TFOSA3: I know something (Bout Rat)
Sept 12, 2022 8:13:37 GMT -5
Dave D-Flipz, RattyMcDaddy, and 1 more like this
Post by Steve Awesome on Sept 12, 2022 8:13:37 GMT -5
~
Why can't I take it all okay?
I like to dig and fuck around with your day
I'm gonna tell your mama
Yeah, I'm going to blackball your name
Ain't no way you'll go without me
Every chance I'll make you pay
(In my space, on your face, I tell you)
(I know something 'bout you)
I know something!
Why can't I take it all okay?
I like to dig and fuck around with your day
I'm gonna tell your mama
Yeah, I'm going to blackball your name
Ain't no way you'll go without me
Every chance I'll make you pay
(In my space, on your face, I tell you)
(I know something 'bout you)
I know something!
The phone rang.
“Hello…”
“Hey…”
He was barely awake but her voice perked him right up.
“Zelda!? It’s nice to hear the sound of your voice. I’ve missed it. When are you coming home?”
“To be honest, I don’t know. I was extremely hurt and angry that you chose Mandi over me.”
“I get it, Z. I messed up. I should have realized what I had all along. I love you, and I will never let another stupid thing come between us again. I swear.”
Steve rolls over to his other side. When he does he finds one entire stripper/therapist (from the last episode) sleeping soundly in his bed with a satisfied smile on her face.
“Awh sunovabitch.”
“What!?
“I uhhh, I just miss you sooooo much, yaknow? Grrr, sunovabitch! Heh heh….”
Suddenly the girl in his bed starts to awaken from her slumber. Steve desperately tries to keep her quiet while making zero noise but the stripper doesn’t get the memo.
“*big yawn*Good morning, babe…”
She said in a soft, silky voice.
“Who the hell was that!?”
Zelda’s voice shouted through the cell phone receiver. The stripper/therapist finally picks up on Steve’s frantic physical clues to be silent.
“Um, it was uhhh, it was Rat!”
“…….”
Steve sweats as he waits for her response.
“Rat Bastard is telling you “good morning, babe” at seven thirty in the morning?”
Steve can’t think of a good answer so he throws out the next best thing his mind can muster.
“………………yes?”
“Let me talk to him then.”
Steve’s eyes widened in panic.
“You wanna talk to Rat!? Uhhhhh….”
Steve freezes then suddenly the stripper snatched the phone.
“Uh fuck yeah this is Rat Bastard!”
She speaks in a low grisly tone.
“Just passing through to wish my BABE, Steve Awesome, a good morning.”
“Rat? Is that really you?”
“Uhh, you damn right, sugarbum. Just as greasy and hairy as the day God made me.”
“Look, I’d love to chat, but I gotta stumble in half drunk at the gas station up at the corner. I gotta buy a carton of cigarettes, a fifth of the cheapest whiskey and fifteen lottery tickets. I got a full day planned where I get dangerously intoxicated and then type terrible things about people on the internet from my mobile home. Here’s Steve.”
Steve nervously placed it back up to his ear.
“…hey…”
“….story checks out.”
Steve sighs with relief. Apparently she bought it.
“You and Rat spend too much time together. Anyways, I wanted to call and say that I think we can eventually work things out. Just don’t do anything stupid to ruin that before we get there.”
“Okay sweetie. You know I won’t let you down. Bye. I love you.“
Steve hangs up the phone and wipes the sweat off his brow. The stripper/therapist smiles at Steve.
“I think that went well.”
Steve glares back at the strange women in his bed.
“Hello…”
“Hey…”
He was barely awake but her voice perked him right up.
“Zelda!? It’s nice to hear the sound of your voice. I’ve missed it. When are you coming home?”
“To be honest, I don’t know. I was extremely hurt and angry that you chose Mandi over me.”
“I get it, Z. I messed up. I should have realized what I had all along. I love you, and I will never let another stupid thing come between us again. I swear.”
Steve rolls over to his other side. When he does he finds one entire stripper/therapist (from the last episode) sleeping soundly in his bed with a satisfied smile on her face.
“Awh sunovabitch.”
“What!?
“I uhhh, I just miss you sooooo much, yaknow? Grrr, sunovabitch! Heh heh….”
Suddenly the girl in his bed starts to awaken from her slumber. Steve desperately tries to keep her quiet while making zero noise but the stripper doesn’t get the memo.
“*big yawn*Good morning, babe…”
She said in a soft, silky voice.
“Who the hell was that!?”
Zelda’s voice shouted through the cell phone receiver. The stripper/therapist finally picks up on Steve’s frantic physical clues to be silent.
“Um, it was uhhh, it was Rat!”
“…….”
Steve sweats as he waits for her response.
“Rat Bastard is telling you “good morning, babe” at seven thirty in the morning?”
Steve can’t think of a good answer so he throws out the next best thing his mind can muster.
“………………yes?”
“Let me talk to him then.”
Steve’s eyes widened in panic.
“You wanna talk to Rat!? Uhhhhh….”
Steve freezes then suddenly the stripper snatched the phone.
“Uh fuck yeah this is Rat Bastard!”
She speaks in a low grisly tone.
“Just passing through to wish my BABE, Steve Awesome, a good morning.”
“Rat? Is that really you?”
“Uhh, you damn right, sugarbum. Just as greasy and hairy as the day God made me.”
“Look, I’d love to chat, but I gotta stumble in half drunk at the gas station up at the corner. I gotta buy a carton of cigarettes, a fifth of the cheapest whiskey and fifteen lottery tickets. I got a full day planned where I get dangerously intoxicated and then type terrible things about people on the internet from my mobile home. Here’s Steve.”
Steve nervously placed it back up to his ear.
“…hey…”
“….story checks out.”
Steve sighs with relief. Apparently she bought it.
“You and Rat spend too much time together. Anyways, I wanted to call and say that I think we can eventually work things out. Just don’t do anything stupid to ruin that before we get there.”
“Okay sweetie. You know I won’t let you down. Bye. I love you.“
Steve hangs up the phone and wipes the sweat off his brow. The stripper/therapist smiles at Steve.
“I think that went well.”
Steve glares back at the strange women in his bed.
STEVE AWESOME
XCROWN CHAMPION
“Well, well…”
We open up on the pearly white smile and the sparkling gold Championship of the Face of the Franchise.
“Steve Awesome verse Rat Bastard.”
“All eyes are on us, and they should be.”
“Two of the absolute best to have ever done it will lock horns for the first time ever for the richest prize in the entire industry. It doesn’t get any bigger than that. It’s going to be a great “passing of the torch” moment. Some people say that I am a modern day Rat Bastard. Cocky, controversial, the only difference is I bathe on a regular basis and the boys backstage actually like me.”
He chuckles.
“Well you know, most of them…”
“But that’s not really what the people want. I mean sure, it’s going to be one hell of a match and when that bell rings I’m gonna make him choke on his toothpick, and I’m going to retain MY XCrown Championship, but the people have their eye on this one for something else.”
“They are here for the fireworks baby. They want to see an implosion on that Cruise Ship. Will the The Awesome Bastards make it back to dry land as a tag team? Or will Ratty become a sore loser and kick me in the dick afterward?”
He smirks and does a couple of finger guns for the camera.
“They want to see the shoot, brother.”
“And trust me Rat…”
He glares menacingly into the camera
“I know something about you.“
“Something you don’t want anybody else to know.”
He leans back with a coy grin.
“But we will save the best part for last.”
He smirks.
“Rat Bastard is less a legend and more like a worrisome cyst on the left boob of the XHF. Every time it pops up you can’t help but worry that this is the time it kills everything it touches.
Rat Bastard is so old, he has greasy pube like chest hairs that are older than Evan Valentine JR. He talks a big game about being the first ever XCrown champ. Well that’s fine, but he’s also the first guy to ever lose the XCrown championship as well!
He is a devout Scientologist.
Still wears a Fanny pack.
And he shares a bank account with his mom.
Steve shakes his head and eats a muffin in disappointment.
“Pathetic.”
“Plus not to mention, most people think he is a no good cheating white trash greaser piece of garbage who has never worked a day in his life. Cheated to get anything he’s ever gotten, and turned on every single tag team partner he’s ever had.”
“But you know what?”
He shrugs and laughs.
“There are folks who think the same about me.”
He smiled.
“That might be why we get along so well.”
The smile drained from his face and he pointed into the lens.
“But Rat, buddy old pal, I know you want your third reign, I know you want to prove something to yourself, but if you try any of your notorious
-bullshit-
on me during the cruise I will not hesitate to drop you on your
coat tail riding,
DRAWING,
has been,
alcoholic head.
I’ll write sportsmanship on my boot and shove it so far up your ass the word will finally come out of your mouth for the first time ever.”
“Because I don’t care, friend or foe, this XCrown Championship means everything and I will walk through hell and back to keep it.”
“But it won’t come down to that. Because of the thing I know about Rat. The juicy little tidbit.
“Way past the edgy one liners and the comments that blur reality, Ratty is actually a good dude.”
He gasped and covered his mouth.
“Despite what everyone else thinks, I know things are going to go down the middle on that cruise.
The Awesome Bastards will be fine.
If you just give Rat a chance, he can be completely loyal.
He'd never betray me.
I know that Rat Bastard would never ever stab me in the back.
Steve starts to walk off but stops and turns back toward the camera.
“Well..”
He shrugs and flashes a mischievous grin.
“…not unless I stab him first.”
He shifts the XCrown title to his other shoulder and walks off screen laughing out loud.
~
“We didn’t bang did we?”
Steve stands at the foot of the bed with his face in his palm. The girl was still underneath the blanket.
“No. I was in the mood after you saved me, but you said no. Do you not remember?”
“I remember, I was just making sure you weren’t going to suddenly turn into a shady bitch like my ex-wife.”
Steve sighs.
“Look, you should probably get out of here. I am not willing to mess things up with Zelda and you are definitely a problem. Let me call you an Uber or something…”
“Ehhh, trust me I’d love to leave. But I’m not going to just climb into an Uber dressed in my stripper uniform.”
She alludes to the fact that she’s still dressed in next to nothing.
“My clothes and bag are back at the club. Speaking of…what was all that back at the club? What were all those things?”
“The most terrible people there are. Protesters. Karen’s to the fifth degree. It’s getting pretty crazy now….maybe I’ll call Agnes, my agent. She will know what to do….”
Steve glances at the basically naked women in his bed that he can’t be seen with while hoards of protesters were watching his every move and shakes his head.
“About everything…”
Steve stands at the foot of the bed with his face in his palm. The girl was still underneath the blanket.
“No. I was in the mood after you saved me, but you said no. Do you not remember?”
“I remember, I was just making sure you weren’t going to suddenly turn into a shady bitch like my ex-wife.”
Steve sighs.
“Look, you should probably get out of here. I am not willing to mess things up with Zelda and you are definitely a problem. Let me call you an Uber or something…”
“Ehhh, trust me I’d love to leave. But I’m not going to just climb into an Uber dressed in my stripper uniform.”
She alludes to the fact that she’s still dressed in next to nothing.
“My clothes and bag are back at the club. Speaking of…what was all that back at the club? What were all those things?”
“The most terrible people there are. Protesters. Karen’s to the fifth degree. It’s getting pretty crazy now….maybe I’ll call Agnes, my agent. She will know what to do….”
Steve glances at the basically naked women in his bed that he can’t be seen with while hoards of protesters were watching his every move and shakes his head.
“About everything…”