! … …. Rawr.
*The Dragon soars at Phroooaggh in a feint attack and uses a smoke screen. He then vanishes upwards and blasts at speed back towards the tri-state area. Phroooaggh turns and sees him fly off. He pants in exhaustion and lands on the ground.*
Phroooaggh: Time to rally the troops then I guess. The end is nigh.
*He teleports out of there with a ‘plink’ noise. The people watching all just look shocked and ready to go insane.*
1. How much champagne will your roller skater pregame?
Billy: There’s no drinking now! We’re fresh off a hostage situation and preparing to battle!
2. How will you hold the disco ball?
Billy: Using all the SCIENCE I can cobble together. I’m sure I have some high tech devices I can use … or stick’em.
3. Is the disco ball heavy or unwieldy?
Ovi: Billy is used to playing with big balls.
4. How will your team respond to winning?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Going to a fifties diner and playing more disco on the jukeboxes!
5. How will your team respond to not winning?
Phroooaggh: Preparing for battle.
