Post by Mongo the Destroyer on Aug 30, 2017 10:04:22 GMT -5
XHF: No Mercy Presents:
The XHF Birthday Show: Light!
July 11th, 2008
Akron Civic Theater
Akron, Ohio
Capacity: 2,592
The XHF Birthday Show: Light!
July 11th, 2008
Akron Civic Theater
Akron, Ohio
Capacity: 2,592
*"Through the Fire and the Flames" by Dragonforce plays over the speakers as the show gets started off with Congo walking down to the ring looking quite happy. He waves at fans before sitting down at the commentators table. Then "Hotel California" by the Eagles blasts through the civic center as Joey Hawke comes out to a less than stellar response. He doesn't care what the fans think though and continues to walk with pride to the commentators table*
Joey: That's right everyone it's time for the annual XHF Birthday Show ... NO MERCY style! And with that it's time for the first match. As a special treat my good friend and the owner of XHF: No Mercy wanted to special guest announce this match so here he is! BONGO ... THE DESTROYER!
*"Traveling Band" by CCR starts to play as the XHF: No Mercy Owner, Bongo, makes his way out to the ring, waving to all of the cheering fans.*
Bongo: Welcome one and all to our spectacular first televised event! This is going to be great! Let's get this started off. Entering first ...from er... um...The...AFTERWARD... whatever that means, at 5'11" and 225 pounds ... Evil-Borg!
*"Am I Evil" by Metallica hits the speakers and the stage fills with mist. A strobe light flashes. Evil-Borg and Heavymetal-Borg come out together and Heavymetal-Borg is air guitaring to the music. They make their way to the ring throwing up the devil horns and threatening fans. They climb into the ring and Heavymetal head bangs until Bongo stops him.*
Bongo: I'm sorry, Heavymetal-Borg you must head backstage as I want you in top shape for the main event.
*Heavy mopes as he leaves*
Bongo: As you know Evil this is a reverse gauntlet, fight until you win. That shouldn't be a problem.
Evil-Borg: A despicably EVIL match. Kudos. I will end it now. Send out the sap who I shall DESTROY!
Bongo: From Los Angeles, California at 6'9" and 335 pounds ... XHF Legend ... Rhein the Killa!
*"Let's Do This Now" by Korn starts up the XHF: No Mercy crowd. As the beginning part plays, a strobe light flickers. The crowd cheers heavily, as fog begins to come from the entrance, with the strobe light flickering through it. Then, Rhein the Killa, appears from behind the curtain, aggressively pushing the curtain out of the way, and walking through the fog. Rhein is wearing his wrestling gear, some black shorts, with silver words reading Masterpiece on the back, and RtK on the front, also, he's wearing black elbow pads, knee pads and kneelength high boots with rTk in red up the side, he is also wearing a sleeveless 'Rhein the Killa' t-shirt. Soon after his appearance, he reaches back into the fog, and holds out his hand, for it to be accepted by 'The Queen of Xtreme' Lizzy Borden. Rhein slides up onto the ring apron, before helping Lizzy into the ring, then climbing in himself, and climbing to the top rope to pose for the crowd, before taking his t-shirt off.*
Congo: No way! Seriously?! Rhein the Killa?!
Joey: It looks like Bongo's been doing a lot of calling this week.
Reverse Gauntlet Match
Evil-Borg vs. XHF Legends!
Evil-Borg vs. XHF Legends!
*The bell rings and Evil-Borg weighs out his options with his much larger foe who the crowd seems to be rooting for! Rhein moves in slowly but Evil unleashes some chops then a spinning heel kick. Rhein barely budges. Evil looks around in shock. He puts his hand on his chin to think but Rhein doesn't wait and hits a huge boot to the head. Evil goes down but nips up ... right into a clothesline into next week. Rhein pins. One! ... Kickout. Evil rolls to the ropes and stands up a bit groggy. Rhein runs for a big boot but Evil drops the top rope and ducks letting Rhein fly over the rope and ring himself up. Evil then laughs quite evilly and begins bouncing the rope up and down until the ref makes a four count. Evil dives on for a pin but Rhein launches him off like a bug with a benchpress type maneuver.*
Joey: What authority from Rhein. I guess Bongo wanted this match to last I don't see Evil-Borg the high flyer beating Rhein ...
Congo: Rhein has had years and years to rest up too, that gives him a double advantage!
Joey: Have you ever heard of ring rust?
Congo: Ring what now?
*Rhein rolls to his feet but Evil surprises him with a hard dropkick to the chest flipping backwards onto his feet. Rhein stumbles. Evil runs and hits another flipping dropkick sending Rhein to the ropes and then clotheslines him over the ropes. Rhein falls to the floor as Evil lands on the apron then leaps onto the middle rope and springboards off with a moonsault. He slides into the ring and poses maniacally as the crowd boos. The ref counts out Rhein. One! Two! Rhein slowly stands up and looks pissed at Evil whose back is turned taunting. Three! Four! Rhein slides into the ring and clubs Evil with a double axe handle blow. Evil stumbles forward and turns right into a powerslam. Rhein hooks the leg. One! Two! Kickout! The crowd begins to chant, "GORE GORE GORE!"*
Joey: We know what the fans want!
Congo: I haven't seen Rhein do the gore in years!
Bongo: That's because he doesn't like it anymore.
Joey: I thought it was because he doesn't wrestle anymore.
Bongo: Well….that too.
*Rhein picks up Evil but gets a low blow behind the ref's line of sight. Evil drops Rhein with a DDT. He pins. One! Kickout. Rhein refuses to go down. Evil goes off the ropes as Rhein stands. "GORE GORE" chants the crowd. Rhein shakes his head and tries a clothesline but Evil ducks it and springboards off the ropes with a bulldog takedown. Evil tries to lock in the Surrender but Rhein fights free and shoves Evil to the ropes who rebounds right into a kick to the gut. Rhein lifts him for the California Cutter! The fans boo. On cue Evil-Borg slips out and drags Rhein down with a neck breaker! He pins. One! Kickout! Evil picks up Rhein who leaps for another California Cutter but Evil shoves him away and steps back laughing. "GORE!" shouts the crowd. Evil laughs and bounces off the ropes. Rhein sighs and shrugs then charges. As Evil rebounds he is absolutely crushed by a massive Gore and the leg gets hooked. One! Two! Three!*
Joey: Even Rhein knew when to give into the move that made him famous.
Congo: I sort of wanted to see the California Cutter one more time.
Bongo: And there it is. Rhein is the victor which means a new foe is to be introduced.
*Rhein and Lizzy exit, getting a standing ovation from the old XHF fans.*
Bongo: Introducing ... former XHF X*Crown and World Champion ... from New Haven, Connecticut. At 6'5" and 265 pounds ... welcome ... GRAVEDIGGER!
*"Suffocate" by Finger Eleven plays. As the song picks up Gravedigger walks out and stops in front of the curtain. GD looks around at the crowd for a few seconds. GD then proceeds to walk to the ring. Once in the ring, GD gets on the nearest turnbuckle and raises one arm. After about a few seconds he gets down. GD then gets on the opposite turnbuckle and raises both his arms. After about a few seconds GD lowers both his arms and looks at the crowd before getting down.*
Bongo: That's right folks, I got Gravedigger too.
Joey: Dude, permission to speak freely.
Bongo: Granted.
Joey: Nobody cares about Gravedigger, he's a washed up nobody. Evil has got this.
Congo: I don't know, I mean, he has won the X*Crown…
*The bell rings and off we go with round two. Evil is stretching out and seems not too injured as GD circles him. GD charges in for a clothesline but Evil leaps up and hits an airplane head scissors. GD looks stunned that he walked into that but rolls right into a dropkick. Evil takes a minute to back into the corner and catch his breath. GD nips up and barrels in hard ... right into a raised boot from Evil who leaps up onto the middle rope and hits a leaping bulldog. He rolls GD over for a cover. One! Two! Kickout!*
Joey: ECF ... BAH! The loser has so much ring rust he can't even fight. Easy win for Evil-Borg.
Congo: What is this ring rust you keep talking about?
Joey: Shhh, let's watch the match.
Bongo: Ring rust is when someone loses their ability in the ring by not keeping in good practice.
Congo: Ahhhh.
*The Borg wastes no time in leaping to a mounted position and slamming GD's head into the mat a few times before GD grabs his head and shoves him off. GD stands up holding his head. Evil circles him trying to continue recovering. GD feints in causing Evil to leap for a dropkick and hit nothing but air. GD charges in and locks in the Breaking Point. Evil struggles and fights back but can't break out. He struggles and finally reaches the ropes. GD pulls him away from the ropes and sits. Evil realizing he's just straining when his next foe might be easier taps out. GD looks down disgusted and leaves.*
Joey: Darn ...
Bongo: Our next foe ... the undefeated icon ... in Japan ... KEN THE BOX!
*Evil is seen laughing and taking his time catching his breath as Japanese music plays and Ken waddles down to the ring. It takes nearly five minutes to get him into the ring.*
Congo: I love Ken! Dude, he really knows how to party.
Bongo: Oh yeah he does, remember that time, with the stripper.
Congo: Yeah yeah, "Don't mind my bark, because I think you'll really like my bite."
Bongo: God I love him.
Joey: *Sigh*
*The ref rings the bell. Evil has had plenty of time to rest and now walks up to Ken who swings wildly at him missing a lot. Evil flicks him on the face them shoves him to the mat and steps on his box chest! The ref refuses to count. Ken has grabbed the ropes. Evil tries to stand him up but he can't. Finally he storms away and lets the ref prop Ken back to his feet. Ken waddles in for a clothesline which doesn't even make Evil flinch. Evil hits a huge EVIL punch to the face of the Japanese hero.*
Joey: Show that box who's boss.
*Ken stumbles back and rests against the turnbuckle at an angle due to his corners. Evil charges for a splash ... big mistake. He stabs himself in the chest with Ken's corner. Evil leaps up and down howling in pain. Ken runs at him and shoves him to the ground. Evil rolls to his feet and hits a wheel kick. Ken stumbles. Evil grabs his arm and whips him toward the corner and charges following him. Unfortunately Ken is too square and his corners hit the ropes not the turnbuckle and he gets launched out at Evil and crushes him. ONE! Two! Evil rolls Ken off. Evil is getting angry and hooks Ken for the Domination! But Ken is too square and Evil has to lean farther forward to lift him. When he stands there is too much weight at an awkward position on his back and he falls backwards with Ken landing on his shoulders. ONE! TWO! THREE! Evil kicks out and is fuming that he was counted out.*
Bongo: And Ken is still undefeated! Umm in order to help our evil friend get out of this match all future rounds are no DQ.
*Security helps Ken out of the ring and arena.*
Bongo: Next at 5'8" and 118 pounds ... from Cardiff, Wales ... DAGGER!
*A slow, quiet chiming noise is heard, like windchimes. Suddenly, the guitar chords of "Underdose" by Inme rocks the civic center. As the song continues to go, suddenly a huge bang is emitted and Dagger walks out of the back as the singing begins. She walks to the ring area and gets into the ring.*
Evil-Borg: BAHAHAHA! A woman? THIS IS AMUSING!
*The bell rings and Dagger just hauls off and hits the Kin-Geri.*
Joey: Oof!
Congo: Eek!
Bongo: Yipes!
Evil-Borg: I ... AHHHHH! IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS EEEEEVIL IN THE AFTERWARD!
*He falls over and Dagger plants a foot on his chest and gets the three count.*
Bongo: Rule 1 ... never taunt the Kin-Geri. Next up ... the goat that beat Mongo the Destroyer for the title!!!!
Joey: What? Why! Why humiliate Mongo by bringing that up Bongo?
Congo: Ooh, inter-species non-erotica.
*The goat is led to the ring and sits in the ring, as the bell rings, eating the apron. Evil takes some time to recover then laughs. He walks to the goat and slaps it. He chuckles then kicks it. It says "maaaah!" And then headbutts him in the crotch with his horns. Evil drops to the mat in tears and taps out.*
Congo: Wow, that goat is good, real good.
Bongo: Next up ... was going to be GoldBear!
*HUGE CHEERS! The goat is escorted out.*
Bongo: Unfortunately he is sadly ... dead ... so ... we just got an authentic American Brown Bear!
Evil-Borg: *In a high pitched voice.* THAT ... IS NOT ... FAIR!
Bongo: He's trained I'm sure it'll be fine ... I hope ...
*Bongo looks a bit concerned. A bear is led to the ring.*
Joey: I hear bears are natural wrestlers.
Bongo: Really? Thank God, I was worried.
Joey: NO NOT REALLY! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!
*As soon as the bell rings Evil tries to quit but before he can the bell seems to set the bear into a rage and it begins mauling him. Claws and teeth flare as Evil takes it quite hard. The bear finishes up and just sits on Evil who shouts in pain from his now bleeding suit. One! Two! Three! The bell rings ... the bear again mauls Evil-Borg who sits there in pain on the mat as they get the bear out by tranquilizing it.*
Bongo: Um ... er ... we're sorry for that show of bad sportsmanship by the bear. Hopefully the no DQ will help Evil when he wakes up and faces ... at 6'8" and 273 pounds from Denver, Colorado ... Apollyon!
*"You Dont Know Me At All" hits as Elizabeth walks out from behind the curtain, stops, and waits. The lights go out and a gong can be heard somewhere in the arena as mist starts to pour out around the entrance and over the sound system someone says "I THINK YOUR HEAR ME KNOCKING, I THINK I'M COMING IN, QUOTH THE NEW FALLEN ANGEL NEVERMORE" As the song continues Apollyon walks out wearing a black leather hat and a long black trenchcoat, he walks up to Elizabeth and puts his arms around her. Apollyon and Elizabeth then walk down the ramp and Apollyon walks up the stairs, he holds the middle rope down for Elizabeth before climbing through himself. Apollyon outstretches his arms (Raven Style). Apollyon and Liz share a kiss before Apollyon climbs the turnbuckle. Apollyon once again outstretches his arms before squatting down in the corner*
Joey: Ah yes, and to think I forgot how long and boring his intro was. Just thank god folks we don't have the production values to cover half of it, otherwise we'd be here all night.
*The long intro seems to have helped Evil get to his feet albeit very woozy. The match begins and Appy wastes precious little time. He barrels in and hits a huge clothesline on Evil-Borg. Evil rolls out of the ring. The ref starts his count as Appy taunts. As the ref gets to seven Evil appears on the apron. Appy charges right into a chair shot to the head. Evil rolls in still bloody and swings again putting Appy on the mat. He pins. One ... Two ... Appy throws him off. Evil limps to the ropes and climbs up. As Appy stands he leaps. Apollyon catches him and plants him on the chair with a Darkside Bomb. Evil Borg arches his back in obvious agony as Bongo cringes in horror. Appy pins. Easy three count.*
Bongo: I uh ... William Spencer ...
*Bongo is obviously distraught. The instrumentals kick in right away as the camera begins to search the crowd for the one and only William Spencer! All of the lights have flickered off while we wait for him, and the crowd has gone completely nuts knowing that this is the introduction to his epic entrance. "Demise of Sanity" by Black Label Society is blaring through the speaker system. The vocals of Zakk Wylde come through, while the crowd is still waiting, and cheering---the cheers nearly drown out the sound of the music. A spot light begins to circle through the entire civic center, scanning over every single fan. The crowd continues to get louder. The lights brighten a little bit, but still kinda dark, so the camera has to look to wherever the crowd gets louder hoping to get a glimpse of the Hardcore Icon. Every single fan raises a single fist into the air, as the music continues to play louder. An even louder cheer comes from one side of the crowd, as William is finally spotted among them. He stands atop a chair, with a Marlboro cigarette pinched lightly between his lips, and his Singapore cane hanging over his shoulder, held by his right hand---every fan around him has instantly crowded around him. He puts the cigarette out, and starts to force his way through the crowd so that he can properly dispose of his cigarette butt. William raises his Singapore cane up in right his right hand, holding it at a horizontal angle above his head, and the crowd begins to crowd around him more. His eyes are locked with the ring that is down through the crowd but his left hand is out shaking hands with a couple of the fans along the way. About halfway down, he stops to look out at the crowd for a moment. He brought the Singapore cane down so the tip had rested upon the floor, and just then the beer vendor had been walking by---William simply grabbed one of the cans of beer from him, and popped the can open before holding it over his head to guzzle down the liquor. After the beer is downed, he tosses the can back behind him and continues his way towards ring through the crowd. It doesn't take him much time after to reach the barricade. He stps up onto the barricade and raises his weapon into the air again to look out at the crowd who has all lifted their fists into the air, except for the ones that were holding up signs. The roof seems to nearly be blown off for how loud the cheers were coming out of the crowd. William jumps to the floor below him before rolling under the bottom rope and looking out to the crowd he looked towards the referee, and nods his head for respect for the official that is deciding this match. He keeps the Singapore cane held in his hand while waiting for the start of the match.*
Congo: Um, Joey, wake up.
Joey: What huh? Long what now?
Bongo: Yes, yes, but this could be good for Evil-Borg.
*Evil while waiting another long intro has slowly crawled to his feet and holds the chair while standing with his back against the turnbuckle. Spencer charges. Evil stabs at his gut with the chair and hits. He then swings but Spencer ducks it and hits a massive head butt. Evil stumbles into the corner. He's almost passed out in pain. Spencer works the abs with the Singapore Cane! Evil is crying for mercy. He knows he needs to win to get out of this though. He grabs the cane and pulls Spencer in and hoists him for the Domination. He lands the move with not much behind it however from the pain. He pins. One!...*
Joey: This is it!
*Two!....Kickout by Spencer. Evil just stares at the ceiling trying to dig deep for a little energy. Spencer rolls to his feet. Evil tries a suplex but Spencer hooks the leg. He then reverses it into a suplex of his own. Spencer pins. One! Kickout. Evil wants this to end. Spencer tries to pick him up only to get rolled into a small package. Kickout at two and three quarters. The ref is trying to find a way to end this but Spencer stomps a mudhole in Evil-Borg. He then helps him to his feet only to crack the cane on his head again. Evil goes down nearly out cold. The ref tells Spencer to pin and finally Spencer obliges. A three count later and the match continues.*
Bongo: Um ... this isn't good. Kuroi is up next.
Joey: Didn't Bongo think about this?
Congo: Actually, I heard he was reporting Vegas odds of Evil-Borg winning in the third round. Everyone else was just filler to pack the card and get good autograph signers.
Joey: And the goat?
Congo: Petting zoo.
Joey: And the bear!?
Congo: I just told you, petting zoo, can't have a petting zoo with one animal.
*Suddenly the lights shut off, leaving the crowd shrouded with darkness. The dirty fretwork of "Revolution Begins" by Arch Enemy plays as we find a shadow behind the curtain with backlighting, forming the outline of the man we all hate, Kuroi! The crowd begins booing but Kuroi simply ignores it. He walks to the ring. Kuroi slides to the ring as the light goes on, and stands in the corner awaiting the match to begin.*
Joey: I sense pain.
Bongo: Yeah…totally didn't think this one over.
*Kuroi laughs at the man lying on his back in the ring. Evil Borg tries to stand. Bongo sits at the announcer table, his head in his hands. Evil is pulled to his feet by Kuroi. Evil hits a few quick punches before Kuroi hurls him across the ring. Kuroi follows and pulls him to his feet. He then tosses him to the other side of the ring.*
Joey : This is not looking good.
*Kuroi laughs as he tortures the injured foe. Evil Borg hits a low blow and tries to corral Kuroi and end this with a small package but Kuroi fights free. Evil mounts him and sends some hard but spaced out punches to Kuroi. Finally Kuroi just gets angry and hurls him away. Evil crawls to Kuroi who simply pulls him to his knees and hits the Kuroi Kill. Evil is out cold in the ring face down. Kuroi however picks up the limp body. He laughs and hoists him up high over his head. He drops him with the Death Grip. The ref begs Kuroi to stop but he shoves the ref away. He lifts him up again and hits the Kuroi Knockout pinning Evil Borg for a three.*
Bongo: Our next foe is um ... XHF legend ... Chris ... Benoit.
*.....Nothing happens ...*
Bongo: Chris Benoit!
*A technician walks out and whispers something to Bongo.*
Bongo: I see ... dead you say ... murderer you say? ... Ref! Ring the bell and count out Benoit!
*He smiles as the ref counts out Benoit and ends the madness.*
Joey: Oh thank god, maybe now we can get on to a real match!
*But before that, the camera cuts to the back for a segment added in post-production (as this is pre-taped, but let's pretend it's happening LIVE! Anyway, Bongo is with Evil-Borg.*
Bongo: Evil-Borg, thank god you can walk, are you ok?
Evil-Borg: NO I AM NOT OK! But…..I see how it is now Bongo. How terribly….EVIL you are.
Bongo: What?
Evil-Borg: You're trying to stop me, you're trying to stop us from taking over, and rocking this world into THE AFTERWARD!
Bongo: Dude, I think you hit your head a few times in there, I don't think you're seeing things clearly.
Evil-Borg: Oh, I see things perfectly clearly. In fact…
*He looks Bongo up and down, then nods.*
Evil-Borg: In fact, you're just about his size…..
Bongo: Who's size?
Evil-Borg: Laz-
*Bongo suddenly points in a random direction.*
Bongo: What's that?
*Evil-Borg turns, suddenly he falls down, limp.*
Bongo: ….Oh….my….God, he's, um…er….passed out….yes…..I should, um, get er, some help.
*Bongo runs off as we return to the action at ringside! "My Own Worst Enemy" by Lit starts to blast on a darkened ring area. Suddenly, as the lights fall on the entranceway, out from the curtain comes....a stage hand? He shrugs at the audience, then, with a flashlight in hand starts looking around the entranceway, finally he comes to a man in a suit facing away from everyone, appearing to urinate. The stagehand shines his flashlight on him and the man squintily looks at him, holds up a finger telling the stagehand to wait a second. Then as he finishes what he was doing, he takes a swig out of a bottle of beer, zips up, and spins around, almost falling over. Yes folks, it's Randy Angel. The lights come up as he saunters down to the ring, having to be held up several times by the stagehand. Randy then rolls into the ring and decides not to get up until he has to.*
Joey: Nice to see Randy in ring shape for tonight.
Congo: What are you talking about? He looks terrible!
Joey: I see that sarcasm is lost on you.
*The stage begins to smoke up and the spotlight shines on the entrance way. The crowd begins to cheer softly as Trapt's "Stand Up" begins to play and Kris Quake comes running out from behind the curtain full of energy. He runs from one side of the ring area to the other playing to the crowd and causing their cheers to grow louder and louder before finally stopping and high fiving a few fans. Kris Quake reaches the ring and leaps up onto the ring apron and looks around at the crowd that is now cheering as he raises his fist into the air causing the crowd to cheer even louder. He lets loose a small grin before he leaps over the top rope into the ring and spins around with his arms spread out. Kris Quake stands in the center of the ring looking out at the crowd and nodding he head as the music cuts off.*
Joey: As for Quake... he seems to have only one thing on his mind. Hopefully it's avoiding the barf.
Congo: For all the dissing he does of Akron, the fans sure seem to be excited about him.
Joey: That's because he's probably the most legitimate wrestler on the roster.
Congo: What about Harry?
Joey: Yes, what about him?
Near-Sighted Ref Match
Kris Quake Vs Randy Angel
Kris Quake Vs Randy Angel
*The referee checks Randy for any objects, by feeling out his trunks. Dipping his hand inside while randy rolls his eyes in the back of his head. As the referee comes near...closer...closer... is now near Quake. Quake tells him he's hiding nothing and the referee says ok. The bell is rung and Quake walks out of the corner, while randy falls onto the mat. Quake... hurries and pins Randy. The ref counts…1...2...kick out. As Quake complains, Randy gets up and grabs a headlock on Quake, running around with him, giving him a noogie and yelling things in his face. Quake has enough of this and backdrops Randy on to the mat. As the referee walks around the ring, he trips on Randy and hits his head on the mat. Quake lays the boots to Randy, all the while yelling at him for Randy's verbal abuse just seconds ago. As he picks him up, he knees him in the chest and then slaps him in the face, Quake hits the ropes and as he's about to lay a nasty clothesline, Randy falls down. Avoiding it mainly because he's drunk, luck is on randy's side right now. Quake pins him and as the referee slides over, he yells to break it up. Giving him a five count... 1...2...3... Quake gets off and he thinks he has already won.*
Joey: I think quake better pay attention to this referee... this is possibly the worst referee I have ever seen.
Congo: What's wrong with him?
Joey: He's near-sighted.
Congo: Why doesn't he wear glasses or contacts?
Joey: *Sigh* Apparently he cited a civil disabilities act and claims he doesn't have to. Not only that, but Bongo figures it's a neat gimmick for matches.
*As Quake is confused, to what happened. Randy is not, as he drunkenly swings and misses Quake. Then swings and misses again... only to retreat with a low blow. Randy locks in his dreaded headlock again and lays one closed fist to the face. Even if the referee was in view, it still would have been allowed, as the ref can't see. Quake grabs his head and turns into a DDT from Randy, only to be countered into a shortarm clothesline from Quake. Quake holds on and pulls him up, delivering yet another one. Still holding on, he half nelson's Randy and hits a backbreaker, holds on and hits a flatliner ddt.*
Joey: EARTH SHAKING... It's gotta be over.
Congo: I dunno, remember how much abuse Randy took in his match with Harry?
Joey: Why do you keep bringing Harry up?
Congo: Conversation?
*Quake rolls over and places his arm across the chest of Randy. The referee stands there squinting, yelling for the guys to pick up the pace. Quake yells to pin damnit... the referee slides down and makes a 1...2.. kickout from Randy. Quake yells at the referee and even threatens to hit him for costing him the match twice already. Randy crawls and tries to roll him up but Quake back kicks him in the head, picks him up and grabs him for a DDT. Slamming him down and holding on for a guillotine. He pulls back... Randy is not tapping... the referee squints and sees if Randy is conscience. He grabs his leg... and begins to drop it for a count. As it falls once... he screams out ONE!!!!! As he drops it again.... he screams out TWO!!!! As he drops it again, Randy holds it still and begins shaking it. Getting his momentum back, as he brings Quake off the mat with him again. He shoots a lazy elbow with no effect into Quake, again... again... same effect nothing. Quake grabs his neck and breaks it over his shoulder, as they both hit the mat. At this point he picks him up and hits a brainbuster... holds on and then hits a butterfly suplex. Randy is out... but as Quake goes for the pin, Randy rolls him up. The referee stands there, as it looks like a blob to him and nothing is going on. Quake kicks out.*
Joey: God I hate rights for people with disabilities.
Congo: I have a feeling that this has more to do with Bongo's sense of showmanship, and wanting a regular gimmick.
Joey: Yeah, but this is just stupid, HE'S PINNING FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!
*Quake stomps him but Randy catches it, he trips him up. Randy goes for an angry drunken stamp, Quake dodges, he tries again and it's dodged. Randy loses his balance and Quake sees the opening, as Quake gets up Randy catches him with an armdrag, he holds on and locks in a tight armbar. Quake knees up and connects him in the face but Randy lays a hammerfist into the skull of Quake, dazing him for a second. Randy now hits his drunken stamps to Quake's chest, runs off the ropes and collapses when he gets near Quake, landing half a finger. The referee rushes down and makes the 1... kick out. Both men return to their feet, when Randy grabs Quakes head for another headlock. As he walks around with him in a tight lock, he staggers and they both crash to the outside. Both landing face first on concrete*
Joey: Ouch... I'm guessing not putting mats out tonight was a bad choice.
Congo: Yeah, where are our mats?
Joey: We don't have any.
Congo: Why?
Joey: Because Bongo is hoping that Mongo will give him some if someone gets injured.
Congo: Will Mongo give him some?
Joey: No.
*A big bruise forms on Randy's face instantly, Quake isn't moving either. The referee makes his slow count about 15 seconds later, even though it's likely the match should be stopped for another reason. 1....2.... Quake gets up slowly...3..4...and Randy is trying to balance himself...5...Randy is trying to get in for the countout win but Quake is pulling him back....6...7...Quake finally tears him free and gets him up for a fireman's carry. The referee counts 8, as he lays in a nasty knee to the face*
Joey: Oooooh... if he wasn't messed up before he is now.
Congo: Poor guy. Poor drunk, deluded, confused, aggressive, weird, guy.
*Quake rolls in at 9 and then the referee counts 10. The referee rings the bell and quake celebrates a victory.... until the referee announces that this match has ended after a double count out. Quake is furious, he grabs him by the shirt and says he was in before 10. Referee disagrees, he points that he is the official and his ruling is final. Quake pulls a fist but stops and instead he hits the turnbuckle. Randy celebrates his loss by drinking a foreign substance he pulled from his boot.*
Joey: a total disgrace... someone needs to fix this. Someone needs to fix this situation immediately. Quake just got screwed about five times in that match.
Congo: Yeah, that's pretty darn impressive.
*Bongo is backstage with Randy Angel, who is having the time of his life. Bongo has a microphone and looks to be conducting a post-match interview.*
Bongo: So Randy, you didn't really win tonight, why are you so happy?
Randy: Because…I'm drunk.
Bongo: That's it?
Randy: Yes, and I showed that guy Quake that he's no better than some worthless drunk. Meaning he's just as worthless as anyone else here in Akron.
*Just then Quake walks into the frame. He's pissed. He pushes Randy, who nearly tears down the shoddily constructed interview set.*
Quake: This isn't over yet. Not by a longshot, drunk.
Randy: Your….your mom!
*Back to the ring where "Am I Evil" by Metallica hits the speakers and the stage fills with mist. A strobe light flickers. Heavymetal-Borg comes out alone, air guitaring to the music. He makes his way to the ring throwing up the devil horns and threatening fans. He climbs into the ring and head bangs until the match starts.*
Congo: This is the second time he's come out tonight!
Joey: Yes, but where is Evil, could he have been that hurt?
*The White Stripes' "Seven Nation Army (Team Tron Mix)" blasts over the speakers as the gunman from . . . THE FUTURE (Shogun-Tron) emerges and does some really awesome gun play (like Ocelot in Metal Gear Solid 3) using his FUTURE Blaster! . . . A toy six shooter straight from the toy collection of John Wayne memorabilia. He moves to the ring and tosses the holsters the gun. The crowd has broken into full TECHNO DANCE MODE from the theme and the lights are going funky like at a club. Shogun-Tron backs into a corner and poses as everything returns to normal ... except Shogun ... he stays posed ... and weird.*
Joey: What a loser
Congo: Are you kidding me? Techno dance!
*The lights in the arena begin to dim down, as a spotlight begins to flash all over the arena. As it points to the entrance, we can hear "Live to Win" begin to play over the arena's sound system. The fans get up to their feet, as they stare down entrance curtain. As smoke begins to cloud up the area, Harry emerges from the curtain, Harry makes his slow walk to the ring, looking around and soaking up the energy that spills off the crowd. He stops and stares at all those screaming fans on the left and then on the right. He throws his arms in the air to bring more of it, they get louder as he swiftly makes his way to the apron. Harry jumps on the apron and puts his back to the ropes, bobbing his head to the music. As the crowd shows its strong appreciation, Harry slides his leg under the rope and stands in the middle of the ring. He looks all around, before running toward one of the sides. He leans over and throws his fist in the air. Harry stares into the crowd. He turns around then bends his back over the top rope and stretches his arms across his chest, as his music begins to die.*
Joey: Finally, the only real wrestler I've seen since Quake.
Congo: Dude, that was like five minutes ago.
Joey: Yeah, but I need to appropriately show my distaste.
XHF: No Mercy Heavyweight Championship
3-Way Pinfall Only Match
Shogun-Tron Vs Hardcore Harry vs Heavymetal-Borg
3-Way Pinfall Only Match
Shogun-Tron Vs Hardcore Harry vs Heavymetal-Borg
*All three men stand in a corner, as the referee sounds the bell. Slowly but surely, the three men walk up to one another in the center of the ring. Heavymetal turns to Shogun and lifts his fist in the air, which lets out a monstrous roar. Harry and Shogun look around to see where the sound came from, while Heavymetal puts his hands on his waist, quite amused by his power. Shogun shakes his head and lifts both of his arms up in the air, and an even bigger roar comes from somewhere, impressing both Harry and Heavymetal. Heavymetal and Shogun turn to Harry, who is taken back a bit. He takes a step back, and takes a deep breath. He lifts up both of his arms, but no roar seems to emerge. Shogun and Heavymetal both laugh at Harry, who just shrugs his shoulders, and clotheslines both of them down! Shogun bounces up only to get knocked down by Harry again, and Heavymetal gets up, only for a kick in the stomach. Harry grabs Heavymetal by his wrist and tosses him to the ropes, and when Heavymetal bounces off Harry knocks him down with a shoulder block. Shogun climbs up to his feet and attacks Harry from behind, and goes to toss him into the ropes, but Harry reverses. Shogun bounces off and Harry lifts him up and tosses him over his head with a back body drop, and Shogun lands on Heavymetal! Harry grabs Shogun and rolls him out of the ring, and makes a pin attempt on Heavymetal. The referee counts, but Heavymetal kicks out before the count of three. Harry grabs Heavymetal by the head and knees him in the chest, before lifting him up and drops him down with a Manhattan drop. Heavymetal stands still holding his injured area, before being knocked down with a clothesline. Harry goes to cover Heavymetal, but before he can Shogun comes from behind and hits Harry with a steel chair! The referee can't disqualify Shogun because, seriously, who disqualifies somebody in a triple threat match, but also, it's not against the rules of this match! Shogun just continues to pummel Harry with the chair, before rolling him out of the ring. Shogun sets the chair up in the center of the ring, and grabs Heavymetal and lifts him up. Shogun drags Heavymetal to the chair and sits him on the chair, and then slaps him across the face. Shogun runs towards the ropes, bounces off, and leaps up, driving Heavymetal down with a front dropkick! Shogun makes the cover, but Heavymetal kicks out!
Congo: I think that thinking he's Bishop has made Shogun-Tron a lot more bad-a-
Joey: *Cough*Localstation*cough*
Congo: Er…BA, it's made him a lot more BA.
*The Tron, who's obviously not happy that Heavymetal kicked out, climbs up to his feet, as he taunts to the crowd for the Break Open The Wormhole, and runs towards Heavymetal, but Heavymetal holds him up, stands up, and then powers Shogun down with a power bomb! Heavymetal makes the cover on Shogun, but before the count of three, Hardcore Harry breaks up the cover. Harry reaches into his pocket, and wraps piano wire around Heavymetal's neck! He seems to carry the piano wire with him, which is a little bit scary, but is also smart, as he's taking advantage of this match. Heavymetal stands up to his feet and runs back, sending Harry into the corner hard, forcing him to drop the piano wire.*
Congo: I can't believe he just used a piano wire! He could have killed him!
Joey: Harry has snapped, he's just plain snapped.
*Heavymetal sends hard fists and shoulders into the body of Harry, before grabbing him, and tosses him over his head with an overhead belly to belly suplex. Heavymetal turns around and begins to walk towards Hardcore Harry, but begins to get kicked hard by Shogun. Shogun continues with the hard kicks, and sends one to the back of the head of Heavymetal, sending him down to his knees. Shogun grabs the chair that he used before, and runs right to Heavymetal, and dropkicks the chair into his face! Shogun makes the cover, but Heavymetal kicks out before the count of three, shoving Shogun off of him. Harry finally gets up to his feet and grabs Shogun and tosses him hard into the corner chest first. Shogun bounces back and Harry grabs him by the waist, lifts him up and tosses him across the ring with a release German suplex! Harry gets up to his feet, but is quickly attacked by Heavymetal. Heavymetal lays a beating on Hardcore Harry, and lifts him up, before sending hard chops to the chest. Heavymetal kicks Harry in the stomach and bends him over, grabbing his waist. Heavymetal tries to flip Harry up, but Harry holds his ground and lifts himself up, and sets Heavymetal up for the Shitcago Slam! Harry walks around with Heavymetal on his shoulders and goes to slam him down, but Heavymetal grabs onto the middle rope! Harry and Heavymetal struggle, but Heavymetal takes advantage by driving knees into Harry's shoulders. Harry falls to his knees and Heavymetal sets Harry up, and taunts for the Motley Crue-Cifix! As he is doing this Shogun is up to his feet, runs and connects with the Break Open A Wormhole!*
Joey: No man is willing to give in! Who will win!?
Congo: That's a good question Joey, who are you betting on?
Joey: Looking at the ferocity of each, I'm not sure.
Congo: I think Shogun-Tron has got this in the bag.
*Heavymetal falls down and rolls out of the ring, and Harry is up to his feet. Shogun runs towards him and knocks him down with a leaping calf kick. Harry slowly climbs up to his feet, as Shogun taunts for the Shogun Fury, and then grabs Harry when he is up to his feet. Shogun goes to sweep his leg, but Harry drives a hard elbow to the head, sending Shogun down to the mat. Shogun comes up quickly, just for a kick in the stomach. Harry grabs him by the throat, lifts him up, and slams him hard into the mat with a double handed choke slam! Harry hooks the leg, 1-2-3!*
Joey: HARRY WINS! HARRY WINS! HE IS OUR FIRST CHAMPION!
*Harry looks around like a vicious animal wanting more violence as the refs try to calm him down and hand him the title. He attacks one, beating him down and stealing the title for himself (even though it's now his). He holds it in the air as some of the credits play before the show goes off air.*