Post by Old Line Jeff on Oct 2, 2022 22:59:04 GMT -5
Katie Moss hadn’t really had a bad time while she was in Mississippi on assignment. Carlton Gluck had actually been a decent conversation, once she started understanding him through his thick southern accent, and the Glucks had been hospitable at that. But she wasn’t exactly thrilled when she got the orders from Mr. Blood.
“Go back to Mississippi and hang out with the Glucks again. Try to get something out of the crazy one. He just - if he’s going to say something stupid and racist and I’ll have to fire him, I’d rather get it over with.”
Well, whatever. Katie would be ready for Mississippi this time.
With a change of clothes in a little bag, she landed at the New Orleans airport, and immediately changed out of her dress and slacks into capris and a t-shirt. Instead of looking for a fancy hairstyle she just pinned it all up on top of her head, partly so that she’d get what little breeze Mississippi had to offer on the back of her neck. And while she was doing this, her phone went off.
It was a text from Carlton Gluck. She hadn’t even known he had her number. It read.
‘Dount wourry about a rental car. Will come get you in the Gluck Truck.’
Not entirely okay with this, Katie started to wonder what a Gluck Truck might look like. Then she realized that she probably already knew.
Yep, she knew. A shining white monstrosity with an American Flag and a Confederate Battle Flag both streaming from the back, exhaust pipes belching fuel right behind the back window instead of behind the truck, gigantic tires, hell, it even had a vanity licenseplate that said ‘GLUKTRUK’.
The passenger side door opened, and a little aluminum step unfolded.
Katie climbed in.
“WHASSUP KAYDIE YOU WANNA GO MUDDIN?!”
“CHAPPSSHUTTHEFUCKUP! Miss Maws is a proper lady, she ain’t got no call for no got damn muddin! Fuckswrongwitchu boy?! Miss Maws Ah ‘pologize for mah brother’s indiscretions.”
“Aw c’mon Carlton, Ah didn’t mean no harm, Ah jes thought she’d think it’s fun.”
“Chapps, Ah may not know much ‘bout no city women, but I know this. If they wanted to go muddin’, they’d move to th’ country. An if they don’t already live in th’ country, you cn ass-sume they ain’t got no country interests, an they ain’t into our country ways. An it still ain’t no call to be diserspectful. Miss Maws, do you know why Mr. Blood keeps sendin’ you out into the country when you ain’t got no love for the dirty life?”
“Honestly, Mr. Gluck, you Mississipians are fairly exotic to Londoners. Mr. Blood just feels like giving the W:UK fans a look at your actual life is part of an authentic presentation to make you more interesting to the fans.”
Katie even wondered for a second why she was that open with Carlton, and worried that it might make him mad for some reason.
“Yeah, we git a lot of that. An’ not jes from Londoners. Hell Miss Maws, even people from Jackson think they’re better’n the rest of Mississippi, and that ain’t nothin’ compared to them fancy folk from New Orleans. Out here tho, we don’t git a whole lotta cityfolk. An’ the ones we do, usually they lost lookin’ for New Orleans an’ jes glad beyond glad to ask directions and not have someone go The Hills Have Eyes on ‘em.”
Carlton rumbled a deep sigh.
“We ain’t like that. Hell, even your average Sundown Towner will at least tell ya where’s the nearest safe motel.”
“Although, on gen’ral principles mind yah, Ah’d lak to go Hills Have Eyes on them dipshits who called us Wyatt ripoffs. Is the Wyatts even canon in these parts?”
Katie turned around and looked at Chapps in the back seat with a raised eyebrow.
“Chapps, leave it th’fuck alone. Them Fairataxes is old news. Now it’s all ‘bout Gavin Drake an… some guy. Ah reckon Daeriq’s got the notes. Miss Maws, Ah’d lak to say anyone that’s against the Bastards is fine by us, but Ah don’t know about goin’ that far when someone’s lookin’ past us, bein’ disrespectful…”
“Think they’re better’n us…”
“An jus… yeah. Miss Maws, you do know that me an Chapps is BOTH college edge-you-cated, right?”
“In fact, we can even turn the accent off in a pinch.”
Katie almost spun in her seat. She hadn’t expected to hear clearly spoken English from either Gluck, let alone Chapps.
“It’s jes, why would we? Ah don’t think Ah’m better’n mah fellow Mississippian, so why’m Ah gonna talk like I’m fit to beat Jesus? Lakwise, you think Ah’m gonna show the respect for some niggardly yankee who thinks he’s better’n me by talkin purdy for ‘im?”
(Not really obvious in print - the way Chapps drew out the first syllable in ‘niggardly’ just long enough to make the editors sweat that he was going to say, well, something else.)
“Ain’t nothin’ purdy about us Miss Maws. But you know what? Ain’t too much purdy ‘bout this world. Th’ Magnolia Lady has her problems an’ flaws, but Ah’d choose her over anywhere in the got damn north. Now there ain’t no south without a north, but the South runs through our veins, and we make do with the North when we got to. An Ah reckon that’s about where we are right now, isn’t that rait, brother?”
Carlton nodded slowly, a peculiar thousand yard stare on his face.
“Rait indeed, Chapps. Jes like what we got this week in th’ ring with them northern boys. We’ll make do with ‘em.”
And with that, Carlton finally stepped on the gas, and the monstrosity of a truck fired a cloud of black smoke and took off with a rumble.
“Go back to Mississippi and hang out with the Glucks again. Try to get something out of the crazy one. He just - if he’s going to say something stupid and racist and I’ll have to fire him, I’d rather get it over with.”
Well, whatever. Katie would be ready for Mississippi this time.
With a change of clothes in a little bag, she landed at the New Orleans airport, and immediately changed out of her dress and slacks into capris and a t-shirt. Instead of looking for a fancy hairstyle she just pinned it all up on top of her head, partly so that she’d get what little breeze Mississippi had to offer on the back of her neck. And while she was doing this, her phone went off.
It was a text from Carlton Gluck. She hadn’t even known he had her number. It read.
‘Dount wourry about a rental car. Will come get you in the Gluck Truck.’
Not entirely okay with this, Katie started to wonder what a Gluck Truck might look like. Then she realized that she probably already knew.
Yep, she knew. A shining white monstrosity with an American Flag and a Confederate Battle Flag both streaming from the back, exhaust pipes belching fuel right behind the back window instead of behind the truck, gigantic tires, hell, it even had a vanity licenseplate that said ‘GLUKTRUK’.
The passenger side door opened, and a little aluminum step unfolded.
Katie climbed in.
“WHASSUP KAYDIE YOU WANNA GO MUDDIN?!”
“CHAPPSSHUTTHEFUCKUP! Miss Maws is a proper lady, she ain’t got no call for no got damn muddin! Fuckswrongwitchu boy?! Miss Maws Ah ‘pologize for mah brother’s indiscretions.”
“Aw c’mon Carlton, Ah didn’t mean no harm, Ah jes thought she’d think it’s fun.”
“Chapps, Ah may not know much ‘bout no city women, but I know this. If they wanted to go muddin’, they’d move to th’ country. An if they don’t already live in th’ country, you cn ass-sume they ain’t got no country interests, an they ain’t into our country ways. An it still ain’t no call to be diserspectful. Miss Maws, do you know why Mr. Blood keeps sendin’ you out into the country when you ain’t got no love for the dirty life?”
“Honestly, Mr. Gluck, you Mississipians are fairly exotic to Londoners. Mr. Blood just feels like giving the W:UK fans a look at your actual life is part of an authentic presentation to make you more interesting to the fans.”
Katie even wondered for a second why she was that open with Carlton, and worried that it might make him mad for some reason.
“Yeah, we git a lot of that. An’ not jes from Londoners. Hell Miss Maws, even people from Jackson think they’re better’n the rest of Mississippi, and that ain’t nothin’ compared to them fancy folk from New Orleans. Out here tho, we don’t git a whole lotta cityfolk. An’ the ones we do, usually they lost lookin’ for New Orleans an’ jes glad beyond glad to ask directions and not have someone go The Hills Have Eyes on ‘em.”
Carlton rumbled a deep sigh.
“We ain’t like that. Hell, even your average Sundown Towner will at least tell ya where’s the nearest safe motel.”
“Although, on gen’ral principles mind yah, Ah’d lak to go Hills Have Eyes on them dipshits who called us Wyatt ripoffs. Is the Wyatts even canon in these parts?”
Katie turned around and looked at Chapps in the back seat with a raised eyebrow.
“Chapps, leave it th’fuck alone. Them Fairataxes is old news. Now it’s all ‘bout Gavin Drake an… some guy. Ah reckon Daeriq’s got the notes. Miss Maws, Ah’d lak to say anyone that’s against the Bastards is fine by us, but Ah don’t know about goin’ that far when someone’s lookin’ past us, bein’ disrespectful…”
“Think they’re better’n us…”
“An jus… yeah. Miss Maws, you do know that me an Chapps is BOTH college edge-you-cated, right?”
“In fact, we can even turn the accent off in a pinch.”
Katie almost spun in her seat. She hadn’t expected to hear clearly spoken English from either Gluck, let alone Chapps.
“It’s jes, why would we? Ah don’t think Ah’m better’n mah fellow Mississippian, so why’m Ah gonna talk like I’m fit to beat Jesus? Lakwise, you think Ah’m gonna show the respect for some niggardly yankee who thinks he’s better’n me by talkin purdy for ‘im?”
(Not really obvious in print - the way Chapps drew out the first syllable in ‘niggardly’ just long enough to make the editors sweat that he was going to say, well, something else.)
“Ain’t nothin’ purdy about us Miss Maws. But you know what? Ain’t too much purdy ‘bout this world. Th’ Magnolia Lady has her problems an’ flaws, but Ah’d choose her over anywhere in the got damn north. Now there ain’t no south without a north, but the South runs through our veins, and we make do with the North when we got to. An Ah reckon that’s about where we are right now, isn’t that rait, brother?”
Carlton nodded slowly, a peculiar thousand yard stare on his face.
“Rait indeed, Chapps. Jes like what we got this week in th’ ring with them northern boys. We’ll make do with ‘em.”
And with that, Carlton finally stepped on the gas, and the monstrosity of a truck fired a cloud of black smoke and took off with a rumble.