GUNS Off-Season Hunting
Sept 14, 2022 10:37:15 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Dave D-Flipz, and 8 more like this
Post by mosler on Sept 14, 2022 10:37:15 GMT -5
The camera fades into the desk of Magnus, now occupied by Zoran Sainovic – the commissioner of GUNS.
Zoran Sainovic:
Good evening GUNS faithful. Major signings, and marquee matches are in ze works for our upcoming premier – I am pleased to say zat ze 4th season of GUNS will be FULLY LOADED, and is shaping up to be our strongest shots yet. Zough still in ze off-season, however, events have transpired zat require me to address you now. At Night of Champions, we saw a member of ze XHF affiliate CARS, capture OUR Phoenix title in what can only be considered an act of WAR.
Good evening GUNS faithful. Major signings, and marquee matches are in ze works for our upcoming premier – I am pleased to say zat ze 4th season of GUNS will be FULLY LOADED, and is shaping up to be our strongest shots yet. Zough still in ze off-season, however, events have transpired zat require me to address you now. At Night of Champions, we saw a member of ze XHF affiliate CARS, capture OUR Phoenix title in what can only be considered an act of WAR.
A still image shows Dinosaur Bones swallowing Vile “Vince” Viper whole, while Redmond Fury bleeds out on the floor below. Surrounding the trio are all the stars of GUNS and J-RoK brawling, a war on two fronts. It’s a good thing that Scorps abandoned us for Network admin duty, can you imagine him having to Photoshop what I just described? It’d be like the ceiling of the Sistine chapel...
Zoran Sainovic:
Yes, GUNS and CAR are now bitter enemies. Its too bad Mongo won’t let zem take zeir automobiles to ze ring, nor us our AK-47s – now zat would be a party. Speaking of parties, an incident occurred at Birthday Bash, which I need to address...
Yes, GUNS and CAR are now bitter enemies. Its too bad Mongo won’t let zem take zeir automobiles to ze ring, nor us our AK-47s – now zat would be a party. Speaking of parties, an incident occurred at Birthday Bash, which I need to address...
A still image of the Magnus Arnold exchange is shown.
Zoran Sainovic:
Rob Arnold essentially made himself GUNS official participant for End of Days, staking his claim almost four months in advance just in case any other ACTIVE member of ze roster was interested. Ze only problem is, Rob doesn’t actually watch GUNS, so for some reason zought Magnus was ze person he needed to zreaten. Zat is not ze case. Arnold should have come to ME, ze commissioner. He didn’t, so he’s out. Ze Trial of Rob Arnold might be over, but as far as I’m concerned – ze verdict is still out. If he EVER wants to step foot in a GUNS ring again, he has The Final Boss on his dance card.
Rob Arnold essentially made himself GUNS official participant for End of Days, staking his claim almost four months in advance just in case any other ACTIVE member of ze roster was interested. Ze only problem is, Rob doesn’t actually watch GUNS, so for some reason zought Magnus was ze person he needed to zreaten. Zat is not ze case. Arnold should have come to ME, ze commissioner. He didn’t, so he’s out. Ze Trial of Rob Arnold might be over, but as far as I’m concerned – ze verdict is still out. If he EVER wants to step foot in a GUNS ring again, he has The Final Boss on his dance card.
The graphic switches to End of Days.
Zoran Sainovic:
Now the question becomes, who will represent our company at End of Days instead of Arnold? Most of ze roster is tied up with our CAR and J-RoK WARS... but I can still zink of TWO perfectly viable candidates. ...Ready Rey?
Now the question becomes, who will represent our company at End of Days instead of Arnold? Most of ze roster is tied up with our CAR and J-RoK WARS... but I can still zink of TWO perfectly viable candidates. ...Ready Rey?
The camera pulls out to find the most successful X*Crown champion of the XHF era, and clear End of Days winner, El Rey, standing next to the desk.
El Rey:
I was born ready!
I was born ready!
Zoran Sainovic:
Capital. Zen I’ll have you fight Tracy for ze spot.
Capital. Zen I’ll have you fight Tracy for ze spot.
Suddenly El Rey grabs his stomach in agony.
El Rey:
Damn this horrible flu!
Damn this horrible flu!
Still clutching his guts to an exaggerated degree, El Rey runs away.
Zoran Sainovic:
Well, zat was a surprise... zis leaves me no choice, but to defend GUNS interests myself.
Well, zat was a surprise... zis leaves me no choice, but to defend GUNS interests myself.
Selfless. Much like the time Zoran Sainovic made himself the Supremacy rep and won his first X*Crown, the commissioner doesn’t abuse his power for personal gain, he’s just the best man for the job.
Zoran Sainovic:
As for CAR – a line has been drawn in ze sand. We didn’t ask for zis WAR, but by god, we’re going to finish it. So we have agreed to fight ze team of Bad to ze Bone Racing – Dinosaur Bones, Lord Dominicus, and Big Bone. It seemed reasonable to have zis confrontation on neutral ground, so zree of our best will take on zose skeletal douches at REIGN’s Cruising for Gold.
As for CAR – a line has been drawn in ze sand. We didn’t ask for zis WAR, but by god, we’re going to finish it. So we have agreed to fight ze team of Bad to ze Bone Racing – Dinosaur Bones, Lord Dominicus, and Big Bone. It seemed reasonable to have zis confrontation on neutral ground, so zree of our best will take on zose skeletal douches at REIGN’s Cruising for Gold.
A graphic shows the Cruise Ship that will host the event.
Zoran Sainovic:
Everyone on ze roster from GoldBear to Harsh Winter Pilgrim has been clamouring for a chance to defend GUNS’ honour. We decided on SIX of ze top super stars – ze criteria – based on ze win loss record, and also some other considerations – choosing from ze six top men in all of Greatest Underappreciated Network Stars to meet zese CAR reprobates. Ze list compiled, consisted of zese six great names...
Everyone on ze roster from GoldBear to Harsh Winter Pilgrim has been clamouring for a chance to defend GUNS’ honour. We decided on SIX of ze top super stars – ze criteria – based on ze win loss record, and also some other considerations – choosing from ze six top men in all of Greatest Underappreciated Network Stars to meet zese CAR reprobates. Ze list compiled, consisted of zese six great names...
NELLY ANGEL.
LOS AUTHENTICO WOMBAT.
JAMES MUELLER.
REDMOND FURY.
UNBOXED KEN.
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST, VENOM.
Graphics accompany each name.
Zoran Sainovic:
Zose were ze six names; zey’ve just drawn ze zree zat will collide head on with zese ...outsiders...
Zose were ze six names; zey’ve just drawn ze zree zat will collide head on with zese ...outsiders...
Ladies and gentlemen... zose zree names are...
UNBOXED KEN...
… LOS AUTHENTICO WOMBAT...
AND ZE BUCKEYE BRUISER REDMOND FURY!
Yes it is final; zose are ze zree men zat will represent GUNS against CAR at REIGN’S CRUISING FOR GOLD! May God have mercy on zose grease monkeys’ foul souls!
A final graphic shows team GUNS before fading to black.