Post by Dave D-Flipz on Aug 12, 2022 22:36:57 GMT -5
“DOOFENSHMIRTZ EVIL INCORPORATED!!”
Ovi: Don’t trip! The trap will close its mouth on you! If that happens there’s not a damn thing you can do.
*We open at the usual HQ of the Angry Mad Chemists. We are outside in the parking lot as the crew has come out to meet the invasion of the eldritch snatchers. Rd. Food and the Burninator have come to attack and have planted traps all over the parking lot to slow down their enemies. Ovi is currently holding Ian back as the handsome chaotician nearly falls face first into some kind of a tentacle bear trap with a beak and teeth. It’s gnashing and sloshing can be heard for miles, but only the insane can hear it. Somewhere Primal laughs at what he knows is happening.*
Phroooaggh: You’d better brace for impact …
*A launcher fires an ink bottle smack into Ian’s face, ruining his dashing good looks.*
Ian: Here comes the fade to black…
Ovi: Less a fade than a blackout, my friend.
Phroooaggh: You should clean his face off unless you want it to melt and then turn the sloughed off skin into eldritch mites to eat your face off.
*Phroooaggh leads the men through the field of traps to try and stop Rd. Food from unleashing his plan. He plods away at a portable computer with a satellite dish on it and a laser cannon.*
Rd. Ztrimhsnefood: YES! ME WIN! Me make you into fuel for eldritch energy. Then me direct you to Chthulu and summon R’yleh to here and he make us rulers!
Burninator: Grr?
Rd. Ztrimhsnefood: No not the school supply, but that very topical of you, lizard friend. Hey, you do favor? MELT THE INTERLOPERS!
*The Burninator turns and roars, he belts blasts of Bowserian fire at the trio of intrepid chemical scientists! Well two and a R’ylehian warrior out to avoid speaking to his manager. The skinless abomination spins his staff and absorbs the fire onto it then projects it back into the traps, clearing a small radius in front of them.*
Ian: Don’t uh, trip, this trap will spit you out. Likely with no bones.
*He carefully sidles around a monster that is rooted to the ground and has a face like a wood chipper and juice extractor all at once*
Ovi: This is cutting into our valuable race preparation time. Why are they so persistent NOW!? We need to win this race to stay on the map and gain more power to our vehicle to use to rule the world! If we keep losing Doof will just end up relying even more on his indoctrinator and his … floof.
Phroooaggh: He isn’t the one pushing the button. Besides the floof makes for a very handy contrivance. I think the CAR administrative support team may enjoy it more than us, and more than they let on. You saw how hard it was for them to justify the last race’s end without the floof. Just a trick to stop them from giving up-
Billy: MY BOOOOOOOOB! My precious golden boob. I won it fair and square. It should be mine!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: JEEZ LOUISE Billy you act like you’ve never touched a boob before-
*Billy snaps his head around and glares at his benefactor. The two inventor types, plus Sonic, are inside the DEI HQ working on the Chemistruckinator and plotting for how to finally stop the unearthly doppelganger (heh, series title) and his abominable sidekick.*
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Uh … well you CERTAINLY have touched a bra and gold!
Billy: WHY DO YOU TAUNT ME WITH MY FAILINGS AS A MAN!? Poor Penny …
Sonic: Dude, I’ve seen you WEARING a bra. You remember the drag race? And how much gold did you steal before you beat Captain Penis?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: I thought it was Hammer?
Sonic: … The hammer is-
Billy: ENOUGH! The CAR Committee has denied me for the last time. All these contrivances, all these ties. I rightfully won that last race on my own accord. No tricks, just dynamic skating acumen. And now we have to go back to school and relive a horror while FIGHTING a horror … and all WITHOUT MY GOLDEN BOOB!
Sonic: Oh come on, in the grand scheme of things this race looks pretty mundane. No giant hills, Mount Hold-my-Beer, no crazy flowers … just a bus, some school supplies, a loser wienie nickname for winning, and the other racers. Meanwhile your teammates are out there trying to hold off a dark clone of Dr. D here, and a literal dragon … with a beefy arm coming out of the back of his neck there … so much majesty. And they’re doing it without any chili dogs!
Billy: That’s because you keep eating them faster than the chefs can make them!
*Sonic smirks and shrugs*
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Hey blueboy. Why aren’t YOU out there with the warlock and my hired goons? With your speed you could out run all the traps and destroy that machine in no time.
*Sonic hangs his head*
Sonic: While saving YOUR punk ass I had to play decoy and he charged me with a like charge to his tech. I get within 20 meters and it launches me two towns away. Continuity bro, I know it isn’t something MY stuff is known for but you guys never had an issue with it …
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: CONTINUITY IS ABOUT TO LOSE ME MY TEAM AND MY BUILDING AND MY REPUTATION AND MY WORLD!
*Sonic taps his feet …*
Sonic: Fair …
*The Burninator manages to use a sonic roar to knock the three men over and bear down on the warlock.*
Burninator: Grrrrrr … We’ve had enough of being powerless.
Ovi: BAH! We’ve heard it all and we’re not impressed, you feckless imitations of life!
Burninator: We are the nightmare that you brought to life. Don’t turn off the lights …
Rd. Ztrimhsnefood: YES I GOT IT! Without the computer glitch this was easy!
*The machine point the laser at the sky and fires a beam straight up, like something out of every superhero movie you’ve ever seen. An otherworldly roar is heard from within it. The guys look up and cower in fear. The dragon turns to them and laughs*
Burninator: There’ll be no sleep tonight…
*A bunch of flying formless horrors begin to pour through the portal. A giant squid monster lands next to them. More are coming… when suddenly …*
Agent P:
*Agent P comes from nowhere and kicks the satellite dish and shatters it. He then swipes the laser with his tail and it begins pointing at the Squid monster, which promptly begins to warp and implode until it is send through another portal to a dimension far from here. The 100 flying monsters attack and pick up Perry and begin to carry him away. From the building a blue blur zaps in and Agent P is no longer in the grip. The monster is knocked to the ground, and in one spin dash the laser machine is destroyed by a spinning blue hedgehog saw blade.*
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Ok …I can do this. I can think of a way to remove all of these demons and save everyone while not killing anything. Can’t afford to break CAR rules, then this WHOLE escapade was POINTLESS!
Billy: IT’S ALL POINTLESS! I HAVE NO BOOB!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: EUREKA! I know how to end this …
Billy: Won’t bring my boob bac-OOF!
*Doof finally hits his own breaking point and tosses Billy some breastforms used to show men what it’s like to have pregnant tummy and mammaries. Billy lies motionless under the heavy item.*
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: There you can wear that while driving. I’m sure all the high school kids watching will be so kind and understanding of how quickly you’ve developed. Now … to work …
*He begins typing furiously into his computer while occasionally stepping over to a machine to begin working on it with his tools. Billy slowly begins to crawl out from his lactacular prison. Ovi, Ian, and Phroooaggh stand face to face with the Burninator as 100 eldritch horrors fly around them and Rd. Food cackles while showing off a battle armor. Sonic and Agent P stare at him wondering how to get through. And we march towards the Finale …*
1. Who wants to ride on the school bus?
Billy: No … not the yellow horror. All it ever did was take me to that jock heaven to be tormented!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: You too, eh?
Ian: I think uh, we all have, um, experienced the horror of the yellow bus.
Ovi: … Don’t look at me, I was homeschooled. The principal was an anthropomorphic sloth…
2. Which school supplies flung at your driver concerns them the most?
Ovi: BAH! My defensive armaments mean there is nothing in a typical school short of the bus itself that can get at the driver in this tank!
Billy: I mean there is the globe, or kickballs.
3. Does your driver want to be the teacher’s pet?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: BAH! We are RULE breakers! We don’t need your acknowledgement! … love me daddy?
Sonic: Frankly I find this question loaded with speciesism.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Then again we did correct the question’s spelling and grammar …
4. How will your team respond to winning?
Billy: COME CLAIM MY GOLDEN BOOB!
5. How will your team respond to not winning?
Billy: PROTESTING TO GET MY GOLDEN BOOB!
Ovi: Don’t trip! The trap will close its mouth on you! If that happens there’s not a damn thing you can do.
*We open at the usual HQ of the Angry Mad Chemists. We are outside in the parking lot as the crew has come out to meet the invasion of the eldritch snatchers. Rd. Food and the Burninator have come to attack and have planted traps all over the parking lot to slow down their enemies. Ovi is currently holding Ian back as the handsome chaotician nearly falls face first into some kind of a tentacle bear trap with a beak and teeth. It’s gnashing and sloshing can be heard for miles, but only the insane can hear it. Somewhere Primal laughs at what he knows is happening.*
Phroooaggh: You’d better brace for impact …
*A launcher fires an ink bottle smack into Ian’s face, ruining his dashing good looks.*
Ian: Here comes the fade to black…
Ovi: Less a fade than a blackout, my friend.
Phroooaggh: You should clean his face off unless you want it to melt and then turn the sloughed off skin into eldritch mites to eat your face off.
*Phroooaggh leads the men through the field of traps to try and stop Rd. Food from unleashing his plan. He plods away at a portable computer with a satellite dish on it and a laser cannon.*
Rd. Ztrimhsnefood: YES! ME WIN! Me make you into fuel for eldritch energy. Then me direct you to Chthulu and summon R’yleh to here and he make us rulers!
Burninator: Grr?
Rd. Ztrimhsnefood: No not the school supply, but that very topical of you, lizard friend. Hey, you do favor? MELT THE INTERLOPERS!
*The Burninator turns and roars, he belts blasts of Bowserian fire at the trio of intrepid chemical scientists! Well two and a R’ylehian warrior out to avoid speaking to his manager. The skinless abomination spins his staff and absorbs the fire onto it then projects it back into the traps, clearing a small radius in front of them.*
Ian: Don’t uh, trip, this trap will spit you out. Likely with no bones.
*He carefully sidles around a monster that is rooted to the ground and has a face like a wood chipper and juice extractor all at once*
Ovi: This is cutting into our valuable race preparation time. Why are they so persistent NOW!? We need to win this race to stay on the map and gain more power to our vehicle to use to rule the world! If we keep losing Doof will just end up relying even more on his indoctrinator and his … floof.
Phroooaggh: He isn’t the one pushing the button. Besides the floof makes for a very handy contrivance. I think the CAR administrative support team may enjoy it more than us, and more than they let on. You saw how hard it was for them to justify the last race’s end without the floof. Just a trick to stop them from giving up-
Billy: MY BOOOOOOOOB! My precious golden boob. I won it fair and square. It should be mine!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: JEEZ LOUISE Billy you act like you’ve never touched a boob before-
*Billy snaps his head around and glares at his benefactor. The two inventor types, plus Sonic, are inside the DEI HQ working on the Chemistruckinator and plotting for how to finally stop the unearthly doppelganger (heh, series title) and his abominable sidekick.*
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Uh … well you CERTAINLY have touched a bra and gold!
Billy: WHY DO YOU TAUNT ME WITH MY FAILINGS AS A MAN!? Poor Penny …
Sonic: Dude, I’ve seen you WEARING a bra. You remember the drag race? And how much gold did you steal before you beat Captain Penis?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: I thought it was Hammer?
Sonic: … The hammer is-
Billy: ENOUGH! The CAR Committee has denied me for the last time. All these contrivances, all these ties. I rightfully won that last race on my own accord. No tricks, just dynamic skating acumen. And now we have to go back to school and relive a horror while FIGHTING a horror … and all WITHOUT MY GOLDEN BOOB!
Sonic: Oh come on, in the grand scheme of things this race looks pretty mundane. No giant hills, Mount Hold-my-Beer, no crazy flowers … just a bus, some school supplies, a loser wienie nickname for winning, and the other racers. Meanwhile your teammates are out there trying to hold off a dark clone of Dr. D here, and a literal dragon … with a beefy arm coming out of the back of his neck there … so much majesty. And they’re doing it without any chili dogs!
Billy: That’s because you keep eating them faster than the chefs can make them!
*Sonic smirks and shrugs*
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Hey blueboy. Why aren’t YOU out there with the warlock and my hired goons? With your speed you could out run all the traps and destroy that machine in no time.
*Sonic hangs his head*
Sonic: While saving YOUR punk ass I had to play decoy and he charged me with a like charge to his tech. I get within 20 meters and it launches me two towns away. Continuity bro, I know it isn’t something MY stuff is known for but you guys never had an issue with it …
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: CONTINUITY IS ABOUT TO LOSE ME MY TEAM AND MY BUILDING AND MY REPUTATION AND MY WORLD!
*Sonic taps his feet …*
Sonic: Fair …
*The Burninator manages to use a sonic roar to knock the three men over and bear down on the warlock.*
Burninator: Grrrrrr … We’ve had enough of being powerless.
Ovi: BAH! We’ve heard it all and we’re not impressed, you feckless imitations of life!
Burninator: We are the nightmare that you brought to life. Don’t turn off the lights …
Rd. Ztrimhsnefood: YES I GOT IT! Without the computer glitch this was easy!
*The machine point the laser at the sky and fires a beam straight up, like something out of every superhero movie you’ve ever seen. An otherworldly roar is heard from within it. The guys look up and cower in fear. The dragon turns to them and laughs*
Burninator: There’ll be no sleep tonight…
*A bunch of flying formless horrors begin to pour through the portal. A giant squid monster lands next to them. More are coming… when suddenly …*
Agent P:
*Agent P comes from nowhere and kicks the satellite dish and shatters it. He then swipes the laser with his tail and it begins pointing at the Squid monster, which promptly begins to warp and implode until it is send through another portal to a dimension far from here. The 100 flying monsters attack and pick up Perry and begin to carry him away. From the building a blue blur zaps in and Agent P is no longer in the grip. The monster is knocked to the ground, and in one spin dash the laser machine is destroyed by a spinning blue hedgehog saw blade.*
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Ok …I can do this. I can think of a way to remove all of these demons and save everyone while not killing anything. Can’t afford to break CAR rules, then this WHOLE escapade was POINTLESS!
Billy: IT’S ALL POINTLESS! I HAVE NO BOOB!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: EUREKA! I know how to end this …
Billy: Won’t bring my boob bac-OOF!
*Doof finally hits his own breaking point and tosses Billy some breastforms used to show men what it’s like to have pregnant tummy and mammaries. Billy lies motionless under the heavy item.*
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: There you can wear that while driving. I’m sure all the high school kids watching will be so kind and understanding of how quickly you’ve developed. Now … to work …
*He begins typing furiously into his computer while occasionally stepping over to a machine to begin working on it with his tools. Billy slowly begins to crawl out from his lactacular prison. Ovi, Ian, and Phroooaggh stand face to face with the Burninator as 100 eldritch horrors fly around them and Rd. Food cackles while showing off a battle armor. Sonic and Agent P stare at him wondering how to get through. And we march towards the Finale …*
1. Who wants to ride on the school bus?
Billy: No … not the yellow horror. All it ever did was take me to that jock heaven to be tormented!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: You too, eh?
Ian: I think uh, we all have, um, experienced the horror of the yellow bus.
Ovi: … Don’t look at me, I was homeschooled. The principal was an anthropomorphic sloth…
2. Which school supplies flung at your driver concerns them the most?
Ovi: BAH! My defensive armaments mean there is nothing in a typical school short of the bus itself that can get at the driver in this tank!
Billy: I mean there is the globe, or kickballs.
3. Does your driver want to be the teacher’s pet?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: BAH! We are RULE breakers! We don’t need your acknowledgement! … love me daddy?
Sonic: Frankly I find this question loaded with speciesism.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Then again we did correct the question’s spelling and grammar …
4. How will your team respond to winning?
Billy: COME CLAIM MY GOLDEN BOOB!
5. How will your team respond to not winning?
Billy: PROTESTING TO GET MY GOLDEN BOOB!
