Post by Jonnie Valentine on Oct 15, 2022 4:23:52 GMT -5
("Sober" by Tool plays and a video montage plays of Hardkore World's 15 year history. Cyrus Williams hits Andrew Karnage with The Blackout, Tarrasque chokeslams Big Brute ACE off of a balcony to the floor below, Rad Rick pulls back on a scorpion deathlock on Dragon Kimura, Ace Kilcannon drops "Tigerheart" Rally Jackson on the back of his head with The Kill, Bronco Guerillo comes off on with a rana off the second turnbuckle on Rad Rick, Adrian Faust nails Death Gojira with a Helldriver, Fidel "Che" Gueverra throws powder in Bronco Guerillo's eyes, Rated X hits Ghandi the Butcher with The Unabomber, Kentaro Korose hits Kuala Hala with a facebreaker deathkick, Matthew X flaming thumper heart punches Quasimoto Jones, "Deathstryke" Cyan Komar hits San Diego Strangler with The Deathstryke, Sadiopath pins "Nightmare" Stormy Sommers with a sadioplex, Devon Stevens hits Bobby Nowa with a Zero Grav Leg Drop, Rally Jackson puts Adrian Faust through a press table with a cradle piledriver, Tosh Marley tiger drivers Matthew X, Ace Kilcannon comes off the rope with a springboard DDT on El Hombre Murcie'Lago, Reverand Gozo Shioda nails Ace Kilcannon with a crucifix ganso bomb, Death Gojira hits Sniff the Borax on "Lightning" Leon Jones, Tuxedo Mask executes a gorgeous corkscrew 450 splash on "Sweet" Richard Romero, "Sexy" Anjanette Turner bending Makoto Jupiter in half with a scorpion deathlock with a crossface, Kilroy Evans drops from off the top of a cage with a crowbar across the chest of Death Gojira on a burning car, Tamara Sanchez delivering a crisp helicopter rana on Xyrynth onto a chair, it ends with a slo-mo shot of The Miracle Violence Combination II giving Tarrasque a Shotgun Suplex)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Fans, we're back here in San Francisco. In the same building where in 1996 Matthew X regained his Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship from "The Devil's Son-in-Law" Quasimoto Jones. Where in 1999 "Sexy" Anjanette Turner won her third Hardkore World Women's Championship from Yuka Sato.
Phil Blauer: And that's the truth, and not a lie like when Taz talks about being in the ring with the Undertaker or Zach Gowan to bloat his shortlived WWE wrestling career.
Guillermo O'Bannon: In our main event, Robert Hunglestien III puts his Hardkore America Championship on the line against Cobryn after "The White Chapel of Horror" Lucifer Jones injured him.
Phil Blauer: A name so long it is reminicent of short lived Hardkore World Champion, "The Devil's Son-in-Law" Quasimoto Jones. How's he doing these days?
Guillermo O'Bannon: I dunno. I'll ask him next time I need to put $5 on pump 7. Hunglestien stiffed Lucifer Jones on a bounty he put on Cobryn's head...or actually his arm. Now Lucifer is looking to take the money out of Hunglestien's ass starting with Hero. Now, in Los Angeles we began this tag team tournament. But now the action gets hotter as four teams wrestle to see who will face off at Palm Springs Punishment 2005 for the Hardkore World Tag Team Championships.
Phil Blauer: I don't care anymore. I had Tengu Clan in the office pool.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Which reminds me, you still haven't paid $10 for your block.
Phil Blauer: I told you, I'd pay it out of my winnings.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Seriously, Phil. You have a hit daytime talk show. You don't have ten dollars...
Phil Blauer: No time for love Dr. Jones.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Four women went into that triple cage match at The Staples Center, but only Tamara Sanchez was able to walk out with the Hardkore World Women's Championship. Albeit with some help with some brass knuckles.
Phil Blauer: Thereby soiling the sanctity of a clean scientific Triple Cage Match.
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Sexy" Anjanette Turner now looking to give it back to Sanchez.
Phil Blauer: That oughta be hot.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner hoping to win an unprecedented fourth Hardkore World Women's Championship in San Francisco, the site of her last title win.
Phil Blauer: San Francisco just doesn't have that onimous sound like other towns do. Re-do that intro and call it The City By the Bay.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Then a six man grudge match. Newcomers "Giant" Baba O'Reilly & Moondog Dook interrupted The Warhammer Corporation's first round match to complain about them being left out of the Hardkore World Tag Team Tournament.
Phil Blauer: I remember that. I haven't seen someone that miffed since Mandy Moore got snubbed for an Oscar for Chasing Liberty. Fuckin rip off if you ask me.
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Warhammer Corporation took exception to that and beat em up. Baba & The Moondog double teamed a man of the cloth, "Minister" Marty Bower to eliminate him from the battle royal in Los Angeles. Now The Warhammer Corporation teams up with Bower to take on "Giant" Baba O'Reilly, Moondog Dook, and the dangerous Shootfighter. Then we have Xyrynth taking on Horror Girl in a body bag match. Horror Girl wants to put Xyrynth in the ground.
Phil Blauer: I've always preferred the body bag match to the casket match. Wanna know how to get out of a casket? Sit up.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Then it's Blak Lung & Lonewolf McNeely probably brawling all over The Cow Palace. Lonewolf wowed audiences by winning the battle royal to become the #1 contender for Big Bad Bill's Hardkore West Coast Championship.
Phil Blauer: I've yet to be wowed, frankly. I've been taken aback at best.
("Love Train" by Big & Rich hits the arena as a light starts glowing from the entrance way to the point were the only thing you see is a silhouette of a man standing in the entrance way. "Nasty" appears on the HardkoreTron followed By "Ned" followed by "Chambers". Ned walks out from the light to Multi-colored pryo. Then he walks calmly to the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: And here comes Ned. The 6'11 Ned Chambers lumbers down to the ring dwarfing Mike Peters.
Phil Blauer: Check this out. (throws his soda cup in the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: And here comes Phil's soda cup, dwarfing Mike Peters.
Yolanda Ando: Ned wears plain black leather pants and a "Ned Chambers" t-shirt.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Those are hot sellers!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Ladies and Gentleman, welcome to The Cow Palace. Hardkore Jonnie Valentine and Hardkore World presents a night of Hardkore America action! Your referee is Ron Reid. Featuring first, from Mason City, Iowa; Standing at 6 feet 11 inches tall; Weighing 295 pounds...'NASTY' NED CHAMBERS!!!"
(Crowd cheers Chambers and then "Thunderstruck" by AC/DC plays and Tony Thunder skates out to the ring. The fans pop for him as well. He gets a good head of speed and ramps up the halfpipe set up near the ring and lands inside of it)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tony Thunder, nephew of CWF Germany legend DKahuna.
Phil Blauer: Can we really call someone out of CWF Germany a legend?
Guillermo O'Bannon: What would you call him?
Phil Blauer: Tall tale?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Nonetheless, Thunder going up against family friend Bruno for the first time in his career tonight.
Yolanda Ando: Tony Thunder is wearing a black shirt with "X-Games" on the front and "Tony Thunder Rulz, DUDE!" on the back, black shorts with blue elbow and knee pads.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Those shirts, also big sellers.
Phil Blauer: But nothing draws more than the "Feed & Change" Guillermo O'Bannon doll.
Guillermo O'Bannon: I still don't know why Jonnie made that doll. It's just a Wetting doll with a 3 peice suit on.
Phil Blauer: (holding the doll and feeding it a bottle) Who's my wittle Bwoadcast partner, hmmm?
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And from Malibu, California; Standing at 6 feet 5 inches tall; and Weighing 250 pounds...'THE EXTREMIST' TONY THUNDER!!!"
(The Cow Palace pops for Tony Thunder, until "The Champ Is Here" by Jadakiss plays. Every fan in the standium jumps to his or her feet. Some red pyros going off and then Bruno steps through the curtain. Bruno pauses long enough to do a bodybuilder pose then begins walking to the ring. The fans rush to the aisleways, craning along the guardrail, trying to touch him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: And here comes the man who has taken more racial abuse then Sammy Davis Jr. when Sinatra turned into a mean drunk, Bruno!
Phil Blauer: That's a big dude...here, Guillermo. Hold my wallet...and my gold chains...and my four finger rings...
Guillermo O'Bannon: Phil, that's racist too. Bruno's not gonna steal anything. I wish Tony Thunder could hear you. Bruno's like a big brother to him.
Phil Blauer: He'd be a big brotha to anyone.
Yolanda Ando: Bruno wears some black tights.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And finally, from Compton, California; Standing at an amazing 7 feet tall; Weighing 355 pounds...BRUNO!!!"
(The crowd blows the roof off of The Cow Palace. Ron Reid signals for the bell, and the three men circle one other looking for an opening)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ned tries to grab Thunder, but Thunder slips out and reverses into a fireman's carry. Bruno drops a big elbow across Ned's chest. Thunder comes up from behind Bruno and applies a sleeper hold.
(Bruno struggles to grab Tony Thunder but it's no use, he's behind him. Bruno lifts Thunder up on his back)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno backs Thunder into the corner, crushing him with his 355 pounds! "Nasty" Ned Chambers gets a running start and smacks Thunder upside the head with a big boot to the face!
(Thunder staggers out of the corner, and Bruno gets underneath him with an angle slam! The fans cheer)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno with the Brunoslam! He turns around into a kick to the stomach by Chambers. Ned irish whips Bruno into the ropes and lifts the giant and flapjacks him!
(Ned gets up, nodding. Tony Thunder comes off the ropes and drives Chambers' head into the mat with a huracanrana! The fans applaud the fast paced match)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Thunder steps through the ropes out on to the apron. He slingshots himself over the ropes into a leg drop on Ned Chambers. He gets up, but Bruno's behind him with a german suplex with a bridge!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...(Tony Thunder rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno pulls Ned Chambers up, and presses him over his head!! What a feat of strength, Chamber is 295 pounds! He throws Chambers on top of Tony Thunder!
(Crowd cheers and Ron Reid slides into position to count the pin on Tony Thunder)
Referee Ron Reid: 1....(Tony Thunder kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno pulls Ned Chambers up by his long jet black hair, and sends him into the ropes. Chambers comes back with a lou thez press, pinning Bruno's shoulders to the mat!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...(Bruno pushes Chambers off him)
Phil Blauer: You don't see many of them anymore. They're like car phones!
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Nasty" Ned Chambers pulls Tony Thunder up on to his shoulder with a argentinean backbreaker! He pulls him down and then piledrives his head into the mat!!
(Bruno grabs Chambers by the arm and twists him around and down in an unprettier)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tony Thunder comes off the ropes with a moonsault, but Chambers rolls out of the way! Ned Chambers presses Thunder high over his head!
(The Cow Palace is lit up like daytime with flashbulbs as Chambers holds Thunder up high in the air. He drops him back on his shoulder and powerslams him into the mat)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ned Chambers gets behind Bruno and applies a full nelson, and drives his ass into the mat!
(The fans cheer, and Chambers doesn't see Thunder come off the top rope with a moonsault body press to Chambers! Bruno grabs Chambers leg)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno applies an anklelock on Chambers! He calls it the...
Phil Blauer: Brunolock?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Yeah.
(While Chambers tries to stretch his long body out to the ropes, Tony Thunder applies an crippler crossface to Ned's face & arm)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tony Thunder & Bruno teaming up on Ned Chambers applying both an anklelock & crippler crossface on him at the same time! Chambers close to tapping out! And he does!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 7 minutes 2 seconds, 'Nasty' Ned Chambers has been eliminated!"
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tony Thunder runs into the ropes and hits Bruno with a flying body press, but Bruno catches him and powerslams him!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Tony Thunder kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno scoops Thunder up and drops her across her knee with a backbreaker he calls a...
Phil Blauer: Brunobreaker?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Now your getting it!
(Bruno comes off the ropes and drops a big leg across Tony Thunder's face. Bruno sets Thunder up for a suplex)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Thunder blocks the suplex, and inside cradles Bruno!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...(Bruno kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tony Thunder applies an abdominal stretch on Bruno, but Bruno's larger height making it hard for Thunder to plant his right foot.
(Bruno hiptosses out of it, and then lifts him up high in a uranage)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno lifts Thunder up into a fireman's carry, but Thunder reverses it into a crucifix cradle!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Bruno kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tony Thunder has Bruno on the mat and applies a dragon sleeper!
(The match slows down a bit, and Reid checks in to see if Bruno submits. He refuses, but Thunder plants his feet and wails back on Bruno's head & neck)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno uses that huge power advantage to slip out of it. He kicks Thunder in the stomach and drives his head into the mat with a DDT!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Tony Thunder kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno grabs Tony Thunder by his legs and turns him over into a boston crab! With his height, that's nearly a lion tamer!
Phil Blauer: And with all that cologne your wearing you can almost not smell the booze.
(Thunder cries out in pain, trying to stretch out to the ropes. Bruno pulls back on Thunder's legs trying to force him to tap out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Thunder finally able to get to the ropes and Ron Reid forces a break. Bruno pulls Thunder's head into his legs and double underhooks his arms. Bruno drives Thunder's face into the canvas with a pedigree!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Tony Thunder kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno irish whips Tony Thunder into the ropes and lifts him up into a spinebuster, but Thunder reverses it into a tornado DDT! Tony Thunder climbs to the top rope and comes off with a swan dive headbutt to Bruno's face!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Bruno kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tony Thunder runs into the ropes, and tumbles into a rolling thunder senton!
(Thunder climbs to the top rope and pumps up the crowd. Thunder then backflips into a beautiful shooting star press, lighting up The Cow Palace)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Bruno kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tony Thunder pulls Bruno up and twists his arm. Bruno then reverses the arm twist and begins climbing the turnbuckles. He walks along the top rope!
(San Francisco audience applauds Bruno's balance and then he jumps off and drops Thunder with a forearm smash! Bruno then gets underneath Thunder and lifts him up into a human torture rack)
Phil Blauer: The Bruno Torture Rack?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Amazingly no. But I don't think Thunder cares what it's called, he just knows it hurts. Ron Reid checking in to see if he submits, but Thunder hanging on.
(Bruno drops to his knees and bends Thunder in half. He waits in the corner for Thunder to get to his feet, getting the audience into a fever pitch)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno gets a running start and spears Thunder hard in the chest with all 355 pounds!
(Crowd chants "BRU-NO!! BRU-NO!! BRU-NO!! BRU-NO!! BRU-NO!!" Bruno picks Thunder up by the hair and irish whips him into the ropes. Bruno tiltawhirls Thunder, but Tony spins out of it and lands on his feet)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tony Thunder Thunder Kicks Bruno upside his head, felling the 7 foot giant!!
(Crowd cheers wildly, and Thunder once again climbs to the second rope inside the ring. His legs hit the top rope and he backflips into a split legged moonsaults Bruno!! Crowd chants "THUN-DER!! THUN-DER!! THUN-DER!! THUN-DER!! THUN-DER!!" as he hooks the leg )
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Bruno kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Thunder climbs up on the top turnbuckle again and does a double flip into a 900 splash!!
Phil Blauer: Rally says...
Guillermo O'Bannon: He's got a move called a Tiger Kick that's a knee, Phil. Thunder can call any move whatever he wants.
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Bruno kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tony Thunder then hops on Bruno's back and applies his Extreme Pain STF!!
(Crowd cheers wildly as Bruno gasps and flails his arms wildly. Ron Reid checks in to see if he submits but Bruno refuses. But little by little his arms stop moving so much)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno fading fast in that Extreme Pain STF...Thunder trying to keep that huge trunk-like leg locked and get his uncle's best friend to tap out!
(Bruno rolls onto top of him, but Thunder keeps hold of that crossface on his throat. Bruno sees the futility of it, and rolls back on to his stomach but this time closer to the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno reaches out with one of those long arms and grabs hold of the bottom rope! Reid forces Tony Thunder to break that Extreme Pain STF!
(Tony Thunder applies a cobra clutch on Bruno. He stands while the pressure to his neck makes Bruno drop down to his knees)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Reid again checking in to see if Bruno wants to tap out. Thunder pulling back on Bruno's head & arm with that cobra clutch.
(The audience claps & claps until Bruno fights his way back to his feet and stands high. Thunder piggybacks Bruno's back, with the cobra clutch still applied)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno backs Thunder into the corner then runs into the ropes. Bruno nearly takes Thunder's head off with a clothesline!
(Bruno hooks Thunder up into a suplex then drops him on his head with his brainbuster!! The crowd cheers wildly)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Brunobuster!!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
("The Champ Is Here" by Jadakiss plays and the fans go crazy! Bruno stands up, and Ron Reid raises his arm high)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno gets his first win here in Hardkore World! And the fans are making it that much sweeter!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 17 minutes 41 seconds, THE WINNER OF THE MATCH...BRUNO!!!"
(The crowd cheers and Bruno helps Tony Thunder up. Thunder rubs his head where Bruno dropped him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno and Tony Thunder shaking hands and the fans like that.
Phil Blauer: It's San Francisco. They like a teabag in the morning and I'm not talkin about...
Guillermo O'Bannon: We'll be right back.
(The Shootfighter is still in his street clothes not dressed for his six-man match against the Warhammer Corp. Matt Boone enters the lockerroom.)
Matt Boone: "I'm here with The Shootfighter. I was just wondering if your ready for your six-man match with the Warhammer Corp."
The Shootfighter: "I am ready for the match."
Matt Boone: "You're usually dressed in your trademark outfit not your street clothes."
The Shootfighter: "Let's just say that if Dook and O'Reilly don't want me at ringside that's okay by me. I'm not going to waste my time, since they think they can beat the Warhammer Corp. all by themselves. In fact, if they want to have an early hospital stay compliments of their opponents. I think they deserve it. It's like Warhammer's old manager "The Brain" Allen Anderson said before every match: 'The Warhammer Corp. isn't responsible for the injuries you suffer.' Or at least something like that but vowed to
provide for their opponents."
Matt Boone: "You're right it was something like that."
The Shootfighter: "Anyway I just might have just bought a ticket to sit at ringside while they get their drunken butts kicked all over the ring. All I'll do is just enjoy their suffering. Besides, they should have joined Hardkore World earlier instead of just trying to drink people under the table. If they had shown some brains, which by their trashing me, showed they have none. They wouldn't have told me to take the night off."
Matt Boone: "Doesn't that mean you would be breaking your contract to be in this match?"
The Shootfighter: "Blame O'Reilly and Dook for that. I'm just abiding by their wishes."
Matt Boone: "What about Valentine? Don't you think he may fine you heavily."
The Shootfighter: "So I'll take the fine. Like I said it was O'Reilly's and Dook's idea."
Matt Boone: "Wouldn't that prove to this mysterious person that you broke a contract?"
(The Shootfighter whips off his dark sunglasses and throws them onto the floor. He glares at Matt Boone with hate, rage and fury.)
The Shootfighter: "Don't you ever mention that individual or subject in my presence! Never!"
Matt Boone: "I was just suggesting....."
The Shootfighter: "What?!"
Matt Boone: (Gulping) "Wouldn't it be like an excuse to claim you broke his contract with him."
The Shootfighter: "There is no contract with him! Do you understand that! Do you?!"
Matt Boone: "Yes."
The Shootfighter: "Then drop the subject!"
Matt Boone: "Okay....Okay. Will you be at ringside to at least to back up Blak Lung?"
The Shootfighter: "I plan to be there to watch his back. I gave him my word and I plan to keep my word."
Matt Boone: "You think you'll be ready for McNeely's back up plan to take care of you."
The Shootfighter: "He can try whatever he wants but he's going to see why I'm ruthless."
(Judge Death enters the lockerroom. He is dressed in his black judges robes, white colonial era wig, black boots and a gargoyle's mask. He wields a cane with a gargoyle's head. There are a couple of Hooded Men with him.)
Judge Death: "Why aren't you dressed for the match?"
The Shootfighter: "Dook and O'Reilly don't want me to be their partner so I'll just follow their advice and let them get massacred by the Warhammer Corp."
Judge Death: "I'm sure they didn't mean it."
The Shootfighter: "Yeah they were drunk when they said that. Still if they want to do it without me I won't stop them."
Judge Death: "You know what the law states. You have to keep your word."
The Shootfighter: "I plan to keep my word to Blak Lung. Those other two can lose on their own."
Judge Death: "You know what I mean. You can't get out of this six-man match."
The Shootfighter: "Tell that to them. They insulted you the most."
Judge Death: "So I'm a judicial representative. They always get insults hurled at them. Besides, you don't want nothing to occur that could undermine your case against a certain someone."
The Shootfighter: "No one ever mentions that individual in my presence."
Judge Death: "Then you should suit up and take it out on someone like Jeremiah Vastrix, whom I might add, you claim to want judicial recourse against."
The Shootfighter: "Fine but if they don't tag me in once. I'll just leave the ringside area not caring who doesn't like it."
Judge Death: "That sounds like a good compromise. So suit up and starts warming up for your match. You may leave Mr. Boone."
(Matt Boone leaves as the scene fades to black.)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Coming up is the man who won what wound up being a 9 man battle royal after Lucifer Jones & Cobryn were unable to compete. Lonewolf McNeely is a former
("In the Year of the Wolf" by Motorhead plays and Rain leads Lonewolf down to the ring. The fans cheer him but he simply ignores them on his way to the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely is huge here in San Francisco. He was the most popular wrestler in the Bay Area's Supreme Championship Wrestling. He was World Champion and held the tag team titles with Dracon Xanathos. Along with Andrew Sinclair, they ruled Rick Owen's promotion.
Phil Blauer: So what is he? Indian or Irish? He looks too sober to be either one.
Guillermo O'Bannon: I don't know, Phil.
Phil Blauer: Can't you people smell your own?
Guillermo O'Bannon: At any rate, Lonewolf McNeely had a great run in SWAT and Ring Syndicate. Now looking to make an impact back on the West Coast.
Phil Blauer: Big Bad Bill will be watching this match to see what his number one contender can do.
Yolanda Ando: Lonewolf is wearing some silver leather shorts with fangs on the rear, black boots with a wolf on the sides and black fringer hanging off the sides. He's got a lot of body oil on, making him greasier than Trish Stratus' tits.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following match is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Mike Peters. Accompanied to the ring by his manager, Rain. Featuring first, from Montreal, Quebec, Canada; Standing at 6 feet 4 inches tall; Weighing 250 pounds...LONEWOLF MCNEELY!!!"
(The Cow Palace cheers McNeely, then "Caught in a Mosh" by Anthrax plays. The Shootfighter leads a staggering Blak Lung out. Lung is half crazed, snarling at the booing crowd)
Guillermo O'Bannon: And here comes Blak Lung, the blood drenched madman from Ghana.
Phil Blauer: We'll see what kind of support The Shootfighter lends to Blak Lung. He may be out of sorts here, Guillermo, without his roomful of candles.
Guillermo O'Bannon: We'll see.
Yolanda Ando: Blak Lung wears army surplus jungle boots, green BDU pants, and a white tank top undershirt.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And his opponent, accompanied to the ring by The Shootfighter; Hailing from Accra in The Republic of Ghana; Standing at 5 feet 11 inches tall; Weighing 190 pounds...BLAK LUNG!!!"
(Fans boo and then "Organ Donor" by DJ Shadow plays. The Cow Palace cheers the emergence of their beloved leader, Hardkore Jonnie Valentine)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jonnie Valentine coming down to the ring, Lonewolf McNeely not looking to happy to see him. Remember Jonnie swerved McNeely back when he was known as Messiah when Messiah tried to join The Society of the New Breed.
Phil Blauer: I remember that. Wait, no I don't. Which one is Jonnie?
Hardkore Jonnie Valentine: "Lonewolf or whatever your name is now, good to see ya. Welcome to my humble home. You have quite a match here ahead of you. But it's about to get a whole lot more important than just trying to have a quart of blood left in your body afterwards. For tonight, you and Blak Lung are wrestling in the first round of the Hardkore World Heavyweight Title Tournament. The winner advances to the next round, the loser wonders what could have been. Have fun, ladies."
(Lonewolf nods at Rain, but Blak Lung sneaks up on him and rolls him up in a small package. Mike Peters signals for the bell and slides into position)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Lonewolf McNeely kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: And just like that, Blak Lung almost advanced to the Quarterfinals of the Hardkore World Heavyweight Title Tournament! McNeely back to his feet but gets caught in the face with a kneelift. Lonewolf gets his head driven into the mat with a DDT!
(Lonewolf sits up with a stunned look on his face, and Blak Lung comes up behind him with a reverse chinlock. He grinds his forearm & bicep against McNeely's jaw, then begins bridging him backwards)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Blak Lung pulling McNeely back across his hip in that bridging reverse chinlock. Mike Peters checking in but Lonewolf not giving in this early. Lung maintains it into a standing inverted facelock. Blak Lung reverse DDT neckbreakers his head onto his knee!
(Fans gasp at the move and then again when Blak Lung drops a harsh elbow to McNeely's adam's apple. Blak Lung grabs two handfuls of McNeely's black flowing hair and irish whips him into the corner, but McNeely hops onto the second rope)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely hops backwards into a back roundhouse kick to the stampeding Blak Lung! That gets this crowd back into it. McNeely hits him in the chest a couple times with some forearms and then runs into the ropes.
(Lonewolf cries out, flattening Blak Lung with a roaring elbow! Blak Lung checks his lip for blood while McNeely pulls him up by the afro. He irish whips Lung into the ropes and drops him with a well executed exploder suplex! The crowd applauds)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Blak Lung back up and comes at him with a right hand, but Lonewolf blocks it and responds with an uppercut palm strike, then an elbow strike to the face. With Blak Lung softened them up, he irish whips him into the ropes, spinebuster by Lonewolf McNeely!!
(Fans cheer, and Lonewolf floats over into a pin. Mike Peters slides into position)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...(Blak Lung kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: McNeely irish whips Blak Lung into the ropes again, dips down for a backdrop, and Blak Lung catches him in a swinging hangman's neckbreaker!
(The Cow Palace boos and Blak Lung gets his wits about him. He gets to his feet and rakes his the laces of his boots against McNeely's face)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Blak Lung lands a couple stomps to McNeely's face. He rolls him over onto his stomach...
Phil Blauer: Oh god, I just saw Deliverance. You don't wanna see this, Guillermo!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Get your hands off my eyes, Phil. He's just applying a camel clutch.
Phil Blauer: Yeah, it's real fun until somebody has to squeal.
(The San Francisco fans boo as Blak Lung pulls back on McNeely's face & head. He smiles a sadistic grin at Rain who averts her eyes. The Shootfighter yells out encouragment from ringside. Mike Peters repeatedly asks Lonewolf if he wants to submit)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely crawls over to the side of the ring and grabs hold of those ropes. Peters forces a break. Blak Lung pulls Lonewolf McNeely up by his hair and spins around into a tornado punch.
(Blak Lung applies a claw to McNeely's face and temples. The pressure on his temples forces Lonewolf down to one knee. Mike Peters again checks in to see if Mcneely wants to give up, but Rain and the crowd urge him on)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf up to his feet again, Blak Lung spins into another tornado punch but McNeely ducks and hits Lung with his own tornado punch!
(Crowd roars, and Lonewolf McNeely climbs to the top rope. Blak Lung pushes Mike Peters into the ropes and it crotches Lonewolf on the top turnbuckle. Rain covers her mouth)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Blak Lung steps through the ropes and climbs up to the second turnbuckle from the apron. We saw this atrocity at The Staples Center!!
Phil Blauer: Is he gonna charge $20 for parking too??
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lung superplexes Lonewolf McNeely off the top to the concrete floor below!!!
(Fans pop huge and begin chanting "HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!" Blak Lung lies motionless while Rain attempts to stir Lonewolf. It's not working)
Phil Blauer: I will never get the sound of those two human bodies hitting the cement like that. Wait, no, there it goes...now I'm thinking about my hair. Hey there, handsome.
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter hands Blak Lung his trusty rusty coat hanger!
Phil Blauer: When will one of these referees frisk him?
Guillermo O'Bannon: When Ron Reid gets registered as a sex offender here in The Bay Area. The paperwork is a bitch and the damn commuunity keeps protesting. Lung wraps the wire around his fist and punches Lonewolf in the face!
(Fans boo, and Blak Lung stabs Lonewolf in the forehead and then tears the skin along his brow. Blood begins pouring out of the wound)
Phil Blauer: Lonewolf McNeely shedding his first pint of blood here in Hardkore World!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Blak Lung rakes that wire hanger across Lonewolf's eyes! A blinded McNeely stumbles right into a fireman's carry by Blak Lung. He gives him a death valley driver on the Cow Palace floor!!
(Blood leaks down Lonewolf McNeely's face and all over Blak Lung's once-white tank top. Blak Lung pulls him up by his hair and rolls him onto the ring apron. When Lung gets back up on the apron, he pulls McNelly's face into his legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely blocks that piledriver, and back body drops Blak Lung off the apron into the guardrail!!!
(The Cow Palace erupts, and the fans begin chanting "LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!!" Rain seems genuinely surprised by the reaction. Lonewolf winces as blood runs into his eyes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely measures Blak Lung and hops onto the middle of the second rope. He asai moonsaults Blak Lung thrusting his back into the railing!!
(The fans continue to chant "LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!!" Lonewolf gets to his feet and slaps hands with a few fans in the front row)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely gettin some love in San Francisco!
Phil Blauer: Usually that means catching a social disease.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely pulls him up into a waistlock, but Blak Lung back elbows him. Her picks up that coat hangs and ties it around McNeely's neck. He uses it to swing McNeely into the railing!
(Crowd boos and jeers Blak Lung as McNeely bleeds all down his front. Blak Lung uses the tied off coat hanger to pulls McNeely to the apron. Lung rolls into the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Blak Lung pulls McNeely to his feet on the apron and hangs him over the top rope with the coat hanger!! Come on, Peters!
Phil Blauer: That's horrible sight to see, Guillermo. But off the subject, did you know Shirley Temple was the US Ambassador to Ghana in 1974?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Phil he's choking!
Phil Blauer: It's never the wrong time for good trivia, my man.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anymore time and Lonewolf could suffer brain damage!
Phil Blauer: Who won the Oscar for Best Actor with the least amount of screen time?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anthony Hopkins in Silence of the Lambs.
Phil Blauer: I would have said Ghandi, he was barely there.
(Mike Peters tries to pull Blak Lung off of McNeely. Lonewolf's legs kick and flail away as Blak Lung pulls on that wire hanger from inside the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Mike Peters finally threatens to disqualify Blak Lung and he drops Lonewolf McNeely to the floor below.
Phil Blauer: He didn't want to lose his chance to advance in this tournament.
(Rain hands Lonewolf McNeely a chair and he hides it from Blak Lung as he climbs back onto the apron)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely brains Blak Lung in the head with that chair!! He climbs to the top turnbuckle with the chair still in hand...atomic arabian facebuster!!
(The Cow Palace erupts with cheers again and restarts the chant, "LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!!" A blood soaked Lonewolf McNeely covers Blak Lung)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Blak Lung kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The crimson masked Lonewolf McNeely applies a dragon sleeper on Blak Lung! The veteran McNeely wisely taking a moment to catch his breath after 11 minutes of fighting all over The Cow Palace.
(Lonewolf McNeely squints and winces as more & more blood runs into his eyes. Mike Peters checks in with Blak Lung who refuses to submit)
Phil Blauer: Blak Lung refusing to submit to that dragon sleeper in whatever the hell language it is that they speak in Ghana.
Guillermo O'Bannon: It's actually English, Phil.
Phil Blauer: Sez you.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely releases the dragon sleeper and pulls Blak Lung into his legs. He lifts him up on his shoulder and runs out into the other corner of the ring with a ligerbomb!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Blak Lung rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf climbs to the top rope, then backflips into a beautiful shooting star press!!!
(The Cow Palace is deafening with chants of "LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!!" Lonewolf holds his forearm across Blak Lung's jaw)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Blak Lung kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Blak Lung blocks a northern lights suplex and reverses with a pedigree!!
(Fans boo, while Blak Lung turns Lonewolf over into a single leg boston crab. Blood runs down McNeely's face into a small pool on the canvas. Blak Lung wails back on McNeely's leg)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lung applying pressure to McNeely's knee & ankle, planting his foot and pulling as far back as he can. Blak Lung now grabs McNeely's other leg and applies a full boston crab!
(The jeers get louder, as Blak Lung sits back on McNeely's leg's bending him in half. The pool of blood under McNeely's face gets larger & larger. Mike Peters asks him if he wants to tap out while Rain screams out encouragement)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Blak Lung releases McNeely's legs and begins biting his cut on his forhead.
Phil Blauer: Ew.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Blak Lung continuing to chew on Lonewolf's gash making him an even bloodier mess. The Front cover of PWI, in our second match of the night!
(Blak Lung digs into McNeely's forehead again, making his laceration bigger. He then straddles Lonewolf and bludgeons him with punches to his cut getting blood all over his now pink tank top)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Blak Lung has McNeely up in a crotchtie, and pumphandles him up onto his shoulder. Lung drives his head into the mat with a tombstone!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Lonewolf McNeely kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Blak Lung sits on McNeely's back again and applies another camel clutch, this one with the coat hanger around his throat!
(Mike Peters tries to pull Blak Lung off of McNeely's back as Lonewolf's toungue pops out of his mouth. His face is now a sickening blood mask)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Mike Peters giving McNeely a count of five and Blak Lung releases just long enough not to get disqualified and lose his shot at the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship. He then put the wire around Lonewolf's eyes and pull back on that wire hanger!
(Peters lays in a count and Blak Lung releases at four again. He then wraps it around Lonewolf McNeely's throat and hides it with his arm, which is locked in a reverse chinlock. McNeely chokes and gags, but Blak Lug keeps spinning him around the mat, so the ref can't check for the coat hanger)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Blak Lung choking the life out of Lonewolf McNeely, and thank god Peters has finally seen the coat hanger and is forcing him to break the reverse chinlock. Blak Lung takes the coat hanger and stabs it into Lonewolf's arm!
(McNeely cries out in pain, and Blak Lung digs it down his arm several times. McNeely's left arm is torn to ribbons. Blak Lung then front facelocks McNeely and runs up the turnbuckles into a tornado DDT!! The fans applaud the move and Blak Lung floats over into a pin)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Lonewolf McNeely kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Blak Lung climbs to the top turnbuckle, Rain climbs up on to the apron and pulls down on Lung's leg crotching him!
(The fans cheer Rain and she beams back. Lonewolf McNeely climbs to the second turnbuckle and double underhooks Blak Lung's arms. He hops backward and pedigrees Blak Lung's face into the canvas!! The crowd comes alive with chants of "LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!!")
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely nails Lights Out and now makes the cover!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...thr...(Blak Lung kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely pulls Blak Lung's head into his legs and chicken wings both his arms...he lifts him up into a double chicken wing piledriver!!
(Fans continue to go nuts, while McNeely climbs to the top rope. He wipes the blood off his face while waiting for Blak Lung to get to his feet)
Guillermo O'Bannon: McNeely with a corkscrew plancha!!
(The Cow Palace continues to chant "LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!!" McNeely gets to his feet and lets Blak Lung get to his knees before putting his lights out with a shining wizard kick)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely smacks Blak Lung upside the head with a Flesh Cut! He pulls him into his legs and lifts him up onto his shoulder, driving Blak Lung's head & shoulders into the mat with a Jaws of Life powerbomb!! He pulls the 190 pound Lung back onto his shoulder and gives him a second powerbomb!!
(McNeely shows his raw power by pulling Blak Lung up for a third and final Jaws of Life!! McNeely cradles the leg for the pin as the fans count along)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...thr...(Blak Lung rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely climbs to the top rope but there's no water in the pool for that leg drop!! Blak Lung back in control and cradles McNeely's leg. He drives McNeely's bloody head into the mat with a fishhook brainbuster!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...thr...(Lonewolf McNeely gets his shoulder free)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Blak Lung double underhooks McNeely's arms and lifts him up, then deposits him on his face!
(Lung grabs McNeely's weakened leg and applies a grapevine submission! The crowd boos as McNeely clutches his thigh. McNeely's bleached blonde hair has been stained pink with blood)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Blak Lung gets his face too close and catches a punch from Lonewolf McNeely. Lonewolf McNeely staggers to his feet and presses Blak Lung over his head, then he drops him with his No Human Contact diamond cutter!!
(The chants of "LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!!" get louder and McNeely exhausted, drops on top of Blak Lung)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...3!!!
("In the Year of the Wolf" by Motorhead plays and the San Francisco fans celebrates. Rain runs into the ring to collect her ex-husband)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely has advanced in the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship Title Tournament but at the cost of alot of blood.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 19 minutes 24 seconds, THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, ADVANCING TO THE SECOND ROUND OF THE HARDKORE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP TITLE TOURNAMENT...LONEWOLF MCNEELY!!!"
(Rain helps Lonewolf McNeely stagger back to the locker room. McNeely looks like he was dipped headfirst in blood. Inside the ring, The Shootfighter is helping Blak Lung to his feet inside the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: In Lonewolf McNeely's first match in Hardkore World he won a shot at the Hardkore West Coast title. In his second match, he advances to the second round in the tournament for the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship!
Phil Blauer: Still, he has to hang out with his ex-wife all the time. That's a fate worse then death or a UPN sitcom.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Coming up next is the Bodybag Match between Horror Girl and Xyrynth. Horror Girl burst out of the ring in the Triple Cage Match in Los Angeles. She pulled Xyrynth underneath the ring with her, and Xyrynth came up scratched and bleeding. Many people around Hardkore World believe that is why Xyrynth was not able to reclaim her title that night.
Phil Blauer: Just Ron De La O.
Ron De La O: Fuck uuuuuuuu Man!
("Haunted" by Evanescence plays and Mr.Fame and Bernice walk out to...no pop. They present Horror Girl who cautiously make her way towards the ring. The San Francisco crowd boos her as she stalks the ring. She pauses, tilting her head towards a nearbye camera, before continuing on to the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: And here comes one of our most twisted personalities in Hardkore America, Horror Girl. She has been making Xyrynth and Hardkore World Women's Champion Tamara Sanchez's lives nightmares in the past few months.
Yolanda Ando: Horror Girl is wrapped in tightly fitted mummy tape around her chest, hips, forearms, hands and legs.
(When Horror Girl gets into the ring, she crawls in and goes to the corner where she crouches down and stares at Bill Kasal & Mike Peters)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following contest is a Bodybag Match. The winner will be the first woman to put the other in a bodybag and zip it up. It will have a 30 minute time limit and your referee is Mike Peters. Featuring first, accompanied to the ring by her manager, Mr. Fame. She is from Parts Unknown; Standing at 5 feet 8 inches tall; Weighing 138 pounds...HORROR GIRL!!!"
(The Cow Palace boos Horror Girl who continues to stare down at the aisleway. Then "Sweet Dreams" by Eurythmics plays and the crowd jumps to their feet. Dr. Cliff Hawke leads Xyrynth down to the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: And here comes Xyrynth. She's one of the most popular wrestlers in Hardkore World, and she's gonna need all that fan support to not get stuffed in a body bag by that sick freak, Horror Girl.
Phil Blauer: Xyrynth still visibly upset that she's not getting any royalties from her sex tape.
Guillermo O'Bannon: I don't think the royalties is what she's upset about, Phil.
Yolanda Ando: Well she should be. I could have made a killing if I hadn't signed that release before I did that thing at that bachelor party. Still, the beer was free. Xyrynth has on some deep prurple jeans with "Xyrynth" spelled in sea foam green vertically down her outer left leg. She has on a matching sea foam green tank top tucked into her pants. On her feet are black, sturdy, hiking boots and black knee pads. As always she has her trademark fingerless black leather gloves. Her long brown hair is in a single French braid down her back to her waist, interwoven and tied with deep purple and sea foam green ribbons.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And her opponent, accompanied to the ring by her manager, Dr. Cliff Hawke. From Leitchfield, Kentucky; Standing at 5 feet 7 inches tall; Weighing 170 pounds...XYRYNTH!!!"
(The crowd cheers and Mike Peters signals for the bell. Horror Girl attacks Xyrynth early. She latches onto Xyrynth's face, digging her nails into their flesh)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl using those razor sharp claws early! Xyrynth flailing her legs at Horror Girl trying to kick her away from her.
(Horror Girl hen unleashes a horrifying scream and shoves her away. Xyrynth lands face down on the mat. Horror Girl sits down upon her back and hook her arm under Xyrynth's arm and under her neck. Then, she hooks Xyrynth's leg with her other arm. After clasping her hands together, she lifts Xyrynth up off the mat and racks her over her back)
Guillermo O'Bannon: And what an amazing submission move, named The Zombiosis! She bends Xyrynth in half over her back with her arm & leg together, puts tremendous presson on her back, neck, shoulder and leg.
(The Cow Palace gives Xyrynth some applause of encouragement while Dr. Cliff Hawke tries to figure a way out of the hold. Xyrynth finally gets loose and rolls over into neck snap, sending Horror Girl face first into the canvas. The crowd comes alive)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Xyrynth irish whips Horror Girl into the ropes and gives her an overhead kick upside the head!
(Xyrynth irish whips Horror Girl into the ropes and tiltawhirls her around, dropping her stomach on her knee! She pulls her head into her legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl blocks a piledriver and back drops Xyrynth. Horror Girl lets Xyrynth get to her knees, before she comes up from behind and locks her legs around Xyrynth's waist. She locks on a cross face sleeper hold and arches back into The Spider's Woe!!
(Horror Girl is arched perfectly on the mat while Xyrynth is stretched thin in a sleeper. She pulls up on Xyrynth's head as hard as she can. She then pulls Xyrynth's head into her legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl lifts Xyrynth up in a crucifix but then she drops her onto her chest with a flapjack!
(Horror Girl climbs to the top turnbuckle, but Xyrynth sweeps her legs out, crotching her on the top turnbuckle. Xyrynth climbs up to the second turnbuckle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl grabs Xyrynth in a facelock and tornado DDTs her off the second rope!!
(Horror Girl pulls her up and pumphandles her up on her shoulder. But Xyrynth falls behind her)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Xyrynth whacks Horror Girl in the side of the face with an enzuigiri kick! She climbs up to the top rope, and flips Horror Girl over into a super flying head scissors!
(Xyrynth grabs Horror Girl by the legs and slingshots her throatfirst into the top rope. Horror Girl falls back onto Xyrynth's knees! The fans get rowdy, and Xyrynth steps through the ropes on to the apron)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Xyrynth hops on to the middle of the top rope, and springboard dropkicks Horror Girl!!
(The Cow Palace gets louder, and Xyrynth begins pumping herself up. She irish whips Horror Girl into the ropes, she leaves her feet for a double mule kick to Horror Girl's breasts. No one's that dead, and she clutches her tit. Meanwhile Xyrynth climbs to the top turnbuckle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Xyrynth leaps off the top rope with The Flyswatter body press!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Horror Girl kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Xyrynth grabs Horror Girl by the head and spins into a tornado DDT, but Horror Girl reverses it into a spinebuster!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Xyrynth kicks out)
Phil Blauer: Xyrynth still seems distracted over her naked booty being all over the internet.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Phil, put your laptop away! Horror Girl grabs two handfuls of hair and swings her over the top rope! Horror Girl hops onto the middle of the top rope and backflips into a missle dropkick!!
(Xyrynth smacks the guardrail hard, the report sounding throughout The Cow Palace. Horror Girl landed hard too and is having a hard time getting to her feet. Mr.Fame and Bernice pull her up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl showing she has watched some Xyrynth matches with that version of her Myssle Stryke shooting star dropkick.
Phil Blauer: For some reason, I don't see her being able to work a remote. How would she even know how to switch the TV from DVD to VHS mode? I'm not even dead and I got problems with that.
(Horror Girl waits for Xyrynth to get to her feet, but Xyrynth avoids a spear and Horror Girl smacks the steel ring steps!! The San Francisco crowd cheers)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Xyrynth climbs onto the apron, and hops on to the middle of the second rope. She backflips off of the rope and lands a kick to Horror Girl's face!
(Fans get louder & louder, and Xyrynth feeds off their enthusiasm. She pulls Horror Girl's head into her legs, and pulls her up for a powerbomb, but Horror Girl reverses with a huracanrana, driving her head into the steel ring steps!! The fans jeer and boo the zombie)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl climbs back into the ring and grabs two handfuls of a staggered Xyrynth's hair while she's standing on the ring floor. She helps herself to a heaping helping of Xyrynth's shoulder!
(Xyrynth shrieks in pain as Horror Girl chews ravenously on her shoulder & neck, pulling her into the ring)
Phil Blauer: Under different circumstances, that could be hot.
Guillermo O'Bannon: But the...
Phil Blauer: The white eyes...yeah. Yeah, the white eyes are what kills it.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl now has her back in the ring and slams her hard into the canvas. Xyrynth gets back up to her knees and gets a running dropkick to the sternum for her trouble.
(Horror Girl fireman's carries Xyrynth up on to her shoulders, then crotches her on the top turnbuckle. Horror Girl climbs to the second rope, and double underhooks her arms)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Xyrynth blocks the double underhook and tosses Horror Girl off the second turnbuckle! Xyrynth jumps off and somersault DDTs Horror Girl!!
(Xyrynth pulls Horror Girl into her legs and lifts her up on his shoulder into an argentinean backbreaker!! What passes for pain is etched on Horror Girl's face)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Xyrynth then spins Horror Girl around into a piledriver!!
(Crowd cheers and Xyrynth signals to Dr. Cliff Hawke. Hawke produces the bodybag and throws it into the ring! The fans cheer what could be the end of the match)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Xyrynth called for the bodybag and she got it! She's got Horror Girl's legs in, good.
Phil Blauer: Yeah, I've found that once you get the legs stuffed in, that's really half the battle.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Phil, I-...Horror Girl biting Xyrynth's hand!
(Horror Girl grabs her arm and applies an armbar, still chewing on Xyrynth's fingers. She sticks her knee into the ball of Xyrynth's shoulder and wails back on her arm)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl cannot get a submission here, and cannot be disqualified for making a snack out of Xyrynth's hand. She uses her armbarred arm to pull her up and whips Xyrynth into the ropes. Ew, she spit some of Xyrynth's own blood from her hand into her face.
Phil Blauer: That's disgusting, and I walked in on Ric Flair taking a dump.
Guillermo O'Bannon: That's gross.
Phil Blauer: What's gross is it was in a booth at Denny's. Poor guy, didn't even know it happened. Just looked at the waitress and asked "Are you my Mommy?"
Guillermo O'Bannon: As Xyrynth tries to get her own blood out of her eyes, Horror Girl capitalizes by lifting her up by the throat with two hands. She then tosses her over into a powerslam!
(Fans boo Horror Girl. Horror Girl gut wrenches Xyrynth up into a tigerbomb!! The crowd has to applaud that move)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Fans showing some love for the Gut Rot Driver. Horror Girl now rolling Xyrynth on top of that body bag, trying to get her inside of it.
(Horror Girl has Xyrynth completely inside the bodybag and pulls the zipper up, but stops)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The zipper seems to be stuck!
Phil Blauer: I hate that, it caused one of my most embarrassing moments when I was a presenter at the Nickelodeon Kid's Choice Awards.
Guillermo O'Bannon: When you got caught doing some heavy petting with Whoppi Goldberg in the audience?
Phil Blauer: Ok, second.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Xyrynth punches Horror Girl and fights her way out of that bodybag, and that harrowing experience. Xyrynth irish whips her into the ropes and knocks Horror Girl out of her boots with an overhead spin kick!
(Xyrynth lifts Horror Girl on to her shoulders and whips her into an F5! Horror Girl staggers up to her feet, and Xyrynth pulls her head into her legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Xyrynth drops to her knees in a modified cradle piledriver!!
(Xyrynth rolls Horror Girl into the bodybag, Horror Girl sits up and Xyrynth DDTs her onto the bodybag again!! The fans cheer)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl fighting not to be put in that bodybag! She bites Xyrynth on the cheek to stop it!
(Xyrynth screams and tries to free herself from Horror Girls sharp teeth. Horror Girl releases only to headbutt her cheek a couple times! Horror Girl applies a reverse sleeper, resting Xyrynth's chin on her shoulder)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl lifts Xyrynth up and hits her with a "Oh, The Horror" flapjacked reversed ace crusher right onto that bodybag!!
(Audience boos, and Horror Girl zips up the bodybag around her! Mike Peters signals for the bell)
Guillermo O'Bannon: And Horror Girl wins Hardkore World's first Bodybag Match!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 12 minutes 47 seconds, THE WINNER OF THE MATCH...HORROR GIRL!!!"
("Haunted" by Evanescence plays and the audience boos and jeers. Horror Girl snarls at the fans and then begins stomping Xyrynth, trapped in the bodybag)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl kicking and stomping Xyrynth, who is helpless in that bodybag! She climbs to the top rope and kneedrops Xyrynth!!
(Horror Girl climbs to the top rope again but Dr. Cliff Hawke gets in the ring and covers her. The fans abhor Horror Girl not to leap, while Mr. Fame sneaks in to the ring with a chair)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Mr. Fame clocks Cliff Hawke with a chair!!
(Bernice takes out her camera, while Mr.Fame poses for a few shots with the chair over a ko'd Cliff Hawke)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl drops another kneedrop to whatever it was in that bodybag! She sits Xyrynth on the top turnbuckle, and climbs to the second rope...she monkey flips her off the top rope!! She's not even able to protect herself during the fall!
(Cliff Hawke stirs a little so Mr.Fame smacks him in the back with a chair again! Suddenly the fans start cheering wildly, Mr. Fame thinks its for him and raises the chair in his hand)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Sexy" Anjanette Turner flies into the ring and is peppering Horror Girl with lefts and rights! She gut wrenches Horror Girl up into a spinning powerbomb!!
(The Cow Palace is deafening as the Turner smacks Mr. Fame upside the head with an enzuigiri! Horror Girl and Mr. Fame roll out of the ring, leaving Bernice)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner is eyeing Mr. Fame's secretary and former porn star Bernice! She lifts Bernice up in a fireman's carry and sits her on the top turnbuckle!
(Bernice begs Anjanette Turner not to do anything...and Turner tells her "Relax." Bernice breathes a sigh of relief)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette hops on to the second turnbuckle and gives Bernice a super rana!!
(Crowd goes ballistic and Bernice is knocked out cold. Mr.Fame and Horror Girl collect her, and then Mr. Fame drags Horror Girl to the back. Horror Girl keeps pointing her pale finger at Anjanette)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner finally lets Xyrynth out of that bodybag, and she's a wreck! Turner waving for the EMTs to come out and attend to Xyrynth & Hawke...we'll be right back!
uillermo O'Bannon: On the last show in Los Angeles, "Giant" Baba O'Reilly & Moondog Dook made some enemies. Now they have a six man match against those three men they pissed off.
("Bump-N-Grind" by R.Kelly plays and the audience boos. Lucius Morgan leads Tarrasque, "God's Gift" Jeremiah Vastrix, and "Minister" Marty Bower. Bower walks down to the ring hand-in-hand with Jesus. Of course, the crowd can't see Jesus. Jeremiah Vastrix poses for pictures for several ringside fans. Tarrasque is eating some raw chicken breasts. Then, when Bower gets to the ring, he leaps up on the apron, and opens the rope so Jesus can get through)
Phil Blauer: There's an eclectic trio.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tarrasque no stranger to six man matches. He's a three time Hardkore World Six Man Tag Team Champion.
Yolanda Ando: Tarrasque wearing Tarrasque comes to the ring in black wrestling trunks with a symbol for hazordous waste in the front. Jeremiah Vastrix wears a grey form fitting bodysuit. "Minister" Marty Bower walks down to the ring wearing a priest's robe. He's now taking it off and shows off some white spandex shorts, with a black cross on each side. On the back, "Bower" with a golden cross for the "t".
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following contest is a Six Man Tag Team Match, scheduled for one fall, with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Ron Reid. Featuring first, escorted to the ring by the Greatest Martyr, Jesus," (Bower opens the ropes again so "Jesus" can get out) "Hailing from Massena, Quebec City, Canada; Standing at 5 feet 11 inches tall; Weighing 194 pounds...'MINISTER' MARTY BOWER!! And accompanied to the ring by his manager, Lucius Morgan; From Hong Kong, China; Standing at 6 feet 2 inches tall; Weighing 165 pounds...'GOD'S GIFT' JEREMIAH VASTRIX!! And from Arkham Asylum; Standing at 6 feet 7 inches tall; Weighing 275 pounds...TARRASQUE!!"
(Fans give The Warhammer Corporation & "Minister" Marty Bower a mixed reaction. U2 rips into their version of The Who's "Baba O'Reilly". Giant Baba O'Reilly and Moondog Dook step through the curtain and make their way to ringside. The Shootfighter & Judge Death walks behind them. The fans jeer and boo)
Guillermo O'Bannon: And here comes three men who are as old school as anyone can find anymore. The Shootfighter a 10 year veteran, and Moondog Dook & O'Reilly are throwbacks to wrestling past.
Yolanda Ando: Giant Baba O'Reilly wears an old school giant black one peice with a big green shamrock on the back. Moondog Dook's an albino hillbilly carrying a large chain. The Shootfighter wears knee length black wrestling tights, black wrestling boots, sharp studded forearm pads and a tight black robe with a red dragon on the back and wields a stainless steel singapore cane. Judge Death wears a Salem witch trial style wig & robe, a gargoyles mask and black boots & wields a cane with a gargoyles head on it.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And their opponents, accompanied to the ring by his manager, Judge Death; From Bangkok, Thailand; Standing at 5 feet 11 inches tall; Weighing 235 pounds...THE SHOOTFIGHTER!! Introducing to my left, escorted to the ring by Moon...Dog...Dook! From Dublin, Ireland standing 7 foot 1, weigh-
(O'Reilly inturrupts Kasal and furiously whispers something in his ear.)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: Standing 7 foot 1 and 3/4 inches, weighing 325 pounds...'GIANT' BABA O'REILLY!!! Introducing to my left, escorted to the ring by Giant Baba O'Reilly...from Parts, Unknown...standing 6 foot even and weighing in at 260lbs...MOONDOG DOOK!!!"
(Crowd boos and jeers the trio. Lucius Morgan, Bill Kasal, & Judge Death leave the ring, leaving "Giant" Baba O'Reilly and "God's Gift" Jeremiah Vastrix)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix surprises O'Reilly with a simple palm strike to the nose. He jumps onto the middle of the second rope and whacks him into the face with a leaping roundhouse kick!
("Giant" Baba O'Reilly staggers back but plays a little possum and drives his knee into Vastrix's stomach. He pounds Vastrix in the back with a double ax handle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Giant" Baba O'Reilly scoops Vastrix up and slams him, but Vastrix grabs his leg on the way down! Inside cradle!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...("Giant" Baba O'Reilly kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix tags in Tarrasque. Tarrasque ducks a punch from "Giant" Baba O'Reilly and he backslides the big Mick!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...("Giant"Baba O'Reilly rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: O'Reilly is back to his feet and peppers Tarrasque's face with boxing lefts & rights! "Giant" Baba O'Reilly lifts the 275 pound madman up in the air like he's nothing in a hanging suplex!
(O'Reilly holds Tarrasque up there for a while and the San Francisco audience counts)
Audience: "1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...10!"
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Giant" Baba O'Reilly climbs to the top turnbuckle, but Jeremiah Vastrix grabs him by the leg and crotches him! Tarrasque runs off the ropes and diving tackles him to the The Cow Palace floor!!
(The 7'1 O'Reilly and Tarrasque tumble together to the floor, and the audience pops. Lucius Morgan helps Tarrasque to his feet and get up on the apron. He jumps off and ribbreaker stomps "Giant" Baba O'Reilly's head)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tarrasque back up on the apron and jumps on O'Reilly's head again! Tarrasque pulls him up by the hair and rams his face into the corner post!!
(O'Reilly staggers around with a large new gash over his eye. Tarrasque rolls him into the ring and then steps into the ring himself. Tarrasque tags in "Minister" Marty Bower)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Minister" Marty Bower takes the giant down with a front chancery takedown. Bower applies an armbar, clamping down on that huge arm.
(Bower places his knee into the ball of O'Reilly's shoulder and applies a nerve hold to his trapezius muscle)
Phil Blauer: Marty Bower now seconding the armbar with a vulcan nerve pinch to the trampoline! Mike Peters checks in but O'Reilly refuses in Irish.
Guillermo O'Bannon: The 7 foot 1 "Giant" Baba O"Reilly works his way up to his feet and dangles the 5'11 Bower, still hanging from his arm. He uses that arm to powerslam him!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...("Minister" Marty Bower kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Giant" Baba O'Reilly runs off the ropes and knees Bower in the guts. He pulls the bent over Bower into his legs and lifts him up into a 7 foot powerbomb!! He holds him down with one hand.
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...("Minister" Marty Bower lifts his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Giant" Baba O'Reilly walks right past Shootfighter's outstretched hand and tags in his regular partner, Moondog Dook. Dook grabs Bower by the hair and headbutts him.
(Marty Bower ducks under a punch from Moondog and german suplexes him)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...(Moondog Dook rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Minister" Marty Bower snapmares Dook over into a reverse chinlock. Bower slowing the match down a bit here, grinding his forearm against Dook's jaw.
(Bower pushes Dook onto his face and applies a double armlock STF!! Dook growls out yelps of pain as Reid checks in to see if he wants to tap out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Moondog Dook looks confused on how to get out of Bower's masterful submission hold.
Phil Blauer: That guy gets confused on how to get out of the double wide trailer.
Guillermo O'Bannon: He releases the double arm STF, and irish whips him into the ropes. Bower takes him down with a bulldog lariot!
(Bower tags in Jeremiah Vastrix, who runs up to the ropes and hops onto the middle of the top rope)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix nails Moondog Dook with a springboard roundhouse kick!
(Jeremiah hooks Dook up and spins around into a sidewinder suplex. He pulls Moondog Dook up by his wild mane of hair. He irish whips Dook into the ropes and then sweep kicks Dook's ankle. Dook falls through the ropes to The Cow Palace floor)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix steps through the ropes to the floor below, but Moondog Dook is ready for him and bites his arm.
(Moondog Dook straightens out his chain and clotheslines Vastrix with it! He wraps the chain around Vastrix's neck)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Moondog Dook tightening that chain around Jeremiah's neck, and finally his bodyguard Tarrasque comes over and bails him out.
(Tarrasque chokeslams Moondog Dook's back on to that steel railing! Moondog clutches his back then wraps the chain around his fist)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Moondog Dook bashes Tarrasque in the face with that steel chain!! He grabs the stunned cannibal and bulldogs his face on to the guardrail!
(Moondog Dook takes his steel chain and whips it across Tarrasque's back over & over. He howls in pain, with blood running from a cut he has from the chain hit. Moondog sets him up for a suplex)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tarrasque blocks a suplex, and reverses it into a suplex of his own, dropping his groin & chest into the corner post!!
(Tarrasque rolls him into the ring, but Moondog Dook is waiting for him with a headbutt. The Shootfighter sticks out his hand for a tag)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Moondog Dook walks right past Shootfighter's hand and tags in a bloody "Giant" Baba O'Reilly again!
Phil Blauer: Trouble in paradise?
Guillermo O'Bannon: In any event, Moondog Dook twists Tarrasque's arm while "Giant" Baba O'Reilly climbs to the second rope. O'Reilly comes off with a double ax handle to Tarrasque's twisted arm!
("Giant" Baba O'Reilly applies a sleeper hold to Tarrasque. He squeezes Tarrasque's head, making the big man buckle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Giant" Baba O'Reilly trying to soothe the savage beast, as their blood runs together down their front.
Phil Blauer: Almost poetry.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Not really. Tarrasque drops to his knees, driving the top of his head through O'Reilly's jaw! Tarrasque climbs to the top rope and hops off with a Rupture stomp to O'Reilly's groin!!
(Tarrasque pulls "Giant" Baba O'Reilly up and irish whips him into the ropes. He dips down, but the giant blocks a back body drop)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Giant" Baba O'Reilly pulls Tarrasque up and piledrives him!!
(Baba irish whips Tarrasque into the ropes and nearly takes his head off with a big boot)
Guillermo O'Bannon: My Left Foot!! Baba covers a ko'd Tarrasque!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Jeremiah Vastrix kneedrops the back of O'Reilly's head)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix saves the match for his team, and O'Reilly AGAIN passes up The Shootfighter's hand and tags in his partner Moondog Dook who has a bag with him.
("Giant" Baba O'Reilly irish whips Vastrix into the ropes and takes him over the top rope with another My Left Foot)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Moondog Dook pours that bag of thumbtacks all over Tarrasque...
(The San Francisco crowd buzzes in anticipation and Dook runs into the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Moondog Dook splashes Tarrasque turning him and himself into pin cushions with those tacks!!!
(Tarrasque and Moondog roll around clutching the places where the tacks have peirced their flesh. Moondog finally gets to his feet and pulls Tarrasque into his legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Giant" Baba O'Reilly enters the ring, Shootfighter tries to come in as well but O'Reilly holds him back. O'Reilly and Moondog stuff powerbomb Tarraque onto those thumbtacks!!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...thr...(Tarrasque kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tarrasque grabs Moondog Dook by the face with a brainclaw! Tarrasque continues to bear down on Dook's temples and gets back up on his feet. Tarrasque scoops Moondog up and slams her to the mat.
(Tarrasque sits Moondog Dook on the top turnbuckle and climbs to the second rope. The pin cushioned Tarrasque then brainbuster superpelexes him!! Tarrasque floats over into a pin)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Moondog Dook kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tarrasque grabs Moondog's Dook with both hands and lifts him up with The Rise of the Feminine Side!!
(Moondog Dook howls in pain, and "Giant" Baba O'Reilly steps over the ropes. He breaks up the Rise, before Reid is able to force him back to his corner. Shootfighter and Judge Death glare at him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tarrasque tags in "Minister" Marty Bower. He chicken wing facelocks Moondog Dook and drops him back in a release suplex!!
(Bower facelocks Moondog Dook and climbs to the second turnbuckle. He spins around into a tornado DDT! With Moondog Dook kneeling, Bower steps over his shoulders and applies a head scissors. Bower then reaches behind and grabs Moondog Dook's arms, holding them outwards. When Bower drops to the ground, he hooks Dook's arms in to the crux of his knees. He leans back, grabbing his legs, then leans forward, locking Moondog Dook into a particularly weird looking reverse boston crab)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Minister" Marty Bower applies his Tribute to My Savior submission finisher!! Ron Reid checks in and Moondog Dook refuses to tap out. "Giant" Baba O'Reilly steps over the ropes and Shootfighter finally enters the ring!
(Tarrasque clotheslines a blood soaked O'Reilly over the top rope to the floor. Shootfighter sees Vastrix coming at him at last and runs at him, but Vastrix baseball slides Shootfighter's legs out from under him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bower rocks Dook back & forth in his Tribute to My Savior and finally Moondog Dook has submitted!!
(Ron Reid signals for the bell and "Hallelujah" plays through The Cow Palace. Bower releases Moondog Dook and makes the sign of the cross. He gives his invisible manager the thumbs up)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 17 minutes 1 second, THE WINNERS OF THE MATCH, THE WARHAMMER CORPORATION & 'MINISTER' MARTY BOWER!!!"
(Lucius Morgan hold up Tarrasque, Vastrix, and Bower's arms in victory. "Giant" Baba O'Reilly helps Moondog Dook to his feet and The Shootfighter walks up behind them with his singapore cane)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter whacks "Giant" Baba O'Reilly in the back of the leg with his stainless steel singapore cane!!
(Fans cheer, and Shootfighter knocks Moondog Dook out with the singapore cane! Judge Death holds out O'Reilly's leg and Shootfighter cracks him in the leg with it again)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter cracks O'Reilly's leg with several muy thai kicks to his leg & ankle! The Shootfighter then grabs O'Reilly's leg and applies an ankle lock!
("Giant" Baba O'Reilly shrieks in agony, clutching his leg. Shootfighter wrenches it as hard as he can, and Baba goes limp for a second. He pounds his balled up fists into the mat in pain. Marty Bower leaves the ring but The Warhammer Corporation approaches The Shootfighter. He sees them out of the corner of his eye and releases the ankle lock)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter, a decade long enemy of The Warhammer Corporation sees them coming and backs off of Baba. He gets into his fighting stance but Jeremiah Vastrix tells him to take it easy. Vastrix picks up his stainless steel cane and Shootfighter gets ready to take it back, but Vastrix smashes Baba in the mouth with the cane!!
(Crowd cheers and Baba covers his mouth as blood runs through his fingers. Tarrasque climbs to the top rope and Vastrix rolls Baba over onto his stomach)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix holding Baba's legs and he instructs Shootfighter to hold his arms as well. He hesitantly complies and Tarrasque hops off the top rope with a ribbreaker stomp to the back of "Giant" Baba O'Reilly's head!!
Phil Blauer: And people always get pissed at me when I insist you do have ribs in your head.
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter takes "Giant" Baba O'Reilly's possibly broken leg and applies a figure four leglock!! That woke up the passed out Giant, and he rocks back & forth trying to escape the pain, but nothing's helping!
(Jeremiah Vastrix stomps O'Reilly's head in as Shootfighter sits up to increase the pressure on his broken leg! O'Reilly passes out again, but Vastrix, Tarrasque, and now even Lucius Morgan stomp the big man in the face & head)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Moondog Dook has hit the ring again with that chain, he swings it round & round! Shootfighter, Judge Death, and The Warhammer Corporation head for the hills!
(Moondog Dook confusedly tries to stir the unconcious Irishman. He waves for EMTs. Lucius Morgan grabs the house microphone)
Lucius Morgan: "Shootfighter, I know you may cringe to even think about us joining forces but you have to admit we worked pretty well together. I realize you and Tarrasque have spilled blood all over the West Coast but who better than your worst enemy to know your strengths and weaknesses? What I'm suggesting is a trial partnership. At Palm Springs Punishment, the site of some of your most violent matches with Warhammer Corporation members like Takeda Yokosuda, Cyan Komar, Sam Madison..."
Phil Blauer: The cornerback for the Dolphins?
Lucius Morgan: "...and Tarrasque. There we will challenge the Hardkore World Six Man Tag Team Champions, Mr.Shioda & his Toenail Clan to a title match. The Warhammer Corporation will win the titles for a fourth time and we'll even make it in the form of match they won it in, lucha libre style."
(Fans cheer at the possible dream team match, medical personnel attend to the unconcious "Giant" Baba O'Reilly)
Guillermo O'Bannon: I don't believe it, The Shootfighter and The Warhammer Corporation...working together??
Lucius Morgan: "What do you say? If we don't win, we can go right back to killing one another."
(The audience urges The Shootfighter to accept while he confers with Judge Death. Death tells him it's a bad idea but Shootfighter waves him off and grabs the microphone)
The Shootfighter: "Intriguing. I have hurt Tarrasque in every way I know possible but I have never teamed with him. Very well. In Palm Springs, we shall destroy Shioda and his students and the six man belts shall be mine! But if you even think of double crossing me Morgan, you all will have hospital beds right next to Mr. O"Reilly here.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Fans, we have to go to break while "Giant" Baba O'Reilly gets some medical attention for that broken leg. We'll be right back with that steel cage match with "The White Chapel Horror" Lucifer Jones and Hero!
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Mar 03, 2005#18
(Fade back up to EMTs loading "Giant" Baba O'Reilly on to a stretcher, while Moondog Dook looks on nervously. The ring technicians are busy lowering the steel cage and hooking it to the ring base)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Welcome back fans. We're currently waiting for the steel cage match between Hero and Lucifer Jones to start but medical personnel are still attending to the hobbled "Giant" Baba O'Reilly, whom The Shootfighter & Judge Death viciously attacked after not being tagged in for their entire match.
Phil Blauer: To get your leg broken is one thing. But to get it broken by a guy in a wig, like Judge Death, that's something you can't live down. It was like the time I got my ass kicked by William Shatner in the Joan Rivers Show green room. She didn't have to bring it up in the monologue is all I'm saying, ...
Guillermo O'Bannon: Wait, Blak Lung has come out of the crowd and blasts Moondog Dook in the back of the head with Shootfighter's stainless steel singapore cane!!
Phil Blauer: He's gotta watch out for that thing!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Blak Lung bashes a couple EMTs in the skull with that singapore cane!
Phil Blauer: Wait, those guys were gonna do my Botox injections!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Blak Lung then turns his attention to "Giant" Baba O"Reilly with the devil in his eye!
(The audience buzzes with anticipation, as Blak Lung holds the cane up over his head. He brings it down over O'Reilly's fractured leg!! The screams of the giant Dubliner can be heard through the eerily quiet Cow Palace)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Blak Lung holds O'Reilly's ankle down with his foot and then brings two-three singapore cane strikes against his broken ankle & knee!
(Lucifer Jones runs down to the ring with a chair in hand and the fans boo some more. He slides under the descending cage, and then climbs into the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones!
Phil Blauer: Is here to save "Giant" Baba O'Reilly or just too drunk to know Blak Lung's not Hero?
Guillermo O'Bannon: He comes up from behind Blak Lung and cracks him in the head with that chair! Jones inverted facelocks him! He lifts him up in a suplex, but then wrenches his head to the side and drops him his Yankee Cracker brainbuster!!!
(The crowd cheers, Lucifer Jones thinks it's for The Yankee Cracker but it's Hero entering the cage! Hero climbs to the top rope and waits for Lucifer Jones to turn around)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hero is in the cage now and nails Lucifer Jones with a flying spear!! Mike Peters signals for the bell! Lucifer Jones up and Hero throws his into the cage! Jones bounces out and Hero stuns him with a roundhouse kick to the chest. Lucifer blocks a side kick but Hero answers with a muy thai kick to the thigh.
(Hero jabs Jones in the stomach with a karate kick and then knocks him to the mat with a superkick! Jones gets up and smashes Hero in the face with a punch to the bridge of his nose. "Organ Donor" by DJ Shadow plays and Hardkore Jonnie Valentine comes down to the ring)
Hardkore Jonnie Valentine: "Woah, woah, woah. What the hell do you guys think your doing?!"
(San Francisco crowd cheers, both Lucifer Jones and Hero try and keep one eye on each other and one on Jonnie. Blak Lung is forced out of the ring by Mike Peters while Moondog begins to help Giant Baba out of the cage)
Hardkore Jonnie Valentine: "We pay enough for the rights to those theme songs, and I wanna hear em! You see boys, we have a little agreement with the recording companies that gave us the rights to those songs. You see, we get to use copyrighted material in exchange for some promotion during our end credits. If we don't actually play said copyright material, we are in breach. Comprende vous?"
(Audience cheers)
Hardkore Jonnie Valentine: "So now I have to convince Tammy Sanchez to come out to a White Zombie song if I hope to keep the money I got from them. Just couldn't wait for the match to start, could you?"
(Jonnie turns to leave, and Ron Reid, Mike Peters. Moondog Dook try their best to drag "Giant" Baba O'Reilly up the rampway. Lucifer Jones and Hero turn their attention back to one another)
Hardkore Jonnie Valentine: "Oh, and this match is a first round tournament match for the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship."
(The Cow Palace roars and a look of relization comes over both wrestlers face. Jonnie storms through the curtain back to the locker room)
Guillermo O'Bannon: A tournament match!?!? Hero hears that and spears Lucifer Jones again!
(Crowd is rowdy as Hero takes over the match again, Hero shoots Lucifer Jones into the ropes and drives him into the mat with a spinebuster!! The crowd cheers and Hero floats over into a pin)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...(Lucifer Jones kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Oh my god, Death Gojira is coming down to the ring now and Gojira has that Goji Chair in hand!!
(Crowd goes nuts at the sight of Death Gojira and his infamous barbed wire wrapped wooden chair. He bashes Moondog Dook in the head with it!! The Cow Palace cheers wildly, and Giant Baba tips over like a sequoia on the rampway)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira douses the chair with lighter fluid and then sets his Goji Chair ablaze!
(Crowd cheers the fire and then Gojira pounds it into "Giant" Baba O'Reilly's broken leg!!)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hero comes at Lucifer Jones with a flying forearm but Jones uses his momentum to hotshot his face into the cage!!
(Hero staggers out with a cut over his eye, and blood runs down his face. Lucifer Jones lifts him up for an atomic drop but tosses him facefirst into the cage again!! The audience boos Jones)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hero is crotched on the top rope with blood pouring down his front. Lucifer Jones release dragon suplexes Hero off of that rope!! He calls that The Dog's Bollocks!
Phil Blauer: He would know!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Out on the rampway, Death Gojira takes a big mouthful of lighter fluid and then takes out his zippo lighter. He blows a fireball at the crippled "Giant" Baba O'Reilly!!!
(Audience cheers "GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!!" and he exits back to the dressing room)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones bashes Hero's head into the cage again! Hero falls onto the second rope, and Jones sits on the back of his head, choking him with the ropes. Lucifer Jones grabs Hero by the legs and wheelbarrow german suplexes him over into a backroll press!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...thr...(Hero rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones irish whips Hero into the ropes and drop toe holds him facefirst into the cage!!
(Hero's face smears blood all over the chainlink fence. The camera gets a close-up shot of drops of blood from his face falling all over the ropes and canvas)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones applies an STF in the back & a buffalo sleeper in the front!! Jones getting Hero's blood all over his arms as he tries to force The Un-Stable member to tap!
(The Cow Palace lets Lucifer Jones have it. Jones sneers at them and wails up on Hero's head & arms. Mike Peters checks in to see if Hero taps out but he refuses)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ron Reid and Moondog Dook have once again gotten "Giant" Baba O'Reilly to his feet and are trying to get him back to the locker room...but here comes Xyrynth!!
(Audience cheers as a limping Xyrynth pushes an arguing Dr. Cliff Hawke away from her. Moondog Dook rushes her)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Xyrynth knocks Moondog Dook's head off with her own version of "Giant" Baba O'Reilly's My Left Foot!
Phil Blauer: Not a good day to be a Moondog.
Guillermo O'Bannon: When is it?
Phil Blauer: The first of the month.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Xyrynth hits "Giant" Baba O'Reilly right in the Dublin with a low blow! She then DDTs him on the steel rampway!!
(Crowd cheers wildly and Xyrynth spits on "Giant" Baba O'Reilly. She fixes her hair and Dr. Cliff Hawke and her walk back to the locker room)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Giant" Baba O'Reilly has been assaulted by half the Hardkore America locker room! Lucifer Jones releases the buffalo sleeper STF and pulls Hero up. He gets under his legs and then lifts him up into an ocean cyclone suplex!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Hero kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jones climbs to the top rope. He keeps on going and goes right to the top of that cage! He flips the audience off and goes for a leg drop, but Hero rolls out of the way!!
(Jones makes the long drop, right down onto his leg and ass!! The audience cheers as Hero tries to psyche himself up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jones limps up to his feet, but Hero comes off the top rope with a diving knee clip to the back of his knee!
(Jones gets back to his feet, but Hero runs off the ropes and kicks the back of Jones knee out from under him! Lucifer Jones is laying on the ground, Hero puts one leg beind the other leg's knee, then pushes down on the leg overlapping the other leg. While doing this, he grabs Jones' arms and pulls up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hero tries to cash in on that leg being softened up with The Pain of Fire crossbow surfboard!!
(Crowd cheers for Hero, as he pulls back on Jones' arms. Blood has completely covered Hero's face & torso. Meanwhile, on the rampway, EMTs load "Giant" Baba O'Reilly on to the stetcher and take him back to the locker room. Mike Peters checks in to see if Lucifer wants to give up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hero releases the Pain of Fire and comes around and whacks Jones with a hard kick to his chest. He then works Jones over with some forearms.
(Jones blocks a forearm and answers with a backhand slap across Hero's face. Lucifer Jones then spits in his face)
"White Chapel Horror" Lucifer Jones: "PISS OFF, YOU CUNT!"
Phil Blauer: Your gonna let him talk to you like that, Guillermo?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Eh, ya get used to it with my Mom. Lucifer Jones now laying a beatdown on Hero in the corner. He punches Hero across the jaw, then slaps him again!
(Jones kicks Hero in the mouth and then gives him another loogie. He backs himself into the opposite corner, then gets a running start)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones soccer kicks Hero in the face and you can hear it in the cheap seats!
(Crowd boos Lucifer Jones, and he pulls Hero into his legs. He lifts him up and jumps up into a ganso bomb!! He holds the legs)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Hero rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones pulls Hero into his legs again, and lifts him up into a crucifix! He gets a running start and powerbombs his head & neck into the steel cage!!
(Hero slides down the cage onto the apron, falling between the ropes and the cage in a heap. Lucifer Jones points at a fan in the front row)
"White Chapel Horror" Lucifer Jones: "Fuck you wanker!"
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hero slingshots himself over the ropes into a somersault plancha to Jones' face!
(Hero grabs Jones by the head and DDTs his head into the mat! He waistlocks Hero and pulls him up to his feet)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hero with a german suplex!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Lucifer Jones rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: A bloody Hero climbs to the top rope, and goes up the cage too. Lucifer Jones is climbing after him, and catches up to him up on the top turnbuckle! Jones and Hero trading blows, while holding on to the top of the cage!
(Hero & Jones stand on the top turnbuckle & rope, holding the cage with one hand and punching with the other. Hero bashes Lucifer Jones' face into the bar at the top of the cage! Lucifer Jones comes up with blood running down his face)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones pushes Hero back and he loses his balance, landing groinfirst on the top rope!
(Audience boos, while Hero's eyes roll into the back of his head. Lucifer Jones hops backward off the top rope, catching his head on the way back with a DDT!! Crowd pops for the move, giving Jones some applause)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones getting some fans here in San Francisco!
Phil Blauer: Well, he IS wearing leopard print pants.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones hooks Hero up for a suplex and cradles his leg, he drops him headfirst in a fisherman buster!!
(Jones hangs on to Hero's arms and chains it into a butterfly submission. Jones winces with all the blood running into his eyes, while trying to force a submission out of Hero)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jones pulls up on Hero's arms, as Hero bleeds a huge pool underneath his head. Both men are sickening messes! Lucifer Jones then changes it up into a camel clutch!
(Jones fish hooks his fingers into Hero's mouth, and sticks a couple in his eyes. With his other hand, he sticks a couple fingers in Hero's nose and pulls upward. Hero bleeds all over Jones' hands, and Mike Peters checks in to see if he submits)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "White Chapel Horror" Lucifer Jones rocks back on Hero's head & neck while trying to rearrange his face! He releases it finally, and climbs to the top turnbuckle. He uses the cage to tightrope to the middle of the top rope, and springboard tornado DDTs Hero!!
(Crowd applauds the move, and Jones makes the cover)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Hero kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones irish whips Hero into the ropes and goes for a huracanrana but Hero reverses it into a tigerbomb!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Lucifer Jones rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jones back up but Hero inside cradles him!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Lucifer Jones reverses the small package)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Hero kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hero runs and rolls over Jones' back, flipping him grabbing his chest on the way over and flipping him with Eternity's End!!
(Crowd cheers Hero, and he gut wrench suplexes Lucifer Jones. He climbs up to the top turnbuckle and waits for Jones to get back to his feet)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hero flips over Jones with a blockbuster neckbreaker!
(Fans get louder, and Hero sets up the chair Jones brought in earlier. Hero climbs to the top rope again. Lucifer Jones gets to his feet and climbs up to the second turnbuckle. He sets Hero up for a uranage but backflips into a C4 off the top rope)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones with an Air Raid on that standing chair!!
(Audience has to give it up for the Air Raid, and chant "HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!" Jones makes the cover)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...thr...(Hero kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones waistlocks Hero and drills him on the back of his head with a snap backdrop driver!!
(Lucifer Jones slides a scalpel out of his boot. The camera gets a close-up of it and the audience boos)
Guillermo O'Bannon: My god, Lucifer Jones has smuggled a scalpel into the cage and is looking to use it on Hero!
Phil Blauer: When he's done I have these laughlines that have been killing me...
(Jones holds Hero down and begins slicing & carving Hero's forehead)
Phil Blauer: Nevermind.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones carves "LUCIFER'S BITCH" across Hero's forehead!
(The audience voices their disgust as blood flows freely from Hero's cuts. Hero's face is literally pouring with blood, and then LJ takes out a glass bottle of whiskey out of his pocket)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jones smuggles in a bottle of hooch. I thought I was the only one to do that.
Phil Blauer: Don't feel bad, I keep a mango-tini under the desk. (Phil pulls a giant margarita glass from under the table and sips from the straw)
(Lucifer Jones takes a few swigs, and pours the rest onto the Hero's open wounds! That wakens Hero and he clutches his forehead)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones then smashes that bottle over Hero's head!!
(Jones drags him to the steel cage, and proceeds to mash Hero's bloody face into the steel, all the while digging at the top of his skull with the scalpel. As if that's not horrible enough, a rabid Jones keeps grinding Hero's face into the steel while a cameraman gives a close up shot of this scene, and Jones screams at the camera (and to RHIII) "Do you see this, Hunglestein!? DO YOU SEE THIS!? YOU SHOULD HAVE NEVER FUCKED WITH ME, BITCH!!!" The video cuts to Robert Hunglestien III watching a monitor backstage)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Robert Hunglestien III looks pretty un-nerved to what's happening to his friend and stablemate Hero.
(Lucifer Jones applies a dragon sleeper camel clutch, and tries to bend Hero in half! Blood runs down Lucifer Jones as he pulls back on Hero's head with sadistic glee)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones trying to cripple Hero en route to advancing to the second round of the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship Title Tournament! He's got Hero in a bad spot with The Bloke Choke, a variation of Akira Kyoto's Kyoto Klutch!!
Lucifer Jones: "Yeah, fuck The Un-Stable!!"
(Lucifer Jones pulls Hero up with that dragon sleeper still applied, and then lifts him up into a suplex. Lucifer Jones then jumping reverse brainbusters Hero)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones knocks Hero's bloody head into the mat with Fuck the Stigmata!
Phil Blauer: A hold no doubt taught to him by his teacher, Mr. Shioda!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Hero kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones lifts Hero up in another reverse suplex and gives him The Yankee Cracker!!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...3!!!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones bests Hero in a steel cage match and goes on to the quarterfinals of the Hardkore World Heavyweight Title Tournament!
("Homicidal" by Bad Luck 13 Riot Extravaganza plays and Lucifer Jones raises his arms in victory. He walks out of the cage)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 14 minutes 14 seconds, THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, ADVANCING TO THE SECOND ROUND OF THE HARDKORE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP TITLE TOURNAMENT...'THE WHITE CHAPEL HORROR' LUCIFER JONES!!!"
(Lucifer Jones holds one finger up to the camera and says "One down!" and then laughs hysterically. He steps through the cage and walks down the stairs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: We saw Hardkore America Champion Robert Hunglestien III watching this match. After what Lucifer Jones did to his friend, Hero, what could he have in store for him?
(Lucifer Jones grabs a spool of barbed wire from under the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones after mutilating and brutalizing Hero, looking to do even more.
(Jones grabs a bloody and exhausted Hero, and bashes him in the head with the barbed wire spool. He then unravels some of the barbed wire, wraps it tight around Hero's neck)
Phil Blauer: Jesus, at this point if I was Hunglestien, I would just take the money my Uncle Stu gave me for my bar mitzfah and pay this crazy limey!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones climbs on to the top of the cage with that barbed wire strand in his hand.
(Jones flips off the crowd, and jumps to the floor, the barbed wire pulling up Hero inside of the ring, basically lynching him with the barbed wire!!! The crowd gasps in horror as Hero's legs dangle. Kilroy Evans, Andrew Karnage, & Robert Hunglestien III run down to the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jones makes a really quick escape into the crowd as The Un-Stable rush out to help a bloody, disfigured, and beaten Hero!!
Phil Blauer: For the second match in a row, we go out on EMTs putting someone on a stretcher. I sense a theme.
Guillermo O'Bannon: We just saw them exchange a couple of quick promos, and now up we have the semi-finals of the Hardkore World Tag Team Tournament. Tuxedo Mask and Death Gojira outlasted The Shadows of the Night in a bloody battle in Los Angeles. Now the next team up ahead of them is The Powers That Be (Kicking Your Ass). The kind of match is anyone's guess.
Phil Blauer: I'm told by my inside sources...
Guillermo O'Bannon: Matt Boone?
Phil Blauer: That's confidential...anyway, I was told you misspoke when you said AWS Man & "Heavenly" Thomas Haven were longtime partners.
Guillermo O'Bannon: That's true, Phil. I...
Phil Blauer: I was told you misspoke when you said AWS Man & "Heavenly" Thomas Haven had even teamed before that night.
Guillermo O'Bannon: That's true, Phil. I let you do the research one time...
Phil Blauer: Hey, a poor workman blames his tools. At any rate, that's the last time you can make fun of me for not knowing what the hell is going on. Like when I asked where Mr. Shioda's bowler hat and cane was?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Fine, Phil.
Phil Blauer: Or when I asked Tamara Sanchez where I could find a good Bratwurst burrito.
Guillermo O'Bannon: You did that?
Phil Blauer: No!
("Three Point One Four" by the Bloodhound Gang the crowd boos as AWS Man & "Heavenly" Thomas Haven part the curtain and walk down the aisleway)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Thomas Haven & AWS Man are superstars over in the Great Lakes regions, and looking to make the same impact here on the West Coast. Winning the Hardkore World Tag Team Championship would be a start in the right direction.
Yolanda Ando: Haven changing up his look with red vinyl-looking tights with “Heavenly” written down the outside of the right leg in white letters. AWS Man sporting his tried and true look that we all know so well.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following is part of the Semi-Finals of the Hardkore World Tag Team Tournament. It is a Spin the Wheel Make the Deal Match. Your referee is Ron Reid. Featuring first, From the Continent of Europe; Standing at 6 feet tall; Weighing 232 pounds...'HEAVENLY' THOMAS HAVEN!! His partner is from Freakville, North Carolina; Standing at 6 feet 1 inch tall; Weighing 236 pounds...AWS MAN!! They are THE POWERS THAT BE (KICKING YOUR ASS)!!!"
(Haven & AWS Man raise their arms and are met with boos. Then "Spin Me Right Round" by Uranium 235 fills The Cow Palace, the fans rise to their feet)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tuxedo Mask always brings a bit of levity to an otherwise pretty brutal evening.
Phil Blauer: So does that boston creme stain on his lapel...ew, he's licking it.
(Makoto Jupiter is the first to step through the curtain. She's blown back by the applause. Her hair is pink and she's wearing a Powerpuff Girl baby-t. She takes a few steps down the ramp, stops and turns to the curtain. She raises her hand and begins to count down from 5, the crowd joins in...)
Audience: 5...4...3...2...1!!!
(Mako points to the curtain and out steps Tuxedo Mask. He's wearing a top hat and tuxedo with a black tie and tails, and white gloves. His face is covered by a ballroom mask. Death Gojira walks out with his barbed wire wrapped wooden chair, the Goji Chair. Together they walk down the ramp, showered with cheers from the fans)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Cupcake Crew has held their share of titles around here in Hardkore World, but never the Hardkore World Tag Team Championship.
Phil Blauer: Neither have I.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tux up to his old tricks and hands a woman in the front row a rose.
Phil Blauer: That's not a woman.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Aw, don't tell Tux. He's just starting to talk to members of the opposite sex again...sorta.
Yolanda Ando: Tux wears a tuxedo to the ring; a tailcoat, white gloves, white formal shirt with a top hat to complete the look. He also wears a ballroom mask, hiding his eyes. Death Gojira is wearing some black shorts and boots, kneepads, taped up knuckles, godzilla spikes tattooed down along his spine. "King of Fucking Monsters" is written along the sides of the boots.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And their opponents, first from Tokushima, Japan; Standing at 6 feet 1 inch tall; Weighing 230 pounds...TUXEDO MASK!! His partner, from Monster Island, Japan; Standing 6 feet 2 inches tall; Weighing 240 pounds...DEATH GOJIRA!!!"
(Crowd cheers and starts a chant of "GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!!" Gojira takes the house mic from Bill Kasal)
Death Gojira: "Hold on, hold on, hold on… Who are we? Do you really want to know who we are?"
(He turns to the fans, which erupt into a massive “Go-ji-ra!” and “Tux-e-do!” chant. Gojira and Tux look around and smirk while Haven and the AWS Man try to get the fans to shut up. Haven gets in the face of Gojira, asking him “who the hell do you are?” Gojira shoves him back as the referee gets in between them.)
Death Gojira: "Who am I? WHO AM I?!"
(He looks to Tux, who gives him a shrug.)
Death Gojira: "Ask Kilroy Evans… ask Stan “The Tank” Wilson… ask Rally Jackson… ask the Shootfighter, Blak Lung, Hunglestein. Ask… (He smirks) …Big Baba O’Reilly."
(The fans roar into a “You’re Hardkore” chant.)
Death Gojira: "Ask any ONE of the thousands and thousands of fans in the Cow Palace arena and at home. They’ll tell you who I am. Maybe if you dicks did a little research before opening your fat mouths, you’d see what exactly you’re dealing with… Because as soon as that bell rings… you’re out of the frying pan… and into the biggest fucking fire you two will ever see in your pathetic lives."
(Mike Peters spins the wheel, round & round it goes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: It lands on Texas Death Match!
(The Cow Palace cheers and Death Gojira cracks his knuckles. Tuxedo Mask looks a little concerned but Gojira reassures him. Ron Reid signals for the bell)
Guillermo O'Bannon: AWS Man locks up with Tuxedo Mask and takes him over in a fireman's carry. He headlocks him and then takes him over onto his shoulders for a pin.
Referee Ron Reid: 1...(Tuxedo Mask rolls AWS Man into a cradle)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...(AWS Man kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tux slaps AWS Man in the face!
(The fans react with an "Ohhhhhh!!" AWS Man feels his face and looks at his hand. He winds back and slaps Tux back. Fans go "Ohhhhhh!!" again)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tuxedo Mask tries to kick him, but AWS Man catches his foot. Tux nails an enziguri roundhouse kick!
(Audience applauds Tux. Tux headlocks AWS Man, but AWS Man pushes him off into the ropes. AWS Man ducks under a clothesline and bounces into the ropes from the other side)
Guillermo O'Bannon: AWS Man flying body presses Tux!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...(Tuxedo Mask kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tuxedo Mask ducks underneath a right hand, and runs AWS Man into the ropes and rolls him up into a bridging cradle!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...(AWS Man kicks out)
(AWS Man and Tuxedo Man both spring up to their feet, ready to attack. The San Francisco crowd gives both men a round of applause. Both men tag out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Heavenly" Thomas Haven pops Death Gojira in the chest with a karate chop. Another, and another; backing him into the corner. Haven slugs Gojira in the gut. He DDTs Gojira!
(Haven irish whips Death Gojira into the ropes but he hops onto the middle of the second rope. He backflips into an asai moonsault reverse DDT!! The audience applauds and Gojira hooks Haven's leg)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...(Thomas Haven kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gojira scoops Haven up and runs him into the center of the ring with a kryptonite krunch!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Thomas Haven kicks out)
(Thomas Haven rolls over to his corner and tags in AWS Man. AWS Man comes in and pops Gojira in the side with a kidney punch)
Guillermo O'Bannon: AWS Man monkey flips Gojira across the ring. He pulls Gojira up and scoops him up onto his shoulder, but Gojira falls behind him.
(Gojira applies a crossface chicken wing on AWS Man. AWS Man cries out in pain as Death Gojira wrenches his hammerlocked arm)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira tangles his leg up with AWS Man's leg and drives his face into the mat with a legsweep! He lifts AWS Man up on to his shoulder with a fireman's carry. He drops AWS Man onto his face again with an F5!!
(Crowd gets louder, as Death Gojira lifts AWS Man up in a hanging suplex. The audience applauds this show of strength as Gojira continues to hold him up in the air)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira drops him in an ace crusher neckbreaker!! He tags in Tuxedo Mask. He gets under AWS Man's legs and lifts him up into an electric chair, while Tuxedo Mask climbs to the top rope with his back to them.
(Gojira backs AWS Man back into the corner, while Tuxedo Mask backflips into a moonsault Tuxcutter while Death Gojira drives him down with an inverted tigerbomb!!! Crowd goes wild, chanting "CUP-CAKE CREW!! CUP-CAKE CREW!! CUP-CAKE CREW!! CUP-CAKE CREW!! CUP-CAKE CREW!!")
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(AWS Man kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tuxedo Mask twists AWS Man's arm, and does a double jump to the top rope. He bounces around but completely falls off the ropes, catching AWS Man with an arm drag!
(Tuxedo Mask hooks AWS Man up in a suplex, and cradles his leg. He drops him back into a perfect plex)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(AWS Man rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tuxedo Mask runs and hops on to the second turnbuckle and does a 180 degree turn off into a flying body press but AWS Man catches him and powerslams him!
(Audience boos AWS Man, as he hooks the leg for the pin)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Tuxedo Mask kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: AWS Man scoops Tuxedo Mask up and walks him around the ring a bit, to piss the fans off. Finally he slams him near the corner. He backflips into a standing moonsault!
Referee Ron Reid: 1....2...(Tuxedo Mask kicks out)
(AWS Man tags in "Heavenly" Thomas Haven. AWS Man atomic drops Tuxedo Mask onto the the top turnbuckle, facing the audience. AWS Man stands on to the second turnbuckle back to back with Tux)
Guillermo O'Bannon: AWS Man pulls Tux off the second rope with a Splash Freakin' Mountain into an inverted DDT onto Thomas Haven's knee!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
Guillermo O'Bannon: And just like that The Powers That Be (Kicking Your Ass) pin Tuxedo Mask. Ron Reid now lays in the ten count.
Referee Ron Reid: 1...
Referee Ron Reid: 2...
(The audience claps in unison to try and wake Tuxedo Mask. Tux stirs a little and rubs the back of his head)
Referee Ron Reid: 3...
Phil Blauer: Someone get a chili dog to rub under his nose!
Referee Ron Reid: 4...
Referee Ron Reid: 5...
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tuxedo Mask gets back up to his feet and tags in Death Gojira. Gojira runs at Haven and gets back body dropped! Thomas Haven knees Gojira hard in the stomach a couple times, then batters his back with stiff forearm smashes.
(Thomas Haven applies a waistlock and then reverse bearhugs Death Gojira. Haven squeezes on Gojira's esophagus to restrict his breathing)
Phil Blauer: These matches often come down to conditioning. Haven attempting to wear down Gojira down here so that when they pin him, he doesn't get back up.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira rips at Haven's eyes. Gojira stands back to back with Haven, and then lifts him up in a crucifix. He wraps his arms around Haven's chin and flips him over into a sitting Monster X Strikes Back piledriver!!
(Crowd cheers wildly, chanting "GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!!" Haven rolls over to his corner and tags in AWS Man)
Guillermo O'Bannon: AWS Man enters the ring and gets behind Gojira, he drops backward with a russian leg sweep! He irish whips Gojira into the ropes and takes him over into a powerslam!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...(Death Gojira kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: AWS Man climbs to the top rope and twists off into a corkscrew leg drop but Gojira rolls out of the way! Gojira pulls AWS Man's head into his legs and straightjackets his arms. He uses his own arms to lift him up and drop him into a tigerbomb!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(AWS Man rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira pulls AWS Man into his legs again and lifts him up on his shoulder, he drops him into a powerbomb!! He uses his arms & legs to lift him up and drop him into a second powerbomb!!
(Death Gojira lifts him up onto his shoulder for a third time, but this time gets a running start and powerbombs him over the ropes to the floor below!! The Cow Palace erupts in cheers and chants of "GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!!" Gojira steps through the ropes to the floor below)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira lifts AWS Man up onto his shoulder in a fireman's carry. He walks over to the corner post, and airplane spins AWS Man's head into the corner post!!
(Gojira walks AWS Man over to the ring barrier and drops him throatfirst on the railing! Blood runs down from a cut on AWS Man's temple. Gojira rolls into the ring and tags in Tuxedo Mask)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tuxedo Mask gets a running start and baseball slides under the ropes into a helicopter rana but he just falls flat on his ass!
(Crowd laughs at Tux and chant "You Fucked Up!! You Fucked Up!! You Fucked Up!! You Fucked Up!! You Fucked Up!!" Tux gets up and kicks AWS Man in the shins)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tuxedo Mask F5's AWS Man throat on to the guardrail! Tuxedo Mask picks him up in a suplex and then drops his stomach on the railing!
(Tux takes a breather from all the activity. He grabs Death Gojira's barbed wire wrapped wooden Goji Chair)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tux turns around into a van daminator with The Goji Chair!! The crowd letting AWS Man have it for making their chubby hero bleed. AWS Man climbs to the top rope, waiting for Tux to stagger to his feet...corkscrew plancha on the floor!!
(Crowd boos and jeers AWS Man who pats himself on the back for the beautiful plancha. Death Gojira grabs Makoto Jupiter's flask. He pulls a zippo lighter with a radioactive sign on it)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira takes a swig of whatever is in Makoto's flask, lights his zippo and blows a fireball at AWS Man!!
(AWS Man's black & white jumpsuit catches fire on the back! "Heavenly" Thomas Haven, Mike Peters, and Ron Reid rush AWS Man with towels and beat out the fire!! The fans chant "GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!!")
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira whacks Haven in the head with that barbed wire wrapped Goji Chair!! AWS Man tries to escape but Gojira smashes him in the back of the head with The Goji Chair as well!!
(AWS Man staggers forward into Tuxedo Mask who gut wrenches him up for Death Gojira who spears AWS Man upside down into the concrete floor!! The San Francisco crowd cheers wildly, and Tuxedo Mask grabs AWS Man and rams his head into the guardrail)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tuxedo Mask drives AWS Man into the railing to hard that his head goes through the rails! Death Gojira goes out to the crowd with his Goji Chair...and smashes AWS Man's head back through!!
(AWS Man is now a bloody mess, trying to escape back into the ring. Death Gojira grabs him by the hair, and AWS Man hits him with a low blow)
Guillermo O'Bannon: AWS Man scoops Death Gojira up and drops him into a michinoku driver II on the The Cow Palace floor!!
(The crowd jeers AWS Man, who gingerly rubs his burned back with blood running down his face. AWS Man slowly climbs back into the ring with the legal man, Tuxedo Mask)
Guillermo O'Bannon: AWS Man runs at Tuxedo Mask and nails him with a kneelift!
(AWS Man irish whips Tux, but Tux reverses the whip and sends him into the ropes, and runs up to the top turnbuckle. Death Gojira catches AWS Man with a tiltawhirl backbreaker)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira hangs AWS Man on his knee as Tux tries a moonsault but trips, so it just turns into a bonzai drop to AWS Man's chest!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
Guillermo O'Bannon: This time The Cupcake Crew has scored a pinfall, but AWS Man must stay down for a count of 10.
Referee Ron Reid: 1...
Referee Ron Reid: 2...
(AWS Man bleeds all down his paintball mask into a small pool on the ring below. His black & white jumpsuit has a charred hole where Gojira blew that fireball)
Referee Ron Reid: 3...
Referee Ron Reid: 4...
Guillermo O'Bannon: AWS Man has won alot of championships in the Great Lakes but he's never had to deal with people blowing fireballs on him since he headed West. We'll see if he can make it to the bell.
Referee Ron Reid: 5...
Referee Ron Reid: 6...
Referee Ron Reid: 7...
(AWS Man staggers to his feet, and Tuxedo Mask front facelocks him. He swaggers his hips for the ladies' pleasure but just gets some "Wooo"s from the Bay Area guys)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tuxedo Mask runs up the turnbuckles into an acid drop Tux Rattle & Roll reverse neckbreaker!!
Phil Blauer: Ouch, he dropped him right on that burned back.
Guillermo O'Bannon: These four men said some really mean things to one another. I can't believe they would care.
(Tuxedo Mask runs into the ropes but Haven puts his knee up and it lands in his kidney. AWS Man pulls Tux's head into his legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: AWS Man crucifix tigerbombs Tuxedo Mask!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Tuxedo Mask rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: AWS Man applies an abdominal stretch on Tux. He plants his foot and pulls back on Tux's arm, then applies a mandible claw in his mouth.
(The crowd boos AWS Man who tries to force a submission out of Tux. Tux bites down on AWS Man's fingers, and he cries out in pain)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tux hiptosses AWS Man. He irish whips him into the turnbuckle so hard that AWS Man falls on his ass in the corner. Tux carthweels into a handspring into a bronco buster!
Phil Blauer: Ew, AWS Man's gonna have to buy a new paintball mask.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tux backs out and catches a kick to the junk by AWS Man. He climbs to the top rope and flying front dropkicks Tuxedo Mask!!
(The Cow Palace continues to jeer AWS Man who crawls over to the corner and tags in "Heavenly" Thomas Haven. AWS Man lifts Tuxedo Mask onto his shoulders in a fireman's carry)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Haven DDTs Tux off of AWS Man's shoulders!! He makes the cover.
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Tuxedo Mask kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Thomas Haven waistlocks flips Tux over into a northern lights suplex!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Tuxedo Mask raises his shoulder)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Haven applies an armbar to Tux's arm, sticking his knee into the ball of Tux's shoulder. Haven clamps down on his arm trying to pull it off.
(Reid checks in to see if he submits, but Tux refuses. Haven puts his knee onto the back of Tux's head and yanks up on his arm some more)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Haven slowing the match down some more, trying to seperate his arm from the rest of his body. Tux spins out and gets to his feet, but still has Haven hanging on to his arm.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Twenty Minutes Have Elapsed, 10 Minutes Remaining."
(He uses his arm barred arm to throw him into the ropes. He cartwheels into a huracanrana!! He grabs the top rope and does a handstand)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tuxedo Mask's legs hit the top rope and backflips into a split legged moonsault on Thomas Haven!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Thomas Haven kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tuxedo Mask steps through the ropes and slingshots over into a DDT!! He tags in Death Gojira and climbs to the top turnbuckle.
(Gojira wheelbarrows Haven up by his legs and Tuxedo Mask comes off the top rope with a rocker dropper while Gojira drives his face into the mat with a reverse powerbomb!! He covers Haven)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Thomas Haven kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira fireman's carries Haven up on to his shoulders, then crotches him on the top turnbuckle. Death Gojira climbs to the second rope and gut wrenches him up on to his shoulders and and spins him into a super dominator!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Thomas Haven kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gojira pulls Haven up by the hair, but Haven pops him in the face with a forearm smash. He half nelsons Gojira, and then drops him facefirst into the canvas.
(Thomas Haven inverted facelocks Death Gojira and drops him into a reverse DDT! He hooks the leg)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Death Gojira kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Haven tries to DDT Gojira, he blocks it and back body drops him. Gojira scoops him up and drops him into a snow plow!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Thomas Haven gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gojira lifts Haven up in a powerbomb but Haven twists out of it into a Highlight Cutter!!
(Crowd jeers and boos while Haven rolls over and tags in AWS Man. Haven double underhooks Gojira's arms and knees him in the face)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira stumbles back into AWS Man who thrust kicks him!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Death Gojira kicks out)
(AWS Man climbs to the top rope and backflips into a shooting star press!! Ron Reid slides into position)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
Guillermo O'Bannon: AWS Man hit The Win The Freakin Matchifier and pins Gojira!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...
Referee Ron Reid: 2...
(Behind the referee, Eerie Von sneaks in and grabs AWS Man by the throat)
Referee Ron Reid: 3...
(Front row holds up their "C-H-O-K-E-S-L-A-M" cards)
Referee Ron Reid: 4...
Guillermo O'Bannon: Eerie Von chokeslams AWS Man onto that burned back!!
Referee Ron Reid: 5...
Guillermo O'Bannon: Thomas Haven runs in and gets caught by the throat again.
Phil Blauer: How is Reid not seeing this?
Referee Ron Reid: 6...
Guillermo O'Bannon: Eerie Von chokeslams Thomas Haven as well!!
Referee Ron Reid: 7...
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira back on his feet and pulls AWS Man up. He irish whips AWS Man into the turnbuckle so hard that he flips over into a tree of woe.
(Death Gojira climbs the ropes and stands on the second turnbuckle. He grabs AWS Man's legs. Meanwhile, Tuxedo Mask, Eerie Von, and Makoto Jupiter get busy setting up The Goji Chair underneath them)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tuxedo Mask lights the standing Goji Chair on fire and Death Gojira delivers the Sniff the Borax reverse powerbomb onto it!!!
(Crowd leaps up and chants "GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!!" AWS Man covers his burned face, while Death gojira rolls him over into a pin)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira hits Sniff the Borax and gets the pinfall!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...
Referee Ron Reid: 2...
Referee Ron Reid: 3...
Referee Ron Reid: 4...
Referee Ron Reid: 5...
Referee Ron Reid: 6...
Referee Ron Reid: 7...
(AWS Man clutches his face, and stirs a little)
Referee Ron Reid: 8...
Referee Ron Reid: 9...
(AWS Man tries to stand but Makoto Jupiter holds on to his boot, hiding under the apron from Ron Reid)
Referee Ron Reid: 10!!!
Guillermo O'Bannon: And with some help from Makoto Jupiter, AWS Man can't answer the count, The Cupcake Crew advances to the final round of the Hardkore World Tag Team Championship Tournament!
(The San Francisco fans go wild! "Godzilla's Theme" by Akira Ifukube plays and Makoto Jupiter, Eerie Von, Tux, and Death Gojira celebrate in mid-ring)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 24 minutes 21 seconds, THE WINNERS OF THE MATCH, ADVANCING TO THE FINALS, THE CUPCAKE CREW!!!"
Guillermo O'Bannon: Now they will watch The Miracle Violence Combination II vs. Dark Ryderz Movement match with some interest as they face the winners at Palm Springs Punishment!!
(Gojira & Tuxedo Mask raise their arms in victory while a buzz begins in the audience. Suddenly a massive man steps out of the crowd and over the railing)
Guillermo O'Bannon: It's Stan "The Tank" Wilson!!
(The audience cheers, as Stan Wilson steps up behind the celebrating foursome. He swats Tuxedo Mask in the back of the head, Makoto Jupiter screams and Eerie Von runs her of the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stan irish whips Gojira into the ropes and smacks him upside the head with a big boot!
(Gojira rolls out of the ring, and Eerie Von turns around to see Stan Wilson is standing chest to chest with him. The audience gives a standing ovation. Finally, the culmination of a three year cold war is about to begin)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stan Wilson is back after being run out by Death Gojira and that fireball he blew to win the Hardkore America Heavyweight Championship across the bay in Oakland! Many of these same fans were there when it happened.
Phil Blauer: That guy over there took my parking space.
Guillermo O'Bannon: How can you have a parking space? We're in a different building every month.
Phil Blauer: It's implied.
(Stan Wilson goes to punch Eerie Von, but Eerie Von grabs the giant by his throat. The fans in the front row hold up their "C-H-O-K-E-S-L-A-M" cards)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Can Eerie Von get him up...Thomas Haven kicks Eerie in the ass!
(Eerie Von turns around and glares at Haven. He begins walking towards Haven as the fans sing "EERIE'S GONNA KILL YOU")
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stan Wilson takes the opprtunity to toss Eerie Von over the top rope! Referees and Hardkore Security drag The Cupcake Crew back to the ring as Stan Wilson & Haven wave some EMTs in to attend to AWS Man's burns. We'll be right back fans.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Earlier we watched The Cupcake Crew defeat The Powers That Be (Kicking Your Ass) in a texas death match. I'm told now that AWS Man has been rushed to nearby St. Luke's Hospital with second and third degree burns to his back and face. We'll update you on his condition as soon as we know it. Now The Miracle Violence Combination II takes on their rivals The Dark Ryderz Movement to see who will face The Cupcake Crew in the final round at Palm Springs Punishment.
Phil Blauer: The Cupcake Crew will be watching this match. Tuxedo Mask will probably be watching with a couple racks of ribs, BBQ chicken sandwhiches, chili cheese fries, bucket of chicken, a couple milkshakes...
("Black Betty" by Spiderbait plays and Kilroy Evans & Andrew Karnage step through the curtain. The crowd cheers and Karnage & Evans slaps a few fans' hands on their way to the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: These guys won the tag team titles in a tournament across the bay in San Jose.
Phil Blauer: Hey, that rhymes! Can I steal that?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Sure, Phil. After they battled through JoJo & Tojo Sushi, Stan Wilson & Casey Sanchez, Greg Daniels & Cobryn last time around they got to "Tigerheart" Rally Jackson & his brother Sean in the finals. They defeated Rally & Sean when they hit Sean with The Nightmare Lariot. Now Rally says he has a new and better partner in the Hardkore West Coast Champion Big Bad Bill and is ready to defeat The Miracle Violence Combination.
Phil Blauer: Cobryn & Greg Daniels are the only ones out of that group that aren't related...right?
Yolanda Ando: Kilroy wears a black NESkimos t-shirt with blue jean shorts and fellas...he needs some sun. He compliments it with red, white, and blue wristbands.
Phil Blauer: USA!! USA!! USA!! ...in the city by the bay!
Yolanda Ando: Andrew Karnage wears a black knee length basketball shorts with "AK-47" down the outsides of each leg in dark red. He has a dark red kneepads, with black calf high boots with red laces, and has a black elbow supporter on his right elbow.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following match is a Spin-the-Wheel, Make-the-Deal Match that's part of the Hardkore World Tag Team Title Tournament. Your referee is Mike Peters. Featuring first, from Orem, Utah; Standing 6 feet 5 inches tall; Weighing 257 pounds...ANDREW KARNAGE!! His partner is from Attbury, South Carolina; Standing at 5 feet 11 inches tall; Weighing 253 pounds...KILROY EVANS!! They are THE MIRACLE VIOLENCE COMBINATION II!!!"
(Kilroy Evans stands on the second turnbuckle and waves at the audience. Then "The Headless Children" by WASP plays. Smoke fills the entrance ramp and ‘black lights’ cause a purplish glow as they flicker in the background. When the main guitar riff hits, Big Bad Bill, "Tigerheart" Rally Jackson, The Microshocker, Bad Boy King Kong, and Bobby Nowa appear through the smoke and walk towards the ring)
Phil Blauer: The Dark Ryderz Movement rolling mob deep tonight, with The Microshocker, Bad Boy King King, and Bobby Nowa kicking it old skool with The Fruity Flyer mask. For shizzy!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Did you hang out with Colin Powell again this weekend?
Phil Blauer: Condaleeza. Bitch is street.
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Dark Ryderz Movement looking to gain control of some more gold here in Hardkore World. And take out The Un-Stable in the process.
Yolanda Ando: Big Bad Bill is wearing some indigo cotton pants with black boots that go to mid-shin. He earned that black belt he's wearing but I'm not so sure about the indigo tank top and a pair of black weight-lifting gloves. Rally Jackson wears a green capoeira gui with yellow trim.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And their opponents, accompanied to the ring by Bad Boy King Kong, Bobby Nowa, and The Microshocker...(The Shock actually gets some applause from the San Francisco crowd) "First from Asbury Park, New Jersey; Standing at 6 feet 5 inches tall; Weighing 235 pounds; He is The Current HARDKORE WEST COAST CHAMPION...BIG BAD BILL!! His partner is from Rio De Janeiro, Brazil; Standing 6 feet 2 inches tall; Weighing 241 pounds...'TIGERHEART' RALLY JACKSON!! They are THE DARK RYDERZ MOVEMENT!!!"
(Fans boo Rally & Big Bad Bill. Mike Peters nods at Ron Reid and spins the wheel. It lands on BODYSLAM CHALLENGE!)
Guillermo O'Bannon: A Bodyslam Challenge! Wait...what??
Phil Blauer: Who could hope to get the 235 pound Big Bad Bill up and over?? This is about to get messy, Guillermo!
(Ron Reid and Mike Peters look at each other and shake their heads. They give the wheel another spin. It lands on STEEL CAGE MATCH! The crowd cheers and the ring crew starts lowering the cage from above)
Guillermo O'Bannon: That's better.
Phil Blauer: Ew. Their gonna use the same steel cage Hero and Lucifer Jones bled all over?? That ain't sanitary. Lucky for them. I was gonna do a "run in".
Guillermo O'Bannon: More like a cower in.
Phil Blauer: Tomato Tomoto.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans goes to punch Triple B but he catches Kilroy by the fist. He then hits Evans under the left armpit with a heart punch!
(Big Bad Bill gets behind him and applies a full nelson. He walks over to the ropes. He bashes his face into the side of the cage repeatedly, bloodying him)
Phil Blauer: That was early.
Guillermo O'Bannon: We're running heavy. Kilroy turns around and avoids the palm thrust and goes behind him with a german suplex!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...(Big Bad Bill rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans irish whips Bill into the ropes and drops him with a sidewalk slam!
(Fans cheer Kilroy and he pulls Big Bad Bill up by the hair. He irish whips him into the corner, but Triple B leaps on the second turnbuckle to avoid collision with it and then turns and does a flying crossbody tackle right into Kilroy)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...(Kilroy Evans kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill knees Kilroy Evans in the ribs while he's down. He tags in "Tigerheart" Rally Jackson, then climbs up to the top turnbuckle. Rally Jackson lifts Kilroy up in a hanging suplex, and Bill dropkicks Evans right in his ribcage!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Kilroy Evans kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Rally Jackson pulls Kilroy up and dumps him behind him with an exploder '98!
(Rally Jackson irish whips Kilroy Evans into the turnbuckles. Rally Jackson gets a running start, and cartwheels into a pinwheel kick to his face! Blood runs down Kilroy's face, as Rally pulls his head into his legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy blocks presumably a canadian piledriver and reverses it into an alabama slammer!!
(Crowd gets loud, and Kilroy sighs with accomplishment. Rally gets to his feet and catches a flying roundhouse kick to the teeth)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans twists Rally Jackson around and drops into a falling neckbreaker! He tags in Andrew Karnage and then both lift Rally into a suplex. They drop his feet on the top rope and drop him back in a double slingshot suplex!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...(Rally Jackson kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Karnage german suplexes Rally Jackson and holds the bridge!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Rally Jackson rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Karnage pulls him up into a full nelson and drops him into a dragon suplex!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Rally Jackson gets his arm loose)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Karnage gets him up a third time and straightjackets his arms and throws him behind with a Pride Cycle suplex!!
(Andrew Karnage points to his arms and waits for Rally Jackson to get up. The crowd gets louder & louder in anticipation for The Nightmare Lariot)
Phil Blauer: Karnage warned them and now here it comes.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Karnage comes at him with the Nightmare Lariot but Rally Jackson uses his momentum to head & arm suplex him!!
(Cheers turn to jeers and Rally Jackson brushes his shoulder up. He inverted facelocks Karnage and climbs up to the second turnbuckle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Rally twists off into a tornado inverted DDT!! He grabs Andrew Karnage's leg.
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Kilroy Evans stomps the back of Rally's head)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Peters shoos Evans back into his corner but Andrew Karnage has taken over on Rally. He hammerlocks Jacksons arm and scoops him up. He gets a running start and powerslams him on his chicken winged arm!!
(Rally clutches his arm and shakes it off. Andrew Karnage comes with a forearm but Rally blocks it. Rally does a go behind and takes Karnage up into a backdrop driver!! Rally tags in Big Bad Bill)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Rally headlocks Karnage and runs up the ropes into a swinging bulldog while Big Bad Bill takes out Karnage's legs with a knee clip off the ropes!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Andrew Karnage kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill kneedrops Karnage's kneecap. He grabs Karnage's leg and begins grappling it with his own leg. He applies a scissor hold to Karnage's leg.
(Karnage growls in pain but refuses to tap out to Bill's leg scissors. Bill uses his free arms to begin battering him with stiff forearms to the back of Karnage's head)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bill uses his free arm to blast Karnage in the head with a Focus Point chop to the skull.
Phil Blauer: Big Bad Bill spends his time breaking bricks with those chops. What chance could Karnage's head have, he still has soft spots?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bill releases the scissors and gets to his feet. Karnage rolls out of the way of a leg drop, and then pulls Bill up into a waistlock. Karnage overhead belly to belly suplexes facefirst into the steel cage!!
(Blood begins to run down Big Bad Bill's face as Karnage pulls him up by the hair. Karnage irish whips him into the ropes but when he goes to give him the big boot, Bill catches his leg and positions his foot right in front of the foot Karnage has on the ground. Then Bill pulls him towards himself so that he falls down in a split)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ouch, Karnage landed in quite a nasty split there.
Phil Blauer: That reminds me of my cheerleading days. I've never understood why that isn't an olympic event yet. The hours those girls and I worked. The sweat, the tears...
Guillermo O'Bannon: When were there tears?
Phil Blauer: Mostly during the subsequent trial.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill delivers a spinning heel kick to his face! He tags in Rally Jackson and climbs up to the second turnbuckle. Rally atomic drops Karnage up and feeds his legs to Bill. The Dark Ryderz Movement stuff powerbombs Andrew Karnage off the second rope!!!
(Crowd has to give it up for that double team move, chanting "HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!" Rally holds Karnage's legs)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Andrew Karnage scissors Rally's head and takes him over)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Rally Jackson half nelsons Andrew Karnage up into a storm cradle driver!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Andrew Karnage gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Rally climbs to the top rope but before he can moonsault Karnage, Kilroy Evans comes over and crotches him on the top turnbuckle!
(Andrew Karnage limps up to the top turnbuckle and sits on it behind Rally Jackson, wrapping his legs around the top rope. He applies a kataha-jime choke to Rally)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Rally Jackson makes the trip from the top turnbuckle with The Black Market Lobotomy but Karnage stays on with his legs wrapped around that top rope!!
(Karnage hangs upside down off the top rope, catching a breather. Rally Jackson struggles to his feet, rubbing the top of his head. But he sees his spot and takes it smacking the upside down Karnage with a shining wizard)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Rally Jackson just erased high school for Karnage with that kick! Rally grabs Karnage by the hair to pull him up...Karnage spits that black mist in his eyes!
(Fans cheer as Rally stumbles around the ring, blinded. Karnage tags in Kilroy Evans, and the fans come alive! Kilroy and Karnage lift Jackson in a double side suplex but they grab his legs and flip him over into a facefirst slam!! Crowd pops huge and Kilroy makes the cover)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Rally Jackson kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: A bleeding Kilroy Evans pulls Rally Jackson up into a suplex and then just running tosses him into the cage!!
(Rally slides down the chain mesh to the ring apron. Kilroy comes over and rakes Rally's face back & forth across the cage until he's a bloody mess. Kilroy Evans pulls Rally's head into his legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy piledrives Rally Jackson! Kilroy now climbs up to the top rope, but Bill returns the favor and crotches him! Could we see it?
Phil Blauer: (puts his hand over his cell phone reciever) See what? Sorry, I was using my anytime minutes.
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Rio Deal. What were you thinking?
Phil Blauer: (shrugs) My hair.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Rally Jackson pulls Kilroy's head into his legs and drops him into a Rio Deal piledriver!!
(Fans boo and Rally makes the cover)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Andrew Karnage stomps Rally's back)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Rally Jackson gets on Kilroy's back and applies a triangle choke with a bodyscissors and begins rolling him around the ring!!
(Crowd boos some more as Kilroy unsuccessfully tries to gain some footing. Rally rolls him around the mat, clamping his arm across the throat)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Karnage enters the ring again and stomps a Rally in the head, breaking The Tiger Tamer! He checks to see if his partner's ok, and then pulls Rally up by those blood soaked dreadlocks. He irish whips Rally into the ropes and Kilroy back body drops him high in the air so that Karnage can catch him with a powerbomb!!!
(The Cow Palace nearly blows up, and Mike Peters forces Karnage back to his corner. Kilroy covers Rally)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Rally Jackson kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans t-bone suplexes Rally Jackson to the mat, and tags in Karnage officially. Karnage gets underneath Rally and hits him with a sambo suplex!
(Karnage applies a crippler crossface where he hammerlocks Rally's free arm. Rally bleeds freely down Karnage's arm)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Karnage locks in The Pain Killer EX.
Phil Blauer: Speaking of ex's. Mine called. Well actually...I called.
Guillermo O'Bannon: You didn't use the voice disguiser to terrify her did you?
Phil Blauer: I paid for the damn thing didn't I? Anyway, long story short she's sorry she kept my Bobby Brown CDs.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Those are my Bobby Brown CDs!
Phil Blauer: And I'm getting them back by making her think a serial killer is after her. Jeez, you want those are don't ya?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Karnage pulling up on Rally Jackson's head & arms with The Pain Killer EX!! Mike Peters begging him to submit and save his career.
Phil Blauer: What's that prove? Peters has half his paycheck on The Miracle Violence Combination II winning tonight.
Guillermo O'Bannon: We really gotta get Mike some help.
Phil Blauer: Are you crazy? I got him betting me on American Idol!!
(Big Bad Bill runs into the ropes and punt kicks Karnage in the face to break The Pain Killer EX. He steps out of the ring long enough for Rally to tag him in)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bill pulls Andrew Karnage up and judo tosses him over his shoulder up. He scoops Karnage up and snow plows him!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Andrew Karnage rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bill applies a front face lock but Karnage reverses it into a fireman's carry. He runs across the ring and gives him a death valley driver!!
(Karnage applies a single boston crab, and pulls Bill's leg back while standing on his head. Peters checks in but Bill waves him off)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Karnage trying to take out those powerful legs of the West Coast Champion.
Phil Blauer: Probably a good idea. Bill's punted more balls than The 49ers this season.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Or Jeremiah Vastrix.
(Karnage pulls Bill up and drops him headfirst in a wrist clutch fisherman's buster!! The crowd goes wild)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Arsenal Buster!! Karnage tags in Kilroy. Karnage powerbombs Kilroy on top of Big Bad Bill!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Big Bad Bill kicks out)
(A bloody Kilroy Evans salutes the audience and applies a cobra clutch to Big Bad Bill! Bill's legs wobble as Kilroy pulls back on his arm & neck)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans gets a running start and rams Bill's face into the cage!! He goes to smash him again, but Bill blocks it with his boot. He smashes Kilroy's face into the cage!! He irish whips Kilroy Evans into the turnbuckle, and follows him in jumping on the middle of the second rope...he DDTs Kilroy as he staggers out of the corner!!
(He pulls Kilroy up who has bled all down the front of his NESkimos t-shirt. He irish whips him into the ropes and goes for a huracanrana but Kilroy catches him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy has Bill in a bad spot and walks him over to the side of the cage, and then falls backwards pitching his face into the cage!!
(Bill is a gruesome bloody mess, and Kilroy Evans picks him up in bearhug. Bill donates some more blood for Kilroy's t-shirt on his shoulder)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans walks backward and drops his face into the cage again!! He measures the staggering West Coast Champion and goes for The Bad Touch, but Bill pushes him off into the cage!!
(Kilroy Evans walks into Bill who lifts him up into a human torture rack. He drops him into a spinning gory driver)
Guillermo O'Bannon: He calls that Cross the “T” and dot the “I”!!
Phil Blauer: Why?
Guillermo O'Bannon: I've stopped asking.
(Andrew Karnage enters the ring to save his partner and Rally Jackson does the same. Karnage irish whips Big Bad Bill from one side of the ring and Kilroy irish whips Rally)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Rally Jackson reverses the irish whip and Big Bad Bill hits his corkscrew spear right in Kilroy's ribcage!!
(The fans boo and Lonewolf McNeely begins running down to the ring)
Phil Blauer: Lonewolf McNeely trying to get into that cage!
Guillermo O'Bannon: He cannot wait for Palm Springs Punishment, he wants the West Coast Champion right now!
(Lonewolf McNeely gives up trying and climbs the cage. Big Bad Bill drops Kilroy Evans with a russian leg sweep and doesn't see Lonewolf McNeely stepping over the cage wall)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely grabs Bill and tosses him facefirst into the cage wall!!
(Rally Jackson sees Lonewolf McNeely in the ring and doesn't see Andrew Karnage coming off the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: NIGHTMARE LARIOT!! Rally Jackson flips head over heel! The Dark Ryderz Movement in some trouble here, and Bobby Nowa doesn't wanna take it anymore!
Phil Blauer: He hasn't stepped inside a Hardkore World ring since Greg Daniels broke his leg over a year ago. Except for to look for dropped change!
(Bobby Nowa savatte kicks Lonewolf McNeely upside the head! Nowa waistlocks McNeely)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Nowa hits a german suplex on Lonewolf McNeely!!
Phil Blauer: With three members of The Dark Ryderz Movement in that ring, Lonewolf McNeely gets out while the gettin's good.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill staggers up and sees Rally Jackson knocked out. He motions over to Nowa and I think we're gonna see a double team move from them. Bill lifts Kilroy up for a stuff powerbomb...
(Instead of helping, Bobby Nowa spears Bill in the stomach! The crowd cheers wildly)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bobby Nowa swerved The Dark Ryderz Movement! What is he doing??
Phil Blauer: I saw this coming, Bill and Rally took all the spotlight leaving a Hardkore World legend like Bobby Nowa to Jimmy Hart "That's right, daddy" status in their promos.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bobby Nowa comes off the top rope with a corkscrew moonsault on his former partner Big Bad Bill!!
(Kilroy Evans waistlocks Bill and Karnage comes off the ropes with a Nightmare Lariot, flipping Bill over into Kilroy's german suplex)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shotgun Suplex!!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2..3!!!
("Spiderbait" by Black Betty plays and the audience cheers wildly. Hardkore America Heavyweight Champion Robert Hunglestien III runs down to the ring and collects The Miracle Violence Combination II & Bobby Nowa)
Guillermo O'Bannon: With an assist from Bobby Nowa, a former Dark Ryderz Movement member, The Miracle Violence Combination II has defeated Rally Jackson and Hardkore West Coast Champion Big Bad Bill.
(Bobby Nowa takes off his Fruity Flyer mask)
Guillermo O'Bannon: It was Hero!! Hero hid underneath Bobby Nowa's old Fruity Flyer mask to be able to pose as him!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 18 minutes 11 seconds, THE WINNERS OF THE MATCH, ADVANCING TO THE FINALS OF THE HARDKORE WORLD TAG TEAM TOURNAMENT...THE MIRACLE VIOLENCE COMBINATION II!!!"
(Hero still seems woozy from the blood loss, but still has enough strength to laugh at Rally & Bill inside the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Miracle Violence Combination II will now go to Palm Springs to face The Cupcake Crew at Palm Springs Punishment for the Hardkore World Tag Team titles!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Coming up next is a match between two women who represent Hardkore's past, present, and future. "Sexy" Anjanette Turner made her return to Hardkore World in Los Angeles and lost a controversial Triple Cage match to Tamara Sanchez.
Phil Blauer: Now there isn't two other women to hide behind, or in my case hide from in the hamper so I can watch them shower.
Guillermo O'Bannon: What was that?
Phil Blauer: What was what?
("Candy Shop" by 50 Cent plays and the crowd leaps to their feet. Anjanette Turner walks down the rampway trying to slap as many hands as she can)
Guillermo O'Bannon: This San Francisco crowd remembers Anjanette's thrilling victory over Yuka Sato in this very same building in 1999. It was then that she won her third Hardkore World Women's Championship. She hopes to break her own record and win it a fourth here tonight.
Phil Blauer: I remember 1999...
(Fades out to Phil in a Volkswagen "Flower Power" bus. "Incense and Peppermint" is on the radio while a groovy chick picks Phil's afro as he drives to Washington D.C. There he and his black panther brothers assassinate Lyndon B. Johnson and end this unjust war)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Phil that was 1998.
Yolanda Ando: And I never got my gas money back from that trip.
Phil Blauer: Gas, Ass, or Grass. No one rides for free.
Yolanda Ando: But I gave you all three!
Phil Blauer: And now I'm getting a fourth. Sass.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following contest is scheduled for one fall, a 30 minute time limit, and is for the Hardkore World Women's Championship! Your referee is Ron Reid. Featuring first, hailing from Las Vegas, Nevada; Standing 5 feet 3 inches tall; and Weighing 135 pounds...'SEXY' ANJANETTE TURNER!!"
(Audience cheers and Turner stretches for the match. The lights start to flicker, red and blue pyro explodes as "It’s My Life" by No Doubt hits and a spotlight points on Tamara Sanchez standing in the entrance. The spotlight drives up her body, over her Hardkore World Women's Championship belt while she performs the Clique-sign. She then runs down the ramp, sliding into the ring where she jumps up the top turnbuckle holding her title belt over head)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Since she won the title from Xyrynth she has persevered over all the competition. But she has yet to wrestle a wrestler the caliber of "Sexy" Anjanette Turner in my opinion.
Yolanda Ando: The champ has on some black hot pants and a red top with spaghetti sleeves with red boots. She has her hair in a knot.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And her opponent, from New York, New York; Standing at 5 feet 6 inches tall; Weighing 120 pounds; The Current HARDKORE WORLD WOMEN'S CHAMPION...TAMARA SANCHEZ!!!"
(Audience boos and Tamara Sanchez flips them off. She glares at Anjanette Turner as she hands her belt to Ron Reid. Reid then signals for the bell)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anj rushes the champ but Sanchez is ready for her with a hip toss. She scoops Turner up and slams her to the mat.
(Sanchez runs into the ropes. Turner ducks and Sanchez flips over her into a sunset flip! Ron Reid slides into position)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...(Anjanette Turner rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Sanchez runs into the ropes and takes her over into a head scissors takedown!
(Sanchez goes to kick Turner but she catches her leg. Tammy answers with an enzuigiri ducks that and twists the leg into a STF with an armbar, then she rolls onto her back!! Sanchez's eyes bug out of her head from lack of air)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner reversed that enzuigiri into a reverse STF with an armbar and already the champ is in trouble! Will she tap out?
Phil Blauer: It would be nice. We are running pretty heavy, and we got that hour long match still to go. I'm just sayin. Take one for the team.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner doesn't see any chance of escape and so gets herself to the ropes. Ron Reid forces Anjanette to break the submission. Turner keeps hold of Sanchez's arm and applies a chicken wing crossface. Turner is 3 inches shorter than Tammy and so is pulling her backwards down to the mat.
(Turner tangles their legs together and drops her face first in a reverse legsweep! Turner pulls her up into a waistlock and then german suplexes her!! Ron Reid slides into position)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Tamara Sanchez rolls her shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner goes for a DDT but Sanchez lifts Turner up on to her shoulders in a fireman's carries. She gets a running start and then drops her headfirst in a death valley driver!!
(Tamara Sanchez climbs out to the apron and slingshots herself onto the middle of the top rope)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tammy hits Turner with a springboard bulldog!! Turner jumps on the second rope and spits on some fans in the front row!
Phil Blauer: Normally they pay for that kind of treatment. I recognize them from group.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tammy grabs Anjanette's french braid and X factors her face into the canvas!!
(Tammy climbs to the top rope, then dives off with a flying headbutt!! She then makes the cover)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Anjanette Turner raises her shoulder)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Sanchez grabs Turner by the leg and turns her over into a single leg boston crab! She pulls back on her leg, and Ron Reid checks in to see if she wants to tap out.
(While Ron Reid is distracted, Sanchez uses the top rope for leverage. The crowd boos and she sneers back at them)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner's crying out in pain, locked in this illegal version of the canadian maple leaf. Ron Reid looks up and catches Tammy's hand on the top rope and forces her to break the crab.
(Audience applauds Reid, and Sanchez argues with Ron Reid. She pulls Turner into her legs and lifts her up into a powerbomb but Turner rolls up to her shoulders. She spins around to the back of his neck and down into a victory roll)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Tamara Sanchez kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner twists Tammy's head around and drops into a hangman's neckbreaker!
(The crowd cheers. Turner climbs to the top turnbuckle and flips over Sanchez into a blockbuster neckbreaker! She maintains the facelock and applies a grounded arm scissors. Ron Reid checks in to see if Tammy wants to tap out)
Phil Blauer: Turner has Sanchez tied up in another submission move in an effort to wear down the champ.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Sanchez being weakened while Turner doesn't have to expend very much energy.
Phil Blauer: Much like our set-up.
(Turner clamps down on Tammy's arm while pulling back on her head with those powerful arms. Sanchez is able to reach out and get a hold of those ropes. Turner releases her head and irish whips her into the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Sexy" Anjanette Turner belly to belly brainbusters her!! She covers the champion!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Tamara Sanchez kicks out)
(Turner fireman's carries Sanchez on to her shoulders and then sits her on the top turnbuckle. Anjanette climbs up to the second rope)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner goes for the gut wrench but Sanchez back elbows out of it. She facelocks Turner and delivers a twist of fate off the top rope!!!
(Audience jeers and boos Sanchez, and she springs on top of Turner and hooks her leg)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Anjanette Turner kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Sanchez irish whips Turner into the ropes and takes her out with a flying shoudler tackle!
(Sanchez facelocks Turner and cradles her leg, and lifts her up into a cradle DDT! She climbs to the top rope)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tammy comes off the top rope with a high flying frog splash!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Anjanette Turner kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Sanchez pulls Turner up by her french braid and irish whips her into the ropes, she lifts her up and deposits her to the mat with a side slam!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Anjanette Turner kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Sanchez gut wrenches her up but Turner reverses it into a huracanrana!!
(The crowd gives Turner a big pop as she catches her breath. Turner grabs Sanchez's foot and spins her around into a figure four leglock! Tammy sits up and shrieks out in pain. The fans delight in her anguish)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner has been working down Sanchez's arms and legs, perhaps softening them up for a quick strike submission hold, maybe even this one.
(Tammy grabs at her hair, nearly passing out from the pain. She reaches her arm out and is able to finally turn the figure four over. Turner quickly slips out of their pretzeled legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anj tries to kick Sanchez before she can get up, but Tammy catches her foot. Anjanette Turner responds with an enzuigiri kick!
(The sound of Turner's boot smacking Sanchez in the ear rings through The Cow Palace. The crowd gives Turner another big pop. Anjanette Turner climbs to the top rope and waits for Tammy to get to her feet)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner comes off the top rope with a spinning frankenstiener off the top rope!!
(The crowd goes wild, and Turner covers her)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Tamara Sanchez kicks out)
(Tamara Sanchez pulls something out of her boot and puts her fingers through it. Turner pulls her up to her feet)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tamara Sanchez slugs Anjanette Turner across the face with those brass knuckles!
(The crowd cries bloody murder and Sanchez tosses the knucks out of the ring. She covers a ko'd Turner)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...thr..(Anjanette Turner gets her foot on the bottom rope)
(Audience sighs with relief, and Tamara Sanchez climbs to the top rope)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Sanchez flips off the top rope into a flying senton splash!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Anjanette Turner kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Sanchez irish whips Turner into the ropes and tiltawhirls her to the mat! She climbs to the second turnbuckle and then split legged moonsaults Anj's upraised knees!!
(The crowd cheers as Tammy staggers around the ring, gasping for air. "Sexy" Anjanette Turner shakes out the cobwebs and inverted facelocks Sanchez. She steps up to the second turnbuckle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Sexy" Anjanette Turner comes off the second rope with an inverted tornado DDT!! She hooks the leg!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Tamara Sanchez gets her shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner pulls Sanchez into her legs and lifts her up on to her shoulder in a powerbomb!! She hangs on to her arms & legs and lifts her up into a second powerbomb!!
(The crowd pops as Turner pulls Sanchez up and drops her into a third powerbomb!! Turner gets underneath Tammy and hooks her leg)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner gives her a belly to back cradle brainbuster!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Tamara Sanchez gets her shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anj scoops Tammy up and drops her headfirst with a corkscrew tombstone!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Tamara Sanchez kicks out)
(Anjanette atomic drops Tammy on the top turnbuckle, facing the audience. Turner steps up onto the second turnbuckle with her back to Sanchez)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner with a super splash mountain!! She runs into the ropes and handsprings into a moonsault splash!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...thr..(Tamara Sanchez puts her foot on the bottom rope)
(The Cow Palace give both ladies a standing ovation for such a high flying match. Turner pulls Sanchez up to her feet)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Sanchez ducks under a punch and atomic drops Anj! Sanchez runs into the ropes and asai moonsault presses the stunned Turner!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...thr...(Anjanette Turner kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tamara Sanchez is standing over Turner, waiting for her to get to her feet. Anjanette stands up and gets smacked upside the head with a superkick!!
(The audience jeers and boos and Tammy slides underneath the ring. She retrieves a sledgehammer. The crowd begs Sanchez not to use it)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Sanchez rolls into the ring and bashes Turner in the back with that sledgehammer!! Oh, come on Reid...get that thing away from her!
(Sanchez hits Ron Reid with a low blow! Reid's eyes roll into the back of his head and he tips over like a redwood. Sanchez winds back and hits Turner for a second time in the thigh!! Turner clutches her leg and cries out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl runs out and enters the ring...Tammy doesn't see her!
(Horror Girl comes up from behind Tammy and locks in an inverted facelock. She lifts Tammy up and then drops a reversed ace crusher)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl delivers a Oh, The Horror to Sanchez knocking her unconcious!! This is Turner's match for the taking...but Turner isn't covering Tammy. She looks at Horror Girl leaving the ring and grabs her by the waist. She drops Horror Girl back with a backdrop driver!!
(Horror Girl gets to her feet and lifts Turner up by the throat with both arms. She then piches her over into a powerslam. Horror Girl then picks up the sledgehammer and begins stalking Anjanette Turner with it)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner about to take some more abuse with that sledgehammer. This time by the hands of the sadistic Horror Girl.
Phil Blauer: Wait, who's this entering the ring, Guillermo??
Guillermo O'Bannon : If my eyes don't decieve me that Brandi! She feuded with Tamara Sanchez in the UCW and CWF Germany. And she's got a chair!
Phil Blauer: But what's she doing in the ring? She's what, 130 pounds? Security couldn't stop her? Who did she blow to get in that ring and why wasn't it me?
(Brandi smashes Horror Girl behind the head with her chair, knocking her senseless. She helps Anjanette Turner up to her feet)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Brandi now here to even up the odds, eliminating Horror Girl from this environment.
(Brandi picks up her chair and bashes Turner in the back of the head with it!! The audience boos)
Phil Blauer: What was that for? Bitch-y.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Brandi ambushes Anjanette Turner! What possible problem could she have with Turner? Or is there something going on between her and Sanchez?
(Brandi atomic drops Turner on the top turnbuckle, facing the audience. Brandi climbs up to the second rope and waistlocks her)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Brandi super backdrop drivers Anjanette Turner on the chair!!
(Tamara Sanchez finally wakes up, and pulls herself up to her feet with the ropes. She surveys the damage. Horror Girl and Anjanette Turner unconcious in the ring and her old enemy Brandi staring at her)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Brandi steps out of Sanchez's way, and Tammy climbs to the top rope. She backflips into The 7 Year Inch shooting star press!!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
("It's My Life" by No Doubt comes over The Cow Palace announce system. The audience boos and Tamara Sanchez rolls off of Turner. Ron Reid limps over and hands Sanchez her title belt, which she snatches away. Brandi goes in to hug Sanchez)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tamara Sanchez pulls away from Brandi and eyes her cautiously.
Phil Blauer: I don't think she knows Brandi helped her.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 17 minutes 15 seconds THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, AND STILL HARDKORE WORLD WOMEN'S CHAMPION...TAMARA SANCHEZ!!!"
(Sanchez walks out with her championship belt clutched to her chest, leaving Brandi in the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl sits up and scares Brandi who flees the ring. Anjanette Turner gets to her feet and pitches Horror Girl over the top rope!
(The crowd goes ballistic as Anjanette Turner pitches herself over the top rope into a pescado on Horror Girl! Anjanette Turner pulls Horror Girl up and they begin exchanging fists)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl and Anjanette Turner are battling up the rampway into the locker room!
Phil Blauer: I'll wait in the Ladies Room to see if the fight picks up there!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hope you got everything you needed from the fridge during that last commercial break, coming up we have an hour long marathon match between Hardkore America Heavyweight Champion Robert Hunglestien & Cobryn. Cobryn recently broke with The Un-Stable causing them to lose the Hardkore World Six Man Tag Team Championship to Mr.Shioda & The Tengu Clan. Hunglestien didn't take that well and so put a bounty on Cobryn's head, a bounty Lucifer Jones tried to collect. Jones broke Cobryn's arm, yet Hunglestien...
Phil Blauer: Like a typical...
Guillermo O'Bannon: Phil! Anyway, Hunglestien didn't feel the work was up to par and had his boys attack Lucifer. Jones definately got some measure of revenge against The Un-Stable in his cage match with Hero earlier tonight, but we'll see if Cobryn will be to do the same.
("No Quarter" by Led Zepplin plays and Cobryn steps through the curtain and is nearly knocked back by the boos)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The San Francisco fans not liking the comments made about their fine cities.
Phil Blauer: Hmm, and homos are usually so bitchy themselves...you'd think they relate.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn has won championships like the Ring Syndicate World Heavyweight Championship, The Ascendent Wrestling World Heavyweight title, UWA World Heavyweight title, LVPW House title, Hardkore West Coast title, UWA Internet title, UWA UK title, ICW Internet title along with the UEF & XGW Tag Team titles with his opponent tonight, Robert Hunglestien.
Yolanda Ando: Cobryn walking down to the ring with a black silk robe with a train that makes Rene Zwelliger's Oscar dress look demure. Under that he has some black tights and boots, along with a large cast surrounding his forearm.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Ladies and Gentleman, the following match is The Main Event of the Evening. It is a 60 Minute Long Marathon Match for the HARDKORE AMERICA HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP!! Your referee is Mike Peters. Featuring first from Key Largo of the Florida Keys; Standing 6 feet 4 inches tall; Weighing 250 pounds...COBRYN!!!"
(The Cow Palace hits him with wave after wave of boos, Cobryn wipes his feet on the apron and steps through the ropes. The Cow Palace goes dark, purple lights flash and a purple spotlight shines on Robert Hunglestein III at the top of the ramp way. The purple lights turn
to gold as a voice says "You wish you could be me...It must suck to be you!")
Phil Blauer: That's more than Hunglestien said all month.
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Hardkore America Champion resting himself up for an hour with one of the best wrestlers in the World today this month.
Phil Blauer: I'll say, John Ritter put in more appearences this month.
(Purple and gold begin to alternate and run all over arena as "Everyone
Wants to Rule the World" by Tears for Fears hits. RHIII heads down to ring with the Hardkore America Championship wrapped around his waist)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien looking to shut those around the wrestling world up that say he can't defeat Cobryn.
Phil Blauer: Where would they get that from? He's only lost the ICW Internet title, and several other high profile matches to him.
Yolanda Ando: Robert Hunglestien III is wearing a long black robe, with purple and gold gems spelling out the name "Hunglestein" across the back. Under that he has a long black baggy trunks with "Hunglestein" wrapping around the left leg in dark purple with gold outline along with black boots. He also wears black elbow pads, and has his wrist taped with black tape.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And his opponent, from Cleveland, Ohio; Standing 6 feet 3 inches tall; Weighing 265 pounds; He is The Current Hardkore America Heavyweight Champion...ROBERT HUNGLESTIEN III!!!"
(The audience gives Hunglestien a big round of applause. Mike Peters signals for the bell and the match begins. Hunglestien & Cobryn circle one another as the audience claps faster & faster in anticipation)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien moves in for a lock-up but Cobryn is ready for him with a poke to the eye. He smashes Hunglestien with a bell clap with that cast on his forearm!
(Hunglestien answers with a elbow uppercut upside Cobryn's chin. He scoops Cobryn up and bodyslams him to the mat)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien pounds Cobryn in the small of the back with a double ax handle. He goes for a second but Cobryn pops him in the stomach. He applies a headlock.
Phil Blauer: What is this stuff their doing?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Wrestling?
Phil Blauer: When are they gonna start sports entertaining? Where's my green mist?!?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn squeezes Hunglestien's head, using that cast to grind it into his forehead. Hunglestien responds with a belly to back suplex!
(Hunglestien applies a full nelson with Cobryn sitting on the mat. He uses all of his power to push Cobryn's head down into his chest)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien pulls Cobryn up to his feet in that full nelson. Cobryn slips out of the full nelson and falls onto his back, nailing Hunglestien in the groin with that cast!
Phil Blauer: Wow, I'm exhausted. Has it been an hour yet?
Guillermo O'Bannon: About four minutes.
Phil Blauer: Seriously?? My hair spray's gonna lose it's hold any minute!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn takes the keeled over Hunglestien and northern lights suplexes him with a nice bridge!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...(Robert Hunglestien III rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn irish whips Hunglestien into the turnbuckles. He then chops Hunglestien hard across the chest with a knife edge.
(Audience "Wooo"s as Cobryn chops Hunglestien's chest over & over, leaving red welts on his pectorals. Cobryn then backs up and gets a running start towards Hunglestien)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien comes out of the corner with a clothesline! He grabs Cobryn by the legs and turns him over into a boston crab.
(The crowd cheers as Cobryn cries out in pain. Hunglestien pulls back on his legs, rocking back & forth. Mike Peters checks in to see if Cobryn wants to tap)
Phil Blauer: You know they have ten-?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Fifty five.
Phil Blauer: ...fifty five minutes left to go in this thing, I would just give up.
Guillermo O'Bannon: I'm sure you would.
Phil Blauer: I would. Shit, I'll quit right now.
(Cobryn crawls over to the side of the ring and grabs hold of the bottom rope. Mike Peters forces a break, and Hunglestien releases the crab)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien drops an elbow into the small of Cobryn's back. He pulls Cobryn up by the hair and irish whips him into the ropes. He takes him over in a flying head scissors!
(Robert Hunglestien III snap suplexes Cobryn. He scoops him up, but Cobryn falls behind him and runs in to the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn running smashes Hunglestien in the face with that cast!! He rakes his bootlaces against Hunglestien's face.
(Cobryn then stomps Hunglestien a couple times in the head. He then places his boot on Hunglestien's face)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...(Robert Hunglestien pushes Cobryn's boot off him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn pulls Hunglestien up by the arm. He goes for a shortarm clothesline, but Hunglestien ducks and pulls him in with a shortarm elbow smash! He hangs on to his arm and delivers a shortarm knee into his stomach.
(Hunglestien lifts him up into a powerbomb but drops backwards, dropping Cobryn's face on the turnbuckle!! The crowd comes alive, as Cobryn staggers around, covering his mouth)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien takes him over into a fireman's carry. He clasps Cobryn's injured arm and drops down into a code red armbreaker!
(Cobryn yelps out in agony, clutching his broken arm. Hunglestien hangs onto it and pulls him up to his feet. He twists Cobryn's arm)
Phil Blauer: Cobryn needs to keep Hunglestien away from his arm the same way you have to keep Guillermo away from the panty drawer.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Robert Hunglestien takes Cobryn's twisted arm and takes him over in a side arm takedown. He pulls Cobryn up by the arm again, but Cobryn reverses the arm twist.
(Cobryn twists Hunglestien's arm a second time, giving Hunglestien the hot foot. Then he flips him onto his back with a judo throw and applies an armscissors)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn clamps down on Hunglestien's arm with his leg. Mike Peters checks in to see if Hunglestien taps out but her refuses. Cobryn releases a leg to batter Hunglestien with a couple of kicks, then goes back to the armscissors.
(Cobryn pulls Hunglestien up to his feet by his arm and gives Hunglestien a reciept for the code red armbreaker! He maintains the wristlock and lifts him back up to his feet)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn lifts Hunglestien up in the air by his wristlocked arm. He drops him and chicken wings his arm. He drops Hunglestien on his arm with a hammerlock suplex!
(Cobryn pulls Hunglestien up and irish whips him into the ropes. On the way back, he catches RHIII with a 180 spinning spinebuster!! The momentum bounces him back to his feet, and he applauds for himself. The Cow Palace boos)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn goes to pull Hunglestien but he dragon screws him by the leg down to the mat. He holds on his leg and turns it into an inverted indian deathlock!
(Cobryn grits his teeth as Hunglestien applies as much pressure as he can on Cobryn's twisted legs. Cobryn pushes himself up from the mat as Mike Peters checks in to see if he wants to tap)
Phil Blauer: Hunglestien trying to get a tap out from Cobryn and go up 1-0, but it will be tough. Before his Hardkore West Coast title loss to Big Bad Bill, I don't think Cobryn had ever submitted.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien releases the indian deathlock, and pulls Cobryn up. He irish whips him into the ropes and flips him into a tiltawhirl slam!
(Hunglestien scoops Cobryn up and drops him headfirst into a michinoku driver II!! He keeps a hold of his legs)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Cobryn rakes Hunglestien's eyes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn pulls Hunglestien's head into his legs and lifts him up on his shoulder. He runs into the middle of the ring and ligerbombs him!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Robert Hunglestien III rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn hammerlock half nelsons him and drops him backwards into a tigerplex '85!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Robert Hunglestien III gets his arm free)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn runs Hunglestien's face along the ropes. He presses the champ over his head, then drops it into a stone cold stunner!!
(Cobryn pulls Hunglestien up, and takes a swing with that cast, but Hunglestien ducks)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien lifts him up in an atomic drop and tosses Cobryn over the top rope to the floor below!
(Crowd cheers as Cobryn hits the concrete. Robert Hunglestien III goes out to the floor and pulls him into his legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien piledrives Cobryn on to The Cow Palace floor!! He lifts Cobryn up with a fresh new cut over his eye, and fireman's carries him up on to his shoulders. He dumps Cobryn over the railing into the front row!
(Cobryn tries to get away from an oncoming Hunglestien. He pushes a fat woman in to Hunglestien)
Phil Blauer: Camryn Manheim?? I'll save you!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Sit down, Phil. Camryn can take care of herself.
Phil Blauer: If one roll on her belly is harmed, I'll never forgive myself.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn hides behind a bespeckled kid...
Phil Blauer: There's no spots on that child.
Guillermo O'Bannon: That means he has glasses.
Phil Blauer: Hmm, usually our fans are little chubby kids.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn tosses that kid into Hunglestien, and then pokes him in the eye! He bashes Hunglestien's head into the steel guardrail!
(Cobryn climbs over the railing back into the ringside area. He takes the bell off of timekeeper Ron De La O's table)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien steps over the railing, and Cobryn bashes him in the head with the ring bell!!
(Hunglestien tips over into the ring bell with blood running down from his forehead. Cobryn rolls him onto the apron and then climbs up there himself)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn lifts Hunglestien up into a suplex and then jackhammers him off the apron on to The Cow Palace floor!!!
(Audience pops at the sound of Hunglestien hitting the concrete and chants "HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!" Cobryn pulls a bleeding Hunglestien up and tells the front row to move out of the way)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn looks like he's gonna throw Hunglestien back into the crowd, but rolls him back into the ring instead.
(The crowd gets over their brief affair with Cobryn and go back to booing him. Cobryn begins bashing Hunglestien's cut with punches and bashes with his cast)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn continuing to jab and punch Hunglestien's gash making him bleed all down his front. He irish whips Hunglestien into the ropes and flips him around into a tiltawhirl face slam!
(Hunglestien leaves a blood spot where his face smacked the canvas. He sits up and Cobryn flips over top of him with a chiropracter crunch neck snap. Cobryn then walks over to the turnbuckle and undoes the padding)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn pulls Hunglestien up by his hair and bashes his face into that exposed turnbuckle! Again! Blood is running freely down his face & torso.
(Cobryn then wraps the tag rope around Hunglestien's neck, choking him with it. Mike Peters tries to pry Cobryn off, but is unsuccessful. Mike Peters threatens to disqualify Cobryn and begins counting)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn breaks before 5, and applies an abdominal stretch. Cobryn plants his foot and pulls back on Hunglestien's arm & torso.
(Cobryn grabs the top rope to use for balance & leverage. Hunglestien senses the extra pressure and tries to tell Peters what Cobryn is doing but the pain is too great. Blood continues to run down his face to the canvas below. Finally the fans raise such a stink, Peters looks up and catches Cobryn red handed)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Mike Peters lays in another 5 count and Cobryn is forced to let go of the rope, but he just grabs Peters' arm instead!
Phil Blauer: There's something he's useful for.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Robert Hunglestien hip tosses Cobryn out of the abdominal stretch! Cobryn on his knees, begging Hunglestien to come to his senses but the blood soaked champion doesn't wanna hear it. He irish whips Cobryn into the ropes and drops him with a hart attack clothesline!
20
(Robert Hunglestien scoops Cobryn up and drops his stomach onto his knee. He rolls him over into a cradle)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Cobryn kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien irish whips Cobryn into the ropes and hits him with a kneelift!
Phil Blauer: Legends like Brutus Beefcake and Triple H have made that move legendary!
Guillermo O'Bannon: There's blood on Hunglestien's pants where he hits Cobryn's head. He whips Cobryn into the ropes again and then takes him over in a belly to belly!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Cobryn kicks out)
(Cobryn slides out of the ring and tells the crowd, "Fuck you all. I'm out." He then begins walking back to the ring)
Phil Blauer: Cobryn taking a Cyrus back to the locker room.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien smell blood...
Phil Blauer: I think that's him.
Guillermo O'Bannon: ...and follows Cyrus...see?? Now ya got me doing it. I mean Cobryn back out to the floor. Cobryn runs around the ring, trying to get away from the bleeding Hardkore America Champion. He slides back into the ring, and Hunglestien follows him in.
(Cobryn does an about face and then begins laying the boots in on Hunglestien. Cobryn then drops Hunglestien headfirst with a wrist clutch exploder)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn butterflies Robert Hunglestien's arms and drives his face into the mat with his own High Life!!! He rolls Hunglestien over and covers him!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...3!!!
Phil Blauer: Finally! (puts his jacket on) Call me when you get to Palm Springs and tell me where your hotel is. So I can know which one to avoid. And tell Jonnie I'm gonna be a little late coming in. Make something up. Tell em my Grandma died.
Guillermo O'Bannon: You've had three grandmothers die, Phil. And this isn't the end of the match, remember it's a marathon match!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 23 minutes 54 seconds, Cobryn has scored a fall. The score is 1-0."
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn not letting up on Hunglestien at all, he sits on Hunglestien's back and applies a Cobryn Clutch. He chews a little on Hunglestien's forehead to make him bleed some more.
(Cobryn seems a little disgusted and spits Hunglestien's own blood on him. He pulls back on Hunglestien's head and asks Mike Peters, "How does The Sheik do that shit?")
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn pulls back on trying to make it 2-0 with that Cobryn Clutch, but Hunglestien doesn't look like he's gonna give it up. Cobryn releases his head and lands a couple more stomps to Hunglestien's head. Cobryn gets under Hunglestien's legs and lifts him upside down in a gory special.
(Blood runs up Hunglestien's face to the canvas below. Cobryn falls backward, dropping Hunglestien facefirst! Cobryn sits up and soaks in some more boos, as blood runs down his face as well)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn lifts Hunglestien up in a fireman's carry, but Hunglestien swings it around into a DDT!!
(The San Francisco audience cheers. Hunglestien chicken wings Cobryn's arm and bodyslam him on top of his hammerlocked arm. He pulls Cobryn into his legs and lifts him up on to his shoulder)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Robert Hunglestien III powerbombs Cobryn!!
(The fans get even louder as Hunglestien tries to feed off their energy. He full nelsons Cobryn)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien walks Cobryn over and bashes his face into the unprotected turnbuckle! He then slams Cobryn assfirst into the ring!
Phil Blauer: Looks like his night on the town is off.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Robert Hunglestien III pulls a horribly bloody Cobryn up to his feet and straightjackets his arms. He pitches Cobryn forward facefirst to the mat!
(There's a large blood stain on the mat where Cobryn's face hit. Hunglestien lifts Cobryn up and attempts a suplex but Cobryn blocks it)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn reverses with a hanging suplex and drops it into a brainbuster!! He applies a naked chinlock chokehold, and Hunglestien kicks his legs out trying to escape.
(Cobryn bleeds down his face, with his blood mixing with Hunglestien's. He hides his arm, so Peters thinks it's legal, but Hunglestien seems to be losing strength. The audience claps faster & faster trying to pump the champ up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Mike Peters tries to slip his hand in between Cobryn's arm & Hunglestien's throat and sees there is no space. He begins counting until Cobryn is forced to break the naked choke.
Phil Blauer: I will stand behind anyone wanting to do the naked choke.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn pulls Hunglestien up by the blood soaked ponytail. He swings him around and drops him into a rude awakening!
(Cobryn waits for Hunglestien to stand up. When he does, Cobryn gets a running start and double kneelifts him in the face)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn lifts Hunglestien up into an inverted crucifix. He pitches him forward into a CoBenediction reverse tiger bomb!!
(Hunglestien leaves another blood mark on the canvas. Cobryn steps over Hunglestien as he lies on his stomach. He twists his legs into a reverse standing figure four!! The crowd urges Hunglestien not to submit)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn has Hunglestien trapped and is set to break his legs...but he grabs Robert's outstretched leg and applies an additional ankle lock!
(Mike Peters checks in to see if he submits. Hunglestien balls his fists up, clutching his hair in pain)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien has finally been able to crawl over and grab the bottom rope. Cobryn releases the submission hold, but lays some more kicks in to his legs. He scoops him up into a northern lights bomb!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Robert Hunglestien III rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn runs into the ropes but Hunglestien catches him and powerslams him!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Cobryn kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien irish whips Cobryn into the ropes and drop toe holds his bloody face into the mat. He gets up and drops a couple of elbows to the back of his former friend's head.
(Hunglestien waistlocks Cobryn and then does a go behind takedown. He maintains the waistlock and pulls Cobryn back up to his feet)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Robert Hunglestien III tigerplexes Cobryn!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Cobryn rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien lifts Cobryn up on to his shoulder into a Canadian backbreaker.
Phil Blauer: I thought it was from Argentina?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ventura invented it, so I guess it's the Minnesota backbreaker.
Phil Blauer: I thought he billed himself from San Diego?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien turns it into a 3/4 nelson bulldog!
(Cobryn clutches his jaw, and kicks his feet into the mat. Hunglestien tries to pull him up, but Cobryn pushes him away)
Phil Blauer: Now his jaw's busted. I'm telling you, this guy's having NO FUN in Frisco tonight.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Peters checking in to see if he's gonna have to stop this match. This would be a real fortunate thing for Hunglestien, already being down one fall.
(Hunglestien tries to catch his breath and wipe some blood out of his eyes. Cobryn comes up from behind and hits him low with that cast! The fans boo, and Cobryn mockingly rubs his jaw)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn suddenly ok, and battering Hunglestien with that cast. He fishes some brass knuckles out of his trunks and clocks Hunglestien in the head with it!!
(The Cow Palace rocks with boos and Cobryn drops to his knees, before covering him)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...thr...(Robert Hunglestien gets his foot on the bottom rope)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien came this close to going down 2-0...Cobryn just stuck those brass knuckles down Hunglestien's pants!
Phil Blauer: It's the town, it gets to you.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Last time, Phil. Get your hand off my leg.
(Cobryn tells Mike Peters to frisk Hunglestien. Peters shrugs and does what he's told. He finds the brass knuckles and questions a semi-concious Hunglestien about what he's trying to pull)
Phil Blauer: This could be the one argument Peters ever won.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn pulls Hunglestien up and irish whips him into the ropes and hotshots his throat on the top rope! He rolls back into a cradle!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Robert Hunglestien rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn pulls Hunglestien's head into his legs. He lifts him up on to his shoulder, and then flips him forward into a face eraser!!
(Cobryn double underhooks Hunglestien's arms and lifts him up in the air. He lets him think about it and some blood drip out of his body, then drops him into a brainbuster)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn irish whips Hunglestien into the ropes. He goes for the big boot, but Hunglestien catches it and counters with a leg capture suplex!
(Hunglestien pulls him up by the arm and short arm clotheslines him. He maintains his arm and pulls him back up. Hunglestien irish whips him into the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien tiltawhirl suplexes Cobryn! He gets underneath Cobryn and spins him around into an angle slam!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Cobryn kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien butterflies Cobryn's arms and is going to show him what a real High Life feels like...
(Lucifer Jones slides into the ring and grabs Robert Hunglestien III by the back of the head in an inverted facelock)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones wearing what looks to be like his old red mask he wore in the Carribean & Sweden...and he hits The Dog's Bollocks!! Cobryn quickly covers Hunglestien!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...3!!!
(Crowd jeers and boos Lucifer Jones, who flips them off. He backs away from the ring in to...Lucifer Jones??)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jones just backed into himself??
Phil Blauer: I do that all the time, but not without the help of some mush rooms.
Guillermo O'Bannon: The masked Lucifer Jones turns around and sees the...other Lucifer Jones and...Lucifer chases after...uh, himself??
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 37 minutes 20 seconds, Cobryn has scored a fall. Making the score 2-0."
(The Lucifer Joneses take off to the backstage area. Cobryn full nelsons Robert Hunglestien III)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn dragon suplexes Hunglestien as best he can with that cast on his forearm, hoping to score another quick fall!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Robert Hunglestien gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn pulls Hunglestien up by the arm and pulls him into a shortarm clothesline with that cast!
(Cobryn double underhooks Hunglestien up into a michinoku driver I! The crowd gasps at the prospect of Hunglestien going down 3 zip)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The CobPlex!! Cobryn grabs a handfull of the tights!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Robert Hunglestien kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn pulls him up by Hunglestien is ready for him with a collar & elbow tie-up. The champ pushes Cobryn into the corner, and Cobryn complaining about a hair pull.
(Cobryn and Hunglestien lock up a second time, and this time Cobryn grabs a big handful of Robert's ponytail and pulls him back into the corner)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn rakes Hunglestien's cut with his nails. And now he bloodies him some more with a few shots from that cast! He climbs to the second rope and applies an inverted facelock to Hunglestien. He flips forward into a diamond dust!!
(Audience has to give it up for that move and Cobryn quickly hooks Hunglestien's leg)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Robert Hunglestien III kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn pulls Hunglestien up by the ponytail and irish whips him into the ropes. He tiltawhirls Hunglestien but the champ reverses it into a flying head scissors!!
(The San Francisco crowd wakes up, and tries to will Hunglestien to his feet. They do)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Robert Hunglestien III takes Cobryn over in a side headlock takedown! He grinds that head, and pins Cobryn's shoulders to the mat.
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Cobryn rolls Hunglestien over into a cradle)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...th...(Hunglestien rolls Cobryn back over into a side headlock)
(Hunglestien pressing his forearm on Cobryn's cut, trying to get it to gush more. Cobryn hollers as juice runs down his face. Hunglestien then chicken wings Cobryn's broken arm)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien drives the top of his head through Cobryn's chin with a jawbreaker! Hunglestien grabs Cobryn by the legs and then drives his bloody face into the mat with a wheelbarrow powerbomb!!
(The crowd is on their feet, Robert Hunglestien head & arm suplexes Cobryn across the ring!! Cobryn hits his tailbone, hard and begs off in the corner)
Guillermo O'Bannon: When Hunglestien gets near, Cobryn hits him low with that cast! He pulls him by the tights, shoulderfirst into the corner post!
(Cobryn gut wrench suplexes the keeled over Hunglestien up into a ganso bomb!! The Cow Palace goes back to booing)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn drops Hunglestien backwards into a perfectly executed straightjacket suplex!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Robert Hunglestien rolls on to his feet)
(Cobryn scoops Hunglestien up and then cradles his leg. He flips back driving Hunglestien's head into the mat with a fisherman's scoop slam driver)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Question!!
Phil Blauer: The Answer my friend, is blowing in the wind.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn goes to pull Robert Hunglestien up, but the champ grabs him by his legs and trips him facefirst into the second turnbuckle!
(Hunglestien takes a few moments to catch his breath, as Cobryn rests his head against the second turnbuckle. The San Francisco audience gives both men a standing ovation for 44 minutes worth of solid wrestling)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The fans showing appreciation for both of these men right now.
Phil Blauer: I think I hear a few "Phil! Phil!" chants.
Guillermo O'Bannon: They're saying "Kill Phil!".
Phil Blauer: At least their thinking of me.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Robert Hunglestien III comes up behind Cobryn and applies a kataha-jime, then drops him back into a brainbuster!! He scurries over and pins him!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Cobryn kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Robert Hunglestien III drops Cobryn on the back of his head with a backdrop driver!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Cobryn kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien scoops Cobryn up and tosses him across the ring with a fallaway slam!
(Robert Hunglestien blows some blood off of his face. He rolls his eyes, and climbs to the top rope. Cobryn kicks Mike Peters in the groin)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn pushes Peters into the ropes and crotches Hunglestien on the top turnbuckle! Cobryn catches his breath, and then climbs to the second turnbuckle. He lifts Hunglestien up onto his shoulders in a fireman's carry and then dumps Hunglestien over the ropes to the concrete!!!
(Hunglestien's head makes a sickening bounce off of the concrete floor. The audience pops and chants "HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!")
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn climbs out to the floor and lifts Hunglestien up into a half nelson, He half nelson suplexes the back of Hunglestien's head into the railing!!
(Cobryn hiptosses Hunglestien over into a powerslam on the concrete!! The crowd boos Cobryn and he flips them off. He pulls Hunglestien up but Hunglestien is ready for him with an elbow to the mid-section)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Robert Hunglestien III full nelson legsweeps Cobryn's skull into the steel guardrail!!
(The crowd chants "YOU'RE HARD-KORE!! YOU'RE HARD-KORE!! YOU'RE HARD-KORE!! YOU'RE HARD-KORE!! YOU'RE HARD-KORE!!" Cobryn leans against the railing with blood running down the bars)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Robert Hunglestien rolls Cobryn into the ring, and gets underneath him into a human torture rack. He flips Cobryn over into a burning hammer!!
(The fans cheer as Cobryn lies motionless on the mat. Robert Hunglestien pulls him up and butterflies his arms)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Robert Hunglestien III drives Cobryn's blood soaked face into the canvas with The High Life!! He rolls Cobryn over and hooks his limp leg!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...3!!!
(The crowd leaps to their feet and cheers Hunglestien! Hunglestien rolls off of Cobryn and tries to pull himself up by the ropes, but he's too exhausted)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 48 minutes 50 seconds, Robert Hunglestien has scored a fall. The Score is now 2-1 in favor of Cobryn."
Guillermo O'Bannon: We gotta pay some sponsors off fans, we'll be right back.
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Mar 07, 2005#32
(The fans continue to cheer as Hunglestien has risen to his feet again. He pulls Cobryn into his legs and crotch-ties his arm through his legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Robert Hunglestien pumphandles Cobryn up on to his shoulder and drops him across his knee with a backbreaker!!
(Robert Hunglestien pulls Cobryn up and butterflies his arm, but instead of going for The High Life he drops him with a regular pedigree!! He rolls Cobryn over into another pin)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Cobryn kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Robert Hunglestien gives Cobryn a vertebreaker!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Cobryn kicks out)
Phil Blauer: We're in the last ten minutes of this thing, crunch time if the champion hopes to hold on to the Hardkore America Heavyweight Championship.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien irish whips Cobryn into the ropes, he goes for a clothesline but Cobryn pulls Mike Peters into the way!
(Hunglestien looks down at the referee, and doesn't see Cobryn come up behind him with an exploder)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn irish whips Hunglestien into the ropes. Cobryn ducks down, but Hunglestien blocks the back drop. He reverses it into a crucifix powerbomb!!
(The crowd celebrates and Hunglestien covers Cobryn. He pins Cobryn for what seems like an eternity but there's no ref to count it)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Mike Peters still nursing the effects of that clothesline from Hunglestien and doesn't see the champ making what could be the tying fall!!
Phil Blauer: Neither do I
(Guillermo points him towards the ring)
Phil Blauer: There we go.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien front facelocks Cobryn but he blocks the DDT, and reverses it into a death valley bomb!!
(Cobryn fireman's carries Hunglestien onto his shoulders and walks him over to his corner. He sits the champ on the top turnbuckle, and then wraps his legs around the top ropes. Cobryn then steps through the ropes out on to the apron. He straddles the corner post and pulls Hunglestien's arms down, surfboarding his back on the corner post. The audience boos)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn applies his Florida Surfing Submission, and Mike Peters isn't awake to force him to break the illegal move! He pulls down on Hunglestien's arms, cursing him!
(Mike Peters finally stirs to his feet and forces Cobryn to let go of Robert Hunglstien's arms. Cobryn steps back into the ring and climbs to the second turnbuckle with his back to Hunglestien)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn inverted razor's edges him into a stunner off the second rope!!! He calls that The Un-Stabler
(Audience gives Cobryn a standing ovation and chant "HARD-KORE WORLD!!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!!" Cobryn rolls him over and pins him)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...thr...(Robert Hunglestien kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn pulls him up and half nelsons Hunglestien, but he back elbows Cobryn in the mouth. Hunglestien drops him with an implant DDT!!
(Robert Hunglestien inverted facelocks Cobryn. He lifts him straight up in the air but then drops his back across his knee with a backbreaker! The crowd cheers)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Robert Hunglestien irish whips Cobryn into the ropes and then drives him into the mat with a sidewalk slam!
(Hunglestien goes for a suplex but Cobryn blocks it with his leg. Cobryn counters with a slingshot suplex)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn with the Tsunami Effect and he covers Hunglestien!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Robert Hunglestien kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn pulls Hunglestien into his legs and lifts him up into a razor's edge. He flips him forward and down into a DDT!!!
(The San Francisco crowd give both men a standing ovation for such a great match, and Cobryn makes the pin attempt)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...thr...(Robert Hunglestien puts his foot on the top rope)
(Audience sighs with relief. Cobryn crotch-ties Hunglestien up by his arm around into an inverted powerslam)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn irish whips Hunglestien into the ropes and tiltawhirls him into a piledriver!!
(Cobryn drops Hunglestien with a sambo suplex! Both men lie next to one another, utterly exhausted. The crowd gives them another round of applause)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn pulls Hunglestien into his legs and lifts him up into a stalling Tsunami '05 tigerbomb!!
Phil Blauer: He's clearly hitting the natural disaster humor pretty hard.
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...thr...(Robert Hunglestien rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien just saved his title there. Cobryn steps over Hunglestien and full nelsons him, sitting back into a cattle mutilation he calls The Bridge over Key Largo!! This is the only submission move that has ever made Hunglestien's partner, Kilroy Evans submit.
(Blood runs down Hunglestien's front as she shakes his head, refusing to submit to The Bridge Over Key Largo. Mike Peters questions hum, as the audience begs Hunglestien to hang on)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn releases The Bridge Over Key Largo and pulls Hunglestien up into an inverted suplex...and he hits The Answer!!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...3!!!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 57 minutes 41 seconds, Cobryn has scored a fall. The Score is now 3-1, with Cobryn having the advantage."
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn has gone up two falls with two minutes to go. Not a lot of hope that Hunglestien will leave San Francisco with that title. Cobryn just has to stay off the mat here. He waistlocks Hunglestien, but Hunglesten back elbows him.
(Hunglestien lifts Cobryn up in a fisherman's driver but drops his stomach on to his knee)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Robert Hunglestien III delivers the Paradise Hills!! He double underhooks Cobryn's arms and lifts him up on his shoulder and flips him forward into The Starbreaker!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Cobryn kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Robert Hunglestien butterflies Cobryn's arms again but Cobryn blocks The High Life!
(Cobryn counters with an inverted facelock, then adjust Hunglestien's arms and locks in a double chicken wing. He links his hands under Hunglestien's back. Cobryn then lifts Hunglestien off his feet vertically and drops him back down on the back of his head in a modified reverse DDT while keeping his arms locked)
Guillermo O'Bannon: And that must be The Answer 2005!!!
(The crowd boos and the bell rings. Cobryn drops to his knees in exhaustion, with his arms in the air, triumphantly. "No Quarter" by Led Zepplin plays through The Cow Palace)
Guillermo O'Bannon: After sixty minutes, Cobryn has outlasted Robert Hunglestien and won the Hardkore America Heavyweight Championship!!!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Ladies and Gentleman, THE WINNER OF THE SIXTY MINUTE IRON MAN MATCH...AND NEW HARDKORE AMERICA HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION...COBRYN!!!"
(The blood drenched Cobryn grabs the Hardkore America Heavyweight title belt from Mike Peters and shoves him away. He hugs the title to his chest and falls to the mat, completely drained)
Guillermo O'Bannon: What is it about this building that we always make history here? Cobryn has defeated his former stablemate Robert Hunglestien III for the top title in Hardkore America, returning to the top of the wrestling world!
(Cobryn climbs to the top rope, hoisting the championship belt up high in the air. The Cow Palace lights up like daytime with all the flashbulbs. Kilroy Evans, Hero, and Andrew Karnage help a bloody and exhausted Robert Hunglestien III out of the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Join us on our biggest show of the year, Palm Springs Punishment at Hardkore Hall. Where the bill will be:
Hardkore America Heavyweight Championship Title Match
COBRYN vs. Robert Hunglestien III
Hardkore World Tag Team Championship Title Tournament Final
Spin-The-Wheel-Make-The Deal
The Miracle Violence Combination II (Kilroy Evans & Death Gojira)
vs.
The Cupcake Crew (Tuxedo Mask & Death Gojira)
Hardkore West Coast Championship Title Match
Taipei Glass Fist Match
BIG BAD BILL vs. Lonewolf McNeely
Hardkore World Women's Championship Title Match
Falls Count Anywhere, Last Woman Standing Match
TAMARA SANCHEZ vs. Xyrynth
Hardkore World Six Man Tag Team Championship Title Match
Electric Barbed Wire 2/3 Falls Match
MR. SHIODA & THE TENGU CLAN vs. The Warhammer Corporation & The Shootfighter
Steel Cage Cat Collar Match
"Sexy" Anjanette Turner vs. Horror Girl
Barbed Wire Falls Count Anywhere Match
Winner Advances to the Second Round of the Hardkore World Heavyweight Title Tournament
"Tigerheart" Rally Jackson
"The Extremist" Tony Thunder
Bruno
"Minister" Marty Bower
R.C.
"The Punisher" Dan Stien
"Heavenly" Thomas Haven (If Haven wins, he will advance to the semi-finals)
Nick Knight
Carpenter
Stan "The Tank" Wilson
Brandi vs. "The Phoenix" Ayame Tokugawa
Guillermo O'Bannon: Fans, we're back here in San Francisco. In the same building where in 1996 Matthew X regained his Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship from "The Devil's Son-in-Law" Quasimoto Jones. Where in 1999 "Sexy" Anjanette Turner won her third Hardkore World Women's Championship from Yuka Sato.
Phil Blauer: And that's the truth, and not a lie like when Taz talks about being in the ring with the Undertaker or Zach Gowan to bloat his shortlived WWE wrestling career.
Guillermo O'Bannon: In our main event, Robert Hunglestien III puts his Hardkore America Championship on the line against Cobryn after "The White Chapel of Horror" Lucifer Jones injured him.
Phil Blauer: A name so long it is reminicent of short lived Hardkore World Champion, "The Devil's Son-in-Law" Quasimoto Jones. How's he doing these days?
Guillermo O'Bannon: I dunno. I'll ask him next time I need to put $5 on pump 7. Hunglestien stiffed Lucifer Jones on a bounty he put on Cobryn's head...or actually his arm. Now Lucifer is looking to take the money out of Hunglestien's ass starting with Hero. Now, in Los Angeles we began this tag team tournament. But now the action gets hotter as four teams wrestle to see who will face off at Palm Springs Punishment 2005 for the Hardkore World Tag Team Championships.
Phil Blauer: I don't care anymore. I had Tengu Clan in the office pool.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Which reminds me, you still haven't paid $10 for your block.
Phil Blauer: I told you, I'd pay it out of my winnings.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Seriously, Phil. You have a hit daytime talk show. You don't have ten dollars...
Phil Blauer: No time for love Dr. Jones.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Four women went into that triple cage match at The Staples Center, but only Tamara Sanchez was able to walk out with the Hardkore World Women's Championship. Albeit with some help with some brass knuckles.
Phil Blauer: Thereby soiling the sanctity of a clean scientific Triple Cage Match.
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Sexy" Anjanette Turner now looking to give it back to Sanchez.
Phil Blauer: That oughta be hot.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner hoping to win an unprecedented fourth Hardkore World Women's Championship in San Francisco, the site of her last title win.
Phil Blauer: San Francisco just doesn't have that onimous sound like other towns do. Re-do that intro and call it The City By the Bay.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Then a six man grudge match. Newcomers "Giant" Baba O'Reilly & Moondog Dook interrupted The Warhammer Corporation's first round match to complain about them being left out of the Hardkore World Tag Team Tournament.
Phil Blauer: I remember that. I haven't seen someone that miffed since Mandy Moore got snubbed for an Oscar for Chasing Liberty. Fuckin rip off if you ask me.
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Warhammer Corporation took exception to that and beat em up. Baba & The Moondog double teamed a man of the cloth, "Minister" Marty Bower to eliminate him from the battle royal in Los Angeles. Now The Warhammer Corporation teams up with Bower to take on "Giant" Baba O'Reilly, Moondog Dook, and the dangerous Shootfighter. Then we have Xyrynth taking on Horror Girl in a body bag match. Horror Girl wants to put Xyrynth in the ground.
Phil Blauer: I've always preferred the body bag match to the casket match. Wanna know how to get out of a casket? Sit up.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Then it's Blak Lung & Lonewolf McNeely probably brawling all over The Cow Palace. Lonewolf wowed audiences by winning the battle royal to become the #1 contender for Big Bad Bill's Hardkore West Coast Championship.
Phil Blauer: I've yet to be wowed, frankly. I've been taken aback at best.
("Love Train" by Big & Rich hits the arena as a light starts glowing from the entrance way to the point were the only thing you see is a silhouette of a man standing in the entrance way. "Nasty" appears on the HardkoreTron followed By "Ned" followed by "Chambers". Ned walks out from the light to Multi-colored pryo. Then he walks calmly to the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: And here comes Ned. The 6'11 Ned Chambers lumbers down to the ring dwarfing Mike Peters.
Phil Blauer: Check this out. (throws his soda cup in the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: And here comes Phil's soda cup, dwarfing Mike Peters.
Yolanda Ando: Ned wears plain black leather pants and a "Ned Chambers" t-shirt.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Those are hot sellers!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Ladies and Gentleman, welcome to The Cow Palace. Hardkore Jonnie Valentine and Hardkore World presents a night of Hardkore America action! Your referee is Ron Reid. Featuring first, from Mason City, Iowa; Standing at 6 feet 11 inches tall; Weighing 295 pounds...'NASTY' NED CHAMBERS!!!"
(Crowd cheers Chambers and then "Thunderstruck" by AC/DC plays and Tony Thunder skates out to the ring. The fans pop for him as well. He gets a good head of speed and ramps up the halfpipe set up near the ring and lands inside of it)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tony Thunder, nephew of CWF Germany legend DKahuna.
Phil Blauer: Can we really call someone out of CWF Germany a legend?
Guillermo O'Bannon: What would you call him?
Phil Blauer: Tall tale?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Nonetheless, Thunder going up against family friend Bruno for the first time in his career tonight.
Yolanda Ando: Tony Thunder is wearing a black shirt with "X-Games" on the front and "Tony Thunder Rulz, DUDE!" on the back, black shorts with blue elbow and knee pads.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Those shirts, also big sellers.
Phil Blauer: But nothing draws more than the "Feed & Change" Guillermo O'Bannon doll.
Guillermo O'Bannon: I still don't know why Jonnie made that doll. It's just a Wetting doll with a 3 peice suit on.
Phil Blauer: (holding the doll and feeding it a bottle) Who's my wittle Bwoadcast partner, hmmm?
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And from Malibu, California; Standing at 6 feet 5 inches tall; and Weighing 250 pounds...'THE EXTREMIST' TONY THUNDER!!!"
(The Cow Palace pops for Tony Thunder, until "The Champ Is Here" by Jadakiss plays. Every fan in the standium jumps to his or her feet. Some red pyros going off and then Bruno steps through the curtain. Bruno pauses long enough to do a bodybuilder pose then begins walking to the ring. The fans rush to the aisleways, craning along the guardrail, trying to touch him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: And here comes the man who has taken more racial abuse then Sammy Davis Jr. when Sinatra turned into a mean drunk, Bruno!
Phil Blauer: That's a big dude...here, Guillermo. Hold my wallet...and my gold chains...and my four finger rings...
Guillermo O'Bannon: Phil, that's racist too. Bruno's not gonna steal anything. I wish Tony Thunder could hear you. Bruno's like a big brother to him.
Phil Blauer: He'd be a big brotha to anyone.
Yolanda Ando: Bruno wears some black tights.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And finally, from Compton, California; Standing at an amazing 7 feet tall; Weighing 355 pounds...BRUNO!!!"
(The crowd blows the roof off of The Cow Palace. Ron Reid signals for the bell, and the three men circle one other looking for an opening)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ned tries to grab Thunder, but Thunder slips out and reverses into a fireman's carry. Bruno drops a big elbow across Ned's chest. Thunder comes up from behind Bruno and applies a sleeper hold.
(Bruno struggles to grab Tony Thunder but it's no use, he's behind him. Bruno lifts Thunder up on his back)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno backs Thunder into the corner, crushing him with his 355 pounds! "Nasty" Ned Chambers gets a running start and smacks Thunder upside the head with a big boot to the face!
(Thunder staggers out of the corner, and Bruno gets underneath him with an angle slam! The fans cheer)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno with the Brunoslam! He turns around into a kick to the stomach by Chambers. Ned irish whips Bruno into the ropes and lifts the giant and flapjacks him!
(Ned gets up, nodding. Tony Thunder comes off the ropes and drives Chambers' head into the mat with a huracanrana! The fans applaud the fast paced match)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Thunder steps through the ropes out on to the apron. He slingshots himself over the ropes into a leg drop on Ned Chambers. He gets up, but Bruno's behind him with a german suplex with a bridge!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...(Tony Thunder rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno pulls Ned Chambers up, and presses him over his head!! What a feat of strength, Chamber is 295 pounds! He throws Chambers on top of Tony Thunder!
(Crowd cheers and Ron Reid slides into position to count the pin on Tony Thunder)
Referee Ron Reid: 1....(Tony Thunder kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno pulls Ned Chambers up by his long jet black hair, and sends him into the ropes. Chambers comes back with a lou thez press, pinning Bruno's shoulders to the mat!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...(Bruno pushes Chambers off him)
Phil Blauer: You don't see many of them anymore. They're like car phones!
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Nasty" Ned Chambers pulls Tony Thunder up on to his shoulder with a argentinean backbreaker! He pulls him down and then piledrives his head into the mat!!
(Bruno grabs Chambers by the arm and twists him around and down in an unprettier)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tony Thunder comes off the ropes with a moonsault, but Chambers rolls out of the way! Ned Chambers presses Thunder high over his head!
(The Cow Palace is lit up like daytime with flashbulbs as Chambers holds Thunder up high in the air. He drops him back on his shoulder and powerslams him into the mat)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ned Chambers gets behind Bruno and applies a full nelson, and drives his ass into the mat!
(The fans cheer, and Chambers doesn't see Thunder come off the top rope with a moonsault body press to Chambers! Bruno grabs Chambers leg)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno applies an anklelock on Chambers! He calls it the...
Phil Blauer: Brunolock?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Yeah.
(While Chambers tries to stretch his long body out to the ropes, Tony Thunder applies an crippler crossface to Ned's face & arm)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tony Thunder & Bruno teaming up on Ned Chambers applying both an anklelock & crippler crossface on him at the same time! Chambers close to tapping out! And he does!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 7 minutes 2 seconds, 'Nasty' Ned Chambers has been eliminated!"
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tony Thunder runs into the ropes and hits Bruno with a flying body press, but Bruno catches him and powerslams him!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Tony Thunder kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno scoops Thunder up and drops her across her knee with a backbreaker he calls a...
Phil Blauer: Brunobreaker?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Now your getting it!
(Bruno comes off the ropes and drops a big leg across Tony Thunder's face. Bruno sets Thunder up for a suplex)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Thunder blocks the suplex, and inside cradles Bruno!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...(Bruno kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tony Thunder applies an abdominal stretch on Bruno, but Bruno's larger height making it hard for Thunder to plant his right foot.
(Bruno hiptosses out of it, and then lifts him up high in a uranage)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno lifts Thunder up into a fireman's carry, but Thunder reverses it into a crucifix cradle!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Bruno kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tony Thunder has Bruno on the mat and applies a dragon sleeper!
(The match slows down a bit, and Reid checks in to see if Bruno submits. He refuses, but Thunder plants his feet and wails back on Bruno's head & neck)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno uses that huge power advantage to slip out of it. He kicks Thunder in the stomach and drives his head into the mat with a DDT!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Tony Thunder kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno grabs Tony Thunder by his legs and turns him over into a boston crab! With his height, that's nearly a lion tamer!
Phil Blauer: And with all that cologne your wearing you can almost not smell the booze.
(Thunder cries out in pain, trying to stretch out to the ropes. Bruno pulls back on Thunder's legs trying to force him to tap out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Thunder finally able to get to the ropes and Ron Reid forces a break. Bruno pulls Thunder's head into his legs and double underhooks his arms. Bruno drives Thunder's face into the canvas with a pedigree!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Tony Thunder kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno irish whips Tony Thunder into the ropes and lifts him up into a spinebuster, but Thunder reverses it into a tornado DDT! Tony Thunder climbs to the top rope and comes off with a swan dive headbutt to Bruno's face!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Bruno kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tony Thunder runs into the ropes, and tumbles into a rolling thunder senton!
(Thunder climbs to the top rope and pumps up the crowd. Thunder then backflips into a beautiful shooting star press, lighting up The Cow Palace)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Bruno kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tony Thunder pulls Bruno up and twists his arm. Bruno then reverses the arm twist and begins climbing the turnbuckles. He walks along the top rope!
(San Francisco audience applauds Bruno's balance and then he jumps off and drops Thunder with a forearm smash! Bruno then gets underneath Thunder and lifts him up into a human torture rack)
Phil Blauer: The Bruno Torture Rack?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Amazingly no. But I don't think Thunder cares what it's called, he just knows it hurts. Ron Reid checking in to see if he submits, but Thunder hanging on.
(Bruno drops to his knees and bends Thunder in half. He waits in the corner for Thunder to get to his feet, getting the audience into a fever pitch)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno gets a running start and spears Thunder hard in the chest with all 355 pounds!
(Crowd chants "BRU-NO!! BRU-NO!! BRU-NO!! BRU-NO!! BRU-NO!!" Bruno picks Thunder up by the hair and irish whips him into the ropes. Bruno tiltawhirls Thunder, but Tony spins out of it and lands on his feet)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tony Thunder Thunder Kicks Bruno upside his head, felling the 7 foot giant!!
(Crowd cheers wildly, and Thunder once again climbs to the second rope inside the ring. His legs hit the top rope and he backflips into a split legged moonsaults Bruno!! Crowd chants "THUN-DER!! THUN-DER!! THUN-DER!! THUN-DER!! THUN-DER!!" as he hooks the leg )
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Bruno kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Thunder climbs up on the top turnbuckle again and does a double flip into a 900 splash!!
Phil Blauer: Rally says...
Guillermo O'Bannon: He's got a move called a Tiger Kick that's a knee, Phil. Thunder can call any move whatever he wants.
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Bruno kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tony Thunder then hops on Bruno's back and applies his Extreme Pain STF!!
(Crowd cheers wildly as Bruno gasps and flails his arms wildly. Ron Reid checks in to see if he submits but Bruno refuses. But little by little his arms stop moving so much)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno fading fast in that Extreme Pain STF...Thunder trying to keep that huge trunk-like leg locked and get his uncle's best friend to tap out!
(Bruno rolls onto top of him, but Thunder keeps hold of that crossface on his throat. Bruno sees the futility of it, and rolls back on to his stomach but this time closer to the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno reaches out with one of those long arms and grabs hold of the bottom rope! Reid forces Tony Thunder to break that Extreme Pain STF!
(Tony Thunder applies a cobra clutch on Bruno. He stands while the pressure to his neck makes Bruno drop down to his knees)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Reid again checking in to see if Bruno wants to tap out. Thunder pulling back on Bruno's head & arm with that cobra clutch.
(The audience claps & claps until Bruno fights his way back to his feet and stands high. Thunder piggybacks Bruno's back, with the cobra clutch still applied)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno backs Thunder into the corner then runs into the ropes. Bruno nearly takes Thunder's head off with a clothesline!
(Bruno hooks Thunder up into a suplex then drops him on his head with his brainbuster!! The crowd cheers wildly)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Brunobuster!!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
("The Champ Is Here" by Jadakiss plays and the fans go crazy! Bruno stands up, and Ron Reid raises his arm high)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno gets his first win here in Hardkore World! And the fans are making it that much sweeter!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 17 minutes 41 seconds, THE WINNER OF THE MATCH...BRUNO!!!"
(The crowd cheers and Bruno helps Tony Thunder up. Thunder rubs his head where Bruno dropped him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno and Tony Thunder shaking hands and the fans like that.
Phil Blauer: It's San Francisco. They like a teabag in the morning and I'm not talkin about...
Guillermo O'Bannon: We'll be right back.
(The Shootfighter is still in his street clothes not dressed for his six-man match against the Warhammer Corp. Matt Boone enters the lockerroom.)
Matt Boone: "I'm here with The Shootfighter. I was just wondering if your ready for your six-man match with the Warhammer Corp."
The Shootfighter: "I am ready for the match."
Matt Boone: "You're usually dressed in your trademark outfit not your street clothes."
The Shootfighter: "Let's just say that if Dook and O'Reilly don't want me at ringside that's okay by me. I'm not going to waste my time, since they think they can beat the Warhammer Corp. all by themselves. In fact, if they want to have an early hospital stay compliments of their opponents. I think they deserve it. It's like Warhammer's old manager "The Brain" Allen Anderson said before every match: 'The Warhammer Corp. isn't responsible for the injuries you suffer.' Or at least something like that but vowed to
provide for their opponents."
Matt Boone: "You're right it was something like that."
The Shootfighter: "Anyway I just might have just bought a ticket to sit at ringside while they get their drunken butts kicked all over the ring. All I'll do is just enjoy their suffering. Besides, they should have joined Hardkore World earlier instead of just trying to drink people under the table. If they had shown some brains, which by their trashing me, showed they have none. They wouldn't have told me to take the night off."
Matt Boone: "Doesn't that mean you would be breaking your contract to be in this match?"
The Shootfighter: "Blame O'Reilly and Dook for that. I'm just abiding by their wishes."
Matt Boone: "What about Valentine? Don't you think he may fine you heavily."
The Shootfighter: "So I'll take the fine. Like I said it was O'Reilly's and Dook's idea."
Matt Boone: "Wouldn't that prove to this mysterious person that you broke a contract?"
(The Shootfighter whips off his dark sunglasses and throws them onto the floor. He glares at Matt Boone with hate, rage and fury.)
The Shootfighter: "Don't you ever mention that individual or subject in my presence! Never!"
Matt Boone: "I was just suggesting....."
The Shootfighter: "What?!"
Matt Boone: (Gulping) "Wouldn't it be like an excuse to claim you broke his contract with him."
The Shootfighter: "There is no contract with him! Do you understand that! Do you?!"
Matt Boone: "Yes."
The Shootfighter: "Then drop the subject!"
Matt Boone: "Okay....Okay. Will you be at ringside to at least to back up Blak Lung?"
The Shootfighter: "I plan to be there to watch his back. I gave him my word and I plan to keep my word."
Matt Boone: "You think you'll be ready for McNeely's back up plan to take care of you."
The Shootfighter: "He can try whatever he wants but he's going to see why I'm ruthless."
(Judge Death enters the lockerroom. He is dressed in his black judges robes, white colonial era wig, black boots and a gargoyle's mask. He wields a cane with a gargoyle's head. There are a couple of Hooded Men with him.)
Judge Death: "Why aren't you dressed for the match?"
The Shootfighter: "Dook and O'Reilly don't want me to be their partner so I'll just follow their advice and let them get massacred by the Warhammer Corp."
Judge Death: "I'm sure they didn't mean it."
The Shootfighter: "Yeah they were drunk when they said that. Still if they want to do it without me I won't stop them."
Judge Death: "You know what the law states. You have to keep your word."
The Shootfighter: "I plan to keep my word to Blak Lung. Those other two can lose on their own."
Judge Death: "You know what I mean. You can't get out of this six-man match."
The Shootfighter: "Tell that to them. They insulted you the most."
Judge Death: "So I'm a judicial representative. They always get insults hurled at them. Besides, you don't want nothing to occur that could undermine your case against a certain someone."
The Shootfighter: "No one ever mentions that individual in my presence."
Judge Death: "Then you should suit up and take it out on someone like Jeremiah Vastrix, whom I might add, you claim to want judicial recourse against."
The Shootfighter: "Fine but if they don't tag me in once. I'll just leave the ringside area not caring who doesn't like it."
Judge Death: "That sounds like a good compromise. So suit up and starts warming up for your match. You may leave Mr. Boone."
(Matt Boone leaves as the scene fades to black.)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Coming up is the man who won what wound up being a 9 man battle royal after Lucifer Jones & Cobryn were unable to compete. Lonewolf McNeely is a former
("In the Year of the Wolf" by Motorhead plays and Rain leads Lonewolf down to the ring. The fans cheer him but he simply ignores them on his way to the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely is huge here in San Francisco. He was the most popular wrestler in the Bay Area's Supreme Championship Wrestling. He was World Champion and held the tag team titles with Dracon Xanathos. Along with Andrew Sinclair, they ruled Rick Owen's promotion.
Phil Blauer: So what is he? Indian or Irish? He looks too sober to be either one.
Guillermo O'Bannon: I don't know, Phil.
Phil Blauer: Can't you people smell your own?
Guillermo O'Bannon: At any rate, Lonewolf McNeely had a great run in SWAT and Ring Syndicate. Now looking to make an impact back on the West Coast.
Phil Blauer: Big Bad Bill will be watching this match to see what his number one contender can do.
Yolanda Ando: Lonewolf is wearing some silver leather shorts with fangs on the rear, black boots with a wolf on the sides and black fringer hanging off the sides. He's got a lot of body oil on, making him greasier than Trish Stratus' tits.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following match is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Mike Peters. Accompanied to the ring by his manager, Rain. Featuring first, from Montreal, Quebec, Canada; Standing at 6 feet 4 inches tall; Weighing 250 pounds...LONEWOLF MCNEELY!!!"
(The Cow Palace cheers McNeely, then "Caught in a Mosh" by Anthrax plays. The Shootfighter leads a staggering Blak Lung out. Lung is half crazed, snarling at the booing crowd)
Guillermo O'Bannon: And here comes Blak Lung, the blood drenched madman from Ghana.
Phil Blauer: We'll see what kind of support The Shootfighter lends to Blak Lung. He may be out of sorts here, Guillermo, without his roomful of candles.
Guillermo O'Bannon: We'll see.
Yolanda Ando: Blak Lung wears army surplus jungle boots, green BDU pants, and a white tank top undershirt.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And his opponent, accompanied to the ring by The Shootfighter; Hailing from Accra in The Republic of Ghana; Standing at 5 feet 11 inches tall; Weighing 190 pounds...BLAK LUNG!!!"
(Fans boo and then "Organ Donor" by DJ Shadow plays. The Cow Palace cheers the emergence of their beloved leader, Hardkore Jonnie Valentine)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jonnie Valentine coming down to the ring, Lonewolf McNeely not looking to happy to see him. Remember Jonnie swerved McNeely back when he was known as Messiah when Messiah tried to join The Society of the New Breed.
Phil Blauer: I remember that. Wait, no I don't. Which one is Jonnie?
Hardkore Jonnie Valentine: "Lonewolf or whatever your name is now, good to see ya. Welcome to my humble home. You have quite a match here ahead of you. But it's about to get a whole lot more important than just trying to have a quart of blood left in your body afterwards. For tonight, you and Blak Lung are wrestling in the first round of the Hardkore World Heavyweight Title Tournament. The winner advances to the next round, the loser wonders what could have been. Have fun, ladies."
(Lonewolf nods at Rain, but Blak Lung sneaks up on him and rolls him up in a small package. Mike Peters signals for the bell and slides into position)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Lonewolf McNeely kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: And just like that, Blak Lung almost advanced to the Quarterfinals of the Hardkore World Heavyweight Title Tournament! McNeely back to his feet but gets caught in the face with a kneelift. Lonewolf gets his head driven into the mat with a DDT!
(Lonewolf sits up with a stunned look on his face, and Blak Lung comes up behind him with a reverse chinlock. He grinds his forearm & bicep against McNeely's jaw, then begins bridging him backwards)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Blak Lung pulling McNeely back across his hip in that bridging reverse chinlock. Mike Peters checking in but Lonewolf not giving in this early. Lung maintains it into a standing inverted facelock. Blak Lung reverse DDT neckbreakers his head onto his knee!
(Fans gasp at the move and then again when Blak Lung drops a harsh elbow to McNeely's adam's apple. Blak Lung grabs two handfuls of McNeely's black flowing hair and irish whips him into the corner, but McNeely hops onto the second rope)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely hops backwards into a back roundhouse kick to the stampeding Blak Lung! That gets this crowd back into it. McNeely hits him in the chest a couple times with some forearms and then runs into the ropes.
(Lonewolf cries out, flattening Blak Lung with a roaring elbow! Blak Lung checks his lip for blood while McNeely pulls him up by the afro. He irish whips Lung into the ropes and drops him with a well executed exploder suplex! The crowd applauds)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Blak Lung back up and comes at him with a right hand, but Lonewolf blocks it and responds with an uppercut palm strike, then an elbow strike to the face. With Blak Lung softened them up, he irish whips him into the ropes, spinebuster by Lonewolf McNeely!!
(Fans cheer, and Lonewolf floats over into a pin. Mike Peters slides into position)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...(Blak Lung kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: McNeely irish whips Blak Lung into the ropes again, dips down for a backdrop, and Blak Lung catches him in a swinging hangman's neckbreaker!
(The Cow Palace boos and Blak Lung gets his wits about him. He gets to his feet and rakes his the laces of his boots against McNeely's face)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Blak Lung lands a couple stomps to McNeely's face. He rolls him over onto his stomach...
Phil Blauer: Oh god, I just saw Deliverance. You don't wanna see this, Guillermo!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Get your hands off my eyes, Phil. He's just applying a camel clutch.
Phil Blauer: Yeah, it's real fun until somebody has to squeal.
(The San Francisco fans boo as Blak Lung pulls back on McNeely's face & head. He smiles a sadistic grin at Rain who averts her eyes. The Shootfighter yells out encouragment from ringside. Mike Peters repeatedly asks Lonewolf if he wants to submit)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely crawls over to the side of the ring and grabs hold of those ropes. Peters forces a break. Blak Lung pulls Lonewolf McNeely up by his hair and spins around into a tornado punch.
(Blak Lung applies a claw to McNeely's face and temples. The pressure on his temples forces Lonewolf down to one knee. Mike Peters again checks in to see if Mcneely wants to give up, but Rain and the crowd urge him on)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf up to his feet again, Blak Lung spins into another tornado punch but McNeely ducks and hits Lung with his own tornado punch!
(Crowd roars, and Lonewolf McNeely climbs to the top rope. Blak Lung pushes Mike Peters into the ropes and it crotches Lonewolf on the top turnbuckle. Rain covers her mouth)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Blak Lung steps through the ropes and climbs up to the second turnbuckle from the apron. We saw this atrocity at The Staples Center!!
Phil Blauer: Is he gonna charge $20 for parking too??
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lung superplexes Lonewolf McNeely off the top to the concrete floor below!!!
(Fans pop huge and begin chanting "HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!" Blak Lung lies motionless while Rain attempts to stir Lonewolf. It's not working)
Phil Blauer: I will never get the sound of those two human bodies hitting the cement like that. Wait, no, there it goes...now I'm thinking about my hair. Hey there, handsome.
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter hands Blak Lung his trusty rusty coat hanger!
Phil Blauer: When will one of these referees frisk him?
Guillermo O'Bannon: When Ron Reid gets registered as a sex offender here in The Bay Area. The paperwork is a bitch and the damn commuunity keeps protesting. Lung wraps the wire around his fist and punches Lonewolf in the face!
(Fans boo, and Blak Lung stabs Lonewolf in the forehead and then tears the skin along his brow. Blood begins pouring out of the wound)
Phil Blauer: Lonewolf McNeely shedding his first pint of blood here in Hardkore World!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Blak Lung rakes that wire hanger across Lonewolf's eyes! A blinded McNeely stumbles right into a fireman's carry by Blak Lung. He gives him a death valley driver on the Cow Palace floor!!
(Blood leaks down Lonewolf McNeely's face and all over Blak Lung's once-white tank top. Blak Lung pulls him up by his hair and rolls him onto the ring apron. When Lung gets back up on the apron, he pulls McNelly's face into his legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely blocks that piledriver, and back body drops Blak Lung off the apron into the guardrail!!!
(The Cow Palace erupts, and the fans begin chanting "LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!!" Rain seems genuinely surprised by the reaction. Lonewolf winces as blood runs into his eyes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely measures Blak Lung and hops onto the middle of the second rope. He asai moonsaults Blak Lung thrusting his back into the railing!!
(The fans continue to chant "LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!!" Lonewolf gets to his feet and slaps hands with a few fans in the front row)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely gettin some love in San Francisco!
Phil Blauer: Usually that means catching a social disease.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely pulls him up into a waistlock, but Blak Lung back elbows him. Her picks up that coat hangs and ties it around McNeely's neck. He uses it to swing McNeely into the railing!
(Crowd boos and jeers Blak Lung as McNeely bleeds all down his front. Blak Lung uses the tied off coat hanger to pulls McNeely to the apron. Lung rolls into the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Blak Lung pulls McNeely to his feet on the apron and hangs him over the top rope with the coat hanger!! Come on, Peters!
Phil Blauer: That's horrible sight to see, Guillermo. But off the subject, did you know Shirley Temple was the US Ambassador to Ghana in 1974?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Phil he's choking!
Phil Blauer: It's never the wrong time for good trivia, my man.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anymore time and Lonewolf could suffer brain damage!
Phil Blauer: Who won the Oscar for Best Actor with the least amount of screen time?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anthony Hopkins in Silence of the Lambs.
Phil Blauer: I would have said Ghandi, he was barely there.
(Mike Peters tries to pull Blak Lung off of McNeely. Lonewolf's legs kick and flail away as Blak Lung pulls on that wire hanger from inside the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Mike Peters finally threatens to disqualify Blak Lung and he drops Lonewolf McNeely to the floor below.
Phil Blauer: He didn't want to lose his chance to advance in this tournament.
(Rain hands Lonewolf McNeely a chair and he hides it from Blak Lung as he climbs back onto the apron)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely brains Blak Lung in the head with that chair!! He climbs to the top turnbuckle with the chair still in hand...atomic arabian facebuster!!
(The Cow Palace erupts with cheers again and restarts the chant, "LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!!" A blood soaked Lonewolf McNeely covers Blak Lung)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Blak Lung kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The crimson masked Lonewolf McNeely applies a dragon sleeper on Blak Lung! The veteran McNeely wisely taking a moment to catch his breath after 11 minutes of fighting all over The Cow Palace.
(Lonewolf McNeely squints and winces as more & more blood runs into his eyes. Mike Peters checks in with Blak Lung who refuses to submit)
Phil Blauer: Blak Lung refusing to submit to that dragon sleeper in whatever the hell language it is that they speak in Ghana.
Guillermo O'Bannon: It's actually English, Phil.
Phil Blauer: Sez you.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely releases the dragon sleeper and pulls Blak Lung into his legs. He lifts him up on his shoulder and runs out into the other corner of the ring with a ligerbomb!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Blak Lung rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf climbs to the top rope, then backflips into a beautiful shooting star press!!!
(The Cow Palace is deafening with chants of "LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!!" Lonewolf holds his forearm across Blak Lung's jaw)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Blak Lung kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Blak Lung blocks a northern lights suplex and reverses with a pedigree!!
(Fans boo, while Blak Lung turns Lonewolf over into a single leg boston crab. Blood runs down McNeely's face into a small pool on the canvas. Blak Lung wails back on McNeely's leg)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lung applying pressure to McNeely's knee & ankle, planting his foot and pulling as far back as he can. Blak Lung now grabs McNeely's other leg and applies a full boston crab!
(The jeers get louder, as Blak Lung sits back on McNeely's leg's bending him in half. The pool of blood under McNeely's face gets larger & larger. Mike Peters asks him if he wants to tap out while Rain screams out encouragement)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Blak Lung releases McNeely's legs and begins biting his cut on his forhead.
Phil Blauer: Ew.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Blak Lung continuing to chew on Lonewolf's gash making him an even bloodier mess. The Front cover of PWI, in our second match of the night!
(Blak Lung digs into McNeely's forehead again, making his laceration bigger. He then straddles Lonewolf and bludgeons him with punches to his cut getting blood all over his now pink tank top)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Blak Lung has McNeely up in a crotchtie, and pumphandles him up onto his shoulder. Lung drives his head into the mat with a tombstone!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Lonewolf McNeely kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Blak Lung sits on McNeely's back again and applies another camel clutch, this one with the coat hanger around his throat!
(Mike Peters tries to pull Blak Lung off of McNeely's back as Lonewolf's toungue pops out of his mouth. His face is now a sickening blood mask)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Mike Peters giving McNeely a count of five and Blak Lung releases just long enough not to get disqualified and lose his shot at the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship. He then put the wire around Lonewolf's eyes and pull back on that wire hanger!
(Peters lays in a count and Blak Lung releases at four again. He then wraps it around Lonewolf McNeely's throat and hides it with his arm, which is locked in a reverse chinlock. McNeely chokes and gags, but Blak Lug keeps spinning him around the mat, so the ref can't check for the coat hanger)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Blak Lung choking the life out of Lonewolf McNeely, and thank god Peters has finally seen the coat hanger and is forcing him to break the reverse chinlock. Blak Lung takes the coat hanger and stabs it into Lonewolf's arm!
(McNeely cries out in pain, and Blak Lung digs it down his arm several times. McNeely's left arm is torn to ribbons. Blak Lung then front facelocks McNeely and runs up the turnbuckles into a tornado DDT!! The fans applaud the move and Blak Lung floats over into a pin)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Lonewolf McNeely kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Blak Lung climbs to the top turnbuckle, Rain climbs up on to the apron and pulls down on Lung's leg crotching him!
(The fans cheer Rain and she beams back. Lonewolf McNeely climbs to the second turnbuckle and double underhooks Blak Lung's arms. He hops backward and pedigrees Blak Lung's face into the canvas!! The crowd comes alive with chants of "LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!!")
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely nails Lights Out and now makes the cover!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...thr...(Blak Lung kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely pulls Blak Lung's head into his legs and chicken wings both his arms...he lifts him up into a double chicken wing piledriver!!
(Fans continue to go nuts, while McNeely climbs to the top rope. He wipes the blood off his face while waiting for Blak Lung to get to his feet)
Guillermo O'Bannon: McNeely with a corkscrew plancha!!
(The Cow Palace continues to chant "LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!!" McNeely gets to his feet and lets Blak Lung get to his knees before putting his lights out with a shining wizard kick)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely smacks Blak Lung upside the head with a Flesh Cut! He pulls him into his legs and lifts him up onto his shoulder, driving Blak Lung's head & shoulders into the mat with a Jaws of Life powerbomb!! He pulls the 190 pound Lung back onto his shoulder and gives him a second powerbomb!!
(McNeely shows his raw power by pulling Blak Lung up for a third and final Jaws of Life!! McNeely cradles the leg for the pin as the fans count along)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...thr...(Blak Lung rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely climbs to the top rope but there's no water in the pool for that leg drop!! Blak Lung back in control and cradles McNeely's leg. He drives McNeely's bloody head into the mat with a fishhook brainbuster!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...thr...(Lonewolf McNeely gets his shoulder free)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Blak Lung double underhooks McNeely's arms and lifts him up, then deposits him on his face!
(Lung grabs McNeely's weakened leg and applies a grapevine submission! The crowd boos as McNeely clutches his thigh. McNeely's bleached blonde hair has been stained pink with blood)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Blak Lung gets his face too close and catches a punch from Lonewolf McNeely. Lonewolf McNeely staggers to his feet and presses Blak Lung over his head, then he drops him with his No Human Contact diamond cutter!!
(The chants of "LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!! LONE-WOLF!!" get louder and McNeely exhausted, drops on top of Blak Lung)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...3!!!
("In the Year of the Wolf" by Motorhead plays and the San Francisco fans celebrates. Rain runs into the ring to collect her ex-husband)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely has advanced in the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship Title Tournament but at the cost of alot of blood.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 19 minutes 24 seconds, THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, ADVANCING TO THE SECOND ROUND OF THE HARDKORE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP TITLE TOURNAMENT...LONEWOLF MCNEELY!!!"
(Rain helps Lonewolf McNeely stagger back to the locker room. McNeely looks like he was dipped headfirst in blood. Inside the ring, The Shootfighter is helping Blak Lung to his feet inside the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: In Lonewolf McNeely's first match in Hardkore World he won a shot at the Hardkore West Coast title. In his second match, he advances to the second round in the tournament for the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship!
Phil Blauer: Still, he has to hang out with his ex-wife all the time. That's a fate worse then death or a UPN sitcom.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Coming up next is the Bodybag Match between Horror Girl and Xyrynth. Horror Girl burst out of the ring in the Triple Cage Match in Los Angeles. She pulled Xyrynth underneath the ring with her, and Xyrynth came up scratched and bleeding. Many people around Hardkore World believe that is why Xyrynth was not able to reclaim her title that night.
Phil Blauer: Just Ron De La O.
Ron De La O: Fuck uuuuuuuu Man!
("Haunted" by Evanescence plays and Mr.Fame and Bernice walk out to...no pop. They present Horror Girl who cautiously make her way towards the ring. The San Francisco crowd boos her as she stalks the ring. She pauses, tilting her head towards a nearbye camera, before continuing on to the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: And here comes one of our most twisted personalities in Hardkore America, Horror Girl. She has been making Xyrynth and Hardkore World Women's Champion Tamara Sanchez's lives nightmares in the past few months.
Yolanda Ando: Horror Girl is wrapped in tightly fitted mummy tape around her chest, hips, forearms, hands and legs.
(When Horror Girl gets into the ring, she crawls in and goes to the corner where she crouches down and stares at Bill Kasal & Mike Peters)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following contest is a Bodybag Match. The winner will be the first woman to put the other in a bodybag and zip it up. It will have a 30 minute time limit and your referee is Mike Peters. Featuring first, accompanied to the ring by her manager, Mr. Fame. She is from Parts Unknown; Standing at 5 feet 8 inches tall; Weighing 138 pounds...HORROR GIRL!!!"
(The Cow Palace boos Horror Girl who continues to stare down at the aisleway. Then "Sweet Dreams" by Eurythmics plays and the crowd jumps to their feet. Dr. Cliff Hawke leads Xyrynth down to the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: And here comes Xyrynth. She's one of the most popular wrestlers in Hardkore World, and she's gonna need all that fan support to not get stuffed in a body bag by that sick freak, Horror Girl.
Phil Blauer: Xyrynth still visibly upset that she's not getting any royalties from her sex tape.
Guillermo O'Bannon: I don't think the royalties is what she's upset about, Phil.
Yolanda Ando: Well she should be. I could have made a killing if I hadn't signed that release before I did that thing at that bachelor party. Still, the beer was free. Xyrynth has on some deep prurple jeans with "Xyrynth" spelled in sea foam green vertically down her outer left leg. She has on a matching sea foam green tank top tucked into her pants. On her feet are black, sturdy, hiking boots and black knee pads. As always she has her trademark fingerless black leather gloves. Her long brown hair is in a single French braid down her back to her waist, interwoven and tied with deep purple and sea foam green ribbons.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And her opponent, accompanied to the ring by her manager, Dr. Cliff Hawke. From Leitchfield, Kentucky; Standing at 5 feet 7 inches tall; Weighing 170 pounds...XYRYNTH!!!"
(The crowd cheers and Mike Peters signals for the bell. Horror Girl attacks Xyrynth early. She latches onto Xyrynth's face, digging her nails into their flesh)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl using those razor sharp claws early! Xyrynth flailing her legs at Horror Girl trying to kick her away from her.
(Horror Girl hen unleashes a horrifying scream and shoves her away. Xyrynth lands face down on the mat. Horror Girl sits down upon her back and hook her arm under Xyrynth's arm and under her neck. Then, she hooks Xyrynth's leg with her other arm. After clasping her hands together, she lifts Xyrynth up off the mat and racks her over her back)
Guillermo O'Bannon: And what an amazing submission move, named The Zombiosis! She bends Xyrynth in half over her back with her arm & leg together, puts tremendous presson on her back, neck, shoulder and leg.
(The Cow Palace gives Xyrynth some applause of encouragement while Dr. Cliff Hawke tries to figure a way out of the hold. Xyrynth finally gets loose and rolls over into neck snap, sending Horror Girl face first into the canvas. The crowd comes alive)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Xyrynth irish whips Horror Girl into the ropes and gives her an overhead kick upside the head!
(Xyrynth irish whips Horror Girl into the ropes and tiltawhirls her around, dropping her stomach on her knee! She pulls her head into her legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl blocks a piledriver and back drops Xyrynth. Horror Girl lets Xyrynth get to her knees, before she comes up from behind and locks her legs around Xyrynth's waist. She locks on a cross face sleeper hold and arches back into The Spider's Woe!!
(Horror Girl is arched perfectly on the mat while Xyrynth is stretched thin in a sleeper. She pulls up on Xyrynth's head as hard as she can. She then pulls Xyrynth's head into her legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl lifts Xyrynth up in a crucifix but then she drops her onto her chest with a flapjack!
(Horror Girl climbs to the top turnbuckle, but Xyrynth sweeps her legs out, crotching her on the top turnbuckle. Xyrynth climbs up to the second turnbuckle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl grabs Xyrynth in a facelock and tornado DDTs her off the second rope!!
(Horror Girl pulls her up and pumphandles her up on her shoulder. But Xyrynth falls behind her)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Xyrynth whacks Horror Girl in the side of the face with an enzuigiri kick! She climbs up to the top rope, and flips Horror Girl over into a super flying head scissors!
(Xyrynth grabs Horror Girl by the legs and slingshots her throatfirst into the top rope. Horror Girl falls back onto Xyrynth's knees! The fans get rowdy, and Xyrynth steps through the ropes on to the apron)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Xyrynth hops on to the middle of the top rope, and springboard dropkicks Horror Girl!!
(The Cow Palace gets louder, and Xyrynth begins pumping herself up. She irish whips Horror Girl into the ropes, she leaves her feet for a double mule kick to Horror Girl's breasts. No one's that dead, and she clutches her tit. Meanwhile Xyrynth climbs to the top turnbuckle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Xyrynth leaps off the top rope with The Flyswatter body press!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Horror Girl kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Xyrynth grabs Horror Girl by the head and spins into a tornado DDT, but Horror Girl reverses it into a spinebuster!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Xyrynth kicks out)
Phil Blauer: Xyrynth still seems distracted over her naked booty being all over the internet.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Phil, put your laptop away! Horror Girl grabs two handfuls of hair and swings her over the top rope! Horror Girl hops onto the middle of the top rope and backflips into a missle dropkick!!
(Xyrynth smacks the guardrail hard, the report sounding throughout The Cow Palace. Horror Girl landed hard too and is having a hard time getting to her feet. Mr.Fame and Bernice pull her up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl showing she has watched some Xyrynth matches with that version of her Myssle Stryke shooting star dropkick.
Phil Blauer: For some reason, I don't see her being able to work a remote. How would she even know how to switch the TV from DVD to VHS mode? I'm not even dead and I got problems with that.
(Horror Girl waits for Xyrynth to get to her feet, but Xyrynth avoids a spear and Horror Girl smacks the steel ring steps!! The San Francisco crowd cheers)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Xyrynth climbs onto the apron, and hops on to the middle of the second rope. She backflips off of the rope and lands a kick to Horror Girl's face!
(Fans get louder & louder, and Xyrynth feeds off their enthusiasm. She pulls Horror Girl's head into her legs, and pulls her up for a powerbomb, but Horror Girl reverses with a huracanrana, driving her head into the steel ring steps!! The fans jeer and boo the zombie)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl climbs back into the ring and grabs two handfuls of a staggered Xyrynth's hair while she's standing on the ring floor. She helps herself to a heaping helping of Xyrynth's shoulder!
(Xyrynth shrieks in pain as Horror Girl chews ravenously on her shoulder & neck, pulling her into the ring)
Phil Blauer: Under different circumstances, that could be hot.
Guillermo O'Bannon: But the...
Phil Blauer: The white eyes...yeah. Yeah, the white eyes are what kills it.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl now has her back in the ring and slams her hard into the canvas. Xyrynth gets back up to her knees and gets a running dropkick to the sternum for her trouble.
(Horror Girl fireman's carries Xyrynth up on to her shoulders, then crotches her on the top turnbuckle. Horror Girl climbs to the second rope, and double underhooks her arms)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Xyrynth blocks the double underhook and tosses Horror Girl off the second turnbuckle! Xyrynth jumps off and somersault DDTs Horror Girl!!
(Xyrynth pulls Horror Girl into her legs and lifts her up on his shoulder into an argentinean backbreaker!! What passes for pain is etched on Horror Girl's face)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Xyrynth then spins Horror Girl around into a piledriver!!
(Crowd cheers and Xyrynth signals to Dr. Cliff Hawke. Hawke produces the bodybag and throws it into the ring! The fans cheer what could be the end of the match)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Xyrynth called for the bodybag and she got it! She's got Horror Girl's legs in, good.
Phil Blauer: Yeah, I've found that once you get the legs stuffed in, that's really half the battle.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Phil, I-...Horror Girl biting Xyrynth's hand!
(Horror Girl grabs her arm and applies an armbar, still chewing on Xyrynth's fingers. She sticks her knee into the ball of Xyrynth's shoulder and wails back on her arm)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl cannot get a submission here, and cannot be disqualified for making a snack out of Xyrynth's hand. She uses her armbarred arm to pull her up and whips Xyrynth into the ropes. Ew, she spit some of Xyrynth's own blood from her hand into her face.
Phil Blauer: That's disgusting, and I walked in on Ric Flair taking a dump.
Guillermo O'Bannon: That's gross.
Phil Blauer: What's gross is it was in a booth at Denny's. Poor guy, didn't even know it happened. Just looked at the waitress and asked "Are you my Mommy?"
Guillermo O'Bannon: As Xyrynth tries to get her own blood out of her eyes, Horror Girl capitalizes by lifting her up by the throat with two hands. She then tosses her over into a powerslam!
(Fans boo Horror Girl. Horror Girl gut wrenches Xyrynth up into a tigerbomb!! The crowd has to applaud that move)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Fans showing some love for the Gut Rot Driver. Horror Girl now rolling Xyrynth on top of that body bag, trying to get her inside of it.
(Horror Girl has Xyrynth completely inside the bodybag and pulls the zipper up, but stops)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The zipper seems to be stuck!
Phil Blauer: I hate that, it caused one of my most embarrassing moments when I was a presenter at the Nickelodeon Kid's Choice Awards.
Guillermo O'Bannon: When you got caught doing some heavy petting with Whoppi Goldberg in the audience?
Phil Blauer: Ok, second.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Xyrynth punches Horror Girl and fights her way out of that bodybag, and that harrowing experience. Xyrynth irish whips her into the ropes and knocks Horror Girl out of her boots with an overhead spin kick!
(Xyrynth lifts Horror Girl on to her shoulders and whips her into an F5! Horror Girl staggers up to her feet, and Xyrynth pulls her head into her legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Xyrynth drops to her knees in a modified cradle piledriver!!
(Xyrynth rolls Horror Girl into the bodybag, Horror Girl sits up and Xyrynth DDTs her onto the bodybag again!! The fans cheer)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl fighting not to be put in that bodybag! She bites Xyrynth on the cheek to stop it!
(Xyrynth screams and tries to free herself from Horror Girls sharp teeth. Horror Girl releases only to headbutt her cheek a couple times! Horror Girl applies a reverse sleeper, resting Xyrynth's chin on her shoulder)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl lifts Xyrynth up and hits her with a "Oh, The Horror" flapjacked reversed ace crusher right onto that bodybag!!
(Audience boos, and Horror Girl zips up the bodybag around her! Mike Peters signals for the bell)
Guillermo O'Bannon: And Horror Girl wins Hardkore World's first Bodybag Match!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 12 minutes 47 seconds, THE WINNER OF THE MATCH...HORROR GIRL!!!"
("Haunted" by Evanescence plays and the audience boos and jeers. Horror Girl snarls at the fans and then begins stomping Xyrynth, trapped in the bodybag)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl kicking and stomping Xyrynth, who is helpless in that bodybag! She climbs to the top rope and kneedrops Xyrynth!!
(Horror Girl climbs to the top rope again but Dr. Cliff Hawke gets in the ring and covers her. The fans abhor Horror Girl not to leap, while Mr. Fame sneaks in to the ring with a chair)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Mr. Fame clocks Cliff Hawke with a chair!!
(Bernice takes out her camera, while Mr.Fame poses for a few shots with the chair over a ko'd Cliff Hawke)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl drops another kneedrop to whatever it was in that bodybag! She sits Xyrynth on the top turnbuckle, and climbs to the second rope...she monkey flips her off the top rope!! She's not even able to protect herself during the fall!
(Cliff Hawke stirs a little so Mr.Fame smacks him in the back with a chair again! Suddenly the fans start cheering wildly, Mr. Fame thinks its for him and raises the chair in his hand)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Sexy" Anjanette Turner flies into the ring and is peppering Horror Girl with lefts and rights! She gut wrenches Horror Girl up into a spinning powerbomb!!
(The Cow Palace is deafening as the Turner smacks Mr. Fame upside the head with an enzuigiri! Horror Girl and Mr. Fame roll out of the ring, leaving Bernice)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner is eyeing Mr. Fame's secretary and former porn star Bernice! She lifts Bernice up in a fireman's carry and sits her on the top turnbuckle!
(Bernice begs Anjanette Turner not to do anything...and Turner tells her "Relax." Bernice breathes a sigh of relief)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette hops on to the second turnbuckle and gives Bernice a super rana!!
(Crowd goes ballistic and Bernice is knocked out cold. Mr.Fame and Horror Girl collect her, and then Mr. Fame drags Horror Girl to the back. Horror Girl keeps pointing her pale finger at Anjanette)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner finally lets Xyrynth out of that bodybag, and she's a wreck! Turner waving for the EMTs to come out and attend to Xyrynth & Hawke...we'll be right back!
uillermo O'Bannon: On the last show in Los Angeles, "Giant" Baba O'Reilly & Moondog Dook made some enemies. Now they have a six man match against those three men they pissed off.
("Bump-N-Grind" by R.Kelly plays and the audience boos. Lucius Morgan leads Tarrasque, "God's Gift" Jeremiah Vastrix, and "Minister" Marty Bower. Bower walks down to the ring hand-in-hand with Jesus. Of course, the crowd can't see Jesus. Jeremiah Vastrix poses for pictures for several ringside fans. Tarrasque is eating some raw chicken breasts. Then, when Bower gets to the ring, he leaps up on the apron, and opens the rope so Jesus can get through)
Phil Blauer: There's an eclectic trio.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tarrasque no stranger to six man matches. He's a three time Hardkore World Six Man Tag Team Champion.
Yolanda Ando: Tarrasque wearing Tarrasque comes to the ring in black wrestling trunks with a symbol for hazordous waste in the front. Jeremiah Vastrix wears a grey form fitting bodysuit. "Minister" Marty Bower walks down to the ring wearing a priest's robe. He's now taking it off and shows off some white spandex shorts, with a black cross on each side. On the back, "Bower" with a golden cross for the "t".
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following contest is a Six Man Tag Team Match, scheduled for one fall, with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Ron Reid. Featuring first, escorted to the ring by the Greatest Martyr, Jesus," (Bower opens the ropes again so "Jesus" can get out) "Hailing from Massena, Quebec City, Canada; Standing at 5 feet 11 inches tall; Weighing 194 pounds...'MINISTER' MARTY BOWER!! And accompanied to the ring by his manager, Lucius Morgan; From Hong Kong, China; Standing at 6 feet 2 inches tall; Weighing 165 pounds...'GOD'S GIFT' JEREMIAH VASTRIX!! And from Arkham Asylum; Standing at 6 feet 7 inches tall; Weighing 275 pounds...TARRASQUE!!"
(Fans give The Warhammer Corporation & "Minister" Marty Bower a mixed reaction. U2 rips into their version of The Who's "Baba O'Reilly". Giant Baba O'Reilly and Moondog Dook step through the curtain and make their way to ringside. The Shootfighter & Judge Death walks behind them. The fans jeer and boo)
Guillermo O'Bannon: And here comes three men who are as old school as anyone can find anymore. The Shootfighter a 10 year veteran, and Moondog Dook & O'Reilly are throwbacks to wrestling past.
Yolanda Ando: Giant Baba O'Reilly wears an old school giant black one peice with a big green shamrock on the back. Moondog Dook's an albino hillbilly carrying a large chain. The Shootfighter wears knee length black wrestling tights, black wrestling boots, sharp studded forearm pads and a tight black robe with a red dragon on the back and wields a stainless steel singapore cane. Judge Death wears a Salem witch trial style wig & robe, a gargoyles mask and black boots & wields a cane with a gargoyles head on it.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And their opponents, accompanied to the ring by his manager, Judge Death; From Bangkok, Thailand; Standing at 5 feet 11 inches tall; Weighing 235 pounds...THE SHOOTFIGHTER!! Introducing to my left, escorted to the ring by Moon...Dog...Dook! From Dublin, Ireland standing 7 foot 1, weigh-
(O'Reilly inturrupts Kasal and furiously whispers something in his ear.)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: Standing 7 foot 1 and 3/4 inches, weighing 325 pounds...'GIANT' BABA O'REILLY!!! Introducing to my left, escorted to the ring by Giant Baba O'Reilly...from Parts, Unknown...standing 6 foot even and weighing in at 260lbs...MOONDOG DOOK!!!"
(Crowd boos and jeers the trio. Lucius Morgan, Bill Kasal, & Judge Death leave the ring, leaving "Giant" Baba O'Reilly and "God's Gift" Jeremiah Vastrix)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix surprises O'Reilly with a simple palm strike to the nose. He jumps onto the middle of the second rope and whacks him into the face with a leaping roundhouse kick!
("Giant" Baba O'Reilly staggers back but plays a little possum and drives his knee into Vastrix's stomach. He pounds Vastrix in the back with a double ax handle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Giant" Baba O'Reilly scoops Vastrix up and slams him, but Vastrix grabs his leg on the way down! Inside cradle!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...("Giant" Baba O'Reilly kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix tags in Tarrasque. Tarrasque ducks a punch from "Giant" Baba O'Reilly and he backslides the big Mick!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...("Giant"Baba O'Reilly rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: O'Reilly is back to his feet and peppers Tarrasque's face with boxing lefts & rights! "Giant" Baba O'Reilly lifts the 275 pound madman up in the air like he's nothing in a hanging suplex!
(O'Reilly holds Tarrasque up there for a while and the San Francisco audience counts)
Audience: "1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...10!"
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Giant" Baba O'Reilly climbs to the top turnbuckle, but Jeremiah Vastrix grabs him by the leg and crotches him! Tarrasque runs off the ropes and diving tackles him to the The Cow Palace floor!!
(The 7'1 O'Reilly and Tarrasque tumble together to the floor, and the audience pops. Lucius Morgan helps Tarrasque to his feet and get up on the apron. He jumps off and ribbreaker stomps "Giant" Baba O'Reilly's head)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tarrasque back up on the apron and jumps on O'Reilly's head again! Tarrasque pulls him up by the hair and rams his face into the corner post!!
(O'Reilly staggers around with a large new gash over his eye. Tarrasque rolls him into the ring and then steps into the ring himself. Tarrasque tags in "Minister" Marty Bower)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Minister" Marty Bower takes the giant down with a front chancery takedown. Bower applies an armbar, clamping down on that huge arm.
(Bower places his knee into the ball of O'Reilly's shoulder and applies a nerve hold to his trapezius muscle)
Phil Blauer: Marty Bower now seconding the armbar with a vulcan nerve pinch to the trampoline! Mike Peters checks in but O'Reilly refuses in Irish.
Guillermo O'Bannon: The 7 foot 1 "Giant" Baba O"Reilly works his way up to his feet and dangles the 5'11 Bower, still hanging from his arm. He uses that arm to powerslam him!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...("Minister" Marty Bower kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Giant" Baba O'Reilly runs off the ropes and knees Bower in the guts. He pulls the bent over Bower into his legs and lifts him up into a 7 foot powerbomb!! He holds him down with one hand.
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...("Minister" Marty Bower lifts his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Giant" Baba O'Reilly walks right past Shootfighter's outstretched hand and tags in his regular partner, Moondog Dook. Dook grabs Bower by the hair and headbutts him.
(Marty Bower ducks under a punch from Moondog and german suplexes him)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...(Moondog Dook rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Minister" Marty Bower snapmares Dook over into a reverse chinlock. Bower slowing the match down a bit here, grinding his forearm against Dook's jaw.
(Bower pushes Dook onto his face and applies a double armlock STF!! Dook growls out yelps of pain as Reid checks in to see if he wants to tap out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Moondog Dook looks confused on how to get out of Bower's masterful submission hold.
Phil Blauer: That guy gets confused on how to get out of the double wide trailer.
Guillermo O'Bannon: He releases the double arm STF, and irish whips him into the ropes. Bower takes him down with a bulldog lariot!
(Bower tags in Jeremiah Vastrix, who runs up to the ropes and hops onto the middle of the top rope)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix nails Moondog Dook with a springboard roundhouse kick!
(Jeremiah hooks Dook up and spins around into a sidewinder suplex. He pulls Moondog Dook up by his wild mane of hair. He irish whips Dook into the ropes and then sweep kicks Dook's ankle. Dook falls through the ropes to The Cow Palace floor)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix steps through the ropes to the floor below, but Moondog Dook is ready for him and bites his arm.
(Moondog Dook straightens out his chain and clotheslines Vastrix with it! He wraps the chain around Vastrix's neck)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Moondog Dook tightening that chain around Jeremiah's neck, and finally his bodyguard Tarrasque comes over and bails him out.
(Tarrasque chokeslams Moondog Dook's back on to that steel railing! Moondog clutches his back then wraps the chain around his fist)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Moondog Dook bashes Tarrasque in the face with that steel chain!! He grabs the stunned cannibal and bulldogs his face on to the guardrail!
(Moondog Dook takes his steel chain and whips it across Tarrasque's back over & over. He howls in pain, with blood running from a cut he has from the chain hit. Moondog sets him up for a suplex)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tarrasque blocks a suplex, and reverses it into a suplex of his own, dropping his groin & chest into the corner post!!
(Tarrasque rolls him into the ring, but Moondog Dook is waiting for him with a headbutt. The Shootfighter sticks out his hand for a tag)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Moondog Dook walks right past Shootfighter's hand and tags in a bloody "Giant" Baba O'Reilly again!
Phil Blauer: Trouble in paradise?
Guillermo O'Bannon: In any event, Moondog Dook twists Tarrasque's arm while "Giant" Baba O'Reilly climbs to the second rope. O'Reilly comes off with a double ax handle to Tarrasque's twisted arm!
("Giant" Baba O'Reilly applies a sleeper hold to Tarrasque. He squeezes Tarrasque's head, making the big man buckle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Giant" Baba O'Reilly trying to soothe the savage beast, as their blood runs together down their front.
Phil Blauer: Almost poetry.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Not really. Tarrasque drops to his knees, driving the top of his head through O'Reilly's jaw! Tarrasque climbs to the top rope and hops off with a Rupture stomp to O'Reilly's groin!!
(Tarrasque pulls "Giant" Baba O'Reilly up and irish whips him into the ropes. He dips down, but the giant blocks a back body drop)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Giant" Baba O'Reilly pulls Tarrasque up and piledrives him!!
(Baba irish whips Tarrasque into the ropes and nearly takes his head off with a big boot)
Guillermo O'Bannon: My Left Foot!! Baba covers a ko'd Tarrasque!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Jeremiah Vastrix kneedrops the back of O'Reilly's head)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix saves the match for his team, and O'Reilly AGAIN passes up The Shootfighter's hand and tags in his partner Moondog Dook who has a bag with him.
("Giant" Baba O'Reilly irish whips Vastrix into the ropes and takes him over the top rope with another My Left Foot)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Moondog Dook pours that bag of thumbtacks all over Tarrasque...
(The San Francisco crowd buzzes in anticipation and Dook runs into the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Moondog Dook splashes Tarrasque turning him and himself into pin cushions with those tacks!!!
(Tarrasque and Moondog roll around clutching the places where the tacks have peirced their flesh. Moondog finally gets to his feet and pulls Tarrasque into his legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Giant" Baba O'Reilly enters the ring, Shootfighter tries to come in as well but O'Reilly holds him back. O'Reilly and Moondog stuff powerbomb Tarraque onto those thumbtacks!!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...thr...(Tarrasque kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tarrasque grabs Moondog Dook by the face with a brainclaw! Tarrasque continues to bear down on Dook's temples and gets back up on his feet. Tarrasque scoops Moondog up and slams her to the mat.
(Tarrasque sits Moondog Dook on the top turnbuckle and climbs to the second rope. The pin cushioned Tarrasque then brainbuster superpelexes him!! Tarrasque floats over into a pin)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Moondog Dook kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tarrasque grabs Moondog's Dook with both hands and lifts him up with The Rise of the Feminine Side!!
(Moondog Dook howls in pain, and "Giant" Baba O'Reilly steps over the ropes. He breaks up the Rise, before Reid is able to force him back to his corner. Shootfighter and Judge Death glare at him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tarrasque tags in "Minister" Marty Bower. He chicken wing facelocks Moondog Dook and drops him back in a release suplex!!
(Bower facelocks Moondog Dook and climbs to the second turnbuckle. He spins around into a tornado DDT! With Moondog Dook kneeling, Bower steps over his shoulders and applies a head scissors. Bower then reaches behind and grabs Moondog Dook's arms, holding them outwards. When Bower drops to the ground, he hooks Dook's arms in to the crux of his knees. He leans back, grabbing his legs, then leans forward, locking Moondog Dook into a particularly weird looking reverse boston crab)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Minister" Marty Bower applies his Tribute to My Savior submission finisher!! Ron Reid checks in and Moondog Dook refuses to tap out. "Giant" Baba O'Reilly steps over the ropes and Shootfighter finally enters the ring!
(Tarrasque clotheslines a blood soaked O'Reilly over the top rope to the floor. Shootfighter sees Vastrix coming at him at last and runs at him, but Vastrix baseball slides Shootfighter's legs out from under him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bower rocks Dook back & forth in his Tribute to My Savior and finally Moondog Dook has submitted!!
(Ron Reid signals for the bell and "Hallelujah" plays through The Cow Palace. Bower releases Moondog Dook and makes the sign of the cross. He gives his invisible manager the thumbs up)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 17 minutes 1 second, THE WINNERS OF THE MATCH, THE WARHAMMER CORPORATION & 'MINISTER' MARTY BOWER!!!"
(Lucius Morgan hold up Tarrasque, Vastrix, and Bower's arms in victory. "Giant" Baba O'Reilly helps Moondog Dook to his feet and The Shootfighter walks up behind them with his singapore cane)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter whacks "Giant" Baba O'Reilly in the back of the leg with his stainless steel singapore cane!!
(Fans cheer, and Shootfighter knocks Moondog Dook out with the singapore cane! Judge Death holds out O'Reilly's leg and Shootfighter cracks him in the leg with it again)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter cracks O'Reilly's leg with several muy thai kicks to his leg & ankle! The Shootfighter then grabs O'Reilly's leg and applies an ankle lock!
("Giant" Baba O'Reilly shrieks in agony, clutching his leg. Shootfighter wrenches it as hard as he can, and Baba goes limp for a second. He pounds his balled up fists into the mat in pain. Marty Bower leaves the ring but The Warhammer Corporation approaches The Shootfighter. He sees them out of the corner of his eye and releases the ankle lock)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter, a decade long enemy of The Warhammer Corporation sees them coming and backs off of Baba. He gets into his fighting stance but Jeremiah Vastrix tells him to take it easy. Vastrix picks up his stainless steel cane and Shootfighter gets ready to take it back, but Vastrix smashes Baba in the mouth with the cane!!
(Crowd cheers and Baba covers his mouth as blood runs through his fingers. Tarrasque climbs to the top rope and Vastrix rolls Baba over onto his stomach)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix holding Baba's legs and he instructs Shootfighter to hold his arms as well. He hesitantly complies and Tarrasque hops off the top rope with a ribbreaker stomp to the back of "Giant" Baba O'Reilly's head!!
Phil Blauer: And people always get pissed at me when I insist you do have ribs in your head.
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter takes "Giant" Baba O'Reilly's possibly broken leg and applies a figure four leglock!! That woke up the passed out Giant, and he rocks back & forth trying to escape the pain, but nothing's helping!
(Jeremiah Vastrix stomps O'Reilly's head in as Shootfighter sits up to increase the pressure on his broken leg! O'Reilly passes out again, but Vastrix, Tarrasque, and now even Lucius Morgan stomp the big man in the face & head)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Moondog Dook has hit the ring again with that chain, he swings it round & round! Shootfighter, Judge Death, and The Warhammer Corporation head for the hills!
(Moondog Dook confusedly tries to stir the unconcious Irishman. He waves for EMTs. Lucius Morgan grabs the house microphone)
Lucius Morgan: "Shootfighter, I know you may cringe to even think about us joining forces but you have to admit we worked pretty well together. I realize you and Tarrasque have spilled blood all over the West Coast but who better than your worst enemy to know your strengths and weaknesses? What I'm suggesting is a trial partnership. At Palm Springs Punishment, the site of some of your most violent matches with Warhammer Corporation members like Takeda Yokosuda, Cyan Komar, Sam Madison..."
Phil Blauer: The cornerback for the Dolphins?
Lucius Morgan: "...and Tarrasque. There we will challenge the Hardkore World Six Man Tag Team Champions, Mr.Shioda & his Toenail Clan to a title match. The Warhammer Corporation will win the titles for a fourth time and we'll even make it in the form of match they won it in, lucha libre style."
(Fans cheer at the possible dream team match, medical personnel attend to the unconcious "Giant" Baba O'Reilly)
Guillermo O'Bannon: I don't believe it, The Shootfighter and The Warhammer Corporation...working together??
Lucius Morgan: "What do you say? If we don't win, we can go right back to killing one another."
(The audience urges The Shootfighter to accept while he confers with Judge Death. Death tells him it's a bad idea but Shootfighter waves him off and grabs the microphone)
The Shootfighter: "Intriguing. I have hurt Tarrasque in every way I know possible but I have never teamed with him. Very well. In Palm Springs, we shall destroy Shioda and his students and the six man belts shall be mine! But if you even think of double crossing me Morgan, you all will have hospital beds right next to Mr. O"Reilly here.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Fans, we have to go to break while "Giant" Baba O'Reilly gets some medical attention for that broken leg. We'll be right back with that steel cage match with "The White Chapel Horror" Lucifer Jones and Hero!
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Mar 03, 2005#18
(Fade back up to EMTs loading "Giant" Baba O'Reilly on to a stretcher, while Moondog Dook looks on nervously. The ring technicians are busy lowering the steel cage and hooking it to the ring base)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Welcome back fans. We're currently waiting for the steel cage match between Hero and Lucifer Jones to start but medical personnel are still attending to the hobbled "Giant" Baba O'Reilly, whom The Shootfighter & Judge Death viciously attacked after not being tagged in for their entire match.
Phil Blauer: To get your leg broken is one thing. But to get it broken by a guy in a wig, like Judge Death, that's something you can't live down. It was like the time I got my ass kicked by William Shatner in the Joan Rivers Show green room. She didn't have to bring it up in the monologue is all I'm saying, ...
Guillermo O'Bannon: Wait, Blak Lung has come out of the crowd and blasts Moondog Dook in the back of the head with Shootfighter's stainless steel singapore cane!!
Phil Blauer: He's gotta watch out for that thing!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Blak Lung bashes a couple EMTs in the skull with that singapore cane!
Phil Blauer: Wait, those guys were gonna do my Botox injections!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Blak Lung then turns his attention to "Giant" Baba O"Reilly with the devil in his eye!
(The audience buzzes with anticipation, as Blak Lung holds the cane up over his head. He brings it down over O'Reilly's fractured leg!! The screams of the giant Dubliner can be heard through the eerily quiet Cow Palace)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Blak Lung holds O'Reilly's ankle down with his foot and then brings two-three singapore cane strikes against his broken ankle & knee!
(Lucifer Jones runs down to the ring with a chair in hand and the fans boo some more. He slides under the descending cage, and then climbs into the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones!
Phil Blauer: Is here to save "Giant" Baba O'Reilly or just too drunk to know Blak Lung's not Hero?
Guillermo O'Bannon: He comes up from behind Blak Lung and cracks him in the head with that chair! Jones inverted facelocks him! He lifts him up in a suplex, but then wrenches his head to the side and drops him his Yankee Cracker brainbuster!!!
(The crowd cheers, Lucifer Jones thinks it's for The Yankee Cracker but it's Hero entering the cage! Hero climbs to the top rope and waits for Lucifer Jones to turn around)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hero is in the cage now and nails Lucifer Jones with a flying spear!! Mike Peters signals for the bell! Lucifer Jones up and Hero throws his into the cage! Jones bounces out and Hero stuns him with a roundhouse kick to the chest. Lucifer blocks a side kick but Hero answers with a muy thai kick to the thigh.
(Hero jabs Jones in the stomach with a karate kick and then knocks him to the mat with a superkick! Jones gets up and smashes Hero in the face with a punch to the bridge of his nose. "Organ Donor" by DJ Shadow plays and Hardkore Jonnie Valentine comes down to the ring)
Hardkore Jonnie Valentine: "Woah, woah, woah. What the hell do you guys think your doing?!"
(San Francisco crowd cheers, both Lucifer Jones and Hero try and keep one eye on each other and one on Jonnie. Blak Lung is forced out of the ring by Mike Peters while Moondog begins to help Giant Baba out of the cage)
Hardkore Jonnie Valentine: "We pay enough for the rights to those theme songs, and I wanna hear em! You see boys, we have a little agreement with the recording companies that gave us the rights to those songs. You see, we get to use copyrighted material in exchange for some promotion during our end credits. If we don't actually play said copyright material, we are in breach. Comprende vous?"
(Audience cheers)
Hardkore Jonnie Valentine: "So now I have to convince Tammy Sanchez to come out to a White Zombie song if I hope to keep the money I got from them. Just couldn't wait for the match to start, could you?"
(Jonnie turns to leave, and Ron Reid, Mike Peters. Moondog Dook try their best to drag "Giant" Baba O'Reilly up the rampway. Lucifer Jones and Hero turn their attention back to one another)
Hardkore Jonnie Valentine: "Oh, and this match is a first round tournament match for the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship."
(The Cow Palace roars and a look of relization comes over both wrestlers face. Jonnie storms through the curtain back to the locker room)
Guillermo O'Bannon: A tournament match!?!? Hero hears that and spears Lucifer Jones again!
(Crowd is rowdy as Hero takes over the match again, Hero shoots Lucifer Jones into the ropes and drives him into the mat with a spinebuster!! The crowd cheers and Hero floats over into a pin)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...(Lucifer Jones kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Oh my god, Death Gojira is coming down to the ring now and Gojira has that Goji Chair in hand!!
(Crowd goes nuts at the sight of Death Gojira and his infamous barbed wire wrapped wooden chair. He bashes Moondog Dook in the head with it!! The Cow Palace cheers wildly, and Giant Baba tips over like a sequoia on the rampway)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira douses the chair with lighter fluid and then sets his Goji Chair ablaze!
(Crowd cheers the fire and then Gojira pounds it into "Giant" Baba O'Reilly's broken leg!!)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hero comes at Lucifer Jones with a flying forearm but Jones uses his momentum to hotshot his face into the cage!!
(Hero staggers out with a cut over his eye, and blood runs down his face. Lucifer Jones lifts him up for an atomic drop but tosses him facefirst into the cage again!! The audience boos Jones)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hero is crotched on the top rope with blood pouring down his front. Lucifer Jones release dragon suplexes Hero off of that rope!! He calls that The Dog's Bollocks!
Phil Blauer: He would know!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Out on the rampway, Death Gojira takes a big mouthful of lighter fluid and then takes out his zippo lighter. He blows a fireball at the crippled "Giant" Baba O'Reilly!!!
(Audience cheers "GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!!" and he exits back to the dressing room)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones bashes Hero's head into the cage again! Hero falls onto the second rope, and Jones sits on the back of his head, choking him with the ropes. Lucifer Jones grabs Hero by the legs and wheelbarrow german suplexes him over into a backroll press!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...thr...(Hero rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones irish whips Hero into the ropes and drop toe holds him facefirst into the cage!!
(Hero's face smears blood all over the chainlink fence. The camera gets a close-up shot of drops of blood from his face falling all over the ropes and canvas)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones applies an STF in the back & a buffalo sleeper in the front!! Jones getting Hero's blood all over his arms as he tries to force The Un-Stable member to tap!
(The Cow Palace lets Lucifer Jones have it. Jones sneers at them and wails up on Hero's head & arms. Mike Peters checks in to see if Hero taps out but he refuses)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ron Reid and Moondog Dook have once again gotten "Giant" Baba O'Reilly to his feet and are trying to get him back to the locker room...but here comes Xyrynth!!
(Audience cheers as a limping Xyrynth pushes an arguing Dr. Cliff Hawke away from her. Moondog Dook rushes her)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Xyrynth knocks Moondog Dook's head off with her own version of "Giant" Baba O'Reilly's My Left Foot!
Phil Blauer: Not a good day to be a Moondog.
Guillermo O'Bannon: When is it?
Phil Blauer: The first of the month.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Xyrynth hits "Giant" Baba O'Reilly right in the Dublin with a low blow! She then DDTs him on the steel rampway!!
(Crowd cheers wildly and Xyrynth spits on "Giant" Baba O'Reilly. She fixes her hair and Dr. Cliff Hawke and her walk back to the locker room)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Giant" Baba O'Reilly has been assaulted by half the Hardkore America locker room! Lucifer Jones releases the buffalo sleeper STF and pulls Hero up. He gets under his legs and then lifts him up into an ocean cyclone suplex!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Hero kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jones climbs to the top rope. He keeps on going and goes right to the top of that cage! He flips the audience off and goes for a leg drop, but Hero rolls out of the way!!
(Jones makes the long drop, right down onto his leg and ass!! The audience cheers as Hero tries to psyche himself up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jones limps up to his feet, but Hero comes off the top rope with a diving knee clip to the back of his knee!
(Jones gets back to his feet, but Hero runs off the ropes and kicks the back of Jones knee out from under him! Lucifer Jones is laying on the ground, Hero puts one leg beind the other leg's knee, then pushes down on the leg overlapping the other leg. While doing this, he grabs Jones' arms and pulls up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hero tries to cash in on that leg being softened up with The Pain of Fire crossbow surfboard!!
(Crowd cheers for Hero, as he pulls back on Jones' arms. Blood has completely covered Hero's face & torso. Meanwhile, on the rampway, EMTs load "Giant" Baba O'Reilly on to the stetcher and take him back to the locker room. Mike Peters checks in to see if Lucifer wants to give up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hero releases the Pain of Fire and comes around and whacks Jones with a hard kick to his chest. He then works Jones over with some forearms.
(Jones blocks a forearm and answers with a backhand slap across Hero's face. Lucifer Jones then spits in his face)
"White Chapel Horror" Lucifer Jones: "PISS OFF, YOU CUNT!"
Phil Blauer: Your gonna let him talk to you like that, Guillermo?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Eh, ya get used to it with my Mom. Lucifer Jones now laying a beatdown on Hero in the corner. He punches Hero across the jaw, then slaps him again!
(Jones kicks Hero in the mouth and then gives him another loogie. He backs himself into the opposite corner, then gets a running start)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones soccer kicks Hero in the face and you can hear it in the cheap seats!
(Crowd boos Lucifer Jones, and he pulls Hero into his legs. He lifts him up and jumps up into a ganso bomb!! He holds the legs)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Hero rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones pulls Hero into his legs again, and lifts him up into a crucifix! He gets a running start and powerbombs his head & neck into the steel cage!!
(Hero slides down the cage onto the apron, falling between the ropes and the cage in a heap. Lucifer Jones points at a fan in the front row)
"White Chapel Horror" Lucifer Jones: "Fuck you wanker!"
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hero slingshots himself over the ropes into a somersault plancha to Jones' face!
(Hero grabs Jones by the head and DDTs his head into the mat! He waistlocks Hero and pulls him up to his feet)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hero with a german suplex!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Lucifer Jones rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: A bloody Hero climbs to the top rope, and goes up the cage too. Lucifer Jones is climbing after him, and catches up to him up on the top turnbuckle! Jones and Hero trading blows, while holding on to the top of the cage!
(Hero & Jones stand on the top turnbuckle & rope, holding the cage with one hand and punching with the other. Hero bashes Lucifer Jones' face into the bar at the top of the cage! Lucifer Jones comes up with blood running down his face)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones pushes Hero back and he loses his balance, landing groinfirst on the top rope!
(Audience boos, while Hero's eyes roll into the back of his head. Lucifer Jones hops backward off the top rope, catching his head on the way back with a DDT!! Crowd pops for the move, giving Jones some applause)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones getting some fans here in San Francisco!
Phil Blauer: Well, he IS wearing leopard print pants.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones hooks Hero up for a suplex and cradles his leg, he drops him headfirst in a fisherman buster!!
(Jones hangs on to Hero's arms and chains it into a butterfly submission. Jones winces with all the blood running into his eyes, while trying to force a submission out of Hero)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jones pulls up on Hero's arms, as Hero bleeds a huge pool underneath his head. Both men are sickening messes! Lucifer Jones then changes it up into a camel clutch!
(Jones fish hooks his fingers into Hero's mouth, and sticks a couple in his eyes. With his other hand, he sticks a couple fingers in Hero's nose and pulls upward. Hero bleeds all over Jones' hands, and Mike Peters checks in to see if he submits)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "White Chapel Horror" Lucifer Jones rocks back on Hero's head & neck while trying to rearrange his face! He releases it finally, and climbs to the top turnbuckle. He uses the cage to tightrope to the middle of the top rope, and springboard tornado DDTs Hero!!
(Crowd applauds the move, and Jones makes the cover)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Hero kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones irish whips Hero into the ropes and goes for a huracanrana but Hero reverses it into a tigerbomb!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Lucifer Jones rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jones back up but Hero inside cradles him!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Lucifer Jones reverses the small package)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Hero kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hero runs and rolls over Jones' back, flipping him grabbing his chest on the way over and flipping him with Eternity's End!!
(Crowd cheers Hero, and he gut wrench suplexes Lucifer Jones. He climbs up to the top turnbuckle and waits for Jones to get back to his feet)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hero flips over Jones with a blockbuster neckbreaker!
(Fans get louder, and Hero sets up the chair Jones brought in earlier. Hero climbs to the top rope again. Lucifer Jones gets to his feet and climbs up to the second turnbuckle. He sets Hero up for a uranage but backflips into a C4 off the top rope)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones with an Air Raid on that standing chair!!
(Audience has to give it up for the Air Raid, and chant "HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!" Jones makes the cover)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...thr...(Hero kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones waistlocks Hero and drills him on the back of his head with a snap backdrop driver!!
(Lucifer Jones slides a scalpel out of his boot. The camera gets a close-up of it and the audience boos)
Guillermo O'Bannon: My god, Lucifer Jones has smuggled a scalpel into the cage and is looking to use it on Hero!
Phil Blauer: When he's done I have these laughlines that have been killing me...
(Jones holds Hero down and begins slicing & carving Hero's forehead)
Phil Blauer: Nevermind.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones carves "LUCIFER'S BITCH" across Hero's forehead!
(The audience voices their disgust as blood flows freely from Hero's cuts. Hero's face is literally pouring with blood, and then LJ takes out a glass bottle of whiskey out of his pocket)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jones smuggles in a bottle of hooch. I thought I was the only one to do that.
Phil Blauer: Don't feel bad, I keep a mango-tini under the desk. (Phil pulls a giant margarita glass from under the table and sips from the straw)
(Lucifer Jones takes a few swigs, and pours the rest onto the Hero's open wounds! That wakens Hero and he clutches his forehead)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones then smashes that bottle over Hero's head!!
(Jones drags him to the steel cage, and proceeds to mash Hero's bloody face into the steel, all the while digging at the top of his skull with the scalpel. As if that's not horrible enough, a rabid Jones keeps grinding Hero's face into the steel while a cameraman gives a close up shot of this scene, and Jones screams at the camera (and to RHIII) "Do you see this, Hunglestein!? DO YOU SEE THIS!? YOU SHOULD HAVE NEVER FUCKED WITH ME, BITCH!!!" The video cuts to Robert Hunglestien III watching a monitor backstage)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Robert Hunglestien III looks pretty un-nerved to what's happening to his friend and stablemate Hero.
(Lucifer Jones applies a dragon sleeper camel clutch, and tries to bend Hero in half! Blood runs down Lucifer Jones as he pulls back on Hero's head with sadistic glee)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones trying to cripple Hero en route to advancing to the second round of the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship Title Tournament! He's got Hero in a bad spot with The Bloke Choke, a variation of Akira Kyoto's Kyoto Klutch!!
Lucifer Jones: "Yeah, fuck The Un-Stable!!"
(Lucifer Jones pulls Hero up with that dragon sleeper still applied, and then lifts him up into a suplex. Lucifer Jones then jumping reverse brainbusters Hero)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones knocks Hero's bloody head into the mat with Fuck the Stigmata!
Phil Blauer: A hold no doubt taught to him by his teacher, Mr. Shioda!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Hero kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones lifts Hero up in another reverse suplex and gives him The Yankee Cracker!!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...3!!!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones bests Hero in a steel cage match and goes on to the quarterfinals of the Hardkore World Heavyweight Title Tournament!
("Homicidal" by Bad Luck 13 Riot Extravaganza plays and Lucifer Jones raises his arms in victory. He walks out of the cage)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 14 minutes 14 seconds, THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, ADVANCING TO THE SECOND ROUND OF THE HARDKORE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP TITLE TOURNAMENT...'THE WHITE CHAPEL HORROR' LUCIFER JONES!!!"
(Lucifer Jones holds one finger up to the camera and says "One down!" and then laughs hysterically. He steps through the cage and walks down the stairs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: We saw Hardkore America Champion Robert Hunglestien III watching this match. After what Lucifer Jones did to his friend, Hero, what could he have in store for him?
(Lucifer Jones grabs a spool of barbed wire from under the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones after mutilating and brutalizing Hero, looking to do even more.
(Jones grabs a bloody and exhausted Hero, and bashes him in the head with the barbed wire spool. He then unravels some of the barbed wire, wraps it tight around Hero's neck)
Phil Blauer: Jesus, at this point if I was Hunglestien, I would just take the money my Uncle Stu gave me for my bar mitzfah and pay this crazy limey!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones climbs on to the top of the cage with that barbed wire strand in his hand.
(Jones flips off the crowd, and jumps to the floor, the barbed wire pulling up Hero inside of the ring, basically lynching him with the barbed wire!!! The crowd gasps in horror as Hero's legs dangle. Kilroy Evans, Andrew Karnage, & Robert Hunglestien III run down to the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jones makes a really quick escape into the crowd as The Un-Stable rush out to help a bloody, disfigured, and beaten Hero!!
Phil Blauer: For the second match in a row, we go out on EMTs putting someone on a stretcher. I sense a theme.
Guillermo O'Bannon: We just saw them exchange a couple of quick promos, and now up we have the semi-finals of the Hardkore World Tag Team Tournament. Tuxedo Mask and Death Gojira outlasted The Shadows of the Night in a bloody battle in Los Angeles. Now the next team up ahead of them is The Powers That Be (Kicking Your Ass). The kind of match is anyone's guess.
Phil Blauer: I'm told by my inside sources...
Guillermo O'Bannon: Matt Boone?
Phil Blauer: That's confidential...anyway, I was told you misspoke when you said AWS Man & "Heavenly" Thomas Haven were longtime partners.
Guillermo O'Bannon: That's true, Phil. I...
Phil Blauer: I was told you misspoke when you said AWS Man & "Heavenly" Thomas Haven had even teamed before that night.
Guillermo O'Bannon: That's true, Phil. I let you do the research one time...
Phil Blauer: Hey, a poor workman blames his tools. At any rate, that's the last time you can make fun of me for not knowing what the hell is going on. Like when I asked where Mr. Shioda's bowler hat and cane was?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Fine, Phil.
Phil Blauer: Or when I asked Tamara Sanchez where I could find a good Bratwurst burrito.
Guillermo O'Bannon: You did that?
Phil Blauer: No!
("Three Point One Four" by the Bloodhound Gang the crowd boos as AWS Man & "Heavenly" Thomas Haven part the curtain and walk down the aisleway)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Thomas Haven & AWS Man are superstars over in the Great Lakes regions, and looking to make the same impact here on the West Coast. Winning the Hardkore World Tag Team Championship would be a start in the right direction.
Yolanda Ando: Haven changing up his look with red vinyl-looking tights with “Heavenly” written down the outside of the right leg in white letters. AWS Man sporting his tried and true look that we all know so well.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following is part of the Semi-Finals of the Hardkore World Tag Team Tournament. It is a Spin the Wheel Make the Deal Match. Your referee is Ron Reid. Featuring first, From the Continent of Europe; Standing at 6 feet tall; Weighing 232 pounds...'HEAVENLY' THOMAS HAVEN!! His partner is from Freakville, North Carolina; Standing at 6 feet 1 inch tall; Weighing 236 pounds...AWS MAN!! They are THE POWERS THAT BE (KICKING YOUR ASS)!!!"
(Haven & AWS Man raise their arms and are met with boos. Then "Spin Me Right Round" by Uranium 235 fills The Cow Palace, the fans rise to their feet)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tuxedo Mask always brings a bit of levity to an otherwise pretty brutal evening.
Phil Blauer: So does that boston creme stain on his lapel...ew, he's licking it.
(Makoto Jupiter is the first to step through the curtain. She's blown back by the applause. Her hair is pink and she's wearing a Powerpuff Girl baby-t. She takes a few steps down the ramp, stops and turns to the curtain. She raises her hand and begins to count down from 5, the crowd joins in...)
Audience: 5...4...3...2...1!!!
(Mako points to the curtain and out steps Tuxedo Mask. He's wearing a top hat and tuxedo with a black tie and tails, and white gloves. His face is covered by a ballroom mask. Death Gojira walks out with his barbed wire wrapped wooden chair, the Goji Chair. Together they walk down the ramp, showered with cheers from the fans)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Cupcake Crew has held their share of titles around here in Hardkore World, but never the Hardkore World Tag Team Championship.
Phil Blauer: Neither have I.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tux up to his old tricks and hands a woman in the front row a rose.
Phil Blauer: That's not a woman.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Aw, don't tell Tux. He's just starting to talk to members of the opposite sex again...sorta.
Yolanda Ando: Tux wears a tuxedo to the ring; a tailcoat, white gloves, white formal shirt with a top hat to complete the look. He also wears a ballroom mask, hiding his eyes. Death Gojira is wearing some black shorts and boots, kneepads, taped up knuckles, godzilla spikes tattooed down along his spine. "King of Fucking Monsters" is written along the sides of the boots.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And their opponents, first from Tokushima, Japan; Standing at 6 feet 1 inch tall; Weighing 230 pounds...TUXEDO MASK!! His partner, from Monster Island, Japan; Standing 6 feet 2 inches tall; Weighing 240 pounds...DEATH GOJIRA!!!"
(Crowd cheers and starts a chant of "GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!!" Gojira takes the house mic from Bill Kasal)
Death Gojira: "Hold on, hold on, hold on… Who are we? Do you really want to know who we are?"
(He turns to the fans, which erupt into a massive “Go-ji-ra!” and “Tux-e-do!” chant. Gojira and Tux look around and smirk while Haven and the AWS Man try to get the fans to shut up. Haven gets in the face of Gojira, asking him “who the hell do you are?” Gojira shoves him back as the referee gets in between them.)
Death Gojira: "Who am I? WHO AM I?!"
(He looks to Tux, who gives him a shrug.)
Death Gojira: "Ask Kilroy Evans… ask Stan “The Tank” Wilson… ask Rally Jackson… ask the Shootfighter, Blak Lung, Hunglestein. Ask… (He smirks) …Big Baba O’Reilly."
(The fans roar into a “You’re Hardkore” chant.)
Death Gojira: "Ask any ONE of the thousands and thousands of fans in the Cow Palace arena and at home. They’ll tell you who I am. Maybe if you dicks did a little research before opening your fat mouths, you’d see what exactly you’re dealing with… Because as soon as that bell rings… you’re out of the frying pan… and into the biggest fucking fire you two will ever see in your pathetic lives."
(Mike Peters spins the wheel, round & round it goes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: It lands on Texas Death Match!
(The Cow Palace cheers and Death Gojira cracks his knuckles. Tuxedo Mask looks a little concerned but Gojira reassures him. Ron Reid signals for the bell)
Guillermo O'Bannon: AWS Man locks up with Tuxedo Mask and takes him over in a fireman's carry. He headlocks him and then takes him over onto his shoulders for a pin.
Referee Ron Reid: 1...(Tuxedo Mask rolls AWS Man into a cradle)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...(AWS Man kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tux slaps AWS Man in the face!
(The fans react with an "Ohhhhhh!!" AWS Man feels his face and looks at his hand. He winds back and slaps Tux back. Fans go "Ohhhhhh!!" again)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tuxedo Mask tries to kick him, but AWS Man catches his foot. Tux nails an enziguri roundhouse kick!
(Audience applauds Tux. Tux headlocks AWS Man, but AWS Man pushes him off into the ropes. AWS Man ducks under a clothesline and bounces into the ropes from the other side)
Guillermo O'Bannon: AWS Man flying body presses Tux!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...(Tuxedo Mask kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tuxedo Mask ducks underneath a right hand, and runs AWS Man into the ropes and rolls him up into a bridging cradle!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...(AWS Man kicks out)
(AWS Man and Tuxedo Man both spring up to their feet, ready to attack. The San Francisco crowd gives both men a round of applause. Both men tag out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Heavenly" Thomas Haven pops Death Gojira in the chest with a karate chop. Another, and another; backing him into the corner. Haven slugs Gojira in the gut. He DDTs Gojira!
(Haven irish whips Death Gojira into the ropes but he hops onto the middle of the second rope. He backflips into an asai moonsault reverse DDT!! The audience applauds and Gojira hooks Haven's leg)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...(Thomas Haven kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gojira scoops Haven up and runs him into the center of the ring with a kryptonite krunch!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Thomas Haven kicks out)
(Thomas Haven rolls over to his corner and tags in AWS Man. AWS Man comes in and pops Gojira in the side with a kidney punch)
Guillermo O'Bannon: AWS Man monkey flips Gojira across the ring. He pulls Gojira up and scoops him up onto his shoulder, but Gojira falls behind him.
(Gojira applies a crossface chicken wing on AWS Man. AWS Man cries out in pain as Death Gojira wrenches his hammerlocked arm)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira tangles his leg up with AWS Man's leg and drives his face into the mat with a legsweep! He lifts AWS Man up on to his shoulder with a fireman's carry. He drops AWS Man onto his face again with an F5!!
(Crowd gets louder, as Death Gojira lifts AWS Man up in a hanging suplex. The audience applauds this show of strength as Gojira continues to hold him up in the air)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira drops him in an ace crusher neckbreaker!! He tags in Tuxedo Mask. He gets under AWS Man's legs and lifts him up into an electric chair, while Tuxedo Mask climbs to the top rope with his back to them.
(Gojira backs AWS Man back into the corner, while Tuxedo Mask backflips into a moonsault Tuxcutter while Death Gojira drives him down with an inverted tigerbomb!!! Crowd goes wild, chanting "CUP-CAKE CREW!! CUP-CAKE CREW!! CUP-CAKE CREW!! CUP-CAKE CREW!! CUP-CAKE CREW!!")
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(AWS Man kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tuxedo Mask twists AWS Man's arm, and does a double jump to the top rope. He bounces around but completely falls off the ropes, catching AWS Man with an arm drag!
(Tuxedo Mask hooks AWS Man up in a suplex, and cradles his leg. He drops him back into a perfect plex)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(AWS Man rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tuxedo Mask runs and hops on to the second turnbuckle and does a 180 degree turn off into a flying body press but AWS Man catches him and powerslams him!
(Audience boos AWS Man, as he hooks the leg for the pin)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Tuxedo Mask kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: AWS Man scoops Tuxedo Mask up and walks him around the ring a bit, to piss the fans off. Finally he slams him near the corner. He backflips into a standing moonsault!
Referee Ron Reid: 1....2...(Tuxedo Mask kicks out)
(AWS Man tags in "Heavenly" Thomas Haven. AWS Man atomic drops Tuxedo Mask onto the the top turnbuckle, facing the audience. AWS Man stands on to the second turnbuckle back to back with Tux)
Guillermo O'Bannon: AWS Man pulls Tux off the second rope with a Splash Freakin' Mountain into an inverted DDT onto Thomas Haven's knee!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
Guillermo O'Bannon: And just like that The Powers That Be (Kicking Your Ass) pin Tuxedo Mask. Ron Reid now lays in the ten count.
Referee Ron Reid: 1...
Referee Ron Reid: 2...
(The audience claps in unison to try and wake Tuxedo Mask. Tux stirs a little and rubs the back of his head)
Referee Ron Reid: 3...
Phil Blauer: Someone get a chili dog to rub under his nose!
Referee Ron Reid: 4...
Referee Ron Reid: 5...
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tuxedo Mask gets back up to his feet and tags in Death Gojira. Gojira runs at Haven and gets back body dropped! Thomas Haven knees Gojira hard in the stomach a couple times, then batters his back with stiff forearm smashes.
(Thomas Haven applies a waistlock and then reverse bearhugs Death Gojira. Haven squeezes on Gojira's esophagus to restrict his breathing)
Phil Blauer: These matches often come down to conditioning. Haven attempting to wear down Gojira down here so that when they pin him, he doesn't get back up.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira rips at Haven's eyes. Gojira stands back to back with Haven, and then lifts him up in a crucifix. He wraps his arms around Haven's chin and flips him over into a sitting Monster X Strikes Back piledriver!!
(Crowd cheers wildly, chanting "GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!!" Haven rolls over to his corner and tags in AWS Man)
Guillermo O'Bannon: AWS Man enters the ring and gets behind Gojira, he drops backward with a russian leg sweep! He irish whips Gojira into the ropes and takes him over into a powerslam!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...(Death Gojira kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: AWS Man climbs to the top rope and twists off into a corkscrew leg drop but Gojira rolls out of the way! Gojira pulls AWS Man's head into his legs and straightjackets his arms. He uses his own arms to lift him up and drop him into a tigerbomb!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(AWS Man rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira pulls AWS Man into his legs again and lifts him up on his shoulder, he drops him into a powerbomb!! He uses his arms & legs to lift him up and drop him into a second powerbomb!!
(Death Gojira lifts him up onto his shoulder for a third time, but this time gets a running start and powerbombs him over the ropes to the floor below!! The Cow Palace erupts in cheers and chants of "GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!!" Gojira steps through the ropes to the floor below)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira lifts AWS Man up onto his shoulder in a fireman's carry. He walks over to the corner post, and airplane spins AWS Man's head into the corner post!!
(Gojira walks AWS Man over to the ring barrier and drops him throatfirst on the railing! Blood runs down from a cut on AWS Man's temple. Gojira rolls into the ring and tags in Tuxedo Mask)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tuxedo Mask gets a running start and baseball slides under the ropes into a helicopter rana but he just falls flat on his ass!
(Crowd laughs at Tux and chant "You Fucked Up!! You Fucked Up!! You Fucked Up!! You Fucked Up!! You Fucked Up!!" Tux gets up and kicks AWS Man in the shins)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tuxedo Mask F5's AWS Man throat on to the guardrail! Tuxedo Mask picks him up in a suplex and then drops his stomach on the railing!
(Tux takes a breather from all the activity. He grabs Death Gojira's barbed wire wrapped wooden Goji Chair)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tux turns around into a van daminator with The Goji Chair!! The crowd letting AWS Man have it for making their chubby hero bleed. AWS Man climbs to the top rope, waiting for Tux to stagger to his feet...corkscrew plancha on the floor!!
(Crowd boos and jeers AWS Man who pats himself on the back for the beautiful plancha. Death Gojira grabs Makoto Jupiter's flask. He pulls a zippo lighter with a radioactive sign on it)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira takes a swig of whatever is in Makoto's flask, lights his zippo and blows a fireball at AWS Man!!
(AWS Man's black & white jumpsuit catches fire on the back! "Heavenly" Thomas Haven, Mike Peters, and Ron Reid rush AWS Man with towels and beat out the fire!! The fans chant "GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!!")
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira whacks Haven in the head with that barbed wire wrapped Goji Chair!! AWS Man tries to escape but Gojira smashes him in the back of the head with The Goji Chair as well!!
(AWS Man staggers forward into Tuxedo Mask who gut wrenches him up for Death Gojira who spears AWS Man upside down into the concrete floor!! The San Francisco crowd cheers wildly, and Tuxedo Mask grabs AWS Man and rams his head into the guardrail)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tuxedo Mask drives AWS Man into the railing to hard that his head goes through the rails! Death Gojira goes out to the crowd with his Goji Chair...and smashes AWS Man's head back through!!
(AWS Man is now a bloody mess, trying to escape back into the ring. Death Gojira grabs him by the hair, and AWS Man hits him with a low blow)
Guillermo O'Bannon: AWS Man scoops Death Gojira up and drops him into a michinoku driver II on the The Cow Palace floor!!
(The crowd jeers AWS Man, who gingerly rubs his burned back with blood running down his face. AWS Man slowly climbs back into the ring with the legal man, Tuxedo Mask)
Guillermo O'Bannon: AWS Man runs at Tuxedo Mask and nails him with a kneelift!
(AWS Man irish whips Tux, but Tux reverses the whip and sends him into the ropes, and runs up to the top turnbuckle. Death Gojira catches AWS Man with a tiltawhirl backbreaker)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira hangs AWS Man on his knee as Tux tries a moonsault but trips, so it just turns into a bonzai drop to AWS Man's chest!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
Guillermo O'Bannon: This time The Cupcake Crew has scored a pinfall, but AWS Man must stay down for a count of 10.
Referee Ron Reid: 1...
Referee Ron Reid: 2...
(AWS Man bleeds all down his paintball mask into a small pool on the ring below. His black & white jumpsuit has a charred hole where Gojira blew that fireball)
Referee Ron Reid: 3...
Referee Ron Reid: 4...
Guillermo O'Bannon: AWS Man has won alot of championships in the Great Lakes but he's never had to deal with people blowing fireballs on him since he headed West. We'll see if he can make it to the bell.
Referee Ron Reid: 5...
Referee Ron Reid: 6...
Referee Ron Reid: 7...
(AWS Man staggers to his feet, and Tuxedo Mask front facelocks him. He swaggers his hips for the ladies' pleasure but just gets some "Wooo"s from the Bay Area guys)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tuxedo Mask runs up the turnbuckles into an acid drop Tux Rattle & Roll reverse neckbreaker!!
Phil Blauer: Ouch, he dropped him right on that burned back.
Guillermo O'Bannon: These four men said some really mean things to one another. I can't believe they would care.
(Tuxedo Mask runs into the ropes but Haven puts his knee up and it lands in his kidney. AWS Man pulls Tux's head into his legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: AWS Man crucifix tigerbombs Tuxedo Mask!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Tuxedo Mask rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: AWS Man applies an abdominal stretch on Tux. He plants his foot and pulls back on Tux's arm, then applies a mandible claw in his mouth.
(The crowd boos AWS Man who tries to force a submission out of Tux. Tux bites down on AWS Man's fingers, and he cries out in pain)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tux hiptosses AWS Man. He irish whips him into the turnbuckle so hard that AWS Man falls on his ass in the corner. Tux carthweels into a handspring into a bronco buster!
Phil Blauer: Ew, AWS Man's gonna have to buy a new paintball mask.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tux backs out and catches a kick to the junk by AWS Man. He climbs to the top rope and flying front dropkicks Tuxedo Mask!!
(The Cow Palace continues to jeer AWS Man who crawls over to the corner and tags in "Heavenly" Thomas Haven. AWS Man lifts Tuxedo Mask onto his shoulders in a fireman's carry)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Haven DDTs Tux off of AWS Man's shoulders!! He makes the cover.
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Tuxedo Mask kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Thomas Haven waistlocks flips Tux over into a northern lights suplex!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Tuxedo Mask raises his shoulder)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Haven applies an armbar to Tux's arm, sticking his knee into the ball of Tux's shoulder. Haven clamps down on his arm trying to pull it off.
(Reid checks in to see if he submits, but Tux refuses. Haven puts his knee onto the back of Tux's head and yanks up on his arm some more)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Haven slowing the match down some more, trying to seperate his arm from the rest of his body. Tux spins out and gets to his feet, but still has Haven hanging on to his arm.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Twenty Minutes Have Elapsed, 10 Minutes Remaining."
(He uses his arm barred arm to throw him into the ropes. He cartwheels into a huracanrana!! He grabs the top rope and does a handstand)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tuxedo Mask's legs hit the top rope and backflips into a split legged moonsault on Thomas Haven!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Thomas Haven kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tuxedo Mask steps through the ropes and slingshots over into a DDT!! He tags in Death Gojira and climbs to the top turnbuckle.
(Gojira wheelbarrows Haven up by his legs and Tuxedo Mask comes off the top rope with a rocker dropper while Gojira drives his face into the mat with a reverse powerbomb!! He covers Haven)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Thomas Haven kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira fireman's carries Haven up on to his shoulders, then crotches him on the top turnbuckle. Death Gojira climbs to the second rope and gut wrenches him up on to his shoulders and and spins him into a super dominator!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Thomas Haven kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gojira pulls Haven up by the hair, but Haven pops him in the face with a forearm smash. He half nelsons Gojira, and then drops him facefirst into the canvas.
(Thomas Haven inverted facelocks Death Gojira and drops him into a reverse DDT! He hooks the leg)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Death Gojira kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Haven tries to DDT Gojira, he blocks it and back body drops him. Gojira scoops him up and drops him into a snow plow!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Thomas Haven gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Gojira lifts Haven up in a powerbomb but Haven twists out of it into a Highlight Cutter!!
(Crowd jeers and boos while Haven rolls over and tags in AWS Man. Haven double underhooks Gojira's arms and knees him in the face)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira stumbles back into AWS Man who thrust kicks him!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Death Gojira kicks out)
(AWS Man climbs to the top rope and backflips into a shooting star press!! Ron Reid slides into position)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
Guillermo O'Bannon: AWS Man hit The Win The Freakin Matchifier and pins Gojira!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...
Referee Ron Reid: 2...
(Behind the referee, Eerie Von sneaks in and grabs AWS Man by the throat)
Referee Ron Reid: 3...
(Front row holds up their "C-H-O-K-E-S-L-A-M" cards)
Referee Ron Reid: 4...
Guillermo O'Bannon: Eerie Von chokeslams AWS Man onto that burned back!!
Referee Ron Reid: 5...
Guillermo O'Bannon: Thomas Haven runs in and gets caught by the throat again.
Phil Blauer: How is Reid not seeing this?
Referee Ron Reid: 6...
Guillermo O'Bannon: Eerie Von chokeslams Thomas Haven as well!!
Referee Ron Reid: 7...
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira back on his feet and pulls AWS Man up. He irish whips AWS Man into the turnbuckle so hard that he flips over into a tree of woe.
(Death Gojira climbs the ropes and stands on the second turnbuckle. He grabs AWS Man's legs. Meanwhile, Tuxedo Mask, Eerie Von, and Makoto Jupiter get busy setting up The Goji Chair underneath them)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tuxedo Mask lights the standing Goji Chair on fire and Death Gojira delivers the Sniff the Borax reverse powerbomb onto it!!!
(Crowd leaps up and chants "GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!! GO-JI-RA!!" AWS Man covers his burned face, while Death gojira rolls him over into a pin)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Death Gojira hits Sniff the Borax and gets the pinfall!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...
Referee Ron Reid: 2...
Referee Ron Reid: 3...
Referee Ron Reid: 4...
Referee Ron Reid: 5...
Referee Ron Reid: 6...
Referee Ron Reid: 7...
(AWS Man clutches his face, and stirs a little)
Referee Ron Reid: 8...
Referee Ron Reid: 9...
(AWS Man tries to stand but Makoto Jupiter holds on to his boot, hiding under the apron from Ron Reid)
Referee Ron Reid: 10!!!
Guillermo O'Bannon: And with some help from Makoto Jupiter, AWS Man can't answer the count, The Cupcake Crew advances to the final round of the Hardkore World Tag Team Championship Tournament!
(The San Francisco fans go wild! "Godzilla's Theme" by Akira Ifukube plays and Makoto Jupiter, Eerie Von, Tux, and Death Gojira celebrate in mid-ring)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 24 minutes 21 seconds, THE WINNERS OF THE MATCH, ADVANCING TO THE FINALS, THE CUPCAKE CREW!!!"
Guillermo O'Bannon: Now they will watch The Miracle Violence Combination II vs. Dark Ryderz Movement match with some interest as they face the winners at Palm Springs Punishment!!
(Gojira & Tuxedo Mask raise their arms in victory while a buzz begins in the audience. Suddenly a massive man steps out of the crowd and over the railing)
Guillermo O'Bannon: It's Stan "The Tank" Wilson!!
(The audience cheers, as Stan Wilson steps up behind the celebrating foursome. He swats Tuxedo Mask in the back of the head, Makoto Jupiter screams and Eerie Von runs her of the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stan irish whips Gojira into the ropes and smacks him upside the head with a big boot!
(Gojira rolls out of the ring, and Eerie Von turns around to see Stan Wilson is standing chest to chest with him. The audience gives a standing ovation. Finally, the culmination of a three year cold war is about to begin)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stan Wilson is back after being run out by Death Gojira and that fireball he blew to win the Hardkore America Heavyweight Championship across the bay in Oakland! Many of these same fans were there when it happened.
Phil Blauer: That guy over there took my parking space.
Guillermo O'Bannon: How can you have a parking space? We're in a different building every month.
Phil Blauer: It's implied.
(Stan Wilson goes to punch Eerie Von, but Eerie Von grabs the giant by his throat. The fans in the front row hold up their "C-H-O-K-E-S-L-A-M" cards)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Can Eerie Von get him up...Thomas Haven kicks Eerie in the ass!
(Eerie Von turns around and glares at Haven. He begins walking towards Haven as the fans sing "EERIE'S GONNA KILL YOU")
Guillermo O'Bannon: Stan Wilson takes the opprtunity to toss Eerie Von over the top rope! Referees and Hardkore Security drag The Cupcake Crew back to the ring as Stan Wilson & Haven wave some EMTs in to attend to AWS Man's burns. We'll be right back fans.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Earlier we watched The Cupcake Crew defeat The Powers That Be (Kicking Your Ass) in a texas death match. I'm told now that AWS Man has been rushed to nearby St. Luke's Hospital with second and third degree burns to his back and face. We'll update you on his condition as soon as we know it. Now The Miracle Violence Combination II takes on their rivals The Dark Ryderz Movement to see who will face The Cupcake Crew in the final round at Palm Springs Punishment.
Phil Blauer: The Cupcake Crew will be watching this match. Tuxedo Mask will probably be watching with a couple racks of ribs, BBQ chicken sandwhiches, chili cheese fries, bucket of chicken, a couple milkshakes...
("Black Betty" by Spiderbait plays and Kilroy Evans & Andrew Karnage step through the curtain. The crowd cheers and Karnage & Evans slaps a few fans' hands on their way to the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: These guys won the tag team titles in a tournament across the bay in San Jose.
Phil Blauer: Hey, that rhymes! Can I steal that?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Sure, Phil. After they battled through JoJo & Tojo Sushi, Stan Wilson & Casey Sanchez, Greg Daniels & Cobryn last time around they got to "Tigerheart" Rally Jackson & his brother Sean in the finals. They defeated Rally & Sean when they hit Sean with The Nightmare Lariot. Now Rally says he has a new and better partner in the Hardkore West Coast Champion Big Bad Bill and is ready to defeat The Miracle Violence Combination.
Phil Blauer: Cobryn & Greg Daniels are the only ones out of that group that aren't related...right?
Yolanda Ando: Kilroy wears a black NESkimos t-shirt with blue jean shorts and fellas...he needs some sun. He compliments it with red, white, and blue wristbands.
Phil Blauer: USA!! USA!! USA!! ...in the city by the bay!
Yolanda Ando: Andrew Karnage wears a black knee length basketball shorts with "AK-47" down the outsides of each leg in dark red. He has a dark red kneepads, with black calf high boots with red laces, and has a black elbow supporter on his right elbow.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following match is a Spin-the-Wheel, Make-the-Deal Match that's part of the Hardkore World Tag Team Title Tournament. Your referee is Mike Peters. Featuring first, from Orem, Utah; Standing 6 feet 5 inches tall; Weighing 257 pounds...ANDREW KARNAGE!! His partner is from Attbury, South Carolina; Standing at 5 feet 11 inches tall; Weighing 253 pounds...KILROY EVANS!! They are THE MIRACLE VIOLENCE COMBINATION II!!!"
(Kilroy Evans stands on the second turnbuckle and waves at the audience. Then "The Headless Children" by WASP plays. Smoke fills the entrance ramp and ‘black lights’ cause a purplish glow as they flicker in the background. When the main guitar riff hits, Big Bad Bill, "Tigerheart" Rally Jackson, The Microshocker, Bad Boy King Kong, and Bobby Nowa appear through the smoke and walk towards the ring)
Phil Blauer: The Dark Ryderz Movement rolling mob deep tonight, with The Microshocker, Bad Boy King King, and Bobby Nowa kicking it old skool with The Fruity Flyer mask. For shizzy!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Did you hang out with Colin Powell again this weekend?
Phil Blauer: Condaleeza. Bitch is street.
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Dark Ryderz Movement looking to gain control of some more gold here in Hardkore World. And take out The Un-Stable in the process.
Yolanda Ando: Big Bad Bill is wearing some indigo cotton pants with black boots that go to mid-shin. He earned that black belt he's wearing but I'm not so sure about the indigo tank top and a pair of black weight-lifting gloves. Rally Jackson wears a green capoeira gui with yellow trim.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And their opponents, accompanied to the ring by Bad Boy King Kong, Bobby Nowa, and The Microshocker...(The Shock actually gets some applause from the San Francisco crowd) "First from Asbury Park, New Jersey; Standing at 6 feet 5 inches tall; Weighing 235 pounds; He is The Current HARDKORE WEST COAST CHAMPION...BIG BAD BILL!! His partner is from Rio De Janeiro, Brazil; Standing 6 feet 2 inches tall; Weighing 241 pounds...'TIGERHEART' RALLY JACKSON!! They are THE DARK RYDERZ MOVEMENT!!!"
(Fans boo Rally & Big Bad Bill. Mike Peters nods at Ron Reid and spins the wheel. It lands on BODYSLAM CHALLENGE!)
Guillermo O'Bannon: A Bodyslam Challenge! Wait...what??
Phil Blauer: Who could hope to get the 235 pound Big Bad Bill up and over?? This is about to get messy, Guillermo!
(Ron Reid and Mike Peters look at each other and shake their heads. They give the wheel another spin. It lands on STEEL CAGE MATCH! The crowd cheers and the ring crew starts lowering the cage from above)
Guillermo O'Bannon: That's better.
Phil Blauer: Ew. Their gonna use the same steel cage Hero and Lucifer Jones bled all over?? That ain't sanitary. Lucky for them. I was gonna do a "run in".
Guillermo O'Bannon: More like a cower in.
Phil Blauer: Tomato Tomoto.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans goes to punch Triple B but he catches Kilroy by the fist. He then hits Evans under the left armpit with a heart punch!
(Big Bad Bill gets behind him and applies a full nelson. He walks over to the ropes. He bashes his face into the side of the cage repeatedly, bloodying him)
Phil Blauer: That was early.
Guillermo O'Bannon: We're running heavy. Kilroy turns around and avoids the palm thrust and goes behind him with a german suplex!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...(Big Bad Bill rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans irish whips Bill into the ropes and drops him with a sidewalk slam!
(Fans cheer Kilroy and he pulls Big Bad Bill up by the hair. He irish whips him into the corner, but Triple B leaps on the second turnbuckle to avoid collision with it and then turns and does a flying crossbody tackle right into Kilroy)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...(Kilroy Evans kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill knees Kilroy Evans in the ribs while he's down. He tags in "Tigerheart" Rally Jackson, then climbs up to the top turnbuckle. Rally Jackson lifts Kilroy up in a hanging suplex, and Bill dropkicks Evans right in his ribcage!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Kilroy Evans kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Rally Jackson pulls Kilroy up and dumps him behind him with an exploder '98!
(Rally Jackson irish whips Kilroy Evans into the turnbuckles. Rally Jackson gets a running start, and cartwheels into a pinwheel kick to his face! Blood runs down Kilroy's face, as Rally pulls his head into his legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy blocks presumably a canadian piledriver and reverses it into an alabama slammer!!
(Crowd gets loud, and Kilroy sighs with accomplishment. Rally gets to his feet and catches a flying roundhouse kick to the teeth)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans twists Rally Jackson around and drops into a falling neckbreaker! He tags in Andrew Karnage and then both lift Rally into a suplex. They drop his feet on the top rope and drop him back in a double slingshot suplex!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...(Rally Jackson kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Karnage german suplexes Rally Jackson and holds the bridge!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Rally Jackson rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Karnage pulls him up into a full nelson and drops him into a dragon suplex!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Rally Jackson gets his arm loose)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Karnage gets him up a third time and straightjackets his arms and throws him behind with a Pride Cycle suplex!!
(Andrew Karnage points to his arms and waits for Rally Jackson to get up. The crowd gets louder & louder in anticipation for The Nightmare Lariot)
Phil Blauer: Karnage warned them and now here it comes.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Karnage comes at him with the Nightmare Lariot but Rally Jackson uses his momentum to head & arm suplex him!!
(Cheers turn to jeers and Rally Jackson brushes his shoulder up. He inverted facelocks Karnage and climbs up to the second turnbuckle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Rally twists off into a tornado inverted DDT!! He grabs Andrew Karnage's leg.
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Kilroy Evans stomps the back of Rally's head)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Peters shoos Evans back into his corner but Andrew Karnage has taken over on Rally. He hammerlocks Jacksons arm and scoops him up. He gets a running start and powerslams him on his chicken winged arm!!
(Rally clutches his arm and shakes it off. Andrew Karnage comes with a forearm but Rally blocks it. Rally does a go behind and takes Karnage up into a backdrop driver!! Rally tags in Big Bad Bill)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Rally headlocks Karnage and runs up the ropes into a swinging bulldog while Big Bad Bill takes out Karnage's legs with a knee clip off the ropes!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Andrew Karnage kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill kneedrops Karnage's kneecap. He grabs Karnage's leg and begins grappling it with his own leg. He applies a scissor hold to Karnage's leg.
(Karnage growls in pain but refuses to tap out to Bill's leg scissors. Bill uses his free arms to begin battering him with stiff forearms to the back of Karnage's head)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bill uses his free arm to blast Karnage in the head with a Focus Point chop to the skull.
Phil Blauer: Big Bad Bill spends his time breaking bricks with those chops. What chance could Karnage's head have, he still has soft spots?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bill releases the scissors and gets to his feet. Karnage rolls out of the way of a leg drop, and then pulls Bill up into a waistlock. Karnage overhead belly to belly suplexes facefirst into the steel cage!!
(Blood begins to run down Big Bad Bill's face as Karnage pulls him up by the hair. Karnage irish whips him into the ropes but when he goes to give him the big boot, Bill catches his leg and positions his foot right in front of the foot Karnage has on the ground. Then Bill pulls him towards himself so that he falls down in a split)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ouch, Karnage landed in quite a nasty split there.
Phil Blauer: That reminds me of my cheerleading days. I've never understood why that isn't an olympic event yet. The hours those girls and I worked. The sweat, the tears...
Guillermo O'Bannon: When were there tears?
Phil Blauer: Mostly during the subsequent trial.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill delivers a spinning heel kick to his face! He tags in Rally Jackson and climbs up to the second turnbuckle. Rally atomic drops Karnage up and feeds his legs to Bill. The Dark Ryderz Movement stuff powerbombs Andrew Karnage off the second rope!!!
(Crowd has to give it up for that double team move, chanting "HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!" Rally holds Karnage's legs)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Andrew Karnage scissors Rally's head and takes him over)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Rally Jackson half nelsons Andrew Karnage up into a storm cradle driver!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Andrew Karnage gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Rally climbs to the top rope but before he can moonsault Karnage, Kilroy Evans comes over and crotches him on the top turnbuckle!
(Andrew Karnage limps up to the top turnbuckle and sits on it behind Rally Jackson, wrapping his legs around the top rope. He applies a kataha-jime choke to Rally)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Rally Jackson makes the trip from the top turnbuckle with The Black Market Lobotomy but Karnage stays on with his legs wrapped around that top rope!!
(Karnage hangs upside down off the top rope, catching a breather. Rally Jackson struggles to his feet, rubbing the top of his head. But he sees his spot and takes it smacking the upside down Karnage with a shining wizard)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Rally Jackson just erased high school for Karnage with that kick! Rally grabs Karnage by the hair to pull him up...Karnage spits that black mist in his eyes!
(Fans cheer as Rally stumbles around the ring, blinded. Karnage tags in Kilroy Evans, and the fans come alive! Kilroy and Karnage lift Jackson in a double side suplex but they grab his legs and flip him over into a facefirst slam!! Crowd pops huge and Kilroy makes the cover)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Rally Jackson kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: A bleeding Kilroy Evans pulls Rally Jackson up into a suplex and then just running tosses him into the cage!!
(Rally slides down the chain mesh to the ring apron. Kilroy comes over and rakes Rally's face back & forth across the cage until he's a bloody mess. Kilroy Evans pulls Rally's head into his legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy piledrives Rally Jackson! Kilroy now climbs up to the top rope, but Bill returns the favor and crotches him! Could we see it?
Phil Blauer: (puts his hand over his cell phone reciever) See what? Sorry, I was using my anytime minutes.
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Rio Deal. What were you thinking?
Phil Blauer: (shrugs) My hair.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Rally Jackson pulls Kilroy's head into his legs and drops him into a Rio Deal piledriver!!
(Fans boo and Rally makes the cover)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Andrew Karnage stomps Rally's back)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Rally Jackson gets on Kilroy's back and applies a triangle choke with a bodyscissors and begins rolling him around the ring!!
(Crowd boos some more as Kilroy unsuccessfully tries to gain some footing. Rally rolls him around the mat, clamping his arm across the throat)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Karnage enters the ring again and stomps a Rally in the head, breaking The Tiger Tamer! He checks to see if his partner's ok, and then pulls Rally up by those blood soaked dreadlocks. He irish whips Rally into the ropes and Kilroy back body drops him high in the air so that Karnage can catch him with a powerbomb!!!
(The Cow Palace nearly blows up, and Mike Peters forces Karnage back to his corner. Kilroy covers Rally)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Rally Jackson kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans t-bone suplexes Rally Jackson to the mat, and tags in Karnage officially. Karnage gets underneath Rally and hits him with a sambo suplex!
(Karnage applies a crippler crossface where he hammerlocks Rally's free arm. Rally bleeds freely down Karnage's arm)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Karnage locks in The Pain Killer EX.
Phil Blauer: Speaking of ex's. Mine called. Well actually...I called.
Guillermo O'Bannon: You didn't use the voice disguiser to terrify her did you?
Phil Blauer: I paid for the damn thing didn't I? Anyway, long story short she's sorry she kept my Bobby Brown CDs.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Those are my Bobby Brown CDs!
Phil Blauer: And I'm getting them back by making her think a serial killer is after her. Jeez, you want those are don't ya?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Karnage pulling up on Rally Jackson's head & arms with The Pain Killer EX!! Mike Peters begging him to submit and save his career.
Phil Blauer: What's that prove? Peters has half his paycheck on The Miracle Violence Combination II winning tonight.
Guillermo O'Bannon: We really gotta get Mike some help.
Phil Blauer: Are you crazy? I got him betting me on American Idol!!
(Big Bad Bill runs into the ropes and punt kicks Karnage in the face to break The Pain Killer EX. He steps out of the ring long enough for Rally to tag him in)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bill pulls Andrew Karnage up and judo tosses him over his shoulder up. He scoops Karnage up and snow plows him!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Andrew Karnage rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bill applies a front face lock but Karnage reverses it into a fireman's carry. He runs across the ring and gives him a death valley driver!!
(Karnage applies a single boston crab, and pulls Bill's leg back while standing on his head. Peters checks in but Bill waves him off)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Karnage trying to take out those powerful legs of the West Coast Champion.
Phil Blauer: Probably a good idea. Bill's punted more balls than The 49ers this season.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Or Jeremiah Vastrix.
(Karnage pulls Bill up and drops him headfirst in a wrist clutch fisherman's buster!! The crowd goes wild)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Arsenal Buster!! Karnage tags in Kilroy. Karnage powerbombs Kilroy on top of Big Bad Bill!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Big Bad Bill kicks out)
(A bloody Kilroy Evans salutes the audience and applies a cobra clutch to Big Bad Bill! Bill's legs wobble as Kilroy pulls back on his arm & neck)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans gets a running start and rams Bill's face into the cage!! He goes to smash him again, but Bill blocks it with his boot. He smashes Kilroy's face into the cage!! He irish whips Kilroy Evans into the turnbuckle, and follows him in jumping on the middle of the second rope...he DDTs Kilroy as he staggers out of the corner!!
(He pulls Kilroy up who has bled all down the front of his NESkimos t-shirt. He irish whips him into the ropes and goes for a huracanrana but Kilroy catches him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy has Bill in a bad spot and walks him over to the side of the cage, and then falls backwards pitching his face into the cage!!
(Bill is a gruesome bloody mess, and Kilroy Evans picks him up in bearhug. Bill donates some more blood for Kilroy's t-shirt on his shoulder)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans walks backward and drops his face into the cage again!! He measures the staggering West Coast Champion and goes for The Bad Touch, but Bill pushes him off into the cage!!
(Kilroy Evans walks into Bill who lifts him up into a human torture rack. He drops him into a spinning gory driver)
Guillermo O'Bannon: He calls that Cross the “T” and dot the “I”!!
Phil Blauer: Why?
Guillermo O'Bannon: I've stopped asking.
(Andrew Karnage enters the ring to save his partner and Rally Jackson does the same. Karnage irish whips Big Bad Bill from one side of the ring and Kilroy irish whips Rally)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Rally Jackson reverses the irish whip and Big Bad Bill hits his corkscrew spear right in Kilroy's ribcage!!
(The fans boo and Lonewolf McNeely begins running down to the ring)
Phil Blauer: Lonewolf McNeely trying to get into that cage!
Guillermo O'Bannon: He cannot wait for Palm Springs Punishment, he wants the West Coast Champion right now!
(Lonewolf McNeely gives up trying and climbs the cage. Big Bad Bill drops Kilroy Evans with a russian leg sweep and doesn't see Lonewolf McNeely stepping over the cage wall)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lonewolf McNeely grabs Bill and tosses him facefirst into the cage wall!!
(Rally Jackson sees Lonewolf McNeely in the ring and doesn't see Andrew Karnage coming off the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: NIGHTMARE LARIOT!! Rally Jackson flips head over heel! The Dark Ryderz Movement in some trouble here, and Bobby Nowa doesn't wanna take it anymore!
Phil Blauer: He hasn't stepped inside a Hardkore World ring since Greg Daniels broke his leg over a year ago. Except for to look for dropped change!
(Bobby Nowa savatte kicks Lonewolf McNeely upside the head! Nowa waistlocks McNeely)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Nowa hits a german suplex on Lonewolf McNeely!!
Phil Blauer: With three members of The Dark Ryderz Movement in that ring, Lonewolf McNeely gets out while the gettin's good.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Bad Bill staggers up and sees Rally Jackson knocked out. He motions over to Nowa and I think we're gonna see a double team move from them. Bill lifts Kilroy up for a stuff powerbomb...
(Instead of helping, Bobby Nowa spears Bill in the stomach! The crowd cheers wildly)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bobby Nowa swerved The Dark Ryderz Movement! What is he doing??
Phil Blauer: I saw this coming, Bill and Rally took all the spotlight leaving a Hardkore World legend like Bobby Nowa to Jimmy Hart "That's right, daddy" status in their promos.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Bobby Nowa comes off the top rope with a corkscrew moonsault on his former partner Big Bad Bill!!
(Kilroy Evans waistlocks Bill and Karnage comes off the ropes with a Nightmare Lariot, flipping Bill over into Kilroy's german suplex)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shotgun Suplex!!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2..3!!!
("Spiderbait" by Black Betty plays and the audience cheers wildly. Hardkore America Heavyweight Champion Robert Hunglestien III runs down to the ring and collects The Miracle Violence Combination II & Bobby Nowa)
Guillermo O'Bannon: With an assist from Bobby Nowa, a former Dark Ryderz Movement member, The Miracle Violence Combination II has defeated Rally Jackson and Hardkore West Coast Champion Big Bad Bill.
(Bobby Nowa takes off his Fruity Flyer mask)
Guillermo O'Bannon: It was Hero!! Hero hid underneath Bobby Nowa's old Fruity Flyer mask to be able to pose as him!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 18 minutes 11 seconds, THE WINNERS OF THE MATCH, ADVANCING TO THE FINALS OF THE HARDKORE WORLD TAG TEAM TOURNAMENT...THE MIRACLE VIOLENCE COMBINATION II!!!"
(Hero still seems woozy from the blood loss, but still has enough strength to laugh at Rally & Bill inside the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Miracle Violence Combination II will now go to Palm Springs to face The Cupcake Crew at Palm Springs Punishment for the Hardkore World Tag Team titles!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Coming up next is a match between two women who represent Hardkore's past, present, and future. "Sexy" Anjanette Turner made her return to Hardkore World in Los Angeles and lost a controversial Triple Cage match to Tamara Sanchez.
Phil Blauer: Now there isn't two other women to hide behind, or in my case hide from in the hamper so I can watch them shower.
Guillermo O'Bannon: What was that?
Phil Blauer: What was what?
("Candy Shop" by 50 Cent plays and the crowd leaps to their feet. Anjanette Turner walks down the rampway trying to slap as many hands as she can)
Guillermo O'Bannon: This San Francisco crowd remembers Anjanette's thrilling victory over Yuka Sato in this very same building in 1999. It was then that she won her third Hardkore World Women's Championship. She hopes to break her own record and win it a fourth here tonight.
Phil Blauer: I remember 1999...
(Fades out to Phil in a Volkswagen "Flower Power" bus. "Incense and Peppermint" is on the radio while a groovy chick picks Phil's afro as he drives to Washington D.C. There he and his black panther brothers assassinate Lyndon B. Johnson and end this unjust war)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Phil that was 1998.
Yolanda Ando: And I never got my gas money back from that trip.
Phil Blauer: Gas, Ass, or Grass. No one rides for free.
Yolanda Ando: But I gave you all three!
Phil Blauer: And now I'm getting a fourth. Sass.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following contest is scheduled for one fall, a 30 minute time limit, and is for the Hardkore World Women's Championship! Your referee is Ron Reid. Featuring first, hailing from Las Vegas, Nevada; Standing 5 feet 3 inches tall; and Weighing 135 pounds...'SEXY' ANJANETTE TURNER!!"
(Audience cheers and Turner stretches for the match. The lights start to flicker, red and blue pyro explodes as "It’s My Life" by No Doubt hits and a spotlight points on Tamara Sanchez standing in the entrance. The spotlight drives up her body, over her Hardkore World Women's Championship belt while she performs the Clique-sign. She then runs down the ramp, sliding into the ring where she jumps up the top turnbuckle holding her title belt over head)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Since she won the title from Xyrynth she has persevered over all the competition. But she has yet to wrestle a wrestler the caliber of "Sexy" Anjanette Turner in my opinion.
Yolanda Ando: The champ has on some black hot pants and a red top with spaghetti sleeves with red boots. She has her hair in a knot.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And her opponent, from New York, New York; Standing at 5 feet 6 inches tall; Weighing 120 pounds; The Current HARDKORE WORLD WOMEN'S CHAMPION...TAMARA SANCHEZ!!!"
(Audience boos and Tamara Sanchez flips them off. She glares at Anjanette Turner as she hands her belt to Ron Reid. Reid then signals for the bell)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anj rushes the champ but Sanchez is ready for her with a hip toss. She scoops Turner up and slams her to the mat.
(Sanchez runs into the ropes. Turner ducks and Sanchez flips over her into a sunset flip! Ron Reid slides into position)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...(Anjanette Turner rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Sanchez runs into the ropes and takes her over into a head scissors takedown!
(Sanchez goes to kick Turner but she catches her leg. Tammy answers with an enzuigiri ducks that and twists the leg into a STF with an armbar, then she rolls onto her back!! Sanchez's eyes bug out of her head from lack of air)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner reversed that enzuigiri into a reverse STF with an armbar and already the champ is in trouble! Will she tap out?
Phil Blauer: It would be nice. We are running pretty heavy, and we got that hour long match still to go. I'm just sayin. Take one for the team.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner doesn't see any chance of escape and so gets herself to the ropes. Ron Reid forces Anjanette to break the submission. Turner keeps hold of Sanchez's arm and applies a chicken wing crossface. Turner is 3 inches shorter than Tammy and so is pulling her backwards down to the mat.
(Turner tangles their legs together and drops her face first in a reverse legsweep! Turner pulls her up into a waistlock and then german suplexes her!! Ron Reid slides into position)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Tamara Sanchez rolls her shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner goes for a DDT but Sanchez lifts Turner up on to her shoulders in a fireman's carries. She gets a running start and then drops her headfirst in a death valley driver!!
(Tamara Sanchez climbs out to the apron and slingshots herself onto the middle of the top rope)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tammy hits Turner with a springboard bulldog!! Turner jumps on the second rope and spits on some fans in the front row!
Phil Blauer: Normally they pay for that kind of treatment. I recognize them from group.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tammy grabs Anjanette's french braid and X factors her face into the canvas!!
(Tammy climbs to the top rope, then dives off with a flying headbutt!! She then makes the cover)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Anjanette Turner raises her shoulder)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Sanchez grabs Turner by the leg and turns her over into a single leg boston crab! She pulls back on her leg, and Ron Reid checks in to see if she wants to tap out.
(While Ron Reid is distracted, Sanchez uses the top rope for leverage. The crowd boos and she sneers back at them)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner's crying out in pain, locked in this illegal version of the canadian maple leaf. Ron Reid looks up and catches Tammy's hand on the top rope and forces her to break the crab.
(Audience applauds Reid, and Sanchez argues with Ron Reid. She pulls Turner into her legs and lifts her up into a powerbomb but Turner rolls up to her shoulders. She spins around to the back of his neck and down into a victory roll)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Tamara Sanchez kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner twists Tammy's head around and drops into a hangman's neckbreaker!
(The crowd cheers. Turner climbs to the top turnbuckle and flips over Sanchez into a blockbuster neckbreaker! She maintains the facelock and applies a grounded arm scissors. Ron Reid checks in to see if Tammy wants to tap out)
Phil Blauer: Turner has Sanchez tied up in another submission move in an effort to wear down the champ.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Sanchez being weakened while Turner doesn't have to expend very much energy.
Phil Blauer: Much like our set-up.
(Turner clamps down on Tammy's arm while pulling back on her head with those powerful arms. Sanchez is able to reach out and get a hold of those ropes. Turner releases her head and irish whips her into the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Sexy" Anjanette Turner belly to belly brainbusters her!! She covers the champion!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Tamara Sanchez kicks out)
(Turner fireman's carries Sanchez on to her shoulders and then sits her on the top turnbuckle. Anjanette climbs up to the second rope)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner goes for the gut wrench but Sanchez back elbows out of it. She facelocks Turner and delivers a twist of fate off the top rope!!!
(Audience jeers and boos Sanchez, and she springs on top of Turner and hooks her leg)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Anjanette Turner kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Sanchez irish whips Turner into the ropes and takes her out with a flying shoudler tackle!
(Sanchez facelocks Turner and cradles her leg, and lifts her up into a cradle DDT! She climbs to the top rope)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tammy comes off the top rope with a high flying frog splash!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Anjanette Turner kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Sanchez pulls Turner up by her french braid and irish whips her into the ropes, she lifts her up and deposits her to the mat with a side slam!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Anjanette Turner kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Sanchez gut wrenches her up but Turner reverses it into a huracanrana!!
(The crowd gives Turner a big pop as she catches her breath. Turner grabs Sanchez's foot and spins her around into a figure four leglock! Tammy sits up and shrieks out in pain. The fans delight in her anguish)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner has been working down Sanchez's arms and legs, perhaps softening them up for a quick strike submission hold, maybe even this one.
(Tammy grabs at her hair, nearly passing out from the pain. She reaches her arm out and is able to finally turn the figure four over. Turner quickly slips out of their pretzeled legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anj tries to kick Sanchez before she can get up, but Tammy catches her foot. Anjanette Turner responds with an enzuigiri kick!
(The sound of Turner's boot smacking Sanchez in the ear rings through The Cow Palace. The crowd gives Turner another big pop. Anjanette Turner climbs to the top rope and waits for Tammy to get to her feet)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner comes off the top rope with a spinning frankenstiener off the top rope!!
(The crowd goes wild, and Turner covers her)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Tamara Sanchez kicks out)
(Tamara Sanchez pulls something out of her boot and puts her fingers through it. Turner pulls her up to her feet)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tamara Sanchez slugs Anjanette Turner across the face with those brass knuckles!
(The crowd cries bloody murder and Sanchez tosses the knucks out of the ring. She covers a ko'd Turner)
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...thr..(Anjanette Turner gets her foot on the bottom rope)
(Audience sighs with relief, and Tamara Sanchez climbs to the top rope)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Sanchez flips off the top rope into a flying senton splash!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Anjanette Turner kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Sanchez irish whips Turner into the ropes and tiltawhirls her to the mat! She climbs to the second turnbuckle and then split legged moonsaults Anj's upraised knees!!
(The crowd cheers as Tammy staggers around the ring, gasping for air. "Sexy" Anjanette Turner shakes out the cobwebs and inverted facelocks Sanchez. She steps up to the second turnbuckle)
Guillermo O'Bannon: "Sexy" Anjanette Turner comes off the second rope with an inverted tornado DDT!! She hooks the leg!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Tamara Sanchez gets her shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Turner pulls Sanchez into her legs and lifts her up on to her shoulder in a powerbomb!! She hangs on to her arms & legs and lifts her up into a second powerbomb!!
(The crowd pops as Turner pulls Sanchez up and drops her into a third powerbomb!! Turner gets underneath Tammy and hooks her leg)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner gives her a belly to back cradle brainbuster!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Tamara Sanchez gets her shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anj scoops Tammy up and drops her headfirst with a corkscrew tombstone!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Tamara Sanchez kicks out)
(Anjanette atomic drops Tammy on the top turnbuckle, facing the audience. Turner steps up onto the second turnbuckle with her back to Sanchez)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner with a super splash mountain!! She runs into the ropes and handsprings into a moonsault splash!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...thr..(Tamara Sanchez puts her foot on the bottom rope)
(The Cow Palace give both ladies a standing ovation for such a high flying match. Turner pulls Sanchez up to her feet)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Sanchez ducks under a punch and atomic drops Anj! Sanchez runs into the ropes and asai moonsault presses the stunned Turner!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...thr...(Anjanette Turner kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tamara Sanchez is standing over Turner, waiting for her to get to her feet. Anjanette stands up and gets smacked upside the head with a superkick!!
(The audience jeers and boos and Tammy slides underneath the ring. She retrieves a sledgehammer. The crowd begs Sanchez not to use it)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Sanchez rolls into the ring and bashes Turner in the back with that sledgehammer!! Oh, come on Reid...get that thing away from her!
(Sanchez hits Ron Reid with a low blow! Reid's eyes roll into the back of his head and he tips over like a redwood. Sanchez winds back and hits Turner for a second time in the thigh!! Turner clutches her leg and cries out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl runs out and enters the ring...Tammy doesn't see her!
(Horror Girl comes up from behind Tammy and locks in an inverted facelock. She lifts Tammy up and then drops a reversed ace crusher)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl delivers a Oh, The Horror to Sanchez knocking her unconcious!! This is Turner's match for the taking...but Turner isn't covering Tammy. She looks at Horror Girl leaving the ring and grabs her by the waist. She drops Horror Girl back with a backdrop driver!!
(Horror Girl gets to her feet and lifts Turner up by the throat with both arms. She then piches her over into a powerslam. Horror Girl then picks up the sledgehammer and begins stalking Anjanette Turner with it)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Anjanette Turner about to take some more abuse with that sledgehammer. This time by the hands of the sadistic Horror Girl.
Phil Blauer: Wait, who's this entering the ring, Guillermo??
Guillermo O'Bannon : If my eyes don't decieve me that Brandi! She feuded with Tamara Sanchez in the UCW and CWF Germany. And she's got a chair!
Phil Blauer: But what's she doing in the ring? She's what, 130 pounds? Security couldn't stop her? Who did she blow to get in that ring and why wasn't it me?
(Brandi smashes Horror Girl behind the head with her chair, knocking her senseless. She helps Anjanette Turner up to her feet)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Brandi now here to even up the odds, eliminating Horror Girl from this environment.
(Brandi picks up her chair and bashes Turner in the back of the head with it!! The audience boos)
Phil Blauer: What was that for? Bitch-y.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Brandi ambushes Anjanette Turner! What possible problem could she have with Turner? Or is there something going on between her and Sanchez?
(Brandi atomic drops Turner on the top turnbuckle, facing the audience. Brandi climbs up to the second rope and waistlocks her)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Brandi super backdrop drivers Anjanette Turner on the chair!!
(Tamara Sanchez finally wakes up, and pulls herself up to her feet with the ropes. She surveys the damage. Horror Girl and Anjanette Turner unconcious in the ring and her old enemy Brandi staring at her)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Brandi steps out of Sanchez's way, and Tammy climbs to the top rope. She backflips into The 7 Year Inch shooting star press!!!
Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!
("It's My Life" by No Doubt comes over The Cow Palace announce system. The audience boos and Tamara Sanchez rolls off of Turner. Ron Reid limps over and hands Sanchez her title belt, which she snatches away. Brandi goes in to hug Sanchez)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Tamara Sanchez pulls away from Brandi and eyes her cautiously.
Phil Blauer: I don't think she knows Brandi helped her.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 17 minutes 15 seconds THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, AND STILL HARDKORE WORLD WOMEN'S CHAMPION...TAMARA SANCHEZ!!!"
(Sanchez walks out with her championship belt clutched to her chest, leaving Brandi in the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl sits up and scares Brandi who flees the ring. Anjanette Turner gets to her feet and pitches Horror Girl over the top rope!
(The crowd goes ballistic as Anjanette Turner pitches herself over the top rope into a pescado on Horror Girl! Anjanette Turner pulls Horror Girl up and they begin exchanging fists)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Horror Girl and Anjanette Turner are battling up the rampway into the locker room!
Phil Blauer: I'll wait in the Ladies Room to see if the fight picks up there!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hope you got everything you needed from the fridge during that last commercial break, coming up we have an hour long marathon match between Hardkore America Heavyweight Champion Robert Hunglestien & Cobryn. Cobryn recently broke with The Un-Stable causing them to lose the Hardkore World Six Man Tag Team Championship to Mr.Shioda & The Tengu Clan. Hunglestien didn't take that well and so put a bounty on Cobryn's head, a bounty Lucifer Jones tried to collect. Jones broke Cobryn's arm, yet Hunglestien...
Phil Blauer: Like a typical...
Guillermo O'Bannon: Phil! Anyway, Hunglestien didn't feel the work was up to par and had his boys attack Lucifer. Jones definately got some measure of revenge against The Un-Stable in his cage match with Hero earlier tonight, but we'll see if Cobryn will be to do the same.
("No Quarter" by Led Zepplin plays and Cobryn steps through the curtain and is nearly knocked back by the boos)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The San Francisco fans not liking the comments made about their fine cities.
Phil Blauer: Hmm, and homos are usually so bitchy themselves...you'd think they relate.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn has won championships like the Ring Syndicate World Heavyweight Championship, The Ascendent Wrestling World Heavyweight title, UWA World Heavyweight title, LVPW House title, Hardkore West Coast title, UWA Internet title, UWA UK title, ICW Internet title along with the UEF & XGW Tag Team titles with his opponent tonight, Robert Hunglestien.
Yolanda Ando: Cobryn walking down to the ring with a black silk robe with a train that makes Rene Zwelliger's Oscar dress look demure. Under that he has some black tights and boots, along with a large cast surrounding his forearm.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Ladies and Gentleman, the following match is The Main Event of the Evening. It is a 60 Minute Long Marathon Match for the HARDKORE AMERICA HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP!! Your referee is Mike Peters. Featuring first from Key Largo of the Florida Keys; Standing 6 feet 4 inches tall; Weighing 250 pounds...COBRYN!!!"
(The Cow Palace hits him with wave after wave of boos, Cobryn wipes his feet on the apron and steps through the ropes. The Cow Palace goes dark, purple lights flash and a purple spotlight shines on Robert Hunglestein III at the top of the ramp way. The purple lights turn
to gold as a voice says "You wish you could be me...It must suck to be you!")
Phil Blauer: That's more than Hunglestien said all month.
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Hardkore America Champion resting himself up for an hour with one of the best wrestlers in the World today this month.
Phil Blauer: I'll say, John Ritter put in more appearences this month.
(Purple and gold begin to alternate and run all over arena as "Everyone
Wants to Rule the World" by Tears for Fears hits. RHIII heads down to ring with the Hardkore America Championship wrapped around his waist)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien looking to shut those around the wrestling world up that say he can't defeat Cobryn.
Phil Blauer: Where would they get that from? He's only lost the ICW Internet title, and several other high profile matches to him.
Yolanda Ando: Robert Hunglestien III is wearing a long black robe, with purple and gold gems spelling out the name "Hunglestein" across the back. Under that he has a long black baggy trunks with "Hunglestein" wrapping around the left leg in dark purple with gold outline along with black boots. He also wears black elbow pads, and has his wrist taped with black tape.
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And his opponent, from Cleveland, Ohio; Standing 6 feet 3 inches tall; Weighing 265 pounds; He is The Current Hardkore America Heavyweight Champion...ROBERT HUNGLESTIEN III!!!"
(The audience gives Hunglestien a big round of applause. Mike Peters signals for the bell and the match begins. Hunglestien & Cobryn circle one another as the audience claps faster & faster in anticipation)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien moves in for a lock-up but Cobryn is ready for him with a poke to the eye. He smashes Hunglestien with a bell clap with that cast on his forearm!
(Hunglestien answers with a elbow uppercut upside Cobryn's chin. He scoops Cobryn up and bodyslams him to the mat)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien pounds Cobryn in the small of the back with a double ax handle. He goes for a second but Cobryn pops him in the stomach. He applies a headlock.
Phil Blauer: What is this stuff their doing?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Wrestling?
Phil Blauer: When are they gonna start sports entertaining? Where's my green mist?!?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn squeezes Hunglestien's head, using that cast to grind it into his forehead. Hunglestien responds with a belly to back suplex!
(Hunglestien applies a full nelson with Cobryn sitting on the mat. He uses all of his power to push Cobryn's head down into his chest)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien pulls Cobryn up to his feet in that full nelson. Cobryn slips out of the full nelson and falls onto his back, nailing Hunglestien in the groin with that cast!
Phil Blauer: Wow, I'm exhausted. Has it been an hour yet?
Guillermo O'Bannon: About four minutes.
Phil Blauer: Seriously?? My hair spray's gonna lose it's hold any minute!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn takes the keeled over Hunglestien and northern lights suplexes him with a nice bridge!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...(Robert Hunglestien III rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn irish whips Hunglestien into the turnbuckles. He then chops Hunglestien hard across the chest with a knife edge.
(Audience "Wooo"s as Cobryn chops Hunglestien's chest over & over, leaving red welts on his pectorals. Cobryn then backs up and gets a running start towards Hunglestien)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien comes out of the corner with a clothesline! He grabs Cobryn by the legs and turns him over into a boston crab.
(The crowd cheers as Cobryn cries out in pain. Hunglestien pulls back on his legs, rocking back & forth. Mike Peters checks in to see if Cobryn wants to tap)
Phil Blauer: You know they have ten-?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Fifty five.
Phil Blauer: ...fifty five minutes left to go in this thing, I would just give up.
Guillermo O'Bannon: I'm sure you would.
Phil Blauer: I would. Shit, I'll quit right now.
(Cobryn crawls over to the side of the ring and grabs hold of the bottom rope. Mike Peters forces a break, and Hunglestien releases the crab)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien drops an elbow into the small of Cobryn's back. He pulls Cobryn up by the hair and irish whips him into the ropes. He takes him over in a flying head scissors!
(Robert Hunglestien III snap suplexes Cobryn. He scoops him up, but Cobryn falls behind him and runs in to the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn running smashes Hunglestien in the face with that cast!! He rakes his bootlaces against Hunglestien's face.
(Cobryn then stomps Hunglestien a couple times in the head. He then places his boot on Hunglestien's face)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...(Robert Hunglestien pushes Cobryn's boot off him)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn pulls Hunglestien up by the arm. He goes for a shortarm clothesline, but Hunglestien ducks and pulls him in with a shortarm elbow smash! He hangs on to his arm and delivers a shortarm knee into his stomach.
(Hunglestien lifts him up into a powerbomb but drops backwards, dropping Cobryn's face on the turnbuckle!! The crowd comes alive, as Cobryn staggers around, covering his mouth)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien takes him over into a fireman's carry. He clasps Cobryn's injured arm and drops down into a code red armbreaker!
(Cobryn yelps out in agony, clutching his broken arm. Hunglestien hangs onto it and pulls him up to his feet. He twists Cobryn's arm)
Phil Blauer: Cobryn needs to keep Hunglestien away from his arm the same way you have to keep Guillermo away from the panty drawer.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Robert Hunglestien takes Cobryn's twisted arm and takes him over in a side arm takedown. He pulls Cobryn up by the arm again, but Cobryn reverses the arm twist.
(Cobryn twists Hunglestien's arm a second time, giving Hunglestien the hot foot. Then he flips him onto his back with a judo throw and applies an armscissors)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn clamps down on Hunglestien's arm with his leg. Mike Peters checks in to see if Hunglestien taps out but her refuses. Cobryn releases a leg to batter Hunglestien with a couple of kicks, then goes back to the armscissors.
(Cobryn pulls Hunglestien up to his feet by his arm and gives Hunglestien a reciept for the code red armbreaker! He maintains the wristlock and lifts him back up to his feet)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn lifts Hunglestien up in the air by his wristlocked arm. He drops him and chicken wings his arm. He drops Hunglestien on his arm with a hammerlock suplex!
(Cobryn pulls Hunglestien up and irish whips him into the ropes. On the way back, he catches RHIII with a 180 spinning spinebuster!! The momentum bounces him back to his feet, and he applauds for himself. The Cow Palace boos)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn goes to pull Hunglestien but he dragon screws him by the leg down to the mat. He holds on his leg and turns it into an inverted indian deathlock!
(Cobryn grits his teeth as Hunglestien applies as much pressure as he can on Cobryn's twisted legs. Cobryn pushes himself up from the mat as Mike Peters checks in to see if he wants to tap)
Phil Blauer: Hunglestien trying to get a tap out from Cobryn and go up 1-0, but it will be tough. Before his Hardkore West Coast title loss to Big Bad Bill, I don't think Cobryn had ever submitted.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien releases the indian deathlock, and pulls Cobryn up. He irish whips him into the ropes and flips him into a tiltawhirl slam!
(Hunglestien scoops Cobryn up and drops him headfirst into a michinoku driver II!! He keeps a hold of his legs)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Cobryn rakes Hunglestien's eyes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn pulls Hunglestien's head into his legs and lifts him up on his shoulder. He runs into the middle of the ring and ligerbombs him!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Robert Hunglestien III rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn hammerlock half nelsons him and drops him backwards into a tigerplex '85!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Robert Hunglestien III gets his arm free)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn runs Hunglestien's face along the ropes. He presses the champ over his head, then drops it into a stone cold stunner!!
(Cobryn pulls Hunglestien up, and takes a swing with that cast, but Hunglestien ducks)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien lifts him up in an atomic drop and tosses Cobryn over the top rope to the floor below!
(Crowd cheers as Cobryn hits the concrete. Robert Hunglestien III goes out to the floor and pulls him into his legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien piledrives Cobryn on to The Cow Palace floor!! He lifts Cobryn up with a fresh new cut over his eye, and fireman's carries him up on to his shoulders. He dumps Cobryn over the railing into the front row!
(Cobryn tries to get away from an oncoming Hunglestien. He pushes a fat woman in to Hunglestien)
Phil Blauer: Camryn Manheim?? I'll save you!
Guillermo O'Bannon: Sit down, Phil. Camryn can take care of herself.
Phil Blauer: If one roll on her belly is harmed, I'll never forgive myself.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn hides behind a bespeckled kid...
Phil Blauer: There's no spots on that child.
Guillermo O'Bannon: That means he has glasses.
Phil Blauer: Hmm, usually our fans are little chubby kids.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn tosses that kid into Hunglestien, and then pokes him in the eye! He bashes Hunglestien's head into the steel guardrail!
(Cobryn climbs over the railing back into the ringside area. He takes the bell off of timekeeper Ron De La O's table)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien steps over the railing, and Cobryn bashes him in the head with the ring bell!!
(Hunglestien tips over into the ring bell with blood running down from his forehead. Cobryn rolls him onto the apron and then climbs up there himself)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn lifts Hunglestien up into a suplex and then jackhammers him off the apron on to The Cow Palace floor!!!
(Audience pops at the sound of Hunglestien hitting the concrete and chants "HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!" Cobryn pulls a bleeding Hunglestien up and tells the front row to move out of the way)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn looks like he's gonna throw Hunglestien back into the crowd, but rolls him back into the ring instead.
(The crowd gets over their brief affair with Cobryn and go back to booing him. Cobryn begins bashing Hunglestien's cut with punches and bashes with his cast)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn continuing to jab and punch Hunglestien's gash making him bleed all down his front. He irish whips Hunglestien into the ropes and flips him around into a tiltawhirl face slam!
(Hunglestien leaves a blood spot where his face smacked the canvas. He sits up and Cobryn flips over top of him with a chiropracter crunch neck snap. Cobryn then walks over to the turnbuckle and undoes the padding)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn pulls Hunglestien up by his hair and bashes his face into that exposed turnbuckle! Again! Blood is running freely down his face & torso.
(Cobryn then wraps the tag rope around Hunglestien's neck, choking him with it. Mike Peters tries to pry Cobryn off, but is unsuccessful. Mike Peters threatens to disqualify Cobryn and begins counting)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn breaks before 5, and applies an abdominal stretch. Cobryn plants his foot and pulls back on Hunglestien's arm & torso.
(Cobryn grabs the top rope to use for balance & leverage. Hunglestien senses the extra pressure and tries to tell Peters what Cobryn is doing but the pain is too great. Blood continues to run down his face to the canvas below. Finally the fans raise such a stink, Peters looks up and catches Cobryn red handed)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Mike Peters lays in another 5 count and Cobryn is forced to let go of the rope, but he just grabs Peters' arm instead!
Phil Blauer: There's something he's useful for.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Robert Hunglestien hip tosses Cobryn out of the abdominal stretch! Cobryn on his knees, begging Hunglestien to come to his senses but the blood soaked champion doesn't wanna hear it. He irish whips Cobryn into the ropes and drops him with a hart attack clothesline!
20
(Robert Hunglestien scoops Cobryn up and drops his stomach onto his knee. He rolls him over into a cradle)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Cobryn kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien irish whips Cobryn into the ropes and hits him with a kneelift!
Phil Blauer: Legends like Brutus Beefcake and Triple H have made that move legendary!
Guillermo O'Bannon: There's blood on Hunglestien's pants where he hits Cobryn's head. He whips Cobryn into the ropes again and then takes him over in a belly to belly!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Cobryn kicks out)
(Cobryn slides out of the ring and tells the crowd, "Fuck you all. I'm out." He then begins walking back to the ring)
Phil Blauer: Cobryn taking a Cyrus back to the locker room.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien smell blood...
Phil Blauer: I think that's him.
Guillermo O'Bannon: ...and follows Cyrus...see?? Now ya got me doing it. I mean Cobryn back out to the floor. Cobryn runs around the ring, trying to get away from the bleeding Hardkore America Champion. He slides back into the ring, and Hunglestien follows him in.
(Cobryn does an about face and then begins laying the boots in on Hunglestien. Cobryn then drops Hunglestien headfirst with a wrist clutch exploder)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn butterflies Robert Hunglestien's arms and drives his face into the mat with his own High Life!!! He rolls Hunglestien over and covers him!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...3!!!
Phil Blauer: Finally! (puts his jacket on) Call me when you get to Palm Springs and tell me where your hotel is. So I can know which one to avoid. And tell Jonnie I'm gonna be a little late coming in. Make something up. Tell em my Grandma died.
Guillermo O'Bannon: You've had three grandmothers die, Phil. And this isn't the end of the match, remember it's a marathon match!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 23 minutes 54 seconds, Cobryn has scored a fall. The score is 1-0."
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn not letting up on Hunglestien at all, he sits on Hunglestien's back and applies a Cobryn Clutch. He chews a little on Hunglestien's forehead to make him bleed some more.
(Cobryn seems a little disgusted and spits Hunglestien's own blood on him. He pulls back on Hunglestien's head and asks Mike Peters, "How does The Sheik do that shit?")
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn pulls back on trying to make it 2-0 with that Cobryn Clutch, but Hunglestien doesn't look like he's gonna give it up. Cobryn releases his head and lands a couple more stomps to Hunglestien's head. Cobryn gets under Hunglestien's legs and lifts him upside down in a gory special.
(Blood runs up Hunglestien's face to the canvas below. Cobryn falls backward, dropping Hunglestien facefirst! Cobryn sits up and soaks in some more boos, as blood runs down his face as well)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn lifts Hunglestien up in a fireman's carry, but Hunglestien swings it around into a DDT!!
(The San Francisco audience cheers. Hunglestien chicken wings Cobryn's arm and bodyslam him on top of his hammerlocked arm. He pulls Cobryn into his legs and lifts him up on to his shoulder)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Robert Hunglestien III powerbombs Cobryn!!
(The fans get even louder as Hunglestien tries to feed off their energy. He full nelsons Cobryn)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien walks Cobryn over and bashes his face into the unprotected turnbuckle! He then slams Cobryn assfirst into the ring!
Phil Blauer: Looks like his night on the town is off.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Robert Hunglestien III pulls a horribly bloody Cobryn up to his feet and straightjackets his arms. He pitches Cobryn forward facefirst to the mat!
(There's a large blood stain on the mat where Cobryn's face hit. Hunglestien lifts Cobryn up and attempts a suplex but Cobryn blocks it)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn reverses with a hanging suplex and drops it into a brainbuster!! He applies a naked chinlock chokehold, and Hunglestien kicks his legs out trying to escape.
(Cobryn bleeds down his face, with his blood mixing with Hunglestien's. He hides his arm, so Peters thinks it's legal, but Hunglestien seems to be losing strength. The audience claps faster & faster trying to pump the champ up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Mike Peters tries to slip his hand in between Cobryn's arm & Hunglestien's throat and sees there is no space. He begins counting until Cobryn is forced to break the naked choke.
Phil Blauer: I will stand behind anyone wanting to do the naked choke.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn pulls Hunglestien up by the blood soaked ponytail. He swings him around and drops him into a rude awakening!
(Cobryn waits for Hunglestien to stand up. When he does, Cobryn gets a running start and double kneelifts him in the face)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn lifts Hunglestien up into an inverted crucifix. He pitches him forward into a CoBenediction reverse tiger bomb!!
(Hunglestien leaves another blood mark on the canvas. Cobryn steps over Hunglestien as he lies on his stomach. He twists his legs into a reverse standing figure four!! The crowd urges Hunglestien not to submit)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn has Hunglestien trapped and is set to break his legs...but he grabs Robert's outstretched leg and applies an additional ankle lock!
(Mike Peters checks in to see if he submits. Hunglestien balls his fists up, clutching his hair in pain)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien has finally been able to crawl over and grab the bottom rope. Cobryn releases the submission hold, but lays some more kicks in to his legs. He scoops him up into a northern lights bomb!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Robert Hunglestien III rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn runs into the ropes but Hunglestien catches him and powerslams him!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Cobryn kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien irish whips Cobryn into the ropes and drop toe holds his bloody face into the mat. He gets up and drops a couple of elbows to the back of his former friend's head.
(Hunglestien waistlocks Cobryn and then does a go behind takedown. He maintains the waistlock and pulls Cobryn back up to his feet)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Robert Hunglestien III tigerplexes Cobryn!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Cobryn rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien lifts Cobryn up on to his shoulder into a Canadian backbreaker.
Phil Blauer: I thought it was from Argentina?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Ventura invented it, so I guess it's the Minnesota backbreaker.
Phil Blauer: I thought he billed himself from San Diego?
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien turns it into a 3/4 nelson bulldog!
(Cobryn clutches his jaw, and kicks his feet into the mat. Hunglestien tries to pull him up, but Cobryn pushes him away)
Phil Blauer: Now his jaw's busted. I'm telling you, this guy's having NO FUN in Frisco tonight.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Peters checking in to see if he's gonna have to stop this match. This would be a real fortunate thing for Hunglestien, already being down one fall.
(Hunglestien tries to catch his breath and wipe some blood out of his eyes. Cobryn comes up from behind and hits him low with that cast! The fans boo, and Cobryn mockingly rubs his jaw)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn suddenly ok, and battering Hunglestien with that cast. He fishes some brass knuckles out of his trunks and clocks Hunglestien in the head with it!!
(The Cow Palace rocks with boos and Cobryn drops to his knees, before covering him)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...thr...(Robert Hunglestien gets his foot on the bottom rope)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien came this close to going down 2-0...Cobryn just stuck those brass knuckles down Hunglestien's pants!
Phil Blauer: It's the town, it gets to you.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Last time, Phil. Get your hand off my leg.
(Cobryn tells Mike Peters to frisk Hunglestien. Peters shrugs and does what he's told. He finds the brass knuckles and questions a semi-concious Hunglestien about what he's trying to pull)
Phil Blauer: This could be the one argument Peters ever won.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn pulls Hunglestien up and irish whips him into the ropes and hotshots his throat on the top rope! He rolls back into a cradle!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Robert Hunglestien rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn pulls Hunglestien's head into his legs. He lifts him up on to his shoulder, and then flips him forward into a face eraser!!
(Cobryn double underhooks Hunglestien's arms and lifts him up in the air. He lets him think about it and some blood drip out of his body, then drops him into a brainbuster)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn irish whips Hunglestien into the ropes. He goes for the big boot, but Hunglestien catches it and counters with a leg capture suplex!
(Hunglestien pulls him up by the arm and short arm clotheslines him. He maintains his arm and pulls him back up. Hunglestien irish whips him into the ropes)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien tiltawhirl suplexes Cobryn! He gets underneath Cobryn and spins him around into an angle slam!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Cobryn kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien butterflies Cobryn's arms and is going to show him what a real High Life feels like...
(Lucifer Jones slides into the ring and grabs Robert Hunglestien III by the back of the head in an inverted facelock)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Lucifer Jones wearing what looks to be like his old red mask he wore in the Carribean & Sweden...and he hits The Dog's Bollocks!! Cobryn quickly covers Hunglestien!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...3!!!
(Crowd jeers and boos Lucifer Jones, who flips them off. He backs away from the ring in to...Lucifer Jones??)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Jones just backed into himself??
Phil Blauer: I do that all the time, but not without the help of some mush rooms.
Guillermo O'Bannon: The masked Lucifer Jones turns around and sees the...other Lucifer Jones and...Lucifer chases after...uh, himself??
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 37 minutes 20 seconds, Cobryn has scored a fall. Making the score 2-0."
(The Lucifer Joneses take off to the backstage area. Cobryn full nelsons Robert Hunglestien III)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn dragon suplexes Hunglestien as best he can with that cast on his forearm, hoping to score another quick fall!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Robert Hunglestien gets his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn pulls Hunglestien up by the arm and pulls him into a shortarm clothesline with that cast!
(Cobryn double underhooks Hunglestien up into a michinoku driver I! The crowd gasps at the prospect of Hunglestien going down 3 zip)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The CobPlex!! Cobryn grabs a handfull of the tights!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Robert Hunglestien kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn pulls him up by Hunglestien is ready for him with a collar & elbow tie-up. The champ pushes Cobryn into the corner, and Cobryn complaining about a hair pull.
(Cobryn and Hunglestien lock up a second time, and this time Cobryn grabs a big handful of Robert's ponytail and pulls him back into the corner)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn rakes Hunglestien's cut with his nails. And now he bloodies him some more with a few shots from that cast! He climbs to the second rope and applies an inverted facelock to Hunglestien. He flips forward into a diamond dust!!
(Audience has to give it up for that move and Cobryn quickly hooks Hunglestien's leg)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Robert Hunglestien III kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn pulls Hunglestien up by the ponytail and irish whips him into the ropes. He tiltawhirls Hunglestien but the champ reverses it into a flying head scissors!!
(The San Francisco crowd wakes up, and tries to will Hunglestien to his feet. They do)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Robert Hunglestien III takes Cobryn over in a side headlock takedown! He grinds that head, and pins Cobryn's shoulders to the mat.
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Cobryn rolls Hunglestien over into a cradle)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...th...(Hunglestien rolls Cobryn back over into a side headlock)
(Hunglestien pressing his forearm on Cobryn's cut, trying to get it to gush more. Cobryn hollers as juice runs down his face. Hunglestien then chicken wings Cobryn's broken arm)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien drives the top of his head through Cobryn's chin with a jawbreaker! Hunglestien grabs Cobryn by the legs and then drives his bloody face into the mat with a wheelbarrow powerbomb!!
(The crowd is on their feet, Robert Hunglestien head & arm suplexes Cobryn across the ring!! Cobryn hits his tailbone, hard and begs off in the corner)
Guillermo O'Bannon: When Hunglestien gets near, Cobryn hits him low with that cast! He pulls him by the tights, shoulderfirst into the corner post!
(Cobryn gut wrench suplexes the keeled over Hunglestien up into a ganso bomb!! The Cow Palace goes back to booing)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn drops Hunglestien backwards into a perfectly executed straightjacket suplex!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Robert Hunglestien rolls on to his feet)
(Cobryn scoops Hunglestien up and then cradles his leg. He flips back driving Hunglestien's head into the mat with a fisherman's scoop slam driver)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The Question!!
Phil Blauer: The Answer my friend, is blowing in the wind.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn goes to pull Robert Hunglestien up, but the champ grabs him by his legs and trips him facefirst into the second turnbuckle!
(Hunglestien takes a few moments to catch his breath, as Cobryn rests his head against the second turnbuckle. The San Francisco audience gives both men a standing ovation for 44 minutes worth of solid wrestling)
Guillermo O'Bannon: The fans showing appreciation for both of these men right now.
Phil Blauer: I think I hear a few "Phil! Phil!" chants.
Guillermo O'Bannon: They're saying "Kill Phil!".
Phil Blauer: At least their thinking of me.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Robert Hunglestien III comes up behind Cobryn and applies a kataha-jime, then drops him back into a brainbuster!! He scurries over and pins him!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Cobryn kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Robert Hunglestien III drops Cobryn on the back of his head with a backdrop driver!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Cobryn kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien scoops Cobryn up and tosses him across the ring with a fallaway slam!
(Robert Hunglestien blows some blood off of his face. He rolls his eyes, and climbs to the top rope. Cobryn kicks Mike Peters in the groin)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn pushes Peters into the ropes and crotches Hunglestien on the top turnbuckle! Cobryn catches his breath, and then climbs to the second turnbuckle. He lifts Hunglestien up onto his shoulders in a fireman's carry and then dumps Hunglestien over the ropes to the concrete!!!
(Hunglestien's head makes a sickening bounce off of the concrete floor. The audience pops and chants "HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!")
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn climbs out to the floor and lifts Hunglestien up into a half nelson, He half nelson suplexes the back of Hunglestien's head into the railing!!
(Cobryn hiptosses Hunglestien over into a powerslam on the concrete!! The crowd boos Cobryn and he flips them off. He pulls Hunglestien up but Hunglestien is ready for him with an elbow to the mid-section)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Robert Hunglestien III full nelson legsweeps Cobryn's skull into the steel guardrail!!
(The crowd chants "YOU'RE HARD-KORE!! YOU'RE HARD-KORE!! YOU'RE HARD-KORE!! YOU'RE HARD-KORE!! YOU'RE HARD-KORE!!" Cobryn leans against the railing with blood running down the bars)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Robert Hunglestien rolls Cobryn into the ring, and gets underneath him into a human torture rack. He flips Cobryn over into a burning hammer!!
(The fans cheer as Cobryn lies motionless on the mat. Robert Hunglestien pulls him up and butterflies his arms)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Robert Hunglestien III drives Cobryn's blood soaked face into the canvas with The High Life!! He rolls Cobryn over and hooks his limp leg!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...3!!!
(The crowd leaps to their feet and cheers Hunglestien! Hunglestien rolls off of Cobryn and tries to pull himself up by the ropes, but he's too exhausted)
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 48 minutes 50 seconds, Robert Hunglestien has scored a fall. The Score is now 2-1 in favor of Cobryn."
Guillermo O'Bannon: We gotta pay some sponsors off fans, we'll be right back.
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Mar 07, 2005#32
(The fans continue to cheer as Hunglestien has risen to his feet again. He pulls Cobryn into his legs and crotch-ties his arm through his legs)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Robert Hunglestien pumphandles Cobryn up on to his shoulder and drops him across his knee with a backbreaker!!
(Robert Hunglestien pulls Cobryn up and butterflies his arm, but instead of going for The High Life he drops him with a regular pedigree!! He rolls Cobryn over into another pin)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Cobryn kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Robert Hunglestien gives Cobryn a vertebreaker!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Cobryn kicks out)
Phil Blauer: We're in the last ten minutes of this thing, crunch time if the champion hopes to hold on to the Hardkore America Heavyweight Championship.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien irish whips Cobryn into the ropes, he goes for a clothesline but Cobryn pulls Mike Peters into the way!
(Hunglestien looks down at the referee, and doesn't see Cobryn come up behind him with an exploder)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn irish whips Hunglestien into the ropes. Cobryn ducks down, but Hunglestien blocks the back drop. He reverses it into a crucifix powerbomb!!
(The crowd celebrates and Hunglestien covers Cobryn. He pins Cobryn for what seems like an eternity but there's no ref to count it)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Mike Peters still nursing the effects of that clothesline from Hunglestien and doesn't see the champ making what could be the tying fall!!
Phil Blauer: Neither do I
(Guillermo points him towards the ring)
Phil Blauer: There we go.
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien front facelocks Cobryn but he blocks the DDT, and reverses it into a death valley bomb!!
(Cobryn fireman's carries Hunglestien onto his shoulders and walks him over to his corner. He sits the champ on the top turnbuckle, and then wraps his legs around the top ropes. Cobryn then steps through the ropes out on to the apron. He straddles the corner post and pulls Hunglestien's arms down, surfboarding his back on the corner post. The audience boos)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn applies his Florida Surfing Submission, and Mike Peters isn't awake to force him to break the illegal move! He pulls down on Hunglestien's arms, cursing him!
(Mike Peters finally stirs to his feet and forces Cobryn to let go of Robert Hunglstien's arms. Cobryn steps back into the ring and climbs to the second turnbuckle with his back to Hunglestien)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn inverted razor's edges him into a stunner off the second rope!!! He calls that The Un-Stabler
(Audience gives Cobryn a standing ovation and chant "HARD-KORE WORLD!!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!! HARD-KORE WORLD!!!" Cobryn rolls him over and pins him)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...thr...(Robert Hunglestien kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn pulls him up and half nelsons Hunglestien, but he back elbows Cobryn in the mouth. Hunglestien drops him with an implant DDT!!
(Robert Hunglestien inverted facelocks Cobryn. He lifts him straight up in the air but then drops his back across his knee with a backbreaker! The crowd cheers)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Robert Hunglestien irish whips Cobryn into the ropes and then drives him into the mat with a sidewalk slam!
(Hunglestien goes for a suplex but Cobryn blocks it with his leg. Cobryn counters with a slingshot suplex)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn with the Tsunami Effect and he covers Hunglestien!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Robert Hunglestien kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn pulls Hunglestien into his legs and lifts him up into a razor's edge. He flips him forward and down into a DDT!!!
(The San Francisco crowd give both men a standing ovation for such a great match, and Cobryn makes the pin attempt)
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...thr...(Robert Hunglestien puts his foot on the top rope)
(Audience sighs with relief. Cobryn crotch-ties Hunglestien up by his arm around into an inverted powerslam)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn irish whips Hunglestien into the ropes and tiltawhirls him into a piledriver!!
(Cobryn drops Hunglestien with a sambo suplex! Both men lie next to one another, utterly exhausted. The crowd gives them another round of applause)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn pulls Hunglestien into his legs and lifts him up into a stalling Tsunami '05 tigerbomb!!
Phil Blauer: He's clearly hitting the natural disaster humor pretty hard.
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...thr...(Robert Hunglestien rolls his shoulder up)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Hunglestien just saved his title there. Cobryn steps over Hunglestien and full nelsons him, sitting back into a cattle mutilation he calls The Bridge over Key Largo!! This is the only submission move that has ever made Hunglestien's partner, Kilroy Evans submit.
(Blood runs down Hunglestien's front as she shakes his head, refusing to submit to The Bridge Over Key Largo. Mike Peters questions hum, as the audience begs Hunglestien to hang on)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn releases The Bridge Over Key Largo and pulls Hunglestien up into an inverted suplex...and he hits The Answer!!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...3!!!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 57 minutes 41 seconds, Cobryn has scored a fall. The Score is now 3-1, with Cobryn having the advantage."
Guillermo O'Bannon: Cobryn has gone up two falls with two minutes to go. Not a lot of hope that Hunglestien will leave San Francisco with that title. Cobryn just has to stay off the mat here. He waistlocks Hunglestien, but Hunglesten back elbows him.
(Hunglestien lifts Cobryn up in a fisherman's driver but drops his stomach on to his knee)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Robert Hunglestien III delivers the Paradise Hills!! He double underhooks Cobryn's arms and lifts him up on his shoulder and flips him forward into The Starbreaker!!
Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Cobryn kicks out)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Robert Hunglestien butterflies Cobryn's arms again but Cobryn blocks The High Life!
(Cobryn counters with an inverted facelock, then adjust Hunglestien's arms and locks in a double chicken wing. He links his hands under Hunglestien's back. Cobryn then lifts Hunglestien off his feet vertically and drops him back down on the back of his head in a modified reverse DDT while keeping his arms locked)
Guillermo O'Bannon: And that must be The Answer 2005!!!
(The crowd boos and the bell rings. Cobryn drops to his knees in exhaustion, with his arms in the air, triumphantly. "No Quarter" by Led Zepplin plays through The Cow Palace)
Guillermo O'Bannon: After sixty minutes, Cobryn has outlasted Robert Hunglestien and won the Hardkore America Heavyweight Championship!!!
"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Ladies and Gentleman, THE WINNER OF THE SIXTY MINUTE IRON MAN MATCH...AND NEW HARDKORE AMERICA HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION...COBRYN!!!"
(The blood drenched Cobryn grabs the Hardkore America Heavyweight title belt from Mike Peters and shoves him away. He hugs the title to his chest and falls to the mat, completely drained)
Guillermo O'Bannon: What is it about this building that we always make history here? Cobryn has defeated his former stablemate Robert Hunglestien III for the top title in Hardkore America, returning to the top of the wrestling world!
(Cobryn climbs to the top rope, hoisting the championship belt up high in the air. The Cow Palace lights up like daytime with all the flashbulbs. Kilroy Evans, Hero, and Andrew Karnage help a bloody and exhausted Robert Hunglestien III out of the ring)
Guillermo O'Bannon: Join us on our biggest show of the year, Palm Springs Punishment at Hardkore Hall. Where the bill will be:
Hardkore America Heavyweight Championship Title Match
COBRYN vs. Robert Hunglestien III
Hardkore World Tag Team Championship Title Tournament Final
Spin-The-Wheel-Make-The Deal
The Miracle Violence Combination II (Kilroy Evans & Death Gojira)
vs.
The Cupcake Crew (Tuxedo Mask & Death Gojira)
Hardkore West Coast Championship Title Match
Taipei Glass Fist Match
BIG BAD BILL vs. Lonewolf McNeely
Hardkore World Women's Championship Title Match
Falls Count Anywhere, Last Woman Standing Match
TAMARA SANCHEZ vs. Xyrynth
Hardkore World Six Man Tag Team Championship Title Match
Electric Barbed Wire 2/3 Falls Match
MR. SHIODA & THE TENGU CLAN vs. The Warhammer Corporation & The Shootfighter
Steel Cage Cat Collar Match
"Sexy" Anjanette Turner vs. Horror Girl
Barbed Wire Falls Count Anywhere Match
Winner Advances to the Second Round of the Hardkore World Heavyweight Title Tournament
"Tigerheart" Rally Jackson
"The Extremist" Tony Thunder
Bruno
"Minister" Marty Bower
R.C.
"The Punisher" Dan Stien
"Heavenly" Thomas Haven (If Haven wins, he will advance to the semi-finals)
Nick Knight
Carpenter
Stan "The Tank" Wilson
Brandi vs. "The Phoenix" Ayame Tokugawa