Post by vastrix on Oct 20, 2022 20:54:42 GMT -5
Inside one of the offices of the eWrestling Monthly, “Zolothach” Tabitha Osborne sits across a desk from Tommy Onions.
Tommy Onions: Hey, Zolothach. You ready to do this?
Tabitha looks around the office and all of the audio recording equipment and shrugs.
Tabitha Osborne: I am ready as I’m ever going to be, Mr. Onions.
Tommy Onions: Aww. Call me Tommy.
Tabitha Osborne: Alright.
Tommy Onions: Hello and welcome to the Onion Report podcast. I have with me one of the participants of Wrestle: UK’s upcoming pay-per-view called the Battle for Britain in their match called the Battle for Britain. It will be a Rumblesque match where people will be entering the ring one at a time, but the catch is that you have to make them submit or pin them in the ring.
Tabitha Osborne: You’ll have to forgive me, but I thought it was pinfalls or submissions count anywhere.
Tommy Onions: Oh I don’t know for certain. There could be referees everywhere then. I think I heard that they would have Germans, likely the Von Krausses, bombard the ring during the match to make it really seem like the Battle for Britain.
Tabitha Osborne: That does not shock me in the least.
Tommy Onions: What kind of strategy will you be using in the ring to get those eliminations?
Tabitha Osborne: Work over one person at a time before eliminating them and moving on to the next. I will do this until I win the match.
Tommy Onions: That sounds like a sound strategy, really. Are you planning on using that devil magic to win the match?
Tabitha Osborne: That would be cheating to be perfectly honest and it’s just magic. It has nothing to do with the devil.
Tommy Onions: So, you might cheat a little.
Tabitha seems to consider for a moment and smiles. It almost seems like she’s blushing a little. Tommy laughs, slapping his knee.
Tommy Onions: So you do intend on cheating!
Tabitha Osborne: Well, if it will help me eliminate scum from the match.
Tommy Onions: Scum? Who would be scum in this match. If I might be so bold as to ask.
Tabitha Osborne: Spike Kane. Ever since I faced him in Fireside, he’s been on my radar. I defeated him to take his Spark title. Yes, there was outside interference, but the point is that I won. What did he get for losing? A shot at the X*Crown. Was he doing something to be able to get that title match in the first place?
Tommy blinks and lets his jaw hang open for a second or two.
Tommy Onions: Are you saying that Spike sucked off Caffrey to get an X*Crown title shot? That’s pretty serious.
Tabitha just shrugs.
Tabitha Osborne: If that’s what he did, then that’s what he did. Who am I to judge? Cthulhu will see to his weighted soul at the end of all things.
Tommy Onions: Ain’t that the squid guy who will destroy the world or some shit?
Tabitha Osborne: That is the Great Old One who will crush the current civilization and remake it into his own image.
Tommy Onions: And his image makes people insane.
Tabitha Osborne: Yes. Gloriously free of all things mental.
Tommy Onions: Well, I think that’s all the time that we have for today. Mostly because I think this is one crazy bitch that I think will get taken out.
Tabitha Osborne: You want me to be cutting into you right now?
Tommy Onions: See? Only crazy chicks say shit like that!
Tabitha Osborne: I guess I did spend time in an asylum for being criminally insane. I’ll give you that…and this knife.
Tommy Onions: No thank you, please.
Tommy Onions: Hey, Zolothach. You ready to do this?
Tabitha looks around the office and all of the audio recording equipment and shrugs.
Tabitha Osborne: I am ready as I’m ever going to be, Mr. Onions.
Tommy Onions: Aww. Call me Tommy.
Tabitha Osborne: Alright.
Tommy Onions: Hello and welcome to the Onion Report podcast. I have with me one of the participants of Wrestle: UK’s upcoming pay-per-view called the Battle for Britain in their match called the Battle for Britain. It will be a Rumblesque match where people will be entering the ring one at a time, but the catch is that you have to make them submit or pin them in the ring.
Tabitha Osborne: You’ll have to forgive me, but I thought it was pinfalls or submissions count anywhere.
Tommy Onions: Oh I don’t know for certain. There could be referees everywhere then. I think I heard that they would have Germans, likely the Von Krausses, bombard the ring during the match to make it really seem like the Battle for Britain.
Tabitha Osborne: That does not shock me in the least.
Tommy Onions: What kind of strategy will you be using in the ring to get those eliminations?
Tabitha Osborne: Work over one person at a time before eliminating them and moving on to the next. I will do this until I win the match.
Tommy Onions: That sounds like a sound strategy, really. Are you planning on using that devil magic to win the match?
Tabitha Osborne: That would be cheating to be perfectly honest and it’s just magic. It has nothing to do with the devil.
Tommy Onions: So, you might cheat a little.
Tabitha seems to consider for a moment and smiles. It almost seems like she’s blushing a little. Tommy laughs, slapping his knee.
Tommy Onions: So you do intend on cheating!
Tabitha Osborne: Well, if it will help me eliminate scum from the match.
Tommy Onions: Scum? Who would be scum in this match. If I might be so bold as to ask.
Tabitha Osborne: Spike Kane. Ever since I faced him in Fireside, he’s been on my radar. I defeated him to take his Spark title. Yes, there was outside interference, but the point is that I won. What did he get for losing? A shot at the X*Crown. Was he doing something to be able to get that title match in the first place?
Tommy blinks and lets his jaw hang open for a second or two.
Tommy Onions: Are you saying that Spike sucked off Caffrey to get an X*Crown title shot? That’s pretty serious.
Tabitha just shrugs.
Tabitha Osborne: If that’s what he did, then that’s what he did. Who am I to judge? Cthulhu will see to his weighted soul at the end of all things.
Tommy Onions: Ain’t that the squid guy who will destroy the world or some shit?
Tabitha Osborne: That is the Great Old One who will crush the current civilization and remake it into his own image.
Tommy Onions: And his image makes people insane.
Tabitha Osborne: Yes. Gloriously free of all things mental.
Tommy Onions: Well, I think that’s all the time that we have for today. Mostly because I think this is one crazy bitch that I think will get taken out.
Tabitha Osborne: You want me to be cutting into you right now?
Tommy Onions: See? Only crazy chicks say shit like that!
Tabitha Osborne: I guess I did spend time in an asylum for being criminally insane. I’ll give you that…and this knife.
Tommy Onions: No thank you, please.
