We're the Phoenix Champions Now
Sept 16, 2022 18:35:21 GMT -5
Dave D-Flipz, mosler, and 1 more like this
Post by Mongo the Destroyer on Sept 16, 2022 18:35:21 GMT -5
*Click, on. Your screen is assaulted by the masked face of Lord Dominicus, quickly we zoom out a little as he adjusts the selfie stick holding the camera. The DARK LORD OF THE XHF NETWORK stands in front of the DominiCruiser, his team’s race car.*
LD: So it would seem that the “Final Boss” has finally decided to cross the TRUE BIG BAD of the XHF Network- me. And more specifically, my team, Bad to the Bone Racing. Except that Mr. Sainovic seems to have gotten too used to his seat at Magnus’ desk and thinks he’s in charge of everyone.
*He holds up a finger and wags it.*
LD: Well guess what, Z? You are not. Sure, you can boss around two repackaged XHF legends and “that guy from AWF”-
*Dominicus makes air quotes with his one free hand.*
LD: -But me? Dinosaur Bones? Big Bone? We don’t work for GUNS. No instead of being fed to bears and forced to wrestle Kurt Angle in a Best Buy or whatever you guys do there, the Bad to the Bone crew have been winning all the gold. Don’t believe me? Check this out…
*He points to his crotch, it is gold.*
LD: Yeah that’s right, that’s the coveted CAR Athletic cup. We have two of them- so Big Bone also is rocking a gilded groin. What’s your groin covered in, pants? Pffft, loser. But that’s not all…
*Lord Dominicus’ hand gestures to the golden belt he has crossing his chest.*
LD: Oh that’s just a fan belt. We’ve got two more, so all of us on the team match. Oh hold on, I’m growing parched from talking about all this winning…
*Dominicus grabs from off screen a baby’s cup with the top on and drinks from it, it too is gold.*
LD: Ahhh, the refreshing taste of being the greatest champion of everything. This thing? The Sippy Cup, CAR’s greatest Championship. But…
*He points to his head, and even gives it a little scratch.*
LD: …I think…I think there’s another title around here somewhere…
*While carefully balancing the selfie stick, Dominicus leans into the car and pulls out a golden belt with a giant bird on it.*
LD: Oh my, what do we have here?
*He looks at it.*
LD: Did you lose something?
*Dominicus puts the belt back into the DominiCruiser.*
LD: Two things, Sainovic. One- look at my eye screens.
*He points with two fingers at where his eyes are behind the mask.*
LD: We’re the Phoenix Champion now. You lost your title, and if you want it you better buy a car or a bike or whatever. Two- We don’t have to do jack! Why, you can’t even make us show up to REIGN’s ship or whatever!
*With the worst timing of all time we suddenly hear people shouting*
Offscreen Fan 1: OH MY GOSH IS THAT LORD DOMINICUS!?
Offscreen Fan 2: AHOY THERE DARK LORD OF THE SEAS!
*Dominicus’ shoulders drop a little.*
LD: I am rolling my eyes right now.
*The stick lowers, behind Dominicus is the DominiCruiser- but now we can see that the DominiCruiser is parked on a pier and behind that is the cruise ship that REIGN rented for the month. People are watching and shouting from the deck.*
LD: Ok, ok. So as an employee of the XHF Network I am appearing for some meeting and greeting.
*He coughs*
LD: As is the rest of the Bad to the Bone Racing team… BUT! BUT!
Offscreen Fan 3: COME DO A KEG STAND!
Offscreen Fan 4: IT’D BE A DOMINIKEG…STAND
*DominiSigh. Our villain turns around and yells to the looky-loos.*
LD: HOW DARE YOU PRESUME THAT I’D POLLUTE MY BODY WITH THE SAME SORDID SWILL YOU ROTTING PEONS CONSUME!?
Offscreen Fan 5 (Now onscreen): OH MY GOSH HE SAID THE THING!
*Flash photography rains down on Bad to the Bone Racing’s driver, he covers his eyes like avoiding the sun and hisses. After the picture session has abated he returns his focus to the camera.*
LD: FINE! You know what, we will be on the ship come September 30th! And FINE! We will fight you flunkies of Too-Nice-To-Breath Fury, Too-Terrible-To-Win Wombat, and Normal-Guy-Now. You think that we’re scared of a team like that? I RACE AGAINST DISNEY! I HAVE BEATEN ELDRITCH HORRORS- WELL ONE BUT STILL! I HAVE UH, DRIVEN REALLY REALLY FAST MANY TIMES!
*He quickly whirls around and points at the fans cheering annoyingly.*
LD: FEAR ME YOU SERFS! FOR A DARK CLOUD OF EVIL SHALL DESCEND UPON YOUR FESTIVITIES LATER THIS MONTH!
Offscreen Fan 6 (Now onscreen): CURSE ME HARDER, DOMINIDADDY!
LD: Gah!
*The camera gets an angry pointy finger.*
LD: Look what you’ve done, Sainovic! Just for that we’ll crush GUNS like the sub-standard company it is and we’ll keep the gold just for kicks! Come September 30th you’re going to wish you never crossed Bad to the Bone Racing, the DARK LORDS OF CAR!
Offscreen Fan 7: OH HE’S DOING THE THING AGAIN!
*We here some DominiGrumbles before the camera zooms way in and LD turns the phone camera off.*
LD: So it would seem that the “Final Boss” has finally decided to cross the TRUE BIG BAD of the XHF Network- me. And more specifically, my team, Bad to the Bone Racing. Except that Mr. Sainovic seems to have gotten too used to his seat at Magnus’ desk and thinks he’s in charge of everyone.
*He holds up a finger and wags it.*
LD: Well guess what, Z? You are not. Sure, you can boss around two repackaged XHF legends and “that guy from AWF”-
*Dominicus makes air quotes with his one free hand.*
LD: -But me? Dinosaur Bones? Big Bone? We don’t work for GUNS. No instead of being fed to bears and forced to wrestle Kurt Angle in a Best Buy or whatever you guys do there, the Bad to the Bone crew have been winning all the gold. Don’t believe me? Check this out…
*He points to his crotch, it is gold.*
LD: Yeah that’s right, that’s the coveted CAR Athletic cup. We have two of them- so Big Bone also is rocking a gilded groin. What’s your groin covered in, pants? Pffft, loser. But that’s not all…
*Lord Dominicus’ hand gestures to the golden belt he has crossing his chest.*
LD: Oh that’s just a fan belt. We’ve got two more, so all of us on the team match. Oh hold on, I’m growing parched from talking about all this winning…
*Dominicus grabs from off screen a baby’s cup with the top on and drinks from it, it too is gold.*
LD: Ahhh, the refreshing taste of being the greatest champion of everything. This thing? The Sippy Cup, CAR’s greatest Championship. But…
*He points to his head, and even gives it a little scratch.*
LD: …I think…I think there’s another title around here somewhere…
*While carefully balancing the selfie stick, Dominicus leans into the car and pulls out a golden belt with a giant bird on it.*
LD: Oh my, what do we have here?
*He looks at it.*
LD: Did you lose something?
*Dominicus puts the belt back into the DominiCruiser.*
LD: Two things, Sainovic. One- look at my eye screens.
*He points with two fingers at where his eyes are behind the mask.*
LD: We’re the Phoenix Champion now. You lost your title, and if you want it you better buy a car or a bike or whatever. Two- We don’t have to do jack! Why, you can’t even make us show up to REIGN’s ship or whatever!
*With the worst timing of all time we suddenly hear people shouting*
Offscreen Fan 1: OH MY GOSH IS THAT LORD DOMINICUS!?
Offscreen Fan 2: AHOY THERE DARK LORD OF THE SEAS!
*Dominicus’ shoulders drop a little.*
LD: I am rolling my eyes right now.
*The stick lowers, behind Dominicus is the DominiCruiser- but now we can see that the DominiCruiser is parked on a pier and behind that is the cruise ship that REIGN rented for the month. People are watching and shouting from the deck.*
LD: Ok, ok. So as an employee of the XHF Network I am appearing for some meeting and greeting.
*He coughs*
LD: As is the rest of the Bad to the Bone Racing team… BUT! BUT!
Offscreen Fan 3: COME DO A KEG STAND!
Offscreen Fan 4: IT’D BE A DOMINIKEG…STAND
*DominiSigh. Our villain turns around and yells to the looky-loos.*
LD: HOW DARE YOU PRESUME THAT I’D POLLUTE MY BODY WITH THE SAME SORDID SWILL YOU ROTTING PEONS CONSUME!?
Offscreen Fan 5 (Now onscreen): OH MY GOSH HE SAID THE THING!
*Flash photography rains down on Bad to the Bone Racing’s driver, he covers his eyes like avoiding the sun and hisses. After the picture session has abated he returns his focus to the camera.*
LD: FINE! You know what, we will be on the ship come September 30th! And FINE! We will fight you flunkies of Too-Nice-To-Breath Fury, Too-Terrible-To-Win Wombat, and Normal-Guy-Now. You think that we’re scared of a team like that? I RACE AGAINST DISNEY! I HAVE BEATEN ELDRITCH HORRORS- WELL ONE BUT STILL! I HAVE UH, DRIVEN REALLY REALLY FAST MANY TIMES!
*He quickly whirls around and points at the fans cheering annoyingly.*
LD: FEAR ME YOU SERFS! FOR A DARK CLOUD OF EVIL SHALL DESCEND UPON YOUR FESTIVITIES LATER THIS MONTH!
Offscreen Fan 6 (Now onscreen): CURSE ME HARDER, DOMINIDADDY!
LD: Gah!
*The camera gets an angry pointy finger.*
LD: Look what you’ve done, Sainovic! Just for that we’ll crush GUNS like the sub-standard company it is and we’ll keep the gold just for kicks! Come September 30th you’re going to wish you never crossed Bad to the Bone Racing, the DARK LORDS OF CAR!
Offscreen Fan 7: OH HE’S DOING THE THING AGAIN!
*We here some DominiGrumbles before the camera zooms way in and LD turns the phone camera off.*