.::The XHF Network Presents: End of Days Week 2!::.
Oct 9, 2022 20:10:24 GMT -5
Steve Awesome, Dave D-Flipz, and 4 more like this
Post by Mongo the Destroyer on Oct 9, 2022 20:10:24 GMT -5
The XHF Network Proudly Presents...
END OF DAYS WEEK 2: FORCES OF NATURE - AIR!
Date: October 9, 2021
Ball Arena, Denver, Colorado
Attendance: 20,000
Theme Song: Tornado by Adema
As "Tornado" by Adema plays the camera pans around the Ball Arena in Denver, Colorado. Soon we're greeted by the voices of the XHF Network commentary crew.
Hawke: Hello everyone and welcome to Night Two of End of Days!
Randy: And what a night we've got for you today!
Hawke: That's right. Tonight we see the second round matches from the singles tournament including at least a few rivals meeting up again.
Randy: And a girl in a bear suit taking on Hyperion.
Hawke: ...Yes, that too. But before we get into the singles tournament we're going to be beginning the second half of the Tag Team Annihilator bracket!
Randy: This week we watch as two of the Pillars of Violence take on the Von Krauss' most trusted servants AND! AND! We get to watch two of the most straight-edge superstars you'll know take on two of the least straight-edge stars in the Network!
Hawke: You could almost call them mirror universe versions of each other.
Randy: I'm pretty sure that came out during promos as well.
Hawke: Anyway, let's take a look at the standings in the tag division before Bonnie starts the match!
Bonnie Jenkins: The following contest is a Wind Tunnel match and is scheduled for one fall! Featuring first, Spike Kane and PRICE…they are Chaos Theory!
"CHAOS! CHAOS! CHAOS! CHAOS!
CHAOS! CHAOS! CHAOS! CHAOS!”
CHAOS! CHAOS! CHAOS! CHAOS!”
Strobe lights begin to flash wildly as Spike Kane and PRICE step through the smoke.
“Bombs dropping on the runway, the oceans overflow
I know for certain, one day I'll see you down below
I'll find some solace someday, and you'll reap what you sow
I'll see you Bloody Sunday (so you can break my soul)”
I know for certain, one day I'll see you down below
I'll find some solace someday, and you'll reap what you sow
I'll see you Bloody Sunday (so you can break my soul)”
The two men begin to slowly make their way down the ramp, taking in the pop from the crowd and their opponents in the ring.
“No one can save you, no one can save you
The chaos awaits you!”
The chaos awaits you!”
When they reach the ring they split up and each pick a side, before climbing up onto the ring apron and up onto the turnbuckle.
“I can't see tomorrow 'cause I might die today
I sing this sorrow with a smile on my face
Oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
I can't see tomorrow, are we dead or alive?
When the blind lead the blind in the”
I sing this sorrow with a smile on my face
Oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
I can't see tomorrow, are we dead or alive?
When the blind lead the blind in the”
The lights begin to flash wildly again as both men climb down off the turnbuckle and meet in the middle crossing their arms into an X across their chests and bumping fists together as they do.
“CHAOS! CHAOS! CHAOS! CHAOS!
The blind lead the blind in the-
CHAOS! CHAOS! CHAOS! CHAOS!
CHAOS! CHAOS! CHAOS! CHAOS!”
The blind lead the blind in the-
CHAOS! CHAOS! CHAOS! CHAOS!
CHAOS! CHAOS! CHAOS! CHAOS!”
The music fades as the lights return to normal
Hawke: You know, I’m not sure that many teams could stand up against this violent duo. They would have to be made of stern stuff.
Randy: I would argue that the twins are made of sterner stuff. I mean stuff straight out of your worst nightmares, but sterner stuff.
Bonnie Jenkins: And their opponents, Hehehe and Hahaha…they are the Twins!
“Sweet Dreams” by the Aviators begins playing as the foul twins walk out from the back to the booing crowd. They play a quick round of patty-cake while doing a ghastly giggle before walking down to the ring.
Hawke: The Twins give me the creeps. I can’t believe that they admitted to giving each other orgasms.
Randy: I don’t think they really understand what that word means.
Hawke: You think that they are that stupid?
Randy: Yes.
Hawke: So, there’s no ring ropes and going near the edge of the ring might involve flight. As in, straight up as all of the participants in tonight’s match have flight suits.
Randy: No ropes and flying at the ring apron. Everyone fighting everyone with no tags?
Hawke: Sadly, yes.
Randy: Chaos. It suits Spike and PRICE.
As the bell sounds to start the match, everyone in the ring start going at it. PRICE and Hehehe exchange punches while Spike and Hahaha do the same. All in the middle of the ring. Hehehe belts PRICE with a pair of brass knuckles that say PIE on them, sending a spray of blood and spittle from PRICE’s mouth as his head turns. Hahaha attempts to do the same with Spike, but his brass knuckled fist is caught and turned before being pulled into a short arm clothesline to send him to the mat. Hehehe hits PRICE in the midsection with the brass knuckles before reaching as if to bodyslam him. PRICE comes back with an elbow to the side of the head to stun Hehehe before hitting a couple of European uppercuts. When those don’t seem to work so well he goes with elbow strikes to the face, busting Hehehe’s nose in a spectacular fashion as he goes down to his back. Hahaha gets up, but is caught by Spike who clutches both of his shoulders and begins headbutting him in the face over and over, causing his nose to burst as well before releasing him and letting him fall back to the mat.
Hawke: Spike and PRICE showing why they are a couple of the most violent guys in the game.
Randy: The Twins are not slouches so it really shows how strong their opponents are.
PRICE pulls Hehehe up, but Hehehe drops to his knees. PRICE goes to pull him back up, but Hehehe goes for the low blow. You can almost hear the DING before PRICE crumples to the mat. He tries to get back up, but Hehehe hits a series of double axe handles to keep him down on the mat. Spike also begins to pull Hahaha up, but the clown grabs him by the legs and pulls his face in-
Hawke: OH MY GOD! He just bit Spike in the junk!
Randy: I’ve been there. I mean, I feel for the guy.
Spike’s jaw hangs open in pain, but no sound comes out. He begins to pound on Hahaha’s back and head to try to get him to release his junk. He smashes the clown with an ear pop that gets him to release Spike’s junk. Spike takes a few steps back, his face pale as trickles of blood can be seen running down his legs. Hahaha lunges at Spike like he was going for a spear and picks the man up and runs for the corner to slam into the ring post. Hahaha shoves Spike off of the ring mat and into the wind tunnel with a nasty giggle. Hehehe kicks PRICE to get him rolled over to his stomach, walks over to by his head, jumps up into the air, and plops into a sitting position on the back of PRICE’s head!
Hawke: What the heck kind of move is that?
Randy: A devastating one.
Spike flies up into the air and just sort of hangs there high in the sky. Hahaha waves at him and turns away in order to go help his brother. Spike gains control of himself and comes back to the inside of the ring where he falls into drop kick to the back of Hahaha’s neck that sends him crashing into Hehehe and sends them both out of the ring where they both begin to fly up into the air. Spike walks over and sees the pool of blood by PRICE’s face. He helps the man get up. PRICE looks around for his opponents and Spike points up into the air where the twins are trying to get control of themselves to be able to get back into the ring. Hehehe is the first to fall, but he falls headfirst toward the mat. Spike catches him upside down and completes the motion of the Spike Impaler. PRICE drop kicks the falling Hahaha to send him back outside of the ring where he goes up into the air again. Spike goes for the pinfall.
One
Two
Three
Bonnie Jenkins: Winner of the match and going on to the next round of the tag team tournament…Chaos Theory!
Hawke: Spike and PRICE made short work of the Twins.
Randy: Is that a short joke? Since the twins are short?
Hawke: I assure you that I did not mean it that way.
Randy: Alright. Just don’t get short with me about it.
Hawke: Oh booo.
Randy: I know. I’m punny.
Hawke: Folks, it is time for our first quarter-final match at the End of Days tournament! Last week we saw Fox and Zoran survive various stabbing attempts, Dylan and Donzig escape the sandbags of life, Jack and Kira battle back against the formidable Rat Bastard, and Hyperion survive with a bear!
Randy: Brittney Beahr to be precise!
Hawke: Only one person from each of those pairings will survive to the semi-finals! It'll be Dylan or Donzig against Kira or Jack, and Hyperion or Brittney against Zoran or Fox!
Randy: And now let's turn our attention to the Xtreme-Tron to see the current singles standings!
Bonnie Jenkins: The following contest is scheduled for ONE FALL!
Crowd: ONE FALL!
Bonnie Jenkins: And is a High Ground match where the winner will advance to the semi-finals of the End of Days tournament!
Fanfare. You know the drill.
Bonnie Jenkins: Introducing first, from Shinhidaka, Hokkaido, Japan. He stands at SIX FEET TALL and weighs in at TWO HUNDRED POUNDS! The Original "Mr. Deathmatch" KIIIIIRAAAAAAAAAAAAAA IIIIIIIIIIZUUUUUUUUUUUUUMIIIIII!
“Oboro” By Dir En Grey plays and a man in a leather jacket and Oni masks storms down to the ring. Kira rolls into the ring and rips the Oni mask off, snarling at the camera.
Hawke: Some would say his moving on to the second round is a huge upset! Kira pinned Eadie to secure his spot in this match, and boy if we thought that first round was a doozy he's only got an uphill battle now.
Randy: Yeah, but that man is the owner of the longest-living fed in the XHF Network! My paycheck is definitely not on the line if I don't support his endeavors!
Hawke: Blink twice if you're being held hostage on your contract, friend.
Randy slowly blinks... he's kinda drunk right now.
Bonnie Jenkins: And his opponent, from Las Vegas, Nevada! He stands at FIVE FEET ELEVEN INCHES TALL and weighs in at ONE HUNDRED AND NINETY-FIVE POUNDS! The Ace of Spades! JAAAAAAAAAAAAACK! DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAMOOOOOOOOOOOOND!
The house lights go out as the crowd begins to buzz.
Top, to the top, ain't never gonna stop
To the top, to the top, ain't never gonna stop
To the top, to the top, ain't never gonna stop
Pyro explodes as the chorus of "Legendary" by Skillet begins to play and the crowd erupts into cheers and chants begin to break out of "Icons" and "Diamond Club". Jack Diamond emerges on the stage with a huge grin on his face, nodding his head to the beat of the music. He adjusts his leather jacket, stopping a second as he moved his arm just the wrong way, and soaks in the moment. He mouths the word "Legendary" and begins to make his way to the ring acknowledging the fans as only Jack Diamond can do. As he gets to the ring, he climbs the stairs and walks the apron over to the far turnbuckle. He ascends the outside of the corner and plays to the crowd as more pyro goes off.
"Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, legendary"
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, legendary"
Jack jumps down into the ring and heads to the center before throwing up the Diamond sign to loud cheers. He removes his leather jacket, handing it to the timekeeper before heading to his corner and stretching and preparing for the match.
Randy: And here we have one of the biggest names in XHF today! Jack Diamond baby!
Hawke: Jack looks to become the first-ever three-time XHF X*Crown Champion, and after he outlasted Rat Bastard and Eadie he'll have his hands full will professional violent man Kira!
Randy: He doesn't have his hands full with just that. Last week on TAPOUT, Poena absolutely maimed Jack's arm. I think that's gonna be a bit of a target in this match!
Hawke: Any smart wrestler would be able to see that and make use of it.
DING DING! DING DING!
The referee calls for the bell and Kira and Jack are already cautious due to the perplexing scenario they're in. Wrestling on a hill? That's a ludicrous Mongo idea. Kira rushes Jack and jumps from a bit higher up on the hill, clobbering him from up high! They tumble down the hill, Jack rolling under the ropes and technically being outside the ring. The ref gets right on counting out Jack, who pulls himself to his feet. He springboards on the ropes and crashes on Kira with a clothesline! Rolling over and holding his arm. He begins to beat down Kira, raining down punches with one arm on Mr. Deathmatch. Kira eats all this punishment and grins, begging Jack for more.
Kira: IS THAT ALL YA GOT?
Jack lands a solid punch on Kira's nose, breaking it! Blood sprays out all over and Kira holds it in pain, too busy trying to reset his nose he doesn't block the soccer kick to his gut! Kira is the one retreating now but Jack is on the prowl, he gets Kira to his feet and whips him to a corner! But it's a corner that's down a hill so Kira tumbles down, sitting in the corner upside down. Jack nails a cannonball at Kira and the owner of J-ROK slumps over on the ground. Jack drags him out of the corner, ready for some high-flying move. BUT SUDDENLY TEAR AWAY BY DROWNING POOL PLAYS AND THE LEGEND HIMSELF, RAT FUCKING BASTARD STROLLS OUT FROM THE RAMP!
Hawke: Oh boy! Here comes trouble!
Randy: This is about to get very bad very quickly for Jack!
Rat Bastard walks down the ramp, smiling and waving at Jack who hops off the turnbuckle and stares him down. If looks could kill the ol' Ratty McDaddy might finally keel over. But Jack is so focused on Rat he doesn't notice Kira COMES UP FROM BEHIND AND ROLLS HIM UP! ONE, TWO, THR-KICK OUT! SO CLOSE! Rat laughs and makes his way to the commentary booth, the legend pulling up a seat and grabbing a headset.
Hawke: Ope, the legendary Rat Bastard is joining us for commentary.
Randy: RAT MY MAIN MAN! HOW IN THE HELL ARE YA?
Rat and Randy do a secret drunk handshake and laugh.
Rat: Raaaanndy, I've never been better. Front row seat to a Jack Diamond match! Who wouldn't ask for that?
Back in the ring, Kira has Jack in a headlock and Jack pushes him against the ropes, he gets whipped across the ring and tries to run up the hill for a big move on Jack but Jack catches him and plants him firmly on the soil with a spinebuster! Kira screams in agony and Jack dusts his hands off before staring at Rat and flipping him the bird! He rolls onto Kira locking in a grapevine ankle lock to try to keep Kira on the ground, staring right at Rat and telling him this could have been him!
Hawke: Rat certainly serves as a distraction to Jack Diamond right now, who needs to remain focused on his match if he wishes to advance to the semi-finals next week!
Rat: Oh Hawke, you know damn well Jack is too hopped up on drugs to be winning anything!
Randy: Yeah Hawke! We all know Kira is going to need this win more than anyone else! Imagine wrestling in his home country, on a show presented by his fed, backed by the entirety of the crowd! That's all he wants!
Rat: And that's all he'll get! If Jack knows what's good for him he'll tap out now.
Hawke: But Kira's the one in the submission?
Kira rolls over and boots Jack in the face, before hitting the ropes for a splash on the Icon. The splash transitions into an arm bar, locked onto the same arm that Poena murked nights earlier! Jack screams in pain before rolling to pin Kira! Kira drives a few fists into Jack's head to break the pin before kipping up and booting him across the face! He points at Rat and pumps his fists, acknowledging one of his opponents from last week. He turns to Jack and lifts him up, BASTARD BOMB! STRAIGHT OUT OF THE BOOK OF BASTARD! Rat is absolutely eccentric as Kira rolls Jack up, get the one, two, KICK OUT! Rat groans.
Rat: He's just not used to my moves. Keep it up, Kira!
Kira begins to choke out Jack after that failed powerbomb attempt but Jack drives a thumb into his eye! Kira stumbles back and Jack rushes forwards for a STACKED DECK! Kira gets dropped on the mat and this gives Jack plenty of time to step out of the makeshift ring and make a beeline right for Rat, who giggles like a schoolgirl, and POW! EATS A SLAP FROM HIS NEMESIS! Rat holds his cheek as Jack runs back to the ring, leaping onto the top rope for a splash on Kira! But Kira rolls out of the way, and Jack eats shit on the ground!
Rat: I'd love to kick that offspring of yours right in the dick! We all know that's Bobby's kid anyways!
Kira picks Jack up and nails him with the Kira Driver '91! Folding Jack's neck like an accordion! Kira rolls Jack over but Jack keeps rolling down the hill, Kira's fighting a tag match with Rat against Jack and gravity at this point! Jack hits the edge of the ring and grabs the ropes, using them to stand up. Kira walks over and BAM! Shoulder to the gut courtesy of Jack who steps through the ropes and DDT! Jack holds his arm and grimaces in pain. Kira is bleeding all over this beautiful lawn, whoever's lawn this is they're getting paid big for the stains Kira's put on it. Jack moves over to Kira to do something but Kira drives his elbow into Jack's head and some blood trickles from the side of Jack's head! This area's a biohazard now but they're determined to finish this!
Hawke: I suppose we shouldn't have expected anything less from the guy who runs J-ROK.
Randy: Blood is the name of the game there!
Rat: As long as it's Jack's blood I'm all for it!
Kira pushes Jack into a corner and starts bashing his head from the second rope! One, two, three, four, five, six, Jack stops a punch! He pushes Kira off the middle rope and dropkicks Kira to the floor. Kira rolls to the opposite corner and Jack tries another cannonball, but Kira rolls out of the way! Jack lands spine and shoulder first on a turnbuckle Kira exposed while in wait moments ago! He screams and Rat laughs on the outside. Kira stands over him dragging a thumb over his throat, signaling the end! He picks Jack up off his feet and stuffs him down under, before he lifts him up and PLANTS HIM WITH ANOTHER BASTARD BOMB! THAT HAS TO BE IT! ONE, TWO- JACK NOT ONLY KICKS OUT, BUT HE ALSO PUSHES KIRA OVER AND IS PINNING HIM NOW! ONE, TWO, THREE! HE GOT IT!
Bonnie Jenkins: The winner of this match, Jack Diamond!
Rat: Oh not on my watch!
Jack barely gets to begin celebrating when Rat storms the ring, eager to spoil the victory! But Jack had him scouted a mile away, he ducks under a wild clothesline and dropkicks Rat over the ropes and down the hill! Rat tumbles down far while Jack celebrates his advancement to the semi-finals in the ring.
Bonnie Jenkins: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and is an Air Cannon match! First, the challenger…hailing from Hokkaido Prefecture, Hokkaido, Japan…he is Dylan Black!
The heavy strums of a guitar play as the lights dim and swirl around the arena.
"You say I need psychotherapy
Now you're making me mad
I say you quit trying to fix me
Or this is gonna get bad"
Now you're making me mad
I say you quit trying to fix me
Or this is gonna get bad"
All the spotlights convene on the stage where a figure rises from the stage. He slowly spins with his arm outstretched, the hand just slightly crackling with electricity.
"If you want a battle, I'll give you a war
Think you control me, don't know what you're in for
Keep coming at me, keep coming, you'll see
Keep pushing, keep pushing, pushing on me"
IF YOU WANT CRAAAAAAAAAAZY!
I'LL GIVE YOU PSYCHOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Think you control me, don't know what you're in for
Keep coming at me, keep coming, you'll see
Keep pushing, keep pushing, pushing on me"
IF YOU WANT CRAAAAAAAAAAZY!
I'LL GIVE YOU PSYCHOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Dylan flips his hair back as the lights come up with the chorus. Pausing at the top of the stage to the boos from the crowd, he offers no more than a smirk before walking down the ramp, a few ballsy fans pelting him with some trash as he makes sure to savor every second of this. He gets to where the ramp meets the ringside area and pauses, bouncing on the balls of his feet before walking to the steps. He gets up the steps and gets into the ring, standing in the center. Antonio Katō stands on the apron, microphone in hand as the music dies down.
Antonio Katō: And now in the ring at this time... HE STANDS AT SIX-FEET-THREE-INCHES TALL, and weighed in tonight at a slim TWO-HUNDRED-AND-SEVEN-POUNDS, he is the SUPREME PILLAR OF VIOLENCE, the BOSTON CYBORG MANIAC, and you all know him as the GREATEST X*CROWN CHAMPION OF THE XHF NETWORK ERA! THE REIGNING, DEFENDING, UNDISPUTED XHF HARDCORE CHAMPION! THE DAAAAAAAAAEMON! OF MAAAAAAAYHEM! DYLAAAAAAAAAAAN! BLAAAAAAAAAACK!
Dylan raises his arm in the air, a fist in the pose of E.V.E. He turns to his corner, leaning into it while waiting for the match to start. Completely ignoring whoever may already be in or coming down to the ring.
Hawke: There’s an air cannon on the ring apron of each side of the ring that will fire randomly and can knock a person down.
Randy: I hear that they have tracking technology out to a couple of feet in case someone comes close to the ring. Mongo pulls out all of the stops.
Hawke: And portable airzookas around the ring on the mat.
Randy: I think Dylan has an air blast capacity in his arm too.
Bonnie Jenkins: And his opponent, hailing from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania….he is Donzig!
The lights go down, and then come up an angry red. Flames explode from the either side of the ramp, jets and bursts of flame erupting into the air. Donzig walks from the back, wearing his skull mask with his hood up. He pauses, glaring out across the crowd before he shakes his head before walking down the ramp slowly. He circles around the ring, still watching the crowd before pausing to watch the announce team before he climbs the stairs. He stops at the ropes, reaching up to shove his hood back before stepping through the ropes. Then he takes off the mask, and shakes his head at the fans with a scowl before he leans back in his corner. Arms resting on the ropes while waiting for the match to start. The ref runs up to Donzig to make sure that the heavy gatling gun contraption that he has brought to the ring is indeed an air cannon and it is. It just fires tshirts from what looks like an oversized magazine.
Hawke: I heard that Donzig was going to face assault charges on those senior citizens, but he explained that he was getting ready to wrestle Dylan Black and the police let him off with a warning.
Randy: The fans do not like Dylan Black for some reason.
Hawke: Could it be that he’s a dick to everyone?
Randy: That might have something to do with it, yeah.
Hawke: I wonder what kind of pressure setting he has on that gatling gun? The airzookas could fire a tshirt into the cheap seats.
Randy: Probably set at that setting if not more.
As the bell rings to start the match, Donzig aims his gatling air cannon at Dylan, who holds out his remaining hand. Donzig begins firing tshirts that Dylan intercepts with blasts of air from his cybernetic arm. All except one that slams him in the face and takes him right off of his feet. Donzig drops the now empty gatling gun and begins to charge at the rising Dylan Black. He connects with a shoulder charge, sending Dylan back into the corner to crush him. Donzig pulls Dylan out of the corner and brings him back down to the mat with a running bulldog. Donzig is back up, but is shot square in the back by one of the air cannons at ringside that knocks him onto his face and gives Dylan just enough time to get up before him. Dylan hits a shotgun dropkick to the rising Donzig, knocking him back down to the mat. Donzig gets right back to his feet, only to be grabbed by Dylan and headbutted hard enough to send him back down to his knees. Dylan backhands him, sending a spray of blood and spittle from Donzig’s mouth through the air.
Hawke: Looks like Dylan on top of things even with just one arm.
Randy: Yeah, but Donzig will catch him.
Donzig reaches out and grabs Dylan by the hips and shouts something only Psychotic Goth would understand before headbutting Dylan right in the junk! Donzig picks Dylan up and hits a backdrop driver to slam Dylan’s head into the mat. Donzig grabs at the air cannon that is pointing right at him. It fires, but Donzig remains on his feet this time while holding onto the cannon. He rips the cannon off of its mount and turns to Dylan, who has gotten to his feet. Dylan kicks the stolen air cannon to send it up into Donzig’s face and knocks him down to the mat.
Hawke: You know I forgot that Dylan is wearing an eyepatch now. I wonder how that has affected his vision?
Randy: I would think that his depth perception would be shit without one of the eyes.
Dylan picks up the air cannon off of Donzig and throws it from the ring. Donzig lays on the mat, blood streaming from his nose to the sides of his face. Dylan watches with an evil grin as Donzig slowly makes his way to his feet. Dylan places a hand on Donzig’s chest and hits him with a burst of air that sends Donzig flying backwards to smash against the turnbuckle. Dylan walks over and places his hand against Donzig’s chest.
Dylan Black: This will be the last time we meet.
Donzig’s eyes go wide and he grabs Dylan’s wrist with both hands to pry the hand away from him. A six inch long spike erupts from the palm of Dylan’s hand.
Hawke: That would have killed Donzig!
Randy: That was certainly a possibility.
Hawke: Dylan would have gone to jail!
Randy: He might have gotten out of it. You know, because of wrestling.
Donzig yanks on Dylan’s arm by the wrist and pulls his hand down so that the spike slams into Dylan’s cybernetic leg at the thigh. He backs away from Dylan as lightning pours from the wound in the leg and into the spike to shock Dylan. He grits his teeth and pulls the spike from his leg to stop the current from flowing through his body. It’s then when Donzig spits a black mist into his face! Now going from one eye to no eyes (at least temporarily), Dylan takes a wild swing with his fist and connects with the side of Donzig’s head hard enough to send him from the ring. Donzig is up quicker than Dylan can unblind himself and grabs Dylan by the ankles and drags him to the outside. He levels Dylan with a short arm clothesline. He presses a thumb to Dylan’s eyepatched eye and draws a scream of pain from the young man. Donzig takes this chance to feed Dylan black mist like a mother bird would her babies. He presses a boot to Dylan’s chest to keep him from rolling over while he is choking on the black mist. Donzig looks cold as he looks down at him.
Donzig: What comes around, goes around. Faster and faster we go. Who will fall from the merry go wheel of life and end up in the abyss?
Hawke: He means to kill Dylan!
Randy: I mean Dylan just tried to do the same to him, but yeah I get ya.
Dylan whacks Donzig’s leg to try to get himself away so he can throw up the black mist, but Donzig’s leg isn’t moving. Finally, he presses his hand against the side of Donig’s calf and sends the spike right through the bone and then retracts it so that the blood can flow heavily from the wound. Donzig screams out in a mixture of rage and pain as he falls onto his back and clutches at his leg that has the hole in it and likely one or more broken bones as blood spurts from the two inch diameter hole in his leg. Dylan rolls over and vomits the black mist out. Dylan rolls over and goes for the pinfall. He grabs hold of the leg with a hole in it so that he can squeeze it with his cybernetic strength. Donzig howls in pain and blood squirts between Dylan’s fingers.
One
Two
Three NO! Donzig gets his shoulder up at the very last second.
Dylan kneels up and slaps the mat in anger, but the ref makes sure to tell him. Dylan looks to his bloody hand and watches as lightning flows between his fingers. He touches the side of Donzig’s head and sends the power through his body. Donzig’s body jerks and twitches with tendrils of smoke rising up from where Dylan’s fingers touch him. Dylan pulls his hand away and watches the twitching form of Donzig for a moment. He waits by Donzig’s side with a sneer.
Dylan Black: Are you going to get up? Or do you want to stay down and be defeated?
Donzig works slowly to get up, but it’s a painful; process. By the time that he gets up to his feet, Dylan blasts him in the back of the head with an elbow to send him face first back to the mat. He starts the process of the Dynamic Outro. Since Dylan only has the one arm to try to trap Donzig’s, he manages to elbow Dylan in the ribcage enough times to get Dylan to release him. Donzig hits the mat and manages to roll away before Dylan has the time to try to stomp his face into the mat.
Hawke: See? Dylan should have tried to get his arm back more.
Randy: Steve Awesome beat him several times in the taking and keeping of that arm.
Hawke: I’m not saying wrestle for it. Just take it.
Randy: He’s done that too I think and things just backfired.
Donzig gets up and limps toward the ropes, but finds that he does not have the capacity to run on his injured leg. He snarls and staggers back over to Dylan, who fires off a solid punch. Donzig’s head doesn’t even turn from the impact, though blood trickles from the side of his mouth where he was struck. He brings Dylan down with a drop toe hold and rolls out of the ring where the air cannons cannot turn enough to track him. Dylan rolls out of the ring as well, but walks into a blast of air from an airzooka that takes him off of his feet. He falls backwards into the ring steps, demolishing them. Donzig walks over to the downed Dylan and shoots him with the air again to keep him down. When it doesn’t do the kind of damage that he wants (the air isn’t focused enough), he uses the airzooka as a club to destroy it while cracking it over Dylan’s head. Dylan’s forehead spurts blood as his eyes roll up into the back of his head and he falls onto his back.
Hawke: Did he just kill Dylan?
Randy: I think so. Should we call the police?
Donzig, who is right nearby the commentary table, hears this. He shakes his head.
Donzig: No, no, no. Dylan is alive! See?
Donzig helps Dylan up into a standing position, though it’s really obvious that he’s holding Dylan up. Blood just runs from his forehead to run across his face and down to his chest.
Donzig: He’s still fighting. Look!
Donzig is holding Dylan’s arm and manipulates it to “punch him”. It’s a really poor attempt at “Weekend at Bernies”. Dylan springs to life and punches Donzig in the gut before holding his hand out so that Donzig can once again see the electricity arcing between the fingers of his cybernetic hand.
Dylan Black: This is going to be a shocker.
Dylan presses his cybernetic hand to Donzig’s chest and Donzig’s entire body jerks to the power being forced through his body. Donzig goes limp and Dylan rolls him into the ring while following. He hits the Dynamic Outro on an essentially unconscious Donzig and goes for the cover.
One
Two
Three!
Bonnie Jenkins: Winner of the match and going on to round three of the End of Days…Dylan Black!
Dylan Black celebrates his win on the way to the back as EMTs rush to meet him in the aisle and come to Donzig’s aid.
Hawke: Coming up next is the last opening round match in the tag team annihilator.
Randy: This isn’t just any match though. It is a Bounce House of Friendship Match!
The lights in the building flicker as dramatic music plays. The structure for the next match slowly rises into view. Air fills a monstrous labyrinth frankensteined together from various different bounce houses and inflatable slides. The crowd goes wild. A bald middle aged man wearing a Denver Broncos jersey stands with the commentators.
Hawke: Joining us for this match is Wiley Sharpe from Bouncing Broncos LLC. He has two decades of experience in the bounce house industry and made the impressive structure before us. Great work, Wiley!
Wiley: Thank you! It was nice to not have to worry about safety standards for once.
Randy: Yeah, those are so annoying. Who has four seconds to put on a seatbelt?
Bonnie Jenkins: The following match is scheduled for ONE FALL and is a Bounce House of Friendship match!
Cult of Personality by Living Color begins to play and the crowd cheers. Latoya walks out, covering up her face with Boss Knuckles. She dances a little and dips down before taking her sunglasses off. Razor then joins her on stage and they both make their way down the ramp.
Bonnie Jenkins: Entering first........they are Razor Blade and Latoya Hixx......the kryptonite to their opponents tonight......THE STRAIGHT EDGE SOCIETY!
Hawke: This team refers to themselves as The Straight Edge Society. However, there are questions about Latoya’s dedication to that lifestyle after she was recently caught on camera with marijuana.
Randy: As long as she didn’t inhale it is fine.
Wiley: Peer pressure is a real problem among the youth. You don’t know how many times I’ve worked a first grade birthday party and found the bounce house just filled with LSD sheets.
The team enters the bounce house. The camera picks up Razor trying to motivate her and mentioning that Latoya lost at Royal Crown Rumble. Latoya brushes it off and mentions his loss at Collision Course.
Hawke: Seems like these two are still trying to get on the same page.
Randy: I’m sure I could solve their problems over a bottle of Super Saki.
The intro riff of Flying High Again by Ozzy tips through the speakers as boos rain down. Rat Bastard and Steve Awesome come strutting out onto the stage. Rat has a beer in his hand and is trash talking the crowd on his side. Steve is crotch chopping and showing off his abs to taunt the other side.
Bonnie Jenkins: And their opponents.....the FIRST X*Crown Champion Rat Bastard and the CURRENT X*Crown Champion Steve Awesome.....they are the anti-straight-edge........THE AWESOME BASTARDS!
Hawke: You’ll notice Rat is sporting quite a few bruises. Last week he was eliminated from the singles tournament in what was the potential match of the night with Jack Diamond, Kira Izumi and Eadie.
Randy: It wasn’t a match. It was a street fight. There was plenty of bad blood between Jack, Rat, and Kira. A samurai sword even got into the mix and it took the whole locker room to settle them down. I’m surprised Rat wasn’t suspended.
Rat notices a fan with a sign designed to look like a trashy romance novel. The cover image shows Jack Diamond and Rat when they were passed out on top of each other in last week's match. Fuming, Rat tosses his beer at the fan and tries to hop the barricade. Steve is forced to hold him back.
Hawke: Not everything is great for the X*Crown champion either. Steve has found himself caught in an outside controversy and is constantly being chased by protestors.
Wiley: He’s like the crossfit version of Joe Manchin.
The Awesome Bastards enter the structure and begin jawing with their opponents.
Hawke: The ref calls for the bell! Remember this is tornado tag rules.
TAG TEAM ANNIHILATOR FIRST ROUND MATCH
Bounce House of Friendship Match
Awesome Bastards vs. Straight Edge Society
The two teams circle each other, trying to adjust to the bouncy floor beneath them. Bastard suddenly shoots in and hits a belly to belly suplex on Latoya. She bounces back up, completely unharmed.
Randy: Huh.
The teams stand there perplexed. Steve swarms in on a distracted Razor and sidewalk slams him. The straight edge wrestlers bounces up unscathed too.
Hawke: The moves don’t seem to be having their usual impact.
Wiley: Bounce houses have lots of padding you know. We have to make them as safe as possible for when kids are tripping on lsd.
The four wrestlers stand there, unsure of what to do for a moment. They then all run to the middle and begin to exchange strikes. The crowd cheers.
Hawke: Rat and Razor begin exchanging blows. Latoya and Steve have paired up too.
Randy: Looks like this will have to be a more striking based match.
Rat and Razor begin choking each other. Steve rolls under one of Latoya’s punches. He jumps to ensure a big bounce and then connects with a massive flying forearm.
Hawke: What a shot from Awesome.
Randy: I have a feeling the bounce house setting will suit him best.
Latoya attempts to stand up, but Steve runs in and bounces into a senton on her back.
Wiley: This action is incredible. You know I always wanted to be a wrestler. Jeff Hardy was the biggest influence on my life after John Elway.
Hawke: Awesome picks up Latoya and tosses her into the corner.
Rat and Razor continue to roll around and exchange strikes on the ground as Latoya slumps into the corner of the bounce house. Awesome jumps across the structure and grabs on to the mesh netting as he comes down on her.
Wiley: FUCK! HE IS DOING THE BRONCO BUSTER IN DENVER! I AM SO HAPPY! THIS YEAR WE GET NUMBER FOUR!
Randy: Turn this guy's mic down.
The crowd chants “Let's Go Broncos” as Steve takes a bow. Rat stands up and gives his tag partner a high five.
Hawke: The Awesome Bastards are taking a moment to gloat while their opponents are down.
Rat goes back over to the downed Razor. Rat picks up his opponent, but then gets immediately arm dragged to the mat and placed in an Arm-trap triangle Choke.
Hawke: Anaconda vice ! Razor was playing possum.
Randy: Rat is going to pay for gloating.
Awesome tries to make the save, but Latoya leaps out of the corner at him.
Hawke: Latoya with a hurricanrana! Rat is stranded with no cavalry!
Steve scrambles to get back up, knowing his partner is in trouble.
Hawke: Awesome hurries back up, but Latoya leaps on his back!
Hixx attempts to lock in a rear naked choke and bring Awesome down.
Hawke: She’s going for a rear naked choke. Awesome is fighting to stay on his feet.
Awesome writhes to knock her off as he runs across the ring. Steve flips forward and crashes on to Razor.
Hawke: Awesome uses his body to break Razor’s hold.
Randy: Hurting Latoya and his own partner in the process.
Wiley: Flips rule! I actually have a chest tattoo of John Elway in Jeff Hardy face paint.
Randy: Please don’t show us.
The competitors start to rise to their feet except for Rat who rolls around.
Hawke: Everyone is back up except for Bastard. He clutches his arm writing around in pain.
Randy: Straight edge has the number advantage.
Wiley: Healthier livers too.
Razor lights Awesome up with a series of palm strikes and spinning back firsts. Latoya bounces off the floor and comes in with a flying knee.
Hawke: Awesome gets clipped hard. The bounce house is adding an extra something to these aerial maneuvers.
The straight edge wrestlers put the boots to Awesome before dragging him up an inflatable slide.
Hawke: Razor and Latoya superkick Awesome. He tumbles down the slide and crashes into the corner of another room.)
Randy: They can’t do that! Razor even slapped his leg. That is Steve's thing.
Razor and Latoya high five before taking a moment to ride the slide down. The next bounce house is Wonder Woman themed, but black splotches of paint cover most of the printed images. The team continues to beat down on Steve.
Randy: Wiley, I notice that all those Wonder Woman images have been painted over. Is that so XHF can be broadcast on Taliban stations?
Wiley: No, that was on the orders of Xavier.
Hawke: Xavier?
Wiley: Yeah, the owner of XHF, Xavier Henry Fonzarelli. He called me and said we are only allowed to show Disney characters.
Randy: Did it sound like he was on a cruise ship?
Hawke: Regardless, Awesome is still in trouble here.
Latoya keeps a boot on Steve's neck on the corner as Razor walks with his arms raised, gloating about his straight edge life. Rat Bastard comes barreling into the frame and spears Razor through the meshing on the side of the house.
Hawke: What a spear from Rat! Razor and him go tumbling to the outside of the structure.
Randy: Razor’s head hit with a sick thud too.
Latoya runs over and looks through the whole in the netting to check on her partner. Rat wails on Razor below. When she turns around, Steve is waiting with a massive super kick.
Hawke: She took her eyes off Awesome and paid the price.
Randy: Boy he really slapped his leg on that one!
Awesome follows her to the mat and locks in his hold. Rat continues to choke Razor on the outside.
Hawke: EFSH!
Randy: Hixx doesn’t have a partner to save her right now!
Latoya fights for as long as possible before tapping. The ref calls for the bell.
Bonnie Jenkins: And your winners and moving on to the next round in the Tag Team Annihilator Tournament.......THE AWESOME BASTARDS!
Hawke: The Awesome Bastards advance!
Randy: Of all the bounce house matches I have seen, this one was in Denver.
Wiley: I can’t take it anymore!
Wiley rips his shirt off to reveal he does indeed have a John Elway in face paint tattoo. He gets on top of the announcer's desk and starts to do the Jeff Hardy dance as Hawkee calls for security. The shot fades out.
Bonnie Jenkins: The following match is scheduled for one fall and is a HIGH ALTITUDE MATCH!
Hawke: In layman’s terms, the ring is being cooled, I believe there are some mechanisms under the ring to assist, but the lion’s share is being done by a massive blower. The idea is that the air will be thin.
Randy: Also it will be very cold.
Hawke: Yes.
“Gently” by Slipknot plays as everyone turns their attention to the entranceway. From the back comes the “Mad Titan” Hyperion. The SCCW star roars for the fans who cheer that they get to see him. Flash photography bathes the arena as Hyperion makes his way down to the ring.
Bonnie Jenkins: Making his way down to the ring weighing in at 345 pounds…..he is the former AWF Champion……HYPERION!
Hawke: What a mass of man.
Randy: I swear he gets bigger every time I see him.
Hawke: I feel sorry for Brittney Beahr for surviving last round.
As if on cue, “The Teddy Bear’s Picnic” by Henry Hall and his Orchestra hits. Instead though of a bear-bedecked girl we’re treated to a tiger-striped VW Beetle driving onto the entrance ramp! The car horn roars (not beeps) at the people in attendance as it slowly drives down to the ring area. And there it sits.
Bonnie Jenkins: And his opponent….coming in at 5 feet 4 inches……BRITTNEY BEAHR!
Randy: What an odd statistic for Bonnie to bring up.
Hawke: I think she’s trying to accentuate the size difference between the competitors.
Randy: Where is Brittney anyway?
As the music and announcements and cheers die down a muffled but continuous scream is now audible. The sound suddenly gets much louder as the passenger-side door of the car swings open and a foot violently pushes the bear-suited Brittney Beahr out. Before she can climb back up the door is already closed and the car retreats up the ramp. Brittney, having been left with no choice, slowly climbs into the ring.
Hawke: Ok, I guess we’re actually going through with this.
Randy: Did you think she wouldn’t show up?
Hawke: I know I wouldn’t- not against Hyperion.
As soon as the bell rings Hyperion squares up…only to find that Brittney Beahr has opted to hide in the corner of the ring instead of fight.
Hawke: Oh, it’s going to be one of THOSE matches I see.
Randy: Would you look at the nips on Hyperion! I bet those diamonds are sharper than his trident!
Hawke: What?
Hyperion: WHAT IS THIS!? Get up bear-player!
Despite the insistence of the Mad Titan, the CAR superstar remains unmoved in her plan to hide in the turnbuckle. Hyperion paces around, frustrated.
Hyperion: I was promised the glory of battle! This is not battle! How can I engage a foe who is too scared to even look at me! I SAY, YOU ARE A COWARD!
Hawke: Hyperion appears to be trying to coax Brittney out by insulting her pride.
Randy: Indeed, a bold strategy, let’s see if it pays off.
Hawke: It’s not that bold.
Randy: Look, I wanted to say the line and now you’-
Hyperion: FIGHT ME, YOUNG BEAR GIRL!
Frustrated, Hyperion bellows angrily. This in fact does not help in getting his opponent out of the corner. He takes a few paces around the ring while the young Miss Beahr continues to hide in the corner. Finally Hype calms down, runs both hands through his hair and pulls it back so his face is easy to see. He kneels down close to the much smaller furry.
Randy: Somebody get a boom mic in there!
Indeed, the staff of the XHF Network global crew is already on the case as we start to pick up the conversation from a much softer sounding more frustrated than mad titan.
Hyperion: …So I’ll tell you what, you come out of the corner and I’ll let you hit me first. As hard as you want.
The apex prey dressed as an apex predator finally looks up into the would-be god’s eyes. He nods and walks back with his hands up to the center of the ring, then in her sight puts his hands behind his back. Brittney slowly starts to uncurl out of the corner. Hyperion nods at her, urging her along as she slowly gets up and walks to meet him in the center. The size difference is uncanny.
Hawke: Hyperion is nearly seven feet tall and Brittney Beahr is barely five feet.
Randy: Yeah, he’s a lot bigger than she is; I think he’s got at least a hundred pounds on her too, if not two, even with all the padding.
Hawke: I suppose this is what we get for having the first round favor somebody who avoids getting pinned.
Hyperion: Alright small one; HIT ME! As hard as you can!
Even when he’s being encouraging, Hyperion manages to get a flinch out of Brittney. Slowly she raises a paw to the actual-bear-sized-man in front of her AND LANDS A STIFF PUNCH!
Randy: And this match is off!
…The punch has left no effect at all. Hyperion looks as if he didn’t even feel it.
Hyperion: I said HIT ME! DO IT AGAIN!
Brittney accepts the challenge, landing another stiff (for her) punch to the gut of Hyperion. Dealing 0 damage of hp once again. Maybe .5 but does any game really count that?
Hyperion: AGAIN! HARDER!
She tries again to damage the colossus in front of her but to no avail.
Hyperion: HARDER! HIT ME HARDER!
As the mythical man barks out his encouragement, Beahr releases years of repressed anxiety on his midsection. Whether it is the actual lack of strength in her body, the padding in her paws, or a combination thereof, they are not making any impact on him at all.
Randy: Did you know that Brittney isn’t even the driver of her car? She’s in charge of communications and navigation. She basically the passenger.
Hawke: Oh for the love of- you know what; it doesn’t matter because she’s a racer and not a wrestler.
Randy: Well that’s fairly evident.
After absorbing enough hits to satisfy any state’s self defense laws, Hyperion finally moves his hands from behind his back.
Hyperion: Alright, now it’s my turn.
As soon as he raises his hand, Brittney Beahr curls into a ball on the mat in front of him. Hyperion blinks. The cold wind of the match stipulation blows through his hair. His breath billows from his body. Brittney remains motionless in a ball. Hype turns his head to the side, looking at his once again defensive foe. If this was anime or manga he’d have question marks flashing next to his head. It isn’t though so he just looks confused.
Hawke: Oh for the love of…
Randy: Fascinating, this might be a strategy!
Hawke: Yeah, a strategy to hide, and an ineffective one at that.
Hyperion once again kneels down to his opponent. Brittney doesn’t move from her position as a ball. He tries rolling her, she does not move. He appears frustrated and rolls his tongue around inside his mouth thinking about his next move. Finally, with a sigh, Hyperion rolls Brittney onto her back. The ref slides in to count the pin!
Randy: Aaaaand he’s saying no pin because her shoulders aren’t flat on the mat.
Hawke: Wait, is this actually a strategy? He can’t pin her if she is in a ball!
Randy: Strategy or luck it seems to be working.
The mad titan stands up and yells. He shoots the ref a dirty look, but the official seems unafraid, knowing his rights. The cold wind blows again.
Hawke: You know this really could be a strategy. Under the conditions of the match, it’s going to keep getting colder and colder. Brittney is wearing a full costume that you have got to assume will keep her warm. Meanwhile Hyperion is…well he’s not.
Randy: And plenty in the audience are sure thankful for that.
Hawke: Regardless, if she can get him worn down from the cold, maybe she could pull this off.
With a sigh, Hyperion returns to the diminutive ursine cosplayer that is currently also cosplaying as a sphere. He lifts her up, what with being a ball and all. Quickly though Beahr Bear changes tactics! She goes limp! A thump and a groan are heard on commentary though it’s not clear what they are. The limp brown blob known as Brittney Beahr then wriggles out of Hyperion’s rather lax grasp and from the mat rolls out of the ring entirely.
Hyperion: A hunt? It seems this fight IS like some of my Northland battles!
He takes chase as the referee starts the ten count. In deference to Brittney’s courage, it should be noted that she does not take off towards the entranceway but begins to run around the ring. Hyperion pursues. Although Beahr’s smaller frame would suggest heightened agility in a situation like this, she’s also wearing a full bear suit, added to that her persona physique is…well it’s no Greek god. After several turns she begins to slow down. Hyperion though is also not able to go at full pace do to the thinning cold air. He is able to go just a bit further than her though and meets her by one of the turnbuckles where she’s collecting her breath.
Hawke: Between the cold and the running it looks like the match stipulation is taking its toll on both competitors.
Randy: Are you feeling cold? Frustrated from being chased by or chasing somebody in icy weather? Perhaps you need a nice warm shot of Super Sake brand Sake; it’ll warm you right up!
Hawke: Actually that feeling of warmth alcohol gives you is due to your blood vessels dilating, making you feel warmer but causing you to actually lose heat even faster.
Randy: I see, so not the best for the cold?
Hawke: No.
Hyperion loads up and takes a run at the currently immobile (and very winded) Brittney. He comes at her with THE FIRST PRINCIPLE!
TING!
Randy: OW!
Mr. Angel has vocalized what everyone in the feeling just felt as Hyperion gave a full power lariat to…the turnbuckle post. Brittney Beahr ducked at the last minute. Cold hard metal does not mix well with warm angry bone and Hyperion grabs his forearm in massive pain.
Hawke: This match… Randy can you pour me a shot?
Randy: But you just sai-
Hawke: I NEED A DRINK, RESPONSIBLY.
Brittney Beahr retreats back to the ring. Hyperion rages on the outside, regaining his composure as the referee once again starts the count. His breath clearly visible with each number yelled. Hyperion climbs back into the ring, now he’s angry. The massive man makes a dash for the CAR not-even-a-driver. Suddenly though Brittney grabs her chest and then goes back to the well and returns to being limp! She lies flat on the ring with her head turned to the side. Once again Hyperion is forced to stop in his tracks and figure out what is even going on.
Hawke: Is she…is she playing dead?
Randy: Oh man, this is a master class in defensive maneuvers, how come I never thought of that?
The referee, who’s tired of the cold dives down to check on Brittney. Due to the costume it’s hard for him to determine if she’s alive or not. He goes to grab her arm to check for a knockout- but Brittney instinctively swats it away. Now the referee is confused and he looks up at Hyperion. Hyperion looks at the referee. The referee again tries to lift Brittney’s arm- again she instinctively swats it away. The referee doesn’t know what to do, in all his years of calling matches this has never happened. He tries again and is again swatted away by something deep in Brittney’s subconscious that rejects the touch of strangers.
Hawke: This match…
Randy: …Is great!
Hyperion has lost his patience and angrily shoves the referee out of the way. He pulls up Brittney, who’s doing her best to sandbag his lift, and then flips her up onto his shoulders.
Hawke: Oh no.
Randy: Oh no.
The huge man pulls on the sides of his small foe aaaaaaaaand…doesn’t deliver a powerbomb? In fact nothing happens. In fear of what was coming, Brittney Beahr as wrapped her body around his head. From buried in her torso murmurs from Hyperion about “the strongest grip” he’s ever encountered. The large man stumbles around, now carrying over a hundred pounds of extra weight on his body. Hype stumbles back into a corner and tries to consider his next option as Brittney’s face-hugger lock continues to restrict his air intake, but also keep his head warm.
Randy: Shouldn’t the ref be counting her off or something?
Hawke: I mean it’s not a choke.
Hyperion makes a fist and gets ready to punch his own head (currently with a young[?] woman wrapped around it) but relents from that course of action when the referee calls for a rope break. At first he tries to pry Brittney off of Hyperion’s head but with that failing he starts a five-count. Soon the small bear-costumed Beahr shimmies down the turnbuckle and back to the outside. Hyperion looks surprisingly winded from the experience.
Randy: What is going on with Hype? He seems to be getting worn down.
Hawke: That’s the effect of this cooling effect. The air is already thin here in Denver, then when you cool it that thins things out more. At least that’s the idea.
Randy: Well what about Brittney? She seems fine aside from a general lack of athletic…ness.
Hawke: She’s also being warmed by a bear suit and is being powered by fear.
And it’s likely quite hot in the bear suit as Miss Beahr runs around the outside of the ring in a blind panic. Hyperion turns to the massive air blowers that are cooling the ring.
Hyperion: I CURSE THEE, NORD GODS! TODAY VICTORY SHALL BE MINE!
He then watches his prey as he holds his hand up as though he was holding his trident. In a surprisingly calculated moment he tries to plot out Brittney’s course around the ring and the speed at which she runs. He then bounces against the ropes and makes a run to the other side!
Randy: There’s no way he’s going to do what I think he’s going to do.
Hawke: Can he fly?
No, Joey, Hyperion is not that foolhardy. Instead he drops down with a baseball slide to the outside. However, his aim did not account for Brittney’s also waning endurance; she’d already stopped running before he slid out. Hyperion eyes his panting prey, only to suddenly have a spotlight on him and a car…horn…roaring?
Randy: Oh I forgot about that.
Hawke: Hey where’s the ref?
The referee is comfortably inside the ring watching as the Punch Buggy No Punch Back’s car, La Tegra (being driven by Memaw) starts to make its way down the entrance ramp towards Hyperion! Brittney covers her mouth with shock, then her eyes from the impending impact, then her face out of shame. The point is her paws are very much in her face. Hyperion stands in shock and defiance of this plot. The referee signals the timekeeper that the match might be over in seconds- but the Tiger Beetle car stops just inches from the Mad Titan.
Randy: I guess that Memaw wanted a closer look.
Hawke: Unfortunately with the car now partly blocking access to the ramp, Brittney has nowhere to hide!
Hyperion bangs on the hood of the car, angry at the distraction. Brittney Beahr has reentered the ring and is talking to the referee while gesturing at her lower extremities and dancing around.
Hawke: Of all the…is she asking for a bathroom break?
Randy: My gosh, the cunning on this girl, I really should be taking notes.
The referee shakes his head at the bear-clad woman, there are no bathroom breaks in wrestling. He tries to return to counting out Hyperion but she is insistent, pulling on his shirt- which causes him to verbally warn the CAR superstar- while all this is happening though a massive BANG and a THUMP immediately after echo through the arena.
Randy: Wait, did that car just…punch…Hyperion?
Hawke: Indeed, La Tegra’s main offensive weapon is a-
Randy: …giant boxing glove that shoots out of the hood, we all saw it.
However, the referee did not. What he now sees though is a mountain of a man lying at the feet- er, tires of the car, knocked out cold. The referee slides out of the ring to get a closer look at what the heck just happened. While he was focused on Hyperion the “puncher” has been retracting back into the hood. The referee looks at Hyperion, he looks at the car, he looks at Memaw in the driver’s seat.
Hawke: I think the referee is asking Memaw what happened.
Randy: Is she gesturing that Hyperion headbutted the car?
Hawke: She’s pointing to a dent on the side of it.
The referee shrugs his shoulders and climbs back into the ring. Brittney Beahr watches cautiously as the ten-count begins.
1…
2…
3…
Memaw debates helping Brittney more. Brittney inches closer to the ropes, trying to figure out what happened.
4…
5…
Hyperion begins to stir. He rubs his face where the industrial punch hit him.
6…
Already Hyperion is beginning to move more. Taking stock of what happened himself.
7…
The Mad Titan slowly starts to get to his feet.
8…
Brittney Beahr backs away from the ropes to the safer center of the ring. Hyperion bellows angrily at the car.
9…
Still not all there, Hyperion resumes his attack on the car, getting his own punchy revenge for the damage he took from it.
10.
The bell rings. Hyperion has no idea what just happened. The car punches him again. Everything is black for the mad titan.
Bonnie Jenkins: Your winner and moving on to the semifinals…somehow…BRITTNEY BEAHR!
Randy: Wait- did…
Hawke: I don’t think Hyperion realized he was being counted out.
Randy: Yeah but…did the girl in the bear costume actually make it past one of the biggest and strongest superstars in the XHF Network?
Hawke: So it would seem. End of Days, always full of surprises.
Hawke: Well folks it’s finally time for our main event!
Randy: The last of our quarter finals for the End of Days tournament-
Hawke: And what a quarter final! The latest gory chapter in the brutal feud between Zoran Sainovic and Bloodied Fox – these two are almost pushing three years since their hostilities began. Three months ago saw them compete in not one, but two X*Crown defences. The first Fox picked up on a disqualification, while Sainovic successfully defended in their Oh Violent Night 2 casket match.
Randy: Hey do you think you could handle this alone, Hawke?
Hawke: Is something wrong, Randy?
Randy: Well, at OVN two announcers ended up dying as a result of their fight, and last time I checked we don’t have any spare guys this time.
Hawke: It’ll be fine Randy, they’re suspended forty feet above the ring!
Randy: Have you ever heard of death from above?
The camera pans around the ringside area where the larger steel posts have been fixed around the ring, to support the scaffold that has been erected forty feet above the ring. Below it, Bonnie Jenkins stands in the centre – ready for introductions.
Bonnie Jenkins: The following contest is your MAIN EVENT of the evening, it is a quarter final of the End of Days tournament, and is a SCAFFOLD MATCH... the only way to win is to knock your opponent off.
The Heavy's "Big Bad Wolf" blasts over the PA system.
"With Time Slipping Away
I Can't Say What I'll Do...
You Got Nothing To Saaaaaaaaaaaay
'Til I Tell You Who's Whoooooooooooooo
You Know Why?"
I Can't Say What I'll Do...
You Got Nothing To Saaaaaaaaaaaay
'Til I Tell You Who's Whoooooooooooooo
You Know Why?"
The arena is plunged into darkness, before white spotlights search through the crowd - finally coming to a rest by the ramp. The flash of a blade draws attention to the entrance curtains, just as a scythe cuts them down. The Final Boss steps out into the arena, his appearance triggering a surge of pyro. Red and orange fireworks cast the middle age European in a light that is reminiscent of hell.
Bonnie Jenkins: Entering first - standing at 6’1”, and weighing in at 242lbs, he comes to us from Belgrade, Serbia...Der Kommissar...That XHF Devil...THE FINAL BOSSSSSSS...ZORAAAAAAAAAAAN SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINOVIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Cos I'm The Big Bad Wolf
(What You Say)
I'm The Big Bad Wolf
(What You Say)
I'm The Big Bad Wolf"
(What You Say)
I'm The Big Bad Wolf
(What You Say)
I'm The Big Bad Wolf"
The one change from Zoran’s usual attire is that his left arm has been strapped to his chest with an intense looking arm sling. Making his way down the aisle, GUNS commissioner has less garbage thrown at him – the audience slightly terrified at the consequences of upsetting the boss.
"And I'm Blowing Down Your Neighbourhood"
Arriving at ringside, Zoran starts to climb up a chain ladder to reach the scaffold. This is the first sign that the use of one arm may prove a disadvantage, as he’s visibly slower with his single handed climb.
"I SAID
AAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"
AAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"
Bonnie Jenkins: And his opponent...
"Alright you motherfuckers...
LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!!!"
The arena lights pulse red as Tom Morello's guitar slams through the speakers, the fans cheering and singing along as Bloodied Fox steps through the curtain and raises both fists high. Banging his head to the beat, he strides down the ramp and circuits the ring, bumping fists with anyone who wants it. Arriving at ringside, he looks up at the intimidating structure, before tearing off his entrance mask as the chorus hits, screaming out the lyrics along with the crowd, a grin on his face.
Bonnie Jenkins: He stands at 5’9”, and weighs in at 196lbs, hailing from Reading, Berkshire, England...Scar Vulp...The Bloody Rainmaker...BLOOOOOOOOOOODIED FOOOOOOOOOOOOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As the song starts to fade, Fox begins climbing the ladder as well.
Randy: Fox never should have come out second, now Zoran can kick him off before he even gets off that ladder!
Hawke: They wouldn’t let that stand- but, yeah.
The thought has also crossed Fox’s mind, as he keeps his eyes on Zoran with each rung. Five feet from the scaffold, Fox slows his ascent. Shaking his head, Sainovic stalks to the opposite side of the scaffold – enough space that a cheap shot would be difficult.
Hawke: Both men now up. Their last bought started things looking like Soul Caliber, but this time out, neither is sporting any obvious weapons.
END OF DAYS SINGLES TOURNAMENT QUARTERFINAL MATCH
Scaffold Match
Bloodied Fox vs Zoran Sainovic
DING! DING! DING!
Raising his right hand, the larger Sainovic calls for a test of strength.
Hawke: Zoran looking for a lock-up, but Fox charges in with a dropkick right to that injured shoulder!
Randy: For all the crap that Zoran has put Fox through over the years, he’s insane if he thinks this was going to be anything other than a brawl.
Hawke: That left arm damaged in the first round by El Rey, now has a heavily padded harness strapping it to Zoran’s chest to avoid further damage, but Fox is on fire with those rapid fire fists – all aimed right at it!
The barrage of shoulder shots starts backing Zoran towards the eastern edge, when suddenly the Final Boss fires off a vicious forearm smash of his own. This draws a trickle of fresh blood from the ridge of Fox’s nose. A second forearm smash knocks Fox box, giving Sainovic some breathing room from the edge. A third smash is sidestepped, with Fox pulling Zoran down into a kneelift, which connects with the left shoulder, and knocks Zoran to the ground. Sainovic tries to sit up, but eats a double stomp to the chest – the force of which shakes the scaffold. Dropping down into a full mount, Fox starts hammering down palm strikes occasionally to the face – but the majority targeting the left arm.
Hawke: Since there last encounter, Sainovic dropped the crown – while Fox won the GFC Brawl for All.
Randy: Don’t remind me. I thought we weren’t supposed to talk about Fight Club?
Hawke: My point is that Fox has been honing his mixed martial arts moves – and Zoran is currently on the receiving end!
The Final Boss tries to get his arm up to guard, but with only the one – his defense is easily passed. The cage continues to rattle as Scar Vulp doles out his ground and pound. Even trying to crawl back from the damage, Zoran is hammered closer and closer to the eastern edge.
Hawke: Even on his back, Sainovic being pummelled towards the edge... could this be it?
Randy: I’m sure Fox would like nothing more than to spend hours clobbering Zoran into a fine paste, but there is a certain satisfaction that comes with throwing a guy off a high place, which is so immediately compelling that this isn’t going to be a Broadway.
Hawke: This could be it...
The damaged shoulder leans off the edge. Not wanting to lean into it from that position, Fox switches targets to Zoran’s face – which is also soon dangling off the side. Desperate to create some space, The XHF Devil flicks something out of his sleeve – which immediately results in a huge purple cloud. Fox tries to cover up, but soon has the substance in his eyes. Breaking free of the mount, Zoran brings both feet up – and kicks Fox hard enough in the midsection to send him towards the centre of the stage.
Randy: Well, it wasn’t a knife – but Zoran found a way to equalize things.
Hawke: Throwing powder in the face of Fox – that purple substance all over his eyes, and, it looks like it blinded Fox!
Holding his shoulder in agony, Zoran mutters a few curse words – only to duck as his head is almost taken off with a Bloody Rain. Even with his eyes clenched, Fox can tear apart a sound. With a sinister grin, Sainovic tries to circle around Fox – only for the scaffold to rattle drawing a roundhouse kick. A scowl soon turns into a broader smile, as Sainovic doubles down on “fucking with fox.” Extending his leg in an unnatural stance, Zoran kicks the scaffold to draw Fox towards the north – tip toeing just to the right of the sound source, he keeps this up, hoping to lead Fox to the edge.
Randy: NOT THAT WAY FOX, GO TO THE LEFT!
Hawke: Fox getting dangerously close to the edge, and the audience trying to be his eyes, but there is no consensus in the directions.
Randy: BEHIND YOU!
A “Your other right” chant goes up. Sneaking around Fox, Zoran kicks him in the spine – sending Scar Vulp stumbling towards a nasty spill.
Randy: DAMN IT!
Hawke: NO! Fox somehow putting the breaks on! That was close!
Looking to follow up, Zoran charges over with a baseball slide, only for Fox to hear the cage – and catch him with a standing senton. Hands physically on his nemesis again, Fox goes nuts – peppering away with punches. Wanting no part of this uncouth rampage, Zoran thumbs him in the throat, and knocks him away with a thrust kick. Putting some distance between them, Zoran starts to compose himself – when Bloodied Fox dives at him with a VKO! Sainovic has the presence of mind to fall away from it, but the force carries Bloodied Fox to the south edge of the scaffold.
Randy: You almost had him!
Hawke: VKO misses! Fox again disoriented close to a fall, feeling out the area while throwing blind punches. Getting closer and closer to the edge – this looks like it!
Just as he’s about to step off, Bloodied Fox stops. Even though the audience is firmly behind him, more than one person swears at this tease. Reaching up, Fox pinches the cut on his now bloodied nose – and uses it to rub the purple paste out. Even if the blood also causes vision impairment, it has to be better than the powder. While Fox attempts to get back into the fight, Zoran Sainovic charges up behind him.
Hawke: THE HARVESTER!
Randy: YES! Fox blocks AND catches him-
Zoran’s eyes bug out in the milliseconds it takes Fox to shift momentum, before hurling the old man off the scaffold with a release Fox Trap Suplex.
Hawke: VARIATION ON THE FOX TR- Zoran thrown off the scaffold!
Randy: FOX HAS FINALLY DONE IT!
Flashbulbs go off, as the Fox chants ring out.
Zoran Sainovic: GET OVER HERE!
Even as he plummets towards ground, Zoran has the presence of mind to spit out his Mortal Kombat reference. No sooner does Scorpion’s catchphrase leave his lips, then a steel chained kunai shoots out of his working arm – and fixes itself to lighting apparatus above the scaffold. Rather than hit the ground, this has the desired effect of keeping Sainovic in the game – where it swings him back towards the safety of the scaffold. Unfortunately waiting at the edge, is a less than impressed Fox.
Hawke: Zoran naturally cheating to avoid elimination, swings back into a- BLOODY RAIN!
The punch is enough to knock Zoran away from the edge again.
Randy: This just turned into Smash Bros!
But the chain swings back, into another brutal BLOODY RAIN.
Hawke: That second Rain caught Zoran on the chin, knocked him right out... but that chain has his arm attached to the lights above the scaffold – he isn’t going anywhere.
Randy: Well it looks like Fox is just going to treat him like a punching bag until that chain snaps.
Hawke: For now it keeps swinging back into shot, after shot, after shot! The GUNS commissioner wearing a crimson mask that is literally raining blood down onto the crowd below!
Randy: How happy does Fox have to be right now? Good for him. I hope he makes that piñata explode! Then maybe I can sleep in peace...
Finally stopping the barrage, Fox reaches out to steady Sainovic – only to wrap the chain around the older man’s throat and let go. The XHF Devil comes too just in time to gag as he chokes for air.
Hawke: Fox HANGING Zoran!
Randy: Zoran hanged himself, Fox is just giving him the option of releasing the chain. If saving his neck eliminates him? So be it.
Hawke: This is just like what happened at Overheated!
Recognizing the choice he’s been given, Zoran fumbles with his fingers around the chain. One handed, it doesn’t look like he can reach the clasp to release the kunai. Perhaps seeing his life or death troubles, Fox will lend a paw? Nope. Zoran recognizes the “I’ll see you in hell” look, and realizes Fox can’t be emotionally manipulated into assistance. Turning purple, Zoran makes one last feeble attempt to kick his enemy. Wanting to knock all fight out of him, Bloodied Fox goes for another brutal palm strike – only for Zoran to eat it, and bring his legs up for a triangle choke.
Hawke: MIDAIR TRIANGLE CHOKE! Zoran still attached to the lighting fixtures, but has his legs wrapped around Fox’s throat – trying to drag him off, but Sainovic would settle for a choke out.
Randy: Fox inches away from the edge – YOU CAN DO IT!
Hawke: This could be it! I have to say, you’re being very supportive tonight, Randy.
Randy: I’m couch surfing again, and it’s all Zoran’s fault. I hope Fox kills him!
The audience cheer.
Hawke: Even as Fox’s legs are almost giving out on him, he has the presence of mind to stagger back-
The effect sees Fox drag Zoran to the centre of the scaffold, before they run out of slack on the chain.
Hawke: It’s been awhile since the XHF has seen a beheading...
Fortunately the lighting fixture snaps off before the chain can decapitate Zoran. The sudden release of a counter weight causes both men to lose their balance, at the same time, the light snap towards them – catching Fox in the ribs. Both men land on the scaffold hard enough to shake it, and break the choke.
Hawke: The chain breaks the lights-
Randy: Might have broken one of Bloodied Fox’s ribs in the process.
Hawke: Both men in a bad way, gasping for breathe, but its Sainovic that gets to his feet first.
Still rubbing his throat in agony, Zoran realizes a need to press the offence. Seeing Fox holding his midsection, the final boss lays a kick in hard enough to knock Fox towards the north side. Alternating between kicking, stomping, and kneeing – Sainovic works the midsection enough to keep Fox down, and corralled towards the corner. As they reach the northern edge, Zoran plants his boot into the ribs – and starts shoving.
Hawke: Now Sainovic trying to knock his rival off. Fox is starting to slump over-
Randy: I don’t know why Zoran is trying to get a match with Brittney Beahr, you should have seen him cowering in fear the other night. Hiding under a bed, it was pathetic.
Hawke: Fox with the presence of mind to grab a fistful of scaffold, but now it’s him who doesn’t have a free hand to defend against those rib shots!
In a prone position, Fox teeters on the edge. Sainovic stomps away, occasionally mashing the hands to deter resistance, but mainly crushing away at the midsection. Spotting the lighting fixture close to them, Fox kicks it off the scaffold. As it falls to the floor, the weight drags on the chain – yanking Zoran off his prey, and almost pulling him over.
Hawke: Fox with that light – it almost took Sainovic over!
Randy: That’s one way to dislocate the working arm.
Putting the breaks on, Zoran cringes as the chain digs in – cutting the wrist on his right hand. With no small amount of effort, Sainovic finally unlocks the chain – which follows the light in crashing against the arena floor. A grim preview of what will soon transpire to one of the participants’ bodies.
Hawke: Sainovic finally free, just in time to eat an MDK from a recovered Fox!
Randy: That’ll loosen the teeth.
Hawke: Sainovic is out of it – and Bloodied Fox again going to town on that left shoulder.
With Zoran completely prone, Fox lays some kneestrikes into shoulder. Yanking on the brace, and pounding away on it – until a few of the straps finally snap. Bolts fly through the air. Encouraged, Fox places a boot in Zoran’s neck – then rips back with a cross armbreaker which finally pulls the arm free from its restraint, shattering the harness. Coming too, Sainovic’s scream is audible – for the few seconds before he passes out from the pain.
Hawke: Sainovic is out, and one has to think that all Fox needs to do now is toss him off the side.
Randy: He’s so close to advancing, but it looks like he wants to send a message!
Rather than kick the monster off, Fox continues to pull back on the arm. The steel mesh of the scaffold, no doubt reminding Fox of that unfortunate “shark cage near drowning” attempt. The armbar is pulled back until blood gushes out of a reopened knife wound. As the gore sprays into the air, hitting Fox’s face – it brings him back to the moment. Letting go of the hold, Fox lifts Zoran up for a reverse shoulder breaker.
Hawke: The capacity crowd firmly behind 2021’s champion of the year – as he finally gets his revenge on his long time tormentor.
Randy: Who ever saw a beating like this being feel good?
The scaffold shakes with a second shoulder breaker to the horribly busted left arm. Then a third. Then a forth. Then a fifth. The impact almost causes Zoran to flop off the scaffold, but Fox hangs on – not finished with him yet. An over-the-shoulder armdrag causes more blood to paint the scaffold, while keeping Zoran from sneaking away from justice. Fox then hits a double knee armbreaker, which causes more pieces of arm harness to snap off. Screws falling off the scaffold, bounce off the ground below.
Hawke: Dylan Black warned him, but it looks like Zoran Sainovic carried that injury a match too far – and against an opponent who he has as much bad blood with as Bloodied Fox, this is a costly mistake.
Randy: Fox has waited a long time for this-
Hawke: Yes, but I think he’s made his point.
The audience love Bloodied Fox, as much as they hate Zoran Sainovic, so the crowd reaction is overwhelmingly supportive. But as the one sided onslaught continues, the cheers seem to be more for Scar Vulp’s offence, and less for the Sainovic beating.
Hawke: The Bloody Rainmaker certainly living up to his reputation tonight, can we get an umbrella over here?
Randy: Fox owes Zoran this, and so much more... but if he’s not conscious to feel it, what’s the point?
Hawke: You having a change of heart, Randy?
Randy: I have always been upfront about my life code, let people sleep in peace.
Vicious kneestrikes continue to pulp the arm. It is only after rattling the cage with another reverse shoulder breaker that Fox slips on the blood. He catches himself, but this brings him back to the moment. The crowd erupt, as he signals for the B4 to bring this ugly exchange to an end.
Hawke: FINALLY – here comes the B4!
Unfortunately, one armed reversals to the cutthroat exploder variant are exactly what Zoran has been prepping for all week, and despite looking like a corpse, a muscle memory activates.
Hawke: INTERROGATION ’04!!!
The two men land on the southeast edge of the scaffold, with a barely conscious Sainovic working Fox’s ribs with his interrogation hold.
Randy: Zoran has the ’04 version of that hold locked in, and Fox with no where to go but off the platform!
Hawke: Even with one arm, Sainovic has that clinched in tight enough that its damn near impossible to break.
Fox right at the edge, and that might be his only-!!!!! The two men didn’t land as hard with the interrogator, as they did with all the shoulder breakers, but it is this last bump that does it... as the scaffold slips the southeast pillar that was supporting it. There are still two other pillars keeping it from crashing, but it does slump down at that corner – and the initial shock is enough to rattle both men off the edge!
Hawke: THE SCAFFOLD IS BROKEN!
Randy: Well last time these two destroyed a ring, are we really surprised about that flimsy scaffold?
Hawke: Can nothing hold their rage?
Randy: Next time they should hold it on an island.
Rather than hit the floor, both men are dangling off the edge, holding on for dear life. With only one arm, it is significantly harder for Sainovic to climb back up – so he equalizes things by kicking Fox in the ribs. Fox almost legs go with the forth kick, but manages to hang on. Looping his pulped arm through a square of the scaffold, Zoran uses it as a pulley to drag himself back up. Having regained his balance, Fox climbs back onto the scaffold far quicker. He charges into Zoran with a penalty kick – only to almost lose his footing as the scaffold shakes, and slumps further to the southeast. Worried about the structural integrity, both men seem to cautiously take their battle to the northwest side.
Hawke: Brawl continuing on the opposite side – it should be noted that security are moving the audience back.
Randy: You always want to give a wide berth so that front row spectators aren’t accidentally fallen on, Hawke, but given the state of the structure – it seems like Mongo isn’t taking any chances.
On the other corner, Fox chops the arm, only to take a shotei to the possibly broken ribs. The crowd seem to appreciate both men’s fighting spirits, as blows are traded back and forth.
Randy: Wait, did I say Mongo wasn’t taking any chances? What about us?!
Hawke: There is no cause for alarm-
Randy: REMEMBER ELFAS?
There are audible bumps, as the announcers see how far they can move away from their booth without losing audio. Meanwhile above, Bloodied Fox and Zoran Sainovic continue to trade shot for shot.
Hawke: Am I still on?
Randy: We should go farther back.
Hawke: I don’t want the Spanish announcers to mock us.
Randy: Those guys are so brave.
Hawke: How are we supposed to compete with that?
Randy: Liquid courage is what we need!
Hawke: Don’t forget to pour one out for Zosty.
Randy: Uh, my flask is at the desk. Could you get it?
Hawke: Um. We shouldn’t be drinking at the job, let’s keep it professional, Randy!
Randy: You’re just scared to grab it.
Hawke: I don’t see you running back there!
Sainovic finally blocks a kawada kick, shooting in for a GUNS FC Special. Despite pulling it on MISTER GUNS FC, the jumping kneelift connects. Bloodied Fox is dazed but not out, so Sainovic busts out the Blade Storm. He manages to nail six spinning knife-edged chops, before Fox powers through with a spinning back kick-
Hawke: DEVIL SEQUENCE!
Only the sequence only gets as far as the legsweep, before the northwest corner slips its post as well. This time Zoran slides towards the edge, which seems to drop lower as the opposite southeast side rises. The platform being held up by two corners, makes the damaged ones tilt. Fox starts to kick away at the barely hanging on Sainovic, but as he almost slips too – has no choice, but to rebalance himself towards the centre of this tilt-a-whirl.
Randy: HA! Even Jose and Hector stood up from their chairs for that one!
Hawke: ANOTHER CORNER IS LOOSE, and this is now a lot more dangerous than your average scaffold match – we should really declare it a no contest.
Randy: After the flack management took over sending both Rat Bastard and Jack Diamond to Night of Champions? I read the magazine article. No more draws, there must be a winner!
Hawke: Both men now staggering around the centre of this tilting platform, throwing stiff punches when not trying to maintain balance.
When a shot sends a person going left, the scaffold raises right. So even at a slower speed the two men have a heated exchange, trying to do maximum damage while traversing the stipulation’s unwanted quirk.
Hawke: Zoran purposely running towards us, to throw the scaffold up on the opposite side. Fox almost slipping. Now Zoran charging in with another running kneelift!
Randy: No, Fox counters it with a Question Mark Kick! Hitting that given the current state of balance is pretty ballsy.
Hawke: Saito suplex plants Zoran in the relatively sturdy far right.
Randy: Well, at least it’s physically impossible for the scaffold to slip another pillar... and stay upright.
Hawke: Running out of space, Fox dragging Zoran to the far edge – looking to knock him off with another VKO!
Before Fox can finish the match, Zoran pulls him into a standing half-guard – the gory left arm tossed around the neck, unmoveable – but Zoran hangs onto a fistful of broken harness which makes it an almost choke. Quick to respond, Bloodied Fox tries to muscle out of it with an elbow to the back of Zoran’s head, then another, then another... until...
Hawke: Uranage!!!
Whether the corpse that is Sainovic is consciously hitting a side slam, or they each lost their footing – the result sees both in the air. Even as the flashbulbs go off, and the crowd scream, both men continue to jockey for position – before crashing through the announce table.
DING! DING! DING!
Hawke: WHOA!
Randy: THIS IS JUST LIKE OH VIOLENT NIGHT!
Hawke: They both slipped on blood and it could have gone either way?
Randy: No, they almost killed the announce team! Those bastards. Oh no, my super sake!
Hawke: Both men hit the ground hard, and I understand that officials are using video playback to see which hit the ground first.
Bonnie Jenkins: The officials have gone to the tape to see who landed first, therefor the winner of this match, and continuing on in the End of Days tournament is...THE FINAL BOSS ... ZORAN SAINOVIC!!
Hawke: Yeah, but at what cost!
Randy: Might as well give Beahr a bye to the finals! Which works out for my accommodations...
Before Randy can check on his bottle, paramedics can check on the athletes, or the crowd can react to the winner – the northeast side finally buckles, sending the scaffold crashing to the floor... onto Bloodied Fox and Zoran Sainovic like a Roadrunner cartoon. The impact also knocking out the audio from the announce team. As the brave Spanish announce crew check on the wrestlers, Hawke gestures for paramedics to come down. The cameras take one more look at the carnage before sweeping the cheering and raucous audience. The tron displays, "SEE YOU NEXT WEEK FOR WEEK 3: WATER SPONSORED BY JROK AND SUPER SAKE! DRINK A LOT! RESPONSIBLY! with the following clip as we fade out.