Battle of Britain Press Conference: [Open Roleplay]

[edwarddubin0604]

(Team Fairtex comes to the podium dressed casually in designer jeans with tight t-shirts with Team Fairtex on the front. They look dramatically over the media people and other wrestlers at the conference before speaking.)

Tong Fairtex: "We are honored to be here at this gathering of the greatest wrestlers in this conference room."

(They gesture towards Mr. Blood in recognition.)

Tong Fairtex: "We especially thank Mr. Blood for organizing Battle of Britain and the Tag team Gauntlet Match. A test of endurance, strength and heart. Two team enter and battle it out and the winner faces each other. Then other teams come out to face them until there is one winner."

Phantam Fairtex: "That winner goes on to face The Bastards/Glucks winner. Who is going to win? Well we don't know for sure but we do know it's going to be a hell of a match. It's going to be a hell of as fight until there is a winner and may the best team win. Hopefully it's us but we'll see who comes out the winner."

Tong Fairtex: "Now we've heard a lot about our pedigree and who we are related to. We know our father was a Hardkore World veteran but to set the record straight we made our own way and we fought our own battles and Battle of Britain is no exception."

Reporter #1: "Yet your father didn't want you to be wrestlers."

Phantam Fairtex: "Oh yeah we admit that. However, we proved to him that we can carry his legacy in the wrestling business and yes we trained hard and before you even mention it. Tong felt I wasn't meant to join him in the business but I proved to be worthy enough to be his tag team partner."

Tong Fairtex: "You see we are a rarity in this business and that's a team made up of brothers. Yes we have The Kanes and The Glucks amongst the teams consisting of brothers as well as us. However, there are other teams that are in this match as well."

Reporter #2: "What do you think of competitors like The Purge."

Phantam Fairtex: "Saw the movies and thought they were the worst kind of political ads..."

Tong Fairtex: "Just kidding. We know they are dangerous and we faced them in that four way a couple of shows ago. So we know what they can do. If we are the first entrants it's going to be a fight."

Reporter #3: "What about The Oblivion Death Squad."

Tong Fairtex: "They have a good chance to win seeing they have Sinclair Godfrey and Donzig guiding them. Like we said they are also a rare set of brothers and it's going to be quite interesting if we are the early entrants or whatever number we are."

Reporter #4: "What do you think of Neon Bushido's chances of going far in this match."

Phantam Fairtex: "We respect Neon Bushido no matter what they said about us. However, they will get their chance to see how well they run the gauntlet and we'll see if Wormwood tears his already freakish hair out. Oh yeah we're going to see who's kick are better."

Reporter #5: "You seem to be a veteran of tournaments."

Tong Fairtex: "Yeah we were in SWAT's ANZAC Cup tournaments and we won when we returned. Now how many of these so-called tag teams that enter plan on going through with this event or will they just back out."

Phantam Fairtex: "Like Gavin and Drake and the other wannabe tournament winners. All they will do is show up and wrestle and job for the other teams."

Tong Fairtex: "We won't look past them if we have to face them but still we will set the pace if we have to in order to win the honor of becoming the top contenders for the Wrestle UK: Commonwealth Tag Team Championships."

Reporter #6: "Yet you weren't in a tournament in quite a while."

Tong Fairtex: No matter. We still plan on having a good showing in Battle of Britain to remind everyone Team Fairtex is still one of Wrestle UK's best. Now unlike a couple Saturday Morning kid show support players and they know who they are."

Phantam Fairtex: "We plan on showing who is the real tag team and who is just a couple of no talent tag team wannabes. We plan on putting them in their place along with anyone else we face in this prestigious event."

Tong Fairtex: "However, we'll let the others speak their minds and answer your questions."

(They leave the podium.)

[Spike Kane]

The slowly becomming distinc sounds of a hell portal opening up can be heard before Spike Kane makes his way towards the podium. He's dressed in a Chaos Theory cap, with an I Prevail shirt, and a baggy pair of grey jogging bottoms. He looks around at everyone before clearing his throat.

Spike Kane: I, uh, I just want to make sure I'm in the right place. This is the press conference for Wrestle: UK, right?

There's an almost completely quiet response.

Spike Kane: Because I swear all I seem to be hearing is some verbal felatio to the absolute piece of trash federation that was SWAT, like it fucking means anything?

The response is definitely not quiet this time, it's fairly mixed, but Spike doesn't care.

Spike Kane: I suppose you're wondering why I'm bothering with all this nonsense? Well, see, not too long ago there was a cool little event a couple friends of mine put together, some of you might have watched it - some of you are more narrow minded and don't veer out of your pathetic little bubble. It was a fun little shindig called Oh Violent Night II. An event where one Donzig, got his fucking ass handed to him by the Pillars of Violence...

He pauses as people begin to raise their hand, but he shakes his head to shrug them off.

Spike Kane: Then, this piece of shit decides to start calling himself the "God of Xtreme" as if he somehow had earned this right, trying to take my moniker, the name bestowed upon me....as if he was better than me. Well, I've been pretty vocal about wanting to kick his teeth down his fucking throat and make him eat his words, and now here I am with the first step in being able to do so. See, the Battle of Britain - as bullshit as that is, Ireland represent, ahem, it offers an opportunity that could have ripple effects that nobody is quite ready for yet, but you know what it does more than anything, for me personally?

Some idiot in the crowd actually shouts out "what" and Spike rolls his eyes.

Spike Kane: Don't interrupt my monologue you twat.

He takes a breath to refocus.

Spike Kane: It gives me a chance to make that bastards life a living hell, to rock up and outdo him in every way, shape, or form. To excel where he cannot, he defeat those he cannot, to claim the trophies and championships he cannot and remind Donzig of one true fact that he'll never be able to hide from. He will always be in the shadow of Spike Fucking Kane.

One of the reporters actually has the guts to get up and ask a question after Spike finishes.

Reporter: What about the match itself, and the opponents you may face?

Spike Kane: I've said what I felt needed to be said already, the promo aired days ago. I'm not going to stand here and try and run down a running order of people and waste everyone's time. You all know me, and you all should know that I approach everyone the same way. I do my research, I train, I look for flaws, and I expose them.

Reporter: What flaw would you say Primal had?

Spike Kane: Besides body odour?

Slight chuckle from the crowd.

Spike Kane: Primal is a force of fucking nature, unpredictable and wild - but then so many people in this match are. Just because I've whooped the ass of "Lord Dominicus" a million times, doesn't mean he isn't going to surprise me this time around. I relish the chance to go up against anyone who thinks they can take me down, because there's nothing I love more than a fight, and if there's actually people who can deliver? Then let's fucking go. Otherwise? Get the fuck out of my way.

Reporter 2: Is there any chance of a BANG! Bros reuniting in the match?

Spike glares, like an absolutely intense "fuck you" kind of stare, before he simply shakes his head and turns away, walking down from the podium, and going back behind a curtain, and once more the sound of a hell portal can be heard.

[edwarddubin0604]

Psychotic Goth comes to the podium dressed in his usual black leather outfit accompanied by Vampira. Impai is sitting at their table a look of awe is on his face as he awaits their every word as they look over the crowd.

Vampira: "We are quite honored to be here today at the Battle of Britain news conference and Psychotic Goth is more than honored to be in the Fatal Four Way Match between himself, Jake Wentzel, Armand von Krauss and Donzig to determine the top contender for the Wrestle: UK Commonwealth Championship."

Psychotic Goth: "A couple of shows ago I was on the verge of defeating Jake Wentzel. I was beating him down and I destroyed him until everyone decided to interrupt me. However, 'The King of the Goths' shall have his revenge when I enter this fatal four way. I shall unleash my fury like a berserker used to do in battle and I shall show no mercy."

(He roars in an ancient dialect.)

Impai: "Yes do it master!"

Psychotic Goth: "I know all three of my opponents are my enemies and I feel that Mr. Blood intended that. However, be careful what you wish for and you might just get it. Do not make an enemy of me, because I can be a nightmare to anyone who does provoke me. I can and I will show all three of my opponents what I can do."

Impai: "I love causing nightmares!"

(He pauses.)

Psychotic Goth: "Now little Spikey you complained about Team Fairtex invoking a so-called dead federation. Oh what is wrong with that Spikey? Can't stand to here the name of the legendary SWAT. How about I invoke the name of another legendary fed called Hardkore World. In fact, how about I invoke their names just to fucking piss you off."

(Psychotic Goth roars as he invokes those two feds and grows louder in louder in his shouting their names until he laughs maniacally.)

Impai: "Long live those two feds!"

Psychotic Goth: "Oh and how was your post Call To Arms experience after you were embarrassed yourselves. I'm sure you handled it quite well by taking it out on everybody. I'm sorry I reminded you of that Spikey and another thing. You called me an emo thinking you were going to upset me Spikey."

(He laughs maniacally.)

Psychotic Goth: "Do you know how many times I was called that and you know how many times I was called that and how much I laughed it off as immature shit."

Impai: "Plenty of times!"

Psychotic Goth: "Now enough of me making you famous Spikey. Now onto my four way match with Donzig, Jake Wentzel and Armand von Krauss.
I shall start with Jake Wentzel, who doesn't seem to be in this room and I don't see him. We haven't heard from him for a long time and it makes all wonder if Wentzel is fully committed to promote this match and if he really wants to win this match. We shall see come match time."

(Psychotic Goth roars in an ancient dialect.)

Psychotic Goth: "Then there is Armand von Krauss, who is quite dangerous and yes I know he is secretly still steamed that I foiled his plot two years ago. I shall be quite ready and I shall be quite dangerous as well since I am a maniac and I love using everything that's not tied down and even then I'll still use whatever is tied down."

(He bellows like a beast.)

Psychotic Goth: "Then there is Donzig. The Scourge is quite cold and ruthless and enjoys placing his body on the line. Never have I seen someone so wild and crazy as Donzig but his method of madness is quite well planned and he always has his plans all ready. Like Armand he has back up but unlike Armand he doesn't rely on twin IT's. Donzig has two twin giant of twin brothers."

(Psychotic Goth pauses.)

Psychotic Goth: "That brings up me. I'm one who always walked alone and I always wrestled alone. I never cared about what anyone thinks about me. I only cared about one individual and that's myself and I always believed in myself and at battle of Britain. I shall be the last one standing in this fatal four way."

(He lowers his head and raises his arms before flinging back his head revealing his pale handsome snakelike looks.)

Psychotic Goth: "Come Battle of Britain four men shall be destroying each other for the right to face the Commonwealth Champion whoever it is. Frankly I don't care since I'm going to be that person. Thus I have spoken and thus I shall make my vow come true."

Impai: "Bravo!"

[hardcorehammer24]

“Sweet Baby” Ken Howard approached the microphone, attired in a powder blue leisure suit ala Dumb and Dumber with a top hat and cane. Scuttling behind him is his videographer and makeshift manager Joachin Tellum.

KEN HOWARD: Hellu and cheerio Britainers! It is I the greatest and most attractive man toy to ever grace the ring, Ken Howard, and I come bearing a message for Mr. Blood…

What the hell kind of establishment are you running? First of all I get all ready to pound my latest opponent Ogge Wogge to the mat and the bastard doesn’t even bother to show. I waited an entire three hour show to be called out for my match…and crickets. No match, no announcement of cancellation, nothing Mr. Bloody Booby. If it wasn’t for Wesley Crane’s fabu in arena casino games I would be dying from the complete lack of exposure this company has shown for Moi.

Then I get the news I am booked for Battle of Britain, and Lo and behold, I get no publicity whatsoever. What kind of losers run around this promotion that I get placed under people like Bloodied Fox, Rat Bastard, and Lord Dominican Republic? Are these guys supposed to actually be any good? They sound more like rejects from Street Fighter II than legitimate wrestlers. Mr. Boob really needs to get his priorities straight here.

At least I am up against some fine competitors as well, and by fine I totally mean the beautiful Julie DiMaria…I don’t even care that she beat me in our last match. I have to admit I have become somewhat smitten…Julie Baby I saw what you did when you pointed out I had “layers.” You saw a glimpse of my sensitive side, the side that could love again. I apologize for my harsh words and failure to understand Pokemon and I will forgive your inability to understand wrestling gimmicks. Just say you’ll give this Hardcore Hammer a chance sweety-girl.

But it’s no matter, me and my trusty sledgehammer will set the record straight on who is the mover and shaker of W:UK.

Howard goes to leave but stops.

KEN HOWARD: And by the way Wesley Crane. What’s the deal with stealing the Sweet Baby’s schtick? Just remember who was first talking to some random dude that became part of his promos. It certainly wasn’t Crane and Henderson. It was Howard and Tellum

TELLUM: You stole the idea from Riot and Maurice Evans!

KEN HOWARD: And he stole it from Batman and Alfred! What’s your point? Shut the front door, Joachin.

But really Crane I love ya bro, but come up with a better idea…And here is where I drop the mic, Britons!

Howard literally drops the microphone on the floor and walks off.

[edwarddubin0604]

The Dark Stars and Dark Novas come up to the podium dressed in their ceremonial outfits and looking over those who are in attendance. They have a look of serious business in their eyes and faces before Commandrix steps up to the microphone.

Commandrix: "The Battle of Britain wasn't just the name of a legendary battle in World War II. It's the name of this Wrestle: UK where the best of the best converge in this soon to be top promotion in the XHF Network. In this event ten of the top teams shall battle in a Tag Team Gauntlet Match for the right to face the winners of The Glucks/Bastard Commonwealth Tag team Championship Match. The Dark Stars plan to be that team.

She backs away and The Dark Stars come up to the microphone.

Niko: "The Battle of Britain PPV television event shall be quite the battle it's being made out to be. This Tag team Gauntlet Match shall not just be a typical battle between the best teams in this top promotion in the XHF. It's going to be the ultimate war between all these best teams."

Kono: "There's Gavin and Aubrey, whom we don't know and never faced off against in the ring but we may be facing them either as the first two teams or maybe during the match. That depends on the number drawn and the position the teams enter. However, if we should meet in this match it could be interesting and we'll see what happens in this match."

Niko: "Then there's The Purge whom we did face and they are tough and they are relentless in the ring. They proved that in our fatal four way match a few shows ago and we have no intention to look past them or anyone else in this match. Make no mistake we do respect The Purge but that does not change the fact that we plan on winning this battle."

Kono: "We intend to win this war. Yet we also know that there are other teams preparing or already prepared for this match. There's Neon Bushido of Shimo and Takara Matsui. They are tough and like Team Fairtex's assessment have some of the stiffest kicks in this sport. Yet we are quite tough as well and we shall intend to wake war in the ring. We are made for war and we intend to fight as if we are in a war."

Niko: "War is what we are made for since we are true gladiators in the ring. We shall truly fight like gladiators against all teams in this match including Neon Bushido and we shall never back down. One this match begins and whoever starts off there shall be no turning back or retreat unless you are eliminated and the next team comes out. Will it be The Dark Stars? That depends on our position in this match."

Kono: "Then there's our other nemesis The Oblivion Death Squad Mormo and Moloch. We faced them in one of the bloodiest matches in Wrestle: UK and we defeated them. That was a rematch and before that we faced them in the ring. They did not need any assistance but got it from their valet Sinclair Godfrey. So we are even in victories in the ring but this is what you on earth call a tie breaker or the rubber match. You can also consider this the getaway match as your planet calls it as well."

The competitors in the room laugh.

Niko: "Seriously The Oblivion Death Squad is a team that's dangerous and they could win the whole gauntlet match but like we mentioned it's the number you draw and the position you enter. Remember it's also endurance and heart and fortitude that counts as the match continues and teams start to wear down."

Kono: "These are the top teams in Wrestle: UK and they are vying to be the next team to be facing off against the two best teams at the moment. Those are The Glucks and The Bastards. Team Fairtex and The Dark Stars are the only two teams to have held tag team championships in their respective areas. If we should meet in the ring it's going to be a battle of former tag team champions. We shall see who the better team is and moves on to the next team."

Niko: "We intend to be that team by making Team Fairtex an afterthought and that their former glory and legendary status ends in this match. There is going to be no doubt that The Dark Stars are going to be the last team standing. We shall be taking care of business and we shall run the gauntlet and we shall win the opportunity to be the tag team champions again."

Kono: "Bastards you did defeat us but we're coming to get even with you for that loss. So beware we shall be out for revenge for that loss and we shall avenge ourselves."

Commandrix steps up to the microphone again.

Commandrix: "Come Battle of Britain this shall be a war and The Dark Stars shall be engaging in just that and that's war. They don't care who they face since the outcome shall be the same and that is victory after running the gauntlet. Make no mistake it won't be easy but then again The Dark Stars don't like easy battles. So good luck to every team and we shall see who is really the better team. The Dark Stars shall be that team."

They leave the podium.

[Grimgor Ironhide]

The loud, rumbling sound of footstomps echoes across the room, and the reporters stare in awe when a massive, snarling, green-skinned brute, clad in an ugly, pitch-black armor looking made of metal plates slapped together, appears at the room entrance - none other than former Next Level Wrestling Southern States Champion, Grimgor Ironhide.

“OI! OL’ GRIMGOR’S ‘ERE YA SQUEALIN’ RUNTS! GIT OUTTA ME WAY!”

DA ONCE AND FUTURE GIT makes his way towards the podium - not without shoving some poor unfortunate bystander aside with a shrug of his massive shoulders. He taps the microphone at the podium, but his humongous hands sound like he might as well be bashing it with a hammer.

“ROIGHT! DIS FING ON!? YEH, SEE, AIN’T ALL OF YA GITZ KNOW WHO OI AM. OI’Z GRIMGOR IRONHIDE, DA ALPHA ORC, DA ONCE AN’ FUTURE GIT! OI’Z BEEN FOIGHTIN’ OVA DERE AT NEKST LEVEL RASSLIN’, BUT DEM ‘RASSLE UK GITZ BROUGHT ME ‘ERE ‘CAUSE DEY’Z NEED SUMWUN TA BEAT DA GROT DUNG OUTTA YER SORRY ‘IDES AN’ PUT YOU IN ROIGHT AN’ PROPPA SHAPE IN DIS ‘ERE BATTLE O’ BRITAIN!”

Grimgor takes a look around the silent room, at the journalists gripped between incredulity and sheer terror, and soon his stone-like face sports a wicked, feral grin - the kind of twisted smile a predator might dedicate towards its prey before bearing down on them.

“OI’Z SEE SUM OL’ FRIENDS ‘ERE! DERE’Z DA SPIKY GIT KANE AN’ DA BLEEDIN’ FOX, OI’Z KRUMPED DEM GITZ GUD OVA’ DERE AT DA BAYOU. HA! DIS ‘ERE’Z GONNA BE FUN!”

Shaking like a leaf, one of the reporters stands up to face DA ALPHA ORC.

Reporter #1: “E-excuse me, Mr… Grimgor, correct? Uh… you s-seem to be somewhat new to Wrestle UK, so can I ask a bit about what-who you are?”

DA ALPHA ORC grinds his bared teeth, and gives the journalist a feral snarl.

“OI’Z DA ALPHA ORC, YA ‘UMIE GIT! ORCS IZ MADE FER FOIGHTIN’ AN’ WINNIN’! FER CRUSHIN’ AN’ KILLIN’! Oi’z gonna stomp da ‘ooniverse flat an’ deze SQUIG’EADZ iz gettin’ in me way, so Oi’z gonna do da roight proppa fing fer an Orc - and dat’s ta SMASH DEM GUD!”

Cowed, the first journalist slumps back into his seat, and another reporter stands up.

Reporter #2: “I’m well aware of your exploits in NLW, Mr. Ironhide. You were Southern States Champion for a while, won it in your second match too, but you lost to MYÔJIN and were going to face him in their Pay-Per-View. ”

A deafening, beastly roar erupts from Grimgor’s throat - a roar that might send a myriad chills down the spine of anyone within earshot.

“RRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGH!!! OI AIN’T LIKE DAT SPARKLY GIT, OI’Z WELL ‘ARD!!!

The woman can’t help but let out a chuckle to herself, and some murmurs of “ooooooh!” emerge from the audience, but the Black Orc seems not to have picked up on the implication.

“OI! WOT ARE YA GITZ LAFFIN’ AT!? BAH, ZOG IT! We’z still foightin’ ova dere in NLW tho, we’z just on a water break so Oi’z got time ta kill ‘ere, DEN GO BACK TA GET ME GUBBINZ!”

Reporter #2: “Um… gubbinz?”

Grimgor draws a sigh of frustration, and throws his arms beside himself in a gesture of impatience. A sputtering sound, like a release of gas, might have also been heard, but if anyone sensed anything, the imposing and menacing presence of the Black Orc might prevent them from saying anything.

“DA GUBBINZ, YA GIT! DEM SHINY METAL PLATES YOOZ CALL CHAMPIONSHIPS AN’ FINGZ! We Orcs kustomise ourselfs wiv ALL KINDS O’GUBBINZ ta make ourselfs more killy, an’ GRIMGOR IZ DA BIGGEST, DA STRONGEST AN’ DA KILLIEST GIT DERE IZ!

An since doze NLW GROTS ain’t done wiv da foightin’ just yet, dem ‘rassle UK ‘umies come talk to ol’ Grimgor. Dey’z tell me dere’z sum gubbinz on da line if Oi’z can get me arse ‘ere and stomp on sum puny gitz, an’ EVERYWUN KNOWS DAT’S WOT DA ORCS IZ DA BEST AT DOIN’!

So dere’z nineteen uvva squig’eads dat are gonna get KRUMPED by DA ONCE AN’ FUTURE GIT, an’ Oi’z gonna make gud, ‘umies, dat when dis is ova’, yer gonna see da ring painted GREEN wiv da power o’Gork an’ Mork!”

The woman sits back down, but the man next to her stands up, taking over after she’s spent her allotted time.

Reporter #3: ”The more you talk, Mr. Ironhide, the less comprehensible you are. What is a Gork and Mork?”

“Gork an’ Mork are da Gods of us Orcs. Gork iz brutal but kunnin’, an’ Mork iz cunnin’ but brutal.”

Reporter #3: ”That seems like they’re both one and the same?”

“‘COURSE NOT, YA SQUIG FARMER! Dere’z one FUNNAMENTAL diff’renz, see. Gork iz da BIGGEST AN’ DA MEANEST, HE’Z GONNA HIT YA ‘ARDER WHEN YOOZ LOOKIN’. Mork iz a sneaky git an’ will hit ya ‘arder when ya ain’t.

An’ Oi’z DA ALPHA ORC, SO OI’Z GOT DA POWER OF BOTH. AN’ DAT MEANS, YA ‘UMIE SNOTLING, DAT GRIMGOR IZ DA BEST!”

At this point, the first journalist gets up once more, this time scratching his head.

Reporter #1: “W-well… anything else you’d like to say to the audience, sir?”

DA ONCE AND FUTURE GIT stomps the floor, and points towards the multitude of cameras, before letting out another bellow.

“LISSEN UP YA GROTS AN’ SQUIGS! DIS ‘ERE’z da Battle o’ Britain, and Bri’ish GITZ are gonna see in dat dere ring wot ‘appens when da ORCS come ta foight.

Oi’z DA ONCE AN’ FUTURE GIT, an’ dem uvva grots dat DARE go against me are gonna get me BOOT so far up dere arses dey’ll be tastin’ squig leather until dey die- WHICH WILL BE ROIGHT AFTER!

So make yerselfs ready, ya squealin’ RUNTZ! DA ORCS IZ COMIN’!”

Grimgor takes a deep breath, and lets out his trademark mighty battlecry, with a force that may as well make the conference room come down…

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!!!!"