September 2022 - Sippy Cup Qualifier
Sept 25, 2022 17:04:47 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Dave D-Flipz, and 2 more like this
Post by h2f on Sept 25, 2022 17:04:47 GMT -5
SEPTEMBER 2022 RACE
The idyllic mountains of North Carolina are known for their fall colors and the trees have just started to lose their leaves. As the leaves fall, we are reminded of the cyclical nature of life and racing. Rather than starting at the CAR racetrack, racers are out in the great mountainous wilderness. The air is finally cool, and the clouds are heavy as a hurricane passes by.
Grandma Mary: WELCOME, one and all, to this fabulous fall festivity! We are gathered here today to recognize-
Uncle: a race. It aint a marriage. Look! Here comes our first crew.
The iconic Tiger Beetle meanders up to the starting line with style and a screaming passenger that is endearing.
Grandma Mary: Punch Buggy No Punch Back has encountered a number of setbacks in recent months.
Uncle: Meaning they’ve never won a single race but, hey, they could maybe win this one.
Grandma Mary: I look forward to seeing their contribution in the upcoming End of Days - week 1! I’ve got money riding on their success.
Uncle: I hope it isn’t more than five dollars. Here comes our next crew.
The Dominicrusier falls into line with the only other vehicle making a very small line that really isn’t a line at all.
Grandma Mary: I am delighted to see his lordship, as always, and look forward to their response.
Uncle: To what? Have they sent you a clandestine communication or something?
Grandma Mary: And here comes our newest crew. Reedy Creek! They have had a strong start to their racing career.
Uncle: But can they continue to pull it off?
Lighting McQueen joins the other two vehicles at the starting line.
Grandma Mary: It’s great to see all the crews working together and develop into their own. Speaking of peaceful cooperation, it’s the Angry Mad Chemists.
A haggard looking Billy guides the Chemistruckinator onto the starting line.
Uncle: That man looks like he’s been in a drunken brawl that lasted all night.
Grandma Mary: It’s not nice to point out when someone isn’t looking their best. However I agree they aren’t looking as happy as our next crew, Esoteric Order of Driving.
The air around the Car That Should Not Be seems to emit a happy, if still ominous, vibe.
Uncle: I heard the driver’s son was away at boarding school and recently came home for Fall Break. I’m glad they are able to spend time together.
Grandma Mary: Yes, spending time with family is something mothers cherish. Speaking of, here comes Mother. The Car.
The sleek red car suddenly swerves to splash a giant puddle onto the other assembled crews and comes to a stop at the starting line.
Uncle: That wasn’t very mature. Someone should tell Norman’s mom.
Grandma Mary: No time! We are about to start this race!
Caribeaning down the starting line watchtower is Blond Forest. He gets within six feet of the ground and then stops. He hangs there for a moment
Uncle: Is…is he out of line? Didn’t you measure-
Blond Forest falls the last six feet with a roll. He stands and dusts himself off before waving at the crowd.
Grandma Mary: He’s ok! And we are ready to-
BOOM! The sound of the cannon starts the race.
Uncle: And they’re off! Reedy Creek in the lead but Bad to the Bones isn’t letting that grow.
Grandma Mary: Tiger Beetle is actually in the top three and EOD is on their tailpipe. With Mother and AMC bringing up the rear.
Uncle: It’s anyone’s race and the pack of vehicles heads towards the first obstacle, the River Bank Jumps.
Grandma Mary: Yes! Look at them tear into that river bank.
The vehicles are immediately engulfed in a cloud of dust as the tires churn up the loose soil of the river bank. They begin to travel up hill in the empty river bank.
Uncle: As the kids say: Much dirt, such yeet.
Grandma Mary: Now we’ve set a few falling pit traps up in this-
Dirt under the back tire of the Punch Buggy gives way. EOD is unable to swerve but is only in the hole for a moment before flying out.
Uncle: Well, you almost caught one. Looks like Lord Dominicus has swerved around the next one.
Grandma Mary: Yes! Caught Mother.
Uncle: No, they are driving right there.
Grandma Mary: Odd. I thought for sure they fell in.
The vehicles whip out of the river bank and onto a road, still going uphill.
Uncle: It’s EOD in the lead followed by Reedy Creek as they head towards the mountain jump. Lord Dominicus is followed closely by Mother, Tiger Beetle and AMC
Grandma Mary: EOD is really flying through this course. Here comes the jump.
Just before the vehicles start jumping over Mt. Hold-Ma-Beer, cannons hidden within the mountain begin firing a flurry of fall colored leaves. The cannon fires a total of ten times as the vehicles pass over the jump.
Grandma Mary: I would like to take a moment to remember those we have lost this year. We will continue to move forward with the heaviness in our heart.
Uncle: It looks like the Chemists engaged their engines as they were about to jump. Look at the air they’re getting.
Grandma Mary: Way to ruin the moment.
Uncle: They’ve landed hard and will need to double back onto the track. That’ll cost them time.
Grandma Mary: Do you even care?
Uncle: EOD is holding the lead but Mother is gaining on them. Reedy Creek and Bad to the Bone are on their tail pipe.
Grandma Mary: Wait, where is Tiger Beetle?
Uncle: At the end. Well currently before the Chemists but they are back on the course and catching up fast.
Grandma Mary: The crews are accelerating down hill towards the finish line. Lighting McQueen is really showing their arrow dynamics.
Uncle: I thought it was aerodynamics?
Grandma Mary: Naw. They look like a loose arrow going down that track. They are now even with EOD. Mother is even with the Dominicrusier riding their tailpipe.
Uncle: The Chemists have passed Tiger Beetle as they catch up to the rest of the vehicles. EOD has picked up the Dominicrusier. Here comes the finish line.
A sudden squall breeze blows through the valley. A veil of rain descends on the finish line just as the crews pass it.
Grandma Mary: WHAT!! We finally have a doof floof free race and we get a rainstorm.
Thunder shakes the announcement booth and the rain pelts down.
Uncle: You set up the cameras, didn’t you?
Grandma Mary: Where did this band of weather even come from?
Uncle: It’s hurricane season. Ah, here’s the photo finish.
The two look at the photo showing Reedy Creek and EOD neck and neck while EOD holds the Dominicruiser above their roof.
Grandma Mary: So is the Dominicrusier in front of or behind these two?
Uncle: Look at this bumper line here. It’s every so slightly ahead.
Grandma Mary: Right. In third place, EOD. In second place, Bad to the Bone. and the winner of this month’s race is Reedy Creek.
Uncle: The votes for this month’s fan belt are in. With twice the number of votes as everyone else-
Grandma Mary: The Angry Mad Chemists win the Fan Belt. A whole fan belt just for them. Now, for an eye to next month. As you know, we will be in charge of End of Days, week three. FIRE. so we are going to be firing one crew member of each sign up team!