Beast of Britain (Primal BfB RP)

[Dave D-Flipz]

: "Woof! *but British*"

: "Why yes, Buttons, this was a necessary task. When you take a beast from his birthplace, to his home in the jungle, move up shop to Canada, take a trip to Japan, then find yourself in the United Kingdom … a man develops certain need and … tastes."

*Primal steps into frame in front of a window in a hotel room. Buttons the War Corgi stomps around next to him, nibbling on the remains of some Blood Sausage and Haggis. It’s adorably delicious. Primal is wearing his custom, hair-made, I FUCKED GODZILLA t-shirt.*

: "You see my honey is still in Japan, the perils of air travel for a monstrous nuclear lizard. SO I MADE IT A THROUPLE! I FUCKED NESSIE BIATCH!"

*He throws open his window and the camera looks down at a winking plesiosaur outside the window, smoking a cigarette.*

: "I’m not picky, I was thinking of offering our services to the angry Fox, since until recently he amused me with his constant brushes with true humanity only to hide the rage and bury his head in his husband’s shoulder. I could have helped you confront these emotion and take the fight to the Final Boss. But then … YOU CALLED ME A FUCKING MORON! You pedantic troglodyte. I have a Ph.D! Just because you do not agree with my outlook doesn’t make me unintelligent. And now Bloodied Fox I am making you one of my targets. I will personally fucking see to your demise. Along with the local Pillar of Violence. I took down his partner, now Spike is next. You two … I will do anything to ruin your nights. I’ll be damned if I’m called a fool by Weird Al!"

: "Borf?"

: "Then let him prove me wrong Buttons! It’s ironic how many more friends I have in this match than either of these fools. My old running buddy Sinclair will be a welcome sight. My new friend Marty Donovan! I like him. Too bad I can’t allow this Wesley Crane fellow to win. But I’ll make sure to help out Marty until it is time for me to win. Need him around to really sell the violent arc of my memoir story to Disney when I win! And of course … Lord Dominicus. It’s really a tolerate/dislike kind of relationship. But he will be useful until it is time to backstab him. Difference is I can ACTUALLY stab him in the back … WITH MY BACK … hair. Trust and believe I am no gentleman villain. I am a rabid beast. The Hairman of the Board understands underlings. And I’ve learned from my mistakes. I waited too long to backstab Timeless. And now I need to win this to get my chance at revenge on Riot and Windsor. And I suppose Fowler … just for yucks."

*Primal laughs as he closes the window, blowing a kiss at his new cryptid paramour.*

: "So PRICE … tell me … which one of you is Chaos and which is just a theory. And what kind of theory are you? Game? Food? I mean you’re both just kibble to me. Pathetic. Placing yourselves on a pedestal as if you invented violence. But you can’t even put down the joint long enough to understand the faults of this human experience. You ADOPTED the violence. You CHANNEL it. You USE it. And then you stop and go play with hell demons and devil’s lettuce. But me? I STUDIED … IMMERSED MYSELF in the violence. I UNDERSTAND IT and command it. Make no mistake, you, Spike, Dylan, Lizardman … you are just renting that violence from me. And until you come to terms with what it means to embrace the TRUTH of humanity, you can never beat me."

*Clearly Primal has chosen his targets for slaughter, Bloodied Fox, Spike and PRICE*

: "Oh it is good to finally get some more time with my old former Canadian brethren. They all left and now Canada belongs to the Beast of the North. Yes I own it now. Gus Arnold won’t ADVERTISE that fact but you can check it. Canada is Primal land. I even have my own kitchen, selling goods in local grocers!"

*He chuckles at his horrible joke.*

: "But in all deadly seriousness. Enough games. I am not here to play around or have fun THIS time. I have a goal. I am taking this contest seriously. Because I have a select group of people I need to harm. In the most grievous … grotesque … bloody way possible. In a way befitting a trio of bastards. And to do that I need to win this, which means no getting bored and allowing my matches to end. No more toddling off. And no placing my fate in the hands of … LESSER entities … like Timeless. No one will cost me my redemption. Marty are you taking notes to bring to the mouse? I think Randy Couture should play me in the movie."

*He thinks on it … but not Dominithinks … he’s better than that. His hair forms a hand to caress his chin*

: "Wrestle UK … the bastard child of NPW and some other places I don’t care about. Your king is at hand. I claim dominion over this place. CHESTSCALIBER!"

*He forms a sword from his chest hair and it release into his hand*

: "It’s time to slay us some bloody heathens. You all best count your remaining seconds. Because there’s no escape from the Hairman of the Board."

*Fade out*