Toy Titles and Canadian Tuxedos (World Title Reaction)
Sept 9, 2022 8:27:29 GMT -5
robriot likes this
Post by fowler on Sept 9, 2022 8:27:29 GMT -5
“We interrupt your social media feed with this important message from the Bastards.”
A short video shot on a mobile phone begins to play showing Fowler, Riot and Windsor arriving at their hotel in Halifax. Paparazzi snap photos of the three men as they climb out of the back of a large black limousine. Fowler wears jeans with an untucked dark red shirt and a jacket, Riot has similar attire, but a blue shirt and Frank Windsor proudly sports a “Canadian Tuxedo”, denim on denim.
Fowler approaches the phone as his partners wave to the paps.
Fowler: “Well look who just arrived in Canada! It’s your boys, the Bastards. I was really hoping we would be back in good old England this time out, but instead we’re here in Halifax, Nova Scotia which looks to me to be the cancerous bowel of this country.”
Riot glances over his shoulder.
Riot: "It’s one redeeming feature is that it’s not in America.”
Fowler: “Very true mate, very true. Regardless of the nature of this city I’m pleased to be here, because in just a few short days I will regain my world title from that innocuous fool Eddie Havok.
But it has been brought to my attention that Eddie posted a video where he was seen to discard the Wrestle:UK World Title in favour of something of his own design.
Now it would be amiss of me to let that go unaddressed, so let’s review this situation.
Eddie shunned the beautiful design of what is the premier title in the world of professional wrestling for something that looked like it was designed by a five-year-old, with skulls and shit all over it.
I mean it makes sense; he is a child after all.
I would just like to make it very clear to all of our dedicated Wrestle:UK fans and to the wrestling world at large, that you will not have to suffer this horrible excuse for a world title for long. Once I beat Havok inside the Hell in a Cell, you will never have to see that belt and its silly skull motif ever again. You’ll return to your regular service with a true world champion that you can be proud of and a nice, beautiful gold title belt.”
Frank Windsor turns from having his photo taken and adjusts his jacket before addressing the camera.
Windsor: “I’d like that belt when you’re done beating his arse Billy. I’d like to give it to some make a wish kids.”
Fowler laughs in Frank’s face.
Fowler: “Make-A-Wish? Frank, fucking look at yourself! You look like you’re one chat room away from being on sex offenders register. Like fuck are they letting you anywhere near Make-A-Wish! And even so, would you really burden some poor kid with that piece of shit?”
Riot: “It would probably give the poor kid nightmares. I know having something that smelt like Eddie Havok and spent time about his person in my possession would give me the fucking creeps.”
Fowler: “Exactly! No no Frank. We won’t be giving the title to any sick children, they don’t need that added to their list of problems. The same as they don’t need your rocking up on their ward like Jimmy Saville’s Canadian cousin.”
Frank looked down at his outfit and shrugged. He really didn’t think it looked that bad. But he quickly removed the denim jacket and threw it out into the crowd.
Fowler: “That title belongs in one place and one place only. Eddie Havok’s dress up play box.
The same box where he keeps his helmet for his toy motorcycle, his fake biker “Cuts” for him and his school buddies the Skulls of Grim to play with. He also keeps his Bastards action figure collection in there, although he would never admit it. I hear he has the rare Riotstar Wrestling Rob Riot figure. Both the standard one and the chase variant that came with the giant purple dildo.”
Riot: “You told me that never made it to release!”
Fowler: “Well rumour has it that he has one. Buried with all his other toys.
And once I smack some sense into the boy, he can throw that silly belt in there too.
Havok, I’m coming to take back what is mine and make sure that the fans of Wrestle:UK have a champion that they can be proud of. See you Saturday!”
The Bastards push past the camera phone and make their way into the hotel followed by a wave of screaming fans.
A short video shot on a mobile phone begins to play showing Fowler, Riot and Windsor arriving at their hotel in Halifax. Paparazzi snap photos of the three men as they climb out of the back of a large black limousine. Fowler wears jeans with an untucked dark red shirt and a jacket, Riot has similar attire, but a blue shirt and Frank Windsor proudly sports a “Canadian Tuxedo”, denim on denim.
Fowler approaches the phone as his partners wave to the paps.
Fowler: “Well look who just arrived in Canada! It’s your boys, the Bastards. I was really hoping we would be back in good old England this time out, but instead we’re here in Halifax, Nova Scotia which looks to me to be the cancerous bowel of this country.”
Riot glances over his shoulder.
Riot: "It’s one redeeming feature is that it’s not in America.”
Fowler: “Very true mate, very true. Regardless of the nature of this city I’m pleased to be here, because in just a few short days I will regain my world title from that innocuous fool Eddie Havok.
But it has been brought to my attention that Eddie posted a video where he was seen to discard the Wrestle:UK World Title in favour of something of his own design.
Now it would be amiss of me to let that go unaddressed, so let’s review this situation.
Eddie shunned the beautiful design of what is the premier title in the world of professional wrestling for something that looked like it was designed by a five-year-old, with skulls and shit all over it.
I mean it makes sense; he is a child after all.
I would just like to make it very clear to all of our dedicated Wrestle:UK fans and to the wrestling world at large, that you will not have to suffer this horrible excuse for a world title for long. Once I beat Havok inside the Hell in a Cell, you will never have to see that belt and its silly skull motif ever again. You’ll return to your regular service with a true world champion that you can be proud of and a nice, beautiful gold title belt.”
Frank Windsor turns from having his photo taken and adjusts his jacket before addressing the camera.
Windsor: “I’d like that belt when you’re done beating his arse Billy. I’d like to give it to some make a wish kids.”
Fowler laughs in Frank’s face.
Fowler: “Make-A-Wish? Frank, fucking look at yourself! You look like you’re one chat room away from being on sex offenders register. Like fuck are they letting you anywhere near Make-A-Wish! And even so, would you really burden some poor kid with that piece of shit?”
Riot: “It would probably give the poor kid nightmares. I know having something that smelt like Eddie Havok and spent time about his person in my possession would give me the fucking creeps.”
Fowler: “Exactly! No no Frank. We won’t be giving the title to any sick children, they don’t need that added to their list of problems. The same as they don’t need your rocking up on their ward like Jimmy Saville’s Canadian cousin.”
Frank looked down at his outfit and shrugged. He really didn’t think it looked that bad. But he quickly removed the denim jacket and threw it out into the crowd.
Fowler: “That title belongs in one place and one place only. Eddie Havok’s dress up play box.
The same box where he keeps his helmet for his toy motorcycle, his fake biker “Cuts” for him and his school buddies the Skulls of Grim to play with. He also keeps his Bastards action figure collection in there, although he would never admit it. I hear he has the rare Riotstar Wrestling Rob Riot figure. Both the standard one and the chase variant that came with the giant purple dildo.”
Riot: “You told me that never made it to release!”
Fowler: “Well rumour has it that he has one. Buried with all his other toys.
And once I smack some sense into the boy, he can throw that silly belt in there too.
Havok, I’m coming to take back what is mine and make sure that the fans of Wrestle:UK have a champion that they can be proud of. See you Saturday!”
The Bastards push past the camera phone and make their way into the hotel followed by a wave of screaming fans.
