Post by hardcorehammer24 on Jul 30, 2022 21:14:22 GMT -5
Joachin Tellum and Hardcore Hammer Productions Presents:
RINGPIN:
A film that is totally NOT a copy of the Bastards’ parody films.
Camera’s fade in to Ken Howard in a ring, using heavy makeup to cover his plastic shine. He is being held in a submission hold, struggling to escape.
Howard: OW OW I SUBMIT!!!!!! My arm!!!!
Suddenly a pop is heard and the opponent has pulled Ken’s arm sheer arm. He reacts in melodramatic fashion.
Howard: OH MY GOD! My ARM! This is totally not FABU…my career is ruined.
The referee comes up to the event.
Referee: Hey, you could always manage. There is a kid from an Amish community I have seen come around. Big guy, sort of dumb…he could really do well as a wrestler, given the right training.
Howard: Where does he live?
Referee: Over in the plain community in Clearbrook…about 15 mins from here.
Howard: But we are in Scranton! I didn’t know there even were any plain communities around here?
Editor’s Note: This was a loophole of “Kingpin” that always bothered me. The community that is mentioned in the movie is nowhere near where Woody Harrelson’s character is supposed by located…Movie Magic!!! But I digress…
Scene changes to the Amish countryside of Eastern Pennsylvania, the buggies are loading up to head off to Sunday morning church. Ken Howard, wearing a fake beard and purple ascot runs up with a bucket of milk. He has a large metallic claw where his right arm formerly was.
Howard: Hope you don’t mind, but I got up extra early to milk the cow for you!
The owners of the buggy, including Jakie Wentzel, look at the odd guest with confusion. Howard lifts the bucket to his lips and takes a large sip of the milk.
Howard: …It took a little while to get her warmed up, she sure is a stubborn one.
An older Amish man, played by an extra, looks horrified as Howard goes to take a second sip.
Amish Extra: We don’t have a cow…
Now it is Howard’s turn, sporting a thick “milk” mustache, to look confused as he begins to realize..
Amish Extra: …we have a bull!
Howard does a spit take, realizing fully that he had drunk the bull’s spunk.
Wentzel: Wait naw! Haw could he haff mistaken a caw fer a bull? A bull has a lil’ Amo Spunkmyer fer all tha world, ye bist?
Howard: Jakie…that’s the point. He milked a male, which means it’s not actually milk.
Wentzel: I’m not reckoning yer jib…
Howard: Dude! Guys, working with this moron is just impossible.
Having broken character, Howard rips the fake beard off his face and storms off the set.
Tellum: CUT! Take a break!
Scene changes to a hotel room. Jakie has just discovered that he had gotten a tattoo on his chest after a night of drinking and debauchery.
Wentzel: Great naw…I can’t go home naw. I jus’ desecrated ma body.
Howard: Don’t worry about it, we’ll just burn that little sucker off in a jiffy.
Wentzel examines the small tattoo in a mirror.
Wentzel: Yah know, this ain’t so bad, naw onst…
He turns around to reveal a large breasted woman tattooed all over his back.
Wentzel: What tha world are yah lookin’ at? What did yah drawl on my back. I will wreck my holy vengence onst all yah pig-fuckers!
Jakie begins shaking his fist at the film crew and two extras hold him back from punching Joachin.
Tellum: CUT! Take a break!
Howard: Jeesus Christ alive dude…
Howard rolls his eyes, provoking further fury from the large farmer.
Wentzel: Don’t yah be taken the Lort’s name in vain yah glossed out sissy!
The extras continue to hold back Jakie as he lashes out at Howard, who is taunting at laughing in glee.
Tellum: Do you even think people like Julianna DiMaria even remember this movie? And most of the roster are Brits. Do you think they will understand a Farrelly Brother’s comedy from the 90’s?
Howard: We need to try, Joachin! We need to try!
Scene changes to montage of Howard training the young Jakie for his shot at the Commonwealth Championship title…one image shows Jakie sitting on a urinal, one image with his wearing a beer bong hat. All leading to the site of Legacy 5 in Nottingham.
Howard: And that is what you are going to get at Legacy 5. We have prepared and trained for both our matches and no losers like Chris Gibson or Rob Riot will ever take us down y’all.
Tellum: Please don’t bring this to Riot’s attention, he is bound to sue us for copyright infringement.
Howard: It’s all water under the bridge, mama. We have every right to make a parody video…I think. And there will be many more to come.
Tellum: Oy vey! This is gonna be rough.
Cameras fade out.
RINGPIN:
A film that is totally NOT a copy of the Bastards’ parody films.
Camera’s fade in to Ken Howard in a ring, using heavy makeup to cover his plastic shine. He is being held in a submission hold, struggling to escape.
Howard: OW OW I SUBMIT!!!!!! My arm!!!!
Suddenly a pop is heard and the opponent has pulled Ken’s arm sheer arm. He reacts in melodramatic fashion.
Howard: OH MY GOD! My ARM! This is totally not FABU…my career is ruined.
The referee comes up to the event.
Referee: Hey, you could always manage. There is a kid from an Amish community I have seen come around. Big guy, sort of dumb…he could really do well as a wrestler, given the right training.
Howard: Where does he live?
Referee: Over in the plain community in Clearbrook…about 15 mins from here.
Howard: But we are in Scranton! I didn’t know there even were any plain communities around here?
Editor’s Note: This was a loophole of “Kingpin” that always bothered me. The community that is mentioned in the movie is nowhere near where Woody Harrelson’s character is supposed by located…Movie Magic!!! But I digress…
Scene changes to the Amish countryside of Eastern Pennsylvania, the buggies are loading up to head off to Sunday morning church. Ken Howard, wearing a fake beard and purple ascot runs up with a bucket of milk. He has a large metallic claw where his right arm formerly was.
Howard: Hope you don’t mind, but I got up extra early to milk the cow for you!
The owners of the buggy, including Jakie Wentzel, look at the odd guest with confusion. Howard lifts the bucket to his lips and takes a large sip of the milk.
Howard: …It took a little while to get her warmed up, she sure is a stubborn one.
An older Amish man, played by an extra, looks horrified as Howard goes to take a second sip.
Amish Extra: We don’t have a cow…
Now it is Howard’s turn, sporting a thick “milk” mustache, to look confused as he begins to realize..
Amish Extra: …we have a bull!
Howard does a spit take, realizing fully that he had drunk the bull’s spunk.
Wentzel: Wait naw! Haw could he haff mistaken a caw fer a bull? A bull has a lil’ Amo Spunkmyer fer all tha world, ye bist?
Howard: Jakie…that’s the point. He milked a male, which means it’s not actually milk.
Wentzel: I’m not reckoning yer jib…
Howard: Dude! Guys, working with this moron is just impossible.
Having broken character, Howard rips the fake beard off his face and storms off the set.
Tellum: CUT! Take a break!
Scene changes to a hotel room. Jakie has just discovered that he had gotten a tattoo on his chest after a night of drinking and debauchery.
Wentzel: Great naw…I can’t go home naw. I jus’ desecrated ma body.
Howard: Don’t worry about it, we’ll just burn that little sucker off in a jiffy.
Wentzel examines the small tattoo in a mirror.
Wentzel: Yah know, this ain’t so bad, naw onst…
He turns around to reveal a large breasted woman tattooed all over his back.
Wentzel: What tha world are yah lookin’ at? What did yah drawl on my back. I will wreck my holy vengence onst all yah pig-fuckers!
Jakie begins shaking his fist at the film crew and two extras hold him back from punching Joachin.
Tellum: CUT! Take a break!
Howard: Jeesus Christ alive dude…
Howard rolls his eyes, provoking further fury from the large farmer.
Wentzel: Don’t yah be taken the Lort’s name in vain yah glossed out sissy!
The extras continue to hold back Jakie as he lashes out at Howard, who is taunting at laughing in glee.
Tellum: Do you even think people like Julianna DiMaria even remember this movie? And most of the roster are Brits. Do you think they will understand a Farrelly Brother’s comedy from the 90’s?
Howard: We need to try, Joachin! We need to try!
Scene changes to montage of Howard training the young Jakie for his shot at the Commonwealth Championship title…one image shows Jakie sitting on a urinal, one image with his wearing a beer bong hat. All leading to the site of Legacy 5 in Nottingham.
Howard: And that is what you are going to get at Legacy 5. We have prepared and trained for both our matches and no losers like Chris Gibson or Rob Riot will ever take us down y’all.
Tellum: Please don’t bring this to Riot’s attention, he is bound to sue us for copyright infringement.
Howard: It’s all water under the bridge, mama. We have every right to make a parody video…I think. And there will be many more to come.
Tellum: Oy vey! This is gonna be rough.
Cameras fade out.