Post by Dave D-Flipz on Oct 27, 2022 19:41:43 GMT -5
??: You zink anyone will care zis is happening zo close to the wrestling event?
*Death Trap is seen standing in his hotel bathroom looking in the mirror. He adjusts his blue silk tie and straightens his vintage black Armani suit. He cocks his head towards the door, out into the larger hotel bedroom.*
Death Trap: It’s basically a standard match, I think we are more than capable of handling it, dad.
DT’s Dad?: But what about the bear?
Death Trap: What? Why would any of the CAR people be a worry to me? They pay Dr. Chaos for her medical expertise. And there’s DQ’s. We just have to worry about some bamboo rods. We’ve had way worse. And a well placed bamboo rod would make any of my choke submissions even more devastating. Trust my partner and me, we will be walking out with the titles. No punch buggy will change that.
DT’s Dad?: No, not beahr. BEAR! Ze bear in the ma-
Death Trap: For the love of Saint Sebastian! Pops, would you stop faking that accent!? Bad enough I have to be in the same arena with a man who wants so dearly to be part of my successful lineage, I don’t need you mocking me too…
*A man clearly NOT the final boss, strolls up to the bathroom laughing. He is an older Italian male with defined jaw and nose, salt and pepper hair combed straight back, a sweatshirt and black slacks, and a huge smile on his face. The kind of guy who wants to make the whole room light up with laughter. A kind soul who would NEVER eviscerate an opponent in the ring with a scythe … or hit them in the head with a sledgehammer and put them through a flaming table, like a dick.*
Mister Carloni: BAHAHA buck up kiddo, just cuz yer old man ain’t an X*Crown champ don’t mean I can’t give anyone the business!
Mrs. Carloni: Please stop antagonizing your son, he has enough to think about. Hon, you aren’t a young man anymore, so we’re understandably happy you are finally settling down.
Death Trap: Wait wait, don’t get me wrong ma, I’m still taking this match seriously! I’m not foolish enough to underestimate someone as talented as Combatiente or as stubbornly tough as President Kanyon.
*DT’s mother sighs as he once again misses the boat. She appears behind her husband in the doorway. Short hair, dyed blonde to counter the gray, on a short woman wearing very subdued makeup and a sweater that appears to have been made by one of DT’s nephews. It has hand prints of two kids with names on it.*
Mister Carloni: I didn’t vote for him.
Death Trap: NOBODY did! Nobody WOULD! He ran around in a wig committing battery on everyone for years! There was a trial... He’s off his nut and that makes him violent and dangerous. But Mistress and I are more than up to the task. We are the champs and a unified team after all. I wonder how long it will be before even THIS variation of BANG! Falls apart.
Mrs. Carloni: What an unfortunate team name… and why don’t you use your lady’s given name?
Death Trap: Her preference…
Mister Carloni: And that still doesn’t account for the bear.
Death Trap: Ok dad, what bear?
*Mr. Carloni hands him the advertisements for the show.*
Death Trap: Oh WHAT THE FLYING-
Death Trap: -FUDGE! …
Mistress Discipline: It seems your mother also brought some ravioli, some meatballs, and a plate of cold cuts.
Dr. Chaos: How sweet, your mom nervous bakes!
Death Trap: No, she is Italian, this is standard for any gathering.
Dr. Chaos: BUT THERE ARE SEVEN COURSES! And we already had catering!
Sarah: FUDGE!!!!!!!
*We open up on the Top of the Class crew at the rehearsal dinner, sitting around a table. There is catering, a modest amount of food … and then there’s the Italian meal DT’s mom has cooked … and Sarah is shoveling ALL of the fudge into her sweet cherub face as fast as she can.*
Death Trap: She takes after her mother …
*DT smirks and glances at Dr. Chaos who casts him a stink eye. DT brandishes the same flyer from earlier, waving it in Chaos’s face.*
Death Trap: Care to explain why we were not informed of the hungry bear in the ring with us at End of Days?
Dr. Chaos: It’s XHF… I assumed there was ALWAYS a bear in the ring…
Mistress Discipline: While I agree we should have been informed, they are just as likely to be a boon to our efforts as a hindrance.
Dr. Chaos: Yeah and I got some Special K just for you!
Death Trap: And how is healthy cereal supposed to help us? … Calling me fat again?
Dr. Chaos: This ain’t for eating!
*She pulls out a vial of a liquid, labeled ketamine, and smiles as she pockets it again*
Death Trap: … Can we maybe use that on Kanyon? … Or would that be animal cruelty?
Dr. Chaos: But I won’t know the dosage …
*Beat*
Mistress Discipline: Historically speaking, pandas have not been known to kill any humans … yet.
Death Trap: The way I see it, if we avoid the bamboo, we shouldn’t have a problem. The pandas are supposed to be mostly docile but hungry, we let them eat the bamboo and then it becomes a pure wrestling match. And in a pure wrestling match, I’d take our odds any day. Combatiente is incredibly talented, and Kanyon can be frustratingly tough. But we’ve both tapped out faster, tougher, bigger, more ornery wrestlers than them. And with the fatigue of three big matches in four weeks, they must be exhausted.
*Just then, Mistress Discipline’s father, whom I will refer to as Mister Discipline since I’ve been given no canonical real name for Mistress, strolls up to the table.*
Mister Discipline: We’ve had a lovely time this evening, however I think you overestimated how much food we could eat.
Dr. Chaos: By a statistically significant margin!
Sarah: Uuuunnnnngggghhhh.
*Sarah is holding her tumtum in agony from her overindulgence.*
Sarah: Fudge
Death Trap: Not like we paid for it. Then again …
*DT looks over at his parents who have 5 empty plates each in front of them. Mr. Carloni calls out-*
Mister Carloni: Hey son, time for dessert yet?
Mrs. Carloni: OH NO it looks like we’ve run out of fudge. I’ll get the other three trays from the car.
Mistress Discipline: My gosh…
Death Trap: With how much I’ve been genetically predisposed to eat, it’s a wonder I can keep these abs.
Dr. Chaos: You’d BETTER! The gym at the hotel opens at 6am! I WON’T see you there!
*”2285 Entr’acte” begins to play over the hotel speakers. The room is overly decorated in flowers, someone is sure to have an allergy attack. Mistress and her father enter on the left, DT enters from the right and they meet in the middle at a raised dais. DT raises his head to look into the eyes of an officiant.*
Death Trap: Gah! Viper?
Officiant: Pardon?
Mistress Discipline: No, he just appears similar, do not worry about it.
*The man indeed looks similar to XHF … employee … Jeffrey Viper, but he isn’t. MD waves her hand to brush it off but DT looks concerned.*
Death Trap: Ok, because if it were him we’d be running away now.
Officiant: Ahem … Masters and Mistresses …
Dr. Chaos: That’s the feminine form of master! NOT ANYTHING UNTOWARD. Seriously, gotta spell it out for all you people.
Officiant: … Quite … We are gathered here today to celebrate the union and partnership of Mistress Discipline … and Death Trap.
Mister Discipline: OH THAT’S Death Trap!
Officiant: They have each decided to speak their dedications from the heart. Mr. Carloni, whenever you are ready.
*DT straightens his tie and adjusts his formal bowler hat. He turns to angle himself to speak to MD and the crowd at the same time and clears his throat.*
Death Trap: In April 2020 … Mistress and I officially began our quest to the top of the tag team mountain. I could see in her the spark of greatness that I had … a spark in myself that so few people tried to nurture. I was determined not to let a fan of mine, the president of the fan club actually, suffer the way I did. In her future I saw overcoming the odds, cresting the mountain, NOT being stuck on the bottom of a nine man dog pile!
Mister Discipline: PARDON ME?
Mrs. Carloni: Oh my, I remember that night. The urgent care facility was so unkind to his plight.
Mister Carloni: Guess it’s a good thing President Kanyon had that clinic shuttered for a president themed restaurant …
Officiant: *whispers* Can we keep our sexual conquests out of this?
Death Trap: And here we stand today, October 2022, finally realizing our potential together. While you still have so much room to grow in your solo career, we have realized our goal of being the best tag team in the land. And Sunday, that run will continue. Kanyon and EC may be a good pair of friends, But they are dealing with dissention in their ranks. Their resolve is wavering. They cannot hope to rely on each other the way we can. We are a truly united front. And no pandas or presidents can topple us from our perch at the top of the class.
*Chaos wipes a tear from her eye*
Dr. Chaos: That’s Good management, folks! Doesn’t come cheap! Don’t see Javier with a doctorate!
*The officiant adjusts his glasses.*
Officiant: Uh huh. … … Miss … um … Miss … tress? You’re up.
Mistress Discipline: Death Trap, being able to work with you these past two and a half years has been a dream. I never thought my heart’s desire to work with the apple of my eye would come true.
Mister Carloni: No worms in that apple! Keep ALL the doctors away!
Mrs. Carloni: VINCENT!
*DT’s Mom slaps his dad on the back of the head as he laughs. The MD side of the room just stares.*
Dr. Chaos: He’s not wrong…
Mistress Discipline: Together, we are stronger. Look at what we have already accomplished, and at what we have room to still accomplish. The next step is Sunday.
Dr. Chaos: What about toniiiiiight!?
Sarah: Mom, no!
*Sarah slaps Dr. Chaos on the back of the head as SHE laughs*
Dr. Chaos: GROUNDED!
Mistress Discipline: When I look at you I see my future. I see us, together, holding the belts for a record time. Kanyon and Combatiente do not have what we have. Because what we have is special. And every day with you it gets a little bit brighter.
Officiant: Great. Well, there’s just one more document for you to sign to send to the county clerk, and then we can cut the cake.
Death Trap: Wait, this document …
*DT looks up… looks in MD’s eyes … looks back down … looks back at the officiant and involuntarily recoils again, before regaining composure. He smiles, shrugs, and signs. MD enthusiastically signs. There is much rejoicing. A cake in the shape of two tag title belts is wheeled out to be cut. One belt lemon, one belt chocolate. Mmmmm.*
Dr. Chaos: TO VICTORY!!
*Everyone toasts with their wine glasses*
Officiant: *whispers to Mr. Discipline* Did he really choose a formal bowler hat? I have so many questions.
*Fade out*
*Death Trap is seen standing in his hotel bathroom looking in the mirror. He adjusts his blue silk tie and straightens his vintage black Armani suit. He cocks his head towards the door, out into the larger hotel bedroom.*
Death Trap: It’s basically a standard match, I think we are more than capable of handling it, dad.
DT’s Dad?: But what about the bear?
Death Trap: What? Why would any of the CAR people be a worry to me? They pay Dr. Chaos for her medical expertise. And there’s DQ’s. We just have to worry about some bamboo rods. We’ve had way worse. And a well placed bamboo rod would make any of my choke submissions even more devastating. Trust my partner and me, we will be walking out with the titles. No punch buggy will change that.
DT’s Dad?: No, not beahr. BEAR! Ze bear in the ma-
Death Trap: For the love of Saint Sebastian! Pops, would you stop faking that accent!? Bad enough I have to be in the same arena with a man who wants so dearly to be part of my successful lineage, I don’t need you mocking me too…
*A man clearly NOT the final boss, strolls up to the bathroom laughing. He is an older Italian male with defined jaw and nose, salt and pepper hair combed straight back, a sweatshirt and black slacks, and a huge smile on his face. The kind of guy who wants to make the whole room light up with laughter. A kind soul who would NEVER eviscerate an opponent in the ring with a scythe … or hit them in the head with a sledgehammer and put them through a flaming table, like a dick.*
Mister Carloni: BAHAHA buck up kiddo, just cuz yer old man ain’t an X*Crown champ don’t mean I can’t give anyone the business!
Mrs. Carloni: Please stop antagonizing your son, he has enough to think about. Hon, you aren’t a young man anymore, so we’re understandably happy you are finally settling down.
Death Trap: Wait wait, don’t get me wrong ma, I’m still taking this match seriously! I’m not foolish enough to underestimate someone as talented as Combatiente or as stubbornly tough as President Kanyon.
*DT’s mother sighs as he once again misses the boat. She appears behind her husband in the doorway. Short hair, dyed blonde to counter the gray, on a short woman wearing very subdued makeup and a sweater that appears to have been made by one of DT’s nephews. It has hand prints of two kids with names on it.*
Mister Carloni: I didn’t vote for him.
Death Trap: NOBODY did! Nobody WOULD! He ran around in a wig committing battery on everyone for years! There was a trial... He’s off his nut and that makes him violent and dangerous. But Mistress and I are more than up to the task. We are the champs and a unified team after all. I wonder how long it will be before even THIS variation of BANG! Falls apart.
Mrs. Carloni: What an unfortunate team name… and why don’t you use your lady’s given name?
Death Trap: Her preference…
Mister Carloni: And that still doesn’t account for the bear.
Death Trap: Ok dad, what bear?
*Mr. Carloni hands him the advertisements for the show.*
Death Trap: Oh WHAT THE FLYING-
A SHORT WHILE LATER – AT THE REHEARSAL DINNER
Death Trap: -FUDGE! …
Mistress Discipline: It seems your mother also brought some ravioli, some meatballs, and a plate of cold cuts.
Dr. Chaos: How sweet, your mom nervous bakes!
Death Trap: No, she is Italian, this is standard for any gathering.
Dr. Chaos: BUT THERE ARE SEVEN COURSES! And we already had catering!
Sarah: FUDGE!!!!!!!
*We open up on the Top of the Class crew at the rehearsal dinner, sitting around a table. There is catering, a modest amount of food … and then there’s the Italian meal DT’s mom has cooked … and Sarah is shoveling ALL of the fudge into her sweet cherub face as fast as she can.*
Death Trap: She takes after her mother …
*DT smirks and glances at Dr. Chaos who casts him a stink eye. DT brandishes the same flyer from earlier, waving it in Chaos’s face.*
Death Trap: Care to explain why we were not informed of the hungry bear in the ring with us at End of Days?
Dr. Chaos: It’s XHF… I assumed there was ALWAYS a bear in the ring…
Mistress Discipline: While I agree we should have been informed, they are just as likely to be a boon to our efforts as a hindrance.
Dr. Chaos: Yeah and I got some Special K just for you!
Death Trap: And how is healthy cereal supposed to help us? … Calling me fat again?
Dr. Chaos: This ain’t for eating!
*She pulls out a vial of a liquid, labeled ketamine, and smiles as she pockets it again*
Death Trap: … Can we maybe use that on Kanyon? … Or would that be animal cruelty?
Dr. Chaos: But I won’t know the dosage …
*Beat*
Mistress Discipline: Historically speaking, pandas have not been known to kill any humans … yet.
Death Trap: The way I see it, if we avoid the bamboo, we shouldn’t have a problem. The pandas are supposed to be mostly docile but hungry, we let them eat the bamboo and then it becomes a pure wrestling match. And in a pure wrestling match, I’d take our odds any day. Combatiente is incredibly talented, and Kanyon can be frustratingly tough. But we’ve both tapped out faster, tougher, bigger, more ornery wrestlers than them. And with the fatigue of three big matches in four weeks, they must be exhausted.
*Just then, Mistress Discipline’s father, whom I will refer to as Mister Discipline since I’ve been given no canonical real name for Mistress, strolls up to the table.*
Mister Discipline: We’ve had a lovely time this evening, however I think you overestimated how much food we could eat.
Dr. Chaos: By a statistically significant margin!
Sarah: Uuuunnnnngggghhhh.
*Sarah is holding her tumtum in agony from her overindulgence.*
Sarah: Fudge
Death Trap: Not like we paid for it. Then again …
*DT looks over at his parents who have 5 empty plates each in front of them. Mr. Carloni calls out-*
Mister Carloni: Hey son, time for dessert yet?
Mrs. Carloni: OH NO it looks like we’ve run out of fudge. I’ll get the other three trays from the car.
Mistress Discipline: My gosh…
Death Trap: With how much I’ve been genetically predisposed to eat, it’s a wonder I can keep these abs.
Dr. Chaos: You’d BETTER! The gym at the hotel opens at 6am! I WON’T see you there!
NEXT DAY - THE CEREMONY
*”2285 Entr’acte” begins to play over the hotel speakers. The room is overly decorated in flowers, someone is sure to have an allergy attack. Mistress and her father enter on the left, DT enters from the right and they meet in the middle at a raised dais. DT raises his head to look into the eyes of an officiant.*
Death Trap: Gah! Viper?
Officiant: Pardon?
Mistress Discipline: No, he just appears similar, do not worry about it.
*The man indeed looks similar to XHF … employee … Jeffrey Viper, but he isn’t. MD waves her hand to brush it off but DT looks concerned.*
Death Trap: Ok, because if it were him we’d be running away now.
Officiant: Ahem … Masters and Mistresses …
Dr. Chaos: That’s the feminine form of master! NOT ANYTHING UNTOWARD. Seriously, gotta spell it out for all you people.
Officiant: … Quite … We are gathered here today to celebrate the union and partnership of Mistress Discipline … and Death Trap.
Mister Discipline: OH THAT’S Death Trap!
Officiant: They have each decided to speak their dedications from the heart. Mr. Carloni, whenever you are ready.
*DT straightens his tie and adjusts his formal bowler hat. He turns to angle himself to speak to MD and the crowd at the same time and clears his throat.*
Death Trap: In April 2020 … Mistress and I officially began our quest to the top of the tag team mountain. I could see in her the spark of greatness that I had … a spark in myself that so few people tried to nurture. I was determined not to let a fan of mine, the president of the fan club actually, suffer the way I did. In her future I saw overcoming the odds, cresting the mountain, NOT being stuck on the bottom of a nine man dog pile!
Mister Discipline: PARDON ME?
Mrs. Carloni: Oh my, I remember that night. The urgent care facility was so unkind to his plight.
Mister Carloni: Guess it’s a good thing President Kanyon had that clinic shuttered for a president themed restaurant …
Officiant: *whispers* Can we keep our sexual conquests out of this?
Death Trap: And here we stand today, October 2022, finally realizing our potential together. While you still have so much room to grow in your solo career, we have realized our goal of being the best tag team in the land. And Sunday, that run will continue. Kanyon and EC may be a good pair of friends, But they are dealing with dissention in their ranks. Their resolve is wavering. They cannot hope to rely on each other the way we can. We are a truly united front. And no pandas or presidents can topple us from our perch at the top of the class.
*Chaos wipes a tear from her eye*
Dr. Chaos: That’s Good management, folks! Doesn’t come cheap! Don’t see Javier with a doctorate!
*The officiant adjusts his glasses.*
Officiant: Uh huh. … … Miss … um … Miss … tress? You’re up.
Mistress Discipline: Death Trap, being able to work with you these past two and a half years has been a dream. I never thought my heart’s desire to work with the apple of my eye would come true.
Mister Carloni: No worms in that apple! Keep ALL the doctors away!
Mrs. Carloni: VINCENT!
*DT’s Mom slaps his dad on the back of the head as he laughs. The MD side of the room just stares.*
Dr. Chaos: He’s not wrong…
Mistress Discipline: Together, we are stronger. Look at what we have already accomplished, and at what we have room to still accomplish. The next step is Sunday.
Dr. Chaos: What about toniiiiiight!?
Sarah: Mom, no!
*Sarah slaps Dr. Chaos on the back of the head as SHE laughs*
Dr. Chaos: GROUNDED!
Mistress Discipline: When I look at you I see my future. I see us, together, holding the belts for a record time. Kanyon and Combatiente do not have what we have. Because what we have is special. And every day with you it gets a little bit brighter.
Officiant: Great. Well, there’s just one more document for you to sign to send to the county clerk, and then we can cut the cake.
Death Trap: Wait, this document …
*DT looks up… looks in MD’s eyes … looks back down … looks back at the officiant and involuntarily recoils again, before regaining composure. He smiles, shrugs, and signs. MD enthusiastically signs. There is much rejoicing. A cake in the shape of two tag title belts is wheeled out to be cut. One belt lemon, one belt chocolate. Mmmmm.*
Dr. Chaos: TO VICTORY!!
*Everyone toasts with their wine glasses*
Officiant: *whispers to Mr. Discipline* Did he really choose a formal bowler hat? I have so many questions.
*Fade out*
