Post by Dave D-Flipz on Oct 12, 2022 23:02:54 GMT -5
“DOOFENSHMIRTZ EVIL INCORPORATED!!”
"Look it’s not something I take PLEASURE in doing but it has to happen! Even I am not evil enough to push this issue."
"I, uh, don’t see how this, heh, is uh, fair. I have done nothing wrong … to those specific people … this time."
*We open our scene in the festively decorated home base of the Evil Angry Mad Chemists. There are orange lights and pumpkin décor and cobwebs and fake spiders (and some real ones) all over the interior AND exterior of the lab. The scene playing out in front of us has the financial backer of the chemists, Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, shoving the team mechanic and chaotician, Ian Brundle, into a back room of the building, away from all the cameras and celebrations over their victory over the eldritch horrors of the Burninator and Rd. Znieh Ztrimhsnefood.*
"I just, um, want to play dress up and get some sugary sweets! I’ve earned it!"
"And I’ll be sure to have my daughter, Vanessa, bring you some mallomars or candy apples, or heaven forbid … dental floss … if he gets any! But we will not be having any appearance in our first and only CELEBRATORY promotional video of an Ian after what happened in the south! We have to think of the people … for one month … no evil plan in motion means we can afford to get some brownie points. Maybe that will earn us a new golden jockstrap. Lord knows Billy needs some kind of item to wear to get him to stop complaining about …"
"MY BOOB! GIVE ME MY GOLDEN BOOB!"
"Oh for fudge sake … Look Ian thank you for your service, we’ll see you next month."
*He shoves Ian into the back room labeled, “Legos and video games” and locks it and then bars it with a broom as we hear light pounding from the not very strong chemist on the door.*
"*muffled* Hey! I, uh, demand my rightful time on screen to … oh, uh, is that Jurassic World Evolution? I love the cast for that uh… game … uh … simulator … I’m going to build the most chaotic dinosaur park ever."
*Doof wipes his brow and turns to the OTHER immediate concern. However he sees Billy Lastname, the horrible driver of the chemists, not complaining about his missing trophy for the completely dominating surefire solo win of the previous silicone cup … but a piece of his costume. He is dressed as Wonder Woman, and Sonic is seen running in front of him holding his breastplate.*
"YOU’RE TOO SLOW- HEY!"
*Doof surprises the blue heroic freedom fighter hedgehog by using his new, GOLD-GRAB-INATOR! Gun on the breastplate, and also manages to steal like 9 rings from the plucky speedster.*
"Look, you are a guest in our evil laboratory. You cannot interfere with the sacred art of the costume. What would Agent P think?"
"Perry is already out with Phroooaggh and Ovi, trolling the town for early candy."
"Who gives out candy at 3PM?"
"… Old People?"
*Perry the Platypus chirps his chirpy sound at the camera. We zoom out and see he is wearing a skeleton outfit, complete with a hood, a chair, and an evil monkey on his shoulder. He does a little dance. We zoom out further and we see he is standing with what appears to be a giant skeletal T-Rex … inflatable costume … and a man wearing all black, with stones hot glued to his hand which was already a metal gauntlet, and a mask of pure evil … not quite vantablack but that Stuart Semple Black 3.0 maybe. He is holding the Z staff familiar to viewers as the eldritch conduit of the powers of PHROOOAGGH the relentless. They appear to be trick or treating at an assisted living facility. The Dinosaur of Bones speaks, and is revealed to be Ovi Kintobor, the mechanic of the team, when his moustache begins to twitch through the chest of the dinosaur*
"This has been a waste of time. All I got was 30 Werther’s Original, half of which are sugar free, a pair of false teeth, a set of cubic zirconia laden brooches, and a wig."
*Perry chirps and shows off twenty rocks*
"I seem to be dressed as someone they actually recognize and like! I got some ravioli from the mess hall, a thermos of Sanka, the phone number for the grandniece of one of the women, and uh … an advertisement for … a … gang … ban-"
"NOOOOOPE!"
*Ovi interrupts him and swats his hand away*
"Perhaps this is because it’s October 12 … Halloween is after the race this month."
"Well sure, but we won’t get to be out in public again until sometime between November 5-12! *He turns his gaze to the camera drone, then looks back at his friends* Anyhow, we are playing to their senility! Surely that is evil befitting the costumes we wear! And…"
*The TV in the lounge next to them begins to play the news.*
"This is Ned Newsman, reporting for Tri-State News. Our top stories today …. We are finally being allowed by the parent station to produce video of the near destruction of our area by demonic demons and a deranged pharmacist! We have reports that the day was saved from this group of evildoers by a team of our own mayor, Roger Doofenshmirtz, and of course, racing and wrestling celebrity and hero, LORD DONZIG! … Oh? Oh I’m being told that’s Dominicus! Of course, the vantablack savior of the world. What a stand up, not evil guy. In any case, we report that the demons were clearly being summoned by this strange man with his skin on the outside and a Z staff. Clearly this man is not a hero and should not be made a role model for your kids. In fact do not even let them look at him! Watch as he shoots beams of evil at this delightful dragon, look at all its majesty! We will have more on this at 11."
*Phroooaggh throws his hands up in anger and storms out of the building with his two cohorts in tow.*
"HOW DARE THEY! Neither of those men were there! This was ACTUALLY a team effort. Hell, even DOOF did something of value for once! You know, for the first time since he summoned me, of course"
*As he gets out of the building a child walks up to him.*
"OH BOY LORD DOMINICUS! It’s really you! Because it isn’t actually Halloween! You rock! Who are you really!? Under the mask I mean!"
"Grrr, who wants to know. I am not a hero, I am evil!"
"Bah! We all love you!"
"Would you love me if you knew I was uh … *to himself* who is the wimpiest man around? *back to kid* Nelly Angel?"
"Pffft, nobody that lame or heelish could be our Dark Lord! Screw you imposter!"
*Phroooaggh sighs*
The day of the race:
"Look if you want to keep eating our chili dogs then hold your own! Help us out. You will be replacing Ian for us on the squad this month Sonic! Now come on!"
*Billy, in full Wonder Woman garb, rolls up to the edge of the mountain in the chemistruckinator. And on the back of it …*
"BEHOLD! THE CANON CANNON INATOR! It is powered by chemical reactions and the battery of the car and its wondrous chemical engine!"
*It is a novelty cannon like one from a circus used to fire human cannonballs, but it is painted in science green and a little white. Sonic slides into the cannon.*
"The things I do for chilidogs …"
*Ovi walks up behind the car and drops in a pellet of magnesium into the chamber. Within 5 seconds smoke emits from the back … then … BOOOOOOM! Sonic is rocketed out into the horizon … on fire … with rings falling out of him as if by magic.*
"Oooh! The spin dash was very aerodynamic! How fun!"
*They all salute him and go back to partying over their win over the evil!*
"Look it’s not something I take PLEASURE in doing but it has to happen! Even I am not evil enough to push this issue."
"I, uh, don’t see how this, heh, is uh, fair. I have done nothing wrong … to those specific people … this time."
*We open our scene in the festively decorated home base of the Evil Angry Mad Chemists. There are orange lights and pumpkin décor and cobwebs and fake spiders (and some real ones) all over the interior AND exterior of the lab. The scene playing out in front of us has the financial backer of the chemists, Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, shoving the team mechanic and chaotician, Ian Brundle, into a back room of the building, away from all the cameras and celebrations over their victory over the eldritch horrors of the Burninator and Rd. Znieh Ztrimhsnefood.*
"I just, um, want to play dress up and get some sugary sweets! I’ve earned it!"
"And I’ll be sure to have my daughter, Vanessa, bring you some mallomars or candy apples, or heaven forbid … dental floss … if he gets any! But we will not be having any appearance in our first and only CELEBRATORY promotional video of an Ian after what happened in the south! We have to think of the people … for one month … no evil plan in motion means we can afford to get some brownie points. Maybe that will earn us a new golden jockstrap. Lord knows Billy needs some kind of item to wear to get him to stop complaining about …"
"MY BOOB! GIVE ME MY GOLDEN BOOB!"
"Oh for fudge sake … Look Ian thank you for your service, we’ll see you next month."
*He shoves Ian into the back room labeled, “Legos and video games” and locks it and then bars it with a broom as we hear light pounding from the not very strong chemist on the door.*
"*muffled* Hey! I, uh, demand my rightful time on screen to … oh, uh, is that Jurassic World Evolution? I love the cast for that uh… game … uh … simulator … I’m going to build the most chaotic dinosaur park ever."
*Doof wipes his brow and turns to the OTHER immediate concern. However he sees Billy Lastname, the horrible driver of the chemists, not complaining about his missing trophy for the completely dominating surefire solo win of the previous silicone cup … but a piece of his costume. He is dressed as Wonder Woman, and Sonic is seen running in front of him holding his breastplate.*
"YOU’RE TOO SLOW- HEY!"
*Doof surprises the blue heroic freedom fighter hedgehog by using his new, GOLD-GRAB-INATOR! Gun on the breastplate, and also manages to steal like 9 rings from the plucky speedster.*
"Look, you are a guest in our evil laboratory. You cannot interfere with the sacred art of the costume. What would Agent P think?"
"Perry is already out with Phroooaggh and Ovi, trolling the town for early candy."
"Who gives out candy at 3PM?"
"… Old People?"
*Perry the Platypus chirps his chirpy sound at the camera. We zoom out and see he is wearing a skeleton outfit, complete with a hood, a chair, and an evil monkey on his shoulder. He does a little dance. We zoom out further and we see he is standing with what appears to be a giant skeletal T-Rex … inflatable costume … and a man wearing all black, with stones hot glued to his hand which was already a metal gauntlet, and a mask of pure evil … not quite vantablack but that Stuart Semple Black 3.0 maybe. He is holding the Z staff familiar to viewers as the eldritch conduit of the powers of PHROOOAGGH the relentless. They appear to be trick or treating at an assisted living facility. The Dinosaur of Bones speaks, and is revealed to be Ovi Kintobor, the mechanic of the team, when his moustache begins to twitch through the chest of the dinosaur*
"This has been a waste of time. All I got was 30 Werther’s Original, half of which are sugar free, a pair of false teeth, a set of cubic zirconia laden brooches, and a wig."
*Perry chirps and shows off twenty rocks*
"I seem to be dressed as someone they actually recognize and like! I got some ravioli from the mess hall, a thermos of Sanka, the phone number for the grandniece of one of the women, and uh … an advertisement for … a … gang … ban-"
"NOOOOOPE!"
*Ovi interrupts him and swats his hand away*
"Perhaps this is because it’s October 12 … Halloween is after the race this month."
"Well sure, but we won’t get to be out in public again until sometime between November 5-12! *He turns his gaze to the camera drone, then looks back at his friends* Anyhow, we are playing to their senility! Surely that is evil befitting the costumes we wear! And…"
*The TV in the lounge next to them begins to play the news.*
"This is Ned Newsman, reporting for Tri-State News. Our top stories today …. We are finally being allowed by the parent station to produce video of the near destruction of our area by demonic demons and a deranged pharmacist! We have reports that the day was saved from this group of evildoers by a team of our own mayor, Roger Doofenshmirtz, and of course, racing and wrestling celebrity and hero, LORD DONZIG! … Oh? Oh I’m being told that’s Dominicus! Of course, the vantablack savior of the world. What a stand up, not evil guy. In any case, we report that the demons were clearly being summoned by this strange man with his skin on the outside and a Z staff. Clearly this man is not a hero and should not be made a role model for your kids. In fact do not even let them look at him! Watch as he shoots beams of evil at this delightful dragon, look at all its majesty! We will have more on this at 11."
*Phroooaggh throws his hands up in anger and storms out of the building with his two cohorts in tow.*
"HOW DARE THEY! Neither of those men were there! This was ACTUALLY a team effort. Hell, even DOOF did something of value for once! You know, for the first time since he summoned me, of course"
*As he gets out of the building a child walks up to him.*
"OH BOY LORD DOMINICUS! It’s really you! Because it isn’t actually Halloween! You rock! Who are you really!? Under the mask I mean!"
"Grrr, who wants to know. I am not a hero, I am evil!"
"Bah! We all love you!"
"Would you love me if you knew I was uh … *to himself* who is the wimpiest man around? *back to kid* Nelly Angel?"
"Pffft, nobody that lame or heelish could be our Dark Lord! Screw you imposter!"
*Phroooaggh sighs*
The day of the race:
"Look if you want to keep eating our chili dogs then hold your own! Help us out. You will be replacing Ian for us on the squad this month Sonic! Now come on!"
*Billy, in full Wonder Woman garb, rolls up to the edge of the mountain in the chemistruckinator. And on the back of it …*
"BEHOLD! THE CANON CANNON INATOR! It is powered by chemical reactions and the battery of the car and its wondrous chemical engine!"
*It is a novelty cannon like one from a circus used to fire human cannonballs, but it is painted in science green and a little white. Sonic slides into the cannon.*
"The things I do for chilidogs …"
*Ovi walks up behind the car and drops in a pellet of magnesium into the chamber. Within 5 seconds smoke emits from the back … then … BOOOOOOM! Sonic is rocketed out into the horizon … on fire … with rings falling out of him as if by magic.*
"Oooh! The spin dash was very aerodynamic! How fun!"
*They all salute him and go back to partying over their win over the evil!*
