Battle of Britain Press Conference: [Open Roleplay]

[Mr. Blood]

The flashes of cameras go off, and reporters come to their feet as Mister Blood walks into the room. He tugs at his black suit jacket before adjusting his tie as he approaches the podium which is marked with the logo of Wrestle:UK. He stands behind it, shrugging his shoulders before a hand reaches over to adjust the mic. Then he leaned forward, flashing a faint smile.

Blood: Ladies and Gentlemen, press, W:UK Superstars, and assorted XHF guests. Welcome to the first ever, W:UK Premium Live Event Press Conference. Now does anyone have any questions for me before we start?

Reporter: What is your involvement if any with Gus Arnold and his group?

Blood frowned, and leaned closer.

Blood: Gus Arnold is under contract, as are his boys. That is all I am at liberty to discuss, but to have such a stable of talent on my roster? All I can say is I a very pleased so far.

Reporter: And what is your association with Armand and his wife Esmera--

Blood waved a hand, and then leaned forward to cut him off.

Blood: Ah, trust me. Do not say that name, we should all just call her the Usurper.

The crowd laughed at that, those in the W:UK, and a few other XHF stars did not.

Blood: Any more questions before we get moving along?

Reporter: Did you enjoy the Outlaw Mudshow Preview?

Blood: I hate that son of a bitch, and I am going to get even with him.

The crowd fell silent as Blood stared at the reporter, he gave a slight cough before he reached up to adjust his tie. He forced a smile, and licked his lips.

Reporter: Ah, rumor was you are working on a major contract with a huge XHF superstar? Any hints on who it is?

Blood: Now, now that will ruin the surprise. Speaking of? I have a major one planned for the Battle of Britain!

That set the room abuzz, and they were all whispering before shouting some questions. Then Blood leaned back, waving a hand off stage.

Blood: And now the first superstar I want to call up for some questions? The hottest new talent in W:UK, the man who will enter the Battle of Britain at Number Twenty! The High Roller Wesley Crane!

[To be Continued...]

["The High Roller" Wesley Crane]

Mr.Blood: “And now the first superstar I want to call up for some questions? The hottest new talent in W:UK, the man who will enter the Battle of Britain at Number Twenty! The High Roller Wesley Crane!”

A roar can be heard over the people in attendance. Suddenly, out pops “The High Roller” Wesley Crane’s personal assistant, Henderson. He looks extremely nervous. He slowly walks toward Mr. Blood. He’s dressed in his normal attire, cheap brown pants with a cream colored short sleeve buttoned down shirt and cheap “pleather” shoes. In his hand is his tablet. Cameras are flashing as Henderson has walked out alone. Mr. Blood does not look amused. As Henderson gets close to him, he reaches a shaky hand out toward him and tries to shake hands. Mr. Blood does not return the favor.

Mr. Blood: “Where is Mr. Crane?”

Henderson: “Well sir, I… I… I have been sent here with a message from my boss.”

There is a buzz in the crowd. They can’t believe Wesley Crane is not here. Immediately the reporters began shouting over one another, hoping to get Henderson to answer their question first. Mr. Blood raises his right arm, causing the crowd to quiet down.

Mr. Blood: “What is this message? It had better be good.”

Henderson: “Well sir, I don’t know… I don’t know how to tell you this… but… but…”

Mr. Blood: “Get on it with, is Wesley Crane here or not?”

Henderson: “No, sir, I’m sorry but he’s not here.”

The cameras flash like crazy once again. One of the reporters yells above all the others.

Reporter: “Has Wesley Crane quit Wrestle:UK?

Mr.. Blood shoots the reporter a stern look. The reporter backs down. Again, Mr. Blood throws up his right hand. He looks back at Henderson.

Mr. Blood: “And where in the hell is he?”

Henderson looks like he’s about to piss himself with fear.

Henderson: “He’s… He’s getting ready for his State of the Wrestle:UK Address at the local venue.”

Mr. Blood’s eyes almost pop out of his head.

Mr. Blood: “HE’S WHAT?”

Henderson is trembling with fear.

Henderson: “He sent me here to show you all this video.”

Henderson pushes a couple of buttons on his iPad. A video of Wesley can be seen. Henderson places the iPad close to a microphone so the crowd can hear the video. Henderson reaches over and pushes the play button. Sure enough, there is Wesley Crane’s face. He lowers his aviator sunglasses and begins speaking.

“The High Roller” Wesley Crane (On Video): “I’m guessing you’re all wondering why I haven’t shown up to this press conference. Well, it’s quite simple. With all due respect Mr. Blood, Wesley Crane is too fucking important to be grouped together with the rest of the roster for some press conference. If they want to come together for some kumbaya, then by all means, have at it, but “The High Roller” Wesley Crane refuses to be a part of it. So instead of this press conference, you can watch my first ever State of the Wrestle:UK Address in person or live on all my social media platforms. Until then, remember, facts are facts and the facts are this: I’m better than the rest of you, fuckers!”

Henderson reaches over and taps the screen again, this time stopping the video. He moves the iPad closer to himself. Mr. Blood looks on, furious. The reporters are going wild. All of them are shouting over each other. Mr. Blood raises his hand for a third time, signaling for them to quiet down. This time though, he yells out to the crowd.

Mr. Blood: “ENOUGH!”

Mr. Blood looks back at Henderson.

Mr. Blood: “May I see your iPad?”

Henderson looks hesitant but does what the owner of Wrestle:UK asks. As soon as Mr. Blood has the iPad, he slams it against the podium, breaking the iPad. Henderson looks crushed. He wants to say something but knows that right now might not be the best time to do so.

Mr. Blood: “So Mr. Crane believes he’s too good for my press conference, does he?”

Henderson takes a risk and speaks up.

Henderson: “Uh, he did say “with all due respect,” sir.”

Mr. Blood: “I highly suggest you take your iPad and get the hell away from my press conference.”

Henderson takes the broken iPad and turns to leave. He quickly looks back at the microphone and steps in front of it.

Henderson: “You can see Mr. Crane’s State of the Wrestle:UK Address later today, thank you.”

Not wanting to deal with the repercussions from Mr. Blood, Henderson quickly scurries out of the room. Will someone else come out for the press conference?

(Feel free to call Dibs on writing next, that way there aren’t more than one RP’s being posted at the same time)

[Visit Neom]

(I will go next if nobody minds.)

[Visit Neom]

[ As if Wesley Crane sending a spokesperson wasn’t bad enough, a tech crew then lowers a projector screen and dims the lights in the room. A video begins to play. We see Disney World. It is a symmetrical shot of Main Street, USA. In the background towers Cinderella’s castle. Given the empty street and golden hour light, this would have been shot before “rope drop” in the morning. A podium is set up in the middle of a frame and a blonde woman in the flannel vest of a VIP tour guide stands behind it. The iconic Disney name tag identifies her as an Olivia from Whitefish, Montana.]

Olivia: The Disney Corporation would like to extend our congratulations to Marty Donovan. Yesterday, he became the 34th man to hold the historic Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship. Having accomplished this only a week after being…

[The woman pauses for a moment and has to compose herself.]

Olivia:...stabbed no doubt proves that he is the greatest wrestler in history. Mr.Donovan was planning to address the UK media in person. However, his appearance at Battle of Britain is currently off unless certain assurances can be made.

[She pauses, anticipating that the media elsewhere would need a second to calm down again.]

Olivia: Mr.Donovan requests that he be told the identity of the mystery entrant. This can be done in private and is not to gain any sort of advantage over the competition. Rather, this is because of a new personal rule.

[The blonde looks straight into the camera.]

Olivia: Disney’s Marty Donovan will never share a ring with Zoran Sainovic again.

[She looks back down at her notes.]

Olivia: Sainovic’s heinous actions are worthy of a lifetime ban from the sport. Likewise, the XHF has shown they are incapable of ensuring the safety of the athletes in their ring . Disney’s Marty Donovan will never again compete for the XHF and encourages all promoters to explore alternative platforms as soon as legally possible. Disney Plus has an audience of over 152 million subscribers globally and is the only place to see The Mandalorian.

[She flips to the second page of her script.]

Olivia: Once again, we are asking Mr.Blood to provide proof that Zoran Sainovic will not be competing or in attendance at this event. Given Mr.Donovan has no prior relationship with the promoter, we request that long time friend Jeremy Tucker provide his assurances too. Mr.Donovan looks forward to the speedy resolution of this issue, so that he can provide the fans with a performance high above what the Wrestle: UK roster is capable of. Thank you.

[The shot fades out and the lights in the room turn back on. Hopefully, someone who has actually shown up for the press conference is next.]

[Dave D-Flipz]

*Suddenly, a flash of hair and ... more hair ... lurches across the stage with unusual speed for a stocky man of almost 300 pounds. A face not seen in Britain for a very long time, since AXW closed its doors, appears at the podium*

: "I will address all of you in a moment, but first, branding. MARTY DONOVAN! I am currently shopping my story: Hairman of the Board, a tale of epic hair and banging Godzilla, to Disney for the movie rights. It's a surefire hit! And as such I figure it right to butter up their favored spokesman. ANd so I have used my ... connections ... *licks his lips* to provide you with this!"

*The projector comes back on to show Olivia about to leave the spot where her statement was read when a man with a big giftbox arrives from FedEx. He asks her to sign for the package. She ... looks confused but does ... the tag says it's for Marty ... and when she opens it ... it reveals a chainmail armor to be worn over the torso and upper arms! ... Made entirely of Primal's special unique magic hair ... we won't say if it's ass hair or not but it's always heavily implied.*

: "A show of good faith to protect you! It is entirely stab, slash, and penetration proof! Just uh, apply coconut oil once a week to maintain flexibility. In fact one of my fellow competitors in the BAttle of Britain can attest to my AMAZING craftsmanship. Isn't that right Lord Dominicus?"

*Primal raises an evil eyebrow from behind his true face (his mask).*

: "Ahem! WRESTLE: UK! I know you all have been awaiting my return. But ... I've had little reason to show up. See I don't desire money ... or glory ... or titles. It's always been about doing whatever the hell I want! And well ... I didn't want to leave my new home of Canada to follow the bastards and the Bastards to England! I'm not a fan of your cooking you see, and food is one of the few pleasures in life worth hunting for the good quality! But I decided to give in and spill the tea here for this battle ... because of the implications of this event. How annoying and embarrassing for you WUK stars to have this shot and ... lose it ... to a man beast like me invading you from the past. Oh my fellow NPW cohorts can tell you EXACTLY the danger I bring to the party when I apply myself."

*He laughs as he caresses his chest hair in a grotesque way, shedding drops of grease into his hand. He then points at the crowd quickly, like an OBJECTION from Phoenix Wright, spraying the smelly, disgusting grease into the crowd of people assembled for this event.*

: "And when Mr. Blood called me in to be a ringer, how could I refuse? I mean a shot to meet back up with my old friend Sinclair, a reunion with that pissant Lord Dominicus, and the chance to win a fight with ... those ... BASTARDS ... Well I think it's clear my heart is in it."

*His hair begins to shift and shimmer and move on it's own as he gets more intense.*

: "So in conclusion ... I will be the one to massacre all of your favorite stars and win this event. And I will be claiming my shot at the Bastards to repay them for what they did to me. No further questions!"

*He storms off while his back hair flips off the crowd.*

[bloodiedfox]

Bloodied Fox enters from stage right and takes the podium. His expression is unpleasant, not helped by the still visible wounds from his End of Days scaffold match with Zoran Sainovic.

I'd love to give you all some flowery speech about how great it is to be here and how psyched I am to be one of the twenty men in this match, but that's not happening. I'm sore and I'm tired and I am seriously fucking pissed off. The company I ostensibly work for hasn't run a show for nearly two months, and I just got put out of End of Days by a man with one fucking arm because I of course get stuck in a gimmick match that doesn't need to end in a pinfall or submission. A match, by the way, with a man who has stabbed me and others in the XHF on multiple occasions. A man who tried to murder me earlier this year. A man I was not allowed to bring a sword into a match against, even though he carries a half dozen knives into every WRESTLING match as a rule.

The crowd is quiet, seemingly stunned by Fox's frankly kinda whiny diatribe.

But fuck it, I signed up for this and I honour my commitments, even if no-one else seems to give an actual fuck. So I'm coming out at whatever number I draw and I'm going to beat the shit out of whoever is in reach. I have no idea if I'll win, and to be honest I'm past caring. If all I'm going to be is the butt of a joke, then let's make it a killing joke.

Having apparently said his piece, he stalks offstage.

[Mr. Blood]

Mister Blood rose to his feet, and hurriedly approached the podium as Fox stepped away. He adjusted his tie leaning down to speak into the mic, a hand lifting to calm the crowd.

Blood: According to the records that I inherited when I bought this company, when twenty million dollars went missing from SWAT, we were told it couldn't have been our commissioner who took it, because Zoran Sainovic was deceased. So we can assure you Marty, that as far as Wrestle United Kingdom is concerned... Zoran is dead. He won't be a mystery guest.

A frown, and Blood looked over to Fox.

Blood: And my personal assurances, that there will be hardly any stabbings at this event! I don't foresee any in the Battle of Britain match itself at least, I am not sure about some of these others. 

Blood straightened up, smiling faintly before he resumed his seat.

[edwarddubin0604]

Olympia steps up the podium after Mr. Blood steps away dressed in her Olympic uniform displaying her gold medals as she looks out at the throng of reporters gathered at the press conference.)

Olympia: "First I want to make a statement before I answer any or all your questions in the allotted time."

(The reporters start talking as if she's going to say something unflattering before they quiet down.)

Olympia: "I want to thank Mr. Blood for injecting new life into the former SWAT now known as Wrestle: UK. He brought a bold new vision and a new wave influx of women wrestlers making this promotion competitive again. Now I open the floor to questions."

Reporter #1: "Why are you dressed for the Olympics."

Olympia: "It's because I'm proud of my Olympic experience. Now I know the rest of the competitors dress in expensive suits and dresses, but I prefer to stand out and show my Olympic pride since that is what I am and that's a mostly pure athlete."

Reporter #2: "What do you think of the Battle of Britain competitors."

Olympia: "The competition is quite wide open and anyone can win. All over the XHF competitors from all promotions are coming to compete to be the best they can be. They want to show their promotions are the best and at Battle of Britain they will either prove it or fail and be open to their opponents insults and trash talk."

Reporter #3: "You wrestled in JROK briefly and what do you think of Kira's appearance in Wrestle: UK."

Olympia: "Look I have nothing but respect for Kira Izumi, since he's an excellent wrestler and owner of JROK and I know he's quite a tough competitor. The Skulls of Grimm will have their hands full and it's going to be a bloodbath between these two six-man teams."

Reporter #4: "You were named Olympia for your hometown."

(Olympia laughs a bit and smiles.)

Olympia: "No my father was Orion named after the famous mythical hunter but you can also say that too."

Reporter #5: "You always have Dragonatrix at your side but for what reason."

Olympia: "She's the one who convinced me to become a professional wrestler and she trained me along with other former Hardkore World and IWA/VVL women's competitors but she's been at my side advising me during my time in both SWAT and Wrestle: UK. She's kept me focused and doesn't accompany me at ringside."

Reporter #6: "You were away from competition for a while....."

Olympia: "If you were wondering what I was doing I was helping Mr. Blood promote Wrestle: UK in Asia and in the United States. I know I was a bit rusty in the top contender's match for the Commonwealth Championship. Still I've been shaking it off and I am quite prepared for this event."

Reporter #7: "You heard what 'The Ninth Baroness' Sinclair Godfrey said about you. What do you say about her comments."

Olympia: "Yeah we seem to never forget each other. Imagine she still can't keep me out of her thoughts and move on. Still I remember one competitor last year who still couldn't get my name out of her thoughts and where is she. I was ready to wrestle her but suddenly she leaves after a few shows. Sinclair isn't that flash in the pan since she's cold and ruthless and very skilled since she was trained by Donzig."

Reporter #8: "Do you care about your entry number or what will happen if you and Sinclair collide in Battle of Britain."

Olympia: "It doesn't matter what entry number or if me and Sinclair Godfrey collide at the same time in Battle of Britain. What really matters is who eliminates who in this match and who is left standing."

Reporter #9 "What if she decides to continue challenging you to matches in the ring."

Olympia: "If Sinclair Godfrey insists on feuding with me and wants me to step into the ring to settle things. Then so be it. I'm one who never backs down from a match or any challenge for that matter and if she wants a war. Olympia will give her a war that she'll never forget and she'll see that 'The Golden Spartan' doesn't and I mean doesn't back down."

Reporter #10: "Why do you insist on calling yourself 'The Golden Spartan' when you were an Olympic champion in two combat sports."

Olympia: "The Spartans were a tough and hardy people who lived in the mountains of Greece. They were warriors and they trained hard and fought hard to the last man. Do not forget these were the same warrior people who fended off the Persians and were immortalized. I remember reading about them and I trained hard like a Spartan and I never forget that discipline."

(The reporters raise their hands to ask more questions but she holds her hands up.)

Olympia: "I know you have more questions but there are others who have things to say about Battle of Britain and their matches. So I'll leave it at that but I want to say I wish both myself and the other competitors good luck and my the best wrestler wins."

(She steps away from the podium.)

[Anthony Jordan]

Click here to read my reply

[The Sheik]

The one and only Malcolm Xavier Graves pushed his way past the press, leaning on his cane before he stepped onto the stage. He tugged at his coat, buttoning on it before he walked over to the podium. He paused, tapping his cane against it before he grabbed the mic to pull it towards him before he smirked at the crowd.

MXG: My client, the man who will be winning the Battle of Britain could not be here today. Now my client is over here hiding like the new HKW world heavyweight Champion, who is just here hoping to not be stabbed! He is not hiding in some undisclosed location, sending recordings with his shabbily dressed assistant! No, sir. My client, the Great King of Terror? He is not here for your safety, he is not here because I can and will not ask Mr. Blood to be responsible for what he would do! You see bringing a man like the Sheik into this room? This room of talkers, and soft men?

MXG smirked, and he leaned down as he drew his glasses down to look over top of them.

MXG: That would be like bringing a wolf into a flock of sheep. Because the Sheik is not a happy man, the Sheik is angry! You see first he was disrespected, and then Lynx stole his West Koast Championship. But you know what? The Sheik is going to come in here, and he is going to win the Battle of Britain! And then? He is walking into New Years' Brawl to win the gold of W:UK! Hell, he might take Hunter's title, he might challenge your world champion! The Bastards? The Bastards are not shit to a man like the Sheik!

The press blinked, and started yelling questions as MXG held up a hand. He pulled off his shades, tucking them inside of his jacket as he waved hand towards Blood. He pointed, wearing a faint smile.

MXG: No offense to your roster, Mr. Blood. But the Sheik? Listen I don't want you boys to get up tight when the Sheik walks out of here draped in W:UK gold. You see the Sheik will take back what was stolen from him, he will take what Marty over there has, and then he will take from W:UK! He will do it all wearing the XHF Hardcore Championship! Because the Man from the Empty Quarter is a beast, a man who will not be denied! 

MXG shrugged.

MXG: I am done taking questions at this time.

He scooped up his cane, shoving it under his arm before he walked from the stage with an angry scowl cast at Watts.

[Donzig]

‘Alright enough of this shit.’ snarled the voice of the Scourge, and Donzig shoved his way through the crowd. His coat snapping angrily behind him, and the hulking forms of the Oblivion Death Squad parted the press before him as Sinclair followed a step behind. He rolled his eyes at MXG, snorting at him before he pointed. ‘Go sit down by Marty, and remember your pet lion isn’t here to keep you safe.’

MXG sputtered, and he tightened his grip on his cane as he stepped closer. Donzig stared at him from behind his mask, and then Mormo loomed over Graves as a huge hand tightened into a fist as he looked down with his skull mask. MXG’s eyes narrowed, and Donzig shrugged. ‘Make a play, Malcolm. If I send you back to HKW in pieces, I bet the Valentines would send me a gift basket.’

The crowd gave an uneasy laugh at that, and Donzig stalked onto the stage.

‘You can’t just burst in here and do what you want!’ Blood was on his feet, and Donzig tilted his head.

‘Moloch if Mister Blood speaks again? Silence him.’

Blood turned red, and he started to speak before he fell silent as the brute stepped over to his table. Moloch lifted his chin, and placed a single gloved finger against the grinning mouth of his skull mask. Blood held up his hands, and sat down with a frown.

‘Does anyone else have anything to add?’

Donzig-gun glared around the room, and Donzig tapped his fingers on the podium.

‘Excellent. You see at Battle of Britain, I the wonder and terror of this Age will walk down to the ring! And I will make history not in whatever you are all doing, but by defeating two very former world Champions and one sad little Amish man in a TLC match! And that match will determine the very future of the W:UK! Because you see?’

Donzig leaned forward, hissing through his mask as growled into the mic.

‘Winning the Battle of Britain is just a one way ticket to me, because after I grind those three idiots into the very earth? I am taking aim at Havok or Fowler, and there will be a new W:UK Heavyweight Champion!’

Donzig jerked a thumb at himself.

‘And I hope, I hope that Gus and his little band of riff-raff are watching, I hope they are taking notes, because there is plenty of Donzig to go around! There is enough Donzig for everyone, that includes enough for Marty, for Spike, for LD, and of course for Fox! Fox, my old dear friend, I am well pleased you were not stabbed!’

Donzig spread his arms, as though hugging the room as he continued.

‘You see, I see us all, all of us! From JROK to NLW to REIGN to HKW to W:UK as one big family! And it is just–’

Donzig paused, and he looked at Sinclair.

The Baroness studied the room. ‘Wonderful?’

‘Fuck it, wonderful! It’s wonderful, that we are all here together!’

Several of the gathered stars did not seem convinced of the good will and happiness of Donzig-gun. Donzig stared at them, his hands latching onto the podium.

‘Ah, Donzig! What do you think of Sinclair’s chances of winning this event?’

‘Sinclair has my total and utter confidence. And when she wins? Well, I guess Hunter and Long should be on guard. Because she is going to bring that Commonwealth title back to where it belongs.’

The press nodded, and Donzig hissed as another rose.

‘So your plan is to gather all the gold in W:UK under your control? You think the ODS can defeat the Bastards?’

‘You’re stupid, and that is a stupid question. Who let you in here?’

The man sputtered, and looked at Blood. Donzig sighed.

‘Figures. Listen, you see the Bastards? They have not shown up yet, you know why? Because they are in the back shook! They are shook! They are scared, they know Donzig-gun is here! I am sure when I am done, Frank is going to come out here talking about what a bad man he is.’

Donzig waved a hand.

‘But he’s not.’

‘Donzig! What do you have to say about your two recent defeats to Dylan Black? Are you looking for a rematch?’

Sinclair took a deep breath, and Donzig cocked his head before he reached up to pull off his mask.

‘I'm hurt and I'm old and I'm fuckin tired and I work with fucking children.’

The man blinked, and Donzig waved a hand.

‘It’s because Mongo wants me to work with pricks constantly.’

Donzig shrugged, and MXG chortled as he seemed to get the joke. Donzig glared at Blood, and he scowled.

‘We also have irresponsible people who call themselves presidents, who couldn’t manage a Target.’

Blood slammed his hands on the table and started to rise, his face red before he turned to stare at the silent Moloch. Donzig smiled that nasty grin of his, a brow lifting as he turned to the mic.

‘Blood, I told you back on Legacy Four in the Stadium of Light to stay out of Death in High Places’ way. We are in a literal room full of people who would tell you the exact same thing, Blood. But here you are, here you are, trying to get the monsters of the W:UK to destroy me! To defeat me!’

Donzig snorted, a hand lifting to wipe across his mouth.

‘But I am going to break your monsters, I am going to break the Black Hand of Wrestling, I am going to shatter every finger on Gus Arnold’s precious hand, I am going to break the back of the Usurper, I am going to defeat your champions. All of them, one at a time, I don’t give two fucks how it happens, Blood! You can line them all up now! Ask Spike, ask Fox, ask Primal, fuck ask Lord Dominicus! I am going to do all of these things, and then? I am coming for you, Blood.’

Blood stared, and Donzig absently dragged a thumb across the corner of his mouth. Then he slammed his hand down, and glared at the press.

‘See you soon.’

Donzig shoved away from the podium, stalking for the door before Donzig-gun fell in behind him as the press shouted questions.

[Mongo the Destroyer]

*An organ blasts a few minor chords similar to Team Rocket appearing or whenever the King of All Cosmos in Katamari games talks. Curtains fly open to reveal the DARKEST BEING IN ALL OF THE XHF NETWORK as he lowers himself to but momentarily to attend this thing being held by WUK. Lord Dominicus walks to the podium and takes off sunglasses that you probably didn’t even realize he was wearing because his mask is predominantly black, especially the eye mesh.*

LD: No questions, I don’t care what you PATHETIC PEONS want to know. Just statements. Statement one, Primal: your knitted undergarment is still WONDERFULLY WARM during the winter months. You and me bro? We cool, right?

*He does that thing where he taps his fist on his chest twice and points. There’s no telling how the wild hairy monster that is Primal will interpret it.*

LD: Next statement: Rat Bastard, if you’re listening, though I’m not sure why anyone sane would be listening to anything here- no offense Primal, but you know you’re crazy- I’m more than down to eliminate these losers from their own fed’s match and then we can stab each other in the back and one of us wins.

*DominiThumbsUp. Flash photography is going wild.*

LD: Statement the third: Wrestle: United Kingdom sucks. You’re the fake PRICE of NPW. You’re the somehow more embarrassing little brother of SWAT. You’re the culmination of everything the CWA worked for- and by that I mean the living embodiment of its failure to launch. You’re smaller, you’re still filled with petty whiners who won’t look past their own nose then complain when they’re not noticed, and I think we’re all just waiting for somebody to get themselves canceled for saying something terrible. Might as well have just called yourself Wolf Den Wrestling 2 because that’s about the value this company has considering its roster.

*There’s gasps but Lord Dominicus throws his hands up real quick.*

LD: Except Eron Hunter, he’s cool. But the rest? Same garbage that wouldn’t venture outside of their box when they were on the Network the first time. The same garbage that wouldn’t support their Confederate Wrestling Alliance or whatever it was called when that was going. The very same garbage who cried and moaned when Eric Dane was holding the NPW Double Crown Championship but then cried and complained MORE when somebody with a shred of skill, talent, and charisma beat him for it.

*He DominiThinks a moment.*

LD: So maybe it was “Crybaby Wrestling Alliance,” I dunno, I try not to remember terrible things.

*Quick aside*

LD: At least when I do it I don’t out myself as a bigot at the same time.

*The room is quickly getting more hostile towards Dominicus, for obvious reasons.*

LD: Fourth statement: It is my clear intention to win the Battle of Britain, go on to claim my W:UK World Championship title shot and then take your belt to feds more deserving across the Network. I hope you like having bolt holes in the leather and maybe some of the gold plating, because I’m gonna stick that sucker to the DomiCruiser as a testament to everyone across the entire XHF Network of how pathetic the superstars of W:UK are when I parade your gold around everywhere except the UK.

*Dominicus points into the camera.*

LD: So go ahead, pathetophiles- that’s a person who’s fond of being pathetic and revels in being the victim- go cry and whine and moan and sob about how you’re being persecuted by the DARKEST OF DARKS IN ALL THE WORLD- I bet some of CWA’s founding fathers would love that speech if you know what I mean. Go sob to the W:UK staff to get me silenced or banned or leave the Network or whatever other way you can avoid REAL competition and make yourselves feel like less pathetic losers than you’ve been for the last x number of years. Go do whatever you want behind closed doors instead of being men and stepping up to stop me. BUT-

*The point becomes a finger being held up.*

LD: But; when the pins are counted, when the bodies are scattered, when everything is said and done- if my hand is being raised high? That’s on you for being too busy circle-jerking each other for having like-minded ideas rather than actually trying to become part of something bigger and actually learning to work against a variety of opponents. But that won’t fit your narrative, you’ll blame me. And you know what?

*Lord Dominicus puts his sunglasses back on. Again, due to the mask, this doesn’t really have much of an effect.*

LD: …I’ll agree with you. It’s my fault for actually being more talented than a swamp full of stagnant complainers who’d rather self-gratify themselves in isolation than learn how to improve and change and grow as wrestlers. That’s on me for being straight up better than each and every one of you. And when your title is bolted to the DominiCruiser, covered in all the bugs I hit and the dirt I kick up in my races in CAR, then you’ll know the value of everything you stood by when you CHOSE that isolation because it made you feel better about being weaker competitors.

*He points and starts walking off, then takes a couple steps back to the podium.*

LD: Except Eron Hunter, he’s cool.

*With that LD raises up the two-fingered salute and makes a raspberry sound with his tongue and walks off.*

[robriot]

For the briefest of interludes, the camera cuts away from the press conference to the Bastards, who are watching the entire thing play out on a monitor in what appears to be a locker room. I mean, it could be a locker room. With the Bastards, it could just as easily be a curry house - but we digress.

There's a knock on the door.

Riot: Enter, stranger!

Fowler: Was that a 'Knightmare' reference?

Riot: Absolutely was.

Windsor: Fucking nerds.

Alyssa Lucchi strolls into the room, microphone in hand. She looks a little nervous. She hasn't seen The Bastards in quite some time, and the relationship between her and Riot has never been anything close to anything you'd consider "normal." Not Riot, nor Windsor, nor Fowler turn their heads, so she clears her throat. A visibly irritated Fowler turns around.

Fowler: Look, we're trying to watch this shit show of a pres...oh, hey, Alyssa!

The unexpected mention of such a familiar name causes Riot and Windsor to spin around in their chairs too.

Riot: Alyssa Lucchi. As I live and breathe.

Windsor: I almost didn't recognise her without D's dick in her mouth.

Riot: Have you ever actually SEEN her with D's dick in her mouth?

Windsor: Locker rooms have doors and windows, don't they?

Fowler, who has been wincing throughout this exchange, interjects himself.

Fowler: Gentlemen, decorum, please! Alyssa, what brings you this way? In fact, what even brings you to W:UK? Don't you work for, like, the other guys?

Lucchi shrugs.

Alyssa: This is technically a network thing, not a Wrestle: UK thing. I got a call, I came to work.

Windsor: So you could say you're a call girl?

Fowler: FRANK!

Alyssa: Don't worry, I'm used to it. I just wanted to get a reaction from The Bastards to the incredibly harsh words spoken about Wrestle: UK by Lord Dominicus just now?

All three Bastards stare at her blankly. The pause is awkward. Alyssa clears her throat (again).

Alyssa: The guy who spoke last at the conference?

The faces of the Bastards remain blank. As is always the case with the Bastards, it's impossible to know whether they're serious or not. Riot shrugs his shoulders.

Riot: You're going to have to be more specific.

Alyssa: I don't know how to...Lord Dominicus? The guy who was literally on that screen two minutes ago before we cut to you? Running down the promotion? He was wearing a mask with sunglasses on it?

Riot: Oh, Primal? You mean Primal, right? Guy with the mask?

Fowler: Definitely Primal.

Windsor: Guy with a mask. Primal. We'd know him anywhere.

Alyssa: I...I don't know if you guys are goofing, but that was Lord Dominicus. Not Primal. He specifically mentioned Primal when he sat down. That's a different guy.

Windsor: Then why the fuck is he dressed as Primal?

Alyssa: He isn't.

Riot: Are you sure? I mean, if there was a guy who was a big deal in the wrestling business who wore a mask and called himself Lord Dominican, I think we'd at least have heard of him, Alyssa.

Alyssa: Dominicus. His name is Dominicus.

Riot: Dominic. Got it. Billy, you ever heard of a 'Lord Dominic?'

Fowler: Wasn't that a kids' cartoon in the 80s?

Windsor: Nah, I think I've seen it listed as an ad in the back pages of a titty magazine somewhere. 'Call now to be humiliated by Lord Dominicus.'

Riot: Uh-huh. But never in a wrestling context, right?

Windsor: Not once in my whole sweet fucking life, Robbie.

Fowler: Well, that seems fairly conclusive. I'm afraid we can't give you the reaction you're looking for, Alyssa, because we have literally no idea who you're talking about.

Alyssa: I see. Thanks for that, guys. And just so we can clarify for the people out front waiting, will The Bastards be participating in this press conference at all?

All three men howl with laughter, slapping each other on the back as if they have food caught in their throats.

Riot: Good god, no. Have you been watching this? It's a car crash. It's a smark parade. I haven't seen this many inside references since I tried to join the Masons. Do you know what kind of animals sit out there in public and fling shit at each other like this? Monkeys. Monkeys fling shit, and the Bastards are legit. Now grab a beer and pull up a stool or get out of here.

Alyssa: I think I'll pass. Let's get back to the press conference and see if anyone else wants to, in the words of the Bastards, become an excrement-flinging monkey.

The backstage feed ends.

[TakaruMatsui]

Inside the press conference, the small form of the one and only Frank Wormwood walks (or rolls) across stage in his rumpled suit. He pauses a few feet from LD, and glances around before he adjusts his thick glasses. A hand tugs at his stained tie before he shrugs, walking over as he digs inside of his jacket to produce a worn leather wallet that has seen better days.

'I know the laws in Britain are a little more lax, so can get two eighths of the VANTABLACK!' The small man opened the wallet, rifling through the bills as Lord Dominicus stared at him. Blood stared, eyes wide as he forced a smile before LD shook his head. 'Listen I don't want any sticks or seeds either. From the DANKEST being in the XHF? I expect the finest product.'

The reporters laughed, and Blood was slowly turning red. Wormwood muttered, and then Takaru leaned across the stage to whisper in the small man's ear. Frank blinked, staring around the room before he shrugged.

'What? I just want to be as high as the guy who found Atlantis or whatever that shit was.'

A laugh ran through the crowd, and Frank shrugged as Takaru gave him another tug. Then Frank walked away from LD, and he sighed as he dragged over a step stool behind the podium. He reached up, pulling down the mic as he leaned forward.

'I am not sure how I can follow up incest with his family dog or whatever that was guy. Who by the way is I am told not so DANK as he claims.'

The crowd again laughed, and Frank shrugged before he adjusted his tie.

'Boy, there was alot to unpack there. But I can name one guy in W:UK who is like sand, you literally can't keep him out of anywhere. But whatever, I mean no disrespect but most of your stuff seemed to go over most of the boys. But it all seemed to agitate Sinclair.'

Frank and a few others looked at Dominicus, who seemed to think that over. And his pudgy hand waved absently as he leaned forward.

'I am not sure why you want to cross her, but it's cool I mean she is pretty hot when she is angry. I wrote an article about it! But enough of that, I am actually here to talk about the greatest tag team in the W:UK, the most unsung tag team in the W:UK! And a team that has lasted longer then that weird cult that Graves was in over in HKW! And that is two words--' He held up two pudgy fingers, and shrugged. '--Neon Bushido.'

MXG ground his teeth togeher, and Wormwood adjusted his glasses.

'Neon Bushido is going to wade through whatever mess that these other teams throw at them! The Zombies, the weird cult, the Gus Arnold boys, the henchmen, or the weirdos who don't speak english! And then we have the teams who aren't the ODS! All of that just to get our hands on the Bastards? And so I mean I really could have used some Vantablack to calm down, I am under alot of pressure this week. Do you think I could fly to Amsterdam?'

Blood sputtered, and Wormwood kinda threw up his hands. 

'Fine, I will save it for the celebration. Incest Bestiality guy? I don't know how dank it is? But I am not inviting you, you seem kind of off.'

Frank leapt down from the stool, and started across the stage.

[edwarddubin0604]

(Team Fairtex comes to the podium dressed casually in designer jeans with tight t-shirts with Team Fairtex on the front. They look dramatically over the media people and other wrestlers at the conference before speaking.)

Tong Fairtex: "We are honored to be here at this gathering of the greatest wrestlers in this conference room."

(They gesture towards Mr. Blood in recognition.)

Tong Fairtex: "We especially thank Mr. Blood for organizing Battle of Britain and the Tag team Gauntlet Match. A test of endurance, strength and heart. Two team enter and battle it out and the winner faces each other. Then other teams come out to face them until there is one winner."

Phantam Fairtex: "That winner goes on to face The Bastards/Glucks winner. Who is going to win? Well we don't know for sure but we do know it's going to be a hell of a match. It's going to be a hell of as fight until there is a winner and may the best team win. Hopefully it's us but we'll see who comes out the winner."

Tong Fairtex: "Now we've heard a lot about our pedigree and who we are related to. We know our father was a Hardkore World veteran but to set the record straight we made our own way and we fought our own battles and Battle of Britain is no exception."

Reporter #1: "Yet your father didn't want you to be wrestlers."

Phantam Fairtex: "Oh yeah we admit that. However, we proved to him that we can carry his legacy in the wrestling business and yes we trained hard and before you even mention it. Tong felt I wasn't meant to join him in the business but I proved to be worthy enough to be his tag team partner."

Tong Fairtex: "You see we are a rarity in this business and that's a team made up of brothers. Yes we have The Kanes and The Glucks amongst the teams consisting of brothers as well as us. However, there are other teams that are in this match as well."

Reporter #2: "What do you think of competitors like The Purge."

Phantam Fairtex: "Saw the movies and thought they were the worst kind of political ads..."

Tong Fairtex: "Just kidding. We know they are dangerous and we faced them in that four way a couple of shows ago. So we know what they can do. If we are the first entrants it's going to be a fight."

Reporter #3: "What about The Oblivion Death Squad."

Tong Fairtex: "They have a good chance to win seeing they have Sinclair Godfrey and Donzig guiding them. Like we said they are also a rare set of brothers and it's going to be quite interesting if we are the early entrants or whatever number we are."

Reporter #4: "What do you think of Neon Bushido's chances of going far in this match."

Phantam Fairtex: "We respect Neon Bushido no matter what they said about us. However, they will get their chance to see how well they run the gauntlet and we'll see if Wormwood tears his already freakish hair out. Oh yeah we're going to see who's kick are better."

Reporter #5: "You seem to be a veteran of tournaments."

Tong Fairtex: "Yeah we were in SWAT's ANZAC Cup tournaments and we won when we returned. Now how many of these so-called tag teams that enter plan on going through with this event or will they just back out."

Phantam Fairtex: "Like Gavin and Drake and the other wannabe tournament winners. All they will do is show up and wrestle and job for the other teams."

Tong Fairtex: "We won't look past them if we have to face them but still we will set the pace if we have to in order to win the honor of becoming the top contenders for the Wrestle UK: Commonwealth Tag Team Championships."

Reporter #6: "Yet you weren't in a tournament in quite a while."

Tong Fairtex: No matter. We still plan on having a good showing in Battle of Britain to remind everyone Team Fairtex is still one of Wrestle UK's best. Now unlike a couple Saturday Morning kid show support players and they know who they are."

Phantam Fairtex: "We plan on showing who is the real tag team and who is just a couple of no talent tag team wannabes. We plan on putting them in their place along with anyone else we face in this prestigious event."

Tong Fairtex: "However, we'll let the others speak their minds and answer your questions."

(They leave the podium.)