Reacting To... Well... Black and White Television
Jul 30, 2022 23:32:30 GMT -5
edwarddubin0604, robriot, and 1 more like this
Post by Deleted on Jul 30, 2022 23:32:30 GMT -5
The feed cuts to Julianna DiMaria sitting at a desk inside of her hotel room with her laptop right on it. She seems to be more amused than anything as she begins to express her thoughts.
Julianna: Hello and welcome to my first… reaction? Well, I think we’re going to start it simple enough. I’m going to react to a few videos that have come about relating to Wrestle: UK content. So, I’m going to get started with that other Chris Gibson monologue that I hadn’t even talked about yet. No, not the one where he proved how much of a dinosaur that he is, but that other one…
So…
Let’s get started…
Julianna clicks the video link to the first promo that Chris Gibson did for the upcoming event in Nottingham. The promo begins to play. Julianna rolls her eyes when she realizes that it’s about Gibson signing his first contract.
Julianna: Woooow… how ORIGINAL! The big contract signing that NOBODY cares about because NO wrestling fan that I know of CARES about contract signings being aired. I’m already bored…
Julianna continues to watch the promo.
Julianna: “Commit murder…” and here we have reached the ‘outdated wrestler tries to sound scary with an outdated cliche that he should’ve left in the 90’s part of the promo’. I swear to god, this guy has to the one of the most BORING people I’ve ever come across in this business. BUT, I am doing YOU, the PEOPLE, a SERVICE because I’m watching this garbage so YOU don’t have to! I accept appreciation in the mail, thank you. Anyway…
Julianna suddenly has a “facedesk” moment when she sees Gibson wanting 80 million dollars. She lets out an audible groan indicating how bored and tired she is of watching his crap. Still, she’s able to continue her reaction.
Julianna: 80 million what? In Sierra Leone currency? Because you’re not even worth THAT much… that’s about 6700 in United States currency by the way.
Julianna begins to nod off as she watches the rest of this drivel… which isn’t much at all.
Julianna: Oh thank GOD that’s over. So, egotistical vanilla wafer argues over this and that, insults someone, demands this, makes ‘murder’ cliches… HOW in the world is he even in the professional wrestling business again? With that context, the other promo that I talked about where he was being a generic, sexist pig? I mean, it just describes someone that is worth far less than whatever this company thinks he is worth. There’s not much else that I can react to here… and even what I WAS able to react to was like pulling teeth. But hey, I guess his promos are just like him as a whole… NOTHING unique or different to offer. Anyway, let’s go to the next video that features Ken Howard making his first appearance on Wrestle: UK television in Sunderland…
Julianna begins to play the video. She’s already amused by the boos that Ken Howard is getting.
Julianna: Are they booing him because they actually hate him or are they booing him because they legitimately don’t even want him to be there?
Julianna shrugs as she continues to watch.
Julianna: So Torchwood mentions… RSW? What the fuck is RSW and why should I care? Oh right, this is Ken Howard. He’s from the ‘let’s mention everything I did in other companies that my opponents have never heard of’ era of professional wrestling. What? Does he think he’s scary with that sledgehammer? “Sunder LonderLand”...
Jesus…
Julianna groans again as she has a ‘facepalm’ moment this time.
Julianna: NEWEST CHAMPION? HA!!!! Newest champion of what? The ICE AGE? Are we going to make a title out of ice just for him? Because the guy’s out there looking like a fucking idiot being colder than Antarctica during a June blizzard. Oh my god. Old veteran returns and STILL thinks he’s the shit! WOW! How ORIGINAL! I’m so CAPTIVATED by how unique and different he is… NOT! “Proud former USA country…”
I can’t even… WOOOOOOOW! The USA was a “proud former UK country” not the OTHER WAY AROUND… you FUCKING IDIOT!
He NAMED his SLEDGEHAMMER? What the FUCK? Why do I think there’s a sexual connotation in there somewhere? Oh god, there probably is. You know, I am starting to feel a little insulted that Wrestle: UK is having me wrestle this guy in my debut here. This isn’t a harbinger of things is it? The roster isn’t LIKE this guy right? Or Chris Gibson for that matter? I didn’t join the wrong XHF company… did I? Did I get drunk and sign here when I was supposed to sign somewhere else? This is some twilight zone shit. Wrestle: UK isn’t a glorified retirement home is it? Dear God, I hope not.
Julianna sighs as this video in particular ends.
Julianna: And the last video to react to is what he has said about this match… you know… that I haven’t responded to yet. Part of me doesn’t even WANT to listen to this considering that speech he gave in Sunderland… in all honesty… was horrible. But, I’m a glutton for punishment. What can I say?
Julianna sighs as she clicks play on the video. When she hears the part where Howard mentions swearing off women for good, Julianna rolls her eyes and doesn’t think much of it. She pauses the video for a brief woman.
Julianna: “Women Hater”...
Julianna shuts her eyes and takes a few deep breaths before opening them again.
Julianna: My ex-boyfriend’s penis packs more of a punch than this guy’s promos… and my ex was the biggest limp dick I’ve ever met in my life so that should tell you something.
Julianna clicks play. She begins to hear the part that specifically mentions her and she just scoffs at what she hears.
Julianna: Hey dipshit, if you miss the days of absurd wrestling gimmicks, maybe hit up your local senior wrestling circuit and see if they’ll sign you up. And wait… what’s that? You came back ready to forgive yourself because you lost your best friend and the love of your life? OH MY GOD… is that… a LAYER? OH MY GOD! Ken Howard is capable of having LAYERS? WOW! I mean… I don’t know what happened that made you lose the “love of your life” but considering the first impression that you’ve made to me about yourself, it was most likely your own damn fault. She probably walked away from you because she knew she could do better and I HOPE she’s tuning in… wherever she is… assuming that she’s alive anyway… so she can see a direct reminder of WHY she left your fucking ass in the first place. Aw, you POOR THING. So TRIGGERED by my words you got cornered right into a BORING, TYPICAL “END YOUR CAREER” threat. There’s not much ELSE to talk about considering that… well, you’re going off on Chris Gibson here at this point and… oh my god, my Pokemon reference CLEARLY went over your head there…
And why wouldn’t it? I mean, that’s just ONE of those things that are AFTER your time and considering Pokemon came about in the 90’s…
Oh my god, it’s like… I gave you WAY too much credit when I said you were ‘stuck in the 90’s. Shoot, maybe you’re stuck in the EIGHTIES! If you can’t even understand a freaking Pokemon reference, then you are clearly past it, great-grandpa.
This is what I am up against…
Julianna sighs one last time as she closes up her laptop.
Julianna: I’m up against two people that just don’t know how to adapt to professional wrestling in the 21st century. It’s really sad and when you put it all into perspective, it almost feels like an insult to be in this match. No, I’m not talking about the fact that it’s an OPENING match. I generally don’t give a fuck about match placement unless it’s the main event… but it’s the opponents I’m facing. I feel like I am capable of stronger competition because going into this thing? I don’t feel like this is it at all. Now, with the triple threat rules and everything, I won’t go so far as to guarantee victory, but I definitely like my chances. I’m going to be the one with a successful debut at the end of it and long term? I already know that I am the one with both the longest AND brightest future. Sorry, NOT sorry! Heading offline now! See you old fossils in Nottingham…
Julianna shuts off the fed at this point, officially ending her reaction video.
Julianna: Hello and welcome to my first… reaction? Well, I think we’re going to start it simple enough. I’m going to react to a few videos that have come about relating to Wrestle: UK content. So, I’m going to get started with that other Chris Gibson monologue that I hadn’t even talked about yet. No, not the one where he proved how much of a dinosaur that he is, but that other one…
So…
Let’s get started…
Julianna clicks the video link to the first promo that Chris Gibson did for the upcoming event in Nottingham. The promo begins to play. Julianna rolls her eyes when she realizes that it’s about Gibson signing his first contract.
Julianna: Woooow… how ORIGINAL! The big contract signing that NOBODY cares about because NO wrestling fan that I know of CARES about contract signings being aired. I’m already bored…
Julianna continues to watch the promo.
Julianna: “Commit murder…” and here we have reached the ‘outdated wrestler tries to sound scary with an outdated cliche that he should’ve left in the 90’s part of the promo’. I swear to god, this guy has to the one of the most BORING people I’ve ever come across in this business. BUT, I am doing YOU, the PEOPLE, a SERVICE because I’m watching this garbage so YOU don’t have to! I accept appreciation in the mail, thank you. Anyway…
Julianna suddenly has a “facedesk” moment when she sees Gibson wanting 80 million dollars. She lets out an audible groan indicating how bored and tired she is of watching his crap. Still, she’s able to continue her reaction.
Julianna: 80 million what? In Sierra Leone currency? Because you’re not even worth THAT much… that’s about 6700 in United States currency by the way.
Julianna begins to nod off as she watches the rest of this drivel… which isn’t much at all.
Julianna: Oh thank GOD that’s over. So, egotistical vanilla wafer argues over this and that, insults someone, demands this, makes ‘murder’ cliches… HOW in the world is he even in the professional wrestling business again? With that context, the other promo that I talked about where he was being a generic, sexist pig? I mean, it just describes someone that is worth far less than whatever this company thinks he is worth. There’s not much else that I can react to here… and even what I WAS able to react to was like pulling teeth. But hey, I guess his promos are just like him as a whole… NOTHING unique or different to offer. Anyway, let’s go to the next video that features Ken Howard making his first appearance on Wrestle: UK television in Sunderland…
Julianna begins to play the video. She’s already amused by the boos that Ken Howard is getting.
Julianna: Are they booing him because they actually hate him or are they booing him because they legitimately don’t even want him to be there?
Julianna shrugs as she continues to watch.
Julianna: So Torchwood mentions… RSW? What the fuck is RSW and why should I care? Oh right, this is Ken Howard. He’s from the ‘let’s mention everything I did in other companies that my opponents have never heard of’ era of professional wrestling. What? Does he think he’s scary with that sledgehammer? “Sunder LonderLand”...
Jesus…
Julianna groans again as she has a ‘facepalm’ moment this time.
Julianna: NEWEST CHAMPION? HA!!!! Newest champion of what? The ICE AGE? Are we going to make a title out of ice just for him? Because the guy’s out there looking like a fucking idiot being colder than Antarctica during a June blizzard. Oh my god. Old veteran returns and STILL thinks he’s the shit! WOW! How ORIGINAL! I’m so CAPTIVATED by how unique and different he is… NOT! “Proud former USA country…”
I can’t even… WOOOOOOOW! The USA was a “proud former UK country” not the OTHER WAY AROUND… you FUCKING IDIOT!
He NAMED his SLEDGEHAMMER? What the FUCK? Why do I think there’s a sexual connotation in there somewhere? Oh god, there probably is. You know, I am starting to feel a little insulted that Wrestle: UK is having me wrestle this guy in my debut here. This isn’t a harbinger of things is it? The roster isn’t LIKE this guy right? Or Chris Gibson for that matter? I didn’t join the wrong XHF company… did I? Did I get drunk and sign here when I was supposed to sign somewhere else? This is some twilight zone shit. Wrestle: UK isn’t a glorified retirement home is it? Dear God, I hope not.
Julianna sighs as this video in particular ends.
Julianna: And the last video to react to is what he has said about this match… you know… that I haven’t responded to yet. Part of me doesn’t even WANT to listen to this considering that speech he gave in Sunderland… in all honesty… was horrible. But, I’m a glutton for punishment. What can I say?
Julianna sighs as she clicks play on the video. When she hears the part where Howard mentions swearing off women for good, Julianna rolls her eyes and doesn’t think much of it. She pauses the video for a brief woman.
Julianna: “Women Hater”...
Julianna shuts her eyes and takes a few deep breaths before opening them again.
Julianna: My ex-boyfriend’s penis packs more of a punch than this guy’s promos… and my ex was the biggest limp dick I’ve ever met in my life so that should tell you something.
Julianna clicks play. She begins to hear the part that specifically mentions her and she just scoffs at what she hears.
Julianna: Hey dipshit, if you miss the days of absurd wrestling gimmicks, maybe hit up your local senior wrestling circuit and see if they’ll sign you up. And wait… what’s that? You came back ready to forgive yourself because you lost your best friend and the love of your life? OH MY GOD… is that… a LAYER? OH MY GOD! Ken Howard is capable of having LAYERS? WOW! I mean… I don’t know what happened that made you lose the “love of your life” but considering the first impression that you’ve made to me about yourself, it was most likely your own damn fault. She probably walked away from you because she knew she could do better and I HOPE she’s tuning in… wherever she is… assuming that she’s alive anyway… so she can see a direct reminder of WHY she left your fucking ass in the first place. Aw, you POOR THING. So TRIGGERED by my words you got cornered right into a BORING, TYPICAL “END YOUR CAREER” threat. There’s not much ELSE to talk about considering that… well, you’re going off on Chris Gibson here at this point and… oh my god, my Pokemon reference CLEARLY went over your head there…
And why wouldn’t it? I mean, that’s just ONE of those things that are AFTER your time and considering Pokemon came about in the 90’s…
Oh my god, it’s like… I gave you WAY too much credit when I said you were ‘stuck in the 90’s. Shoot, maybe you’re stuck in the EIGHTIES! If you can’t even understand a freaking Pokemon reference, then you are clearly past it, great-grandpa.
This is what I am up against…
Julianna sighs one last time as she closes up her laptop.
Julianna: I’m up against two people that just don’t know how to adapt to professional wrestling in the 21st century. It’s really sad and when you put it all into perspective, it almost feels like an insult to be in this match. No, I’m not talking about the fact that it’s an OPENING match. I generally don’t give a fuck about match placement unless it’s the main event… but it’s the opponents I’m facing. I feel like I am capable of stronger competition because going into this thing? I don’t feel like this is it at all. Now, with the triple threat rules and everything, I won’t go so far as to guarantee victory, but I definitely like my chances. I’m going to be the one with a successful debut at the end of it and long term? I already know that I am the one with both the longest AND brightest future. Sorry, NOT sorry! Heading offline now! See you old fossils in Nottingham…
Julianna shuts off the fed at this point, officially ending her reaction video.