A Badman Is A Part Of The Real Awesome Bastards

[Frank Windsor]

Frank Windsor was sat on a metal chair in the middle of the locker room in some arena in Canada. Wrestle: UK were here running a house show as they were getting ready for their Legacy show in Halifax later on this month. The ring crew had got to the arena a few days early to set up just how they liked it. A camera man was playing with the video camera, shooting different angles of the locker room whilst stuff was going on around him. It looked like Frank had a lot on his mind especially with his trademark scowl having a scowl of its own. “Time has fucking moved on since the Bastards ran around this god forsaken country,” Frank said as he started his rant of sorts. “We were the top of the fucking wrestling industry in Canada, before that the Inbred Americas and now we’re back home in the United fucking Kingdom and running rough shot over the industry there. Now we’ve made the trip back to the land of the fucking Moose. We showed the world that the Bastards weren’t really a seven foot fucking freak, a moronic hipster and a foul mouthed asshole; no we were a fucking legitimate group of like-minded individuals that came together randomly in an attempt to destroy wrestling from within.” He leaned over and took out the Wrestle: UK Tag Championship belts of the bag at his feet. “You see this fucking company has been throwing every team they could at us trying to steal our fucking Gold away from us but they always come up fucking short don’t they?” he asked. “But up until now that dried up cunt Donzig has kept his pet project away from the Bastards as he knows we would show these two wing licking morons up. Usually I’d be going into a fucking title match apprehensive but this time these bitches will be defeated like their boss did when I beat him back in the UK.” Frank caressed the championship belt before he put it over his shoulder. “Moloch and Mormo did you see what we did to the former members of SWAT last week?” he asked. “Donzig is so used to losing to the Bastards that he had to unleash you from your cage right? Where has he been fucking hiding you? Have you been using those unique fucking voices of yours trying out on the Masked Singer or even being a couple more meat heads on Love Island? Anyway I fucking digress as we all know you gibbering morons only got your jobs because Donzig needed protection from actual talent who can WRESTLE namely the Bastards.” He looked down the camera lens; he looked even angrier than when he started. “Things are supposed to happen in threes my gran used to tell me,” Frank said. “When she was sitting on her porch back in Yorkshire, when I was watching all the local kids breaking into cars on her estate and she was pulling bits of chicken out of her false teeth she used to tell me her words of wisdom. Two of the three things are going to happen this week in Halifax when Robbie and myself will successfully defeat ODS and keep our tag straps and then after that Billy will get that strap back that Havok stole from him. So what was going to be the third thing I ask myself? Well that’s a little thing I’ve been working on and when it pays off it will be fucking epic.” A smirk crossed his face for all of a split second before it disappeared once again. “Do you really think I’ll tell you what it is,” he said. “It could be anything. Maybe Havok’s fucking dream would come true, you know the one he’s told the whole locker room about; the one where he’d have that dream of going into work stark bollock naked. You know what I mean, walking down the ramp way, the tackle flapping in the wind. Hopefully it’s not that. People couldn’t handle the truth of that situation. But don’t forget I’ve not finished with Havok. He may had broken my arm a few months back and cost me the XHF X-Crown because I wasn’t one hundred per cent going into the match but I won’t forgive what he has done to the Bastards and he will fucking pay for it. You know what; I’ve not got a single fuck to give to be honest about the tiny fingered, orange fake tanned faced shit gibbon Ignorant fuck puppet other than that belt he carries on his shoulders. So if Fowler doesn’t get the job done, I will.” Frank put the NPW tag championship belt over his other shoulder and continued. “It was only down the road where the Bastards were running rampant in NPW that we shocked the locker room when we won these belts,” he said as he reached into his bag once again and pulled out the tag championship belt he and Rob Riot had won in NPW. “These belts have always been fucking special to the Bastards as this proved to the world that we were the fucking dog’s danglies. No one is better at this than the fucking Bastards. We’re the most copied group in the wrestling world, hell we’re the only really fucking Bastards on the Network and we are fucking AWESOME!!!!” He looked down the camera lens and winked. “Fuck the XHF!” he proclaimed. “Fuck all the promotions on the Network and all the wrestlers as they fucking know that they are in reject fucking promotions and should try Wrestle: UK!” Frank put down his championship belt and turned back to the camera held by a camera man employed by Wrestle: UK. “So this may be a bit controversial and may get us fined but nothing changes for us,” he said. “Anyway now I’ve got to go see some good music and drink some great beer. Now fuck off!!”