Post by Mongo the Destroyer on Aug 30, 2017 9:44:28 GMT -5
Ted: …In other news, XHF: No Mercy has had yet another show. Judging by last week's results, I'm rather interested in what happened this week, so let's go to Joey Hawke!
*The camera moves to Joey Hawke.*
Joey: Well, as you know, there's only one way to get the true XHF: No Mercy experience, and that's by experiencing it live. Anyway, this week's show, entitled "Monumental Buildup" featured only two matches, but a big speech from the owner of XHF: No Mercy, Bongo the Destroyer. But, before that happened we had our first match, which featured Team-Borg taking on XHF: No Mercy newcomer, Kris Quake and Randy Angel. Team-Borg, fresh off of Evil-Borg's win last week was ready to take on the two young men. Kris Quake came down to the ring looking none too pleased with the meager surroundings, and even less so at his rather odd opponents. As usual, Randy Angel was slow in getting to the ring, and very intoxicated.
Bill: Somebody needs to do something about him.
Joey: I agree. Anyway, the match started off with Heavymetal-Borg and Randy Angel as the legal men. Heavymetal tried to throw a few swings at Randy, but his drunken movements evaded the time-traveling bandit. The hardcore-rocker didn't know what to do, so, in desperation, he grabbed Randy and let loose the Headbanger's Ball. Now, I may have mentioned this before, but due to his constant state of inebriation, Randy is somewhat impervious to most pain. So, this use of his head only acted negatively upon Heavymetal, who wound up with a serious headache and a still fine opponent. At the same time though, Randy's drunkenness hurts as much as it helps. Heavymetal, now slightly disoriented from the last-chance move, was left in a weakened state and found himself and easy target for a rather weak punch from Randy. Randy, feeling happy to have floored the future-man then tagged in his partner Kris Quake. Tonight was Kris Quake's in-ring debut at No Mercy, and he decided to make it good. Quake jumped the ropes and started laying into Heavymetal. He even pulled him up and whipped him to the ropes, however, Evil-Borg found this the opportune time to tag himself in. So now both men in the ring were fresh. As the two traded blows, Heavymetal recuperated himself on the outside. At the same time, Randy made his way to the timekeeper's table and mixed himself a drink. And by mixed himself a drink, I mean he tried to impress the crowed by chugging a bottle of Vodka.
Ted: Ewwww.
Joey: Evil and Kris Quake kept at it until Randy decided he wanted to wrestle again. He first got onto the ring and kept calling for Quake to make the tag, but Quake didn't want to, he was doing well with Evil and didn't want to stop. Randy, incensed by this, climbed into the ring and tapped on Kris' shoulder. Quake had to stop and was saying he wasn't done yet (luckily Evil waited), but Randy was demanding he get tagged in. In a fit of frustration, Quake decked Randy in the face, thrown off by this, Randy stumbled around and ran into Evil-Borg, he then lost his balance and pulled him down into an STO. Both men found themselves down as Kris Quake just shook his head. He kicked Randy out of the ring, then he caught Evil-Borg, just as the evil one was getting up, pushed him into the corner and hit the Thunder Roll Up to finish the match, 1-2-3. Randy Angel had no idea he had won as he was passed out, and to be quite honest, Kris Quake didn't particularly care.
*He shuffles his papers.*
After Quake left and Randy had been escorted out, Evil-Borg and Heavymetal-Borg had a pow-wow of sorts in the ring regarding the main event, and the fact that Shogun-Tron was crazy AND not paying attention to what the Borgs were up to. Trouble seemed to be afoot. Anyway, then Bongo the Destroyer came out to the ring to make his big announcement. Can I show some show footage here?
Ted: Um…I'm not sure.
Joey: Good enough, roll the tape.
*The scene switches to at the show where Bongo was giving his speech. He's in a suit and has a microphone in his hand.*
Image Ladies and gentlemen. I hope you've been enjoying our show. But, there is something I think we need to discuss. You see, long-time fans of wrestling entertainment in the form of the XHF will know that upcoming is a date that is very important to some of us. I know that it is extremely important to me. Next week, it's July 9th. And July 9th marks the day that the XHF was born. And while yes, this is not the XHF itself, merely a tribute, we shall pay homage to our predecessor and give our own version of the annual Birthday Show. Hopefully, it'll even be televised.
*The scene goes back to Joey Hawke.*
Joey: Bongo continued to go on about the past and whatnot, but that is neither here nor there as I've got a main event to report.
*He shuffles his papers.*
Joey: So, the main event of the evening pitted the now quite angered Hardcore Harry against the very confused Shogun-Tron. Those who had been following what had happened so far would know that Shogun-Tron was viciously attacked by Harry last week after Shogun had interrupted Harry's match. This has caused Shogun to lose his mind in some capacity and believe himself to be someone other than a Tron. Even so, this match was made in hopes that the two could settle their differences- they didn't.
Bill: Why not?
Joey: I'm getting to that. You see, things were starting off fine, the two began a normal bout and due to his recent metal oddities, Shogun actually seemed more in fighting style than usual. However, very early into the match, Heavymetal-Borg came from the back with the intent to harm Shogun-Tron. He climbed into the ring, and once again, the near-sighted referee proved to be pivotal in what happened next. With the three of them in the ring, all horribly confused except for Heavymetal, the referee had no idea what was going on. Suddenly, Heavymetal went for the Purple Haze on Shogun-Tron, but Shogun ducked out of the way and Harry, once again, got a face full of the mist. The ref, confused by all of this, threw Shogun-Tron out of the ring area. Shogun, presuming he won, left the ring. This left a blind Harry, a fully aware Heavymetal, and a near-sighted ref. Heavymetal didn't know what to do, until Harry started taking swings at him. The blinded Harry kept taking swings at the evil time-man, and Heavymetal did the only thing he could think of. He kicked Harry in the balls and jumped onto him with a Victory Rock and Roll. The ref counted the pin and proceeded to give Shogun-Tron the win…even though it was Heavymetal that pinned Harry. After all of this confusion, as Heavymetal celebrated his unforeseen victory, Harry caught up to what had been happening, and for the second time in two weeks, lost control and began a violent assault on one of the men from the future. This time his victim was Heavymetal-Borg, who found himself on the wrong end of two fists, two legs and feet, four corners, and most importantly, about five consecutive landings of Insane in the Membrane before Harry was subdued. Who knows what'll happen because of this. But I know one way you can find out.
Ted: What's that?
Joey: See XHF: No Mercy's Birthday Show- Light, LIVE! Next week at the Akron Civic Center! Thank you folks, and goodnight!
*The camera then does the classic newsroom ending.*
*The camera moves to Joey Hawke.*
Joey: Well, as you know, there's only one way to get the true XHF: No Mercy experience, and that's by experiencing it live. Anyway, this week's show, entitled "Monumental Buildup" featured only two matches, but a big speech from the owner of XHF: No Mercy, Bongo the Destroyer. But, before that happened we had our first match, which featured Team-Borg taking on XHF: No Mercy newcomer, Kris Quake and Randy Angel. Team-Borg, fresh off of Evil-Borg's win last week was ready to take on the two young men. Kris Quake came down to the ring looking none too pleased with the meager surroundings, and even less so at his rather odd opponents. As usual, Randy Angel was slow in getting to the ring, and very intoxicated.
Bill: Somebody needs to do something about him.
Joey: I agree. Anyway, the match started off with Heavymetal-Borg and Randy Angel as the legal men. Heavymetal tried to throw a few swings at Randy, but his drunken movements evaded the time-traveling bandit. The hardcore-rocker didn't know what to do, so, in desperation, he grabbed Randy and let loose the Headbanger's Ball. Now, I may have mentioned this before, but due to his constant state of inebriation, Randy is somewhat impervious to most pain. So, this use of his head only acted negatively upon Heavymetal, who wound up with a serious headache and a still fine opponent. At the same time though, Randy's drunkenness hurts as much as it helps. Heavymetal, now slightly disoriented from the last-chance move, was left in a weakened state and found himself and easy target for a rather weak punch from Randy. Randy, feeling happy to have floored the future-man then tagged in his partner Kris Quake. Tonight was Kris Quake's in-ring debut at No Mercy, and he decided to make it good. Quake jumped the ropes and started laying into Heavymetal. He even pulled him up and whipped him to the ropes, however, Evil-Borg found this the opportune time to tag himself in. So now both men in the ring were fresh. As the two traded blows, Heavymetal recuperated himself on the outside. At the same time, Randy made his way to the timekeeper's table and mixed himself a drink. And by mixed himself a drink, I mean he tried to impress the crowed by chugging a bottle of Vodka.
Ted: Ewwww.
Joey: Evil and Kris Quake kept at it until Randy decided he wanted to wrestle again. He first got onto the ring and kept calling for Quake to make the tag, but Quake didn't want to, he was doing well with Evil and didn't want to stop. Randy, incensed by this, climbed into the ring and tapped on Kris' shoulder. Quake had to stop and was saying he wasn't done yet (luckily Evil waited), but Randy was demanding he get tagged in. In a fit of frustration, Quake decked Randy in the face, thrown off by this, Randy stumbled around and ran into Evil-Borg, he then lost his balance and pulled him down into an STO. Both men found themselves down as Kris Quake just shook his head. He kicked Randy out of the ring, then he caught Evil-Borg, just as the evil one was getting up, pushed him into the corner and hit the Thunder Roll Up to finish the match, 1-2-3. Randy Angel had no idea he had won as he was passed out, and to be quite honest, Kris Quake didn't particularly care.
*He shuffles his papers.*
After Quake left and Randy had been escorted out, Evil-Borg and Heavymetal-Borg had a pow-wow of sorts in the ring regarding the main event, and the fact that Shogun-Tron was crazy AND not paying attention to what the Borgs were up to. Trouble seemed to be afoot. Anyway, then Bongo the Destroyer came out to the ring to make his big announcement. Can I show some show footage here?
Ted: Um…I'm not sure.
Joey: Good enough, roll the tape.
*The scene switches to at the show where Bongo was giving his speech. He's in a suit and has a microphone in his hand.*
Image Ladies and gentlemen. I hope you've been enjoying our show. But, there is something I think we need to discuss. You see, long-time fans of wrestling entertainment in the form of the XHF will know that upcoming is a date that is very important to some of us. I know that it is extremely important to me. Next week, it's July 9th. And July 9th marks the day that the XHF was born. And while yes, this is not the XHF itself, merely a tribute, we shall pay homage to our predecessor and give our own version of the annual Birthday Show. Hopefully, it'll even be televised.
*The scene goes back to Joey Hawke.*
Joey: Bongo continued to go on about the past and whatnot, but that is neither here nor there as I've got a main event to report.
*He shuffles his papers.*
Joey: So, the main event of the evening pitted the now quite angered Hardcore Harry against the very confused Shogun-Tron. Those who had been following what had happened so far would know that Shogun-Tron was viciously attacked by Harry last week after Shogun had interrupted Harry's match. This has caused Shogun to lose his mind in some capacity and believe himself to be someone other than a Tron. Even so, this match was made in hopes that the two could settle their differences- they didn't.
Bill: Why not?
Joey: I'm getting to that. You see, things were starting off fine, the two began a normal bout and due to his recent metal oddities, Shogun actually seemed more in fighting style than usual. However, very early into the match, Heavymetal-Borg came from the back with the intent to harm Shogun-Tron. He climbed into the ring, and once again, the near-sighted referee proved to be pivotal in what happened next. With the three of them in the ring, all horribly confused except for Heavymetal, the referee had no idea what was going on. Suddenly, Heavymetal went for the Purple Haze on Shogun-Tron, but Shogun ducked out of the way and Harry, once again, got a face full of the mist. The ref, confused by all of this, threw Shogun-Tron out of the ring area. Shogun, presuming he won, left the ring. This left a blind Harry, a fully aware Heavymetal, and a near-sighted ref. Heavymetal didn't know what to do, until Harry started taking swings at him. The blinded Harry kept taking swings at the evil time-man, and Heavymetal did the only thing he could think of. He kicked Harry in the balls and jumped onto him with a Victory Rock and Roll. The ref counted the pin and proceeded to give Shogun-Tron the win…even though it was Heavymetal that pinned Harry. After all of this confusion, as Heavymetal celebrated his unforeseen victory, Harry caught up to what had been happening, and for the second time in two weeks, lost control and began a violent assault on one of the men from the future. This time his victim was Heavymetal-Borg, who found himself on the wrong end of two fists, two legs and feet, four corners, and most importantly, about five consecutive landings of Insane in the Membrane before Harry was subdued. Who knows what'll happen because of this. But I know one way you can find out.
Ted: What's that?
Joey: See XHF: No Mercy's Birthday Show- Light, LIVE! Next week at the Akron Civic Center! Thank you folks, and goodnight!
*The camera then does the classic newsroom ending.*