Those that can't wrestle... DRIVE (GUNS aim at CAR on REIGN)
Sept 22, 2022 16:21:39 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Dave D-Flipz, and 1 more like this
Post by terras on Sept 22, 2022 16:21:39 GMT -5
The Wombat House.
Ms. Wombat is doing laundry for her four children, when Los Authentico Wombat walks into the living room.
L.A. Wombat: Hon, I’ve been thinking about what you said... and I think we should go on a cruise.
Ms. Wombat: We can’t affor-
L.A. Wombat: I’ll make it work. Just us – not the kids. I know you get hot about me working literally every legal holiday, because Magnus is obsessed with only running shows on them... so if he steals Christmas, Easter, Birthdays, and National Donut days... we might as well make our OWN holiday.
Ms. Wombat: Oh Carl-
Normally considering her husband to have the emotional IQ of a brick, Ms. Wombat can’t help but melt at this suggestion, kissing her worst half.
L.A. Wombat: Start shopping for a new swimming suit babe, I’ll make the arrangements-
It’s just at that moment when Wombat Jr. turns on the television...
Zoran Sainovic (on TV): ...Defending us against zese Grease Monkeys are ze great GUNS trio of Unboxed Ken, Redmond Fury, and Los Authentico Wombat!
Ms. Wombat: Wait...
Zoran Sainovic (on TV): GUNS Nation, we'll see you on ze REIGN cruise!
The air is thick with tension, or smoke from where Ms. Wombat left her iron on Junior’s trunks.
Ms. Wombat: So it’s another GOSH DANGED GUNS show?
L.A. Wombat: No honey... it’s a REIGN show...
Ms. Wombat: Still freakin’ WRESTLING, Carl.
L.A. Wombat: And it’s one match, we’ll be there for weeks...
Ms. Wombat: Surrounded by wrestling fans...
That is a hard sell.
Wombat Junior: RUN DAD!
Before the words have even left his son’s lips, L.A. Wombat charges for the door with his raging, extremely put upon wife in hot pursuit. As the two hit the front lawn, the artist formerly known as Ken in the Box pulls up in his car.
Unboxed Ken: How are my favourite couple this fabulous afternoon?
L.A. Wombat: DRIVE!
Wombat dives through the open window! The car drives off, with Ms. Wombat in hot pursuit – catching up to them on foot like that scene from T2.
Unboxed Ken: Man am I excited to defend GUNS honour against those CAR scumbags. I mean, Bones winning the Phoenix championship? That isn’t right. Show me in the rulebook where it says eating the champ counts as a title change? Do you know how many times Thob would have been beat? Can you believe Byrd got eaten by Bones? Probably living it up inside of him. I tell you, some people have all the luck!
Ms. Wombat: Of all the lowdown EMPTY gestures-
L.A. Wombat: Can we speed up?
Looking down at the floor, Los Authentico sees pavement, and realizes that Ken’s wheels are less a car than a boxcar – running on foot power like the Flintstones. Groaning, L.A. throws his feet down, and starts running alongside Ken. Ms. Wombat is within arms reach.
L.A. Wombat: So you have a box?
Unboxed Ken: It’s a real beaut, isn’t it?
L.A. Wombat: So you can live in it – and go back to being Ken in the Box!
Unboxed Ken: I’m not going to live in my car. It’s undignified. No, I’m still on the hunt for a new home. Pretty sure Mongo is going to get my house back from that basic goat on the Season 4 intro.
L.A. Wombat: So you don’t have a real car either?
Unboxed Ken: Please, only people who can’t wrestle, DRIVE. What do you take me for? One of those CAR assholes?
L.A. Wombat: If you’re just going to draw a car on some cardboard, why didn’t you make it an Audi RS E-Tron GT? Why did you make this look like a Saab?
Unboxed Ken: What’s wrong with Saabs? They are very reasonable and reliable… which reminds me, are you two going to need a ride down to the docks when we board the cruise? Linda – I can pick you guys up at-
Ken asks Ms. Wombat just as much as his tag partner, as she has maintained a five-foot distance through this epic foot race. The question fires her up enough, that Ms. Wombat throws her shoe at Ken – taking off his rear-view mirror.
Unboxed Ken: We’re going to have such a great time together; they have a bocce ball tournament. Linda, do you mind if Carl and me play as a team?
In the distance, Redmond Fury is jogging.
L.A. Wombat: RED! SAVE US!
Breaking his pace, the mountain of muscle that is MISTER GUNS charges over, scooping up the fake-car, and both occupants – and hoisting the ludicrous vehicle overhead.
Redmond Fury: What seems to be the problem here fellas? Why hello Linda, you’re looking absolutely radiant today-
While normally distracted by Fury’s chip’n’dale physique, Ms. Wombat is so single minded in her irritation that she throws her other shoe at L.A.
Women’s high heel shoes – the wrestler’s greatest weakness. Outside of HGH. It nearly take Fury's eye out.
Trying to deescalate the situation, Fury runs away – despite holding the others up in the air, he goes much faster. Because OF COURSE he does.
Redmond Fury: I’m putting a little distance so calmer heads can prevail, but you know, if you two are experiencing difficulties, I am a registered therapist who deals with couples counselling.
L.A. Wombat: Thanks Red, but she’s just hot that Magnus forces me to work every holiday.
Redmond Fury: Well good news on that point pal, I got more than half the holidays in the divorce. ...It was a nasty summer.
L.A. Wombat: So we won’t have to work Christmas?
Redmond Fury: That wasn’t a high priority, I couldn’t in good faith take away his ability to celebrate The Lord’s birthday, but I can assure you, you’ll never have to work a National Donut Day again.
Unboxed Ken and L.A. Wombat throw their arms up in the air.
Both: YAY!
L.A. Wombat: RED, ending your marriage just saved mine!
Unboxed Ken: Without its dehumanizing schedule in place, I feel like defending GUNS’ good name even more!
Redmond Fury: That’s the spirit! CAR won’t know what hit them!
Unboxed Ken: Can we go get donuts?
Redmond Fury: Are you kidding? We have calories to burn!
With that the GUNS crew charge off, leaving the camera in the dust. If Ken still had a box to live in, L.A. could sleep on his couch...
Ms. Wombat is doing laundry for her four children, when Los Authentico Wombat walks into the living room.
L.A. Wombat: Hon, I’ve been thinking about what you said... and I think we should go on a cruise.
Ms. Wombat: We can’t affor-
L.A. Wombat: I’ll make it work. Just us – not the kids. I know you get hot about me working literally every legal holiday, because Magnus is obsessed with only running shows on them... so if he steals Christmas, Easter, Birthdays, and National Donut days... we might as well make our OWN holiday.
Ms. Wombat: Oh Carl-
Normally considering her husband to have the emotional IQ of a brick, Ms. Wombat can’t help but melt at this suggestion, kissing her worst half.
L.A. Wombat: Start shopping for a new swimming suit babe, I’ll make the arrangements-
It’s just at that moment when Wombat Jr. turns on the television...
Zoran Sainovic (on TV): ...Defending us against zese Grease Monkeys are ze great GUNS trio of Unboxed Ken, Redmond Fury, and Los Authentico Wombat!
Ms. Wombat: Wait...
Zoran Sainovic (on TV): GUNS Nation, we'll see you on ze REIGN cruise!
The air is thick with tension, or smoke from where Ms. Wombat left her iron on Junior’s trunks.
Ms. Wombat: So it’s another GOSH DANGED GUNS show?
L.A. Wombat: No honey... it’s a REIGN show...
Ms. Wombat: Still freakin’ WRESTLING, Carl.
L.A. Wombat: And it’s one match, we’ll be there for weeks...
Ms. Wombat: Surrounded by wrestling fans...
That is a hard sell.
Wombat Junior: RUN DAD!
Before the words have even left his son’s lips, L.A. Wombat charges for the door with his raging, extremely put upon wife in hot pursuit. As the two hit the front lawn, the artist formerly known as Ken in the Box pulls up in his car.
Unboxed Ken: How are my favourite couple this fabulous afternoon?
L.A. Wombat: DRIVE!
Wombat dives through the open window! The car drives off, with Ms. Wombat in hot pursuit – catching up to them on foot like that scene from T2.
Unboxed Ken: Man am I excited to defend GUNS honour against those CAR scumbags. I mean, Bones winning the Phoenix championship? That isn’t right. Show me in the rulebook where it says eating the champ counts as a title change? Do you know how many times Thob would have been beat? Can you believe Byrd got eaten by Bones? Probably living it up inside of him. I tell you, some people have all the luck!
Ms. Wombat: Of all the lowdown EMPTY gestures-
L.A. Wombat: Can we speed up?
Looking down at the floor, Los Authentico sees pavement, and realizes that Ken’s wheels are less a car than a boxcar – running on foot power like the Flintstones. Groaning, L.A. throws his feet down, and starts running alongside Ken. Ms. Wombat is within arms reach.
L.A. Wombat: So you have a box?
Unboxed Ken: It’s a real beaut, isn’t it?
L.A. Wombat: So you can live in it – and go back to being Ken in the Box!
Unboxed Ken: I’m not going to live in my car. It’s undignified. No, I’m still on the hunt for a new home. Pretty sure Mongo is going to get my house back from that basic goat on the Season 4 intro.
L.A. Wombat: So you don’t have a real car either?
Unboxed Ken: Please, only people who can’t wrestle, DRIVE. What do you take me for? One of those CAR assholes?
L.A. Wombat: If you’re just going to draw a car on some cardboard, why didn’t you make it an Audi RS E-Tron GT? Why did you make this look like a Saab?
Unboxed Ken: What’s wrong with Saabs? They are very reasonable and reliable… which reminds me, are you two going to need a ride down to the docks when we board the cruise? Linda – I can pick you guys up at-
Ken asks Ms. Wombat just as much as his tag partner, as she has maintained a five-foot distance through this epic foot race. The question fires her up enough, that Ms. Wombat throws her shoe at Ken – taking off his rear-view mirror.
Unboxed Ken: We’re going to have such a great time together; they have a bocce ball tournament. Linda, do you mind if Carl and me play as a team?
In the distance, Redmond Fury is jogging.
L.A. Wombat: RED! SAVE US!
Breaking his pace, the mountain of muscle that is MISTER GUNS charges over, scooping up the fake-car, and both occupants – and hoisting the ludicrous vehicle overhead.
Redmond Fury: What seems to be the problem here fellas? Why hello Linda, you’re looking absolutely radiant today-
While normally distracted by Fury’s chip’n’dale physique, Ms. Wombat is so single minded in her irritation that she throws her other shoe at L.A.
Women’s high heel shoes – the wrestler’s greatest weakness. Outside of HGH. It nearly take Fury's eye out.
Trying to deescalate the situation, Fury runs away – despite holding the others up in the air, he goes much faster. Because OF COURSE he does.
Redmond Fury: I’m putting a little distance so calmer heads can prevail, but you know, if you two are experiencing difficulties, I am a registered therapist who deals with couples counselling.
L.A. Wombat: Thanks Red, but she’s just hot that Magnus forces me to work every holiday.
Redmond Fury: Well good news on that point pal, I got more than half the holidays in the divorce. ...It was a nasty summer.
L.A. Wombat: So we won’t have to work Christmas?
Redmond Fury: That wasn’t a high priority, I couldn’t in good faith take away his ability to celebrate The Lord’s birthday, but I can assure you, you’ll never have to work a National Donut Day again.
Unboxed Ken and L.A. Wombat throw their arms up in the air.
Both: YAY!
L.A. Wombat: RED, ending your marriage just saved mine!
Unboxed Ken: Without its dehumanizing schedule in place, I feel like defending GUNS’ good name even more!
Redmond Fury: That’s the spirit! CAR won’t know what hit them!
Unboxed Ken: Can we go get donuts?
Redmond Fury: Are you kidding? We have calories to burn!
With that the GUNS crew charge off, leaving the camera in the dust. If Ken still had a box to live in, L.A. could sleep on his couch...